heroes

Rick Perry Saves Poor Texans from Scourge of Medical Care

The Nazis will be so proudOpiate-devouring Texas Gov. Rick Perry is joining his friends Bobby, Scott, Nikki, and Bat Boy in choosing to reject the federal government’s Medicaid expansion. He can do this thanks to the Supreme Court handiwork of Burkean minimalist St. John Roberts, whom all liberals must love and respect eternally for only gutting half of Obamacare for no reason. This would leave 1.3 million in Texas, a state that proudly persecutes its poor, for fun, without access to medical coverage.

From the Texas Tribune:

The U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that states — even Texas, which has the country’s highest rate of the uninsured — may not be punished for opting out of the Medicaid expansion. On Monday, Perry called it the equivalent of adding more people to a sinking Titanic.

A lucid comparison, too: providing 1.3 million people access to medical care with the federal government picking up 100% of the bill for the next half-decade and 90% indefinitely is precisely like making the decision to kill more people.

But surely the White House has had a plan all along to prevent wingnut governors from making this exact move, yes?

Hours after the Supreme Court upheld President Barack Obama’s health law on Thursday, but made its Medicaid expansion optional, senior White House officials were asked by a reporter how they would entice states to participate.

They laughed. It seemed almost inconceivable to them that states would opt out. After all, the federal government will be paying the entire bill for three years for the expanded health insurance program for the poor, from 2014 to 2017, and then picking up at least 90 percent of the costs after that.

Ha ha ha. They would never do that. They would never hold the debt ceiling hostage, either, and they would never do [any insane shit that they've gone ahead and done at every opportunity over the last couple of years while Democrats complain ineffectually about how mean it is.] Besides, the hospitals! The American Hospital Association will raise all sorts of hell in these states that reject the Medicaid expansion. And then the wingnut governors… will just ignore them and do it anyway.

The White House should draw up a plan on this.

[Texas Tribune, McClatchy/KHH]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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157 comments

      1. Callyson

        I wish the people who allocate votes in the electoral college would do the same…

    1. qwerty42

      Texas is probably 10-12 years away from becoming "majority minority" and voting patterns will begin a startling change.

      1. emmelemm

        Unless they succeed in enacting poll taxes and other voter requirements that the majority cannot meet.

        /already happening

    1. Tommy1733

      Sir, that is just heartless of you to suggest we inflict Texas back onto Mexico.

    2. jaytingle

      Exactly: if it isn't the US, why would Mexicans make any effort to go there? Oh, wait: guns.

  1. SorosBot

    Hey, it's not like the poor vote – the Republican state legislatures have done a lot of work to make sure it's nearly impossible for them to do so.

    1. mwittier

      They just don't get the message anyhow, those Nail Ladies and gardeners. They're likely to be less-educated. They don't need to vote, not really.

      1. PuckStopsHere

        This is the whole enchilada. If we could get poor people to vote–and vote in their own self-interest–we'd have a whole lot less poor people in this country.

  2. Mittens Howell, III

    Perry called it the equivalent of adding more people to a sinking Titanic and proclaimed that he would send in a rescue iceberg.

  3. PsycWench

    If all the poors die, who's going to do the gardening and work at McDonalds? Think, Perry, think.

    1. CrunchyKnee

      There's always a new crop of poors just a few missed paychecks away, dontchaknow.

    2. SorosBot

      Why do you think they're trying to prevent the poors from having access to abortions and birth control? That way they'll always be breeding the next generation of peasants to labor for the nobles.

  4. BaldarTFlagass

    "Perry called it the equivalent of adding more people to a sinking Titanic."

    More like the Lusitania, with Perry playing the role of Kapitänleutnant Walther Schwieger of the Unterseeboot U-20.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      That sound you hear is Perry reading your comment and then climaxing onto his keyboard.

    2. Chichikovovich

      So many things you learn on Wonkette. All these years I thought his brother Helmut Schweiger was Kapitänleutnant.

  5. comrad_darkness

    Texas spends the most per person with worst outcomes. I say we send them zero federal dollars until they fix the docs own the hospitals and labs rampant referral fee scam system they've got down there.

  6. SayItWithWookies

    Because a fully-funded mandate is a terrible infringement on states' rights.

  7. actor212

    This would leave 1.3 million in Texas, a state that proudly persecutes its poor, for fun, without access to medical coverage.

    Personally, I'm waiting for the remake of The Running Man where Texas lets poor people compete for healthcare.

    "My mom has cancer. If I win, I'm going to the MAYO CLINIC!"

    1. Chichikovovich

      Whereupon the Richard Dawson character replies: But if you lose: [leering glance at audience] "Hold the Mayo!"

      Audience: [Raucous laughter and applause]

    2. caitifty

      I think a few reality-tv shows along these lines would be all kinds of entertaining for political impact. Except instead of the Mayo Clinic we could send the winners to India or something like that so the viewers discover even putatively third world countries have better health care options than we do.

  8. noodlesalad

    Texas Republicans would cut off their noses to spite their faces, if they could figure out where their noses were, and who hid all the knives and other assorted pointy objects.

  9. MrFizzy

    Wonder if the Waffen SS provided health coverage for Rickie Boy while he was prancing around in those johdpurs and his Aggie garter belt.

  10. Come here a minute

    Did he mention it's also equivalent to putting more people in the gas chambers at Auschwitz? Or into the twin towers on 9/11? I guess he probably did.

  11. edgydrifter

    If enough of the uninsured poors get sick and die, you don't have to dream up new ways to keep them from voting. WIN-WIN!

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Ha! I think that's why so few people are coming in now. Me, I'm trying to figure out how to sneak into Germany.

  12. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    How old is Perry? Shouldn't he have died at the age of 42 like the rest of the gays?

  13. Jus_Wonderin

    Rick Perry. No. 1 Fuckwad.

    I really want to write his .gov and tell him what a fucking idiot he is. Texas, last in Healthcare or near the fucking bottom. <<<Oh, that is Perry to a T.

    1. Eve8Apples

      All the desk contains is a box of crayons so he can color in those books on the shelves.

  14. sati_demise

    oh, yes, they will be forced to continue to pay for the poors emergency room visits.

    the most expensive, inhumane way to deliver health care naturally.

  15. mavenmaven

    Perry is most proud of how many Texans he's killed since taking office, so why would he stop now?

  16. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    This is when Obama should call the Zetas and say, "Leave Arizona, New Mexico and California out of this…"

  17. MumbletyRadio

    Keep cheating your constituents out of their rightfully deserved life-preservers and this, Governor — like your impudent rejection of stimulus funds, pernicious overtures toward immigrant residents, and aggression toward Planned parenthood –should amount to a delectable shit sandwich, best enjoyed worn on top of your head for that trickle-down effect you find so winning.

    1. sullivanst

      Keep cheating your constituents out of their rightfully deserved life-preservers

      You mean, kinda like not having remotely close to enough lifeboats because you pronounce the ship unsinkable?

      1. MumbletyRadio

        Literally, figuratively, both. Perry strikes me as the type who, if I were saying that to him — in person, as with small children — I'd have to take his own metaphor and hand it back to him dressed up a little, enunciating and holding eye contact to make sure he understands.

  18. anniegetyerfun

    Oh, Dems. Never underestimate a conservative state's willingness to watch its citizens die in order to spite a black leader.

  19. BaldarTFlagass

    Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole.

        Better?

  20. BaldarTFlagass

    Why do I stay in this fucked up state? Must be some kind of Stockholm Syndrome. I guess we'd call it Ft. Stockton Syndrome down here.

  21. rickmaci

    Consistent with Texas tradition, Perry has exercised his authority with a totally irrational act of hubris, putting Texas in an impossible position with no possibility of a favorable outcome and sure death for a good number of Texans. Remember the Alamo!!!

  22. Goonemeritus

    These clowns would be funnier if real people weren’t actually dying. There is a special level in hell for pricks like this.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      Ah, the answer. He is doing this for his afterlife and eternity of pricks. All makes sense now.

  23. Allmighty_Manos

    Texas is determined at all costs to amuse the planet by falling behind Rwanda in well-being index by 2012.

  24. sullivanst

    Of course, the entire crux of Roberts' ruling was that he simply does not care for the Federal government encouraging States to do the right fucking thing by paying for all of it, and will not allow them to be compelled.

    Seems to me like it's time for Sebelius to announce a categorical hardship exemption from the mandate for anyone who would've been eligible for expanded Medicaid but who isn't because their state is governed by fuckheads.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      You've probably got the basics of what will be done once the ACA goes into effect–in states that don't accept the Medicaid expansion, there's probably going to be something that HHS can do to balance, like maybe an expansion of the subsidies to purchase coverage on the exchanges. Maybe.

      1. sullivanst

        Unfortunately the ACA as written does not allow Exchange credits to go to individuals earning less than 100% of the Federal poverty level. I guess they wanted to force everyone below there into Medicaid probably because it's cheaper than the subsidies.

        It'd need a legislative patch to fix that, and you just know the Republicans would never allow such legislation to pass without at least 25,000 poison pill amendments attached, if even then.

  25. Terry

    My first week in grad school at A&M, two young men dressed exactly like that including the sword chased me off some grass I was cutting across near the Student Center on campus. I never in my life imagined I'd be chased by men with swords, let alone for just walking on grass. It sort of set the tone for my whole time at that school.

    The grass around the Student Center is a living memorial to Aggies who died in combat, well, until they tore a lot of it out to build an extension. Important enough to defend at sword point. Not important enough to actually keep.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Being here Deepinaharta, I meet a lot of Aggies. Occasionally I meet one that is sane, i.e. an un-Aggie.

    2. prommie

      And you stayed? I am serious, just you telling this story wierds me out to the nth degree, I would have run screaming andf never gone back to that place of insanity. I will never go there, now. Jesus Christ, what fucking strangeness.

      1. Terry

        Not long, two semesters in College Stagnation, then off to a lovely laboratory to begin construction of my creature, uh, conduct research.

        1. Jennyjen798

          Aggies are just weird. A friend of mine tried to get me to join her @ college station for school but the more she talked about the traditions; the more it freaked me out. Was she going to college or joining a cult?

          I remember one former aggie coworker of mine ONLY wanted to listen to the aggie band in the car pool home from work. Yay for Ipods. :o

    3. horsedreamer_1

      Nihilists? Fuck me, Dude. Say what you will about the tenets of National Socialism Kenyan Mohammedan Lenism, at least it's an ethos.

    4. unclejeems

      Shortly after the end of WW I, students at Baylor University in Waco did something to anger the Aggies. Probably beat them in football. Anyway, the Aggies loaded a train car full of ordnance left over from WW I and aimed it at the Baylor campus. At that time, there were tracks actually crossing campus–to deliver boys and girls to school. The authorities got wind of it, and intercepted the bomb.

      In the 1960s and 1970s, when Rice University (then a member of the Southwest Conference) sent its football team to College Station to play A and effing M in football, it also sent the Marching Owl Band (the MOB) which fields, shall we say, non-traditional performances. When the MOB was playing a medley that made fun of the Aggies little doggie mascot, they were attacked by members of the Aggie Corps, resplendent in boots, hats and full uniforms–and armed with swords. The whole scene would have been reminiscent of a Marx Brothers movie, if the Aggies hadn't actually been serious.

      Just sayin'–they've always been crazy. Perry's just a current example.

      1. Terry

        I was at the A&M-Rice game in College Station in 1986. The Aggies were still pissed off over the Rice folks making fun of Reveille (the collie dog). When the Marching Owl Band took the field, all the "good Ags" stood and turned their back on the band. I didn't. I watched a hilarious show that included a salute to illegal immigration. The band formed the outline of the State of Texas, then had people with pool floats pretend to be swimming across the Rio Grande border.

        Good Ags stand throughout football games to show their readiness to leap on to the field to play, should the need arise. (Years ago, someone did come out of the stands to play to replace a hurt player). One of the first games that Fall, it was really hot and I got lightheaded. Thought I was going to faint, so I sat down and put my head between my knees. The Good Ags around me (not my friends) started pointing at me and screaming "Two Percenter! Two Percenter!" and "Highway 6 brought you into town, it will take you out!". While I had my head between my knees trying not to faint. Ugly ass place.

  26. SoBeach

    The American Hospital Association will raise all sorts of hell in these states that reject the Medicaid expansion. And then the wingnut governors… will just ignore them and do it anyway.

    No they won't. Once the election is over they'll quietly and conveniently forget their grandstanding and belly up to the the trough.

  27. Estproph

    What the doodlefucks in these states are doing is forcing all the poors to move away to states where they can get healthcare. Then they won't have poors anymore, which they think is a win for them – until they actually have to have their lawn mowed or buy a hamburger.

    1. Toomush_Infer

      Naw, this'll lower their unemployment numbers – see how great they are!…

    2. prommie

      This has been happening for decades because of the different levels of welfare benefits between, mostly, north vs. south. Agricultural industrialization (the tractor) first pushed blacks to the north for manufacturing jobs in places like NY, Chicago, and Detroit. But then as jobs dryed up poor blacks continued to migrate for the welfare benefits.

    3. JohnyEdge

      It's not really a problem. Only legal poors would be eligible for the medicaid expansion. Perry justs wants to reduce us Texans into two categories, rich and illegal–cause the legal poor have too many rights and cost too much.

  28. BarackMyWorld

    WHAT THE FUCK????

    I'm sorry, let me rephrase that…

    WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK???

  29. OneDollarJuana

    The main stream Democrats, and the Obama administration in particular, never seem to get that Republican will shit on their own dinners, and eat them, just to spite the Democrats. These are not sane people we are dealing with.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      They're really pissed that they spent all their money on guns and ammo in '09 and there still hasn't been a second civil war yet.

  30. SorosBot

    He needs to kill more poors to make up for his heresy in preventing women from dying from cervical cancer.

  31. dennis1943

    Some behaviors are described as "knee jerk"………..this behavior is just "jerk"…….

  32. ChernobylSoup

    Roberts didn't say jack squat about relocating military bases out of those states.

    1. sullivanst

      We should do that anyway, as preparation for consenting to their secession (whether they ask for it or not).

    2. TootsStansbury

      My thoughts exactly. That NASA thingy? You won't be needing that anymore, Texas.

  33. fartknocker

    It's always nice to my Governor puffing up his ginny cock chest struting around his $9,900/month rental house in Westlake looking out for the health and safety of Texans. I'm sure Rick and Anita's burning bush will have a press release later on this week telling Texans how they are protecting us from abortions.

    The USAG has already ruled your supposed photo voting ID would disenfranchise about 900,000 blacks, hispanics and old folks. You and the Texas AG already are facing 3 lawsuits over your failure to fulfill several constitutional education mandates. Keep fucking that goat Ricky boy.

  34. Doktor Zoom

    …the equivalent of adding more people lifeboats to a sinking Titanic

    FTFY

    Oh, but those would be government lifeboats, so, nahh, let 'em drown.

  35. Toomush_Infer

    Too bad the poors in Texas can't vote – they could vote that their legislators not get health care…

  36. prommie

    He is actually, literally, Niedermayer! Holy shit! Why didn't his troops shoot him?

    1. Thurman Munster IV

      Because the fuckwad is like all chicken hawk republicans. He never got near a battlefield unless you include Miss Lindsey's panties

    1. ttommyunger

      I wore them here in Atlanta for 27 years as a Motorcycle Courier for the Banking/Legal Professions. Badge, gun, Sam Brown Belt. I learned after my retirement that customers referred to me as their "Nazi Courier". Good times!

  37. Sassomatic

    Texas can just solve its healthcare problem like it solved its drought problem: mass prayer. That worked well enough! Oh, it didn't? Huh.

  38. qwerty42

    I kinda don't think this foolishness will work out so well for these nuts. I don't think the folks in their states are going to vote that heavily against their own interests.

    1. HistoriCat

      Sure they will:
      1) socialism is bad
      2) abortion trumps all other issues
      3) the president is near

      trust me – most of these people would vote against their own real interests for any one of those reasons.

  39. chascates

    First governor to take his state back to the 1850s gets a free cotton plantation.

  40. cheetojeebus

    It just baffles the shit out a me why so many 'mericans can be agin' this thing?

  41. Generation[redacted]

    Now watch health care improve in Texas, where Rick Perry shows us all how to do it right.

  42. BoroPrimorac

    Yeah, right. Perry must be ingesting some powerful shit if he thinks the Texas healthcare industry gangsters are going to pass up 1.3 million new Medicaid patients.

    1. Jennyjen798

      Yup, you betcha. Lobbyists are going to be beating down the doors during the summer sessions. Nothing republicans love more than corporate welfare.

  43. ttommyunger

    Perry bridles at the comparison to the Titanic. He assures his fellow Texans they are not sinking like the Titanic but going onward and upward, like the Hindenburg….Stolen from Stephen Colbert's roast of Dubya. A classic if you haven't seen it (You tube).

  44. Walkinwiddaking

    I suppose on some level you could find the jodhpurs hot…if you're Tom Cruise.

  45. DesertTed

    Can we just give Texas back to Mexico? And if they won't take it, how about we throw in Arizona?

  46. CogitoErgoSumo

    Hey, at least in Texas they swab your arm with alcohol before the stick the death needle in. Wouldn't want you to get to hell…and have a cold, too. Preventive medicine on multiple levels, that. (Apologies to George Carlin.)

  47. barto

    it'll be a cold day in hell when someone overestimates the abject lunacy, and mean-spiritedness, of the GOP

  48. NYNYNYjr

    Rick Perry will not subject his poor to tyrranny. Live Free or Die. So, is this going to go on, like every time a state elects a Republican, he'll opt out for his term, and then when they elect a Dem, the states back in, on and on?

  49. DahBoner

    On the other hand, coyotes in Texas will continue to receive better health care than it's residents…..

  50. UOCamila

    One of the many reasons I'm glad I moved to Oregon. Oh, and for some reason, that picture of Perry always reminds me of the Aggie nut squeeze.

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