great landmarks in internet history

Screeching New Jersey Fat Man Snags Five Million YouTube Hits

Just doing my dutyHave you seen those comical YouTubes of the fat man in New Jersey berating people, on YouTube? They’re gold. Usually they’ve got a teacher, a unionized teacher, and this teacher asks the fat man a question and the fat man goes, “DIE YOU AWFUL TEACHER, DIE NOW, DIE DIE DIE,” and the teacher’s all like, “Uh…” Love this fat guy on YouTube; can’t get enough of it. And now this “fat man screaming at teachers” guy’s racked up 5 million YouTube hits. “Hit 5 million views on YouTube!” he tweeted today, on Twitter. “What better way to celebrate than to take a look back to see how we got here.” What a day.

This man “should be President of America”:

But as NJ.com notes, New Jersey Fat Man Hollerin’ At Folks getting five million views for all of his videos isn’t really that much:

Christie, however, is not the biggest YouTube celebrity out there. The video for Justin Bieber’s “Baby” clocks in at number one, with 755 million views.

And a video of a cat riding a Roomba — a disc-shaped robotic vacuum cleaner — still has 2.4 million more hits than all of Christie’s videos combined.

It’s time for the fat man to set his sights on higher vistas:

  • Fat New Jersey Man Rides a Roomba
  • Famous New Jersey Fat Man Molests/Eats Justin Bieber
  • The Fat Man Who Yells At Teachers Sits On a Cat And Kills The Cat Because He’s So Fucking Fat

And so forth.

[NJ.com]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

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  • prommie

    Fucking fat fuck.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Fuck the fucking fat fuck.

      • Baconzgood

        Fuckin-A

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Fuck the fucking fat fuck fuckin-A-hole

    • Billmatic

      this post is hateful to fats :(

      • mrpuma2u

        Nah, just fat fucks.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          No, just THIS fat fuck. Some fat dicks are fun

  • ChernobylSoup

    He ate a cheeseburger every time he got a hit.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Who moved my cheeseburger?

  • Schmannnity

    Not the biggest Youtube celebrity out there? What, did he go on a diet?

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Leave Chris Christie AAALLOOOOOONNEEE!!!

    • Jus_Wonderin

      "AAALLOOOOOONNEEE!!!"

      That sounds like you lost your grip on that outcropping at the summit and fell to your death.

      • Boojum

        He was holding on to the moob.

  • boobookitteh

    You'd be angry too if you could neither see nor reach your penis.

    • MrFizzy

      He's the governor – he has staffers for that sort of thing.

  • SorosBot

    And Friday has over 35,000,000 views – and that's just the official original version. Therefore, Rebecca Black is seven times as popular as Christie, and should be Vice President!

    • mavenmaven

      Sadly, that would be improving the quality of the GOP music base.

  • Barb

    Chris Christie is so fat that he shows up on radar.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      He can't get high enough off the ground

      • JustPixelz

        only with a NJ state helicopter

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Barb, the Voyager spacecraft(s) can still spot him, too.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        He has his own area code.

    • UnholyMoses

      Chris Christie is so fat that he …

      … can sit on a dollar bill and make change.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        … can sit on a dollar bill and make change it cry.

        FTFY

    • C_R_Eature

      His movements are tracked by the Spaceguard Project.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I thought they were using seismometers.

    • smashedinhat

      NASA is planning a Big Boy launch hoping to grab some telemetry before the subjects mass inhales the vehicle.

    • An_Outhouse

      CC is so fat his gravitational force absorbed the Higgs Boson as soon as it was created. The physicists had a sad.

    • Thurman Munster IV

      Chris Christie is so fat that his farts are considered derechos by the weather service.

  • Terry

    "And a video of a cat riding a Roomba — a disc-shaped robotic vacuum cleaner — still has 2.4 million more hits than all of Christie’s videos combined."

    They certainly managed to put their governor in the proper perspective.

    • emmelemm

      I'd rather watch a cat on a Roomba, that's for sure.

      • HogeyeGrex

        I'll admit I was hoping for a link.

        I'd rather watch turds turn white that five minutes of Mr. Creosote there.

      • AbandonHope

        I'm sure a cat on a Roomba would do a better job governing.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    2 Chris Christies , one dumpster.

    • Extemporanus

      Play 'em off, Keyboard Fat…

    • 1stNewtontheMoon

      i'm pretty sure that's illegal in most southern states.

    • Boojum

      Two fatties enter….

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Can't we just report him for hate speech?

    • JustPixelz

      He only said someone was "stupid". If he had used the R-word, Rebecca would have given him a stern banning.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Your move, Guy From Boston.

  • Baconzgood

    "The video for Justin Bieber’s “Baby” clocks in at number one, with 755 million views."
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuNpmyZ6za0

    And this gets 17,666?

    I don't want to live anymore.

    • TribecaMike

      But Sun Ra has 100 billion hits on Saturn.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    He hates people almost as much as he loves lard.

    • JustPixelz

      Paradoxically, the people who love him are mostly lard.

      • prommie

        Lard-brains, anyway.

  • GorzoTheMighty

    It wasn't hits, just gravitational pull

  • freakishlywrong

    Fat Jebus is such an asshole. Please Mittbot, bring this yelling, noxious buttplug on board.

    • LesBontemps

      If nothing else, it'll get him out of New Jersey — and away from me — for a few months.

  • prommie

    Something tells me he really would eat a big bag of dicks, if you handed him one.

    • edgydrifter

      Salted, unsalted, human, rat… it's all good.

    • neiltheblaze

      I bet he'd try to get a job at the processing plant.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Who knew the Ron Paul blimp talked.

  • Grief_Lessons

    Eat one more teacher, they're wafer-thin.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Well, Mom says they will just go to waste. And, she did spend all morning cooking them.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    He's still 745 million behind Bieber

  • SorosBot

    Psst, Chris; they're laughing at you, not with you.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I admit my attention wandered a bit, but I totally missed the clip of him eating 68 Nathan's hot dogs in 10 minutes.

    • nounverb911

      He ate Nathan instead.

      • not that Raul Castro

        Give a man a hot dog vendor, and he will eat for a day…

  • freakishlywrong

    A cat. Riding a Roomba. This speaks volumes about what's wrong with this fucking country.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      That we hire cats to clean our apartments?

      • Nostrildamus

        They're doing a job Americans won't.

        • HistoriCat

          That cat was BORN in this country – and so were the previous 15 generations of his family!

    • justkillmenow

      A cat riding a roomba is why the internet was invented in the first place. That and porn.

    • JustPixelz

      That the Repubicans nominated Mitt Roombaney as their robot god?

    • Grief_Lessons

      I know, it's not enough hits.

      • LesBontemps

        After reading this, I could do with a few more hits myself.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, they had to find something when they were forced to take down all those Hitler parody rants from the movie "Downfall."

    • not that Raul Castro

      Downfall: Chris Christie Discovers that Domino's is Out of Cheese

    • prommie

      They took all them down? That is bullshit, man, total bullshit. I loved Downfall rants.

  • C_R_Eature

    * Fat Man flies into red-faced, spittle flecked rage, berating a harmless teacher at news conference. Suddenly undergoes Spontaneous Human Combustion, erupting within seconds into a blazing tower of sputtering, fat saturated meat.. The audience bursts into wild applause.

    That's the one I'd watch.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    So now teachers are the new gays or what? I can't keep up with who the Rs are hating on.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Should I say it?????

      • PubOption

        Admirable restraint.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Everyone but themselves.

  • tbogg

    To be fair, he could lose a few…

    • Isyaignert

      …a few hundred.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    His "greatest hits" video didn't include the salami hoagie from last night.

    Or the one from breakfast.

  • chascates

    Just waiting on that vein to pop in his forehead.

  • Dumbedup

    As a native, I can tell you, there are so many guys just like him in N.J, spouting off from barstools, yelling and screaming about "the blacks" and "the spics" and so on, it's no wonder he has a ready audience, but he's nothing special, just one of many in that tragic and colorful state.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Next election, voting should be over with by noon. With the barfly demographic taken out, maybe somebody less obnoxious will have a shot at the governorship.

    • ttommyunger

      You are not alone (whimper) Georgia is chock full of the same.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    What does the honey badger think?

    • MissTaken

      Honey badger don't give a fuck.

      • An_Outhouse

        Honey badger don't give a fat fuck.

  • neiltheblaze

    He's pretty thin-skinned for a blubber butt.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      In fairness, if you tried packing twenty five hundred pounds of crap into a half-ton ugly bag of mostly water, you'd be stretched pretty thin too.

      • neiltheblaze

        We're extending the Star Trek references I see.

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          That was a good one.

  • edgydrifter

    When Chris Christie bites your head off for asking him a question, he'll go ahead and eat the rest of you, too.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Maybe they'll post a Youtube of him singing along to some Springsteen tune.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      o/~ Tramps like us, baby we were born to gorge…..nomNOMnomnom, nom nom nom noooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm o/~

      • Baconzgood

        I was thinking "baby I was born a ton" but your's works too also.

    • prommie
      • neiltheblaze

        Personally, I don't even think he was born to jog.

        • prommie

          He's so bad, so ridiculous, and its a form of mental illness to actually get on a stage and make such a fool of yourself like this. Fucking fat stooge fuckwad fuck.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        That was sacrilege. And I don't even like Springsteen.

  • metamarcisf

    Yes, that's right. The name of the Governor's show IS "Two and a Half Tons"

    • mrpuma2u

      Is the sub title "of shit in a one ton bag" ?????

    • BenGleck

      Theme song: "Stixteen tons".

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Remember when the Republicans used to sneer at Obama for being the world's biggest celebrity? Before plucking the mote from thy neighbor's eye…

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    True story: I liked that.

  • Baconzgood

    Q: How many hits did the honey badger get?

    A: Trick question, the honey badger doesn't give a shit.

  • Extemporanus

    Even more disturbing?

    His YouPorn channel's racked up 11 million hits.

  • shortsandpants

    "Famous New Jersey Fat Man Molests/Eats Justin Bieber" is… well… majestic.
    HMMMMMMM??????

    "Large Whale Beaches Self On Podium Stage"
    "Majestic Beast Discusses Consumption of Entire Second Grade Class"
    "Big Fatty FAT FAT Moves Mouth With Words"
    "Man Rolls Over Rick-Rolls"
    "Chris Christie Discusses His Orbit Around the Sun"
    "UPDATE: Man Engulfed In Hell-Fire Engulfs Hell-Fire"

  • calboy2

    The man who swallowed New Jersey in one bite

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I would like to see Christie and Joe Walsh argue about something… maybe the best way to eat sausage or something.

    • OneYieldRegular

      "Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie!…"

  • MissTaken

    Sorry, can't watch. My YouTube time is devoted exclusively to guys getting hit in the balls.

    • SorosBot

      What about kitties and babies being cute?

      • Extemporanus

        What about guys getting hit in the balls by cute baby kittens?

        (This has actually happened to me…more than once. True story, bro.)

    • HogeyeGrex

      I'd watch that video of him.

    • Baconzgood

      FOOTBALL IN THE GROIN, FOOTBALL IN THE GROIN!

  • Jus_Wonderin

    All I can think off is Higgs Bosons.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Funny, I think of Hogg Bozo

  • JustPixelz

    He may need a mirror to see his penis, but we can see his fat ass on google satellite view.

  • coolhandnuke

    What a huge waist of space.

  • Billmatic

    All these fat jokes are making me sad.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      I'm sorry, Bill.

  • ElPinche

    Oh man, I just got "fatrolled ! "

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    “Hit 5 million views on YouTube!”

    So that averages out to, what, one hit per pound?

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I'm surprised the LOLChristiez site hasn't done better.

    • kingofmeh

      ceiling christie wants to know if you're going to finish that.

  • SayItWithWookies

    There is absolutely nothing likeable about this jackass — so no wonder he's such a popular governor in New Jersey.

  • C_R_Eature

    "Get in Mah Belly!!"

  • freakishlywrong

    No wonder Bruce hates him.

  • mavenmaven

    Fat man in a little coat, anyone?

  • Eve8Apples

    Screeching fat guy on the Intertube? Who digitized and uploaded the Sam Kinison monologues?

  • Nostrildamus

    Chris Christie + pack of hungry hyenas = YouTube Gold

  • 1stNewtontheMoon

    you've got to think boehner is praying mittens picks this schlub. then boehner is just one jupiter space god believin' frontier religion wacko heartbeat and one chicken wing away from being president.*

    *assuming 'Murica is ready for its first mor-man junk bond trader president and the republicans retain control of the house.

  • James Michael Curley

    Two and a half million You Tube hits for the right side.
    Two and a half million You Tube hits for the left side.

  • 1stNewtontheMoon

    so that's where all the huckabee fat went. mystery solved!

  • C_R_Eature

    I'd rather watch a Fat Man in the Bathtub.

  • Fox n Fiends

    Wait…is he claiming that the Superbowl champs Giants are the NEW JERSEY GIANTS?

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

  • sati_demise

    Here is some brain bleach: Upscale quality of Freddie Mercury

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Y8q-cq4P-I

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      I miss him.

  • vodkamuppet

    Wow. Cat riding a roomba (I had to look, sue me) is actually a whole genre of videos. What's more disturbing is the video about the video of the cat riding the roomba.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      I checked too. I though they might be cute, but they're just silly.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    "a disc-shaped robotic vacuum cleaner "

    So helpful of the reporter to explain what Chris Christie is.

  • Limeylizzie
    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Oh for fucks sake.

  • Veritas78

    When we hang him from a lamppost it might bend.

  • alteredimages

    Hatemonger porkslab reminds me of the turn of the millenium internuts comic called Rush Limbaugh Eats Everything. He is so sickeningly fat he must wheeze taking a giant fourflusher threepizza shit in the morning. It is truly a shame his swollen balloonlike aortas have not cashed it in and blown out like a bald tire on broken glass.

  • Isyaignert

    Governor Christie Kreme is giving 'joisey a bad name.

  • ttommyunger

    I am sick and tired of all these comments aimed at making fun of this man's weight problem; it detracts from the fact that he is, in fact, a flaming asshole of epic proportions.

  • Buckminster

    He could be so much more popular if he called himself "Bacon Boy."

  • BenGleck

    Cristie — noun, meaning "Christ, i.e., forget Higgs, that man has MASS."