A Reminder That Your Wonkette Will Be Invading San Francisco To Drink It Under The Table

  love haight

Look at this goddamn yuppieYou have already forgotten, haven’t you, that we have promised the filthy Yuppies of the Bay Area their very own Wonkette Drinky Thing and Meetup, and it is this Friday! So grab your briefcase and your gigantic “cellular telephone” and your Burberry scarf, and meet us at …

The 540 Club, 540 Clement St., at Seventh Ave., San Francisco. We are told this is nowhere near BART, and that we do not “understand transportation.” To which we can only answer, “What part of ‘we are from Los Angeles’ do you not understand?” So, sorry, Yups and Yupettes!

Oh right, and it’s at 7 p.m. First unknown quantity of beers is on us!

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Hola wonkerados.

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160 comments

    1. Giveusabob

      I rather think it's a cleverly disguised flask. What do you think that handy antenna/spout is for?

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      Just for fun, I take my 1940's rotary out on my commute just to see the reaction when I "take a call" on my "mobile".

      1. glasspusher

        There's a place that puts cell phone guts into the old desk phones. Very cool. I keep an old black rotary around when I want to dial 'M' for Murder.

    1. SorosBot

      Well now that they've approved the high speed LA-SF train it'll be an easy trip – whenever it's completed at least.

      1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        First stage approval which means we get high speed rail from Bumblefuck to Redneck City in the valley. It's going to be aweless.

        1. emmelemm

          Aweless?

          That's my word of the week, right there. I'm sure I'll find many occasions to use it.

        2. Biff

          The same valley that boasts a veritable forest of billboards beseeching motorists to impeach Nancy Pelosi for hating all the factory farmers?

    1. LionHeartSoyDog

      My other phone is an old dead log in the backyard that i hit with a baseball bat.

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        Oh, my reading comprehension is about .0001. That is a good idea, though a doxie and a chiweenie might not go for the desert heat along the way.

        Can I just tie them on top of my SUV?

        1. anniegetyerfun

          If Presidential candidates can, why can't you? I mean, other than you just being a normal Joe/Jane.

    1. kittensdontlie

      WTF…I live in Ohio, the swingiest of all swinging states where all the presidentials vie for our time and visit often but her royalette Highness decides SF is the place to be?? She better be buying Anchor Steam….that's what my tears will be falling into.

  1. Baconzgood

    So you googled in "stock photo of 80's douch bag" and that was the first photo that popped up?

  2. Estproph

    ive tried dolls that were guaranteed sixteen or under none were very exciting
    sorta like a laugh track or whacking off they’ll get you off but it’s just not the real thing
    its been decades since my pit days
    but i havent shaken it – i sit there like an idiot
    still caught up in the old punk protocol
    and dreaming that the teenagers will think that i’m a radical

    and i still wait for the bus to come where high school got torn down
    still expecting to find true love among the skateboarders hanging out
    in back of the bank in my hometown

    all this talk and no action’s got me stiff from the tit to the bone
    so im living in lala land – but at least im not living at home
    same old catcall same old chemicals
    same old thrills stealing stockings from the shopping mall
    its simple enough to grow the fuck up happy with the rough cut
    nobodys in the market for a diamond in the rough but

    i still wait for my mom to come and pick me up at holly’s house
    10 years after they cashed it in to make a multi-level parking lot for a seven-eleven and burger king

    i’ve got cryptographs i’ve got all the phones tapped
    i’ve got proof enough it is indisputable
    love’s not good enough i want pies and graphs
    something that will teach me my arithmetic at last..

    better rope the folks in – i’m on the loose again
    and getting more ridiculous the more i think i ought to get my mind out of the gutter
    (it’s getting dangerous, amanda, god – you’re old enough to be his fucking…)
    my own private highway from the cradle to the grave
    i save a bundle skipping middle age and saturdays

    and i still wait for the cops to come where the station since bunred down
    still convinced that they’ll pick me up for all the sins i committed in the back of the banged-up pickup truck

    i’ve got autographs, backstage passes and leather jacket back patches up the…
    ask me anything i’ve got evidence
    single serving saccharine packets dripping black with lipstick kisses

    i still wait for the bus to come back where the high school got torn down
    still expecting to find true love among the sakteboarders hanging out
    in back of the bank in my home-

    i’m no pederast it was nice to ask
    thank you ,but i’m capable of getting up and getting dressed
    love’s not good enough i want photographs
    something that will stand the test of…
    time and time again
    i think ill head downtown again
    oh god
    i’m thirty
    no, i’m ten
    i’m seventeen
    and a bank of boston beauty queen….

  3. CountryClubJihadi

    I was actually planning on wearing my Burberry scarf. I guess it's back to Neiman Marcus at the Stanford Mall to find something else. I am looking forward to seeing you all.

  4. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    Too bad there are no lyrics to The Streets of San Francisco theme. I'd sing that shit right now.

  5. SayItWithWookies

    Waitress — I'll have an unknown quantity of beer, please. The nice commie girl is buying.

    Also, y'all Friscans have fun, and remember us on the east coast, who will have been drinking for hours by that time.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      I do like my time zone, for just that reason. While it is 4:06 here, it will be 5 in 54 minutes.

    1. Fairtackle

      What do you mean? we have the awesome SLUT that goes from downtown Seattle to another part of downtown Seattle a couple of blocks away at walking speed and runs on the street so that cars run into it and cyclists fall down on the tracks.

      1. anniegetyerfun

        Not just one part of downtown Seattle to another part one mile away, but the only fucking part of Seattle that is flat and super-easy to walk because of wide sidewalks and very little traffic. Yeah, awesome planning.

        1. weejee

          But the cancer doctors at Hutch et al. need to be able to send staffers on a run to Whole Foodz. And, isn't there some former MicroSoftie who has some of his fingerprints on South Lake Union? Uh, George Allen? No, Woody Allen? Nah. Allen Bradley? Nope, Pshaw! Gracie Allen, that's it!

          1. anniegetyerfun

            Amazon, also too. It's just that if they really wanted to put in a tram that people would use, they should have run it up Denny. I guess that (or is it Olive?) is in the works and all.

  6. Antispandex

    If you are going to try to out-drink San Francisco, well, good luck with that! "I lept myyyyy fart, in Span Fran…."

    1. BoatOfVelociraptors

      So YOU have my snowboard! I stickered my snowboard (thusly naming it) with a GUSTO! bumper sticker. That a way I could ride with gusto!

      Then someone broke into my car and stole it. :(

    2. LePiston

      We can't wait for you to pick us up on your way! Please save three seats: one for me, one for my boyfriend, and one covered in plastic for the underthesea Jello mold my mom is making for the event.

      1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        If you try to get in touch with "glasspusher" in this thread, below, you might be able to scam a lift from Rockridge BART – by the sound of it then he'll have space for you and boyfriend, but probably not the undersea Jello thing.

  7. SheriffRoscoe

    One's my limit….two at the most. Three I'm under the table….four I'm under the host.

      1. BoatOfVelociraptors

        Nah, they would be towed because they couldn't read the street cleaning schedule.

  8. fartknocker

    They have a smartypants smackdown at 8:00 PM. Can we live stream the Wonketters bitch slapping everyone with their superior snarkyness and well punctuated answers, lightly peppered with only the finest, most colorful phrases about the human body and orifices on animals?

    1. johnnyzhivago

      Stream??? Wonkette gatherings make you turn off ALL your electronic devices before you even get there to avoid pesky tracking by those Predator Drones!

          1. BoatOfVelociraptors

            You're dealing with nerds here. It was already uploaded and put on the front page.

  9. BarackMyWorld

    I'd say my town is missing out on these meet-ups, but we get the All-Star Game tomorrow night, so there.

  10. FattyMattySF

    Ahhh, the 540 Club….as a resident of San Francisco, I can assure you that this place is thoroughly classy for some Wonketeers (dive bar with urine smell). And yes, it's no where near Bart….and there is no parking in the neighborhood either, just a fyi!

  11. OneYieldRegular

    I may be dented and crumpled from having to take the 38 Geary bus out to Clement Street at 6:30 on a Friday eve, but I plan to be there. Is there an alternate dress code? Burberry gets used for target practice in my neighborhood.

    1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      I did speculate whether our editrix's cunning plan was to get us all murdered.

    2. Crank_Tango

      I'll do the same, coming from the Montgomery BART station. I'll be the big white guy, probably sweaty.

    3. berkeleyfarm

      511.org trip planner shows a special express from Davis and Pine and a few 38Ls from Monkey Street at about just-before-meetup time.

      Will there be a special wonkette sign??

  12. sbj1964

    Let's party! Whow SF?The last time I partied in Frisco I woke up in a phone booth with no pants,and a $20 bill in my; OK,enough sharring.

  13. savethispatient

    Top tip from the Seattle meetup: don't take the after-party to a bar that starts playing loud live jazz as soon as you sit down. D'oh!

      1. savethispatient

        Haha, well I was "the Decider" and carried on in after seeing the band was set up, so it's not your fault. Who knew jazz was so loud anyway?

  14. Jus_Wonderin

    Whenever this funtime comes to Dallas, I will be the really, really old guy with the jet black hair, running shorts, knee high gym socks in penny loafers and the Members Only jacket. I hope you guys can find me and will say Hello.

  15. LettucePrey

    About fucking time you made it 'round these parts. And on Friday the 13th, no less… But, seriously, 7th & Clement? I gotta schlep my ass out to suburbia on the 38 Geary?

    1. MissTaken

      The 38 Geary will be filled with the Wonketteers. And we'll all get in through the backdoor.

  16. Steverino247

    Can't go this weekend, but somebody take a close up photo of MissTaken's eyes so we can all practice looking at them instead of her tits, OK? (Tit photos are reserved for SB.)

    1. MissTaken

      I'm sure the pic of my 'eyes' will be in the true Wonkett blurry sideways tradition.

    1. OneYieldRegular

      Just assume the after-party will be at the Riptide before spilling onto the beach itself.

  17. fishwharf

    Parking around there is a nightmare. Your best bet is a taxi or take 38 Geary to 7th and walk one block north. I might see you there.

    1. Chichikovovich

      That's because around Detroit they were giving away free Government Motors cars, after Obama gave them the Biggest Bailout in History, Bigger than all Auto Industry Bailouts by All other Presidents Combined.

        1. Chichikovovich

          Thanks. I have a project with a research group here that brings me here for 1 – 1&1/2 months every summer. A friend who teaches at E.N.S has a similar gig somewhere else, and so I'm using his apartment. I do always feel very happy and productive here.

          Edit: Though naturally I'd rather be at the Wonketapallooza this Friday.

  18. Crank_Tango

    Well, one thing I will say is there is hella dim sum on that strip. Pork buns anyone?

      1. Crank_Tango

        But of course. And I see the place is right across the street from Kamei, a sweet asian restaurant supply store, if anyone needs to pick up a badass cleaver or whatever.

  19. Monsieur_Grumpe

    What has San Francisco got that Minneapolis hasn't?
    Awwww, don't answer that.
    Hoist an Anchor Steam in my direction.

  20. Extemporanus

    BiTW: For those freaky Wonketteers seeking to shed that last nettlesome shred of esophageal lining gumming-up the ol' gag reflex in advance of the above-threatened ♪♫ Cit-Ayyy byyy the Bayyy-Eee-Aaayyy ♪♫ Bartles & Jaymes gangbang, I done did upload a drrrty dozen x 2 pr0n pics of Mama Rush's purloined Joys of Jell-O® fupa-chapping fap manual.

    I'm sorry…

  21. glasspusher

    Holy shit. You weren't kidding when you said it wasn't near BART. Does anyone need a lift from BART? I can be a designated driver for a few folks. I found out years ago that having a kid means never having to drink to feel hungover in the morning…

    Serious inquires only…

    1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      Serious inquiry right here. I was thinking of just getting a taxi from Embarcadero, but if there's a lift going then I'm well up for it.

        1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

          Oooh, even better. I'm leaving from Walnut Creek.

          Let me think about the best way to do a recognition symbol. What time were you thinking of leaving for this alcoholic hellscape?

          1. glasspusher

            Yes, I remember.What to wear, indeed? I'm in a 2005 silver Prius with an apple sticker on the back left…Gotta pick up the kid no later than 6, drop him home, then head out. 545 ish at RR? I will be picking up Ms glasspusher in downtown SF on the way. Prolly parking at our destination will be the biggest hassle…

          1. glasspusher

            The glass rooster has arrived intact. Repeat: The glass rooster has arrived intact.

    2. MissTaken

      I'm planning to bus or taxi from downtown, but a lift to BART afterwards may be welcome.

  22. Blendergoathead

    Sounds like a challenge is being issued. I'm bringing my puke buckets. All four of them.

    1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      As if these effete Angelinos could match the alcohol intake of those whose city is engulfed in fog for most of the year.

  23. CountryClubJihadi

    Shameless request for help from the Bay Area Wonketters: I have 3 foster kittens who are 7 weeks old and almost weaned. If any of you know of awesome families looking for a new baby, let me know Friday. Hand raised by me! Fukui and Miss Taken – need a kitty?

        1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

          OMG those kittens are SO CUTE! The ones with white on remind me of my parents' cat Dino.

          My wife wants them all, of course.

          Cute overload!

  24. ttommyunger

    Huh? What? Oh, sorry, I'm still thinking about that woman whose skirt just drops to the floor at the slightest touch…..Umm, yeah, have a good time….fap, fap, fap…….

  25. LePiston

    Try growing up on Pt. Lobos at 46th and tell me there's nothing fun to do out thataways. I am usually too intimidated by all of you to comment, but I live in the far East Bay (Lafayette) and I really want to go.

      1. LePiston

        Thank you! I might not have a choice. I told my boyfriend about it, and he might force me to go so he can watch me squirm.

    1. berkeleyfarm

      I work in Benicia. Lafayette's nothin!

      We should have a no-prize for who came the furthest!

      And we can have a silly time on the 38 back to BART.

  26. denverite

    Oh plz, Denver's begging for a Drinky Meetup. We've all been in withdraw after the '08 DNC convention. We need a shot in the arm, Wonkette style. Bring yer gun.

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