funny pictures

‘Ronald Reagan Riding a Velociraptor': Our National .JPG?

Ugh, he wouldThere comes a point in every young nation’s life — and rest assured, fellow Americans, we are but a young, albeit fading, nation — that its citizens must choose a National .JPG. This is considerably more important than selecting a National Mammal, so move to the back of the line, “bison.” Wolf Blitzer speaking to a hologram on Election Night, 2008 (“You are a hologram, Jessica”) was previously the frontrunner for National .JPG. But now what is this?

This is a computer picture of Ronald Reagan riding a velociraptor and shooting automatic weapons and RPGs at minorities and college liberals. He is sitting on an American flag, because he can. The raptor is biting an American flag pole and has no idea what is happening.

You can download this for your computer wallpaper.

[SharpWriter/Deviant Art]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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    1. Angry_Marmot

      Oooh, ahhh, that's how it always starts. Then later there's running and then screaming…

    2. Negropolis

      Can't be worse than the plot for the last one. They should have stopped after Lost World, and even that was crap. The books really were better. **sigh**

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Well, it's manufactured in the 51st state, so technically it's an American gun.

      1. sullivanst

        Although I can't help but notice the dino's flag appears to be a 40-state flag. Was there ever a 40-state flag? There were only 6 days between the Dakotas and Montana being admitted to the Union.

      2. Chick-Fil-Atheist™


        <moments after googling>

        (I'll be damned, I didn't know that was an Israeli company!!)

    2. Nostrildamus

      And what about the grenade launcher/dildo on his back? Neilist, a lonely blog turns it's eyes to you.

      1. GunToting[Redacted]

        Looks like an RPG-7 (or РПГ-7 for the purists). Manufactured in several of the former Soviet satellite countries. Some may find this incongruous, but Ronnie probably bought them by the Conex-load while he was arming the Contras.

      1. OneDollarJuana

        And exactly like Jesus, the followers praise and worship him, but almost universally ignore the good teachings.

        1. Negropolis

          And, very uunlike Jesus, the "good teachings" of Reagan are almost impossible to find.

    1. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      It's Reagan's turn to carry us through the sand. "Step aside, Jeesus."

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Seems to me you'd notice the velociraptor tracks. (Three toes, for starters…)

    1. scvirginia

      He's not flying- floating on the waves of adulation. You can kinda see them if you look real close.

  1. shortsandpants

    Remembering all of those flesh-ripping raptors being tamed by Reagan always brings a tear to my eye.

    1. Nostrildamus

      Like in a Thomas McNaughton painting, "some stars shine more brightly than others".

    2. HarryButtle

      Because it's 1864, a time when blahs were still considered property and wimminz were kept barefoot and pregnant.

      The perfect time in history for the wingnutards…sure we had to feed and clothe the blahs, but at least we got an honest days work out of them!

  2. BaldarTFlagass

    Reagan needs an alcoholic beverage of some kind in his left hand to make this picture perfect.

        1. Designer_Radio

          That's what I meant, would it be too crazy for a dinosaur riding machine-gunning president to endorse the beer of the brother of the president he beat into office? I'll buy into a lot of far-fetchedness, but some things are just too out there.

    1. Limeylizzie

      I had such a wide-on for David Janssen, he always looked as if he would be such a dirty, dirty boy.

    1. NYNYNYjr

      That's what I thought. I want like Washington and Madison clapping in background. But I'm not so great at photoshop collaging.

  3. mavenmaven

    And then Reagan rode his raptor to Iran, where he sold the Iranians his weapons.

  4. Mittens Howell, III

    Other finalist pics:

    Boehner riding a box of Kleenex.

    Seamus on the roof of Romneys Family-Values Morman-mobile.

    Bill O'Reilly riding a loofah.

  5. SayItWithWookies

    Totally unrealistic — mine features Eugene V. Debs, Noam Chomsky and Stokely Carmichael riding a giant block of tofu, holding a rainbow flag and a wind turbine while Gloria Steinem showers a crowd of cheering onlookers with RU-486.

    1. Guppy

      Needs moar transparent Marx and Engels looking down from the sky in a totally-not-religious way.

  6. BaldarTFlagass

    Can we have a rotating National JPeg? Because the pic of Romney with the latex gloves in front of the Fudge sign should be considered too. And Obama with a Hitler mustache, also.

  7. Tundra Grifter

    Over at Amazon, under the "reviews" for "The Amateur," a teacher (Lord help us!) in Louisiana claimed evolution is a crock because there are cave paintings of people riding dinosaurs.

    Now, personally, I agree with the comment that a cave painting of a person being eaten by a dinosaur would be somewhat more logical.


    1. OneYieldRegular

      One of my favorite found items is a laminated card featuring a grainy still from that famous footage of Bigfoot, with a biblical verse on the flip side and a caption reading: "Close-up reveals so-called Bigfoot is just a gorilla suit. No proof to evolution, none. Just foolish theory."

  8. kissawookiee

    The raptor is pretty clearly getting center-shot with a blaster by someone hovering just off the right edge of the picture. Boba Fett, probs.

        1. Extemporanus

          I should've known better than to scramble historical events for the sake of an easy pun.

          Won't happen again, Wookiee-Nookie…at least not until Lucas' next re-re-re-re-issue finally makes a Han-Greedo-Fett three-way a reality.

          (*fingers crossed!*)

  9. Estproph

    He's only riding a velociraptor because those lazy air traffic controllers make flying unsafe.

  10. BlueStateLibel

    I remember this! It's when Reagun told Germany to tear down the Wall!

    Edited for Accuracy: It's actually when he told the *Russians" to tear down that Wall!

    1. Extemporanus

      Interesting — as evidenced by the more hearty fisting BigSkullF*ckingDog's comment received a couple doors down, it would appear that some of you kids aren't aware of the fact that Ronnie's nickname for Nancy was "Mommy".

      Though considering that this is the third time in as many days that something like this has happened, it's probably more likely that some of you don't like me.

      It's cool, man, I get it…

      1. flamingpdog

        Same thing has happened to me. I prefer to think that Intense Debate doesn't like me. *tear in eye, sniffle*

        EDIT: In fact, most recently, I think it might have been with BSF*D. I think it's the avatar – who can't lerve a Trayvon Terrier?

        1. Extemporanus

          I feel your Intense pain, P-Dawg.

          Also, your avatar theory is a good one — cute-as-a-button MissTaken has overtaken me from behind, too. I'm thinkin' a revolving roster of baby animal pics may be in my future.

          "SQUEEE!"" = PEEE!

          1. Extemporanus

            As was I, especially in his disconcertingly creepy, ever-changing, just-barely-peeping phase. But in time, dude's baggage became a bit too much to, um, bear, and I felt it best to bag him, and switch to something a little less hoary.

            A lot of good that did me, though — to this day, it's pretty much assured that someone will still call me & him out whenever a kid touching topic comes up.


            Once a Pedo file, always a Pedo file, I guess…

      2. MumbletyRadio

        as evidenced by the more hearty fisting BigSkullF*ckingDog's comment… it's probably more likely that some of you don't like me

        ok, ok, you win — wonkette can't resist the dog hoodie, it's been established in exchanged opinions on the subject some time ago; meanwhile it took forEVER for someone like weej to get around to addressing your rorschach abstractness, so you see what kind of company you're keeping.

        Ronnie's nickname for Nancy was "Mommy"

        But for my money, nothing's creepier than hearing Santa call Mrs. Claus "Ma-ma"~

        1. Extemporanus

          And yet — in the face of overwhelming adorableness — we of the obtuse avatard bravely soldier on.

          (p.s. Santa Claus is a pederast, and his post-post-menopausal Ma-Ma an elf-adopting enabler. "Bowl full of jelly" my ass!)

  11. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Now dinosaurs were around in the eighties? This creationist bullshit is just getting worse and worse.

    1. Mahousu

      Now dinosaurs were around in the eighties?
      Moby Grape and the Strawberry Alarm Clock had some sort of revival tour back then, so yes. (Notice I didn't even resort to the Stones or the Dead.)

  12. ManchuCandidate

    It's the holy trinity of US Amercia stupid in one stunning jpg of stupidty.

    A brain dead slimy coward and pretend warrior who married the best cocksucker in Hollywood riding a Creationist fantasy of humans and dinos in the same moment of time based on the false idea that the Soviet Union collapsed because of US Amercia instead of its own stupidity, greed and corruption.

  13. Ducksworthy

    After recently reviewing some archival material (Futurama episodes) I have deduced the cause of recent Republican behavior-brain slugs. Brain slugs which have been reproducing on the head of Saint Ronnie in a Jar.

  14. ph7

    Are you sure this is a same Ronald Reagan who was so easily shot by a bumbling young man trying to impress a Hollywood actress?

    1. scvirginia

      …"bumbling young man trying to impress a Hollywood actress?"

      Someone needs to be Googling the Bush/Hinckley connection…

  15. Ducksworthy

    Also, too, that Raptor has ripped the shit out of the flag. Sort of like what Ronnie did to the constitution.

          1. sullivanst

            Do you notice how the sponsors' logos are carefully partially obscured so the "artist" doesn't get sued?

    1. emmelemm

      And I thought you were kidding… but you're right – Roosevelt fighting Bigfoot is RIDICULAWESOME!

    2. MacRaith

      So when is this guy going to get around to Martin van Buren wrestling a leprechaun? You'd think that would be obvious for his next masterpiece.

    1. National_Turkey

      While we're on tiny details, let us not overlook the bag of jellybeans (for sustenance) or the Holy Scripture at the ready should the need arise in the heat of battle.

      1. HogeyeGrex

        Oh, good Lord. I hadn't zoomed in close enough to notice that.

        There are also his dogtags from when he was a hero in the Army.


  16. JohnnyQuick

    'Hola, Nicaragua, I've become my own death squad! Take that for voting for los socialistos!"

    1. Tundra Grifter

      I read all about that long-form birth certificate and its always in the pixels.

      Ronald Reagan was definately pixelated.

  17. johnnyzhivago

    Reagan was nothing but a Union Boss, probably friends with genocidal socialist Andy Griffith. Sorry, I'm going with Sarah Palin on a dogsled pulled by a team of wolves, automatic weapons in both hands and a baby strapped to her waist for my iconic American image.

  18. Estproph

    This pic really does point out the difference between liberals and conservatives. Liberals look at this and think "Yuck, what a mess." Some draw the conclusion that this is parody of rightwing art. Conservatives, on the other hand, are stupid.

  19. Jus_Wonderin

    As an artist, I must say, capturing this much depth in a historical figure is really hard. What's more difficult is getting them to stand still for the duration to paint the work.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      This does make me wonder. If old dogs (and dinos) go to heaven, will my dog still be there when I get there?

  20. edgydrifter

    Yeah, I remember Grenada. Reagan charging up to the med school through a hailstorm of bullets on his raptor was fucking awesome. When he busted through the main gate, he didn't even have a single hair out of place and his suit was perfect. The. Man.

  21. chascates

    Colin "Sgt. Bilko" Powell on Tavis Smiley refuses to endorse Obama, says he will wait and see. He and President Bush were misled by bad intelligence.
    He praises the free education he got, including college in New York.

  22. rickmaci

    But why is St. Ronnie riding that thingy in his bedroom slippers? At least show the guy wearing some socks. Makes him look like a senile old fart jumping on the old trusty v-raptor without his boots on.

  23. OneYieldRegular

    I hope that's available on eBay supersized as a canvas-on-demand print going for $3,999.

  24. randcoolcatdaddy

    Ah … so that's what Ronnie was thinking about when he was drifting off to sleep in the middle of White House meetings….

  25. BaldarTFlagass

    I hope James Ellroy has some thinly-veiled characters based upon Ron and Nancy in his next book.

  26. fartknocker

    The comments in DeviantArt are fucking priceless. I never new Teabaggers were such connie-sewers of art.

    Also, why is there a F-35 in the upper right hand corner? Is it providing close combat support to St. Ronnie of Rayguns?

    1. HarryButtle

      It's there the further fuck up the terrible composition of this masterpiece…as if that wasn't bad enough without it.

      Between the angle of the flag, the position of the raptor's head and arm, and that plane, I didn't even SEE Ronnie until I'd been looking at it for a full two minutes.

  27. Eve8Apples

    My suggestions… Put a BIG pair of TRUCKNUTZ dangling from under the dinosaur's tail, put a shiny blingee cross dangling from Ronnie's neck and photoshop a dildo in the dinosaur's mouth.

  28. WIDTAP

    ..and Ronnie is using a second flag as a horse raptor blanket? Way to desecrate the Flag, you bastard!

  29. real_dc_native

    All I can say is "Who thinks up this stuff?" We need to keep the bath salts away from them.

  30. JustPixelz

    Nothing says patriotism like Reagan's ass atop an American flag. It's time for an Amendment banning farting on the flag.

    Notice the 48 star flag. Where's the rest of us?

    Needz moar tricorn hats.

    1. kissawookiee

      Because if that were a 50-star flag, Bammerz would be American, and we can't have that.

  31. elburritodeluxe

    This is literally what his administration looked like if you lived in Chile, Guatemala, Nicaragua, El Salvador, etc.

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