Good morning, Washington Post! What do you have for us this morning? Oh, three Internet pages on Mitt Romney’s family outings to Lake Winnipesaukee? (As Ann Romney noted, while calling Moochelle NoOBaMa an uppity bitch, they “have [their] own places” for summering.) And your reporter cannot even contain his terrible reporterly rage? Cool, let us read you.
WOLFEBORO, N.H. — This weekend, Mitt Romney is starting his annual summer vacation on his lakefront compound here — a week of fun and family, though not entirely carefree.
The Romneys, 30 in all these days, spend their time away from the stresses of everyday life — like, say, wrapping up the Republican nomination for president — by following a highly orchestrated, highly competitive regimen of sports and games known as the “Romney Olympics.”
The Romney Olympics have long included a mini-triathlon of biking, swimming and running that pits Mitt and his five sons and their wives against one another. But after Mitt once nearly finished last, behind a daughter-in-law who had given birth to her second child a couple of months earlier, the ultra-competitive and self-described unathletic patriarch expanded the games to give himself a better shot.
Now they also compete to see who can hang onto a pole the longest, who can throw a football the farthest and who can hammer the most nails into a board in two minutes — not exactly the kind of events they’ll be giving out gold medals for in London this month.
Those sound like awesome Olympics. Later in the piece, there is a nice bit about “Papa” building a stage for the grandkids’ talent show, and making S’mores with them, so that is very nice.
Romney’s 13-acre estate features a six-bedroom house, a horse stable with guest apartments above it, a $630,000 boat house, tennis and volleyball courts and a shoreline stretching 768 feet, more than double the length of a football field, according to public property records.
But where will the 30 members of the Romney clan sleep?
It’s a property big enough to fit everyone, although the five sons have been e-mailing to negotiate sleeping arrangements. Some grandchildren will be relegated to couches and air mattresses.
They can’t even sleep 30 without couches and air mattresses? We hope all you Class Terrorists are sorry for accusing the Romneys of having gotten rich off of outsourced and offshored jobs. Clearly, they are making do like the rest of us. [WaPo]
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Quick call Immigration! There's 30 illegal Messicans hiding out in New Hampshire.
The Romney Olympics have long included a mini-triathlon of biking, swimming and running
What? It doesn't include pillaging, raping and outsourcing?
And horse dancing?
They Shoot Horses, Don't They? NOTE TO GUBMINT INTERNET MONITOR: This is a movie reference.
I think that's after the raping.
I have never wished harder for a plague of red ants and African termites to descend on a particular location in the US.
It's like Hunger Games, without the Hunger!
Do they feed the staff?
To each other, yes.
They turn them into butter and having your face shoved into it/them is one of the events. Mitt always wins that one.
Mitt: You must purify yourself in the waters of Lake Winnipesaukee.
Appollonia: Go'way, creep.
Even without seeing the competition, I'd bet $10K Mitt wins gold in the "looking uncomfortable around the peasants" event every year.
"who can hammer the most nails into a board in two minutes"
Are the fingers still attached?
But don't you guys understand? Mitt Romney's plan is to have EVERYONE live like this. If you will only let him cut all taxes on the rich, soon everyone will have horse stables and a boathouse worth the lifetime income of a Wal-Mart worker.
Couches and air mattresses? Couldn't they just fire the maid and the gardener and use the servants quarters? I assumed that was just part of the Romney Olympics.
Oh sure…the Romney's could have used the servant's quarters, but they'd never get the smell off of their clothes.
Who would peel their grapes if the Help was let go?
Now they also compete to see who can hang onto a pole the longest
I thought Mormons weren't allowed to do that.
The
richReptiloids from another galaxy are not like you and I.~
OMG, what if they're Thetans and therefore secret Scientolololgisters? Mormonics = Scientologers. Yipes.
You know, this man might actually be the most insufferable dick that has ever been a major party presidential nominee. Every report about him seems to magnify the fact that he's a total prick and a weirdo.
he doesn't even deny it, it's like he's proud to be a giant douchebag.
And yet the more these reports come out, the more they like him, for they dream of one day also becoming rich, weird pricks, and the Head Prick shall make that happen. Somehow.
They were going to add an event for who can cut the most hair off a closeted gay kid before he starts to cry, but that conflicted with the who can make the closeted gay kid cry the fastest competition.
This is my favorite comment of the week.
Romney Festivus!
Feats of Strength
Airing of Grievances
He will restore dignity to the White House.
By being white.
If you use the word summer as a verb, you have too much money.
And if you use the word fall as a verb you are old and clumsy.
"Winter" also. This may be the most apropos comment I have seen in a long, long time.
I don't know what that word means but thanks anyway!
That's all right, I'm fairly sure I don't know what it means either.
I am still amazed at that "we have our own places for summering" quote from Ann Romney. Not only does it once again show how completely our of touch they are with the lives of normal, non-rich Americans, it's rather odd that she thinks it's somehow superior to return to the same place for vacation – or ah, "summering" – instead of visiting new, different places. The miserable, stuck up, snobby, nasty asshole.
Totally agree – I hope BO's campaign people plaster that shit all over every form of media from now until November. On some level I don't think Romney really wants to win the presidency. That would mean WAY to much work for the effete prick. I wish he and his nozzle of a wife would stay in Massachusetts or wherever the fuck that picture was taken. I nearly barfed when I saw that in the Post.
Well, those Different Places are full of Different People.
The Romney's stay somewhere where the houses are all beige and the people white.
And the trees are all the right height.
"we have our own places for summering"
I summer in the exact same place I winter, except in years in which I'm lucky enough to be able to afford a few days in a hotel at the beach.
Well, if you haven't been there before, how can you be sure it isn't infested with poors?
I too have a place for 'summering'. It's called the office building where my job is located, you insufferable dingle-berries. To get there I take a train 45 minutes each way on seats that smell like a wet dog's breath. I like to call it the 'BART Olympics'.
You get to have fun in such contests as, "mad dash for the seat that just opened up", usually won by some big man who is willing to shove aside small women to get that seat.
Your prize is that you don't get shot by a random cop who only intended to completely unnecessarily tase you, or so he says.
Funny story! A couple of years ago my friend and I went to go watch the Blue Angels on Marina Green and we met a cute guy who volunteered to take our picture. As we chatted he mentioned that he was a BART cop. I immediately threw my hands up and sorta-not-really joked, "Please don't shoot me in the back!". He was not amused.
You HAVE to swing at a slowball over the plate like that, good eye, slugger!
At least they've gotten rid of much of the incredibly foul carpeting. Whoever had the idea of using porous surfaces for public transit needs to be flung into a hog farm waste lagoon.
That's probably where they got the idea for the carpeting in the first place.
By following a highly orchestrated, highly competitive regimen of sports and games known as the “Romney Olympics.”
Do you think if the American public built them an exact replica of Thunderdome they would take the hint?
Except in this case, it's "Two Romneys enter, four Romneys leave."
His grandkids are lucky he's just changing the rules of Romneylimpics. If it was up to Mittens, he'd just outsource them all for some Indian grandkids. He could get more of them at the same cost, and they'd probably do better in math than his own brood.
Of course, if they did better than him, then he'd have to change the competition to involve something that only he can do. Like being unbearably awkward at all times.
Stilted laughter! Uncoordinated arm movements! Standing next to a minority and/or poor person for more than 10 seconds!
I thought that the term "Olympics" was a highly protected brand, with only the Special Olympics getting a pass. Mitt must know someone in the IOC.
Has he gotten polo included as an Olympic sport for this summer? He does love sport, and it would be a terrible shame for him to be restricted to enjoying dressage.
He ran the Winter Olympics, remember? (Unless that's the joke, in which case, heh.)
Unfortunately, the horses could never work out the ice skates.
Actually, that's a great point. The USOC just recently came down hard on Ravelry (a knitting website) for their competition called the Ravelympics, and they were forced to change the name. But you got enough money to
bribedonate to the IOC and suddenly there's no problem, I guess.If there was nothing but Romneys there would be approximately 10 trillion white people on earth in a decade or so. Bastards can breed.
Duh, Mormon.
Romney Special Olympics.
Where did I leave the keys to the Firebird of Death? I got a box of RPGs somewhere around here. . . .
Cool, I bet Mitt loves Role Playing Games.
You already bitched out on that one. I took them keys and started way south of anywhere you know about.
and it's a god damned Camaro now
It wouldn't happen to be a . . . . .Bichin Camaro?
"Last of the V8s" libel!
What you gotta do is infiltrate the staff at the Romney Summer Home, and then start pickin' 'em off one by one, like the Cajuns did in "Southern Comfort."
With votes!! In November!!
Are Dressage and horse-fucking events?
Fucking a horse during dressage would be more than an event in my eyes – it'd be a fucking miracle.
I don't see anything about a car elevator for all those people and their vehicles. What a fucking dump.
He's just the son of a poor Mexican immigrant CEO/Nixon cabinet secretary.
One of my great disappointments when I moved to Idaho was finding out that, contrary to myth, not everyone here lives in a "compound." I've always wanted a compound. Instead, I have to settle for an Edifice Complex.
Well played, Sir!
… the ultra-competitive and self-described unathletic patriarch expanded the games to give himself a better shot.
This underscores one of the unwritten rules for the upper class in America: If you lose, rewrite the rules so that next time, you have a better shot at winning.
Well, he did come in last place behind a woman who'd recently given birth. His only choices were to change the rules or accept his abject loser-dom.
Just like the Romneys, I'm "summering" in a van down by the river. USA USA USA!
You have an actual river?
Luxury!!!!!!!!
It might rain here in The Reconquista in a few days. We'll sit on the curb and watch the streets flood.
"Into the Wild."
That sounds like a nice family vacation brought to you by The Citadel.
Mitt Romney, job creators. For baby sitters, maids, dish washers, janitors, butler, diaper cleaners and horse dung sweepers.
For the life of him, he cannot comprehend why us mere peasants won't accept our station in life.
Fuck, his boathouse is worth four of my house(s). At least mine is paid for.
So I crept into the compound
with a sponge and a rusty spanner
Mitt said, "I know you, you cannot sing."
I said, "That's nothing you should see me hammer."
It's not a compound.
30 people? Let's see…Mitt and Ann, five son, five wives…that leaves 18 grandkids between 5 couples, which averages out to 3.6 kids per couple. Someone's been slacking off in the baby making department.
The family pic in the article confused me at first. I thought "How many wives does Romney have?"
And the gold medal for Flip-Flopping goes to . . .
Dontcha just hope that a few of the kids are smoking a j behind the boathouse, while a couple of distant cousins are making out in the woods?
Or am I just projecting?
We're at fault? Well maybe the Romneys could put some of their Chinee labor to work and make more air mattresses. It ain't like these people don't get laid.
…spend their time away from the stresses of everyday life… Any family who has a 'compound' doesn't suffer from any stresses of everyday life.
Unless their "compound" is a couple of blocks from the Pakistani Military Training School.
So many cousins !! What is this? Summer vacation or incest party?
So THAT'S how he makes all his money these days.
Hey, Mitt – can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis? A country's gotta have its standards.
Can you hammer a six-inch spike THROUGH your penis, onto a board?
Fixed.
His Jesus Jammies might be too constrictive.
So. Does this Olympics receive millions in Federal bailouts like the Utah Olympics? Oh, right, of course. The tax code. I forgot.
This year, I'm summering in my apartment!
Hey, right now I'm summering at my parents' house! Though we just called it dog- and cat-sitting while they're on vacation.
I'm going to Porta Backyarda and Verandah Beach!
I have a hammock in my backyard. I'm practically the 1%!
No doubt you have a refrigerator too, you wealthy SOB.
Tree Slavery! Next you'll be stringing up a tire.
It's on a stand cause the trees in my yard are not the right height!
You have a yard?
What, no game of "pin the pink slip on the American Worker." I thought they have a campfire, have all the kids make smores and based on the worker's age, the children can fire the old ones.
Oh for
fuck'sPete's sake!Come on. They're just like everyone else. Everyone else they know.
He changed the events so he could win. But why didn't he just require a player ID. Or maybe allow unlimited
donationsbribes to the judges. He's obviously not a true Repubican.Hey MItt! Here's an event you can try. Give all 30 family members cancer or heart disease or AIDs. Then hide 25 health insurance policies around the compound. Whoever finds a policy gets to live.
This is brilliant.
They get to live, but then the bills for what the insurance company doesn't want to pay shows up. At Christmas 12 of the 25 family members get sent to debtor's prison.
When our extended family (really, just a few cousins) used to get together for various Thanksgivings, the parents used to force us into family tournaments that involved volleyball (parents ALWAYS cheated), charades (more cheating) and a variety of card games. Now that we are ALL adults, we just drink ourselves into a stupor. Way better.
Agree. A the last family event, we shot guns, turn it into a big play day for the kids and the dogs, smoke some meat, and drank refreshing alcoholic beverages. It's a helluva lot more fun than a sack race.
A person making minimum wage would have to work 43 years to GROSS enough income — not take home pay, but pre-tax income — to afford the Romney's boathouse.
Not the real house where the people actually stay a few weeks a year.
The boathouse.
What a majorly, historically fucked up nation we have when the boats of the wealthy get better accommodations than a vast majority of the people.
Just … fuck.
Just shut the fuck up and eat your cake.
Serfs Up
–Sparticus
you would really blow a gasket if you saw how those dressage horses are waited on, with spas, swimming pools, alternative health care and horsy psychologists…
Pre-groceries, too, I'm guessing. Not all "disposable" income is "discretionary", and the less of the former you have, the smaller the proportion the latter makes.
you should self report to Allen West that you may have socialistic tendencies and a problem with a man enjoying the life he has earned by the sweat of his brow! Or someones brow, but his stuff!!
I wish I would have that much money thanks the sweat of my dad's brow … and the brow's of all the people who actually worked at the companies I bought and then sold (sweat that's now being made by seven-year-old Chinese kids, and at a tenth of the price!) … and the sweat I work up after opening all of those envelopes containing my millions of dollars in "consulting" fees I get without ever consulting …
**sigh**
But I had a working-class dad.
Oh, and a soul.
That damned soul ALWAYS gets in the way of avarice… so annoying!
Also, too: The Romneys could not possibly be any whiter if they tried.
White to the point of translucence.
Sherwin-Williams uses them as a reference for mixing paint.
Where's the Pinatas, Bitches?????????!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope the millions dying of heat exhaustion due to the 100+ degree days with no AC can appreciate how nice it would be to be in the 1%.
Something to aspire to.
Or expire to- or at least perspire to…
They have some vague comprehension of that.
What they need to understand is that they will never, ever be in the 1%. Ever. And they should vote on that understanding.
But they will instead vote based on spite in an attempt to make sure not a single penny goes to help Those Not Like Them. Because those people are unworthy, lazy shiftabouts who deserve to be poor.
Trust me — I don't understand it, either.
I'm sure that tl;dr first post this morning explains it, but, well, tl;dr.
A few hours ago I was reading about the neighborhoods in DC that haven't had any power in four days. Guess who mostly lives in those neighborhoods?
Now they also compete to see who can hang onto a pole the longest, who can throw a football the farthest and who can hammer the most nails into a board in two minutes — not exactly the kind of events they’ll be giving out gold medals for in London this month.
Not even the "special" Olympics?
"The Romney's would like to set the example for the rest of America, who will also be living 30 to a home, under Mitt's economic policies". That's, I believe, the setup here. Call all of your relatives and tell them it's 1930 again!.
I don't have to all them. They're in the basement now.
"they also compete to see who can hang onto a pole the longest"
oh, so their summer home has internet porn.
Bishop Willard and his brood, escaping the everyday stresses of seeing their dying countrymen.
yeah, but christopher walken scares the bejesus out of me.
mitt romney merely annoys the hell out of me.
He (Christopher Walken) was at a table in Joe Allen's once twenty years ago. He hacks when he laughs, 'hack, hack, hack.' The whole place got quite. Soup chilled on the waiter's trays. Thirty years ago and the only think I knew him from was Annie Hall and Deer Hunter.
But dayum that man can dance.
Needs more cowbell.
NOlympics!
Back to "summering" on the fucking outskirts of Death Valley…
balls of fury
Jesus, it's the Mormon Highland Games!
And at cocktail hour (or whatever passes for cocktail hour in this weird family), they stand around and wonder how the poor people are doing today.
Jesus H. Christ.
I believe it's mocktail hour. Or maybe just milk hour.
Even when life DOESN'T hand them lemons they make lemonade.
I am fundamentally opposed to anyone who uses the word "summer" as a verb.
Whatever about the other events, Mittens is a shoo-in for the Endurance Fence-Sitting medal
"…But after Mitt once nearly finished last, behind a daughter-in-law who had given birth to her second child a couple of months earlier, the ultra-competitive and self-described unathletic patriarch expanded the games to give himself a better shot."
Why didn't he just can her? I thought Mitt liked firing bitches that provide services to his family.
Also, did he finish last or "nearly" finish last? The SOB even flip-flops in family anecdotes.
Really, Wedding Crashers, no way, Mitt is Christopher Walken in True Romance.
Or maybe Christopher Walken in View To A Kill. Can't wait for the ending.
You know who else had a compound?
Me.
Osama?
The Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing Company?
Hydrogen and Oxygen?
David Koresh?
Doesn't sound as fun as the Kennedy Olympics: a long weekend of touch football, drug abuse, skirt-chasing and beach-rape.
Too soon?
Beach rape is a much more complicated event that you might think… due to sand.
A joke about football on skis would have been too soon, this one is right on time.
To be fair, doesn't this sound a little like the Kennedy clan? Touch football on the lawn and all that.
I guess it's too much to hope that a Jason-like mass murderer still haunts the woods at Camp Whitey McWhitester?
Well, you gotta have some sympathy for the Rmoney kids then. Sounds like they are stuck with being around the elders all the time.
I suspect you have had a much more well-rounded life experience education than any of the Rmoneys.
I suspect JvG's had a much more well-round life experience education than all of the Rmoneys put together.
So I had to come to this post to complain about how the most recent one a) contains what appears to be journalism with no dick jokes at all and b) has the comments turned off. What tyranny is this? OCCUPY WONKETTE.
Can he hammer a six-inch spike through a board with his penis?
They need to add an event to their games: who can erase the etch-a-sketch the fastest. Might as well start them practicing early in their lives.
Now they also compete to see who can hang onto a pole the longest
Which actually means which male Romney can keep his member in a semi-engorged condition the longest before it becomes flaccid.
"hammer the most nails into a board in two minutes"
It's actually "hammer the most wives in 30 minutes", but WaPo was asked to play down the Mormon angle.
The milk and ice-tea bills alone for a Romney family get together must be astronomical.
Who won the Awkward Facial Expression contest? I'm dying to know!
For $630,000 I certainly hope Mitt's boathouse has an elevator.
Mitt is planning to have locks installed on the lake.
EXCLUSIVE VIDEO from the Romneys' Laff-O-Lympics: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqObJtGrKaA
Not to change the subject, but has anyone mentioned the news of how Romney used to own an aborted-fetus-disposal company, and lied about when he left Bain Capital? It is in Mother Jones, today!
To be fair, those aborted Fetuses(feti?) were recycled into hair gel so its not as bad as it sounds.
OK, with apologies to people with Asperger's Syndrome , it appears you are going to have to accept Mitt into your ranks.
"The lack of demonstrated empathy is possibly the most dysfunctional aspect of Asperger syndrome. Individuals with AS experience difficulties in basic elements of social interaction, which may include a failure to develop friendships or to seek shared enjoyments or achievements with others (for example, showing others objects of interest), a lack of social or emotional reciprocity, and impaired nonverbal behaviors in areas such as eye contact, facial expression, posture, and gesture."
Mitt also happens to have Assburger's Syndrome: Making obnoxious statements to others in social and professional situations, as if a fresh turd is top sirloin.
Yeah, but I thought that most Aspergers have way above-average intelligence.
Nope, that's a myth which started to spread with Rain Man. From wikipedia: "Although most students with AS/HFA have average mathematical ability and test slightly worse in mathematics than in general intelligence, some are gifted in mathematics and AS has not prevented some adults from major accomplishments such as winning the Nobel Prize."
Diagnosis with AS is precluded if there's significant delay in cognitive development, so you have to be at least in the normal range of intelligence to be diagnosed. The tendency towards obsessive focus can help those with AS obtain a level of proficiency in a narrow area that others of the same intelligence but with broader interests (and more easily distracted) would not.
Too bad there are no Olympic events in entitlement, soporificity and whiteness. Willard would medal for sure.
30-way tie?
But dressage is, in fact, in the Olympics!
For decades, Romoney has been grooming himself and then his family so they could present themselves to the public with this facade as the Republican version of the Kennedy family. Mittenz, needs to get over himself already. Anyway, IMHO, it wasn't the touch football games at Hyannis Port that made the Kennedys so fascinating to the public. It was the other stuff, the racy, glamorous and sometimes seedy other stuff that made them seem so human and flawed like the rest of us. That was the part that drew us to the Kennedy boys. Romoney doesn't get it: a copy of the original is just that, a fake.
Yup. Just like Dubya's transparently cynical brush clearing exercises to make him look Reaganesque.
With the Kennedys, there were actual people involved. Actually interesting people. Who had positions on things and took stands on meaningful issues. Rmoney, otoh, is the contentless Kardashian of politics.
They missed the other sports event Mitt added to the festivities – Who-Can-Hand-Out-Pink-Slips-the-Fastest. Mitt takes the Gold Medal for it every year.
LOL, that he got his ass whipped by woman. Next, in November, he'll find out what it's like to get his ass whipped by a black man.
"Summering" with the Romneys…and there isn't even beer to relieve the tedium.
S'okay- there's no coffee to keep you awa-ZZZZZZZZZZZ
I would totally 'summer' with the R-moneys if I could attend all these private family meetings on their futures. Oh, and if I was ALWAYS rip-shit drunk with a camera running in the room. I'd be the voice of the people – like "Tagg, you do know your name makes people want to shit in your gas tank just on GP, right?"
Or I get to run a whole week, like Wife Swap – "Looks like tonight's game night activity is Drunken Uno, watch out for those Draw Four cards, you bunch of lightweights will never have a chance"
" who can hammer the most nails into a board in two minutes"
I had to read that 5 times to make sure I read it right.
Uhh…thanks Mitt but I'll just sleep in the boathouse.
A Romney son is quoted in a NYT article about "summering" in Wolfeboro, NH:
“We hope we can stay as low-profile as possible,” Josh Romney said. “And in reality, we hope America doesn’t discover how cool this place is, because we love having it to ourselves.”
The arrogant little prick thinks the place belongs to his family, even though there have been native residents living there long before this clan even knew Wolfeboro existed. Truly a family of several pricks and one cunt.
The (r)Money Olympics reminds me of the Upperclass Twit of the Year competition – jump over a matchbox, slam a cardoor at 2pm and wake up the neighbors, stuff like that.
Clearly Mitt needs more broccoli in his diet.
Arugula and push-ups probably wouldn't hurt, either.
I foresee a time when no true American will be able to say the name, "Mitt Romney" without snickering.
Accounts like this make me glad no one in my family ever had money….Summer with that crew? I'd rather be in Hell with a broken back.
I must challenge the fallacious assertion of your headline. I think the article makes quite clear that Romney is actually Eugene Levy from "Cheaper by the Dozen 2."
Hope it's well stocked, even revolutionaries can be patient.
It's only sized for fifteen. Fucking the other half out of their lives and abandoning them to the fates is the highlight of the Romney Olympics. It's the event that Mitt's best at.
We are officially back in the 20s, when factory owners kept worker uniforms in their closet in case the revolution broke out and they had to sneak out undetected.
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