abortion in mississippiGood news everyone! In spite of the best efforts of Mississippi’s state legislature and its governor, Mississippi’s only abortion clinic is still plugging along and open for business. This means there’s still lots of fun to be had trying to close it!

If you have not been following the story of the Little Abortion Clinic That Could, your Wonkette will fill you in on the details. Back in April, the Governor of Mississippi (who you may also remember as co-chairing the state’s personhood ballot measure) recently signed House Bill 1390 which required doctors at the abortion clinic to have admitting privileges to local hospitals. This proved more difficult than one might think, given that the hospitals were disinterested in giving admitting privilege to said doctors since they are flown in from out of state. This would have effectively made abortions illegal in the state of Mississippi, except a Federal court judge temporarily blocked the law.  But don’t worry, throngs of people are still braving temperatures in the 90s to amass outside of the clinic and yell at rape victims and underaged girls in hopes of freeing them of the weight of their own decision-making!

Via the Clarion-Ledger:

With temperatures above 90 degrees, some abortion opponents carried large umbrellas for shade as they stood Monday outside the clinic in the Fondren neighborhood. Among them were members of the groups Pro-Life Mississippi and Personhood Mississippi.

Some carried signs with slogans such as “Let us help you love your baby” and “It’s easy to be pro ‘choice’ when you’re not the one being killed.”…The abortion opponents prayed and sang We Shall Overcome and hymns such as Amazing Grace and It Is Well With My Soul. They could be seen and heard through the tinted windows as [Jackson Women’s Health Owner Diane] Derzis talked to reporters…

“This is life in America for a woman seeking an abortion now,” Derzis said inside the clinic’s waiting area. “It’s not just Jackson, Miss. These here may be a little crazier than some other places. But this is the reality of a patient having an abortion in this country today. She is going to most likely cross a picket line. She is going to be screamed at, harassed.”

USA! USA! Also, this, folks, is what happens when you put women’s health care decisions in the hands of a man named Bubba. For those of you keeping track, Mississippi has the highest rate of unintended pregnancies, the highest infant mortality rate, and the fifth highest maternal mortality rate in the country.


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  • Blueb4sunrise

    It's 'Missippi.'

    Also, a rare FIRST!!!!!!!
    FOR FREEEEEEEEEEEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Also WTF?

  • Doktor Zoom

    Sigh… I see it's time to post a link to Bridget Potter's essay "Lucky Girl" again.

    Yeah, this is the world we want to return to. How I loathe these bastards.

    • tessiee

      Sorry, I'm not clicking on your link.
      I'm also not clicking on "The only moral abortion is my abortion".

      • Doktor Zoom

        Can't really blame you there. Once should be enough.

    • What happened to the rest of your list of links on the topic? I've actually copy/pasted those into a few Facebook discussions. When the christofascists get to harping out their bishops' talking points, it's time to start posting links and excerpts from The Zoom List.

      Also – don't forget to add chapter 4 from the Freakonomics book. The fundies HATE it when the crime rate dips because of decades of legal abortion.

      • Doktor Zoom

        Ah, that would be the one in this post, 5 comments down… Yeah, sometimes I don't want to drag out the whole depressing litany.

  • We have to save the unborn in the vagina so we don't have to save them out of the vagina.

  • shortsandpants

    Mississippi will catch up with most of the country, eventually. Just look at their progressive attitude towards minorities!

    • Guppy

      Mississippi won't catch up with the rest of the country so much as drag the rest of the country down to their level.

      • Doktor Zoom

        You say po-tay-to, and I…also say po-tay-to, because absolutely NOBODY says po-TAH-to.

        • midnighttoker69

          When I was a kid, we used to go to this old restaurant that was in Woolworths, and there was an elderly lady who worked as a waitress there. We always asked her about the soup, because it was always the same, and she always said "we have a rich, roasted to-mah-to, and a delicious, splendid cream of pa-tah-to." Then we'd giggle for an hour.

          • Doktor Zoom

            Ah…I stand corrected.

          • midnighttoker69

            I think your point is still valid. I remember her so clearly because she was the exception that proves the rule.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          Oh, I'm sure it was uttered by a sarcastic Irishman at one point.

      • mormos

        the number of millstones around America's neck seems to be growing at an alarming rate.

        I'd say "he ain't heavy, he's my brother," but goddamn!

  • Goonemeritus

    “Mississippi has the highest rate of unintended pregnancies.”

    As a Catholic I can vouch for the fact that faith based birth control isn’t 100% effective.

    • CivicHoliday

      1Flesh libel!!!!111!!1!

    • tessiee

      As the offspring of two Catholics, I can vouch for that, also.

  • Goonemeritus

    OT—-I heard on NPR this morning that they are canceling fireworks in Narrowsburg NY because of nesting bald eagles. WTF after all what is more parotic than blowing up a bald eagle on the 4th with fireworks? When will this Obama tyranny end?

    • It's beautiful! Kill it!

    • Doktor Zoom

      Bald eagles are just socialist welfare layabouts who rely on Big Gummint to provide them handouts, what with the job-killing ban on DDT and the EPA's unconstitutional restrictions on how people use their private property. If you want a symbol of shiftless welfare bums, look no further than the bald eagle.

      Hell, even what most people think of as the cry of the bald eagle is merely Hollywood propaganda

      EDIT: I forgot to mention the right-wing weirdos who claim that the DDT ban is the sole reason that we haven't been able to wipe out mosquito-borne illness* worldwide, so environmentalists have MILLIONS OF DEATHS ON THEIR HANDS.

      *not to mention entire ecosystems…

      • Speaking of killing mosquitoes, progress. Or regression. Depends on your outlook.

        Seriously, though, I did an hour of research once (qualifying me as a Fox News Mosquito Correspondent) and came to the conclusion that it may be okay to kill all mosquitoes and not really experience negative repercussions or stress ecosystems. Is that stupid? Any biologists/entomologists/experts in the house?

        • Doktor Zoom

          I have no idea; presumably, the utter extinction of mosquitoes would impact some bird species that mostly feed on 'em; my "wiping out entire ecosystems" had more to do with how DDT would accomplish that by killing far more than just bugs.

          "God in his wisdom created the fly
          and then forgot to tell us why"

          –Ogden Nash

          • I got the DDT part – it's nasty stuff, even if everyone in the 50s enjoyed their picnics as a DDT truck blasted them with clouds of the stuff (or just spray it directly into my food bowl: Crazy.

            As far as the birds and bats and other insects that eat mosquitoes — can't they eat other, less-bitey bugs!? Yeah, they'd prolly be missed.

    • tessiee

      "after all what is more parotic than blowing up a bald eagle on the 4th with fireworks?"

      I suppose everyone can't go along with Ted Nugent's Shootinbaldeaglespalooza.

  • Estproph

    "The abortion opponents prayed and sang We Shall Overcome…"

    Because religious fundamentalists have been so oppressed throughout history in Mississippi!

    • GemlikeFlame

      Or anywhere else in the US after the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth rock. I guess the buckled shoe is now on the other foot.

  • Doktor Zoom

    I cannot believe we STILL have to protest this shit!

    OK, I am too fucking pissed off to keep posting. Time for a lunch break


  • ProgressiveInga

    Is that the RMoney family I see driving away from the abortionplex with fetuses strapped to the roof of their station wagon?

    Too soon?

    • HistoriCat

      Too soon? Not fucking likely.

  • Goonemeritus

    Will Mississippi be the first to use transvaginal ultrasound to look for illegal aliens?

  • OkieDokieDog

    “Let us help you love your baby” but fuck you and your kid when it gets borned.

    • scvirginia

      That slogan is just plain CREEPY.

      • Negropolis

        Sounds like something straight outta Nineteen Eighty-Four, dunnit?

  • Fox n Fiends

    Unborn Baby = Good
    Healthcare for Baby = Communism

    • sewollef

      Ooh, that really good. Would you mind if I stole that for use elsewhere?

  • CivicHoliday

    5th highest maternal mortality? A travesty! Let's shoot for the triple crown folks – #1 all the way!

    • scvirginia

      I think that must be what they're after here. Or do women who die due to botched abortions not count in that statistic?

      • Didn't you hear what that fucking prick in the Miss Leg had to say about those "poor, pitiful women" who can't afford to go out of state for an abortion so they'll stick a coathanger in their cunts and might die from it, but as the motherfucker said, chortling, "We have to uphold moral values." ? Didn't you hear about that?

        • scvirginia

          Well, ya gotta admit- that stuff IS pretty hi-larious…

          • I fucking choked on my breakfast and almost shot apple out my nose when I read it. Someone hand me that mofo and a pair of steel toes, because I would SO admire to kick his huevos to a pulp.

          • Yay! Mittborg, champion of the oppressed!

          • Come with me, you can hold 'em while I kick 'em!

          • redarmyzombie

            MittBorg, what say you and I both drag 'em into the closet for a nice, memorable 7 Minutes Of Hell?

          • I would definitely be up for some serious asskicking for these folks. Definitely.

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            You could make an organization called "Planned Punching", whereupon you say that punching someone in the face only happens in a ring, with a referee, and safety equipment, and the expectation that you will get punched in the face.

        • tessiee

          I'm only surprised the Westboro Baptist pricks don't picket their funerals.

          • Gaahd Ahlmighty, another bunch of worthless pricks who would benefit greatly from a ballet toe in the nuts. I wish they'd all take each other out and leave these poor women alone.

  • sharethegrief

    As a vaginal American, I have no snark. I have a rage that intensifies almost daily. I just read that the North Carolina House voted to defund Planned Parenthood. I realize that most of these attacks come from the South with some Idaho, Utah and Dakotas' thrown into the mix but when you can't say vagina in Michigan without being put in time out, alarm bells should be heard by all of us.

    • the_problem_child

      No fucking kidding.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Um…."Vagina! Vagina! Vagina!!!" – up here in Cheboygan MI, tip finger of the mitt, and – I've been in time out!

      • tessiee

        Va-gin-A! Va-gin-A! Va-gin-A, she take me honey and run Venezuela!

        • Somewhere in India, there is a poor lady named, I kid you not, Vagina. Which is pronounced Wah-gi-nah. Which she has to explain repeatedly to any honky she ever runs into.

          That was a great song and dance.

          • C_R_Eature

            Ha! Poor woman should just change the spelling, no? Or is that verboten?

            Imagine living in this town in Orkney.

            If that was in America, they'd be replacing stolen road signs every day.

          • I don't think it's verboten so much as very difficult (the courts are simply clogged with cases, and everything in India runs on a different time, if you get my drift). Besides, the rellies wouldn't understand. It's not like Indian kids get to tell their parents, "You can't call me Wah-gi-Nah any more. I am now Sundariputri," or whatever.

            I wish I lived near that town. I would SO steal that sign.

          • C_R_Eature

            Well, I suppose she just has developed lots of swift verbal responses, then – like a female version of the Boy Named Sue.

            Hell, I'd fly over there to steal that sign. Or take rubbings of it. Surely silly photo ops. See: Intercourse and Blue Balls, PA.

          • There's a town named Fucking in Austria. Another road sign I must steal.

          • glasspusher

            They don't have any Fucking postcards…

          • I don't think they realize what a huge potential market they have in the English-speaking world.

          • tessiee

            Reminds me of that old joke, "You're so dumb, you think Fucking is a city in China".

          • Oh, god, quick, spread the meme. I love it!

          • tessiee

            I was extremely disappointed to find out that this was a fake sign, but it's still pretty funny:

          • C_R_Eature

            Take heart, friend. There's plenty of genuine Rude and Naughty road signs out there that are bona-fide 100% genuwine.
            We have: Cocks, Penistone, Butt Hole Road, there's Slutshole Lane and Cockshut Lane. More at this Independent paper article. Enjoy!

            Yes. I am amused by juvenile humor.

          • tessiee

            The original song was, I think, "Matilda", but I was more borrowing from the Allan Sherman parody, "My Zelda", which I bet you already knew, bambino/shaifeleh.

          • I like your version best, inamorata/shayna punim.

    • As another vaginal American … what she said.

    • C_R_Eature

      At least we can still say "Jehova". For now.

      • tessiee

        Who threw that?

  • SayItWithWookies

    “Let us help you love your baby”

    No problem — each one of them needs a balanced diet, regular pediatric care, a reliable source of income for the mother and/or babysitting if the mother has to work, clothes, a clean and safe place to live, immunizations, a good education through high school at least, a neighborhood with adequate police and fire service, job opportunities after the kid turns 18 with optional college or vocational education if the kid wants it, and reasonable healthcare after the kid becomes an adult and is likely to be a parent his-or-herself.

    Hey, and why don't we get away from all those big government solutions and try to work together as citizens and maybe pool all our resources at the local level — and just spitballing here, but maybe we could bring in some state and federal resources as well — so that we the people can provide for our — what do they call it? — general welfare. Yeah, that's it. And together we can bring socialism to its knees, people — to its knees!

    • Lascauxcaveman


    • Ah, Wooks. A fine, fine rant.

    • tessiee

      Or we could just transplant all the fetus babbies into the wombs of right-to-lifers. I'm sure they'd have no objection to that.

      • JustPixelz

        Perhaps they RTL'ers would like to have sex with the boyfriends, husbands and rapists who father the unfortunate fetuses. In fact, if they'd just publish their names and addresses so those men could … um … relax in their hoohas, everyone wins: RTLer has a baby to love, young woman does't get knocked up, male partner doesn't contract blue balls.

      • Of course, many of them are male, and have no wombs to speak of. But I understand it is possible to implant them in the abdominal lining. Oddly enough, none of these fine gentlemen is rushing to avail themselves of this opportunity to Save A Life. Vurry Strange.

        • redarmyzombie


          I think I've just discovered my new replacement for Capital Punishment!

          • Ah, no. I get angry easily about stuff, but IRL, I've found out, it turns my stomach to deliberately inflict pain and suffering on other beings. I've supported the death penalty for heinous crimes (torture-murders where the perp derives enjoyment from inflicting pain, and sexual abuse of children), but only because I have seen no solid evidence that such people can be cured. New evidence appears to be coming to light, however, and I will gladly change my position even on that, so, no torment for the wicked from me, love. May their lives be all the torment that they deserve.

          • redarmyzombie

            I jest, I jest; in reality, I feel guilty for killing ants, even if the fuckers are crawling on me. Even if someone were to commit some horrible crime, I do not believe killing or otherwise harming them would be true justice.

            Which, excuse me for going on a tangent here, but I can't wrap my mind around how people who profess a belief in small government can also support giving said government the power to kill people; is there something I'm not getting here?

          • I'm sure they'd prefer to off the targets of their wrath themselves, but are just too fucking lazy; and in such a case, it is moral and worthy and right to use the power of the government to take life. Fuckers.

    • C_R_Eature

      I hereby award you the Most High Solid Gold Medallion and Purple Sash of Commentary.

      For those of us who Blog, we salute you!

      • SayItWithWookies

        Thanks CR, and everyone else, for your accolades. It just goes to show where the thought process can lead when I'm pissed off enough and not stoned enough to be desensitized to it. Ideally I won't achieve this state again for a while.

        • Wooks, you sure do know how to crush a body's hopes. Fortunately, with Mint MorMoney as the Republican candidate, and the likes of Joe Walsh in the House, I know we can look forward to many more fine rants for at least the next four months.

    • Fare la Volpe

      This is beautiful.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Quoted for Fucking Truth.

  • Guppy

    Isn't there a bank branch foreclosing on widows and orphans that these fine, committed disciples of Christ could go protest?

    • scvirginia

      Oh, c'mon- everyone knows that widows & orphans have already been born- who cares about those poor fuckers?

    • HistoriCat

      What would they want to protest there? Get those free-loading losers out of the way!

      • Vecchiojohn

        Like Jesus intended.

  • coolhandnuke

    …But this is the reality of a patient having an abortion in this country today. She is going to most likely cross a picket line. She is going to be screamed at, harassed.”…

    I have yet to witness or hear of any Church and its' members–that toe the sternest fundamental line against women's choice with their church sanctioned vitriol, protests and even murder–that have had to walk past a protest or hear the taunts, the hate, the threats as they go to service on Sunday.

    • Guppy

      Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
      And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

    • PubOption

      They would probably love that. First, they would see themselves as 'prophets without honor in their own land', and, second, they could blame Barry for it.

    • scvirginia

      Are you suggesting a Wonkette Meetup?

      • coolhandnuke

        A church antisocial?

        • Negropolis

          I hope there is ice cream. Particularly of the mint chocolate chip variety.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Start here:

      Philly Dude in moo moo and funny hat addresses D.C.

      • scvirginia

        Wow! If they don't have his photo in the dictionary next to 'sanctimonious', they need to recall all the old dictionaries & issue new ones.

        • Blueb4sunrise

          He does look a little tight.

      • Negropolis

        Oh, that is fucking rich coming from a guy who represents THE rigid heirarchy of the world. Yes, this effing Catholic bishop is schooling his flock on freedom. Sweet mother of Jesus, is there no irony left?

  • UW8316154

    Well, this brought me toppling down from my peace, love and joy "let's just all get along and love each other" morning.

    Amercia, fuck yeah!!

  • chascates


  • Lascauxcaveman

    For those of you keeping track, Mississippi has the highest rate of unintended pregnancies, the highest infant mortality rate, and the fifth highest maternal mortality rate in the country.

    C'mon, MS, only fifth on maternal mortality? You can do better than this. Don't let those Alabamans take that prize away from you. Time to ban prenatal care and maternity wards altogether.

    • NellCote71

      Texas stands in solidarity with Mississippi in a race to the bottom.

    • sewollef

      "Time to ban prenatal care and maternity wards altogether."

      I'm with you on that. WTF, giving birth in the fields and carrying on picking potatoes was good enough for my ancestors.

    • Sparky McGruff

      They're coddling those wimmens. Don't let Missippi become a soshulist state! Make 'em give birth in the swamp, with the aligators!

  • Schmannnity

    My money's on the lady in blue with the large hoop earrings over the wirery trailer monkeys on the left.

    • sewollef


      'Trailer monkeys'

  • Getting drunk on the 4th while playing with explosives!

    Is there anything that makes America Greater??????????

    • sewollef

      Firing your guns off in any old direction?

      Driving to the black part of town and setting fire to their churches?

  • SayItWithWookies

    For the sake of a little good news, Ohio's personhood effort won't appear on the ballot this election because the idiots who wanted it there could only collect 7.7% of the meager number of signatures required for it to get there.

    • Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

      • They tried to make it sound better than it was — most of the articles I could find had headers like "OH personhood amendment falls short of needed signatures" or "OH personhood amendment lacks sufficient signatures to make it on to the ballot." When I saw the actual numbers — 30,000 out of 385,000 required votes signatures — I knew it was dead in the water, so I Tweeted it most mightily.

        These people will even have US believing their lies if we do nothing to counter them.

    • scvirginia

      Well, when Ohio is so kind as to send so many of its wacko citizens to live here in SC, they're bound to have trouble finding signatures where they've been used to finding 'em…

      • SayItWithWookies

        That guy seems like a real freak — and apparently he's either way into tanning or he's not quite as white as he thinks he is.

        And I wouldn't be surprised if SC gets crazier, since the Quiverfull Movement folks were trying (and might still be) to concentrate there so as to make it their new promised land.

        • Partner says Christian Theocrats had targeted South Carolina for takeover some time ago. Watch it go down the toobz, dood.

          • Fare la Volpe

            Watch it go down the toobz


          • Well … further.

        • tessiee

          "the Quiverfull Movement"

          Sorry to sound like I'm in middle school, but that name is just plain gross.

          • scvirginia

            Let's all hope he just has 'blanks' in his quiver…

          • Um, not to put too fine a point upon it, but I believe his gun was designed for a different orifice altogether.

        • scvirginia

          Eh- I don't worry about the Christians per se- it's the bigots I mind.

          He is rather brown- for Ohio, anyway. SC is not so pale-complected:

      • I'm not sure how to put this exactly, but Mr. Rogers appears to be fighting miscegenation just a bit after the horse has, you know, left the barn and made it into the next county, at least in HIS case. If he doesn't have some Black or Native American ancestry, I will eat a McDonald's burger. That boy ain't white, and I don't care how much he wants to be.

        • tessiee

          I'll bet all the other white supremacists poke fun at him, and talk bad about him when he leaves the room.

          • scvirginia

            Not gonna take that bet. Dude is creepy & I hate to even think that anyone would want to quiver-fill with him. Ewwww.

          • You know how those folks are. It's just a matter of time before someone lets fly with "n*****!" and it'll be aimed at him. Pow, sock, wham, and the bitter truth becomes a feast for the tabloids.

            Oh, well. You gotta give people what they ask for.

        • tessiee

          Help me out here, folks:

          Is Mr. Its a Beautiful Day in the Segregated Neighborhood Rogers MORE or LESS pathetically delusional than either a) the blond, blue-eyed guy who dresses like an old-school rapper and greeted me with, "Yo, yo, yo, Mommy, whazzzzzuuuup?"or b) the guilty white guy with the blond dreadlocks and pierced nose, who wears the Bob Marley style hat and the Che Guevara t-shirt and never misses an opportunity to mention that he's one-sixteenth Cherokee?

          Or are all three of them just assmarmots?

          • My money's on assmarmots here, darlz, but you knew that.

          • Fare la Volpe

            The two you listed are not actively trying to take away people's civil rights. Therein lies the difference.

      • viennawoods13

        The comments are even scarier than the article. What a collection of right-wing racists!

      • Negropolis

        Fucker has a face only a Grand Cyclops could love. Jus' sayin'.

  • GorzoTheMighty

    I have no words. The statistics at the bottom says it all.I thought on Independence day it would be a good day to give up morphine. Maybe not. Morphine and Cutty Sark here I come.

    • Yeah, no, don't try giving up the drogas too sudden-like, fella. Reality, these days, has to be eased into real slow. (lights vape)

  • Mittens Howell, III

    On the upside, anti-abortionists have been so busy protesting clinics / passing regressive legislation/ fapping over regressive legislation that they've barely had time to shoot any abortion providers lately.

    • Doktor Zoom

      I wouldn't be too complacent about their ability to multi-task.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Idle hands…

  • cheetojeebus

    may i suggest a cocktail of this :,2933,352410,00.html
    and a loud boombox with lady gaga for the olds.
    may perhaps dissuade a few of the protestors?

    • What an excellent idea! A little rap music might also convince them to drag their fat asses out of the way.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      yer http has too many :::::::,2933,352410,00.htm

      • cheetojeebus


    • Dashboard Buddha

      I don't know if this is OT or not, but the article made me think of my helicopter parent neighbor across the street (I call her Huey). Between adults that despise their existence and parents won't cut the umbilical until the kid reaches 30, I have deep concerns for young people.

  • An_Outhouse

    Get a job, you lazy newborns. You're nothing but blood sucking layabout leeches. You were a cute cytoplast. Now stop your crying and drooling and get to fuckin' work.

    • But where are the jerbs? What d'ya think they're screamin' about?

      • (Hugs Jukesgrrl) Hey, baby. You OK? NIce to see ya on this lovely day. Happy Fourth.

        • Happy 4th to you, too.Hope you had some electricity if you're among the sweltering.

          • We don't have the aircon. We rely on nature to cool our overheated asses. When we get desperate enough we go water the garden, "accidentally" watering ourselves as much as possible, and listen to the grass crisping and drying. Hope you're doing OK, sweetie.

  • writemeblue

    also, get ready for Mississippi to decline the Medicaid expansion funds from the health care law to pay for their huge number of unplanned pregnancies. good times.

  • Limeylizzie

    Hey Wonkettes let's get pregnant, probably should hurry in my case, one good egg left, and go and get abortions in Mississippi while we still can.

    • Blueb4sunrise


      • Limeylizzie


    • Sorry, I have used my allottment of eggs and am dealing with the consequences already

      • And what's their Uncle Sam done for YOU lately? They get to stay on your insurance until they're 26? Yay! Well … maybe. We'll know in November?

  • Come here a minute

    First in fetus rights, last in education.

  • Awful People

    Down with abortions! Down with health care!

    Happy Ill Dependents Day, everyone!

    • Luckily, mine are now kacked. But thanks for the (kind?) wishes.

  • Just remember the pursuit of happiness was never supposed to extend to the poors, chicks or browns. Just rich white men. So I guess America is great again!!! YEAH!

  • proudgrampa

    Creepy. Sad.

    Time for a BIG martini.

    Happy Independence Day, fellow Wonketteers. Don't start any wildfires with your fireworks!

    • Tell me about it. I live in a high risk area, and my fucking idiot neighbours decided to assplode their fireworks all fucking night. I oughta be consoled by the thought that they'd be burning their own fucking houses down as well, but if I could get my hands on them, there'd be a little more coyote/wolf feed up in the hills and fewer fireworks next year. Fucking Darwin Award candidates.

      Oh, yeah, happy fourth!

      Back to kvetching.

      • proudgrampa

        I hear you, friend.

        Two years ago we were evacuated from our area by a wildfire (that one started by sparks from target shooters).

        Just last week, we were within half a mile of the evacuation area for yet another fire. That one was started by a doofus parking his car on dry grass.

        What i am afraid of is that the Darwin Award candidates are breeding and will destroy the planet before they destroy themselves.

        • Stay safe, PG, and I hope the grandbabies and babies are safe too. Good lord, they really are burning down the house, right around our ears. The fireworks have started here again. Think I'll watch movies with the sound turned all the way up. Hearing those explosions brings back some RLY BAD memories of our last big fire.

  • Limeylizzie

    Damn, the fucking cunts cancelled this class I was going to go to.

    • Did he prepare them for the swimsuit and talent portion of the competition?

      • Depends on your definition of "prepare."

    • Dashboard Buddha

      What fucking century did I wake up in today?

      • Republican Time or Everybody Else's?

    • Doktor Zoom

      'E was gonna teach ya to walk an' to talk loik a regular laidy, 'e was!

      • C_R_Eature

        By George, I think you've got it.

    • And he had assembled an esteemed faculty.

      • I'd fart in the general direction of his esteemed faculty except I bleev them rednecks can put a bullet through an ass from a couple hundred miles away.

        You know, like how Dick Cheney got Saddam Hussein, or one a them guyz.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Was this guy gonna teach the class himself? Cause now im just imaging him gliding around his house with a book on his head.

      • Dashboard Buddha

        and a dildo up his ass.

      • In high heels.

    • ElPinche

      Section 12: "How to address your house nigger."

    • tessiee

      OK, I'm willing to skip the tatting and embroidery lessons, but I demand my right to Swan About.

    • James Michael Curley

      Ladies, if you decide to learn how to "walk up and down a stair elegantly," remember two things, gravity and bifocals. As the years go by you will experience the benefits and ravages of both. First things will start to move from their youthful locations into your peripheral view then the bifocals will concentrate your vision exactly on those ever expanding perimeters both blurring and hiding that staircase..

    • sewollef

      Marty Golden is in my district and is nothing short of a stupid, ignorant twat.

      'Polished professional series', my arse!

      I have no idea how this retard gets elected. Brooklyn isn't exactly his kind's territory…. it's full of flaming liberals, pinkos and socialists [me included], hispanics, and a-rabs.

      NONE of whom I reckon would vote for this douche. Maybe it's the asians from Brooklyn's huge Chinatown? Although somehow I doubt it. So, it's gotta be the mob and the rest of the I-talian enclave. Bastards.

      • Limeylizzie

        I am lucky enough to have Rangel!

  • As Jesus said, "Blessed are the self-righteous, hypocritical stalkers, for they shall inherit jack shit."

  • Rotundo_

    I have seen the future and it is Mississippi. We here in Wisconsin, under the steady leadership of Scott Walker and the Fitzgeralds can only look from afar at our role model in the south with aspirational dreams. But it will come in time, and we will all be Mississippi and all restaurants will be Taco Bell and the conservative utopian ideal will be completed. Mogadishu will be a paradise by comparison.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    On the other hand some other members of humanity has proven the existence of the Higgs Boson particle. I'm sure that Mississippians are impressed.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      That's proton abortion!!!!!11!

    • tessiee

      Mississippians are not likely to be impressed by a Higgs Boson, although they *are* likely to be impressed by a pig's bosom.

    • Like Miz'simians have a prayer of understanding what the fuck a Higgs Boson is.

      • C_R_Eature

        Transcribed directly from the Mississippi-ese:

        "Sheee-it! Thet Sherriff Higgs feller bin bossin' us around fer Years! Ahm gittin' maighty taired of it tew!"

        *no translation available at this time*

        • Dood. I know what that translates to. And I don't like it one bit.

          • C_R_Eature

            "Best not look into it."

          • For if you gaze too long into the abyss …

  • Toomush_Infer

    Y'know….if they like fetuses so much, they should go and get them Health Insurance….

  • Given their out-sized importance to the electoral process, I'm glad to know we have a special day to honor Independents.

    Happy Independents Day to all you swing voters!

  • el_donaldo

    Save me from the people who would save me from myself.
    They've got muscles for brains.

  • el_donaldo

    Today I'm celebrating my independence from medieval worldviews and religious dogmatism and drinking to Tom Jefferson and Jimmy Madison. I wish I could just say that Mississippi should go fuck itself, but I feel for the people trapped there.

    • True. They didn't ask to be kept poor, ignorant, and downtrodden.

  • C_R_Eature

    I'm glad to see that the new Teabag legislators are focused, Laser-like on the economy of enforced reproduction, lifelong poverty and economic slavery, just as they promised when they ran for office.

    Well, that's all the snark I can muster right now. I need a drink and this War against ourselves we never started and didn't want is getting mighty old.

    • (Pats the CRE_ature's back) It'll be OK, sweetie. Pour the drink. Put your feet up. For a few hours today, forget this shit and think cephalopods. Or anything else that makes you *happy.*

  • Butch_Wagstaff

    Happy 4th everybody! The day on which we celebrate dumping our boyfriend King George III by setting off fireworks made in communist China.

    • Happy 4th, sweetie! Enjoy the hubs and the BBQ! (Assuming you BBQ)

  • Reminder:
    Please report to the Department of Life on Monday for your semi-Monthly pregnancy test.
    Thank you and God Bless.
    State of Mississippi.

  • A state that would elect a person named Bubba to anything needs to just GTFO (of the Union).

  • tessiee

    I can't read the alt text. Is it a cartoon bubble coming out of the mouth of the woman in the blue blouse, saying, "Kiss my ass, Cracker!"?

  • tessiee

    Since math and statistics are not my area of expertise, I am reaching out to the wonkette community. Would some kindly math nerd figure out what percentage of the anti-choice protestors are a) men and/or b) people whom nobody is willing to have sex with?

    • C_R_Eature

      A and B are overlapping domains, but I don't have the full census data to quantify those values yet. We will need a change order to our Cost-Plus contract.

      How'd I do?

      • I don't know, but a friend who's a professor of mathematics always responds with something like "I can give you a theorem to determine whether that is a positive or negative value."

        • C_R_Eature

          That's Math Speak for "Go away kid, you bother me."

          • Sure sounds like it, don't it?

    • Boojum


    • James Michael Curley


  • tessiee

    "With temperatures above 90 degrees, some abortion opponents carried large umbrellas for shade as they stood Monday outside the clinic in the Fondren neighborhood."

    Because it's just *that* important to them that some woman whom they've never met has her life ruined to punish her for having sex.

  • tessiee

    Best part of entire movie "Juno":
    Juno: I went to the clinic yesterday… there were people protesting… Did you know my baby has fingernails?
    Juno's well meaning but not terribly bright friend: Oh! [thinks] So, like, if it got mad at you, it could scratch your vadge on the way out?

    Second best part is when Juno makes her friend come with her when she breaks the news to her parents:
    Dad: Was it that boyfriend of yours?
    Juno: Yes.
    Dad [muttering angrily under his breath]: I'm amazed he could even figure out how to Do It.
    Friend: I know, right?
    [Dad gives Friend the death glare]

  • tessiee

    If a fetus wants to be a person, it can damn well incorporate like the rest of us have to.

    • Vecchiojohn

      Dibs on Blastocyst, LLC.

    • James Michael Curley

      Then it can give unlimited campaign contributions to the Republican of its choice; doctrinaire rhetorical espousing.

  • Need to be there with Jello Biafra and Mojo Nixon for some bad-fucking-ass counter singin'.

  • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    Happy "successful terrorist insurgency day", ex-colonials!

    • Happy Losing Colony Day to you too, oppressive liberation stealer! (Hugs Fukui) Hope you're enjoying the day.

    • redarmyzombie

      And Happy Assploding Amercia day to you, Fukui-san!

    • Negropolis

      Happy "Our George Was Better/Less Insane Than Your George Day"!

  • C_R_Eature

    OT: Medical News and a Question.

    * Medical News:
    Researchers found women infected with the Toxoplasma gondii (T. gondii) parasite, which is spread through contact with cat faeces or eating undercooked meat or unwashed vegetables, are at increased risk of attempting suicide.

    Is anyone aware of any published medical studies linking the effect of
    Hookworm infections on the behavior of Former half-term Governors?

    • not that Radio

      I will have to let Owls answer that. All I can conjecture is that toxoplasmosis sure makes people crazy! (hanging off proudgrampa's comment about Alzheimer's)

      • C_R_Eature


  • JustPixelz

    In various states, the inaccessibility, waiting periods, vaginal probes and all the rest create an artificial shortage of supply. Markets are good at solving these types of problems. There's the back alley, of course. Also, morning after pills. Or an abortionplex in a less restrictive state could open near or in an airport.

  • Limeylizzie

    Very OT, I was just at the Gelson's supermarket in Los Feliz and bumped into Van Jones, he was very friendly ,and really handsome, he introduced me to his son, as well. If I had been slimed by the right-wing like he was I am not sure that I would be polite to a total stranger.

    • James Michael Curley

      I bet they don't let you wander around the Griffith Observatory. at night and play "Rebel without a Cause' these days.

  • Redhead

    "The abortion opponents prayed and sang We Shall Overcome"

    *beats head against a wall over and over and over and over and over and over and over…*

  • barto

    Perhaps global warming will finally put poor Mississippi out of its misery. For every cloud…

  • Negropolis

    The abortion opponents prayed and sang We Shall Overcome

    This does not sit well with me; it does not sit well with me, at all.

    These here may be a little crazier than some other places

    This is an understatement.

    When will this be over? Wichita was beginning to feel so very long ago until relatively recently.

  • BarackMyWorld

    I hope you realize putting "Good news everyone!" at the beginning of your post makes me read the rest of it in my head using Prof. Farnsworth's voice.

  • ttommyunger

    Intelligent people have open arms as well as minds. I'm not surprised.

  • ttommyunger

    This is not a reassuring article. I know these people, the law only counts when it supports their world-view. I smell explosives and Second Amendment Solutions being brewed in that benighted State.

  • ghblowhard

    All those naughty nuns are out there protesting poverty, social inequality and almost 40 million uninsured Americans who can't afford health care when they SHOULD be threatening rape and incest victims at abortion clinics and throwing tomatoes at gay pride parades. Priorities. Sheesh.

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