I bet they didn'tBecause we hate ourselves, your Wonkette spent the early part of its Fourth of July Holiday surfing for wingnuts yelling at unpatriotic celebrities criticizing the Birth of America. This thing, “Shameful: Aaron Sorkin, Left celebrate Independence Day by slamming America; Update: Chris Rock joins in: ‘Happy white peoples independence day’; Don Cheadle laughs along; Zach Braff piles on,” really hit the spot. Did you know that Chris Rock and Don Cheadle are true traitors for noting that the enslavement of black people was very much “a thing” during the signing of the Declaration of Independence?

What Chris Rock did… onee must never do this, let’s just say:

Chris Rock seems to have tweeted up a bit of controversy over the July 4th holiday.

The comedian, whose latest project is executive producing Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell for FX, ruffled more than a few feathers after sending out this message to his followers: “Happy white peoples independence day the slaves weren’t free but I’m sure they enjoyed fireworks.”

AND THEN WHO JOINS IN, CHEADLE. Laughing like a clown!

This all led to waves of nutters shouting at the black celebrities to stop being such sourpusses. Why don’t you live in another country if you don’t like it! Stop having your own perspective, adopt mine! FOR FUCK’S SAKE, THERE ARE CHILDREN READING TWITTER.

[Twitchy, HuffPo]

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  • Combine Juneteenth and July 4th into an awesome festival of being free, at least on paper I mean, right, we can't just legislate equality and liberty, that is something that has to arise organically? Right? That's the problem?

  • nounverb911

    Needs more "Emancipation Proclamation".

  • metamarcisf

    Hey Chris, there's a reason why separate water fountains were mandated in the Constitution.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Where is Chris Rock's birth certificate?

    • He wasn't born. He sprung fully formed from the head of Richard Pryor.

  • BarackMyWorld

    ther wur white peeple slaves 2.

    • rickmaci

      Yah. Both of them!!

      • A bit higher number, closer to 50,000. Get caught pinching an apple in Ireland and be offered a choice between hanging or 20-year indenturement in the Colonies.

        • Yes, but after 20, you were given your papers to walk, and could become a citizen.

          • Guppy

            And even the indentured got full credit in the Census.

          • sullivanst

            But just as few votes.

          • Sometimes. Sin a little get a little added. Family rumor has it my surname came to 'Murica from Ireland in the early 1700s courtesy of the beloved transport.

    • TribecaMike

      George Carlin had a good routine about Irish indentured servants in one of his HBO specials.

    • But they had dentures!!

  • lefty74

    He flat wasn't funny until he got a staff of writers. If he wrote this himself its the first time I laughed at his material.

    • valmach


  • I don't know why the wingnuts would masturbate in a complete rage. By my strictest interpretation as based on the whizdum of Wingnutty originalists view of the US Amercia Constitution, Chris Rock should only make them 3/5ths as angry.

    • Madfall

      3/5ths as angry is still 2/5ths more angry than normal people ever get.

    • Well that would make you quite the Burkean minimalist.

  • Ryy

    He almost as uppity as that one in da White House

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "the slaves weren’t free but I’m sure they enjoyed fireworks.”

    Yeah well except that fireworks displays on the plantation probably consisted of setting the hair of recalcitrant field hands on fire. "Oooh, look at Tiberius run!"

    • I notice you don't specify the location of said hair.

      • Uniquely Merkin!

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          Or soon to be merkin.

      • sewollef

        ew…. TMI

  • nounverb911

    What did dead zombie Breitbart have to say about this?

    • "Riley's Brainzzz brainzzz brainzzz"

    • rickmaci

      They were not slaves. They were plants set up by Obama's great grandparents, ACORN and the commie left to make the US look bad in history books.

    • HAHAHAHA!! Nothing! Because he's STILL DEAD.

      Sorry. Didn't the US Gummint just publish something official about how zombies don't exist? Right after the zombie apocalypse survival warning sheets?

      • Mermaids. Not zombies.

        • Two separate issues. The mermaid announcement occurred the same week as the Higgs Boson announcement. The zombie announcement occurred a few weeks prior, and was a reaction to some Federal agency publishing a "How To Survive The Coming Zombie Apocalypse" guide.

      • finallyhappy

        seriously, I have worked with zombies-the living dead or maybe just really dead but somehow got their lazy useless zombie asses into the office

        • I might have mentioned Couch Woman, who was one of those individuals. She hardly came into the office at all, most days. Nevertheless, she managed to draw a paycheck for many years.

      • bobbert

        Ha. A few short blocks from where I am staying in Las Vegas is the Zombie Apocalypse Store (supplying all your zombie apocalypse needs). That's even more truthy than the intertubes.

        • ??!

          Well, at least we won't go unequipped into that long dark night.

  • CrunchyKnee

    I suppose most folks in Alabama agreed with Mr. Rock.

    "Happy white peoples independence day the slaves weren’t free but I’m sure they enjoyed fireworks", "Well, I reckon that was prolly true, by god….(spit)." said Alabama Governor Dufus McCrackerhead.

    • spends2much

      And yet Chris Rock could probably buy all of Alabama if he wanted to… which I am quite sure he does not.

      • But he might just for shits and giggles

        "This here is Massa Rock…"

        • spends2much

          I am liking this idea more and more :)

  • Come here a minute

    If you don't love America, go live in a hotel in Rwanda or something!

  • Billmatic

    I watched the Battle of Algiers yesterday, it felt more subversive than anything Zach Braff would "pile on."

    • Wasn't it something? I felt like someone had hit me really hard for a couple of hours afterwards. Like my eyes didn't want to resolve the familiar world around me.

      • Billmatic

        I saw it in college one before, but I think I was too stupid at that point to really appreciate it. The parallels to our grand old country were not lost on me even then, though.

        I'm probably going to rewatch it by the end of the month, rented the Criterion edition and didn't get to watch all the documentaries about it.

        • I saw it for the first time a few years ago. Pontecorvo is a very interesting filmmaker. I'm about to watch Burn with Marlon Brando. What did you think of Pontecorvo's other films?

          • Billmatic

            I have not seen them.

          • Available on Netflix to my great surprise.

          • Burn is fantastic.

          • Thank you, Comrade. I think it's scheduled for some time this week. Will report back.

      • sewollef

        In an unfortunate coincidence, whenever my French ex and I visited her parents in Marseille, I'd often get into an argument with her fat fuck of a father. Since he was a racist bigot it was too easy.

        I later learned that her father happened to be an ex-paratrooper that fought the FLN in the Battle of Algiers — for real. Funny thing is, the largest minority in Marseille is….. drum roll….. Algerian. Yay!

        I loved telling him how we'd just eaten at a great Algerian restaurant in their neighbourhood, just to watch steam coming out of his moronic ears.

        • Oh, I wish I could've been there to see it!

          Did you ever see Michael Haneke's Cache? Very interesting. And the story has yet to be told of all the horrors the French visited on the Vietnamese, Kampucheans and Lao. I'm glad that Fate has decided to broil that wretched man on the spit of his own rage and hatred.

          • scvirginia

            Don't forget Haiti…

          • I wish I could forget Haiti …

  • The so-called "slaves" were all a bunch of happy-go-lucky banjo players who didn't have anything to do but live for free off the kindness of their white "owners". Just ask any wingnut southron at one of those never ending Civil War renactments they're always having.

    • ChernobylSoup

      Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah indeed.

    • Nowisallthereis

      Or Allen West

  • Goonemeritus

    An uncritical examination of our history isn’t an examination at all. “Striving for a More Perfect Union “is the ongoing responsibility of every generation.

    • See, wingnuts don't like the "striving" part. The hoverounds and monster feeds are all emblematic/symptomatic of this. They want to be passive consumers of the world around them, and they eat the world.

      "Striving" requires looking at what's happening around us, making records, checking information, thinking things over, engaging our neighbours in discussion, finding out why those who don't agree with us hold their positions, et cetera, ad infinitum. Over and over again, because the world changes with every generation.

      And those lazy fucks just want none of it.

      • Goonemeritus

        And their view of history is the best example, anything more nuanced than what appears on a Hallmark card is by definition elitist.

        • redarmyzombie

          Oh, I think you give them too much credit.

  • ChernobylSoup

    It's okay, they only used 3/5ths of their allotted 140 characters.

    • Baconzgood

      Well Played

      *golf clap*

  • Buzz Feedback

    What does Iron Eyes Cody have to say about all this?

  • Goonemeritus

    Didn’t most slaves have TV’s and refrigerators?

  • Baconzgood

    Don't they know the best way to remember American history during the revolution is to forget it. Tex-Ass is teaching us that.

  • spends2much

    I love HuffPo… "a bit of controversy". Yes, it is very controversial to point out that black people did not enjoy independence at the same time as white Murricans did.

    Rednecks are so sensitive.

    • To facts. To truth. To the feelings or rights of others, not so much.

  • barto

    How many times do we have to tell these people that we simply don't talk about these things? They are SO immature!

    • phlox✔

      This is another 'quiet room' topic.

  • Estproph

    Damn them ingrate slaves anyways! They had it pretty good, what with free food and places to live, and NO TAXES!

    • Oh, geezus, just yesterday I was reading some self-righteous twatwaffle pontificating endlessly about how lucky the Africans who were sold into slavery in the US were, and how much better off they are today than they would have been had they remained in Africa.

      Totally neglecting to mention, of course, that the majority of problems that plagued, and continue to plague, Africa, are the direct result of Western intervention in that benighted continent.

      • Estproph

        Not to mention that by some estimates, around 80% of those shipped over as slaves didn't survive the joyride on some of those luxury yachts…they were chained together literally over every square inch of the hold, and if they died, no one did anything about it until the ship docked. Lucky duckies.

        • Yes. Funny how all those textbooks about slavery fail to make that point, that for all the millions shipped here, nearly ten times as many died in mortal pain and suffering.

        • MosesInvests

          And if the slavers found that they had underestimated the amount of food needed, they'd just dump the weakest overboard. Slave ships were always followed by sharks.

  • Hera Sent Me

    Chris is right. Few black men in America on July 4th 1776 were freemen.

    But then, no women were, regardless of race.

    (Oops. Now I'm going to two hells.)

    • Look on the bright side! We'll ALL be there with you!

      • scvirginia

        Heaven for the climate, hell for the company…

    • redarmyzombie

      Hopefully, neither of them will have zombie Brietbart…

  • dopper0189

    How dare he point out that our founding fathers were mere mortals who made mistakes and not deities?!?!?! Doesn't he you know conservative have to believe these guys made no mistakes!

  • chascates

    Boo-hoo! Wait till they start playing 'cowboys and nigras'.

  • ph7

    I'm not saying hating July 4th is right, but I understand…

  • Gosh, the tightie-righties are SO butthurt about EVUHthang just all the fuckin' time. Methinks it's time they unlaxed and unwadded their knickers, which seem to be rubbing sand right up their arseholes, by the sound of things. I mean, Britain ended slavery decades before America did, after all.

  • SayItWithWookies

    These damn liberals — don't they understand that criticism is what we do to others to make us feel better than them? We're not supposed to point out the flaws in our country — why, if we did that, we'd look like damn uncaring bastards when we didn't do anything about them.

  • JustPixelz

    Historical footnote: Before the Civil War, there were serious proposals to send the slaves to Africa or to a Caribbean island/colony. Bills were introduced, money was raised. The trouble was the slaves themselves did not want to leave the land of their birth. Maybe they were afraid of such a change; maybe they had relatives on the next plantation. Maybe they trusted we'd eventually make good on that "all men are created equal".

    America has not much to be proud of when it comes to slavery. Except that enough citizens came to hate it so much they waged a bloody, bloody war on the slaveholders. We did the right thing, albeit four score and seven years late.

    What we did afterward is inexcusable. Segregation of all kinds. Poll taxes. Miscegenation laws. The KKK. The Civil War isn't really over yet.

    • Billmatic

      Will it ever be?

    • Redgyal

      Or maybe they felt entitled due to something called a birthright.

    • That was more than a serious proposal. That became the nation of Liberia.

  • I wonder how many them nutjob right wingers have Twitter avatars of the Stars and Bars?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Well, it's either that or the Gadsden Flag. "Don't Tweet On Me!"

    • Heritage, Not Hate!!!

    • arihaya

      all of 'em, Katie..

      duh I hope I don't get banned for that.

      • redarmyzombie

        Hm, let's see…no reference to machinegunning…no usage of <REDACTED>…

        Nope, you should be good!

  • Extemporanus

    White people celebrate Independence Day like this…


    Black people celebrate Independence Day like this


    Haha, amirite? But seriously, folks…

  • MissTaken

    It's a sad day when good ole slave-owning white males who didn't want to pay their taxes get no love from comedians.

  • Not_So_Much

    I refuse to click on a HuffPo link if it doesn't promise gratuitous sideboob.

  • stroge

    he's right

  • ghblowhard

    Well it's not like most African Americans came her by free will

  • mavenmaven

    No critiquing of America unless you are Romney's team writing in Germany.

  • Guppy

    Can't he just celebrate White People Shooting At Each Other Day?

  • Troglodeity

    Why is Chris Rock so bitter? You'd think we Americans don't even celebrate Emancipation Day: the day we ended slavery.

  • I love how one of those responses was that "the Declaration led directly to emancipation".

    I mean, sure, it took 90 years, the bloodiest war in American history, and also America was basically the last Western nation to abolish slavery, but that was really just emancipation as the crow flies, so shut up, libruls.

    • MosesInvests

      Uh, actually, that would be Spain, in the 1890's.

  • i think that was some mighty fine snark, personally.

  • Antispandex

    It's taken a while, but I think I may still live to see "slavery deniers". You gotta love America.

  • JackObin

    Former comedian Rock left out the crucial word fat.

  • arihaya


    Slave owners were JOB CREATORS !!

  • TribecaMike

    When are black comedians going to realize that only right wing white people know anything about black humor?

  • Mandala P A

    as a black woman, i must say…i love wonkette readers…ya'll are funny…

  • a_pink_poodle

    Stop politicizing slavery!

  • TribecaMike

    Glenn Beck recently bought the rights to Pigmeat Markham, Redd Foxx, and Moms Mabley's recordings and had them destroyed because "If I don't get it, it's not funny and it shouldn't exist."

    That's a joke of course. Pigmeat, Redd, and Moms are eternal!

  • ttommyunger

    Chris would never find work if he quit performing in blackface.

  • gogogodzilla

    Sorry to go all history geek on all y'all, but here's what Chris Rock would have said if he had more than 140 characters: "What, to the American slave, is your Fourth of July? I answer: a day that reveals to him, more than all other days in the year, the gross injustice and cruelly to which he is the constant victim. To him, your celebration is a sham; your boasted liberty, an unholy license; your national greatness, swelling vanity; your sounds of rejoicing are empty and heartless; your denunciations of tyrants, brass fronted impudence; your shouts of liberty and equality, hollow mockery; your prayers and hymns, your sermons and thanksgivings, with all your religious parade, and solemnity, are, to him, mere bombast, fraud, deception, impiety, and hypocrisy—a thin veil to cover up crimes which would disgrace a nation of savages. There is not a nation on the earth guilty of practices, more shocking and bloody, than are the people of these United States, at this very hour."

  • Negropolis

    To be honest, it's a dickish/trollish thing to say, but it's quintessential Chris Rock, so…meh. All I have to say to Chris is that black people (free and slave) fought in every struggle this nation has ever been engaged in, including the war of independence in which they fought with the long-game belief and hope that the ideas of the Enlightenment would eventually allow their ancestors to claim their equality. It's as much my holiday as it is anyone elses, and I wish more pretentious, limosine-liberal celebrities would take ownership of what is all of ours equally, instead of immaturely trying to reject it for "kool kids" points.

    You know "America, Fuck Yeah!" is ridiculously annoying, but so is "Fuck America!"

  • thefrontpage

    News flash: Chris Rock is a moron, an idiot, an asshole, a racist, a bigot, and an ignoramous. Someone needs to call him out on his repeatedly racist comments. He is simply an ignorant, hateful racist. He's not funny, and he's a moron. Really. No humor today–just the truth.

    • Negropolis

      Oh, just STFU. Thanks.

  • thefrontpage

    Chris Rock has done so much for positive, encouraging, progressive race relations in this country and the world, why, he's a regular Martin Luther King, Jr., and Gandhi, and Mandela–all rolled into one! He's so adept and polished at classy, stylish democracy, tact, and professionalism! Why, he should win the Nobel Prize for Race Relations! He's such a unifier and peacemaker! He should win awards for his great work in race relations!!!!!!!

    • bobbert

      Chris Rock is a fucking comedian. If you don't think he's funny, ignore him (I mostly do). This particular tweet was not funny, but it was, you know, historically accurate.

  • thefrontpage

    He's a pretty unfunny comedian, and one who needs a history lesson. I'm quite familar with comedians–good ones who are really funny, like Carlin, Pryor, Bruce, Crystal, Leno, Letterman, Dangerfield, Seinfeld, and about 100 others. But Rock's not funny–he's unfunny, he's biased, he's a racist, and he's a bit of a moron. And I'm not the only person on earth who thinks so–many people do. In fact, many people hate Rock far more than I do. I'm just stating what many, many people think. The time is long past for Rock–or, there never was a time for Rock. He's an idiot.

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