pilot season

Thad McCotter Interrupts Tragicomic Midlife Crisis To Conquer Hollywood With Terrible Teevee Pilot

Gets all the chicksThad McCotter’s downward spiral from Congressman/vanity presidential candidate to publicly humiliated wretch of a man continues. Unable to purchase even 50 votes at the Iowa Straw Poll or collect enough (valid) petition signatures to run for re-election, McCotter has been reduced to writing a script for a faux-variety show based on Martin Mull’s 1977 “Fernwood Tonight” that’s so popular with the kids today.

Will Thad McCotter’s tv show be awful? Yes, it will be awful.

Some congressional staffers included in his 42-minute pilot episode dated Oct. 17, 2011, were the same longtime employees who handled the collection of petition signatures that botched his chances of getting on the Aug. 7 primary ballot. The character named “Wardo,” the nickname others acknowledge is used for District Director Paul Seewald, dresses in a matador costume, gets drunk on a whisky-laced Slurpee and runs off stage after puking.

“Chowsers,” the nickname for Deputy District Director Don Yowchuang, leers at women’s body parts and snaps cell phone pictures of them, goes “cougar hunting” and repeats the line “I’m Thai.”

If you’re one of the uptight white bread squares who doesn’t dig McCotter’s edgy comedic style, which includes fart jokes (of course) and S.E. Cupp getting eye fucked by the likes of “Wardo” and “Chowsers,” McCotter totally doesn’t care because he won’t sell out his vision to win a lamestream audience.

Asked who would find the humor in the script funny, McCotter said he wasn’t trying to reach a broader audience. He said the show was “deliberately designed to be a train wreck” to further assault the dignity of the central character — McCotter the host, who is already humiliated from the presidential run.

Thad McCotter is officially the saddest man ever. [Detroit News]

About the author

Jeff Wattrick is someone whose unsolicited submissions accidentally get published on Wonkette. He also writes for Deadline Detroit, which is this thing on the internet about the Motor City.

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  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Radio

    He had me at "fart jokes".

  • FraAnima

    Nothin' wrong with fart jokes. Stephanie Miller does wonders with them.

  • Baconzgood

    I wish Nick At Night would still play Fernwood Tonight. That show was great.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Was Tom Waits really drunk on that show, or was he really drunk on that show?

      • Baconzgood

        All of 'em Katie.

  • Schmannnity

    Needs more penis pic twittering.

  • poorgradstudent

    …Okay, I'll say it: I think I'd be genuinely entertained.

  • MissTaken

    dresses in a matador costume, gets drunk on a whisky-laced Slurpee and runs off stage after puking.

    Is it proper etiquette to drink your whiskey-laced Slurpee while wearing a matador costume? I wish there was a feminine deportment class I could take that would clear this up.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Proper?

      Toots, I think it's required.

    • Schmannnity

      Not recommended. Between the whiskey and the matador costume, you might fall down the stairs.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        That's the whole point behind the deportment department.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      As long as you can carry your whiskey-laced slurpee on your head.

    • WhatTheHeck

      A matador costume is so, er, tight, you have to wonder where he hides his family jewels.

    • OneYieldRegular

      My first reaction to that line was (inevitably): "Wonkette drinky thingy!"

    • BerkeleyBear

      Don't forget your spit Slurpee cup for the other hand – don't want to stain your suit of lights with tobacco.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Wait. Sippy Cupp gets skullfucked?

    GENIUS!

    • Beowoof

      I saw that as the show's only redeeming feature.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Sorry…eye-fucked/skull-fucked not the same thing. I'm sad about it, too.

  • Schmannnity

    This is potentially good news for Happy Kine and the Mirthmakers.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Came here for the Happy Kine ref, left satisfied.

  • Oblios_Cap

    The character named “Wardo,” the nickname others acknowledge is used for District Director Paul Seewald, dresses in a matador costume, gets drunk on a whisky-laced Slurpee and runs off stage after puking.

    And who among us hasn't done that at least once?

  • edgydrifter

    And all of this will be accompanied by Benny Hill's signature "Yakety Sax."

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Radio

      If he could pull off an all-farts version of Yakety Sax; Yakety Farts, then I'll have to concede genius.

    • mavenmaven

      Yakety Sax has become a beloved Wonkette meme, I think it has been referenced here now more times than on Benny Hill! I gave you a p-point for it!

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    I think a good show would be about a guy who delivers pizzas and all the fun sex he has while delivering the pizzas.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I delivered pizza to get through college, and that whole "fun sex" thing is highly overrated. By the time you get done having sex, the customer's pizza is cold and they want a discount or even a free pizza, and then they wouldn't tip you shit.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Dude, you got fucked! You want a tip too????

      • prommie

        Save it for Penthouse Forum, they love to publish totally true stories like this.

    • Beowoof

      I think it would really devolve to Thad just watching porn with that plot all day. Although for a change up it could be the UPS driver on occasion.

      • mavenmaven

        Hasn't everyone already?

      • chicken_thief

        Then there is always the plumber who has to snake out the lady's pipes.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    21st Century Renaissance Man!

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      21st Century Renaissance Schizoid Man!

      FIFY.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        King Crimson libel.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Charlie Sheen libel!

  • Beowoof

    Sounds as if this pilot was nothing more than a smelly brain fart.

  • spareme

    Emperor Saddeus likes to drown in his own shit.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Is it on before or after Life's a Tripp?

    ##Runs to program DVR.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    My guess is that, in that picture, he is playing the blues.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Awwwww … he would have made a great President.

  • SorosBot

    "He said the show was “deliberately designed to be a train wreck” to further assault the dignity of the central character"

    Dude, you can't deliberately create a so-bad-it's-good camp classic; every one of them was made by people who took themselves too seriously and thought they were making something good. We all know Tommy Wisseau is lying when he said he meant for The Room to be funny.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Oh, I dunno…ever hear the story behind "Naked Came The Stranger"?

      I'm convinced the same story applies to "Fifty Shades of The Shittiest Writing I've Ever Read"

    • sullivanst

      And yet somehow the Austin Powers movies were commercially successful.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Gary Shandling Show libel!

      • viennawoods13

        Hey now!

  • SayItWithWookies

    McCotter also casts Stephen K. Bannon, the conservative filmmaker, as the reluctant producer of "Bumper Sticker." In the show, Bannon is not amused McCotter doesn't have a second guest lined up and McCotter has to interview Bannon instead.

    It's one thing to write stuff in an attempt to be funny and fail — it's an entirely different level of failure to write stuff you intend to be a failed attempt at being funny. That's like giving up before you start — which, come to think of it, is how McCotter should've handled his congressional career.

    • sullivanst

      Wonder if it ever occurred to him that if he hadn't wasted his, and his staff's, time making deliberately awful videos, and did his fucking job instead, he might have had enough real people willing to sign petitions for him that he'd be on the ballot?

  • Goonemeritus

    Sometimes you have to hit bottom, but not because there is any hope of climbing back up mind you.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Any Palins going to be featured? I'm sure Bristol will be a great comedic actress.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Don't we pay these guys a pension so they'll just go away when their careers are over?

  • An_Outhouse

    " McCotter the host, who is already humiliated from the presidential run"

    At first I thought this was based on McCain but then I realized he would need a lot more self awareness to ever feel humiliated. Even after pointing out the five plane crashes, the Viet Cong couldn't accomplish that.

    • prommie

      5? Shit, that makes him an Ace in the North Vietnamese Air Force!

  • SexySmurf

    Something tells me Thad might be making a guest appearance on Hardcore Pawn real soon.

    • sullivanst

      Ah, but will he flash his tits at them, or just scream obscenities while being carried out?

  • phlox✔

    Man, you'd think that having a great Congressional health care package would ensure having one's Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosed and treated correctly.

    • hippie13

      The drugs make the voices stop and he gets lonely.

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    Thad should stick to tried and true conservative comedy fare: Pushing crippled Muslims and blind Latinos down flights of stairs. Always brings the yuks at CPAC.

  • Estproph

    "Some congressional staffers included in his 42-minute pilot episode dated Oct. 17, 2011, were the same longtime employees who handled the collection of petition signatures that botched his chances of getting on the Aug. 7 primary ballot. The character named “Wardo,” the nickname others acknowledge is used for District Director Paul Seewald, dresses in a matador costume, gets drunk on a whisky-laced Slurpee and runs off stage after puking.

    “Chowsers,” the nickname for Deputy District Director Don Yowchuang, leers at women’s body parts and snaps cell phone pictures of them, goes “cougar hunting” and repeats the line “I’m Thai.”

    Agent: So what do you call your show?

    McCotter: The Aristocrats!

  • metamarcisf

    P.J. O'Rourke based the entire first half of his career on "fart jokes". And, by the way, Clapton really did play better on drugs.

  • http://grandpaboy.blogspot.com/ seppdecker

    Is it my biased imagination, or are Republicans obsessed with becoming B-list actors? Thad, the entire Palin clan, Chris Christie, Tom DeLay, Ronald Reagan..

  • mavenmaven

    They say every dentist in LA has "a script they'd like to show you", so I guess it extends to political types as well.

    • PubOption

      I can't wait to ridicule Orly Taitz' script.

  • OneYieldRegular

    The only way this could get worse is if Elliot Spitzer appears in it.

  • neiltheblaze

    That's one ugly git-fiddle he's got there.

  • TribecaMike

    His early stuff was pretty good, until he totally sold out to The Man… http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1OT2CJ77mkg/T_VQOtCpJXI

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    When it comes to blues, it sounds like McCotter never got past the turnaround.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ MumbletyRadio

    From the article:

    McCotter said forming the company [Screaming Lemur Productions] was necessary so he could register a piece he had done for Andrew Breitbart.

    Explains Thad's predilection for self-abuse. Then he reveals the show's underpinning idea:

    inspired by the idea of what would happen if a political candidate said whatever he wanted

    Agreed: take away the puppet strings and imagine the results! Except imagination is dead in Hollywood, without a doubt, if they're actually seriously buying into this as a viable mode of entertainment.

    • hippie13

      Didn't Warren Beatty do that 20 years ago?

  • hippie13

    Is this new or is this just a new episode of FOX and Friends? Vomit and matador costumes sound like that tall douchy guy.

  • didgen

    OK, now I can see that the grandspawn are right on track. Being five and three is the perfect age to celebrate penis, belching and fart jokes. They are geniuses!

  • Extemporanus

    I still can't believe that I'm related to this fucking douchehole..

    Well, aside from the whole sad, sex-obssessed, guitar playing, train wreck aspect…

  • guangho

    "Chowsers," the nickname for Deputy District Director Don Yowchuang, leers at women's body parts and snaps cell phone pictures of them, goes "cougar hunting" and repeats the line "I'm Thai."

    So an average day for a waiter at an Italian restaurant in NYC?

  • hippie13

    I was born a rich white boy
    silver spoon down my throat

    Ba duh duh Da duh

    Out on the water in daddy's boat
    Don't fuck with me, I went to Choat

    Ba duh duh Da duh

    Got a new car at 16
    a freshman gf and livin the dream

    Ba duh duh Da duh

    All those occupiers makin a scene
    Damn its good to be rich white and teen

    Ba duh duh Da duh

    Thank god dad don't pay taxes
    regardless of what the facts is

    Ba duh duh Da duh

    In a battle of classes
    We trickle down on the masses

  • PubOption

    You're not welcome back, McCotter.

  • Biff

    Today, we are all Wardo.

  • TribecaMike

    One of his characters runs off stage after puking? Shows how much he knows about rock & roll.

  • ttommyunger

    "Thad McCotter is officially the saddest man ever." Man? Nigga pleeze!

  • Negropolis

    I really hope the reindeer farmer wins the Republican nomination in this district. Oh god, pleeze.

  • alteredimages

    I thought it was "Fernwood 2Night". Also why is it not on Netflix or DVD, because it ws fuckin' funny.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212