never thought we'd say 'poor rush'

This Real Recipe From Rush Limbaugh Has Jello, Stuffed Olives, And Miracle Whip In It

I just threw up a little in your mouth

OK, sure, we made fun of Rush Limbaugh for putting saccharine in his hot cocoa recipe and frying a chicken in Crisco. But were we being fair? Not really. We finally saw The Help last night, and according to Minnie, not only will Crisco soften your elbows but it is the Platonic Ideal for frying chicken. That thing was like a 2 hour and 30 minute Crisco commercial, with racism! We will buy a jar immediately! BUT. Did you happen to notice that thing above? It is a recipe from Rush’s mom, as also discovered by the Crap Archivist, in “Recipes from Old Cape Girardieu.”

That, Wonkados, is what a young Rush Limbaugh ate for a treat: jello with pineapple and stuffed olives. AND MIRACLE WHIP ON TOP. Not Cool Whip — that lovely fake whipped cream in a tub — but Miracle Whip, the mayonnaise blended with salad dressing.

And now we know who is to blame for Rush Limbaugh turning out that way.

[VillageVoice]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  • Come here a minute

    You don't want to know what the olives are stuffed with.

    • mrpuma2u

      Oxycontin, duh.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      With VOTES!

    • anniegetyerfun

      Small brown boys?

    • 12X34X

      Pieces of Paul Ryan's Eldercide Bill.

    • billy_reuben

      I know what Rush is stuffed with.

  • slithytoves

    Seriously, that's just gross.

    • Boojum

      It really does sound like an agglomeration of whatever a martini and Valium soaked 1950's misery wife could find in the house, without having to stumble and drool to the grocery store.

  • Baconzgood

    Andrew Zimmern would find that unpalatable.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      And George Zimmerman would kill it!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    You want me to put that in my mouth? I don't think I'd even want to touch it with my hands.

    • emmelemm

      Obligatory:

      That's what she said!

    • Antispandex

      You are supposed to use a spork.

  • LettucePrey

    But things were different back in 1980! People used Atari consoles and listened to Quiet Riot!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Yes, but we were supposed to feel the noize…

      • Generation[redacted]

        It was a different time, when girlz rocked their boyz.

        • viennawoods13

          Damn those days were so wild wild wild.

  • ChernobylSoup

    That's like hospital food X funeral food X church potluck squared.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Alright, nobody told me I'd have to do math on this Monday!!

    • 12X34X

      You forgot X PTA Parent-Teacher Night in school cafeteria.

    • billy_reuben

      - self respect

  • Nostrildamus

    Miracle Whip is to whipped cream as Rush is to ___________.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Emerson Lake and Palmer?

      • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

        BLASPHEMY.

    • satyricrash

      Ten thousand orgasms from NOBAMA.

    • LettucePrey

      Hitler?

      (It's Monday. I'm phoning it in today.)

    • SorosBot

      A human being?

    • SharkSandwich

      A guy who got fat from eating whipped cream?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Metal shavings in my transmission?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      a camel

    • Baconzgood

      Human decency?

    • Callyson

      A brain?

    • 12X34X

      A man?

    • elviouslyqueer

      All of them, Katie?

      What? Too soon?

      • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

        There's always room for J-e-l-l-o ass.

  • Bonghits4Jesus

    "I'm Sorry that I Got Fat" Rush Limbaugh does Weslie Willis http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAtKcwew8zY

  • emmelemm

    What in the hell did I just read?

    I WAS hungry for lunch. Now…

    • va_real

      Yes, that post is impossible to masticate to…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    OH NO! Rush's mom is my aunt!

    • jodyleek

      And here I thought she must be my Grandma. Wait, is your aunt my Grandma?

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    That is a seriously fucked up culinary tragedy right there.

    • billy_reuben

      It's a culinary abortion… in a bad way.

  • http://www.tumblr.com/blog/hamsterpantsworld Hammiepants

    Jesus Christ, that's vile. Is "Under The Sea" some kind of homey Midwest euphemism for "Explosive Bowel Movement"?

    • Crank_Tango

      I believe it used to be called Klan pie.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    No wonder the dude got an anal cyst that prevented him from obtaining his rightful military glory in Vietnam.

    • coolhandnuke

      Ted Nugent intentionally gorged himself on nothing but "Under the Sea" for two weeks prior to his enlistment physical where he shat himself for hours.
      I hear Rush and Ted are combining their vast military experience into creating a new dish–Chickenhawk Salad.

  • ChernobylSoup

    Good lord, was her refrigerator mad at her? Just throwing shit at her left and right?

  • chascates

    Rush never met a plate of food he didn't like. Or a table full.

  • OzoneTom

    So that is what is covering the sea-floor and smothering all life in the gulf for hundred's of miles around the BP well?

  • emmelemm

    And how in the hell is this "Under the Sea"? Because the jello is lime green?

    Needs moar anchovies.

    {uugggggrrhhhhhhhh grossed myself out}

    • MissTaken

      Actually I think anchovies would help this monstrosity.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Jello, Stuffed Olives, And Miracle Whip

    Name 3 household items that can be used to induce vomiting.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com ASHLEIGH_Joe

      A radio between the hours of 12-1 PM, a radio between the hours of 1-2 PM, and a radio between the hours of 2-3 PM?

  • mavenmaven

    I'm going to guess someone was downing many martinis along with those stuffed jello olives. Which is the only way that recipe makes any sense at all.

  • LettucePrey

    Old Cape Girardieu? I loved him in Cyrano de Bergerac.

  • satyricrash

    No wonder he pops more pills than Jacqueline Susann backstage at Carson.

  • JackDempsey1

    You cannot appreciate this taste treat until you see it sweating, melting, and separating into six distinct layers on a hot summer day.

    Dibs on the congealed fat.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Let me take a guess: looks like puke, smells like puke, tastes like puke. It's a hat-trick of vile Midwest cuisine.

    • jodyleek

      I see your Jello disaster and raise you a plate of lutefisk.

    • PsycWench

      I was in Minnesota for a few days for a friend's wedding. While visiting, I snuck a look at her mom's church cookbooks. Pages after pages of variants on Jello, a canned fruit and something white and squishy. Explains Michele Bachmann!

  • MissTaken

    What sea are they going under that seems remotely like this 'salad'?

    • SorosBot
    • edgydrifter

      The Dead Sea, obviously.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      The Sea of Green!

  • coolhandnuke

    This swell dessert goes great with Rush's Ugly American Sammich–Winger Bread, Miracle Grip and SCAM.

  • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

    This recipe produces the same result if you combine too much key lime pie and dirty martinis: iridescent green vomit.

    • GhostBuggy

      Once, in my youth, riding in a car from drinking at a bar to drinking at a party, I quickly downed a bottle of Tahitian Treat. After the party drinking was done, the puke came, and it was bright red. Had to choke out the truth to others present so they wouldn't call the ambulance.

      TRUE STORIES OF DRUNK WONKETTE COMMENTERS!

    • viennawoods13

      Yeah, but that at least would taste good going down.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I once dared a roommate to eat something very similar to this. Except we were both super high at the time.

    • MacRaith

      How do you know Rush's mom wasn't? It would explain a great deal.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    The joke is on Rush. Pineapple prevents Jello from gelling. It is science.

    • MissTaken

      Maybe that's why you need the miracle of Miracle Whip?

      • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

        It is going to need more than a miracle to make that shit stick together.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Canned pineapple. I'm guessing it has been cooked and the enzyme broken down.

  • Nostrildamus

    NEEDS MOAR MINI WIENERS !!!

    • Baconzgood

      Don't forget the crushed potato chips on top.

    • emmelemm

      You mean other than Rush's mini wiener?

  • BloviateMe

    Thusly, a young Rush developed a taste for yeast infection residue in his lovemaking.

  • Nostrildamus

    Start your day with a warm, gelatinous bowlful of cysts.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      …with real glycerin vibrafoam!

      • Nostrildamus

        It doesn't just wash your mouth out …

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          …it cleans the whole system out!

          • Nostrildamus

            … right on down the line.

  • SorosBot

    That's almost as nauseating as listening to the stupid angry bigot speak.

    • emmelemm

      Not quite.

    • va_real

      Almost…

    • LagunaB

      He doen't speak. He repeats. The same thing ten times and then a slight variation 10x and back to the original words. But never actually making a point. His audience has no short term memory. Or brains.

  • glamourdammerung

    These are clearly fake since Oxycontin is not listed as an ingredient anywhere.

  • bauserdotcom

    Of course, when Rush makes this recipe these days, the olives are stuffed with Vicodin.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Rush is LUTHERAN?!?!?!?!?!

  • friendlyskies

    Rush-type right wingers will never understand that one reason why liberal whites embrace multiculturalism is because traditional WASP cuisine is so… so…. seriously, lime jello and olives? Really? Oh hell no, bring on the immigrants – Mexico, Iran, communist China, I don't care, just please let them open restaurants and publish cookbooks!

  • Baconzgood

    I have to call a friend of mine who's an executive chef. I have a feeling that The Harvard-Yale-Princeton Club is going to have a new dessert.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Ya know, I wish my Mom had cared as much as Mrs. Limbaugh had. Mom used to pour up a couple shots of Schnapp's, slide them in our general direction, light up a Benson & Hedges and shout out…"Eat, you whiners! Eat!! There are people starving in Africa for God's sake!!!"

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I like your mom. Mine used to pour four shots, and down them while holding a belt in her hand as she slopped what could loosely be called "curry" onto our plates. If kids were starving in India, she reasoned, there must be a good reason.

      If they'd have eaten her curry, they'd stop complaining about food.

    • anniegetyerfun

      That sounds awesome, by comparison.

  • TootsStansbury

    Didn't a photo of this "dish" accompany a Wonket post of yore? Blueggghhh. It's as gross as Rushbo himself.

    • anniegetyerfun

      You mean, this?

      • TootsStansbury

        Well, there it is, thank you! I remember thinking "those can't possibly be olives" but they are and it is an actual food…thing.

  • rickmaci

    Looks to me like a shocking abuse of an innocent lime jello.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Jellophilia!

      • va_real

        Dead Kennedys, too, also!

  • Estproph

    Nothing says nausea gourmet like pineapple and green olives in jello with Miracle Whip on top

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    I thought the classic molded salad was lime Jello and cole slaw?

    • MissTaken

      What will it take to convince church potluck cooks that salad does not include jello??

      • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

        Or my Aunt Mary.

        • GunToting[Redacted]

          Somebody used your Aunt Mary in a potluck dish?

          • LagunaB

            Great. You can have my Aunt Mary And Aunt Catherine to throw in the pot. My mother thanks you, my father thanks you, my sister thanks you and I thank you.

          • Butch_Wagstaff

            I was lucky. My grandmother hated Jello. If any of her daughters showed up for a family gathering with anything made with it the clouds would have gathered and the earth would have quaked.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Once they give lefsa an actual flavor. Until then, you can have my Jello salad when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.

        (For the uninitiated, lefsa…well, imagine matzoh made with potatoes)

        Also, try making it with vodka instead of water. Now do you see?

      • va_real

        The kind of Miracle that doesn't come in a jar?

        • TootsStansbury

          You mean like a precious snowflake fetus?

    • SayItWithWookies

      What — no pepperoni?

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Thanks Mom!

  • Goonemeritus

    I refuse to make fun of Mrs. Limbaugh as I have never met her and I can’t believe this recipe adequately represents a person’s total worth. However if you believe even a little in nurture in the ongoing nurture vs. nature debate you can fairly comment on her lack of parenting skills.

    Edit-Oh and for the record unless you were lucky enough to be born Italian you were eating crap in the 50’s if you lived in America.

    • SoBeach

      …for the record unless you were lucky enough to be born Italian you were eating crap in the 50’s if you lived in America.

      Don't know about the 50s, but growing up non-Italian in the 70s was no, um, picnic, food-wise. At least in my family.

      • Goonemeritus

        You are right it was several decades of getting rid of what was a limited selection of real food and replacing it with processed crap. Thanks to Goya and a few other immigrant focused brands and the occasional care package from the old country only recent immigrants ate well.

        • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

          Yep.
          I read once that a newly arrived Italian immigrant child was embarrassed at school because he wanted a bologna sandwich instead of the Nutella one (on fresh Italian bread) his mother made.

          Nutella, people!!

          • Goonemeritus

            My mother was born in Italy and came over with her parents when she was young. Her mother was a hard core Northern Italian cook, everything from scratch. Every Saints day had a special menu and there were tons of Saints even the Pope never heard of. My Mother loves to tell the story of when she learned to make mac & cheese in home economics class in the 40’s. She went home after school and made it for her mother who looked at it with repulsion and loathing. My mother eventually learned to run a proper Italian kitchen but she will still make herself mac & cheese when no one is around to see.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      I'd like to think she made this for him because she hated him, too.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com ASHLEIGH_Joe

      Oh and for the record unless you were lucky enough to be born Italian you were eating crap in the 50’s if you lived in America.

      Honestly, let's just expand that to include all Ethnics. I could go through my entire family tree, branch by branch, and the grossest stuff they've ever made has been pasteles.

      My white friends of midwestern extraction, whose parents learned to cook in the 50's, though? Wow, white people eat some weird, weird stuff.

  • kissawookiee

    I grew up in southern Illinois and am sad to report that this is indeed a horrifying accurate account of what passed as "salad" in the Midwest back in the day. Still does, depending on how old your grandparents are.

    • GhostBuggy

      Oh yes. I've never encountered one this shockingly vile, but it's rare I'm at a wake or family gathering that doesn't involve a "salad" that included a Jell-O mold in its preparation.

      The word "pudding" has also been abused quite a bit in the Midwest, but usually with tastier results.

      • viennawoods13

        I never quite fitted in with the in-laws because I didn't do Jello salads. Or cook asparagus into mush.

  • Extemporanus

    BREAKING: Rush Limbaugh's mother just cold copied this recipe from a vintage "cook"-book called Joys of Jell-O.

    [Your intrepid reporter will now dig through his closet, find his copy of said "cook"-book, take some photos, and return with an update. STAY TUNED!]

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Not completely, but close…
      http://www.joyofjello.com/?cat=41

    • emmelemm

      I'm on bated breath.

      Really, you have old jello cookbooks laying around?

      • GhostBuggy

        I'm just bating.

        Sorry.

      • Extemporanus

        Really.

        Though if I were to list all the old, unappetizing things I have laying around, a 1962 Jell-O cookbook wouldn't even rank in the top 50.

        San Francisco Wonkette Drinky-Time Meet-Up at my place, anyone?

    • OneYieldRegular

      A book I know well. We are all in for a gastronauseating treat.

      • Extemporanus

        Verily, if the Book of Mormon had a recipe section, it would undoubtedly be this.

    • 12X34X

      The Joys of Jello is probably one of the reasons that a movie like "A Woman Under the Influence" was written.

      • Extemporanus

        And Husbands was probably one of the reasons that Joy of Jell-O was written…

    • JustPixelz

      While you're in there, see if they published the recipe for ObamaCare too. Pretty sure the Repubicans stole it for Massachusetts. Or maybe it was the other way around.

      • Extemporanus

        I looked everywhere, but all I found in the closet were some dead crabs and Barney Franks' old gym sock.

        Also, 72 Republican politicians.

    • Extemporanus

      BREAKING NEWS UPDATE:

      "Where is the long form original recipe certificate?!", you demand, like a shapeless Jell-O®-head?

      Well, BEHOLD…if you dare!*

      Exhibit 1: Joys of Jell-O® cover

      Exhibit 2: "Salads" chapter spread

      Exhibit 3: "UNDER-THE-SEA SALAD"**

      *[Your photographic journalist apologies for the delay in providing this evidence, but it took him longer than expected to find the document and a period-appropriate dinette set upon which to photograph it. Also, Our Wonkette is sucking at the Internet today.]

      **[Though named the same, upon closer review it appears that Mama Rush's recipe differs slightly from the one documented here. However, that in no way changes the fact that she was a Jell-O® slinging beard who birthed a big fat idiot.]

      • PsycWench

        Truth wins out!

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        Exhibit 3: pics or it never happened. Guess this thing was a thing that did happen.

      • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

        I love the 1/8 tsp. of ginger.
        WHOA!!
        Don't get carried away now!!

      • Boojum

        Except she added the olives and Miracle Whip.

    • Extemporanus

      BREAKING NEWS UPDATE II: ECLECTIC TUB-A-GOO:

      There's always room for Joys of Jell-O®!

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        You truly can't appreciate "cook"books like this unless they have pictures.

    • Jennyjen798

      Google to the errrrmmm rescue?
      http://s1168.photobucket.com/albums/r499/jennyjen

  • MissTaken

    If I was raised on Under The Sea Salad I would've grown up to be a fat fuck of a man who spews hatred into a golden microphone out of my anal cysts, too.

    • JustPixelz

      Lucky for us you were not exposed as a child. And so remain as cute and pleasant as Judy Jetson. Sayeth she:

      Elroy, why are you playing with your junk in the dining room?

  • SoBeach

    That is easily the WORST recipe I've ever read.

    I have a cast iron stomach and I'm a truly adventurous eater. I'll try just about anything. But I'd eat all the dead plane crash victims long before I'd eat that.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Surprisingly, it's not the worst I've ever read. But I would put it in the top 20, though.

    • sezme

      I agree with you, in the sense that it takes relatively harmless ingredients and creates something terrifying (though I am pretty disgusted by Miracle Whip in any form). Though this might give me pause if it came to a Fear Factor scenario.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Seriously people. These comments are about to make my lunch come back up.

    Which would still be more appetizing than this "salad".

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Just think: this salad could have prevented that fist fight on Jordanian television.

      "I have a gun!"

      "Big deal! I have Limbaugh's Jello Salad!"

      "You win"

  • BaldarTFlagass

    They ought to move Cape Girardeau. With a name like that, it should be on the Louisiana coast, not the middle of the fucking continent.

    • va_real

      Cajuns maybe stopped there on the way from Canada to the bayou?

    • viennawoods13

      You're right. It turns up in some historical research I've done, and I keep forgetting where it is.

  • kissawookiee

    Oh. It looks much like you'd expect, if you were expecting the quivering lump of lipids ejected every time Rush squeezes that cyst just a little too hard.

  • chascates

    I'm guessing Mrs. Rush Limbaugh, Jr., never offered anything tempting to her husband?

  • Callyson

    Ah, thanks for giving me incentive to continue to eat clean…

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Most of those old Kraft recipes would gag a goat. I remember one particularly barf-able one for Eggs Benedict. You used Spam for the Canadian bacon and Miracle Whip instead of hollandaise sauce. You deserved a medal if you could even get it past your nose.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I remembering ordering eggs benny somewhere and getting hollandaise made with Miracle Whip. I had to spit it out. It had never occurred to me that anyone would use anything other than eggs, lemon juice, and butter.

  • HoytClagwell

    I came for the Rush snark and stayed for the food chemistry tips!

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      You will want to avoid kiwi and papaya (fresh, I am assuming). Why you would want to ruin them with jello is beyond me.

      • HoytClagwell

        Uhh, because "there's always room for Jello"? I'm guessing here; I haven't had Jello in decades.

  • SayItWithWookies

    That's some passive-aggressive traditional housewife action right there — now I know who John Waters modeled Kathleen Turner's character after in Serial Mom.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Editrix's alt-text: I wish.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    My mom makes this, but she puts mustard and maraschino cherries in it.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Snob.

    • emmelemm

      Yeah! Is it Grey Poupon mustard? Snob.

  • MissTaken

    I'm glad to read that this salad includes all the major food groups for a well-balanced diet:

    Jello, Miracle Whip, Cocktail Garnish, and Philadelphia.

  • fartknocker

    This is one non-appealing dish:
    http://buzzyfoods.com/2010/05/21/jello-and-olives

    • elviouslyqueer

      That image is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    I just assumed that was because he doesn't want to bother cutting up a pineapple.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Same shit happens when you barbecue chicken with a salsa that contains pineapple.

      The chicken turns into…well, calling them "flakes" would be kind. Until the cook gets the bright idea, "Hm! Me not have to spend time cut fresh pineapple! Me open can!"

      It came out better the second time around.

  • emmelemm

    Disclaimer: I am neither for nor against Miracle Whip. I just find this funny.

    Miracle Whip

    • anniegetyerfun

      He reads my mind alot, that guy.

      • emmelemm

        I L.O.V.E. Hyperbole and a Half!

    • Nostrildamus

      Move over, Family Circle.

      • anniegetyerfun

        "Who ate the Under The Sea Salad?"
        "Notme"

        • emmelemm

          Awesome.

        • Nostrildamus

          "Mommy, Barfy ate some of the Under The Sea Salad, and pooped, and now I can't tell which is which!"

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      It's Duke's Mayonnaise for me or nothin'. Fuck all that krappy Kraft stuff.

  • OneYieldRegular

    If it's just to have something for the land-bound to put in an aquarium to look at, fine. But no one is actually supposed to eat that, right?

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chill_Bill

    Jello and Miracle Whip? I'm pretty sure that this is how Rush was conceived.

    • va_real

      Biafra Libel!

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com ASHLEIGH_Joe

    That thing was like a 2 hour and 30 minute Crisco commercial, with racism!

    So is Rush Limbaugh.

    Also too, Paula Deen.

  • not that Radio

    Blueb4sunrise — you totally called it! You win one (1) internet.

    • http://methowtv.com/ Blueb4sunrise

      g'wan…

  • Antispandex

    The only salad Rush has ever been near, is when he tossed Ann Coulter's.

  • 12X34X

    Jello, olives, Miracle Whip, cream cheese, pineapples – where's the pound of lard and the cigar?

  • Callyson

    Next fad diet: collection of Rush's recipes. Finally, an effective way to lose weight…once and for all…

    • va_real

      Yeah, it worked for him! Oh, wait…

      • Callyson

        Aw crap…guess I'm stuck with these last ten pounds after all…

  • JustPixelz

    That recipe is like Death Panel 1.0.

  • anniegetyerfun

    I was willing to consider the possibility that green olives in lime jello was some sort of interesting treat, the way French fries pair well with ice cream. But I draw the line at Miracle Whip, which is the most foul of human inventions, and destroys everything that it comes near.

    • GhostBuggy

      French fries and ice cream? I'll overlook your slanderous comments about Miracle Whip, since you are obviously mentally ill.

      • emmelemm

        Have you ever tried pretzels and chocolate ice cream? IT SOUNDS CRAZY, but if you try it, you will be converted.

        • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

          Add peanut butter. Mmmmmm…

          • GhostBuggy

            There's a pirate-themed ice cream place near where I live, and there's a sundae called The Salty Dog. It has pretzels and crumbled peanut butter cups in it. It is amazing.

      • anniegetyerfun

        No, really, go on and enjoy your creamy vinegar with sugar mixed in. I'm sure it's awesome and doesn't cause infertility.

        • GhostBuggy

          Well, I mostly just think it's better than mayo. If it causes infertility, then it looks like I've found a "Get Out of Jail Free" card, eh?

          "I'll be right there, let me just finish this turkey sandwich…"

      • MissTaken

        Wendy's chocolate Frostie with French fries is da shit!

        • anniegetyerfun

          The first time I saw my little sister dipping a French fry into a Peanut Buster Parfait at Dairy Queen, I was like, "Oh, HELLS NO." And then I took a bite and understood.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Peanut butter on carrots is not bad.

        • anniegetyerfun

          Health food snob.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    The Kraft website shows this recipe with pears and cinnamon and no olives or miracle whip. Apparently tastes have changed since Rush's childhood. Or else his mom is an evil bitch with a great sense of humor.

    • Nostrildamus

      I imagine having Rush put the whole "maternal instinct" thing on the fritz.

  • ElPinche

    That is bipartisanly fucking gross.

  • themcwow

    What about Doris Day?

  • edgydrifter

    As a name, "Under the Sea Salad" does sound better than "Bilge Slurry Surprise."

  • SorosBot

    Also, what's with women, primarily older ones, who go by "Mrs. Their-husband's-full-name"? It makes it look like they're just eliminating their own identity, and goes along with the bad old tradition of married women being their husband's property. It's really kind of creepy.

    • emmelemm

      Welcome to pretty much America prior to the '70s.

    • viennawoods13

      Back in my teens, in the 70's, I said to some girl my age that when I got married I wouldn't take my husband's name. Her response was "yeah, what if he's got a dumb name like Fred or Marvin?" It never had occurred to her that a woman could keep her own last name. As my husband says, we didn't change our names. I'm amazed that almost every young woman I know who has gotten married in the last few years has gone ahead with the name change. I thought that things were changing… not so much.

      • emmelemm

        Agreed… when I was a teen/twenties (80s-90s), most of the women I knew who got married did *not* change their names. In the last few years, I've noticed several women, upon marriage, changing their names. It's very surprising to me.

      • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

        I knew a guy who took his wife's last name when they got married. He kept it when he came out years later and they got divorced. (It simplified things for their kids.)

  • Limeylizzie

    True story, I was visiting a beau's grandmother for the first time, she lived in Cedarburg, Wi, and she served one dish called "Aloha Eggs", from whenever Hawaii became a state. It was , per person, 2 hard-boiled eggs, covered in Velveeta, add pineapple and bake for about an hour. It was the single most repulsive thing I have ever eaten, and I'm fucking English!

    • Toomush_Infer

      Um, first and last time?….

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I think when presented with that I might have prayed for anything my Mom cooked. She invented "blackened" before it was in fashion.

      • Limeylizzie

        She also had another gem that she served at lunch called “Pat Nixon's Hot Chicken Salad”. The woman was about 85 and I think these were”Family Favourites “from the sixties.

        • Generation[redacted]

          It's not so bad if you wash it down with "Betty Ford's Breakfast Cocktail"

          • anniegetyerfun

            Hm, rubbing alcohol!

    • LagunaB

      I had Gooseberry Fool at a cousin's house in London and it was pretty bad.

    • viennawoods13

      England… if you like the weather, you'll LOVE the food!

  • blatherous

    You know what ELSE is good for a treat???

    • Boojum

      Hitler?

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ MumbletyRadio

    Wonkados

    Let's stick a cute round olive slice on the end of that and make it Wonkadoo's, can we? Or better: Wonkadoodles. No wait — is it supposed to rhyme like with 'avacados'… then we would go with wonkauno, wonkados, wonkatresse — noowwwwwww I see where this is going!

  • Toomush_Infer

    Hey, back at the Crisco part: squozen Rush is so much more like lard….

  • fawkedifiknow

    Once upon a war (Viet Nam), me and two of my best friends were getting all fucked up on the serious weed freely available over there. As per usual, we ended up starving to death and we hit the fridge. Unfortunately, it was deplorably understocked and all there was to eat was a jar of green olives (the kind you usually put in a martini) and some cheap beef jerky that no one wanted when they were not loaded. So, we proceeded to combine the two into a delicious (it seemed at the time) hors dervey: jerky wrapped olives al fresco. (Not sure that is appropos, but we weren't the models of clear thinkers at that point) We were so goofy with the wacky tabacky that we spent about two hours just talking about the franchise restaurants we were going to open up back in the States, specializing in our recently invented confection – or whatever you would call it.

    That was the war Rush was too chicken shit to fight, I think.

  • Nostrildamus

    This is the Hitler of salads.

    • va_real

      This is the Pat Boone of salads.

      • Generation[redacted]

        If Pat Boone and Hitler made a salad, this would be it.

        • Nostrildamus

          OK, that's a wrap!

  • sullivanst

    Now we know where the Greene County GOP got their recipe!

  • hippie13

    Well if you are what you eat, that would make Rush repellent and distasteful.

  • lochnessmonster

    Maybe his brother David didn't eat it because he appears to be normal sized. And are they Mormon because I understand the green jello is their favorite!

  • pinkocommi

    Can Wonkette please offer a prize to the first person who makes this monstrosity and sends in a photo of them eating it?

    • anniegetyerfun

      I'm seriously tempted, minus the Miracle Whip, to see what possessed people. Also because I am vaguely fascinated by gelatin-based foods.

      • LePiston

        I might have my mom whip one up, and I will bring it to the SF meetup so that Wonketeers can actually try it! (My mom seriously makes something very similar to this.)

  • pawnyourhalo

    My darlings, two things: first, "Under the Sea Salad" has been around forever, and there are myriad disgusting variations involving inappropriate vegetables and condiments. Like PCP, it keeps returning in school lunchrooms until someone (temporarily) breaks the chain of evil once more. Search for Weight Watchers Recipe Cards and postwar Ladies' Home Journal recipes — but only on an empty stomach.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Hey Rush, after you finish your jello and mayonnaise salad, have yourself a nice big slice of Minny's Special Chocolate Pie.

    • anniegetyerfun

      NOT mayo. Miracle Whip. There's several grams worth of sugared difference between the two.

  • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

    I don't know. In view of how different Jane Pitt is from son Bradley, perhaps Rush Limbaugh's mom was actually a sweet woman who got along well with her neighbors and wasn't a bigot at all. Probably not, but you never know.

  • JackObin

    Under the Sea Salad, guaranteed to make you fat, stupid and obnoxious.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    You know what the best part of Jello is? Telling horse lovers where it comes from.

  • NellCote71

    This explains a lot.

  • Grokenstein

    "Not Cool Whip — that lovely fake whipped cream in a tub — but Miracle Whip, the mayonnaise blended with salad dressing."

    Thank Flying Spaghetti Monster you added that. My mind refused to process the difference until it was forced to do so.

    Now if you'll excuse me, I have some spew to mop up.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    I call bullshit photoshoppe. This thing is as fake as Barry's birth certificate. How do I know? Simple…the measurements given will no way make enough to fill a wading pool for Rush Jr. to wallow around in.

  • missannthropethefirst

    That is so the kind of WASP potluck/family picnic type Jell-O mold I had to deal with as a child when my parents' friends would have big gatherings. Fruit salad suspended in Jell-O? Not a big problem, we got that in school every week. But when you start adding Miracle Whip, blah. Sour cream in Jell-O was a biggie too. I think that kind of crap has a lot to do with my aversion to Jell-O as an adult.

    • viennawoods13

      Jello for me is inextricably linked with being a child and being sick. That and apple juice. As a result I will not touch either. And jello shots are an abomination.

  • CogitoErgoSumo

    This recipe, and the famous dead rat eaten by G. Gordon Liddy confirms that conservatives will swallow anything.

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    Leave out the olives, substitute Cool for Miracle, and this sounds very much like a recipe some of us tried to make one day in chemistry class when I was in high school. Best not to ask questions, just appreciate that I'm sharing.