We all remember where we were on Feburary 27, 2009 when 13-year-old Jonathan Krohn addressed the throngs of CPACers, spitting the hot fires of oppression and demanding the instant restoration of the Old Guard. Where were you? Your Wonkette, for one, was typing a blog post about his CPAC speech. It was clear that young Jonathan would have a lifetime supply of wingnut welfare cash to support him and his eventual horribly dysfunctional conservative family. By 2011, he’d already released a book — a “remarkably earnest and impeccably reasoned primer” on “Conservative philosophy’s basic tenets” that somehow managed to exceed two pages in length. What a future! But now, as Politico reports, Jonathan Krohn is a much wiser man of 17 years and basically despises conservatism.

Krohn now wonders, like the rest of us, why a bunch of adults were cheering for the ideas of a 13-year-old kid who obviously didn’t know what he was doing:

Now 17, Krohn — who went on to write a book, “Defining Conservatism,” that was blurbed by the likes of Newt Gingrich and Bill Bennett — still watches that speech from time to time, but it mostly makes him cringe because, well, he’s not a conservative anymore.

“I think it was naive,” Krohn now says of the speech. “It’s a 13-year-old kid saying stuff that he had heard for a long time.… I live in Georgia. We’re inundated with conservative talk in Georgia.… The speech was something that a 13-year-old does. You haven’t formed all your opinions. You’re really defeating yourself if you think you have all of your ideas in your head when you were 12 or 13. It’s impossible. You haven’t done enough.”

Just look at what this dirty commie likes now: President Obama, his AbortionCare law, the New Yorker… and oh god, where is he going to college? NOOOOOOOO! Bill Bennett’s gonna keel over when he gets wind of this:

Gay marriage? In favor. Obamacare? “It’s a good idea.” Who would he vote for (if he could) in November? “Probably Barack Obama.” His favorite TV shows? “The Daily Show” and “The Colbert Report.” His favorite magazine? The New Yorker. And, perhaps telling of all, Krohn is enrolling this fall at a college not exactly known for its conservatism: New York University.

In the words of Loser Pennsylvania Jesus : What a snob.


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  • Jus_Wonderin

    Gawd, he hasn't even gone to college yet. Just the applications process turned him away from his conservative beliefs. Call Santorum.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Kids don't even need college to wise up these days. There's the internet, The Daily Show, and for a lucky few who mange to stumble across it, teh Wonkettes, all of whom are methodically working to skewer your hypocrites and butcher your sacred cows.

      I'm really not worried about today's youth. They'll get it right eventually.

  • So, we just have to wait for the rest of the Conservatives to grow up?

    • boobookitteh

      Don't hold your breath.

    • WunkRocker

      Stephen Hawking says we only have like 5 billion years until the sun goes O'reilly. so that won't work.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Isn't the Limbaugh Phase before the O'Reilly?

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq

          The star snorts Oxycontin and sleeps with Dominican boys before doing it live?

          My understanding of astrophysics is that if a star is massive enough, it will go O'Reilly and then go Christie and devour everything around it, becoming a massive black hole.

        • Limbaugh goes straight to black hole. Hems already dense enough to bend light.

          • Jus_Wonderin

            Ah, you are right. I was thinking he was the gas giant part of the end, but you are correct!!!

    • Callyson

      I think most of them suffer from arrested development, unfortunately…

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        They've made a huge mistake?

  • noodlesalad

    Clearly another example of why America should be able to execute children. Amiright, GOP, or amiright?

  • flamingpdog

    No snark, I feel for the kid. At 13, I was a Bill Buckley conservative. Then I got real.

    • One_Man_Band

      Yeah, I listened to Rush when I was 13, now I'm a big commie.

      I think there is something about the certainty of conservative b.s. that appeals to minds that are not yet fully formed. Hopefully, once you no longer have the mind of a 13-year old, the appeal is lost.

      • noodlesalad

        See also: Ayn Rand. Unfortunately, some people who are over 20 still like that crap.

        • Sassomatic

          Ich. Ayn Rand. I was in an honors English class as a sophomore in high school. Instead of having us read actual literature the teacher had us spend the year making our way through Atlas Shrugged. I was ambivalent about Objectivism when I was 14. At 15 it hit me what a load of selfish bullshit the whole thing was.

          • Fare la Volpe

            LaVeyan Satanism is the same philosophy enshrined as religion. There's a reason all the crystal freaks down at the hookah bar really hate the Satanists.

          • Awesome that you pointed that out!

          • neiltheblaze

            I once had a roommate who told me she'd read "Atlas" when she was 13 – but in her case, Rand acted like a parasitic, brain-eating worm.

    • HoytClagwell

      I was a Robert Heinlein libertarian until I was in my mid-20s. Somehow I overcame that and grew a heart.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        Yeah, that's about when I realized that my belief system was shit.

      • Amazing, innit? When you're young and fulla beans, and you know you'll never die or age or be weak or need anything. Four years later you're looking at needing to get a job and move out of home, and suddenly your whole perspective changes.

      • ChuckieJesus

        Most Heinleinian Libertarians I knew in my mid-twenties were trust fund kids who were "into polyamory". To their credit, they threw pretty epic parties, and didn't mind sparking one with a brown, dirty socialist girl. In retrospect, I imagine it was an attempt to get into my pants.

        • HoytClagwell

          That wasn't me. I just had the typical twenty-something's myopic vision of society, wherein all hardship, crime and poverty could be eliminated if everyone paid cash and packed heat. (I didn't get into polyamory until much later, wink wink.)

          But in mitigation, I can honestly state that I have never voted for a Republican.

    • Hello, my name is Bill. (Hi, Bill.) When I was 16, Ronald Reagan announced the release of the American hostages in Iran. I cheered the news, in public….

      *hangs his head, unable to go on, weeping*

      • (Pats his back) It'll be OK, Bill. We ALL went through it.

        Well, except for Boojum, but we still like him anyway.

        • redarmyzombie

          When I was 13, I was a communist.

          I'm not a communist anymore, but I like to say I am anyway, just so I can see the heads explode off of conservatives.

    • Boojum

      At 13, I was a New Deal Democrat.

      I am still that child.

      • Callyson

        I was too–my grandmother made sure of that. God rest her soul…

        …and Christ, I hope she is not looking down from heaven to see what a mess we've made of politics. I miss her but I am glad she did not live to see W come to power…

    • Serolf_Divad

      Yep, me too. My mother still teases me about my 7th grade summer journal (which she keeps secreted away with my report cards and kindergarten crayon drawings), and all the right-wing foaming at the mouth it contains.

    • I think when I was 13, I was going around lecturing my classmates on how they should Remain Pure Until Marriage and The Beatles was the work of Satan to ensnare young minds in lust (which was a very very bad thing that I personally knew zilch about). Six years later I was all bogarting the reefer and hooked on Frank Zappa and Bob Marley. Sigh.

      • "Bogart The Reefer" — that was Blue Oyster Cult?

        • *Some*body's in fine form already this morning.

      • Fare la Volpe

        When I was about 15 I got into a huge fight with one of my extended friends because I didn't approve of his drug use.

        Cut to today and I'm helping my roommate put together his new shroom incubator.

        • Yeah, my sister derives a great deal of enjoyment from reminding me of my anti-drug tirades in my yoof.

          I think kids at that age are so freaked by what's going on in their bodies and heads that they cling to anything that looks like it provides certain answers. You know. Like RWNJ ideology.

        • What's an "extended friend"?

          • Somebody you would like to leave if he hangs around more than 4 hours

      • Frank Zappa is the gateway drug to rational thinking.

        • He'll certainly give your teenaged ass a hearty kick in the right direction.

    • LionHeartSoyDog

      When i was 13, i was a Young Republican (because of family), and even shook Dick Nixon's hand when he was running for Gov. of Cali. (Click with Dick!). He had very bad breath.
      Eventually, common sense, Beatlemania, marijuana, psychedelia, the Sacred Beauty of Women, the VietNam war and the Anti-Fascist Coalition brought many changes.

    • I remember being so happy the night Ronald Reagan was elected. I was practically bouncing off the walls. I would have been 13 then.

      Less than a year later, when I heard that John Hinckley had shot him, I remember thinking "I hope that guy was a good shot."

      I just realized, either way I was a awful person at that age.

      • Most of us are, you know. Our adolescent brains haven't matured sufficiently to understand things like consequences, and the painful fact that the world does not, our beliefs to the contrary, revolve around us.

      • Willardbot9000_V2.5

        Hah! Well my parents were hippies so I detested Reagan as a child even if I vaguely knew who he was. My right wing sin is much greater and deeper because I damn near became a Republican at age 20…and nearly voted for Dubs my first election. By 2005 I had done a lot of reading in college and on my own (it helps to be bedridden for six months recuperating from an injury…) and was as libtarded as the libtardest of libtards. I never did vote GOP and supported Clark then Kerry in 2004 so maybe I wasn't as bad as some of ya'll…but those simplistic explanations and their media domination in places like Utah can have a horribly corrosive effect on intelligence.

        • You give me hope, Young Willardbot.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Ugh this pains me but here goes: I didn't vote in 2000 because I actually liked Dubya and didn't want to vote Republican. I also initially supported the Iraq War basically because I thought it was right to support soldiers going into the line of fire. See back then I was kinda…conservative. I supported Clinton as a teen and voted D my first election but I wasn't very supportive of Gore; basically I thought he sucked. No excuses, I lived in Utah which makes Texas look progressively political and well…I didn't know much about politics and issues is where I went wrong. When I moved to Oregon in 2006 while recovering from an injury and attending a U I took a crash course in political reading to establish an ideology and voila! I came out socialist. Personally, I think the defining problem in this country is people are either not able to because of responsibilities or are too intellectually lazy to establish an ideology of their own so these simplistic, fast food explanations make sense. That is until you examine the underlying logic of them and see how ugly they are at their core….but yeah, I was once stupid too (bows head…)

      • (Hugs Willardbot) As you can see, we all have our tales of shame. It'll be OK. You recovered.

    • Negropolis

      I guess this is a pretty major difference in culture. As a city blah, I've always been Democratic. Though that doesn't always equate to liberalism in our culture, in my case it did. My dad is practically an atheist with a lot of strong opinions on the environment and science and such, my mom agnostic at best, so there was never any church for me. I was taught to question prevailing opinion on things. I think the only real difference between me now and how I was raised is that I'm probably a whole lot more conventional than my parents who were really unstructured in how they lived, so that was kind of my rebellion.

      • flamingpdog

        My story is actually more complicated than I was a Bill Buckley conservative at 13 – in a sixth grade mock election, I voted for Lyndon Johnson over Barry Goldwater. Without boring you with all the sordid details, turning into a Bill Buckley conservative actually was partly a result of my living my junior high years, as a white boy, in a large-majority (93-95 %) blah community in Wash D. C. After three years of high school in a 98 percent white high community in the nearby suburbs, I got past the negative feelings.

      • ChuckieJesus

        Wow, we actually sound a lot alike, except my mom was Irish Catholic and my dad was Southern Baptist.

  • Sassomatic

    There needs to be an investigation a to how this kid's brain was allowed to mature past 13. Did his parents fail to feed him enough corn syrup?

    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      Corn sugar. Get with the times. Jesus, what is this, 2011?

  • mavenmaven

    High school education is simply an incubator for left wing socialism, and should be banned.
    If he was working 18 hour days in a sweatshop like in the good old days, he'd still be on the right path and the job creators would be richer for it.

    • He coulda been Newt's janitor.

      • Fare la Volpe


    • doloras

      No, if he was working 18 hour days in a sweatshop, he'd now be a violent anarcho-communist agitator and bomb-thrower. So maybe they have a point.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Oh, noes, they got to him, too! The same ones who are blackmailing Justice Roberts!

    • bumfug

      The spastic little bastard's meds musta got him thinkin' all crazy!

  • Beowoof

    It's all an act, he is still conservative, however, he is smart enough to know a conservative guy gets no girls in the liberal northeast.

  • MissTaken

    Puberty has a liberal bias.

    • As soon as he got interested in girls, he gave up his boy toys.

      Take that as you will.

      • elviouslyqueer


        Gay marriage? In favor.

        I'm thinking Krohn found hisself a nice boy with whom he wants to settle down.

        • Fare la Volpe

          Be nice now.

          All the young'ns are pro-gay marriage today. They know it doesn't mean anything about which way their dicks point.

          • It gasts my flabber. The straightest of the straight little punks in the neighbourhood is all, "Oh, man, gay marriage is so like DONE already, only the Olds think it's icky."

          • I know! Isn't it great?

          • Oh, hell to the yeah! I remember the daily fistfights as I ran the gauntlet of all the little shits in the neighbourhood screaming abuse. It's a welcome change indeed.

  • Wow. So the kid gets that conservativism is for immature adolescents who believe in stick figure drawings instead of fully-fleshed paintings?

    Sign this kid up!

  • He fed it to the dog.

    • Call ASPCA & Humane Society stat!

  • SorosBot

    This is why all children need to be sent to religious brainwashing centers instead of public schools that dare teach the heresy known as critical thinking!

    • scvirginia

      Then when they rebel, they'll go even further to the left & begin founding hippie communes with their trust fund monies…

    • One_Man_Band

      Texas is way ahead of the curve on that:

      • SorosBot

        Uh, yeah, what do you think I was referring to?

    • MosesInvests

      You have been charged with two counts of heresy: heresy of thought, heresy of word and heresy of…three! Three counts of heresy!


  • rickmaci

    At thirteen, I was a conservative and then I realized that Darth Goldwater was prepared to blow up the universe.

  • Pragmatist2

    One year at NYU and he likely will reveal he is a lesbian.

    • In the old days, Eddie Izzard used to say he was a lesbian trapped in a man's body.

      • AbandonHope

        I'm fairly sure that's true for all straight men. Well, 99% of them, anyway.

        • But Eddie said it wearing make-up, (especially lipstick), women's clothes and heels.
          He was (is?) fearless!!

      • doloras

        I am a man trapped in another man's body. Should I have used more lube?

        • mookwrthwilson

          That's called being fat…join the club.

        • rmjagg

          if you ever want to get unstuck , lube is a must have , but why get unstuck ?

    • Why do you think it took so long for me to graduate? I had to make sure I loved women like a little closet lesbian.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    ONE OF US!!
    ONE OF US!!
    ONE OF US!!
    ONE OF US!!

    Good job young man.

    • GortRay

      Gabba Gabba Hey!

      • Fare la Volpe

        Gooble Gobble Gooble Gobble

    • We accept ya
      we accept ya

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Wow…"it does get better!"

  • PeaceWithHonor

    He should stop taking those epilepsy meds.

  • edgydrifter

    The last words of every conservative who ever went liberal: "but then I stopped and thought about it."

  • Estproph

    Good for him. I remember when I was 13 I was immature too, and thought stupid crap that would have fit into a CPAC conference pretty well. As a matter of fact, every 13 year old I can think of was the same way. Goes with the age I guess. The real problem is the number of jagovs that never progress past that age.

  • Arken

    Guess this is why they wanted to get rid of the Department of Education.

  • gullywompr

    Now we just need the rest of the conservatives to grow the fuck up.

  • SexySmurf

    I call bullshit. If he was really a liberal his favorite magazine would be High Times.

  • Shypixel

    …and next year he'll be a hipster, disconnected from politics. And the year after he will be something else…

    • And depending on what he majors in at school, he could become a Wall Street raider and write a book about how naive he was to be a liberal at 17.

  • He saw Ann Coulter naked and renounced Satan and all his works right-wing ideology.

    • MrFizzy

      And gouged his eyes out with an oyster fork.

      • Oyster fork! The sight of that skank in the raw would have me sucking my eyeballs out from the inside.

        • A Blue Oyster Fork?

          • Ow! No fair, man, you're playing at Level 9, and I just woke up!

    • rmjagg

      she doesn't ever wear clothes , those are her skin/scales

  • Billmatic

    It's unfortunate that the rest of conservative america is still stuck at age 13 forever, because as per their philosophy: I'm white and it's awesome, why change anything?

  • jaytingle

    Sooner or later a kid wants to get laid.

    • Boojum

      The kid's reading Kripke, on his own, in high school. He is never getting laid.

      • Fare la Volpe

        Until college. Then that kid is gonna clean up like a motherfuck.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Thankfully, he got only the reeducation he could afford.

  • banana_bread

    When I was little, I was conservative too. Then I grew up and figured out critical thinking skills and compassion. Clearly I am a liberal monster.

  • anniegetyerfun

    at just 13 years old, he delivered an impromptu rallying cry for conservatism that became a viral hit and had some pegging him as a future star of the Republican Party.

    This is what kills me. Republicans are so hard-up for a star that they were willing to hang their hopes on a child whose voice was just beginning to crack.

    • neiltheblaze

      Just look at Marco Rubio.

    • Schmannnity

      Hey buddy, you can't talk about Chuck Norris like that.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Wow — first Prussian Blue turn into liberal potheads and now this — soon conservatism's failure will be evident even to adults. Of course they deny harder since they've got a lifetime stake in its failed ideas, so we might have to wait for their generation to die out. But at least it's a ray of hope.

    • Boojum

      Oh, thank Buddha about Prussian Blue. Such cute little girls should not be haters.

      • Apparently, one of them developed cancer, which is a horrible thing to happen to a young child. It's horrible for *anyone,* of course, but cancer is, generally speaking, a disease of old age. The older you are, the higher your chances of getting it, and it's very rare in young people. To find yourself facing a death sentence at the start of your life is probably enough to make anyone reconsider. Anyway, she started smoking pot to cope with the pain, and is now a registered MM user, and of course, her twin is also smoking pot, which is good, if it can help reverse the conditioning these poor kids have had shoved down their throats since day one.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Conservatives have their guts all twisted up in knots and are shitting themselves over this betrayal. Sounds like a bad case of Krohn's disease.

    • WhatTheHolyHeck


  • Schmannnity

    C'mon. Tells us where Breitbart touched you at the CPAC.

  • Generation[redacted]

    "You’re really defeating yourself if you think you have all of your ideas in your head when you were 12 or 13."

    This is not good news for Grover Norquist.

    • calliecallie

      Grover Norquist is not good news for the rest of us.

    • widestanceromance

      If the stuff I thought up when I was 12 and in the bathtub* became policy, mens' pants would have been outlawed a long time ago.

      *the rest of the household: "Are you done, yet?"
      Me: "No, I'm going for a third time."

      • Fare la Volpe

        At thirteen I would have made Grecian nudity mandatory.

        • widestanceromance

          We were already dreaming of the day when we would be shoving and ramming things down throats.

    • gingerland62

      I'm a sucker for Norquist jokes, the more insulting the better.

  • Goonemeritus

    "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things."

  • I must find a recent photo.
    I still feel the urge to slap the living shit out of this kid!

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Welcome to the Dark Side, little one.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      We Have teh buttsecks Cookies!

  • MissTaken

    I feel bad for this kid having his childhood silliness videotaped for all eternity. When I was 13 I recorded myself singing along to Tiffany's "I Think We're Alone Now". I discovered that tape while in college and nearly fell out of my chair from humiliation. Thank goodness I was the only one who ever heard that tape.

    Poor kid!

    • Generation[redacted]

      Before passing judgment, I need to see a YouTube link plz

    • SorosBot

      It's going to be a big problem for today's teens when they get older; we just made embarrassing videotapes that no one saw except friends and family, and could easily throw out once we were old enough to see how bad it was. These days, the teens put their horrible videos up on YouTube where the entire world can see them, and they will never go away as long as the internet lasts, so the videos can haunt them long into adulthood.

    • James Michael Curley

      You were lucky. If you had covered Tommy James version from 1967 you would have to explain to everyone what a Shondell is.

      • Jus_Wonderin


        Can't you hear the ocean if you hold one to you ear?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        My first exposure to that song is the version recorded by The Rubinoos. Try explaining that.

        (It rocks, though. One of my all-time bubblegum faves.)

      • ChessieNefercat

        Thank you, I couldn't remember if it was Tommy James and the Shondells or The Turtles.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Oh, I didn't realize that you were me.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      I'm imagining huge bangs with your hair in a scrunchie on one side of your head and an acid washed denim ensemble. HAWT!

      • anniegetyerfun

        High-top Reeboks and scrunched socks, also too.

        • ChessieNefercat

          And the boatneck top slipping off one shoulder.

          And the acid washed denim? Remember, jeans = pleated, skirt = ruffled.

      • MissTaken

        No fucking joke, that was totally me! And yes, with PINK high-top Reeboks and scrunchy socks.

        • Generation[redacted]

          How many Swatches were you wearing?

          • MissTaken

            One, but with the ever important Swatch Guard. I even had Guess overalls. I was da shit!

    • prommie

      I like the "crickets" part.

  • He grew up unlike most of his former comrades doomed to forever be Geppetto's little wooden boy…

  • An_Outhouse

    Hey Jonathan Krohn, you know who else has escaped? Katie Holmes and Anderson Cooper. Maybe we can hook you up. Pick one.

  • Wadisay

    If you left a macaw in a room with Fox News and talk radio on all day, it could address CPAC in 2015.

    • Worked for Mittens.

    • carlgt1

      Polly definitely wanna KKKracker….

    • comptoneffect

      Sure but the bird is less likely go all liberal when it turns 17.

    • ChessieNefercat

      "If you left a macaw in a room with Fox News and talk radio on all day, it could address CPAC in 2015."
      I thought that happened this year. Oh, wait, that was Sarah Palin? Well, she looked and sounded like a macaw. Oops.

  • prommie

    When I was 13, I wanted to remain sexually pure and only ever have sex with the girl I would marry and stay married to for the rest of my life. It wasn't a religious or ethical thing, it was purely a romantic thing, I was such a little bitch. But by the time I was 17, I was as over that idiotic idea as this boy appears to be over his conservative idiocy. No, maybe I was more over it. I was very very over it. Really really over it.

  • vodkamuppet

    When I was 13, I was trying to figure out how to get laid. When I was 17, I was trying to figure out how to get laid a lot more. Now I'm 32 and I'm still trying to figure out how to get laid more.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I'm 53. I just love me some napz.

      • prommie

        I'm 50, I love my naps too, but, still have to put the getting laid way above napping.

        Iggy Pop was recently quoted for something he said about getting old:

        "I would characterize it sort of like a powerful interest group within a political party at this point. It used to be the entire political party."
        —Iggy Pop explains his current relationship with his penis.

      • anniegetyerfun

        At 34, I would like to get laid more, but naps are usually quick to follow any laying that DOES occur.

    • prommie

      Well, "lower your standards" always works.

      • vodkamuppet

        I've already lowered my standards, now I just need women to start lowering their standards too.

        • Fare la Volpe

          I remember receiving a gag card years ago from a friend:

          (Outside cover)
          Happy Valentines Day!

          (Inside cover)
          I settled for You!

        • redarmyzombie

          "Lowered Expectaaatiooons…"

    • rmjagg

      McDonald's is expanding it's fast food / junk food menu to include blowjobs while u wait …

  • Ducksworthy

    Funny how discovering women can change a young man's mind.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Apparently this kid got a girlfriend, and she schooled him. Right-wing hate is no way to get nookie.

      • Generation[redacted]

        He probably learned that the first time he explained the conservative policy on abortion.

    • Fare la Volpe

      At 13, girls have cooties.

      At 17, girls have boobies.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    This kid figured out what his dick is for and decided he wanted to get laid sometime this decade. And I am cool with that.

    • Ducksworthy

      Tired of the GOP groping him.

  • carlgt1

    first the evil Chicago political machine threatened Chief Justice Roberts, now this kid….

  • vulpes82

    I think someone got laid at 16.

  • See, shit like this is exactly why the Texas GOP wants to outlaw critical thinking.

  • KotBR

    Well, from 13 to 17 I made basically the same transition regarding my feelings on MC Hammer-so I get where the kid is coming from.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    When I was thirteen I had glasses, braces, the WORLD'S WORST PERM and was a socially awkward moron. Luckily I no longer have those first three things.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I saw a very lovely young woman yesterday who had braces – a mouthful of the clunky metal kind like you and I enjoyed during puberty. I was shocked that, in this day and age, orthodontists haven't come up with an affordable option that doesn't involve setting off the metal detectors at the airport.

      ETA: Yes, there's Invisalign, but I don't think it's as cheap as the full metal mouth jacket.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        Have you never seen the invisalign commercial with the twin girls, one with braces the other with invisalign? The invisalign one is all gloaty and smug to her poor brace-faced twin. Every time I see that commercial I want to slap that little bitch right in the face.

        • anniegetyerfun

          I haven't, but it sounds absolutely terrible. Most commercials featuring twins are terrible, though.

        • Fare la Volpe

          Any commercial involving twins is gearing up for disaster.

          See: Doublemint, et al.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Those doublemint commercials were OK. They just needed to be pornier, is all.

          • Fare la Volpe

            They make that.

            It's called porn.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            See? The invisible hand of the market etc etc. And many much more plainly visible body parts, as well.

  • Baconzgood

    You’re really defeating yourself if you think you have all of your ideas in your head when you were 12 or 13.

    -Grifter Palin-

  • Marjoe Gortner coulda told him this is how it goes. All the grownups wet themselves over your precocity at first, then you get a clue.

  • Awful People

    I can't wait for the follow-up on the author of Heaven is for Real.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Ha! That would be so short and sweet.

      "Uh, I was wrong. My bad."

    • Negropolis

      Now that was so grade A child abuse if you ask me, parading him out for the camera like that with visions of heaven that can be found in any Sunday sermon and children's bible.

  • owhatever

    He has been given a speaking slot at the Dem Convention.

  • neiltheblaze

    I see. He grew up. Good for him!

  • vag

    Pussy change a man's brain. He'll swing back to the right once he can only orgasm to the sound of crying, tho. That's life, tho.

  • StanleyPain2

    Yet another piece of evidence that abandoning American Conservatism is simply a matter of growing the fuck up.

    • prommie

      More like sobering up.

  • a_pink_poodle

    He hasn't taken enough of his epilepsy medicine. Or too much. I forget how it is. The point is he hasn't taken the exact right amount.

  • AncienReggie

    Little Grover Norquist was 10 when he dreamed up his tax pledge. And like Peter Pan, he never grew up.

  • Schmegeg

    And at 21? A seminary, perhaps?

  • ttommyunger musta took that boy out behind the woodshed.

  • Krohn also hates Prog now, and is way into The Ramones.

  • Nostrildamus

    Conservatism embraces fear of change and so is appealing to kids raised in affluence because they know how vulnerable they are to change in the status quo. I started that way too.

  • Eve8Apples

    He was the class of 2012 valedictorian at the Librule, soshule, NOBAMA!!!!111 re-edumacation camp.

  • Well, well! There's a whole lot of former obnoxious little Alex Keatons on this board, isn't there?

    • Negropolis

      I know, right? I was kind of surprised. It's like your're born a conservative in Real America, and then a plurality of them don't become a liberal until later in life.

  • krazyvladimir

    Sean Hannity is weeping

  • Weenus299

    I did that shit. I was a southern kid all gizzed up about Ronald Reagan back in 1980, when I was nine. It took me about 6 1/2 years to realize that the old man was full of shit, Oliver North was a lying scumbag, and lots of other dinkus stuff I should've realized by age 12.

  • DahBoner

    Conservatives need to open a new mall chain called Forever 13, dedicated to dressing every Conservative in fashions suitable for their 13 year old minds…

  • usuhname

    "You know? I learnt something today"
    Someone urgently aught to ruffle that kids hair.

  • StealthMuslin

    There's a certain type of person who cheers 13 year-old political firebrands, swoons to child preachers and drags their kids to child beauty pageants. That type of person is not liberal. Good for this kid for making it over the wall.

  • savethispatient

    Of course this was covered by Wonkette at the time… and we still have the old comments:

    iwillsavethispatient February 27, 2009 at 7:13 pm:
    Reminds me of William Hague at the Tory Party Conference in the 80s.

    Which means, he’ll grow up, grow bald, and become a failing GOP party leader.

    Seems like I may have been wrong. How is his hairline?

  • shortsandpants

    17 is to old for a most GOP politicians, anyway.

  • proudgrampa

    Oh my goodness. There IS hope for humanity!

  • Guppy

    Seventeen year-old looks back on thirteen year-old self as immature. Stop the presses!

    If he thinks it's bad now, wait until he hits 25 or so…

  • DinDCW4

    Sandusky's BIG Concern about all this Shit:


    Does he have hair on his cookie?

  • Naked_Bunny

    Yeah, libertarianism sounded great to me when I was 12. Then I got a job and had to start paying bills.

  • Warpde

    Yeah, right.
    Con at 13.
    Lib at 17.
    Koch addict at 20.
    Prostituting himself out for Kock at….er…20? 21? given the Rovian factor.
    Full blown Con, again, at 22.
    No, not that type of Con.
    The Pink jumpsuit kind Sheriff Jose likes.
    Rehab at 24 and finally….God forbid…..Tbagging for a rush at 27.

    Politics are the drug my friends. Destroyer of lives.
    They must be stopped.

  • ttommyunger

    At 13 I was trying to find places to jerk off three or four times a day. At seventeen, there was no marked improvement. In fact, at 71 the only difference in my life is the decreased frequency. I only do the Wonkette thing to give my arm a rest.

  • Sassomatic

    I was a communist when I was 6. Just didn't realize it until I discovered drugs.

  • Negropolis

    It’s a 13-year-old kid saying stuff that he had heard for a long time.… I live in Georgia.

    This is the entire thread in a nut shell. I do feel sorry for him. Every one his age feels as if they know everything at that age. I look back on my middle school and early high school days in embarrassment. I was a nice person, and not conservative in my early politics at all, but I knew everything about my future and what I believed…and didn't know much of anything, at all.

  • redarmyzombie

    HA! Suck it, Texas!

  • lulzmonger

    "I didn't abandon conservatism, conservatism abandoned me … the minute I stopped being viable fap-bait for GOP pedos."

  • labman57

    Beck and Limbaugh will no doubt proclaim that his new points of view are the result of brainwashing and indoctrination by America-hating left-wing teachers while in high school.

  • PubOption

    If you listen to what he said in the video, and assume he meant it, his positions haven't changed that much. He appears to have to worked out that, particularly in Republican phraseology, the meaning is at variance with the words.

  • misscellaneous

    Aww. He’s all growd up and CRINGING like the rest of us now!

  • Last Hussar

    And this is why I oppose voting at 16.

  • Last Hussar

    Do you get sore patches too? Asking for a friend.

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