Free Speech Under Siege: Obama ‘Jokes’ About Turning Off Fox News At A Bar

by Doktor Zoom

'elp, 'elp, I'm bein' repressed!Notorious freedom-hater Barack Obama, in a brazen move to nullify the First Amendment, joked with a patron at a bar in Amherst, Ohio, that maybe the owner should turn off Fox News.

Buzzfeed reports that, during an impromptu visit to Ziggy’s Pub and Restaurant, the President imperiously demanded that all dissent be stifled forever. As the nascent dictator talked with “supporters” in the bar, a member of the group of locals, Jeff Hawks, pointed at one of the TV’s and said, “You’re in a building that has Fox news on.” Pool reporter Mark Landler of the New York Times captured the chilling conversation that followed:

Obama suggested that Hawks ask for it to be changed. “The customer is always right,” he said.

“I’ll arm-wrestle you for your vote,” Hawks said to Obama. “No, I’ll play basketball for your vote,” he replied.

What is this, A Game of Thrones? Giving the commoners a “choice” of how they will meet their doom? In a clarification, Landler added:

When President Obama told a patron at Ziggy’s bar in Amherst, OH that he suggest that the TV be switched from Fox, he made the remark in a humorous exchange, as did in a subsequent exchange about arm-wrestling or playing basketball over the patron’s vote.

The episode was duly reported in the political blogosphere, where the combination of the words “Obama” and “turn off Fox” elicited the usual howls about the unprecedented assault on liberty, although for this particular freedom-killing act, the 37th of the week, the protests feel a little pro-forma.

One wag at the aptly named Twitchy.com suggested it reflects Obama’s characteristic cowardice: “Note that the president didn’t ask the owner directly. Would this be another example of ‘leading from behind’?” Fox Nation’s Facebook page was about what you’d expect:

Better idea, turn off the dictator in chief.

I wish the bar owner would have asked to see his valid SS card

forget the 1st ammendment this guys respect nothing

“HE CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH …”

No wonder friends! He hates Fox for a reason! They tell the truth about him and all his cronies! This picture shows what a poor excuse we have as a president! May God have mercy on America!

Gee, a fellow from Germany took over the radio stations back in the late 30′s, hmmm, coincidence, I think NOT. Welcome to the United States of Germany, if obummer had his way”

The White House says it was a joking comment. But he would love to have the power to censor what the public sees & hears.

A “joke.” Likely story. One does not “joke” about turning off Fox News. As any decent American knows, “jokes” involve suggesting that maybe somebody should throw the President and Moochelle out of a plane, emailing a photo of Obama as a chimp from a local GOP office, or maybe emailing a funny racist story about signing up a dog for welfare, also from a local GOP office. Now THAT shit is funny, ha-ha! But replying to a bar patron pointing out the incongruity of Fox News being on when one is the chief target of that network? No, this is how Liberty dies: with the tap of a remote.

In a largely-unremarked aspect of the story, the Lamestream Media also failed to ascertain whether the pub’s owner, a short, neckless bald man wearing a shapeless shirt and no pants, complied with the presidential edict or simply uttered a pathetic self-pitying “quip” of his own, in the vain hope that he might be embraced as a “loveable loser.”

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 177 comments }

ChernobylSoup July 6, 2012 at 11:26 am

How about an IQ test for America's vote?

nounverb911 July 6, 2012 at 11:28 am

120 or better?

actor212 July 6, 2012 at 11:34 am

At this point, I'd settle for over 60

Nowisallthereis July 6, 2012 at 11:37 am

120 – the number of people who could then legally vote. I like it.

ManchuCandidate July 6, 2012 at 11:33 am

Faux would openly declare a war on intelligence as opposed to their standard covert war on intelligence.

Schmannnity July 6, 2012 at 11:34 am

Only right wingers (on a bell curve) can vote.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 6, 2012 at 11:38 am

Hell with that — let's IQ test the candidates. You should be 130 or better just to qualify for the ballot. Imagine a world where imbeciles like Bachmann, Palin, and Texas governors aren't embarassing the country in front of the whole world.

Terry July 6, 2012 at 11:51 am

How about something simpler? Just ask the candidates to calculate in their head a 15% tip on a restaurant bill.

BerkeleyBear July 6, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Actually, I suggest a simpler test – take them to a place where the waitron (a gender neutral term Anthony Bourdain popularized) is plainly living off their tips (local chain hole like an Applebee's or even Denny's, or a local dive coffeeshop). Be a demanding customer – repeated changes, special orders, anything to make the staff work (having a kid who makes a mess and yells is a bonus). Then, take the check to the counter and ask the candidate to leave the tip, and secretly film the results. Anyone who does 15 percent on the nose (or even worse, less) is out. Anyone who leaves 20 percent or more is allowed to stick around.

This assumes the server does a decent job and doesn't get pissed off/spit in the food to your knowledge.

SheriffJoeBiden July 6, 2012 at 11:39 am

How about a literacy test instead? Or maybe we make everyone pay a poll tax? What you suggest has been tried before and its legacy is not a proud one. Self-described liberals really ought to quit it with the "If only the idiots didn't vote, our ideas would prevail" nonsense. The problem isn't that people have dumb brains. It's that they're relentlessly misled.

actor212 July 6, 2012 at 11:46 am

There's a chicken-or-egg thing there. They're relentlessly misled, sure, but why? Because theyre fucking idiots.

SheriffJoeBiden July 6, 2012 at 11:54 am

Still, it's a losing argument and it doesn't flatter those who make it. It's also one you'll find all over the right-wing comment sections. All that leaves aside the fact that you don't need to be a genius to have valid opinions and make good decisions.

actor212 July 6, 2012 at 11:55 am

Yea, hi, comedy blog here. Have we met?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 6, 2012 at 12:09 pm

"He hates Fox for a reason! They tell the truth about him and all his cronies!"

That's a whole lot of stupid right there.

Chow Yun Flat July 6, 2012 at 11:44 am

Anything above double digits should disqualify most the Tea Party.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 6, 2012 at 12:00 pm

That's sort of the point, innit?

lulzmonger July 7, 2012 at 10:00 pm

The GOP wants this … three-digit IQs = permanent disqualification.

Barb July 6, 2012 at 11:26 am

Ann Romney: Obama is trying to kill Fox News.
Manager of Ziggy's bar named TV Czar, gets invited to the White House for a beer and Obama has to call and apologize to Bristol Palin for this.

nounverb911 July 6, 2012 at 11:27 am

I hoping Obama meant at the network level of turning off Fox.

Billmatic July 6, 2012 at 11:28 am

I mean what can you possibly say to this other than facepalm?

actor212 July 6, 2012 at 11:35 am

One begins to wonder if indeed these people need new diapers.

Jus_Wonderin July 6, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Oh, they have diapers. They've just needed them changed for about 4 years.

imissopus July 6, 2012 at 12:39 pm

OH FER FUCK'S SAKE LIBEL.

dandalion July 7, 2012 at 4:22 pm

This…

I guess it doesnt support inserting images… Here is the link

SorosBot July 6, 2012 at 11:28 am

"But he would love to have the power to censor what the public sees & hears. "

Evidence?

actor212 July 6, 2012 at 11:36 am

Because if this was a dictatorship, it would be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as he's the dictator.

Wait. Wasn't that the other guy?

Chichikovovich July 6, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Well, there was all the times at various rallies that people were arrested for protesting – sometimes strip-searched – even just for having message buttons or t-shirt messages or bumper stickers on the car out in the parking lot.

Wait – that was the other guy too.

horsedreamer_1 July 6, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Bradley Manning in chains.

boobookitteh July 6, 2012 at 11:29 am

I was more serious the other night telling the bartender to turn off the Yankees game.

a_pink_poodle July 6, 2012 at 12:33 pm

NEWSFLASH – BOOBOOKITTEH WANTS TO BAN ALL SPORTS IN AMERICA!

boobookitteh July 6, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Only the New York teams.

emmelemm July 6, 2012 at 1:31 pm

TOO MANY CAPS TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING!

a_pink_poodle July 6, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Sorry, imagine the Newsflash title card from Sesame Street and the theme.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 6, 2012 at 1:18 pm

I always ask if they could put on some cartoons.

Doktor Zoom July 6, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Well, different cartoons, at least.

Tundra Grifter July 6, 2012 at 11:29 am

The more time the right wing nutz spend on such trivia, the happier I am.

valgal2342 July 6, 2012 at 11:30 am

I always ask that the channel be changed if it is on Fox News in any public place, I've done it for years. Airports, bars, where ever. I have found if you ask to change it to ESPN there is never a problem or suspicion. Suckers!

actor212 July 6, 2012 at 11:36 am

YOU'RE that guy??? Errr, girl? Oh, whatevs, that's YOU?????

BaldarTFlagass July 6, 2012 at 11:40 am

"there is never a problem or suspicion."
Unless they are showing the National Spelling Bee Championship or that snooty Dog Show.

actor212 July 6, 2012 at 11:46 am

USA NETWORK LIBEL!

BoatOfVelociraptors July 6, 2012 at 12:12 pm

I doubt that would work in the Fox Sports bar.

Schmannnity July 6, 2012 at 11:30 am

They would have turned the TV off but Kilmeade was covering an important story about a skinhead child being rescued from a well.

scvirginia July 6, 2012 at 11:37 am

By government employees?

BaldarTFlagass July 6, 2012 at 11:46 am

No, by invisible hands.

BaldarTFlagass July 6, 2012 at 11:31 am

So where were the Spiders?

CrunchyKnee July 6, 2012 at 11:36 am

Just a beer light to guide us?

WhatTheHeck July 6, 2012 at 11:42 am

Fox viewers are from Mars.

LesBontemps July 6, 2012 at 11:42 am

Post removed in deference to CrunchyKnee who got here with it first.

scvirginia July 6, 2012 at 11:44 am

They went back to Mars, prolly. No Fox syndicate there yet.

Goonemeritus July 6, 2012 at 11:32 am

Meh both sides do it I had a bunch of neighbors complain when I blasted Billy Bragg’s version of The Internationale this 4th of July.

prommie July 6, 2012 at 11:46 am

They really hate it when I blast "All You Facists."

BaldarTFlagass July 6, 2012 at 11:53 am

I like how you used the Redstate/Breitbart spelling.

Schmannnity July 6, 2012 at 11:32 am

Is twitchy.com the first website devoted to meth users?

Sparky McGruff July 6, 2012 at 11:56 am

I thought that was "Fox Nation", or perhaps that's more for the clinically insane.

Oblios_Cap July 6, 2012 at 12:04 pm

You're thinking of tweakers.com. Twitchy.com is for the cokeheads.

b[redact]opple July 6, 2012 at 12:14 pm

I dunno. Cocaine might be too fancy for these people.

Fare la Volpe July 7, 2012 at 10:35 am

Crack is cheap. That's why Whitney's too good for crack.

Mittens Howell, III July 6, 2012 at 6:09 pm

It's owned by Michelle Malkin so, yeah, probably.

Chow Yun Flat July 6, 2012 at 11:32 am

To make things worse Obama threatened Jeff Hawks with basketball, a sport that only Negros play.

horsedreamer_1 July 6, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Austin Rivers Libel!!!

actor212 July 6, 2012 at 11:33 am

Ziggy opened a bar? Wow. That's quite the fall from the toast of the comics page…

johnnymeatworth July 6, 2012 at 11:39 am

Yeah, It's like seeing Jake La Motta at the end of Raging Bull….

BaldarTFlagass July 6, 2012 at 11:51 am

I don't think I could own a bar. I'd be my own best customer. Though it worked out for Sam Hagar…

actor212 July 6, 2012 at 11:56 am

I'd want to keep my profits safe from theft and embezzlement.

*hic*

UnholyMoses July 6, 2012 at 11:33 am

"I wish the bar owner would have asked to see his valid SS card"

Sorry, but only the GOP carries SS cards.

Especially when they goosestep.

BaldarTFlagass July 6, 2012 at 11:33 am

"I wish the bar owner would have asked to see his valid SS card"

What, no birth certificate?

mavenmaven July 6, 2012 at 11:35 am

Because the owner had a valid SS card, back from Germany in the 30s.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 6, 2012 at 11:33 am

You didn't joke about Pravda or Izvestia, and you don't joke about Faux News.

LesBontemps July 6, 2012 at 11:53 am

Well, everybody joked about Pravda ("Truth") and Izvestia ("News"): "There's no news in Pravda and no truth in Izvestia."

But Roger Ailes will have you disappeared.

MosesInvests July 6, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Vi Pravda nye Izvestia, i vi Izvestia nye Pravda.

Doktor Zoom July 6, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Only a commie knows how to speak Rooshin.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 6, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Only in Russia can you learn something from Faux News . . . Putin, in particular, is learning quite a lot.

Gratuitous World July 6, 2012 at 11:34 am

this is the biggest cable-tv related controversy of the administration, except for the time Biden asked what the fuck is a show called Ice Road Truckers doing on the history channel.

Chichikovovich July 6, 2012 at 1:44 pm

The full title was Ice Road Truckers of the Third Reich.

viennawoods13 July 6, 2012 at 2:17 pm

When the satellite company tried to talk me into a package including the history channel, I told them that I was a history teacher, and if the history channel actually covered history, I'd be delighted to subscribe to it. As it is, not so much.

C_R_Eature July 6, 2012 at 2:48 pm

And there's the increasingly inaccurately named "The Learning Channel"

I prefer to remain in blissful ignorance, if that's Learning.

freakishlywrong July 6, 2012 at 11:34 am

First he attempted to make healtcare affordable, then he found 24 hour right wing propaganda disagreeable. History's Greatest Monster.

anniegetyerfun July 6, 2012 at 11:34 am

Well, Fox News turns me off, so I guess I can only hope to return the favor.

ManchuCandidate July 6, 2012 at 11:35 am

It's only fair considering Faux's been trying to get the Preznit Obama Show off the air for the last four years.

BaldarTFlagass July 6, 2012 at 11:35 am

“I’ll arm-wrestle you for your vote,” Hawks said to Obama. “No, I’ll play basketball for your vote,” he replied.

Maybe a dick-size comparison would be better. Duelling porkswords!

DerrickWildcat July 6, 2012 at 11:36 am

Clearly an impeachable offense.

Joshua Norton July 6, 2012 at 11:36 am

This mini un-scandal just serves to remind me that Andrew Breitbart is still dead. I never get tired of mentioning that.

LesBontemps July 6, 2012 at 11:58 am

And I never get tired of hearing it.

ingloriousbytch July 6, 2012 at 12:06 pm

It's like phone sex to me. Say it again!

lulzmonger July 7, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Ironically, by now his aroma has improved.

Dildeaux July 6, 2012 at 11:37 am

Does Ziggy have screwed-up eyes and a screwed-down hairdew? Like some cat from Japan?

johnnymeatworth July 6, 2012 at 11:38 am

If he does then he can lick 'em by smiling. Or apparently arm wrestling.

An_Outhouse July 6, 2012 at 11:51 am

He used to. Now he's fat and bald.

C_R_Eature July 6, 2012 at 12:16 pm

That's only because he took it all too far. But boy, could he play guitar.

BaldarTFlagass July 6, 2012 at 11:38 am

Whenever I am in some public place where they are showing Fox News, I only wish I had some kind of universal remote that I could use to surreptitiously change the TV station over to Amy Goodman's Democracy Now show. Permanently.

Dashboard Buddha July 6, 2012 at 12:02 pm
C_R_Eature July 6, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Ordered. Thanks!!

mrpuma2u July 6, 2012 at 11:38 am

Many times I have been places (like oil change lobbies etc..) where fuxstix news was on and I changed it to a local station morning news. Most people didn't give me a second look, once some dude that worked there asked me why I changed it, and whether I disliked fuxstix news. I told him I preferred local stuff (which is true) but spared him my hippie rant against fuxstix. What does all this mean anyway, dang if I know….

MissTaken July 6, 2012 at 12:02 pm

It means you are History's 2nd Greatest Monster

Baconzgood July 6, 2012 at 11:40 am

The worst thing to happen in America. EVAR!

new_pic_for_NEWTer July 6, 2012 at 12:42 pm

BZG – I just read your personal description of your pride at your 8 yr old beaning you for crowding the plate. It brought back a fond recollection of doing the same to my 8 year old son, right after he smacked a line drive right back at my unprotected testicles. Ahhh, memories…

Baconzgood July 6, 2012 at 12:53 pm

You can't buy parenting like that.

Doktor Zoom July 6, 2012 at 12:59 pm

I really do love being a dad. Excellent stories, the both of yez.

horsedreamer_1 July 6, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Makes Kent State look like a picnic.

anniegetyerfun July 6, 2012 at 11:40 am

"I wish the bar owner would have asked to see his valid SS card"

Um, you get one of those when you immigrate legally to the US. It doesn't prove citizenship, dickwad.

MissTaken July 6, 2012 at 12:03 pm

I'm so jaded and cynical about these douchebags that I actually thought by SS card he was referring to a Nazi SS officer card.

edgydrifter July 6, 2012 at 11:41 am

My current working theory is that conservatives act very thin-skinned because their dermis is, in fact, being stretched thin to the edge of rupture by all the lard, corn syrup, stupidity and aggression swilling around inside them.

SorosBot July 6, 2012 at 11:41 am

Really, wingnuts, I don't get it. These idiots keep saying crap like calling him the "dictator in chief" and yet they cannot say one single fucking thing he has done to act like a dictator or authoritarian. Nothing. Yet these are the people that supported Bush, who actually did undermine the Constitution and unilaterally violate the law. Obama? They just assert he's like a dictator without any single reason except that they don't like him.

But then, these are the same morons who actually try and claim the conservative fascists were somehow liberal, so we know they have no clue what they're talking about. They don't even know what dictatorship means, considering that most of them actually support authoritarian fascism.

MissTaken July 6, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Obama gave me birth control and pap smears. If that doesn't smell like a dictator I don't know what does.

SorosBot July 6, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Allowing women control of their own bodies even if it goes against the religious beliefs of their employer is the worst tyranny ever!

Doktor Zoom July 6, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Well, his awful wife IS trying to shove "shoving less down our throats" down our throats, so no more freedom.

Fox n Fiends July 6, 2012 at 12:14 pm

PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN.

fuflans July 6, 2012 at 2:12 pm

some brilliant wonketteer recently noted that wingtards can't even come up with fresh insults for bamz.

they merely recycle everything that was thrown at bush.

(but said wonketteer was much more eloquent.)

shortsandpants July 6, 2012 at 11:43 am

HOW COULD WE ALL MISS THE MARK ON THIS?

The television represents TRUTH.
Fox News represents the MESSAGE.
Barack Obama represents HITLER, just cause.
A bar represents NOTHING.

Obama hates the TRUTH because of the MESSAGE he got from HITLER, which is NOTHING. I am going to Free Republic with this information.

Baconzgood July 6, 2012 at 11:45 am

We're through the looking glass people. Black is white, and white is black.

LesBontemps July 6, 2012 at 12:00 pm

But mostly there's a black in the White House.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 6, 2012 at 12:16 pm

A bar represents the weekend!

JustPixelz July 6, 2012 at 11:46 am

This dedication to the principle of free speech and the First Amendment is why Repubicans never criticize the media or news outlets.

BaldarTFlagass July 6, 2012 at 11:47 am

"But he would love to have the power to censor what the public sees & hears."
Yes, Obama really envies the fuck out of Rupert Murdoch.

Baconzgood July 6, 2012 at 11:49 am

….But doesn't he have the FREEDOM to ask that it be turned off?

Blueb4sunrise July 6, 2012 at 11:50 am

More importantly, TMZ link at Buzzfeed

Seal
REBOUNDING
With Bikini Babe

http://www.tmz.com/2012/07/06/seal-bikini-mystery

I think the mystery woman is Katie Holmes.

An_Outhouse July 6, 2012 at 11:50 am

What fascist asshole goes to a bar to watch Faux? Bars are for SPORTS!! PERIOD!!! USA!! USA!!

Joshua Norton July 6, 2012 at 11:51 am

Hate to break it to the freepers, but "hey, turn that shit off" is Bammerz First Amendment "free speech". Most of them wouldn't recognize the Bill of Rights if you used a rolled up copy to knock Bill O'Reilly's dick out of their mouth.

metamarcisf July 6, 2012 at 11:51 am

If I had been there I would have insisted the channel be changed to Link TV (Borgen).

actor212 July 6, 2012 at 11:59 am

Or Free Speech TV. Particularly if Al Jazeera news was playing

salt_bagel July 6, 2012 at 11:51 am

Long as they let me play that vidja game what shows all them nudie puzzles, I'll be content.

arduinohacker July 6, 2012 at 11:51 am

Seeing as multiple studies have shown that Fox News viewers are less informed than non-viewers, we could say thatObama was jsut trying to raise the information level of the beer-swillers.

Or as Bush would have monikered it: "No alky left behind".

Never a bad idea.

kissawookiee July 6, 2012 at 11:52 am

First he dared to sit in the Oval Office without a coat and tie, and now he's telling jokes. Why can't he respect the dignity of the office?

edgydrifter July 6, 2012 at 11:55 am

Fox News is the Happy Fun Ball of television.

Doktor Zoom July 6, 2012 at 12:21 pm

I've got to remember that one for later (unattributed) use.

Because I am a MONSTER

C_R_Eature July 6, 2012 at 12:36 pm

FOX News is the OW MY BALLS of Television.

Mittens Howell, III July 6, 2012 at 11:56 am

Fox helps induce vomiting, therefore more room for beer.

Fox helps induce despair and self hatred, therefore more need for beer.

Good luck getting bar owners to let go of this cash-cow.

BaldarTFlagass July 6, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Cheaper than giving out free salted peanuts and pig's knuckles!

Mittens Howell, III July 6, 2012 at 12:16 pm

mmm pig's knuckles.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 6, 2012 at 11:58 am

One of the things I've noticed about Fox news is that the text crawl in the Chyron is half the speed of any other TV channel's. I theorize it's because the average viewer has the reading skill of a 3rd grader.

C_R_Eature July 6, 2012 at 12:14 pm

I'm just surprised it's not on crayon.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 6, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Or comic sans.

AutomaticPilot July 6, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Or in 72-point font.

C_R_Eature July 6, 2012 at 12:51 pm

IN ALL CAPS WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS AND ONES!!1!!!11!!!!!!11!

Fox n Fiends July 6, 2012 at 12:16 pm

or is older than Roger Ailes

Buckminster July 6, 2012 at 1:51 pm

3rd grade? The spelling isn't even 2nd grade level, and the grammar? Holy Guacamole!

Biel_ze_Bubba July 6, 2012 at 11:59 am

Ditto for those who just leave $500 because it's not worth the trouble to figure it out.

not that Raul Castro July 6, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Sure. As a waiter, those $500 tips were the bane of my existence. I hate it when people do that.

Mittens Howell, III July 6, 2012 at 11:59 am

Mitt Romney responded by visiting a milk saloon and asking them to turn off MSNBC.

Jus_Wonderin July 6, 2012 at 12:01 pm

For some reason this fits nicely with a morning controversy we are having in the office. "Who removed the rounded corners from the ends of the conference table. I mean, it's not the act of removal (or addtion) of said rounded conference table corners. It is the secrecy at which the act was committed."

It's like, aw fuck, I manage 7th graders (specifically, one of them). Fuck.

I am working with my office door closed to show my frustration. As I never loose my cool, at least I can act passive agressively at the idiot that thought "removal of rounded conference table corners in secret" was a weighty enough issue to rant to the entire company email distribution.

If I had remained in teaching…I'd be retired by now. Fuck.

Buckminster July 6, 2012 at 1:53 pm

To break up your day, spend the afternoon acting passively aggressive, instead.

fuflans July 6, 2012 at 2:15 pm

well i don't really at all understand 'removable conference table corners' but i do know if you had stayed a teacher you'd be a great greedy enemy of america and would deserve to lose your pension.

Mittens Howell, III July 6, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Sarah Palin responded by visiting Wasilla library and demanding they turn all their books off.

scvirginia July 6, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Speaking of turning off the teevee, here is the silver lining to not living in a swing state: http://lat.ms/NcJAxX

fuflans July 6, 2012 at 2:19 pm

i think there are many silver linings to not living in a swing state. primarily the 50-ish % of the population who thinks republicans are good idea.

gullywompr July 6, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Fox News is it's own joke.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 6, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Everyone knows you don't tell jokes to conservatives. Conservatives exist to have jokes made about them.

C_R_Eature July 6, 2012 at 12:30 pm

OT Ocean Science News:

This week, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) has released a statement categorically stating that Mermaids are Not Real.

Humph. That's not what those guys thought at my National Oceans Day lagoon party.

Protip: When you're twisted on Mezcal and are grappling with a lapfull of drunken Fish-Girl, don't let anyone take pictures.
Expect a letter in the mail.

Doktor Zoom July 6, 2012 at 12:38 pm

I am reminded of the Maakies strip where Drinky Crow and Uncle Gabby are perplexed as to whether they should have white wine or red to accompany their meal–which is a dead mermaid that has washed up on the beach.

EDIT: Dook-dook-dook!

C_R_Eature July 6, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Drinky Crow FTW!

I usually have a nice Reisling. Shhhh!

EDIT: There's a T-Shirt! Good God.

Doktor Zoom July 6, 2012 at 1:02 pm

"OUT OF STOCK!"

Internet, why must you tease me with information about things I cannot have?

C_R_Eature July 6, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Disgraceful. I think a Strongly Worded Letter is in order.

Also, just what kind of demented people bought them all out? College kids on summer vacation? FOX News Interns? Wonkeratti?

emmelemm July 6, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Drinky Crow!!! You've brought joy to my Friday.

BlueStateLibel July 6, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Then King Obama had them all hung, drawn and quartered, The End.

Antispandex July 6, 2012 at 12:46 pm

This is typical. A black man threatens a freedom lover in a bar, with a basketball, and no arrest is made.

Doktor Zoom July 6, 2012 at 12:54 pm

I should just like to add that NOT ONE COMMENT on FoxNews' version of this story mentioned Ziggy Stardust. Clearly, this is an essential difference between Red and Blue Amercia.

Also, too, I should point out the possibility that the pub in this story may be owned by Ziggy Sbotka, the drug-smuggling loser son of longshoreman Frank Sobotka in Season Two of The Wire. Except that he's fictional, and also (spoiler alert) doing a life sentence. Nothing good comes of teaching a duck to drink hard liquor.

C_R_Eature July 6, 2012 at 1:04 pm

This proves to me that FOX viewer demographic is either a) Too Old, b) Too Young or c) Not Cool Enough to make the David Bowie connection. Actually, I'd have to choose a. and c. if this was a multiple choice exam.

Nothing good comes of teaching a duck to drink hard liquor. I have to agree with that.

Doktor Zoom July 6, 2012 at 1:25 pm

"403 Forbidden"… Man, every time you try to link to a duck picture, it simply does not work.

I don't know what kind of weirdass Anatidaean porn are you linking to anyway, you sicko?

C_R_Eature July 6, 2012 at 1:35 pm

I've clearly accumulated some very bad Duck Karma, so I'll have to rethink those. I thought it was just a harmless diorama involving a stuffed duck passed out in a field of empty liquor bottles. The Great Magnet clearly does not these images to be disseminated.

Anatidaean porn, did you say?

viennawoods13 July 6, 2012 at 2:27 pm

That was awesome!

Lynne July 6, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Personally, I am rather more fond of Limbaugh's joke about women having the vote. It shows a true sense of humor in the toad world.

Soylent Green July 6, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Outrageous! Why isn't Obama in the classrooms turning off NPR?

C_R_Eature July 6, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Well, I think this is the prefect situation for those Concealed Carry/Stand your Ground laws. Instead of arguing over channels, one .357 round will solve the problem immediately. No one has to see upsetting television so everyone wins!

Remember: "An Armed Society is a Polite Society".

valthemus July 6, 2012 at 1:10 pm

The egomaniacs at Fox are probably creaming their pants right now at the POTUS mention.

ttommyunger July 6, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Ever take a pacifier away from a baby? This is why you leave Fox on where you find it on. They're just quieter when they're getting their ears tickled. Quiet is better.

Extemporanus July 6, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Thank you for improving my face value, Dok.

emmelemm July 6, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Oh, that Ziggy!

jaytingle July 6, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Oh Ziggy, will you ever win?

Mittens Howell, III July 6, 2012 at 3:34 pm

All you ever need to know about Twitchy.com: "Owner, Founder, and Chief Executive Officer: Michelle Malkin"

arihaya July 6, 2012 at 5:25 pm

clearly hanging out in a bar is a BITCH SLAP in the face of that uber-boring Mittens

labman57 July 6, 2012 at 6:53 pm

The degree of hyperbole in the conservative message is directly proportional to the degree of desperation felt among the Republican leadership with respect to their prospects in the Fall elections.

TribecaMike July 7, 2012 at 3:57 pm

I may not always agree with him, but I do like knowing we have a president who goes to a bar once in a while.

dandalion July 7, 2012 at 4:30 pm

I just wanted to say that I absolutely love the sarcasm and irony in these articles. I may not comment much but I am the biggest lurker and enjoy my daily visits! I just wanted to say Thanks!

MinAgain July 9, 2012 at 12:21 pm

My turn offs include Fox News, too.

DahBoner July 10, 2012 at 10:10 am

Fox News is like Vietnam.

We need to burn it down with a Zippo lighter, in order to save it!!!!

SheriffJoeBiden July 6, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Yes, comedy blog, but "How about an IQ test for America's vote?" isn't funny (sorry OP). Even if it's meant to be 100% in jest, that attitude is real and it's a problem. I'll try to be funny later, I promise.

C_R_Eature July 6, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Thanks. I love those two. They have quite the catalog of amusing songs.

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