About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

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  • Barb

    Bristol did the same thing and she never enlisted.

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    That barracks was FULL of privates.

  • ChernobylSoup

    This one time, at boot camp…

  • nounverb911

    And what did Cohen do with those 50 other guys?

    • Allmighty_Manos

      Being the victim of blanket parties.

  • Callyson

    Richard, you little slut.

    (That line is coming in handy today…)

  • Allmighty_Manos

    I think that was the Catholic Church's recruiting slogan for many years.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Why do I always want fried chicken after reading Richard Cohen? Is it his crusty exterior? The blandness of the meat of his columns? No, he is Col. Sanders' bastard love child.

  • edgydrifter

    Oddly enough, if you rearrange that last part to read "I slept with 50 guys in other barracks" it doesn't sound any more gay.

  • SorosBot

    You can get that at a sleep-away summer camp to, and without all those threats to your life.

    Well, unless you go to that Camp Crystal Lake.

    • MissTaken

      or if you go to that Sleepaway Camp

      BTW – best horror slash movie EVAH!!!

      • SorosBot

        Hey, I know that one. It beats The Crying Game for best surprise penis ever.

        • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ MumbletyRadio

          @MT: I can't tell if you're joking! If not, I will check it out.
          @SB: Now, Crying Game is pretty hard to top for that sort of freak-out moment in cinema… all the same your comment made me laugh, meta-like or such, b/c "surprise penis" wasn't what I expected some slash-horror film etched in MT's memory to be, uh, memorable for~

          • MissTaken

            Oh I'm not kidding. Sleepaway Camp is fucking awesome! I definitely recommend it. And yes, there is a surprise peen, as well as getting raped by a hot curling iron. Fun times!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Is it just me, or is there material here for another song by the Village People?

  • ChernobylSoup

    I'm not going to abuse my brain by going to the Post and reading that column, but here's some free advice to Cohen: Republicans, in particular the presumptive nominee and his family, have no idea what the word barracks means. You might want to explain.

    • va_real

      Barracks = sexual relationship with multiple same-sex partners.

    • Boojum

      Barack's is how you spell it, if you mean The White House.

    • LetUsBray

      No, it's okay: They do have several friends who own mercenary armies.

  • tbogg

    50 Shades Of Gay

  • proudgrampa

    What?

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    A group of your friends and neighbors have selected you for service…

    Since you'd be going to broom camp, getting such a little letter wouldn't have quite the impact as when 40% of the draftees were going into the Marines, and of those going into the Army the majority were going infantry and artillery.

    Note: In Vietnam era the Air Force & Navy didn't have to draft. Guess "hi sailor, new in town?" was good enough for recruiting.

  • Extemporanus

    That's not a beard.

    • Ruhe

      His wife however…

    • SayItWithWookies

      Looks like someone blew a SEAL.

      • Extemporanus

        DAMN! I totally missed my chance to capitalize on that.

        My Wonkette has a Tourette's x Parkinson's x withdrawal today and is nearly impossible to read, let alone comment all up in 'n shit. For example: I began the arduous task of trying to reply to your comment more than 10 minutes ago. I can't wait to take this infuriating issue of recurring jerky-ness up with our commanding officer over a dirty boot of warm piss on Friday.

        Speaking of which, are you going? I seem to remember you living in a NoCal clam shack of some sort — Tomales? Bodega? Gold Club? — and would very much like to buy you a drink, sailor.

        • SayItWithWookies

          That would be awesome, but I live on the east coast — but if I'm in those parts I'll let everyone here know 'cause I'd love to meet up with some of the Pacific coast wonketteers.

          • Extemporanus

            I was [mis?]remembering a comment you made several years ago about being on a houseboat out here or something, though I may have been sober at the time and therefore hallucinating.

            I shall try to keep my flask full should our paths someday cross. (And I shall almost assuredly fail…)

  • FakaktaSouth

    50? Doesn't sound like much to brag about to me. I think the lack of AirConditioning part bothers me the most. I don't wanna see this guy all sweaty and doing ANYthing, much less sleeping with 50 guys, but okay Dick, whatever.

  • SpeedoFart

    Hawt.

    No wait. What's the opposite of "hawt", again?

    Ew ew ew!

    • mavenmaven

      nawt

  • Goonemeritus

    It was a different time, don’t judge him.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    "Drafting" people to do stooped labor, menial jobs, and lower-skills tasks?

    I think we tried that a few centuries ago. It eventually led to some difficulties, if I remember right.

  • JustPixelz

    I woulda liked blowing things up in the service. Kinda sounds like maybe he just like blowing things.

  • gullywompr

    Someone needs to explain "virtue" to him.

    • SayItWithWookies

      As long as it's not Bill Bennett.

  • SorosBot

    It's refreshing though for Cohen to write a column that's not one of his two standards, "Kill the brown Muslims!" and "Kids get off my lawn!".

  • SayItWithWookies

    Should the United States revive the draft?

    No, we should revive not going to fucking war just for the fuck of it. Jesus Christ on a fucking biscuit, I'm gonna go watch Mitt Romney getting fucking booed again.

  • SexySmurf

    Can we bring back Don't Ask, Don't Tell but have it only apply to Richard Cohen?

    • SayItWithWookies

      We could just call it "Don't Tell," since I really doubt anybody asks him.

      Better yet, we could just call it "Shut Up, Richard."

  • Beowoof

    Richard Cohen is a funny guy, but not by intention.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I suspect somebody has watched "Reflections in a Golden Eye" a few too many times.

  • ttommyunger

    So, Richard, YOU were the one behind the Glory Hole? I should have known. Thanks for helping me get through Basic Training- An old Army Buddy.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Really, sleeping in a barracks with 50 other guys was the only virtue he found in serving his country? What a snob (and jerk).

  • fartknocker

    Dick's little literary dribble was written in 2006. Must be a slow news day at the Wonkette bunker.

  • rickmaci

    Draft service is OK if there is nothing to do but mow the lawn around the base headquarters and clean things. It's when all the bleedy, messy stuff starts that it is not fun. One of my friends spent his tour in the late 60's in Europe learning to repair jeeps. He didn't mind being in the army but was glad to get out. Another friend left boot camp and arrived in Vietnam the day the Tet offensive started. He has a very different view of draft service and is treated for PTSD to this day. I don't think either of them would like to see the draft reinstated.

  • UnholyMoses

    50 Shades of Camo, a new love novel by Ric–

    **barf**

  • MissTaken

    I did not came.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      Herman Cain's Grandpa?

  • RedneckMuslin

    Whore!

  • SpeedoFart

    Welp, that is the last time I watch military gangbang porn.

    Thanks a lot, Richard.

  • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    And, with that, Richard Cohen just took away all the coolness from being gay.

  • rickmaci

    Jeebuz. Romoney might as well pick one of his sons.

  • pdiddycornchips

    I think someone can expect a call from Marcus Bachmann.

  • Ducksworthy

    Richard must have taken a lot of cold showers. Maybe that's what he's referring to.

  • Lazy Media

    You know who REALLY doesn't want the draft? The military. Draftees suck as soldiers compared to volunteers, and having every able-bodied young person in uniform would be SUPER expensive.

    Oh, also, nobody sleeps in a big room full of other people except at boot camp and down range (when it's in a tent). "Barracks" these days look like college dorms or apartments.

    So, in conclusion, Richard Cohen has scored a twofer: a bad idea, poorly researched.

  • DahBoner

    MEN MEN MEN MEN!!!

    • Isyaignert

      Throw your rubbers overboard there's no one here but men! MEN MEN MEN MEN! Oh throw your rubbers overboard there's no one here but MEN!

  • fishwharf

    Sounds like this Richard Cohen: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_A._Cohen