losers

Erin Burnett Thinks You Are A Loser, Lies About It

Erin BurnettOMG you guys, what was it like to wake up on Thursday and have less liberty? Did you know right away, or were you in so much shock that it took awhile to hit you? Because these are the kinds of questions your grandkids will ask about the Day That Justice Roberts Took Freedom Away, or alternatively, as CNN’s Erin Burnett put it, We All Became Losers. Well, au contraire mon soeur, SOME of us were ALREADY losers, ha. Also, Erin Burnett is making things up as she goes along, which is only surprising because her lies and obfuscations are usually in service to gargantuan financial institutions, not Mitt Romney. So this is something new and different!

In her segment on the Affordable Care Act, Burnett helpfully explains that that “there is a tiger in America’s bathroom,” but in all seriousness you guys, she continues, “we’re all losers.” LOSERS! Then she actually (accidentally perhaps?) makes a good point, which is that the Affordable Care Act doesn’t deal with surging health care costs, but backs it up through cherry picking numbers from 2010 even though these numbers are not at all indicative of overall trends.

The rate of growth for medical costs in 2010, she says, was low; the fact that they will be higher in 2014, when the Affordable Care Act takes effect, is proof that the AFA is COSTING US MONEY. But As Media Matters points out:

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Health care costs in 2010 grew at historically low rates as the country emerged from a deep recession, making it an inappropriate point of comparison.

In conclusion, says the former financial analyst married to a rich Citigroup executive millionaire who will never have to worry about affording treatment in the event that her pre-existing conditions aren’t covered, the Affordable Care Act was a “massive fail.”

[Media Matters]

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About the author

Kris E. Benson writes about politics for Wonkette and is pursuing a doctorate in philosophy. This will come in handy for when they finally open that philosophy factory in the next town over. @Kris_E_Benson

View all articles by Kris E. Benson

Hola wonkerados.

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208 comments

  1. Barb

    I'm willing to pay for Erin's birth control out of my own pocket, in cash. Something tells me she isn't a "pleasure fucker" though.

    1. johnnymeatworth

      Just keep her talking and the birth control thing might just take care of itself.

  2. Goonemeritus

    Instead of the normal collection of hair on my pillow when I awoke, I was surprised to find my freedom.

    1. Antispandex

      Well, I know that at one time they used penicillin, but I'm not sure what the current treatment is.

    1. spends2much

      CNN… is that the train wreck next to the weather channel on my cable box? Not familiar with it, since I'm not, as my grade 8 teacher Mrs. Richardson would have said, "thick."

  3. bumfug

    Erin's a right-wing fool but there's a big difference between her and Fox's right-wing fools – she's not blond.

    1. Terry

      She doesn't seem to have quite as strong an addiction to false eyelashes yet, either.

  4. proudgrampa

    She's a total Wall Street whore. I know she's not there anymore. but she is one of the (many) reasons I stopped watching CNBC.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      The first time I ever saw CNBC, they were talking about how awesome Pets.com was. I haven't watched it since.

        1. SorosBot

          That was totally ripped off of Triumph from Conan – and they actually had the audacity to sue Conan for libel after they joked about how the pets.com dog was a total ripoff. And of course, because it was such an obvious ripoff, the suit got quickly drummed out of court.

    1. OldWhiteLies

      If she made the profound mistake of pointing her fist at you, you'd take her no sweat, BSFD. No doubt in my mind. Prolly not even spill your drink. Be so easy you'd almost feel guilty afterward … Nah

  5. MissTaken

    As yes, Erin Burnett. Of the finance super-duo of Erin Burnett and Maria Bartiromo. Two hot finance brunettes who are on teh telly yapping as 'finance experts' because they get their finance vaginas filled up with finance penis by their finance husbands. We're all losers, indeed.

    1. sullivanst

      Money Honey libel!

      Oh wait, factual accuracy is an absolute defense in libel cases, isn't it?

      1. James Michael Curley

        Don't forget privilege and consent, both of which likely apply with these bimbos.

    2. SorosBot

      And they've never had to sully their finance selves by interacting with real people in the real world, thus being "finance experts" and having no clue about the lives of anyone else.

      Why, I bet she and her finance penis have their own places for summering too.

    3. prommie

      But Joey Ramone wrote a kick-ass song about Maria Bartiromo, so she can't be all bad.

      1. Allmighty_Manos

        The same Bartiromo who smugly asked then-Rep. Anthony Weiner that if Medicare was so great, why wasn't he on it. And she was being serious.

      2. sullivanst

        If that song wasn't by Joey Ramone, it'd be cringeingly lame. The lyrics are what you'd expect of a 13 year old, and the music is something he must've banged out in about two minutes in his sleep, it's so formulaic.

        But it's Joey Ramone so it's cool.

    4. Allmighty_Manos

      Their husbands don't know either. Knowing how to make money on Wall Street doesn't make you an expert on the economy anymore than knowing how win big in Texas hold-em does. Economic health used to be judged on things like jobs, income growth , shared prosperity, quality of life – not some idiot screaming about what's up and down.

    5. Negropolis

      I've got to be fair. Both of these women have economics degrees. They may not have degrees in finance, but it's not as if they both completely unqualified for their jobs.

        1. Negropolis

          Simply not a fan of "whose dick did they have to suck to get their job?" type arguments when it doesn't fit the circumstance. It's one of those easy sexist things heaped on women that appear to be un or underqualified. No one asks that even more vapid asshole Wolf Blitzer how many dicks he had to suck to get his job.

          I can have fun, too, like everyone else, but Burnett and the Bartiromo thingy are far from the most under or unqualified people at that network as light-weight as I think both of them are.

  6. Schmannnity

    A tiger in America's bathroom? That's got to be an improvement over all those schools of brown trout.

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      Sounds like someone is ripping off The Hangover's plot. Shit, Mike Tyson is more likeable than this chick….

  7. Generation[redacted]

    Reminds me of the old Exxon commercials: "Put a tiger in your [septic] tank!"

  8. ChernobylSoup

    Looks like a cross between Sarah Silverman and Marisa Tomei, but doesn't have either's charm or beauty.

  9. BlueStateLibel

    Just curious, but do people still watch CNN? The sing-song drone voice of Wolf Blitzer and bimbos like this made me give it up a long time ago. I'm a lot happier and my blood pressure is down quite a bit.

    1. ProgressiveInga

      New meme:
      "I stopped watching CNN when……."

      Eric, Sson of Eric, became a contributor.

    2. Negropolis

      CNN still does actual "breaking news" better than any of the other major networks, and their international coverage is second to none (I even think it better than the BBC), but the rest of the network is truly shit.

      1. NellCote71

        Breaking news like how they announced the Scotus decision? Al-jazeera has best international news. (Yes, officer, I will go quietly.)

    1. UW8316154

      The day Darth Cheney ascended to his rightful throne as the Black Kight of Hell? Or December 12, 2000, when the black-robed minions of Doom ruled the land?

      1. chicken_thief

        Never fergit – W kept us safe from mooslin terrorists!!! Well, after that one day….

    2. mayor_quimby

      Dude, I worked there on election night 2000, was there until I went home about 1am, when Gore was the winner. That was certainly a UFITA – look it up- the next morning.

    1. scvirginia

      I believe it CAN be used as a noun in certain contexts, as in: "Erin Burnett is a massive fail."

  10. Callyson

    First they came to cover the uninsured, and I didn't speak up because…oh, wait, I *am* one of the uninsured…

    OMG someone stop this intrusion on my liberty not to access health care now!!!

  11. FakaktaSouth

    It is incredibly interesting, the marriage between people who will say the opinions of right wing corporate overlords, and the whores whose mouths they are able use. I want a divorce from the TV now too – I can't stand to see this shit not anymore. I also want alimony.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      I haven't watched TV in ages, for a variety of reasons, but since the hubster and I just moved and our house is being worked on, we're confined to the bedroom and have our TV set up in there. Out of curiosity, I turned it on the other night. We have 500 channels, and I swear to god, there was not a single thing worth watching. Not even the new Dallas (sets bar low).

      1. FakaktaSouth

        I honestly have watched almost nothing but Modern Family reruns from the dvr and Real Housewives of New Jersey just for the low bar superiority of it all, and I SWEAR, I am less agitated on a moment to moment basis. I think I can do this for real!

        1. prommie

          I watch nothing but cartoons. Simpsons, family guy, and that sick thing with the fast food as characters.

          Oh, and porn.

          1. FakaktaSouth

            Well I have my computer for porn and dvrs of all the cartoons you mention except for the talking food one. i haven't really watched adult swim enough recently to be an expert on that one. Oh, I also have netflix, so I can watch Better Off Dead whenever I feel like it (that happens to be one of the dvds I have right now as it is – I love when my mood on a thursday shows up on a Monday. I am too add for the mail.)

          2. prommie

            get the fuck out, Better Off Dead? With the french exchange student and everything?

          3. FakaktaSouth

            I will not, and yes, and "I WANT MY TWO DOLLARS" and a 67 Camaro. Really really good.

          4. prommie

            Wonders apparently will never cease. The choice came down to blondie here or the french exchange student, to be my 80s chick avatar.

          5. FakaktaSouth

            Aw, Poor Monique, she'll never know how close she came to greatness. I'm changing mine to my real self one day, just so people will stop accusing me of fronting like I'm cute.

          6. prommie

            I wouldn't do that if I were you. Every dog in the neighborhood would be howling after you worse than they already do.

          7. Lascauxcaveman

            "Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that."

          8. mayor_quimby

            You need to check out Adventure Time on cartoon network. It is drug induced, and awesome, a world with no adults, princesses, death, drugs like DMT, fantasy.
            And I am watching Stephen Fry swim with manatees on PBS now, pretty cool

      2. Generation[redacted]

        I finally got cable again just so I can Tivo the Olympics. If you've ever seen Olympic Badmitton, you'd understand.

    2. extreme_left

      I sold the teevs six months ago and now when I'm at friends place and the teevs is on it's like stepping back in time as the same programme is still on… plus the urge to put a brick through it is pretty much instantaneous where as it used to take a while to build.

  12. SayItWithWookies

    Erin's a tiger in the bathroom, a whore in the kitchen and she needs a jackass to pay for it all. Or something like that.

    1. Chow Yun Flat

      Damn. She could really nail it. But since Sarah Silverman is 100 times more known and recognized than Erin there wouldn't be much point to it.

    2. GunToting[Redacted]

      "You know who could DO an awesome Erin Burnett? Sarah Silverman."

      I'll be in my bunk.

    3. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      You just provided a huge amount of fap-fuel but it needs be rewritten: "You know who could do Erin Burnett? Sarah Silverman. Awesome."

  13. orygoon

    Tiger in the bathroom? My cousin put up a foto on FB of a bear in her backyard. Hooray for animals!

  14. orygoon

    Helpful tip: I keep DirePoodle out of the bathroom by putting the lid down, and keeping his very own water bowl watered.

  15. anniegetyerfun

    Can she make up a world in which she gets a stylist to handle her wardrobe?

  16. shortsandpants

    If I met her in a bar, I think I would agree with everything she has to say.

    1. ph7

      Agreed. The only time I've ever espoused conservative leanings is in a bar, talking to women like Erin. I believe I agreed with Hitler once in this scenario, to a hot white supremacist.

    2. natoslug

      I don't know if it is maturity or greater rigidity brought on by getting older, but I think I'd lose interest the moment she spoke.

  17. Puffperney

    From appearances, it looks like an angry brood sow spent the past week in my bathroom.

  18. Troglodeity

    If only I'd listened to all of Erin Burnett's financial advice, I'd be a millionaire right now. If I started as a billionaire, that is.

  19. Baconzgood

    Soy un perdedor
    I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?
    Soy un perdidor
    I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?

    And with out health care you will.

    1. prommie

      I'm a creep, I'm a wierdo, what the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here, I don't belong here.

  20. chascates

    Crazy bitch is crazy. She needs to join Ingraham, Cupp, and the others for a Fox version of The View.

  21. Estproph

    So not only is she on CNN, she's married to a CitiGroup exec? Doesn't she know what Christ said? "No one can serve two pimps."

  22. savethispatient

    Here's some needless pedantry:

    au contraire mon soeur

    I'm pretty sure you mean ma soeur, unless your sister Erin is male.

  23. Chichikovovich

    I have only two things to say on this topic: (Well, three, if you count the statement that there are just two things, but then the first one is false.)

    a) I once passed by a television with an ad for Burnett's upcoming, newly debuting show, on which ad her gasbaggery included the immortal: "Growing up in a small town, I learned ….you have to take a risk to trust." And this was on an ad – something selected to show her stuff – not an ad libidem aside.

    For sheer meaningless-or-obviously-false fatuity, I'd put that against anything Wolfie has said.

    b) Yesterday I had a long wait in an airport, and with low laptop battery and lots of work to do I needed to sit next to the outlet, which was also next to a speaker blasting Ms. Burnett's CNN. For three hours I listened to regularly rotated panels of blatherskites argue back and forth about whether the ACA fee for non-insurance-buyers is a "Penalty" or a "Tax". Punctuated only by clips of a bunch of Democrats saying it is a penalty, and the usual Republican suspects announcing it as "the biggest tax increase in American history!!!! ", ads for products and services I would never purchase, and [the one fleeting moment of joy, which served only to highlight the bleakness of the rest by contrast] Prancer Vixen Blitzer saying amusedly that they have Romney on tape saying something on the lines of "It's a penalty, not a tax" when he was Mass. Gov.

    My brain was turned to porridge, and I may never recover. I'm lucky to have survived. Let my tale enter the volumes of ripping yarns to join the Lost Patrol of the RNWMP and the mountain climber guy who cut his arm off.

    1. not that Radio

      TSA could eliminate grope/checkpoints entirely, and simply unplug the CNN monitors, thereby eliminating terrorism in airports.

  24. prommie

    Hmph. Truth is, Obamer's AFA was and is a massive sellout to insurance, pharma, and the for-profit hospital groups and we all knew it and said so at the time. As for me, I believe in single-payor today, single-payor tomorrow, and single payor forever.

    1. natoslug

      Oh hush — I've been farting rainbows and unicorns since Thursday. Which, unfortunately, is not covered by my current insurance.

      1. prommie

        I know, I know, as soon as the repugs attacked it, we all got protective, like "OK, I know its a clusterfuck, but its MY clusterfuck and don't you fuckers fuck with it."

        1. sullivanst

          Hey, it's a clusterfuck that forces big pharma to eliminate the donut hole out of their own pockets, at least for a while, and spends hundreds of billions of dollars on providing the poor with coverage paid for mostly by introducing the shocking notion that Medicare should reward improving patient outcomes rather than performing more procedures.

        2. natoslug

          I'd be happy if they'd give it a good fucking and all the corporate interests fell out. I absolutely loathe my insurance company (United Healthcare), but accept that it is probably better than not having insurance. Of course, I'm the kind of filthy hippie who believes that PG&E execs should be rounded up and castrated and the utility run as either a collective or, well, anything other than a corporation that is allowed to continually privatize profits while sticking the rest of us with the bill when they accidentally blow up neighborhoods due to deferred maintenance and sheer greed.

    2. sati_demise

      I plan to join the NON PROFIT option in the health insurance exchanges in 2014.

      that is unless the GOP finds out about it and kills it in some totally unrelated bill about flood insurance.

    3. Dashboard Buddha

      Unless there is a radical shift in how the middle class and poor respond to the machinations of corporate america, it's more like, Single payor: Ain't gonna happen today, ain't gonna happen tomorrow, ain't gonna happen forever.

      (sorry…I'm in a pissy mood today.)

  25. weejee

    If Erin hits somebody with a fist held like that she'll dislocate her thumb for sure. Then her opposing digit will match her thinking.

  26. Antispandex

    "…because her lies and obfuscations are usually in service to gargantuan financial institutions, not Mitt Romney. "

    There is a difference? I did not know that! You really do learn something new every day.

  27. Pithaughn

    Oh Erin, concentrate on the job you have, not your dream job: Media Relations for Koch Industries ( Koch is pronounced just like a vulgar term for a human male's wang )

  28. SheriffRoscoe

    I've found Erin Burnett to be a disingenuous bitch ever since that time we saw her squeegee Wolf Blitzer's rectum walls with her tongue on live tv.

  29. Rayn_And

    Checking….checking….Nope, no tigers in the bathroom…Got a white tornado in the kitchen, though…and a few ants where I forgot to wipe the crumbs.

  30. rickmaci

    I say to her the same thing I would say to all Looneytarian chix. Side boob or STFU !!

  31. Dildeaux

    I have a tiger in mai bathroom. My name is Claude Bawlls.

    Tip your waitress, please.

  32. owhatever

    That is a very stupid analogy. What the fuck does "a tiger in the bathroom" even mean? The cherry-picked stats and the "so-called" jibes show that this TV newsreader isn't ready for local weather, much less serious national issues.

  33. thefrontpage

    Erin Burnett helps to continue to prove that you can be hot–based on looks only, and nothing else, obviously–and incredibly stupid, moronic, idiotic, inaccurate, wrong, biased, misled, out-of-it, and somewhat psycho, as well. She joins a weird cabal of crazy hot psycho women (some say Coulter, some say Palin, some say Malkin), and others who continue to prove that although you may be attractive in looks to some or many, you can completely destroy your attractiveness by being completely, 100 percent, bat-quano psycho. Burnett is a poseur, a moron, and an idiot.

    1. SorosBot

      Except that both Coulter and Palin are both not only not hot, but absolutely hideous looking. Any right-winger who claims they think either of those is hot is fooling themselves. (Malkin and Burnett are hot, I'll give you).

      1. MosesInvests

        Coulter is hideous, that's true. Maybe it's because I'm about her age, but based on looks alone, I'd tap Palin. But only if she didn't say *one* word.

    2. sati_demise

      yea, but Erin has always been a part of the 1%.

      She is old Mid Atlantic money, main line Philly, the worst kind.

  34. sati_demise

    oh gad, not that main line hooker again!

    and her husband is a hedge fund trader on Wall Street.

    Double hooker marriage!

  35. Chet Kincaid

    Erin Burnett has just seen you masturbating under the bleachers during her cheerleading practice, America, and she is not impressed. "Loser!!"

  36. Willardbot9000_V2.5

    Yeah she's full of shit…utterly. The fact is Erin Burnett and everyone pumping this wingnut crap about HCR are actually arguing against themselves and "personal responsibility". There is a lot wrong with this law because long-term trends establish that (duh) health care costs exploded after the creation of HMO's and profitization of health insurance. Those costs have risen far in excess of inflation and in fact, really anything. I've read it's been as much as 9000% since insurers became for-profit. Health insurace does not follow the law of supply/demand so the central reasoning of the ACA is wrong…private-run health insurance is just a highly flawed model in general. In fact anectdotally the more "free" this market has become the more flawed and expensive it has become. So Erin Burnett is completely wrong…her view is entirely in line with the GOP on this subject which means she's a lot more corrupt than anything else.

  37. Willardbot9000_V2.5

    Behind that winning smile, bedroom eyes and legs that go on forever is a massive conflict of interest. I remember way back when reporters were supposed to be free of conflicts of interest so they could be more objective. I think it says a lot about the state of business news that Erin Burnett is and the moneyhoney was (is still) fucking Wallstreet execs and no one takes that as a sign of anything. I mean the whole mocking and knocking of Occupy is rooted in self-interest which isn't readily exposed. It's not like when Burnett went to interview Occupy that she led off her segment with "I'm fucking some dickless wonder Citi-exec so my coverage of anti-Wallstreet protests will be biased" or anything…nah, just the fact that her dickless fiance makes or loses money depending upon how serious Occupy is taken has nothing to do with it…whatsoever. Yeah and monkeys might fly out of Willards ass..okay, bad analogy. The point is, she's hot but corrupt as all hell and likes Wallstreet douchecanoes…CNN, what the fuck were you thinking?

  38. Beowoof

    She married a banker and I guess she knows that she'd better kiss that ass to stay in the mega buck circles.

  39. TribecaMike

    As usual with Fox, a thousand times more people will see this on-line than watched the original broadcast.

  40. JimmyPete

    Erin, please please shut up and just look pretty for the next few years. That's the only reason you were hired read the not so secret memo. In the words of Dean Wormer "Fat , Dumb , and stupid is no way to go through life, son." You ain't fat, probably not dumb, but you are wasting all those good sexy looks on stupid.

  41. Cato56

    Erin shouldn't be so quick to condemn because STDs are considered a pre-existing condition. This could be her life-line if she ever gets old and is fired from TV.

  42. JimmyPete

    Crap Erin, my love, I meant "fat , DRUNK and stupid" wish I was prettier and not drunk would have got that correct and not made you snicker at me. I am just glad we don't need to go back to homeroom till after labor day. I'm soooooo embarrassed

  43. extreme_left

    I'd rather have a Tiger in the bathroom than that unsinkable Toilet Turtle currently residing in mine.

  44. JackObin

    I have in fact noticed that the cunt population is indeed growing here in god's country. It's O.K. to act feminine, gals. Give the balls back to the men.

  45. Sheesko

    And to think I ws distracted by her fetching overbite there for a while. So…pfft.

  46. Negropolis

    ACA does, in fact, deal with surging health care costs…just not as much as any of us would like because you still have the middle men. But adding millions of new folks into the pool will act as downward pressure on costs if even there are other (and stroner) upward pressures. You have to get as many people as possible in the pool before you can even go about addressing costs. I just wish we'd been allowed a public pool to grow access. That would have really taken a bite out of costs.

  47. ttommyunger

    I wrote her off during the hottest debates over the Credit Default Swaps when I saw the contempt on her face when she blamed the financial crisis of '08 on "greedy homeowners looking for the cheapest mortgage rates". BTW, I'm a loser, but my breath doesn't smell like Smegma, honey, yours does.

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