snooki probably

Chris Christie Now Getting Into Random Bum Fights With Jersey Shore Passersby

Nope, not kidding. The shouty New Jersey Governor is now yelling at any constituents strolling the scenic Jersey Shore who might happen to take issue with his stance on screaming at teachers (i.e., that he is for it). TMZ has the exciting footage of what looks to be the corpulent mister preparing to chest bump the man who dared to attack him with the harsh words “Nah, just take care of the teachers!”

The best thing about this video, besides the fact that New Jersey saw fit to elect a man who makes George Steinbrenner, Bobby Knight, and Tony Soprano combined look like models of gentility, is how tiny and terrified that anthropomorthized ice cream cone looks in his giant paw. IMA EATCHU VANILLA SOFTEE RAWR! Burp, you are delicious.


About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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  1. Barb

    Oh Chris, when will you learn that no one really wins in a hot dog eating contest? Give your gullet a rest for a while.

    Ugh, this fatso must poop like a King.

    1. sullivanst

      Given how Elvis spent his last moments, he may be pooping like The King before he knows it.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Sumo who ate or looked like Gov. Cheeze Whiz wouldn't last long. Yeah, some of the grand champions are huge, but those guys also have a lot of muscle, mainly eat a restrictive (but high caloric) diet and get daily exercise, unlike softee there.

    1. HogeyeGrex

      Neighbor? Hell. How about Governor?

      Saddest of all is that he's not even close to being the most awful of the rancid, weeping cock-chancres out there "serving" as Republican Governors of States.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Yeah, he just wants to bankrupt the state, eliminate public works and eat everyone else's piece of pie (because he knows that "growing the pie" talk is just silly). At least he's not actively disenfranchising voters like in Texas, Wisconsin, Kansas, Florida or Pennsylvania. Or shutting the state's only abortion provider (Mississippi) and prosecuting anyone associated in any way with the murdered Dr. George Tiller (Kansas). Not the people associated with the murderer, mind you, but the victim.

          1. BerkeleyBear

            The doctor he used to get the bullshit "psychiatric opinion" required by Kansas' bullshit laws to approve late term abortions just lost her license because the Brownback administration thinks that the real priority is making sure no fetus goes unsaved. Basically the model for legislation designed to ensure no doctor will ever be able to legally do late term abortions and/or punish anyone who tries.

      2. MittBorg

        No, he's actually pretty good compared to, say, Nikki Haley, or Rick Scott, or Mattress Mary Fallin, or Bobby Jindal, or … I'm outa breath.

    1. OzoneTom

      True, I had never considered that I might someday feel sorry for an ice-cream cone.

      And I am not sure about that "take care of" the teachers exhortation. There are various interpretations of that phrase. Especially in New Jersey.

  2. GunToting[Redacted]

    I'd say "Pick on somebody your own size," but I think the ASPCA and the fine folks at Seaworld might not let Shamu visit New Jersey.

      1. Jeffer

        Takes the whoopie out of a whoopie pie

        Hey, where did Scooter go? Gosh I miss his ALL CAPS fun!

  3. johnnymeatworth

    Wow, I hope that ice cream cone tides him over till he can get to the cotton candy stand.

  4. SorosBot

    Hell, he makes Bruce Banner look like a man who can control his temper. BULK SMASH!

  5. Goonemeritus

    New Jersey you are going to have to vote this guy out he is way too fat to hire a prostitute.

    1. SorosBot

      I'm guessing Mrs. Christie must always go on top, otherwise the poor woman would be crushed.

      And trying to find little Chris under his FUPA would not be fun.

      1. DustBowlBlues

        " FUPA"
        No idea what that means, but I'm guessing it includes corpulence and something dirty.

  6. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Must. Not. Do. Fat Joke.
    Man oh man is he really testing those pants. I'm guessing 556lbs per square inch!


  7. Blunderthing

    Big fat man. Him so mean. Him some big fat mean machine. Him so bully, him so tough. Him so full of his own shit stuff.

  8. privatejoker77

    If people get him mad enough he'll probably have a coronary soon. I'm not sure that's a bad thing. It's always a good idea to alienate half the eligible voters in your state, Gov.

  9. WhatTheHeck

    Lemme see here. Overweight. Hot temper. High Blood pressure.
    This is a recipe no one should be preparing for dinner.

    1. SorosBot

      And it's in 95-degree heat.

      With all the sweating that must produce, I don't think I'd want to smell Angry Gov.

  10. BoatOfVelociraptors

    Fat man with a cone, don't enter his zone
    He'll shout at you loud, keeping them teachers down!

    UHH! Jersey!

    1. weejee

      BoV perhaps Christie needs to be tickled with a wild, long, far pointer?

      ♪♫ C, C, writer
      oh C, what you have done ♫♪

  11. BaldarTFlagass

    It would have probably been better for all concerned if he had never watched a single episode of the Sopranos.

  12. coolhandnuke

    Just lure him with a foot-long hot dog over to the Boardwalk and then let physics, mass, old timber, gravity and sloth take over.

    1. redarmyzombie

      You FOOL! If we did that, the Atlantic would undergo an ecological disaster of immeasurable proportions!

        1. redarmyzombie

          The release of contaminants would create dead zones along the entire eastern seaboard.

  13. sullivanst

    Man, it's a damn good thing he has a job with excellent healthcare benefits, I mean, his blood pressure must be through the roof even when he's calm, then you add anger issues? He'd be uninsurable in the private market.

    1. calliecallie

      Hmmm. Why then do the Republicans want to repeal Obamacare? I smell a conspiracy.

    1. SorosBot

      Great, now you're trying to make me hungry too. And I'm trying not to gain weight!

    2. Negropolis

      I had a Superscoop (red, yellow, and blue) cone, the other day. So, so, so very good. And, the week before I had a raspberry sorbet. I used to hate ice cream.

  14. TribecaMike

    Just moments before, Christie "happened" to run into an IHOP and ate everything in sight. But is that news? No, because in Jersey that's a dog bites man story.

  15. edgydrifter

    I hope Mitt picks C-Fat for his ticket, because the vice presidential debate against Biden would be truly epic.

    1. BarackMyWorld

      Remember when Mitt said he wanted a VP like Dick Cheney?

      If he was basing that on likelihood of having a heart attack, I think he's found his man. Sheesh.

  16. mwittier

    How can someone who looks so much like a Christmas ornament be so mean?
    He should just go about making cake-delighted Oliver Hardy twiddly-fingers, all the damn day.

    1. serjjj

      I agree. Gov Crispy Creme is the best thing to happen to Wonkette since the Failin Palins hit the stage.

    1. flamingpdog

      Just don't anyone let him dive into the Atlantic – the rise in sea level could take out most of Floriduh.

      Wait …..

  17. Antispandex

    I think that for a guy from Jersey, he's the very picture of civility. Two pictures, in fact.

  18. rickmaci

    Jaba the Gov is one ugly sack of rotting pus. And by that I am referring to his foul personality.

  19. flamingpdog

    Some politicians don't support their own party platform. I doubt there is any platform that could support Chris Christie for very long.

  20. Maman

    As a fat chick, it bugs me that we make fun of him for his weight. Why? He's a thin-skinned prick and bully and that is target enough.

    1. HogeyeGrex

      As a guy toting around an extra *hmmhnhnhmmh* pounds myself, I'll still make fun of him for being fat. I'll make more fun of him for being a horrible excuse for a human being, but that doesn't take his enormity off the menu, so to speak.

      1. Designer_Radio

        I gain about 50 lbs when I revert to my usual lazy self (up to about 260lbs), then I spend another year and a half working them off to the point that I actually have a healthy self-image (about 210-220lbs). Then I decide (delude) that my work here is done and repeat the shame-cycle of The Fattening and the Fittening. Been doing this for about a decade.

        I'll still make fun of Christie's fatness and not feel too hypocritical.

        Also too, Protip (or at least give me "been there done that tip"): If you're sick of being a fatso, those Jillian Michaels DVDs actually work. Get "30 Day Shred" for starters, start doing it every day (or at least 5 days/wk) after drinking a bunch of coffee, and stick with it for 3 months as your first goal. You'll notice pounds coming off. I'm a guy, but I can't keep up with a lot of the girls – but that's okay — just do the damn thing at a sustainable pace. And there's always a "hard girl" and an "easy girl". I just do what the easy girl does most days. If I'm particularly caffeinated – I do more. This makes you sweat, and then it makes the rest of the day go smoother.

        1. comrad_darkness

          Or you can just cut out the sugar. All the sugar. And the carbs. And eat regularly. Three normal meals (not restaurant meals!) and two satisfying snacks like nuts or cheese. No beer, no sodas (even diet!!). The pounds just fucking disappear.

          1. Designer_Radio

            2 questions:

            1.) How do you cut out the carbs? I don't almost ever eat at restaurants, thanks to my wife who makes almost everything from scratch, but carbs are a major part of my diet – from the homemade granola (whole grains/raisins/honey/etc.) I eat several cups of per day to the homemade breadsticks she makes for a side to our salads…

            Do you have to just eat meat??? Because that's undoable and too expensive. How do you cut out the carbs in a reasonable way?

            2.) I have a diet soda once a day — Does that really make a big difference?

    2. SayItWithWookies

      Thank you. It's not his size that makes him execrable, it's his horrible bullying sissy-ass dish-it-out-but-can't-take-it personality.

    3. not that Raul Castro

      Christie uses his fat as a political prop, much the way Sarah Palin uses her prop. We mock him because it's political, not because he's fat. Hasn't the lesson of Jack Stuef taught us anything?

    4. Negropolis

      I think when you're a jerk, it opens up ALL avenues for criticism. I guess the lesson is to not be a jerk, or at least try not to enjoy it so much. That'ot even to get in to, as others have pointed out, above, that he quite literally uses his weight to attempt to intimidate people.

    5. Goonemeritus

      Progressive fat is sexier. Ok I’m not proud of taking cheap shots like fat jokes especially in a country that statistically is made up of a population that is 50% overweight. I myself could stand to be taller say 7’6” to make my BMI closer to ideal. But you have to admit a 500lbs guy surrounded by a security detail challenging a stranger to a fight is ridicules.

    6. HistoriCat

      I know what you're saying about making fun of his weight … but it's awful hard to ignore when he's being obnoxious while clutching an ice cream cone.

    7. MittBorg

      You may have a few pounds or twenty, but Chris has a few HUNDRED extra pounds. You and me, we have avoirdupois.

      Chris Christie has *gravity.*

  21. glamourdammerung

    This will all stop the same day he is out of office and loses the security detail.

    1. TribecaMike

      He'll always have Jesus as his bodyguard. Since he became governor, the press seems to have decided to forget about what a right wing fundamentalist the guy is.

  22. chascates

    Bipolar disorder is almost as big a burden as being a fat ass. Together, it's just sad.

    1. BoatOfVelociraptors

      With that much grease, his DNA should be analyzed for the genes that prevent heart attacks.

  23. flamingpdog

    I'm not much of a movie buff, but when I saw the Fatman getting all riled up, it made me immeidately think of this.

    1. alteredimages

      Perhaps you mean the Troma film Fat Guy Goes Nutzoid? Real movie. I shit you not.

  24. BarackMyWorld

    Just stating the obvious…but someone in Christie's position should consider not letting himself get so worked up. It could really have a negative impact on his health.

    And by "position," I mean "pants size."

    (edit: Not making fun of him for being fat, just saying the combination of weight and temperament aren't a good combo.)

  25. MissTaken

    i wonder how many hits the YouTube clip of him having a coronary while yelling at his constituents will bring.

  26. MissTaken

    TMZ stands for "Thirty Mile Zone". That's the scientific term for the grasp of Christie's gravitational force.

  27. TribecaMike

    In this week's news…

    1) Some form of the Higgs boson particle has been discovered, which is bound to reveal amazing things about mass, energy, and other fundamental properties of the universe

    2) #3 Roger Federer defeated #1 Novak Djokovic in a Wimbledon semi-final match this morning, and if Federer wins the final he will regain the #1 spot, further solidifying his status as the greatest tennis player of all time

    3) New Jersey governor Chris Christie insults another taxpaying citizen

    4) One of these things is not like the others.

    1. C_R_Eature

      # 3 would only be News if New Jersey governor Chris Christie didn't insult somebody.

    2. Negropolis

      I hope Murray wins. I can respect Roger's game, but I've never liked him as a person. Same with Tiger Woods. In fact, Murray's not exactly known for his suny disposition, either. Djokovic seems to be the only one of the three top players that seems to genuinely enjoy his sport, win or lose.

      1. TribecaMike

        A win by Murray would be great for the UK, but when do they ever win anything? By the by, you do not want to meet my wife. Ever. If and when Roger wins tears will be shed profusely in this household.

        1. TribecaMike

          In a post-match interview the other day, some ESPN noodge described him as a Brit, and Murray glared at him and filled him in on how Scots feel about that. It was highlarious.

          1. Negropolis

            I wish the media, there, would leave him alone about that. People should be able to choose how they want to be indentified. If he doesn't want to be a Brit, he doesn't want to be a Brit, and they need to leave it at that. This will all be a moot point, anyway, when Scotland formally cuts tied with the UK, anyway.

        1. Negropolis

          I'm sure he is, but wanting to be the most successful in any field and enjoying the game don't always go hand-in-hand. Just me, but I can't enjoy someone who isn't enjoying themselves.

          1. TribecaMike

            Gotcha. My nephew asked me this morning, "Where are all the young players?" With modern training and couching, the players do seem to stay around forever. For instance, recently the up and coming young US player was Donald Young, and jeez I think he's 24 or 25 now. Not so long ago, that was retirement age.

  28. flamingpdog

    I really like the fact that the blah guy Chris Christie went after was smiling so big. He knew that if he chose to walk away, Christie could never catch him.

    1. Madam Killjoy

      "After nearly 26 years in elected office, this past nightmarish month and a half have, for the first time, severed the necessary harmony between the needs of my constituency and of my family. As this harmony is required to serve, its absence requires I leave.
      "The recent event's totality of calumnies, indignities and deceits have weighed most heavily upon my family. Thus, acutely aware one cannot rebuild their hearth of home amongst the ruins of their U.S. House office, for the sake of my loved ones I must "strike another match, go start anew" by embracing the promotion back from public servant to sovereign citizen."
      Um, okay then. I doubt half his constituency knows half of the words above. In fact, I'm a little confused myself.

      1. Negropolis

        I doubt he even knows half the words above. The guy is infamous for his two-dollar words, the pretentious prig. To be fair, though, his district is probably the most educated one in Michigan, and it's certainly the wealthiest. And, despite him being able to hang on to it for so long, it's a pretty evenly divided district, party wise.

        1. Madam Killjoy

          Please tell me this resignation means a Dem could pick up his seat, then? Pretty please?

          1. Negropolis

            Oui. The district was made slightly more favorable to Republicans during redistricting, but this disaster has moved the district to a complete toss-up.

            The Republican that will be on the ballot in primary – the ONLY Republican on the ballot – is an eccentric reindeer farmer Paultard. The establishment panicked and is trying to run an establishment type former state legislature as a write-in.

    2. Chichikovovich

      That's great news, but the story won't be complete until somebody gets sent up the river for election fraud. [McCotter himself may well have known nothing about it.]

      Yet another example of how trumped up the Wingnut Wurlitzer "election fraud" ("the sanctity of democracy" – blah, blah) refrain is. Here is a guy whose office submitted a purported petition to get on the ballot, most of whose signatures were copied and pasted from previous petitions! Not surprisingly, Fox News isn't all over this one. IOKIYAR.

      1. not that Radio

        "It's not a Democracy; it's a Republic" is a common cry of the libertarian/wingnut set. Somehow they've concluded that Democracy = Democratic voters and Republic = Republican voters, therefore fraud committed to the advantage of Republicans is not fraud, it's Manifest Destiny, QED, checkmate. This constitutes airtight logic to them.

        1. Chichikovovich

          The wingnutterati also love to justify the preposterous claim that Hitler was a socialist by pointing out that "National Socialists" has "Socialists" in it. So I suppose these "Democracy? It's a Republic, dammit!" people are admitting they are Stalinist-Leninists (Union of Soviet Socialist Republics) or Maoists (People's Republic of China).

  29. Ducksworthy

    Come to think of it, if R-Money was the best they could come up with and the VP is bound to be second best if not worse than that, maybe El Gordo has a chance.

    1. TribecaMike

      If, as I suspect, Mitt picks Pawlenty — T-POW!© — as his veep, their combined charisma will convert the Muslims to Buddhism, chocolate to salt, circles to squares, and the seas into sand dunes, but they'll still lose by at least 8 million votes.

  30. C_R_Eature

    Hey, it's Seaside Heights, everyone's an Asshole there in the summer – trust me.
    I'm sure Christie fit right in.

    And, Rebecca…TWO Christie posts in one day? Have mercy!

    1. C_R_Eature

      EDIT: Reviewing the video (couldn't help it – train wreck, etc.) It appears as if he's on the Atlantic City Boardwalk. That everyone in Seaside Heights are still Assholes in the summer, however, is still true.

  31. Exhausted66

    SCREENWRITER: Here's the pitch: Fat-assed Governor in play clothes, not his usual tailored tent, tries to start a fight with a tax payer who calls him out on his treatment of teachers.
    STUDIO EXEC: I'm with you.
    SCREENWRITER: Wait for it… he's extra angry because his ice cream cone is melting onto his hands.
    STUDIO EXEC: You had me and then you lost me. The ice cream cone? Too much of a cliche.

    1. johnnyzhivago

      Probably not done to his liking, so he had her taken out with one of the super secret senior citizen drones they're stockpiling for when Obamacare becomes law.

    2. not that Radio

      The Akron Beacon Journal reported that Ms Harris had hugged Mr Obama when she met him at the restaurant.

      That's when he administered the Polonium.

      1. TribecaMike

        The old polonium-tipped umbrella, heh? Further proof that Obama was born in Bulgaria.

    3. gurukalehuru

      Josephine Harris, 70, who owned Ann's Place in Akron, Ohio, was taken to hospital after complaining of fatigue and a tingling feeling.

      Chris Matthews should maybe get that checked out.

  32. Crank_Tango

    The absolute best is how he keeps his moobs in check with his high-fastening pants.

    1. TribecaMike

      Fellow Jerseyite Lou Costello had the same problem, and yet he was a cool cat. New Jersey — who can ever truly understand its wicked wacky ways?

        1. TribecaMike

          "Thumb Up" via my PC. Lou has a hospital named for him, while Christie will be lucky to end up with a greasy boardwalk sandwich named for him for a couple of weeks.

  33. SayItWithWookies

    Chris Christie is a law degree and a friendship with Karl Rove away from being the insufferable asshole who insults everyone who comes to his little suburban aluminum-siding bungalow for a weekend barbecue.

    1. Negropolis

      He'd enjoy that far too much for it to be punishment. He's one of the few politicians probably hoping that somebody would.

    1. Negropolis

      They also have this thing called a Knuckle Sammich I'd be willing to offer him…which comes with a side of votes, of course.

  34. C_R_Eature

    I'm sorry. I just can't resist.

    "Thou art so fat-witted, with drinking of old sack
    and unbuttoning thee after supper and sleeping upon
    benches after noon, that thou hast forgotten to
    demand that truly which thou wouldst truly know.
    What a devil hast thou to do with the time of the
    day? Unless hours were cups of sack and minutes
    capons and clocks the tongues of bawds and dials the
    signs of leaping-houses and the blessed sun himself
    a fair hot wench in flame-coloured taffeta, I see no
    reason why thou shouldst be so superfluous to demand
    the time of the day."

    – Henry IV | Act 1, Scene 2

    1. TribecaMike

      Nice reference. Later on in the play , Prince Hal's rejection of Falstaff upon the former's coronation is one of the most heart-wrenching things I've ever read. Orson Welles' masterpiece Chimes At Midnight captures it beautifully. Ribald friendship is one thing, but power is another thing altogether.

      1. C_R_Eature

        It's true and this is really one of my favorite Shakespearean plays. I've heard of Welles' film but haven't seen it yet. It's on my list now, thanks.

        I hate to equate Christie with such a jovial upstanding and loyal character as Falstaff, but the phrase "Thou art so fat-witted…" got me.

        1. TribecaMike

          I'm hoping that when Criterion releases their inevitable dvd, it'll include bonus footage of Dick Cheney shooting his pal in the face and his pal apologizing for the incident. Now, that's frickin' Shakespearean!

  35. ElPinche

    Sadly, wingturds eat this up. They wank to big fat guys with anger issues who are on their side. (e.g "Go get em Chris!")

    1. VinnieSaltine

      and yet they'll be the first ones to call Obama a Dictator.

      Its weird…but I always thought that the governs by yelling at his constituents, calling them stupid/idiots, and then legislating against what the majority wants is the dictator.

      But what do I know? I went to a public school, not one of those fancy Charter Schools.

  36. annettaj

    Is Christie's back pregnant. I'm just saying. Its hot, he may be with child—cranky . . . .

  37. TribecaMike

    "I had rather have a fool to make me merry than experience to make me sad and to travel for it too." As You Like It, if I remember correctly, and I rarely do.

    1. C_R_Eature

      "Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb, like the sun; it shines everywhere.
      – Twelfth Night, Act III, scene i

      You won't find anything like this at

      1. not that Raul Castro

        Words, strung together in a logical order, that impart some wisdom about humanity

        You won't find anything like this at

        1. C_R_Eature

          "That is the correct answer. Raul, but you needed to phrase it in the form of a question. I'm sorry, no points this round."
          – Alex

          EDIT: AND NO ALL CAPS !!1!!11

          EDIT II: Raúl Castro! Do you believe that shit!? Fucking Arizona.

          1. TribecaMike

            When I lived in Tucson, I voted for Raul, though he was a bit conservative in my eyes.That lovely state has gone totally to hell in a wingnut handbasket. In ten years, if not sooner, it's going to be a whole other story. Viva Aztlan!

          2. C_R_Eature

            I keep thinking "This can't last."
            It can't. This political environment is unsustainable in every sense of the word. Just a question of when it will all fall down.

          3. not that Raul Castro

            It's commiegirl's joke. I can't take credit for that.


  38. RavenRant

    Notice that big, brave Sir Robin Christie waddles up to try to intimidate the guy, and when the guy doesn't give an inch, Christie immediately caves and waddles away as fast as he can.

    NATO – No Action, Talk Only. New Jersey, this your idea of a tough guy?

    1. C_R_Eature

      No. I'm from New Jersey. I know tough guys.I grew up with tough guys. I've been friends with tough guys.
      Mr. Christie, you're no tough guy.

        1. C_R_Eature

          "I'd call him gutless, but…" that would remind me of a disturbing scene in the Troma film The Toxic Avenger that I just can't make myself look up. But, you get the drift…

          1. RavenRant

            I have a friend, Mark Torgl, who played the guy who turns into the Toxic Avenger. I haven't seen the movie, though.

          2. C_R_Eature

            That's funny! I remember that guy! Troma used all local extras, too, as well as local actors. Small world!

      1. TribecaMike

        I once had a girlfriend from Paterson, NJ, and she could kick any of these clods' asses with one arm tied behind her back.

          1. not that Raul Castro

            Christie's got some groceries, some peanut butter, to last a couple of days.

          2. not that Raul Castro

            He's heard of some gravesites, out by the highway, a place that nobody knows.

          3. flamingpdog

            Talking Heads are all over the TeeVee on Sunday mornings, but every time I turn on the tube, I have teh disappointment.

          4. C_R_Eature

            I'm checking them out, I'm checking them out.
            I got it figured out, I got it figured out.

          5. C_R_Eature

            But it all works out, I'm a little freaked out.

            Off to the Dry Ice Factory, to think.

  39. BoatOfVelociraptors

    The only one stepping away was carrying an ice cream cone protected by bodyguards. Just sayin.

  40. cheetojeebus

    When they said "he's so hungry he could eat a baby's bum through a whicker chair" they were talking about this guy.

  41. Chet Kincaid

    Citizens of New Jersey, again, heed my advice: Do not stand within 10 feet of the Governor while antagonizing him. If one of his legs gives way, he might start rolling toward you!

  42. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    As Maman mentioned earlier, I think I'm going to back out of the fatty-fatty-fat humor. He's got enough dickish behavior we can pick on.

  43. Negropolis

    Seriously, when is this guy's term up? I don't know how much more of this thug I can take.

    1. TribecaMike

      Dang, I've been having so much fun reading the comments (and drinking beer) that I forgot I'd reserved a table tonight at Casa Bonita.

    2. Negropolis

      I can't wait until he utters "Screw your guys; I'm going home."

      EDIT: This is what you get when you don't read all of the replies, first. lol

  44. GeneralLerong

    So, what's Baconzgood doing with his gorilla glue this weekend? Looks like we gotta gorilla here 'at could use some gluin'….just sayin'.

  45. DustBowlBlues

    I think being fat is part of this tired mobster schtick he's made his signature. Like going to Iowa for Mittens and saying if they they didn't vote for Mr Swiss Bank Account he'd come back and get them "Jersey style." He's about as real as the Jersey Shore teevee people that seem to be famous.

    Sadly for me, all this talk about his ice cream cone set up a craving for a cold treat and I got the carton of Caramel Gelato out of the freezer and am now consuming it straight from the carton.

    BTW–Back from a three day tour my daughter and I dubbed "Grooving on the Dust Bowl." That those fucks aren't living in dust up to their asses is completely because of FDR and public works projects that gave them the miracle of water. They owe everything to the DemocratIC party. Needless to say, the dumb fucks are Republics now.

    1. TribecaMike

      I've spent quite a bit of time over the past couple of years travelling through Sgt. Peckerwood Land, and the disconnect in those environs is indeed pretty mind-boogling.

      1. C_R_Eature

        Saw the Tedeschi-Trucks band a few years ago up at the jersey shore. See them. Whatever you do, see them. Awesome.

          1. C_R_Eature

            She's no slouch for sure and she's got a set of pipes with legs to match. Derek Trucks is a whole 'nother class of musician – one that doesn't come around but once in a generation, I think.

          2. C_R_Eature

            Nah. We just have to do it ourselves, the old-fashoned way: YouTube, podcasts and Amazon.

          3. TribecaMike

            Good point. The artists make a lot more money that way (hopefully), and release what they want to. Screw Clear Channel, Bain Capital, et alia. Anyway, thanks for the link.

  46. Chow Yun Flat

    Fatso seemed to be walking toward a body piercing establishment at the end of the clip. They wouldn't have a harpoon big enough to even get started on him.

    1. not that Raul Castro

      Then he'd have to start a fight with someone who buys ink by the barrellful.

  47. Negropolis

    New Jersey: Where our governor knows a guy, who knows a guy, who can fix that problem you have.

    New Jersey: We know what to do with wiseguys…elect 'em!

    1. TribecaMike

      In the 90's, Jim Florio was a pretty good liberal governor, until he got serious about spreading tax monies equally to school districts and the "I've got mine Jack" syndrome kicked in. That was also an early trial run for the Koch brothers flexing their putrid wings. Florio served just one term (Whitman beat him in his reelection bid by only around 26,000 votes), and a little while later Corzine got in because he had his own fat wallet. Anyway, I don't see as much mob influence as big money industry interests (here's hoping that makes some kind of sense).

      Oh, and before I forget, Whitman, Kean and Corzine can go fuck their sanctimonious selves.

  48. ttommyunger

    No snark: this is not a well man, his BP must be through the roof and his blood sugar count must chart like a roller coaster during a day's gorging. Sick folk don't do well in non-stressful situations, much less the hurly-burly of political office. I see a dead man walking.

  49. randcoolcatdaddy

    Jeebus … it's Divine on a rant in "Female Trouble".

    But, then again, Christie makes Divine look thoroughly svelte.

  50. labman57

    Mr. "Jersey Shore Beached Whale" Christie suffers from the same weakness as do Palin, Gingrich, Bachmann, Cain, and other self-righteous, bombastic conservative politicians and pundits:

    He regards any reporter, interviewer, or constituent who has the temerity to hold him accountable for his previously stated positions to be a bullying, biased member of a left-wing conspiracy, and he views any question for which is unwilling or unable to provide an honest, substantive question to be a "gotcha" question.

    Based on this pattern of behavior, it would appear to be a Republican rite of passage to treat journalists or non-fawning constituents with contempt.

  51. BenGleck

    Christie is having am amgry rant. That is because he is on a diet. How can you tell that Christie is on a diet? The cone he is eating is vanilla!
    That man sacrafices like nobody's business.

  52. C_R_Eature


    The National Weather Service has declared Excessive Heat Watches and Warnings for a good part of the country. The Warning areas will have Heat Index values in the 100 to 110 deg. F. range, due to a combination of temperatures in the 90's and above and Dew Points in the 60's. This is dangerous weather, folks and nothing to take lightly. Heat Exhaustion and heat stroke are cumulative conditions and symptoms can present very quickly. Here are a few resources to help:

    * The NWS's Heat advisory page.
    * The Centers for Disease Control's Extreme heat advisory page
    *The CDC's Heat stress in the workplace page

    Please remember that many of the areas under Heat Warnings today are still without power from last Friday's storm. If you're in any of these areas please take care and go to an air conditioned public building if you can. If you know anyone in these affected areas. please check on them to make sure they're OK.

    Thanks. everyone,. Add your links and repost as needed.

    FYI, I'm on the eastern shore of the Chesapeake in MD, lucky enough to have electricity and am doing nothing outside for more than 5 minutes at a time.Right now, at 1214 EDT, I have a heat index of 109 deg. F. and the hottest part of the day is in the mid- afternoon.

    EDIT: Wouldn't be a Wonkette post without TruckNutz.

    Sincerely, Weedlord Bonerhitler.

        1. viennawoods13

          Ours is only 95, but it is disgusting. I'm with the 5 min rule too- out to the garden to get stuff, then right back in. I have some lavender I have to harvest, but I can't do it all at once. My son works in greenhouses in this weather. Thank goodness he's off this weekend, but this week has been a little challenging for him.

          1. C_R_Eature

            A greenhouse! As if it's not hot & humid enough. Good thing he's off this weekend. Heatwave's supposed to break Sunday night to Monday but we'll likely get hellacious severe storms rolling through so you should get as much of the Lavender away as you can. Stay safe!

    1. TribecaMike

      I'm visiting the in-laws in suburban Baltimore, and it's pretty brutal here, with more thunderstorms predicted for the next two days.. The houses across the street got their power back a couple of days ago, and several other blocks are still without electricity.

      Be careful out there.

      1. C_R_Eature

        Yes, thanks, you be careful too. Power restoration has been very spotty all around. There's a lot of tree damage, downed poles and transformers. A good part of Annapolis is still out, the Water treatment plant has been on generator power for this week (might be online now) and there are severe water use restrictions because there's no power to the pump that fills the water tower.

        And – this was one storm! And not even a hurricane.

    2. Steverino247

      I drove through the Bronx Friday (long story) and it was 100. I don't know what was worse, the heat or the driving. I was in full Gene Hackman in The French Connection mode. Only 86 here in CT at the B&B by the coast. Heading home to CA and low humidity tomorrow evening.

      1. C_R_Eature

        Safe Passage and arrival, friend. At least this current heat wave will finally be over soon.
        Driving like Gene Hackman in NYC is pretty much mandatory. You can't show fear or weakness, they'll eat you alive.

  53. HistoriCat

    OK, I try not to whine too much, but can we get a new non-Christie post going? I'm laid up today and don't really want to keep contemplating the New Jersey Mouth.

    1. C_R_Eature

      Be careful what you ask for. Newell might be listening.

      EDIT: Rebecca just posted something!
      I hope it's not horrible/disgusting/infuriating.

  54. Tundra Grifter

    When our band gets back together that's going to be our new name: "Random Bum Fights."

  55. Baba_NinjaCat12

    He is just angry like always just before his 7th meal of the day after working a hard, long day at a Jersey Shore Sideshow as the 'Incredible ManBlimp'.

  56. Robman2

    Simpering appointed political hack, his girth is a personal issue, consequential when the ads start running after Labor Day, but, the Ben and Jerry's advert running on the side bar here at the 'kette, priceless.

  57. Walkinwiddaking

    Well i think it's kind of obvious why the..corpulent governor was so incensed. He only had one ice cream cone in his hand rather than the usual dozen or so that this lard ass usually gets force fed by his handlers.

  58. blatherous

    Well, in Christie's defense, word on the street was the person used foul language in front of his children.

  59. lulzmonger

    Even with a halo of bodyguards, he STILL winds up retreating after 10 seconds.

    A Real GOP Hero!

  60. Negropolis

    Question. Is Christie yelling at the black dude, or someone behind the black dude? The camera seems to cut away to the left, and I've been unsure of the target of Christie's ire. Not that it matters in the end, but it's been bothering me.

  61. telecustom1972

    If Mitt doesn't choose Christie to be his running mate he is squandering a huge opportunity to improve the economy. Just to provide the clothing this sack of shit would need on the campaign trail could result in the hiring of thousands of textile workers, seamstresses and awning factory stichers.

  62. Schmegeg

    Obligatory fat joke: He looks like Knight, Stenbreinner, and Soprano combined.

    And really, what the fuck is he going to do besides sic some totally tuned State Police trooper on the guy. Keep Walking? Fuck You Christie. And also, take care of the teachers, fatso.

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