BRIEF INTERLUDES  1:12 pm July 11, 2012

A Brief Interlude from Richard Cohen

by Jim Newell

Hummina hummina“For all the boredom, the tedium and — most important — the lack of air conditioning, I found a single virtue in my service: I slept in a barracks with 50 other guys” — Richard Cohen, a funny guy.

 
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{ 59 comments }

Barb July 11, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Bristol did the same thing and she never enlisted.

Spurning Beer July 11, 2012 at 1:15 pm

That barracks was FULL of privates.

ChernobylSoup July 11, 2012 at 1:16 pm

This one time, at boot camp…

nounverb911 July 11, 2012 at 1:17 pm

And what did Cohen do with those 50 other guys?

Allmighty_Manos July 11, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Being the victim of blanket parties.

Callyson July 11, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Richard, you little slut.

(That line is coming in handy today…)

Allmighty_Manos July 11, 2012 at 1:18 pm

I think that was the Catholic Church's recruiting slogan for many years.

EatsBabyDingos July 11, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Why do I always want fried chicken after reading Richard Cohen? Is it his crusty exterior? The blandness of the meat of his columns? No, he is Col. Sanders' bastard love child.

edgydrifter July 11, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Oddly enough, if you rearrange that last part to read "I slept with 50 guys in other barracks" it doesn't sound any more gay.

SorosBot July 11, 2012 at 1:22 pm

You can get that at a sleep-away summer camp to, and without all those threats to your life.

Well, unless you go to that Camp Crystal Lake.

MissTaken July 11, 2012 at 1:28 pm

or if you go to that Sleepaway Camp

BTW – best horror slash movie EVAH!!!

SorosBot July 11, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Hey, I know that one. It beats The Crying Game for best surprise penis ever.

MumbletyRadio July 11, 2012 at 1:45 pm

@MT: I can't tell if you're joking! If not, I will check it out.
@SB: Now, Crying Game is pretty hard to top for that sort of freak-out moment in cinema… all the same your comment made me laugh, meta-like or such, b/c "surprise penis" wasn't what I expected some slash-horror film etched in MT's memory to be, uh, memorable for~

MissTaken July 11, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Oh I'm not kidding. Sleepaway Camp is fucking awesome! I definitely recommend it. And yes, there is a surprise peen, as well as getting raped by a hot curling iron. Fun times!

Biel_ze_Bubba July 11, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Is it just me, or is there material here for another song by the Village People?

ChernobylSoup July 11, 2012 at 1:22 pm

I'm not going to abuse my brain by going to the Post and reading that column, but here's some free advice to Cohen: Republicans, in particular the presumptive nominee and his family, have no idea what the word barracks means. You might want to explain.

va_real July 11, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Barracks = sexual relationship with multiple same-sex partners.

Boojum July 11, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Barack's is how you spell it, if you mean The White House.

LetUsBray July 11, 2012 at 5:47 pm

No, it's okay: They do have several friends who own mercenary armies.

tbogg July 11, 2012 at 1:23 pm

50 Shades Of Gay

proudgrampa July 11, 2012 at 1:25 pm

What?

weejee July 11, 2012 at 1:25 pm

A group of your friends and neighbors have selected you for service…

Since you'd be going to broom camp, getting such a little letter wouldn't have quite the impact as when 40% of the draftees were going into the Marines, and of those going into the Army the majority were going infantry and artillery.

Note: In Vietnam era the Air Force & Navy didn't have to draft. Guess "hi sailor, new in town?" was good enough for recruiting.

Extemporanus July 11, 2012 at 1:25 pm

That's not a beard.

Ruhe July 11, 2012 at 1:31 pm

His wife however…

SayItWithWookies July 11, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Looks like someone blew a SEAL.

Extemporanus July 11, 2012 at 1:57 pm

DAMN! I totally missed my chance to capitalize on that.

My Wonkette has a Tourette's x Parkinson's x withdrawal today and is nearly impossible to read, let alone comment all up in 'n shit. For example: I began the arduous task of trying to reply to your comment more than 10 minutes ago. I can't wait to take this infuriating issue of recurring jerky-ness up with our commanding officer over a dirty boot of warm piss on Friday.

Speaking of which, are you going? I seem to remember you living in a NoCal clam shack of some sort — Tomales? Bodega? Gold Club? — and would very much like to buy you a drink, sailor.

SayItWithWookies July 11, 2012 at 2:19 pm

That would be awesome, but I live on the east coast — but if I'm in those parts I'll let everyone here know 'cause I'd love to meet up with some of the Pacific coast wonketteers.

Extemporanus July 11, 2012 at 2:57 pm

I was [mis?]remembering a comment you made several years ago about being on a houseboat out here or something, though I may have been sober at the time and therefore hallucinating.

I shall try to keep my flask full should our paths someday cross. (And I shall almost assuredly fail…)

FakaktaSouth July 11, 2012 at 1:25 pm

50? Doesn't sound like much to brag about to me. I think the lack of AirConditioning part bothers me the most. I don't wanna see this guy all sweaty and doing ANYthing, much less sleeping with 50 guys, but okay Dick, whatever.

SpeedoFart July 11, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Hawt.

No wait. What's the opposite of "hawt", again?

Ew ew ew!

mavenmaven July 11, 2012 at 1:27 pm

nawt

Goonemeritus July 11, 2012 at 1:27 pm

It was a different time, don’t judge him.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 11, 2012 at 1:29 pm

"Drafting" people to do stooped labor, menial jobs, and lower-skills tasks?

I think we tried that a few centuries ago. It eventually led to some difficulties, if I remember right.

JustPixelz July 11, 2012 at 1:30 pm

I woulda liked blowing things up in the service. Kinda sounds like maybe he just like blowing things.

gullywompr July 11, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Someone needs to explain "virtue" to him.

SayItWithWookies July 11, 2012 at 1:39 pm

As long as it's not Bill Bennett.

SorosBot July 11, 2012 at 1:31 pm

It's refreshing though for Cohen to write a column that's not one of his two standards, "Kill the brown Muslims!" and "Kids get off my lawn!".

SayItWithWookies July 11, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Should the United States revive the draft?

No, we should revive not going to fucking war just for the fuck of it. Jesus Christ on a fucking biscuit, I'm gonna go watch Mitt Romney getting fucking booed again.

SexySmurf July 11, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Can we bring back Don't Ask, Don't Tell but have it only apply to Richard Cohen?

SayItWithWookies July 11, 2012 at 1:39 pm

We could just call it "Don't Tell," since I really doubt anybody asks him.

Better yet, we could just call it "Shut Up, Richard."

Beowoof July 11, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Richard Cohen is a funny guy, but not by intention.

OneYieldRegular July 11, 2012 at 1:41 pm

I suspect somebody has watched "Reflections in a Golden Eye" a few too many times.

ttommyunger July 11, 2012 at 1:43 pm

So, Richard, YOU were the one behind the Glory Hole? I should have known. Thanks for helping me get through Basic Training- An old Army Buddy.

Texan_Bulldog July 11, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Really, sleeping in a barracks with 50 other guys was the only virtue he found in serving his country? What a snob (and jerk).

fartknocker July 11, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Dick's little literary dribble was written in 2006. Must be a slow news day at the Wonkette bunker.

rickmaci July 11, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Draft service is OK if there is nothing to do but mow the lawn around the base headquarters and clean things. It's when all the bleedy, messy stuff starts that it is not fun. One of my friends spent his tour in the late 60's in Europe learning to repair jeeps. He didn't mind being in the army but was glad to get out. Another friend left boot camp and arrived in Vietnam the day the Tet offensive started. He has a very different view of draft service and is treated for PTSD to this day. I don't think either of them would like to see the draft reinstated.

UnholyMoses July 11, 2012 at 1:46 pm

50 Shades of Camo, a new love novel by Ric–

**barf**

MissTaken July 11, 2012 at 1:47 pm

I did not came.

Chet Kincaid July 11, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Herman Cain's Grandpa?

RedneckMuslin July 11, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Whore!

SpeedoFart July 11, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Welp, that is the last time I watch military gangbang porn.

Thanks a lot, Richard.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 11, 2012 at 1:53 pm

And, with that, Richard Cohen just took away all the coolness from being gay.

rickmaci July 11, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Jeebuz. Romoney might as well pick one of his sons.

pdiddycornchips July 11, 2012 at 2:04 pm

I think someone can expect a call from Marcus Bachmann.

Ducksworthy July 11, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Richard must have taken a lot of cold showers. Maybe that's what he's referring to.

Lazy Media July 11, 2012 at 2:36 pm

You know who REALLY doesn't want the draft? The military. Draftees suck as soldiers compared to volunteers, and having every able-bodied young person in uniform would be SUPER expensive.

Oh, also, nobody sleeps in a big room full of other people except at boot camp and down range (when it's in a tent). "Barracks" these days look like college dorms or apartments.

So, in conclusion, Richard Cohen has scored a twofer: a bad idea, poorly researched.

DahBoner July 11, 2012 at 2:40 pm

MEN MEN MEN MEN!!!

Isyaignert July 12, 2012 at 12:33 am

Throw your rubbers overboard there's no one here but men! MEN MEN MEN MEN! Oh throw your rubbers overboard there's no one here but MEN!

fishwharf July 11, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Sounds like this Richard Cohen: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_A._Cohen

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