If onlyYour Wonkette took this Kaiser Family Foundation online quiz about the Affordable Care Act, a.k.a. AbortionCare, and hot dog, we scored a 10 out of 10. The money’s sure to trickle in now. And yet the overall results seem to show — get this — that there’s some confusion out there about what the law actually does. This is probably because more than two years after the law passed, and three years after versions of it were coming out of committee, most mainstream media outlets have never bothered to explain the law at all. Usually the routine goes like, say, “Welcome to CNN, I am your host, the Wolf. Today we’re going to talk about health care reform. Which political party wins? We will have a Republican political consultant and a Democratic political consultant talk past each other at the top of the hour.” At the top of the hour, no actual information is passed on to the viewer. Let’s look at an example of what people don’t know about the law, and then perhaps the teevee can pass these bits of information to the American public. Ha ha. Still.

Usually you’ll see a Democratic political consultant mention that the party needs to “amplify” the part about ending insurer discrimination based on pre-existing conditions. And it doesn’t hurt to mention that over and over. Yet the poll shows that 67% of the American public understands this. It’s rare for a majority of Americans to understand any fact, so perhaps this message is fairly well known now. Similar percentages of people also know about the individual mandate, the subsidies for individuals to purchase coverage, and the Medicaid expansion.

What only 25% of the people answered correctly is, “Will the health reform law require all businesses, even the smallest ones, to provide health insurance for their employees?” The answer is no, it won’t. Only businesses with 50+ employees will face that requirement, and 96% of small businesses have fewer than 50 employees. Those businesses will be offered tax credits to extend coverage to their employees.

So next time you see a teevee segment about some Friendly Barber who has maybe three employees and is worried that he’ll be required to bring everyone health coverage, BEAT THE TEEVEE WITH A HAMMER. And next time you see a teevee segment with a host who doesn’t know that the Friendly Barber won’t be required to extend coverage to employees, but will be granted tax credits if he chooses to do so, BEAT THE TEEVEE WITH A HAMMER. We may be speaking metaphorically, may not be. It’s hard to tell at this point. Point is, we’re getting sick of this shit.

[Kaiser Family Foundation]

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  • Awful People

    Then I'll put the teevee in a box, and I'll put that box in another box, and I'll mail it to myself and SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER.

    • And hit the mail carrier with a hammer, for good measure.

      • chicken_thief


        • Also, Stand Your Ground. He clearly was on the property.

    • GeneralLerong

      This isn't a cheap-and-dirty Shroedinger's cat quantum theory brain cramper, is it?

      I hate those.

      • Yes, it is… It is Shroedinger's health insurance. You both have and don't have the insurance but will never know until you try to use it.

        • Is this the policy that forces you to play Beethoven's Sonatas on a toy piano?

        • I thought *all* health insurance was like that.

    • Have you thought about having, you know, a glass of wine, or a joint, instead? All this smashing sounds dreadfully tiresome.

  • Estproph

    There's gonna be a ton of broken TVs thanks to Wonkette now.

    • YasserArraFeck

      No problem – we'll just replace them with more Chinese-made TVs from WalMart

    • And this would be bad why, exactly?

      • Estproph

        People will step on broken glass.

        • Well, yes. There's that. And of course, someone would have to clean up the mess. Duly noted.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    It's not just ACA that the American Public doesn't know shit about.

  • Baconzgood

    I didn't know we were going to be tested.

    • Tundra Grifter

      We were promised there would be no math.

    • chicken_thief

      Personally, I find most tests to be really difficult to masturbate to.

      • Baconzgood

        Not masterbating tests.

        • Those are easy!

          • Mittens Howell, III

            You all get an 'F' (for Fappers!)

  • IncenseDebate

    Can I be on a death panel?

    • I want to be on the crippling accident wainscotting.

      • prommie

        How about the lingering illness chair-rail?

        • I might consider the chronic condition sideboard.

    • Wadisay

      I want to be on the one that gets Michele Bachman, when she comes in with the sniffles.

    • Eve8Apples

      Craigslist posting:

      Snarky Wonketteer looking for position on death panel. Diligent worker with a sunny disposition but low tolerance for tea baggers. I will provide my own shotgun, machete, chain saw and guillotine. Wages and benefits negotiable. References available upon request. Willing to relocate for right job.

  • metamarcisf

    Hey Jim: Listening to one of wing-nut radio shows last week, and somebody said that to fund "Obamacare", there will be a tax on people everytime they sell their house. True or not?

    • Monsieur_Grumpe
      • Geminisunmars

        But surely the microchips being implanted in all of us is true. Right?

        • To replace the ones the space aliens implanted in our butts, yes.

          • slamtundra

            Hmm. That felt bigger than a microchip.

        • Oh sad. I thought you were just joking, but then I saw the Truth-o-Meter.

    • chicken_thief

      True or not, you know Obamacare is a disaster because it sucks so bad that it rooned the economy the year before it was passed!!!!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    How about if I skip the middleman and just beat the know-nothing I'm talking to with a hammer?

    • OneYieldRegular

      And only then ask them if they'd care to have health insurance? Now that's just mean.

  • Come here a minute

    Obamacare is going to crush my small business because it's making me buy insurance for both of my employees.

    My business is beating teevees with a hammer. Business is good.

    • Why, you might have to hire more workers! Maybe another 47!

      Or you could you, you know, outsource…

      • JoeHoya

        I hear you can get Indian kids to beat televisions with hammers for only 2 cents an hour. And those aren't your flat screens; those are CRTs. It takes more work to pound one of those.

    • ramm10

      humm tevee binness? jobs jobs keep talking wonkette and you too will be a job creater

  • Mittens Howell, III

    I know what the law does, it insures the poor and pisses off wing-nuts. Therefore, I support.

  • Yes, the individual mandate is a tax….but only the same way that a speeding ticket is a tax.

    • sullivanst

      It's a little taxier than a speeding ticket – the IRS collects it, your income is a factor in the calculation of the amount, and you can't go to jail for not paying it.

      But yes, the intent is not to raise revenue but to encourage a particular behavior.

  • Someday we will not be judged by the color of our skin or the content of our character, but by the brevity of our legislation.

    • HR2013-1 Give Teh Poorz Munny.

      The End.

  • coolhandnuke

    Put the message in the box
    Put the box into the car
    Drive the car around the world
    Until you get heard

    • Inside my tv I
      never stop to wonder why
      it's way broken now
      by hammers, wow~

  • Antispandex

    They just don't want to confuse alot of people with facts. Facts are harder to deal with than talking points. Kind of like math and stuff.

  • shortsandpants

    But this doesn't explain how to handle an interview with the Death Panel people!!! WHAT DO WE DO WHEN CONFRONTED WITH THE DEATH PANELZZ??????

    • MissTaken

      Beat them with a hammer?

      • Can we just beat Sarah Palin with hammers?¹


        • sullivanst

          How about Betsy McCaughey? It was her lie to start with, after all.

          • What is that nasty little shill up to, these days?

          • sullivanst

            Mostly lying about the ACA still, it seems.

          • Haven't seen her name in the headlines for at least a year. Must go root her out of her cave. BRB.

          • sullivanst

            Amusingly when I google her name, one of the first hits is to a HuffPo piece with the blurb:

            Betsy McCaughey is a famous liar who famously lied about the Clinton health care bill back in the 1990s, who has returned to lie just as …

          • shortsandpants

            It is said that when she cut down a cherry tree and was confronted about it, she said "I cannot tell the truth;" which was confusing because by admitting that she was a liar, she was telling the truth. Or maybe she wasn't? Who knows?

          • bobbert

            Epimenides do.

    • kissawookiee

      Moar hammerz.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Maybe Fox News can put together a game/quiz show about current events.

    • Tundra Grifter

      And after a week's hard play, all their talking heads would have won precisely nothing.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Is "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" still on the air?

      • Yes, and Michele Bachmann STILL refuses to go on it.

    • HobbesEvilTwin

      Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. No, Really, Don't Tell Me. La la la I can't Heeeeeear You.

  • SorosBot

    It almost makes one suspect there's been a deliberate fear-mongering misinformation campaign about the ACA that the media has tacitly supported.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I'll believe it when Fox tells me that it's true.

    • MissTaken

      Impossible! I learned in the lead up to the Iraq War that the media would never, ever spew misinformation just because some untrustworthy 'source' said it. Nuh uh!

      • It is pretty silly to suspect otherwise. I mean, how could an informant code-named "Curveball" be anything other than beyond reproach?

        • SorosBot

          Look, if Karl Rove tells you that the source is trustworthy, then the source must be trustworthy, goddammit.

  • Salam Bombay

    Ha. 10/10 and I am not even an American. Nor do I live in the US

    • Geminisunmars

      That accounts for your high score.

    • I haz a jelus.

    • bobbert

      Ha, 10/10 and I AM an American living in the US.

      (Actually, doing better than 99.6% of respondents makes me obscurely sad).

  • All of it, Katie. All of it.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Q: Is it true that every time an American gets subsidized health insurance, God kills a kitten?

    A: No — Karl Rove does.

    • Guppy

      Karl is just doing God's work.

      • ramm10

        rove makes
        the devil proud

  • barto

    I got 10 out of 10 also. But I'm a policy wonk. Even I almost answered the least well known question incorrectly. Phew!
    Now try and explain the funding formula for Medicaid expansion. Oh wait, no need…

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    OK. I took the quiz, got 100% correct and I'm a friggin moran.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Me, too and I'm almost senile.

    • Oh, stop, you're so not. This is the Wonketz. Moranz get beaten unconscious and tossed out the door alla time.

      • *Groans, holds head, and tries to crawl back in the door.

        • Get back in here, you! Who let you out by mistake?

          (sneaks a hug)

          • Hi sweetie. How has your day been?

          • Just got back from doctor and dentist, and still crabby about what it cost. Other than that, my day has been just ducky, darlz, how's yours been? We're actually having a *warm* day, with a little *sunshine* and everything. I can hardly bleev it.

          • My day has been meh. In bed all day with migraine. But like anything else, the more acceptance you have, the less it hurts. Some reasonably nice seeming bi boy from ok cupid messaged me. I think we're gonna have coffee. Adorable girl says “I really want to see you” Good lord. Sorry bout your teeths. Why don't you go see Orly? I hear her rates are quite good, and she can clear up legal problems as well.

          • Sorry about the migraine, those totally suck. I've had a few, but they mysteriously vanished when I turned 14, only to reappear twice more, about 20 years apart. Weed helps.

            Bi boy sounds interesting Adorable girl is back, is she? What a tiresome child.

            It was a regular teef-cleaning, it just costs a bundle when you don't have insurance. And my teeth are mostly pretty OK.

            Someone else suggested Orly. I think I'd rather pull out my teefs with pliers first.

          • Yeah, it seems the ACA will have limited effect on dental coverage, unless you're under 26.

          • Dammit. Should we try for dental/vision next?

  • Thurman Munster IV

    It would be more fun to beat off every time instead but I'm afraid I don't have that much jam cause I'm an old.

    • Guppy

      That's the best part: Obamacare pays for Viagra!

  • SorosBot

    "You answered 10 out of 10 questions correctly, better than 99.6% of Americans."

    Ha, suck it 99.6% of Americans!

    • sullivanst

      You, me & Jim are all better than 99.6% of Americans.

      I knew it!

    • that means you are the 1%

    • bobbert

      I wonder what the 10/10 success rate is among Wonkers. Pretty high, compared to the gen pub, I'd think.

      To be just a little fair, the questions are structured in such a way that answering "the answer that I, a liberal, would like to be the answer" will get you 10/10 easy.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Explanations are for communists.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Real American Patriots think the correct thoughts, worship the correct diety, and love the troops whose jobs are more important to America than anybody else's.

      Now do you see the difference betwwen US and the former Soviet Union?

  • Baconzgood

    A tad off topic,

    I didn't have a TV for a 4 year stretch because I threw a boot through it. FUCKING NEIL O'DONNELL AND THROWING 3 INTERCEPTIONS!!!!!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      And Bubby Brister has two Super Bowl rings.

      • Baconzgood


    • You're the Boot Elvis.

  • I'm kinda surprised only 47% of people who took the quiz got "death panels" right.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    If I smash my tv then how will I watch Mad Men and figure out how real women are supposed to act?

    Ps. I am not talking about Peggy Olson as obviously she is a communist dyke Satan worshipper.

    • Geminisunmars

      Joan seems to be catching anti-man disease too, in that she didn't like her husband anymore, even if he is a *man* and (be still my heart) a Doctor. Sally Draper is going to grow up to be you and me.

    • prommie

      Joan disturbs me. I love boobies, god, as much as any man, and all that, but she is fucking freakish. She should fall over, as the Japanese said. Its just not right, there is just something not right about those fucking missile nose-cones on her chest.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        Joan's brassiere was developed by NASA as part of the Apollo space program.

  • Baconzgood

    All anyone needs to know about the Obamacare is that it's making Jebus Emerica a fascist-socialist-communist-nazi country like Frenchy land.

    • GeneralLerong

      I think that's why $arah "Bullseye" Palin is now sulking because she went 0 for 10 on the test.

      • Oblios_Cap

        As long as we get better food in the deal,I'm cool.

    • I'm srsly wondering if Amercia is code for a special part of this country where reality works according to a different set of laws. You ever been to Kansas?

      • redarmyzombie

        Well, we are *all* mad here!

  • mavenmaven

    Since when do the facts have anything to do with Republican politics? We all know that truth is supposed to come trickling down from the truth sayers when reality is taken out of governing.

  • MissTaken

    9. Will the health reform law create a new government run insurance plan to be offered along with private plans?

    Only 27% answered correctly. See! We totally could've had a public option, dumb Americans already think we do.

  • Extemporanus

    Jim Nwell while u bloging on Wonkete u said 'time to infrom abt healthcare' When you are a 'hammer' u think evrything is TEEVEE I'm no TEEVEE.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Wow, I got ten out of ten, and I was just randomly clicking. Even random clicking is smarter than 99.6% of Americans.

  • MissTaken

    I can't trust this quiz. Not a single answer option was "YES, doncha know, cuz teh FOX News blonde woman said so and they always be tellin the truth"

    • chicken_thief

      Steve Doocy libelz!!!!

  • SorosBot

    Look, conservatives say that "Obamacare" creates death panels, and liberals say it does not. We will report what both sides say without telling you which is true and which is false because that would be partisan and biased.

    The Media

    • Ducksworthy

      Today, we are all fair and balanced.

  • qwerty42

    Will the barber be required to set up the death panel on his own or with these be handled as part of the FEMA death camps?

    • Depends on if said barber has a TEEVEE in his barber shop so's his employees can hammar on it.

  • MissTaken

    Ah crap, you just know that all us Wonkett people with our 10/10 on the quiz are gonna be the first people called before the FEMA Camp Death Panels.

    • SorosBot

      We're gonna screw up the curve with all our 10/10 scores.

  • I wasn't sure how to answer #10, because there was no "You Lie!" button to click.

  • poorgradstudent

    When my friends and I wanted to get depressed – like so depressed we would have hallucinations – we'd watch and compare CNN with the BBC or even just CNN International.

    • Free hallucination with every bout of depression? That sounds almost as good a deal as free pot with every abortion!

      • redarmyzombie

        If you go down to the Abortionplex, they're having a Two-For-One deal!

  • Goonemeritus

    I took the test and I got 10 out of 10 as well. I would love to see a breakdown of how people do on this test based on where they get their news.

    • Ducksworthy

      Puleease! Now you want more facts? What the hell good would that do at this point?

  • shortsandpants

    Obviously the RNC is hacking this quiz. That question regarding our imminent demise due to the moon-people invasion was simply unacceptable.

  • elburritodeluxe

    Americans just know that important people in suits say it is Socialism. What more does one need to know.

  • next time you see a teevee segment about some Friendly Barber who has maybe three employees

    i read that as Friendly Berber.

    • sullivanst

      Only a liberal could possibly imagine those words could ever go together.

    • PinkoMoonbat

      The Berber at home is really friendly! Point of caution for medical care: they do seem to think good olive oil can fix a broken leg. Also that you can get HIV from flies. But friendly!

  • Naturally, they conveniently omit asking any questions about provisions that force Young Christian Virgins to swallow abortion pills and to carry condoms on their person 365.25/24/7

  • BarackMyWorld


  • if the wonkettes keep taking the quiz, that 99.6% number is going to drop sharply.

  • So. How many abortions do I have to get before the free one?

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      2 out of 3 ain't bad.

      • Well that sounds reasonable. I heard, as a male, I'd have to get one a month and the tenth one was free.

  • TribecaMike

    We're gonna need a bigger hammer.

  • Eve8Apples

    Save the TVs! Beat the lame stream media with hammers!

  • HarryButtle

    Barry ought to go on TV and speechify. I'm thinking something like:

    Look, there aren't any motherfucking death panels in this motherfucking bill. There is no motherfucking public option in this motherfucking bill. All this fucking bill does is help all of you dumbfucks buy insurance! Me? I'm covered for the rest of my life, I don't need this shit. But you tards do. So stop listening to those fucking GOP greedheads and look out for your own motherfucking self interest for a change! Thank you and God bless America.

    • emmelemm

      Peace! {drops mic}

    • Ducksworthy

      Also, "Grow the fuck up America." (Hmmm. I think I see bumper sticker sales potential here.)

  • Nostrildamus

    "Death Warrant for Grandma" would be a good name for a band.

  • I got some health care knowledge today. If you need a chicken pox vaccination (for college), how much does it cost? $600, and not covered by insurance! I'm lucky — I can afford it; what do the poors do?

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Just offer to getlicked by an infected child at a pox party. Nothing creepy about that, and much cheaper!

      • emmelemm

        Coincidentally, that's exactly how I got the chickenpox.

        (I'm NOT KIDDING. I hadn't had it by the time I was a teenager, and then I ended up volunteering at a kindergarten, for a "public service credit" type thing. And then I got the chicken pox.)

        • bobbert

          Honestly, when my kiddos were small, if any other kiddo got the chicken pox, we'd herd them all together. Cheaper than the fucking vaccine.

    • Get chicken pox.

  • ttommyunger

    Today's teevee news channels are giving me a sad for the wimminfolk. The nice-looking anchors all have teh ghey and the straight ones are all butt-ugly….I'm talking to you Wolf, and Howard Kurtz, and David Gregory, et al.

  • BZ1

    Now if only Carly Rae Jepson could put the healthcare bill to music…

  • Attila_T_Hun

    I'll bet the members of the Death Panels will be unemployed Draft Board members.
    Weren't they death panels too?

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