sexy parties

Healthcare Lobbyists To Throw Smashing ‘White Trash’ Party

These people are not actually invitedSTRATEGIC HEALTH CARE is a noble health care lobbying firm “working at the intersection of health care and government — widely respected for our expertise in congressional and regulatory matters, health policy analysis and solutions, CMS pilots and demos, federal grants development, managed care contracting and association management.” And that’s why it is holding a Capitol Hill “White Trash Reception” on July 19. “Hey y’all – get gussied up in your Sunday jorts, mullets, and fullets and come on down to the White Trash Reception,” this invitation that’s flying around the Hill reads. “Grab some suds and grub with Strategic Health Care!”

“White Trash” is a pretty clever party theme for a healthcare lobbying group now, considering how many states with masses of poor white people are opting out of the Medicaid expansion. Going with “Dress Like Stereotypes of People Who Won’t Ever Have Health Care” wouldn’t have been quite as savvy.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

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  • Crank_Tango

    Ironically, if I had health care I would have access to hillbilly heroin. Well not really, but I like to dream big.

    • crybabyboehner

      That's only for people who count doctors among their social circle.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Throw in some posters of Obama with a bone through his nose, and the GOP congresspeople will think they are at a 'bagger rally.

    • SorosBot

      Give them signs reading "Keep your government out of my Medicare!" too.

  • nounverb911

    Dress up as your favorite Palin.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Wine coolers extra?

      • rickmaci

        Wine? What a snob!

    • Barb

      Are we wearing our "I'm Darting Over To Canada For Health Care" T-shirts.

    • Callyson

      I'll go with Bristol–that way, I need not bother with clothes at all.

      • Fairtackle

        Hard to walk with your pants around your ankles.

    • Geminisunmars

      Hard to dress up as a dead Palin.

      • sullivanst

        It's not far off time for stores to start stocking Halloween costumes.

    • Crank_Tango

      I will roll with Michael, thankyouverymuch.

  • extreme_left

    I'll go if Kim Kardashian's going.

    • Callyson

      "Kim, are you coming?"

      • sullivanst

        There has to be an "I'mma let you finish, but" joke in there somewhere.

    • OneDollarJuana

      I'll come if Kim's coming.

      I see what I did there.

      • LionHeartSoyDog

        Kim, L'il Kim or Little Kim?

  • Barb

    Damn, let me grab my homemade fur and I am there!

    • emmelemm

      Is it possum? Please let it be possum.

      • Barb

        Most of it is possum, yes.

        • Butch_Wagstaff

          Sweety, the latest thing is raccoon.

          • Barb

            Butch, I could use a muff. Thanks!

          • UW8316154

            Raccoon is last year. Squirrel is the new raccoon.

          • Negropolis

            Seagull is the "it" thing, now, I hear.

          • Boojum

            Um…

    • tessiee

      "let me grab my homemade fur"

      Euphemism for fapping?

      • Willardbot9000_V2.5

        hmmmm…interesting, I always assumed "I need to wash my hair" was the old cue for female fapping…awww, now I have to learn all new slang for when a girl would rather rub one out then be with me…

  • SorosBot

    This reminds me of the last time I met my dad's extended family.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      yeah, no shit right? I have a branch of family in Alabama who for some reason considers it "rough and rumble rebel" to don the Confederate flag in your back window. I had to patiently explain, "no, when it's done in Alabama it just means you're a racist" god damn teabaggers…and actually, that's not the embarassing branch. The embarassing branch is in Utah…traditionalist Catholics…oh how I hate them.

  • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

    Does their insurance cover terminal tone-deafness?

  • nounverb911

    Will prizes be awarded for the trashiest white?

    • Callyson

      AOTK.

  • CrankyLttlCamperette

    They needed an alternative since that one foreclosure firm already took the "Homeless & Hoboes" theme.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I didn't think anyone could outdo that, but these clods are giving it a good try.

  • el_donaldo

    Hmm. Somehow, even though technically they're making fun of a certain set of white people, I don't think this is an event that non-white people are going to feel comfortable attending.

    • sullivanst

      Will this guy turn up in whiteface?

      • GregComlish

        heh, he's probably going to put on his confederate flag pants & nascar jacket that he purchased for just this occasion.

    • elgin_pelican

      Again with the blah people! Get over it, libtard!

  • Steverino247

    Will there be dead health care reform on blocks outside the venue?

    • sullivanst

      Maybe a pile of those who died waiting for HCR implementation on a barrow, instead…

  • docterry6973

    My family is something like that, but not quite as classy. We don't put on airs.

    • spinozasgod

      or shoes……

  • RedneckMuslin

    HEY Y'ALL! WATCH THIS!!!!!

  • edgydrifter

    The best part is the folks they're laughing at will think they're laughing with them.

  • frostbitefalls

    Haha! Poor white people are so funny with their bad teeth, chronic diseases, unplanned pregnancies and inexplicable tendency to vote Republican.

  • SorosBot

    Now where could anybody get the idea that rich corporate lobbyists have nothing but contempt for the poor again?

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Poor people are funny because they have no money.
      Or jobs.
      Or healthcare.
      And they can't afford decent food for themselves or their kids.
      Some of them don't even own the homes/trailers that they live in.
      Sooo hilarious!
      How can anybody not find the humor in other people's suffering?

  • BlueStateLibel

    Hey, GOP-voting rednecks, they're not laughing with you, they're laughing at you!

  • Callyson

    Oh, for fuck's sake.

  • Giveusabob

    Fantastic! I'll invite my relatives from Texas there.

    I'd been feeling rather bad about not including them in prior family functions, due to concerns over their habit for Wetback jokes and calling unfamiliar concepts "socialistic." I'm happy to be inclusive again.

  • chascates

    Party? All have to do is look out the window or drive thru the neighborhood and that's all I see. Even when I look in the mirror.

  • boobookitteh

    I'll go only if they commit to helping obtain FDA approval for Granny Clampett's Rheumatizz Medicine.

    • ProgressiveInga

      You best wash up first with this here lye soap!

      • boobookitteh

        I'll be in the cee ment pond.

  • Fairtackle

    Show up dressed with your favorite chronic illness that will not be coved under medicare in your shitty state.

  • frostbitefalls

    I'm bringing some of that Undersea salad with me to this shindig.

    • eggsacklywright

      With a side of Sea Monkeys, please.

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    Tea Party Rally? Haven't seen one of those in a while.

  • sullivanst

    Is being shitfaced on moonshine necessary for admission?

    • va_real

      Naw, but it sher is rekkimendid.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      I doubt that any of these Strategic Health Care-types could stomach 'shine because they have no real guts.

    • UW8316154

      No no, this is strictly a meth and oxy event.

    • eggsacklywright

      No, but being moonfaced helps.

  • rickmaci

    Couldn't tell the difference between this and a Palin wedding reception. Oh wait, snowbillies don't have weddings, they marry after the first baby is delivered.

    • sullivanst

      No weddings, just trial marriages.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      The wedding is held right after the babby Palin pops out. And the best man is usually the real daddy.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    What you call a "White Trash Party" in the red states? a regular party.

    *rimshot*

  • http://www.tumblr.com/blog/hamsterpantsworld Hammiepants

    Every time I see a Tea Bagger rally, I think, how can these people be so dense and so utterly not cognizant of their own self-interests? The party they support and and believe themselves to be part of has nothing but utter contempt for them. It's like a a whole segment of the population has Stockholm Syndrome (including gay Republicans, black Republicans, Hispanic Republicans, etc).

    • Geminisunmars

      (female republicans, student republicans, republican republicans…)

    • LionHeartSoyDog

      All i can guess is that racism is more powerful than common sense in these tainted folks.

  • Lazy Media

    As a person of Appalachian origin, all I have to say is "Fuck y'all motherfuckers."

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Seconded.
      It's like a coal company throwing a mine explosion-themed party.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Don't give them any ideas.

    • Goonemeritus

      No shit? Wonkette is truly the 21st centuries ultimate melting pot!

  • SayItWithWookies

    This should be as big a hit as Czar Nicholas II's "Dress Like a Serf" party — because as the Wall Street traders' reaction to Occupy taught us, there's nothing hipper than the privileged making fun of the destitute and shat-upon.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    That's 2 blocks away from the monocle. http://themonocle.com/

  • ProgressiveInga

    Hillbillies are people, my friend.

    • tessiee

      That's Hill-WILLIAM!

      • Negropolis

        Hillwilliam-Americans, thank you very much.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Can we use mallets to straighten out the mullets?

    • eggsacklywright

      The cognoscenti refer to them as "mallettes" if you please.

  • calliecallie

    Strategic Health Care's mission statement – no joke: "To serve clients effectively and efficiently with integrity, tenacity, and energy." I do not see anything about mullets.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Integrity = lies.
      Tenacity = obsessive anger.
      Energy = cocaine and/or methamphetamine.

  • rickmaci

    Music provided by Turd Nugent, I assume.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Well, Romney has to have one of his surrogates there. Duh.

    • UW8316154

      Ted is also providing the meat, too.

  • coolhandnuke

    I'm curious to know how many of these true believers will be dressed in their finest white linen.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Or those seersucker suits the Georgetown crowd breaks out when the temperatures go over 80.

    • eggsacklywright

      According to WWD, they've switched to white muslin.

      • shelwood46

        I thought muslin was black.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Will they be playing Skynyrd and 38 Special, or should I bring my 8-tracks?

    • va_real

      Do you have Lee Greenwood on 8-T?

    • MissTaken

      Would it kill you to play some Foghat on occasion?

      • SorosBot

        Hey, they'll have both kinds of music – Country and Western!

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Hanky (the crappy) Williams. The 2nd one. Not the third because he's awesome. And the first is still dead.

    • DocChaos

      Don't forget the Molly Hatchet

  • Chichikovovich

    Hostie Tabernak Unbelievable.

    I wandered over to the website to find out what they did, and in true corporate style, they had a million buzzwords, euphemisms and corporate-speak of the Healthcare Industry sub-dialect strung together in sentences saying nothing at all, but nonetheless conveying, as if by some alchemy that transcends mere meaning, the message: "There is a Fundy Tide of cash rushing in through the intersection of government and private health sectors, and we are the people to make sure that you'll be able to dive in and fill all the sacks that you brought to bursting with legal tender. And fill some more sacks that we'll hand you as you frolic in the current."

    • sullivanst

      I read it more as "There is a Fundy Tide of cash rushing in through the intersection of government and private health sectors, and we're dipping our hands in and grabbing us some. Please pay us, we'll do whatthefuckever you want, we don't care, we have absolutely no morals."

      • Chichikovovich

        It is, of course, understood that not all of the sacks filled to bursting with cash will be going home with the clients who filled them.

    • BlueStateLibel

      Well done. Plenty of smiling stock photo people I presume too.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Most of whom are no doubt from Scandinavia. They look really healthy because their healthcare is SOCIALIST!

  • rmontcal23

    Makes sense to hold this party in SE.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ MumbletyRadio

    "Suds and Grubs will be provided."

    Hogwash. The bonafide attempt at mimicry would ply us with "vittles and hooch."

    • radio-of-owls

      Or maybe, "Coons and Cotton."

    • CapnRadio

      Although you shouldn't discount the popularity in certain circles of grubs as an appetizer.

      • not that Radio

        Hey-O!

        • CapnRadio

          Columbus, Ohio: bringing its denizens power since Saturday, July 7th, 2012!

          • not that Radio

            This was from the Derecho? Is everyone safe now?

          • CapnRadio

            Ah, yes, it has a name. Up until now I referred to it as Lee Van Cleef. The Derecho came into town on the back of a broad steed, wearing black, sporting a handlebar moustache, and gusting at speeds of 85 mph. We lost a patio umbrella and power for over a week (what a vacation!) but little else. Central Ohio is now back up on the grid.

          • not that Radio

            Glad to hear. We were worried when we didn't hear from you after that. Patio umbrellas, in most cases, can be replaced.

            I don't know why, but seeing Derecho personified reminded me of this.

    • tessiee

      Paula Deen will be represented.

  • http://www.wonkette.com wsbloodystump

    Ugh…see what happens when we don't get a Wonkette Drinky & Meetup thing???

    • http://www.wonkette.com wsbloodystump

      That being said I'm completely down for RSVPing for this and everything….any DC Wonketeers up for the challenge??

      • Geminisunmars

        I want to see full report, with pix.

      • redarmyzombie

        You are a true hero…

  • savethispatient

    Looks like DC is getting an unofficial Wonkette meetup after all!

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Come on down to the death panel party!

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    I would recommend the Union Pub.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      A few blocks from Heritage and AEI, but it's also a bit sportsy.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Bringing your sister as a date is actively encouraged, especially if you are a girl.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Shit, it'll be like Dark Shadows, but without the darkness….or the shadows….just pure, unadulterated greed….well, maybe some adultery….

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I hope some enterprising soul in the area prints up these posters and absolutely papers the shit out of the SE and Anacostia with them.

    • Chichikovovich

      I have a feeling that the principals of a competing firm have already sent some arms-length, no paper-or-electric trail operatives out on precisely that errand.

    • Negropolis

      That would be hilarious. I can just see their faces as they see the party guests arrive. lol

  • Nostrildamus

    The perfect event for Mrs. Limbaugh's jello salad.

  • radio-of-owls

    “Dress Like Stereotypes of People Who Won’t Ever Have Health Care”

    They could go with something shorter, like "Darwinism in Action."

    • not that Radio

      Or, as she's more affectionately known, Grandma Mema.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Well, lobbyists aren't exactly known for their good taste, tact, or ethics.

    • emmelemm

      You ain't kidding.

  • glamourdammerung

    Maybe they are just planning to cut out the middleman on their astroturfing and wanted to work on their outfits?

  • va_real
    • Butch_Wagstaff

      That's sounds perfect if you want to get the squirts during a hiking trip.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    So I guess it's a come as you are party.

  • Goonemeritus

    Somewhere Jack Abramoff is doffing his fedora right now.

  • TootsStansbury

    Is the pic up top supposed to call out to the LGBT community? I'm not seeing it if it is. "White trash" huh; I suppose it is assumed no blahs are expected to attend. Gross.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Gonna be a lot of shitty dancing going on, I think.
      I can say that because I'm a shitty dancer.

  • va_real

    Where have I seen that guy's bandana before?

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    White trash/healthcare anecdote:

    I reviewed a disability case a few months ago from one of the hillbilly states. The claimant told the evaluating psychologist that she had served a prison term for manufacturing amphetamines.

    She was administered an IQ test, and her best score was on the index for "Processing Speed." Meaning ability to solve problems and perform mental tasks quickly.

    I guess you had to be there.

    • bobbert

      A joke that involves jargon in the punch line is really tough to tell to a general audience. If you explain it, it loses that instant punch that a jargon-speaker will get. If you don't explain it, a non-speaker may not even realize it's a joke.

      (There's a whole class of computer-nerd jokes like this, going back at least as far as "El Camino Bignum").

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Endian libel!

      • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

        Did you hear about the psych eval of the guy who got run over by a steamroller? They said he had a "Flat affect"

        • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

          Disability claims always seem to include back pain. One case also reported he used to work in a lumbar yard.

          • not that Radio

            "And when did you notice this pain?"

            "Oh, about a week back."

  • http://methowtv.com/ Blueb4sunrise

    IT"S A TRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • PubOption

    Bonus money for anyone who arrives in a pre-1980 pick up truck.

  • not that Radio
    • Butch_Wagstaff

      I've been to a shot gun wedding but that is just ridiculous.

    • neiltheblaze

      The bridesmaid with the machine gun was a festive touch.

      • not that Radio

        Something old, sniffing glue
        Something stolen, blame the Jews.

        • Negropolis

          ROTFLMAO!

    • emmelemm

      On the plus side, the bride and groom are clearly made for each other.

      • not that Radio

        I wouldn't want to be the one to deny them love and happiness.

        Except that they are murderously insane.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Perhaps they might consider working at the intersection of my pubes and my schwantz.

  • mavenmaven

    Of course, if there are injuries after the inevitable feudin' and brawlin', well guys, yer on yer own…

  • Butch_Wagstaff

    O/T but Chumbawamba have broken up: http://www.avclub.com/articles/chumbawamba-breaks
    I'm sure that some of you now have "that song" playing in your heads.
    You're welcome.

    • not that Radio

      Amy Goodman had them in the studio after the Sago Mine disaster, and they did a version of the BeeGee's New York Mining Disaster of 1941, unplugged, just the two of them. It was super-creepy. (Sorry; can't find the version. You'll have to settle for the original.)

    • bobbert

      I briefly tried to convince my kids that the line was "Kissing the night away".

    • tessiee

      I'll always remember that song as it was sung on one of those "America Thinks it's got Talent" shows. The singer was an attractive young woman who definitely did NOT have talent. She wasn't singing the song. She wasn't even talking the song. She was *arguing* the song:
      I GET KNOCKED DOWN!!
      BUT I GET UP AGAIN!
      etc.

    • Negropolis

      This is only news because people's first thought is "They were still together/they're still alive?"

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Man, first TomKat and now Chumbawamba? God is feeling a mite spiteful these days.

  • Vecchiojohn

    Years ago when I worked for a law firm I had to do research for a guy who was a health insurance industry lobbyist. I still trying to exorcise the creepy feeling this guy gave me.

    • va_real

      Be careful- if you don't pay your exorcist, you'll get repossessed.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    I will bring my American cheese on Wonder bread with mayonnaise sandwiches for the potluck.

    • tessiee

      You may laugh, but my former boss used to have Velveeta on Wonderbread and a diet Dr. Pepper every day for lunch. In retrospect, I think the *diet* Dr. Pepper was the saddest detail of that rather sad menu.

      • eggsacklywright

        Good Gott, is he dead yet?

  • sezme

    Needs moar Comic Sans.

  • barto

    Aww, that's so cute! Maybe next year they can have the "Hobos and Emancipated Orphans Party". Good times!

  • shortsandpants

    "…the intersection of health care and government" is one of those endless road construction projects that everybody hates. The traffic jam there is just awful and eternal, no doubt, and the damned sign saying when it will be finished is actually a middle finger.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      And just try getting an ambulance through that.

  • pinkocommi

    I'm trying to decide which of my outfits best says "I have diabetes."

  • ttommyunger

    The Nuge looks like he's putting on a little weight. BTW, that fake mustache is fooling no one, Boehner…

  • yellojkt

    If this goes over well, next month's theme is Pimps And Hos.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I hear O'Keefe is moonlighting as a party planner.

  • tessiee

    Didn't they already have this 2000-2008?

  • tessiee

    Memaw has a new housedress for the occasion.

    • eggsacklywright

      I remember Memaw. And Dagmar.

  • Willardbot9000_V2.5

    this party is a bit Dickensian given the purpose of this firm is to make sure insurance companies can deny as many people as possible to drive up the cost of healthcare for the best profit margins on their balance sheets. What they need to do is maybe purchase some orphan children (from parents who died due to lack of healthcare) who can't see a doctor for preventable soon-to-be-fatal illnesses and practice skeet shooting. That would be a great metaphor for healthcare lobbyists…shit the Teabag caucus would show up in numbers for that kind of function.

    • eggsacklywright

      Instead of "Pull", they'll say, "May I have another please sir?"

  • Willardbot9000_V2.5

    So in other words they know Teabaggers will show up and they just want to make all the normals think this is pretend? I hope they have plenty of outlets for worn out scooter batteries…this is goin' be a real humdinger! Rand Paul has RSVP'ed.

    • eggsacklywright

      "So in other words they know Teabaggers will show up and they just want to make all the normals think this is pretend?"

      This is one of the finest sentences I have read in many moons.

  • Negropolis

    Damn, they are taking the rubes for all they have, aren't they? This is not even subtle.

  • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

    Huh. So, just to see how others are covering this, I did a bit of googling, and for the most part, the reactions are a lot like ours. Except at Stormfront, where they're outraged at how this thing is just soooo racist against whites.

  • crybabyboehner

    This will play well with congressional staff.

  • Boojum

    Being ignored?

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    …I thought the next drinky thing was in San Francisco.

  • DahBoner

    Hold my beer and watch this…

  • thefrontpage

    I'm going to this, and I'll report back on it! Should be fun! Lots of sexy ladies there, of course!

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    "Suds and Grubs" (soap and worms?)