There comes a point in every young nation’s life — and rest assured, fellow Americans, we are but a young, albeit fading, nation — that its citizens must choose a National .JPG. This is considerably more important than selecting a National Mammal, so move to the back of the line, “bison.” Wolf Blitzer speaking to a hologram on Election Night, 2008 (“You are a hologram, Jessica”) was previously the frontrunner for National .JPG. But now what is this?
This is a computer picture of Ronald Reagan riding a velociraptor and shooting automatic weapons and RPGs at minorities and college liberals. He is sitting on an American flag, because he can. The raptor is biting an American flag pole and has no idea what is happening.
You can download this for your computer wallpaper.
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I think we have our plot for the next Jurassic Park flick.
Jurassic Park + Ronald Reagan -> The Boys From Brazil
In fairness, he probably rode a velocoraptor as a kid. Sure this isn't a documentary cave drawing, Ginger?
Oooh, ahhh, that's how it always starts. Then later there's running and then screaming…
We're gonna need a bigger boat.
Can't be worse than the plot for the last one. They should have stopped after Lost World, and even that was crap. The books really were better. **sigh**
Is taht an Uzi…shouldn't he be holding an Amurkan gun?
Well, it's manufactured in the 51st state, so technically it's an American gun.
Although I can't help but notice the dino's flag appears to be a 40-state flag. Was there ever a 40-state flag? There were only 6 days between the Dakotas and Montana being admitted to the Union.
Well, if you remove New York, California, etc…
Israel?
<moments after googling>
(I'll be damned, I didn't know that was an Israeli company!!)
And what about the grenade launcher/dildo on his back? Neilist, a lonely blog turns it's eyes to you.
Looks like an RPG-7 (or РПГ-7 for the purists). Manufactured in several of the former Soviet satellite countries. Some may find this incongruous, but Ronnie probably bought them by the Conex-load while he was arming the Contras.
Did Reagan kick Jeebus off the dinosaur?
Conservatives call that sibling rivalry.
Ronny Raygun IS the conservative Jesus.
In the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Demented Actor…
HEYYYYYYY!
Oh. You mean the other Demented Actor…
And exactly like Jesus, the followers praise and worship him, but almost universally ignore the good teachings.
And, very uunlike Jesus, the "good teachings" of Reagan are almost impossible to find.
Jesus rode a Tyrannosaur.
Jesus was a size queen.
It's Reagan's turn to carry us through the sand. "Step aside, Jeesus."
"It was then that I carried you, my son"
Jesus IS the dinosaur.
Seems to me you'd notice the velociraptor tracks. (Three toes, for starters…)
My choice would be Monica Lewinsky riding a cigar, but that's me.
What, no Blingee?
Look again. Is Blingee even necessary?
HEATHEN!
It's *always* necessary!
How is it flying when it doesn't have wings??
Uh, he's Ronald Fucking Reagan. Plus, he was our first Senile-American President, so he probably only thought he was flying.
Hope?
invisible Jeesus wings!!
He's not flying- floating on the waves of adulation. You can kinda see them if you look real close.
Duh, Jesus.
Bonzo's jealous.
Remembering all of those flesh-ripping raptors being tamed by Reagan always brings a tear to my eye.
Air traffic has been totally under control ever since.
That's not a very nice thing to call Nancy. Accurate, yes, but unkind.
Needz moar Jesus.
Why are there only 35 stars on the flag?
No blue states.
That photo was taken way before he was president. Hell, before he went senile even.
That's how many states there were when he was born.
Like in a Thomas McNaughton painting, "some stars shine more brightly than others".
the 57 states of Barack Obama, minus the shut up, that's why.
Because it's 1864, a time when blahs were still considered property and wimminz were kept barefoot and pregnant.
The perfect time in history for the wingnutards…sure we had to feed and clothe the blahs, but at least we got an honest days work out of them!
'Cause, Reagan is a bad-ass time traveler, that's why.
There he goes again.
Going down the only road he's ever known.
Reagan needs an alcoholic beverage of some kind in his left hand to make this picture perfect.
Billy Beer? Or would that make the image too unrealistic?
Think about who Billy's brother was.
That's what I meant, would it be too crazy for a dinosaur riding machine-gunning president to endorse the beer of the brother of the president he beat into office? I'll buy into a lot of far-fetchedness, but some things are just too out there.
You think Nancy would share?
Also, St. Ronnie would have a pocket square.
I'm guessing a Manhattan, just because.
I think it looks more like David Janssen than Ronnie http://www.allposters.de/-sp/David-Janssen-Poster…
One-armed fugitive libel!
I had such a wide-on for David Janssen, he always looked as if he would be such a dirty, dirty boy.
Your move, Jon McNaughton.
That's what I thought. I want like Washington and Madison clapping in background. But I'm not so great at photoshop collaging.
And then Reagan rode his raptor to Iran, where he sold the Iranians his weapons.
Freedom Comment of the Month!
This pic was actually from Ollie North's promotional brochure.
Other finalist pics:
Boehner riding a box of Kleenex.
Seamus on the roof of Romneys Family-Values Morman-mobile.
Bill O'Reilly riding a loofah.
Don't you mean a falafel?
Is that the new and improved F-22?
Subtle. I like it.
Oh, Reagan, dinosaur. I get it.
Which one is which?
Totally unrealistic — mine features Eugene V. Debs, Noam Chomsky and Stokely Carmichael riding a giant block of tofu, holding a rainbow flag and a wind turbine while Gloria Steinem showers a crowd of cheering onlookers with RU-486.
Needs moar transparent Marx and Engels looking down from the sky in a totally-not-religious way.
Bravisimo!
Tear. Down. This .JPG!
Can we have a rotating National JPeg? Because the pic of Romney with the latex gloves in front of the Fudge sign should be considered too. And Obama with a Hitler mustache, also.
What? No bone thru his nose?
Add Newt petting a goat to the potential list for The National Jpeg.
Over at Amazon, under the "reviews" for "The Amateur," a teacher (Lord help us!) in Louisiana claimed evolution is a crock because there are cave paintings of people riding dinosaurs.
Now, personally, I agree with the comment that a cave painting of a person being eaten by a dinosaur would be somewhat more logical.
However…
He must have been watching "the Flintstones".
One of my favorite found items is a laminated card featuring a grainy still from that famous footage of Bigfoot, with a biblical verse on the flip side and a caption reading: "Close-up reveals so-called Bigfoot is just a gorilla suit. No proof to evolution, none. Just foolish theory."
Personally, I won't believe in evolution until Bigfoot signs up for one those lady's deportment classes.
Bigfoot is SHE?
Well hell, then she could actually just be a tall French chick.
We can all use more fossil-on-fossil action.
Our National .JPG = Jurassic Puke.
"Land of the Lost Part II" opening in Tampa mid-summer.
Shouldn't he be selling weapons to Iran in the picture?
Jesus! He's delivering the one he already sold! Even Ronnie only had two hands!
NEEDS MOAR BIBLZ !!!1!!
Can someone fix his face so he looks like Reagan?
Looks just like Al Gore.
He looks like David Janssen
Harry O brother! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5eMyHO0Jd4s
Nds moar deth maks.
I can’t say I really know a lot about art but I know what I like.
I don't know what I like, but I don't like art.
http://www.brandonbird.com/bea.html Bea Arthur to save the day?
I remember this episode of "Derp Valley Days".
The raptor is pretty clearly getting center-shot with a blaster by someone hovering just off the right edge of the picture. Boba Fett, probs.
Pew! Pewpew!
RON SHOT FIRST!
GREEDO LIBEL
I should've known better than to scramble historical events for the sake of an easy pun.
Won't happen again, Wookiee-Nookie…at least not until Lucas' next re-re-re-re-issue finally makes a Han-Greedo-Fett three-way a reality.
(*fingers crossed!*)
John Hinkley's defense strategy?
Jeebus rode a dinosaur too! That means Reagan = Jeebus!
He's only riding a velociraptor because those lazy air traffic controllers make flying unsafe.
He fired all the good ones!
Plus, Pteradactyls are a bitch to break in.
I remember this! It's when Reagun told Germany to tear down the Wall!
Edited for Accuracy: It's actually when he told the *Russians" to tear down that Wall!
Did we quit when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?
"Giddyup, Mommy!"
Interesting — as evidenced by the more hearty fisting BigSkullF*ckingDog's comment received a couple doors down, it would appear that some of you kids aren't aware of the fact that Ronnie's nickname for Nancy was "Mommy".
Though considering that this is the third time in as many days that something like this has happened, it's probably more likely that some of you don't like me.
It's cool, man, I get it…
Same thing has happened to me. I prefer to think that Intense Debate doesn't like me. *tear in eye, sniffle*
EDIT: In fact, most recently, I think it might have been with BSF*D. I think it's the avatar – who can't lerve a Trayvon Terrier?
I feel your Intense pain, P-Dawg.
Also, your avatar theory is a good one — cute-as-a-button MissTaken has overtaken me from behind, too. I'm thinkin' a revolving roster of baby animal pics may be in my future.
"SQUEEE!"" = PEEE!
I have to admit- while it was sort of the opposite of "baby animal pics", I was a huge fan of Pedobear.
as evidenced by the more hearty fisting BigSkullF*ckingDog's comment… it's probably more likely that some of you don't like me
ok, ok, you win — wonkette can't resist the dog hoodie, it's been established in exchanged opinions on the subject some time ago; meanwhile it took forEVER for someone like weej to get around to addressing your rorschach abstractness, so you see what kind of company you're keeping.
Ronnie's nickname for Nancy was "Mommy"
But for my money, nothing's creepier than hearing Santa call Mrs. Claus "Ma-ma"~
And yet — in the face of overwhelming adorableness — we of the obtuse avatard bravely soldier on.
(p.s. Santa Claus is a pederast, and his post-post-menopausal Ma-Ma an elf-adopting enabler. "Bowl full of jelly" my ass!)
Now dinosaurs were around in the eighties? This creationist bullshit is just getting worse and worse.
Now dinosaurs were around in the eighties?
Moby Grape and the Strawberry Alarm Clock had some sort of revival tour back then, so yes. (Notice I didn't even resort to the Stones or the Dead.)
Well, Dinosaur Jr. were…
Nah … it's just that Reagan was really, really old.
That's no dinosaur, that's Nancy.
"Mind the teeth, Nancy!!!!!"
Too many teeth. The rumour is she could deep throat without leaving a toothnmark.
It's the holy trinity of US Amercia stupid in one stunning jpg of stupidty.
A brain dead slimy coward and pretend warrior who married the best cocksucker in Hollywood riding a Creationist fantasy of humans and dinos in the same moment of time based on the false idea that the Soviet Union collapsed because of US Amercia instead of its own stupidity, greed and corruption.
Not buying this farce. Everyone knows Reagan rode a T-Rex.
Only Jesus is allowed to ride a Velociraptor!
He had a thing for small arms.
Your arms too small to box with Reagan.
He's either riding a Deinonychus or he's the size of a hobbit.
After recently reviewing some archival material (Futurama episodes) I have deduced the cause of recent Republican behavior-brain slugs. Brain slugs which have been reproducing on the head of Saint Ronnie in a Jar.
Are you sure this is a same Ronald Reagan who was so easily shot by a bumbling young man trying to impress a Hollywood actress?
…"bumbling young man trying to impress a Hollywood actress?"
Someone needs to be Googling the Bush/Hinckley connection…
Gotta love the D.A.R.E. sticker and the bag of jelly beans on the saddle.
I liked the gun named "Gipper".
Also, too, that Raptor has ripped the shit out of the flag. Sort of like what Ronnie did to the constitution.
Personally, I prefer the painting of Teddy Roosevelt fighting the sasquatch.
The sasquatch's name was Taft.
Looking again at the painting, you may be right: http://www.etsy.com/listing/75434424/teddy-roosev…
My favorite is JFK smoking while stalking aliens on the moon
Smoking INSIDE his space suit helmet. That's just how bad ass he is.
And I thought you were kidding… but you're right – Roosevelt fighting Bigfoot is RIDICULAWESOME!
So when is this guy going to get around to Martin van Buren wrestling a leprechaun? You'd think that would be obvious for his next masterpiece.
Is he shooting at the Air Traffic Controllers Union?
I've found my next tattoo!!!
Fuckin' A Bubba. I found what I want carved on my headstone!
"Property of the United States"? I saw that on the Raptor.
Imma gonna make a pick'emup truckwrap and drive this baby proudly.
The D.A.R.E. sticker on the saddle makes me giggle.
Daughters of the American Revolution (Against) Evolution.
Well, VDARE would not have been historically accurate.
While we're on tiny details, let us not overlook the bag of jellybeans (for sustenance) or the Holy Scripture at the ready should the need arise in the heat of battle.
Oh, good Lord. I hadn't zoomed in close enough to notice that.
There are also his dogtags from when he was a hero in the Army.
Wait…
'Hola, Nicaragua, I've become my own death squad! Take that for voting for los socialistos!"
This guy is pretty funny. Checkout his FDR poster.
http://sharpwriter.deviantart.com/#/d46kt1m
His Thomas Jefferson vs. Gorilla is pretty awesome, too! James McNaughton, you have been Pwn'd!
EDIT: Also, Teddy Roosevelt vs. Bigfoot and Abe Lincoln Riding a Grizzly
OMG!!
The Lincoln one is particularly BAD ASS, ( and hysterical).
George Washington, vs. a Tiger, on a Boat, in a Hurricane.
Top that!
So that's where babies come from.
I think it's photoshopped.
Hint: Look at the shadows.
I read all about that long-form birth certificate and its always in the pixels.
Ronald Reagan was definately pixelated.
Reagan was nothing but a Union Boss, probably friends with genocidal socialist Andy Griffith. Sorry, I'm going with Sarah Palin on a dogsled pulled by a team of wolves, automatic weapons in both hands and a baby strapped to her waist for my iconic American image.
Wow! Leroy Neiman is reincarnated already.
*This* is your brain on drugs.
This pic really does point out the difference between liberals and conservatives. Liberals look at this and think "Yuck, what a mess." Some draw the conclusion that this is parody of rightwing art. Conservatives, on the other hand, are stupid.
Dumb, too.
Reagan's lost his Indiana Jones hat. No wonder he died.
As an artist, I must say, capturing this much depth in a historical figure is really hard. What's more difficult is getting them to stand still for the duration to paint the work.
I love me some reptile on reptile action.
Funny, that doesn't look much like heaven.
This does make me wonder. If old dogs (and dinos) go to heaven, will my dog still be there when I get there?
Yeah, I remember Grenada. Reagan charging up to the med school through a hailstorm of bullets on his raptor was fucking awesome. When he busted through the main gate, he didn't even have a single hair out of place and his suit was perfect. The. Man.
Colin "Sgt. Bilko" Powell on Tavis Smiley refuses to endorse Obama, says he will wait and see. He and President Bush were misled by bad intelligence.
He praises the free education he got, including college in New York.
.JPGs are communist. Real patriots use .PNG.
But why is St. Ronnie riding that thingy in his bedroom slippers? At least show the guy wearing some socks. Makes him look like a senile old fart jumping on the old trusty v-raptor without his boots on.
I hope that's available on eBay supersized as a canvas-on-demand print going for $3,999.
"Fuck you, Gorbie… I'll tear the goddamn wall down by myself."
This was the rejected ending for "Rambo Part IV, Dadddy's Revenge."
Ah … so that's what Ronnie was thinking about when he was drifting off to sleep in the middle of White House meetings….
I hope James Ellroy has some thinly-veiled characters based upon Ron and Nancy in his next book.
Pretty sure this is NOT from no stinkin' video game.
The comments in DeviantArt are fucking priceless. I never new Teabaggers were such connie-sewers of art.
Also, why is there a F-35 in the upper right hand corner? Is it providing close combat support to St. Ronnie of Rayguns?
It's there the further fuck up the terrible composition of this masterpiece…as if that wasn't bad enough without it.
Between the angle of the flag, the position of the raptor's head and arm, and that plane, I didn't even SEE Ronnie until I'd been looking at it for a full two minutes.
For the rockets red glare.
That's not an F-35, it's an F-22. Raptor/raptor. Cuz dah artist iz smaht see?
My suggestions… Put a BIG pair of TRUCKNUTZ dangling from under the dinosaur's tail, put a shiny blingee cross dangling from Ronnie's neck and photoshop a dildo in the dinosaur's mouth.
What's that trickling down from his behind?
..and Ronnie is using a second flag as a
horseraptor blanket? Way to desecrate the Flag, you bastard!All I can say is "Who thinks up this stuff?" We need to keep the bath salts away from them.
Why does Ronnie have bootcut suit pants when he's wearing dress shoes?
Nothing says patriotism like Reagan's ass atop an American flag. It's time for an Amendment banning farting on the flag.
Notice the 48 star flag. Where's the rest of us?
Needz moar tricorn hats.
Because if that were a 50-star flag, Bammerz would be American, and we can't have that.
I'm sorry but if that was real, Ronald would be riding backwards.
Reverse cowgirl?
Less is more, but it needs a tv tray.
This is literally what his administration looked like if you lived in Chile, Guatemala, Nicaragua, El Salvador, etc.
What the Fuck?
http://www.brandonbird.com/bea.html
Velociraptors were about the size of a chicken, so this makes sense.
Why does Ronald Regan have a Soviet-made RPG-7 slung over his shoulder?
What? No Flag Pin? IMPEACH!
Ronnie needs a Raygun. Preferably in space.
And the horse/unicorn has a light saber stuck in his head!!
How Star Wars!
Do you notice how the sponsors' logos are carefully partially obscured so the "artist" doesn't get sued?
As was I, especially in his disconcertingly creepy, ever-changing, just-barely-peeping phase. But in time, dude's baggage became a bit too much to, um, bear, and I felt it best to bag him, and switch to something a little less hoary.
A lot of good that did me, though — to this day, it's pretty much assured that someone will still call me & him out whenever a kid touching topic comes up.
*sigh*
Once a Pedo file, always a Pedo file, I guess…
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