History's Greatest Monster Episode 4382

Free Speech Under Siege: Obama ‘Jokes’ About Turning Off Fox News At A Bar

'elp, 'elp, I'm bein' repressed!Notorious freedom-hater Barack Obama, in a brazen move to nullify the First Amendment, joked with a patron at a bar in Amherst, Ohio, that maybe the owner should turn off Fox News.

Buzzfeed reports that, during an impromptu visit to Ziggy’s Pub and Restaurant, the President imperiously demanded that all dissent be stifled forever. As the nascent dictator talked with “supporters” in the bar, a member of the group of locals, Jeff Hawks, pointed at one of the TV’s and said, “You’re in a building that has Fox news on.” Pool reporter Mark Landler of the New York Times captured the chilling conversation that followed:

Obama suggested that Hawks ask for it to be changed. “The customer is always right,” he said.

“I’ll arm-wrestle you for your vote,” Hawks said to Obama. “No, I’ll play basketball for your vote,” he replied.

What is this, A Game of Thrones? Giving the commoners a “choice” of how they will meet their doom? In a clarification, Landler added:

When President Obama told a patron at Ziggy’s bar in Amherst, OH that he suggest that the TV be switched from Fox, he made the remark in a humorous exchange, as did in a subsequent exchange about arm-wrestling or playing basketball over the patron’s vote.

The episode was duly reported in the political blogosphere, where the combination of the words “Obama” and “turn off Fox” elicited the usual howls about the unprecedented assault on liberty, although for this particular freedom-killing act, the 37th of the week, the protests feel a little pro-forma.

One wag at the aptly named Twitchy.com suggested it reflects Obama’s characteristic cowardice: “Note that the president didn’t ask the owner directly. Would this be another example of ‘leading from behind’?” Fox Nation’s Facebook page was about what you’d expect:

Better idea, turn off the dictator in chief.

I wish the bar owner would have asked to see his valid SS card

forget the 1st ammendment this guys respect nothing


No wonder friends! He hates Fox for a reason! They tell the truth about him and all his cronies! This picture shows what a poor excuse we have as a president! May God have mercy on America!

Gee, a fellow from Germany took over the radio stations back in the late 30’s, hmmm, coincidence, I think NOT. Welcome to the United States of Germany, if obummer had his way”

The White House says it was a joking comment. But he would love to have the power to censor what the public sees & hears.

A “joke.” Likely story. One does not “joke” about turning off Fox News. As any decent American knows, “jokes” involve suggesting that maybe somebody should throw the President and Moochelle out of a plane, emailing a photo of Obama as a chimp from a local GOP office, or maybe emailing a funny racist story about signing up a dog for welfare, also from a local GOP office. Now THAT shit is funny, ha-ha! But replying to a bar patron pointing out the incongruity of Fox News being on when one is the chief target of that network? No, this is how Liberty dies: with the tap of a remote.

In a largely-unremarked aspect of the story, the Lamestream Media also failed to ascertain whether the pub’s owner, a short, neckless bald man wearing a shapeless shirt and no pants, complied with the presidential edict or simply uttered a pathetic self-pitying “quip” of his own, in the vain hope that he might be embraced as a “loveable loser.”

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom
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    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Hell with that — let's IQ test the candidates. You should be 130 or better just to qualify for the ballot. Imagine a world where imbeciles like Bachmann, Palin, and Texas governors aren't embarassing the country in front of the whole world.

      1. Terry

        How about something simpler? Just ask the candidates to calculate in their head a 15% tip on a restaurant bill.

        1. BerkeleyBear

          Actually, I suggest a simpler test – take them to a place where the waitron (a gender neutral term Anthony Bourdain popularized) is plainly living off their tips (local chain hole like an Applebee's or even Denny's, or a local dive coffeeshop). Be a demanding customer – repeated changes, special orders, anything to make the staff work (having a kid who makes a mess and yells is a bonus). Then, take the check to the counter and ask the candidate to leave the tip, and secretly film the results. Anyone who does 15 percent on the nose (or even worse, less) is out. Anyone who leaves 20 percent or more is allowed to stick around.

          This assumes the server does a decent job and doesn't get pissed off/spit in the food to your knowledge.

    2. SheriffJoeBiden

      How about a literacy test instead? Or maybe we make everyone pay a poll tax? What you suggest has been tried before and its legacy is not a proud one. Self-described liberals really ought to quit it with the "If only the idiots didn't vote, our ideas would prevail" nonsense. The problem isn't that people have dumb brains. It's that they're relentlessly misled.

        1. SheriffJoeBiden

          Still, it's a losing argument and it doesn't flatter those who make it. It's also one you'll find all over the right-wing comment sections. All that leaves aside the fact that you don't need to be a genius to have valid opinions and make good decisions.

          1. SheriffJoeBiden

            Yes, comedy blog, but "How about an IQ test for America's vote?" isn't funny (sorry OP). Even if it's meant to be 100% in jest, that attitude is real and it's a problem. I'll try to be funny later, I promise.

          2. Biel_ze_Bubba

            "He hates Fox for a reason! They tell the truth about him and all his cronies!"

            That's a whole lot of stupid right there.

  1. Barb

    Ann Romney: Obama is trying to kill Fox News.
    Manager of Ziggy's bar named TV Czar, gets invited to the White House for a beer and Obama has to call and apologize to Bristol Palin for this.

  2. SorosBot

    "But he would love to have the power to censor what the public sees & hears. "


    1. actor212

      Because if this was a dictatorship, it would be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as he's the dictator.

      Wait. Wasn't that the other guy?

  3. boobookitteh

    I was more serious the other night telling the bartender to turn off the Yankees game.

  4. valgal2342

    I always ask that the channel be changed if it is on Fox News in any public place, I've done it for years. Airports, bars, where ever. I have found if you ask to change it to ESPN there is never a problem or suspicion. Suckers!

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      "there is never a problem or suspicion."
      Unless they are showing the National Spelling Bee Championship or that snooty Dog Show.

  5. Schmannnity

    They would have turned the TV off but Kilmeade was covering an important story about a skinhead child being rescued from a well.

  6. Goonemeritus

    Meh both sides do it I had a bunch of neighbors complain when I blasted Billy Bragg’s version of The Internationale this 4th of July.

    1. Sparky McGruff

      I thought that was "Fox Nation", or perhaps that's more for the clinically insane.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      I don't think I could own a bar. I'd be my own best customer. Though it worked out for Sam Hagar…

  7. UnholyMoses

    "I wish the bar owner would have asked to see his valid SS card"

    Sorry, but only the GOP carries SS cards.

    Especially when they goosestep.

  8. BaldarTFlagass

    "I wish the bar owner would have asked to see his valid SS card"

    What, no birth certificate?

    1. LesBontemps

      Well, everybody joked about Pravda ("Truth") and Izvestia ("News"): "There's no news in Pravda and no truth in Izvestia."

      But Roger Ailes will have you disappeared.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Only in Russia can you learn something from Faux News . . . Putin, in particular, is learning quite a lot.

  9. Gratuitous World

    this is the biggest cable-tv related controversy of the administration, except for the time Biden asked what the fuck is a show called Ice Road Truckers doing on the history channel.

    1. viennawoods13

      When the satellite company tried to talk me into a package including the history channel, I told them that I was a history teacher, and if the history channel actually covered history, I'd be delighted to subscribe to it. As it is, not so much.

    2. C_R_Eature

      And there's the increasingly inaccurately named "The Learning Channel"

      I prefer to remain in blissful ignorance, if that's Learning.

  10. freakishlywrong

    First he attempted to make healtcare affordable, then he found 24 hour right wing propaganda disagreeable. History's Greatest Monster.

  11. BaldarTFlagass

    “I’ll arm-wrestle you for your vote,” Hawks said to Obama. “No, I’ll play basketball for your vote,” he replied.

    Maybe a dick-size comparison would be better. Duelling porkswords!

  12. Dildeaux

    Does Ziggy have screwed-up eyes and a screwed-down hairdew? Like some cat from Japan?

  13. BaldarTFlagass

    Whenever I am in some public place where they are showing Fox News, I only wish I had some kind of universal remote that I could use to surreptitiously change the TV station over to Amy Goodman's Democracy Now show. Permanently.

  14. mrpuma2u

    Many times I have been places (like oil change lobbies etc..) where fuxstix news was on and I changed it to a local station morning news. Most people didn't give me a second look, once some dude that worked there asked me why I changed it, and whether I disliked fuxstix news. I told him I preferred local stuff (which is true) but spared him my hippie rant against fuxstix. What does all this mean anyway, dang if I know….

    1. new_pic_for_NEWTer

      BZG – I just read your personal description of your pride at your 8 yr old beaning you for crowding the plate. It brought back a fond recollection of doing the same to my 8 year old son, right after he smacked a line drive right back at my unprotected testicles. Ahhh, memories…

  15. anniegetyerfun

    "I wish the bar owner would have asked to see his valid SS card"

    Um, you get one of those when you immigrate legally to the US. It doesn't prove citizenship, dickwad.

    1. MissTaken

      I'm so jaded and cynical about these douchebags that I actually thought by SS card he was referring to a Nazi SS officer card.

  16. edgydrifter

    My current working theory is that conservatives act very thin-skinned because their dermis is, in fact, being stretched thin to the edge of rupture by all the lard, corn syrup, stupidity and aggression swilling around inside them.

  17. SorosBot

    Really, wingnuts, I don't get it. These idiots keep saying crap like calling him the "dictator in chief" and yet they cannot say one single fucking thing he has done to act like a dictator or authoritarian. Nothing. Yet these are the people that supported Bush, who actually did undermine the Constitution and unilaterally violate the law. Obama? They just assert he's like a dictator without any single reason except that they don't like him.

    But then, these are the same morons who actually try and claim the conservative fascists were somehow liberal, so we know they have no clue what they're talking about. They don't even know what dictatorship means, considering that most of them actually support authoritarian fascism.

    1. MissTaken

      Obama gave me birth control and pap smears. If that doesn't smell like a dictator I don't know what does.

      1. SorosBot

        Allowing women control of their own bodies even if it goes against the religious beliefs of their employer is the worst tyranny ever!

    2. Doktor Zoom

      Well, his awful wife IS trying to shove "shoving less down our throats" down our throats, so no more freedom.

    3. fuflans

      some brilliant wonketteer recently noted that wingtards can't even come up with fresh insults for bamz.

      they merely recycle everything that was thrown at bush.

      (but said wonketteer was much more eloquent.)

  18. shortsandpants


    The television represents TRUTH.
    Fox News represents the MESSAGE.
    Barack Obama represents HITLER, just cause.
    A bar represents NOTHING.

    Obama hates the TRUTH because of the MESSAGE he got from HITLER, which is NOTHING. I am going to Free Republic with this information.

  19. JustPixelz

    This dedication to the principle of free speech and the First Amendment is why Repubicans never criticize the media or news outlets.

  20. BaldarTFlagass

    "But he would love to have the power to censor what the public sees & hears."
    Yes, Obama really envies the fuck out of Rupert Murdoch.

  21. An_Outhouse

    What fascist asshole goes to a bar to watch Faux? Bars are for SPORTS!! PERIOD!!! USA!! USA!!

  22. Joshua Norton

    Hate to break it to the freepers, but "hey, turn that shit off" is Bammerz First Amendment "free speech". Most of them wouldn't recognize the Bill of Rights if you used a rolled up copy to knock Bill O'Reilly's dick out of their mouth.

  23. metamarcisf

    If I had been there I would have insisted the channel be changed to Link TV (Borgen).

  24. salt_bagel

    Long as they let me play that vidja game what shows all them nudie puzzles, I'll be content.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      I've got to remember that one for later (unattributed) use.

      Because I am a MONSTER

  25. Mittens Howell, III

    Fox helps induce vomiting, therefore more room for beer.

    Fox helps induce despair and self hatred, therefore more need for beer.

    Good luck getting bar owners to let go of this cash-cow.

  26. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    One of the things I've noticed about Fox news is that the text crawl in the Chyron is half the speed of any other TV channel's. I theorize it's because the average viewer has the reading skill of a 3rd grader.

    1. Buckminster

      3rd grade? The spelling isn't even 2nd grade level, and the grammar? Holy Guacamole!

  27. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Ditto for those who just leave $500 because it's not worth the trouble to figure it out.

    1. not that Raul Castro

      Sure. As a waiter, those $500 tips were the bane of my existence. I hate it when people do that.

  28. Mittens Howell, III

    Mitt Romney responded by visiting a milk saloon and asking them to turn off MSNBC.

  29. Jus_Wonderin

    For some reason this fits nicely with a morning controversy we are having in the office. "Who removed the rounded corners from the ends of the conference table. I mean, it's not the act of removal (or addtion) of said rounded conference table corners. It is the secrecy at which the act was committed."

    It's like, aw fuck, I manage 7th graders (specifically, one of them). Fuck.

    I am working with my office door closed to show my frustration. As I never loose my cool, at least I can act passive agressively at the idiot that thought "removal of rounded conference table corners in secret" was a weighty enough issue to rant to the entire company email distribution.

    If I had remained in teaching…I'd be retired by now. Fuck.

    1. Buckminster

      To break up your day, spend the afternoon acting passively aggressive, instead.

    2. fuflans

      well i don't really at all understand 'removable conference table corners' but i do know if you had stayed a teacher you'd be a great greedy enemy of america and would deserve to lose your pension.

  30. Mittens Howell, III

    Sarah Palin responded by visiting Wasilla library and demanding they turn all their books off.

    1. fuflans

      i think there are many silver linings to not living in a swing state. primarily the 50-ish % of the population who thinks republicans are good idea.

  31. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Everyone knows you don't tell jokes to conservatives. Conservatives exist to have jokes made about them.

  32. C_R_Eature

    OT Ocean Science News:

    This week, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) has released a statement categorically stating that Mermaids are Not Real.

    Humph. That's not what those guys thought at my National Oceans Day lagoon party.

    Protip: When you're twisted on Mezcal and are grappling with a lapfull of drunken Fish-Girl, don't let anyone take pictures.
    Expect a letter in the mail.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      I am reminded of the Maakies strip where Drinky Crow and Uncle Gabby are perplexed as to whether they should have white wine or red to accompany their meal–which is a dead mermaid that has washed up on the beach.

      EDIT: Dook-dook-dook!

        1. Doktor Zoom

          "OUT OF STOCK!"

          Internet, why must you tease me with information about things I cannot have?

          1. C_R_Eature

            Disgraceful. I think a Strongly Worded Letter is in order.

            Also, just what kind of demented people bought them all out? College kids on summer vacation? FOX News Interns? Wonkeratti?

  33. Antispandex

    This is typical. A black man threatens a freedom lover in a bar, with a basketball, and no arrest is made.

  34. Doktor Zoom

    I should just like to add that NOT ONE COMMENT on FoxNews' version of this story mentioned Ziggy Stardust. Clearly, this is an essential difference between Red and Blue Amercia.

    Also, too, I should point out the possibility that the pub in this story may be owned by Ziggy Sbotka, the drug-smuggling loser son of longshoreman Frank Sobotka in Season Two of The Wire. Except that he's fictional, and also (spoiler alert) doing a life sentence. Nothing good comes of teaching a duck to drink hard liquor.

    1. C_R_Eature

      This proves to me that FOX viewer demographic is either a) Too Old, b) Too Young or c) Not Cool Enough to make the David Bowie connection. Actually, I'd have to choose a. and c. if this was a multiple choice exam.

      Nothing good comes of teaching a duck to drink hard liquor. I have to agree with that.

      1. Doktor Zoom

        "403 Forbidden"… Man, every time you try to link to a duck picture, it simply does not work.

        I don't know what kind of weirdass Anatidaean porn are you linking to anyway, you sicko?

        1. C_R_Eature

          I've clearly accumulated some very bad Duck Karma, so I'll have to rethink those. I thought it was just a harmless diorama involving a stuffed duck passed out in a field of empty liquor bottles. The Great Magnet clearly does not these images to be disseminated.

          Anatidaean porn, did you say?

  35. Lynne

    Personally, I am rather more fond of Limbaugh's joke about women having the vote. It shows a true sense of humor in the toad world.

  36. C_R_Eature

    Well, I think this is the prefect situation for those Concealed Carry/Stand your Ground laws. Instead of arguing over channels, one .357 round will solve the problem immediately. No one has to see upsetting television so everyone wins!

    Remember: "An Armed Society is a Polite Society".

  37. ttommyunger

    Ever take a pacifier away from a baby? This is why you leave Fox on where you find it on. They're just quieter when they're getting their ears tickled. Quiet is better.

  38. Mittens Howell, III

    All you ever need to know about Twitchy.com: "Owner, Founder, and Chief Executive Officer: Michelle Malkin"

  39. arihaya

    clearly hanging out in a bar is a BITCH SLAP in the face of that uber-boring Mittens

  40. labman57

    The degree of hyperbole in the conservative message is directly proportional to the degree of desperation felt among the Republican leadership with respect to their prospects in the Fall elections.

  41. TribecaMike

    I may not always agree with him, but I do like knowing we have a president who goes to a bar once in a while.

  42. dandalion

    I just wanted to say that I absolutely love the sarcasm and irony in these articles. I may not comment much but I am the biggest lurker and enjoy my daily visits! I just wanted to say Thanks!

  43. DahBoner

    Fox News is like Vietnam.

    We need to burn it down with a Zippo lighter, in order to save it!!!!

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