Here is a lovely thing about gay dudes: they really want their lovers to be happy. And that is why Jim Ready was pretty much pushed into retiring Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank’s lecherous old arms by his own dying partner. And now Ready and Frank are married, and Barney Frank is nice. Man, those gays can make over anything.
In October 2005, Mr. [Jim] Ready — a carpenter and welder who specializes in awnings and runs a small shop, Jim of Most Trades, in Ogunquit, Me. — had been dragged to a local fund-raiser by his longtime partner, Robert Palmer, who knew Mr. Frank from his days as an adviser to former Gov. Michael S. Dukakis.
At the time, Mr. Ready was acting as a full-time caretaker: Mr. Palmer had been struggling with serious illness, and both men knew that he was dying.
The meeting that night was not entirely coincidental. Mr. Palmer “wanted someone to be there for me,” Mr. Ready said. “He was looking for somebody to look out for me when he was gone.” After meeting Mr. Frank, he recalled his partner saying: “He could take care of you.”
Oh, is there something in your eye?
Lawmakers on Capitol Hill said they began to see changes in their usually cantankerous colleague. “I should’ve known you were here,” said one leading House Republican after bumping into Mr. Ready in a hallway. “Barney was nice to me today.”
Haha, Barney Frank has been ruined by his love for his sweet, caring, nurturing, and also nagging young husband. Let us remember together happier times.
[NYT Vows]
{ 232 comments }
The Ready-Frank union. There must be a dick joke in there somewhere.
Because frankfurters, right?
I'm just a sweet travestite…
Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh – erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever.
Hot dog!
Hot dog!
MISSED! You MISSED ME AGAIN! HAHAHAHA.
Almost got me, though. Almost. I was all relaxed and unawares, and clicked the linky.
You rotter!
Don't worry. I'll get you when you least expect it.
Was Dick Armey there to catch the bouquet?
I'd think Miss Lindsey, first.
Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. Isn't that right, Joey Lieberman?
She only came for the cocktails and ham biscuits.
All of 'em, yeah.
"Hey, Armey, what's your wife's name, Vagina Coastguard?"
Affectionately known as "Twat" for short.
Thank you.
David Dreier ? (Sorry, inside baseball.)
That's a good pull there, what I'd expect from a guy with the uncle Sam avatar.
You know, a "dick army" is just another way to describe the Republican Party.
Truer word was never spoke.
All of a sudden I have an urge to marry my cat and he's a male.
Rush was right!!!!!111!
Reminds me of that joke about the lonely cat lady who went to a witch looking for love. The witch gave her a potion and said "Give this to anyone you really fancy, and they'll turn into the handsome prince of your dreams." So she gave it to her big ginger tom.
Whereupon, kazam! Wham, bam! There before her surprised eyes stood a tall handsome GINGER with piercing green eyes and a body to die for. Leaning forward, he took her in his arms, folding her close to his powerful chest, and brushing her ear with his lips, he whispered, "NOW aren't you sorry you had me neutered?"
The classics never go out of style.
So glad you enjoyed it.
Sounds more like Rick Santorum was right …
Congratulations Barney!
Sorry, the last post got me on the verge of renouncing my atheism, so I feel moral and joyous and hopeful for the first time in my life.
Wake me up when Lindsay and Marcus elope in Provincetown.
I have no love for Lindsay, but even I think he has better taste than that.
Those two queens would get the crap beaten out of them by bears in assless chaps if they came to ptown.
Only if the bull dykes didn't throw them off the Pilgrim Dildo first.
Sometimes a sand dune is just a sand dune.
I want to snuggle with this story ♥
Barney in his teddy pictures or GTFO.
Seriously, congrats Barney & Jim. Are you guys going to go north of Ogunquit and moon the Bushie compound in Kenny'sbunkport?
No teddy pictures yet, but maybe this will give you something to work with: http://gawker.com/5869494/barney-frank-has-libera…
Jim Ready for Barney's Frank.
There we are.
Yup, that's the one.
Eureka! You found it!
Damn. I can't think of one single joke that won't make me sound insensitive or homophobic. Is this what it feels like to be a Republican?
No, because they brazenly say that stuff and then get self-righteous when called on it. Any criticism of homophobes is an assault on freedom of speech.
Dunno, do you want to probe me trans-vaginally?
Worst pick up line.
Um….is this a trick question?
Are we talking Voyager or V'ger probing, because I have a thing for bald chicks.
Persis Khambatta!
Republicans give entire primary elections to homophobics and insensitive is a requirement for all of them.
No. You'd have to say it with a smug sense of self-satisfaction for you to feel like a Republican. That you recognize it right off the bat as even possibly insensitive disqualifies you. Sorry…err…congratulations. lol
Way to dash Marcus Bachmann's hopes and dreams, Barney.
I got a bit misty-eyed reading that story this morning. Yay for old queers!
Thank you.
(Dabs eyes) I hate it when a nice vicious streak of snark is all ruined by lovey-dovey romantic shit.
Congrats, Barney, and a very happy married life to you and Jim. (SOB!)
The gayest thing about this story is that he named his shop "Jim of Most Trades."
Agreed.
Might he include some rough ones, perhaps?
Mitch and Lindsay asked me to inquire. We were knockin' back a few at the A House before Tea Dance, and they were just wondering.
This is funny because?
Because shut up.
While you were distracted reading it someone was stealing your car?
Because HA HA TWO MEN GETTING MARRIED??? I WANT MY COUNTRY BACK!!!
Oh, hon, how MANY times do I have to tell you, it's "TAKE ARE CUNTRY BAK!"
We'll never make a teabagger of you if you don't unlarn that gramma/spelling shit right soon.
Hangs head
I'll need a steel-wool shower to rinse off the stench of failure.
(Hugs imissopus) Aww, you remembered my steel-wool!
You forgot to add: "You morans."
(Hangs head; dies of shame; crawls offstage)
It wasn't originally funny, but you wondering why it isn't is what made it funny. Thanks for making me laugh out loud.
That is, like, totally … METAcruel, dood.
Dear Wonkette – thanks for being so sneeringly sarcastic about gay people, since they're always treated with kid gloves everywhere else. Have you run out of televangelists, Tea Partiers and Republicans to mock?
What the fuck are you talking about? This is possibly the nicest post I have ever written that didn't involve Old Handsome Joe Biden.
Love means never having to say you're blurry.
Sounds like a bug crawled up somebody's butt.
He'll have a lot of company up there with the gerbils.
And The Wild Hare!
All the best love stories involve sneering sarcasm.
Take Woody Allen, for instance.
Hey now Stubby, this is a love story, not sneering sarcasm. Maybe you need to go somewhere else where you can keep up with the content.
Not everything is funny to us ~ wonkett.
Oh, look, it's the BabyQueers, whining for all they're worth.
Not to piss on your parade here or anything, darls, but you need to learn to read for *context.* Something you could develop if you'd get your face out of boyfriend's boxed-dick for a minute or two per day.
Maybe they think every post is as sincere as posts on the Weird Nut Daily?
I don't think they quite understand how things are done 'round these here parts.
And I'm usually too tired/lazy/or have a I-don't-give-a-fuck attitude to point it out to them.
Ugh…I'm feeling I'm fallin' in maw of negativity. So, I need to think about…buttsechs!
Buttsechs can be counted on to get one's mind off anything else pronto.
Also too boobies. Or moobies.
We will never run out of televangelists, Tea Partiers and Republicans to mock. Non sequitur. Does not follow.
How's the air up there? Does everything fly so high above your head?
Hurray! We have a new troll! And of a spicy Brazilian flavor!
I hope he brought enough pamonha for everyone. I could go for a Brazilian tamale right now. Shoot, I could go for any kind of tamale right now. Damn, where's that cabana boy gone off to now?
Is he a supermodel or a soccer (futboll) player?
Ladyboy porn star.
Hot!
I was wondering if that was Portuguese.
Must suck to speak a language that most don't understand.
(Love the colors in their flag, though.)
Now, now, children. Watch the claws. They make *such* a mess when they bleed!
It's on my case already about my p-ness. Fucking size queen.
And proud of it, irmã!
In a better America this wouldn't be news at all. But in a better America Barney Frank would have been a high ranking House member.
In a better America, Barney Frank would have been president. But he was cursed with not only the gay, but also being genuinely funny. We already had one quick-witted, non-racist from Taxachusetts in the White House. Can't have two.
I could totally have enjoyed a Barney Frank presidency. Can you imagine the tongue-lashing the fucking Israelis would get when they pulled any shite on him?
He wasn't?
BTW, I have to say that maybe in a better America this would have been slightly different news (if they can heap upon us celebrity marriages, they can giving passing mentions of congresspersons getting married), because from how I've seen it covered, it's really not that big a deal in the media.
Is this "no sense of humor day" and nobody told me?
Not sure. Are you refering to the posts, or the commenters, who all seem to be on the fucking rag?
Commenters, and I'm glad you said it so maybe they won't all yell at me.
Believe it or not, I actually like to give people the benefit of the doubt when they are being AWFUL. Because I am a big fucking lib. So I am going to assume they are all in the horrible heatwave and they are miserable and they can't help it.
I STILL LOVE YOU, COMMENTERS, EVEN THOUGH YOU SUCK TODAY.
Love,
Becca
Can I be spanked now?
Yes, we need more Lee Camp(s) to ignite our mortal coils.
Hey, mang, what's this "suck today" shit? We don't gotta be on 24/7 either, pretty lady, and don'tchu forget it, mang.
Hey, I'm having a great time, I don't know what anybody's all bent about.
Except the troll. I'm fucking with the troll.
that must the problem with the police officer sans badge who just pulled me over, screamed and screamed at me(if I had killed someone or robbed a store- I'd expect screaming) and made me go back across the street where he claimed I backed into a car- except there was no mark on the car(and the other officer said"I didn't see anything- guess he knew his friend was doing "something").
Hey, whoa! That's pretty shitty! (Hugs finallyhappy) Good thing it's Sunday, darls, pour yourself a nice tall glass of something cool with something, you know, HEALTHY in it. Like a big dollop of brandy.
Geez, I guess the heat is getting to people.
It seems to be 'no sense of humor week end' I am blaming the heat wave.
Yeah, I saw you getting bitched out before in the other thread. THE COMMENTERS ARE TURNING ON EACH OTHER! Everyone hide!
What happened to our new, kinder, gentler Mommyblog Wonkette?
Maybe it wasn't gettin' enough eyeballs.
I miss out on ALL the good stuff. Damn.
Ready and Frank
Honeymoon in Niagara,
Thank God BigPharm
Will give them Viagra.
Burma Shave.
Awesomeness
Mr. Ready looks pretty good in nicely cut morning suit.
Mr Ready looks good in nicely cut morning
suitwood.fify.
Finding a forty year old partner when I'm seventy is a big part of my retirement plan.
I went the other way, I found one who is 20 years older so that I can be a rich, horny widow.
Oh, shit, I forgot that rich part.
It's key, or at least has really good life insurance!
I never was that good at thinking things through.
Be sure to steal his or her password and check who the direct beneficiary is on that policy. Then change it to: You.
You can sleep easier, and be a happier, more-loving spouse.
Yeah, I know. Sucks, don't it?
My retirement plan is to hang out here & comment until y'all raise enough cash to pay me to go away…
Sorry for you, but a Brazilian just cut in line.
Is it Carlinhos Bown? I'll stand in line…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7tlEfKvtVU
Something tells me we'll be having the pleasure of your company for a LONG time.
Actually my REAL retirement plan is to find a winning lottery ticket lying around somewhere.
Or maybe I should go with the Wal-Mart strategy & take out life insurance policies on people I don't even know.
Hey! My company took out insurance policies on us workers! And we're all old farts in iffy helf, too.
"If any person here can show cause why these two people should not be joined in holy matrimony…"
Nope there aren't any.
I like the "nagging" comment. People nag because they care. I hope my wife never stops nagging.
Gawd, that was almost as sweet as the post.
Sorry, Jukes, you must not have gotten the memo that the post is NOT sweet, but rather is an affront to gays everywhere. Please get with the times!
I think the heat is making us liberals overly sensitive and/or militant this weekend. What can you do?
Totally OT, but there you are.
Will there be an update on the prospective July 13 Meaty Drinkup? Like, where?
Some of us have to arrange hotels and suchlike.
Alan Greenspan didn't admit his policies were bullshit until after he married Andrea Mitchell, so maybe marriage to someone much younger helps straight be people seem more reasonable too?
I could watch the "dining room table" retort all day!
It was my mom's favorite. I brought her the video when she was in hospice,
Hope she's doing OK, star.
I can't think of any better medicine than a crusty ol' Dem owning a winger lunatic.
Absolutely choice. Never gets old!
There has to be a Mike Bloomberg joke in there, too.
"Who wrote this shit?"
It's no fun to protest on an empty stomach.
So EAT THE RICH!
What does he know about empty stomachs?
More than Chris Christie does?
I so approve of this union. It gives hope for our Union.
But, I was hoping Barney would wed a Fred.
Or a Stallone.
I am seriously happy about this, I am proud that I live in one of the states where this can happen as well.
"Jim of Most Trades" sounds like a not-too-picky stockbroker. I was gonna say 'Used car salesman', but that would have to be "Jim of Most Trade-Ins'", nu?
Jim must be super-handy around the house.
I'm jealous!
Barney's earned the right to be happy.
Congratulations to the both of them.
I hate Wonkette stories like this. It's tough coming up with more than two or three smarmy comments about someone I admire.
From one Massachusetts boy to two others — Salute, James and Barney!
This is all Obama's fault.
Mazel Tov Barney and Jim!!!
I find this article hard to masturbate to.
Hey, I'm a "confirmed bachelor!" What's so damn funny about that?
I've had a fucked-up week on the "past loves whose memory still haunts" front, so it's blessed relief to read this story today. Mazel Tov, you crazy kids.
(Hugs)
Have a gay wedding, Barney and James. Have a gay ol' time. We all know the catering and the music will be fabulous. Will they write their own ceremony?
The actual vows are a thing over on TPM, so yep.
All I can say is that I wish Barney and Frank all the luck and happiness in the world.
I saw that Barney Frank had gotten married but had no idea of the backstory.
Have to go now, keyboard's gotten all blurry for some reason.
(Hugs the CRE_ature) Yeah, it's real sweet and touching. Ahem!
Back to your regularly scheduled vicious snark.
Yes, by all means back to what it is that we do here
But first, the lessons from this tale:
* There are happy endings. Sometimes.
* No one among us can tell the length of time we have here on earth. If you're so fortunate to have someone in your life that loves you, never forget, not for one minute how fucking lucky you are to have found them in such a crowd.
That is all.
Word.
Thanks
Yes. To all of it.
Good.
good for the boys!
We should stop looking for Mr. Ready and settle instead for Mr Ready Now.
With a side order of Mr. Eveready.
For the past few years I've had an on-off fling with a certain Mr. Already?. I haven't figured out why.
Yay for them, seriously. I hope my daughter doesn't marry until she's 40 or so (we're pretty sure my son will only marry when you can legally wed all of your gaming platforms simultaneously) – and if she can catch anyone as awesome as Mr. Frank, all the better.
"will only marry when you can legally wed all of your gaming platforms simultaneously"
that made me laugh
Well, you wouldn't want the PSP to feel slighted when you walk the X-Box and the good old laptop down the aisle, would you?
Lol…X-Box. Electronic marriage porn.
Do electric sheep dream of … oh, never mind.
Wait- are you my husband? but then again we are nowhere near Berkeley and he isn't very funny.
Maybe – my wife doesn't think I'm all that funny (funny looking, but not funny), and I live 600 miles or so from Berkeley these days (which is actually the closest I've been on a permanent basis since 1998).
This post makes Caiden Cowger either really happy or really rage-y.
With a name like that, he or she is probably unhappy all the time. Unless he or she is Welsh, and if so I apologize. Go Celts!
That was an interesting comment about multiple marriages in the North v South. I couldn't find data on remarriages, but here is something on which states make it easier (or harder)to get divorced: http://bloom.bg/tavj4T
Of course, we get many retirees in the South so I guess that could raise the rate of remarriage? And mortality rates could be a confounding factor?
ETA: Found info on remarriages here: http://bit.ly/subhTZ
I've always read that red states have a lot more divorces than blue states.According to the Atlantic Wire (Commies, ya know, so take it with a grain of salt), “… of the 20 states with the highest divorce rates, 14 voted for John McCain in 2008. The states where people call it quits the most frequently are Arkansas, Maine, Oklahoma, Alabama, Kentucky, and Alaska.”They quoted a sociologist who said, “… young adults in the South and West tend to have less education and marry earlier, both of which lead to a higher risk of divorce.” Not to mention, don't blame the gays.Three of the four states with the lowest divorce rates allow gay marriage.
Looks like OK & AR are the leaders with 3rd marriages & that makes sense since they seem to get started at a younger age.
With people moving around so much, it gets harder to generalize about regional differences.
And it only makes sense that states that value the right of all its citizens to marry would have populations that value marriage.
Excellent point.
Tomorrow's NY Post cover headline: LESBIANS SCREAM: "WE'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU BARNEY?"
Hey everybody who keeps asking me when and where the SF Drinky Thing is? It's here: http://wonkette.com/475951/are-we-going-to-san-fr…
Thank you. I've been in sporadic internet contact for a week or so, and it didn't occur to me to look for an update.
This will be a great place to meet smart women fer sure.
The only downer about this is that Barney didn't toss the bouquet and yell, "And on top of that, I've decided to run again! " Although, truthfully, I hope Barney gets to spend his retirement getting exhausted by his boy toy. Mazel tov!
Extra fun irony alert: when this story broke on Twitter last night, the first linked story I read mentioned Barney and Jim got married at a Marriott. So, a Mormon owned business hosted one of the most celebrated gay weddings this year. Maybe this will inspire them to BACK THE FUCK OFF their fight against gay marriage. Maybe pretty please?
"… Mormon owned business…"
Money usually trumps misplaced moral outrage. Conservatives can say whatever they want to about Barney Frank, he's not likely to bounce a check.
Because he's an honorable ( and liquid) guy, yes. But wouldn't it be great if he DID bounce the check & skip town? "So long, suckers!"
"Fuck you and the your angel Moroni, too!"
And Mitt Romney's Cayman account goes "Ka-Ching!"
That's a lovely sentiment, my dear.
I'm just *so happy* about this, in a *pink-n-purple-ribbons* *twinkletoes* sort of way. You know, where you just want to pirouette around, seizing random strangers on the street and treating them to snatches of song.
treating them to snatches
Ew.
*Such* a bad boy!
Aww! That's so sweet! I must admit to getting foggy when my maturing gay curmudgeon heroes do something romantic. Romantic with a side if practicality, but romantic nevertheless.
Something about those curmudgeons, eh?
Best wishes, Barney and Jim. Many happy years together and may you see changes in state laws to permit many more such events.
Imagine the scrotum of an old, grey, dry 72 year old man.
Be my guest.
Jim Ready is hawt. But then, the good ones are either sy or married. And now, both.
I'm glad somebody loves Barney Frank. He may vote right, but he has been an ungracious jerk every time I've ever seen him on the TV. He makes Barry Bonds look like Santa Claus. (Just holding up my end of the tone for the weekend.)
Oh, come on. Barry didn't bulk up that much.
I love Barney Frank. But then, I'm a nasty old curmudgeon with an acid tongue and a spiny disposition. :)
I would like to see a television situation comedy in which Barney Frank and Charlie Rangel share an apartment and chew all available scenery, along with the English language, for a half hour of old man hijinks.
The Dodd Couple
You all are too quick for me. Thank the gawds the wife is in the shower so I can sneak a couple of snifters of scotch and at least pretend to myself to be fast on the uptake.
I find I need lotsa drogas to stay competitive myself, and I'm doing a terrible job of it notwithstanding.
I've got the down to seeds and stems again blues :-(
For what it's worth, my congressman is Jerry Nadler, the straight Barney Frank.
How nice is that!
I wish I could say mine was Fortney (Pete) Stark, a crusty old curmudgeon as ever breathed (but so nice to kitties and puppies), but alas. Perhaps someday I'll luck out and get Alan Grayson, or someone equally firebreathing fierce.
It's not all sunshine and lollipops in the Big Apple. We've also got Chuck Schumer to contend with. But our state senator and city councilwoman are bitchin' progs. So why do I feel so uneasy? (Hint: it involves real estate developers, bankers. my soulless money manager neighbors and this guy who pretends to be our mayor.)
Oy, Bloomberg. I can't stand that little twat. Chuck is a schmuck, but not too bad, as schmucks go.
What is that wonderful line from Saki? "She was a good cook, as cooks go; and as cooks go, she went"? Totally unrelated, don't mind me.
Damn, that's pretty open-minded. Many terminally ill spouses tell each other that they can remarry, but picking out the future spouse? And, yet, there are still even a few others who joke of haunting their spouse from beyond if they ever get remarried again. lol
If you really love someone, and you know your time is running out, you would want to be sure they were taken care of, wouldn't you?
No, it totally makes sense, I was just saying I hadn't heard about this (finding your spouse a future spouse) that often.
I guess the straight community hasn't had to deal with certain death quite so often as the gay community has.
Mazal Tov!
And of course the unreported part of my pleasure in this story is the fact that it drives those who know they will never find perfect a soul-mate absolutely nucking futs…I'm talking to you, Rush, Coulter, etc, etc….
Seriously, Im so amazed with this story. Truly, everyone really deserves to be happy, even at their age now. Best wishes, to both of them. May you have more happy years together. Congratulations!
Did someone mention spanking?
I want to watch!
Yes and not the verbal kind.
That's for sure.
not the verbal kind
No tongue lashings then? :(
I blame it on a dearth of buttsechs.
HA! Pdog cured me, at least temporarily, of my urge to clicky linkies. I place my thumb on my nose and wiggle my fingers at you.
I fart in your general direction.
(Waves hands around frantically
Opens mouth to speak
Dies)
It still amazes me that they can do that. My advice is to hang around a good while & make 'em wait for their payout!
And in The City That Never Sleeps, too! How can this be?
Right after that, they laid off 40% of the workforce and sold the company. Not the brightest bulbs in the chandelier.
Just keep nattering away about God knows what, you guys!
So why can't we get excessive pay to make bad decisions?
Obvs, we're not sucking the right (yeah, I said "right") dicks.
Uh-huh. 'Cause you wouldn't know NUFFINK about none a' that, nuh-UH. Nope. (pulls beret over eye, whistles innocently)
Well, that's a depressing thought. I guess those of us who weren't born with the silver spoons in our mouths are expected to fill that space in a more productive way…
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