BECAUSE MISSISSIPPI  2:00 pm July 4, 2012

Mississippi Continues Valiant Effort to Save Women From Selves

by Kris E. Benson

abortion in mississippiGood news everyone! In spite of the best efforts of Mississippi’s state legislature and its governor, Mississippi’s only abortion clinic is still plugging along and open for business. This means there’s still lots of fun to be had trying to close it!

If you have not been following the story of the Little Abortion Clinic That Could, your Wonkette will fill you in on the details. Back in April, the Governor of Mississippi (who you may also remember as co-chairing the state’s personhood ballot measure) recently signed House Bill 1390 which required doctors at the abortion clinic to have admitting privileges to local hospitals. This proved more difficult than one might think, given that the hospitals were disinterested in giving admitting privilege to said doctors since they are flown in from out of state. This would have effectively made abortions illegal in the state of Mississippi, except a Federal court judge temporarily blocked the law.  But don’t worry, throngs of people are still braving temperatures in the 90s to amass outside of the clinic and yell at rape victims and underaged girls in hopes of freeing them of the weight of their own decision-making!

Via the Clarion-Ledger:

With temperatures above 90 degrees, some abortion opponents carried large umbrellas for shade as they stood Monday outside the clinic in the Fondren neighborhood. Among them were members of the groups Pro-Life Mississippi and Personhood Mississippi.

Some carried signs with slogans such as “Let us help you love your baby” and “It’s easy to be pro ‘choice’ when you’re not the one being killed.”…The abortion opponents prayed and sang We Shall Overcome and hymns such as Amazing Grace and It Is Well With My Soul. They could be seen and heard through the tinted windows as [Jackson Women’s Health Owner Diane] Derzis talked to reporters…

“This is life in America for a woman seeking an abortion now,” Derzis said inside the clinic’s waiting area. “It’s not just Jackson, Miss. These here may be a little crazier than some other places. But this is the reality of a patient having an abortion in this country today. She is going to most likely cross a picket line. She is going to be screamed at, harassed.”

USA! USA! Also, this, folks, is what happens when you put women’s health care decisions in the hands of a man named Bubba. For those of you keeping track, Mississippi has the highest rate of unintended pregnancies, the highest infant mortality rate, and the fifth highest maternal mortality rate in the country.

[Clarion-Ledger]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 230 comments }

Blueb4sunrise July 4, 2012 at 2:10 pm

It's 'Missippi.'

Also, a rare FIRST!!!!!!!
Give me PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
FOR FREEEEEEEEEEEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also WTF?

Doktor Zoom July 4, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Sigh… I see it's time to post a link to Bridget Potter's essay "Lucky Girl" again.

Yeah, this is the world we want to return to. How I loathe these bastards.

tessiee July 4, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Sorry, I'm not clicking on your link.
I'm also not clicking on "The only moral abortion is my abortion".

Doktor Zoom July 5, 2012 at 12:42 am

Can't really blame you there. Once should be enough.

Designer_Radio July 5, 2012 at 1:22 am

What happened to the rest of your list of links on the topic? I've actually copy/pasted those into a few Facebook discussions. When the christofascists get to harping out their bishops' talking points, it's time to start posting links and excerpts from The Zoom List.

Also – don't forget to add chapter 4 from the Freakonomics book. The fundies HATE it when the crime rate dips because of decades of legal abortion. http://goo.gl/Y7vUr

Doktor Zoom July 5, 2012 at 9:53 am

Ah, that would be the one in this post, 5 comments down… Yeah, sometimes I don't want to drag out the whole depressing litany.

ManchuCandidate July 4, 2012 at 2:11 pm

We have to save the unborn in the vagina so we don't have to save them out of the vagina.

shortsandpants July 4, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Mississippi will catch up with most of the country, eventually. Just look at their progressive attitude towards minorities!

Guppy July 4, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Mississippi won't catch up with the rest of the country so much as drag the rest of the country down to their level.

Doktor Zoom July 4, 2012 at 3:18 pm

You say po-tay-to, and I…also say po-tay-to, because absolutely NOBODY says po-TAH-to.

midnighttoker69 July 4, 2012 at 7:17 pm

When I was a kid, we used to go to this old restaurant that was in Woolworths, and there was an elderly lady who worked as a waitress there. We always asked her about the soup, because it was always the same, and she always said "we have a rich, roasted to-mah-to, and a delicious, splendid cream of pa-tah-to." Then we'd giggle for an hour.

Doktor Zoom July 4, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Ah…I stand corrected.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 4, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Oh, I'm sure it was uttered by a sarcastic Irishman at one point.

mormos July 4, 2012 at 3:44 pm

the number of millstones around America's neck seems to be growing at an alarming rate.

I'd say "he ain't heavy, he's my brother," but goddamn!

Goonemeritus July 4, 2012 at 2:12 pm

“Mississippi has the highest rate of unintended pregnancies.”

As a Catholic I can vouch for the fact that faith based birth control isn’t 100% effective.

CivicHoliday July 4, 2012 at 2:22 pm

1Flesh libel!!!!111!!1!

tessiee July 4, 2012 at 6:21 pm

As the offspring of two Catholics, I can vouch for that, also.

Goonemeritus July 4, 2012 at 2:13 pm

OT—-I heard on NPR this morning that they are canceling fireworks in Narrowsburg NY because of nesting bald eagles. WTF after all what is more parotic than blowing up a bald eagle on the 4th with fireworks? When will this Obama tyranny end?

starfanglednut July 4, 2012 at 3:21 pm

It's beautiful! Kill it!

Doktor Zoom July 4, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Bald eagles are just socialist welfare layabouts who rely on Big Gummint to provide them handouts, what with the job-killing ban on DDT and the EPA's unconstitutional restrictions on how people use their private property. If you want a symbol of shiftless welfare bums, look no further than the bald eagle.

Hell, even what most people think of as the cry of the bald eagle is merely Hollywood propaganda

EDIT: I forgot to mention the right-wing weirdos who claim that the DDT ban is the sole reason that we haven't been able to wipe out mosquito-borne illness* worldwide, so environmentalists have MILLIONS OF DEATHS ON THEIR HANDS.

*not to mention entire ecosystems…

Designer_Radio July 5, 2012 at 1:32 am

Speaking of killing mosquitoes, progress. Or regression. Depends on your outlook. http://goo.gl/H8wh7

Seriously, though, I did an hour of research once (qualifying me as a Fox News Mosquito Correspondent) and came to the conclusion that it may be okay to kill all mosquitoes and not really experience negative repercussions or stress ecosystems. Is that stupid? Any biologists/entomologists/experts in the house?

Doktor Zoom July 5, 2012 at 9:59 am

I have no idea; presumably, the utter extinction of mosquitoes would impact some bird species that mostly feed on 'em; my "wiping out entire ecosystems" had more to do with how DDT would accomplish that by killing far more than just bugs.

"God in his wisdom created the fly
and then forgot to tell us why"

–Ogden Nash

Designer_Radio July 5, 2012 at 12:56 pm

I got the DDT part – it's nasty stuff, even if everyone in the 50s enjoyed their picnics as a DDT truck blasted them with clouds of the stuff (or just spray it directly into my food bowl: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtcXXbuR244). Crazy.

As far as the birds and bats and other insects that eat mosquitoes — can't they eat other, less-bitey bugs!? Yeah, they'd prolly be missed.

tessiee July 4, 2012 at 6:23 pm

"after all what is more parotic than blowing up a bald eagle on the 4th with fireworks?"

I suppose everyone can't go along with Ted Nugent's Shootinbaldeaglespalooza.

Estproph July 4, 2012 at 2:14 pm

"The abortion opponents prayed and sang We Shall Overcome…"

Because religious fundamentalists have been so oppressed throughout history in Mississippi!

GemlikeFlame July 5, 2012 at 3:39 am

Or anywhere else in the US after the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth rock. I guess the buckled shoe is now on the other foot.

Doktor Zoom July 4, 2012 at 2:15 pm

I cannot believe we STILL have to protest this shit!

OK, I am too fucking pissed off to keep posting. Time for a lunch break

GODDAMNIT!!!!!!

ProgressiveInga July 4, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Is that the RMoney family I see driving away from the abortionplex with fetuses strapped to the roof of their station wagon?

Too soon?

HistoriCat July 4, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Too soon? Not fucking likely.

Goonemeritus July 4, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Will Mississippi be the first to use transvaginal ultrasound to look for illegal aliens?

OkieDokieDog July 4, 2012 at 2:18 pm

“Let us help you love your baby” but fuck you and your kid when it gets borned.

scvirginia July 4, 2012 at 3:12 pm

That slogan is just plain CREEPY.

Negropolis July 5, 2012 at 2:09 am

Sounds like something straight outta Nineteen Eighty-Four, dunnit?

Fox n Fiends July 4, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Unborn Baby = Good
Healthcare for Baby = Communism

sewollef July 5, 2012 at 8:47 am

Ooh, that really good. Would you mind if I stole that for use elsewhere?

CivicHoliday July 4, 2012 at 2:24 pm

5th highest maternal mortality? A travesty! Let's shoot for the triple crown folks – #1 all the way!

scvirginia July 4, 2012 at 3:14 pm

I think that must be what they're after here. Or do women who die due to botched abortions not count in that statistic?

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Didn't you hear what that fucking prick in the Miss Leg had to say about those "poor, pitiful women" who can't afford to go out of state for an abortion so they'll stick a coathanger in their cunts and might die from it, but as the motherfucker said, chortling, "We have to uphold moral values." ? Didn't you hear about that?

scvirginia July 4, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Well, ya gotta admit- that stuff IS pretty hi-larious…

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 5:13 pm

I fucking choked on my breakfast and almost shot apple out my nose when I read it. Someone hand me that mofo and a pair of steel toes, because I would SO admire to kick his huevos to a pulp.

tessiee July 4, 2012 at 7:09 pm

I'm only surprised the Westboro Baptist pricks don't picket their funerals.

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Gaahd Ahlmighty, another bunch of worthless pricks who would benefit greatly from a ballet toe in the nuts. I wish they'd all take each other out and leave these poor women alone.

sharethegrief July 4, 2012 at 2:28 pm

As a vaginal American, I have no snark. I have a rage that intensifies almost daily. I just read that the North Carolina House voted to defund Planned Parenthood. I realize that most of these attacks come from the South with some Idaho, Utah and Dakotas' thrown into the mix but when you can't say vagina in Michigan without being put in time out, alarm bells should be heard by all of us.

the_problem_child July 4, 2012 at 2:34 pm

No fucking kidding.

Toomush_Infer July 4, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Um…."Vagina! Vagina! Vagina!!!" – up here in Cheboygan MI, tip finger of the mitt, and – I've been in time out!

tessiee July 4, 2012 at 7:11 pm

*sings*
Va-gin-A! Va-gin-A! Va-gin-A, she take me honey and run Venezuela!
*dances*

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Somewhere in India, there is a poor lady named, I kid you not, Vagina. Which is pronounced Wah-gi-nah. Which she has to explain repeatedly to any honky she ever runs into.

That was a great song and dance.

C_R_Eature July 4, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Ha! Poor woman should just change the spelling, no? Or is that verboten?

Imagine living in this town in Orkney.

If that was in America, they'd be replacing stolen road signs every day.

tessiee July 5, 2012 at 12:54 am

The original song was, I think, "Matilda", but I was more borrowing from the Allan Sherman parody, "My Zelda", which I bet you already knew, bambino/shaifeleh.

Jukesgrrl July 4, 2012 at 4:20 pm

As another vaginal American … what she said.

C_R_Eature July 4, 2012 at 8:23 pm

At least we can still say "Jehova". For now.

tessiee July 5, 2012 at 12:58 am

Who threw that?

SayItWithWookies July 4, 2012 at 2:30 pm

“Let us help you love your baby”

No problem — each one of them needs a balanced diet, regular pediatric care, a reliable source of income for the mother and/or babysitting if the mother has to work, clothes, a clean and safe place to live, immunizations, a good education through high school at least, a neighborhood with adequate police and fire service, job opportunities after the kid turns 18 with optional college or vocational education if the kid wants it, and reasonable healthcare after the kid becomes an adult and is likely to be a parent his-or-herself.

Hey, and why don't we get away from all those big government solutions and try to work together as citizens and maybe pool all our resources at the local level — and just spitballing here, but maybe we could bring in some state and federal resources as well — so that we the people can provide for our — what do they call it? — general welfare. Yeah, that's it. And together we can bring socialism to its knees, people — to its knees!

Lascauxcaveman July 4, 2012 at 3:01 pm

This.

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Ah, Wooks. A fine, fine rant.

tessiee July 4, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Or we could just transplant all the fetus babbies into the wombs of right-to-lifers. I'm sure they'd have no objection to that.

JustPixelz July 4, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Perhaps they RTL'ers would like to have sex with the boyfriends, husbands and rapists who father the unfortunate fetuses. In fact, if they'd just publish their names and addresses so those men could … um … relax in their hoohas, everyone wins: RTLer has a baby to love, young woman does't get knocked up, male partner doesn't contract blue balls.

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Of course, many of them are male, and have no wombs to speak of. But I understand it is possible to implant them in the abdominal lining. Oddly enough, none of these fine gentlemen is rushing to avail themselves of this opportunity to Save A Life. Vurry Strange.

redarmyzombie July 5, 2012 at 2:37 am

MittBorg,

I think I've just discovered my new replacement for Capital Punishment!

MittBorg July 5, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Ah, no. I get angry easily about stuff, but IRL, I've found out, it turns my stomach to deliberately inflict pain and suffering on other beings. I've supported the death penalty for heinous crimes (torture-murders where the perp derives enjoyment from inflicting pain, and sexual abuse of children), but only because I have seen no solid evidence that such people can be cured. New evidence appears to be coming to light, however, and I will gladly change my position even on that, so, no torment for the wicked from me, love. May their lives be all the torment that they deserve.

C_R_Eature July 4, 2012 at 8:38 pm

I hereby award you the Most High Solid Gold Medallion and Purple Sash of Commentary.

For those of us who Blog, we salute you!

SayItWithWookies July 5, 2012 at 12:54 am

Thanks CR, and everyone else, for your accolades. It just goes to show where the thought process can lead when I'm pissed off enough and not stoned enough to be desensitized to it. Ideally I won't achieve this state again for a while.

MittBorg July 5, 2012 at 1:01 am

Wooks, you sure do know how to crush a body's hopes. Fortunately, with Mint MorMoney as the Republican candidate, and the likes of Joe Walsh in the House, I know we can look forward to many more fine rants for at least the next four months.

Fare la Volpe July 5, 2012 at 12:29 am

This is beautiful.

Doktor Zoom July 5, 2012 at 10:00 am

Quoted for Fucking Truth.

Guppy July 4, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Isn't there a bank branch foreclosing on widows and orphans that these fine, committed disciples of Christ could go protest?

scvirginia July 4, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Oh, c'mon- everyone knows that widows & orphans have already been born- who cares about those poor fuckers?

HistoriCat July 4, 2012 at 3:20 pm

What would they want to protest there? Get those free-loading losers out of the way!

Vecchiojohn July 4, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Like Jesus intended.

coolhandnuke July 4, 2012 at 2:41 pm

…But this is the reality of a patient having an abortion in this country today. She is going to most likely cross a picket line. She is going to be screamed at, harassed.”…

I have yet to witness or hear of any Church and its' members–that toe the sternest fundamental line against women's choice with their church sanctioned vitriol, protests and even murder–that have had to walk past a protest or hear the taunts, the hate, the threats as they go to service on Sunday.

Guppy July 4, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

PubOption July 4, 2012 at 2:59 pm

They would probably love that. First, they would see themselves as 'prophets without honor in their own land', and, second, they could blame Barry for it.

scvirginia July 4, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Are you suggesting a Wonkette Meetup?

coolhandnuke July 4, 2012 at 5:55 pm

A church antisocial?

Negropolis July 5, 2012 at 2:12 am

I hope there is ice cream. Particularly of the mint chocolate chip variety.

Blueb4sunrise July 4, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Start here:

Philly Dude in moo moo and funny hat addresses D.C.
http://content.usatoday.com/communities/Religion/

scvirginia July 4, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Wow! If they don't have his photo in the dictionary next to 'sanctimonious', they need to recall all the old dictionaries & issue new ones.

Blueb4sunrise July 4, 2012 at 5:24 pm

He does look a little tight.

Negropolis July 5, 2012 at 2:15 am

Oh, that is fucking rich coming from a guy who represents THE rigid heirarchy of the world. Yes, this effing Catholic bishop is schooling his flock on freedom. Sweet mother of Jesus, is there no irony left?

UW8316154 July 4, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Well, this brought me toppling down from my peace, love and joy "let's just all get along and love each other" morning.

Amercia, fuck yeah!!

chascates July 4, 2012 at 2:47 pm

M-I-S
S-I-S
B-I-G-O-T

Lascauxcaveman July 4, 2012 at 2:50 pm

For those of you keeping track, Mississippi has the highest rate of unintended pregnancies, the highest infant mortality rate, and the fifth highest maternal mortality rate in the country.

C'mon, MS, only fifth on maternal mortality? You can do better than this. Don't let those Alabamans take that prize away from you. Time to ban prenatal care and maternity wards altogether.

NellCote71 July 4, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Texas stands in solidarity with Mississippi in a race to the bottom.

sewollef July 5, 2012 at 9:00 am

"Time to ban prenatal care and maternity wards altogether."

I'm with you on that. WTF, giving birth in the fields and carrying on picking potatoes was good enough for my ancestors.

Sparky McGruff July 5, 2012 at 9:03 am

They're coddling those wimmens. Don't let Missippi become a soshulist state! Make 'em give birth in the swamp, with the aligators!

Schmannnity July 4, 2012 at 2:50 pm

My money's on the lady in blue with the large hoop earrings over the wirery trailer monkeys on the left.

sewollef July 5, 2012 at 9:26 am

He-he.

'Trailer monkeys'

johnnyzhivago July 4, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Getting drunk on the 4th while playing with explosives!

Is there anything that makes America Greater??????????

sewollef July 5, 2012 at 9:28 am

Firing your guns off in any old direction?

Driving to the black part of town and setting fire to their churches?

SayItWithWookies July 4, 2012 at 3:08 pm

For the sake of a little good news, Ohio's personhood effort won't appear on the ballot this election because the idiots who wanted it there could only collect 7.7% of the meager number of signatures required for it to get there.

starfanglednut July 4, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 3:44 pm

They tried to make it sound better than it was — most of the articles I could find had headers like "OH personhood amendment falls short of needed signatures" or "OH personhood amendment lacks sufficient signatures to make it on to the ballot." When I saw the actual numbers — 30,000 out of 385,000 required votes signatures — I knew it was dead in the water, so I Tweeted it most mightily.

These people will even have US believing their lies if we do nothing to counter them.

scvirginia July 4, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Well, when Ohio is so kind as to send so many of its wacko citizens to live here in SC, they're bound to have trouble finding signatures where they've been used to finding 'em… http://www.postandcourier.com/article/20120624/PC

SayItWithWookies July 4, 2012 at 5:17 pm

That guy seems like a real freak — and apparently he's either way into tanning or he's not quite as white as he thinks he is.

And I wouldn't be surprised if SC gets crazier, since the Quiverfull Movement folks were trying (and might still be) to concentrate there so as to make it their new promised land.

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Partner says Christian Theocrats had targeted South Carolina for takeover some time ago. Watch it go down the toobz, dood.

Fare la Volpe July 5, 2012 at 12:36 am

Watch it go down the toobz

Again?

tessiee July 4, 2012 at 6:36 pm

"the Quiverfull Movement"

Sorry to sound like I'm in middle school, but that name is just plain gross.

scvirginia July 4, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Let's all hope he just has 'blanks' in his quiver…

scvirginia July 4, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Eh- I don't worry about the Christians per se- it's the bigots I mind.

He is rather brown- for Ohio, anyway. SC is not so pale-complected: http://quickfacts.census.gov/qfd/states/45000.htmhttp://quickfacts.census.gov/qfd/states/39000.htm

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 5:27 pm

I'm not sure how to put this exactly, but Mr. Rogers appears to be fighting miscegenation just a bit after the horse has, you know, left the barn and made it into the next county, at least in HIS case. If he doesn't have some Black or Native American ancestry, I will eat a McDonald's burger. That boy ain't white, and I don't care how much he wants to be.

tessiee July 4, 2012 at 6:37 pm

I'll bet all the other white supremacists poke fun at him, and talk bad about him when he leaves the room.

scvirginia July 4, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Not gonna take that bet. Dude is creepy & I hate to even think that anyone would want to quiver-fill with him. Ewwww.

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 6:53 pm

You know how those folks are. It's just a matter of time before someone lets fly with "n*****!" and it'll be aimed at him. Pow, sock, wham, and the bitter truth becomes a feast for the tabloids.

Oh, well. You gotta give people what they ask for.

tessiee July 4, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Help me out here, folks:

Is Mr. Its a Beautiful Day in the Segregated Neighborhood Rogers MORE or LESS pathetically delusional than either a) the blond, blue-eyed guy who dresses like an old-school rapper and greeted me with, "Yo, yo, yo, Mommy, whazzzzzuuuup?"or b) the guilty white guy with the blond dreadlocks and pierced nose, who wears the Bob Marley style hat and the Che Guevara t-shirt and never misses an opportunity to mention that he's one-sixteenth Cherokee?

Or are all three of them just assmarmots?

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 8:18 pm

My money's on assmarmots here, darlz, but you knew that.

Fare la Volpe July 5, 2012 at 12:39 am

The two you listed are not actively trying to take away people's civil rights. Therein lies the difference.

viennawoods13 July 5, 2012 at 1:09 am

The comments are even scarier than the article. What a collection of right-wing racists!

Negropolis July 5, 2012 at 2:19 am

Fucker has a face only a Grand Cyclops could love. Jus' sayin'.

GorzoTheMighty July 4, 2012 at 3:18 pm

I have no words. The statistics at the bottom says it all.I thought on Independence day it would be a good day to give up morphine. Maybe not. Morphine and Cutty Sark here I come.

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Yeah, no, don't try giving up the drogas too sudden-like, fella. Reality, these days, has to be eased into real slow. (lights vape)

Mittens Howell, III July 4, 2012 at 3:19 pm

On the upside, anti-abortionists have been so busy protesting clinics / passing regressive legislation/ fapping over regressive legislation that they've barely had time to shoot any abortion providers lately.

Doktor Zoom July 4, 2012 at 4:21 pm

I wouldn't be too complacent about their ability to multi-task.

Dashboard Buddha July 4, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Idle hands…

cheetojeebus July 4, 2012 at 3:26 pm

may i suggest a cocktail of this :http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,352410,00.html
and a loud boombox with lady gaga for the olds.
may perhaps dissuade a few of the protestors?

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 3:48 pm

What an excellent idea! A little rap music might also convince them to drag their fat asses out of the way.

Blueb4sunrise July 4, 2012 at 4:05 pm

yer http has too many :::::::
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,352410,00.htm

cheetojeebus July 4, 2012 at 4:12 pm

thanks!

Dashboard Buddha July 4, 2012 at 4:35 pm

I don't know if this is OT or not, but the article made me think of my helicopter parent neighbor across the street (I call her Huey). Between adults that despise their existence and parents won't cut the umbilical until the kid reaches 30, I have deep concerns for young people.

An_Outhouse July 4, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Get a job, you lazy newborns. You're nothing but blood sucking layabout leeches. You were a cute cytoplast. Now stop your crying and drooling and get to fuckin' work.

Jukesgrrl July 4, 2012 at 4:23 pm

But where are the jerbs? What d'ya think they're screamin' about?

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 6:55 pm

(Hugs Jukesgrrl) Hey, baby. You OK? NIce to see ya on this lovely day. Happy Fourth.

Jukesgrrl July 5, 2012 at 12:30 am

Happy 4th to you, too.Hope you had some electricity if you're among the sweltering.

MittBorg July 5, 2012 at 1:06 am

We don't have the aircon. We rely on nature to cool our overheated asses. When we get desperate enough we go water the garden, "accidentally" watering ourselves as much as possible, and listen to the grass crisping and drying. Hope you're doing OK, sweetie.

writemeblue July 4, 2012 at 3:28 pm

also, get ready for Mississippi to decline the Medicaid expansion funds from the health care law to pay for their huge number of unplanned pregnancies. good times.

Limeylizzie July 4, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Hey Wonkettes let's get pregnant, probably should hurry in my case, one good egg left, and go and get abortions in Mississippi while we still can.

Blueb4sunrise July 4, 2012 at 3:37 pm

FIRST!!!!!!!!

Limeylizzie July 4, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Congratulations!

Maman July 4, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Sorry, I have used my allottment of eggs and am dealing with the consequences already

Jukesgrrl July 4, 2012 at 4:26 pm

And what's their Uncle Sam done for YOU lately? They get to stay on your insurance until they're 26? Yay! Well … maybe. We'll know in November?

Come here a minute July 4, 2012 at 3:37 pm

First in fetus rights, last in education.

Awful People July 4, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Down with abortions! Down with health care!

Happy Ill Dependents Day, everyone!

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Luckily, mine are now kacked. But thanks for the (kind?) wishes.

Maman July 4, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Just remember the pursuit of happiness was never supposed to extend to the poors, chicks or browns. Just rich white men. So I guess America is great again!!! YEAH!

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 6:57 pm

You forgot Poland Teh Gheyz!

proudgrampa July 4, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Creepy. Sad.

Time for a BIG martini.

Happy Independence Day, fellow Wonketteers. Don't start any wildfires with your fireworks!

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Tell me about it. I live in a high risk area, and my fucking idiot neighbours decided to assplode their fireworks all fucking night. I oughta be consoled by the thought that they'd be burning their own fucking houses down as well, but if I could get my hands on them, there'd be a little more coyote/wolf feed up in the hills and fewer fireworks next year. Fucking Darwin Award candidates.

Oh, yeah, happy fourth!

Back to kvetching.

proudgrampa July 4, 2012 at 7:33 pm

I hear you, friend.

Two years ago we were evacuated from our area by a wildfire (that one started by sparks from target shooters).

Just last week, we were within half a mile of the evacuation area for yet another fire. That one was started by a doofus parking his car on dry grass.

What i am afraid of is that the Darwin Award candidates are breeding and will destroy the planet before they destroy themselves.

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Stay safe, PG, and I hope the grandbabies and babies are safe too. Good lord, they really are burning down the house, right around our ears. The fireworks have started here again. Think I'll watch movies with the sound turned all the way up. Hearing those explosions brings back some RLY BAD memories of our last big fire.

Limeylizzie July 4, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Damn, the fucking cunts cancelled this class I was going to go to. http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-250_162-57466407/n.y-

Maman July 4, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Did he prepare them for the swimsuit and talent portion of the competition?

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Depends on your definition of "prepare."

Dashboard Buddha July 4, 2012 at 4:15 pm

What fucking century did I wake up in today?

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Republican Time or Everybody Else's?

Doktor Zoom July 4, 2012 at 4:15 pm

'E was gonna teach ya to walk an' to talk loik a regular laidy, 'e was!

C_R_Eature July 4, 2012 at 7:02 pm

By George, I think you've got it.

weejee July 4, 2012 at 4:23 pm

And he had assembled an esteemed faculty.

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 7:03 pm

I'd fart in the general direction of his esteemed faculty except I bleev them rednecks can put a bullet through an ass from a couple hundred miles away.

You know, like how Dick Cheney got Saddam Hussein, or one a them guyz.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 4, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Was this guy gonna teach the class himself? Cause now im just imaging him gliding around his house with a book on his head.

Dashboard Buddha July 4, 2012 at 4:29 pm

and a dildo up his ass.

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 7:04 pm

In high heels.

ElPinche July 4, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Section 12: "How to address your house nigger."

tessiee July 4, 2012 at 6:43 pm

OK, I'm willing to skip the tatting and embroidery lessons, but I demand my right to Swan About.

James Michael Curley July 4, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Ladies, if you decide to learn how to "walk up and down a stair elegantly," remember two things, gravity and bifocals. As the years go by you will experience the benefits and ravages of both. First things will start to move from their youthful locations into your peripheral view then the bifocals will concentrate your vision exactly on those ever expanding perimeters both blurring and hiding that staircase..

sewollef July 5, 2012 at 9:32 am

Marty Golden is in my district and is nothing short of a stupid, ignorant twat.

'Polished professional series', my arse!

I have no idea how this retard gets elected. Brooklyn isn't exactly his kind's territory…. it's full of flaming liberals, pinkos and socialists [me included], hispanics, and a-rabs.

NONE of whom I reckon would vote for this douche. Maybe it's the asians from Brooklyn's huge Chinatown? Although somehow I doubt it. So, it's gotta be the mob and the rest of the I-talian enclave. Bastards.

Limeylizzie July 5, 2012 at 9:45 am

I am lucky enough to have Rangel!

ifthethunderdontgetya July 4, 2012 at 4:03 pm

As Jesus said, "Blessed are the self-righteous, hypocritical stalkers, for they shall inherit jack shit."
~

Rotundo_ July 4, 2012 at 4:09 pm

I have seen the future and it is Mississippi. We here in Wisconsin, under the steady leadership of Scott Walker and the Fitzgeralds can only look from afar at our role model in the south with aspirational dreams. But it will come in time, and we will all be Mississippi and all restaurants will be Taco Bell and the conservative utopian ideal will be completed. Mogadishu will be a paradise by comparison.

Dashboard Buddha July 4, 2012 at 4:12 pm

I never get tired of this video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QDv4sYwjO0

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 7:06 pm

ZOMG! DbB, you made me laugh so hard I almost pissed my pants, dood. Scared the cats and evUHthing. Shit!

And now, you have CHOLERA! YAY! Urk.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 4, 2012 at 4:12 pm

On the other hand some other members of humanity has proven the existence of the Higgs Boson particle. I'm sure that Mississippians are impressed.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 4, 2012 at 4:30 pm

That's proton abortion!!!!!11!

tessiee July 4, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Mississippians are not likely to be impressed by a Higgs Boson, although they *are* likely to be impressed by a pig's bosom.

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Like Miz'simians have a prayer of understanding what the fuck a Higgs Boson is.

C_R_Eature July 4, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Transcribed directly from the Mississippi-ese:

"Sheee-it! Thet Sherriff Higgs feller bin bossin' us around fer Years! Ahm gittin' maighty taired of it tew!"

*no translation available at this time*

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Dood. I know what that translates to. And I don't like it one bit.

C_R_Eature July 4, 2012 at 8:34 pm

"Best not look into it."

Toomush_Infer July 4, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Y'know….if they like fetuses so much, they should go and get them Health Insurance….

Jukesgrrl July 4, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Given their out-sized importance to the electoral process, I'm glad to know we have a special day to honor Independents.

Happy Independents Day to all you swing voters!

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Ar ar ar.

el_donaldo July 4, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Save me from the people who would save me from myself.
They've got muscles for brains.

el_donaldo July 4, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Today I'm celebrating my independence from medieval worldviews and religious dogmatism and drinking to Tom Jefferson and Jimmy Madison. I wish I could just say that Mississippi should go fuck itself, but I feel for the people trapped there.

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 8:43 pm

True. They didn't ask to be kept poor, ignorant, and downtrodden.

C_R_Eature July 4, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I'm glad to see that the new Teabag legislators are focused, Laser-like on the economy of enforced reproduction, lifelong poverty and economic slavery, just as they promised when they ran for office.

Well, that's all the snark I can muster right now. I need a drink and this War against ourselves we never started and didn't want is getting mighty old.

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 8:42 pm

(Pats the CRE_ature's back) It'll be OK, sweetie. Pour the drink. Put your feet up. For a few hours today, forget this shit and think cephalopods. Or anything else that makes you *happy.*

Butch_Wagstaff July 4, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Happy 4th everybody! The day on which we celebrate dumping our boyfriend King George III by setting off fireworks made in communist China.

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Happy 4th, sweetie! Enjoy the hubs and the BBQ! (Assuming you BBQ)

DerrickWildcat July 4, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Reminder:
Please report to the Department of Life on Monday for your semi-Monthly pregnancy test.
Thank you and God Bless.
State of Mississippi.

Chow Yun Flat July 4, 2012 at 5:42 pm

A state that would elect a person named Bubba to anything needs to just GTFO (of the Union).

tessiee July 4, 2012 at 6:09 pm

I can't read the alt text. Is it a cartoon bubble coming out of the mouth of the woman in the blue blouse, saying, "Kiss my ass, Cracker!"?

tessiee July 4, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Since math and statistics are not my area of expertise, I am reaching out to the wonkette community. Would some kindly math nerd figure out what percentage of the anti-choice protestors are a) men and/or b) people whom nobody is willing to have sex with?

C_R_Eature July 4, 2012 at 7:06 pm

A and B are overlapping domains, but I don't have the full census data to quantify those values yet. We will need a change order to our Cost-Plus contract.

How'd I do?

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 8:40 pm

I don't know, but a friend who's a professor of mathematics always responds with something like "I can give you a theorem to determine whether that is a positive or negative value."

C_R_Eature July 4, 2012 at 8:42 pm

That's Math Speak for "Go away kid, you bother me."

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Sure sounds like it, don't it?

Boojum July 4, 2012 at 7:22 pm

X=Aot,K.

James Michael Curley July 4, 2012 at 8:42 pm

AOT,K!

tessiee July 4, 2012 at 6:13 pm

"With temperatures above 90 degrees, some abortion opponents carried large umbrellas for shade as they stood Monday outside the clinic in the Fondren neighborhood."

Because it's just *that* important to them that some woman whom they've never met has her life ruined to punish her for having sex.

tessiee July 4, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Best part of entire movie "Juno":
\
Juno: I went to the clinic yesterday… there were people protesting… Did you know my baby has fingernails?
Juno's well meaning but not terribly bright friend: Oh! [thinks] So, like, if it got mad at you, it could scratch your vadge on the way out?

Second best part is when Juno makes her friend come with her when she breaks the news to her parents:
Dad: Was it that boyfriend of yours?
Juno: Yes.
Dad [muttering angrily under his breath]: I'm amazed he could even figure out how to Do It.
Friend: I know, right?
[Dad gives Friend the death glare]

tessiee July 4, 2012 at 6:19 pm

If a fetus wants to be a person, it can damn well incorporate like the rest of us have to.

Vecchiojohn July 4, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Dibs on Blastocyst, LLC.

James Michael Curley July 4, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Then it can give unlimited campaign contributions to the Republican of its choice; doctrinaire rhetorical espousing.

TheLifeSilica July 4, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Need to be there with Jello Biafra and Mojo Nixon for some bad-fucking-ass counter singin'.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bD0djqbR04I

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 4, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Happy "successful terrorist insurgency day", ex-colonials!

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Happy Losing Colony Day to you too, oppressive liberation stealer! (Hugs Fukui) Hope you're enjoying the day.

redarmyzombie July 5, 2012 at 2:50 am

And Happy Assploding Amercia day to you, Fukui-san!

Negropolis July 5, 2012 at 2:55 am

Happy "Our George Was Better/Less Insane Than Your George Day"!

C_R_Eature July 4, 2012 at 8:07 pm

OT: Medical News and a Question.

* Medical News:
Researchers found women infected with the Toxoplasma gondii (T. gondii) parasite, which is spread through contact with cat faeces or eating undercooked meat or unwashed vegetables, are at increased risk of attempting suicide.

*Question:
Is anyone aware of any published medical studies linking the effect of
Hookworm infections on the behavior of Former half-term Governors?

not that Radio July 4, 2012 at 8:13 pm

I will have to let Owls answer that. All I can conjecture is that toxoplasmosis sure makes people crazy! (hanging off proudgrampa's comment about Alzheimer's)

C_R_Eature July 4, 2012 at 8:17 pm

GET OFF MY LAWN YOU ILLEGAL ALIEN COYOTES!!1!

JustPixelz July 4, 2012 at 8:11 pm

In various states, the inaccessibility, waiting periods, vaginal probes and all the rest create an artificial shortage of supply. Markets are good at solving these types of problems. There's the back alley, of course. Also, morning after pills. Or an abortionplex in a less restrictive state could open near or in an airport.

Limeylizzie July 4, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Very OT, I was just at the Gelson's supermarket in Los Feliz and bumped into Van Jones, he was very friendly ,and really handsome, he introduced me to his son, as well. If I had been slimed by the right-wing like he was I am not sure that I would be polite to a total stranger.

James Michael Curley July 4, 2012 at 8:52 pm

I bet they don't let you wander around the Griffith Observatory. at night and play "Rebel without a Cause' these days.

Redhead July 4, 2012 at 9:28 pm

"The abortion opponents prayed and sang We Shall Overcome"

*beats head against a wall over and over and over and over and over and over and over…*

barto July 4, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Perhaps global warming will finally put poor Mississippi out of its misery. For every cloud…

Negropolis July 5, 2012 at 2:03 am

The abortion opponents prayed and sang We Shall Overcome

This does not sit well with me; it does not sit well with me, at all.

These here may be a little crazier than some other places

This is an understatement.

When will this be over? Wichita was beginning to feel so very long ago until relatively recently.

BarackMyWorld July 5, 2012 at 4:32 am

I hope you realize putting "Good news everyone!" at the beginning of your post makes me read the rest of it in my head using Prof. Farnsworth's voice.

ttommyunger July 5, 2012 at 8:44 am

Intelligent people have open arms as well as minds. I'm not surprised.

ttommyunger July 5, 2012 at 8:46 am

This is not a reassuring article. I know these people, the law only counts when it supports their world-view. I smell explosives and Second Amendment Solutions being brewed in that benighted State.

ghblowhard July 5, 2012 at 2:22 pm

All those naughty nuns are out there protesting poverty, social inequality and almost 40 million uninsured Americans who can't afford health care when they SHOULD be threatening rape and incest victims at abortion clinics and throwing tomatoes at gay pride parades. Priorities. Sheesh.

starfanglednut July 4, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Yay! Mittborg, champion of the oppressed!

BoatOfVelociraptors July 4, 2012 at 7:39 pm

You could make an organization called "Planned Punching", whereupon you say that punching someone in the face only happens in a ring, with a referee, and safety equipment, and the expectation that you will get punched in the face.

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Come with me, you can hold 'em while I kick 'em!

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Um, not to put too fine a point upon it, but I believe his gun was designed for a different orifice altogether.

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 8:36 pm

I don't think it's verboten so much as very difficult (the courts are simply clogged with cases, and everything in India runs on a different time, if you get my drift). Besides, the rellies wouldn't understand. It's not like Indian kids get to tell their parents, "You can't call me Wah-gi-Nah any more. I am now Sundariputri," or whatever.

I wish I lived near that town. I would SO steal that sign.

tessiee July 5, 2012 at 12:58 am

I was extremely disappointed to find out that this was a fake sign, but it's still pretty funny:
http://www.lolroflmao.com/2011/07/27/cocking-fuck

C_R_Eature July 4, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Well, I suppose she just has developed lots of swift verbal responses, then – like a female version of the Boy Named Sue.

Hell, I'd fly over there to steal that sign. Or take rubbings of it. Surely silly photo ops. See: Intercourse and Blue Balls, PA.

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 8:44 pm

For if you gaze too long into the abyss …

midnighttoker69 July 4, 2012 at 8:55 pm

I think your point is still valid. I remember her so clearly because she was the exception that proves the rule.

MittBorg July 4, 2012 at 8:59 pm

There's a town named Fucking in Austria. Another road sign I must steal.

glasspusher July 5, 2012 at 12:18 am

They don't have any Fucking postcards…

tessiee July 5, 2012 at 12:55 am

HA!!
Reminds me of that old joke, "You're so dumb, you think Fucking is a city in China".

MittBorg July 5, 2012 at 12:29 am

I don't think they realize what a huge potential market they have in the English-speaking world.

MittBorg July 5, 2012 at 12:58 am

Oh, god, quick, spread the meme. I love it!

MittBorg July 5, 2012 at 12:59 am

I like your version best, inamorata/shayna punim.

MittBorg July 5, 2012 at 1:03 am

Well … further.

redarmyzombie July 5, 2012 at 2:31 am

MittBorg, what say you and I both drag 'em into the closet for a nice, memorable 7 Minutes Of Hell?

MittBorg July 5, 2012 at 2:28 pm

I would definitely be up for some serious asskicking for these folks. Definitely.

C_R_Eature July 5, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Take heart, friend. There's plenty of genuine Rude and Naughty road signs out there that are bona-fide 100% genuwine.
We have: Cocks, Penistone, Butt Hole Road, there's Slutshole Lane and Cockshut Lane. More at this Independent paper article. Enjoy!

Yes. I am amused by juvenile humor.

redarmyzombie July 6, 2012 at 4:11 am

I jest, I jest; in reality, I feel guilty for killing ants, even if the fuckers are crawling on me. Even if someone were to commit some horrible crime, I do not believe killing or otherwise harming them would be true justice.

Which, excuse me for going on a tangent here, but I can't wrap my mind around how people who profess a belief in small government can also support giving said government the power to kill people; is there something I'm not getting here?

MittBorg July 6, 2012 at 2:21 pm

I'm sure they'd prefer to off the targets of their wrath themselves, but are just too fucking lazy; and in such a case, it is moral and worthy and right to use the power of the government to take life. Fuckers.

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