WHO?  1:42 pm July 11, 2012

‘The Blaze’ Writer, Headline Writer At Odds Over Thrill Quotient Of Possible Portman Pick

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Fred?

We feel fairly sure how whoever writes the headlines over at Glenn Beck’s The Blaze feels about a possible Rob Portman veep nod, what with their terrible intimation that nobody even knows who Rob Portman is. But how does the article about Rob Portman admitting he’s being vetted by the Romney camp frame the news? (Differently. It frames it differently, as a valiant fighter at the expense of Wonket Hero No. One And For All Time, Old Handsome Joe Biden.)

Here is what The Blaze’s Mytheos Holt thinks:

Portman’s success was partially aided by a series of superb debate performances against Democratic candidate Lee Fisher – debates that were described by your humble author in the pages of National Review this way:

Rob Portman savaged Lee Fisher, to the point that even some of the lefty blogs in the state expressed admiration for Portman’s poise and preparation. It’s obvious that his experience preparing presidents for debates has paid off, whereas Fisher came off as a person with virtually nothing to talk about as far as an agenda (other than a few platitudes).[...]
Nice guys finish last. This debate is no exception.

Switch out the name “Fisher” with the name “Biden” and you‘ll probably have a good idea of what will happen come this year’s debates, if Portman is the Veep.

That Joe Biden, what a dummy, can’t even talk off the cuff for half an hour at a time about a host of policy and social issues without telling a sex joke about his parents. Everybody hates Joe Biden. Rob Portman will eat him alive. [TheBlaze]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 140 comments }

Barb July 11, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Knock knock
who's there?
Rob Portman!
Rob Portman who?

Exactly!

weejee July 11, 2012 at 2:13 pm

The dream Veep for the gated Wonderbread™ retirement communities.

ManchuCandidate July 11, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Weren't these the same guys who thought that dingus from Whateverthefuckitscalled, Alaska was going to be the belle starburst of the ball? Susan Pal, Synthia Pollen, you know, Tattoo Lips. I'm having some serious doubts if this Portman fellow is all that and a bag of stolen underwear from Needless Markups.

Starburst, hell no. Starbust, more than likely.

Texan_Bulldog July 11, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Rob Port ….zzzzzzz….

And, is it just me or does "The Blaze" sound like it should be a gay porn site?

Ducksworthy July 11, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Give us Pawlenty! We want Pawlenty! Pawlenty who? No Pawlenty what!

va_real July 11, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Give us Pawlenty of Handsome Joe Biden yootoobs…

elviouslyqueer July 11, 2012 at 1:59 pm

I dunno. Given that it's run by a flaming asshole, the name seems pretty appropriate.

ChernobylSoup July 11, 2012 at 1:47 pm

I'm not sure the Internet will survive a Portman for VP announcement. The traffic generated from that kind of excitement will overwhelm modems all over the damn place.

CapnRadio July 11, 2012 at 1:47 pm

His scene with Mila Kunis in Black Swan was kinda hot . . .

Oblios_Cap July 11, 2012 at 1:47 pm

I'd do his daughter, Natalie.

Baconzgood July 11, 2012 at 2:04 pm

With or without Star Wars costume?

Preferred Customer July 11, 2012 at 2:13 pm

I don't do anything without my Star Wars costume.

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Preferably in her black ballet tights.

Guppy July 11, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Portman/Grits 2012!

finallyhappy July 11, 2012 at 1:47 pm

I thought this was about Natalie. And now I am leaving for a week in Paris-the french one, not the Texas one.

prommie July 11, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Whatever you do, stay away from Paris Trout.

BerkeleyBear July 11, 2012 at 1:57 pm

and Paris Hilton.

ManchuCandidate July 11, 2012 at 2:00 pm

I'd rather be with Paris Trout. No Herpes and smells much fresher.

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 2:15 pm

And Parris Island

Texan_Bulldog July 11, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Believe me, NO ONE goes to Paris, TX….unless it's for the monthly Klan meeting.

edgydrifter July 11, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Unless you're a 20th-level paladin, it is NOT OK to name your child "Mytheos."

CapnRadio July 11, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Or you're a member of Slytherin.

That kid needs to be on the receiving end of a solid Crucio curse.

(Can a threat that dweeby still be considered malicious?)

SorosBot July 11, 2012 at 2:08 pm

It sounds like a name out of a Final Fantasy game; Mytheos should wield a sword longer than he is tall, perhaps with a gun built into it.

Doktor Zoom July 11, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Or "Doktor." (Little known fact: I post under my real name)

hagajim July 11, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Shit I saw Portman and I thought we'd be getting bewbs in the veep slot.

OurHoboSenator July 11, 2012 at 1:49 pm

I knew Lee Fisher. I have shaken hands with Lee Fisher while in a closet. I have seen Lee Fisher shirtless.

Joe Biden, you are no Lee Fisher.

ttommyunger July 11, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Mr. Rogers' older, more boring brother?

prommie July 11, 2012 at 1:49 pm

I think Romney could really add a dash of excitement to the race if he tapped Mr. Excitement himself, Tommy Newsome!

Ducksworthy July 11, 2012 at 1:49 pm

This would be a bold move, the first transsexual on a national ticket.

nounverb911 July 11, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Ann Coulter is jealous.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 11, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Well he ain’t no Palin so he’s got that going for him.

OneYieldRegular July 11, 2012 at 2:13 pm

At least he won't be practicing his "Say it ain't so, Joe" line in front of the mirror a few dozen times.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 11, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Strangely enough, that is a drawback in Conservative circles.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 11, 2012 at 1:51 pm

This is shocking. A Blaze article that doesn't mention George Soros, The Tides Foundation, or Obama's foreign, Socialist roots.

gullywompr July 11, 2012 at 1:51 pm

White? Check.
Male? Check.
Grey hair? Check?
Won't make a bit of difference stopping Romney's stupendous loss this fall? Check.

FakaktaSouth July 11, 2012 at 1:51 pm

I gotta admit, I would rather watch my boyfriend Joe out maneuver Rob and his Chicken Impression bullshit (see? I DO know who he is) than have to watch the winking blinking cunt talk to the kids in Alaska again. Bring it. If the incredible Blaze thinks this is a good idea, I'm for him.

prommie July 11, 2012 at 1:56 pm

You know about "the football" I know, the dude who follows the president around with the nuclear launch codes for use in case the Roswell alien ever gets loose? Well Obama has a second guy who follows him around, with a briefcase containing the codes that are used when O-Bama gives the order to "Release the Biden!"

FakaktaSouth July 11, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Oh my god, I think I have figured out what I want to have as a job. I want to be the one with the keys that let him out. I'm sure there are two of them, and they have to be turned at the same time, and … what the hell movie was that? Dang.

prommie July 11, 2012 at 2:10 pm

How cool would that be, to be at the controls in the Biden Silo, waiting for the order to launch!

HoytClagwell July 11, 2012 at 2:11 pm
SorosBot July 11, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Who?

nounverb911 July 11, 2012 at 1:54 pm

He's on first.

Goonemeritus July 11, 2012 at 1:51 pm

God knows he did a bang –up job as trade representative under G.W Bush’s administration, trade never grew faster. Well the deficit part anyway.

WhatTheHolyHeck July 11, 2012 at 2:12 pm

JobKiller/JobExporter 2012!

SorosBot July 11, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Whoever Romney picks for VP, they will probably at least be smarter and a tougher debater than the last person Biden took on in the VP debates.

Biden will probably still crush them, though.

barto July 11, 2012 at 1:53 pm

What better choice than a guy named "Rob" to go with Mint Rmoney?

Ducksworthy July 11, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Biff was already committed.

fartknocker July 11, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Sergio?

va_real July 11, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Steele?

OneYieldRegular July 11, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Romney's potential VP choices: "Swindler's List"?

poorgradstudent July 11, 2012 at 1:54 pm

If Romney's going the Hollywood route, he'd be better off picking someone who doesn't have baggage like the prequel trilogy…

SayItWithWookies July 11, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Rob Portman — the edgier Tim Pawlenty.

va_real July 11, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Is that another way of saying 'twitchier'?

SayItWithWookies July 11, 2012 at 2:24 pm

It means he looks slightly less like a cardboard grocery aisle display than TPaw does.

An_Outhouse July 11, 2012 at 2:27 pm

edgier in what way? he prefers barry manilow to wayne newton?

Wadisay July 11, 2012 at 1:55 pm

When I "vetted" my dog, he came back a soprano, knowwhatimean?

Ducksworthy July 11, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Bravo Sir or Madam.

emmelemm July 11, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Love it.

Groupshrug July 11, 2012 at 1:56 pm

I'm sure I'm not the only one that hears the name "The Blaze" and assumes it's newspaper for the gay community.

MissTaken July 11, 2012 at 2:04 pm

isn't it?

Ducksworthy July 11, 2012 at 2:07 pm

THE spot for gay paranoid Mormons.

SorosBot July 11, 2012 at 2:18 pm

I thought The Daily Caller was Tucker Carlson's rag.

va_real July 11, 2012 at 2:23 pm

I recently read on the Internetz that the Blaze is a newspaper for the gay community.

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 3:07 pm

I saw it in two different places, so it must be true

Chet Kincaid July 11, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Why would so many mention it if it weren't very nearly true?! Where there's smoke, there's blaze!

Dildeaux July 11, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Isnt The Blaze for weed entheusiasts?

MissTaken July 11, 2012 at 1:57 pm

I can't wait until Portman winks at me during the debate, there will starbursts all over the place.

Chet Kincaid July 11, 2012 at 1:59 pm

There's a typo. "Mytheos Holt" is a Jamaican sprinter.

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Errrrrrrrr, not so much

viennawoods13 July 11, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Ew.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 11, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Clearly, that cigar is NOT just a cigar.

keinsignal July 11, 2012 at 4:04 pm

I assumed he just adopted the name of his Everquest character.

(Yes, Everquest. That name is way too fruity for WoW).

savethispatient July 11, 2012 at 2:01 pm

The most important point to remember is that the performance in the VP debates is the single largest contributing factor to determine how the populace votes in November. Nothing bigger.

That's why Dan Quayle was never VP.

prommie July 11, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Yes, remember when Lloyd Benson's "you're no Jack Kennedy" line won the election for Dukakis?

johnnyzhivago July 11, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Just stupid! My picks for sure winning VPs are:

1. Christine O'Donnell
2. Michelle Bachmann
3. Basil Marceaux
4. Alan West
5. Orly Taitz
6. Carly Fiorina
7. Meg Whitman

Ducksworthy July 11, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Christine for the Bush!

CapnRadio July 11, 2012 at 2:08 pm

You forgot Basil Marceaux's last name.

Baconzgood July 11, 2012 at 2:08 pm

What a snark starting line up. I think if these people were actually being considered and got the VP nod my fingers would bleed from typing so much on Wonkette.

ChernobylSoup July 11, 2012 at 2:13 pm

I'm betting on Kay Bailey Hutchinson. Conventional wisdom says he'll pick someone from the far right to shore up the wingnuts, but we all know that's not really necessary. He desperately needs to increase his standing with women, but most of the Republican women are batshit crazy (echos of Palin). Hutchinson (mentally stable, somewhat moderate) is his only chance to even stay in this race. You heard it here first.

va_real July 11, 2012 at 2:27 pm

I wonder if KBH is quite dumb enough to hitch her wagon to that star?

SayItWithWookies July 11, 2012 at 2:29 pm

I can't see him picking a woman — to put a female in the position of his successor would be to imply that being president is women's work — next thing you know, they'll want equal rights and maybe even their own planets after they die.

Ducksworthy July 11, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Women existing outside of a Mormon marriage, for all eternity? Unthinkable.

SorosBot July 11, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Plus picking a woman worked badly for John McCain; and being Republicans they see all women as the same, and don't realize people hate Palin because she's a moron, not because she lacks a penis.

va_real July 11, 2012 at 2:25 pm

You forgot Nimrata Haley?

Baconzgood July 11, 2012 at 2:02 pm

For Christ sakes. How can you type Mytheos (which sounds like a not Emerican name) with Portman cock jammed so far down your throat?

Ducksworthy July 11, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Portman has a cock? Well, that would be a plus for the ticket.

sbj1964 July 11, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Mighty Joe, will Crush this guy! Creeps,weaks,and Freaks is all the GOP has for Veeps.Hell they don't even like Mittens.

Allmighty_Manos July 11, 2012 at 2:03 pm

If Portman is Romney's choice, even Newsroom will beat out the VP debate in the ratings.

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Hey now! Hot Joe Biden!

Callyson July 11, 2012 at 2:04 pm

What fun fact does MSNBC's site have about Rob Portman?

There is something haunting a top contender for the Republican vice-presidential nomination.
Ohio Sen. Rob Portman, along with his brother and sister, own The Golden Lamb, a landmark hotel in the southwestern part of the Buckeye State, where scores of historical figures have spent the night…
But it is in a small room on the hotel's fourth floor that houses its spookiest lodger.
Through a glass encasing in the room, there is a plastic doll lying on a child-size bed surrounded by toys from the late 19th Century. It is here, where, "The restless spirit of a young girl materializes in this small room," at least according to a letter posted outside the door.
Portman neither confirmed nor denied the existence of a haunting spirit in his hotel. But he did say in an email to First Read that his mother "had some stories" from her time living there as a child and then later operating the business for seven years.

http://firstread.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/06/19/1

Now, can we get the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future to pay a visit?

Guppy July 11, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Can't he call up Jindal to exorcise the place already?

OneYieldRegular July 11, 2012 at 2:24 pm

I hear Glenn Beck stayed there in 1990. Coincidence? I. Think. Not.

Dildeaux July 11, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Ive eaten there, not knowing the owners were fucksticks. Never again.

johnnyzhivago July 11, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Romney/Portman just TOO many letters for yard signs…

Never gonna work!

va_real July 11, 2012 at 2:32 pm

They can use (R)/ (R)™

MissTaken July 11, 2012 at 2:08 pm

I think Tina Fey will have a tough time with this one.

Ducksworthy July 11, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Don't misunderestimate her. I think she could do it easily.

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Yea. It's hard to believe there's anyone whiter than Tina Fey.

ElPinche July 11, 2012 at 2:09 pm

NEEDS MOAR HONKEY

johnnyzhivago July 11, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Romney-Portman Tax Advisors & Wealth Managers

Helping You Keep More of Your Ill-gotten Gains for 35 years.

One_who_wanders July 11, 2012 at 2:10 pm

GOP: All old, all white, all condescending. It's a winning combination.

crittersbybritty July 11, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Hey fellow Wonketeers Pete Sessions has a poll on his website about Obamacare, he really wants to know what you think, so why don't you all go over there and tell him.
http://www.petesessions.com/

"Should congress have passed Obamacare?" The poll is on the right hand side. Vote early, vote often!

Baconzgood July 11, 2012 at 2:15 pm

I voted. But you know it is the Blaze so if the answer is somthing they don't agree with they'll scrub survey.

Ducksworthy July 11, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Was running 62/37 pro-Obamacare when I was here. Must be based on the actual provisions of the law rather than the Faux interpretation of it.

Limeylizzie July 11, 2012 at 2:22 pm

We is winning over there!

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Done and done

Jus_Wonderin July 11, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Thanks. I voted and forwarded an email to some friends.

Ducksworthy July 11, 2012 at 2:33 pm

I just voted again. Maybe his web guru does not understand how these here Innertubes work.

SayItWithWookies July 11, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Followed up the voting by requesting more info & updates, and plugged in the address RepublicansSuckBalls@RepublicansSuckBalls.com.

lisawines July 11, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Done. Twice.

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Maybe he should just make up stuff: "Natalie's Dad Selected by Mitt Romney"

RedneckMuslin July 11, 2012 at 2:33 pm

If it fits the narrative, it's true.

Baconzgood July 11, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Say what you will about him but that is some sweet ass granny wall paper in that photograph.

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 2:17 pm

On the wall of the "home"?

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Lemme get this straight: the article's author is all about Portman because Portman beat the guy with the only name LESS exciting than "Rob Portman"?

larrykat July 11, 2012 at 2:17 pm

What the hell was this story about?

va_real July 11, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Something about vicious ballerinas, I think.

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 2:18 pm

My God, this ticket is so white, it might disappear if there's an early snowstorm…

SayItWithWookies July 11, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I certainly hope those fuckers have a cold November.

Baconzgood July 11, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Is that really a positive aspect for a VP. That people don't know who they are. Sure didn't work for Grifter McGrifts-alot.

emmelemm July 11, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Well, we soon *will* know who he is, and more about him than we ever hoped, and most of it probably won't be good.

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Rob Portman has been called an empty suit, but that will never be more evident than under the harsh glare of the TV lights.

"I see a suit. Who's wearing it? Where is he?"

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Will they use the theme from "Casper, The Friendly Ghost" as his entrance music?

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 2:23 pm

To interview Portman, you'll need to hold a seance.

Dildeaux July 11, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Portman will be the pick.

Dude used to be my neighbor until he moved to live within his district. Asshole.

He was gwb's #1 on the budget (fake budgets) and cheney loved him because Portman stood in as John Edwards for the VP debate preps in 2004. Nuff said.

Typical, soulless, uber-caucasian corporatist fucker.

An_Outhouse July 11, 2012 at 2:26 pm

so why are you mad he moved away?

An_Outhouse July 11, 2012 at 2:25 pm

really, did anyone know who Biden was before Barry picked him? I didn't.

SorosBot July 11, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Well he had represented Delaware in the Senate for ages, since being elected one of the youngest Senators ever way back in 1972, and ran for President in 1988, so yes.

fuflans July 11, 2012 at 2:27 pm

does he take the train?

ElPinche July 11, 2012 at 2:27 pm

According to the Mensa candidates on "the Blaze" (code for smoking a skin cigar), Portman is a Marxist Commie who supports stupid pussy-ass global conservation.

Nostrildamus July 11, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Who knew Mittens would be the swarthy one on the ticket?

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Editrix, all due respect but you didn't include Mytheos Holt's photograph.

And you really should have. Really.

Dildeaux July 11, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Used to run into Portmans trophy wife at the local Kroger. She was picking up her prescriptions. Always looked a bit spooked.

DahBoner July 11, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Too much coke?

Extemporanus July 11, 2012 at 2:30 pm

The yellow Post-It note on the ceiling totally gave away the answer.

DahBoner July 11, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Eeeeeee's got a lovely dau'er.

PSSST!!! NATALIE! CALL ME…

Biel_ze_Bubba July 11, 2012 at 4:22 pm

I checked to see if his Wikipedia page was recently scrubbed, but it already looks like it was written by the fucking GOP. Be interesting to see what shows up there, if/when people start to care.

PuglyDoRight July 11, 2012 at 9:47 pm

One more thing: Portman is from Hamilton County, Ohio. He's relatively well thought of in Hamilton County, Ohio. (Hamilton County went blue in 2008 for the first time since 1964.)

Limeylizzie July 11, 2012 at 2:21 pm

He is awesome, especially doing that whilst eating his lunch.

emmelemm July 11, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Precious.

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