kill your television

Guest Post From An Occupy Dude

Bad LieutenantBy Lee Camp

We now spend roughly 15 years of our lives immersed in movies and videogames that have nothing to do with what’s going on in the world. There are global protests right now, and many of us are more caught up in the football game or the cooking show, the football game or the other football game, and then there’s a football game and after that there’s a goddamn football game! And I’m hoping soon they’ll find a way to combine a football game with a cooking show into a cookball game. And once that happens, I’m never leaving the house.

And the problem is people exhaust their natural anger about the shitstorm in which we live in easier, more suitable ways. Their kid is sick without healthcare, they’re behind on their home payments, but they’re FURIOUS because the Red Sox lost!

“Shut up, Timmy! Stop whining about your Lyme disease, Daddy’s busy with his misdirected anger! You should learn from your father and his crumpled up beer cans and go misdirect your anger! …Beat up your little sister or something. …You know, a little bit of fist medicine.”

And that brings me to my brilliant idea – Maybe if protests or the environmental destruction going on around the world were covered by sports announcers, people would finally give a damn. Perhaps that’s all it would take.

“Welcome to ESPN’s coverage of Occupy. The cops have clearly been training in the offseason. They have a whole new playbook. Wait, some of the protesters have button-hooked over to the unmanned side. They’ve jumped a barricade. The police have pulled out pepper spray! But the protesters have masks! They could – go – all – the – way – No! No! The police just beat the hell out of the protesters’ star player, an 85 year-old Granny for Peace. She’ll have to be carted off the field. Looks like the men in the blue will take this round, successfully protecting the criminal activity of the men in the ivory towers. Join us back here tomorrow when the protesters try a new tactic of aggressive singing and the cops try out tasers!”

Rome is burning, and we’re watching the gladiators …in 3D! There’s a reason Ultimate Fighting is now more popular than sex. Everyone’s into it. You see 300-pound morbidly obese dudes wearing Tap Out brand clothing in McDonalds. Can we make a rule that you’re not allowed to wear a Tap Out shirt if you, yourself would have to tap out halfway through a rigorous jumping jack?

There’s a real-life battle waging out there and instead of paying attention, most of us are watching “The Avengers.” Don’t get me wrong, I saw “The Avengers.” I’m not saying don’t watch the shit; I’m just saying don’t watch ALL of it. If the Incredible Hulk had used his anger screaming at the television because the Lakers lost instead of beating up the assholes from a another planet, mankind woulda been fucked. But luckily the Hulk had accidentally eaten his television one night after a few drinks, and therefore he wasn’t distracted by the cookball super bowl.

Lee Camp is an Occupy dude and author of Moment of Clarity. You can buy it right there and stuff, at the link. He also has a comedy album, you could buy that too, you filthy 1 percenter.

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  1. Ryy

    Its always fun to see that moment when someone realizes lots of other people don't think what they think is important, to be very important.

    It gets better!

    1. Negropolis

      You know, that was kind of my take on this, too. I'd given the movement a lot of leeway, to the point of where I was criticizing people for criticizing the nebulous nature of the movement. But this has gone on aimlessly long enough, now. They need to get a clue, or get used to be ignored. Time to find a congressional election and go all in or STFU, or at least stop complaining about not being covered exactly as you would like.

      That said, I do like what individuals members are doing and the small cells. There is some community organizing going on, but nothing at the scale that would make this national, anymore. I guess that's all right, up to a point.

    1. UW8316154

      "It's all about money, not freedom, ya'll, okay? Nothing to do with fuckin' freedom. If you think you're free, try going somewhere without fucking money, okay?"

      God I love that man.

  2. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    Good news: Television watching overall is down by a significant percentage.

    Bad news: everyone's watching lolcats.

    1. Dashboard Buddha

      "everyone's watching lolcats. "

      Even so, they'll still be better informed than those folks who watch Fox.

  3. Antispandex

    I, personally, welcome our corporate masters. Rollerball looks like a kick ass game!

  4. PuckStopsHere

    This would be better if it had included the obligatory post-game coaches interview wherein the coach says. obligatorily, "I can't comment on that until I've had a chance to see the tape."

  5. Crank_Tango

    I kinda like those hipster cooking shows, like Pimp my Bacon:

    "yo dawg, we know you like to bacon your bacon, so we put some bacon in your bacon so you can bacon while you bacon!"

  6. chascates

    The fact is eventually the poor will have nothing to eat but the rich. And then it will get plenty of attention.

        1. BoatOfVelociraptors

          If there is one thing that Romney knows with professional fervor, it's eating people. By which I mean corporations.

    1. boobookitteh

      The poor will eat each other first because the rich will tell them to.

      The brainwashing of Americans by the "1%" will go down in history as the greatest con job of all time.

      1. Isyaignert

        You've got that right! We are in the middle of the biggest rip-off in history and no one has gone to jail. Bernie Madeoff(with all my money) only went to jail because he stole from the rich.

        Pay attention to what your politicians and the politicians in black robes are doing and work to remove them or support them. Enough with these sociopathic mofos ruining everyone's lives to enrich themselves. Rmoney – I'm looking at you, mofo.

        1. boobookitteh

          My only consolation (other than whiskey and snark) is that someday they'll figure it out. And boy will they be pissed. And heavily armed.

          1. LionHeartSoyDog

            Armed struggle is the only fight that gets real results against fascism.

            I would like to see that in my lifetime, but i am somewhat old.

          2. MittBorg

            SO, join in the folk song army
            Guitars are the weapons we bring
            To the fight against poverty, war and injustice
            Ready, Aim, SING!

          3. LionHeartSoyDog

            I know, C_R_E_.
            Human Joy, Love, Happiness also kill fascism.
            But their Hate Cult will not go quietly into their miserable night.
            Best Wishes.

          4. C_R_Eature

            Peace be upon you and Best Wishes.
            Take care not to become that which you fight.

          5. LionHeartSoyDog

            Many Thanks, C_R_E_ ~

            "… 5) You must strive for daily successes, even if small…, and at all costs retain the moral ascendancy."

            – Uncle Vladimir

      2. Negropolis

        The poor will eat each other first because the rich will tell them to.


        "You're not going to eat the 'job creators', are you? What are you? Some kind of socialist?"

        And that will be that.

  7. nounverb911

    "300-pound morbidly obese dudes wearing Tap Out brand clothing in McDonalds."
    And f**king up New Jersey.

    1. Butch_Wagstaff

      I'm so out of the loop. Is Tap Out clothing like the new Ed Hardy or sumthin'?

      1. BerkeleyBear

        MMA wannabes – the guys who used to wear T-Shirts of WWE wrestlers where they managed to stretch their bloated images even more than the steroids had.

        1. Butch_Wagstaff

          Ah, I see. Sorta like all the blobs who used to wear the West Coast Choppers or Harley Davidson crap who never sat on a motorcycle. Or made they did sit on a motorcycle but they couldn't actually go anywhere after the tires immediately blew out.

    2. MittBorg

      Honey, if we're talking about Governor FatFuck, that guy has not seen 300 lb in decades. I'm pegging (NO!) his weight at 450-500. Any bets?

    3. MaxUdargo

      I'm disturbed that it was so predictable that in the middle of that rant would be a random, seemingly pointless and digressive attack on fat people. It has become kind of a standard requirement, hasn't it?

      I'm fat, and I apologize for it. It just kind of snuck up on me when I got old. But I know there are no excuses. I know I'm just being selfish.

      On the other hand, I haven't seen "The Avengers" and I don't watch football and I spent a day and part of the night at the Occupy Oakland protest right after the first round of violence broke out. I didn't get pepper-sprayed or hit with a club, but I wanted to, and I presented a big target. So are we good?

      Or am I just making a fool of myself. I mean, all the marching and chanting doesn't change the fact that I'm fat. Is everybody laughing at me behind my back? Or maybe wishing I'd go home and stop embarrassing everybody with my pathetically corpulent presence?

      I have a fantasy where the cops have the protestors surrounded on a hill, and the protestors have no escape. Then I step forward and say, "Roll me." And they say, "What?" And I say, "Roll me, goddamit. Roll me!" And then I lay down on my side and the protestors start pushing me down the hill until I begin to roll like a 55-gallon drum of crude, or a giant garbage bag full of tapioca pudding. And I slam into the line of cops and plow through them, creating a path through which the protestors swarm like the Israelites following Moses through the Red Sea. And then I'm a hero and everybody loves me and they don't care that I'm fat. The hippie chicks feed me grapes and rub my tummy and later they probably have sex with me.

      But that's never going to happen in real life, is it? Because you people can't see past the fat to the little hero hidden inside.

      1. Boojum

        It's not the fat he was mocking; it was the complete lack of self-awareness. You, my friend, are not that person. Peace.

      2. new_pic_for_NEWTer

        As long as you haven't taken a helicopter and private car to your kid's softball game you're fine. Boojum is right.

  8. smashedinhat

    Until you have the power to beat the cops you won't go anywhere. So, good luck. I gave up and joined the mobile work force and became an international hobo. The beans have more flavour.

  9. boobookitteh

    I feel like I can care about the Red Sox and economic issues at the same time. And to be fair, the Red Sox are losing to the Yankees. So, ya know. Important.

    1. nounverb911

      If they lose again tonight, Bobby V will probably stowaway on tomorrows non-stop to Tokyo.

      1. boobookitteh

        He looked like he was going to go hang himself in the barn at the post game press conference. I'm actually starting to feel sorry for him.

  10. C_R_Eature

    TCM just had a Giant Radioactive Octopus eating the Golden Gate bridge and now they're showing Dr. Strangelove, or How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love The Bomb.
    Now, that's good television.

    1. viennawoods13

      Showed that to my students last month. I was afraid that they wouldn't get the humour, but they loved it.

      1. C_R_Eature

        It's held up very well, over the years.

        EDIT: We're targeting the Roosky ICBM complex at LaPuta now.

      2. C_R_Eature

        "I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids."

        That scene still makes me laugh right out loud, after all these years.

        1. LionHeartSoyDog

          Instead of paying for cable, i like building up a library by buying the occasional DVD of great films, and sometimes they're on sale for only $5.
          Best Wishes.

          (I remember seeing 'Dr. Strangelove…' as a youngster.
          It was like reading 'Grapes of Wrath,' life-changing.)

    2. Chow Yun Flat

      Major King Kong: "Survival kit contents check. In them you'll find: one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days' concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings. Shoot, a fella' could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff."

      "Dr. Strangelove" is in my all-time top three American movies along with "Singin' in the Rain" and "Casablanca". Kubrick, Sellers and Terry Southern made a perfect movie.

    3. flamingpdog

      I showed that movie to my oldest when he was a teenager. Knowing not a whole lot about the Cold War, nevertheless he thought it was hilarious. I had to buy him his own copy.

      1. C_R_Eature

        I feel that there's probably a lot of stories out there exactly like yours. It's just a dammed near perfectly craved film.

        1. viennawoods13

          It is so great that it is done in such a deadpan manner- all those hilarious lines delivered with a perfectly straight face.

  11. valthemus

    It's very easy to get disappointed about where people's priorities lie. In a better world, if you know the name of the quarterback on your local football team but don't know the names of your representatives in Congress, you would be pelted with rotten tomatoes.

  12. ttommyunger

    Hmph! Give me a set of hooters like Salma Hayek's and I'll never leave the house, deal?

      1. ttommyunger

        You pose an interesting prospect; I've never fapped standing up.Sent from my iPhone

          1. Negropolis

            Well, "but wouldn't you fall forward when you stand up? " kind of implies a worry or concern, no?

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Only if you are lucky. Fightclub has broken the number 1 rule and gone global in the process. Right now, at least they seem not to demand blood sacrifices of the losers, but I'm guessing Dan White (the head of one of the main organizations) is considering it.

  13. el_donaldo

    I've been gone for a while again. Did we turn into the DailyKos during my absence?

      1. el_donaldo

        It seems safe, but I'm not seeing the usual density of reference to buttsecks and gin.

        1. C_R_Eature

          Well, I've just finished the first Gin & Tonic of the day. The buttsecks is all yours.

          1. UW8316154

            That sounds like an invitation?

            Anyway, a G&T sounds swell, I think i'll join you, C_R_E, if you don't mind….

          2. el_donaldo

            Nice. I keep a plastic jug of Gilbey's in the freezer. It's not fancy gin, but you know, volume.

        2. ElPinche

          We can't call people cunts in their cunt faces anymore. We also can't skullfuck people .

    1. Isyaignert

      Gawd, I hope not! I have been on the Kos for over five years and got kicked off forever because I made the following statement: "There has never been a serious investigation of what happened on 9/11/01 and many intelligent people have questions." That makes me a 9/11 conspiracy theorist and is verboten. Fuk Kos, you guys are smart too and waaaaaay more fun!

        1. LionHeartSoyDog

          No snark, and with all due respect, how did WT7 free-fall into it's own footprint?

          1. Designer_Radio

            I love it when the person who writes a report like that doesn't try to sound like the Smartest Person In The World. Makes it so much easier to 'understand a story' instead of 'slog through a technical document'.

          2. Negropolis

            Yeah, the WTC 7 totally didn't sustain any damage from the collapse of the North Tower. The Jews did 9/11, right? Get the fuck outta here.

          3. LionHeartSoyDog

            Well, i will stop trying to dialogue with You.
            I get enough rudeness from the trolls at Huffpaol and National Pentagon Radio.

          4. LionHeartSoyDog

            I voted for Obama in2008, and donated money to his campaign, because i bought into the 'change' thing.

            I still haven't seen an explanation for WT7, and how it fell symmetrically straight down into itself, from an alleged fire in one corner of the basement.

          5. Negropolis

            Have you honestly not read the cumulative things that brought down WTC 7? Really? I don't care who the hell you voted for, BTW.

          6. LionHeartSoyDog

            I've read the gummint line.
            And, I didn't tell you who i voted for, unless you are also Chet K.

          7. GhostBuggy

            That's the great thing about conspiracies, isn't it? Anyone in a position to know with authority how a thing happened is obviously in on the Big Lie. Why, it's almost as if conspiracy proponents have found a way to reject data and testimony without actually having to address any of it.

            Of course, that also sounds like a conspiracy.

      1. lulzmonger

        In contact with reality?
        That's a bannin'.

        Yet you'd still be surfing teh orange wave if only you'd asked the REAL burning question about 9/11:


  14. calliecallie

    It all happened when they made us all switch to digital cable.I believe there is some kind of mind-numbing addictive signal coming through the cable now. And how is it that the gubmint can make us all get a cable box, but they can't make us get health insurance?

  15. MumbletyRadio

    After reading wonkette this week I'm starting to believe I'm a hypnotized robot. Feeling just the littlest bit sorry for Romney as when one feels sorry for a loser, thus I must be hypnotized. And the television set last held me at full attention and wonderment when I was young & watching that last cathode ray after turning it off faaaaaaaaaaaaade smaller • ∞ until it disappeared. Thus I'm part robot (though I suppose it could work the other way around)

    Edit: *GAH* there's a cathode ray app of all things~

  16. Monsieur_Grumpe

    "We now spend roughly 15 years of our lives immersed in movies and video games…"
    If you include masturbation I think that number is kind of low.

      1. BoatOfVelociraptors

        You know, a cage match between Republican Furries and Democratic Squiddies would end in a pile of goo that even Japanese animators would balk at.

    1. MumbletyRadio

      It's the weekend. Sometimes I've wondered why not have an open thread, much less a guest writer, which we do get plenty of varieties for the latter … there are other sites that do the former quite well, not sure how it'd do here~

      1. UW8316154

        I think a weekend open thread is a great idea, at least worth a couple tries to see how it goes.

  17. Pragmatist2

    True statement: One small group of people has most of the money. One large group of people has most of the votes. The first group spends its money trying to manipulate (or repress) the votes of the second group. If the second group refuses to use its votes to manipulate (or repossess) the money of the first group, guess who wins? You can call that class warfare if you'd like. I call ti democracy.

        1. MumbletyRadio

          That thing's beak — almost blade-like — but also the close-up distorted for me any sense of scale. They're actually only 16-20" and wingspan up to 4 feet, mercy..

  18. ChernobylSoup

    The OWS group here was out working some watershed controversy the other day. When the local news asked them for an update on Occupy, they complained to the reporter about the media calling the movement "unfocused."

    1. Butch_Wagstaff

      Occupy Richmond still has their facebook page but the last post on their site was back in Feb. Ugh. All too familiar pattern here.

    2. BoatOfVelociraptors

      That would be the point of a non-hierarchical organization. In essence, it means that the failure of one node can't compromise the org. You can't be branded by a name. There's no "Steve Jobs" or "Stalin" figure to use your 800 word story. Without a hierarchy, of course the message coherence is going to be lesser.

      1. C_R_Eature

        Of course then you get:

        "Duude, like, why haven't you updated the website yet?"
        "Man, it's not my turn. Talk to Frank."
        "Where's Frank?" "Oh, he's off hiking the Appalachian Trail for the summer."
        "Well, who in the hell's taking care of his tasks, then?" "Oh, that'll be Althea, she's filling in."
        "So where's she?" Oh, Katlin knows, go ask her." Katlin, where's Althea?"
        "Whoa, Dude, she's taking journalism classes at Columbia this semester." "WHAT!?"

        1. BoatOfVelociraptors

          That winds up being true of any distributed system. Say for example you are managing the synchronization of a distributed app, running in multiple datacenters or cores. In order to have coherence, you need a central authority. However, to have appropriate redundancy, you need nodes of the entity to be able to operate with cached data, which may not be canonical with the rest of the system. So you trade coherence for resiliency. It's a tough nut to crack, getting the balance right.Thanks

          1. flamingpdog

            I have no idea what you said, but I upthumbed you because I like velociraptors, even though they don't actually look like the ones in Jurassic Puke Park.

  19. MumbletyRadio

    MY beef is I cannot believe Wimbledon's final match is only viewable on cable, not network tv. I could swear I remembered watching it on one of the networks back in the day. Isn't this awfully ELITIST OF YOU, WIMBLEDON?? oh, wait.

    1. C_R_Eature

      Ever since the Blancmanges from Outer Space turned everyone in Britain into Scotsmen so that they could win Wimbledon, everything's been going downhill.

      1. MumbletyRadio

        I hadn't been keeping up — lost power last weekend w/ local storms — and hadn't been *tuned in* or I would've seen promo stuff on NBC surely? When I searched online for "tv schedule" all I got was ESPN references; but you're right, since then I talked w/ others and figured it out.

    1. flamingpdog

      Nothing like fine music late at night to bring back those nostalgic memories of the Cold War. I could have done without the five seconds (at least they let me cut off the ad before it was over) of hemorrhoid commercial showing a naked guy with a series of expanding red rings coming out of his ass crack. I'm gonna go tear down that wall keeping me from the beer in the frig.

  20. taylormattd

    Oh christ. The Wonket has invited some kid who's been hanging out on a community college lawn for 8 months to bitch us out for playing too many video games.

          1. not that Radio

            Last time I was in Boston with some colleagues, the rental car company gave us a Nissan Cube. We giggled like schoolchildren for 6 days.

        1. Dashboard Buddha

          Oh, ok. around these parts we play an RPG called Scrounging Returnables To Be Able To Afford A Bottle Of Bottom Shelf Vodka.—

  21. Self-Uploader

    I gave up "TV" and then I realized you can not only watch all of television on the internets, but you could watch anything. You can even have "friendships" with people you'll never meet. You never have to leave your house because you can use the internet to get food delivered. It's you mommy; it's you daddy; it's your everything.

    The internet is to television what crack is to cocaine coffee.

    1. Negropolis

      I'm a young'un, but until they make it absolutely necessary, my internet and my television are seperate devices, if even I'm watching one with the other one in the background.

      I do not watch television on my computer. Some of this has to do with my computer being too damned old to make it enjoyable, but most of the reason is that I think some things should be seperate.

      1. Self-Uploader

        I feel that way about not having a backlit e-reader, but the decision to go with the computer for television was also economic. The cable bill was too damn high.

        1. viennawoods13

          I didn't want am ereader but gave in this spring. I am a book geek, but I was able to get 2 books I wanted and hadn't found whilst looking in bookstores, and didn't want to order online, downloaded for an extremely reasonable price in a matter of seconds. Hooked. besides, it fits better in my purse than a copy of Foucault's Pendulum.

  22. protocollie

    I feel as if I'm going to get eaten alive here, but I want to be honest about how I feel about occupy because I feel mixed after reading this.

    I totally consider myself a progressive, I agree with what the message of the occupy movement, and I really, really would like to see them make an impact. But I completely fell off the bandwagon after actually visiting the occupy camp in Philadelphia. I meandered around, I spoke to people, I tried to find out what was going on. The information I got was:

    "My dog just had puppies!"

    "My friend is an awesome musician and playing a show downtown later."

    "They're kicking us out! That's unfair!"

    I am totally 110% in line with what the reported message of occupy is. I think that if they were actually working to that end, I'd be totally on board. I just don't see it, man. It seems like a disorganized clusterfuck of college kids actually dragging down an important message by association rather than people actually out to change the world.

    Sorry if I don't pay attention, dude. I almost feel like the bulk of the people who were out there were unintentionally taking away legitimacy from the cause.

    Commence flames, it's cool. I get it.

    1. Jadetiger79

      *fistbump* me too. I agree with you word for word, except the Philly part : ) ATL here. Same stuff, different city.

    2. vodkamuppet

      Flaming here is pretty rare, especially since they got rid of the downfist button and the Brietbart trolls ceased to have a reason to stop by. I think your opinion is pretty much identitical witn the majority of wonkettes. We are cynical and completely disillusioned with the clusterfuck that is American politics. Remember this phrase: TITS OR GTFO!

  23. Walkinwiddaking

    I'm still amazed by the photo. Splay footed, pus gutted and walking small.

  24. rocktonsam

    hey good luck dude and what ever it is you're supporting, I'm a little busy to give a rats ass right now and to poor to buy your stuff, all the best kiddo.

  25. UW8316154

    Lee Camp understands that his screed is being posted on the *internet*, right? Maybe the wrong medium for his message?

  26. sati_demise

    oh I am fuckin' givin' all you smug posers a big bag of dicks.

    Lee Camp is fuckin' awesome

  27. sati_demise

    Now blog war about it.

    We used to be a war blog, but for all you cheetoes eatin' slackers

        1. not that Radio

          You go to warblog with the schedule you have, not the schedule you might want or wish to have at a later time.

    1. ElPinche

      Warblog? I plan out my blog battles on powerpoint slides then execute with extreme fucking prejudice. Have you seen Spanky lately? No, because disemboweled him and pulled his insides across four Breitbart sites like mutherfucking string confetti. I got teabagger brains on my birkenstocks right now. It's like the mutherfuckin Guns of the Navarone up in here.

  28. coolhandnuke

    This burgeoning comic/writer is hardly top shelf compared to America's finest satirist PJ O'Rourke.
    As a doctor, I recommend you start drinking heavily.

    1. Troubledog

      Flounder: Will that work?
      Otter: Hey, it's gotta work better than the truth.
      Bluto: [thrusting six-pack into Flounder's hands] My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.
      Otter: Better listen to him, Flounder, he's in pre-med.

  29. rocktonsam

    you guys, Huckabee is totally sucking Alan West's dick on FOX right now you guys

    1. Butch_Wagstaff

      Ick. And last night on the 11 o'news I heard Marco Rubio's statements about how great McDonnell's been for our state. He wants to be one of major playas in the GOP that there's no orifice he won't lick.

    2. ElPinche

      Thanks for taking one for the team. I'd rather watch this Hoarders episode with lady with the three foot high shit stack while eating chunky monkey ice cream.

  30. Troubledog

    I read on Amazon you were supposed to be funny and clever. Apparently your publicist is doing a great job.

  31. TribecaMike

    I suggest that the author slip a roofie into Demetri Martin's drink and take copious notes throughout the evening.

  32. HippieEsq

    Dear Occupy Dude (and all of your friends) –


    (If you are choosing any other path to pursue "change" your're doing it wrong and wasting your time).

    1. sati_demise

      We need some lobbyists obviously since nothing gets into law without their writing the legislation first.
      Besides, no one in their right mind including the founding fathers back in the day, will ever want to be in that swamp in the summer.
      Even more so with climate change, oh maybe we should all go get heat stroke to make you happy Mr. HippieEsq

      1. HippieEsq

        Pursuing justice for actual people and causes is a fine distraction from the heat. That plus the hot interns.

    2. BoatOfVelociraptors

      So what, a 50k ad buy on the Yellow Line to influence policy for the pentagon?

  33. aklibtard

    Wow. Occupy post. That's pretty retro. Are any of those idealistic hippies still acting as our proxies for social unrest? Whatever, I can't wait until baseball ends and college football starts back up. The Avengers sucked, also.

    1. HippieEsq

      offended that you call them Hippies. Hippies care enough to participate. Camping is not participating.

      1. sati_demise

        Remember what we were talking about before last September?

        Austerity, austerity and more austerity.

        1. HippieEsq

          Since House Republicans and Republican-controlled state legislatures are still talking about it, perhaps it's time to join a campaign? And no, I don't mean Lyndon LaRouche….

  34. sbj1964

    Hulk Crush! HulK destroy evil Mittens! Raping America for Profit wrong! Don't make me angry Mr. Romeny,you whould'nt like me when I'm angry. Go Green in November! Obama 2012!!!!!!!!!!!

  35. not that Radio

    Gee whiz, Lee Camp, your assessment of us is almost as accurate as Matt Lauer's or maybe Wolf Blitzers's assessment of us. Do you work for NBC? Or maybe CNN? Because they think that we're preoccupied (je je) with matters of cooking shows and football games, whereas we actually care about our jobs and our kids and Republicans destroying the world and the environment and the future. I'm not sure what Rebecca told you when she hired you, but perhaps you misunderstood.

    Don't quit your day job.

    1. coolhandnuke

      Camp's piece gives me a flashback to my days of editing a college newspaper where many a poli sci undergrad with a brain fresh of Chomsky, Zinn and Doonesbury would submit their brain droppings. Camp's work is no different from those–that rarely made the op-ed page–and why the editrix would run this tepid pastiche of jagged transitions, cliched tropes, ham-fisted humor and disjointed motifs is beyond me.

          1. not that Radio

            I don't think anybody could have predicted that these people would take 40 athletes and slam them into Fenway Park.

          2. C_R_Eature

            Regardless, we have to make sure that the smoking gun doesn't turn out to be a mushroom cloud over the left field dugout.

          3. C_R_Eature

            There are known greens. These are things we know that are green. There are known ungreens. That is to say, there are things that we know aren't green. But there are also unknown ungreens. There are things we don't know we don't know aren't green.

          4. DahBoner

            Don't forget to eat your greens (Collard, turnip, beet, Kale, but not too much spinach)….

          5. C_R_Eature

            My belief is that, when the Red Sox enter Yankee Stadium we will in fact be greeted as Liberators.

          6. radio-of-owls

            There are credible reports that the Steinbrenners are reprocessing spent nuclear A-rods.

          7. not that Radio

            A little tough talk in the midst of a game or as part of a baseball season cannot obscure a record of 30 years of being on the wrong side of defense issues.

          8. not that Radio

            الحلو كارولين
            الأوقات الجيدة لا يبدو على ما يرام

          9. radio-of-owls

            Then how do you explain the President's Daily Brief on opening day?

            Entire Red Sox lineup determined to strike out.

          10. C_R_Eature

            It's hard to pick a favorite in what's become one of my most favorite Wonkette posts ever, but I think this one's it.
            I hereby award you the Gold Medallion and Purple Sash of Threadwin for this one.
            Congratulations, Owls. Good show!

          11. C_R_Eature

            "I don't think anybody could have predicted that these people would take 40 athletes and slam them into Fenway Park "
            came in a close second and was, I think, what really set this thread in motion.
            A Golden Medallion Pin of High Snark Deployment Appreciation is hereby awarded to you!

  36. DesertTed

    Shut up you little whiny Occupy Bitch. Sports, video games and movies employ tens or maybe hundreds of thousands of people. If those people don't have those industries they starve and their kids die. It creates community amongst fans pride in communities. Sure, it's shallow and trivial to do things that actually create jobs and benefits but we can't all be authors and "comedians".

    Oh, wait. This is irony, huh?

  37. not that Radio

    instead of paying attention, most of us are watching “The Avengers.”

    Are we? That's news to me.

    Back when Ken Layne used to abuse us and make us all want to stick our heads in the ovens on a daily basis, he did it with flair. He did it with style. He would rant about the Exurban BigBox Wasteland Fuddruckers Dystopian Nightmare, but he would not actually assume that we were rooting against him, in favor of the nightmare. He knew better than that. We didn't all suddenly wake up yesterday wondering "Hey! What are Ross and Chandler doing tonight? What? There's a revolution in Syria? Who knew? Any sales at Target? I'm hungry. Let's have some Fourth Meal and go shopping."

    WTF? Answer to us. You can't just post this crap on Wonkett and then walk away.

    1. C_R_Eature

      That is correct. We would also have accepted:

      "Listen Kid, we were out saving the world on a professional level, losing years, money and friends lives in the process when you were lost in your father's epididymis searching for a tail, so don't Fuck with us. Shut up and get back to work, WE are."

      1. Negropolis

        Whoopdie-fuckin-doo. For that, you win a lifetime supply of tofu from your local Whole Foods.

        Can you turn down the s.m.u.g., this morning, for about two seconds? We get it; you're the most perfect liberal. Which, BTW, is probably why you're about as snarky and subtle as a brick to the face.

        1. sati_demise

          No, cant eat tofu and dont shop at Whole foods either.

          Not a 'liberal'. No. Just anti corporate.

          But people have to start somewhere,
          I find it really disgusting that teh wokette has to trash the Occupy Movement like the site turned into the ghost of Breitbart.

  38. Negropolis

    Could Occupy put up just ONE congressional candidate out of the 435 districts we have? I mean, you can do the other stuff outside the system, too, but can you guys put up ONE candidate to gauge electoral interest in the movement? Just one? I mean, I'd work the phones and the whole nine. Just one protest candidate somewhere, anywhere. I mean, if we can get a few thousand folks to shut down Times Square for an hour, maybe we can get a few thousands folks to march on some doors and man some phones as an exciting experiement, mayhaps?

    1. Jadetiger79

      I'd be right there with you! Just put forth some initiative and have some action going. I'd man phones, knock on doors, you name it. But this nebulous whatevs is wrecking it, mang.

    2. Chet Kincaid

      Might I suggest McCotter's abandoned district in Michigan? It seems that there's only a far-right nut, some LaRouchies and some Democrat nobody cares about running in that district.

    3. sati_demise

      they do have a few candidates.
      yes- why yes they do have some Occupiers running- Jeff Kravitz in Sacramento and Mike LaPointe in the NW, Elizabeth Warren is an Occupier, no doubt. Probably more but too lazy to google on…

    4. PhilippePetain

      It's funny, out here in Portland there was a kid (25 or so) running for Mayor, as a protest bid I guess, and he seems like a genuine, interested guy that is always out front to actually do the protesting, and bringing attention to local issues that affect the poor on a visceral level. I like him. He's got some quixotic charm that could translate to electoral success if he actual knuckled down and tried to build some coalitions, but seeing as how the rest of the movement seems doomed to exemplify every wingnut trope about naive idiotic hippies that there is, I'm guessing that his proximity to the Occupy movement is a hindrance more than anything.

      I'd be willing to be that if we had even twenty people like that slowly building a movement, it would be more effective than the 500 or whatever that were getting stoned in the park all month last fall.

  39. smokefilledroommate

    Yikes–hate to be a bitch, but I think a letter I wrote to the PMRC when I was fifteen expressed more depth..

    Personally, I'd like to have a 'Feelgood Gen Y Nevah-Felt-No-Pain Bubble Friends Care Bear Jah-Che Kony Occupy React on Twitter' Contest that awards all participants with a trophy–even if you come in 1,294,372nd. (Yay for participating, motherfucker!.. of course, only if you require praise.)

    One might ask, "Sheesh, what did Gen Y ever do to you?" to which I'd respond "Nothing."–the very point. Or "facebook".

  40. flamingpdog

    Should people raging against the machine be hawking their books and records through the giga-corporation Amazon that put mega-corporation Borders out of business and may put mega-corporation Barnes & Noble out of business in the future?

  41. flamingpdog

    And who is this mysterious "Admin" person? I clicked on "Admin" and found a total of ten posts in the past four years. You're never gonna build up your p that way, buddy/ie!

  42. Jadetiger79

    I agree with many of the principles of Occupy and I'm ready to throw in, but…? The lack of focus and failure to keep the momentum going when things were getting real has been very disappointing. So instead of operating as a group, I just stick it to The Man every chance I get and hope Occupy can stop the drum circles and start showing organized initiative. That's when you'll see your support really grow.

    1. sati_demise

      did you go help organize any Occupy event? If not, dont complain about what they do or do not do. You are the problem if you do not throw in and then bitch

      1. Chet Kincaid

        Oh, go fuck yourself. People who manage to vote, pay taxes and help put the right people in office without fucking around in the mud and flashing hand signs at a drum circle don't need the goddamned lecture.

        1. viennawoods13

          You mean the people who ended up paying for the whole Occupy mess when the camps were moved out? It cost $60,000 (donated by landscapers) to replace the grass in St James Park in Toronto. That's after paying $10,000 overtime to workers just to clean up the mess that got left behind.

        2. sati_demise

          So, some in this Occupy movement have had great success in helping their neighbors beat the banks back and defeat a foreclosure. Maybe you need more information about what the Occupy movement has been up to lately?

          Now that is a real victory. Anyone can bitch on a comment thread on line.

      2. Jadetiger79

        Sati, yes I did help with Occupy Atlanta. I'm a professional graphic designer and I donated my design skills then went and distributed flyers. I helped distribute food.

        Don't hate. You have no idea what I've done and you look like an asshole for just assuming I've done nothing but complain. You may apologize to me any time now.

    1. sati_demise

      oh yea, the main line hooker who knocked Occupy when she beat down a couple of poor out-of-work 20 somethings for not being financial experts with a trick question.

      Being a hooker, that is the only kind of question she can ask of Occupy.

  43. flamingpdog

    OT, but Kirsten Boyd (sigh) Johnson hasn't posted since June 16. Did I miss something? Is she on sabbatical? Her honeymoon? The rag?

    1. Negropolis

      Can you stop being such a dick?

      Honestly, what the hell is happening around here?

      1. Chichikovovich

        People are just upset about the Tom Cruise Katie Holmes split. It's so sad when love dies. And to people of faith, too.

      2. flamingpdog

        I was wrong to say what I did. Kirsten is not on the rag, but apparently someone at the Wonkette is. And I thought he was a decent, thoughtful kind of guy who could deal with lame word play without going off.

        I do miss her blog posts.

  44. ElPinche

    Mr. Camp, you should go back on Fox & Friends and call them a a "festival of ignorance " again. I wanna see Kilmeade's neck vein pulsate through his overstarched collar.

  45. bobbert

    Jesus. The Republicans don't have to do anything. Just give us a weak weekend post, and no snarkable news, and we'll tear each other to shreds.

  46. Juicy_Stalin

    For christ's sake, is this supposed to be insightful? You sound like some 16 year old kid wearing Hot Topic JNCOs railing about the jocks and preppies..

    The reason Occupy will never succeed is because the ones running it are dullards who never got past the anarchist cookbook and drive more nuanced and evolved opinions away, not because "HURRRR FOOTBAAALLLLLLL"

    (I'm not even a fan of football)

    1. PhilippePetain

      It would be great if they realized "Derp derp, oh wait, the guy watching football is the one I need to be reaching out to, instead of maligning. You know, the working class Americans that the right stole from under the left's nose thirty years ago."

      Instead, apparently we can just sit around and hate on sports fans and BOOM, socialist paradise. Moronic to say the least.

        1. DahBoner

          Cigarettes give you a 1 out of 4 chance at Lung Cancer, which only hurts when you breathe.

          Entirely preventable.

          My point is the unconcious brain does not assess risk accurately.

          1. Extemporanus

            Taken, and agreed.

            Likewise, the overly conscious brain often does not do so either, as evidenced by Mr. Layne and the old post of his my reply referenced:

            As a side note, my wife's parents both died from lung cancer when they were in their late-40s/early-50s, and neither of them smoked. Perhaps the most apt metaphor lies somewhere therein…

          2. not that Radio

            Aw, man. I was really hoping that would contain the fabled Chet Kinkaide Ken Layne Morally Weak Parody that supposedly got him temporarily banned. You don't happen to know where that is, do you? Sure, I could brute-force search all of Chet's comments, but I have neither the time nor the inclination to do that.

            and btw, now it looks like one of these. There are herds of them that roam the roadside on the drive between my two work sites, and they haunt my dreams. Mostly, they just follow cows around, because cows know where the water is. And sometimes, they try to stand in the shadow of a utility pole. A dozen of these cute fuckers, face-to-butt, in the shadow of a utility pole.

          3. Extemporanus

            I looked, but alas, to no avail.

            Also AWOL: My "Editor Layne's Inability to Quit Blogging Proves He's Morally Weak" comment — made on said Editor's first post after swearing that he was DONE WITH THIS SHIT — which had me a bit banhammer-shy for a time as well.

            And BTW: Antelope are flamboyantly gay ruminants, and cows nothing more than stag hags. (It gets better!)

          4. not that Radio

            Or, perhaps, drag bags.

            I fear that your's and Chet's timeless comments have been airbrushed out of history, Kerensky-style. Some day, Ken will look back upon all he has wrought, regret it, and unseal the records.

          5. Extemporanus

            UREA! I FOUND IT!

            I was fixin' to be pissed that my jest disappeared, but I guess my query wasn't clear, and now I just shed a tear.

            *dramatic sniff*

            Also, too, beating a drag bagged** horse.

            (Chet's chiding? Totes Tunguska…)

            **[not that Neilist?!]

          6. not that Radio

            That's funny — I used to suspect that you were Neilist. I guess a little bit of Neilist lives on in all of us.

  47. Dashboard Buddha

    An earnest but slightly discombobulated effort. However, this work was killed by the shilling of the author's book at the end

  48. Chichikovovich

    So is this post the blog equivalent of what happens when the Revolutionary Cadres sieze the TV and radio station in the capitol city? 'Cause it's helping me understand how people could get nostalgic for the bloodthirsty Junta.

  49. kittenface_2000

    Oooh! Tell me more about how I should live my life, Dude Who Is Five Years Younger Than Me!!!!

    Occupy=Annoying, Self-Righteous Examples of What Happens When You Grow Up Thinking You're Special. (Guess what — you're not!)

  50. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    I feel like I've just been lectured by a sanctimonious, hectoring bell-end.

    If the author wants a reason why people who care about the fundamental issues affecting this country think that a lot of the occupy people are cunts then perhaps a glance in the mirror may be in order.

  51. Designer_Radio

    I would say (at least) on average the OWSers are smarter than the TeaTarders, but since their message is (at least perceived as) about holding the oligarchs and plutocrats accountable, well, that's why they don't have a line of oligarchs and plutocrats lining up to buy shiny new tour buses for them, nor to tell them all to vote for their candidates (which don't exist because they don't want candidates who will rein them in).

    The only reason a bunch of illiterate white nationalists were so successful is because Dick Armey and the Koch Bros were smart enough to harness their dumb, dumb energy by throwing several metric tons of hundred-dollar bills at them.

    All that said, there's no excuse for this OWS movement to be so much more intelligent and so much less hateful than your average Teapuke, and not have affected ANY sort of systemic change in our political system the way the Teabaggers did by stacking the House in 2010.

    Maybe I'm wrong about the intelligence. Maybe it's just another (mirror-image opposite) group of rage-stupefied people, but they got no moneyed overlords to steer them to slaughter like cows down the chute because 'moneyed interest oil' and 'throw banksters in prison water' don't mix.

    1. Negropolis

      All that said, there's no excuse for this OWS movement to be so much more intelligent and so much less hateful than your average Teapuke, and not have affected ANY sort of systemic change in our political system the way the Teabaggers did by stacking the House in 2010.

      I think you kind of explained why they didn't throughout the entire post. As you said, their message doesn't lend itself to being embraced by the people with power. Occupy's entire message is a critique of established power. All of it, Katie. I think that's the major difference between the tea party and Occupy. The tea party almost exclusively critiques established government leaving itself open to be co-opted by business interests. Occupy critiques the entire establishment, corporate to government, leaving no room to be embraced by any power but that of the people , and that power is extremely difficult to harness and direct.

      It's left me bewildered. On one hand, I don't think Occupy should change its message simply to be mainlined, because then it'd just look cynical. On the other ahnd, they can't moan about not being mainlined. Maybe, it is what is it and that's all that it is and will be. Maybe, this is all the proof that is needed that it is not the mirror-opposite of the tea party, whose goal is to destroy the system from within the system, itself. Maybe, their success is not to be judged by electoral gains but by simply changing the message as they like to say. And, maybe, that's good enough…but I don't think it will be. They can't be faulted for trying, but they can definitely be faulted for being so damned sanctimonious when presented with criticism. There is no self-reflection.

      1. Designer_Radio

        What I like about OWS, off the top of my head:
        — They're ACTUALLY a grass roots movement, not teatard astroturf cooption of a few hateful simpletons by plutocrats.
        — They called a lot of attention to themselves and managed to plant "The 99%" (vs. The 1%) idea into the national lexicon, which is really smart populist politicking. It's the liberal version of Frank Luntz's "Death Tax", only not evil.
        — They influenced the getting of some other important things done that I KNOW, even if I can't prove it, were attributable to Corporate America being afraid of what happens to their brand when the MSM focuses on a bunch of angry blogger-types focused on Corporate America. Just things like BofA and every other bank trying to suddenly charge $5/month to customers for having a debit card. I'm drawing a blank on other examples like that right now, but I remember last winter more of these things happening. Corporate America hates it when the Poorz unionize and act all French Revolution-y.

        Why all the animosity toward OWS from the left? DISAPPOINTMENT IN COMPLETE LACK OF LEADERSHIP and thus blowing your (our) chance at a revival of progressive policy revitalization. Disappointment for them being so generally standoffish with the government as to not affect change through it, which is really the only way to get things done quickly, or as quickly as the teatards have (yes, I know the government was trying to kill or beat OWS at times…)

        So maybe OWS is just one of those 'symptoms' of disease in the system, not a cure. American History is littered with them, starts and stops, fits and sputters, before an effective movement finally took shape. Without stacking Congress to form a caucus or coalition, the policy changes that OWS talks about are just talk.

        1. Negropolis

          So maybe OWS is just one of those 'symptoms' of disease in the system, not a cure. American History is littered with them, starts and stops, fits and sputters, before an effective movement finally took shape. Without stacking Congress to form a caucus or coalition, the policy changes that OWS talks about are just talk.

          This is what I struggle with, and that's the nebulous nature of their mission. If there mission is to accuse and that's it, they did an excellent job of pointing the finger and keeping the finger pointed. If, however, their mission was to change the system, well, they've failed at that pretty miserably. So, I'm not sure quite how to judge and measure them. I tell you, when they got the thousands of folks to occupy Times Square that one night last year, I got goosebumps. They are awesome when it comes to theater, but is that it? More to the point, is that supposed to be it? If it is, than I can judge them on the theater. If they are going to leave it open-ended, I'll judge the other parts of a successful movement.

    2. sati_demise

      Occupy was credited by McKibben of stopping the Keystone Oil pipeline. . Occupyers have defied the banks and saved their neighbors from foreclosure. They showed us all the power of the state now that the police are militarized, they showed us that there really is no difference between the Dems and the Reps. on and on. they have certainly done more than some of these bitchin' yuppies around here.

      1. Designer_Radio

        Agreed on the OWS protests demonstrating the unnerving sharing of national (not local) intelligence and high-coordination of city police depts. Raids would be carried out all at once on the same day across many cities and thousands of miles.

        I think highly of McKibben, but I would say the Cornell study and the Repiglican House's forcing of the Administration's hand ON TOP OF a populist movement against the pipeline that wasn't just OWS (I sent at least 2 emails to the Whitehouse on the topic myself) had more to do with the POSTPONEMENT of the pipeline than what OWS did about it.

        How many people did OWS save from foreclosure? I don't remember reading much about that — not even the federal gov't could seem to save people from foreclosure with new law crafted specifically for that purpose.

        Finally, please don't do that thing where you say the two parties are the same. They're not. You might say the system the two parties operate in is corrupted and needs to be shored up and fixed, but that's different.

        About the Democrats:
        We are the Big Tent, the only Big Tent. The Republican party hates all minorities so much it's built into almost every plank of its platform. The only minority they automatically and eagerly fellate at every opportunity are the Plutocrats, and bending over sideways for them at all costs makes up the rest of their platform's planks.

        See how it's a bad idea to think and say that the two parties are the same when they're not? Misinformed "independent" voters will get that thought even further infested into their minds and decide it doesn't matter if they vote Republican over Democrats, or vote at all. As Republican strategist Paul Weyrich famously said in the early 80's: "I don't want everybody to vote, as a matter of fact, our leverage in the elections quite candidly goes up as the voting populace goes down."

  52. scionkirk

    Wow. You you can stereotype the whole middle class as a bunch of people who care more about a sports game than their sick child, but if I said the Occupy people are a bunch of spoiled brats who think protesting is hanging out and smoking pot and playing hackey sac in a park, you'd go crazy about how actually diverse the movement is. See a common theme here? If that's how you really feel about the mass of Americans who are seeing their lives and economic stability sucked away, why do you even care about saving them? There will (hopefully) come a point in your protesting career when you realize that if you loathe the people you are trying to help, it will be apparent, and no one will listen to you.

  53. lulzmonger

    Oversimplifying faux-Situationist post is made of oversimple & faux-Situation.

    One of a critical & context-afflicted bent might dare to wonder exactly where this newfound tide of Yankee Left gonad-integrity was just cold chillaxing on sabbatical back in the summer & fall of 2008, in that little window when there were prime conditions for it to have caught on like a weaponized mutant strain of scabies at a nudist rave?

    Or why its OWS component voluntarily echoes the fizzled structureless "DO YO OWN THANG" approach from the 1970s, instead of borrowing from the strong successful "Best Appearance, Best Behavior & Hardcore Focus On Crystal-Clear Goals " approach from the 1950s?

    { Pee Ess : To quote a previous Wonketteratchik, NO U …… lulzmonger (PBUM) is keeping track of exactly zero sports, has zero boob tubes & sees circa five feature-length movies per annum. }

    1. Negropolis

      To be fair, it'd seem to me that Occupy wasn't even a twinkle in its mother's eye back in 2008. It seems like direct response to the Tea Party – and actually more a response to the response of the Tea Party to the president's policies – even if no one wants to admit that. It seems as if every segment of society save for a few intellectual watchdogs were caught flat-footed by the recession.

      1. lulzmonger

        I used to be one of those Angry Young ManBoys myself back in the day … the Vancouver Peace Camp I spent weeks in protesting Desert Storm was essentially the microscopic rudimentary great-grandma of OWS. Did NOT catch on (despite epic levels of praise from the humungous crowds at every Official Genuine Authorized Anti-War Mobile Picnic March/Rally), got us burned-out, terrorized, frozen & half-starved, accomplished precisely Sweet Fanny Adams. Noble anti-barbarian activism & futile wankfest FUBAR – yes indeed, you CAN have that both ways, kids!

        What REALLY rustles my jimmies is that there was even a point a few months in where in spite of themselves, OWS spawned a major global echo of solidarity protests – a bonafide golden opportunity on a platter … & proceeded to blithely piss it away.

        Keep relying on pulling miracles out of your ass long enough, & sooner or later all you're going to be holding is a steaming triple-coiler & a surplus of chagrin.

    2. sati_demise

      How long did it take the civil rights movement to accomplish anything. You all have ADD as far as social movements and history

      1. lulzmonger

        Gaining popular support wasn't a walk in the park for them, to put it mildly – but even after their organizers started getting killed, they still got shit done.

        How long did it take the Arab Spring?
        How long did it take East Germany, the Warsaw Pact countries, or the ex-USSR?
        How long did it take the Ukrainian Orange movement?

        A lot of that ADD has been going around among all us sheeple, it seems.

        1. Negropolis

          This is not even to mention that the civil rights movement institutionalized, which is why it was able to grind on for as long as it did. Martin Luther King, Jr., Joseph Lowery and Co. didn't just appear out of thin air. They came from institutions that helped guide the disperate factions of the movement.

  54. imissopus

    Gosh, I missed this post because I haven't been around much this week. Much too busy with some work and an anxiety attack caused by me finding out the only woman I have ever loved recently married someone else, and maybe it happens and I could better direct my angst by yelling at the nearest BofA branch, but goddamn it was really a kick in the nuts and I just had to deal with it and not spend a few days thinking about the time six months ago a bunch of kids got pepper-sprayed by a Security Guard School reject up at UC Davis and the larger sociological implications of our growing class and wealth divides. If this week I can manage to not think about the lost love of my life every fifteen seconds with each occasion bringing a fresh wave of mourning and grief and regret, I'll try to think more about whatever the hell it is this kid wants us to be thinking about.

    1. Negropolis

      Sounds rough. Not to ptry too much, but was this someone you knew in the past and lost contact with, or someone you interacted with, currently?

      1. imissopus

        Oh man, it's a long story but I'll try to shorten it. She used to be my best friend. Then a few years ago I fell ass-over-teakettle in love with her. First time in my life I'd ever felt that strongly about someone. Unfortunately she saw me as the brotherly friend guy and I couldn't change her mind. My feelings for her got so painful and she was so uncomfortable knowing about it that we mutually agreed to drop out of each other's lives indefinitely. That was four years ago and aside from an email or two we had not spoken at all. Can't speak for her, but I never tried to renew the friendship because I just thought it would be awkward, and as much as I missed our friendship I didn't want to go back to the same-old same-old.

        Then recently we were back in touch with each other (long story as to why) and that was when I found out she got married two months ago. Really just knocked me on my ass. I could probably go on for a few thousand words as to possibly why, but eh, it's probably boring. I'm prone to anxiety in stressful emotional situations, and this qualifies so I'm just going to have to ride it out.

        1. Negropolis

          Then recently we were back in touch with each other (long story as to why) and that was when I found out she got married two months ago. Really just knocked me on my ass.

          I really don't want to sound insensitive, but you had to know this was eventually a possibility, right? I realize it doesn't hurt any less to find it out, but I hope you can eventually come to the point of finding happiness – or at least acceptance – in her own happiness, and I wish you all the best and even better. You can't make someone love you when they don't, and to try will only destroy you. You will find someone that loves you as much as you love them; the hard part will be letting yourself do that, but it will happen.

          You sound like you have a lot to give, but work on not letting anyone steal away your happiness or completely losing yourself in someone else. You are worthy of happiness with or without someone.

          1. imissopus

            Oh sure, I knew it was a possibility. I just didn't think I would care. It's been four years, life has moved on, all that blah blah blah. But the news just seemed to set off some sort of physical anxiety in me that I'm at a loss to explain. Maybe there is something about the way things happened four years ago that I never really came to terms with, or maybe it's because of other things in my life not going smoothly so this just is one more thing to angst over. I don't know.

            Thanks for the kind words, dude. I appreciate it.

  55. DahBoner

    According to time-management studies, Americans spend the majority of their voluntary leisure time in imaginary activities, such as reading, playing video games and watching TV.

    I suspect even back in hunter-gatherer days, the majority of leisure time was spent around the campfire at night listening to imaginary stories about celebrity cavemen…

  56. brainspeculum

    Pepper spray – the new opium of the masses.

    tweet, tweet, tweet, friend, friend, friend, blog, blog, blog. Change the world? What?

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