Your First Amendment at work Do you have faith in your fellow (hu)man today?  If so, do you want it shattered real fast, somewhere within the next 250 words? AWESOME because Wonkette is here to help! Turns out that there was some sort of Conservative confab in Colorado a few days ago called the Western Conservative Summit, wherein conservative lawmakers from all over the state took time off from dealing with the most destructive wildfire in the Colorado’s history to meet with other conservatives and discuss important ideas that are key in helping us meet the challenges of the coming decades. KIDDING! They talked about Islam and how it will destroy everything we hold dear, probably even capitalism and DEFINITELY freedom , and one particularly sharp state senator realized that mosques are not like churches and therefore should maybe be banned:

Via the Colorado Statesman:

Former [Colorado] Senate President John Andrews, who heads CCU’s Centennial Institute, didn’t mince words when he introduced [Geert] Wilders and another speaker known for his opposition to Islam.

Saturday afternoon’s topic, Andrews said, would be “the existential threat to the United States of America posed by Islam.”

Pausing for a moment to let his words sink in, he continued. “I didn’t say ‘radical Islam,’ I didn’t say ‘extremism.’ After you hear from Frank Gaffney and our friend from across the Atlantic, Geert Wilders, you’ll know why I just say ‘the threat of Islam.’”

Wilders warned against opening the door to Sharia law — based on traditional Islamic principles — in Western courtrooms but added that it was already too late to keep Islam and its influences out of the country entirely.

“Your country is facing a stealth jihad, an Islamic attempt to introduce Sharia law bit by bit by bit,” he said.

So that definitely sounds like a productive use of time, particularly in a state that has just been ravaged by wildfires and is facing a massive deficit. Why talk about those things when you can talk about the fake threat of Islamic fascism, whatever that is? But there is a silver lining to this cloud, because at least someone came away from this with a concrete proposal to improve the lives of the people of Colorado:

State Sen. Kevin Grantham, R-Cañon City, said it’s worth paying attention to Wilders and the alarms he was raising.

“It’s warranted in this country,” Grantham told The Colorado Statesman minutes after Wilders finished his speech. “We already see the beginnings of that movement here in a smaller fashion, but it’s the same thing as it was in Europe just within the last couple decades, and we see where Europe’s at right now. So the warning is very real, and we should take heed and watch where we’re heading in this country.”…

Regarding Wilders’ suggestion that Western governments ban construction of new mosques, Grantham said it was worth considering.

“You know, we’d have to hear more on that, because, as he said, mosques are not churches like we would think of churches,” Grantham said. “They think of mosques more as a foothold into a society, as a foothold into a community, more in the cultural and in the nationalistic sense. Our churches — we don’t feel that way, they’re places of worship, and mosques are simply not that, and we need to take that into account when approving construction of those.”

Of COURSE churches aren’t a center for nationalist expressions of culture and a means for gaining a foothold into a given community! If they were, surely Senator Grantham would be interested in maybe banning them but they’re not so let’s not worry about them so much. Really, it’s mosques that are the problem, because they aren’t like churches, and thus maybe should be banned.

[Colorado Statesman]

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  • You know who else was a Christian bigot from Colorado? Ted Haggard.

    • emmelemm

      I'm sure Doktor Zoom could tell you all about Ted Haggard, as he has recently watched a documentary on the fellow.

      In a motel. When his car died. In Oregon.

      SAVE VLAD!

  • Muslims? Are they still around? I haven't heard about them since Park51…

  • OzoneTom

    Careless of him to leave out synagogues & kivas.

    • the Buddhists and Hindus are spreading like wildfire too. The browns should be stopped at once!!!

      • Gleem McShineys

        Also spreading like wildfire in Colorado: actual fire.

        It didn't happen to start because of … a burning cross, did it? Just askin'.

    • shelwood46

      Ha ha, like he thinks "kiva" is a real word.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Too bad that god guy you keep talking about is punishing your asses with a plague of fire right now.

    • Callyson

      Oh, but that's because of gay marriage. Or women's lib. Or…

      • ….affordable healthcare

      • sewollef

        …… ABORTION!

        Let's be honest, it always comes down to sex with republicans.

    • BUTTSECHS!!!!!!!!!

  • rickmaci

    High altitude, lack of oxygen. Their brains are not able to fully engage. Rational thought is out of the question.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Just maybe, all religions should be banned.

    • Fare la Volpe

      One of the greatest slaps in the face to Paul McCartney is when Xtians rewrite his lyric from "Imagine no religion" to "And all religions true."

      It's as bad as using the chorus to "Born in the USA" as a rally to right-wing zealotry, rather than the searing indictment of right-wing warmongering and outsourcing that the rest of the fucking song is.

      • Bezoar

        Wait, John Lennon, right?

        • Fare la Volpe

          No thanks, I ate before.

          (also yes, today I have a critical case of the dumb)

    • doloras

      Thank you, Enver Hoxha.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Allah isn't as cool as our God! Or the one them there Jooz worship.

  • Extemporanus

    Four words: "smallpox-infested prayer mats".

    Yer welcome, pardner!

    • Oblios_Cap

      Why not? It worked so well before.

    • They should have held their convention in a Florida motel

  • CrunchyKnee

    Hell no, Mosks aint like churches. At least in a church a priest can get a "date."

  • PubOption

    I don't see much trouble from mosques, mosquitoes are much more of a nuisance.

    • sewollef

      mosquitoes = air force

  • coolhandnuke

    …“You know, we’d have to hear more on that, because, as he said, mosques are not churches like we would think of churches,"…

    Translation; Mosques should be taxed but not churches.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I hope someone thought to ask him about synagogues.

  • mavenmaven

    Of course it makes perfect sense, there will be "less stealth" if communities are forced to pray secretly and underground instead of in openly accessible buildings such as mosques.

  • CommieLibunatic

    *takes a deep breath*


    • That is the one part of the Constitution not written by the Baby Jesus. It was written by Satan when he gave Jesus a wedgie and stole his pen.

  • Callyson

    Yeah–didn't you hear? It was Islam that was behind the economic implosion of 2008. And they're the ones who forced us to get distracted in Afghanistan and go fight a war of choice in Iraq. Plus, didn't they come up with Obamacare? We must stop this menace now!

  • One_who_wanders

    I would like just one real example of this "creeping sharia law" which these xenophobes are obsessed with, just one. >crickets<

    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      Zoning in Salt Lake City.

      Oh, wait, silly me. That's not Islam, that's LDS, and it's totally okay for their religious leaders to interfere in the judicial process, because it's still vaguely about that Jewish zombie dude.

    • There was that time when that Islamodude did something and then there was something that happened. Then something else.
      I fergit.
      It was in an email.

    • You can't play Poker for money in Texas, whoops, no, that's Christian Fundamentalism.
      You can't buy beer until noon on Sundays, whoops, no that's Christian Fundamentalism.
      Funny, it seems like Islamic law has NO impact on my life, and Christian superstition does.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Can't even shop for furniture in Bergen County on a Sunday.
        And everyone has to listen to church bells all over town … but the fundies would turn purple, scream, and grab their fucking guns if they heard a muzzein calling people to prayer.

    • Redhead

      Outlawing gay marriage, seeking to outlaw abortion (or at least limit it to a very very small window and require extremely invasive ultrasounds whether needed medically or not), seeking to punish women with prison time for having a miscarriage (Georgia), putting restrictions on sex ed in schools, seeking restrictions on birth control availability, seeking to allow Catholic businesses (schools, hospitals and the like as opposed to the business that is the Catholic church) to be an exception to a variety of aspects of healthcare coverage other businesses aren't exempt from…

      Oh wait, did you mean creeping Islamic sharia law?

    • sharethegrief

      Check with Sharron Angle. That's all she screeched about in 2010. That and something about remedies with guns which doesn't count because of Xtianity.

  • HempDogbane

    Islam will also destroy Math ! Or in Britain, Maths !

    • Yes, that terror cell, Al Gebra…

      • Fare la Volpe

        They've already infiltrated our preschools and kindergartens through the forced teaching of so-called "Arabic Numerals."

        • Yea! What's wrong with good ol' American numbers! Eleventy! Eleventy-twelve! Red square!

          • Fare la Volpe

            Green balloons!!

          • AbandonHope

            Blue diamonds and purple horseshoes! Now I got all the Lucky Charms!

      • sewollef

        Yes, that terror cell, Al Gebra…

        i thought that was Al Catraz?

        • flamingpdog

          Al Cohol.

    • sewollef

      Math[s] yeh, we Brits are big on plurals.

      • SorosBot

        And yet, you refer to many Legos in the singular.

        • sewollef

          True dat. Mind you, I live next door to Queens County, New York. So I guess it must be full of queens….

          • GunToting[Redacted]

            The apostrophe was sold due to budget cuts.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      Yeah, what has al-Khwārizmī ever done for us?
      Well, there's the quadratic equations, Reg….

  • Baconzgood

    "they’re places of worship"

    Yeah because Churches don't have picnics, AA meetings, Cub Scout pine wood derby races…

    • Oblios_Cap

      And nobody has a voting precoinct in one.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Do they have Bingo Night at the local mosque?

  • Baconzgood

    I'm pretty sure what he's proposing isn't constitutional.

    • Terry

      Maybe he said it in front of a flag with gold fringe on it.

    • Nostrildamus

      These days it's probably 4/9 constitutional.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba


    • shelwood46

      Rand Paul is now the arbiter of what is constitutional. Did you check with him?

  • all the biggest assholes are named 'geert'.

  • OOO-EEEE, I duz luvs me some XENOPHOBIA.

    We sprinkle it on EVERYTHING! We buy it in the 5-gallon containers at Costco.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Is it even xenophobia if you're hating on people from your own country?

  • ph7

    God screwed up in sending hellfire to Colorado and not Dearborn last week, apparently.

    • God was secretly born in a muslim country (Palestine).

  • He used the word "existential" but I don't think it means what he thinks it means.

    • Gleem McShineys

      He should have stuck with "DERP"

  • That pic looks like it came from the set of "Indiana Jones and Temple of Durr."

  • coolhandnuke

    Just another gathering of impotent, closeted homos on the range posturing and bragging that their God has a bigger dick than the other dickless gods.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Kinda funny, since they're all pretty much the same Og. Especially the Big Three, as it were.

  • Apparently, LARPing the major battles of The Crusades with big, foam swords just wasn't supplying enough of an anti-Islamic thrill.

    • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      LARP is around just so SCA people have something to laugh at.

  • HarryButtle

    Alright, I suppose it's time to start drawing some fucking borders and dividing up this country because I have had it with teh stoopid.

  • CrunchyKnee

    To be fair, this idiot is from Grand Junction, which is a just a stones throw from Utardia. Just saying.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Throwing stones is prohibited according to the Book of Mormon.

    • flamingpdog

      Grand Junction is just a suburb of Moab anymore.

  • elburritodeluxe

    Why, every Johnny Jihad and Sally Suicide Vest will be moving to Colorado if we allow them to open their "mosques"!

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    I am less concerned about the Islamic threat, and more of the Christian threat. When will we hear his plans for dealing with that directly?

    • MacRaith

      The Christians have a plan for that. They plan to make everyone one of them, one way or another.

  • ChernobylSoup

    John Denver was full of shit.

    • Troglodeity

      In Colorado, they spell that "Shiite."

  • Goonemeritus

    I think this might be problematic but as long as we are going down that road I have embroidered a nice pillow with a list of the various faiths we might want to ban.

    • SayItWithWookies

      All of them, Katie?

    • MaxNeanderthal

      Roll on Ragnarok! And that'd be for all the gods…

  • Redhead

    “Your country is facing a stealth jihad, an Islamic attempt to introduce Sharia law bit by bit by bit,” he said.

    As opposed to the blatant jihad, the (fundy) Christian attempt to introduce (fundy) Christian Sharia law massive leap by massive leap?

  • Baconzgood

    Broncos fans are stupid.

    • UnholyMoses

      And they root for a bunch of fucking cheating pieces of fucking shit fuckfaces:

      "Did I grease up my jersey, and use sticky substances on my gloves? You're damn right," Schlereth said recently. "What you call cheating is a fine line. It's an interesting line. What we did, in the locker room, is called being creative. Certain cheating is snickered at, or applauded."

      And others call it "Knowing you're not good enough to win playing fair and square, so you take the pansy ass way out and cheat like the gutless fucking coward you are, Schlereth. (Also, too: Per NFL rules, the entire Oline should have been ejected once the substance couldn't be removed from their jerseys, plus a huge fine from the NFL.)

      Add in the Spygate 2.0 shit with Josh Daniels, and the penalty they got for subverting the salary cap, and they whole organization is filled with scumbags who think they're above the rules.

      Sorry, but the GOP and the Broncos infuriate me to no end, as both are cheating pieces of shit who will happily fuck over anyone standing in their path to power.

      May they all rot in hell …

  • CapnRadio

    Once you open your door to Sharia Law, she'll never leave. Soon it's "Can I borrow a cup of hummus?" or "Do you have any halal soup?" Before you know it, you walk into the kitchen to see her chopping off the hands of your infidel daughter for playing patty cake with the neighbor kid.

  • Nostrildamus

    Islam is way down on my list of religions that pose an existential threat to America.

    • ph7

      All of 'em, Katie.

  • I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.

    Stephen Henry Roberts; 1901-1971

    • Oblios_Cap

      No wonder he declared ObamaCare constitutional!

    • emmelemm

      I don't know who that is, but I like him. I like him a lot.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
      H L Mencken

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    Christians, if you insist on calling all this shit yours, you must first do some reconciliation with the tenets of your faith against the Constitution.

    1. How exactly will you complete your great commission when I have a "no soliciting" sign on my door?

    2. What will you do when at least four of your ten precious commandments are found unconstitutional?

    3. Will you still stone your upstart child to death, even if he is Mirandized and invokes the Fifth Amendment?

    Please, please, PLEASE get your shit straight before talking on this level of stupid again.

    • AbandonHope

      Sadly, that's a piece of cake:

      1. Redefine "soliciting".
      2. Redefine the Constitution.
      3. Yes.

  • SigDeFlyinMonky

    With a TB outbreak in the middle of cutting public health budgets, fearmomgering dolts claiming Islam is an existential threat and a candidate that somehow (legally of course!) has $100 million in his IRA account, the bat guano lunacy of these poltroons on the right has me thinking we need to recycle Papoon's slogan : Obama 2012 – NOT INSANE.

    • I'd totally join the National Surrealist Party.

      Not the one the Republicans are morphing into

  • Hera Sent Me

    It would be horrible if a Muslim institution in the US claimed immunity from US law. Clearly that should not be allowed.

    Um, but doesn't the head office of the Roman Catholic Church claim to be a "sovereign nation"? And isn't that why numerous Roman Catholic institutions in the US claim immunity from US laws?

    I'm so confused.

  • ChernobylSoup

    I hear that when Sasha cuts out paper dolls, they're all wearing hijabs.

  • el_donaldo

    Geert Wilders?!? Great. As if we don't have enough homegrown fascists, we now have to import them?

    • Nostrildamus

      It's like the NHL. It's all about competitive salaries.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    You know, talking about how Abrahamic religions worked out in Europe might not be very… what's the word? Oh yeah, literate.

  • fucking first amendment. who can explain it?

  • Dashboard Buddha

    You know what would be a great invention? A machine that measures the amount of irrational fear a person contains. Then, before a politician could even get on a ballot, he/she would be hooked up to a Infearometer. Score too high? Sorry…back to your old job. Also, this would include politicians seeking re-election since they seem to flip flop on issues based on fear. (I'm looking at you, Nikki Haley).

  • SorosBot

    Yes, we see where Europe's at right now! They've got – a bunch of Muslim immigrants who are generally normal and just like everybody else, just like in the US! Oh how horrible it would be to have that here.

    • poorgradstudent

      It always cracks me up when wingnuts talking about Europe turning into the new Caliphate. I never read or heard what they make of France's burqa ban and the Swiss constitutional ban on minarets but I guess they'd just say it's PROOF THAT EUROPEANS ARE WAKING UP TO THE AZAN!!!!11!!1!1!

  • SorosBot

    “Your country is facing a stealth jihad, an Islamic attempt to introduce Sharia law bit by bit by bit,”

    Yes, it's so stealthy that there have been a grand total of zero attempts to introduce Sharia law, and no one even mentioning wanting to introduce it, why it's so stealthy it almost seems like something that only exists within the mind of paranoid raving racist lunatics.

  • poorgradstudent

    Nothing pisses off my far-right Catholic friend like reminding him that he and the Muslims worship the same God (he can barely wrap his head around the fact that he shares a religion with my gay liberal pastor ex-boyfriend, after all).

  • SayItWithWookies

    Geert Wilders about his principles: "I'm very afraid of being linked with the wrong rightist fascist groups." Yeah, you wouldn't want the specter of institutionalized racism and xenophobia to distort your ideas about kicking all the Muslims out of your country now, would you?

    • SorosBot

      Well come on now, it's not like any actual fascist terrorists have acted on the paranoia he pushes to murder about 77 people in, say, Norway.

    • Troglodeity

      He desperately seeks instead to be linked with the CORRECT rightist fascist groups.

  • hagajim

    When did Conservative become the synonym of stupid moron?

    • The tradition goes way back. An example I came across the other day: J. Sterling Morton , Grover Cleveland's Secretary of Agriculture, "vigorously opposed the passage of pure food laws. … Citizens concerned for their own health will check food themselves."

      Same as it ever was.

  • Franknflower

    Mosques are not churches but corporations are people. Go figure.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Sharia Law? That explains all that 3.2 beer in Colorado.

  • docterry6973

    I blame Reagan. He made conservatives stupid.

    • flamingpdog

      If conservatives weren't already stupid, how did we end up with Raygun in the White House?

  • unclejeems

    Yeah, I'm much more terrified that the Book of Moron, er, Mormon will become required reading in public schools next year that I ever have been about Koran-creep. That Mormon stuff is some scary shit.

  • DarkHippie

    I am so digging Andrews' use of the term "existential threat." Everyone knows that Kierkegaard was a Muslim.

  • DahBoner

    Kill the Protestants!!!!


  • Estproph

    If these people weren't so stupid, they would know that Muslims forcing Shari'a on the American populace would be like Jews mandating Kosher for the public at large.

  • BZ1

    What the hay, the nutjobs are listening to Geert Wilders???

  • Antispandex

    “Your country is facing a stealth jihad, an Islamic attempt to introduce Sharia law bit by bit by bit,” he said."

    The conservative christians don't call what they want to impose Sharia law, so no problem there?

  • Troglodeity

    The Islamization of Colorado is already in full force. First one of their basketball players is a Muslim: Kenneth Faried. And now in honor of our Muslim President they're changing the names of Colorado's other two major sports teams to the Denver Barackos and the Colorado Barackies.

    • flamingpdog

      I'm pretty sure Barry would be insulted by any association with the Colorado Crockies.

  • ttommyunger

    "…and for my next trick, I'm going to shit in this hat and pull it down around my ears to see how I look in brown curls."

  • gogogodzilla

    In a related story, a Muslim spokesman replied "Derka derka Mohammed jihad."

  • redarmyzombie

    Wait, you mean that goddamned fire is STILL going? Christ, god must hate Colorado…

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