imaginary friends

That Joe the Plumber Idiot Has A Black Friend Now

Dung-pile peasant turned right-wing avatar Sam Wurzelbacher, who likes to pretend his name is Joe and also likes to pretend he is a plumber, has a black friend! She’s really likes Sam the Unemployable Guy Who Pretended To Be A Plumber and she’s also a big fan of President Obama. Probably, because she’s a black! That’s what makes her friendship with Sam so remarkable.

Sam’s black friend is named “Mother Georgia,” which doesn’t sound like an actual name so much as one of those condescending nicknames white people gave to their African-American nannies in movies featuring Emma Stone. But let’s take Sam, who pretends his name is Joe, at his word that Mother Georgia’s real name is actually Mother Georgia.

Anyways, Sam and Mother Georgia are real good friends even though they are of different races and she voted for the current president whereas Sam believes Obama wants to take away our guns so he can restart the Armenian genocide. It’s just one of those normal heartland differences of opinion between real ‘Mericans that John Mellencamp sings about.

Related video

Bravo, Sam Wurzelbacher. You have exactly one acquaintance that does not perfectly share your background and worldview. Truly, Dr. King’s dream has, at long last, been fulfilled.

[Sam Wurzelbacher for Congress]

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About the author

Jeff Wattrick is someone whose unsolicited submissions accidentally get published on Wonkette. He also writes for Deadline Detroit, which is this thing on the internet about the Motor City.

View all articles by Jeff Wattrick

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289 comments

    1. TribecaMike

      Indeed, he's our very own Prometheus, only he stole the secret of fire to heat up his anal beads.

      1. BoatOfVelociraptors

        That would require the ability to construct an article, which his journalism career shows to be a dicey proposition.

    1. Neoyorquino

      He could take a lesson from Smokey the Bear (who was both smokey, and, well, a bear). And, compared to Sam, Smokey the Bear was also on the far right slope of the bell curve when it came to IQ.

    2. bobbert

      At one point in my work life, I worked for a chip company that was acquired by Daimler-Benz (before it became Daimler-Chrysler-Clusterfuck or whatever it is now). At the time, D-B was not traded on the NYSE, because they had a sort of German Romantic approach to financial statements. It was all about the story-line, which was that they were profitable (and usually increasingly so) every single year. [In good years, they'd stash some of the profits on the balance sheet, for use in remaining profitable during not-so-good years].

      It was commonly said that the only correct number in a Daimler -Benz annual report was the year.

      Apparently Sam the Wurzelbacher shares that German Romantic mindset.

    1. hippie13

      I want to see a plumbers license….and not one of those fake jobs issued by the secretary of state or some other commie front group.

  1. Baconzgood

    So his only qualifications for office is that he bum rushed the POTUS! Gotta love the GOP.

    1. Crank_Tango

      Or he is a skinhead with a german name who tried to keep a black guy from taking a job from a white guy. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I guess.

    1. MissTaken

      Sam the Dumber probably thought she *was* Aunt Jemimah. I'm surprised he didn't ask if she preferred being used on pancakes or waffles.

        1. tessiee

          Are you referring to the guy who showed up at the Emergency Room to have a Mrs. Butterworth bottle removed from… a place where it shouldn't have been? Because we have no proof that he WASN'T Joe the Plumber.

    2. Dudleydidwrong

      If Joe puts on black face he could pretend he was Uncle Ben and could sell rice door to door. That might be his first honest job.

  2. sullivanst

    "Vote for 'Joe' if your kid played basketball with him when he was 13" doesn't seem like a winning campaign message, somehow. Can't put my finger on why, exactly.

  3. SexySmurf

    Mother Georgia’s real name is actually Mother Georgia.

    That's funny because Not Joe the Not Plumber's real name is actually Mother Fucker.

  4. Callyson

    Reminds me of Sean Hannity titling one of his books "Let Freedom Ring." Uh, yeah, right…

    OT: I'm heading off to Pennsylvania tomorrow for a family reunion and my dad's memorial service, so I probably won't be checking in on my favorite web site for the next few days too often (while I'm from Pittsburgh, the reunion will be in the "Alabama in the middle" part of the state so it's probably best that I STFU about anything remotely political.) But you all have a happy 4th!

    1. Extemporanus

      I'll fire an illegal bottle rocket at some red, white, & blue TruckNutz in your dad's memory, Callyson.

      (And one in your memory, too, just in case you don't make it back from Pennsyltucky…)

    2. anniegetyerfun

      I didn't know that you had lost your dad. I'm sorry. I hope that the alcohol flows freely and that you are able not to punch anyone.

      1. Callyson

        Thanks…I believe alcohol will be available (wouldn't be one of my family functions without it) so I should be OK.

      1. Callyson

        Thanks…it actually happened last summer, but scheduling issues prevented us from having a service until now. I just hope I don't get too emotional.

        1. MittBorg

          You're welcome, sweetie. Any time. I lost my Dad over a year ago, so if you want to commiserate, you know where to find me.

          Glad you're doing OK.

    3. C_R_Eature

      Oh, boy. Sorry to hear this and sorry for your loss.

      Travel safe, stay sane, don't be afraid to cry but be sure to laugh.

      See you soon.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        I've been with a few myself. Reports of their…presence have been greatly exaggerated.

      2. BoatOfVelociraptors

        A good friend of mine just moved to Atlanta. I doubt it had to do with the proximity to CNN or coca-cola. Just sayin.

  5. Antispandex

    Well, the other day there was a story about how some black people are Republicans, so I guess anything could happen.

  6. MumbletyRadio

    John Mellencamp

    So when Jesus left Birmingham Alabama for Mother Georgia it was because she'd gotten knocked up? Good, that song totes makes sense now. Also, Wurzelbacher has a face only a sad Americana-charlatan music-maker could love before aborting.

    1. MittBorg

      Huh. That link takes me to a Wonkabout of 2009. But your description of John Mellencamp is so fucking dead-on that I am going to have to pinch it. I plead literary need.

      1. MumbletyRadio

        link.. Wonkabout…2009
        GAH, I hate when intensedebate does that! For some reason, at times, it'll stick the wonkette.com/ ahead of the link I'm trying to place in there. It was a youtube of him* doing the song, oh well.

        I do browse old threads even 2009 and earlier: since you mentioned it I NEED to share this with someone: Pithaugn recap'ing an item shared by Prommie that gives an interesting perspective on 'baggers and ignorant conservatives alike:
        http://wonkette.com/411422/it-cannot-be-overstate

        It's an interesting post too just seeing how Romney was viewed back then. If the link doesn't work I'll post the entire text in another reply, srsly, I am so smitten with the import of the comment.

        *Kinda faking the Mellencamp hate there… I did take a liking to his "Human Wheels" album or parts of it… The title song includes the lyrics; "the dust to which this flesh shall return/ It is the ancient, dreaming dust of God" which took me by surprise with their near poetic quality. And "Help the light find my face" well I guess I'm just a sucker sometimes but I like it.

  7. SorosBot

    Wasn't Mother Georgia the old black magic negro lady from Stephen King's The Stand?

    Or maybe one of his other books; dude loves him the magic negro characters.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      Key & Peele have a great bit where the shoe-shinin' magical negroes duke it out Two Towers style for the soul of some needy white guy.

      1. SorosBot

        Because of King, I read that as Dark Tower style for a second and thought, wait, Susannah is one of his only black characters who is definitely not a magic negro, but actually the most fully developed character in the series.

    2. anniegetyerfun

      I just read The Stand a couple of months ago, and seriously, I don't remember any of the names of any of the characters.

      ETA: There WERE, like, 600 characters.

        1. anniegetyerfun

          War and Peace is a topic that can literally bring my marriage to the brink of divorce. I get bored with constant cross-referencing of characters and their long lineage (this is also making the Song of Fire and Ice series really hard to enjoy – that, and George RR Martin's serious poop fetish).

          1. MittBorg

            Let me guess: Your spouse is an engineer (sw/hw, doesn't matter). My partner refuses to read anything literary, but has finally compromised and permits me to read Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Salman Rushdie, Pablo Neruda, and the like to him of an evening. In exchange, he reads me Dan Savage columns. Sigh.

          2. anniegetyerfun

            He's really more of a CIO – but he lives for technology, this is true. He's horrified that the American edumacation system never required me to read anything more complicated than The Color Purple.

          3. MittBorg

            Ou Bangali, to! When I think about it, I think my Bengali friends are the worst for (a) reading humongous quantities of stuff, and (b) wanting to start an adda-mara with everybody and their brother about it. They could take over the whole world, if they'd just stop arguing about it.

          4. anniegetyerfun

            Well, mine's brown but hardly Bengali. Spent most of his life in Europe and Canada. He's just a nerd. He doesn't push the topic – I'm the one who's always, like, “Ugh, this book has so many words in it!”

          5. MittBorg

            War and Peace is casting a hairy eyeball at me from my bookshelf. I read about half of it when I was young, and put the rest off for fifty years.

          6. viennawoods13

            I admit to loving War and Peace (and Game of Thrones, for that matter- my husband just had to put up with a dinner-table conversation between me and my son on that topic). However, I have an additional admission to make on W&P- I skip the long disquisitions on the nature of History- me! a teacher of history!, and just enjoy the stoooory. Meanwhile, my husband prefers Asterix comics- rereads them again and again.

          7. MittBorg

            Shocking! Simply SHOCKING!

            I used to do that in my yoof, and then I would periodically reread an old favourite and find that my opinion of the book had changed completely, whether due to reading the formerly omitted sections, or the wonders of age and brain rot/development.

            My partner has a wonderful collection of comix to ease the pain caused by these lengthy perusals. He generously shares them with me.

          8. BoatOfVelociraptors

            Have you seen the new Sherlock? I'm the kind of person that wonders why he doesn't clone the phone and run the image under an emulator to brute force a 6 digit pin.

            Running a million combinations on a modern CPU would take roughly half a second. But nooooo, we have to have drama and sexual tension. Pfft.

          9. MittBorg

            I have some of his works in both the original and the English translation, side-by-side. My spoken Spanish is poor, but I can read reasonably well, and the beauty of his language shakes me to my roots. I swear, I horripilate when reading some of his work.

      1. tessiee

        the asshole guy from New York in the Stand was Larry Underwood. I remember because, although I thought his character was pretty well written, I thought "Larry Underwood" wasn't really ethnic enough for that kind of guy.
        Stu Redman was the Tommy Lee Jones character.
        Harold Lauder was the teenage Stephen King character.

    3. emmelemm

      Mother Abigail, I buhleeve, and it was the first thing I thought of upon reading this post.

      1. bobbert

        I'm not really an oracle, but I did stay at a simulated Holiday Inn Express last night.

    1. sullivanst

      The Azerbaijanis are not exactly well-known for their concern for the wellbeing of Armenians.

      But then, Joe doesn't appear to have quite managed to correctly read the script provided him by Jean Schmidt.

        1. scvirginia

          Oh, yeah- he's the one who ran for the SC State House in 2011 & got 6 votes out of approx. 4000 cast… SC GOP "forgot" to rig those machines.

          1. scvirginia

            I daresay the SC GOP was done with Alvin Greene by then. The guy who did win the primary, Kevin Johnson, also won the special election & is now running for the State Senate. That district is heavily Dem, so he's likely to win.

          2. sullivanst

            Nice little tidbit from Politico's article when Greene's opponent in the US Senate primary challenged the result:

            [The voting machiens used in South Carolina] "were purchased surplus from Louisiana after that state outlawed them," Rawl said.

          3. BoatOfVelociraptors

            Dude, you don't need paper, you need an RSA style hash. Possibly on paper. If the hash (the computation that protects your credit card number and transactions) does not add up, you have a case. Lawyers can't fight math.

          4. sbj1964

            I have always considered myself as a blackman trapped in a whitemans body.I love fried chicken,big cars,Watermellon,and I date a lot of white women.Joe is still a GOP cracker!

          5. scvirginia

            Am increasingly convinced that no systems are foolproof- if the powers that be want to rig an election, it will happen. It seems like it would be easier to rig an election electronically, though, since far fewer people need to be in on the secret.

            Not sure how RSA style hash by itself will protect my vote, though- you got a plan?

          6. bobbert

            Ultimately, you have to assume that there are some people in the vote processing business who are honest. Without that, any mechanism can be defeated.

            But, given a few honest people, the way a hash would work is:

            1. You vote

            2. Your entire vote selection is securely hashed (maybe you are allowed to provide some personally selected content — non-private info selected by you).

            3. You get a copy of the hash value.

            4. After your vote is counted, the ballot is re-hashed with the same. All the re-hashed values from your precinct are posted online.

            5. You do a search to make sure your hash value appears on the list. If not, you complain that your vote is missing.

            Clearly not perfect, but again, I'm assuming that most of the folks involved are at least non-malicious.

          7. scvirginia

            This is why I'm amused by conspiracy theories, but don't usually give 'em much cred. People just aren't smart enough to pull that shit off without a hitch.

          8. MittBorg

            Not to mention the fact that every single person walking around in this world has their own interest at heart, and a multiplicity of reasons for doing what you want them to do. Which is why conspiracies often fall apart in the beginning stages. Someone takes exception to someone else's character, haircut, or comments, and whammo, scalammo, everybody gets to cool their heels in jail.

          9. scvirginia

            True dat. It may be fairly easy to find, say, 5 people whose interests coincide. Will all of them be comfortable with a little rule-bending? Will they all be smart enough to understand how the plan is s'posed to work? Then are they able to work in coordination in a disciplined manner? And then can they keep their mouths shut?

            I'm sure that it happens on occasion, but these supposedly vast international conspiracies? It's enough to make a cat laugh…

          10. MittBorg

            It's wonderful, working over the birfers, for example. The kind of conspiracy that would be required to create candidate (now POTUS) Barack Obama would have involved multiple employees of multiple governments of multiple nations. Schools, customs officials, hospitals, landlords, colleges, hell, bus and cab drivers — would all have to be involved on some level. Yet, in fifty years, not a single person has managed to provide convincing evidence of the birfers' claims. And it really, really bothers them to be reminded of it.

          11. scvirginia

            Those time machines are not cheap, either. (Er, not that I would know, of course…)

          12. MittBorg

            Of course. Have you heard the one about Obama on Mars? DARPA sent him there with a bunch of other students, and that's how they got access to the time machine.

          13. scvirginia

            Hence the Honolulu newspaper having the birth announcement. Too clever by half.

            This conversation is being forced to the right, much like politics in this country, & it's getting late here (almost 2:30) so I'll sign off now- have a good night, dearie, & Happy 4th.

          14. sullivanst

            And I suppose his discontinuation of NASA-operated manned space flight was to make sure noone else got to Mars to find evidence of his base there.

            Genius!

            Someone else posted an apropos xkcd link earlier, I'm having a brain fart remembering who..

          15. MittBorg

            Well, of course. You wouldn't want the Republicans to find out that everything they said about Barry and the Time Machine was TWOO!!

          16. sullivanst

            Not to mention it appears that at least 95% of all people in America willing to participate in a conspiracy are either FBI agents or FBI informants.

          17. scvirginia

            I had a reasonably high opinion of our voting system until the Alvin Greene fiasco set me straight.

            Given that perfection isn't an option, I'd prefer a system that would require many people to get their hands dirty in order to rig an election. I've worked elections & know that most people are committed to clean elections- as you say, the vast majority are not malicious.

            So a paper trail, a hash value trail- any system that would need a LOT of conspirators to turn the election- I'm not too picky how it's done, but our current system is too easy to fix, & not just in SC.

          18. sullivanst

            Two things here.

            First, I'm pretty sure there are some of the more successful lawyers who'd disagree with you.

            Second, an RSA hash of what exactly? You can't hash the running total because it's running, and in the case of the machines in question, you can't hash the individual votes because there's simply no stored record of them to hash.

            Also, a major part of the purpose of a cryptographic hash is the intent to be able to prove that something hasn't changed while also being unable to recreate the original from the hash – in other words, you can't do a recount from hashes, the best you'd be able to prove is that someone's messed with the count, but you wouldn't know what the correct count was and would be left with a horrible choice between throwing away everyone's vote, or certifying a result you had proven was tampered with (absent new legislation allowing a revote).

            I suppose at least a hash of the final total would tell you that noone's messed with the count after it's recorded, but it wouldn't confirm that noone's messed with the machine so that it records votes and/or the count wrong during the day.

  8. Joshua Norton

    Sorry Joe, but the minimum of black friends required before you can claim bragging rights has officially been raised to 2.

    Good luck with that.

      1. rickmaci

        "You know, that might be the answer – to act boastfully about something we ought to be ashamed of. That's a trick that never seems to fail."

    1. MittBorg

      Walnuts has a n*****-baby, remember? At least that's what G.W. Bush and Karl Rove would like Southerners to believe. As for Mittens, I believe his software has a glitch in it that causes him to start singing weird songs when in the presence of Teh Blah. If you can call that singing.

    2. tessiee

      Do servants count?
      Because Walnuts and Mitzi have several houses each; you figure out of that many houses, all of which have to have a staff, the pastry chef or the girl who comes in on Thursdays to do the bathrooms or *somebody* is prolly blah.

  9. JustPixelz

    Palin's movie is called "The Undefeated". Mitt's name is really Willard. The Repubicans call themselves the Grand Old Party, but they ain't grand, the Democratic Party is older and it's no party with them in charge.

    1. MittBorg

      IOW, you're saying Republicans … LIE?

      OMG, how will I ever survive this terrifying news? Someone bring me my smelling-salts and a fainting couch, STAT.

  10. LibertyLover

    Playing the "some are my best friends are dot dot dot" card? Is that kinda desperate?

    1. sullivanst

      He's playing the "I'm Republican so I believe Democrats are stupid enough to vote for the guy with someone saying they voted for Obama in a commercial without bothering to find out anything else at all about them" card.

  11. Goonemeritus

    I’m sure I could be Joe’s friend; well it would be easier if he didn’t talk about politics or anything else for that matter. It would probably benefit the friendship if we had no contact at all. If we just followed these simple rules I’m sure we could be as close as peas and carrots.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      If you were Joe's other friend (he only has one now) it would mean that you would be invited to all of the Republican parties, Mitt's intimate dinners, and be one of the people who creates Republican policy… No, on second thought, do fake plumbers have any social life at all?

  12. MissTaken

    On this occasion of our Nation's birth we should recognize our hero, Joe The Plumber. Sure, his name isn't Joe and he can't unclog your drain, but he can show you how to convert your TV to digital and pretend to have a conversation with a black woman which apparently makes him qualified to run for US Congress. The Founding Fathers would be proud.

  13. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Mr. Wizzybean Wurzelbacher should be careful. After all, John Roberts only has one black friend, and now he is America's and Freedom's greatest enemy according to most Conservative websites.

    It can happen that quick if you get near their voodoo!

    1. tessiee

      "John Roberts only has one black friend"

      Well, strictly speaking, I think Clarence is more of a co-worker than an actual friend.

  14. barto

    Meh, the Donald has more imaginary black friends under his combover than Samjoe will ever have.

  15. Rotundo_

    It's either politics or fast food for Sammy, and I think he would hurt himself and who knows how many others working a deep fryer. Maybe this perpetual candidate thing is actually a means to keep conservatives with limited ability to function fed and clothed.

  16. Billmatic

    I don't have any conservative friends. All of my friends are soulless, horrible liberals who make jokes at the expense of religion.

  17. MissTaken

    Poor Mother Georgia, she probably thought when she called Joe that he was an actual plumber that she found on Angie's List because her sink is backed up. Instead she got stuck with Sam and his video camera.

    1. SorosBot

      And once a not-plumber infestation takes over your house, it's almost impossible to get rid of it; she just better make sure she gets a really good exterminator.

        1. SorosBot

          Oh now a Palin infestation is impossible to get rid of, they breed far too rapidly to stop, the only way to deal with them is to burn the house to the ground; I hope she doesn't call him!

  18. GhostBuggy

    I remember how, when I was a young boy, the family would gather 'round the Wurzelbacher as Mother Georgia would play a few tunes and we'd all sing along. It was simpler then. There were concerts in the park. People seemed to laugh more then…

    His name sounds like an organ manufacturer, is what I'm saying here.

    1. bobbert

      Ah, the Mighty Wurzelbacher! Back in the days when pipes were pipes, organs were organs, tubes were tubes, and sleazeball grifters had to work county fairs to make a living.

  19. GhostBuggy

    "Look, I don't know what this cameraman is doing here, but my sink is really stopped up, so if you could stop yammering and go look at it…"

  20. OneYieldRegular

    You'd think after Watergate that the Republican Party might try to distance itself from anything with the word "plumber" in it.

    1. flamingpdog

      Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe one of those long-ago plumbers has a popular (with Rethugliklans) radio talk show where he tells you how to make sure you kill a cop if you're going to shoot at him.

  21. owhatever

    It was the largest crowd yet to show up for a JoethePlumber for Congress rally. If you count the guy in the carport, momentum is building.

  22. TribecaMike

    Joe The Whirling Wurzelbacher has a Black friend? Yeah, sure, and he's also married to Lene Lovich.

  23. WhatTheHeck

    So Joe will be jive-talkin his way to the GOP convention this fall. Sure hope he can hip-hop to the sounds of Ted Nugent on the convention floor.

  24. Extemporanus

    ♪♫ Plumber went down to Georgia's, he was lookin' for a vote to steal… ♪♫

  25. coolhandnuke

    This friendship narrative is nonsense. Joe dropped by Mother Georgia's place to warn her that putting an Obama political yard sign next to your chimney is a fire waiting to happen especially in the middle of a hot summer …and he is an expert on chimneys, global warming and fires being a professional plumber.

  26. Blueb4sunrise

    I know you've missed me!!!!!! Have relatives crazy enough to visit Arizona in July…………
    STILL I wanted to share this important breaking news. Quoted in case they eventually correct the page.

    From the news blogs

    Any Griffith, 1926-2012

    Actor Any Griffith, best know as Sheriff Andy Taylor from the "Andy Griffith Show," has died at age 86.

    http://azstarnet.com/news/blogs/morgue-tales/any-

      1. Blueb4sunrise

        Tanks. TM. Still a couple days of messing with the rels. instead of truly important stuff.
        I have seen that YT footage. Played at quite a tempo. The Whites Bros. too!

        1. TribecaMike

          Relatives can be most problematic, to say the very least, but like another mountain music tune has it, "You're gonna miss 'em when they're gone." ;-)

          1. TribecaMike

            Good for you. Alas for me, the monster in "Cloverfield" is a composite portrait of my in-laws.

    1. tessiee

      "They was all chasin' after that little pumpkin, and I *know* it was too tough to eat, cause I seen them kick it a bunch of times…" — What it was, was football

    2. Butch_Wagstaff

      One of the complaints about "The Andy Griffith Show" was the lack of non-white characters. Andy Griffith said that they wanted to have them on the show but CBS didn't think it was a good idea.
      It makes sense considering how popular the show was in certain areas of the country that wouldn't like having some Negroes show up in Mayberry.

      1. flamingpdog

        I dunno, it might have been a good idea not to have any blahs on the show, considering that everyone on that show but Andy was a complete moron. Having any culluheds on the show might have set race relations back another 20 years.

  27. Chet Kincaid

    The "Wurzelbacker" was a voguish position in 1920s American football. The Wurzelbacker's on-field function was to holler out inanities at opposing Quarterbacks pre-snap in hopes of annoying and distracting the Offense. Players who could be punched, smacked and kicked about the head repeatedly while remaining conscious were prized as starting Wurzelbackers, since cognitive ability was usually superfluous to the assignment.

    1. coolhandnuke

      Gerald Ford, Michigan '33, was a three-time All-Big Ten selection at Wurzelbacker.

    1. TribecaMike

      I wasn't expecting Big Pink. But the giant tennis racket cover is original. Her Xmas light display must be fabby-poo.

  28. montreal_bruin

    Will others join Phil McCracken in endorsing this candidate on the campaign website?

    1. not that Radio

      Huh. Sam Wurtzelbacher is clearly more intelligent than John Boehner, since we were able to spam the shit out of SpeakerBlog, but nary a wonketteer's greetings show up in Sam's comments.

      Learn something new every day.

  29. Biel_ze_Bubba

    I'm just gonna sit back and wait a month or two. There remains a distant possibility that old Not-Joe the Not-Plumber might get himself an education from this woman. Not that I expect an Obama sign on his lawn anytime soon, but it'll be interesting to see if his views change when reality gets figured in.

    1. HarryButtle

      Wouldn't that make him Navin the Plumber? One thing's for sure, the guy's a jerk.

    2. Butch_Wagstaff

      The only major achievement in life that Sam "Phony Joe The Plumber" Worselbacher will have is getting his name in the phone book.

  30. TribecaMike

    "Mother Georgia" heh? In 2008, McCain was urging going to war with Russia over a border skirmish with Georgia. Eschatologically speaking, Joe the Un-Plumber is the GOP's new Herman Kahn!

    1. tessiee

      Wait, which Georgia?
      One is a totalitarian backwater…
      `
      `
      `
      And the other one is in Russia.
      *ba dum tish*

    2. bobbert

      Good fucking Jeebus. I had gone DECADES without thinking of Herman Kahn.

      Thank you very much not.

  31. Mittens Howell, III

    Angie's List Review:

    That Joe Fool I just called out don't know shit about plumbing. Say's he left his plumber's license at home and then fucked up my toilet with a plunger and a monkey wrench. What a soft-cock.

    Fuck you, Joe, you dumb-ass bald fuck. No stars.

    Mother Georgia.

    1. TribecaMike

      When you're the leading intellectual of your party, elbow joints aren't all that important.

  32. Generation[redacted]

    Joe doesn't know plumbing, and he doesn't know policy. Neither his pipes nor his theories hold water.

  33. MittBorg

    Jeff, I don't know if you should have labeled Samuel "Joe the Plumber's Crack" Wurzelbacher a "dung-pile peasant." There's several piles of dung and a few angry peasants waiting outside to talk to you.

  34. TribecaMike

    Purple drain, purple drain.
    Purple drain, purple drain.
    Purple drain, purple drain.

    I only wanted to see you underneath the purple drain.

        1. not that Radio

          Congratulations! You're apparently the only one who got through. Many people reported having left comments there, but only you succeeded.

  35. flamingpdog

    Truly, Dr. King’s dream has, at long last, been fulfilled.

    I HAVE A DRAIN!!!

  36. tessiee

    "What? You don't believe I have a boyfriend? I have a boyfriend! His name is George! George… er… uh… cauldron… George Cauldron!" — Suzanne the witch, Simpsons Treehouse of Horror XI

  37. tessiee

    Don't blab this around, but Mother Georgia wasn't Joe's first choice. He originally wanted to hire Memaw, but she couldn't pronounce "Wurtzelbacher" — also, she didn't know what plumbing was.

  38. tessiee

    I didn't watch the video, obviously. Did someone have enough sense to cut out the part where he pays her to say nice things about him?

  39. TribecaMike

    "I may be way behind in the race, but being seen with a negress who once cleaned my mother's house on my web site which nobody looks at should put me over the top. Mitt might want to try this."

    1. tessiee

      I assume you meant this as snark, but just you wait till Mitt ventures into Harlem with suit, bow tie, tightly rolled umbrella, and notepad for writing down the local "jive" slang. Wait till he puts on a gas mask and medical gloves, and actually *shakes hands* with a blah person (pre-selected, of course; we wouldn't want any untoward incidents)! That will show us snooty libs that Mitzi is… [consults phrase book] um… "down with the people".

      1. TribecaMike

        As a NYer, I look forward to that. Repugs usually only venture into NY for fundraisers far from the madding crowd (and protesters), or they run for mayor by outspending their hand-picked opponents by forty to one.

  40. tessiee

    Fortunately, Mother Georgia is not only one of those blah people, but also a Woman-American. This proves that not only do we live in a world without racism, but also that the GOP isn't really waging a war on women.

  41. So Tired

    Hahaha, I liked at 1:43 when he's helping her walk around the yard so she doesn't spill her gin and tonic.

  42. ingloriousbytch

    I don't care if he's starring in the next Tyler Perry movie. He's still an asshole.

  43. Negropolis

    "Black Friend" should always be in quotes. Always.

    BTW, I just viewed the commercial, and I was surprised to see Mother Georgia kept her dignity up to a point by not throwing the president under the bus as you'd expect from these kind of ploys. I can not believe that Sam has a campaign smart enough to know that bashing Obama isn't good politics, but it seems that this is the case.

    1. MittBorg

      I doubt it has anything to do with Sam's smarts. I suspect that lovely lady is the only person he knows who isn't blindingly white. Interestingly, he didn't choose to interview her son, his childhood playmate. I suspect the only reason the President *wasn't* trashed is that that lady is too polite, nice, well-brought up, and firmly in POTUS' camp for her to stoop so low.

        1. MittBorg

          Mike, I'm really sorry. I tried so hard to listen to that. But I'm old, and crotchety, and my patience with mushmouthed, minimally-educated, unthinking morons is much shorter than it used to be. And it never was much.

          I think I shut it off about halfway. It was all I could take.

    2. Negropolis

      Oops, I meant to say that I can not believe that Sam has a campaign smart enough to know that bashing Obama isn't good politics in this blue district.

      Bless their hearts for trying to find the elusive Wurzelbacher-Obama voter in Toledo, but they ain't gonna' find them.

  44. bobbert

    Oh, and by the way, happy Almost Independence Day from Lost Wages, bitches.

    I'm allowing myself one day of internet access ($13.95, thank you very much). Tomorrow, I will Celebrate Unreal America and also try to figure out if my car AC is dead or just out of refrigerant. Happily, it's been pretty mild here the last few days.

    Cheerio. y'all.

    1. TribecaMike

      Here on the east coast, many folks without electricity are going crazy not being able to access the intertube thing, whatever that is.

    2. MittBorg

      Are you OK? Sounds worrisome.

      Happy Independence Day, and here's hoping whatever's going on in your life is amusing, and not painful.

  45. Baba_NinjaCat12

    Wow! I thought Joe the Plumber Crack black friends were just janitors. But I didn't know he hired a rent-a-black female friend, a.k.a. escort service for this commercial.

  46. TribecaMike

    More Joe The Unaplumber TV endorsements to look forward to:

    Ayn Rand in a unitard extolling the virtues of selfishness while being pistol-whipped by Andrea Mitchell

    George HW Bush smirkingly intoning, "They're coming for you, Barbara!"

    Treebeard rambling on and on about a flat tax

    Adolf Eichmann, surrounded by weeping children at a train depot owned by Bain Capital

    Two dead donkeys on a piano

  47. ttommyunger

    Couldn't watch it. I've seen what poor, over the hill black women will do for money, and it isn't pretty.

  48. GagMeWitASpoon

    We can only await eagerly the moment when Joe the Plumber experiences his first public confrontation with backflow.

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