GREAT LANDMARKS IN INTERNET HISTORY  2:14 pm July 6, 2012

Screeching New Jersey Fat Man Snags Five Million YouTube Hits

by Jim Newell

Just doing my dutyHave you seen those comical YouTubes of the fat man in New Jersey berating people, on YouTube? They’re gold. Usually they’ve got a teacher, a unionized teacher, and this teacher asks the fat man a question and the fat man goes, “DIE YOU AWFUL TEACHER, DIE NOW, DIE DIE DIE,” and the teacher’s all like, “Uh…” Love this fat guy on YouTube; can’t get enough of it. And now this “fat man screaming at teachers” guy’s racked up 5 million YouTube hits. “Hit 5 million views on YouTube!” he tweeted today, on Twitter. “What better way to celebrate than to take a look back to see how we got here.” What a day.

This man “should be President of America”:

But as NJ.com notes, New Jersey Fat Man Hollerin’ At Folks getting five million views for all of his videos isn’t really that much:

Christie, however, is not the biggest YouTube celebrity out there. The video for Justin Bieber’s “Baby” clocks in at number one, with 755 million views.

And a video of a cat riding a Roomba — a disc-shaped robotic vacuum cleaner — still has 2.4 million more hits than all of Christie’s videos combined.

It’s time for the fat man to set his sights on higher vistas:

  • Fat New Jersey Man Rides a Roomba
  • Famous New Jersey Fat Man Molests/Eats Justin Bieber
  • The Fat Man Who Yells At Teachers Sits On a Cat And Kills The Cat Because He’s So Fucking Fat

And so forth.

[NJ.com]

 
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{ 152 comments }

prommie July 6, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Fucking fat fuck.

actor212 July 6, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Fuck the fucking fat fuck.

Baconzgood July 6, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Fuckin-A

actor212 July 6, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Fuck the fucking fat fuck fuckin-A-hole

Billmatic July 6, 2012 at 2:41 pm

this post is hateful to fats :(

mrpuma2u July 6, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Nah, just fat fucks.

actor212 July 6, 2012 at 2:55 pm

No, just THIS fat fuck. Some fat dicks are fun

ChernobylSoup July 6, 2012 at 2:17 pm

He ate a cheeseburger every time he got a hit.

weejee July 6, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Double bacon cheese.

Baconzgood July 6, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Did someone say bacon?

ChernobylSoup July 6, 2012 at 2:33 pm
Mittens Howell, III July 6, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Who moved my cheeseburger?

Schmannnity July 6, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Not the biggest Youtube celebrity out there? What, did he go on a diet?

Mittens Howell, III July 6, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Leave Chris Christie AAALLOOOOOONNEEE!!!

Jus_Wonderin July 6, 2012 at 2:30 pm

"AAALLOOOOOONNEEE!!!"

That sounds like you lost your grip on that outcropping at the summit and fell to your death.

Boojum July 8, 2012 at 9:38 am

He was holding on to the moob.

boobookitteh July 6, 2012 at 2:19 pm

You'd be angry too if you could neither see nor reach your penis.

MrFizzy July 9, 2012 at 7:38 am

He's the governor – he has staffers for that sort of thing.

SorosBot July 6, 2012 at 2:20 pm

And Friday has over 35,000,000 views – and that's just the official original version. Therefore, Rebecca Black is seven times as popular as Christie, and should be Vice President!

mavenmaven July 6, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Sadly, that would be improving the quality of the GOP music base.

Barb July 6, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Chris Christie is so fat that he shows up on radar.

actor212 July 6, 2012 at 2:26 pm

He can't get high enough off the ground

JustPixelz July 6, 2012 at 2:33 pm

only with a NJ state helicopter

Jus_Wonderin July 6, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Barb, the Voyager spacecraft(s) can still spot him, too.

actor212 July 6, 2012 at 2:36 pm

He has his own area code.

UnholyMoses July 6, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Chris Christie is so fat that he …

… can sit on a dollar bill and make change.

actor212 July 6, 2012 at 2:57 pm

… can sit on a dollar bill and make change it cry.

FTFY

C_R_Eature July 6, 2012 at 2:41 pm

His movements are tracked by the Spaceguard Project.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 6, 2012 at 3:34 pm

I thought they were using seismometers.

smashedinhat July 6, 2012 at 2:54 pm

NASA is planning a Big Boy launch hoping to grab some telemetry before the subjects mass inhales the vehicle.

An_Outhouse July 6, 2012 at 4:06 pm

CC is so fat his gravitational force absorbed the Higgs Boson as soon as it was created. The physicists had a sad.

Thurman Munster IV July 6, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Chris Christie is so fat that his farts are considered derechos by the weather service.

Terry July 6, 2012 at 2:20 pm

"And a video of a cat riding a Roomba — a disc-shaped robotic vacuum cleaner — still has 2.4 million more hits than all of Christie’s videos combined."

They certainly managed to put their governor in the proper perspective.

emmelemm July 6, 2012 at 2:42 pm

I'd rather watch a cat on a Roomba, that's for sure.

HogeyeGrex July 6, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I'll admit I was hoping for a link.

I'd rather watch turds turn white that five minutes of Mr. Creosote there.

AbandonHope July 6, 2012 at 3:07 pm

I'm sure a cat on a Roomba would do a better job governing.

Mittens Howell, III July 6, 2012 at 2:21 pm

2 Chris Christies , one dumpster.

Extemporanus July 6, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Play 'em off, Keyboard Fat…

1stNewtontheMoon July 6, 2012 at 2:57 pm

i'm pretty sure that's illegal in most southern states.

Boojum July 8, 2012 at 9:39 am

Two fatties enter….

Maman July 6, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Can't we just report him for hate speech?

JustPixelz July 6, 2012 at 2:34 pm

He only said someone was "stupid". If he had used the R-word, Rebecca would have given him a stern banning.

BaldarTFlagass July 6, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Your move, Guy From Boston.

Baconzgood July 6, 2012 at 2:24 pm

"The video for Justin Bieber’s “Baby” clocks in at number one, with 755 million views."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuNpmyZ6za0

And this gets 17,666?

I don't want to live anymore.

TribecaMike July 6, 2012 at 3:09 pm

But Sun Ra has 100 billion hits on Saturn.

Mittens Howell, III July 6, 2012 at 2:24 pm

He hates people almost as much as he loves lard.

JustPixelz July 6, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Paradoxically, the people who love him are mostly lard.

prommie July 6, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Lard-brains, anyway.

GorzoTheMighty July 6, 2012 at 2:24 pm

It wasn't hits, just gravitational pull

freakishlywrong July 6, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Fat Jebus is such an asshole. Please Mittbot, bring this yelling, noxious buttplug on board.

LesBontemps July 6, 2012 at 3:19 pm

If nothing else, it'll get him out of New Jersey — and away from me — for a few months.

prommie July 6, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Something tells me he really would eat a big bag of dicks, if you handed him one.

edgydrifter July 6, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Salted, unsalted, human, rat… it's all good.

neiltheblaze July 6, 2012 at 3:06 pm

I bet he'd try to get a job at the processing plant.

weejee July 6, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Who knew the Ron Paul blimp talked.

Grief_Lessons July 6, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Eat one more teacher, they're wafer-thin.

Jus_Wonderin July 6, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Well, Mom says they will just go to waste. And, she did spend all morning cooking them.

actor212 July 6, 2012 at 2:25 pm

He's still 745 million behind Bieber

SorosBot July 6, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Psst, Chris; they're laughing at you, not with you.

OneYieldRegular July 6, 2012 at 2:25 pm

I admit my attention wandered a bit, but I totally missed the clip of him eating 68 Nathan's hot dogs in 10 minutes.

nounverb911 July 6, 2012 at 2:28 pm

He ate Nathan instead.

not that Raul Castro July 6, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Give a man a hot dog vendor, and he will eat for a day…

freakishlywrong July 6, 2012 at 2:26 pm

A cat. Riding a Roomba. This speaks volumes about what's wrong with this fucking country.

actor212 July 6, 2012 at 2:30 pm

That we hire cats to clean our apartments?

Nostrildamus July 6, 2012 at 3:05 pm

They're doing a job Americans won't.

HistoriCat July 6, 2012 at 5:40 pm

That cat was BORN in this country – and so were the previous 15 generations of his family!

justkillmenow July 6, 2012 at 2:32 pm

A cat riding a roomba is why the internet was invented in the first place. That and porn.

JustPixelz July 6, 2012 at 2:38 pm

That the Repubicans nominated Mitt Roombaney as their robot god?

Grief_Lessons July 6, 2012 at 2:48 pm

I know, it's not enough hits.

LesBontemps July 6, 2012 at 3:21 pm

After reading this, I could do with a few more hits myself.

BaldarTFlagass July 6, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Well, they had to find something when they were forced to take down all those Hitler parody rants from the movie "Downfall."

not that Raul Castro July 6, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Downfall: Chris Christie Discovers that Domino's is Out of Cheese

prommie July 6, 2012 at 2:52 pm

They took all them down? That is bullshit, man, total bullshit. I loved Downfall rants.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 6, 2012 at 3:41 pm

The best of the lot was where Hitler finds out that YouTube took down his Downfall videos.

They're all back up, after somebody finally got up the balls to fight a takedown notice.

SorosBot July 6, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Fair use, douchebags!

C_R_Eature July 6, 2012 at 2:26 pm

* Fat Man flies into red-faced, spittle flecked rage, berating a harmless teacher at news conference. Suddenly undergoes Spontaneous Human Combustion, erupting within seconds into a blazing tower of sputtering, fat saturated meat.. The audience bursts into wild applause.

That's the one I'd watch.

Texan_Bulldog July 6, 2012 at 2:26 pm

So now teachers are the new gays or what? I can't keep up with who the Rs are hating on.

Jus_Wonderin July 6, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Should I say it?????

PubOption July 6, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Admirable restraint.

BaldarTFlagass July 6, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Everyone but themselves.

tbogg July 6, 2012 at 2:27 pm

To be fair, he could lose a few…

Isyaignert July 7, 2012 at 2:25 am

…a few hundred.

actor212 July 6, 2012 at 2:27 pm

His "greatest hits" video didn't include the salami hoagie from last night.

Or the one from breakfast.

chascates July 6, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Just waiting on that vein to pop in his forehead.

Dumbedup July 6, 2012 at 2:27 pm

As a native, I can tell you, there are so many guys just like him in N.J, spouting off from barstools, yelling and screaming about "the blacks" and "the spics" and so on, it's no wonder he has a ready audience, but he's nothing special, just one of many in that tragic and colorful state.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 6, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Next election, voting should be over with by noon. With the barfly demographic taken out, maybe somebody less obnoxious will have a shot at the governorship.

ttommyunger July 7, 2012 at 8:08 am

You are not alone (whimper) Georgia is chock full of the same.

BaldarTFlagass July 6, 2012 at 2:27 pm

What does the honey badger think?

MissTaken July 6, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Honey badger don't give a fuck.

An_Outhouse July 6, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Honey badger don't give a fat fuck.

neiltheblaze July 6, 2012 at 2:28 pm

He's pretty thin-skinned for a blubber butt.

actor212 July 6, 2012 at 2:42 pm

In fairness, if you tried packing twenty five hundred pounds of crap into a half-ton ugly bag of mostly water, you'd be stretched pretty thin too.

neiltheblaze July 6, 2012 at 2:58 pm

We're extending the Star Trek references I see.

starfanglednut July 6, 2012 at 9:21 pm

That was a good one.

edgydrifter July 6, 2012 at 2:28 pm

When Chris Christie bites your head off for asking him a question, he'll go ahead and eat the rest of you, too.

BaldarTFlagass July 6, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Maybe they'll post a Youtube of him singing along to some Springsteen tune.

actor212 July 6, 2012 at 2:33 pm

o/~ Tramps like us, baby we were born to gorge…..nomNOMnomnom, nom nom nom noooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm o/~

Baconzgood July 6, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I was thinking "baby I was born a ton" but your's works too also.

prommie July 6, 2012 at 2:49 pm
neiltheblaze July 6, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Personally, I don't even think he was born to jog.

prommie July 6, 2012 at 3:03 pm

He's so bad, so ridiculous, and its a form of mental illness to actually get on a stage and make such a fool of yourself like this. Fucking fat stooge fuckwad fuck.

starfanglednut July 6, 2012 at 9:23 pm

That was sacrilege. And I don't even like Springsteen.

metamarcisf July 6, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Yes, that's right. The name of the Governor's show IS "Two and a Half Tons"

mrpuma2u July 6, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Is the sub title "of shit in a one ton bag" ?????

BenGleck July 7, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Theme song: "Stixteen tons".

imissopus July 6, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Remember when the Republicans used to sneer at Obama for being the world's biggest celebrity? Before plucking the mote from thy neighbor's eye…

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ July 6, 2012 at 2:33 pm

True story: I liked that.

Baconzgood July 6, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Q: How many hits did the honey badger get?

A: Trick question, the honey badger doesn't give a shit.

Extemporanus July 6, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Even more disturbing?

His YouPorn channel's racked up 11 million hits.

shortsandpants July 6, 2012 at 2:35 pm

"Famous New Jersey Fat Man Molests/Eats Justin Bieber" is… well… majestic.
HMMMMMMM??????

"Large Whale Beaches Self On Podium Stage"
"Majestic Beast Discusses Consumption of Entire Second Grade Class"
"Big Fatty FAT FAT Moves Mouth With Words"
"Man Rolls Over Rick-Rolls"
"Chris Christie Discusses His Orbit Around the Sun"
"UPDATE: Man Engulfed In Hell-Fire Engulfs Hell-Fire"

calboy2 July 6, 2012 at 2:36 pm

The man who swallowed New Jersey in one bite

Monsieur_Grumpe July 6, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I would like to see Christie and Joe Walsh argue about something… maybe the best way to eat sausage or something.

OneYieldRegular July 6, 2012 at 2:44 pm

"Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie!…"

MissTaken July 6, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Sorry, can't watch. My YouTube time is devoted exclusively to guys getting hit in the balls.

SorosBot July 6, 2012 at 2:43 pm

What about kitties and babies being cute?

Extemporanus July 6, 2012 at 3:01 pm

What about guys getting hit in the balls by cute baby kittens?

(This has actually happened to me…more than once. True story, bro.)

HogeyeGrex July 6, 2012 at 2:58 pm

I'd watch that video of him.

Baconzgood July 6, 2012 at 2:59 pm

FOOTBALL IN THE GROIN, FOOTBALL IN THE GROIN!

Jus_Wonderin July 6, 2012 at 2:40 pm

All I can think off is Higgs Bosons.

actor212 July 6, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Funny, I think of Hogg Bozo

JustPixelz July 6, 2012 at 2:41 pm

He may need a mirror to see his penis, but we can see his fat ass on google satellite view.

coolhandnuke July 6, 2012 at 2:41 pm

What a huge waist of space.

Billmatic July 6, 2012 at 2:42 pm

All these fat jokes are making me sad.

starfanglednut July 6, 2012 at 9:25 pm

I'm sorry, Bill.

ElPinche July 6, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Oh man, I just got "fatrolled ! "

Joshua Norton July 6, 2012 at 2:43 pm

“Hit 5 million views on YouTube!”

So that averages out to, what, one hit per pound?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 6, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I'm surprised the LOLChristiez site hasn't done better.

kingofmeh July 6, 2012 at 5:17 pm

ceiling christie wants to know if you're going to finish that.

SayItWithWookies July 6, 2012 at 2:44 pm

There is absolutely nothing likeable about this jackass — so no wonder he's such a popular governor in New Jersey.

C_R_Eature July 6, 2012 at 2:45 pm

"Get in Mah Belly!!"

freakishlywrong July 6, 2012 at 2:45 pm

No wonder Bruce hates him.

mavenmaven July 6, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Fat man in a little coat, anyone?

Eve8Apples July 6, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Screeching fat guy on the Intertube? Who digitized and uploaded the Sam Kinison monologues?

Nostrildamus July 6, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Chris Christie + pack of hungry hyenas = YouTube Gold

1stNewtontheMoon July 6, 2012 at 3:01 pm

you've got to think boehner is praying mittens picks this schlub. then boehner is just one jupiter space god believin' frontier religion wacko heartbeat and one chicken wing away from being president.*

*assuming 'Murica is ready for its first mor-man junk bond trader president and the republicans retain control of the house.

James Michael Curley July 6, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Two and a half million You Tube hits for the right side.
Two and a half million You Tube hits for the left side.

1stNewtontheMoon July 6, 2012 at 3:02 pm

so that's where all the huckabee fat went. mystery solved!

C_R_Eature July 6, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I'd rather watch a Fat Man in the Bathtub.

Fox n Fiends July 6, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Wait…is he claiming that the Superbowl champs Giants are the NEW JERSEY GIANTS?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

sati_demise July 6, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Here is some brain bleach: Upscale quality of Freddie Mercury

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Y8q-cq4P-I

starfanglednut July 6, 2012 at 9:27 pm

I miss him.

vodkamuppet July 6, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Wow. Cat riding a roomba (I had to look, sue me) is actually a whole genre of videos. What's more disturbing is the video about the video of the cat riding the roomba.

starfanglednut July 6, 2012 at 9:28 pm

I checked too. I though they might be cute, but they're just silly.

randcoolcatdaddy July 6, 2012 at 6:18 pm

"a disc-shaped robotic vacuum cleaner "

So helpful of the reporter to explain what Chris Christie is.

Limeylizzie July 6, 2012 at 6:29 pm
starfanglednut July 6, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Oh for fucks sake.

Veritas78 July 6, 2012 at 6:49 pm

When we hang him from a lamppost it might bend.

alteredimages July 6, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Hatemonger porkslab reminds me of the turn of the millenium internuts comic called Rush Limbaugh Eats Everything. He is so sickeningly fat he must wheeze taking a giant fourflusher threepizza shit in the morning. It is truly a shame his swollen balloonlike aortas have not cashed it in and blown out like a bald tire on broken glass.

Isyaignert July 7, 2012 at 2:28 am

Governor Christie Kreme is giving 'joisey a bad name.

ttommyunger July 7, 2012 at 8:10 am

I am sick and tired of all these comments aimed at making fun of this man's weight problem; it detracts from the fact that he is, in fact, a flaming asshole of epic proportions.

Buckminster July 7, 2012 at 10:19 am

He could be so much more popular if he called himself "Bacon Boy."

BenGleck July 7, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Cristie — noun, meaning "Christ, i.e., forget Higgs, that man has MASS."

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