Also: flip-flops, maybeOh yeah, he’s at it again. At what again? Paying his rent? Or his child support? HAHA DON’T BE RIDICULOSE! No, deadbeat congressman Joe Walsh is once again sneering at his opponent, Tammy Duckworth, who lost both her legs flying a helicopter in Iraq and now works in Veterans Affairs.

Here’s what Walsh said last time: “She’s been the one working in Washington. She’s a bureaucrat. I’m a fighter. […] I have so much respect for what she did in the fact that she sacrificed her body for this country,” said Walsh, simultaneously lowering his voice as he leaned forward before pausing for dramatic effect. “Ehhh. Now let’s move on.” But has Walsh taken his own impeccable advice? Maybe no!

At a town hall meeting, Walsh explained that a real hero, like John FIVE AND A HALF YEARS ALAN McCain, does not talk about his heroism. This is in opposition to fake heroes, like Duckworth. “Now I’m running against a woman who, my God, that’s all she talks about.”

Yeah, she should talk more about being the real fighter, the real rent-payer, and the real non-deadbeat in the race, like Good Ol’ Joe always does. [ThinkProgress]

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  • OH_Progressive

    I hear his Maserati does 185, he lost his license, now he don't drive.

  • nounverb911

    A real hero pays his child support.

    • A real hero tries his best to be a positive part of his children's lives. Or her children's lives.

    • JustPixelz

      He probably doesn't pay because his kids think he's an asshole. Where do they get such ideas?

    • Fare la Volpe

      No, that's what a fucking Dad does.

      • Even if he's not fucking. A father takes responsibility for his children. Where are all the cries about personal responsibility now?

      • Negropolis

        This. Fuck heroes. This is what some irresponsible dude does to try to make up for something he can't possibly make up for in absence.

    • A TRUE Deadbeat Dad never talks about child support payments owed.

  • nounverb911

    Isn't that a tax on non-gun owners?

    • Barb

      Sorry Noun, I screwed up. I was answering Tommy's Tweet and this ain't twitter. My non sleep marathon is starting to catch up with me.

      • nounverb911

        That's okay, since when do we actually stick to the subject around here? All that matters is that your family is doing well.

        • Barb

          Thanks for understanding. I appreciate it.
          Tommy Tweeted:
          Allen West: Every American Should Be Mandated to Buy a Glock 9mm Pistol.
          and I was trying to reply:
          Do you get the sense that Allen sleeps with a pillow under his gun?

          • sullivanst

            Y'know, given the kind of people who choose to own guns, and the kind of people who choose not to, I'm no longer convinced such a mandate would be a terrible idea.

            Kennesaw, GA, Geuda Springs, KS and Greenfeld, ID all require every household to have a gun and ammo. Hardly liberal hotbeds, are they, Mr. West? Oh, and the Second Militia Act of 1792, signed into law by none other than George Washington, required every able-bodied male American citizen between the ages of 18 and 45 to own a musket and balls.

          • Swampgas_Man

            "Musket and balls." Soooo not touching that.

          • Well, Alan's certainly gonna lose out in the latter department.

            The balls, not the musket!

          • Allen West does not want to be surprised by a home-invading Negro while he sleeps. That is why his wife covers all the mirrors at night.

          • Oh, OW!

            Oh, god, I'm'a have to tell that to my man Howard. He will laugh his fucking ass off.

          • A bichon frisée barking at itself in a mirror has more gravitas than Allen West.

          • Chet, I attributed your previous comment, is that OK? It's making teh rounds of Teh InterToobz right now.

            Wow, you called Allen West a DOG, man, did you know that? Just like Bill Maher.

          • I did not! I merely expressed my admiration for a popular canine breed!


  • Crank_Tango

    He was too busy lurving his country and family values to support his family. Happens to the best of us.

    • No, he was too busy dipping his dick, making babies, and refusing to pay for their fucking food and heat and shoes. Fucking PRICK.

  • At a town hall meeting, Walsh explained that a real hero, like John FIVE AND A HALF YEARS ALAN McCain, does not talk about his heroism. This is in opposition to fake heroes, like Duckworth. “Now I’m running against a woman who, my God, that’s all she talks about.”


    Cuz I knew all about McCain's imprisonment and his disability– mostly because he wouldn't shut the HELL up about it– but until Duckworth actually filed to run for Congress, I never knew she was a double amputee, despite something like six years of familiarity with her.

    I wish I was his campaign manager. I'd slap him on the forehead and say "Shut up and let me do the talking."

    • Conservative war heroes never talk about their service. Like Allen West. He never says anything about being in the military. Or Oliver North. I'll bet you didn't even know Ollie served in the military. Or Rush Limbaugh. Who knows if Rush Limbaugh ever served in the military? He's certainly not the kind of guy who would indulge in shameless self promotion. He probably killed 20 German boys with his own bare hands and we'll never even know about it.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Well, we know for certain that Rush did in fact man-handle at least 20 Costa Rican poolboys, so there is that.

        • AbandonHope

          There's also that rape and murder he allegedly helped Glenn Beck commit in 1980 — once which they both have yet to deny, I might add.

          • emmelemm

            I thought it was 1990?

          • AbandonHope

            Well now, apparently there are two alleged rape-murders. Do we have a pair of purported serial killers on our hands? It would, of course, be irresponsible not to speculate.

          • Totally irresponsible (speculating like crazy).

          • tessiee

            It has certainly never been DIS-proven.

          • Ha! That's such a wingnutty comment, tessiee. "Prove it doesn't exist!" they cry, as everyone around them facepalms over and over and over.

          • tessiee

            Oh, I know, right?
            the Bible nuts do it on the atheist newsgroups and such, which they always frequent, I guess because they have persecution complexes or something.
            "Prove there isn't a God", they post, entirely too often — to which I usually reply, "I have an IOU for a million dollars in my pocket, and it's signed by you. Prove it doesn't exist."

          • Let me guess: This remark is followed by a silence, and the subsequent disappearance of yon idiot commenter.

            Gad, these godbags. If they'd at least try to do what their various deities tell them (well, the GOOD stuff), I wouldn't object so much. But no. They use Deity as some kind of smokescreen to be complete fucking assholes. It's like a Get Out Of Jail Free card, or something.

          • CrankyLttlCamperette

            Proving once again that most so-called Christians know pretty much dick-all about God.

          • Hey, there! You've been absent for a while. Nice to see you back.

            I have to say that I do know some excellent religious types, Hindu, Muslim, Christian, Jain, Buddhist. But they're vastly outnumbered by the idiots all around us.

      • bobbert

        Well, I know if Rush Limbaugh ever served in the military (Hint: fuck no).

        Also, too, the only reasons fucking Johnny McGrumpypants has trickled off to only occasional banner-waving about his military heroism are: (1) he isn't currently running for anything; (2) the Alzheimers is kicking in a bit and he doesn't always remember; and (3) people keep responding by mentioning all those tens of millions of dollars worth of crashed planes.

        • And the fact that there are PLENTY of photos showing him walking around without crutches after his release by North Vietnam. Apparently the injuries he suffered only became serious after he hit US airspace. And the fact that plenty of POWs called him "songbird" during his imprisonment, alleging that he got top-drawer treatment because the Vietnamese knew very well whose kid he was and hoped to use him in a high-status exchange. And the fact that all his injuries were SELF-inflicted. He was ORDERED NOT TO continue to his target because his superiors were afraid of exactly what happened: that the fucking idiot would get shot down and become a high-level PoW. Oh, yes, and he has a ROTTEN record on MIA/POW issues, despite all the gum-flapping he does about it.

    • Oh, you think he can *afford* a campaign manager. Isn't that sweet.

    • if memory serves and it usually does, mccain's entire 2008 campaign was built on his military service.

      well, and snowbilly's boobs.

      • sewollef

        She has/had boobs…. real ones?

        • ChessieNefercat

          No, no, he meant snowbilly's a boob.

  • I don't know enough about Ms. Duckworth to judge if she is a real hero, but a few words is enough to show Mr. Walsh is a real zero.

  • MrFizzy

    I would masturbate to a film of Walsh being drawn and quartered.

    • Kinky! (best Hedley Lamarr voice)

    • rmjagg

      maybe pam gellar would like to piss on him if he dressed up as a holy book …

    • Pat_Pending

      Faptastic! Lemme get my lube…

  • Baconzgood

    "I've never been in the military so I know REAL heros when I see them"

    -Joe Walsh-

    • You need to tell the kiddo that your head isn't made of titanium, Baconz. We can't afford for him to really injure you. Tell him there's a bunch of weird people online who have sworn to hunt him down and destroy him if he breaks your brain. (Hey, my brother fell for that when HE was eight!)

  • AbandonHope

    A real hero repeatedly crashes planes, gets captured by the enemy, and then squeals like a pig until he's set free.

    • NellCote71

      And leaves an ill wife for a rich one. So, of course he is a hero to the likes of Walsh.

    • Bezoar

      I suppose it would be ungenerous to note that he also starts aircraft carriers on fire.

    • TribecaMike

      And then crashes another plane.

    • tessiee

      But he doesn't plaster his face with make-up like a trollop.

      • Or act like a cunt by expecting his husband to give a shit about his feelings, like that cunt he married.

        • ChessieNefercat

          Hey, at least he was modest enough to not graduate at the top of his Naval Academy class.

          • True. That takes hard work.

            And you can interpret that any way you want.

  • charliearglist

    It takes balls to deny your own kids food. Keep heroing, Joe!

    • coolhandnuke

      "He [My 24-year-old son] is on his health plan right now — on his mother's plan — but again, that wouldn’t weigh in on where I stand on the issue," said Rep. Joe Walsh (R-Ill.) last week, before the Supreme Court handed down its ruling. "Again, I just think the whole thing needs to be scrapped. And I don’t even want to think about certain provisions yet."

      • HistoriCat

        "I don't want to be reminded of my kids – I hate the little blood-suckers!"

        • He's already made him a brand new litter with the new fucktoy, why bother with the old ones? God I hate men like this. They give MEN a bad name.

          • HistoriCat

            To be fair, he is a Republican … so he's pretty much giving HUMANITY a bad name.

          • Good point. I don't want to belong to any species that has a Joe Walsh in it.

      • miss_grundy

        I'd like to think of a provision in which his peen and balls are surgically removed. And while were at it, his tongue so we won't have to hear anything he has to say.

  • nounverb911

    "McCain, does not talk about his heroism."
    McCain also doesn't talk about setting the Forrestal on fire.

    • But his attack on the Forrestal is what made him a hero to the North Vietnamese.

      • Negropolis

        I'm going to hell for laughing so hard at that. lol

    • Doktor Zoom
      • I'm not sure I agree with their interpretation of the incidents. McCain admitted to "clowning around" in more than one incident, and his crash over North Vietnam was due to his disregard of orders. Fellow-servicemen remember him as a hot dog, always going against orders and doing what he wanted to do.

        • CrankyLttlCamperette

          But did he buzz the tower?

    • bobbert

      The first rule of Setting-the-Forrestal-on-Fire Club is don't talk about Setting-the-Forrestal-on-Fire Club.

  • Estproph

    Screw him. I'll take Stu Cook any day. I hate the fucking Eagles, man.

  • mrpuma2u

    The REAL Joe Walsh (that plays git-tar) endorsed Tammy, because he doesn't suck like Tea-tard Joe dead beat dad Walsh.

    • sullivanst

      Would be amusing to see what the FEC would do about a bunch of ads about how awesome Tammy is, ending "I'm Joe Walsh, and I approve this message".

      • James Michael Curley

        Sounds like a plan. As long as Tammy Duckworth follows it with a similar message I think it could be done.

        If you signed up for her newsletters a while back or contributed you may have gotten an email directing to a site where you can enter to get a Joe Walsh autographed Epiphone.

        • sullivanst

          If he did it as an independent expenditure, it (pretty much by definition) wouldn't need Tammy's approval.

          Alternatively, if done as part of her campaign, she could do her approval at the start and he could do his at the end.

  • I think he sleep with his penis under the barrel

    And by "under" I mean in.

    • sullivanst

      So, he has a .22 then?

      • Dashboard Buddha

        Crossman pellet gun

        • elviouslyqueer

          I'm thinking this is more Allen's caliber.

  • I wish it didn't violate the Rules for Commenting Radicals to sincerely wish that Joe Walsh would decide to be An Hero.

    Pretty sure it does though, so I won't. Just to be clear.

    • There's nothing wrong with wishing @RepJoeWalsh would stop being a scumbag and actually sign up to serve in the military. I'm sure that's permitted. It would be even more Heroic if he could follow in Tammy Duckworth's footsteps.

  • Estproph

    And why is that thing with the band-aid pictured here?

    • CommieLibunatic

      Purple Heart, as seen by Joe Walsh. "Yeah yeah, that's cute, meh, moving on."

    • OzoneTom

      Real Americans™ mocking veterans for being dumb enough to get wounded serving their country.

      Because nothing says "Thank-you for your service" like a band-aid with a purple heart.

      And she was even faking that injury.

    • Chichikovovich

      Standard photo that is used here whenever the topic is a Republican (usually one that didn't serve him/herself) mocking genuine heroic service. The pictured harpie is wearing one of those despicable purple heart bandaids that were such a popular fashion statement at the 2004 Republican convention.

    • sullivanst

      Republican National Convention, 2004, proving that whenever Republicans see a bona fide war hero, they spit on them.

      • Doktor Zoom

        Now that's not fair. They only spit on Democrat war heroes, because how could a Democrat possibly love Amercia enough to sacrifice for it? Ergo, all Democrats who claim military service are filthy liars.

        If we investigate enough, we'll probably find out that Duckworth was really injured while trying to bomb the Pentagon with Bill Ayers when she was two years old.

    • Estproph

      I should say at this point that the reason I complained is because I hate looking at that thing. The reason I hate looking at that thing is illustrated by all the replies.

      • anniegetyerfun

        That face needs a good smacking. Seriously one of the most unfortunate mugs to ever grace our Wonket.

        • Really.
          She makes me feel all stabby!

          • anniegetyerfun

            What bugs me even more than the fact that she's uglier than a monkey's nutsack (inside and out) is that I can see how badly she needs to exfoliate her forehead. So gross.

    • rmjagg

      that ' thing ' is an extreme std and a bandaid mocking the Purple Heart won't do a thing for it

  • SorosBot

    Come on, Walsh, we know you hate Duckworth for the same reason you hate your ex-wife: she has a vagina.

  • SorosBot

    Damn, from the article he actually said that about McCain:

    "Understand something about John McCain. His political advisers, day after day, had to take him and almost throw him against a wall and hit him against the head and say, “Senator, you have to let people know you served! You have to talk about what you did!” He didn’t want to do it, wouldn’t do it."

    Wouldn't do it? He wouldn't shut up about it.

    • MissTaken

      Maybe he's really Bizarro Walsh and everyday in his world is opposite day?

      • SorosBot

        Bizzaro Walsh would not have had to buy that "World's Best Dad" mug for himself.

        • tessiee

          Nor the "World's Best Lover" mug.

    • SayItWithWookies

      It's all relative — John McCain wouldn't talk about his military service in much the same way that we lost the Vietnam War because we weren't brutal enough.

      • I thought we "lost" the Vietnam war (they fucking totally kicked our asses) because of all the stabby-stabby traitors back home, ala Night of the Long Knives.

  • superdave

    Duckworth may be a bureaucrat, but you're a fucking douchebag. So I'm going to have to score that one for her.

    • SorosBot

      And bureaucrats are good people and very useful members of society. My mom was one until she retired two years ago. So fuck you, Joe Walsh, for using bureaucrat as an insult.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Isn't being a member of Congress by definition also considered being a bureaucrat? I haz a confuse.

        • Negropolis

          A bureaucrat, as I understand it, is an employee of a government department or agency or organization. I guess in the loosest possible definition you could consider ane elected, legislative official a bureaucrat, but it's usually reserved for the civil service.

  • Come here a minute

    The taxpayers (yeah, probably not Joe Walsh) bought her new legs, so let's move on!

  • OMG, the video on the ThinkProgress link…99% of the audience has the usual "Play Possum, Avoid Eye Contact And Perhaps He Won't Charge Us" frozen rigor of the typical Joe Walsh Event Attendee.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      They thought they were going to listen to this nice, conservative Republican candidate reassure them that the terrists wouldn't be striking midwest flyover America on HIS watch, and ended up being a bit terrorized themselves. And more than just a little embarrassed.

      Welp, that's another seven people who won't be voting for him.

    • I wonder how many of those uncomfortable-looking folks have kids who have served/are serving/are double amputees as a result of their service. Walsh has stuck his foot in a hornet's nest. Vets can be slow to act on their own behalf, but no vet organization is ever going to win munnies by supporting this cowardly attack on a serving military member who risked her life and lost two limbs saving her comrades. They're gonna get her back on this. Joe's in for a BIG surprise.

  • fartknocker

    Joe Walsh is a whiny pussyfart. He's a typical Teabagger: it's all about me, I know what's best for you, and don't expect the government to pay for it, except when it benefits me.

    • Ttommy, is that you?

      Sorry. "Pussyfart" has to be ttommy's signature line.

    • Right on! (sorry, I grew up in the '60s). The Teabagger motto: "I got mine, fuck the rest of you!"

  • We all hate the fuckin' Eagles now, man.

  • qwerty42

    This guy seems kind of … how to put it? … sleazy?

    • HoytClagwell

      Remember the skeevy, sleazy Principal Vernon in the movie The Breakfast Club? Walsh measures at least five kiloVernons.

  • A women and a Democrat? Clearly she must be a Commie Muslim, and not a hero, unlike that upstanding war criminal Alan West.

  • Ducksworthy

    This is good news for John McCain. (too soon?)

    • Boojum

      Too late.

  • coolhandnuke

    Mojo Nixon needs to spin a tune about this Joe Walsh.

    • Baconzgood

      If you don't got Mojo Nixon then your store could use some fixin'

      • coolhandnuke

        Dead Milkmen over a Deadbeat Teatard…any day.

    • TribecaMike


  • chicken_thief

    "I’m a fighter. "

    He'll spend years in court and thousands to his lawyer before he pays them little fucking kids of his a dime!

    • What is it with these Repuglycunt fuckbags, that they can ALL treat their children like this? @RepJoeWalsh isn't the first or the only. John McCain dumped the wife who had moved heaven and earth to get him back from his PoW sojourn. Left her with the kids and took off with the rich young blonde, whom he now refers to in public as a "trollop" and a "cunt." Newt left the kids and wife without heating or money for groceries, she had to have her church hold a fundraiser so she could afford to feed the children. And THIS worthless fuck let his wife go on welfare to feed his kids. Where is their sense of Personal Responsibility?

    • Beats me how these "Family Values" assholes can support a deadbeat dad like Walsh.

  • ph7

    Glad I'm not the only one who'd give both legs to see this guy go down.

  • chascates

    Duckworth is just like Max 'Stolen Valor' Cleland! Real Patriots fight in Congress, on friendly teevee networks, and in child support court rooms.

  • from the article quoting Walsh on John McCain:

    "…his political advisers, day after day, had to take him and almost throw him against a wall and hit him against the head and say, 'Senator, you have to let people know you served!' "

    Rhetoric invoking domestic abuse to depict a former torture victim's ambivalence, and empty conjecture on a disabled veteran's legacy of service, is no way to enhance your credibility, douchecakes.

    • sullivanst

      Especially when McCain's entire campaign was pretty much "hey, did you know I was in 'Nam?"

  • SorosBot

    OT but there is some actual likely good news: though the official announcement isn't until tomorrow, it looks like the Higgs boson has been found.

    • nounverb911

      Was he with Amelia Earhart?

    • MissTaken

      Science is rad.

      • SorosBot

        Rad; now there's a word that takes me back to the days of Tiffany, Swatches and Jams, Bill and Ted and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

        • MissTaken

          Science is rad because that means that there will be all sorts of science-y shows on the Science Channel with my pretend-boyfriend, scientist Brian Cox, explaining the science behind science. So yes, science is rad!

          • SorosBot

            Hey, now are you trying to make me jealous? Fine, then I will mention that it will also mean more science-y show with pretend girlfriend, physicist Lisa Randall, on the same channel. Some probably even the same shows. So there!

          • sullivanst

            Oh, hello, Lisa. Did I ever mention that I have a degree in physics? Maybe you could help me brush up my quantum field theory later. I'll need a lot of remedial work on my path integrals.

        • sullivanst

          Dude… far out!

        • bobbert

          Oh, you mean my middle age.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Yeah, sorry about that….it rolled under my couch, and I just got around to cleaning yesterday and whatta ya know- the Higgs Boson was just lying there!

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Your username suggests that you might be biased.

      • Extemporanus

        I'm so glad that you were the one to beat me to that reply, Dr. Zoidberg.

        (My lead pipe hurts…)

        • Dr_Zoidberg

          That's normal. Next patient!

      • cheetojeebus

        Any chance there was a white sock with two red stripes under there?

    • Bezoar

      So now we can get cheap, abundant, and clean energy?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Well, they won't be building high end bicycle frames out of it, because

        it's 130 times as massive as a proton — which is within the expected mass range for the Higgs, though a bit on the high end.

        • sullivanst

          You also really want Fermi-Dirac statistics for lightweight applications.

    • AbandonHope

      Man, all this science, and all they really had to do in order to find the elementary particle responsible for mass was to search the densest materials available: Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin… a veritable treasure trove of Higgs Bozos.

      • 12X34X

        And Joe Walsh.

    • Estproph

      I didn't even know it was missing!

    • Doktor Zoom

      The Higgs Bos'n, on the other hand, is still AWOL after failing to return from shore leave in Manila.

      • Boojum

        Alolphus Higgs, that's 'im.

      • Bet BaldarTCrabass knows where he done gone.

    • real_dc_native

      That's a relief – I have a lot invested in my physics books. Wouldn't want to see them all re-written.

    • bobbert

      I must point out that, while we all (well, most of the physics nerds among us) would like this to be the case (because if the LHC doesn't see the Higgs, it means things are even screwier than we currently think), right at the moment this story carries about the same weight as the superluminal neutrinos.

    • and i believe this means god is officially dead.

      • HistoriCat

        "Told you so" – Zombie Nietzsche

    • YAY! Thanks, SB! Science is SEXXXAY!

      In celebration, the Large Hadron Collider rap:

      • redarmyzombie

        If ever I get a smart boyfriend, I am soooo going to have him talk Science to me in the bedroom…

        • I think it's great that most of us think smart = sexy. Good luck!

          • redarmyzombie

            I concur. There are few things that can kill a boner for me, and one of them is sheer Dumb…

    • tessiee

      MMMmmm… science.

    • Hooray! A chance to blogwhore, because I just wrote about this yesterday at
      If you don't want to reduce your precious eyeballs on wonkette time by clicking on the link, here's the short summary: wtf is a boson?

  • TribecaMike

    And Walsh doesn't work in Washington? Oh, that question answered itself.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I've said this before. I paid my support even when I was unemployed for 6 months. And it wasn't cheap. I did it because I was supposed to do it. Because it is the moral, responsible thing to do. Because I love my daughter even though I couldn't tolerate my ex.

    Grow a pair of nutz, Joe. Really……………………..

    • Terry


    • SayItWithWookies

      So you hate America, is what you're saying?

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Well, while I felt it was the right thing to do (pay my support) I did it for the added fiber too.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Hey, I paid it while my four kids decided to live with me, instead….times got pretty tough for a while – does this qualify me as an anti-hero worthy of Walsh disdain?… Yulie Joe can go fuck himself….

      • HistoriCat

        It means you and Jus_Wonderin are real parents unlike Joe "Douche" Walsh. I would vote for either one of you for Congress before an asshat like Walsh.

        • How is a man who can't even take care of his OWN goddamn kids going to take care of his *constituents*?

      • Another Real Hero. Why do we have fuckbags like this Walsh pig daring to tell us what a real hero might or might not be, when every day people struggle to feed and clothe their children without bragging or about it? And this douche couldn't even be bothered to do that one tiny little act of heroism — taking care of his own goddamn sperm 'n egg omelettes.

    • real_dc_native


    • You're a good Dad, J_W. I'll bet your little girl will remember that all her life.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        You're too kind. Well, it might seem a boast but it does fry me when I hear of hypocrites like Walsh.

    • tessiee

      "I did it because I was supposed to do it. Because it is the moral, responsible thing to do."

      One of my best friends has a shared custody arrangment with her ex. They both work full-time, but he makes about five times what she does. The ex decided that he wanted primary custody of kid so that he could get the tax deduction (because, really, what other reason could there be to spend time with your kid, right?). Friend crunched the numbers, figured out that the deduction would neither help nor hurt her, and said OK.
      Ex: And of course, since I'm the custodial parent, I'll expect you to pay me child support.
      Friend [cheerfully]: Of course, Seymour. I'll go back through my records, figure out how much of your salary you paid for child support when I had custody, and pay you the same percentage of my salary.
      [Long, stunned silence as Ex digests this and it sinks in on him a) that she kept records, which she still has, and b) that the crumbs he threw her didn't really amount to the magificent sum he thought they did, and c) how little he'd be getting]

  • Extemporanus

    Tammy Duckworth could kick Joe Walsh's ass with both legs tied behind her back.

  • Terry

    Well, now, he IS a fighter. He's fighting to avoid paying child support.

  • elviouslyqueer

    It's a real pity that Duckworth isn't a blah. You know that Walsh is just itching to use the word "uppity."

    • SorosBot

      But she is Asian, so I wouldn't be surprised if he uses a few words I won't repeat about her in private (I mean besides just the misogynist ones).

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Her background as a bureaucrat is a chink in her armor?

        He doesn't like her slant on big government spending policies?

        • emmelemm

          Could you work "gook" in there somehow?

  • I somehow doubt that big brave Joe is commenting from downtown Kandahar.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    My rhetorical riposte: "Some might consider me a hero for taking care of my brothers and sisters in combat, but as every family knows, a real hero takes care of their children".

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    What a little cock-sucker.

  • OneYieldRegular

    John McCain will certainly be delighted to find himself involuntarily enlisted in this effort to denigrate a fellow soldier.

    • glamourdammerung

      John McCain will certainly be delighted to find himself involuntarily enlisted in this effort to denigrate a fellow soldier.

      Uhm, Tammy Duckworth was on our side and not the North Vietnamese's.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Also, this:

    We are about four months from Election Day and the people of Illinois have no idea where Tammy Duckworth stands on these issues

    I see what you did there, Walsh. Stay classy, you feckless deadbeat motherfucker.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Stand your ground!!!

      • Doktor Zoom

        Let's roll.

    • Negropolis

      Clearly, she has no leg to stand on.

  • sullivanst

    Deadbeat makes me wonder whether he should be beat until dead. I know I'm not supposed to ideate on that, but dammit I just can't help it.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      This could be a side effect of medication. Have you had these thoughts for longer than four hours?

      • AbandonHope

        I don't know, when did he first come into the public eye? That long.

  • metamarcisf

    OT – Funtimes at the Breitbart site today where the late Andy Griffith is being compared to Ted Bundy.

    • emmelemm

      "What is this I don't even…"


      • metamarcisf

        My personal favorite comment:

        "I still love "Mayberry RFD", but that doesn't mean I have to forgeet his part in helping destroy America".

        Of course, Andy Griffith never appeared in "Mayberry RFD" – that was Ken Berry, another cryptofacist.

    • Chichikovovich

      To be fair to the Lumpenbreitbartiat, I can see that there's a comparison to be made: just like Andie Griffith was a Democrat whose life embodied Democratic Party values, Ted Bundy was a Republican whose life embodied Republican Party values.

      • Doktor Zoom

        " He was a shill for Obama. RIP POS."

        Classy dudes.

        ALSO: "He's yet another in a long long long long line of celebrities who end up leaving a bad taste in my mouth by toeing the socialist/fascist line… First Ron Howard, then Andy. I don't remember the great Don Knots doing this."

        What the actual fuck?

        • bobbert

          "The great Don Knots".

          I mean, I kinda liked Don Knotts, but "great"?

          • HistoriCat

            Your memories of Don Knotts are just clouded by that professional Knotts-impersonator, George W. Bush.

          • Perhaps he's confused Don Knotts with Crank_Tango, who can be reliably pegged as "great" most all the time.

          • tessiee

            His solo albums are mediocre at best, but I did enjoy his singing with the Rolling Stones.

          • TribecaMike

            Maybe now the stuff he recorded with Charlie Watts' swing band will finally be released.

    • sullivanst

      You see, this is why I had absolutely no problem whatsoever with people dancing on Breitbart's grave – he did it himself (Ted Kennedy) and his fanboys are perfectly OK with doing it too.

    • rmjagg

      ted bundy , republican go-getter

    • tessiee

      "the late Andy Griffith is being compared to Ted Bundy."

      Somebody oughta nip that in the bud.

  • TribecaMike

    "My idea of a hero is John Wayne. He fought bravely in every war from the Revolution to Vietnam, and never once bragged about it."

  • Ryy

    This lady can still make sammiches, right?

  • CommieLibunatic

    Meh, so she lost her legs when her helicopter got hit by a weapon not meant to hit helicopters.

    Meanwhile, Walsh can tell you all about Varestus Prime, where they have scorpions the size of tanks, jungles too thick to navigate, and hardly a week goes by without a half dozen guys dying from Eyerot.

    • BlueStateLibel

      This is Varestus Prime — it's a video game, isn't it?

  • MissTaken

    I think we can all agree that the real hero here is Joe Walsh. He stands up for the rights of fathers to not give a shit about their children. He stands up for the rights of Real Americans who've never served in the military to exercise (on two working legs, ha!) their First Amendment Right to be putrid assholes, a Right protected by those selfish idiots who do serve and dumbly lose the use of their limbs and won't just shut the fuck up about it.

    The Greatest American Hero
    Joe Walsh 2016.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    He's just saying that she doesn't deserve credit for losing her legs, because she didn't do that herself. She had to have help… and he's just pointing that out.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Joe Walsh knows that real American heroes get elected so that they can cut their taxes and yell at their constituents. Anything else is just showboating.

  • TribecaMike

    The Werner Erhard est seminar vibe is strong with this one. I hope for their sake's that they were allowed to go to the bathroom.

  • Not_So_Much

    The real Joe Walsh should sue this twatwaffle for breathing the same air.

    • TribecaMike

      And Bill Walsh, Kate Walsh and M. Emmet Walsh as well. Class action suit anyone?

      • You can't have a *class* action suit against a classless schmuck like Joe.

  • Isn't RIDICULOSE™ a large part of what you get with heavy consumption of high sugar corn syrup? Yummy, yummers!!

  • Dear Joe Walsh,

    Instead of denigrating your opponent's service to our country, why not simply falsely claim that you yourself recieved medals for distinguished service? Not only is that sort of thing protected by the constitution, but I've been able to determine, scientifically, that there's literally no way for you to seem like more of an asshole than you already are. So you'd be in the clear to do something like this!


    • coolhandnuke

      And he can buy his suits/attire at a military surplus store which is a smart economic choice and he can pass the savings on to his kids.

      • tessiee

        Lil Georgie Bushie sez:
        Don't forget to stuff your package, fellas!

    • I wish Twitter didn't have a 140-char limit, because I would SO like to Tweet that directly to @RepJoeWalsh.

  • SorosBot

    Let's see, what are real American heroes like again:

    He'll fight for freedom where ever there's trouble.
    GI Joe is there.

    It's GI Joe against Cobra the enemy
    Fighting to save the day.
    He never gives up.
    He's always there,
    Fighting for freedom over land and air

    GI Joe- A real American hero
    GI Joe is there

    Nope, nothing about running away from child support payments, cutting needed aid to the poor to pay for tax cuts for the rich, or throwing racist insults against the President. Tammy Duckworth though does seem to fit.

  • StanleyPain2

    If Tammy Duckworth had her legs blown off while stealing money from poor people, she'd be the GOP nominee as we speak.

    • Negropolis


  • Callyson

    So people who work in Veteran's Affairs are bureaucrats now?

    Fuck you, Walsh. Just fuck you.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I think by "bureaucrat", what Joe means is, "Someone who can read and write."

    • real_dc_native

      You say that like being a bureaucrat is bad or something.

  • Chichikovovich

    Here is some of the work Tammy Duckworth did as a "bureaucrat": (From Wikipedia):

    "She worked to develop state programs giving tax credits to employers who hire veterans who served in Iraq, Afghanistan or Desert Storm, more state grants to service organizations, and backing for below-market mortgages for veterans.[26] She was honored by Chicago's Access Living for "her extraordinary commitment to veterans with disabilities" "

    I hope the people of Walsh's district are aware that he has contempt for people who arrange incentives to hire veterans and devise other ways to help them out. And he feels America would be better off without people whose work shows "extraordinary commitment to veterans with disabilities".

    Even if Duckworth weren't disabled, Walsh's spew would be disgusting. Look at the work she did and think about how Walsh is crapping on it with his "bureaucrat" dismissal.

    Despicable creep.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Well, if you look at the etymology of the word bureaucrat, it means someone with a drawer. A drawer that they store records in. With this collection of records they read, write, and enable organizational intelligence. They generate a bibliography if you would. These days, you might call the bureau SQL, and the bureaucrat the person typing out the query.

    • you know he actually got redistricted out? we're one of the few states where the dems got to draw the lines. he had to choose b/t a solidly republican distract or a left leaning one and he chose – shock – the high drama.

      ed: DISTRICT, not distract. though 'republican distract' could be a campaign slogan.

  • notreelyhelping

    There seems very little funny here, but, what he's actually saying is:

    I'm up against an honest-to-God war hero here! She has undeniable credibility and admiration, and a good dose of sympathy while I have…none of those things! Shit! Hey, wait. I know. I'll defuse all that war-hero stuff by emphasizing what a war hero she is! But because she's a war hero, that means…she's not a war hero. Yeah. Genius!

    Good luck with that.

  • Hey Joe, you maggot-infested pus fuck! You're the one that won't shut your lips about her military service and injuries. Are you stupid? Never mind.

    Man, it's too hot for this shit.

    • Boojum

      It's not the heat, it's the stupidity.

      • It's not even a *dry* stupidity.

  • The constituency that votes for this purblind, prevaricating assbag richly deserve the leadership they will receive.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Coming up on "America's Next Douchebag"….

  • mavenmaven

    "She may have given her legs for the people, but I shill for the owners of the people. "

  • Everyone's a hero in their own way
    Everyone's got something they can do
    Get up go out and fly
    Especially that guy he smells like poo

    Everyone's a hero in their own way
    you and you and mostly me and you

    • bonghitforjesus

      The status is not quo! The world is a mess and I just… need to rule it.

    • emmelemm

      "I meant… Ghandi."

      • The Thoroughbred of Terror? They say he rules with an iron hoof.

        • emmelemm


          • You and I need to hang out some time. . .

            Oh, wait, we have.

          • emmelemm

            Yay! More Wonkette drinky things!

            It was actually *more* fun that I thought it would be.

  • fctimes

    Well, it's not like she's a man, so how could she really be a hero?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      That's right. "Heroine," ergo drug pusher!

  • Dashboard Buddha

    "I’m a fighter"

    Oh, I see…fighter means white feather service dodger?

    • Yep. It used to mean "fighter" until the Repuglycuntz got their hands on the dictionary.

  • bonghitforjesus

    That guy from the Eagles turned out to be a real asshole, huh?

    • TribecaMike

      I kept telling him not to take the Rocky Mountain Way, but douches never listen.

    • tessiee

      Don Henley? Yeah, no kidding.

  • shortsandpants

    I like that Walsh has taken a hands-off approach to living on earth and that he doesn't brag about all the good he has never done. A real conservative like Joe knows when not-to-act, which is always.

  • Antispandex

    Everyone knows that what REALLY counts in the patriot department, isn't all of that war stuff. It's SUPPORTING our troups that makes you a hero!

    • sullivanst

      Shall we poll our troops as to which kind of support they'd prefer: some douchebag deadbeat sticking a yellow ribbon magnet on the back of his truck, or someone flying that Blackhawk that gets them out of the combat zone?

  • qwerty42

    Some comments at the Chicago Tribune.
    Column title: "Oh, yeah, THIS won't backfire at all."

    And it seems Joe Walsh, the guitarist, has endorsed Duckworth.

    • TribecaMike

      Thanks. I particularly liked this one: "As a veteran myself, I believe Walsh, based on what little character he has shown – had he actually served – would have been fragged."

      • qwerty42

        Yeah. There were some others ("Candidates for public office should talk freely about their experience. Walsh, for example, talks far too little about his experience as a dead-beat Dad.")

        The commenters at Balloon Juice found the Trib comments.

      • tessiee

        "had he actually served – would have been fragged."

        Neidermeyer libel!

    • Yes he has,. He's raising money for her with benefit concerts. Whatta guy.

    • Tweeted it. Heh, heh, heh.

    • tessiee

      "Joe Walsh, the guitarist, has endorsed Duckworth"

      This is a crowning moment of awesome.

  • neiltheblaze

    Where's a good flesh eating disease when you need it?

  • DahBoner

    He's a fighter, you don't know how many actors he fought to get that role in the theater in a barn playhouse production!!!!

  • larrykat

    I know he's old now but I wish the real Joe Walsh would kick the shit out of this new Joe Walsh cunt.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      I bet the Good Joe Walsh could still kick his ass…even in Open G tuning.

      • TribecaMike

        Somebody once asked Walsh about capos and he thought they meant mafia dons.

    • Never underestimate The Oldz.

      The Good Joe Walsh is raising money for Tammy with concerts. Cool guy.

    • he did you know right? came out and did a bene performance for tammy on sunday.

      and btw he rocked.

    • Negropolis

      Have you not heard of Old Man Strength?

  • glamourdammerung

    This crap again?!?!

    Now I know we are in Summer re-runs.

    • TribecaMike

      Back in the day, many shows weren't re-run but had summer replacements. For instance, Andy Williams' was the Osmonds, a particular favorite of Mitt Romney and surrealists.

      • SorosBot

        Back in the day? Back in the day is when they used to show re-runs; now they just put on even more reality show crap. It's too bad, I'd much rather see last year's 30 Rock or Community episodes again than America's Got Shitty Talent or Olympics trials; but the networks have ended the old practice of the summer rerun.

  • Slim_Pickins

    Maybe Joe should stay away from Congress like Michele, so he can't be accused of being an insider.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Gets easier every day for Duckworth. At this point, the only ads she needs to run say "Tammy Duckworth — your alternative to Joe Walsh"

  • rickmaci

    I call bullshit. When it was convenient or useful, McNasty never hesitated to pull the POW card. Here is one example I found in about 10 seconds of research. You know what is really pathetic? It's that McCain and his ilk let this bully, thug, scofflaw get away with trying to crap on the war record of a hero. I despise McCain for that.

  • a_pink_poodle

    Maybe if she didn't get her legs blown off in the army, she could pull herself up by her boot straps like the father of true hero Joe Walsh's did!

  • lulzmonger

    Yet another tragic case of galloping microcephaly in politics.

    Bureaucrat = someone who knows what they're doing.

    Joe Walsh hates bureaucrats, because he can never be one.

  • Oh, like when Carl and Georgeya shit all over John McCain?

  • real_dc_native


    I live in DC. I grew up in DC. I've known a few bureaucrats in my time. Mostly decent hard working people. Bureaucrats wrote the regulations that help keep your car from killing you in a crash. They make sure the medications you take are safe and do you some good. Bureaucrats try to make sure the food you get isn't tainted or poisoned with insecticide. They use to keep the banks and stock brokers from ripping you off. They write clean air regulations, etc. etc. etc. I'm sick of conservatives using bureaucrat as a pejorative. If anything this would be a better place to live if we had MORE bureaucrats.

    • TribecaMike

      I take it that you don't agree with Ron Paul that a nation of 311,591,917 people only needs around 15 government employees (non-union of course) to keep things running?

      • real_dc_native

        Well I hear Somalia is nice. These small government types like the Pauls and Walsh should move there.

        • TribecaMike

          But their hearts will always be in the Cayman Islands.

          • Their wallets, anyway. Same thing, right?

    • bobbert

      You know, once upon a time those "bureaucrats" were also called "civil servants", or "government service providers", or "the folks that do the shit — including putting up with your own personal bullshit — that makes civil society work".

      Okay, that last one was probably never that widely used, but still.

  • TribecaMike

    Forgive my sexism, but Tammy Duckworth is hubba-hubba, and Joe Walsh is just another bubba…

    • Oh, hey! She sure IS cute!

      • TribecaMike

        She's got winner written all over her.

        • She has a sunny charm that I hadn't expected in someone who survived such serious injuries. Hell, I'm a gimp, and it makes me crotchety as fuck-all and snarky, curmudgeonly, and intolerant/irritable. I take my hat off to the lady.

    • tessiee

      She's pretty, although I must admit that the name "Tammy" makes me picture a blonde cheerleader type, yknow?

  • as some of you know, i've been working for tammy (as i can't actually vote for her). it's really depressing having to keep up with this crap. it's really depressing having to even think about joe walsh.

    then i read misstaken's comment about 'putrid asshole' – and so many others – and tomorrow i will smile all afternoon.

    thanks everyone.

    • TribecaMike

      My advice to you, my friend, and everyone else working on political campaigns — Don't worry, be scrappy!

    • (Hugs fuflans) You're welcome, sweetie. If it'll make you feel any better, Twitter is exploding with all kinds links to stories about what an asshole Bad Joe Walsh is. Also, too, if there's anything I can do to help, I'd like to. Other than give money, which I don't got a lot of.

    • Negropolis

      Just keep in mind that Joe will get his reward of spending more time with his family come November. Well, one of them, anyway.

  • Negropolis

    I thought he could not possibly sink any lower – I should have known better – and then he descends headlong into the abyss. I'm honestly at a loss for words. Eschewing violence, I find solace in knowing that Tammy Duckworth will kick his ass all up and down his Chicagoland district…with votes, of course.

    • She could do it without votes, too. Also.

  • oberon321

    I bet Tammy Duckworth could kick this deadbeat cousin fucker's ass with both hands tied behind her back

  • Baba_NinjaCat12

    ♫♪G.I. JOE WALSH — Real American Coward♪♫

  • ttommyunger

    "It's hard to leave when you can't find the door…" Tammy will show you the door, Joe.

  • rimshot101

    Wow. He must hate Allen West's guts.

  • Blackest Noobs
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