veepstakes

Who Is Chris Christie Yelling At Today?

More like who ISN’T Chris Christie yelling at! It is why America loves him. For reminding us all of an abusive stepdad! Also who doesn’t want to just yell at everybody, all the time? Especially any reporter who would be so stupid, such a moronic idiot, as to actually ask a question that was not on an approved topic! The New Jersey governor is not having it! He simply is not!

So, we did not watch this video? Because we are tender-hearted and do not want to witness it when Governor Sammiches finally goes to the Big Coronary Ward in the Sky? But according to Mediaite, the idiot reporter asked a question about the legislature, instead of the approved topic: yet another Garden State Environmental Disaster. (TRENTON!)

Also, your editrix moved this weekend, and the cable company installed TV instead of Internet, so we are currently working from a Starbucks steps from downtown LA’s glowing and shiny and frankly celestial Skid Row, and there is a man yelling “DON’T BITCH OUT” at someone invisible. So if Chris Christie turns down the veep slot, we think we may have found a replacement. [Mediaite]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Trenton is not an environmental disaster. At least it wasn't until that human Superfund site was sworn in.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I wish Obama would call out more reporters on their stupid questions.

  • ChernobylSoup

    Did Christie eat Wonkette's commenting machine the reporter?

  • Goonemeritus

    If Governor Christie were serious about saving water he would get into the bathtub before filling it.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      He actually said he'd have the cops out enforcing water restrictions.

      Whatever happened to FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!?

      • Goonemeritus

        They can have my tomato plants when they pry them from cold dead hands!
        PS–Do you think Christie has trained-up a few weight classes?

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Trained up, yes, but he's still fighting Girl Scouts

    • MrFizzy

      I heard he just helicopters over to the local swimming pool for his baths. Can you imagine the amount of body wash it would take to cover him?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        There's a truck stop on 17 that offers him showers.

        • tessiee

          yeah, but after his shower his legs and feet are still dry.

      • tessiee

        "Can you imagine the amount of body wash it would take to cover him?"

        No, I can't! I won't!! And YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!

    • Ducksworthy

      He appeals to the few remaining Taft Republicans.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Fat and angry is no way to go through life. He should be more jolly. It would be better for his health.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Santa Grouse

    • HistoriCat

      I blame his parents – Chris Christie is a terrible name.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    I'd be grumpy too if someone forgot to bring my barrel of ice cream and wheelbarrow of chocolate.

  • SorosBot

    First, Springsteen snubs him, now a reporter asks him a mean question; poor Christie, I'd feel bad for him if he wasn't an angry hateful mega-douche who deserves much worse.

  • SoBeach

    Bruce Springsteen still isn't going to hang out with you.

  • Estproph

    The entire state of New Jersey is Christie's lawn, and everyone keeps standing on it.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      All the world's his lawn, we just pee-ers upon it.

  • AbandonHope

    Don't want to witness it? Hell, I'll buy it on Pay-Per-View. Because I'm an awful, awful libtard.

  • Beowoof

    Answering questions would mean that actual facts may get out and the GOP and the big man just can't have that.

  • memzilla

    Better reporter question:

    Reporter:"Gov. Christie, isn't it the case that this water main break — of a pipe probably 80 years old — has everything to do with your refusal to raise taxes on the very richest to pay for fixing the decaying infrastructure which is the root cause of the problem?"

    Christie: "Let 'em drink Evian!"

  • GhostBuggy

    Gov. Sammiches/ Don't-Bitch-Out Guy 2012!

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    If Bristol Palin was 35 the Veep spot would be hers.

    • Nowisallthereis

      A 35 IQ is a stretch for a Palin.

      • tessiee

        And certainly none of Bristol's measurements are under 35 inches.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ MumbletyRadio

    Editrix: Good luck movin' up — but I'mmmmm movin' out ♪♪♪ has KBJ up and moved out???

  • FakaktaSouth

    Who is that fatass yelling at?

    I bet it's prommie. (but you know he started it)
    And the gubernatorial kitchen wait staff. WAIT? WAIT? I WILL NOT!
    The Power Company
    The person his wife is ACTUALLY fucking (I will NOT believe any human really does that with him)
    His pants.

    But really, screaming on the side of the road guy definitely has a much better point. DON'T BITCH OUT is my new theme for the whole day.

    • prommie

      Christies lies and failures are starting to catch up to him, in the local news anyway. He has been giving billions, I mean literally billions, in subsidies to some really really stupid business projects (though in a way he subsidized the Black Keys concert at Revel, so Yay!) and the projects are totally circling the drain. The local press is completely over loving his Ralph Kramden act and just won't suck up to him the way they used to, and it turns out that in unemployment and other figures indicative of how NJ is doing, we are 42nd out of 50 in how well we have "recovered" from the recession. Apparently, his strategy for dealing with all this is to wave his huge sausage finger around and yell even louder and more insanely at anyone and everyone who dares notice that the fat fuck is a fat fucking loser fat fuck.

      • FakaktaSouth

        See? Starting shit. I do hope he crashes and burns just like the hindenburg, I would love to see him go the fuck away, not rise up to the ranks of failed vp attempt-er. If all this shit makes him look bad enough fast enough we may be spared such.

        Black Keys! yay for real.

    • tessiee

      "DON'T BITCH OUT is my new theme for the whole day"

      Right up there with DON'T TASE ME, BRO.

  • Biff

    Need more private utility companies, obvs.

  • MrFizzy

    I'd give him no more than two years before he blows out his aorta.

    • prommie

      Not nearly soon enough.

  • ratcityrebel

    Not to pile on, but I find it hilarious that on the Wonkette front page this story was boxed by ads for sandwiches and ice cream.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I've got a KFC ad on mine.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Fiber One ad here……….

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      i see what you did there.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Give my governor a break!!!

    The Goldman Sachs executives who live in Rumson have to use their Perrier stock to water their lawns during this crisis, so you have to figure that the Governor is under a LOT of pressure.

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    In Jersey, you don't ask rude questions of a made man. Capiche?

  • SorosBot

    After watching the video, he really is a total dick here; and man, these Republican governors all really seem to act like local authoritarian dictators, not democratically elected accountable representatives of the people.

    • Tommy1733

      Totally true – he sometimes sounds reasonable and like a decent person, but then he just can't keep his nastiness where it belongs, which is nowhere really, for a public servant. And the question was apparently "are you going to address the legislature"?

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Moving. Ugh. I've stayed where I am for 15 years because the mere thought of moving forces me to lay down on the cool bathroom floor until the fever passes.

    The horror!!!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I just told someone here at work to "Don't Bitch Out" and it did not go as well as expected. Oh well, at least now I will be able to get me some of that welfare everyone keeps talking about.

  • eggsacklywright

    He has no gov'ner on his intake port. Or his outblow, either.

  • not that Radio

    Asking people to conserve water for 24 to 48 hours is worse than 9/11

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    BTW – this water main crisis is affecting the JOB CREATORS!!! My sister lives in Rumson (though she's almost normal) and noticed her Wall Street neighbor had some person walking around their house picking up dog turds. She asked them what the hell they were doing and it turned out they had a business picking up dog shit for Wall Street assholes who didn't want to touch it themselves.

    • FraAnima

      This is awesome. The 1%'s vision of how society should work.

    • neiltheblaze

      Now that's a career path I never considered…..

    • prommie

      See, trickle-down does work! Once the rich are made immune from all taxation, we will all have jobs picking up their dog shit, swabbing down the orgy room after parties, tongue-washing their yachts, peeling their grapes, fanning them, following them about singing songs of praise, etc etc.

      • tessiee

        I call dibs on skipping ahead of them scattering rose petals.

  • fawkedifiknow

    If you were that fat, you'd be that angry all the time, too.

  • Billmatic

    Oh so he wasn't yelling about the fact that McDonald's doesn't carry a triple cheeseburger?

  • mavenmaven

    He should run for Veep, they'd be like Laurel and Hardy.

    • MrFizzy

      Dudley Do-Right and Shemp.

    • sullivanst

      No way Mittens will ever apologize for anything.

    • real_dc_native

      But without the comedy.

    • tessiee

      Now I'm picturing Christie hitting Mitt with his hat and snapping, "That's ANOTHER fine mess you've gotten us into!", and Mitt crying.

  • ProgressiveInga

    Needs moar talc!!!1!!! Leave Chris Crisco alone. It's HOT, y'all!

  • ChernobylSoup

    Anderson Cooper, huh? Who knew?
    http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/entries/cnn

    • SexySmurf

      I haven't been this shocked since Clay Aiken came out.

      • SorosBot

        He was almost as big of a shock as Ricky Martin, or Darlene from Roseanne.

        • tessiee

          Although, if memory serves, Darlene's character on Roseanne was just as hateful to the ladies as she was to the gents.

    • neiltheblaze

      Next we'll find out about Richard Simmons.

    • ProgressiveInga

      Well knock me over with a feather boa!

    • ElPinche

      I kind of figured with Kathy Griffin attached to his leg like a slug and all.

    • tessiee

      "MEL BROOKS IS JEWISH???" — Homer Simpson

  • BarackMyWorld

    He was probably grumpy all the time because he's so hungry. Because he probably eats a lot…because he's fat.

  • Schmannnity

    Christie: Conserve water. Drink more chocolate milkshakes like me.

  • bflrtsplk

    Back in the 80s, the coach of the NJ Devils yelled at a ref: “Have another donut ya fat pig.“ Ya think he was yelling at Governor Pork Bellies instead? You know, like, from some time warp thingamajig?

  • Tundra Grifter

    Chris Christie goes to Five Guys for a burger because it takes that many cooks to grill one big enough for him.

    • prommie

      Mmmmmmm, Five Guys!

  • Schmannnity

    Every time I see this fat boar hog, I think of frumunda cheese.

  • MrFizzy

    Story just popped up on huffpo about how Bain Capital was investing in a company that (among other pleasant business lines) disposed of aborted fetuses. I guess in repub world it probably doesn't mean anything unless you're actually doing the aborting, but let's hope it dogs him for months.

    • viennawoods13

      Well, also that he -how does one put it?- lied about when his involvement with Bain ended- as in what he says disagrees with what is on documents filed with the SEC. Awkward.

      • BerkeleyBear

        Well, that's consistent with his campaign's hissy fit over the WaPo piece on outsourcing/offshoring. They keep insisting the SEC filings don't mean what they say – because who tells the truth in official government documents? Suckers, that's who.

    • Biff

      Job creationism at it's finest, right there!

    • tessiee

      "a company that (among other pleasant business lines) disposed of aborted fetuses"

      Having worked in a hospital (although it was the administrative part), it's crossed my mind to wonder what they do with aborted fetuses, amputated limbs, tumors, etc. I suppose the ones that don't end up in a jar for the med students go into some big ol' sterile wood chipper dealie.

  • neiltheblaze

    That boy is gonna pop a blood vessel one of these days.

    • prommie

      From your mouth to God's ear.

  • AddHomonym

    I DID NOT SAY SIMON SAYS!

  • chascates

    The rich fat man's Andrew Dice Clay.

  • ElPinche

    Hunger is a gift.

  • Ducksworthy

    Christie speaking outside. In New Jersey? Do you know how hot it is in New Jersey? Was the a giant grease spot where he was standing?

    • tessiee

      No, but there was an almighty big patch of shade.

  • Antispandex

    "Just report what the fuck we tell you to report, and don't be asking questions and shit" Jezze, you can see I don't have my teleprompter, asshole." That I believe, is what Governor Crispy Cream meant. Leave the man alone. He's worried about YOU!….stupid.

  • proudgrampa

    Rebecca, keep the cable TV. You can stay up to date with all the latest episodes of "Breaking Bad."

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Always good to see Compassionate Conservatism at work.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    huh.

    i thought 'don't bitch out' was what scotus said to 26 states, the National Federation of Independent businesses, and individual plaintiff Mary Brown.

  • Nostrildamus

    Can we rebuild him? He's more douche bag than man now.

  • ArthurEther

    He's yelling at the wonderful Dan Gross from the Philadelphia Daily News. If there was still a viable newspaper under that masthead, Gross would deserve a raise.

  • real_dc_native

    "there is a man yelling “DON’T BITCH OUT” at someone invisible"

    When ever I see someone like this on the bus or subway, I just make believe that they must have a Bluetooh headset that I can't see from where I am. I find this makes me feel safe and content and much happier.

    On the other hand there are hundreds of potential GOP VP candidates on public transit in DC if you use this criteria.

  • Callyson

    your editrix moved this weekend, and the cable company installed TV instead of Internet

    Rebecca, sorry to hear this, but I am also glad to know I am not the only one who has had issues with the idiots and assholes at Time Warner Cable. Remember when we had Adelphia instead, and got much better service? I miss the crooks…

  • tessiee

    Good Lord, but he's a big buckaroo, isn't he?
    Yes, I know it's a cheap shot.
    No, I don't mind a little something to hold onto.
    But he's easily twice as wide as everybody else in the screen shot.
    His kitchen staff ought to mix in a few salads, or a little turkey bacon or something. I mean, what's he gonna do, get up and kick their asses?

  • tessiee

    "I wash myself wit' a rag on a stick."

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    there is a man yelling “DON’T BITCH OUT” at someone invisible.

    Back in the day (onion on my belt, etc.), it was rare to come across whackos like this. Now that we've got cell phones, they're everywhere.

    [Zombie Reagan's mental healthcare program: Distribute used Bluetooth ear phones to the mentally ill. They'll blend in.]

  • Makinglifehell

    The perfect retort from the reporter would have been: "Are you fat?"

  • ttommyunger

    I believe it is sophomoric, juvenile, adolescent and unkind to the extreme to continue to point out this unfortunate person's all-too- obvious lard content. Kudos!

  • Baba_NinjaCat12

    Chris Christie, ordinary Democrat
    One day he ate a contaminated White Castle Burger in Trenton.
    From the burger was an overdose of gamma radiation which interacts with his unique body chemistry.
    Now when Chris Christie gets angry, a startling metamorphous occurs.
    He became fat, then a republican and now a New Jersey Republican Governor.
    The creature is driven by hunger,
    Annoyed by liberals, teachers and reporters who asked dumb question,
    He must control the ranging sprit of hungriness,
    He is ‘The Incredible ManBlimp’

  • real_dc_native

    Do they have any in Washington? This could be big in DC, especially if yo pick up the stuff from bulls and horses too!

  • wondering where i am

    They clean your cat's litter box too. And have cat testimonials:

    "Now that my litter box is always clean, I can really relax." says Sheba.

    You know what I say? Ewwww.