VEEPSTAKES  10:45 am July 2, 2012

Who Is Chris Christie Yelling At Today?

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

More like who ISN’T Chris Christie yelling at! It is why America loves him. For reminding us all of an abusive stepdad! Also who doesn’t want to just yell at everybody, all the time? Especially any reporter who would be so stupid, such a moronic idiot, as to actually ask a question that was not on an approved topic! The New Jersey governor is not having it! He simply is not!

So, we did not watch this video? Because we are tender-hearted and do not want to witness it when Governor Sammiches finally goes to the Big Coronary Ward in the Sky? But according to Mediaite, the idiot reporter asked a question about the legislature, instead of the approved topic: yet another Garden State Environmental Disaster. (TRENTON!)

Also, your editrix moved this weekend, and the cable company installed TV instead of Internet, so we are currently working from a Starbucks steps from downtown LA’s glowing and shiny and frankly celestial Skid Row, and there is a man yelling “DON’T BITCH OUT” at someone invisible. So if Chris Christie turns down the veep slot, we think we may have found a replacement. [Mediaite]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 102 comments }

actor212 July 2, 2012 at 10:51 am

Trenton is not an environmental disaster. At least it wasn't until that human Superfund site was sworn in.

BaldarTFlagass July 2, 2012 at 10:51 am

I wish Obama would call out more reporters on their stupid questions.

ChernobylSoup July 2, 2012 at 10:51 am

Did Christie eat Wonkette's commenting machine the reporter?

Goonemeritus July 2, 2012 at 10:52 am

If Governor Christie were serious about saving water he would get into the bathtub before filling it.

actor212 July 2, 2012 at 10:55 am

He actually said he'd have the cops out enforcing water restrictions.

Whatever happened to FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!?

Goonemeritus July 2, 2012 at 10:59 am

They can have my tomato plants when they pry them from cold dead hands!
PS–Do you think Christie has trained-up a few weight classes?

actor212 July 2, 2012 at 11:01 am

Trained up, yes, but he's still fighting Girl Scouts

MrFizzy July 2, 2012 at 11:00 am

I heard he just helicopters over to the local swimming pool for his baths. Can you imagine the amount of body wash it would take to cover him?

actor212 July 2, 2012 at 11:01 am

There's a truck stop on 17 that offers him showers.

tessiee July 2, 2012 at 3:47 pm

yeah, but after his shower his legs and feet are still dry.

tessiee July 2, 2012 at 3:38 pm

"Can you imagine the amount of body wash it would take to cover him?"

No, I can't! I won't!! And YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!

Ducksworthy July 2, 2012 at 11:41 am

He appeals to the few remaining Taft Republicans.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 2, 2012 at 10:53 am

Fat and angry is no way to go through life. He should be more jolly. It would be better for his health.

actor212 July 2, 2012 at 10:55 am

Santa Grouse

HistoriCat July 2, 2012 at 11:57 am

I blame his parents – Chris Christie is a terrible name.

ManchuCandidate July 2, 2012 at 10:53 am

I'd be grumpy too if someone forgot to bring my barrel of ice cream and wheelbarrow of chocolate.

SorosBot July 2, 2012 at 10:53 am

First, Springsteen snubs him, now a reporter asks him a mean question; poor Christie, I'd feel bad for him if he wasn't an angry hateful mega-douche who deserves much worse.

SoBeach July 2, 2012 at 10:53 am

Bruce Springsteen still isn't going to hang out with you.

Estproph July 2, 2012 at 10:54 am

The entire state of New Jersey is Christie's lawn, and everyone keeps standing on it.

actor212 July 2, 2012 at 11:00 am

All the world's his lawn, we just pee-ers upon it.

AbandonHope July 2, 2012 at 10:54 am

Don't want to witness it? Hell, I'll buy it on Pay-Per-View. Because I'm an awful, awful libtard.

Beowoof July 2, 2012 at 10:54 am

Answering questions would mean that actual facts may get out and the GOP and the big man just can't have that.

memzilla July 2, 2012 at 10:55 am

Better reporter question:

Reporter:"Gov. Christie, isn't it the case that this water main break — of a pipe probably 80 years old — has everything to do with your refusal to raise taxes on the very richest to pay for fixing the decaying infrastructure which is the root cause of the problem?"

Christie: "Let 'em drink Evian!"

GhostBuggy July 2, 2012 at 10:56 am

Gov. Sammiches/ Don't-Bitch-Out Guy 2012!

weejee July 2, 2012 at 10:57 am

If Bristol Palin was 35 the Veep spot would be hers.

Nowisallthereis July 2, 2012 at 11:37 am

A 35 IQ is a stretch for a Palin.

tessiee July 2, 2012 at 3:48 pm

And certainly none of Bristol's measurements are under 35 inches.

MumbletyRadio July 2, 2012 at 10:57 am

Editrix: Good luck movin' up — but I'mmmmm movin' out ♪♪♪ has KBJ up and moved out???

FakaktaSouth July 2, 2012 at 10:57 am

Who is that fatass yelling at?

I bet it's prommie. (but you know he started it)
And the gubernatorial kitchen wait staff. WAIT? WAIT? I WILL NOT!
The Power Company
The person his wife is ACTUALLY fucking (I will NOT believe any human really does that with him)
His pants.

But really, screaming on the side of the road guy definitely has a much better point. DON'T BITCH OUT is my new theme for the whole day.

prommie July 2, 2012 at 11:53 am

Christies lies and failures are starting to catch up to him, in the local news anyway. He has been giving billions, I mean literally billions, in subsidies to some really really stupid business projects (though in a way he subsidized the Black Keys concert at Revel, so Yay!) and the projects are totally circling the drain. The local press is completely over loving his Ralph Kramden act and just won't suck up to him the way they used to, and it turns out that in unemployment and other figures indicative of how NJ is doing, we are 42nd out of 50 in how well we have "recovered" from the recession. Apparently, his strategy for dealing with all this is to wave his huge sausage finger around and yell even louder and more insanely at anyone and everyone who dares notice that the fat fuck is a fat fucking loser fat fuck.

FakaktaSouth July 2, 2012 at 12:02 pm

See? Starting shit. I do hope he crashes and burns just like the hindenburg, I would love to see him go the fuck away, not rise up to the ranks of failed vp attempt-er. If all this shit makes him look bad enough fast enough we may be spared such.

Black Keys! yay for real.

tessiee July 2, 2012 at 3:53 pm

"DON'T BITCH OUT is my new theme for the whole day"

Right up there with DON'T TASE ME, BRO.

Biff July 2, 2012 at 10:58 am

Need more private utility companies, obvs.

MrFizzy July 2, 2012 at 10:59 am

I'd give him no more than two years before he blows out his aorta.

prommie July 2, 2012 at 11:53 am

Not nearly soon enough.

ratcityrebel July 2, 2012 at 11:00 am

Not to pile on, but I find it hilarious that on the Wonkette front page this story was boxed by ads for sandwiches and ice cream.

actor212 July 2, 2012 at 11:02 am

I've got a KFC ad on mine.

Blueb4sunrise July 2, 2012 at 11:43 am

Fiber One ad here……….

fuflans July 2, 2012 at 12:25 pm

i see what you did there.

johnnyzhivago July 2, 2012 at 11:00 am

Give my governor a break!!!

The Goldman Sachs executives who live in Rumson have to use their Perrier stock to water their lawns during this crisis, so you have to figure that the Governor is under a LOT of pressure.

Spurning Beer July 2, 2012 at 11:01 am

In Jersey, you don't ask rude questions of a made man. Capiche?

SorosBot July 2, 2012 at 11:01 am

After watching the video, he really is a total dick here; and man, these Republican governors all really seem to act like local authoritarian dictators, not democratically elected accountable representatives of the people.

Tommy1733 July 2, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Totally true – he sometimes sounds reasonable and like a decent person, but then he just can't keep his nastiness where it belongs, which is nowhere really, for a public servant. And the question was apparently "are you going to address the legislature"?

Joshua Norton July 2, 2012 at 11:03 am

Moving. Ugh. I've stayed where I am for 15 years because the mere thought of moving forces me to lay down on the cool bathroom floor until the fever passes.

The horror!!!

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 2, 2012 at 11:03 am

I just told someone here at work to "Don't Bitch Out" and it did not go as well as expected. Oh well, at least now I will be able to get me some of that welfare everyone keeps talking about.

eggsacklywright July 2, 2012 at 11:04 am

He has no gov'ner on his intake port. Or his outblow, either.

not that Radio July 2, 2012 at 11:04 am

Asking people to conserve water for 24 to 48 hours is worse than 9/11

johnnyzhivago July 2, 2012 at 11:07 am

BTW – this water main crisis is affecting the JOB CREATORS!!! My sister lives in Rumson (though she's almost normal) and noticed her Wall Street neighbor had some person walking around their house picking up dog turds. She asked them what the hell they were doing and it turned out they had a business picking up dog shit for Wall Street assholes who didn't want to touch it themselves.

FraAnima July 2, 2012 at 11:12 am

This is awesome. The 1%'s vision of how society should work.

neiltheblaze July 2, 2012 at 11:29 am

Now that's a career path I never considered…..

prommie July 2, 2012 at 11:57 am

See, trickle-down does work! Once the rich are made immune from all taxation, we will all have jobs picking up their dog shit, swabbing down the orgy room after parties, tongue-washing their yachts, peeling their grapes, fanning them, following them about singing songs of praise, etc etc.

tessiee July 2, 2012 at 3:56 pm

I call dibs on skipping ahead of them scattering rose petals.

fawkedifiknow July 2, 2012 at 11:07 am

If you were that fat, you'd be that angry all the time, too.

Billmatic July 2, 2012 at 11:09 am

Oh so he wasn't yelling about the fact that McDonald's doesn't carry a triple cheeseburger?

mavenmaven July 2, 2012 at 11:10 am

He should run for Veep, they'd be like Laurel and Hardy.

MrFizzy July 2, 2012 at 11:22 am

Dudley Do-Right and Shemp.

sullivanst July 2, 2012 at 11:48 am

No way Mittens will ever apologize for anything.

real_dc_native July 2, 2012 at 1:27 pm

But without the comedy.

tessiee July 2, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Now I'm picturing Christie hitting Mitt with his hat and snapping, "That's ANOTHER fine mess you've gotten us into!", and Mitt crying.

ProgressiveInga July 2, 2012 at 11:12 am

Needs moar talc!!!1!!! Leave Chris Crisco alone. It's HOT, y'all!

ChernobylSoup July 2, 2012 at 11:17 am

Anderson Cooper, huh? Who knew?
http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/entries/cnn

SexySmurf July 2, 2012 at 11:22 am

I haven't been this shocked since Clay Aiken came out.

SorosBot July 2, 2012 at 11:23 am

He was almost as big of a shock as Ricky Martin, or Darlene from Roseanne.

tessiee July 2, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Although, if memory serves, Darlene's character on Roseanne was just as hateful to the ladies as she was to the gents.

neiltheblaze July 2, 2012 at 11:30 am

Next we'll find out about Richard Simmons.

ProgressiveInga July 2, 2012 at 11:32 am

Well knock me over with a feather boa!

ElPinche July 2, 2012 at 11:42 am

I kind of figured with Kathy Griffin attached to his leg like a slug and all.

tessiee July 2, 2012 at 3:58 pm

"MEL BROOKS IS JEWISH???" — Homer Simpson

BarackMyWorld July 2, 2012 at 11:20 am

He was probably grumpy all the time because he's so hungry. Because he probably eats a lot…because he's fat.

Schmannnity July 2, 2012 at 11:21 am

Christie: Conserve water. Drink more chocolate milkshakes like me.

bflrtsplk July 2, 2012 at 11:23 am

Back in the 80s, the coach of the NJ Devils yelled at a ref: “Have another donut ya fat pig.“ Ya think he was yelling at Governor Pork Bellies instead? You know, like, from some time warp thingamajig?

Tundra Grifter July 2, 2012 at 11:25 am

Chris Christie goes to Five Guys for a burger because it takes that many cooks to grill one big enough for him.

prommie July 2, 2012 at 11:57 am

Mmmmmmm, Five Guys!

Schmannnity July 2, 2012 at 11:25 am

Every time I see this fat boar hog, I think of frumunda cheese.

MrFizzy July 2, 2012 at 11:26 am

Story just popped up on huffpo about how Bain Capital was investing in a company that (among other pleasant business lines) disposed of aborted fetuses. I guess in repub world it probably doesn't mean anything unless you're actually doing the aborting, but let's hope it dogs him for months.

viennawoods13 July 2, 2012 at 11:41 am

Well, also that he -how does one put it?- lied about when his involvement with Bain ended- as in what he says disagrees with what is on documents filed with the SEC. Awkward.

BerkeleyBear July 2, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Well, that's consistent with his campaign's hissy fit over the WaPo piece on outsourcing/offshoring. They keep insisting the SEC filings don't mean what they say – because who tells the truth in official government documents? Suckers, that's who.

Biff July 2, 2012 at 11:43 am

Job creationism at it's finest, right there!

tessiee July 2, 2012 at 4:01 pm

"a company that (among other pleasant business lines) disposed of aborted fetuses"

Having worked in a hospital (although it was the administrative part), it's crossed my mind to wonder what they do with aborted fetuses, amputated limbs, tumors, etc. I suppose the ones that don't end up in a jar for the med students go into some big ol' sterile wood chipper dealie.

neiltheblaze July 2, 2012 at 11:30 am

That boy is gonna pop a blood vessel one of these days.

prommie July 2, 2012 at 11:58 am

From your mouth to God's ear.

AddHomonym July 2, 2012 at 11:34 am

I DID NOT SAY SIMON SAYS!

chascates July 2, 2012 at 11:37 am

The rich fat man's Andrew Dice Clay.

ElPinche July 2, 2012 at 11:43 am

Hunger is a gift.

Ducksworthy July 2, 2012 at 11:56 am

Christie speaking outside. In New Jersey? Do you know how hot it is in New Jersey? Was the a giant grease spot where he was standing?

tessiee July 2, 2012 at 4:02 pm

No, but there was an almighty big patch of shade.

Antispandex July 2, 2012 at 12:05 pm

"Just report what the fuck we tell you to report, and don't be asking questions and shit" Jezze, you can see I don't have my teleprompter, asshole." That I believe, is what Governor Crispy Cream meant. Leave the man alone. He's worried about YOU!….stupid.

proudgrampa July 2, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Rebecca, keep the cable TV. You can stay up to date with all the latest episodes of "Breaking Bad."

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 2, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Always good to see Compassionate Conservatism at work.

fuflans July 2, 2012 at 12:34 pm

huh.

i thought 'don't bitch out' was what scotus said to 26 states, the National Federation of Independent businesses, and individual plaintiff Mary Brown.

Nostrildamus July 2, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Can we rebuild him? He's more douche bag than man now.

ArthurEther July 2, 2012 at 1:11 pm

He's yelling at the wonderful Dan Gross from the Philadelphia Daily News. If there was still a viable newspaper under that masthead, Gross would deserve a raise.

real_dc_native July 2, 2012 at 1:22 pm

"there is a man yelling “DON’T BITCH OUT” at someone invisible"

When ever I see someone like this on the bus or subway, I just make believe that they must have a Bluetooh headset that I can't see from where I am. I find this makes me feel safe and content and much happier.

On the other hand there are hundreds of potential GOP VP candidates on public transit in DC if you use this criteria.

Callyson July 2, 2012 at 1:27 pm

your editrix moved this weekend, and the cable company installed TV instead of Internet

Rebecca, sorry to hear this, but I am also glad to know I am not the only one who has had issues with the idiots and assholes at Time Warner Cable. Remember when we had Adelphia instead, and got much better service? I miss the crooks…

tessiee July 2, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Good Lord, but he's a big buckaroo, isn't he?
Yes, I know it's a cheap shot.
No, I don't mind a little something to hold onto.
But he's easily twice as wide as everybody else in the screen shot.
His kitchen staff ought to mix in a few salads, or a little turkey bacon or something. I mean, what's he gonna do, get up and kick their asses?

tessiee July 2, 2012 at 4:04 pm

"I wash myself wit' a rag on a stick."

deanbooth July 2, 2012 at 4:12 pm

there is a man yelling “DON’T BITCH OUT” at someone invisible.

Back in the day (onion on my belt, etc.), it was rare to come across whackos like this. Now that we've got cell phones, they're everywhere.

[Zombie Reagan's mental healthcare program: Distribute used Bluetooth ear phones to the mentally ill. They'll blend in.]

Makinglifehell July 2, 2012 at 5:28 pm

The perfect retort from the reporter would have been: "Are you fat?"

ttommyunger July 2, 2012 at 7:34 pm

I believe it is sophomoric, juvenile, adolescent and unkind to the extreme to continue to point out this unfortunate person's all-too- obvious lard content. Kudos!

Baba_NinjaCat12 July 4, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Chris Christie, ordinary Democrat
One day he ate a contaminated White Castle Burger in Trenton.
From the burger was an overdose of gamma radiation which interacts with his unique body chemistry.
Now when Chris Christie gets angry, a startling metamorphous occurs.
He became fat, then a republican and now a New Jersey Republican Governor.
The creature is driven by hunger,
Annoyed by liberals, teachers and reporters who asked dumb question,
He must control the ranging sprit of hungriness,
He is ‘The Incredible ManBlimp’

real_dc_native July 2, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Do they have any in Washington? This could be big in DC, especially if yo pick up the stuff from bulls and horses too!

wondering where i am July 2, 2012 at 2:01 pm

They clean your cat's litter box too. And have cat testimonials:

"Now that my litter box is always clean, I can really relax." says Sheba.

You know what I say? Ewwww.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: