heaven is a place where nothing ever happens

Sundays With Jamie Kilstein And The Lord: Oh No Here Comes An Atheist

Little known fact: angels are made of fried eggsSince many of MSNBC’s afternoon shows have fallen flat and Dylan Ratigan left to find himself, the network had to act fast. So what do many of these boring shows with blah ratings have in common? Only one host! So MSNBC thought, our ratings will HAVE to go up if we have a show with FIVE hosts right?! It’s basic MATH! Here we come Fox News! Five people limping towards the finish line.

So now we have The Cycle. You know, like your period! One of the hosts of The Cycle is S.E Cupp. A Republican and an atheist. So you would think since she doesn’t believe Jesus is coming on horseback to slay the Jews and Gays she may be smarter than your average Republican.

But it appears to sell books she needs to be a self-hating atheist. IT IS SO HARD 2 B SMART!

This week, S.E Cupp, an Atheist, said on THE CYCLE (it’s a little better if you yell it) that she would never vote for an atheist to be president. Hmm.

I almost respect believers who won’t vote for an atheist more. If you tell me you aren’t going to vote for Barack Obama because he believes that dinosaurs were real…respect. You’re fucking crazy, but consistent. If you tell me you aren’t going to vote for an atheist because he doesn’t believe in the fairytales you don’t believe in, but should pretend to believe those fairytales in order to appeal the stupid serfs, then you are a pretentious asshole.
To me an atheist is not someone who hates all religious people. I’m an atheist and just because I am doesn’t mean when I see a child go “YAY IT’S CHRISTMAS!” I kick him into a puddle and say Christmas?! You believe in that shit?! What are you a fucking idiot?! Read Leviticus man!”

It’s just if you want to be a sexist, homophobic, global-warming-denying sociopath because you heard that there was a sexist homophobic global warming denying dude in the sky with his son who can’t take a punch THEN I have a problem with you.

People seem to think that atheists believe in nothing, when in reality (the place that isn’t in the clouds) the opposite is true. Because I don’t believe in an afterlife, I treat this life like it’s all I got. I do what I can to take care of people because I don’t believe a god is doing that. I give to charity because God has a habit of fucking over places that aren’t very white.

If there is a heaven, awesome, I’m going to eat until I get kicked out. But right now evidence shows that there is not, so what’s the harm of electing someone who doesn’t want to facilitate end times?

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344 comments

      1. charliearglist

        Yes. A metaphor for Mitt's manbusiness, and on Mitt's little oligarchal afterlife planet they will all be playing it.

    1. MumbletyRadio

      I'm just relieved to finally know what that one prophet meant about "Take my yolk upon you" — still it seems from this pic that getting fitted for heaven ain't overly easy.

      1. TribecaMike

        True bit o' trivia: The "seer stone" used by Joseph Smith (and many other con artists of his day) was described by his followers as being egg-shaped.

    2. hippie13

      Is blowing something celestial wives are allowed to do? I'm guessin' thats too naughty for people who believe in magic underwear…it might also explain the multiple wives…a bit of variety that you might not otherwise get without a fully optimizable "regular" wife.

      1. MittBorg

        I don't know if celestial wives are *allowed* to, but I can tell you, there's a hella lotta women who just plain won't. In heaven all women will think blow jobs are wonderful. Of course, all men will also think cunnilingus is wonderful. Or maybe it's, you know, heaven, and they'll have other stuff on their minds.

  1. Sharkey

    Let me tempt you to the dark side of:

    AGNOSTIC

    We think there is a force that guides humanity (or maybe, all of life?) towards great things (perhaps self-preservation), but we don't think that people need to become organized to recognize/acknowledge it.

    It simply is, you cannot fight against it, and you cannot fight for it. And when you die, you are finally at peace and don't have to worry about shit like whether you are happy or in pain.

        1. MumbletyRadio

          This, from the former Christopher Walken tweeter-impersonator:

          My father used to say that an honest man could find God everywhere but that it wouldn't kill me to look around every once in a while anyway."

      1. OurDailyBread

        Nope, atheists and theists both think there is semantic content to, "God exists." They just differ on the truth or falsity of the proposition, and, of course, what counts as evidence for or against such a truth claim.

        I reject that "God exists" is a truth claim. Denying it is as epistemically mistaken as affirming it.

    1. Sharkey

      EDIT: My OPINION is that agnosticism offers hope where atheism does not. I have hope for the future of life on Earth, as well as the rest of the Universe, to include humanity. I can't quantify it. But first and foremost, organized religion offers misguided hope that leads to war and destruction – I simply tolerate that as a passing, temporal problem.

      1. gullywompr

        Hope and atheism are not mutually exclusive concepts. Quite the opposite. Think about it…

    2. MittBorg

      A vast, impersonal Beingness?

      All I know is, when I die I won't have to worry about the fucking mortgage any more or the pain. That's good enough for me.

      1. new_pic_for_NEWTer

        MB – I might be being a bit presumptuous here, but that sounds very hopeless – not your usual – are you okay?
        Finding peace in a completely indifferent universe is possible – it isn't easy but it can be done. …and I promise you as your brain shuts down at the end, whenever it is – you won't be thinking about the mortgage.

        1. MittBorg

          (Hugs you) Thank you for asking, my friend. I am a bit down in the mouth — failed the fire inspection of my property, which means a summer spent down on the hill, cutting brush and being gouged to death by thorny roses and bougainvilleas. Your kindness has registered on my DepressoMeter, kicking it completely out of my life (at least temporarily) and reminding me that I love me some Wonketz, and it's a beautiful day out there.

          1. Geminisunmars

            And you know that the Wonketz loves you. And G-d too. Whether he/she/it is agnostic, atheist, or blankety-blank.

      2. Boojum

        How very Buddhist of you. Life = dukkha = suffering. Nirvana = "blown out" = end of suffering.

        Why hope for more existence? There is one life. We all have the same amount, by that measure.

    3. LetUsBray

      I have to say your understanding of agnosticism is pretty different from mine. 'Agnostic' is from a Greek word meaning 'not knowing' – to be agnostic is not to know whether there's anything beyond humanity or not. There may be a god or gods, or there may be this guiding force, but it's unknown and unknowable.

      Or, to put it in terms that would fit on a bumper sticker and therefore suitable for contemporary debate:

      MILITANT AGNOSTIC: I don't know, and neither do you!

      1. SayItWithWookies

        "Not knowing?" I thought it came from the Greek for "I don't believe in God but I"m still afraid of Him."

        1. HateMachine

          I'm more of the "Agnostic-Apathetic" or Apatheistic persuasion. It holds that the question of the existence or nonexistence of a deity or deities is purely academic, holds no importance for actual human existence, etc.

          I prefer the literal breakdown of the name: Don't know, don't care.

          1. SayItWithWookies

            I'm envious — in my benighted land, people go on and on about what God wants, and use these rationales for all manner of corruption and perversion, and have a vital interest in denying people like me any kind of credibility on up to (if they had their way) the rights of citizenship just because I don't have the same idiotic beliefs that they do.

            Pray tell what is this beautiful and free country you live in? I might need to take refuge there some day.

          2. HateMachine

            I live in America, in the Bible Belt.

            I should clarify about Apatheism, because I think I'm being misunderstood. I don't think that the beliefs of others have no relevance to my life. Of course that's not true.

            When it comes to the question of "is there a god," the crazy guesses other people come up with and the way they apply that to society affect me, certainly. But the actual, true answer doesn't really matter to me. I'm going to live my life according to what I think is right, and if I die and there's nothing after that, then that's that. If I die and there's a god up there that's the sort of lunatic asshole described down at the Southern Baptist pulpit, who wants to be vindictive about me not going to church much, then I don't care. I wouldn't have worshipped the asshole anyway.

            So, yeah. I care about the goofy, appalling shit people do in the name of religion. But whether or not there actually is a god has zero impact on my life to date, nor will there be one going forward.

          3. SayItWithWookies

            Well it matters to me, insofar as without a deity I don't have to entertain systems of ethics based on what an arbitrary authoritarian god determines.

            It's actually kind of liberating when wants to know if this or that practice is religiously okay (Is yoga un-Christian? Would God approve of abortion?) to be able to answer that it doesn't matter — my ethics can be centered around the earthly and humanistic needs we have to treat everyone equally and with equal dignity and the objections of so-called religious scholars can be rightly set aside.

          4. HateMachine

            My ethics are centered in the same way, so I'm really not sure where your big point of disagreement is.

          5. SayItWithWookies

            Just a trivial one — if some deity exists and has handed down some sort of arbitrary system of ethics, then the question of what god wants ought to be seriously considered. If one knows that a particular deity definitely doesn't exist, then that god's ethics can be tossed aside without any further consideration.

            Much hand-wringing is devoted to whether The LORD approves of one practice or another. In addition to having your own ethics that work for you, it's a big time-saver to know you don't have to worry about others' ethics because they're invalid.

          6. Boojum

            The problem here is that you have not been touched by His Noodly Appendage. Pastafarian is the one true faith.

        2. LetUsBray

          Just a recognition that there is still mystery in the universe, and anyway it's extremely difficult to prove something doesn't exist. And I for one do like proof.

          1. Negropolis

            If a god or gods do exist, then it can't be god. The entire point of god in our major monotheistic religions is that it's something outside the detection capabilities of the universe(s).

            It's why I struggle with labeling myself, anything, but more on the side of atheism as I get older. I guess it'd be even more accurate to say that I'm an agnostic atheist, and that is to say I don't care either way but with all of the proof pointing to a conventionally 'godless' universe. There may very well be things/beings we've yet to detect in the universe with our technology, things that live right next to us and between us, things that may even interact on our behalf (negatively and positively) without us realizing it quite yet. But, if those things do exists, they are not divine, are subject to at least some of the laws of our universe, and thus could not be a god or gods.

          2. SayItWithWookies

            If theists keep redefining god such that its existence can't be proven, that's suspicious enough for me — hell, even Saul of Tarsus told his followers to be like children and stop asking so many damn questions.

            But more specifically, there are zillions of gods — name the god and I'll give you the reason it doesn't exist. For example, clearly the god that created the universe 6,000 years ago doesn't exist, unless we want to devolve into solipsism and assert that said god also planted all kinds of fake evidence as well.

            And various other gods have followers who never asserted that he hid evidence of himself because he wanted his followers to come to him via faith and not evidence. Those gods — Zeus, Odin, etc., clearly don't exist.

          3. sezme

            Look, just because there might possibly be a gigantic invisible pink elephant in the room with me doesn't mean that I have to entertain the possibility that it exists unless I have proof to the contrary. That's why agnosticism can be described as lazy: take a position!

      2. Naked_Bunny

        Your understanding is correct.

        Both theists and atheists can be agnostic. It is not a middle ground between the two.

      1. LetUsBray

        What atheism evidently has in common with religious faith is the potential to take a position and be a complete dick about it.

        1. Boojum

          Atheism is a belief system. It is one grounded in the observable universe, but a belief system nonetheless. Therefore, dicks also too are possible.

          1. Negropolis

            A belief system kind of implies something to be believed as opposed to something measurable. Atheism isn't a belief system, though, some atheist do have "belief systems." Many atheists couldn't care less about a system of belief, probably most of them, in fact.

            Yeah, some atheist can be dicks, but it's not necessarily because of a belief system.

          2. Boojum

            One has to believe that the observation is a valid method of discovering truth. As such a belief requires reliance on observation, it is circular and therefore not subject to proof, i.e., requires faith. Therefore, belief system.

            Much like the inductive principle itself, which relies on the inductive principle to prove its validity.

    4. Dudleydidwrong

      OT but not very. A friend sent me this:
      What is the difference between a philosopher and a theologian?

      Both are blind people searching in a dark room for a non-existent black cat. The theologian however finds the cat.

      1. Boojum

        Or, rather, finds something that makes him feel warm and fuzzy and he believes it is a cat.

    5. billy_reuben

      The word you're looking for is 'deist', not 'agnostic'.

      Agnostics don't affirm any deity, even an exceedingly vague one, since they have commitment issues and/or are afraid of self-identifying with a culturally loaded term, so they go all wishy-washy.

      Deists just want to have it both ways: their emotional investment in their magic skydaddy to be validated… but without the part where He watches them touch themselves in the shower. If you have to compromise, i guess you could do worse.

  2. fishskicanoe

    So what rationale did Ms. Cupp use to back her assertion? That other than her all atheists are members of The Party?

    1. valthemus

      You mean cynicism and pandering aren't good reasons to pretend you believe in god these days? They've always been the standard rationale before.

      1. MittBorg

        Indeed.

        I have to wonder how many of those who profess to believe in a god actually do. From the unadulterated glee with which they indulge in all those acts that their Sacred Books decry, one is tempted to speculate that these schmucks think that God's wrath will never fall on them.

  3. ratcityrebel

    Her whole reason for being is to give conservatism a sort of intellectual gravitas. A well-educate, seemingly reasonable person who actually says illogical, crazy shit for some of that sweet Wingnut Welfare. (And who wears an open-backed cocktail dress on a show where your back is at some point to the camera?)

    1. MittBorg

      I don't understand this style of dress. When I was a yoof, ladies wore cocktail dresses to cocktail parties. At work, they dressed professionally. These days it seems any skank who's willing to let her tits hang out on teevee is liable to be labeled a "conservative commenter/pundit." That's all it takes.

    2. Antispandex

      An intellectual conservative….sure, like that's a real thing. I will believe she is really an atheist when she stands up on Fox News and screams, "I'm sick of your preachy bullshit. If there's a god, why doesn't he strike me down right NOW". Then, calmly sit back down as if nothing had happened. That is pretty much the "intellectual gravitas" of both Fox, and most atheists I've met.

        1. Antispandex

          Oh, please, trust me, they let you know! If I have to hear one more self righteous "Uh, geeze, you still believe in those fairy tales?", I'll puke. Being religious doesn't mean you have a monopoly on being preachy.

  4. the_problem_child

    Cupp really wants to believe in a god, though, she claims. Since none of the religions on offer appeal to her enough, she's a conservative.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      That's like believing you were adopted because your dad doesn't beat you enough for him to have been your real father. What a dipshit way to look at the world.

      1. Boojum

        In this case, I think one could not claim that a creator, actor deity was an adoptive father. I mean, look around. Beatings, as far as the eye can see.

    1. hippie13

      Angel food cake is mass genocide…we have all heard the question how many angels can dance on the head of a pin? Imagine the billions needed to make a cake…mmm you can really taste the angel.

    2. sharethegrief

      Angel food cake only contains egg whites, making heaven just like a country club.

      1. MittBorg

        And it can give you the royal, colon-spasming shits.

        Go with the devil's-food cake. It's rich, tasty, and easier on the gut.

  5. sbj1964

    Not everyone can swallow the Bullshit story of the bible that a 3 headed God,Ghost,Man Cosmic Jew came down to earth and raped a 13 year old girl so he could impregnate her with himself so that he could later sacrafice himself to himself for rules he himself put in place,and while he was down here told people that they can live forever if they drink his blood,and eat his flesh,and that they don't have to burn in hell forever just because some naked Tart got conned into eating a piece of fruit from a magical tree by a talking snake.

    1. Designer_Radio

      Uh, when you deliver the full message all at once, it sounds CRAAAAZEEEEE. That's why it's spread out across a 1,500 page book and you only get to learn one small "lesson" per week at church — No one reads the "difficult read" of a book, and focusing on a few verses per week gives you time to get drunk and forget it all in between.

    2. Boojum

      What's wrong with that? It makes him sound like your average Republican/Lieberman member of Congress. Except the 13 year old was a girl.

  6. SorosBot

    As Libertarians are smug, self-important authoritarians who believe that they are superior to everyone else, those who are atheists tend to believe religion is fine for the masses, to keep them deluded and in line while only the select superior few are to reject religion. Those of us atheists who actually have consciences and want to see a better world would rather not delude the majority of people.

      1. Isyaignert

        So true – KKKarl calls the religious nutz who fall for his evil BS "rubes" because they're obviously willing to believe any damn thing that's thrown at them.

    1. Sharkey

      Those of us atheists who actually have consciences and want to see a better world …

      Do you have hope and do you believe in forgiveness? You might actually be an agnostic :)

      1. MumbletyRadio

        See, this is where I remain conflicted. I'm a believer, acquainted w/ an atheist or three, and yet the burden of proof* would seem to fall on those advocating dead-for or dead-against an idea[l] — with those along the scale of something-in-between, or skeptics/ inquirers/ "agnostics," not so much Lazy but *more* willing to wrestle with the tougher questions that can be engaged in formulating an argument pro/anti-deity.

        *being as how God's existence can be neither proven nor disproven, the tension of the in-between ought to be (and has been) producing grist for rigorous inquiry; being creatures of mind equipped for inquiry and hearts with capacity transcending other beasts' (including capacity for torment, 'evil' as well as for charity), the notion of an underlying design or an overarching Source oughtn't be lost on the human in search of answers.

        Yet too many believers bypass the opportunity to confront challenges by resting on easy, nonthinking faith; and too many nonbelievers let their refuting of an authoritative guidance serve as a means to dismiss responsibility or obligation… The agnostic or struggling believer could be deemed lazy I suppose but in my own experience I find they yield plenty of humanist depth (as well as much more satisfying contributions to the literary field, FWIW)~

        1. SayItWithWookies

          Well as disappointing as it may be for me, it's testament to the diversity of atheists out there that some of them are just as dogmatically unthinking as some of the worst believers — and since atheism is just the lack of a belief, it's not necessarily rooted in a person's scientific inquiry or thoughtful analysis of things — some poor fools might just have grown up in atheist households where their parents were resistant to any ideas and thus never were exposed to any side sufficiently, and then never progressed beyond that state.

          This is why I don't think atheism is necessarily better than belief — if it's dogmatic it's lousy either way. And even an atheist has to come up with some sort of coherent worldview and a set of values — if that comes from the damn fool Raelians or some libertarian source it might be as bankrupt as Pat Robertson's Christianity.

        2. Boojum

          See, I am an anti-believer, i.e., I disbelieve, recognizing it to be an act of faith. I have studied the subject at considerable length, including an BA in Philosophy, and have decided that I don't want to believe in the kind of God that does the sort of things that happen in an uncaring universe. To me, that requires belief in a Supreme Sociopath, which is much less hopeful than a belief that we create our own destiny and, to the extent we want kindness and compassion, it is up to us; to the extent we want there to be Gods, we will have to become them.

          1. Negropolis

            To disbelieve something that can not be proven is not an "act of faith." Atheism is not a religion/belief system.

        3. sezme

          I have yet to see any evidence that what one professes to believe or not believe (spiritually speaking) has any correspondence with the morality of one's actions.

      2. kittenface_2000

        Uh, dude, give it a rest. You can be an atheist and still feel hope. You can be a friggin Satanist and still have hope. Hope isn't TM'ed by any one group.

        PS — I'M an agnostic.

      3. bibliotequetress

        Sharkey, atheists can have hope. We can also forgive– I don't have to "believe" in it because I have empirical evidence for forgiveness. Nothing against agnosticism, but the difference between agnosticism and atheism is not that atheists live without hope or optimism, or that atheists cannot forgive or don't think forgiveness exists.

        Edited for typos, or typoos.

      4. SayItWithWookies

        What would an agnostic believe is doing the forgiving? If one can't know whether a deity does or doesn't exist, then one certainly can't know if that possible deity is forgiving or not, right? It would make sense if there was proof of a god but not much evidence about whether it forgave or not — it seems completely at odds with how we learn about things to know one of its details before we know whether it's even there.

        It's sort of like saying, "I don't know if that man across the street has a dog, but I'll bet it's brown." How does that make sense?

        1. Boojum

          I think it is much more like saying I don't know if there are sammiches, but I want mine to be PB&J.

      5. Dudleydidwrong

        Since snark rules I don't want to get too deep into serious discussion, but are you saying that atheists do not believe in forgiveness? I'm missing something here, as an atheist…

      6. Negropolis

        You have got to know that neither of those things require a belief in a god/gods. Though, I have to ask, hope in/for what? That is insanely open-ended.

    2. weejee

      Not sure there is any greater disconnect between atheist/agnostics and conscience/morality than giving the latter an assumed connect to the spiritualists.

    3. MittBorg

      Or ourselves. I think the decision to BE an atheist is conscious and requires research and much thought. I have investigated most human religions, and find most of them to be a bunch of meaningless babble by apes terrified at the impersonality of the world and their relative unimportance in its scheme of things. In essence, they all say the same thing: be nice to each other, for we are social animals and need to get along.

      I can do that for myself without a deity threatening me and punishing me. I'm a big kid. I don't need to be beaten/frightened into doing what is good and right.

      1. gullywompr

        I'm an atheist, and have given religions a lot of thought, but I don't think it was a decision for me to be one. I was born this way. Various people have tried to indoctrinate me along the way (thankfully, not my parents, who are Christian, but don't proselytize, even to their children), and most are good, well-meaning, and even loving people, they just ain't got the juice.

        1. MittBorg

          I think my natural cynicism and suspicion/paranoia were briefly shaken by ingesting quantities of LSD and mushrooms for a while. It's a little harder to disbelieve in SOMETHING, ANYTHING out there when your cells are telling you that they're attuned to all other living cells on the planet — but I can see no acceptable evidence of a deity, and until I see some solid evidence, I'm gonna believe my lying eyes.

          1. gullywompr

            I even looked into religions that are bereft of a god or gods, per se. Zen was particularly attractive, in that it promised to eliminate suffering by helping me see the true nature of things, but in the end I was unable to devote to it any more than I could to any other religion. I try to take the philosophies of each, and leave the specific beliefs and practices to other people.

            And, nice try getting me to talk about dietary supplements, but I fear I must respectfully decline.

          2. MittBorg

            Ha! Too wise for my tricks, eh? I'll get you yet, my pretty! And your little DOG, too.

            I think most humans need something they can turn to for comfort when times get tough. It's difficult getting through each day on this planet sometimes. But if you've come to terms with your death, then nothing else can scare you. Then religion becomes a philosophical issue, which means you can analyze it objectively and decide whether it meets your needs and goals. Zen is very good for making the calm. However, it requires practice.

          3. gullywompr

            I fear death as much as the next guy, but not so much that I will deny it's inevitability. All afterlife-based religions are based on a personality disorder, IMHO, and I already have enough of those. As for Zen, I never get pissed at traffic anymore, so I thank it for that.

          4. Boojum

            Repeat after me:

            I am of the nature to age, I have not gone beyond aging;
            I am of the nature to sicken, I have not gone beyond sickness;
            I am of the nature to die, I have not gone beyond dying;
            All that is mine, beloved and pleasing, will become
            otherwise, will become separated from me.

            Take two every morning until the fear is gone.

    1. gullywompr

      When us atheists say "goddammit", it is exactly as meaningless as when a Christian says it. Catch my drift?

      1. MittBorg

        I tend to go with "Jesus FUCKING Christ, do you have a cold or something? Oh, shit, man, I am SO fucking gonna start sneezing now. Thanks a fucking lot for not keeping your germs to yourself, asshole."

        It tends to degenerate into murder and mayhem shortly afterwards, and a (kinda) good time is had by all.

        1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

          "I have HAD IT with these motherfucking rhinoviruses on this motherfucking plane!"

    2. SayItWithWookies

      Not at all — and the F in OMFG can also stand for fictional. Just sayin.

    3. Butch_Wagstaff

      With sexytime stuff, I will slip out a "Oh God!" & I can say for certain that I'm not prayin' because it's during the abomination that is the gay sexytime.

  7. WordPress_Sucks

    You would think that a show with both Krystal Ball and S.E. Cupp would appeal to a red-blooded American male, but they talk, and that kills the buzz.

    1. Chichikovovich

      If only they would just bounce on trampolines in bikinis we'd have a real winner on our hands. We could even let them talk as much as they wanted, thanks to the God – given miracle of the mute button.

  8. rocktonsam

    oh and also you guys, go to secupp.com. she has a ringing endorsement on the top of her page.

    1. James Michael Curley

      I once went to a place about two girl who SE Cupp but I'll never go there again.

  9. oldedinvn

    What the fuck is a SE cup. I unnerstand 36 & b. Fuck them there righties what make up new tit sizes.

  10. SexySmurf

    Well, I don't believe in S. E. Cupp. I think she's just the left-over girl parts from Ann Coulter's sex change.

  11. charliearglist

    Does the "S" in "S.E. Cupp" stand for "Sip"? Because that would be a great prank to play on you kid if your name was "Cupp."

    1. Chichikovovich

      Now that's a life-changing post of heartbreaking excellence right there, Charlie. Her Wonkette name should henceforth be Sip E. Cupp. That's what I'm calling her anyway.

  12. TheMightyHaltor

    Where did you get that pic? And why would a Middle Eastern war/sky god have blond angels?

      1. FoodPussy

        The kind where I just say "shut up and fuck!" She just…GAH! I couldn't even do it with earplugs and noise isolating earmuffs and stabbing out my ears.

      1. MittBorg

        I don't understand that one. What do republicans find so sexy about "naughty librarian(s)"? The idea that a female with a brain also has a sexuality? Wouldn't "naughty scientist" be better? Or maybe Republicans don't think of female people as potential scientists? But then I never understood Palin's appeal either, and it's supposedly "naughty librarian" too.

        1. HistoriCat

          They want an old-school "shhh"-ing librarian. In other words, they're looking for a little domination after being naughty boys in the library.

          1. MittBorg

            Oh, ah! In our house, books were Sacred Objects, to be treated with reverence. SLIPPERS were for spanking children's behinds with. A book might sustain (shudder) damage.

  13. BarackMyWorld

    You know…sometimes the snark can be so thick the real point gets lost. Just sayin'.

    1. Huevos Ocupados

      Yeah, If I wanted to hate shit just for the sake of hating shit I would probably be voting Republican.

  14. freakishlywrong

    Not watching THE CYCLE. I'm afraid of SE Cupp's godless conservatism will give me cooties. Also, fucking SE Cupp, too.

  15. valthemus

    "… what’s the harm of electing someone who doesn’t want to facilitate end times?"

    FINALLY, someone says it! The idea of voting for someone who thinks Armageddon is a *good* thing never made much sense to me.

    1. valthemus

      And can I mention how much I love that graphic? Now every time I see a Sunday church-goer eating a plate of eggs I'll think, "Ha, ha! You're eating a chicken abortion!"

  16. kittenface_2000

    I like the pictures on her website. Like, eight pictures of her playing with her glasses, like a nerd pretending to be a Sears catalogue model.

    If she's an atheist, how come she wrote a book condemning SOCIETY and LIBERALS for killing Jesus? Oh, right — because she's a greedy, soulless monster sell-out trying to get more web clicks from the cuckoo Christians so she can charge more for her stupid speeches and sell more books and qualify for the tax breaks she's trying to get the rest of us to support. People suck. And are stupid.

    1. missannthropethefirst

      She's the kind of atheist who prays daily for faith. Which says to me she would benefit from psychological counseling.

  17. TribecaMike

    OT, but Andy Murray is feeling so down about his play in the Wimbledon men's final that he's chugging pints during changeovers.

          1. TribecaMike

            Wait… the Scots are bringing in Ian Collins (1903-1975) as a substitute. We've got a match!!!!

          2. Negropolis

            Like their watches, their robots are made with insane attention to detail.

            BTW, Murray reminds me of another tennis-playing Andy who always loses the mind game, too. Roger's greatest attribute is his mind.

  18. Tribbz

    The way you move your hips girl, make me hypnotized
    How you like your eggs? Fried or fertilized?
    Fried or fertilized? Fried, fried, or fertilized?

  19. smashedinhat

    Remember that kid the conservatives trotted out who wrote a book and shortly thereafter renounced conservatism & yada yada? S.E. Cupp's wiki page reminds me of that.

  20. eggsacklywright

    All this religiony talk reminds me of Barthelme's parody of Carlos Castenada.

    "What's a power object, Joe?"

    "Uh…they're like other objects…only flatter."

  21. hippie13

    I guess her expereience with the McCotter Show left her with a desire for more slack-jawed idiocy. If you look carefully you can see the hamster wheel spiining behind her eyes as she thinks.

  22. Huevos Ocupados

    I think that, if for some unforeseen reason, I were forced to run for president I would probably say something like "I'm an Atheist" so that I could stop running for president.

    1. billy_reuben

      Sadly… true. I mean, look at what an amoral shitsack Ms. Cupp has turned out to be.

  23. Chet Kincaid

    I've seen Cupp and Ball on the evening MSNBC shows, but I haven't had the pleasure of having nothing to do in the middle of the afternoon to watch "The Cycle." However, from the show site…
    http://thecycle.msnbc.msn.com/

    …the conceit of the show seems to be that this is some kind of double date with two chattering, hip, attractive Manhattan couples. So MSNBC is anchoring weekdays with two insufferable cocktail parties now? First you have to go to Blowhard Joe's place and endure the tension between all his old white pals and his uncomfortable wife Mika. Then this bunch. It would probably be more interesting if they just crossed over with "Selling New York" and went looking for apartments.

    Also, hey Kilstein, would it Kilstein you to post links to what you're talking about?

    1. freakishlywrong

      Current. Bill Press. Haven't suffered through the insufferable Morinin' Blow for months. I'm in a much better mood not starting my day with those drooling fucking sycophants.

      1. Designer_Radio

        About ten years ago I went on a date with a mortician. We eventually ended up at the crematorium, which I'd never been in one of before, and on the floor was a wooden box about 18" square, almost full of… parts. I asked if I could have one, out of morbid curiosity, and since they just throw them away eventually anyway. I thought it was strange that someone may have walked around with these replacement parts for years, they were part of that person, but then that person's body was burnt up and only the ashes were saved — not the stuff that didn't combust. Of course, it would probably be strange to receive an urn full of only ashes, save a 1-pound metal hip.

        Anyway, I've still got it. Every once in a while I'll see it, mixed in with the mish-mash of odd pieces that don't fit anywhere else on my garage workbench, and think about that night. I got pulled over for having a headlight out after pulling away from the funeral home, and that hip part was shoved down the front of my pants still — didn't want Old Man Mortuary Owner seeing me leaving with it and it didn't fit in a pocket without sticking out. I was REALLY hoping the cops weren't gonna pat me down, because there would probably be some 'splainin' to do. They didn't. They got a call on their radio that was more important than headlights and let me off with a warning.

        The part is a replacement hip, kind of boomerang-shaped, with a ball on one end. The ball is a different color and material, probably teflon coated? Of course I don't know who carried that thing inside their body, or for how long, just that they're long gone.

          1. MittBorg

            I'm supposed to be consoled by this. I'm not sure. I thought the zombie apocalypse would fer sure get us all before I kacked, so I gave notThatDewey careful instructions on how to recognize my leg, in case he ever needs to eat it.

          2. MittBorg

            Just promise me you won't try to turn it into some kind of art piece, with the toes decoratively fringing the tibial head, or something. Or I'll have to renounce my atheism/secular humanism and manifest briefly as a poltergeist.

        1. Schmannnity

          I've been on some freaky dates, but the narrative never goes …"eventually, we ended up at the crematorium."

          1. Designer_Radio

            lol. I also saw a murder victim's corpse there that night, nasty looking neck wounds being the cause of death. After that, seeing the back rooms of a mortuary, I got into watching "Six Feet Under".

            I met her in a bar — she rode a motorcycle, smoked Luckies, listened to Chris Isaak, and other Cool Stuff. I think I bored her eventually, but that's okay, I think things worked out for both of us with other people. She's still a friend.

        2. Boojum

          I read that as "eventually we ended up on the floor of the crematorium" and thought there was about to be a Zombiehouse Forum entry.

    2. James Michael Curley

      I work daily at planning to work daily for longer than I had planned to work daily so I don't have to watch daytime TV.

      1. MittBorg

        Get rid of the fucking TV. No more tv bills plus tons of free time and no annoying yada-yada in the background all the time.

  24. eggsacklywright

    I suspect she has thespian tendencies. And the smart glasses are not working properly.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Good guess! She started out life as a ballerina. Many of them are woefully under-educated, having spent their entire childhoods not eating and performing extreme and repetitive exercise under duress. So I guess spouting off buzz phrases from two competing philosophies must make her feel smart AND rad.

      And by the way, her real name is Sarah Elizabeth, but I guess that's too ballerina-ish for her current career.

  25. bibliotequetress

    Snark aside, I honestly would not vote for some people because of religious beliefs they hold. When Palin was a candidate, among the almost infinite reasons I wanted her stopped was that she is a loyal, believing member of an Assembly of God church that holds as part of its dogma that God is directing the path of America, and that US soldiers are/should be fighting for Christianity, a view which she has endorsed. This is not the way a potential commander in chief should be thinking about the armed forces. Now, if a co-religionist of hers attended that same church but disavowed that tenet, I'd be cool with that.

    I am a big fan of the no religious test clause of the Constitution, but I think it should be a two way street– we do not require loyalty to a specific creed or god from our candidates, and they do not create laws that force compliance with the tenets of a religion that I do not participate in, if that law is created simply as a reflection of that tenet (ie ANYTHING regulating birth control access).

    That any pundit takes seriously the question, "Would you vote for an atheist? Would you vote for a Mormon?" is an indication of how little respect he/she has for the Constitution.

    Sunday brunch time ! I'm off to eat babies .

    1. MittBorg

      Freshly aborted, I hope! Remember, the longer they've been out, the tougher they get!

      Also, too, a fruit salsa or compote works great as a topping. Go easy on the acidic fruits. A tender aborted fetus barely needs to cook in those juices for a few seconds.

    2. Chichikovovich

      Are you really a bibliothequetress? Do you go for that "Naughty Sip E. Cupp" look when you're feeling wild and crazy?

      1. bibliotequetress

        Horrifyingly enough, yes I am (although my current job is not in a library, sadly), and without ever having planned it this way, yes I sorta do. Which is to say I am terribly nearsighted and wear glasses and have long hair which out of necessity, I put up. And I found a few years ago that I had started dressing like a slightly punk version of my high school french teacher, who more or less dressed like a frumpy Edith Piaf during her heroine spiral. And I might add that one of the other reasons I loathe Palin was the "sexy librarian" label being slapped on a woman who tried to have books banned from the Wasilla Town Library. May her soul burn in hell on a pyre of Harlequin romances and Glenn Beck remainders. If I believed in hell.

        1. MittBorg

          See, the Palins of this world really make you long to * be* a believer, just so you can watch them burn in hell as they deserve.

          If you haven't already met Biel_ze_bubba, I console myself by imagining that in a parallel universe, he treats these individuals as they richly deserve.

  26. freakishlywrong

    OT, sorta. But note to MSNBC. Quit showing the clips of ranting, foaming wingtards, (I'm looking at you, Rancid Pubis), on Fux. If they won't agree to be interviewed by MSNBC don't give them the platform and then just present their hate-speech as "news". Make them come on your airwaves.

    1. sharethegrief

      Seriously, he's a deep thinker, isn't he? Elect Romney because of "liberty and freedom." Then he dives into rotting fish heads.

  27. Racylicious

    Truth!
    Btw…why is it that every time I tell someone I'm just kidding they think I'm quoting Jamie Kilstein? jk xo

  28. Hera Sent Me

    Cupp is a fake atheist. She's an agent provocateur who postures as an atheist in order to give credibility to her serial denigrations of them. You can bet that she will "see the light" and recant her atheism as soon as she's lost all credibility pretending to be one.

    1. Chet Kincaid

      http://www.amazon.com/Losing-Our-Religion-Liberal

      From her galvanizing introduction, you know where S. E. Cupp stands: She’s an atheist. A non-believer. Which makes her the perfect impartial reporter from the trenches of a culture war dividing America and eroding the Judeo-Christian values on which this country was founded….

      This is textbook Concern Trolling, with the faux-persona claiming to agree with those you're arguing with. Or, actually, it's probably just pretending to be atheist for the wingtards' benefit, so they can score points by yelling "even an atheist agrees!!1!1!" Either way, well-played, Sippy!

    2. Geminisunmars

      And then when she converts, and sees The Light, there can be a big party and it will be all over the newses, and everyone will then know who she is, and she can finally get a pair of contact lenses.

    3. Negropolis

      No kidding. I hate those folks who were raised in ultra-religious households, and then find atheism as some kind of rebellion as opposed to finding it on their own, and then swtich back later in life claiming they were tricked by the devil or some bullshit. This happens way too often. They weren't ever real atheist to begin with, but use that as some kind of prodigal son bullshit.

  29. coolhandnuke

    Just because S.E Cupp calls herself an atheist then regurgitates the GOP propaganda of lies, fear and intolerance–does not make her an atheist.
    It is akin to Fred Phelps calling himself a man of Christ.

  30. ttommyunger

    Jamie, no offense, but I don't give a fuck about your religion, or lack of it, or Cupps. OT: in the "I didn't think there was a group as self-hating as the Log Cabin Republicans" Department; I got an email this morning from twitter telling me that "Muslim Republicans" is now among my followers. I ran through my list of followers just before posting this comment, and they are not among them….I don't give a fuck about that either. Don't know if you can open this: /Users/thomasunger/Desktop/muslimrepublicans-small_reasonably_small.gif

    1. HistoriCat

      I wonder if there's an overlap there … Log Cabin Muslim Republicans would be an awfully lonely place.

      1. ttommyunger

        I can relate to self-loathing, but this shit pushes the envelope. There is such a twitter site, they have 2K+ followers.

  31. Antispandex

    WOW! A program that has nothing to do with news, and has a complete hypocrite as one of the hosts? This has NEVER been done beofre. Now, if they could totally lie to their audience, they would have a hit for sure!

  32. LadyWisdom

    If you watch MSNBC while that idiot is allowed a microphone, you're asking for trouble. Just turn off the TV. It's on in the middle of the day anyway, what are you doing watching TV, why aren't you doing something else?

  33. lunchbox360

    I will never vote for a president that does not believe monkeys fly out of my butt. Or that said monkeys know karate.

    1. MittBorg

      It certainly pushed me along that path. One look at what the old testament calls a god, and you're all like, "Who needs this jealous, obnoxious, ranting, obsessed deity that sounds just like someone's alcoholic abusive Dad?"

        1. MittBorg

          Oy. Why for didn't you ask, when he told you you were The Chosen People, "Chosen for what?" And for that one little moment of forgetfulness, you got 2,000 years pain and suffering.

          OK, OK, you can have him. And I'll even hold my tongue, if it's bothering you. How's that for a deal?

          1. Geminisunmars

            Such a deal? Try 5772 years pain and suffering. Never hold your tongue with me, young man. The ole testesment deserves all the deriding we can muster.

    2. TribecaMike

      As an introduction to the literature of a teensy-weensy part of the ancient world, it serves a purpose, but I'll take The Epic of Gilgamesh over Leviticus any old day of the week.

  34. sbj1964

    Justice Dept. 1998 study. 93% of all convicts in jail claim to be Christian.Atheist .24% So much for Christian morals,and values.

    1. Chow Yun Flat

      One reason that almost everyone in prison say they are members of a religion is the chance to attend services in an area of the prison that is slightly different from their usual routine.

      1. Negropolis

        That, and if you're in prison – particularly for the folks there the rest of their lives – most of them are going to cling to something they believe to be outside of the prison walls.

  35. chascates

    Ayn Rand was an atheist. And she ranks higher as a Republican Saint than Ronaldus Magnus. Who himself didn't know what flavor of Protestantism he belonged to or whether or not he had been born again.

    But 'Sippy' Cupp doesn't seem to find anything about herself to loathe. http://www.redsecupp.com/bio.php

      1. MittBorg

        A fellow-fan? Could I *possibly* be so lucky!

        My partner despises them. I don't even understand why. I think Gong is one of the most amazing bands evah.

        But there ya go, I love Incredible String Band and Amazing Blondel, too.

        1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

          Zero the Hero? Bloomdido bad de grass? Eat that phone book coda?

          You bet I'm a fan – been listening to this for years. The phone book coda nearly got me and my brother beaten up in Berlin by an irate neighbour when we were hammering it out at full volume with bro on the drums.

          Gilli Smyth's vocal delivery on the Witch's Song (flying teapot) is amazing and I still listen to it.

          edit: haha I can't believe anyone else on here likes gong

          1. MittBorg

            Oh, man. I love that cyclical drumming and the incredible brass. The timing on that piece is SO fucking tight.

            At the end of the day
            When there's nothing left to play
            And you're all alone, 'cept for Radio Gnome
            Here's your Angel's Egg for breakfast in the morning.

            I've been here 30 years, and you're the first person I found that has (1) heard of Gong, (2) listened to them, (3) liked them.

  36. not that Radio

    PZ Meyers had a cool piece the other day on The Taxonomy of Non-Believers.. It's like a Myers-Briggs Test for Godless Communists. How do you rank? Find out now! What Color is Your Circle of Hell?

    But seriously, folks, semantically, "atheist" is a word that defines the descriptee by the absence of something. Philosophically, "atheist" is a position defined by what it does not do. Which is fine; no one is telling you that you have to adopt a label that fully explicates all of your philosophical positions. In fact, that would be rather tedious. "I am a Pro-Socialist, Pro-Education, Pro-Science, Pro-Math, Pro-Feminism, Pro-Human Rights Trotskyist-Deweyist-Sedarisist". Ugh. Nobody wants to hear that.

    Instead, I prefer "Humanist", or to be more specific, "Secular Humanist". "Humanist" because it places the emphasis of the philosophy where it belongs — we are advocates for humans. "Secular" because it indicates that mythology is not required in order for one to be an advocate for humans. It's like "Poochy", only more proactive. Plus, the term has a long, proud tradition of great thinkers behind it..

    Postscript: if you want to see some really good crazy, google "Dewey Humanist Manifesto":

    1. Jukesgrrl

      I'm down with the secular humanism, but unless someone changes the name, it's never going to get very many adherents. Say this in a George W. Bush voice: "The words are to-o-o HARD."

      1. not that Radio

        Do you think Episcopalians know what "Episcopalian" means? Do you see the problem? I'm all ears; if someone has a better suggestion, I'll run with it.

          1. not that Radio

            Basically. I'd claim that "Episcopalian" is more of a mouthful, and requires potentially more explanation, than does "Secular Humanism". Very few will subscribe or not subscribe to the tenets based on the name. Unlike in fast food marketing.

  37. Isyaignert

    It's obvious that all televangalists and many priests don't believe in what they're preaching – otherwise they'd be too askeerd to continue to rip people off and rape little kids in the name of Jeezuz.

  38. not that Radio

    OT: Anyone looking for some warblogging fun — Energy Citizens (dba The American Petroleum Institute) has a blog post extolling the wonders of John Stossel and Sarah Palin. I've tested the waters, and it appears to be unmoderated. You have to register, but the registration can be fake.

    Give 'em Hell, Wonketteers!

    1. radio-of-owls

      Oh heavens to Betsy, let's hope the site is run by the same folks who manage Mr. Boehner's place.

      1. not that Radio

        Would it have been too obvious? A good Poe's Law entry should have believably sincere initials.

        1. MittBorg

          Well, at least W.B. would have been recognizable to fellow Wonketteers, dammit.

          But I thought my comment was a masterpiece of fawning venality. *preen*

      1. not that Radio

        I have a feeling that the moderator's desk is unmanned on weekends. They're gonna have to do some scrubbing when they come into work today.

  39. MittBorg

    I just noticed that all them girly-looking angels up there are seriously deficient in the chestal area. Where's the BOOBIES, dammit?

  40. lulzmonger

    DEEP WOODS CUPP: Kills Synapses Dead On Contact!

    Would only hit it with an unconditional ballgag proviso.

  41. Chow Yun Flat

    Fundy atheists (Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins) write really boring books. Almost as if they know there is no chance of convincing anyone who is a believer since belief isn't based on a reasoned argument so they wind up throwing everything they can think of that might disprove religion.

    Smart guys but they should give it a rest.

    1. TribecaMike

      And your comment is different from what you accuse Harris and Dawkins of being how? Did I miss something or did I wake up this morning to a world that has banished consistency? If the latter, I blame that little Higgs boson thingie. And boring old evolution. And that flag hag Betsy Ross.

      1. Chow Yun Flat

        My comment is a few words on the internet. "Letter to a Christian Nation" is a book to congratulate and confirm the beliefs of (non)believers. It isn't really poorly argued, it doesn't present any arguments at all. White hot polemics are fine and it works beautifully in that way but in "Letter" Harris isn't that different from some hardshell preacher damning everyone to hell.

        "The God Delusion" was disappointing since Dawkins had written so wonderfully on evolutionary biology–almost like something he dictated in his spare time while doing other work. It has none of the rigor of his science writing, more a collection of random outrages and ridiculous beliefs done and thought in the name of religion and his refutation of them. Not even close to "The Selfish Gene" and "The Blind Watchmaker.

        Plus an upfist for you.

  42. rocktonsam

    if you're over 40 and from Chicago, you may remember Irv Kupcinet. He and his wife Essie were big Chicago socialites back in the day.. Irv had a column in the papers called Kup.s column and was a sports announcer.

    I think this ditz is a grand or great grand daughter. of these nice liberal jews and she has broken their long dead hearts.

    Shame you ditz girl.

    1. TribecaMike

      Roger Ebert's recent autobio "Life Itself: A Memoir " has some great stories about those olde Chicago characters, and the saloons they frequented and practically lived in.

      One of them is about John Wayne, who was in town to see his old friend the actor Lincoln Perry (aka Stepin Fetchit), who was dying in a Chicago hospital. Wayne put on a small party for Chicago media folks to ask them not to mention how sick Perry was so as not to make it into a death watch. He especially asked them not tell the notoriously loose-lipped Kup about it or everyone in the world would know. Even shitheads like Wayne on rare occasions have their moments.

    2. Chow Yun Flat

      I think Kup was the second guy in the WGN radio booth for home Bears' games aobut one zillion years ago. Jack Brickhouse (long time Cub announcer) did the play by play and Irv did color commentary along the lines of "Oh, no, he missed another one" when a Bear receiver would drop one in the end zone.

      They were dreadful.

      1. TribecaMike

        I heard the other day that Bill Veeck ("as in wreck") originated the singing of "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" in the 7th inning stretch, which of course was carried on by the great Harry Caray. I have no idea what that has to do with your comment.

        1. Chet Kincaid

          Maybe you're confusing her with the late Irv's late wife, Essee Kupcinet. But you can get pretty deep in all of their lives in 10 minutes of googling, so I think you heard wrong.

    1. TribecaMike

      With this and the informative article about the Mexican President-elect, I'm beginning to wonder about the quality-control standards of this dump.

  43. Negropolis

    If there is a heaven, awesome, I’m going to eat until I get kicked out.

    This. This is awesome.

  44. blueflowers

    "The Cycle" with "S.E. Cupp"? Is that that thing all the hippies want me to use instead of tampons??

  45. HolyCow!!

    Cupp is about as you'd dumb as you'd expect someone who calls herself "S.E." Cupp to be. I remember the first article of hers I ever read. I thought it was funny until I realized she was serious. Invisible sky god worshipers have plenty of people giving them a bad name so I guess one was bound to turn up on our side sooner or later.

Comments are closed.