STYLISH MITTENS  2:25 pm July 11, 2012

Get Your Kewl Old-Timey Rags From the Mitt Romney Vintage Stores

by Jim Newell

Peak CoolWhat must Mitt Romney do to reach the kids? How about a filter, on the iPhone? The kids know how to game that. Then maybe… t-shirts with a photograph of a Latin American leftist revolutionary? That would be sort of leftist. Okay, let’s settle for totebags and stuff that look like Scooby Doo art. It’s all for sale in the official Mitt Romney Vintage collection!

For $20, you can be the proud owner of this “Vintage Romney 2012 Canvas Tote,” like all the Civil Rights Marchers and Feminists carried while they were fighting the cops and the patriarchy, in the 1960s.

Or how about the $35 Vintage Romney Three-Quarter Sleeve Henley, like they used to wear in Vintage times? It’s like all those competitive sport athletes in the 70s and stoners in Dazed and Confused used to wear: You got the one color on the bottom, see, but then there’s a different color on top, and then you put them together and it’s a shirt.

Maybe you’re poor, like some people were in the 60s. For only three dollars (in 2012 dollars), you can buy this photo button of Mitt Romney with his father, George, who was a politician in the 60s. He lived it!

[Mitt Romney Vintage Collection]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 169 comments }

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Errr, not for nothing, but that eagle's wing is its *left* wing…

FlownOver July 11, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Raptor libel! The American eagle has no left wing!

emmelemm July 11, 2012 at 2:41 pm

So it just flies around in circles, all day long…

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 2:46 pm

That would explain our foreign policy.

SorosBot July 11, 2012 at 2:53 pm

It's not flying now, but looks like it's humping that read lump thingy.

MissTaken July 11, 2012 at 3:00 pm

♫ Let the Eagle Hump ♫

PubOption July 11, 2012 at 3:17 pm

I thought the red lump was an apple, although it looks a bit ragged at the bottom…

PubOption July 11, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Ever decreasing circles, like the Oozulum bird?

DustBowlBlues July 11, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Is that what that bird is? I thought it looked more like a chicken.

What is it about Romney's and weird bird art? I didn't check the prices–does the tee with the footless bird cost as much as Mrs. "I-worked-my-fingers-to-the-bone" Romney's cost?

Isyaignert July 12, 2012 at 12:16 am

You are the smartest one in class; well played!!!

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 2:27 pm

That's very stylish, a three button Henley. How avant garde! Most Henleys only have two buttons. He wants us to show chest hair.

CapnRadio July 11, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Just wait until you see the Romney 2012 trousers! So easy to unzip to see just how stiff you aren't!

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Stiff trousers, tho.

scionkirk July 11, 2012 at 3:00 pm

I think its to give his thick necked supporters a little more breathing room

crittersbybritty July 11, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Posting this again, want to go and have some fun freeping a Obamacare poll? Here it is
http://www.petesessions.com/

Poll is on the right hand side. Vote early, vote often!

Terry July 11, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Oh, I love it! Pete's finding out he's on the losing side of public opinion

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 11, 2012 at 2:40 pm

I'm glad Pete let each of my personalities vote!

FlownOver July 11, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Got it to better than 2 to 1. Your turn.

FlownOver July 11, 2012 at 3:08 pm

68/32 and climbing. Lather, rinse, repeat.

And to think this guy gets a vote on cybersecurity bills…

Isyaignert July 12, 2012 at 12:20 am

Remember, the Internets is a series of tubes not trucks per that dead Republicon douchebag Alaskan senator.

Callyson July 11, 2012 at 3:19 pm

The Yes side is up 68% – 32%. USA! USA!

Isyaignert July 12, 2012 at 12:19 am

Gawd bless ya britty; that was the most fun I've had all day!

12X34X July 12, 2012 at 3:09 pm

I noticed that every time I voted, it raised the percentages by one tenth of a percent. So, I stuck with it a while. Thanks. I thoroughly enjoyed that.

nounverb911 July 11, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Are they selling slaves illegals to do the laundering?

nounverb911 July 11, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Where in China were they made?

Jus_Wonderin July 11, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Oh, please, please, please.

Terry July 11, 2012 at 2:40 pm

By a company that used to have factories in the Carolinas, but who relocated after a take over by a Bain-like firm.

anniegetyerfun July 11, 2012 at 2:48 pm

I DOES say Made in America on the description, I'll give them that much. Then again, most "Made in America" tags are probably made in China.

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 2:54 pm

But not Amercia?

Preferred Customer July 11, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Mexicans are Americans too, my friend.

AbandonHope July 11, 2012 at 4:02 pm

China is probably too expensive — I'd guess Indonesia, Macau, Haiti, the Philippines perhaps.

Lazy Media July 11, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Is that eagle a girl eagle who is motorboating a dude in a hoodie? Because that's all I can see when I look at it.

Hammiepants July 11, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Brilliant! That's all I can see now too.

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Oh. I thought she was hugging the red ghost from Pac Man…

StealthMuslin July 11, 2012 at 2:30 pm

What the hell is that thing? Romney as a Pac-Man ghost?

OneYieldRegular July 11, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Pac-Man Merlin.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 11, 2012 at 2:31 pm

I'll stick with my "don't teabag on me" T-shirt. Thanks!

PuckStopsHere July 11, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Costs be dammed, I'm totally getting that tote bag for myself to hold my shrooms and will then take it with me when I totes hit Haight-Ashbury cause the logo is, like, psychedelic. That Romney must be one cool-ass dude, dudes.

kittensdontlie July 12, 2012 at 8:23 am

Gotta have the shrooms. The Morms know you don't get visits from the Angel Moroni by toking on straight weed..

nounverb911 July 11, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Do they accept Swiss Francs?

Wadisay July 11, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Romney 2012 Unisex White Tee

And here I thought Romney believed that t-shirts were between one man and one woman.

Biff July 11, 2012 at 6:14 pm

If a t-shirt is all that separates me from a woman, then by all means, I'm taking it off.

SorosBot July 11, 2012 at 2:31 pm

I thought vintage referred to actual old-time clothing, not stuff that's just made to look old-timey.

Chill_Bill July 11, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Nah, it's just a marketing gimmick that allows you to jack up the price at least 200%.

HempDogbane July 11, 2012 at 2:32 pm

I'm getting the coffee mug with his policy positions printed on the side that change when it heats up.

DustBowlBlues July 11, 2012 at 3:06 pm

This one is a big win. Fuck you, Hemp, for being funnier than I.

HempDogbane July 11, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I also happen to be covered with dust right now. Win-win !

AbandonHope July 11, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Please, please, PLEASE start a Cafepress store and sell these. I would pay you so many Ameros.

bobbert July 11, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Brilliant.

JackDempsey1 July 11, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Is there some kind of discount on merch for sister wives?

va_real July 11, 2012 at 3:02 pm

You should have just grabbed one after the sewing bee.

Hammiepants July 11, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Are these meant to be worn ironically, much like an Echo Park hipster drinks PBR?

mavenmaven July 11, 2012 at 2:42 pm

I suspect we won't be seeing too many of these t-shirts on Sat nights at the Echo "Funky Sole" events.

Gratuitous World July 11, 2012 at 2:32 pm

but the canvas tote is filled with plastic Wal-Mart bags.

Isyaignert July 12, 2012 at 12:21 am

All made in China.

charliearglist July 11, 2012 at 2:32 pm

If I were a heartless, filthy rich oligarch with designs on world domination I would have hired a decent graphic designer. But maybe it's one of those things where he had to hire a Mormon, the way Tom Cruise has to hire fellow Scientologists as poolboys.

Baconzgood July 11, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Fuck that shit. I got a tote bag from NPR two years ago and it couldn't tote a toting thing that needed to be toted in a tote factory.

DustBowlBlues July 11, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Public Broadcasting libel!

anniegetyerfun July 11, 2012 at 3:37 pm

But did you get a Nina Totenbag?

kittensdontlie July 12, 2012 at 8:01 am

Totebags?? Isn't toting what I pay my personal assistants to do? (OK, they are just illegals, but they do have strong arms from all that rigorous farmwork).

MissTaken July 11, 2012 at 2:33 pm

YES! Now I *finally* know what to wear for the Friday drinky thingy!

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Oh? Will there be a wet T shirt contest?

OneYieldRegular July 11, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Does it come in Burberry?

SorosBot July 11, 2012 at 3:05 pm

I told you, you should wear the burkha.

MissTaken July 11, 2012 at 3:35 pm

You just don't want my boobies showing up in any sideways pics!

anniegetyerfun July 11, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Sideboob or GTFO.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 11, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Full boob or GTFO

SorosBot July 11, 2012 at 3:42 pm

In Wonkette drink-up tradition, they'll probably be so blurry even I won't be able to tell which one is you.

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 2:33 pm

I can't wait to see someone wearing one them T shirts, so I can point and laugh.

CapnRadio July 11, 2012 at 2:34 pm

I hear the official RomneyBot Virus Scan Software is well worth the $30.

nounverb911 July 11, 2012 at 2:36 pm

How much for the actual Romneybot virus?

va_real July 11, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Ask the Koch Bros.

Kidneys4Sale July 12, 2012 at 2:07 am

Comes on 172 5.25 floppies like space Jebus intended.

a_pink_poodle July 11, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Come on people now, hate on your brother, everybody get together, and try to hate one another right now!

Jus_Wonderin July 11, 2012 at 2:34 pm

If, instead of putting a Henley over you head, you stick your legs in the sleeves as if pants, well, you have a really, really cool pair of pajama bottoms. And, I do mean cool.

OneYieldRegular July 11, 2012 at 3:05 pm

I was thinking: "feed bag."

muthalovin July 11, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Needs more artisan, less vintage.

kittensdontlie July 12, 2012 at 8:40 am

But the Conservative poors from Podunkville USA are buying these, and they not so fashion trendy as we liberal elites.

SoBeach July 11, 2012 at 2:35 pm

That Romney logo looks like an eagle hugging the red Pac Man ghost.

widestanceromance July 11, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I guess they're vintage because they are recycled from his long career of running for president. Like the registration stickers on a car, a new one placed over years of expired ones.

MissTaken July 11, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I'm very excited to wear a $3 button of two white men in ties demonstrating how to choke a bitch.

OneYieldRegular July 11, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Why in god's name is Romney selling a button with a photo of him and his dad? Does every Republican running for President have daddy issues?

HarryButtle July 11, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Please tell me one of his kids drew that eagle-thingy.

Jus_Wonderin July 11, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Isn't an Etch-a-Sketch vintage too?

nounverb911 July 11, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Just the ones actually made in Ohio.

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 2:48 pm

A Romney Etch-a-Sketch, now that would have been funny and shown he has a sense of humour. That might have made me reconsider, however briefly, my animosity towards him.

johnnyzhivago July 11, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Groovy!!

CapnRadio July 11, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Be the envy of all the other kids on your block by being the first to have George Romney's leathery old hand pinned to your chest!

And buy a button too!

sharethegrief July 11, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Will his vintage tax returns be available for purchase?

mavenmaven July 11, 2012 at 2:39 pm

But for the rich donors in the Hamptons, purchasing the "vintage" collection gets you the best bottles of rare varietal vintage for several thousand dollars a bottle.

Baconzgood July 11, 2012 at 2:39 pm

NEEDZ MOAR POGS!!!!

Electric Zen July 11, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Tell you what, I'll go with the 99 cent option:
http://tinyurl.com/7lehzf5

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 11, 2012 at 2:41 pm

The great thing is that Romney is guaranteed a profit even if no one buys any of this and the company goes bankrupt.

weejee July 11, 2012 at 2:42 pm

They stole that pose of the eagle from the nest cams. It's the duck and cover (with your wings) the little fish you just stole from your fellow pre-fledgling. Steal it, and then shelter it, the perfect Rmoney-Bain-Cayman logo.

sharethegrief July 11, 2012 at 2:43 pm

"My Dad went to Switzerland and all I got was this lousy Blind Trust."

VaWyo July 11, 2012 at 2:43 pm

To be more hip than Obama he is going to need to sell Romney 2012 bongs and even that might not do it.

barto July 11, 2012 at 2:43 pm

I want a button with Mint talking with Seamus' vet.

DemmeFatale July 11, 2012 at 4:14 pm

I want a button with Mitt wearing that dog crate hat strapped to his head.

(Or the "Fudge" picture.)

elviouslyqueer July 11, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Comic Sans would have been a much more appropriate typeface.

Estproph July 11, 2012 at 2:44 pm

It looks like the "vintage" aspect of the logo is the fact that the design screams "Look at me! I'm 1965!"

Extemporanus July 11, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Comrade Romnev has my votes!

mrpuma2u July 11, 2012 at 2:45 pm

If it's not actual mittens that say "AMERCIA" I don't want doodly.

emmelemm July 11, 2012 at 2:47 pm

That's a fantastic idea, actually. I bet some enterprising Etsy-er could knit some up.

AbandonHope July 11, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Since most enterprising Etsy-ers are already Chinese resellers, Romney should just co-opt them and make a killing.

SayItWithWookies July 11, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Oh, I love the hippie-inspired psychedelic tee. I'm going to order mine as soon as I finish watching this episode of The Partridge Family.

DocChaos July 11, 2012 at 5:58 pm

That shirt is so authentically vintage it only comes in a poly-cotton blend.

Local_Mojo July 11, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Fuck that. I'll save my $35 large and go to Applebees — three times.

SorosBot July 11, 2012 at 2:46 pm

How much for the vintage Romney magical underwear?

emmelemm July 11, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Used, am I right?

Mahousu July 11, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Sorry, only for sale in Japan.

Jus_Wonderin July 11, 2012 at 2:47 pm

"Mr. Romney, do you have any saddlebags for my HoverRound?"

mwittier July 11, 2012 at 2:47 pm

It's like cafepress meets threadless. In a dark alley and rapes it. And then scratches a backwards R onto its forehead.

Isyaignert July 12, 2012 at 12:26 am

That was downright poetic and horrifying, but yet historical.

CountryClubJihadi July 11, 2012 at 2:47 pm

It looks like road kill. Now they just needs some Mom Jeans with a vintage Romney patch on the back pocket.

elviouslyqueer July 11, 2012 at 2:48 pm

And lest we forget Ann's contribution. Show some love, bitches!

SorosBot July 11, 2012 at 2:54 pm

"Moms drive the economy". And moms who actually work for a living even more so.

Of course, Ann drove the economy by hiring the maids, chefs and the nannies who raised her kids.

anniegetyerfun July 11, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Ann's a jerb creator, and you're just jelly.

Biff July 11, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Moms drive the economy, one Cadillac at a time. The other one is still on the top floor, waiting on the elevator.

CountryClubJihadi July 11, 2012 at 3:00 pm

I love the restroom symbols representing them.

Isyaignert July 12, 2012 at 12:29 am

It's so 'effin' laughable that they think we're falling for their average Joe and Jane routine when all they care about is the uber rich.

There's no damn reason for anyone to be worth more than $999,999,999.00. That's all you get mofos; it's more than you can spend in your lifetime unless you're trying to buy a president and/or Congress. The rest is taxed at 100%. Don't like it? Move!!

kittensdontlie July 12, 2012 at 8:16 am

When I look at that t-shirt I get the subliminal message: "Believe in America's Ta-ta's". Am I the only one that sees that??

FlownOver July 11, 2012 at 2:49 pm

The old-timiest thing available just now is the Official Romney World View. Get yours now while it lasts!

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 2:50 pm

What? There's no VIP check out on his site?

el_donaldo July 11, 2012 at 2:51 pm

But where do we get our vintage mom jeans to complete the look?

Hammiepants July 11, 2012 at 3:04 pm

You mean like the ones Mittens has on in the picture? Those are from the Fall "Old White Oligarch" collection, now on sale at JC Penneys!

RedneckMuslin July 11, 2012 at 2:52 pm

I'll wait until after the election when you can pick this shit up for almost nothing.

Barrelhse July 11, 2012 at 2:54 pm

I'm impressed. Brings to mind an album cover for the Monkees.

Ali Davis July 11, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Why is the eagle fucking the little Cousin Itt thing? Is Cousin Itt the 99%? Ohhh.

kittensdontlie July 12, 2012 at 8:36 am

Yes, and by the way, that's Romney's father…"what happens in mexico, stays in mexico.

ChernobylSoup July 11, 2012 at 2:56 pm

After the election there will be an Internet montage of mug shots featuring bankers wearing those shirts.

Chill_Bill July 11, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Mitt should start his own hipster clothing line,"Real American Apparel."

Doktor Zoom July 11, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Do I put on teeshirt? Or do I don Henley?

SorosBot July 11, 2012 at 3:06 pm

That pun is such a groaner, it was the end of my innocence.

Extemporanus July 11, 2012 at 3:12 pm

We all know that crap is king — give us dirty laundry!

FlownOver July 11, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Ask Joe Walsh (R-IL).

anniegetyerfun July 11, 2012 at 3:42 pm

The latter, but only if you've got your hair combed back and your sunglasses on (baby).

MissTaken July 11, 2012 at 3:02 pm

I guess the Aquafresh logo isn't 'vintage' enough for Mitt.

TootsStansbury July 11, 2012 at 3:02 pm

If you look at the negative space, it's a siphon, pitting the middle class against one another while sucking the lifeblood of our nation.

Jus_Wonderin July 11, 2012 at 3:10 pm

That's funny, I saw a subliminal skull being fucked by Republicans.

Eve8Apples July 11, 2012 at 3:02 pm

How many gold bars will the tote hold?

I don't think any Romney voter would be caught dead with that crap. There is no designer Louis Vuitton or Hermes logo on it.

Oblios_Cap July 11, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I'll get the Romney ski cap and use it to rob a liquor store. Thanks, Willard!

randcoolcatdaddy July 11, 2012 at 3:05 pm

I've just been flashed by an eagle.

BarackMyWorld July 11, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Mitt Romney: douchebag selling handbags.

Blueb4sunrise July 11, 2012 at 3:10 pm
DustBowlBlues July 11, 2012 at 3:11 pm

This is a much funnier story when you're an Old and easily confused and read the descriptions under the items, thinking they are the actual ones from the romney hispster factory. That Ginger, he got me again.

OneYieldRegular July 11, 2012 at 3:14 pm

I like the $20 "Believe" poster, with its silhouette of the United States offering a not-so-subtle message in omitting Hawai'i – and another, very-not-so-subtle message in omitting Alaska.

DustBowlBlues July 11, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Judging by the offerings under Vintage, I'm guessing trucknutz are too new to fit in this category. Too bad. That bizarre pac-man inspired chicken would look awesome, dangling from a vintage pickup.

Chichikovovich July 11, 2012 at 3:15 pm

That photo records Mitt trying to talk his dad out of making civil rights an issue. "Dad, I know you really care about this, but the way the Republican party is heading today, it's just not a smart move".

DustBowlBlues July 11, 2012 at 3:19 pm

"Made in the USA" is not only a liberal issue, but typical of labor union stuff. To make the base happy, it should read, "Made by scab honkies in the USA south."

SorosBot July 11, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Or "made by virtual slave labor in the Northern Mariana Islands, which as a US territory allows us to call this 'Made in the USA'".

DahBoner July 11, 2012 at 3:21 pm

I used to use paper filters for my phone, but now I got a stainless steel one and I never have to change it….

elburritodeluxe July 11, 2012 at 3:33 pm

I'm loving the eagle logo, actually. Little known fact, Mormons worship the Eagle as their War God.

Come here a minute July 11, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I'm holding out for the dressage uni.

Antispandex July 11, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Where are the mom jeans and wingtips?

sbj1964 July 11, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Wow! For a rich millionaire he has some really cheap crappy swag.

Kidneys4Sale July 12, 2012 at 2:14 am

That's for the plebes. People who don't make him shifty eyed and uncomfortable get access to the gold emblazoned Bentley's, yachts and no-bid government contracts.

BornInATrailer July 11, 2012 at 3:52 pm

The t-shirt with the white "Romney" makes me see a short blue wizard (or gnome) making out with Clyde from Pac-Man. Clyde is just all up in that white beard.

ttommyunger July 11, 2012 at 3:56 pm

That confident stride of the Mittster says it for all Rightards: "Clueless, and proud of it!".

Dumbedup July 11, 2012 at 4:40 pm

the logo actually looks vaguely spermatozoic if you squint while holding in a bong hit.

Biff July 11, 2012 at 5:12 pm

What must George Will think of his candidate wearing dungarees?

Rotundo_ July 11, 2012 at 5:39 pm

I'm sticking with my "Mitt is the Shit!" homemade tee with the big red circle and slash through "the".

Kidneys4Sale July 12, 2012 at 2:16 am

Do you sell that on a onesie?

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 11, 2012 at 7:57 pm

I have to admit, I thought it was decently cute and clever when the Kerry campaign distributed old-timey-looking "JFK" buttons.

But, that was because it was meant to be a reference to a Beloved Actual-Election-Winner, John Fitzgerald Kennedy.

DemonicRage July 11, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Where was it…nascar where he berated members of the audience for wearing cheap windbreakers as raincoats, and now he has the nerve to try to market this s**t?!?

Baba_NinjaCat12 July 11, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Soon to be sold at the Dollar General, Dollar Tree, DEAL$, Family Dollar, Five Below and the 99 Cents Only Stores.

ibwilliamsi July 11, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Do they have any of those kewl Romney Mom-jeans?

swordfis July 12, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Why is the eagle fucking the US?

Troglodeity July 12, 2012 at 7:57 pm

I want the "Seamus – Mitt's Dog" rubber gag poo.

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 3:55 pm

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