SECRET HEROES  6:01 pm July 10, 2012

Was Obama A CIA Spy In Pakistan? ‘Maybe,’ Say Confusing School Records

by Josh Fruhlinger

HA HA, it was actually just a clever disguise for a secret agent!OK, so the Wonkville experiment has been up and running for a day, and let’s check out the hot tips … wait, Obama was a Pakistani spy in 1981 and 1982? THIS MAKES TOTAL SENSE! Why else would would Hillary apologize to Pakistan for that time we accidentally killed dozens of their troops? That’s not the sort of thing the U.S. usually apologizes about … unless the president is on the payroll of the country whose troops we killed. What important evidence has come to light about this, and from what reputable source?

Oh, huh, it was WorldNetDaily, and it seems to be mostly about … the organizations that handle student records in the United States? They spend something like 2,000 words getting to the bottom of a very important discrepancy in Barack Obama’s life story: why do some records seem to indicate that he only attended Columbia from 1982 to 1983, and not 1981 to 1983 as he claims? Get ready for the shocking truth:

Janine Greenwood, vice president and general counsel for the [National Student Clearinghouse], told WND there was a ‘computer error’ in their system that has been corrected. She said she confirmed with Columbia that Obama was at the university for two academic years, not one.

Greenwood said she ‘tried to untangle this’ discrepancy one year ago after two ‘DegreeVerify certificates’ from the Herndon, Va.-based clearinghouse — obtained through a fee-based request — indicated Obama attended Columbia College at Columbia University only in the 1982-1983 academic year, from Sept. 1, 1982 until May 31, 1983, receiving a Bachelor of Arts degree May 17, 1983.

‘All I know is [the record] was right originally, and somewhere along the line it went off the rails, and then it was right again,’ she said.

‘We basically had two records running simultaneously, and it just depended on how you input the name and the other information as to which records you got,’ she explained to WND in an interview Friday.

Greenwood said at least one of the two people who submitted the request for a report of Obama’s record received a correct report as well as an incorrect one.

Well, we’re sure that when confronted with conflicting information like this, someone studying the records would decide on the most logical interpretation, right? The most logical interpretation being, of course, that Obama never went to Columbia for his junior year, and instead spent it as a CIA agent in Pakistan (which is very different from being a spy for Pakistan, naughty Wonkville headline writer).

In other words, WorldNetDaily’s darkest, most sinister conspiracy theory is that the future president courageously served as a secret agent for the United States in a dangerous country, and then returned home and successfully graduated with an Ivy League bachelor’s degree after only three years of college. [WND]

 
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{ 250 comments }

BZ1 July 10, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Sounds about right, in an era when people believe that Lincoln fought vampires…

va_real July 10, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Are you trying to imply that he didn't?

actor212 July 11, 2012 at 9:08 am

No, all he's saying is that, despite the deep cover up of 150 years and official denials and a cover story invented, there are still Toothers out there, fighting to get the truth out.

JustPixelz July 10, 2012 at 7:53 pm

And that is why, to this day, no one in the South has all their teeth.

CessnaDriver July 11, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Are you saying that it's not a documentary?

Pithaughn July 10, 2012 at 6:07 pm

FYI, this is one of my favorite themes for Wonkette stories. This conspiracy made from nebulous filaments of scardey cat imagining, and of course anything about the Palins, Jan Brewer or Scary ize Bachman.

Callyson July 10, 2012 at 6:07 pm

First those Muzlims came after the college records…

Chet Kincaid July 10, 2012 at 6:08 pm

CONTAINMENT BREACH — THE TIP HAS ESCAPED THE FENCED-IN AREA

Chichikovovich July 10, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Thank God I was typing with latex gloves on.

An Asexual Ungulate July 10, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Nature will find a way.

Chet Kincaid July 11, 2012 at 12:22 am

Are you saying the tip fertilized frog embryos!?

barto July 10, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Obama never ceases to amaze me. Probably the best reason not to elect Rmoney is that we'll al die of boredom.

SayItWithWookies July 10, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Not after we invade Iran we won't.

Sharkey July 10, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Sadly, it will probably happen either way.

Negropolis July 10, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Iran is one of the very few issues where I totally believe the president is simply saber-rattling, though, I'd be lying if I said I'm comfortable with any president talking war after happened with Dubya.

BTW, noticed how quick the saber-rattling died down after former Israeli military high-ups came out saying a nuclear Iran wasn't an existential threat? I don't think that was an accident or something we didn't see coming.

SayItWithWookies July 10, 2012 at 11:39 pm

Nonsense. There's a vast difference between applying pressure and agitating for an insane and aggressive military outcome. It's like saying Clinton's no-fly zones over Iraq were the same as Dubya's invasion and occupation.

And President Obama even has the precedent of his Libya strategy: Six months, not a boot on the ground, not a single American life lost — how can anyone say that's the same as almost 5,000 American lives, a trillion dollars, untold cases of traumatic brain injury, ptsd, chemical poisoning, amputations, etc. etc.?

I swear I don't mean to jump on your case — in fact, I want to know, do you really think there's no difference between Obama's Middle East policy and Dubya's? Because if people feel that way, they're missing a critical point.

BerkeleyBear July 11, 2012 at 12:38 am

Well, given the nuanced coverage it gets in the media and the brilliant messaging of the Romney campaign, it is so utterly clear that what Obama should be doing is invading Iran (only not ever) bombing them (specifically the mountainous targets that can't really be bombed) or somehow bringing them to the table by showing Russia we won't back down from fighting them over missile defense (which is the one that really has me scratching my head).

I agree that W and President Obama have very different approaches – one basically being to give Wile E Coyote an unlimited account at Acme (bombs away) and the other being akin to juggling chainsaws while balancing a priceless set of vases on your forehead (keeping everyone convinced we might use force but not so convinced of our intentions that the Israelis, Saudis or Iranians make an epically stupid move). But unless you actually pay close attention, the rotting stench from either can leave you despairing about the future.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 10, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Now I'm waiting for "Obama's Pakistan Heroin Connection" by Dr Jerome Corsi PhD.

SorosBot July 10, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Oh come on, every minor error in Obama's childhood and youthful records indicates a vast conspiracy by Saul Alinsky, Bill Ayers and a whole bunch of other figures no one has ever heard of but the far right are going to turn into far-left radical boogeymen!

Fox n Fiends July 10, 2012 at 7:33 pm

NICE TRY BILDERBERG

finallyhappy July 10, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Alinsky did a lot of pre-planning as he died when Obama was 10 or so but we Jews are like that. We mastermind everything for many years into the future. Look at our boy, Jesus- still screwing with you all- 2000 years alter.

not that Radio July 10, 2012 at 9:09 pm

SOROS LIBEL!

Willardbot9000_V2.5 July 11, 2012 at 2:48 am

You forgot the evil macinations of liberal philanthropist George Soros…remember, he funds the entire left in 'Merika. I mean while Soros has a giant shitpile of money as "the Newsroom" pointed out, the Kochs can buy and sell him six times over. Which is funny because while Soros (who did more to defeat Communism in Europe than Raygun without threatening thermonuclear war no less) is portrayed as a rich liberal elitist the Kochs are just down home patriots looking to keep America 'Mercia…or so the line goes. Anyway…George Soros paid you to omit him, didn't he?

ChernobylSoup July 10, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Occam's putty knife at work again.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 10, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Occam's Sphere

Generation[redacted] July 10, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Occam's Rube Goldberg Machine.

Chet Kincaid July 10, 2012 at 7:40 pm

"Occam's Eleven": Alinsky, Wright, Ayers, Malcolm X, Mao, Farrakhan, Bettie Page, Angie Dickinson, Don Cheadle, Dean Martin and Obama, in the caper of a lifetime!

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 10, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Win. I'd pay money to see that.

bobbert July 10, 2012 at 9:48 pm

On Mars!

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 10, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Occam's Cudgel

Tundra Grifter July 10, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Some time back on NewsBusters I invented "Macco's Razor." No, you don't use it to paint your car.

It is the philosophical theory that the most convoluted, complex, difficult-to-believe explanation for any event or circumstance is the one most likely to be true.

And, yes, there's a very good reason you've never heard of it…

sullivanst July 10, 2012 at 9:01 pm

It depends what the meaning of "true" is.

If you stick to the meaning you or I understand, then obviously we should be sticking with Occam.

If you go for the right's preferred definition, however, that being "believed by rw fringe nutjobs", it's Macco all the way, baby! And upfists for you.

flamingpdog July 10, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Occam's lobotomy surgical tools.

Sharkey July 10, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Occam's Trucknutz, because shut up.

Buckminster July 10, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Occam's Cuisinart. Slice, dice, puree, serve pap to the populace. Yum, yum!

HogeyeGrex July 10, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Occam's Paste Brush.

'Cuz, paste: it's what's for dinner.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ July 11, 2012 at 12:26 am

i liek paste

Biel_ze_Bubba July 11, 2012 at 12:32 am

Mmmm…. pastes we like.

Mahousu July 10, 2012 at 6:11 pm

In other words, Obama did his "junior year abroad" in Pakistan, is all. Everyone knows those things are just CIA fronts anyway.

SeedCapital July 10, 2012 at 6:11 pm

If only. Sploosh!

fartknocker July 10, 2012 at 6:12 pm

WorldNetDaily = Shit for brains

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 10, 2012 at 6:17 pm

This is borne out in real life. The addled old duffer who tried his level best to T-bone me in the Safeway parking lot sported a WND sticker on the back of his rusty old Lincoln Coffindodger or whatever it was.

Butch_Wagstaff July 10, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Hehe…"Lincoln Coffindodger".

Lascauxcaveman July 10, 2012 at 7:01 pm

I think you're being unfair to shit.

poorgradstudent July 10, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Well they did blow the lid out of the story of John Lennon making a pact with Satan (seriously).

Biel_ze_Bubba July 11, 2012 at 12:35 am

I never did figure out who leaked that story.

smokefilledroommate July 10, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Weapon of Nincompoop Destruction

Giveusabob July 10, 2012 at 6:13 pm

I think this typo is a red herring.

The actual falsified record was "Obama was a drug mule student in Colombia Columbia between '82 and '83."

nounverb911 July 10, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Is it true that Romney was a Vietnamese agent while avoiding the draft, living in Paris, during the Vietnam War?

va_real July 10, 2012 at 6:20 pm

I read that somewhere quite recently.

Generation[redacted] July 10, 2012 at 6:23 pm

It's no coincidence that Vietnamese sandwiches come on a French baguette.

rickmaci July 10, 2012 at 6:49 pm

And it's no coincidence that Vietnam did not participate in the Salt Lake City Olympics run by Mittsby.

Crank_Tango July 10, 2012 at 7:27 pm

I'm glad you mentioned that, because I didn't want them to bahn mi.

Nothingisamiss July 11, 2012 at 8:47 am

Thumbs up.

FlownOver July 10, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Well, that's where they had the peace talks, innit?. I heard Mitt was the undercover Table Shape Advisor to Xuan Thuy in the run-up to his negotiations vs. Henry "Nobel Peace Prize" Kissinger.

Generation[redacted] July 10, 2012 at 6:45 pm

I bet the table was just the right height.

flamingpdog July 10, 2012 at 8:26 pm

I heard Mitt was the undertable "advisor" to Xuan Thuy during the negotiations.

Tundra Grifter July 10, 2012 at 6:35 pm

"Some people say…"

Starting with two right here on Wonkette.

LetUsBray July 10, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Now, speaking of rumors, some people are saying that the real reason Willard wants so desperately to become president, and the reason he's so awkward is from hiding it, is that he wants to legalize polygamy.

I'm not saying it's true, I'm just saying people are saying it. I'm a person, and I just said it, for example. Anyway, just to be on the safe side, shouldn't such a rumor be run by the more conspiracy-minded wingnut sites, especially the ones frequented by people diffident about voting for a Mormon as it is?

emmelemm July 10, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Highly plausible. I second the rumor.

Crank_Tango July 10, 2012 at 7:28 pm

some people say that Obama's mom jeans go too far, other people say Romney's mom jeans don't go too far enough.

Chet Kincaid July 10, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Now that you told me, I heard about it, too!

Butch_Wagstaff July 10, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Now that I know about this rumor, I think it's true!
IMO, it'll be worse than the homosexuals shoving their homosexual agenda down all our throats, 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week on the Internets and the TVs.

radio-of-owls July 10, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Well, by now I think it would be accurate to say, "Many people say…"

WIDTAP July 10, 2012 at 8:58 pm

I have not heard Romeny try to deny it. What is Romnyey trying to hide?

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 10, 2012 at 7:46 pm

It would be irresponsible not to speculate!

MissTaken July 10, 2012 at 6:50 pm

I read on the internet that Romney was a Vietnemese agent while avoiding the draft, living in Paris, during the Vietnam War.

Chet Kincaid July 10, 2012 at 8:08 pm

There's this lady on the Internet who conceals her identity for reasons of confidentiality. She all but confirmed it!

Negropolis July 10, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Well, he hasn't denied it.

What is Romney trying to hide? Why does Romney hate America?

C_R_Eature July 10, 2012 at 9:14 pm

I heard that in fact he was working for the Michelin company as a Fixer at their Rubber Plantation in Binh Duong Province.
The Michelin recruiters supposedly talked him into the Vietnam Gig at a party at the Embassy in Paris and there was a bit of a language problem. Years afterward, Mitt recounted that meeting angrily: "I thought they were saying Robber Baron!"

Boojum July 10, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Look, the real Mitt Romney died in a car wreck in France. This one is an impostor.

flamingpdog July 10, 2012 at 11:54 pm

And Princess Diana is one of his after-life wives.

Too soon?

Boojum July 11, 2012 at 12:26 am

I read that Mitt Romney, the real one, was declared dead by the French Police in 1968, after a horrible accident in which — get this — he injured his face!! However, he (whoever, probably a fascist spy) was otherwise fine and left on his own, to take up his new role.

WhatTheHeck July 10, 2012 at 6:18 pm

That whole year Obama was “missing,” he was actually abducted by aliens to be prep’d for the presidency.
When he resurfaced, he was seen having a drink with the Queen of England at Trader Vick’s.

And the rest is revisionist history.

flamingpdog July 10, 2012 at 8:07 pm

That was a pina colada he was drinking with the Queen. Sounds Messican to me.

radio-of-owls July 10, 2012 at 8:15 pm

And his hair was perfect.

HistoriCat July 10, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Was he abducted during that teleportation trip to Mars?

It's all coming together now …

Buckminster July 10, 2012 at 10:01 pm

And his hair was perfect.

SexySmurf July 10, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Secret Muslin man
Secret Muslin man
He's givin' you some government run health-care
and takin' away your freedoms.

fuflans July 10, 2012 at 7:25 pm

thanks you sexy thing you.

now i am going to yoga with that song in my head.

Goonemeritus July 10, 2012 at 6:23 pm

He obviously was a member of the boy band New Edition in the early 80’s. He just doesn’t want it to get out because 50 year old groupies are scary.

emmelemm July 10, 2012 at 6:25 pm

As plausible as any other such conspiracy theory.

Butch_Wagstaff July 10, 2012 at 8:08 pm

"He obviously was a member of the boy band New Edition in the early 80’s."
*GASP*
Obama had Whitney killed!!

Chet Kincaid July 10, 2012 at 8:22 pm

No, no, no — he was one of the DeBarges!

eggsacklywright July 11, 2012 at 12:09 am

Or Des Barres.

finallyhappy July 10, 2012 at 8:30 pm

we are ! I was just at an event for a "star" of the 60's- and all of the girls/teens are now wrinkly and fat(myself included- the star was just wrinkly)

Pragmatist2 July 10, 2012 at 9:54 pm

There will be a black driver in NASCAR before there is an Africa American in a boy band.

Negropolis July 10, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Huh?

Negropolis July 10, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Cougar libel!

An_Outhouse July 11, 2012 at 8:11 am

I thought he replaced Ace Frehley in KISS for a couple of years.

Generation[redacted] July 10, 2012 at 6:24 pm

I like the movie version of this story. Except the one where Pierce Brosnan plays Obama.

viennawoods13 July 10, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Watched that last night!

ttommyunger July 10, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Actually, he did play in brown face for the movie: "The Deceivers" a true story and a great little movie. Thought you'd like to know…

not that Radio July 11, 2012 at 12:27 am

The Promise Frown Affair

Estproph July 10, 2012 at 6:24 pm

If only the wingnutz had ever gone to college, they would know that a college registrar's office losing an entire year of records for no reason whatsoever is not only common, but almost mandatory.

Pithaughn July 10, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Or, after a data base engine upgrade, every year date has increased by 124 years. Saw that happen to a central reservations data base , but same concept. The winter of 2122 was looking pretty strong there for an afternoon.

Tundra Grifter July 10, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Yes – just how many Wonketters have experienced a glich in a computerized record – academic, employment or governmental?

Generation[redacted] July 10, 2012 at 6:49 pm

All of 'em, Katie.

Today we are all CIA spies in Pakistan.

You know who else–?

Ah, forget it. I'm getting a drink.

MissTaken July 10, 2012 at 6:56 pm

I work 4 blocks away from a glitch in a computerized record – academic, employment, or governmental.

finallyhappy July 10, 2012 at 8:32 pm

esp. governmental- screwing with my retirement and then with my insurance- currently it is ok but I know I will have to be careful until I die- or OPM says I am dead.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 11, 2012 at 12:44 am

Like the glitch that sent my parents an extra $100 a month in Social Security benefits, for decades, until somebody noticed and then the SSA wanted their $25,000 back immediately, or else Federal shitstorm?

That kind of glitch?

Nothingisamiss July 11, 2012 at 8:51 am

This sort of criminal waste is why we need to stop all social security benefits and cut taxes on people who don't need social security.

Joshua Norton July 10, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Ain't that the truth. The unpaid TA who's usually doing the data entry only wants to get to the bottom of the pile. Accuracy is mostly accidental.

rickmaci July 10, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Ah yes. To err is human but it takes a computer to really fuck things up.

Joshua Norton July 10, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Whenever I read something from Wing Nut Daily I can almost hear the unsatisfied home-life in the writer's voice.

Tundra Grifter July 10, 2012 at 6:37 pm

That's Wing Nutz Daily to you, Sir!

And how are Bummer and Lazarus?

SexySmurf July 10, 2012 at 6:27 pm

As a six-foot black guy with an American accent, Obama blended into Pakistani society perfectly.

Pithaughn July 10, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Yes, if he was riding a horse over the Kuyber pass.

nounverb911 July 10, 2012 at 6:39 pm

A dancing horse?

Generation[redacted] July 10, 2012 at 6:55 pm

I feel a Bollywood musical number coming on!

OneYieldRegular July 10, 2012 at 6:56 pm

A dancing unicorn.

emmelemm July 10, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Shitting out a rainbow…

fawkedifiknow July 10, 2012 at 6:27 pm

I haven't heard any accounts – lately – of people who were hot on the trail of Obama's perfidies, mysteriously dying. Is it because Breitbart is dead?

LetUsBray July 10, 2012 at 6:53 pm

It's because the people who promulgate those accounts mysteriously died. Sssh.

flamingpdog July 10, 2012 at 8:10 pm

And Trump's operatives in Hawaii mysteriously ended up sewing clothes 18 hours a day in Saipan.

Chet Kincaid July 10, 2012 at 8:20 pm

He's going after old, white restaurateurs, now.

Antispandex July 10, 2012 at 6:29 pm

They would let Muslins in the C.I.A? Oh, right, the 80's. That's when they were freedom fighters. Never mind.

Tundra Grifter July 11, 2012 at 10:18 am

When we taught folks in Afghanistan how to plant car bombs and other booby traps.

That worked out quite well, didn't it?

coolhandnuke July 10, 2012 at 6:29 pm

I have it on good authority Obama's whereabouts in '82-'83. He plotted for months, then stole the contents of Al Capone's vault in Chicago and traded the loot for the deed to Geraldo's soul.
Oh yeah, and he shot J.R.

Generation[redacted] July 10, 2012 at 6:50 pm

And I thought it was just a dream!

flamingpdog July 10, 2012 at 8:14 pm

No, no, no, J.R. was shot by Kirsten Kristin.

SayItWithWookies July 10, 2012 at 6:31 pm

In other words, WorldNetDaily’s darkest, most sinister conspiracy theory is that the future president courageously served as a secret agent for the United States in a dangerous country…

During the Reagan administration, no less. Holy crap — it turns out that Barry Soetoro, Muslim double-agent, secretly made St. Ronnie stupid and pliable so he'd do assinine illegal things! How deep does this conspiracy go?!

Troglodeity July 10, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Actually, Obama traded places with Osama in 1982, and Obama was actually responsible for 9/11! And Osama is trying to destroy the country by forcing us all to have health insurance. It all adds up! After all, they're only one letter apart! PROVE ME WRONG!

UW8316154 July 10, 2012 at 9:13 pm

I mean, Obama hasn't come out and DENIED is was responsible for 9-11!!11!

Pithaughn July 10, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Some one better check on the where abouts of Robert Redford for that missing year, I just have a gut feeling he recruits college kids for the CIA.

Jennyjen798 July 10, 2012 at 7:56 pm

I think you're right. There's something about that blondish ginger hair that just seems…off.

Schmannnity July 10, 2012 at 6:33 pm

He had to go to Abbottabad Pakistan from 1981-82 to lay the groundwork for Seal Team 6.

natoslug July 10, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Was this before or after his stint on Mars with the chrononauts? The man is fucking amazing.

emmelemm July 10, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Oooh, I really liked that one.

UW8316154 July 10, 2012 at 9:14 pm

That's my Barry!

/swoon

BarackMyWorld July 10, 2012 at 6:37 pm

What of those missing years he was in a Chinese prison and declared dead, before becoming the apprentice of Ra's Al Ghul and returning to Gotham City?

OneYieldRegular July 10, 2012 at 6:41 pm

All hell is gonna break loose once WND finds the network of tunnels that connect Kenya to Indonesia to Pakistan to Hawai'i to Chicago.

DrunkIrishman July 10, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Don't forget the one to Soviet Russia.

UW8316154 July 10, 2012 at 9:15 pm

That one starts at $arah's back porch, doesn't it?

Boojum July 11, 2012 at 4:48 am

And goes through a secret meth lab.

Negropolis July 10, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Even more shocking when we find that they were built by ancient molemen who toil beneath the surface just waiting to harvest us….

EatsBabyDingos July 10, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Before the sex change, wasn't he the bassist for "Josie and the Pussycats"?

DrunkIrishman July 10, 2012 at 6:45 pm

God Bless Patriot Obama. Put this terrorist killin', secret agent on Mount Rushmore!

Fun fact: Steven Seagal based every one of his characters on Barack Obama.

Generation[redacted] July 10, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Except for his current role as deputy sheriff. That was based on Breitbart.

Buckminster July 10, 2012 at 10:02 pm

I thought that was based on Don Knotts' character, Barney Fife.

not that Radio July 11, 2012 at 8:46 am

Do you mean "the Great Don Knotts"?

Negropolis July 10, 2012 at 11:03 pm

This brings to question of who would win in a fight, Barack Obama or Chuck Norris?

Boojum July 11, 2012 at 4:49 am

Um, Secret Service?

rickmaci July 10, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Remember the good old days when conspiracy theory was limited mostly to Roswell and JKF/Marilyn Monroe.

thefrontpage July 10, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Look, I was a longtime, veteran, top-secret clandestine spy for the CIA, the NSA, DARPA, the NRO, the NGA, U.S. Army Intelligence and the little-known National Intelligence Agency (NIA), for more than 20 years, in more than 30 countries, and I can tell you that Obama was definately never a spy for the U.S. government. Julia Child, Chuck Barris, Judi Dench and Harvey Fierstein were all spies, yes, but not Obama.

va_real July 10, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Hmmm… thefrontpage doth protest too much, methinks…

Chichikovovich July 10, 2012 at 7:38 pm

So TFP, was Sir Roger Hollis the fifth man? You can tell us, we're very discreet.

C_R_Eature July 10, 2012 at 9:48 pm

It's been over 30 years now. Can you tell us, finally, why Number Six quit?

And who was Number One?

BoatOfVelociraptors July 11, 2012 at 2:10 am

and who did number two work for?

poorgradstudent July 10, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Wait, the President being a real-life action hero is a bad thing? And these are exactly the same people who think Chuck Norris should be a pundit just because he used to play an action hero?

Tundra Grifter July 11, 2012 at 10:20 am

Hey – they still think a movie and tv B-actor was a great President!

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 10, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Ooh! Ooh! I have a question!

Even if all of this crazy talk were completely true, how does it prove that Obama is illegitimate or evil, exactly? Wouldn't alternate-universe teenaged super-spy Barrack Obama be unquestionably loyal to US America, and also insanely hyper-capable, more or less by definition? Not to mention being "vetted" like the dickens, by the CIA?

Which part of this is supposed to prove that he's a secret Kenyan Sharia-Marxist who wasn't born in America, and is plotting to destroy America, while also simultaneously being an incompetent empty suit who can't form complete sentences without a teleprompter, because he doesn't have a business degree, exactly?

not that Radio July 10, 2012 at 8:20 pm

The commenters on the WND story were chastising all the LIEBRUL trolls for conflating "birtherism" with whatever the hell this new theory is called.

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 10, 2012 at 8:37 pm

And yet it's obviously has a birther lineage, since the original Pakistan claim was that he couldn't have traveled there as an American, because of a State Department travel ban.

A travel ban that never existed, because Pakistan was our ally, because India was a tad too socialistic for our tastes.

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 10, 2012 at 8:43 pm

And yet it's obviously has a birther lineage, since the original Pakistan claim was that he couldn't have traveled there as an American, because of a State Department travel ban.

One that never existed, because Pakistan was our ally during the Cold War, especially around the time the Soviets invaded Afghanistan.

But more the the point, it sure seems like there's intended to be a negative connotation here -other wise, why would Wing Nut Daily even bring it up? But I'm still not seeing it.

not that Radio July 10, 2012 at 9:07 pm

It's the Shifting Goalposts of Birtherism — "well, sure, I'm not claiming that he was born in Kenya, but I still maintain all the other Manchurian Candidate bullshit that goes along with it" and then when the Pakistan CIA thing falls apart, "well, I'm not claiming he was a spy in Pakistan, but he still didn't release his Kindergarten transcripts" and so on, just like the climate change deniers.

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 10, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Still, if working for the CIA is supposed to be a bad thing where Presidential credentials are concerned, I kinda wish someone had deigned to mention that back in late '80's.

Chet Kincaid July 10, 2012 at 7:31 pm

It's well-known that Obama traveled to Pakistan in 1981, and you can read all about it here…
http://www.factcheck.org/2009/06/more%2Dbirther%2
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/10/us/politics/10o

…so you'd expect Wonkette to actually mention that. I've been waiting for the wingnuts to claim that he became a "Made Muslim" sleeper agent on that trip for years; it's bizarre, by their standards, that Corsi would say there's "speculation" he was there working for the CIA.

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 10, 2012 at 7:32 pm

You know, if minor discrepancies and transcription errors in your college academic record automatically mean that you were sent abroad on a secret mission for the CIA, then I totally have a line I can use on my grad school applications.

Chet Kincaid July 10, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Of course! All Barack had to do to find Bin Laden in Pakistan was sweat a couple of his old CIs.

not that Radio July 10, 2012 at 7:39 pm

naughty Wonkville headline writer

Yeah, sorry about that. "NOBAMA as Pakistani spy WND conspiracy theory" vs "NOBAMA as spy in Pakistan WND conspiracy theory". I see the difference, now.

You can dock my pay.

radio-of-owls July 10, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Who wrote that shit?

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 10, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Lee Camp.

radio-of-owls July 10, 2012 at 8:52 pm
not that Radio July 10, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Some asshole.

radio-of-owls July 10, 2012 at 11:00 pm
not that Radio July 10, 2012 at 11:18 pm
not that Radio July 10, 2012 at 11:40 pm

All my other headlines were 100% accurate, and not at all sensationalized.

Sassomatic July 10, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Yet another reason I'm glad I'm not POTUS. I actually have white out on my original birth certificate. WHITE OUT. They'd claim I was from Venus.

Barrelhse July 10, 2012 at 11:54 pm

They had to white out the "B" and put in "S"?

not that Radio July 11, 2012 at 12:25 am

Venub?

Besides, Venus is rather pedestrian. I'd think that wingers would assume that sassomatic was from Tuvalu.

JackObin July 10, 2012 at 7:41 pm

I got bombed with the Romney boy last weekend. I will only give details to Fox News.

flamingpdog July 10, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Bristol, is that you?

ElPinche July 10, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Is it true that his magic under has a crotch lock?

Negropolis July 10, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Sorry, but you can't get bombed on whole milk. Trust me.

BlueStateLibel July 10, 2012 at 7:44 pm

I'll believe it when I see the fictional novel about it written by John Le Carre.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 10, 2012 at 7:57 pm

This is all Obama's fault.

TribecaMike July 10, 2012 at 9:25 pm

I blame it on the MI-5 operative who tortured Obama's grandfather. Payback's a mau-mau, mofo's!

docterry6973 July 10, 2012 at 8:02 pm

The simplest explanation is probably the true one. Soros made a mistake when he faked Obama's college records. Use logic, for Pete's sake.

TribecaMike July 10, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Pete's razor?

not that Radio July 10, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Obama's Blazer

radio-of-owls July 10, 2012 at 8:19 pm

WND is obviously in the pocket of Big Degree Verification.

flamingpdog July 10, 2012 at 8:32 pm

The two separate reports indicating Obama attended Columbia for only one year were generated in March 2011. One, obtained by lawyer Orly Taitz, was used in a court filing contesting Obama’s eligibility. The other found its way to Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Cold Case Posse investigating Obama’s eligibility for the presidential ballot in Arizona.

Greenwood said at least one of the two people who submitted the request for a report of Obama’s record received a correct report as well as an incorrect one. She added that the people who obtained the records probably violated the clearinghouse’s terms of use, because acquisition of records is limited to degree confirmation for the purposes of employment and education.

So, exactly when is Eric Holder gonna indict these two assclowns?

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 10, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Not to mention the fact that it's a felony to reveal the identity of a CIA agent.

sharethegrief July 10, 2012 at 8:52 pm

With the exception of Dick Cheney.

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 10, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Silly grief-sharer, everyone knows that the office of the Vice President, by simultaneously being a member of the Executive, Legislative, and Judiciary branches, has complete immunity to all laws.

flamingpdog July 10, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Henry Franklin Graff, professor emeritus of history at Columbia for 46 years, has cast doubt on claims Obama attended classes at the New York City university.

“I have no recollection of Barack Obama at Columbia, and I am sure he never attended any of my classes,” Graff told WND in a telephone interview.

Dude, Graff is old enough to be ttommyunger's father. I bet he can't even remember where his nads are when he wakes up in the morning.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 10, 2012 at 8:43 pm

He's a definite for a belt-onion. Probably shouts at clouds also too.

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 10, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Olditude notwithstanding for the moment:

Waitaminute, so one professor. At a college with thousands of students. Doesn't remember a single transfer student who majored in a different department, 30 years ago.

Wow, what are the chances of that. I can't think of a single reasonable way to explain that, even without mentioning anything that rhymes with "shmabattical".

TribecaMike July 10, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Neither does Steffi Graf remember any of her matches against Arantxa Sanchez-Vicario. The plot thickens, as does the strudel and paella.

Mmmm, strudel paella…. drool…

Tundra Grifter July 11, 2012 at 10:23 am

Her photo was the first picture of a naked woman I ever saw on the Internets. I certainly remember her.

emmelemm July 10, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Slight humblebrag, but still on point:

I went to Columbia University not THAT long after Barack Obama went (or did he?!! {cue dramatic chipmunk}). I went for 4 years, then graduated. I majored in history.

Not only did I not have Henry Franklin Graff as a professor, I NEVER EVEN HEARD THAT NAME. And no, I'm not kidding. And I remember the names of professors in the department I never took classes from. Like, say, Eric Foner. (Who's quite well-known and regarded.)

So Henry Franklin Graff surely never heard my name, nor does he have any recollection of me. But I did, in fact, go to Columbia.

flamingpdog July 10, 2012 at 11:28 pm

I wanna see your long-form transcripts, buddie.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 10, 2012 at 11:47 pm

You must have fascinating stories about your time spying in and/or on Pakistan. You will have to tell us some at our next meetup.

flamingpdog July 11, 2012 at 12:00 am

What happened to your hoodie, Dog?

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 11, 2012 at 12:05 am

I'm in disguise. Working undercover for the CIA.

DOH!

emmelemm July 11, 2012 at 12:53 am

The eagle flys at midnight!

Biel_ze_Bubba July 11, 2012 at 12:53 am

The guy who taught quantum chromodynamics at the time also doesn't remember seeing Barry in his class. That confirms it!

mavenmaven July 10, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Double Agent, of course! You can't be a true conspiracy lunatic unless you see a double conspiracy in every paranoid conspiracy!
In fact, Obama was chosen to be a double agent by the Illuminati!

ShuCityRefugee July 10, 2012 at 9:05 pm

This latest twist in the conspiracy theory will greatly amuse anybody who is at all familiar with Columbia College, and its legendary "Core Curriculum." It is exceedingly difficult to graduate on time as a junior transfer. Nobody could possibly earn a degree spending only one year there. Columbia has too many curricular requirements. They also have less than perfect record-keepers in their registrar's office.

TribecaMike July 10, 2012 at 9:11 pm

You don't have to be John le Carré's barber's stepsister's footman to see that this is all a distraction created by quintuple agent Joe Biden to keep folks from looking into his 12 years in Catholic school. Roman Catholic school, as in Italy. What's an Irish kid from Scranton doing in Italy anyway? Keeping the trains running on time, that's what. And we all know who else kept the trains running on time.

flamingpdog July 11, 2012 at 12:17 am

Mooselini?

Oh, my bad, you said trains, not snow machines.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 11, 2012 at 12:54 am

Ringo Starr?

johnnyzhivago July 10, 2012 at 9:34 pm

How could he be a spy in Pakistan if he was in the custody of Aliens that year?

Come here a minute July 10, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Meh. I courageously served as a moderately industrious college student in the United States, and then graduated with a bachelor’s degree after the standard four years of college.

shortsandpants July 10, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Born in Kenya, raised in Pakistan and then settled into Chicago? How is this guy not getting red flagged by the TSA?

TribecaMike July 10, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Cuz he suckered us into buying him a private plane! Say what you will, the guy is clever.

radio-of-owls July 10, 2012 at 9:47 pm

See?!! See there!! RED flags!!! That proves Hussein Obama is an Anarcho-Syndicalist Trotskyite Maoist!!11!!

Negropolis July 10, 2012 at 11:08 pm

You totally left out Hawaii and Indonesia. How could you forget them?

johnnyzhivago July 10, 2012 at 9:48 pm

I'll bet you there's at least two different stories about where Obama was on 9/11. Therefore he must have been the 20th highjacker.

TribecaMike July 10, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Trust nobody, especially regarding their hair product recommendations.

DahBoner July 10, 2012 at 9:55 pm

"What important evidence has come to light about this, and from what reputable source? Oh, huh, it was WorldNetDaily.. "

Today's Crazy Report has been brought to you by K-Mart…

We've Changed. No, really!

DemonicRage July 10, 2012 at 9:58 pm

How is it that a news cycle has gone by, and the Wasilla Grifter hasn't made a snarky comment (maybe a tweet), referring to this as the gospel truth, the way she has, numerous times already, about the likes-to-eat-dog part of this mysterious unicorn's personality?

cheetojeebus July 10, 2012 at 10:13 pm

So HE"S the inspiration for this song? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hW9cCWm53H4

kittensdontlie July 10, 2012 at 10:38 pm

The Barackette is pure CIA. Just look how he offed that elderly restaurant owner in Ohio last Friday. One hug and she was gone. I heard the grits she served were subpar.
http://todayonthetrail.today.msnbc.msn.com/

radio-of-owls July 10, 2012 at 10:55 pm

He learned that trick from Vlad.

kittensdontlie July 11, 2012 at 5:40 pm

I see a difference here. Vlad emphasized his sadism, NoBama was simply exercising Obamacare's euthanasia clause.

Tundra Grifter July 11, 2012 at 10:25 am

Four years ago the ladies were just passing out at his events.

His powers are growing.

emmelemm July 10, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Hey! I've missed your little avatar guy. I wuvs him!

(Nice to see you back around, btw.)

Negropolis July 10, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Wait, so the Indo-Kenyan Muslin is also Pakistani? There needs to be a contest for which country we connect him with, next. I'm totally shooting for one of the Central Asian 'Stans or Albania.

DahBoner July 11, 2012 at 7:09 am

Don't forget Poland!

TribecaMike July 10, 2012 at 10:54 pm

WND is where Moonies go to escape for a few precious moments from the shrewish spouses their messiah forced upon them.

Negropolis July 10, 2012 at 11:10 pm

I heard our president is actually the lone surviving alien from the Roswell crash just trying to find his way home.

TribecaMike July 10, 2012 at 11:21 pm

I heard he's a Shriner who races around that basketball court in a funny little car all day and night. That is, when he's not kissing the frost-bitten hand of the Emperor of the North Pole.

ttommyunger July 10, 2012 at 11:42 pm

I have it on good authority he spent a summer delivering pizzas in Ubekkibekkibekkistan; and you know who he was working for, right?

flamingpdog July 11, 2012 at 12:08 am

If you don't, blame yo'self!

ttommyunger July 11, 2012 at 8:52 am

Oh, I does, I does!

TribecaMike July 10, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Judging by the photo, if the president is a secret Muslim he's the world's most awkward Muslim.He looks like he's hearing about it for the first time, and what was he, like thirty?

Btw, the commenters at WND sure are a mediocre bunch of locksteppers. Compared to these dullards, the posters at Age of Empires II Heaven* are all PG Woodhouse's.

*Yeah, I hang there sometimes. It's still a great strategy game. Whatchagonnadoboutit?

flamingpdog July 11, 2012 at 12:12 am

He was just embarrassed because they made him trade in the white apron he was wearing before for the one he was wearing in the picture.

TribecaMike July 11, 2012 at 12:16 am

That's indisputable, but ya know who also wears aprons? http://rlv.zcache.com/sleep_with_a_mormon_apron-p

flamingpdog July 11, 2012 at 12:23 am

Time for a "Clash of the Aprons" with Mitty.

TribecaMike July 11, 2012 at 12:39 am

Speaking of bizarre, check out this story… http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/badastronomy/20

Nighty night!

DerrickWildcat July 11, 2012 at 1:06 am

I don't know what any of you guys are talking about. The Weekly World News is AWESOME!
And we can even post there!
http://weeklyworldnews.com/opinion/ed-anger/6916/

MilwaukeeKent July 11, 2012 at 1:20 am

That's why I hold with the Know Nothings, that party knew how to chant. Who can forget their inspiring cries of: "The Dutch! The Dutch! The dirty rotten Dutch! They don't amount ot much! — But they're a damned sight better than the I-i-i-rish!

johnnyzhivago July 11, 2012 at 7:42 am

Don't get me started on the Dutch!

MilwaukeeKent July 11, 2012 at 1:28 am

I'm really grateful that no one in the GOP has a clue how damaging WorldNetDaily is to their particular brand of disinformation. It's just about at the point where Fox News falls for every stupid thing WND puts out there. It really is among the most effective long-term strategies of the Democratic Party. Good work, all.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 July 11, 2012 at 2:53 am

So wait wait wait…so now Obama is not a secret Muslim he's a secret CIA agent who worked against hardcore Muslim extremist regimes? Donald Trump's head is going to asplode and that hairpiece will need a new home…personally, my money is on 911iani being the next of toupee kin.

Tundra Grifter July 11, 2012 at 10:27 am

The flame wars continue over on Amazon under the various reviews of "The Amateur."

Every time Edward Klein is on the radio or tv, another half dozen "reviews" are posted by mouth breaters who can't spell. They either type in all caps or channel e.e. cummings.

Some of the right wing nutz actually cite Wing Nutz Daily as a reliable source.

Hilarious.

Tommy1733 July 11, 2012 at 11:37 am

I wish I were better at believing in conspiracy theories – it must be like living inside a spy movie all the time. With this kind of outlook on life there is really no need for outside entertainment.

Generation[redacted] July 10, 2012 at 8:00 pm

The most plausible theory yet!

horsedreamer_1 July 10, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Obama's RoboCop?

Chet Kincaid July 10, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Somebody 'shop that movie poster!

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 10, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Does that make Mint Rooney the ED-209?

not that Radio July 10, 2012 at 9:15 pm

List of things that are bad for Presidential credentials if Democrats and/or Blahs do it:

1. Going to college
2. Not going to college
3. Serving in the military
4. Hiring ex-Goldman Sachs CEOs to cabinet positions
5. Being a covert or overt CIA agent
6. Lowering taxes
7. Having sex

etc

UW8316154 July 10, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Don't forget hookers and blow.

va_real July 10, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Well, Mrs. Romney DOES say he isn't stiff once he's unzipped…

SayItWithWookies July 11, 2012 at 1:08 am

Come on, you're fuckin' kidding me. One's first priority was an unannounced plan to get us into Iraq, and the other's was the announced plan to get us out. One forgot about the guy who perpetrated 9/11 and the other killed him. One threatened and bullied every country in the world, and the other got every country on his side. But go ahead and throw up your hands — they're obviously the exact identical outcomes.

BerkeleyBear July 11, 2012 at 3:06 am

Not what I said at all (actually pretty close to the opposite). Both compost and murder victims both stink and can be disgusting to the casual observer but if you know what to look for there's a world of difference. That was all I was saying.

SayItWithWookies July 11, 2012 at 11:50 am

Sorry — I was a little riled up last night. And by riled up, I mean drunk.

BerkeleyBear July 12, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Ehh, who hasn't done that? Seriously, because I'm gonna need them to keep me from binge drunk posting if Willard somehow steals the election.

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