John Stossel Proves Homeless People Do Not Need Charity Since They Are All Probably John Stossel In Disguise

  undercover brother

Who got all the Pulitzer Prizes for Investigative Reporting before John Stossel came along to show us all how it is done? Did they even have Pulitzers back then, and if so, why did they bother? Here, Stossel, in the greatest undercover gig of all time — like Serpico times Mel Gibson’s Mr. Cool Disguise — makes himself look very homeless and smelly to prove that people should not give money to homelesses because they are probably all just a bunch of John Stossels. It is called “logic,” and why don’t you try it!

So what is John Stossel’s point exactly? Can’t really tell, it is sort of a mess! But it seems to be that compassionate people gave him money even though he is not homeless, so they should not have compassion for people who actually are homeless, because some people (like John Stossel) are disgusting liars.

Stossel, as a good Libertarian should, admits the rich are the biggest freeloaders of all — like himself, with his federal flood insurance for having a beach house. And yet, oddly, his Fox & Friends segment on “freeloaders” is not about rich people soaking the gubmint for a little piece more, but instead is about the much greater social problem: freeloading by the homeless, just freeloading all over the streets, having a sweet, grand time, living it up like crazy. (HAHA literally “like crazy.” That is pretty much how homeless people live. Of course, if it hadn’t been for St. Ronald Reagan, many of the homeless could be freeloading all over California’s long-shuttered insane asylums!)

Anyway, if you see a homeless today, please kick it, for America, and Jesus.

[Mediaite]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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135 comments

  1. Not_So_Much

    If I kick John Stossel viciously in the spot where his balls should be, would a tree in the forest hear it?

    1. An Asexual Ungulate

      No, but it will make his mustache twirl and play The Star Spangled Banner.

  2. ph7

    So what is John Stossel’s point exactly?

    That we should kick the tired, poor huddled masses in the teeth until they stop reminding us how callous we are.

    1. Gurkman

      I think his point is to get good ratings and lots of pageviews. Isn't that what journalism is all about?

    1. BlueStateLibel

      You're giving karma a really good idea there …I hope he ends up like the boy who cried wolf.

  3. Antispandex

    You know, someone could point out the TOTAL cynicism of some "investigative journalism" like this by pointing out that at the end of the day, good old Johnny gets to go home, clean up, and kick back in his comfortable home…but that wouldn't be fair.

  4. Gratuitous World

    Oh yeah? Have you ever walked a day in his mustache?

    but seriously, we should probably pay to have all homeless people put in internment camps – or at least provide them to the rich to hunt for sport.

  5. Come here a minute

    JOHN STOSSEL HOMELESSNESS PRO-TIP: If you poop your pants, no one even questions whether you are really homeless.

    1. Chichikovovich

      TED NUGENT DRAFT DODGING PRO-TIP: Can also keep you out of wars that could kill you before you even start your career of bad music, macho posing with large weapons, and empty professions of patriotism.

  6. FidoMcCokefiend

    John Stossel is basically James O'Keefe at this point. With a porn stache.

    And more dildos.

    1. rickmaci

      I no longer can tell if I am watching Jerk Stossel or Retardo Rivera. And have you noticed you never see the two of them on the FuxNews set at the same time? What gives with that?

  7. actor212

    I bet they edited out the bits where Stossel got yelled at by the rich white people who told him to get a job. I noticed they also didn't include the parts where he gets rolled by a gang of blah thugs, leading me to suspect he probably panhandled someplace really safe, like the gated community where he lives…right on his own front lawn.

  8. CrunchyKnee

    Nothing to see on Wall Street and Congress guys…look over there, homelesses! Get mad!

    Fucking shit headed Stossel, is a fucking shit head.

  9. BaldarTFlagass

    Fuck it, I'm gonna quit my sweet "made man" government job and go get in on the panhandling freeloading good life.

  10. poorgradstudent

    In case of things like this, I always keep one browser tab on that video of Stossel getting attacked by a pro-wrestler to clean my palette.

      1. DaveJ

        I think Step 3 involves something about the Koch Brothers and blowjobs, but I'm not going to connect the dots for you.

  11. BaldarTFlagass

    "This segment of Fox and Friends brought to you by Archer Daniels Midland, Exxon Mobil, Bank of America, and Boeing Aircraft."

  12. Preacher_Griz

    Someone enterprising enough to be a panhandler can figure out how to have his cancer treated all on your own without the help of WORKING AMERICAN"S tax dollars!!!

  13. mrpuma2u

    What you call a mustachioed crap yellow journalist who sponges a salary pretending to do reporting @ FAUX news? His name should be an adjective for an arrogant, idiotic way of seeing things i.e. "Your viewpoint on the homeless is so Stossel, or that's a pretty Stossel way of looking at it, isn't it!"

  14. actor212

    Hang on…first off, I know that corner. It's 40th Street and Sixth Avenue, right by Bryant Park.

    Second, that stairway next to him? Is going down to the subway.

    You'll notice the folks that gave to him generally were either coming up from or going into that station, meaning they were working and middle class folks. HE BILKED FOX VIEWERS!

    Third, that area is the north end of the Garment District and as such one of the highest concentrations of wealthy New York business (it's also now our own Silicon Alley)

    Fourth, the graphic says he pulled down $11 an hour panhandling.

    $11 an hour. That's barely minimum wage plus a cup of coffee. He probably did this at rush hours, meaning his pull was perhaps $55, total. Multiply that by 5, and his weekly "wage" would be an eye-popping $275.

    Still below teh welfare, and well below minimum wage.

    1. UW8316154

      Oh oh! But all those grubby dimes and crumpled dollars are tax-free!! He made sure to point that out.

      1. mrpuma2u

        You mean all those homeless are tax cheats too?!?!?!? Now I see why Stossel hates them, because he loves taxes so much! He's just trying to protect the US of A's tax revenue stream. John is a true uh-MEHRikkkan.

    2. swordfis

      There's actually a responsible way to do this: the NY Times did a story about subway panhandlers, and most of them were scam artists. I remember "blind" guys going from car to car checking out women under their shades; and in the old days, apparent double amputees on rollers who actually had their legs folded up behind them. These were master craftsmen. That said, as far as I'm concerned, pretty much anyone panhandling needs it, one way or the other. As everyone on this thread knows, many are Vietnam vets suffering from alcoholism, trauma, etc., who were simply discarded by the gubmint and its patriotic ADD.

  15. Goonemeritus

    I was a dewy eyed newlywed living in Poughkeepsie when Reagan emptied out the psychiatric facilities. Poughkeepsie was surrounded by several massive residential establishments housing thousands of down state patients. The cynical move to throw open the doors with little or no plan to transition all but killed the city and I am sure resulted in many former patients dying in the streets. I know many here have other valid reasons for resenting Reagan this is mine.

    1. Madam Killjoy

      This is also my personal reason for despising Reagan. Particularly the Poughkeepsie part. We're on the mend but it's been a damn long haul. And aside from the truly awful human cost, there are acres of beautiful properties once graced with grand buildings that are now ruins which have been systemically gutted by criminals, enriching the local sleazy scrap yards.

        1. Goonemeritus

          Well I guess I need to reevaluate my position on collective guilt, does FDR balance out Snookie?

        2. Madam Killjoy

          I know this thread is dead (I can't comment from work) but I must address this outrageous falsehood. Snooki is NOT FROM POUGHKEEPSIE. She is from Marlborough/Marlboro (yeah they spell it two different ways) on the other side of the Hudson – in other words the fucking sticks. She may have shopped at the Galleria Mall in the Town of Poughkeepsie or something but she has no relationship to our fair city whatsoever! In fact, I'd like to see her come down to Main Street and start tawking about being the Princess of Po'town. Shit would get real.

      1. Goonemeritus

        A shout out to from a former Poughkeepsie Day School student. I still miss shopping at Adams and seeing shows at the Bardavon. Take care of the old girl I envy you.

        1. Madam Killjoy

          Adams is now huge and has two additional locations thanks to suburban sprawl (don't get me wrong, I love me some Adams, especially the fresh produce and cheese, I'm just not fond of the sprawl and the traffic it creates). If you are ever in these parts again, we are now home to the longest, elevated pedestrian bridge in the world: <a href="http://www.walkway.org” target=”_blank”>www.walkway.org. I'm too scared to go up there but it's supposed to be awesome if you are not terrified of heights.

          1. Goonemeritus

            My first apartment after school was all but under that trestle in the Italian section. I remember parts falling off it all the time.

          2. Madam Killjoy

            Mount Carmel! La Deliziosa, Cafe Aurora, Andy's Place, Noah's Ark…

            Turning the trestle into a state park took care of the shit-falling-off part apparently.

          3. Goonemeritus

            Yes that was a great neighborhood, I don’t know if you have ever had the Sfogliatelli at La Deliziosa or just about anything at Rossi’s deli on S Clover. I miss being able to wake upon a Sunday and walk around a real residential city. I do still visit as I have family in the area but I rarely get to hit my old haunts.

          4. Madam Killjoy

            Dude, I live a stone's throw from Rossi's! It's one of those places that makes life worth living during "interesting times" in downtown Po'town! It's also one of those places that contributes to my ever-increasing waistline.
            Also within walking distance is El Azteca – a bodega w/ awesome eats on Main Street opposite The Derby (which now does brick oven pizza – and used to be known as Trolley's). And of course, River Station.
            I don't know why, but, man, I love this stupid city, so bad. Glad to find someone out there in cyberland who can appreciate her as well!! :)

          5. Goonemeritus

            If I still lived next to Rossi’s I would be Chris Christie large. The Derby was a gay bar when I was young and River Station was a bar called Mikes. Mikes was unofficially known as the lowest bar on Main Street and had some of the cruelest waitresses in New York State. When I was barely drinking age we would go there just to be insulted. I can’t tell you how often I fell in love with a waitress at Mikes but it was often. Poughkeepsie is one of the few cities that I have lived in that really deserves its title, it really is New York’s “Queen City”.

  16. Baconzgood

    Ex-Mrs. Baconz' friend directed a program for the mentally ill homeless in Chicago. The mentally ill homeless don't go to prison (yet) because there aren't resourses to help them. They can't get the proper care in hospitals for the mentally ill because of lack of insurance and over crowding in a system that can only get to the truely violent mentally ill (ones a danger to themselves and others) first, and even that system is over taxed. There are thousands of homeless in Chicago that are mentally ill and NEED help. Yet funding keeps getting cut back. When I see somthing like this after volunteering many vacations to go and help out, it makes me want to puke. I'd have somthing more to say about what I'd like to do to John because of his actions, but it would DEFINITELY VIOLATE the terms of Wonkette's commenting parameters.

    (this comment is 100% snark free)

    1. Goonemeritus

      At its heart Libertarianism has no heart.

      Good post by the way and thank you for your good works!

      1. Baconzgood

        The thing is I live a 6-8 hour drive from Chi-Town now. So I actually pay out of my own pocket to help out. And now that EX Mrs. Baconz' friend no longer lives in Chicago, I have to find accommodations. I'd like to see that ass hat mother fucker douche bag shit for brains fuck face who should have a razor blade dildo shoved up his penis hole do that.

        (And yes, I'm that pissed at him)

    2. Geminisunmars

      Clearly it is all your fault for all the volunteering and stuff. You're just a coddler, aren't you. Stossel wouldn't have to do all his important journalizing if people like you would just leave it alone.

      (0% snark free)

      1. sullivanst

        Yes indeed. Clearly Baconz' making it too easy to be mentally ill and homeless. If only their life was that little bit more unpleasant they'd find the motivation they need to become sane and get a job which is totally easy to do when you have no fixed address.

  17. OkieDokieDog

    John who?

    Oh, that guy who used to be such a smarmy smart ass to Baba Wawa. I was always hoping that she would grab him by his 'stache, pull him over her lap, and give him the spanking he so deserved.

    1. LastGasp

      … grab him by his 'stache, pull him over her lap, and give him the spanking he so deserved.

      Ooh, Republican porn!

  18. OldWhiteLies

    I'm curious. Knowing that Faux Noose viewers are extremely adverse to change, how do you suppose they react when these FN "personalities" are shuffled around as much as they are? Do they notice? I mean, it's kinda like a buffet style gig, "Yeah, OK. Dark-haired white dude, check; blond white chick, check; blondish white dude – what? Crapsticks. Well, who we got ready backstage? Nobody? [looks around] Yo, you, yes, YOU, little balding dude. Yer up. Left side of the couch. Sit yor ass down there. Good. Quiet on set … "

    Do you think the wingtards even notice? Or do they just need the right body count to feel comfortable with it all?

    1. sullivanst

      The words that come out when the ass-hand operates the jaws are the same, so the viewers can deal with the fact it's a different puppet today.

  19. BarackMyWorld

    I'm going to disprove the existence of the Higgs boson by dressing up like Neil deGrasse Tyson.

  20. SayItWithWookies

    “And you shouldn’t give to these street people,” Stossel advised. “You’re really supporting alcoholism and drug problems.”

    And yet he has no problem with people watching his idiocy on television.

    1. prommie

      Fuck those homeless, I have to work my ass off to support my alcohol and drug problems.

    2. UW8316154

      The "they're only going to spend it on booze" argument really pisses me off. I either give because it is in my heart to give to someone, or I don't. Gifts don't come with strings and conditions attached. And, who the hell am I to pass judgment on how some dude begging for money in the street decides to spend it? Maybe he likes to get liquored up ~ I sometimes feel the same way. The point is, if you give money to someone, it becomes theirs, and you don't get to weigh in on what you think is a moral use for it.

      1. actor212

        The "they're only going to spend it on booze" argument really pisses me off. I either give because it is in my heart to give to someone, or I don't.

        Yea, but here;s the thing: that argument is to justify not having it in their heart to give.

        The won't give, but they feel guilty about it, so they (like the Aesop's fox and the sour grapes) come up with a rationalization over not giving. It's must easier to morally justify not lending a helping hand if your reasons are that hand would merely be enabling an offensive behavior.

        It doesn't prevent them from giving. That comes from the stone cold heart that can allow someone to look another human being in the eye and decide they aren't even worth a fucking quarter. It merely makes that decision comfortable.

        1. UW8316154

          Actor, you're right. I guess I never thought of it being used that way, but sure, that is exactly what is going on.

      2. SayItWithWookies

        A friend of mine would avoid this by giving money to the local homeless shelter — then he could say that to panhandlers without a twinge of guilt either way. There are ways to help those worse off — Stossel would rather take the "fuck you, I got mine" approach, which is something completely different.

    3. Native_of_SL_UT

      Give your money to a Wall Street broker instead. After all, his drug and alcohol habits are waaay more expensive.

  21. Grief_Lessons

    In some way I can't quite put my finger on this seems like a cynical attempt to confirm the prejudices of his audience while masquerading as investigative journalism, perpetrated by a man who is so insecure about his intellectual capacity that he's willing to trade integrity for applause. Or something like that.

  22. Allmighty_Manos

    First the government can't help you if your poor, now private citizens aren't allowed to either. Money makes right, I guess.

  23. jakegittes

    Mr. Stossel and I were having a beer the other day (which he bought for both of us from his panhandling money) and we concluded that the best way to get poor people off their lazy asses was to have an overtly regressive tax system with the highest tax rates on the lowest incomes and lower and lower tax rates as income increases. That way you motivate the lazies to make more money because they will, as all good economic creatures do, then aspire to make more money. The net result for society is a better society because then all the lazies will work harder, produce more for all of us, and then, at some point, we will all be making so much money that none of us will be taxed at all, the state will wither away and die, and utopia will be achieved.

  24. BaldarTFlagass

    Fucking trash. Makes you wonder how much they owe. Most of them are on the run. Don't even use their fucking social security numbers. If there was just some way to find out how much the motherfuckers owe and making them pay.

  25. Sassomatic

    I'm going to dress up like John Stossel and go around kicking puppies to prove John Stossel is a dick.

    1. Native_of_SL_UT

      You'll have to start by killing a little black one and taping it to your upper lip.

  26. actor212

    You guys ever get the feeling Stossel's mustache wants to leap off his face and give him a karate chop in the Adam's Apple?

    I have a feeling there's a tell-all book in that 'stache: "He Touches Me; Life Under John Stossel's Nose"

    1. sullivanst

      I don't know about his 'stache, but similar desires are stirred in me any time I see his face, which is thankfully much rarer now he's safely hidden away on FNC.

    1. ph7

      In many parts of the South, they've found the solution. It's called "Gated Communities". Like a reverse concentration camp.

  27. ph7

    Love the new hot blonde on Fox & Friends. The Boys for Brazil must have quite the DNA lab going on somewhere.

  28. dopper0189

    I can't find the footage where John Stossel pan handles when it's -20 F. I also can't find the footage where he pan handles in the rain. I also can't find the part where he sleeps under the bridge and doesn't get robbed after collecting his thousands of dollars. Can anyone help me?

    In the man time I'm going to put on a nice suit and walk into a bank and get handed millions of dollars because that's all those fat cats Wall St do to earn their millions right?

  29. prommie

    The type-specimen for narcissistic personality disorder, or, as the sufferers from this condition like to call themselves, "a libertarian."

  30. Baconzgood

    Yeah he should show how those free loading homeless get beat within an inch of thier life and then set on fire by psychotic teens beneath the Brooklyn Bridge.

  31. JustPixelz

    Let's stop the health care freeloaders! Make them buy insurance or pay into a fund to cover the costs of uninsured drop ins. Are you with me Stossel?

  32. UnholyMoses

    I guess conservatives/libertarians decided that shitting all over, and taking away as much as possible, from the working poor just wasn't getting them off like it used to. Thus, they had to find an even lower-class and utterly powerless group upon which to blame everything wrong in society.

    I would suggest they'd go after dead people next, but they already did that with Andy Griffith.

    So … who the fuck is next on their list? Who do they think has it too good and needs to be knocked down a peg or five?

    I mean, it was the women first, then the blahs, then the hippies, then teh blahs again, then Middle Eastern types, then women again, then the blahs (AGAIN!), then middle class types, then blah women, then teh gheys, then poor people with roofs over their heads (including blahs and women), then hispanic/latinos, then Middle Eastern types again, then the Chinese, and now homelesses (including blahs, Latinos, teh ghey, women, Chinese, and Middle Eastern types).

    Seems like … well, I'm not sure who is left. Homeless children of Latino-Middle Eastern and Chinese descent who happen to be blah lesbians?

    1. Veritas78

      That's the part I don't get. It seems like they're mainly pissed off at people so trusting that they would give money to some rich asshole pretending to be poor. What's to be gained from crapping on other people's generosity?

  33. UnholyMoses

    Also, too: A hearty "FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCK" to Stossel for ruining the stand-alone mustache.

    Some of us **COUGHCOUGHmeCOUGHCOUGH** rock it quite well, even when it's not so Magnum PI-esque.

  34. DaveJ

    Using similar logic, I deduce that the presence of people who pretend to have cancer so they can get some $$$ proves that there is no such thing as cancer. It's science, America–look it up.

  35. chascates

    Good old porn 'stache! Price gouging is good for the consumer. The minimum wage hurts low-income workers. Toxic sludge is good for you. Up is down.

  36. Estproph

    So Stossel dressed up like a panhandler and pretended to beg. That's pretty much been his career all along, except for the dressing up like a panhandler part.

  37. Heroically_Joe

    Aren't the libertarians the ones who go about saying that instead of social welfare programs, we should just expect private charity to take care of the poor?

    So what they actually mean is, "go fuck yourselves", basically?

  38. finallyhappy

    I hope he does it again and gets beaten up badly by a another real homeless guy.

  39. ingloriousbytch

    Has John Stossel always been such a dick? I thought there was a time when he was at least a passable journalist. Or is that just me re-creating a happy childhood that never existed.

    1. sullivanst

      Always. He just used to have assignments where it didn't shine through so brightly, because Baba Wawa isn't an irredeemably awful person like Roger Ailes is.

  40. Troglodeity

    I suggest for his next show, Stossel download a bunch of kiddie porn and try to fool the police into thinking he's a child molester. That'd be some great TV right there.

  41. Blunderthing

    These fucks' dead putrid souls are the oil that keeps the gates of Hell swinging freely.

  42. Walkinwiddaking

    Isn't the German translation for Stoessel something along the lines of of , telegenic, opportunistic douche bag?

    1. TribecaMike

      Sitting on Roger Ailes' face in a penthouse in the Trump Tower? It's in the standard News Corp contract.

  43. Beowoof

    Stossel can go fuck himself, it's because of him and other cheap bastards like him that the homeless are out there. Most probably need to be institutionalized, but were thrown out when Regan cut the funding.

  44. MRjonz

    The fact is that the Homeless are the living embodiment of Modern American Freedom. They symbolize the one guaranteed, inalienable right each citizen receives at birth; along with Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness, they have the right to starve, sicken and die should they fail.

    No doubt Republicans begrudge the homeless even their pauper’s graves, as it takes money out of their pockets.

  45. Awful People

    I'm confused: are we supposed to keep the government out of the business of the social safety net so society can take care of it, or stop giving to those in need as a society unless some official body can confirm their status as indigents?

    Libertarianism is hard, you guys.

  46. Baba_NinjaCat12

    Fucking Stossel, if he was in charge, everyone, except the few wealthy, would be smelling like bad curry and future anthropologist who studied the former United States, would create a term that disrupt and prevent development of a nation will call it, Stosseling.

  47. ttommyunger

    If you haven't see the video of Johnny Boy getting bitch-slapped to his knees, TWICE, by a pro wrestler then pop some corn and google: Stossel, wrestler. Always good viewing after a hard day.

  48. DerrickWildcat

    When I was a Cub Scout, we spent the night in tents in the yard in front of Church so we would know what it was like to be homeless. I can say that it wasn't that bad. In fact, it was pretty fun! I got to run around outside after dark with a flashlight with my friends and we had a big thing of Hot chocolate and a bunch of those Cinnamon Graham crackers.

  49. Negropolis

    I refuse to listen to a man who is probably making most of his money, these days, giving mustache rights.

  50. swordfis

    Also, notice this faux Catch 22: they won't give you a job interview unless you're on Welfare, and then they ask you if you want to apply for welfare. Only an idiot would see this as encouraging dependency. Most sane people would understand it as aimed at people who need help the most.

  51. dcjdjay

    So that's what happens to 1980s down on their luck porn actors with scraggly pornstaches – they end up whoring for Fox News.

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