VEEPSTAKES  11:05 am July 3, 2012

Sure, Yeah, Michele Bachmann Will Be Romney’s Vice President, Why Not

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Could it be true, Wonkers? A Christmas Miracle in July? Could Michele Bachmann end up being His Lord High Hairgel Mitt Romney’s pick for vice president?

Yeah, probably not, because our Mittens is many (many) things, but a stone cold idiot is not one of them? It’s cute though that he probably asked her for her tax returns and stuff, you know, made her feel special, greased her a little, it’s better to have a Michele Bachmann inside the tent shining her crazy eyes out than the terrifying opposite.

But let’s say some witchy cabal of Wonkerati managed to hex Ol’ Willard into choosing Ms. B. (And let us say for the sake of this exercise, that the Rom-mann dream team then won the election.) What would Vice President Bachmann’s portfolio be?

* Head new Task Force on Curing teh Ghey.

* Organize Department of Home Schooling.

* Start up the New Inquisition.

[RawStory]

 
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{ 159 comments }

nounverb911 July 3, 2012 at 11:07 am

Can we get 1L and the robot matching "I'm With Stupid" t-shirts to wear on their campaign?

actor212 July 3, 2012 at 11:35 am

I see an Obama stealth campaign ad called "Dumberer and Dumberest"

Chill_Bill July 3, 2012 at 11:09 am

Marcus daydreams about someday becoming the First ViceDudette.

Boojum July 3, 2012 at 11:57 am

Emphasis on "vice".

deleted5554996 July 3, 2012 at 11:09 am

"I'm looking forward for the country to turn around and the economy to improve."

And yet, she's done nothing to help this process.

Terry July 3, 2012 at 11:15 am

In fact, she has very likely impeded it.

Barb July 3, 2012 at 11:28 am

Terry, do you get the sense that the "party of NO" is going to try to flip back to YES as the election draws closer?

Terry July 3, 2012 at 11:31 am

I do.

They're scrambling to make it seem like they have seeekrit plans in their back pockets that will solve all problems but mean old muslin socialist NObama hasn't let them put those plans into effect.

Barb July 3, 2012 at 11:47 am

Terry, why does everyone keep mentioning Obama's college transcripts? I just read some blurb about this and I am confused as to what the conspiracy theorists are looking for here. Do you know?

nounverb911 July 3, 2012 at 11:17 am

That would require her to, you know, work.

SenileAgitation July 3, 2012 at 11:19 am

That would involve showing up and voting and things that distract from going around making crazy talk.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 3, 2012 at 11:46 am

This lunatic not showing up, and not voting, can only help Obama.

widestanceromance July 3, 2012 at 11:38 am

Her use of the word, 'forward' is reason enough to disqualify her, because you know who else uses 'forward' in their campaign?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 3, 2012 at 11:47 am

Heh …. I love the spin it puts on the wingnuts' "take America back" slogan.

YasserArraFeck July 3, 2012 at 11:48 am

Marcus will already turn around at the drop of a hat – only ~300 million to go

EatsBabyDingos July 3, 2012 at 11:10 am

Here she is, showing Marcus how to wear a pearl necklace.

elviouslyqueer July 3, 2012 at 11:25 am

Oh, I'm fairly sure that Marcus showed her the finer nuances of pearl necklaces.

actor212 July 3, 2012 at 11:35 am

Marcus looks more like a swallower.

widestanceromance July 3, 2012 at 11:46 am

I'm thinking massive wretching, gagging spitter, with so much disdain, if the recipient did not regret the experience enough beforehand, they just might never, ever want another bj for the rest of their lives.

SexySmurf July 3, 2012 at 11:35 am

Please, it's too early to talk about Michele getting a pearl necklace. If it was 11 o'clock at night, it would still be too early to talk about it.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 3, 2012 at 11:48 am

Most importantly, it has to be within clutching distance.

DahBoner July 3, 2012 at 12:32 pm

That's Ben Wa anal beads, not pearls…

randcoolcatdaddy July 3, 2012 at 11:10 am

"It’s cute though that he probably asked her for her tax returns and stuff, you know, made her feel special, greased her a little …."

Eghads … please stop with the metaphors right there….

Tyrannically_Joe July 3, 2012 at 11:10 am

Yeah, probably not, because our Mittens is many (many) things, but a stone cold idiot is not one of them?

Umm, Becca? 2008 and John McCain are holding for a conference call, line 2?

ManchuCandidate July 3, 2012 at 11:10 am

Oh Mittens, you should listen to a man who may or may not have committed light treason, George Bluth.

"NEVER PROMISE CRAZY A VEEP SPOT"

Billmatic July 3, 2012 at 11:11 am

Sorry lady, Dwight Howard has a better chance of being traded to the Romney Campaign for two Romneys to be named later.

Chill_Bill July 3, 2012 at 11:12 am

She'll have to inject Mitt with an HPV Vaccine first.

ThankYouJeebus July 3, 2012 at 11:12 am

I thought Veep was fiction.

kissawookiee July 3, 2012 at 11:13 am

Would we or would we not be allowed to comment on the new Department of Slut Vaccines Causing Mental Retardation?

Tyrannically_Joe July 3, 2012 at 11:13 am

Well, I'll say this: Bachmann is womanish, which is all Republicans think they need to win the war thereupon. And she's certainly not as boring as Mitt. The only problem is that they both have the same, glassy, lifeless eyes, which reminds you of upon which side of the Uncanny Valley they both presently reside.

weejee July 3, 2012 at 11:16 am

Also a move to stake out the totally psychotic vote.

Lascauxcaveman July 3, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Well, if being womanish is all that's required, they should just pick Palin again. The results probably won't be much worse this time around, if they do.

tessiee July 3, 2012 at 1:26 pm

That fits right in with their usual tactic of doing FAIL over and over again (see also Corporations, deregulation of; and Rich, tax cuts for).

DerrickWildcat July 3, 2012 at 11:14 am

She knows a lot of secret stuff about Pakistan and I think this would be a good thing to help Mitt Romney attack them.

UW8316154 July 3, 2012 at 11:14 am

….Organize Department of Home Scholing.

/fixed

weejee July 3, 2012 at 11:15 am

Too early in the year for magic mushrooms, did Mitt'z campaign Doktor feed him some bad meth?

smashedinhat July 3, 2012 at 11:40 am

Ibogaine?

Isyaignert July 3, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Good morning wejee!

Frankly, I would love to see Rmoney and Bachmann on sodium pentathol (truth serum) whilst being grilled by Rachel Maddow – now that would be both educational and entertaining.

elviouslyqueer July 3, 2012 at 11:16 am

“One thing I know about Mitt Romney, he’s made excellent decisions in the past when it comes to running organizations and I have no doubt, whoever it is, that he chooses, to bring in as his V.P., it will be a highly competent person who could step in at a moments notice and assume the responsibilities of the White House,” she told CNN’s Piers Morgan.

What is "a 55-gallon drum of high octane bullshit," Alex?

Lascauxcaveman July 3, 2012 at 12:42 pm

[currently thinking about how to outsource the position of vice president to subcontractors in China.]

UW8316154 July 3, 2012 at 11:16 am

Marcus is prolly drooling at the opportunity to get together with Anderson Cooper to pray away some ghey.

HarryButtle July 3, 2012 at 2:29 pm

C'mon…Just look at Anderson. Anderson fucks GQ models. Anderson wouldn't fuck Marcus with Michele's dick.

Baconzgood July 3, 2012 at 11:17 am

OH GOD PLEEEEEEAAAAAASE HAVE HIM PICK HER! I'LL NEVER ASK FOR ANYTHING TO SNARK AGAIN!

bureaucrap July 3, 2012 at 11:18 am

As with John McCain before him, Romney will be looking for someone who has even less charisma than himself (McCain obviously made the wrong choice in 2008). Michele Bachmann is all about attention-whoredom, so she is NOT in the running. My bet: Mitch "Turtle" McConnell.

chicken_thief July 3, 2012 at 12:08 pm

That's why I'm going with Portman or T-P….zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

SorosBot July 3, 2012 at 11:19 am

Like Mittens would dirty his hands with girl cooties.

ChurchofRealism July 3, 2012 at 11:19 am

Marcus will make a perfect Second Lady…

chicken_thief July 3, 2012 at 12:09 pm

And the WH will certainly need a lady's touch after the blah's move out.

UW8316154 July 3, 2012 at 11:19 am

Yes, of course, because her own failed presidential campaign shows just how much America is clamoring for her leadership.

spends2much July 3, 2012 at 11:21 am

Marcus could at least help Ann Romneybot buy fewer clothes emblazoned with giant birds biting at her nips…

Can't you just see the two of them, arm in arm, Ann in a Nancy Reaganesque red suit, and Marcus in something pale blue, to show off his mane, waving at the crowds? I'm swooning!

Guppy July 3, 2012 at 11:21 am

witchy cabal of Wonkerati

There are no witches on Wonkett; we all masturbate too much to be witches.

SorosBot July 3, 2012 at 11:28 am

Witches & masturbation remind me of the good old days of laughing at Christine O'D.

actor212 July 3, 2012 at 11:55 am

My magic wand is well-polished, Editrix!

Goonemeritus July 3, 2012 at 11:22 am

This would be a real game changer for Mitt. His campaign would go from playing the equivalent of Bridge to playing something closer Russian Roulette.

SoBeach July 3, 2012 at 11:33 am

Big win.

Generation[redacted] July 3, 2012 at 11:54 am

Mitt/Dwyer '12

oldedinvn July 3, 2012 at 12:03 pm

With a semi-automatic.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 3, 2012 at 11:23 am

I'm torn. I would really like to snark on her until November as well as watch the trainwreck that will make Palin look halfway normal. But on the other hand, I don't think I can look at those crazy eyes for that long. I can actually see the cartoon spirals going round and round in her eyeballs, trying to hypnotize me into believing her insanity.

GeneralLerong July 3, 2012 at 11:49 am

You're right! Bachmann is Hypno Toad! Why didn't I see it sooner?

Ohhhhhh…..zzzzzzzz…all hail Hypno toad…..

tessiee July 3, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Cocoa Puffs bird libel!

Isyaignert July 3, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Good morning BSFD!

Bachmann's eyes remind me of those X-ray specs you could buy on the back of an Archie comic book back in the '60s.

Baconzgood July 3, 2012 at 11:25 am

Love that QVC/Home Shopping Network necklace she's got there.

widestanceromance July 3, 2012 at 11:41 am

Betty Trubble is her stage name.

tessiee July 3, 2012 at 1:32 pm

She has to keep chasing Chris Christie away, because he thinks they're candy beads.

prommie July 3, 2012 at 11:26 am

This makes me feel all just like black doom is upon us. When the obviously insane are elevated to reponsible positions and their rantings taken seriously, this is very sad-making. I don't want this. Darryl Issa, too, a murdering con-man arsonist, and that fucking walking prick with the narcissistic personality disorder, Paul Ryan. We're so fucked.

FakaktaSouth July 3, 2012 at 11:30 am

WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY? This is the greatest fucking thing ever. I mean COME ON this IS supposed to be a representative government – what else could you expect from the party that has summarily convinced their electorate that health care is bad for them? I would love nothing more than to have this bitch up Mitt's ass all fall. He would be so fucked, it would make John McCain look wise in his decision – it would be so beautiful. I am ready to just go full moron outloud, W really wore me down for more than I ever knew I could handle.

prommie July 3, 2012 at 11:39 am

It would be great, it would be funny, but its still depressing. I wish I didn't have to take comfort in the absurdity of my government.

FakaktaSouth July 3, 2012 at 11:42 am

Look, it ain't OUR fault that the US population has reached such epic proportions that there are in fact enough fucking idiot lunatics around to have their own political party. I say, just be grateful we can identify them, keep them all in one group and hopefully, eventually, well, I don't know – they'll all shoot each other, have no health care, eat poisoned food and water and evolve right on out. Don't tell ME I can't dream big. This can't all be for nothing.

tessiee July 3, 2012 at 1:47 pm

"hopefully, eventually, well, I don't know – they'll all shoot each other, have no health care, eat poisoned food and water and evolve right on out."

Given the sibling incest, fast food, and many loaded guns that they all keep on hand, it's almost an inevitability that they're eliminated from the gene pool. That'll teach 'em not to believe in Darwin!

weejee July 3, 2012 at 11:37 am

I'm hoping the Intertubes, which can allow an almost self-referential sense of broad support, will amp up their craziness and the Rethugs will become 21st Century No Nothings in 22nd Century history books (or whatever they'll be then).

Isyaignert July 3, 2012 at 12:22 pm

I'm rooting for the 'cons to go the way of the Whigs.

BTW – I forgot to ask the Wonketeers at Saturday's event if everyone knows about Seattle's progressive talk radio station AM1090? It is excellent, intelligent, sanity-saving programming that's actually based on FACTS and not made-up bullchit.

emmelemm July 3, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Is that even possible? :)

By the way, did you explain your username at the meet-up, and I missed it? Just wondering.

Isyaignert July 3, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Hi!

I did not get the chance to explain my username, since we had to leave early to go to a party in West Seattle; that would have been a fun thing to learn about everyone.

Decades ago a friend's boyfriend's mom (who was quite ignorant) used to actually say to them, "Is ya ignert?" To me, it's akin to the 'baggers screaming "Get your gummint hands off of my Medicare."

Isyaignert is just that sentence run together and it seemed to go with the avatar of the "Get a brain morans" dude like liver and onions.

Isyaignert July 3, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Back to the 'cons going the way of the Whigs – I believe they were headed that direction after GeeDumb's Reign of Terror. Unfortunately, a small group of people who were actively protesting the bailout of Wall St. banks were co-opted by the Koch brothers and their Armey of Dicks, led by Dick Armey and turned them into the 'baggers whose new mission was to hate on the blah guy in the whi hou. They were herded onto busses, given a baloney sandwich and then fed a bunch of bullchit to get them riled up on the way to protest gummint control of Medicare or whatever the fuk their lame@ss signs said. Fortunately, most of these loony rubes are old and nature will deal with them soon enough.

oldedinvn July 3, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Not me. I escaped.
There seems to be a stupid virus in the states that is out of control.
We will know that it is finally under control when Wonkette has 5 million subscrberers
and 20 million views per article.
Ain't movin back soon.

larrykat July 3, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Ahhh calm down and watch the cool summer TV shows. A couple hours of "American Ninja Warrior" ought to make you feel better about the country.

tessiee July 3, 2012 at 1:49 pm

"American Ninja Warrior"

Is that the show with Kathy Griffin and David Caruso?

Negropolis July 4, 2012 at 12:35 am

They tried this with a former half-term Alaska governor back in 2008. They tried it with a Delaware witch. They tried it with a crazy-ass Buffalo businessman. America is pretty fucking crazy. However, we are not Sarah Palin or Michele Bachmann crazy, at least not at the presidential level, and at least not yet, anyway.

Arken July 3, 2012 at 11:27 am

Romney/Bachmann 2012 – Both Jesuses Want Us to Win!

elburritodeluxe July 3, 2012 at 11:28 am

Everybody knows that Jesus will be Mitt Romney's Vice President.

AlaskaGrrl July 3, 2012 at 12:32 pm

But will it be the "right" Jesus?

Sassomatic July 3, 2012 at 11:29 am

Well, she's ALREADY worth a bucket of warm piss, so that qualifies her.

SoBeach July 3, 2012 at 11:30 am

I almost feel bad for Mittens. He can't use a pair of hooters to trump the blah thing any more, thanks to Palin. He'll have to go with a hispanic instead. Rubio, if Rubio agrees.

actor212 July 3, 2012 at 11:33 am

Who probably has nice hooters.

Schmannnity July 3, 2012 at 11:36 am

This is why Charo would be perfect.

actor212 July 3, 2012 at 11:37 am

Well, she speaks as clearly as oneL

Lascauxcaveman July 3, 2012 at 12:54 pm

She's too old, though. I vote for Salma Hayek instead. Oh, wait? She's not insane and hateful? Probably not Republican material then.

emmelemm July 3, 2012 at 1:31 pm

She is however [married to] an insanely, insanely rich guy. So she'd fit right in with the Mittens crowd.

However, anyone that makes a movie about a Mexican communist, while wearing a faux uni-brow, is cool in my book.

chicken_thief July 3, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Rubio would outshine Mittens so it's a no go. Plus Marco is all like "let's have a plan for amnesty for illegals" and shit.

MosesInvests July 3, 2012 at 12:21 pm

But I thought Mittens was a Messican anchor babby?

actor212 July 3, 2012 at 11:33 am

What would Vice President Bachmann’s portfolio be?

In charge of Idiocracy.

Perhaps that should be spelled "Idiocrazy"…

not that Radio July 3, 2012 at 11:33 am

I don't imagine that Mormons and Dominionists would get along very well. Conflicting goals.

emmelemm July 3, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Really? Dominionists want to take over the Earth, Mormons all have their own planets waiting for them. Seems fair to me.

not that Radio July 3, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Great. Consider her vetted, then.

emmelemm July 3, 2012 at 2:00 pm

"Boom!"

MumbletyRadio July 3, 2012 at 11:36 am

Bachmann…. Romney's pick for vice president… Yeah, probably not

I wonder if there's a team of drone hackers over at University of Texas who'd be willing to aid the cause.

oldedinvn July 3, 2012 at 11:40 am

Screw you wonker for giving me almost my first wet dream in 25 years .

BZ1 July 3, 2012 at 11:42 am

Please, please, please, make this be true!!

docterry6973 July 3, 2012 at 11:47 am

God does not hate Mitt Romney that much, though perhaps He should.

mavenmaven July 3, 2012 at 11:48 am

Hehe, I can see it now, he announces Bachmann and Palin comes running on stage, throws her on the ground and starts pummeling her yelling ME ME ME.

tessiee July 3, 2012 at 1:36 pm

For the awesomeness of your comment, I must kiss you on the lips.
*smooch*

scvirginia July 3, 2012 at 11:49 am

OT: Did y'all see that Andy Griffith died?

Generation[redacted] July 3, 2012 at 11:55 am

Nnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooo!

Isyaignert July 3, 2012 at 12:11 pm

That is so sad. I was a member of "The Andy Griffith Show Rerun Watchers Club" for a couple of years. It's a real thing – http://www.tagsrwc.com/index.html. Good times!!

Nostrildamus July 3, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Finally, Barney Fife will have his day!

Lascauxcaveman July 3, 2012 at 12:59 pm

RIP, Andy. You were a good old fashioned New Deal liberal. Time to put A Face in the Crowd back in the Netflix queue. If Tim Robbins kicks off, I'll add Bob Roberts as the second feature.

finallyhappy July 3, 2012 at 1:52 pm

yes, he and Opie/ron did a youtube commercial for Obama in 2008

scvirginia July 3, 2012 at 8:59 pm

I was looking for that online, but couldn't locate it. Maybe it will show back up now…

tessiee July 3, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Instead of singing "amazing grace", the church choir will sadly whistle the "Mayberry, RFD" theme in half-time.

Hammiepants July 3, 2012 at 11:49 am

Department of Homeland Stupidity?

elburritodeluxe July 3, 2012 at 11:50 am

I think she would head the new Romney Department of Unicorns!

Just kidding, God, please don't let me wake up in a world where Michele Bachmann has a position in a Romney cabinet!

chicken_thief July 3, 2012 at 12:17 pm

A position that garnered her a second pearl necklace.

VA_Dreaming July 3, 2012 at 1:25 pm

I am sure that Ms. Bachmann only has one position, the missionary.

tessiee July 3, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Or where there is such a thing as a Romney cabinet.

Estproph July 3, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Romney/Bachmann 2012 – Because we keep missing the Apocalypse, damn it!

Jeri 2.0 July 3, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Just thank the deity of your choice that Condimental Rice doesn't seem interested in being number two (she knows it would get her strapped to the top of the bus). She has all the qualifications he needs – she's blah, has those squicky ladyparts, and can say shit like, ""There's no doubt we have benefited really now from 10 years of relative consistency when it comes to the war on terror. President Bush left a lot of tools to President Obama. A military and intelligence integration that has worked exceedingly well as we were able to bring even [Osama] Bin Laden to justice," off the top of her pointy little head. The assholes would win in a landslide.

Isyaignert July 3, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Kindasleezy Rice is the creepiest, most Cruella de Ville-looking person I've ever seen, except for Cruella de Boneyfinger in AZ.

emmelemm July 3, 2012 at 1:34 pm

I really, really hate to use this word, especially since I am not, myself, black, but she always struck me as particularly Uncle (Auntie) Tom like.

However, I've seen her a couple of times on talk shows, and she seems pretty smart. Which kind of makes it all worse.

tessiee July 3, 2012 at 1:55 pm

They should have a Sunday morning talk show with Condasleezy, Herman Cain, Michael Steele, Alan Keyes, Allen West, and Clarence Thomas. They could call it, "Uncle Tom's Cabinet".

emmelemm July 3, 2012 at 2:00 pm

That's… pretty good.

Negropolis July 4, 2012 at 12:41 am

She's a bit more complicated than that. At least early on, she was generally kind in critiquing then Senator Obama. And, she came out in support of Affirmative Action while still in the Bush administration, which is an issue that even divides a lot of Democrats while being despised by almost all conservatives. At least when it came to social issues that affected the community, she either stood up for them or got out the way. So, I'm not sure if labeling her an Uncle Tom is accurate.

However, on issues of foreign policy and national security, she was about the most contemptible person in that entire administration.

emmelemm July 4, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Actually good information. Thanks!

Ryy July 3, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Please God, please.

fartknocker July 3, 2012 at 12:15 pm

She'll make Ted Nugent Secretary of Defense – she's one scary bitch. I'm not a big fan of graduates from Oral Roberts University in any leadership role in the U.S. government.

oldedinvn July 3, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Heh, heh you said oral.

tessiee July 3, 2012 at 1:57 pm

"graduates from Oral Roberts University"

I thought that was Marcus.

tessiee July 3, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Oral Roberts has a brother, you know…

larrykat July 3, 2012 at 12:18 pm

I'm still salivating over the "greased her a little" line…. greased Michele Bachmann… mmmmmm.

johnnymeatworth July 3, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Great, Dan Quayle plus crazy. Assassination insurance to the max!

MozakiBlocks July 3, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Well Mittens gonna go out, go out in a blaze of glory.

AlaskaGrrl July 3, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Well, since Ms b is a horses ass, and Mittens lovely untouchable wife has horses, perhaps a position in the stables?

VA_Dreaming July 3, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Republicans do like to have a ditsy women on the ticket to prove they aren't sexist and explain why they are at the same time. Palin fit that bill quite well, and Bachmann would as well. And like Dan Quayle she would serve as insurance to Romney – no one would dare to assassinate him with Bachmann as his replacement.

proudgrampa July 3, 2012 at 1:15 pm

I am definitely emigrating if that crazy bitch becomes one heartbeat away from the presidency.

Holy Crap. Where's my martini?

oldedinvn July 3, 2012 at 1:53 pm

I'll rent you a room real cheap. Booze & living is cheap here. No repugs wanted.

proudgrampa July 3, 2012 at 2:04 pm

OOOH. Sounds good! Seriously. You are in Ha Noi? What's it like?

Troglodeity July 3, 2012 at 1:15 pm

That massive pearl necklace is WAY overcompensating.

VA_Dreaming July 3, 2012 at 1:21 pm

If Ms. Bachmann truly wants to help the country to turn around and progress she can do her part by resigning!

emmelemm July 3, 2012 at 1:27 pm

I reeeallllly miss Sara Benincasa. That is all.

(Think of the endless Michele videos if she was VP pick!!!)

tessiee July 3, 2012 at 1:30 pm

“One thing I know about Mitt Romney, he’s made excellent decisions in the past when it comes to running organizations and I have no doubt, whoever it is, that he chooses, to bring in as his V.P., it will be a highly competent person who could step in at a moments notice and assume the responsibilities of the White House,”

Wait — so is Mitt going to sell Michele or Marcus to China?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 3, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Most interesting thing from Bachmann's tax returns: Marcus writing off $4,000 of Astroglide as a business expense.

rickmaci July 3, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Oh pleeeeez God, if only that could be true. From your keyboard to God's iPad?

glamourdammerung July 3, 2012 at 2:22 pm

I really think Simple Sarah blew it for any Republican "ladies" in the near future.

sayprettyplease July 3, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Mittens and Michelle sitting in a tree K I S S I N G

Preacher_Griz July 3, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Part of me wants to see that HAWT!! chinagirl Michelle Malkin — but the other part of me wants to see the HAWT!!! Conservative Christian Michelle Bachman.

Either one is totally spankableHAWT!!!

poorgradstudent July 3, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Better the arch-moron we know than a brand new arch-moron found from the middle of nowhere like Sarah Palin.

emmelemm July 3, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Agreed.

Kgprophet July 3, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Romney/Bachmann a Dream Ticket!! 3x more wacky than McCain/Palin! Comedy Gold my friend.

Cato56 July 3, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Her husband could vet all the GOP legislators' male pages.

Negropolis July 4, 2012 at 12:24 am

Yeah, probably not, because our Mittens is many (many) things, but a stone cold idiot is not one of them?

The question mark is what makes a comment like this. This is beautiful, like a flying unicorn following a pot of gold across a vivid rainbow ridden by a perfectly tanned Leprechaun.

Negropolis July 4, 2012 at 12:31 am

Secretary of Duh Fence?

Ministry of Madness?

sayprettyplease July 5, 2012 at 3:59 am

pffffttttt

Fare la Volpe July 3, 2012 at 11:50 am

They're trying to prove he applied to college as foreign student.

Besides, everyone knows black people never go to school! This is the smoking gun they're looking for.

Terry July 3, 2012 at 11:55 am

My impression, and anyone feel free to jump in here, is that it's a two part conspiracy.

1. He supposedly was a bad student, but then managed to get into Columbia and Harvard. Obviously, the super seeekrit cabal was pulling strings to get him positioned for the Presidency and thus the muslin socialist etc takeover.

2. He's just not as smart as the Liberals want to make him out to be. If they can show he got a C in calculus in sophomore year, that will show the Liberals how very, very wrong they are.

Sometimes, you see the tin foil hat brigade looking for gaps in his timeline, as well. If some time isn't accounted for in college, he must have snuck away for indoctrination and the like.

Not saying it makes sense, but how often do conspiracy theory folks do?

chicken_thief July 3, 2012 at 12:06 pm

"super seeekrit cabal" = Bill Ayers and the certainly resurgent Weather Underground, along with George Soros, from what I can recall from conversations with my Teabagger friends when they bother with specifics at all. Usually they just go with "you know" and all their like minded friends nod.

Devilette July 3, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Birthers think he applied as a foreign student, so they want all the college paperwork.

Barb July 3, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Excellent answer, Terry. Thanks for enlightening me.

Terry July 3, 2012 at 1:06 pm

How could I forget that one! Good catch.

Tundra Grifter July 24, 2012 at 12:01 pm

There's a right wing nut on Amazon who keeps bringing up that urban legend about Mr. Obama attending Occidential College.

Turns out it was an April Fool's prank.

emmelemm July 3, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Cool. That actually makes sense.

You probably missed my explanation of my username too – it's kind of a "phonetic" spelling of my initials (MLM) to emm el emm. When you mush them together, they're hard to parse out, but if you know what they are, it makes sense!

Sort of like Isyaignert.

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