Neural Stimulator, also: staple gunLast Thursday (otherwise known as The Day Justice Roberts Killed Freedom) marked the beginning of what will hopefully be a long-lasting trend in American politics, namely, politicians, pundits, and aspiring politicians saying what they think, in public, to reporters or on the air. For example, did you know that this isn’t Europe, which means that we do not care about Poors or the middle class? Or that providing health insurance to people who would otherwise die is just like stealing (*cough* oxycontin *cough*?) from Rush Limbaugh’s mansion? Now it’s Congressional hopeful Chris Collins’ turn, and not only does he seem to be a Trekkie, he ALSO seems to think that people do not die of certain kinds of cancers any more! Ready? READY??

Via The Batavian:

The healthcare reforms Collins said he would push would be tort reform and open up competition in insurance by allowing policies across state lines. Collins also argued that modern healthcare is expensive for a reason.

“People now don’t die from prostate cancer, breast cancer and some of the other things,” Collins said. “The fact of the matter is, our healthcare today is so much better,  we’re living so much longer, because of innovations in drug development, surgical procedures, stents, implantable cardiac defibrillators, neural stimulators — they didn’t exist 10 years ago. The increase in cost is not because doctors are making a lot more money. It’s what you can get for healthcare, extending your life and curing diseases.”

What exactly do they die of, if they aren’t dying of “prostate cancer, breast cancer, and “some of the other things”? Chris Collins does not know. Or if he does, he does not say. Also, fun fact: a “neural stimulator” was a medical instrument used in the best (or worst, depending on your POV) Star Trek episode of all time, Spock’s Brain, as well as in the S T N G episode that killed off Tasha Yar. Dammit Jim, I’m a blogger, not a doctor, but according to a preliminary internet search, a “neural stimulator” does not seem to be commonly used outside of the Star Trek universe. But its cool, they’ll use it on one of us soon I bet! And then we won’t even NEED health care!

[The Batavian]

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  • ChernobylSoup

    Just let the guys wearing red shirts die off. That will save all kinds of money.

    • *glancing down*

      Can we start filming after I change shirts, please?

      • sullivanst

        I'm glad that policy didn't go into effect yesterday.

    • PubOption


    • Doktor Zoom

      Haven't read it yet, but John Scalzi's new novel Redshirts looks like a hoot.

  • mavenmaven

    And apparently, people don't need dialysis anymore either, as McCoy showed in that movie.
    And we don't need to invest in infrastructure either, because transporters.

  • Schmannnity

    Breast cancer is cured? Hooray! Now we can weaponize it for future use.

    • MrFizzy

      The only thing that's cured in this country is bacon. Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week/don't forget to tip your waitress.

    • Guppy

      Has anybody told Susan G. Komen for the Pinkwashing yet?

  • YasserArraFeck

    So I should have been sticking my double C-cell-powered "neural stimulator" in my ear this whole time? Who knew?

    • Baconzgood


      • YasserArraFeck

        "Doctor, I have this constant buzzing in my ear………"

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        The best ones need to be plugged in.

    • I've seen this movie: "Deep Cochlea"


  • Baconzgood

    Now that we have dilithium crystals we don't need solar energy.

  • Ahhh, Western New York. I guess the burned over district burned up his brain cells. Wonder why my cousins are still capable of thought? Oh, right… they don't drink the tea party koolaid!

    • Beowoof

      Western NY (Buffalo specifically) has gone from being a fairly strong democratic area to a tea baggers delight. How was this accomplished, easy , close all the factories filled with union workers. They all left to try and find better jobs elsewhere and who is left? Lots of republicans and a few folks who work in higher ed at UB. Oh and have a popular former quarterback run for congress.

  • Goonemeritus

    I think we need to bid out the Congressional health insurance policy across state lines. I’m sure we can find a no frill package in one of the more liberty loving states that will at least cover leaches.

    • And a trip to the barber

    • sullivanst

      Uhm, FEHBP. Which is of course not in any way like the functionally identical OPM-administered national plans that are in the ACA.

      P.S. Republicans are pathological liars.

  • nounverb911

    Collins is in favor, however, of letting the poor starve.

    • MOG2410

      Let them die and decrease the surplus population. Or something like that.

  • Estproph

    Is today Star Trek Day on Wonkette? Not that I'm complaining…

    • Doktor Zoom

      I thought every day on Wonkette was Star Trek Day.

      And Monty Python Day…

      • …and Dune day.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          And Big Lebowski Day and Repo Man Day.

          • Monsieur_Grumpe

            And Eraserhead Day!

          • Doktor Zoom

            And Zappa Day

          • Dudleydidwrong

            And Blazing Saddles Day!

          • HistoriCat

            That only happened when the president was near.

          • C_R_Eature

            And Dr. Strangelove Day.

          • Doktor Zoom

            Oh, is that any good? I should watch that some time, maybe.

          • C_R_Eature

            I watched it one time and found it to be totally unrealistic and, worse, funny. Plus it was in Black and White! So I rented Red Dawn instead. Now, that's quality film making.

        • sullivanst

          It's a good thing snark isn't the mind killer.

  • nounverb911

    Needs more Tribbles.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Your brain must have a cancer if you think you can support Tort Reform and Personal Responsibility simultaneously.

  • metamarcisf

    What about all the people dying from Xenopolycythemia? If you have this space disease, nothing can be done.

  • didgen

    Beam him up Scotty! DAMMIT Jim, I'm giving it all she"s got! He'll get "cancer" down there, like one of the natives!

  • chicken_thief

    "What exactly do they die of, if they aren’t dying of “prostate cancer, breast cancer, and “some of the other things”? Chris Collins does not know. "

    I suspect that there are many things that Collins does not know.

    • AncienReggie

      Yeah. If Collins thinks defibrillators and stents were invented within the last 10 years, I'm guessing his subscription to Lancet must have lapsed around 1930.

      But me, I'm just wondering what kind of insurance fraud all those people were pulling who died this year claiming breast cancer and prostate cancer.

  • I had a neural stimulator, but she insisted on raising her rates. Now I have a blow up rubber stimulator.

  • All technology will resemble a Star Trek episode so senatorial hopeful Chris Collins is forward-thinking.

  • Estproph

    “People now don’t die from prostate cancer, breast cancer and some of the other things,”

    They just wither for several years before they die of natural causes.

  • The increase in cost is not because doctors are making a lot more money.

    True. It's what Big Pharma and Big Medicine are making that's driving the costs up. Your doctor is the least of the problem

    • mavenmaven


  • SexySmurf

    I think it's obvious: Chris Collins is from the future! He was sent back to stop Obamacare from sparking the robot uprising.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Too late! Romneybot is already on the loose.

  • MOG2410

    And green dancing womens from whatever that planet was, I was too busy mooning over Kirk. Hey, it was the 60's.

  • Chris "Brain, WHAT IS BRAIN" Collins

  • James Michael Curley

    Zombie Spock, before that a Yang. When do we get the Kardashians?

  • smashedinhat

    That is the best rethug post pic ever, but no alt text, I have a sad.

    EDIT: I would like to take this opportunity to point out that Wonkette now loads on my Mac slower than the worst pr0n sites my parents have ever left in my history. Filthy. Just.Fucking.Filthy!

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      10 to 1 odds it's the DNS lookups for the ad resources.

  • The incumbent, Kathy Hochul (barely Democrat) laid into him

    BONUS: Collins accuses Hochul of "politicizing cancer"! *snark*

    • I love how "The Weather" just appears in that measly article.
      I suppose any day when it's not 30 below is a good day, weather-wise.
      (Can you tell I froze my ass off in Rochester, NY for 7 years?)

    • Geminisunmars

      Well, you gots the red cancer and the blue cancer…

    • BarackMyWorld

      Will this be the soundtrack to their debates?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I've got this bad case of St Vitus Dance I need to get looked at. Maybe the barber can readjust my humours while he's at it.

    • He'll probably just sell you a bottle of "the vapors"

      They work like a charm! I bought a bottle for five quid and lost five pounds!

    • You know, I thought the onion on my belt was enough, but I also had to wear garlic around my neck. Cleared it right up.
      (Kept away vampires, too.)

    • Boredw/Gravitas

      It's probably just a toad or small dwarf living in your stomach.

      • Biff

        We're all on the same page, hive mind-like.

    • Biff

      You should maybe call Theodoric of York?

      • sewollef

        Hey, hey…. be careful there. He's family.

        It's highly likely I'm a distant relative of Theodoric the Great, son of Theodemir and king of the Ostrogoths, who died in 500-something (Steve Martin got the date wrong).

        Although it's also possible 17 million other Brits are also distant relatives, since Derek put it about a bit, or so my granny tells me.

  • Baconzgood


    • Swampgas_Man


  • SorosBot

    Star Trek's Federation was a socialist utopia, in which there poverty had been eliminated and there was no more need for private ownership or money. Collins needs to learn a bit more from the show.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    Wow, he got assimilated by the Borg… but apparently their collective has included more stupid people than before.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      You assimilate with the cultures that you have, not the cultures that you want.

    • Yes, they're about adding *distinctiveness* to their collective, few species are as distinky as Republicans

  • neiltheblaze


  • An_Outhouse

    Guess what? I live in this brainiacs district. Its currently occupied to a Dem due to the last guy trolling for trannies, and the guy before that helping Mark Foley acquire pages. This should be a no brainer but the Dems will make it harder than it needs to be and probably lose.

  • not that Radio

    pfft — Tasha Yar. Good riddance.

  • ingloriousbytch

    I know Bones McCoy. I've dressed up as Bones McCoy. You sir, are NO Bones McCoy.

    You aren't even Dr. Pulaski.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I wish you were Dr Beverly Crusher. Homina homina!

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        These days it's giggity giggity.

      • not that Radio

        Ensign Ro or GTFO!

        • BaldarTFlagass

          I'd have been happy with that "If Six Was Nine" chick (or whatever the hell her name was). Also, I bet Counselor Troi had a bush like a crow's nest.

          • not that Radio

            Captain Janeway could teach a boy a thing or two.

          • not that Raul Castro

            I'm totally stealing "If Six Was Nine chick", next time I need to irritate a trekkie, which is quite often, actually.

    • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      …or Dr. Taitz.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Pfft. He's more of an Agriculture Undersecretary Nilz Baris with delusions of someday being a Kodos the Executioner. He will end up a sad, angry little Administrator Hengist, ineffectually muttering "Die, die…kill you alll!" as he finds himself turned down for a crewman's bunk on whatever ship Harcourt Fenton Mudd has "liberated."

  • FakaktaSouth

    Well, if we have star trek stuff now, I want a teleportation device (Whatever those pixelators of people are) and a coffin like what Spock didn't really die in – or a freeze dried thing like Han Solo was also not killed in. Yeah Yeah I know Star Trek Star Wars…

    But mostly I'm just glad to know my friend didn't really die a couple of years ago of that breast cancer that killed her, somebody should tell her this. I like when government works for me.

  • Needz less neural stim, moar alien anal probe.

  • Guppy

    we’re living so much longer, because of innovations in drug development, surgical procedures, stents, implantable cardiac defibrillators

    Let us all celebrate all these new techniques for combating a single, inexplicably rampant disease by eating butter-dipped sodium on a stick, just like Marcus!

  • One_who_wanders

    Again I cry because this kind of stupidity isn't painful.

    • Geminisunmars

      I find their stupidity horribly painful.

      • One_who_wanders

        Would that they did. . . .

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Was that neural stimulator powered by the Higgs boson?

    • flamingpdog

      On the Enterprise, it was powered by the Higgs boatswain.

      • sewollef


        COTD sir and no mistake.

  • proudgrampa

    So my friend who is dying of prostate cancer – he's faking it???

    • Prolly trying to get teh welfare and food stamps.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Or maybe some sympathy sex.

      • proudgrampa

        That's it! That's why his wife is applying for respite care!!! So she can go off and have fun…

        I knew it was one of those soshalizm scams…

    • Geminisunmars


  • BarackMyWorld

    He's brain-dead, Jim.

  • fatbob54

    maybe he meant he doesn't know any women who've died of breast cancer. He's a trekkie after all so he doesn't know any women.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Chris Collins is a couple dilithium crystals short of a warp drive.

  • Thank you Collins for waking up this nation with your perspectives on humankind's medical progress trajectory having pierced the ceiling so cleanly no one but you noticed. Your electability is all but certain, for you have demonstrated that our countrymen suffer most not from that nettlesome menace of disease but from affliction by the inexorable EPIDEMIC OF STOOPID~

  • flamingpdog

    What exactly is Chris Collins worth?

    • proudgrampa

      I see what you did.

  • Biff

    Tell it to Elizabeth Edwards.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Chris Collins has been where no man has been before with his head up some Vulcan’s ass.

  • Doktor Zoom

    If elected, Chris Collins promises to use the Guardian of Forever* to go back in time and prevent Obama from being born. The joke will be on Collins, however, when he arrives in Kenya, not Honolulu. Then when he makes a second attempt to meddle with the timestream, he will attract the attention of the Federation Department of Temporal Investigations,** which, following the advice of Ensign Sulu, will "Beam [him] into a wall."***

    *"City on the Edge of Forever," ST:TOS Episode #28
    **"Trials and Tribble-ations," ST:DS9, Episode #104
    *** Bloom County, ca. 1982

  • MissTaken

    It's a well known fact that green breasts do not get cancer.

    • Beowoof

      But according to Captain Kirk they are still remarkably fun to play with.

    • proudgrampa


  • Cancer doesn't kill people. Most people are killed by that flying plastic vomit from Deneva. Don't you guys watch Fox News?

  • johnnymeatworth

    “People now don’t die from prostate cancer?" Yeah, tell that to Frank Zappa.

    • Tommy1733

      I wish this guy could say anything to Frank Zappa – it would be quite cathartic to hear Frank's response.

  • Not_So_Much

    'Set phasers on Dumb!'

  • elburritodeluxe

    Yes, your kids might die of a curable disease, but think of the advances being made for people who can pay for good insurance. Try not being so selfish for once in your lives, poor peoples!

  • elburritodeluxe

    I'm super glad that some of the other things isn't killing people anymore. He means Herpes, right?

    • Naked_Bunny

      I think he means syphilis, which is mandatory when voting on the GOP platform.

  • What exactly do they die of, if they aren’t dying of “prostate cancer, breast cancer, and “some of the other things”? Chris Collins does not know.

    Poverty, mostly.

  • Pithaughn

    and and there would be unlimited free energy if the guvmint did not kill development of the turbo encabulator, and the carburetor that uses water to get 200 mpg.

  • Also, not to disrupt the main thrust of the snark, but:

    I work in a radiology department. It's a question we ask every MRI patient.

    The more you know!

  • Elizabeth Edwards. Bill Bixby. Molly Ivans. Johnny Ramone. A few hundred thousand others every year.

    Not people?

    • Naked_Bunny

      Probably all liberals. They don't count.

  • Oh he's right, neural stimulators do exist. I smoked some last night.

  • Naked_Bunny

    I think Louisiana has proven that Republicans would vote against neural stimulators.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I have seen all the Star Trek episodes. Yes, I am a Treker. I thought Leonard Nimoy's acting in this episode had quite the lack of emotion.

    BTW: When the average present-day cellphone can fit in the palm of our hand, will neural stimulators really be the size of two hotdog buns…in the future???

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    The clogged arteries and diabeetus get you before the cancerz does.

  • TribecaMike

    Definitely not fascinating.

  • BerkeleyBear

    Ok, not that the pace of innovation isn't stunning when you think about it, but almost everything he mentioned is at least 25-30 years old, not 10 – and a lot of money got wasted over that same time by people embracing more expensive new, untested products (drug coated stents vs. plain) out of fear and profit motive. Plus, putting in cheap stents all day isn't what's driving up individual costs (hell of a lot cheaper than open heart surgery and associated recovery), but it does make for tasty profits for specialty clinics and hospitals since those are 100 percent covered by Medicare, but effective prevention makes almost no money.

    I also think the dipshit is referring to deep neural stimulation, which is an emerging treatment for Parkinson's sufferers, but is an old technology just refined for new application. When it works (and I don't think it's passed full validation stage yet) it actually can drive down cost because people need less medication and in some cases can avoid other support costs.

  • ghblowhard

    That's what humans get for thinking with their emotions and not being logical.

  • Tommy1733

    If you think about this idea: "allowing policies across state lines" – what this means is that the federal government will need to get involved to establish a national standard for insurance policies. And that works out to less government involvement in health care.

    Wait a second – what?

  • notreelyhelping

    Totally bad karma, dude.

  • TribecaMike

    Polyps are a liberal myth.

  • ttommyunger

    So I guess we should rely on prayer, then? In that case I'm praying for one of them non-fatal cases of ass-cancer for this twit.

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