'elp, 'elp, I'm bein' repressed!Notorious freedom-hater Barack Obama, in a brazen move to nullify the First Amendment, joked with a patron at a bar in Amherst, Ohio, that maybe the owner should turn off Fox News.

Buzzfeed reports that, during an impromptu visit to Ziggy’s Pub and Restaurant, the President imperiously demanded that all dissent be stifled forever. As the nascent dictator talked with “supporters” in the bar, a member of the group of locals, Jeff Hawks, pointed at one of the TV’s and said, “You’re in a building that has Fox news on.” Pool reporter Mark Landler of the New York Times captured the chilling conversation that followed:

Obama suggested that Hawks ask for it to be changed. “The customer is always right,” he said.

“I’ll arm-wrestle you for your vote,” Hawks said to Obama. “No, I’ll play basketball for your vote,” he replied.

What is this, A Game of Thrones? Giving the commoners a “choice” of how they will meet their doom? In a clarification, Landler added:

When President Obama told a patron at Ziggy’s bar in Amherst, OH that he suggest that the TV be switched from Fox, he made the remark in a humorous exchange, as did in a subsequent exchange about arm-wrestling or playing basketball over the patron’s vote.

The episode was duly reported in the political blogosphere, where the combination of the words “Obama” and “turn off Fox” elicited the usual howls about the unprecedented assault on liberty, although for this particular freedom-killing act, the 37th of the week, the protests feel a little pro-forma.

One wag at the aptly named suggested it reflects Obama’s characteristic cowardice: “Note that the president didn’t ask the owner directly. Would this be another example of ‘leading from behind’?” Fox Nation’s Facebook page was about what you’d expect:

Better idea, turn off the dictator in chief.

I wish the bar owner would have asked to see his valid SS card

forget the 1st ammendment this guys respect nothing


No wonder friends! He hates Fox for a reason! They tell the truth about him and all his cronies! This picture shows what a poor excuse we have as a president! May God have mercy on America!

Gee, a fellow from Germany took over the radio stations back in the late 30’s, hmmm, coincidence, I think NOT. Welcome to the United States of Germany, if obummer had his way”

The White House says it was a joking comment. But he would love to have the power to censor what the public sees & hears.

A “joke.” Likely story. One does not “joke” about turning off Fox News. As any decent American knows, “jokes” involve suggesting that maybe somebody should throw the President and Moochelle out of a plane, emailing a photo of Obama as a chimp from a local GOP office, or maybe emailing a funny racist story about signing up a dog for welfare, also from a local GOP office. Now THAT shit is funny, ha-ha! But replying to a bar patron pointing out the incongruity of Fox News being on when one is the chief target of that network? No, this is how Liberty dies: with the tap of a remote.

In a largely-unremarked aspect of the story, the Lamestream Media also failed to ascertain whether the pub’s owner, a short, neckless bald man wearing a shapeless shirt and no pants, complied with the presidential edict or simply uttered a pathetic self-pitying “quip” of his own, in the vain hope that he might be embraced as a “loveable loser.”

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  • ChernobylSoup

    How about an IQ test for America's vote?

    • nounverb911

      120 or better?

    • Faux would openly declare a war on intelligence as opposed to their standard covert war on intelligence.

    • Schmannnity

      Only right wingers (on a bell curve) can vote.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Hell with that — let's IQ test the candidates. You should be 130 or better just to qualify for the ballot. Imagine a world where imbeciles like Bachmann, Palin, and Texas governors aren't embarassing the country in front of the whole world.

      • Terry

        How about something simpler? Just ask the candidates to calculate in their head a 15% tip on a restaurant bill.

        • BerkeleyBear

          Actually, I suggest a simpler test – take them to a place where the waitron (a gender neutral term Anthony Bourdain popularized) is plainly living off their tips (local chain hole like an Applebee's or even Denny's, or a local dive coffeeshop). Be a demanding customer – repeated changes, special orders, anything to make the staff work (having a kid who makes a mess and yells is a bonus). Then, take the check to the counter and ask the candidate to leave the tip, and secretly film the results. Anyone who does 15 percent on the nose (or even worse, less) is out. Anyone who leaves 20 percent or more is allowed to stick around.

          This assumes the server does a decent job and doesn't get pissed off/spit in the food to your knowledge.

    • SheriffJoeBiden

      How about a literacy test instead? Or maybe we make everyone pay a poll tax? What you suggest has been tried before and its legacy is not a proud one. Self-described liberals really ought to quit it with the "If only the idiots didn't vote, our ideas would prevail" nonsense. The problem isn't that people have dumb brains. It's that they're relentlessly misled.

      • There's a chicken-or-egg thing there. They're relentlessly misled, sure, but why? Because theyre fucking idiots.

        • SheriffJoeBiden

          Still, it's a losing argument and it doesn't flatter those who make it. It's also one you'll find all over the right-wing comment sections. All that leaves aside the fact that you don't need to be a genius to have valid opinions and make good decisions.

          • Yea, hi, comedy blog here. Have we met?

          • SheriffJoeBiden

            Yes, comedy blog, but "How about an IQ test for America's vote?" isn't funny (sorry OP). Even if it's meant to be 100% in jest, that attitude is real and it's a problem. I'll try to be funny later, I promise.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            "He hates Fox for a reason! They tell the truth about him and all his cronies!"

            That's a whole lot of stupid right there.

    • Anything above double digits should disqualify most the Tea Party.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        That's sort of the point, innit?

    • lulzmonger

      The GOP wants this … three-digit IQs = permanent disqualification.

  • Barb

    Ann Romney: Obama is trying to kill Fox News.
    Manager of Ziggy's bar named TV Czar, gets invited to the White House for a beer and Obama has to call and apologize to Bristol Palin for this.

  • nounverb911

    I hoping Obama meant at the network level of turning off Fox.

  • Billmatic

    I mean what can you possibly say to this other than facepalm?

    • One begins to wonder if indeed these people need new diapers.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Oh, they have diapers. They've just needed them changed for about 4 years.


    • This…

      I guess it doesnt support inserting images… Here is the link

  • SorosBot

    "But he would love to have the power to censor what the public sees & hears. "


  • boobookitteh

    I was more serious the other night telling the bartender to turn off the Yankees game.

    • a_pink_poodle


      • boobookitteh

        Only the New York teams.

      • emmelemm


        • a_pink_poodle

          Sorry, imagine the Newsflash title card from Sesame Street and the theme.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      I always ask if they could put on some cartoons.

      • Doktor Zoom

        Well, different cartoons, at least.

  • Tundra Grifter

    The more time the right wing nutz spend on such trivia, the happier I am.

  • valgal2342

    I always ask that the channel be changed if it is on Fox News in any public place, I've done it for years. Airports, bars, where ever. I have found if you ask to change it to ESPN there is never a problem or suspicion. Suckers!

    • YOU'RE that guy??? Errr, girl? Oh, whatevs, that's YOU?????

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "there is never a problem or suspicion."
      Unless they are showing the National Spelling Bee Championship or that snooty Dog Show.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      I doubt that would work in the Fox Sports bar.

  • Schmannnity

    They would have turned the TV off but Kilmeade was covering an important story about a skinhead child being rescued from a well.

    • scvirginia

      By government employees?

      • BaldarTFlagass

        No, by invisible hands.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    So where were the Spiders?

    • CrunchyKnee

      Just a beer light to guide us?

    • WhatTheHeck

      Fox viewers are from Mars.

    • LesBontemps

      Post removed in deference to CrunchyKnee who got here with it first.

    • scvirginia

      They went back to Mars, prolly. No Fox syndicate there yet.

  • Goonemeritus

    Meh both sides do it I had a bunch of neighbors complain when I blasted Billy Bragg’s version of The Internationale this 4th of July.

    • prommie

      They really hate it when I blast "All You Facists."

      • BaldarTFlagass

        I like how you used the Redstate/Breitbart spelling.

  • Schmannnity

    Is the first website devoted to meth users?

    • Sparky McGruff

      I thought that was "Fox Nation", or perhaps that's more for the clinically insane.

      • Oblios_Cap

        You're thinking of is for the cokeheads.

        • b[redact]opple

          I dunno. Cocaine might be too fancy for these people.

          • Fare la Volpe

            Crack is cheap. That's why Whitney's too good for crack.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      It's owned by Michelle Malkin so, yeah, probably.

  • To make things worse Obama threatened Jeff Hawks with basketball, a sport that only Negros play.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Austin Rivers Libel!!!

  • Ziggy opened a bar? Wow. That's quite the fall from the toast of the comics page…

    • johnnymeatworth

      Yeah, It's like seeing Jake La Motta at the end of Raging Bull….

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I don't think I could own a bar. I'd be my own best customer. Though it worked out for Sam Hagar…

      • I'd want to keep my profits safe from theft and embezzlement.


  • UnholyMoses

    "I wish the bar owner would have asked to see his valid SS card"

    Sorry, but only the GOP carries SS cards.

    Especially when they goosestep.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "I wish the bar owner would have asked to see his valid SS card"

    What, no birth certificate?

    • mavenmaven

      Because the owner had a valid SS card, back from Germany in the 30s.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    You didn't joke about Pravda or Izvestia, and you don't joke about Faux News.

    • LesBontemps

      Well, everybody joked about Pravda ("Truth") and Izvestia ("News"): "There's no news in Pravda and no truth in Izvestia."

      But Roger Ailes will have you disappeared.

      • MosesInvests

        Vi Pravda nye Izvestia, i vi Izvestia nye Pravda.

        • Doktor Zoom

          Only a commie knows how to speak Rooshin.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Only in Russia can you learn something from Faux News . . . Putin, in particular, is learning quite a lot.

  • this is the biggest cable-tv related controversy of the administration, except for the time Biden asked what the fuck is a show called Ice Road Truckers doing on the history channel.

    • Chichikovovich

      The full title was Ice Road Truckers of the Third Reich.

    • viennawoods13

      When the satellite company tried to talk me into a package including the history channel, I told them that I was a history teacher, and if the history channel actually covered history, I'd be delighted to subscribe to it. As it is, not so much.

    • C_R_Eature

      And there's the increasingly inaccurately named "The Learning Channel"

      I prefer to remain in blissful ignorance, if that's Learning.

  • freakishlywrong

    First he attempted to make healtcare affordable, then he found 24 hour right wing propaganda disagreeable. History's Greatest Monster.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Well, Fox News turns me off, so I guess I can only hope to return the favor.

  • It's only fair considering Faux's been trying to get the Preznit Obama Show off the air for the last four years.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    “I’ll arm-wrestle you for your vote,” Hawks said to Obama. “No, I’ll play basketball for your vote,” he replied.

    Maybe a dick-size comparison would be better. Duelling porkswords!

  • Clearly an impeachable offense.

  • This mini un-scandal just serves to remind me that Andrew Breitbart is still dead. I never get tired of mentioning that.

    • LesBontemps

      And I never get tired of hearing it.

    • ingloriousbytch

      It's like phone sex to me. Say it again!

    • lulzmonger

      Ironically, by now his aroma has improved.

  • Dildeaux

    Does Ziggy have screwed-up eyes and a screwed-down hairdew? Like some cat from Japan?

    • johnnymeatworth

      If he does then he can lick 'em by smiling. Or apparently arm wrestling.

    • An_Outhouse

      He used to. Now he's fat and bald.

      • C_R_Eature

        That's only because he took it all too far. But boy, could he play guitar.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Whenever I am in some public place where they are showing Fox News, I only wish I had some kind of universal remote that I could use to surreptitiously change the TV station over to Amy Goodman's Democracy Now show. Permanently.

  • mrpuma2u

    Many times I have been places (like oil change lobbies etc..) where fuxstix news was on and I changed it to a local station morning news. Most people didn't give me a second look, once some dude that worked there asked me why I changed it, and whether I disliked fuxstix news. I told him I preferred local stuff (which is true) but spared him my hippie rant against fuxstix. What does all this mean anyway, dang if I know….

    • MissTaken

      It means you are History's 2nd Greatest Monster

  • Baconzgood

    The worst thing to happen in America. EVAR!

    • new_pic_for_NEWTer

      BZG – I just read your personal description of your pride at your 8 yr old beaning you for crowding the plate. It brought back a fond recollection of doing the same to my 8 year old son, right after he smacked a line drive right back at my unprotected testicles. Ahhh, memories…

      • Baconzgood

        You can't buy parenting like that.

        • Doktor Zoom

          I really do love being a dad. Excellent stories, the both of yez.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Makes Kent State look like a picnic.

  • anniegetyerfun

    "I wish the bar owner would have asked to see his valid SS card"

    Um, you get one of those when you immigrate legally to the US. It doesn't prove citizenship, dickwad.

    • MissTaken

      I'm so jaded and cynical about these douchebags that I actually thought by SS card he was referring to a Nazi SS officer card.

  • edgydrifter

    My current working theory is that conservatives act very thin-skinned because their dermis is, in fact, being stretched thin to the edge of rupture by all the lard, corn syrup, stupidity and aggression swilling around inside them.

  • SorosBot

    Really, wingnuts, I don't get it. These idiots keep saying crap like calling him the "dictator in chief" and yet they cannot say one single fucking thing he has done to act like a dictator or authoritarian. Nothing. Yet these are the people that supported Bush, who actually did undermine the Constitution and unilaterally violate the law. Obama? They just assert he's like a dictator without any single reason except that they don't like him.

    But then, these are the same morons who actually try and claim the conservative fascists were somehow liberal, so we know they have no clue what they're talking about. They don't even know what dictatorship means, considering that most of them actually support authoritarian fascism.

    • MissTaken

      Obama gave me birth control and pap smears. If that doesn't smell like a dictator I don't know what does.

      • SorosBot

        Allowing women control of their own bodies even if it goes against the religious beliefs of their employer is the worst tyranny ever!

    • Doktor Zoom

      Well, his awful wife IS trying to shove "shoving less down our throats" down our throats, so no more freedom.

    • Fox n Fiends


    • some brilliant wonketteer recently noted that wingtards can't even come up with fresh insults for bamz.

      they merely recycle everything that was thrown at bush.

      (but said wonketteer was much more eloquent.)

  • shortsandpants


    The television represents TRUTH.
    Fox News represents the MESSAGE.
    Barack Obama represents HITLER, just cause.
    A bar represents NOTHING.

    Obama hates the TRUTH because of the MESSAGE he got from HITLER, which is NOTHING. I am going to Free Republic with this information.

    • Baconzgood

      We're through the looking glass people. Black is white, and white is black.

      • LesBontemps

        But mostly there's a black in the White House.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      A bar represents the weekend!

  • JustPixelz

    This dedication to the principle of free speech and the First Amendment is why Repubicans never criticize the media or news outlets.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "But he would love to have the power to censor what the public sees & hears."
    Yes, Obama really envies the fuck out of Rupert Murdoch.

  • Baconzgood

    ….But doesn't he have the FREEDOM to ask that it be turned off?

  • More importantly, TMZ link at Buzzfeed

    With Bikini Babe

    I think the mystery woman is Katie Holmes.

  • An_Outhouse

    What fascist asshole goes to a bar to watch Faux? Bars are for SPORTS!! PERIOD!!! USA!! USA!!

  • Hate to break it to the freepers, but "hey, turn that shit off" is Bammerz First Amendment "free speech". Most of them wouldn't recognize the Bill of Rights if you used a rolled up copy to knock Bill O'Reilly's dick out of their mouth.

  • metamarcisf

    If I had been there I would have insisted the channel be changed to Link TV (Borgen).

    • Or Free Speech TV. Particularly if Al Jazeera news was playing

  • salt_bagel

    Long as they let me play that vidja game what shows all them nudie puzzles, I'll be content.

  • kissawookiee

    First he dared to sit in the Oval Office without a coat and tie, and now he's telling jokes. Why can't he respect the dignity of the office?

  • edgydrifter

    Fox News is the Happy Fun Ball of television.

    • Doktor Zoom

      I've got to remember that one for later (unattributed) use.

      Because I am a MONSTER

    • C_R_Eature

      FOX News is the OW MY BALLS of Television.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Fox helps induce vomiting, therefore more room for beer.

    Fox helps induce despair and self hatred, therefore more need for beer.

    Good luck getting bar owners to let go of this cash-cow.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Cheaper than giving out free salted peanuts and pig's knuckles!

      • Mittens Howell, III

        mmm pig's knuckles.

  • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    One of the things I've noticed about Fox news is that the text crawl in the Chyron is half the speed of any other TV channel's. I theorize it's because the average viewer has the reading skill of a 3rd grader.

    • C_R_Eature

      I'm just surprised it's not on crayon.

      • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        Or comic sans.

        • AutomaticPilot

          Or in 72-point font.

          • C_R_Eature


    • Fox n Fiends

      or is older than Roger Ailes

    • Buckminster

      3rd grade? The spelling isn't even 2nd grade level, and the grammar? Holy Guacamole!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Ditto for those who just leave $500 because it's not worth the trouble to figure it out.

    • not that Raul Castro

      Sure. As a waiter, those $500 tips were the bane of my existence. I hate it when people do that.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Mitt Romney responded by visiting a milk saloon and asking them to turn off MSNBC.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    For some reason this fits nicely with a morning controversy we are having in the office. "Who removed the rounded corners from the ends of the conference table. I mean, it's not the act of removal (or addtion) of said rounded conference table corners. It is the secrecy at which the act was committed."

    It's like, aw fuck, I manage 7th graders (specifically, one of them). Fuck.

    I am working with my office door closed to show my frustration. As I never loose my cool, at least I can act passive agressively at the idiot that thought "removal of rounded conference table corners in secret" was a weighty enough issue to rant to the entire company email distribution.

    If I had remained in teaching…I'd be retired by now. Fuck.

    • Buckminster

      To break up your day, spend the afternoon acting passively aggressive, instead.

    • well i don't really at all understand 'removable conference table corners' but i do know if you had stayed a teacher you'd be a great greedy enemy of america and would deserve to lose your pension.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Sarah Palin responded by visiting Wasilla library and demanding they turn all their books off.

  • scvirginia

    Speaking of turning off the teevee, here is the silver lining to not living in a swing state:

    • i think there are many silver linings to not living in a swing state. primarily the 50-ish % of the population who thinks republicans are good idea.

  • gullywompr

    Fox News is it's own joke.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Everyone knows you don't tell jokes to conservatives. Conservatives exist to have jokes made about them.

  • C_R_Eature

    OT Ocean Science News:

    This week, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) has released a statement categorically stating that Mermaids are Not Real.

    Humph. That's not what those guys thought at my National Oceans Day lagoon party.

    Protip: When you're twisted on Mezcal and are grappling with a lapfull of drunken Fish-Girl, don't let anyone take pictures.
    Expect a letter in the mail.

    • Doktor Zoom

      I am reminded of the Maakies strip where Drinky Crow and Uncle Gabby are perplexed as to whether they should have white wine or red to accompany their meal–which is a dead mermaid that has washed up on the beach.

      EDIT: Dook-dook-dook!

      • C_R_Eature

        Drinky Crow FTW!

        I usually have a nice Reisling. Shhhh!

        EDIT: There's a T-Shirt! Good God.

        • Doktor Zoom

          "OUT OF STOCK!"

          Internet, why must you tease me with information about things I cannot have?

          • C_R_Eature

            Disgraceful. I think a Strongly Worded Letter is in order.

            Also, just what kind of demented people bought them all out? College kids on summer vacation? FOX News Interns? Wonkeratti?

      • emmelemm

        Drinky Crow!!! You've brought joy to my Friday.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Then King Obama had them all hung, drawn and quartered, The End.

  • Antispandex

    This is typical. A black man threatens a freedom lover in a bar, with a basketball, and no arrest is made.

  • Doktor Zoom

    I should just like to add that NOT ONE COMMENT on FoxNews' version of this story mentioned Ziggy Stardust. Clearly, this is an essential difference between Red and Blue Amercia.

    Also, too, I should point out the possibility that the pub in this story may be owned by Ziggy Sbotka, the drug-smuggling loser son of longshoreman Frank Sobotka in Season Two of The Wire. Except that he's fictional, and also (spoiler alert) doing a life sentence. Nothing good comes of teaching a duck to drink hard liquor.

    • C_R_Eature

      This proves to me that FOX viewer demographic is either a) Too Old, b) Too Young or c) Not Cool Enough to make the David Bowie connection. Actually, I'd have to choose a. and c. if this was a multiple choice exam.

      Nothing good comes of teaching a duck to drink hard liquor. I have to agree with that.

      • Doktor Zoom

        "403 Forbidden"… Man, every time you try to link to a duck picture, it simply does not work.

        I don't know what kind of weirdass Anatidaean porn are you linking to anyway, you sicko?

        • C_R_Eature

          I've clearly accumulated some very bad Duck Karma, so I'll have to rethink those. I thought it was just a harmless diorama involving a stuffed duck passed out in a field of empty liquor bottles. The Great Magnet clearly does not these images to be disseminated.

          Anatidaean porn, did you say?

          • viennawoods13

            That was awesome!

          • C_R_Eature

            Thanks. I love those two. They have quite the catalog of amusing songs.

  • Lynne

    Personally, I am rather more fond of Limbaugh's joke about women having the vote. It shows a true sense of humor in the toad world.

  • Soylent Green

    Outrageous! Why isn't Obama in the classrooms turning off NPR?

  • C_R_Eature

    Well, I think this is the prefect situation for those Concealed Carry/Stand your Ground laws. Instead of arguing over channels, one .357 round will solve the problem immediately. No one has to see upsetting television so everyone wins!

    Remember: "An Armed Society is a Polite Society".

  • The egomaniacs at Fox are probably creaming their pants right now at the POTUS mention.

  • ttommyunger

    Ever take a pacifier away from a baby? This is why you leave Fox on where you find it on. They're just quieter when they're getting their ears tickled. Quiet is better.

  • Extemporanus

    Thank you for improving my face value, Dok.

    • emmelemm

      Oh, that Ziggy!

  • jaytingle

    Oh Ziggy, will you ever win?

  • Mittens Howell, III

    All you ever need to know about "Owner, Founder, and Chief Executive Officer: Michelle Malkin"

  • arihaya

    clearly hanging out in a bar is a BITCH SLAP in the face of that uber-boring Mittens

  • labman57

    The degree of hyperbole in the conservative message is directly proportional to the degree of desperation felt among the Republican leadership with respect to their prospects in the Fall elections.

  • TribecaMike

    I may not always agree with him, but I do like knowing we have a president who goes to a bar once in a while.

  • I just wanted to say that I absolutely love the sarcasm and irony in these articles. I may not comment much but I am the biggest lurker and enjoy my daily visits! I just wanted to say Thanks!

  • MinAgain

    My turn offs include Fox News, too.

  • DahBoner

    Fox News is like Vietnam.

    We need to burn it down with a Zippo lighter, in order to save it!!!!

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