Back in two thousand diggity ‘leven, there was this fella Herman Cain who nearly got himself a presidential nomination. He didn’t care for that! All he wanted was a radio show, a teevee show, some more book deals — the whole package. Thankfully a bunch of gals came forward and gave him an out by saying they either (a) had sex with him for a decade-plus and/or (b) were constantly sexually harassed by him in the workplace. Now the “sex with him for a decade-plus” lady has come forward to write about this in the San Francisco newspaper Salon.com.
Here’s part of Ginger White’s account, “I Had An Affair With This Guy And Then What Does He Do, He Runs For President”:
He told me he never felt this way before. Our connection was so strong, and he didn’t want tonight to be the last night for us. He pulled out his calendar and invited me to join him on a trip to West Palm Beach. He was traveling there within the next few weeks for a meeting and golf excursion with his board members. He told me he would take care of all the travel and expenses. He promised we’d have an amazing time together.
It was crazy. I barely knew this man. And he was married, too. But what can I say? He convinced me. There’s a reason Herman Cain commanded so much attention in his run for the presidency despite having so little actual experience. His wild combination of humor and unorthodox antics and risk-taking stunned me into going along with his impulsive plan. The man is seriously persuasive.
He kissed me passionately. A few days later, he called to tell me how thrilled he was that I’d be joining him. I couldn’t know then, but it was just the beginning – the beginning of many trips, many Fed Ex packages filled with cash, many visits, many dinners, many intimate nights, many phone calls and texts.
Your Wonkette wants to be Ginger White when it grows up.
[Salon]
{ 124 comments }
I find this difficult to masterbate too.
I'm not even going to try.
Here, this might help
BAAAAAHHHHH! C'mon man! It's nookie Friday with the lil' lady and I.
But nipples!
Did his father work in a mill?
Sure! Poppa was a rollin' stone…
a vagina mill, apparently.
"He pulled out his calendar…"
Is that all?
he also slapped her on the rolodex
Republicans all know what happened to Onan when he pulled out.
"Let me whip this out."
Ugh, I wouldn't do Herman Cain with Sarah Palin's stolen pussy. *shiver*
Just as well, really. It'd be pretty difficult to get Sarah Palin's stolen pussy off that chain around Hannity's neck.
i'm looking at an article in 'public opinion quarterly' on the 'fey effect: perceptions of sarah palin in the 2008 presidential election.'
public opinion quarterly.
god.
Barb, that visual alone should be grounds for being tried at the Hague…
"many Fed Ex packages filled with cash"
Um…..There's a word for what you are Ginger. It rhymes with "door".
Fence-oor?
boor?bore?Michael Moore?
Tax evador?
there will be many packages from all of the finest delivery services in the world, each of these packages will be wrapped in the finest, most sensual papers, with many colorful fibres painstakingly hand-crafted and wrapped with such care as to tease you into barely being able to open them, driving you to the heights of passion as you untie the very sexy strings and fold back the paper to reveal many benjamins for your pleasure.
I will replace your doorbell with the finest chimes, by visiting many fabulous churches in the most exotic locations of italy and france to find the exact tones that will touch you in teh deepest places, announcing the arrival of these packages from all corners of the world.
Damn…
Hadn't heard from Smoove B. in a while. Spot on.
…and when you have begged until you can beg no more, I will hit it doggystyle. Oh yes.
(You have to have the proper closing to paint the total picture.)
And what she was doing rhymes with Constitution.
Which reminds me, what is Rielle Hunter up to these days?
Rhymes with "cook brewer"
The rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore?
"Smoor"?
Tralfamadore?
Hitlor?
Zsa Zsa?
Hitler?
Slut? Cum dumpster?
I know I'm getting close…
Ginger White? Really?
Wasn't she in Gangbangs of New York?
A Martin Whoresleazy Joint.
Snow White was taken.
Okay, so we have stumbled into Jim Newell's big-time fantasy life.
Where's the exit?
If you think she's got it bad, talk to her sister Lily.
“I Had An Affair With This Guy And Then What Does He Do, He Runs For President”
To be fair, this could also be the title of a tell-all book about John Edwards, and Bill Clinton, and John F. Kennedy.
“Richard Nixon: I Had An Affair With This Guy And Then What Does He Do, He Runs For President” by Bebe Rebozo.
But the one about Jimmy Carter would be called This Guy Lusted In His Heart For Me and Then What Does He Do, He Runs For President
Fed Ex packages filled with cash, many visits, many dinners, many intimate nights, many phone calls and texts.
How did Herman manage to fit all that into one little Fed Ex box?
Misspelling. It's supposed to be "mini," not "many."
Republican primary candidates (and their supporters) are more interested in colons than semicolons.
If it fits, it ships.
"He told me he never felt this way before. Our connection was so strong,
and he didn’t want tonight to be the last night for us. He pulled out his
calendar and invited me to join him on a trip to West Palm Beach."
She passed the "phrasing for suspense" test. That is Rule One in good writin'.
"S'cuse me while I whip this out!"
When I want proper bodice-ripping material I turn to Glenn Greenwald.
Ginger….White?
OH COME ON, JIM! YOU MADE THAT UP!
It's all about the Newell post.
Jack Kennedy was a pussy hound, too. And Ginger, I've seen pictures of you, and I've seen Marilyn Monroe in the moving pictures, and you are no Marilyn Monroe.
The quality of our elected officials' peccadillos have gone waaaaay down since 1962. Just one more sign of the decline in exceptional America.
To be fair, ol' Herb is no Jack Kennedy, either, too.
"…many intimate nights, many phone calls and texts from editors and journalists as I ride this horse all the way to my tell-all book…"
I have tried and tried to get sexually harrassed for just this purpose. Maybe it is because I am homely…or that my bosses were guys. I might need to rethink this type of funding for my retirement. Obviously I went wrong…somewhere.
Packages filled with cash, many visits, many dinners, many intimate nights, many phone calls and texts…
I'm sure the same techniques would soften up Vladimir Putin. They'd be so much more effective than Mitt's attempts to baptize him.
Why do I feel like I'm reading Penthouse Forum instead of Wonkette?
(And does that actually exist anymore, or has the internet put it out of business?)
Dear Sorosbot,
I never thought it would happen to me, but…
NSFW
Soros, I have a "friend" I will ask…and get back to you.
I was just at Fed Ex, but no packages of cash from Herman for poor little old me.
Herman has some advice for that lady: "Life can be a challenge. Life can seem impossible. It’s never easy when there’s so much on the line. But you and I can make a difference. There’s a mission just for you and me. Just look inside and you will find just what you can do. Just look inside and you will find just what you can do."
He is such an original.
"I've never felt this way before…what was your name again and which city do you live in?"
He probably wagged his wiener in her face. I heard chicks sploosh at the very thought of it.
He pulled out his calendar… It was a Franklin Covey Deluxe Model, if you know what I mean.
Cain's a Mormon, too? Christ, they're everywhere.
The Seven Inches of Highly Effective Pricks
…because nothing screams romance like West Palm Beach.
What is this, "Creepy Men Day" today at Wonkette? It's been ick, ewww, gross the whole day long, and that's not even counting the Willard post.
Now you know how we straight men feel about all the gross Palin posts.
Today, we are all creepy men who read Wonkette.
Willard is a Creepy Robot. Please.
Always had a thing for Mary Ann, myself.
Sorry Lovey.
For all the male politicians in the world, here is how you should be a male politician:
1. Don’t put your butt in voter's faces.
2. Stop jackrabbiting your pee-pee about.
3. Here’s an idea! Instead of sitting the voter in a chair, make them stand up, and then sort of sway at them and smell their neck a bunch, real slow-like.
4. You could even put their hand on your proposals!
5. Probably leave most of your clothes on.
And also try to be more electable.
This is a WIN of the day for me. In its simplicity. Its artful use of fresh material we can all immediately recall. And, well, because it is just so perfectly true.
I award you a Cainy.
Seconded for COTD
Godfather's doesn't allow seconds.
"Accepting Extemporanus' award for Best Adapted Blog Post, Miss Sacheen Littlecaesars…"
Going way back for that reference. Bravo.
"There’s a reason Herman Cain commanded so much attention in his run for the presidency despite having so little actual experience."
Yes, and that reason is that he is dumber than a box of hammers and utterly unaware of it.
Remember when Herman was a serious GOP contender?
Me neither. But he sure had us entertained.
Oh, he was a serious GOP contender, it was the rest of us that were laughing.
It was a Golden Age of GOP comedy: Cain, Perry, Bachmann, Santorum, Gingrich — each striving to be more hilarious than the next, to truly earn the howls of laughter that followed each public appearance. Ah, those were the days.
Ginger White's porn name is Gertrude Abromowicz.
oh the Hermanity…
It was crazy. I barely knew this man. And he was married, too. But what can I say? He convinced me. There’s a reason Herman Cain commanded so much attention in his run for the presidency despite having so little actual experience.
Because, Ginger, you and the American electorate fall for the same stupid line over and over again.
Fed Ex packages filled with cash? The Herminator really knew how to keep his affairs on the DL, didn't he? Bitch didn't get receipts that way……well, except for the address slips. Dumbass.
Probably sent by a remailing service.
Not that I would ever, you know, know.
Um, "the DL" doesn't usually refer to affairs with women.
That explains why my anus hurts, but not your pedantic reply.
Well, it came in 30 minutes or it was free.
I can remember when it was both! Good times…
Is today a redo of
DebbieMamie Eisenhower Does Dallas?So, are either of both of her kids Godfather's Special Deliveries? Or did they show up through Fed Ex, too?
His wild combination of humor and unorthodox antics and risk-taking stunned me into going along with his impulsive plan.
Dragging your girlfriend on a boring golf trip does not qualify as 'an impulsive plan'. Dragging the country into a whirlwind campaign of Pokemon and pussy does.
Depends on which 18 holes he had in mind, n'est ce pas?
Gotta catch 'em all!
Suddenly, I'm reminded of the girlfriend of an old college colleague of mine…
"He kissed me passionately."
The only way this sentence could be worse is if, instead of Hermann Cain, it referenced Chris Christie. Or Rudy Giuliani. Or Lindsay Graham.
All of 'em, Katie!
Wow, that just upped the ick factor!
It just occurred to me that states such as Texas, Kansas, Arizona, Utah, and most of the Deep South could improve their sex ed. curricula by sending every kid in their states a link to Wonkette's posts for today …
It's enough to make me consider abstinence…
Or absinthe. . .
Mock me like a Hermancaine
That comment blew me away.
Here I am!
I will admit I saw some bukkake pron once ( just once ! ), but I never saw nothin' that compared to that ….. display.
Squick.
Don't hate the Player.Hate the Game! Hermans $RICH$ Bitches!
It isn't prostitution because Cain paid her after the fact, unlike before the deed like how those dirty whores want it. goOD lEGAl dEEfenSE.
So apparently he fell for her line that she would totally be his girlfriend if she weren't in the "business". Keep them Fedex packages a comin'!
Did he make her listen to that crazy 9-9-9 shit?
Mitt would agree that missionary work is every man's obligation.
"Your Wonkette wants to be Ginger White when it grows up."
Word up!
Word to your Muddah!
I have no words. It's like reading a cheesy novel. Shocking! As much as I doubt it, I'm gonna file this under the "well, a good lay is hard to find" category.
Is there someone I need to send a Fedex box full of cash to, so that I never have to hear anymore details about this man's sex life?
Me! I'll never say another word about it. Pinkey promise swear!
there's a 9-9-9 joke in here but i'm on my way to cocktails and can't be bothered.
"His wild combination of humor and unorthodox antics and risk-taking stunned me into going along with his impulsive plan. The man is seriously persuasive."
They said the same thing about Kissinger, both in and out of bed, unfortunately.
She says no one will hire her. Ok, raise your hands. How many of y'all remembered her name? How many just remembered that there was a woman who had an affair with Cain for years?
Makes you wonder what kind of jobs she's applying for.
Just shows how sloppy seconds can be a turn off.
Women like Ginger make me wonder what in the world they would do if they didn't have a pussy.
Another woman knowingly dating a married man?
THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT
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