You have already forgotten, haven’t you, that we have promised the filthy Yuppies of the Bay Area their very own Wonkette Drinky Thing and Meetup, and it is this Friday! So grab your briefcase and your gigantic “cellular telephone” and your Burberry scarf, and meet us at …
The 540 Club, 540 Clement St., at Seventh Ave., San Francisco. We are told this is nowhere near BART, and that we do not “understand transportation.” To which we can only answer, “What part of ‘we are from Los Angeles’ do you not understand?” So, sorry, Yups and Yupettes!
Oh right, and it’s at 7 p.m. First unknown quantity of beers is on us!
{ 160 comments }
Amazing! iPhone 5 Spy Photo!!!
The new name is the "iBetYou'llBuyAnythingFromApplePhone".
I rather think it's a cleverly disguised flask. What do you think that handy antenna/spout is for?
The interrobang. I believe I have met my font nerd arch villain.
Sounds like fun. Wish I could be there.
I had one of those phones. I thought I was super cool.
Just for fun, I take my 1940's rotary out on my commute just to see the reaction when I "take a call" on my "mobile".
What? No wall phone with the tube you hold to the ear and the other you speak into?
That's how I communicate with Andy Griffith.
There's a place that puts cell phone guts into the old desk phones. Very cool. I keep an old black rotary around when I want to dial 'M' for Murder.
Aw, wish I could drive up. Have fun, Bay Area homies!
Well now that they've approved the high speed LA-SF train it'll be an easy trip – whenever it's completed at least.
First stage approval which means we get high speed rail from Bumblefuck to Redneck City in the valley. It's going to be aweless.
Aweless?
That's my word of the week, right there. I'm sure I'll find many occasions to use it.
The same valley that boasts a veritable forest of billboards beseeching motorists to impeach Nancy Pelosi for hating all the factory farmers?
NEEDZ MOAR CASTRO STREET!!!!!!!
And tender loins?
There's a nice little restaurant up on 18th that would work.
My other phone is a kettle bell
My other phone is an old dead log in the backyard that i hit with a baseball bat.
Dammit! I am washing dogs tonight. And, well, I live in Texas. But, dammit!!
It's not until Friday. Maybe you could hook the dogs up to a sled and Iditarod over.
Oh, my reading comprehension is about .0001. That is a good idea, though a doxie and a chiweenie might not go for the desert heat along the way.
Can I just tie them on top of my SUV?
If Presidential candidates can, why can't you? I mean, other than you just being a normal Joe/Jane.
And a dog lover.
WTF…I live in Ohio, the swingiest of all swinging states where all the presidentials vie for our time and visit often but her royalette Highness decides SF is the place to be?? She better be buying Anchor Steam….that's what my tears will be falling into.
*tapping fingers on desk*
o/~ Start spreading the news….. o/~
*glaring*
I think the next part is "I'm leavin' today"…?
They're not gonna leave America to hold one of these things!
So you googled in "stock photo of 80's douch bag" and that was the first photo that popped up?
Y'know, that DOES look like Jay McInerney, now that you mention it…
'Blue Horseshoe loves Anacott Steel."
Douchè is the preferred nomenclature, dude.
This will be fun.
Minor adjustment there.
Aren't "fun" and "drunken" synonyms?
I think that depends on whose pants come off first.
Don't forget angry, brooding drunk!
I can't remember.
ive tried dolls that were guaranteed sixteen or under none were very exciting
sorta like a laugh track or whacking off they’ll get you off but it’s just not the real thing
its been decades since my pit days
but i havent shaken it – i sit there like an idiot
still caught up in the old punk protocol
and dreaming that the teenagers will think that i’m a radical
and i still wait for the bus to come where high school got torn down
still expecting to find true love among the skateboarders hanging out
in back of the bank in my hometown
all this talk and no action’s got me stiff from the tit to the bone
so im living in lala land – but at least im not living at home
same old catcall same old chemicals
same old thrills stealing stockings from the shopping mall
its simple enough to grow the fuck up happy with the rough cut
nobodys in the market for a diamond in the rough but
i still wait for my mom to come and pick me up at holly’s house
10 years after they cashed it in to make a multi-level parking lot for a seven-eleven and burger king
i’ve got cryptographs i’ve got all the phones tapped
i’ve got proof enough it is indisputable
love’s not good enough i want pies and graphs
something that will teach me my arithmetic at last..
better rope the folks in – i’m on the loose again
and getting more ridiculous the more i think i ought to get my mind out of the gutter
(it’s getting dangerous, amanda, god – you’re old enough to be his fucking…)
my own private highway from the cradle to the grave
i save a bundle skipping middle age and saturdays
and i still wait for the cops to come where the station since bunred down
still convinced that they’ll pick me up for all the sins i committed in the back of the banged-up pickup truck
i’ve got autographs, backstage passes and leather jacket back patches up the…
ask me anything i’ve got evidence
single serving saccharine packets dripping black with lipstick kisses
i still wait for the bus to come back where the high school got torn down
still expecting to find true love among the sakteboarders hanging out
in back of the bank in my home-
i’m no pederast it was nice to ask
thank you ,but i’m capable of getting up and getting dressed
love’s not good enough i want photographs
something that will stand the test of…
time and time again
i think ill head downtown again
oh god
i’m thirty
no, i’m ten
i’m seventeen
and a bank of boston beauty queen….
Oh, that Amanda Palmer…
I was actually planning on wearing my Burberry scarf. I guess it's back to Neiman Marcus at the Stanford Mall to find something else. I am looking forward to seeing you all.
Too bad there are no lyrics to The Streets of San Francisco theme. I'd sing that shit right now.
Waitress — I'll have an unknown quantity of beer, please. The nice commie girl is buying.
Also, y'all Friscans have fun, and remember us on the east coast, who will have been drinking for hours by that time.
I do like my time zone, for just that reason. While it is 4:06 here, it will be 5 in 54 minutes.
I only have to wait until 3pm, but i am on Pacific Standard Time.
I hope the folks who run that joint are used to drunkdialers.
…and a carafe of tequila.
When will they be opening a BART station in Seattle?
If only.
What do you mean? we have the awesome SLUT that goes from downtown Seattle to another part of downtown Seattle a couple of blocks away at walking speed and runs on the street so that cars run into it and cyclists fall down on the tracks.
Not just one part of downtown Seattle to another part one mile away, but the only fucking part of Seattle that is flat and super-easy to walk because of wide sidewalks and very little traffic. Yeah, awesome planning.
But the cancer doctors at Hutch et al. need to be able to send staffers on a run to Whole Foodz. And, isn't there some former MicroSoftie who has some of his fingerprints on South Lake Union? Uh, George Allen? No, Woody Allen? Nah. Allen Bradley? Nope, Pshaw! Gracie Allen, that's it!
Amazon, also too. It's just that if they really wanted to put in a tram that people would use, they should have run it up Denny. I guess that (or is it Olive?) is in the works and all.
If you are going to try to out-drink San Francisco, well, good luck with that! "I lept myyyyy fart, in Span Fran…."
My chauffeur has been informed and I shall attend with gusto.
Once around the park, Charles, you know how I love the park!
So YOU have my snowboard! I stickered my snowboard (thusly naming it) with a GUSTO! bumper sticker. That a way I could ride with gusto!
Then someone broke into my car and stole it. :(
It's just gonna kill me that you're not really a hot Asian dude. :(
I'll could tape up my eyes to simulate the epicanthic fold, like Alec Guinness in A Majority Of One, but I reckon that'd get me beaten up.
We can't wait for you to pick us up on your way! Please save three seats: one for me, one for my boyfriend, and one covered in plastic for the underthesea Jello mold my mom is making for the event.
If you try to get in touch with "glasspusher" in this thread, below, you might be able to scam a lift from Rockridge BART – by the sound of it then he'll have space for you and boyfriend, but probably not the undersea Jello thing.
One's my limit….two at the most. Three I'm under the table….four I'm under the host.
Spoken like a true San Franciscan parallel Parker.
Nah, they would be towed because they couldn't read the street cleaning schedule.
I thought every night was a Wonkette drinking party in San Francisco.
The party never ends, it just changes location.
They have a smartypants smackdown at 8:00 PM. Can we live stream the Wonketters bitch slapping everyone with their superior snarkyness and well punctuated answers, lightly peppered with only the finest, most colorful phrases about the human body and orifices on animals?
Stream??? Wonkette gatherings make you turn off ALL your electronic devices before you even get there to avoid pesky tracking by those Predator Drones!
I have video proof to the contrary.
I'd better get my portable electromagnetic pulse generator finished…
You're dealing with nerds here. It was already uploaded and put on the front page.
I'd say my town is missing out on these meet-ups, but we get the All-Star Game tomorrow night, so there.
All Star Game??? I thought the GOP debates were over?
Big is the new small.
And drunk is the new sober.
And poop is the shit!
Ahhh, the 540 Club….as a resident of San Francisco, I can assure you that this place is thoroughly classy for some Wonketeers (dive bar with urine smell). And yes, it's no where near Bart….and there is no parking in the neighborhood either, just a fyi!
I may be dented and crumpled from having to take the 38 Geary bus out to Clement Street at 6:30 on a Friday eve, but I plan to be there. Is there an alternate dress code? Burberry gets used for target practice in my neighborhood.
I did speculate whether our editrix's cunning plan was to get us all murdered.
Well, that would work for page views, but…only for a limited time.
Funny, us all going out like that…
I'll do the same, coming from the Montgomery BART station. I'll be the big white guy, probably sweaty.
511.org trip planner shows a special express from Davis and Pine and a few 38Ls from Monkey Street at about just-before-meetup time.
Will there be a special wonkette sign??
Let's party! Whow SF?The last time I partied in Frisco I woke up in a phone booth with no pants,and a $20 bill in my; OK,enough sharring.
Top tip from the Seattle meetup: don't take the after-party to a bar that starts playing loud live jazz as soon as you sit down. D'oh!
I did not know they were going to do that.My bars are in Queen Anne.
Haha, well I was "the Decider" and carried on in after seeing the band was set up, so it's not your fault. Who knew jazz was so loud anyway?
Are they gathering there to make a side trip to the De Young easy?
Whenever this funtime comes to Dallas, I will be the really, really old guy with the jet black hair, running shorts, knee high gym socks in penny loafers and the Members Only jacket. I hope you guys can find me and will say Hello.
Dad?
Son? (Is this where the music swells?)
Where's my fucking pony?
Black compression socks or GTFO!
About fucking time you made it 'round these parts. And on Friday the 13th, no less… But, seriously, 7th & Clement? I gotta schlep my ass out to suburbia on the 38 Geary?
The 38 Geary will be filled with the Wonketteers. And we'll all get in through the backdoor.
Buttsex reference for the total win.
oh yeah. *PARTY* bus!
Remember to
Keep It Clean
and those little delta smelt bastards too
Can't go this weekend, but somebody take a close up photo of MissTaken's eyes so we can all practice looking at them instead of her tits, OK? (Tit photos are reserved for SB.)
I'm sure the pic of my 'eyes' will be in the true Wonkett blurry sideways tradition.
They're just too excited, or drunk, to hold the camera steady.
Eeeeesh! What did you do? Go on Yelp and look for "obscure hole-in-the-wall as far away from downtown as possible"?
Just assume the after-party will be at the Riptide before spilling onto the beach itself.
Parking around there is a nightmare. Your best bet is a taxi or take 38 Geary to 7th and walk one block north. I might see you there.
No one prior to the Detroit meetup was whinging about not having cars.
That's because around Detroit they were giving away free Government Motors cars, after Obama gave them the Biggest Bailout in History, Bigger than all Auto Industry Bailouts by All other Presidents Combined.
Bon soir, you happy Chichikovovich, you.
Thanks. I have a project with a research group here that brings me here for 1 – 1&1/2 months every summer. A friend who teaches at E.N.S has a similar gig somewhere else, and so I'm using his apartment. I do always feel very happy and productive here.
Edit: Though naturally I'd rather be at the Wonketapallooza this Friday.
I'll be there with "BALLS!" on.
Bring the jello cookbook, so everyone will know it's really you.
I will tie it to my belt, which was the style at the time.
Well, one thing I will say is there is hella dim sum on that strip. Pork buns anyone?
I'd pork those buns.
But of course. And I see the place is right across the street from Kamei, a sweet asian restaurant supply store, if anyone needs to pick up a badass cleaver or whatever.
I'll be the old white guy.
Hell, I couldn't even make it to Detroit…..but with you in spirits…..!
Well, you might be able to drink SF under the table, but we all know you didn't even have the huevos to try it in Seattle.
While you're out in the boonies, take a tour of the Columbarium which is the only sight to see out there. Mainly because it's right smack where most of San Francisco's cemetaries used to be.
What has San Francisco got that Minneapolis hasn't?
Awwww, don't answer that.
Hoist an Anchor Steam in my direction.
It is on like Donkey Kong!
BiTW: For those freaky Wonketteers seeking to shed that last nettlesome shred of esophageal lining gumming-up the ol' gag reflex in advance of the above-threatened ♪♫ Cit-Ayyy byyy the Bayyy-Eee-Aaayyy ♪♫ Bartles & Jaymes gangbang, I done did upload a drrrty dozen x 2 pr0n pics of Mama Rush's purloined Joys of Jell-O® fupa-chapping fap manual.
I'm sorry…
Holy shit. You weren't kidding when you said it wasn't near BART. Does anyone need a lift from BART? I can be a designated driver for a few folks. I found out years ago that having a kid means never having to drink to feel hungover in the morning…
Serious inquires only…
Serious inquiry right here. I was thinking of just getting a taxi from Embarcadero, but if there's a lift going then I'm well up for it.
I could do that. Even from Rockridge…
Oooh, even better. I'm leaving from Walnut Creek.
Let me think about the best way to do a recognition symbol. What time were you thinking of leaving for this alcoholic hellscape?
Yes, I remember.What to wear, indeed? I'm in a 2005 silver Prius with an apple sticker on the back left…Gotta pick up the kid no later than 6, drop him home, then head out. 545 ish at RR? I will be picking up Ms glasspusher in downtown SF on the way. Prolly parking at our destination will be the biggest hassle…
OK, sent an email – you can edit your other post if you want to.
The glass rooster has arrived intact. Repeat: The glass rooster has arrived intact.
I'm planning to bus or taxi from downtown, but a lift to BART afterwards may be welcome.
Sure. We'll see how many clowns we can get in my car!
Sounds like a challenge is being issued. I'm bringing my puke buckets. All four of them.
As if these effete Angelinos could match the alcohol intake of those whose city is engulfed in fog for most of the year.
The liver is evil. It must be punished.
Been to the 5 point then?
As a matter of fact, yes, but I'd heard the line before I went there!
Shameless request for help from the Bay Area Wonketters: I have 3 foster kittens who are 7 weeks old and almost weaned. If any of you know of awesome families looking for a new baby, let me know Friday. Hand raised by me! Fukui and Miss Taken – need a kitty?
My bird is asking for pictures of these kittens. Do you have any pics?
I made an entire YouTube channel for them. They need social media to be competitive. http://www.youtube.com/user/KEKTelevision?feature…
OMG those kittens are SO CUTE! The ones with white on remind me of my parents' cat Dino.
My wife wants them all, of course.
Cute overload!
540 Clement – is that the old Paul's Saloon?
I'll be the fag in the bowtie…well one of them.
right down the street from my dentist! how appropriate…
Oh hai Flog. Yeah, I guess it's in Richmond? Is that right?
Take the bus, ya Bart bigots…
You are either ON the bus or OFF the bus! Let us meditate on this truth…
Huh? What? Oh, sorry, I'm still thinking about that woman whose skirt just drops to the floor at the slightest touch…..Umm, yeah, have a good time….fap, fap, fap…….
oh wonkers! surely a little bay edukayshun is in order for future romps:
http://beerbybart.com/
will pack a lunch and head out to clement this friday :)
Try growing up on Pt. Lobos at 46th and tell me there's nothing fun to do out thataways. I am usually too intimidated by all of you to comment, but I live in the far East Bay (Lafayette) and I really want to go.
You must come. It is the law.
Thank you! I might not have a choice. I told my boyfriend about it, and he might force me to go so he can watch me squirm.
If I can make it from Walnut Creek then you can make it from Lafayette.
I work in Benicia. Lafayette's nothin!
We should have a no-prize for who came the furthest!
And we can have a silly time on the 38 back to BART.
Oh plz, Denver's begging for a Drinky Meetup. We've all been in withdraw after the '08 DNC convention. We need a shot in the arm, Wonkette style. Bring yer gun.
I'm sober, but I swear I saw a pink elephant on Google maps at this bar…
Run it up Olive and see if anybody salutes.
The cap hill station will be done soon enough.
Popeye may have a sad.
Are you suggesting that we should take another look at arc reactor technology?
Comments on this entry are closed.