NEVER THOUGHT WE'D SAY 'POOR RUSH'  3:35 pm July 9, 2012

This Real Recipe From Rush Limbaugh Has Jello, Stuffed Olives, And Miracle Whip In It

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

I just threw up a little in your mouth

OK, sure, we made fun of Rush Limbaugh for putting saccharine in his hot cocoa recipe and frying a chicken in Crisco. But were we being fair? Not really. We finally saw The Help last night, and according to Minnie, not only will Crisco soften your elbows but it is the Platonic Ideal for frying chicken. That thing was like a 2 hour and 30 minute Crisco commercial, with racism! We will buy a jar immediately! BUT. Did you happen to notice that thing above? It is a recipe from Rush’s mom, as also discovered by the Crap Archivist, in “Recipes from Old Cape Girardieu.”

That, Wonkados, is what a young Rush Limbaugh ate for a treat: jello with pineapple and stuffed olives. AND MIRACLE WHIP ON TOP. Not Cool Whip — that lovely fake whipped cream in a tub — but Miracle Whip, the mayonnaise blended with salad dressing.

And now we know who is to blame for Rush Limbaugh turning out that way.

[VillageVoice]

 
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{ 247 comments }

Come here a minute July 9, 2012 at 3:38 pm

You don't want to know what the olives are stuffed with.

mrpuma2u July 9, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Oxycontin, duh.

GunToting[Redacted] July 9, 2012 at 4:02 pm

With VOTES!

anniegetyerfun July 9, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Small brown boys?

12X34X July 9, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Pieces of Paul Ryan's Eldercide Bill.

billy_reuben July 9, 2012 at 8:56 pm

I know what Rush is stuffed with.

slithytoves July 9, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Seriously, that's just gross.

Boojum July 10, 2012 at 9:24 am

It really does sound like an agglomeration of whatever a martini and Valium soaked 1950's misery wife could find in the house, without having to stumble and drool to the grocery store.

Baconzgood July 9, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Andrew Zimmern would find that unpalatable.

starfanglednut July 9, 2012 at 10:18 pm

And George Zimmerman would kill it!

BaldarTFlagass July 9, 2012 at 3:41 pm

You want me to put that in my mouth? I don't think I'd even want to touch it with my hands.

emmelemm July 9, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Obligatory:

That's what she said!

Antispandex July 9, 2012 at 4:12 pm

You are supposed to use a spork.

LettucePrey July 9, 2012 at 3:41 pm

But things were different back in 1980! People used Atari consoles and listened to Quiet Riot!

actor212 July 9, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Yes, but we were supposed to feel the noize…

Generation[redacted] July 9, 2012 at 4:53 pm

It was a different time, when girlz rocked their boyz.

viennawoods13 July 9, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Damn those days were so wild wild wild.

ChernobylSoup July 9, 2012 at 3:41 pm

That's like hospital food X funeral food X church potluck squared.

Jus_Wonderin July 9, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Alright, nobody told me I'd have to do math on this Monday!!

12X34X July 9, 2012 at 5:04 pm

You forgot X PTA Parent-Teacher Night in school cafeteria.

billy_reuben July 9, 2012 at 8:59 pm

- self respect

Nostrildamus July 9, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Miracle Whip is to whipped cream as Rush is to ___________.

BaldarTFlagass July 9, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Emerson Lake and Palmer?

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ July 9, 2012 at 5:07 pm

BLASPHEMY.

satyricrash July 9, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Ten thousand orgasms from NOBAMA.

LettucePrey July 9, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Hitler?

(It's Monday. I'm phoning it in today.)

SorosBot July 9, 2012 at 3:47 pm

A human being?

SharkSandwich July 9, 2012 at 3:50 pm

A guy who got fat from eating whipped cream?

Jus_Wonderin July 9, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Metal shavings in my transmission?

actor212 July 9, 2012 at 3:52 pm

a camel

Baconzgood July 9, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Human decency?

Callyson July 9, 2012 at 4:10 pm

A brain?

12X34X July 9, 2012 at 4:15 pm

A man?

elviouslyqueer July 9, 2012 at 4:24 pm

All of them, Katie?

What? Too soon?

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ July 9, 2012 at 5:08 pm

There's always room for J-e-l-l-o ass.

Bonghits4Jesus July 9, 2012 at 3:42 pm

"I'm Sorry that I Got Fat" Rush Limbaugh does Weslie Willis http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAtKcwew8zY

emmelemm July 9, 2012 at 3:42 pm

What in the hell did I just read?

I WAS hungry for lunch. Now…

va_real July 9, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Yes, that post is impossible to masticate to…

BaldarTFlagass July 9, 2012 at 3:42 pm

OH NO! Rush's mom is my aunt!

jodyleek July 9, 2012 at 3:52 pm

And here I thought she must be my Grandma. Wait, is your aunt my Grandma?

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 9, 2012 at 3:42 pm

That is a seriously fucked up culinary tragedy right there.

billy_reuben July 9, 2012 at 9:05 pm

It's a culinary abortion… in a bad way.

Hammiepants July 9, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Jesus Christ, that's vile. Is "Under The Sea" some kind of homey Midwest euphemism for "Explosive Bowel Movement"?

Crank_Tango July 9, 2012 at 4:42 pm

I believe it used to be called Klan pie.

ManchuCandidate July 9, 2012 at 3:43 pm

No wonder the dude got an anal cyst that prevented him from obtaining his rightful military glory in Vietnam.

coolhandnuke July 9, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Ted Nugent intentionally gorged himself on nothing but "Under the Sea" for two weeks prior to his enlistment physical where he shat himself for hours.
I hear Rush and Ted are combining their vast military experience into creating a new dish–Chickenhawk Salad.

ChernobylSoup July 9, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Good lord, was her refrigerator mad at her? Just throwing shit at her left and right?

chascates July 9, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Rush never met a plate of food he didn't like. Or a table full.

OzoneTom July 9, 2012 at 3:43 pm

So that is what is covering the sea-floor and smothering all life in the gulf for hundred's of miles around the BP well?

emmelemm July 9, 2012 at 3:44 pm

And how in the hell is this "Under the Sea"? Because the jello is lime green?

Needs moar anchovies.

{uugggggrrhhhhhhhh grossed myself out}

MissTaken July 9, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Actually I think anchovies would help this monstrosity.

Joshua Norton July 9, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Jello, Stuffed Olives, And Miracle Whip

Name 3 household items that can be used to induce vomiting.

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 9, 2012 at 5:23 pm

A radio between the hours of 12-1 PM, a radio between the hours of 1-2 PM, and a radio between the hours of 2-3 PM?

mavenmaven July 9, 2012 at 3:44 pm

I'm going to guess someone was downing many martinis along with those stuffed jello olives. Which is the only way that recipe makes any sense at all.

LettucePrey July 9, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Old Cape Girardieu? I loved him in Cyrano de Bergerac.

satyricrash July 9, 2012 at 3:45 pm

No wonder he pops more pills than Jacqueline Susann backstage at Carson.

JackDempsey1 July 9, 2012 at 3:45 pm

You cannot appreciate this taste treat until you see it sweating, melting, and separating into six distinct layers on a hot summer day.

Dibs on the congealed fat.

Allmighty_Manos July 9, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Let me take a guess: looks like puke, smells like puke, tastes like puke. It's a hat-trick of vile Midwest cuisine.

jodyleek July 9, 2012 at 3:54 pm

I see your Jello disaster and raise you a plate of lutefisk.

PsycWench July 9, 2012 at 4:54 pm

I was in Minnesota for a few days for a friend's wedding. While visiting, I snuck a look at her mom's church cookbooks. Pages after pages of variants on Jello, a canned fruit and something white and squishy. Explains Michele Bachmann!

MissTaken July 9, 2012 at 3:46 pm

What sea are they going under that seems remotely like this 'salad'?

SorosBot July 9, 2012 at 3:57 pm
edgydrifter July 9, 2012 at 4:07 pm

The Dead Sea, obviously.

actor212 July 9, 2012 at 4:22 pm

The Sea of Green!

coolhandnuke July 9, 2012 at 3:46 pm

This swell dessert goes great with Rush's Ugly American Sammich–Winger Bread, Miracle Grip and SCAM.

MLHencken July 9, 2012 at 3:47 pm

This recipe produces the same result if you combine too much key lime pie and dirty martinis: iridescent green vomit.

GhostBuggy July 9, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Once, in my youth, riding in a car from drinking at a bar to drinking at a party, I quickly downed a bottle of Tahitian Treat. After the party drinking was done, the puke came, and it was bright red. Had to choke out the truth to others present so they wouldn't call the ambulance.

TRUE STORIES OF DRUNK WONKETTE COMMENTERS!

viennawoods13 July 9, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Yeah, but that at least would taste good going down.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 9, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I once dared a roommate to eat something very similar to this. Except we were both super high at the time.

MacRaith July 9, 2012 at 3:57 pm

How do you know Rush's mom wasn't? It would explain a great deal.

Maman July 9, 2012 at 3:49 pm

The joke is on Rush. Pineapple prevents Jello from gelling. It is science.

MissTaken July 9, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Maybe that's why you need the miracle of Miracle Whip?

Maman July 9, 2012 at 3:57 pm

It is going to need more than a miracle to make that shit stick together.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 9, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Canned pineapple. I'm guessing it has been cooked and the enzyme broken down.

Nostrildamus July 9, 2012 at 3:49 pm

NEEDS MOAR MINI WIENERS !!!

Baconzgood July 9, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Don't forget the crushed potato chips on top.

emmelemm July 9, 2012 at 4:09 pm

You mean other than Rush's mini wiener?

BloviateMe July 9, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Thusly, a young Rush developed a taste for yeast infection residue in his lovemaking.

Nostrildamus July 9, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Start your day with a warm, gelatinous bowlful of cysts.

actor212 July 9, 2012 at 4:07 pm

…with real glycerin vibrafoam!

Nostrildamus July 9, 2012 at 4:15 pm

It doesn't just wash your mouth out …

actor212 July 9, 2012 at 4:23 pm

…it cleans the whole system out!

Nostrildamus July 9, 2012 at 4:28 pm

… right on down the line.

SorosBot July 9, 2012 at 3:50 pm

That's almost as nauseating as listening to the stupid angry bigot speak.

emmelemm July 9, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Not quite.

va_real July 9, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Almost…

LagunaB July 9, 2012 at 5:18 pm

He doen't speak. He repeats. The same thing ten times and then a slight variation 10x and back to the original words. But never actually making a point. His audience has no short term memory. Or brains.

glamourdammerung July 9, 2012 at 3:51 pm

These are clearly fake since Oxycontin is not listed as an ingredient anywhere.

bauserdotcom July 9, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Of course, when Rush makes this recipe these days, the olives are stuffed with Vicodin.

actor212 July 9, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Rush is LUTHERAN?!?!?!?!?!

friendlyskies July 9, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Rush-type right wingers will never understand that one reason why liberal whites embrace multiculturalism is because traditional WASP cuisine is so… so…. seriously, lime jello and olives? Really? Oh hell no, bring on the immigrants – Mexico, Iran, communist China, I don't care, just please let them open restaurants and publish cookbooks!

Baconzgood July 9, 2012 at 3:53 pm

I have to call a friend of mine who's an executive chef. I have a feeling that The Harvard-Yale-Princeton Club is going to have a new dessert.

Jus_Wonderin July 9, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Ya know, I wish my Mom had cared as much as Mrs. Limbaugh had. Mom used to pour up a couple shots of Schnapp's, slide them in our general direction, light up a Benson & Hedges and shout out…"Eat, you whiners! Eat!! There are people starving in Africa for God's sake!!!"

actor212 July 9, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I like your mom. Mine used to pour four shots, and down them while holding a belt in her hand as she slopped what could loosely be called "curry" onto our plates. If kids were starving in India, she reasoned, there must be a good reason.

If they'd have eaten her curry, they'd stop complaining about food.

anniegetyerfun July 9, 2012 at 4:14 pm

That sounds awesome, by comparison.

TootsStansbury July 9, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Didn't a photo of this "dish" accompany a Wonket post of yore? Blueggghhh. It's as gross as Rushbo himself.

anniegetyerfun July 9, 2012 at 5:12 pm

You mean, this?

TootsStansbury July 9, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Well, there it is, thank you! I remember thinking "those can't possibly be olives" but they are and it is an actual food…thing.

rickmaci July 9, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Looks to me like a shocking abuse of an innocent lime jello.

actor212 July 9, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Jellophilia!

va_real July 9, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Dead Kennedys, too, also!

Estproph July 9, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Nothing says nausea gourmet like pineapple and green olives in jello with Miracle Whip on top

Maman July 9, 2012 at 3:56 pm

I thought the classic molded salad was lime Jello and cole slaw?

MissTaken July 9, 2012 at 4:01 pm

What will it take to convince church potluck cooks that salad does not include jello??

Maman July 9, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Or my Aunt Mary.

GunToting[Redacted] July 9, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Somebody used your Aunt Mary in a potluck dish?

LagunaB July 9, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Great. You can have my Aunt Mary And Aunt Catherine to throw in the pot. My mother thanks you, my father thanks you, my sister thanks you and I thank you.

actor212 July 9, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Once they give lefsa an actual flavor. Until then, you can have my Jello salad when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.

(For the uninitiated, lefsa…well, imagine matzoh made with potatoes)

Also, try making it with vodka instead of water. Now do you see?

va_real July 9, 2012 at 4:28 pm

The kind of Miracle that doesn't come in a jar?

TootsStansbury July 9, 2012 at 6:47 pm

You mean like a precious snowflake fetus?

SayItWithWookies July 9, 2012 at 4:12 pm

What — no pepperoni?

mrblifil July 9, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Thanks Mom!

Goonemeritus July 9, 2012 at 3:56 pm

I refuse to make fun of Mrs. Limbaugh as I have never met her and I can’t believe this recipe adequately represents a person’s total worth. However if you believe even a little in nurture in the ongoing nurture vs. nature debate you can fairly comment on her lack of parenting skills.

Edit-Oh and for the record unless you were lucky enough to be born Italian you were eating crap in the 50’s if you lived in America.

SoBeach July 9, 2012 at 4:18 pm

…for the record unless you were lucky enough to be born Italian you were eating crap in the 50’s if you lived in America.

Don't know about the 50s, but growing up non-Italian in the 70s was no, um, picnic, food-wise. At least in my family.

Goonemeritus July 9, 2012 at 4:25 pm

You are right it was several decades of getting rid of what was a limited selection of real food and replacing it with processed crap. Thanks to Goya and a few other immigrant focused brands and the occasional care package from the old country only recent immigrants ate well.

DemmeFatale July 9, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Yep.
I read once that a newly arrived Italian immigrant child was embarrassed at school because he wanted a bologna sandwich instead of the Nutella one (on fresh Italian bread) his mother made.

Nutella, people!!

Goonemeritus July 9, 2012 at 9:11 pm

My mother was born in Italy and came over with her parents when she was young. Her mother was a hard core Northern Italian cook, everything from scratch. Every Saints day had a special menu and there were tons of Saints even the Pope never heard of. My Mother loves to tell the story of when she learned to make mac & cheese in home economics class in the 40’s. She went home after school and made it for her mother who looked at it with repulsion and loathing. My mother eventually learned to run a proper Italian kitchen but she will still make herself mac & cheese when no one is around to see.

Butch_Wagstaff July 9, 2012 at 5:46 pm

I'd like to think she made this for him because she hated him, too.

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 10, 2012 at 12:37 am

Oh and for the record unless you were lucky enough to be born Italian you were eating crap in the 50’s if you lived in America.

Honestly, let's just expand that to include all Ethnics. I could go through my entire family tree, branch by branch, and the grossest stuff they've ever made has been pasteles.

My white friends of midwestern extraction, whose parents learned to cook in the 50's, though? Wow, white people eat some weird, weird stuff.

kissawookiee July 9, 2012 at 3:56 pm

I grew up in southern Illinois and am sad to report that this is indeed a horrifying accurate account of what passed as "salad" in the Midwest back in the day. Still does, depending on how old your grandparents are.

GhostBuggy July 9, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Oh yes. I've never encountered one this shockingly vile, but it's rare I'm at a wake or family gathering that doesn't involve a "salad" that included a Jell-O mold in its preparation.

The word "pudding" has also been abused quite a bit in the Midwest, but usually with tastier results.

viennawoods13 July 9, 2012 at 5:54 pm

I never quite fitted in with the in-laws because I didn't do Jello salads. Or cook asparagus into mush.

Extemporanus July 9, 2012 at 3:56 pm

BREAKING: Rush Limbaugh's mother just cold copied this recipe from a vintage "cook"-book called Joys of Jell-O.

[Your intrepid reporter will now dig through his closet, find his copy of said "cook"-book, take some photos, and return with an update. STAY TUNED!]

actor212 July 9, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Not completely, but close…
http://www.joyofjello.com/?cat=41

emmelemm July 9, 2012 at 4:02 pm

I'm on bated breath.

Really, you have old jello cookbooks laying around?

GhostBuggy July 9, 2012 at 4:11 pm

I'm just bating.

Sorry.

Extemporanus July 9, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Really.

Though if I were to list all the old, unappetizing things I have laying around, a 1962 Jell-O cookbook wouldn't even rank in the top 50.

San Francisco Wonkette Drinky-Time Meet-Up at my place, anyone?

OneYieldRegular July 9, 2012 at 4:06 pm

A book I know well. We are all in for a gastronauseating treat.

Extemporanus July 9, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Verily, if the Book of Mormon had a recipe section, it would undoubtedly be this.

12X34X July 9, 2012 at 4:12 pm

The Joys of Jello is probably one of the reasons that a movie like "A Woman Under the Influence" was written.

Extemporanus July 9, 2012 at 5:31 pm

And Husbands was probably one of the reasons that Joy of Jell-O was written…

JustPixelz July 9, 2012 at 4:14 pm

While you're in there, see if they published the recipe for ObamaCare too. Pretty sure the Repubicans stole it for Massachusetts. Or maybe it was the other way around.

Extemporanus July 9, 2012 at 5:33 pm

I looked everywhere, but all I found in the closet were some dead crabs and Barney Franks' old gym sock.

Also, 72 Republican politicians.

Extemporanus July 9, 2012 at 4:30 pm

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE:

"Where is the long form original recipe certificate?!", you demand, like a shapeless Jell-O®-head?

Well, BEHOLD…if you dare!*

Exhibit 1: Joys of Jell-O® cover

Exhibit 2: "Salads" chapter spread

Exhibit 3: "UNDER-THE-SEA SALAD"**

*[Your photographic journalist apologies for the delay in providing this evidence, but it took him longer than expected to find the document and a period-appropriate dinette set upon which to photograph it. Also, Our Wonkette is sucking at the Internet today.]

**[Though named the same, upon closer review it appears that Mama Rush's recipe differs slightly from the one documented here. However, that in no way changes the fact that she was a Jell-O® slinging beard who birthed a big fat idiot.]

PsycWench July 9, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Truth wins out!

Butch_Wagstaff July 9, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Exhibit 3: pics or it never happened. Guess this thing was a thing that did happen.

DemmeFatale July 9, 2012 at 6:56 pm

I love the 1/8 tsp. of ginger.
WHOA!!
Don't get carried away now!!

Boojum July 10, 2012 at 9:40 am

Except she added the olives and Miracle Whip.

Extemporanus July 9, 2012 at 5:14 pm

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE II: ECLECTIC TUB-A-GOO:

There's always room for Joys of Jell-O®!

Butch_Wagstaff July 9, 2012 at 6:01 pm

You truly can't appreciate "cook"books like this unless they have pictures.

Jennyjen798 July 9, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Google to the errrrmmm rescue?
http://s1168.photobucket.com/albums/r499/jennyjen

MissTaken July 9, 2012 at 3:57 pm

If I was raised on Under The Sea Salad I would've grown up to be a fat fuck of a man who spews hatred into a golden microphone out of my anal cysts, too.

JustPixelz July 9, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Lucky for us you were not exposed as a child. And so remain as cute and pleasant as Judy Jetson. Sayeth she:

Elroy, why are you playing with your junk in the dining room?

SoBeach July 9, 2012 at 3:57 pm

That is easily the WORST recipe I've ever read.

I have a cast iron stomach and I'm a truly adventurous eater. I'll try just about anything. But I'd eat all the dead plane crash victims long before I'd eat that.

Butch_Wagstaff July 9, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Surprisingly, it's not the worst I've ever read. But I would put it in the top 20, though.

sezme July 9, 2012 at 9:32 pm

I agree with you, in the sense that it takes relatively harmless ingredients and creates something terrifying (though I am pretty disgusted by Miracle Whip in any form). Though this might give me pause if it came to a Fear Factor scenario.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 9, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Seriously people. These comments are about to make my lunch come back up.

Which would still be more appetizing than this "salad".

actor212 July 9, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Just think: this salad could have prevented that fist fight on Jordanian television.

"I have a gun!"

"Big deal! I have Limbaugh's Jello Salad!"

"You win"

BaldarTFlagass July 9, 2012 at 3:58 pm

They ought to move Cape Girardeau. With a name like that, it should be on the Louisiana coast, not the middle of the fucking continent.

va_real July 9, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Cajuns maybe stopped there on the way from Canada to the bayou?

viennawoods13 July 9, 2012 at 6:00 pm

You're right. It turns up in some historical research I've done, and I keep forgetting where it is.

kissawookiee July 9, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Oh. It looks much like you'd expect, if you were expecting the quivering lump of lipids ejected every time Rush squeezes that cyst just a little too hard.

chascates July 9, 2012 at 3:59 pm

I'm guessing Mrs. Rush Limbaugh, Jr., never offered anything tempting to her husband?

Callyson July 9, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Ah, thanks for giving me incentive to continue to eat clean…

Joshua Norton July 9, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Most of those old Kraft recipes would gag a goat. I remember one particularly barf-able one for Eggs Benedict. You used Spam for the Canadian bacon and Miracle Whip instead of hollandaise sauce. You deserved a medal if you could even get it past your nose.

anniegetyerfun July 9, 2012 at 4:16 pm

I remembering ordering eggs benny somewhere and getting hollandaise made with Miracle Whip. I had to spit it out. It had never occurred to me that anyone would use anything other than eggs, lemon juice, and butter.

HoytClagwell July 9, 2012 at 4:02 pm

I came for the Rush snark and stayed for the food chemistry tips!

Maman July 9, 2012 at 4:12 pm

You will want to avoid kiwi and papaya (fresh, I am assuming). Why you would want to ruin them with jello is beyond me.

HoytClagwell July 9, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Uhh, because "there's always room for Jello"? I'm guessing here; I haven't had Jello in decades.

SayItWithWookies July 9, 2012 at 4:03 pm

That's some passive-aggressive traditional housewife action right there — now I know who John Waters modeled Kathleen Turner's character after in Serial Mom.

actor212 July 9, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Editrix's alt-text: I wish.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 9, 2012 at 4:03 pm

My mom makes this, but she puts mustard and maraschino cherries in it.

GunToting[Redacted] July 9, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Snob.

emmelemm July 9, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Yeah! Is it Grey Poupon mustard? Snob.

MissTaken July 9, 2012 at 4:03 pm

I'm glad to read that this salad includes all the major food groups for a well-balanced diet:

Jello, Miracle Whip, Cocktail Garnish, and Philadelphia.

fartknocker July 9, 2012 at 4:06 pm

This is one non-appealing dish:
http://buzzyfoods.com/2010/05/21/jello-and-olives

elviouslyqueer July 9, 2012 at 4:32 pm

That image is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much.

Maman July 9, 2012 at 4:06 pm

I just assumed that was because he doesn't want to bother cutting up a pineapple.

actor212 July 9, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Same shit happens when you barbecue chicken with a salsa that contains pineapple.

The chicken turns into…well, calling them "flakes" would be kind. Until the cook gets the bright idea, "Hm! Me not have to spend time cut fresh pineapple! Me open can!"

It came out better the second time around.

emmelemm July 9, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Disclaimer: I am neither for nor against Miracle Whip. I just find this funny.

Miracle Whip

anniegetyerfun July 9, 2012 at 4:16 pm

He reads my mind alot, that guy.

emmelemm July 9, 2012 at 4:21 pm

I L.O.V.E. Hyperbole and a Half!

Nostrildamus July 9, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Move over, Family Circle.

anniegetyerfun July 9, 2012 at 5:14 pm

"Who ate the Under The Sea Salad?"
"Notme"

emmelemm July 9, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Awesome.

Nostrildamus July 9, 2012 at 7:09 pm

"Mommy, Barfy ate some of the Under The Sea Salad, and pooped, and now I can't tell which is which!"

Butch_Wagstaff July 9, 2012 at 6:12 pm

It's Duke's Mayonnaise for me or nothin'. Fuck all that krappy Kraft stuff.

OneYieldRegular July 9, 2012 at 4:07 pm

If it's just to have something for the land-bound to put in an aquarium to look at, fine. But no one is actually supposed to eat that, right?

Chill_Bill July 9, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Jello and Miracle Whip? I'm pretty sure that this is how Rush was conceived.

va_real July 9, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Biafra Libel!

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 9, 2012 at 4:09 pm

That thing was like a 2 hour and 30 minute Crisco commercial, with racism!

So is Rush Limbaugh.

Also too, Paula Deen.

not that Radio July 9, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Blueb4sunrise — you totally called it! You win one (1) internet.

Blueb4sunrise July 9, 2012 at 4:24 pm

g'wan…

Antispandex July 9, 2012 at 4:11 pm

The only salad Rush has ever been near, is when he tossed Ann Coulter's.

12X34X July 9, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Jello, olives, Miracle Whip, cream cheese, pineapples – where's the pound of lard and the cigar?

Callyson July 9, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Next fad diet: collection of Rush's recipes. Finally, an effective way to lose weight…once and for all…

va_real July 9, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Yeah, it worked for him! Oh, wait…

Callyson July 9, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Aw crap…guess I'm stuck with these last ten pounds after all…

JustPixelz July 9, 2012 at 4:11 pm

That recipe is like Death Panel 1.0.

anniegetyerfun July 9, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I was willing to consider the possibility that green olives in lime jello was some sort of interesting treat, the way French fries pair well with ice cream. But I draw the line at Miracle Whip, which is the most foul of human inventions, and destroys everything that it comes near.

GhostBuggy July 9, 2012 at 4:19 pm

French fries and ice cream? I'll overlook your slanderous comments about Miracle Whip, since you are obviously mentally ill.

emmelemm July 9, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Have you ever tried pretzels and chocolate ice cream? IT SOUNDS CRAZY, but if you try it, you will be converted.

DemmeFatale July 9, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Add peanut butter. Mmmmmm…

GhostBuggy July 9, 2012 at 8:59 pm

There's a pirate-themed ice cream place near where I live, and there's a sundae called The Salty Dog. It has pretzels and crumbled peanut butter cups in it. It is amazing.

anniegetyerfun July 9, 2012 at 4:22 pm

No, really, go on and enjoy your creamy vinegar with sugar mixed in. I'm sure it's awesome and doesn't cause infertility.

GhostBuggy July 9, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Well, I mostly just think it's better than mayo. If it causes infertility, then it looks like I've found a "Get Out of Jail Free" card, eh?

"I'll be right there, let me just finish this turkey sandwich…"

MissTaken July 9, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Wendy's chocolate Frostie with French fries is da shit!

anniegetyerfun July 9, 2012 at 5:16 pm

The first time I saw my little sister dipping a French fry into a Peanut Buster Parfait at Dairy Queen, I was like, "Oh, HELLS NO." And then I took a bite and understood.

Jus_Wonderin July 9, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Peanut butter on carrots is not bad.

anniegetyerfun July 9, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Health food snob.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 9, 2012 at 4:13 pm

The Kraft website shows this recipe with pears and cinnamon and no olives or miracle whip. Apparently tastes have changed since Rush's childhood. Or else his mom is an evil bitch with a great sense of humor.

Nostrildamus July 9, 2012 at 4:25 pm

I imagine having Rush put the whole "maternal instinct" thing on the fritz.

ElPinche July 9, 2012 at 4:14 pm

That is bipartisanly fucking gross.

themcwow July 9, 2012 at 4:14 pm

What about Doris Day?

edgydrifter July 9, 2012 at 4:14 pm

As a name, "Under the Sea Salad" does sound better than "Bilge Slurry Surprise."

SorosBot July 9, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Also, what's with women, primarily older ones, who go by "Mrs. Their-husband's-full-name"? It makes it look like they're just eliminating their own identity, and goes along with the bad old tradition of married women being their husband's property. It's really kind of creepy.

emmelemm July 9, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Welcome to pretty much America prior to the '70s.

viennawoods13 July 9, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Back in my teens, in the 70's, I said to some girl my age that when I got married I wouldn't take my husband's name. Her response was "yeah, what if he's got a dumb name like Fred or Marvin?" It never had occurred to her that a woman could keep her own last name. As my husband says, we didn't change our names. I'm amazed that almost every young woman I know who has gotten married in the last few years has gone ahead with the name change. I thought that things were changing… not so much.

emmelemm July 9, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Agreed… when I was a teen/twenties (80s-90s), most of the women I knew who got married did *not* change their names. In the last few years, I've noticed several women, upon marriage, changing their names. It's very surprising to me.

valthemus July 10, 2012 at 12:45 am

I knew a guy who took his wife's last name when they got married. He kept it when he came out years later and they got divorced. (It simplified things for their kids.)

Limeylizzie July 9, 2012 at 4:16 pm

True story, I was visiting a beau's grandmother for the first time, she lived in Cedarburg, Wi, and she served one dish called "Aloha Eggs", from whenever Hawaii became a state. It was , per person, 2 hard-boiled eggs, covered in Velveeta, add pineapple and bake for about an hour. It was the single most repulsive thing I have ever eaten, and I'm fucking English!

Toomush_Infer July 9, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Um, first and last time?….

Jus_Wonderin July 9, 2012 at 4:23 pm

I think when presented with that I might have prayed for anything my Mom cooked. She invented "blackened" before it was in fashion.

Limeylizzie July 9, 2012 at 4:33 pm

She also had another gem that she served at lunch called “Pat Nixon's Hot Chicken Salad”. The woman was about 85 and I think these were”Family Favourites “from the sixties.

Generation[redacted] July 9, 2012 at 5:12 pm

It's not so bad if you wash it down with "Betty Ford's Breakfast Cocktail"

anniegetyerfun July 9, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Hm, rubbing alcohol!

LagunaB July 9, 2012 at 6:05 pm

I had Gooseberry Fool at a cousin's house in London and it was pretty bad.

viennawoods13 July 9, 2012 at 6:07 pm

England… if you like the weather, you'll LOVE the food!

blatherous July 9, 2012 at 4:18 pm

You know what ELSE is good for a treat???

Boojum July 10, 2012 at 9:51 am

Hitler?

MumbletyRadio July 9, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Wonkados

Let's stick a cute round olive slice on the end of that and make it Wonkadoo's, can we? Or better: Wonkadoodles. No wait — is it supposed to rhyme like with 'avacados'… then we would go with wonkauno, wonkados, wonkatresse — noowwwwwww I see where this is going!

Toomush_Infer July 9, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Hey, back at the Crisco part: squozen Rush is so much more like lard….

fawkedifiknow July 9, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Once upon a war (Viet Nam), me and two of my best friends were getting all fucked up on the serious weed freely available over there. As per usual, we ended up starving to death and we hit the fridge. Unfortunately, it was deplorably understocked and all there was to eat was a jar of green olives (the kind you usually put in a martini) and some cheap beef jerky that no one wanted when they were not loaded. So, we proceeded to combine the two into a delicious (it seemed at the time) hors dervey: jerky wrapped olives al fresco. (Not sure that is appropos, but we weren't the models of clear thinkers at that point) We were so goofy with the wacky tabacky that we spent about two hours just talking about the franchise restaurants we were going to open up back in the States, specializing in our recently invented confection – or whatever you would call it.

That was the war Rush was too chicken shit to fight, I think.

Nostrildamus July 9, 2012 at 4:30 pm

This is the Hitler of salads.

va_real July 9, 2012 at 5:02 pm

This is the Pat Boone of salads.

Generation[redacted] July 9, 2012 at 5:11 pm

If Pat Boone and Hitler made a salad, this would be it.

Nostrildamus July 9, 2012 at 6:21 pm

OK, that's a wrap!

sullivanst July 9, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Now we know where the Greene County GOP got their recipe!

hippie13 July 9, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Well if you are what you eat, that would make Rush repellent and distasteful.

lochnessmonster July 9, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Maybe his brother David didn't eat it because he appears to be normal sized. And are they Mormon because I understand the green jello is their favorite!

pinkocommi July 9, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Can Wonkette please offer a prize to the first person who makes this monstrosity and sends in a photo of them eating it?

anniegetyerfun July 9, 2012 at 5:19 pm

I'm seriously tempted, minus the Miracle Whip, to see what possessed people. Also because I am vaguely fascinated by gelatin-based foods.

LePiston July 10, 2012 at 7:00 pm

I might have my mom whip one up, and I will bring it to the SF meetup so that Wonketeers can actually try it! (My mom seriously makes something very similar to this.)

pawnyourhalo July 9, 2012 at 5:01 pm

My darlings, two things: first, "Under the Sea Salad" has been around forever, and there are myriad disgusting variations involving inappropriate vegetables and condiments. Like PCP, it keeps returning in school lunchrooms until someone (temporarily) breaks the chain of evil once more. Search for Weight Watchers Recipe Cards and postwar Ladies' Home Journal recipes — but only on an empty stomach.

Generation[redacted] July 9, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Hey Rush, after you finish your jello and mayonnaise salad, have yourself a nice big slice of Minny's Special Chocolate Pie.

anniegetyerfun July 9, 2012 at 5:21 pm

NOT mayo. Miracle Whip. There's several grams worth of sugared difference between the two.

gurukalehuru July 9, 2012 at 5:05 pm

I don't know. In view of how different Jane Pitt is from son Bradley, perhaps Rush Limbaugh's mom was actually a sweet woman who got along well with her neighbors and wasn't a bigot at all. Probably not, but you never know.

JackObin July 9, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Under the Sea Salad, guaranteed to make you fat, stupid and obnoxious.

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ July 9, 2012 at 5:11 pm

You know what the best part of Jello is? Telling horse lovers where it comes from.

NellCote71 July 9, 2012 at 5:15 pm

This explains a lot.

Grokenstein July 9, 2012 at 5:28 pm

"Not Cool Whip — that lovely fake whipped cream in a tub — but Miracle Whip, the mayonnaise blended with salad dressing."

Thank Flying Spaghetti Monster you added that. My mind refused to process the difference until it was forced to do so.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some spew to mop up.

Dashboard Buddha July 9, 2012 at 6:01 pm

I call bullshit photoshoppe. This thing is as fake as Barry's birth certificate. How do I know? Simple…the measurements given will no way make enough to fill a wading pool for Rush Jr. to wallow around in.

missannthropethefirst July 9, 2012 at 6:13 pm

That is so the kind of WASP potluck/family picnic type Jell-O mold I had to deal with as a child when my parents' friends would have big gatherings. Fruit salad suspended in Jell-O? Not a big problem, we got that in school every week. But when you start adding Miracle Whip, blah. Sour cream in Jell-O was a biggie too. I think that kind of crap has a lot to do with my aversion to Jell-O as an adult.

viennawoods13 July 9, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Jello for me is inextricably linked with being a child and being sick. That and apple juice. As a result I will not touch either. And jello shots are an abomination.

CogitoErgoSumo July 9, 2012 at 8:43 pm

This recipe, and the famous dead rat eaten by G. Gordon Liddy confirms that conservatives will swallow anything.

valthemus July 10, 2012 at 12:48 am

Leave out the olives, substitute Cool for Miracle, and this sounds very much like a recipe some of us tried to make one day in chemistry class when I was in high school. Best not to ask questions, just appreciate that I'm sharing.

Butch_Wagstaff July 9, 2012 at 6:58 pm

I was lucky. My grandmother hated Jello. If any of her daughters showed up for a family gathering with anything made with it the clouds would have gathered and the earth would have quaked.

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