YOU CAN'T FIRE ME I QUIT  12:36 pm July 7, 2012

The Totally True And 100 Percent Not Fictional Resignation Letter Of Rep. Thad McCotter, For Real

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Who?You guys, we are starting to worry about former vanity presidential candidate and guy currently working from the Third Street Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf just like every other pilot-shopper, Michigan Congressman Thad McCotter. He resigned from the US House last night following “a nightmarish month” and his letter is just, how to say, Holy Cow? It is flowery and high-flown. It rends its Clothes and tears its Hair. It sweeps grandly forth into the Future while shaking its Fist at the Deceivers of the Past. For it has suffered Calumnies and Indignities, and probably merciless Savages also too! It is, ladies and gentlemen, the final missive of Rep. Thad McCotter.

“Today I have resigned from the office of United States Representative for Michigan’s 11th Congressional District.

After nearly 26 years in elected office, this past nightmarish month and a half have, for the first time, severed the necessary harmony between the needs of my constituency and of my family. As this harmony is required to serve, its absence requires I leave.

The recent event’s totality of calumnies, indignities and deceits have weighed most heavily upon my family. Thus, acutely aware one cannot rebuild their hearth of home amongst the ruins of their U.S. House office, for the sake of my loved ones I must “strike another match, go start anew” by embracing the promotion back from public servant to sovereign citizen.

I do not leave for an existing job and face diminishing prospects (and am both unwilling and ill-suited to lobby), my priorities are twofold: find gainful employment to help provide for my family; and continue to assist, in any way they see fit, the Michigan Attorney General’s earnest and thorough investigation, which I requested, into the 2012 petition filing.

While our family takes this step into the rest of our lives, we do so with the ultimate confidence in our country’s future. True, as at other times in the life of our nation, we live in an Age of Extremes that prizes intensity over sanity; rhetoric over reality; and destruction over creation. But this too shall pass, thanks to the infinite, inspired wisdom of the sovereign people who, with God’s continued blessings, will again affirm for the generations American Exceptionalism.

Truly, it is a challenging and fortunate time to live in our blessed sanctuary of liberty.

In closing, to The People of Michigan’s 11th Congressional District, I can but say this: Thank you for the privilege of having worked for you.”

~ Thaddeus G. McCotter

Can we now say, for the record, that we would very much like to read his pilot script, and we really really hope that he does indeed talk like Niles Crane, but foppier? We would definitely do at least one and a half recaps of that.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 402 comments }

Barb July 7, 2012 at 12:40 pm

I read it and I still don't know why he quit. Does this come with subtitles?

Sharkey July 7, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Why does that matter? This will go down in the annals of the greatest resignation letters ever.

Chichikovovich July 7, 2012 at 1:08 pm

The reference to "helping" the Atty. General with the investigation Mccotter "requested" gives a bit of a hint. Briefly, it turned out that some huge number – i.e. almost all – of the piddling number of signatures he needed to get on the ballot for the primary were forged. Cut and pasted from earlier petitions. This doesn't count as election fraud, of course, hence no 24/7 Fox drumbeat, because IOKIYAR.

So, can't be reelected except as a write-in, which is harder if you're under investigation for criminal stupidity. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer to begin with. Why not just pack it in right now? Thinks Thad.

Don't feel sorry for him, though, since he's as deranged a Republican theocrat as they come.

Barb July 7, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Thanks for the information, Chic.
Are we wagering on what company he will become a lobbyist for?

Chichikovovich July 7, 2012 at 1:21 pm

I think he may actually have some trouble. Being disgraced, under investigation and bone stupid is no impediment to a successful career as an influence peddler/Fox blatherer, as Tom Delay showed, but you need to combine the bone stupidity with low, peasant cunning of Rasputin calibre. McCotter is just kind of a dumb loser.—

Sharkey July 7, 2012 at 2:24 pm

It's no wonder he likes Dylan.

ProgressiveInga July 7, 2012 at 1:17 pm

"So, can't be reelected except as a write-in, which is harder if you're under investigation for criminal stupidity"

Not to mention how difficult it would be for republican Meeshiganders to write in "Thaddeus McCrumpelstein"!

miss_grundy July 7, 2012 at 11:52 pm

This is the guy whose staff submitted the electoral petition for the August primary that had about 86% invalid signatures. It seemed his staff culled signatures from previous petitions and copied them 3 to 4 times. So most of the signatures were thrown out and the Michigan attorney general is investigating the matter. The 11th congressional district was thought to be a "safe" Republican seat. Thanks to the McCotter crack-up, it is now up for grabs. I would like to see a Democrat win it but there is a Republican Tea-Tard running and the dufuses in the district may vote that idiot in.

Negropolis July 8, 2012 at 1:27 am

If long-shot writ-in Nancy Cassis somehow topples the reindeer farmer, I'd say this turns back into a "lean Republican". If the reindeer farmer pulls this off – and he may very well just being the only name on the Republican primary ballot – all bets are off and this thing remains a toss-up. If the guy wins, it'll be "crazy, Paultard, burn-everything-to-the-ground reindeer farmer" up against a very sane and very traditional "save Medicare" Democrat. This isn't a crazy, exurban tea party district. It's a wealthy suburban district. That's not to say they won't elect a conservative, but it'd have to be a conservative more traditional than Bentivolio.

HistoriCat July 8, 2012 at 10:14 am

Thanks for the analysis Negropolis. I'm happy to know there are some bright spots out there.

miss_grundy July 8, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Nancy Cassis was the Republican state representative who was against the film incentives program that Gov. Granholm signed. She met Clint Eastwood when he was in Metro Detroit to film "Grand Torino" and didn't understand why he needed incentive money to film here. According to the Detroit Free Press, he told her that the movie was being filmed here because of the "money". Originally, the film was about a Wisconsin auto worker who becomes involved with his Asian neighbors. I didn't like Cassis then, and I still don't like her or any Republican now.

MittBorg July 8, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Be sure to do your utmost to ensure that Cassis remains a pleasant post-prandial digestif rather than an obnoxious elected official.

memzilla July 7, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Calumnies, indignities and deceits.. oh my!
Calumnies, indignities and deceits.. oh my!

SorosBot July 7, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Truly a most cromulent letter that embiggins this man.

Vecchiojohn July 7, 2012 at 12:56 pm

And utterly craptactular.

flamingpdog July 7, 2012 at 1:24 pm

I initially read that as "a most corpulent letter." DAMN YOU, EDITRIX, for fixing Chris Christie in my brain!!!

StanleyPain2 July 7, 2012 at 4:54 pm

I found it scrumtrilescent, personally.

Negropolis July 7, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Verily, it was pregant with various and pleasant strategeries.

va_real July 7, 2012 at 12:42 pm

He is going to "strike another match, go start anew”… Are they looking for this fellow in connection with the Colorado wildfires?

Sharkey July 7, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Ummm, it's all over now, baby blue.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Awww, Mama. Can this really be the end?

flamingpdog July 7, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Hopefully he doesn't decide to take a face from the ancient gallery and walk on down the hall.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 1:43 pm

He just might. From the way he's been writing his brain is squirming like a toad.

jakegittes July 8, 2012 at 10:56 am

"Anybody got a match?" "Yeah. My ass and Thaddeus McCotter's face."

memzilla July 7, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Since Thaddeus (Constantly Beat Up In Junior High School For My First Name) McCotter has already ordered the Caribou Barbie Word Salad, Scott Walker should send this tard some delicious Wisconsin cheese to go with his Michigan whine.

rickmaci July 7, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Better that he got him a Word enema.

NorthStarSpanx July 7, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Also there, he forgot to say he wasn't retreating but going in a different direction, reloading and politically if he dies he dies and know that he knows he can sign on in his heavenly father's name. Too.

weejee July 7, 2012 at 12:43 pm

calumnies???

Isn't that the pink lotion you put on itchies? Did Guitar Thad have an itch he shoulda been moar careful scratchin'? Can't believe that this is just about too many robo signatures on an election petition.

Barb July 7, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Damn chiggers! They are ruining this nation.

flamingpdog July 7, 2012 at 1:28 pm

I think they prefer to be called Chafrican-Americans these days.

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Chee-grows, if you please, miss.

smokefilledroommate July 7, 2012 at 11:51 pm

I thought it was some kind of baking powder.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 12:44 pm

I'm re-posting this, just because:

***PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT***

The National Weather Service has declared Excessive Heat Watches and Warnings for a good part of the country. The Warning areas will have Heat Index values in the 100 to 110 deg. F. range, due to a combination of temperatures in the 90's and above and Dew Points in the 60's. This is dangerous weather, folks and nothing to take lightly. Heat Exhaustion and heat stroke are cumulative conditions and symptoms can present very quickly. Here are a few resources to help:

* The NWS's Heat advisory page.
* The Centers for Disease Control's Extreme heat advisory page
*The CDC's eat stress in the workplace page

Please remember that many of the areas under Heat Warnings today are still without power from last Friday's storm. If you're in any of these areas please take care and go to an air conditioned public building if you can. If you know anyone in these affected areas. please check on them to make sure they're OK.

Thanks. everyone,. Add your links and repost as needed.

FYI, I'm on the eastern shore of the Chesapeake in MD, lucky enough to have electricity and am doing nothing outside for more than 5 minutes at a time.Right now, at 1214 EDT, I have a heat index of 109 deg. F. and the hottest part of the day is in the mid- afternoon.

EDIT: Wouldn't be a Wonkette post without TruckNutz.

Sincerely, Weedlord Bonerhitler.

Update: We're at a heat index of 111 deg. F here now, at 1243 EDT.

va_real July 7, 2012 at 12:49 pm

The best advice I can give anyone trying to get through a heatwave is: don't ever look at the heat index. Really.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 12:52 pm

There's some that believe that, beyond a certain point on the thermometer it should just read "Fuckin' Hot". There's a definite appeal to that attitude.

va_real July 7, 2012 at 1:03 pm

I absolutely agree. Where do I order my new thermometers? Think "Potty Mouth" Bloomberg might know?

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Don't ask him. The last Thermometer I ordered from New York said
F[REDACTED]n' Hot.

That's not nearly as accurate.

Sharkey July 7, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Very servicey, thanks. Any advice for male strippers trying to ride out this heat wave?

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Frequent waterproof Sunscreen application. Avoid jackrabbiting your Unit for more than a few minutes at a time. Drink lots of water. Clothing, if worn, should be light colored and loose. Don't wear leather, although assless chaps provide effective air circulation. Remember, excessive lap dancing is the primary cause of heatstroke among Male Exotic Dancers, so stay safe!

va_real July 7, 2012 at 1:04 pm

You can leave your hat on.

ETA <a href="http://:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNGgvpjtq0w” target=”_blank”>:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNGgvpjtq0w

And also adding Etta James' version, because that's the one I meant to post to begin with: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjphO7ieUUA&fe

James Michael Curley July 7, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Corn starch, liberally applied.

Limeylizzie July 7, 2012 at 2:22 pm

This is the stuff I swear by, not kidding, it is amazing stops me from getting a boob rash at the gym!

http://shop.antimonkeybutt.com/products/Lady-Anti

James Michael Curley July 8, 2012 at 9:06 am

The ingredients seem the same as the regular anti-monkey butt cream and we used to make our own with corn starch and calamine lotion in my hard core bicycle riding days (50 to 100 mi a day). Didn’t do a lot of good for a pair of pricey compression shorts.

SorosBot July 7, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Philadelphia, it's supposed to be getting up to 100 degrees here; and that's real temperature, not the heat index. Don't plan on leaving the air conditioned apartment today.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 1:16 pm

I wouldn't go anywhere either. Here's your NWS local forecast office.
You know when their forecast map is pretty much all one color there's some shit that's about to go down.

Butch_Wagstaff July 7, 2012 at 5:05 pm

I was looking at AccuWeather's map porn earlier. It was very hot but I still couldn't fap.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 5:07 pm

That's funny. I fund that easy to masturbate to.

ProgressiveInga July 7, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Here in the A T L, we are only at 90 degrees with a heat index of 93. C'mon down y'all, and cool off.

Not even kidding, wifey is on the roof cleaning the gutters as I sit in the conditioned air laughing at the Wonketeers and watching Bill Bennett on CSPAN-2 talk about the evils of Obamacare. Bennett looks like he and Cricso Christy have been throwing back the groceries together. He's fat.

That is all.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Hot 'Lanta's cooler than D.C. this weekend. Says it all, I think.

"wifey is on the roof cleaning the gutters as I sit in the conditioned air "
– Not even going to ask what deal you had to make for that one. Best not look into it.

"watching Bill Bennett on CSPAN-2 talk about the evils of Obamacare.
-A Gold Star to you for having the emotional fortitude to watch that. I am, sadly, unable to watch people like him any more as I've just recently gotten my Rage Issues under control and my recovery is far from assured. Must tread carefully.

Bill Bennett: The old Reagan/Bush I Administration apparatchnik who slithered gainfully into the talkshow, lecture, radio and Wingnut Welfare circuit, published "The Book of Virtues" and was outed as a serious Gambling Addict as well as a serious cigarette addict. but that's not a contradiction of his Conservative Values because SHUT UP THAT'S WHY and my eyes are turning red so I must stop now before the furniture breaking starts…

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 2:44 pm

In all honesty, I have to admit, CRE, that the weed has really kept the ragey-stabby-hatey under control. I was afloat in a sea of bile for at least a decade back there till MM.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 3:20 pm

I miss weed, sometimes. Should be mandatory, for all.

starfanglednut July 7, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Unfortunately, I can't smoke weed, as if I do, it then becomes a good idea to go to the liquor store, then my drug dealer, then ultimately crawl on my knees to a detox. I have to settle for ice cream. Hence the adorable pot belly.

Jadetiger79 July 8, 2012 at 2:09 am

It's the only thing that helps the PTSD. I am able to get so much accomplished and since I'm in the art thing (why, yes I am unemployed!) I find I do my best work in that state. I can actually concentrate!

James Michael Curley July 7, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Bennett blames it all on having quit smoking.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Yeah, that's it. I can't wait until we find out he's a secret Oxycontin fiend.

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Hey, dammit, *I* have dibs on Weedlord Bonerhitler for my next nym!

Thanks for the PSA, dude.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Today, We Are All Weedlord Bonerhitler!

Welcome!

not that Radio July 7, 2012 at 1:45 pm

HEY!

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Oops, sorry.

"Wideload Bulboushitler" then.

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Great. Now I'll have to share my cool moustached-dick av with EVUHbody.

(Hugs the CRE)

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Nah, we'll all give it up when you undergo your last Transmogrification.

LagunaB July 7, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Well, actually I must confess that I used Mrs. Weedlord Bonerhitler on John Boehner's website war blog the other day. So, cheers darling.

flamingpdog July 7, 2012 at 1:34 pm

It's 70 degrees Mur'can in the Mile High City at 11:35 AM MDT, with a predicted high of 78 and a 60 percent chance of rain. Looks like The Monsoon came early this year along with the extreme summer heat. Hop on an aeroplane and we'll all drive down to Barb's (she should be having the same weather) and surprise her.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Good idea. My weather Blows Goats. I have proof.

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Po' li'l goats.

It's kind of warm here for a change. Our summers tend to be cool and foggy, which means it's a pain in the ass to grow tomatoes, but this year they're actually mostly doing OK for a change. I don't think it's going to get much hotter than maybe the 80s at most, here. Our summer weather fluctuates between 60-80 daytime, and 40-55 nighttime, usually.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Heat Index's up to 116 here, now. You may gloat.

finallyhappy July 7, 2012 at 3:17 pm

I'm right outside DC- and it is really hot but I have not seen any blown goats. Perhaps if I had gone back to Folklife where there are (or where) two live goats last week

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 3:29 pm

I saw a Blown Goat once.

MumbletyRadio July 7, 2012 at 1:40 pm

"Tell her to go to the bathtub, fill it with cold water, and sit in it."

Pickpocket's advice to Belker, whose "ma" keeps calling him at the station to complain about the power outage during a heat wave. [Hill Street Blues c. 1982]

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 1:45 pm

That's sound advice.

va_real July 7, 2012 at 2:22 pm

A quick but effective version of this is to run cold water over your wrists for a little bit.

starfanglednut July 7, 2012 at 4:18 pm

I sometimes just run my clothes under cold water and then put them back on. Works like a charm.

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 4:27 pm

When I'm down on the hillside and it gets really hot, I'll just start watering the garden and turn the hose on myself from time to time. The water starts running down my head and it's HOT, and eventually I'm soaked and delightfully muddy and starting to cool down.

I think I was a pig in a previous life.

not that Radio July 7, 2012 at 2:50 pm

"Let's be careful out there."

MumbletyRadio July 7, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I wondered if you might come through with that one!~

not that Radio July 7, 2012 at 9:21 pm

"Never let a good Hill Street Blues reference go to waste."

-Rahm Emmanuel

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 7, 2012 at 2:08 pm

It's supposed to get up to 80 up here in the northwest today. We have all donned shorts and tank tops and are blinding each other with our whiteness. It's like an entire population of albino moles just found the sun!

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Woah, 80 must feel like Death Valley up there!

Get all of your friends to stand in a semicircle. See if you can focus the sun's rays enough to start a fire. Cookout!

Limeylizzie July 7, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Come sit on the deck with me , here in sunny Hollywood, CA, the temp is about 75 right now at 11.23 am rising to a balmy 85 later on, slight breeze and I am watching the goldfinches and red-polls eat their Nijer seed as the feeders sway gently .

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I am so there, that sounds Just like Heaven. Enjoy.

My thermometer's display is saying [FUCKING HOT]

The heat index reads [DON'T ASK]

That is all.

starfanglednut July 7, 2012 at 4:19 pm

*Gets on plane.

Limeylizzie July 7, 2012 at 6:55 pm

It's exactly the same thing, just a different name. The finches are like little crack whores for it, aren't they?

glasspusher July 8, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Yep, we had our heat wave here yesterday, just about cracked 80F here in the Oakland Hills (Cali). Marine layer and fog returned late last night, we'll have a hard time getting up (so to speak) to 75F today…

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 2:47 pm

I will enjoy that vision as I hie me off to weed my hill in this cool morning. (A vision of naked mole-rat glory!)

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Weedlord Bonerhiller?

va_real July 7, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Hee hee!

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 3:18 pm

And people wonder why I love me some CRE_ature!

Please give yourself a gold star for that one.

Blueb4sunrise July 7, 2012 at 2:11 pm
C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 2:28 pm
Blueb4sunrise July 7, 2012 at 3:03 pm

SHOCKING VIDEO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/bob-dylan-

Meaning of 'Grand Piano' has changed apparently.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Hard to tell from the video, but ain't that a Baby Grand?

What's shocking is this guy's 71 years old.

Chichikovovich July 8, 2012 at 9:41 am

Perhaps they are just saying the piano cost $1000.

va_real July 7, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I know I'm odd, but that 'Mad Dogs & Englishmen' quote always makes me think of the Fall: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Hb3vx3DyGM

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Excellent! And topical!

Blueb4sunrise July 7, 2012 at 3:10 pm

HAH!
Cool.

not that Radio July 7, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Not bragging, or making light of anyone's misfortune, because we've certainly had our share of calumnies, but here in the Desert Southwest it is a pleasant 79F, with those delightful monsoon rains expected for the afternoon. I hope I can get the gutters up before then.

Everybody do what C_R_Eature suggests. It's no snarking matter. Even you Midwesterners and EastCoasters can get dehydrated, no matter how high the humidity is.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Enjoy pleasant weather when it's around, Radio, before it Gets Weird again.

Thanks. Heat exhaustion's insidious. It comes on slowly and you don't realize you're in trouble until you're in real trouble.

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 3:40 pm

I often end up weeding the hill in summer, in my favourite black sweats, With a hat, thick socks, and sturdy shoes (which you need for that fucking hill), one overheats in no time at all, a thing I didn't realize till I found myself lying at the bottom of the hill all red-faced and sweaty with a core temperature that wouldn't come down. Sneaks up on ya.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Free Saunas for all! Just step outside.

Got my towel and It's Jinnan Tonixx time.

Butch_Wagstaff July 7, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Last week, when we first broke 100 degrees here, I saw a whole flock of joggers pass by on our street. This was in mid-afternoon.
WTF.
I don't know. Is it some sort of "extreme jogging" thing?
Once saw a guy on Monument Avenue jogging barefoot wearing nothing but the tiniest shorts.
Maybe some joggers are just hardcore.

viennawoods13 July 7, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Yes. Used to try all-day hiking in hot humid weather… MISTAKE. Took 3 days to recover from that. Keep those liquids flowing, everyone!

glasspusher July 8, 2012 at 2:19 pm

No joke! I had a friend who was visiting in-laws in Tuscon. Felt a little funny poolside when it was 110F, went to stand up, next thing he remembered is he was lying on his back in the living room with his wife kneeling over him, crying. He had stopped breathing for several minutes, she had done CPR and couldn't find a pulse.

C_R_Eature July 8, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Thank you for posting this. That's exactly what I'm warning people about! Your friend is very lucky that he survived his encounter with heatstroke. He was taken out of the heat just in time and his wife having been trained in CPR saved his life.
I've done field work in all kinds of inclement weather and survived, but hyperthermia is the one thing that really worries me. It hits fast, recovery is difficult and there's very little margin for error.
I believe the death toll for this current heat wave is 65 now, nationwide. It's still dangerous weather out there and there will be more casualties before this is over.

Blueb4sunrise July 7, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Absotiverly!!

Chow Yun Flat July 7, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Went to work at noon today in the suburbs of Detroit, temperature was already 98 with the same disgusting humidity that has been hanging around for weeks. Walked out at eight o'clock–the temperature was down and the air was a lot drier and more pleasant.

Halle fucking luiah!

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 9:23 pm

I can't wait.

We'll get that Sunday, but we will have to endure a Pummeling by a storm front first. Oh Boy.

MittBorg July 8, 2012 at 12:51 am

The coming storms worry me. The weather service is all finger-shaking warn-y. You better take good care of your bad self. No diving in bad weather.

C_R_Eature July 8, 2012 at 12:56 am

Roger that. Thanks. I drive very capable vehicles and have a lot of experience in Ugly Weather Driving but I take no chances with this kind of storm. I'll button up.

viennawoods13 July 8, 2012 at 12:38 am

A few hours east of you, we're having a delightful evening. It is COOL, with a lovely breeze, and humidity gone!! YES!!

sbj1964 July 7, 2012 at 12:44 pm

A member of congress out of a job? Hope he enjoys the economy,and job market he helped destroy!

gullywompr July 7, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Based on this letter, he'll join the ranks of millions of English majors (with a minor in Philosophy) working the booth at the parking lot. Maybe if he takes his guitar to work, he'll get discovered.

EDIT: no insult intended to any underemployed brethren or cistern here…

starfanglednut July 7, 2012 at 4:24 pm

I'm getting a BS in environmental Sciences, and I'm scared shitless I'll be making soy mocha no foam caramel whatevers at starbucks for the rest of my life.

gullywompr July 7, 2012 at 4:31 pm

What school? My son wants to major in that, but it's not offered at his school. He's entering as an Anthropology major this fall, so he'll probably be the guy with the guitar outside of Starbucks.

starfanglednut July 7, 2012 at 5:08 pm

I'm going to Umass Boston. You can get a good education there for a state school. It's affordable for MA residents, and still cheaper than a private school for those from out of state. I took anth 101, and the professor was pretty clear that most anthropologists teach. Perhaps your son wants to do that? If not, I'll put money in his jar when I leave my shift at the coffee shop. Also, ES is a great major, really fun. I hope things work out for you son.

Antispandex July 7, 2012 at 2:58 pm

No problem. Pension and life time medical….unlike everyone else he helped to screw.

SorosBot July 7, 2012 at 12:46 pm

"I do not leave for an existing job and face diminishing prospects"

A former Congressman with a 26-year career in politics faces diminishing job prospects, really?

weejee July 7, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Just can't believe how much of that Woodstock brown acid is still around.

flamingpdog July 7, 2012 at 1:36 pm

He's a fundie Christer – Jesus will provide!

Jesus Sanchez, the manager at the local Taco Bell.

Negropolis July 7, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Well, even among the ranks of congressmen, he truly doesn't work well with others, to say the very least. So when he says he's not suited for lobbying, I believe him.

Barb July 7, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Morning Egg! Wow, that won't be the first time I say that today.

Was there a scandal or something? ✄ Did he hold down some gay man and cut his hair? ✄ Or worse, did he hold down a lesbian until her hair grew out?

eggsacklywright July 7, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Hiya! Something to do with diapers and a tortoise is what I heard.

Barb July 7, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Is that the "lighting a match" reference? Did he make a stinky and someone called him on it?

eggsacklywright July 7, 2012 at 1:05 pm

In the Senate elevator no less.

va_real July 7, 2012 at 1:21 pm

He made a stinky & then hoped to change careers & make a living telling fart jokes…

NYNYNYjr July 7, 2012 at 4:50 pm

That reference is a line in "It's all Over Now, Baby Blue"

va_real July 7, 2012 at 12:57 pm

If the WaPo blog is to be believed (& the letter seems to support this), the man just cracked: http://wapo.st/LTSoJs

ETA: "McCotter’s bizarre period continued this week when the Detroit News reported that he had written a TV pilot with a rather odd premise — McCotter himself hosting a crude variety show that joked about flatulence and female anatomy, among other things. The script was leaked to the newspaper by a former staffer who thought it unbecoming a member of Congress."

Ayn Rand Paul Tard July 7, 2012 at 2:53 pm

"[B]izarre period?" Menstrual libul and treading on distaff ground!!!

Antispandex July 7, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Well…I think when you're a quitter (like Sarah Palin), and you talk about "god's continued blessings" (like Sarah Palin), "unhinged" is an easy call. The one thing I don't get is that , usually, "the needs of my family" means, "I was caught in a public restroom with a rentboy".

SorosBot July 7, 2012 at 1:10 pm

From what I understand, he / his staff fucked up his signatures so that he was not eligible to get on the ballot. Not really something that you'd think would make someone completely crack like this; you'd think most politicians in that position would run a write-in campaign.

MittBorg July 8, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Negropolis has all the dirt on this guy. Something like 80% of the signatures he submitted were cut-and-pasted from previous years' submissions. They were obviously and blatantly fake, although apparently someone IN his campaign felt obliged to point this out to the authorities also, too. As a result of which, Thad is currently under investigation. None of which need necessarily have led to his resignation, except that there is also a possibility of a Federal investigation, apparently. It is possible that in his entire decade or so of service at this level, McCotter has repeatedly submitted similar — bogus — signatures. In the event, he apparently did attempt to mount a write-in campaign, and gave up because he could not collect sufficient REAL signatures. He will now begone and never again darken our towels. Who could hope for more.

sullivanst July 8, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Plus, Thaddeus McCotter is not the easiest name to spell, although neither was Murkowski.

MittBorg July 8, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Yes, and she won a resounding victory, the first time a write-in Senatorial campaign has succeeded in decades. The same cannot possibly be hoped for of Thaddeus.

Honestly, who the fuck names their kids Thaddeus?

James Michael Curley July 7, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Just in case you are not joking, his staff submitted a petition for the party primary with 2,000 signatures when a mere 1,000 were required. By the time several issues settled the State of Michigan determined it had less than 250 valid signatures as there were many duplicates, some cut and pasted from his 2010 petition and a page or two with the name of another candidate at the top. Thus he is not on the ballot and 'responding to questions' from the state about why and what happened.

The Dems have two relative unknowns on the primary ballot and the Reps only candidate is a Kerry Bentivolio who is supported by a number of shadowy right wing groups. He is a Viet Nam veteran who likes to wear his ribbons on his blazer pocket when he campaigns. From photos all I recognize is the CIB and the usual been there done that. (CIB – Combat Infrantyman's Badge is no small snit) "Gov Track" ranks McCotter as a 'far right Republican' and Bentivolio boasts he is more conservative than McCotter. In one appearance he agreed that after Roe v Wade is over turned, women who get abortions should be jailed.

The Dems primary is running a Lyndon LaRoche Democrat and a municipal board member who is an MD running on a save Medicare and Social Security platform.

HistoriCat July 7, 2012 at 1:48 pm

What are the odds the MD gets beat by the LaRouchie? This is why we can't have nice things.

Negropolis July 7, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Very, very poor.

BTW, Bentivolio – the only Republican on the primary ballot – is a complete and utter nutjob. That might do well is a less wealthy district, but it's going to be hard to compete in a district where the monied want someone competent enough to protect their money. Bent is far too crazy to be trusted with their money, that's why the panicked establishment has put up a desperate write-in campaign for an establishment former state legislator.

The only way this district could still be designated "lean Republican" is if the write-in candidate wins the primary. Barring that, this is a classic no-holds-barred toss-up.

MittBorg July 8, 2012 at 12:33 am

Thanks for the info, N.

James Michael Curley July 8, 2012 at 8:57 am

Not good, unless the LaRouche candidate, William Roberts, plays a good ground game – and that would be an anomaly in a primary. Dr. Taj has a considerable list of party endorsements including Carl Levin, Sander Levin and Debbie Stabenow. Ad two of the largest UAW chapters in a congressional district made primarily of auto related house holds and party politics seem quite predictable. The suburbanization of the area over the last 20 years seems to be the major reason why congressional contests went to republicans.

HistoriCat July 8, 2012 at 10:11 am

Thanks. I just remember primaries in the late 80s which the LaRouche candidates won because their names were "more American" … I would hope we're beyond that point or at least that those idiots have all gone over the R side.

Bezoar July 7, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Thanks for that background; I'd not ever heard of this guy. Can't understand why not.

starfanglednut July 7, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Barb! Where on earth did you get the scissors?

comrad_darkness July 7, 2012 at 5:27 pm

You can copy and paste any of these for future use:

✉ ✍ ✎ ✓ ☑ ☒ ✗ ⊕ ⊗ ☞ ☜ ♫ ✄ ✁ ∞ ♨ ☢ ✈ ☰ ☷ ♥ ★ ☆ ☺ ☹

Some more goodies:
♔ ♕ ♖ ♘ ♆ ✠ ♂ ♀ ♠ ♣ ♥ ♦ ☣ ☮ ☃ ☂ ☯ ☠

starfanglednut July 7, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Thanks!

smokefilledroommate July 8, 2012 at 12:03 am

…hey man, *wingdings* [exhale]

Biel_ze_Bubba July 8, 2012 at 10:27 am

I am hugely disappointed that there is no pentagram to be found, in any font, on any computer.

sullivanst July 8, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Yeah, the list of fonts with support is rather short, but then, Unicode 6 is less than a year old, and had a lot of new characters for font authors to add.

Vecchiojohn July 7, 2012 at 12:51 pm

"one cannot rebuild their hearth"

Niles was usually more gramatical.

(Sorry – one m short of an alphabet this morning. I blame the alcohol.)

b[redact]opple July 7, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Thank you. I was waiting for someone to jump on that.

shortsandpants July 7, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Needs more self-hating delusion.

Sharkey July 7, 2012 at 12:56 pm

I must “strike another match, go start anew”

"'Cause it's all over now, Baby Blue."

eggsacklywright July 7, 2012 at 12:56 pm

This has an extremely low coefficient of fappability.

HistoriCat July 7, 2012 at 12:57 pm

What kind of a dipshit leaves a &gt; $100K job without an idea of how he's going to pay the bills? Something's fishy here – dare we hope for a sex scandal?

PS – thank you for the new post Rebecca. I was sick of looking at Governor Crisco.

James Michael Curley July 7, 2012 at 1:33 pm

More likely and indictment from the State of Michigan – moving slowly only because it would embarrass the recently captured Governor's and Legislative positions.

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Look at that face. The only sex scandal it could be involved in is sucking someone's dick. And everybody already knows he does *that.*

Butch_Wagstaff July 7, 2012 at 7:24 pm

He does have a face you'd find at a rest area.

MittBorg July 8, 2012 at 12:57 am

The kind where the cops are doing most of the 'resting.

Barrelhse July 7, 2012 at 7:18 pm

He was only waiting for Obamacare to become available on the outside.

Jukesgrrl July 7, 2012 at 10:19 pm

There's no way any Republican leaves Congress without an account in the Caymans unless perhaps he's mentally ill.

Chill_Bill July 7, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Not sure who this McCooties person is, but he makes Sarah Palin's quitting speech sound coherent.

Barrelhse July 7, 2012 at 7:19 pm

But WHICH Sarah Palin quitting speech?

starfanglednut July 7, 2012 at 9:02 pm

All….

Boojum July 8, 2012 at 8:20 am

Of?…

Pragmatist2 July 7, 2012 at 1:03 pm

New Reality Show:
Welcome Back McCotter

Submit story lines below:

HistoriCat July 7, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Unable to find a job, McCotter moves to Wasilla and crashes at the Palin compound. Hijinks ensue when Thad becomes romantically entangled with two generations of Palins. Special guest star – Greta Van Susteren.

swordfis July 7, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Thad McCotter returns to Congress, but this time as an S&M disciplinarian. Now he "educates" his fellow Republicans with a bullwhip. LOL!

Comrade Wingtardd July 7, 2012 at 1:03 pm

His pension after 26 years is greater than 95% of everyone else's dual incomes.

James Michael Curley July 7, 2012 at 1:39 pm

When McCotter leaves office on 12/31/12 he will be fully qualified to receive full pension benefits immediately. He has enough years in service so age and term qualifications are not required. He will get in excess of $84,500 plus various amounts to establish his post term office staff and such which will probably run upwards of another $100,000 for about 18 months. I forget those bennies and its too hot to look up.

Also, he and his family will have paid health care until death.

finallyhappy July 7, 2012 at 3:19 pm

actually, depending on how he structures his retirement, his wife can have fed health care after his death

James Michael Curley July 8, 2012 at 8:46 am

I know, I should have been more precise.

Comrade Wingtardd July 7, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Yes, and in fact for him, the truly "patriotic" thing to do would be to not work, because he doesn't have to, and in doing so, is simply stealing work from someone who needs it.

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Exactly. And with lifetime health care for himself and his family, he doesn't HAVE to work, if he doesn't want to. I hope there really is some kind of sex scandal brewing in his closet. Because when so many good people are out of work and barely making it from one day to the next, it riles me no end to see this smirking smarmy shitsmear sitting back with his feet up enjoying his ill-gotten gains.

Dudleydidwrong July 7, 2012 at 2:26 pm

From the man's appearance and attitude toward life I would assume that any possible sex scandal involves goats and chickens.

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 2:50 pm

As an animal lover, I feel bad about that. However, based on McCotter's appearance alone, I'm inclined to give it some weight. Yech, he looks depraved.

comrad_darkness July 7, 2012 at 5:32 pm

He'll be a government welfare queen, you are saying?

SexySmurf July 7, 2012 at 1:05 pm

But this too shall pass, thanks to the infinite, inspired wisdom of the sovereign people who, with God’s continued blessings, will again affirm for the generations American Exceptionalism.

McCotter added: "And then the matador gets drunk and pukes. It's totes awesome."

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Actually, it read better in its original Klingon.

gullywompr July 7, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Screw you guys, I'm going home.

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 1:43 pm

And take your ballz with me.

Barrelhse July 7, 2012 at 1:06 pm

The Epistles of Thaddeus McCotter.

oh- and Welcome Back, McCotter.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 1:11 pm

But what does Phil McCracken think of this?

yrbmegr July 7, 2012 at 1:12 pm

He could have just said "because I'm a Republican".

chascates July 7, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Hollywood awaits.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 1:17 pm

HBO Mini-Series: "True Boob"

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Once he converted H-cup, Er, C-Cupp, into D-Cupp, Hollywood was just waiting for the inevitable trainwreck to follow.

chascates July 7, 2012 at 3:51 pm

S.E. Cupp?

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Yupp.

XtfrM July 7, 2012 at 1:19 pm

And with this we lose a shitty Congressman and gain an even shittier lobbyist.

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Oh, he's not going to lobby, he says. His delicate sensibilities just aren't suited to that type of thing.

Terry July 7, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Yeah, right. Give him a few months, especially if he tries to actually work.

Jukesgrrl July 7, 2012 at 10:24 pm

He's not going to lobby, he's just going to accept the briefcase full of cash and return to his lake house in Michigan. The reason there is so much terrible violence within and between gangs is that they can't sue to address wrongs in courts of law. Same thing goes here. McGottcha might suddenly drown or meet with a hunting accident in the Upper Peninsula, but they can't take him to court to get their cash back.

Come here a minute July 7, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Look out! The saints are coming through.

cheetojeebus July 7, 2012 at 1:24 pm

I think i know what he's up to. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrEAEXFJGo0

"We must all have waffles!"

Mittens Howell, III July 7, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Oh, poor Thad.

Lovey!! Move the fainting couch nearer to me!

swooon twirl *Ka-Thunk*

… too slow

va_real July 7, 2012 at 1:49 pm

That's what you get for publicly expressing a preference for Mary Ann…

Mittens Howell, III July 7, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Ah, yes I've been a fool. You seem to have correctly joined the dots there.

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Well, s/he's the only one who publicly stated it.

va_real July 7, 2012 at 6:13 pm

If you mean me, I'm a she.

I admit that it was tactless of me to remember today what Mittens said yesterday…

rickmaci July 7, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Oh hail sweet Columbia! We stand at the great cross roads of this epochal decade filled with the spiritual comfort of knowing the soul of America's greatest blowhole of the prior century, William Jennings Bryan, lives. In Jeebuzz's name we blog. Amen.

tessiee July 7, 2012 at 3:12 pm

And always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.

Schmannnity July 7, 2012 at 1:35 pm

He's going to Carolina in his mind.

va_real July 7, 2012 at 1:51 pm

But he's not from Ohio?

Barrelhse July 7, 2012 at 7:21 pm

And hike the Appalachian Trail?

flamingpdog July 7, 2012 at 1:39 pm

With his exceptional speaking/writing skills, he's angling to be Mitt's VP.

Troubledog July 7, 2012 at 1:43 pm

You know who else couldn't collect a thousand signatures to appear on a ballot?

James Michael Curley July 7, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Katherine Harris

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Outch!

sezme July 7, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Someone even less popular than Basil Marceaux?
(by the way from Basil Marceaux's page on Wikipedia: "A Public Policy Polling poll showed that Marceaux would lose to President Barack Obama by 25 points if he were a candidate in the 2012 presidential election." What theoretical candidate could do worse than that? Alvin Greene?)

Boojum July 8, 2012 at 8:27 am

Taoist libel!!!!

PuckStopsHere July 7, 2012 at 1:45 pm

He's just making his play, in prose, for the Veep nomination since Old RIch Guy/Crazy Asshole worked so well the last go-round.

rickmaci July 7, 2012 at 1:45 pm

This clown is out of Congress because he got caught committing election fraud in the run up to the nomination process. Republican election fraud. Who'da thought?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thaddeus_McCotter

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 4:11 pm

EXACTLY. He's quitting before he gets booted out, and "cooperating" with the investigation into the BADLY-botched signature-collecting which resulted in visibly cut-and-pasted voter information sheets submitted by HIS campaign. In all the boo-hooing, he is completely omitting the fact that he, himself, is solely responsible for all the misfortunes that have befallen him. The miserable little putz.

PubOption July 7, 2012 at 1:46 pm

He swallowed the dictionary, and then puked it over the paper.

Guppy July 7, 2012 at 1:51 pm

(I) am both unwilling and ill-suited to lobby

Guess what he'll be doing next week!

Dudleydidwrong July 7, 2012 at 2:34 pm

By that he meant that he was fired by Hobby Lobby. He'll have a job with some firm that lobbies for a Michigan cherry packing house. Or, better, a Michigan fudge packing company.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 7, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Lobbying, in an ill-fitting suit.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 1:52 pm

But you don't understand
Just what you'll say
When you get home
Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones McCotter?

James Michael Curley July 7, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Well played.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Well, he is a thin man.

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Cadaverously so. With the same recently-resuscitated look sported by Rick Scott and so many other fine Rethuglicans.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 7, 2012 at 2:11 pm

I don't get it. He doesn't explain exactly how this is Obama's fault.

NellCote71 July 7, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Nor has Sarah told us exactly how this affects her.

not that Radio July 7, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Nor why NPR should be defunded.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 7, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Somebody finally figured out how to work the thesourus!

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 2:19 pm

It's a fact that cavemen rode Thesaurus. There's a museum in Pennsylvania that has proof.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 7, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Goddammit! I guess I need to learn how to work a dictionary.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Nah, We the Wonkette. WE don't need no Esteeking Dictionary!

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 4:14 pm

'Zackly, bro.

AddHomonym July 7, 2012 at 2:15 pm

I googled "hearth rebuild" and got, like, tons of stuff. Where's the can-do spirit, bro?

Barrelhse July 7, 2012 at 7:24 pm

That's Jack Kemp.

Designer_Radio July 7, 2012 at 2:19 pm

My heart pumps purple piss.

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Bill? Is that you?

ttommyunger July 7, 2012 at 2:35 pm

OK, so he is retiring. Can he just go away now, please?

FlownOver July 7, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Dibs on his Tele!

not that Radio July 7, 2012 at 2:46 pm

This is the most pretentious piece of "trying to sound smart" bullshit I have read in a long time. Every other word is a misplaced antecedent, dangling modifier, personified inanimate object, or badly constructed gerund. Just say what you fucking mean, Thad.

There are some mighty tiresome passages here….I was operating on the motto 'Make it literary,' a piece of bad advice I made up all by myself and then took.

-Thomas Pynchon, Slow Learner

Biel_ze_Bubba July 7, 2012 at 4:35 pm
Designer_Radio July 7, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Is that a standard diagram format for Smart English Majors? I've never seen anything like that before, but it looks like everyone's on the same page. I also don't really get the diagram's flow or what the branches imply. Oh well, probably not necessary for my continued breath and nourishment.

Butch_Wagstaff July 7, 2012 at 5:49 pm

I was the only one in my high school who could diagram sentences and, twisted young thing that I was (for the time & place), I actually enjoyed it. Haven't done it since so I probably would suck at it today.

not that Radio July 7, 2012 at 8:16 pm

I didn't realize this at the time, but 6th/7th-grade sentence diagramming was just a prelude to electronic circuit analysis and digital logic. It's just puzzles. If you can do one, you can do them all.

outragedcitizen July 7, 2012 at 2:47 pm

I'm confused. GOP congressman did what? He's quitting because he wrote a bunch of made up stuff that made fun of people?

Hell, I thought making up shit was a congressional requirement.

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 4:15 pm

He's quitting because his ass is being investigated for election fraud. He's in some DEEP SHIT.

Jukesgrrl July 7, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Yes, they make up stuff every day. But making up signatures for their election petitions is frowned upon.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 8, 2012 at 10:14 am

Not if you're a Republican. It's those pesky Democratic voters who need to be voter-ID'd.

PuckStopsHere July 7, 2012 at 2:48 pm

And to think. He coulda been PRESIDENT!

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Well, no.

But he coulda been a contenduh.

Jeri 2.0 July 7, 2012 at 2:48 pm

"As U.S. Rep. Thad McCotter's short-lived presidential run fizzled last year, the Livonia Republican turned to another aspiration: writing a TV show.

"Bumper Sticker: Made On Motown" starred McCotter hosting a crude variety show cast with characters bearing the nicknames of his congressional staffers and his brother. They take pot shots about McCotter's ill-fated bid for the White House while spewing banter about drinking, sex, race, flatulence, puking and women's anatomy. It features a cartoon intro and closing snippet with an Oldsmobile careening through Detroit and knocking over the city's landmarks. The double-finned car has a Michigan license plate reading: "Made on MoTown."

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/07/06/1106722/

If this was TL;DR the shorter version is that Thad probably considers himself the next Adam Corolla and will be coming to a teevee near you. Got bricks?

Barrelhse July 7, 2012 at 7:27 pm

I think he stole all that spewed banter from the Wonkette comments.

Antispandex July 7, 2012 at 2:54 pm

"former vanity presidential candidate and guy currently working from the Third Street Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf "

Ralph Nader?

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 4:17 pm

At least Ralph Nader is a lawyer who has had a long career of triumphs behind him as well as that ill-fated Presidential run.

Thad ain't got nuthin'.

Jukesgrrl July 7, 2012 at 10:30 pm

I have a feeling Ralph is anti-caffeine.

James Michael Curley July 7, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Wonkette Posting count for the day.

1 Excessively Fat Republican Joke.
1 Excessively Skinny Republican Joke.

Nice balance.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 3:14 pm

We are Fair & Balanced!

Wonkette: We Retort, You Decide

tessiee July 7, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Still better than Twilight.

Sassomatic July 7, 2012 at 3:10 pm

When your name is Thaddeus you have to talk like that.

tessiee July 7, 2012 at 3:16 pm

He's quitting to run the Arab festival:
http://wonkette.com/475576/omg-michigan-can-you-s

tessiee July 7, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Um, whatever. So, can we go back to saying "vagina" now, or what?

Boojum July 8, 2012 at 8:35 am

Honey, you can whisper "vagina" to me anytime or, nay, shout "Vagina!" from the rooftops of one's hearth, rebuilt from their ashes of unlit despair!

MittBorg July 8, 2012 at 1:07 pm

(Writes "straight male/gay female" in column next to Boojum's name)

TribecaMike July 7, 2012 at 3:30 pm

I can't decide if McCotter's style is flowery or floury, but it is more readable than John Updike.

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Rly? (scratches Updike off reading list)

Nostrildamus July 7, 2012 at 3:31 pm

I'm with Thad. Down with George III.

glamourdammerung July 7, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Are we sure the letter and especially the signature are not fraudulent?

DustBowlBlues July 7, 2012 at 4:12 pm

I guess this dude did something shitty–besides the teevee show idea. Since that's where his interests lay, he might have a willing audience on the NRA's special teevee channel that I heard existed. Or as a variety act for NRA conventions. Hell, if he perfects it, there are all kinds of meeting of reactionaries (these assholes are too crazy to be just conservatives) who would pay good money for his crap.

valthemus July 7, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Think we could persuade Kenneth Branagh to do a dramatic reading of McCotter's letter?

TribecaMike July 7, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Hmmm, this could be the next Vagina Monologues.

Barrelhse July 7, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Maybe Robin Williams with his Elmer Fudd voice?

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 9:28 pm

This is a job for William Shatner.

MittBorg July 8, 2012 at 12:27 am

Yes! With … EVery … draMAtic PAUSE … given … its … FULL … meaning.

valthemus July 8, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Alec Baldwin might do it. Someone send him a Tweet.

randcoolcatdaddy July 7, 2012 at 4:34 pm

"The recent event’s totality of calumnies, indignities and deceits have weighed most heavily upon my family."

The Republicans in Congress have done the same thing to everyone's family…

comrad_darkness July 7, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Isn't American Exceptionalism that policy theology that ensures republicans take the resources we could use to fix problems here and use them instead to bomb the shit out of brown people?

NellCote71 July 7, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Yep, that's the one. Also like school programs in the 1970s for "exceptional" children.

Terry July 7, 2012 at 7:16 pm

From FoxNews:
"He dropped his bid for re-election last month after learning his staff hadn't filed enough valid petition signatures to get him on the Aug. 7 primary ballot. Twice as many signatures as required were turned in, but 80 percent were found to be fake or duplicates."

Jeeze, the Fox GOP machine isn't even bothering to whitewash the frigging incompetence.

So, two options spring to mind. One, his staff was unable to find enough people in the district willing to sign, probably because he's a horses arse on a good day, and were forced to fake the rest of the signatures. Two, his in-district staff is so fricking lazy and bone idle that they didn't bother doing the leg work and just faked the signatures.

I think it may be a combination of the two, actually.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 8, 2012 at 10:17 am

He should have known better than to hire those ACORN people.

MittBorg July 8, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Ow! Nobody can say your tongue isn't as sharp as your pitchfork, Biely.

rocktonsam July 7, 2012 at 7:40 pm

did Thad fuck somebody or something?

blatherous July 7, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Come on now, really–is this fer reals???

NellCote71 July 7, 2012 at 8:25 pm

For a good time, google "sovereign citizen."

fishwharf July 7, 2012 at 8:55 pm

He has a cool Telecaster. Can't be all bad. http://www.mlive.com/news/detroit/index.ssf/2011/

Jukesgrrl July 7, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Ted Nugent has dozens of Paul Reed Smith custom guitars and a rare Gibson Byrdland and he still manages to be all bad. As in bad-bad, not good-bad.

fitley July 7, 2012 at 9:14 pm

I'm impressed by the millifluous palaver of this disingenuous pillock.

MittBorg July 8, 2012 at 12:28 am

Calling him a pillock is a terrible insult to pillocks everywhere.

Boojum July 8, 2012 at 8:41 am

Shorter MittBorg: Pillock libel!!!

When someone, as is inevitable, libels libel, will the resulting comment wind us downward and across the event horizon of the black hole of despair or leave us twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom?

MittBorg July 8, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Oh, I'm definitely inclined towards the twirling, twirling, twirling … of nipple tassels, if nothing else.

lulzmonger July 7, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Sounding intelligent: he fails it.

GOODNIGHT SACCHARINE PRINCE.

Negropolis July 7, 2012 at 11:24 pm

"Good night, you prince of Livonia, you king of Michigan."

Negropolis July 7, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Someone get this Gollum-looking muthafucka a fainting couch.

Negropolis July 7, 2012 at 11:22 pm

BTW, no one is quite sure why this has unfolded the way that it has. It's true he's under investigation by the state AG for election fraud, but there is no way they'd have forced him from office before his term was up given that the AG is a GOP hack. There is nothing adventageous about forcing him out this late their party. Furthermore, his pension was coming regardless of when he resigned within the last month or so, so it wasn't about that.

The only other reason I can't think of is that perhaps there are federal charges coming that don't work on the state GOP's time, of course. The state GOP seems to genuinely surprised by the timing of this. This forces the governor to figure out when to hold a special election for the old district, with the primary for the new district being in a couple weeks. So there is no way to hold the special election for the old district before the primary election for the new district.

The timing is just bizarre.

MittBorg July 8, 2012 at 12:30 am

Hmm … maybe Thaddeus has been boinking Marcus Bachmann after all.

Negropolis July 8, 2012 at 1:20 am

I would be shocked – shocked, I tell you – if this turns out to be a sex scandal. For the time being, I'm chalking this up to his insanely unconventional style (i.e. his tenuous grasp on reality).

MittBorg July 8, 2012 at 1:38 am

I really appreciate your insider viewpoint on this, thanks. He's been in this particular position for ten years, so why the sudden collapse? It all seems very odd.

Negropolis July 8, 2012 at 4:37 am

Had it not been for the Secretary of State checking the signatures, there wouldn't have been a collapse. It seems like the real question is who tipped off the SoS to investigate the signatures in the first place? After they reviewed them, some people were saying that he may have been doing this for years, so it may be, in fact, that hundreds of his signatures in elections past have been invalid and just never closely checked.

Who turned this guy in? Va_real I think hit on it: it was an inside job. I think they tolerated him up until he got the hubris to run for president.

va_real July 8, 2012 at 2:31 am

Can't help wondering about his staff. Did they fuck up the signature collecting deliberately? And then turn him in to the local news about his plans for the stoopid teevee show? It kinda sounds like his staffers hate him & I'm thinkin' that could slow down that whole write-in campaign.

SayItWithWookies July 8, 2012 at 12:09 am

Dude says "sovereign" a lot — he's sorta like a combination of David Koresh and James Taylor. He's a little bit calumny, he's a little bit schlock and soul…deep-fried in some crazy.

Boojum July 8, 2012 at 8:44 am

I like my calumny with ackee and salt fish.

MittBorg July 8, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Anybody who knows from ackee and salt fish gets extra upfists in my book.

Extemporanus July 8, 2012 at 12:30 am

With demonstratively sovereign apologies to sundry sullen-esque individuals whom yet remain assembled, as well as to those who hath haphazardly wandered through anew to converse amidst the waxing and waning wisps of the sulfurous stench of a literally metaphorical re-struck matchstick, for this calumnies-laden calamity of indeterminately onanistic tardiness, I stand with half-eaten hat in hand, and with half-eaten hat-holding hand on bended knee, and with etc. on etc., and do forthwith hereby proclaim, with unbowed humility, that yours truly unreservedly retracts the premature opinings proffered by the aforementioned yours truly whilst in the act of uncharacteristically uttering a profanity-pocked comment in response to the most previous post pillorying distant hereditary dead end and brazenly pate-poor patriot Thaddeus Galoshes McCotter.

To wit, and in other words:

I actually can believe that I'm related to this fucking douchehole.

smokefilledroommate July 8, 2012 at 12:37 am

'parently, his name was 'apposed to be 'Thesaurus', but his mama was so affected by that wicked Laudanum, it done cursed her spellin'. Lil' Thad seen it right to read all pages of that ol' dinosaur dictnary and edgeucate hisself to rise to his own name.

(why can't he be Southern? fits perfectly).

e_z July 8, 2012 at 7:41 am

Fuck the so called "Heat Index" with the same rancid Goat Dick that is to be used on the "Wind Chill" nonsense.

C_R_Eature July 8, 2012 at 7:50 am

That's exactly what I said yesterday when my local weather station spiked it at 116 F.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 8, 2012 at 10:10 am

"[w]e live in an Age of Extremes that prizes intensity over sanity; rhetoric over reality; and destruction over creation."

Sounds like a facy way of saying, "I'm sick of these fucking teabaggers."

fuflans July 8, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Al Swearengen: Pain or damage don't end the world. Or despair, or fucking beatings. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man… and give some back.

Al Swearengen: You can't cut the throat of every cocksucker whose character it would improve.

Dan Dority: You know you hurt my feelings.
Al Swearengen: Dan.
Dan Dority: That's the long and short of it, Al. You fucking pick Adams to represent you, you hurt my feelings and that is the fucking matter's end.

Seth Bullock: I'll be the fucking sheriff.
Al Swearengen: Starting when?
Seth Bullock: Starting now.
Al Swearengen: You have the tin?
Seth Bullock: I do.
Al Swearengen: Produce it.
[Seth stands up, and pulls out the badge]
Al Swearengen: On the tit.
Seth Bullock: I know where it goes.

DahBoner July 12, 2012 at 10:38 am

If you are thrifty, you can use that teabagger a second time…

va_real July 7, 2012 at 1:24 pm

I hope you got a refund. What a rip-off…

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Definitely false advertizing. I'm about to report them to the Better Business Bureau.

va_real July 7, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Good thought! The Butter Business Bureau needs to know when it's too fucking hot. Turns out the melting point of butter is between 90-95 degrees F so I'm down with that.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Hey! Those Land O' Lakes people are on my list too!

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 1:55 pm

He's been "notThatSomething-or-Other" for FUHevah, y'know.

not that Radio July 7, 2012 at 2:35 pm

No, it's fine, I just want royalties.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Ayuh.

not that Radio July 7, 2012 at 2:36 pm

At least since the Intensedebate Revolution.

Sharkey July 7, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Someday, everything's gonna be different
When I paint my masterpiece

va_real July 7, 2012 at 2:39 pm

You should talk to Scott Brown, then- bet he can hook you up…

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 2:41 pm

You got it! I'd settle for 20 more boners, myself.

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Aw, what good buds.

va_real July 7, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Ours is 118. I'm not gloating.

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 2:46 pm

I'm feeling really sorry for everyone on the east coast — EXCEPT the global warming deniers. For them, I feel all gloaty-snickery. Anything over 70 is uncomfortable for me, and by the time it hits 90, I'm in heat-stroke mode. I hope you're taking all needed steps to stay cool.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 2:56 pm

T = 101/ HE =116 now. Crabs are cooking themselves.

starfanglednut July 7, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Ouch!

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Naw worries, Mate!

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 3:00 pm

"Thank you, I'll be here all week. Try the Veal"?

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 3:15 pm

I have no problem with having another wife. (leers at LagunaB meaningfully)

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Rationalization is a powerful thing. Even when your brains are cooking in an unprecedented heat wave, all the utilities are out from the third 100-year storm this year and your back yard is disappearing fast into the rising sea. Nothing's amiss because it was cold last winter somewhere and Al Gore is fat.

Limeylizzie July 7, 2012 at 3:14 pm

I spent 4 years in Texas and thought I would lose my mind in the summers, I am not meant for the heat, I am a person who has the windows open in winter. Stay safe.

LagunaB July 7, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Yeah. Those people were so confused and thought it was only one person commenting. What a laugh.

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Also too you're not allowed to mention sciency stuff as the water slowly covers your head. IT'S NOT RISING OCEAN LEVELS!! It's just … cyclical … repeated, um … flooding, that's it. It's flooding.

I swear, I will smite them all with a serious smoting as soon as I get elected Gawd.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 3:24 pm

That was awesome. I kept posting bizarreities under different assumed names until the 2-3 RW drones threw up their hands and walked. I think Radio's on the lookout for more of those opportunities, so watch this space!

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Sunspots, alsotoo.

Yes, Smite them all. With Extreme Prejudice.

Butch_Wagstaff July 7, 2012 at 5:16 pm

I think you should put me in charge of throwing lightning bolts. Then I could settle my beef with Benjamin Franklin: http://www.etsy.com/listing/87295049/ben-franklin

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 3:28 pm

I can guarantee you it would cause way fewer casualties than those Glocks Rep. Allen West (Pussyfart-FL) wants to mandate for us all.

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 3:31 pm

No worries. Biely and me have a deal. I get to watch, he gets to think up exquisite torments.

Blueb4sunrise July 7, 2012 at 3:33 pm

It sounds electronic to me.

Jukesgrrl July 7, 2012 at 10:13 pm

I think that outfit he's wearing presages the appearance of 76 trombones.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 3:33 pm

It's always good to consult the Experts.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 3:36 pm

That sounds awful. I live as far south as I ever want to, now and it's too hot here. I really like to have four seasons and that's getting mighty hard to find.

viennawoods13 July 7, 2012 at 3:53 pm

SW Ontario has always had some humid spells, but the last few summers have been scorchers. God bless AC, because I was not meant to live in a hot humid climate, 70, a light breeze, and I'm happy.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 3:37 pm

WOOHOO! My First Gold Star!!

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Yeah, now that you mention it… This whole thing is weird.

viennawoods13 July 7, 2012 at 3:51 pm

I left some cold water on the deck to soak apple twigs for my bbq turkey. The water is now HOT!

glasspusher July 8, 2012 at 2:19 pm

So hot and humid you could poach an egg on the sidewalk.

viennawoods13 July 7, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Or maybe a Ouisghian Zodah.

Blueb4sunrise July 7, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Well, there have been babies with pick-ups and stuff for a while, so maybe it is, but has voicings too.

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 4:03 pm

See, world? See how little it takes to make a good CRE_ature happy? Now cooperate!

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Usquebaugh!

starfanglednut July 7, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Mmmm, boners.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Sun Turkey-Tea! I've only heard the rumors!

HistoriCat July 7, 2012 at 4:16 pm

I keep eyeing real estate in MI … if I didn't have to work for a living I would get the hell out of the land of 80 degree summer lows with 110% humidity.

Butch_Wagstaff July 7, 2012 at 5:24 pm

I don't think we even had a spring here this year. If we did it must have lasted only a week.

starfanglednut July 7, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Another wife?

*Raises hand

LagunaB July 7, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Oooo, I am horripilating.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I've given op on Peace, Love and Understanding but how much effort would a little Sanity take, Eh?

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Salted or Unsalted?

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Oh, that's awful! Although if you ever decide to try, I gotta tellya what they got these days is not yer fadda's weed. Back in the old days, we used to call it "bodoh" ("stupid" in Malay or Indonesian) because it so often made you stupid in the head. These days they have a million different strains. Some of them make you very relaxed, some are great for pain, some are good for anxiety, some make you happy … It's truly amazing. I used to get really paranoid from it. These days, I get … organized. I make lists of tasks, which I complete in a totally obsessive manner. It's better than lying around in a stupor, and I get an awful lot done. Speaking of which, it's time to rush off and get stuff done, sweetie. (Hugs the girl)

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 4:25 pm

A wife in every port, and a husband in every other.

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 4:26 pm

So, desu-ka, ne?

viennawoods13 July 7, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Salmonella and a squeeze of lemon with just a hint of sugar. Very refreshing.

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 4:29 pm

That's what the weather is like here most of the time. Except in the winter, when it dips to, oh, 40-55. It's the mingy damp I can't stand. I miss the thunderstorms of my yoof.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 4:29 pm

That sounds far enough. I'd bug out to southeast Nova Scotia if I had my Druthers. I like to keep receiving a steady income, though.

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 4:31 pm

I dunno, baby, but I'm'a try and get you some before I pop my clogs. Just remember to vote ME for GOD.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Ee, soo desu ne.

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Hey, if it was good enough for the Pioneers, it's good enough for me.

MittBorg July 7, 2012 at 4:33 pm

OK, you TOTALLY won my heart with "horripilating," girl. UPFIST!!

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Thanks, I appreciate that.

Will I have to show I.D.?

starfanglednut July 7, 2012 at 4:37 pm

bye baby. have fun on your hill!

lisawines July 8, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Compelling information. (Lisa puts her research cap on; Googles "weed that makes you less anxious")

Limeylizzie July 7, 2012 at 4:54 pm

* Meets plane at Burbank

MilwaukeeKent July 7, 2012 at 5:12 pm

He started in to dealing with slaves
And something inside of him died.

gullywompr July 7, 2012 at 6:17 pm

His vision of anthro is digging up Lucy in the Afar Valley. Sounds pretty cool to me, too. Anyway, he just picked something that the school offered (VCU, go Rams!) just to get accepted. At 18, he's got time to figure it out.

MumbletyRadio July 7, 2012 at 7:49 pm

I deleted the comment once I'd looked online and discovered THEY ARE THE SAME. Was rather embarrassed. And yes, the finches and sparrows devour the seed like crazy; I don't mind refilling since they're dreamy to watch in action, and this seed seems not to appeal to the squirrels, they show no interest in raiding the feeder.

Limeylizzie July 7, 2012 at 8:35 pm

I am obsessed with our finches, I think we have 2 flocks, one of Lesser Goldfinches which I adore and the other of Purple Finches.

Limeylizzie July 7, 2012 at 9:02 pm
radio-of-owls July 7, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Oh the Lessers and Purples are nice and all, but I've always been partial to Peters.

starfanglednut July 7, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Chocolate coated.

starfanglednut July 7, 2012 at 9:00 pm

The endorphins are addictive.

MittBorg July 8, 2012 at 12:50 am

Anybody who can get it up to MOVE in this heat, well, I just ain't got NUFFINK to say to them. (What am I bitching about, it went up to all of 77 today, or something. At 100F, those mo'fuckers are superhuman. Hey, maybe that's it. They're aliens. VERY illegal aliens.)

Limeylizzie July 7, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Hi Darling! How are you? Is it beastly hot where you are, Arkansas maybe? If you and I were an item, as we should be in a perfect world, we would be on this deck and sipping some nice fizzy water , do you have a porch swing you could bring with you?

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 9:21 pm

With frosting?

"Kellogg's Frosted Dicks. They're GRRRREAAT!"

C_R_Eature July 7, 2012 at 9:25 pm

That Franklin sure got cocky, towards the end.

MittBorg July 8, 2012 at 12:44 am

Oh, hell to the yeah. You're my Smiter in Chief, according to this heah list.

radio-of-owls July 7, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Bon nuit, mon cornichon. It has been egregiously overheated in Ozarklandia but worse yet, as sere as Ann Romney's nether-bits. I'm terrified of opening the next water bill. Yet today, glorious thrashing rain and right now on my screen porch, a delightful 71 degrees.

Rather than a swing, how about if we dangle our tootsies over the edge of a lazy drifting punt with watermelon juice dribbling down our chins? Mai non?

radio-of-owls July 7, 2012 at 9:59 pm

What a bunch of hams! What's with the peek-a-boo pose? Here at Rancho Buho we've got lots of tits…as it should be. Also these, these and these lovelies.

Jukesgrrl July 7, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Where is DerrickWildcat? He's the Birdman of Wonketraz. He would enjoy these pix.

MumbletyRadio July 8, 2012 at 5:21 am

oohhh.. love the one you captured with the reddish hue. Charming. It is so relaxing just to watch them.

fuflans July 8, 2012 at 12:20 pm

just got so sad for missing LA.

MittBorg July 8, 2012 at 12:19 am

I reckon if there IS a Gawd, it knows exactly who you are, CRE.

C_R_Eature July 8, 2012 at 12:23 am

Oh, I'm sure of it. That's probably why I'm still here.

MittBorg July 8, 2012 at 12:41 am

Augh.

MittBorg July 8, 2012 at 1:00 am

Honestly, you're *never* gonna get some of that sweet billionaire campaign cash if you don't straighten up and fly right, girl!

va_real July 8, 2012 at 2:01 am

Well, I hadn't really envisioned any of that cash headed my way, but hell- why not? Now I just need to think of a good name for my focus group & soon I'll be lolling about in cash!

MittBorg July 8, 2012 at 2:30 am

Amazing, isn't it? I'm blown away by its many different medicinal powers. Especially with the sickness of the heart and head.

Boojum July 8, 2012 at 8:25 am

"lolling about in cash", as in "I can haz cash baskit nao, plez?"

James Michael Curley July 8, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Well you can’t get more “American” than D.A.R. (Daughters of the American Revolution) member and decorated war veteran. Lt. Col. Tammy Duckworth. That’s a good old ‘Mericun name.

va_real July 8, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Boojum, do you speak Portuguese?

starfanglednut July 8, 2012 at 1:14 pm

*Brings box of delicious pastry

Lascauxcaveman July 8, 2012 at 1:15 pm

I'm all 1% tolnaftate cream (and compression shorts) on the big long rides. Takes out the chafing and jock itch simultaneously. I buy that stuff bulk on eBay.

glasspusher July 8, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Happy to help. I go mountain climbing in the winter and ice climbing (not as much as I used to) so I deal with the other one, hypothermia. They are both insidious, and you can't be too careful. Of course, with hypothermia, one of the first things to go is rational thought, so you're not even capable of getting yourself out of it most of the time.My friend below, from his wife's point of view, was going to stand up, poolside, and then collapsed like a bag of mashed potatoes. She dragged him inside as quick as she could. Likely saved his life.This shit is no joke!

C_R_Eature July 8, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Yes, thanks again. You're absolutely right about hypothermia and the clouded judgement that goes along with it. That's why traveling in a team, or at the very least making sure people know where you're going, when you're due back and expecting a check-in call is best.

There's no "likely" about your friend's wife saving his life – from what you're described. I'm positive that she did.

Hey, be careful out there.

glasspusher July 8, 2012 at 4:04 pm

I'm convinced a lot of people don't know what they're getting into.Just because you're in shape doesn't make you immune from heat, cold or altitude!I'm a scientist, so I'm used to keeping an eye out and learning about things to be careful about in the lab, and my hiking partner used to work in an ER, so between the two of us, we're doubly cautious and prepared. Always keep a turnaround time/check in, from back in the days before cell phones (a good idea to do it now anyway).Now that I'm out west, hiking up the big hills, I see folks with altitude sickness. A few years back on the summit of Mt Shasta (14,162 ft) we encountered a woman who said she ran marathons, curled up in a fetal position. Hadn't had anything to drink in 5 hours. We told her to drink a liter of water, no matter how hard it was, and Get the Fuck Down.I usually get a headache on fast ascents, above 12,000 feet, but monitor my condition, make sure it doesn't get worse, tag the top and get the hell down.

sullivanst July 8, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Technically, dingbats.

MittBorg July 8, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Heh. Heh.

Boojum July 8, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Sim, para lolcats.

va_real July 9, 2012 at 1:23 am

Você é o muito macho cat macro.

Boojum July 9, 2012 at 7:04 am

Obrigadão!

sullivanst July 9, 2012 at 3:10 pm

People trying to raise assholes. Mission accomplished!

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