great landmarks in internet history

Screeching New Jersey Fat Man Snags Five Million YouTube Hits

Just doing my dutyHave you seen those comical YouTubes of the fat man in New Jersey berating people, on YouTube? They’re gold. Usually they’ve got a teacher, a unionized teacher, and this teacher asks the fat man a question and the fat man goes, “DIE YOU AWFUL TEACHER, DIE NOW, DIE DIE DIE,” and the teacher’s all like, “Uh…” Love this fat guy on YouTube; can’t get enough of it. And now this “fat man screaming at teachers” guy’s racked up 5 million YouTube hits. “Hit 5 million views on YouTube!” he tweeted today, on Twitter. “What better way to celebrate than to take a look back to see how we got here.” What a day.

This man “should be President of America”:

But as notes, New Jersey Fat Man Hollerin’ At Folks getting five million views for all of his videos isn’t really that much:

Christie, however, is not the biggest YouTube celebrity out there. The video for Justin Bieber’s “Baby” clocks in at number one, with 755 million views.

And a video of a cat riding a Roomba — a disc-shaped robotic vacuum cleaner — still has 2.4 million more hits than all of Christie’s videos combined.

It’s time for the fat man to set his sights on higher vistas:

  • Fat New Jersey Man Rides a Roomba
  • Famous New Jersey Fat Man Molests/Eats Justin Bieber
  • The Fat Man Who Yells At Teachers Sits On a Cat And Kills The Cat Because He’s So Fucking Fat

And so forth.


About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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    1. Jus_Wonderin


      That sounds like you lost your grip on that outcropping at the summit and fell to your death.

  1. SorosBot

    And Friday has over 35,000,000 views – and that's just the official original version. Therefore, Rebecca Black is seven times as popular as Christie, and should be Vice President!

    1. UnholyMoses

      Chris Christie is so fat that he …

      … can sit on a dollar bill and make change.

    2. smashedinhat

      NASA is planning a Big Boy launch hoping to grab some telemetry before the subjects mass inhales the vehicle.

    3. An_Outhouse

      CC is so fat his gravitational force absorbed the Higgs Boson as soon as it was created. The physicists had a sad.

    4. Thurman Munster IV

      Chris Christie is so fat that his farts are considered derechos by the weather service.

  2. Terry

    "And a video of a cat riding a Roomba — a disc-shaped robotic vacuum cleaner — still has 2.4 million more hits than all of Christie’s videos combined."

    They certainly managed to put their governor in the proper perspective.

      1. HogeyeGrex

        I'll admit I was hoping for a link.

        I'd rather watch turds turn white that five minutes of Mr. Creosote there.

    1. JustPixelz

      He only said someone was "stupid". If he had used the R-word, Rebecca would have given him a stern banning.

  3. freakishlywrong

    Fat Jebus is such an asshole. Please Mittbot, bring this yelling, noxious buttplug on board.

    1. LesBontemps

      If nothing else, it'll get him out of New Jersey — and away from me — for a few months.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      Well, Mom says they will just go to waste. And, she did spend all morning cooking them.

  4. OneYieldRegular

    I admit my attention wandered a bit, but I totally missed the clip of him eating 68 Nathan's hot dogs in 10 minutes.

  5. freakishlywrong

    A cat. Riding a Roomba. This speaks volumes about what's wrong with this fucking country.

        1. HistoriCat

          That cat was BORN in this country – and so were the previous 15 generations of his family!

    1. justkillmenow

      A cat riding a roomba is why the internet was invented in the first place. That and porn.

  6. BaldarTFlagass

    Well, they had to find something when they were forced to take down all those Hitler parody rants from the movie "Downfall."

    1. prommie

      They took all them down? That is bullshit, man, total bullshit. I loved Downfall rants.

  7. C_R_Eature

    * Fat Man flies into red-faced, spittle flecked rage, berating a harmless teacher at news conference. Suddenly undergoes Spontaneous Human Combustion, erupting within seconds into a blazing tower of sputtering, fat saturated meat.. The audience bursts into wild applause.

    That's the one I'd watch.

  8. Texan_Bulldog

    So now teachers are the new gays or what? I can't keep up with who the Rs are hating on.

  9. Dumbedup

    As a native, I can tell you, there are so many guys just like him in N.J, spouting off from barstools, yelling and screaming about "the blacks" and "the spics" and so on, it's no wonder he has a ready audience, but he's nothing special, just one of many in that tragic and colorful state.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Next election, voting should be over with by noon. With the barfly demographic taken out, maybe somebody less obnoxious will have a shot at the governorship.

    1. actor212

      In fairness, if you tried packing twenty five hundred pounds of crap into a half-ton ugly bag of mostly water, you'd be stretched pretty thin too.

  10. edgydrifter

    When Chris Christie bites your head off for asking him a question, he'll go ahead and eat the rest of you, too.

  11. BaldarTFlagass

    Maybe they'll post a Youtube of him singing along to some Springsteen tune.

        1. prommie

          He's so bad, so ridiculous, and its a form of mental illness to actually get on a stage and make such a fool of yourself like this. Fucking fat stooge fuckwad fuck.

  12. imissopus

    Remember when the Republicans used to sneer at Obama for being the world's biggest celebrity? Before plucking the mote from thy neighbor's eye…

  13. Baconzgood

    Q: How many hits did the honey badger get?

    A: Trick question, the honey badger doesn't give a shit.

  14. shortsandpants

    "Famous New Jersey Fat Man Molests/Eats Justin Bieber" is… well… majestic.

    "Large Whale Beaches Self On Podium Stage"
    "Majestic Beast Discusses Consumption of Entire Second Grade Class"
    "Big Fatty FAT FAT Moves Mouth With Words"
    "Man Rolls Over Rick-Rolls"
    "Chris Christie Discusses His Orbit Around the Sun"
    "UPDATE: Man Engulfed In Hell-Fire Engulfs Hell-Fire"

  15. Monsieur_Grumpe

    I would like to see Christie and Joe Walsh argue about something… maybe the best way to eat sausage or something.

    1. OneYieldRegular

      "Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie! Christie!…"

  16. MissTaken

    Sorry, can't watch. My YouTube time is devoted exclusively to guys getting hit in the balls.

      1. Extemporanus

        What about guys getting hit in the balls by cute baby kittens?

        (This has actually happened to me…more than once. True story, bro.)

  17. JustPixelz

    He may need a mirror to see his penis, but we can see his fat ass on google satellite view.

  18. SayItWithWookies

    There is absolutely nothing likeable about this jackass — so no wonder he's such a popular governor in New Jersey.

  19. Eve8Apples

    Screeching fat guy on the Intertube? Who digitized and uploaded the Sam Kinison monologues?

  20. 1stNewtontheMoon

    you've got to think boehner is praying mittens picks this schlub. then boehner is just one jupiter space god believin' frontier religion wacko heartbeat and one chicken wing away from being president.*

    *assuming 'Murica is ready for its first mor-man junk bond trader president and the republicans retain control of the house.

  21. James Michael Curley

    Two and a half million You Tube hits for the right side.
    Two and a half million You Tube hits for the left side.

  22. Fox n Fiends

    Wait…is he claiming that the Superbowl champs Giants are the NEW JERSEY GIANTS?


  23. vodkamuppet

    Wow. Cat riding a roomba (I had to look, sue me) is actually a whole genre of videos. What's more disturbing is the video about the video of the cat riding the roomba.

  24. randcoolcatdaddy

    "a disc-shaped robotic vacuum cleaner "

    So helpful of the reporter to explain what Chris Christie is.

  25. alteredimages

    Hatemonger porkslab reminds me of the turn of the millenium internuts comic called Rush Limbaugh Eats Everything. He is so sickeningly fat he must wheeze taking a giant fourflusher threepizza shit in the morning. It is truly a shame his swollen balloonlike aortas have not cashed it in and blown out like a bald tire on broken glass.

  26. ttommyunger

    I am sick and tired of all these comments aimed at making fun of this man's weight problem; it detracts from the fact that he is, in fact, a flaming asshole of epic proportions.

Comments are closed.