Here’s something fun about Thursday’s Supreme Court Ruling (which, in case you have been living on Mars in a cave with your fingers in your ears, upheld the Affordable Care Act): it has gotten certain Republicans (like *cough* Mitch McConnell *cough*) so upset that they are going on the teevee and ACTUALLY SAYING WHAT THEY THINK. Like: who gives a damn about uninsured people? And: why would we actually need a PLAN to help them? And the worst part about it is that it was Fox News and not the librul media that tricked him into saying it, specifically, Chris Wallace, who should know better by now than to ask questions.

First Chris Wallace reminds Mitch McConnell that Obamacare provides health insurance to 30,000,000 uninsured people and then he asks him what the GOP would do to replace it and provide universal coverage, and the answer is THE FREE MARKET, DUH, because what do you think this is, Europe? (Srsly.) This is AMERICA, and we spend money to protect people from TERRORISM and other nonspecific military threats. If people die of something besides terrorism or war, well, that’s their problem.


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  • Estproph

    It's great when they get caught with their pants down and say what they really think. Unfortunately thiswas on Fox News, so it is going out to people who agree with him.

    • Listen, I'm not sure we want to be encouraging Republicans to drop trou, knowhutImsayin'?

    • RedneckMuslin

      Silly, turtles don't wear pants.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Condescending wall-eyed turtle says what?

  • YasserArraFeck

    Unlike actual turtles, this Turtle-American is hard through and through.

    • Yasser, Yasser, Yasser. Except where it counts, mein kind.

    • barto

      It's turles all the way down.

  • What do you mean accidentally? It's their election slogan!


    • OldWhiteLies

      Indeed, as that bumper sticker I followed half way to work a week or so ago well displays:

      Because not everybody can be on welfare.

      Which is now infuriatingly etched in my mind's eye.

      • noodlesalad

        Because we haven't put enough people on welfare


        Because not everybody bank can be on welfare.

        Suggested correction for the next one you see…

      • Republican:
        Because I'm too stupid to realize I'm not a 1%er

      • AbandonHope

        I wish nothing but ill will on such a condescending moron.

      • scvirginia

        Because we can't afford more corporate welfare.

        (Like most bumper sticker slogans, this falls apart if you think about it, so don't…)

    • And the Poorz AGREE!

    • bureaucrap

      Because Once They're Homeless, Sick and Starving They'll Kiss our Asses for Selling them into Slavery!

  • Terry

    If Americans want life-long socialized medicine, all they have to do is join the military.

    • bumfug

      Or get elected.

  • Barb

    It's nice to see Mitch come out of his shell.

    • JustPixelz

      His shell, our hell.

      McConnell came out?!?

      There is no cost too high in lives or treasure to making Obama a one-term president.

    • scvirginia

      And also nice to see him go back into it…

    • Callyson

      I wish the country could get out of Mitch's hell…

  • hollywooddood

    Perhaps Mitch should read up on the evils of poverty in a society that values the free market over humanity.

    • CivicHoliday

      the bible?

  • Baconzgood

    Mitch. I usually don't call it so early in the week but you sir are "The Douche Bag of The Week".

    • Barb

      Holiday edition!

    • There are really two weeks this week, what with a Wednesday holiday.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        This is all Obama's fault.

    • metamarcisf

      Sorry, but Neil Cavuto retired that award long ago.

  • HippieEsq

    So what's gonna kill the GOP first? Demographics or Honesty?

    • sullivanst


    • noodlesalad


      • Negropolis


    • As long as the GOP keeps convincing poor, uninsured people that they *deserve* to be poor and uninsured, we'll keep having to put up with them.

    • scvirginia

      Let's try killing 'em with votes!

    • Callyson

      The mother of all Wall Street crashes. You know, the one that sends the Kochs to a soup kitchen…

      • HippieEsq

        A Wall St. crash, frankly, wouldn't be good for any of us. Can't we just root instead for the Koch Bros. to be caught sexting each other?

        • Callyson

          Oooh, now that you mention it, that would be much more fun…

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Koch slash seems to be a bit…

    • Larry McAwful

      Look, I don't really care which one it is. Just so long as someone is working on it, I'm cool with that.

    • OneDollarJuana

      In France it was the guillotine.

  • WhatTheHeck

    When I die, I need to get to heaven before any republican knows I’m dead. Or they may send me to to the free market hell.

  • JerkCade

    Cake for everyone!

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      The cake is a LIE!

  • bumfug

    Gotcha, Mitch – ideological purity automatically trumps people dying because they can't afford medical treatment.

    • EmileZoloft

      Mitch was the guy in the audience at the GOP debate who encouraged Ron Paul to "Let 'im die!"

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I'd love to see Mitch and Dame Edna go a few rounds. In fact, I'd pay to see.

    • sullivanst

      Today, we are all possums.

    • I'd actually like to see Mitch go a few rounds with whoever did the stunt work for Noomi Rapace. Methinks he'd find whole new levels of meaning for the term "ball-busting."

    • One of those two is a woman, so we'd have to give Dame Edna a handicap.

    • HogeyeGrex

      As long as you don't mean that in a porny way, ok.

      Otherwise, AAAAAGGHHHHH!!!!! MY EYES!!!!!!

  • UnholyMoses

    One would think that the GOP would be fapping unendingly to the thought of having 30 million people handed into the arms of private enterprise (a.k.a., the only "people" they care about).

    That speaks volumes about the white-hot fury with which they hate the nig—**DONG**—I mean, the president.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Ah, at last, we get to see the real death panels.

  • sullivanst

    Another fucking lying fucking liar retelling the Lie Of The Year, 2010, among other lies.

  • prommie

    So now I know where that expression "I have a turtle-head poking out" came from!

    • FakaktaSouth

      Please do not mix metaphors like that. As much as I think the guy is a dick, this is just too much associating a good with a bad. Just gross. Now I need a bath.

      • prommie

        Perhaps there is a slight misunderstanding, because I did not think this mixed good with bad, it is from one of the Austin Powers movies, I believe it is Fat Bastard who says it?

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          It's a classic colloquialism.

    • Rotundo_

      Also referred to by the kids in the movie Rat Race as "prarie dogging" as in "Dad stop at the gas station! I gotta go! I'm prarie doggin' here!"

  • SorosBot

    Billions and billions of dollars are lost by hospitals and doctors to malpractice suits because they commit malpractice, dumbass.

    And "the best health care system in the world", really? No it's fucking not; the Western European systems the idiot decries are both less expensive and have better outcomes than the mess we have here.

    • sullivanst

      Oh, you silly liberal with your crazy facts. Real US Merkins simply do not care for facts, in This Great Nation.

    • Darling, SINGAPORE and MALTA have better health care systems. Hell, Americans who can afford it are flying to Thailand and India for medical treatment

      • HogeyeGrex

        I seem to remember seeing that we fell between Poland and Mexico in the ratings. Sad, really.

        And Yertle there keeps saying "best in the world". But then, he thinks he satisfied his wife once, too.

        • Talk about a pair of beards! I don't believe those two have ever fucked each other. Actually, I don't believe Mrs. Mitch has ever had sex in her entire existence.

          • paulabflat

            have you ever SEEN him up close? trust me. sex with an actual turtle would be a step up.

            looks as if he's made of putty.

          • No, fortunately, I've been spared that pain so far. Ew. Greasy putty. Greasy RUNNY putty.

      • scvirginia

        Silly- it MUST be the best because it costs more.

    • Larry McAwful

      OF COURSE America's is the best! The less you spend on the poors, the more you're able to spend on people who work for a living (or who inherited from people who worked for a living). It's a zero-sum game. The poors in Communist Europe know this, and are gleefully awaiting the collapse of capitalism there. Stand ready to protect Fortress America™, the last true bastion of Capitalism!!!

    • BoroPrimorac

      Tort reform is an issue which the democratic party can easily win on.

  • elburritodeluxe

    What Fox News needs is some kind of graphic on screen to remind people that they are watching Fox News.

    • Nostrildamus

      Like this?

      • elburritodeluxe

        Please… that is such a load of Alt +1F4A9!

      • HogeyeGrex

        Someday, all fonts will support that.

  • noodlesalad

    Remember the good old days when the health care system was totally unregulated and free, and you could get a quart of Dr. McConnell's Miracle GOOP Tonic for two bits, or go down to Dr. Boehner's Downstairs Medical Clinic and get a full check up without too much ball-fondling for a sawbuck? And we all lived happy freemarket lives until we perished at the age of 40? That is the America I want America to become America's, um…America America…damn, where'd I put my GOOP tonic?

    • Your GOOP tonic is right next to the onion you always wear on your belt, silly!
      I always keep mine next to the Dr. Porkenheimer's Boner Juice, but that's just me.

    • scvirginia

      If snake oil was good enough for Grandpa, it's plenty good enough for you, damnit!

  • Sassomatic

    What if the native Americans had had universal healthcare when the Europeans showed up? They wouldn't even have died by the millions of smallpox so we could take over their continent. Then where would we be? All speaking Navajo, that's where.

    • Well, not necessarily Navajo, but yeah. I would really like to hear some Native person(s) speak on the Republican Party's attitude regarding immigration.

      • scvirginia

        I hear Jack Abramoff has some Native American pals who'd like to help out with that.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Lying sack of shit is lying.

    • Baconzgood

      And a sack of shit.

      • And I'm not sure of the "sack" part.

        • flamingpdog

          55-gallon drum of shit is more like it.

    • Rotundo_

      Lying retention pond of liquified pig manure is lying?

  • Wow, I mean, sorry poorz but we need to pay for moar bombs and I guess if you want teh heth care, you should sign up!

  • An_Outhouse

    McConnell would be singing a different tune if there had been significant progress in unturtling research.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    While the Republican party is dedicated to making sure that the people don't have affordable health care, they are still dedicated to subsidizing the oil, banking and ethanol industries, right?

  • Schmannnity

    Chris Wallace, you are such a dumbass. Don't you understand healthcare for the uninsured is not as important as immunizing doctors from lawsuits? Don't you understand that uninsured in Idaho are desperate to buy a Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Vermont policy? Besides, who do you think are more likely to vote Republican, doctors or some uninsured scumbag?

  • decay500

    Anderson Cooper, pls interview Mitch McConnell…

    • flamingpdog

      And meet him in the men's room afterwards.

      • neiltheblaze

        Mitch McConnell wouldn't turn me straight – but I'd consider life-long celibacy.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Half a trillion? I bet that fat fuck Frank Luntz had to think for about half a minute to figure out how to make that shit sound like even MORE bullshit. It's eleventygazillion dead old white people, the day Obamacare hits, KNOW THIS.


    • Nostrildamus

      We actually do have the finest health care system in the world for very rich people. Others, not so much.

      • FakaktaSouth

        Health care that serves the very rich does not a SYSTEM make. The SYSTEM is fucking people every damned day. But I get your point.

        • prommie

          Aint you got anything better to do?

          • FakaktaSouth

            Yes, and I can do all kinds of stuff at the same time, I have a waterproof phone.

  • Not_So_Much

    This won't end well for Chris Wallace.

  • flamingpdog

    He's just cranky after reading the comments from Mike Pence, Newt and Callista Gingerich, Sarah Palin, not that huxley, and W. L Boehnerhitler at Speaker Boner's blogpost on Obamacare.

    • viennawoods13

      Oh my you have really pissed off publius, haven't you? Good work.

    • sullivanst

      Awesome! The speaker's official blog is a #WARBLOG :D

  • The people McConnell is talking about are too busy working multiple minimum wage jobs to pay attention to what he says. Next interview he's going to make fun of their clothes.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Didn't Mitt Romney already do that?

  • Doktor Zoom

    Alan Grayson already explained the Republican Health Care Plan

  • neiltheblaze

    "Are there no emergency rooms?"

    • Beowoof

      Except for the fact that you pay for them through increased taxes or higher health costs what a fine idea.

      • neiltheblaze

        But hey – it's the American way!

    • jello_mold

      "Are there no apartments?"

  • CrunchyKnee

    If Dumbya had released this same plan, the poors, rubes and their betters in the GOP would be loving every minute of it. Asking for more with their Corn Syrup sodas and country "music." But, since the "first nigger" brought it forth, it is bad.

    Also, shut up and eat some lettuce, turtle.

  • Come here a minute

    Thirty million uninsured is a good start.

    • sullivanst

      Of course, 30 million is just the ones that Obamacare should bring into coverage, either through Medicaid expansion or Exchange subsidies combined with the mandate penalty.

      20 million are expected to remain uninsured even after all that. Because yes, there are 50 million uninsured.

    • shortsandpants

      I won't start celebrating until we reach 70 million uninsured.

  • Eve8Apples

    But if we kill off all the poor people, who will clean our swimming pools, raise our kids, tend our gardens, pick our vegetables, bail out our financial institutions and build our McMansions? C'mon Mitch, think about the poor millionaires and billionaires without a servant class to exploit.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Yeah, but if you let them get old, then they just layabout not cleaning our pools, etc. so we have to make them die off about the time they stop being useful. Coincidentally, this is about the time they need to start seeing doctors.

    • Boojum

      But if they have insurance, they will lose some of the desperation we use to keep them slaving away at their menial jobs!

  • widestanceromance

    I'll just say to all what I said to myself when I heard him warble that gem:

    You are correct. 30 million people are not an issue, they are real live people, and immaterial to your singleminded mission of a one term Obama. I hate you.

  • SoBeach

    Why is that mean man bothering that nice man by asking the same question over and over?

    I think we learned what the republicans have in mind for the uninsured during the Texas GOP debate. Do we have to keep going over the same stuff again and again?

  • SheriffRoscoe

    First, we force our citizens to purchase health care insurance from private companies, just like they do in Western Europe. What's next? Will we be reading restaurant menus from chalk-boards, and having to hold the nozzle in our hands when we take showers. It's fucking stupid man.

    • kissawookiee

      Don't discount the benefits of a hand-held shower nozzle.

    • Negropolis

      To be fair, there are quite few Western European nations that actually do require you to buy health insurance from private companies with the difference being that their companies are often far more regulated and intertwined.

  • ChessieNefercat

    Paired with Boehner's blubbering at Norah O'Donnell, the Democrats have the entire presidential ad campaign on a silver platter.

    "We don't have a plan and we don't have a clue and we don't care because the uninsured aren't an issue anyway. Vote GOP!"

    How about jobs, Mitchy-boy? Jobs so some of those 30 million will at least end up with employer-based health care? You know, win-win? No? You won't come up up with a jobs plan because you're too busy taking away health care from as many people as possible? Fuck you.

    • But giving people jobs will put small businesses out of work!

  • Thursday’s Supreme Court Ruling (which, in case you have been living on Mars in a cave with your fingers in your ears, upheld the Affordable Care Act)

    Why, I never. I'll have you know that I check the news on for exactly five minutes, every day

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I am there with ya. But scraping the Martian dust off my long distance receiver is a bitch. Oddly, there hasn't been so much wind since those 3 toe footprints padded around the antenna haven't blow away.

  • BlueStateLibel

    I hear you can lure a turtle out of its shell with a piece of lettuce, or an opportunity to blow off the poor and sick on national television.

  • shortsandpants


  • not that Radio

    And even if people die of terrorism or war, well, that’s their problem too, because we don't like funding the VA, either.

  • mavenmaven

    Hey, who pays for our election campaigns, the uninsured or the industry? There's your answer, Mr Wallace. Now can I get on with our talking points?

  • CommieLibunatic

    With all due respect, Mr. McConnell (which is to say, "Go fuck yourself"), the Roman Senate of Mel Brooks was supposed to be a parody, not a blueprint.

  • sullivanst

    == "I'd rather not talk about that because it will make me and my party look very bad"

  • Callyson

    One of McConnell's lackeys followed up on this crap by saying that what McConnell meant to say is that he is focused on reducing health care costs. Which is BS, because if McConnell really gave a shit about those, he would know that getting health care coverage for the 30M uninsured is a big part of the solution (so that they get preventive care instead of waiting until their condition gets serious enough to send them to the ER, thus increasing costs for everyone.)

    The only thing more irritating than that is that when I made a similar comment on HuffyPo's article about this, it got deleted. Three times. The fuck?

  • rocktonsam

    we should have a pool picking which Repub says the N word before November.

    • viennawoods13

      Oh, you mean in public!

    • Boojum

      I want all of them, Katie.

    • 12X34X

      Joe Walsh.

  • proudgrampa

    Will someone please kick this clown out of office?

  • DahBoner

    He doesn't care what you think, thanks to Gum'mint provided TURTLE TUNNELS…

  • glamourdammerung

    I hope they got the fainting couch ready for when they have to feign indignation when normal people bring this up.

  • comrad_darkness

    . . . says the man with taxpayer funded government-run healthcare.

  • DalePues

    Gosh. So Obama used a meat ax to create the ACA? Isn't that weird? And now McConnel want to use a scalpel to fix it. Doesn't he know how long it will take?

  • DalePues

    Oh, and another thing. I don't believe the thirty million number. The Dept Of Agriculture reports that forty five million receive some sort of food assistance from the federal and state governments. This does not include the numbers fed by hospitals and other relief organizations. Who believes that these people who are unable to feed themselves have health insurance?

  • Thank goodness I don't need to watch a Fox News video (I would rather remove my own eyes with a rusty nail) to realize that MCConnel is an asshole

  • DinDCW4

    Is it just me, or is Mitch (My Bitch!) kinda sexy in an I-want-to-slice-off-my-dick-&-toss-it-out-the-window-while-barreling-down-the-freeway-at-90-mph kinda way???

    Is it just me???

  • Antispandex

    "Look, if you're going to ask tough questions, I'm just going to have to ignore you and go back to my talking points. I mean, for crap sakes, did Ailes know you were going to attack me like this?"

    • Rotundo_

      "Pssst! It's because Oopert-Ray ants-way us-hay to-may eem-say air-fay."

  • Troglodeity

    On the far-away island of Washinton-Sond,
    Yertle McTurtle was king of the pond.
    A scummy dark pond, hardly clean, never neat.
    The water was fetid, with nothing to eat.
    The turtles, 30 million, lacked insurance they'd need.
    So they were all fucked. Quite skull-fucked indeed.

    But Yertle McTurtle, the king of the Senate,
    Declared health insurance is irrele-venate.
    “It's not the issue”, said Yertle, “you see,
    If people lack coverage, that's nothing to me.
    With this stone for a throne, I look down on my pond
    On the uninsured masses both here and beyond.
    The hell with insurance," he shouted on down.
    Just let them get cancer!” he roared with a frown.
    “If the rich pay no taxes, how much greater they'd be!
    That's all that's important! Just keep them tax-free!”

  • Troglodeity

    So Yertle McTurtle, and Boehner the Tortoise,
    Decided to ruin their country on purpose.
    Instead of real action against unemployment
    They scheduled vain votes for private enjoyment
    Though they knew that as long as Obama was head
    They had no way to vote that Obamacare dead.
    But their turtlish minions stood on each other's back
    As McTurtle and Boehner piled them up in a stack,
    to a 535-turtle-shell pile.
    What a wonderful view! They could see ‘most a mile!

    “All ours!” the two cried. “Oh, the things we now rule!
    We're the kings of the elephants, the lords of the fools!
    John's the king of the House! And Yertle the Senate!
    Obama's a zero, Holder's a defendant!
    We're Yertle McTurtle, and Boehner with shell!
    And together we've created a middle-class hell!”

  • Troglodeity

    And all through the morning, they sat up way up there
    Saying over and over, “Screw the poors and health care!”
    Until ‘long about noon. Then they heard a faint sigh.
    “What’s that?” snapped McTurtle, and he looked down below.
    And he saw, at the bottom, a working-class Joe.
    Just a part of the throne. And this citizen turtle
    Looked up and he said, “Beg your pardon, McTurtle.
    I’ve pains in my back and my shoulders and knees.
    How long must we go without coverage, please?”

    “SILENCE!” the Yertle McTurtle barked back.
    “I’m king, and you’re only a middle-class hack.”
    “You'll have no insurance while I sit here and rule.
    You'd have better health care as a cow, or a mule!
    Pre-existing conditions? Who cares about you!
    Can't insure through your job? Well, boo-fuckin'-hoo!
    My tax must be lower!” his royal voice thundered,
    “So let's do more votes! I want ’bout two hundred!”

  • Troglodeity

    “Money! More money!” he bellowed and brayed.
    And the middle-class turtles were sorely afraid.
    But rich Citizens, now United, obeyed.
    From all over the pond, they wrote checks by the dozens.
    Whole filthy-rich families, with uncles and cousins.
    And all of them stepped on the head of poor Joe.
    As one after another, they climbed up from below.

    Then Yertle McTurtle and Boehner were wealthy
    And they didn't care if poor Joe was unhealthy.
    “Hooray!” roared the two, "We're the king of the trees!
    Obama's a nothing, Joe Biden's a flea!
    We're king of the tax cuts! King of the rich!
    We'll make that old Nancy Pelosi our bitch!
    We're Yertle McTurtle, and Boehner the Tanned!
    And we are the rulers of all of the land!”

  • Troglodeity

    Then again, from the stack, from the unwashed below,
    Came a groan from that plain little turtle named Joe.
    “Your Majesties, please… I don’t like to complain,
    But down here below, we are feeling great pain.
    I know, up on top you are raking in money,
    But down here at the bottom it's not at all funny.
    We turtles can’t stand it. Our savings will go!
    Besides, we need doctors, we're dying!” groaned Joe.

    “You hush up your mouth!” howled Yertle McTurtle.
    “You’ve no right to talk to the Senate's First Turtle.
    I rule from the clouds! Over land! Over sea!
    There’s nothing, no, NOTHING, that’s higher than me!”

  • Troglodeity

    But, while he was shouting, he saw with surprise
    That the moon of the evening was starting to rise
    Up over his head in the darkening skies.
    “What’s THAT?” said McYertle. “Say, what IS that thing
    That dares to be higher than Yertle the King?
    I shall not allow it! I’ll go higher still!
    I’ll build my throne higher! I can and I will!
    I’ll call some more donors. I’ll stack bills to heaven!
    I need ’bout five billion, six hundred and seven!”

    But, as Yertle McTurtle lifted his hand
    And started to order and give the command,
    That plain little turtle from way down below,
    That plain little turtle whose name was just Joe,
    Decided he’d taken enough. And he had.
    And that plain little Joe got a little bit mad.
    And that plain little Joe did a plain little thing.
    He farted!
    And his fart made McTurtle's eyes sting!

  • Troglodeity

    And Yertle McTurtle, the king of D.C.,
    The king of the air and the birds and the bees,
    The king of a house and a cow and a mule…
    Well, that was the end of the Turtle King’s rule!
    For Yertle, the King of all Washington-Sond,
    Fell off his high throne and fell Plunk! in the pond!

    And today the great Yertle, that tool of the rich,
    Is King of the Mud, and Boehner's his bitch.
    And the turtles are covered with health care, for free
    As turtles and, maybe, all creatures should be.

    (with apologies to Dr. Seuss)

  • ttommyunger

    Holy Shit! Counting when he said his Party's first priority would be to make Barry a one term President, this makes TWICE this lying sack of shit has actually spoken the truth in his life…..I am impressed!

  • buffalogal

    What?? A Western European health care system?? How's that? Universal coverage? Better outcomes? More cost effective? How DARE they!

  • labman57

    Mitch's thought bubble: "Next time, I'm gonna stick with presenting my usual conservative infomercial on Hannity's show."

    Since when has the health, safety, and welfare of the "common man" been an issue for Republicans in Congress?

    Romney doesn't care about the problems of poor people, Mitch doesn't care about the problems of uninsured Americans, Boehner and his House cohort want to cut taxes on the ultra-wealthy and raise taxes on the poor … while simultaneously eliminating federal programs that benefit the poor.

    Hmmm. Is there a common theme here?

  • BZ1

    Mitch, just answer the d****m question!

  • Bauthorfowler

    Well, one of those two will be out of a job soon. I'm wondering if that newscaster's been worrying about his parent's healthcare lately?

  • notanncoulter



  • arcadesproject

    Sounds to me as if Chris Wallace actually cares about people who are uninsured. He'd better watch is step or he will lose his Fox gig.

  • Macy’s Mom

    And WHEN is Trump being fired or impeached? Hopefully sooner than later.

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