IN THE CAN  11:55 am July 2, 2012

Youth Rise Up Against Big-Haired Mexican Presidential Candidate, Make Him Hide In Bathroom

by Lisa Wines

Yo Soy 132This weekend was presidential election weekend in Mexico, which basically means there was no alcohol available… anywhere. So, Mexicans across the land, in preparation for the long, dry weekend, were seen exiting grocery stores on Friday, sombreros atilt, leading donkeys laden with beer, tequila and limes, on their way to get some Zzzzs under a cactus until voting started on Sunday. This is not at all a stereotype, nor a run-on sentence with too many commas. Es la verdad.

The word on the street was that it was pretty pointless to vote because the two most powerful TV news stations, Televisa and TV Azteca, who together control almost all national broadcasting, have recently been exposed (by Wikileaks diplomatic cables and whistle blower documents obtained by The Guardian) as being the marketing arms for PRI candidate Enrique Peña Nieto, his “unmovable hairdo,” and his telenovela starlet wife, Angélica Rivera (fappable).

So, the election is just a big sham. But even under these circumstances, everybody said they’d vote, because duty.

“See this?” said Rojas, the tailor, brandishing a newspaper which he had rolled up in his umbrella. “Propaganda, bought and sold. Can’t believe any of it.” Would he vote? “Of course. They’re all crooks, but as a citizen it’s my duty to vote. Vote and hope.”

And then, after casting their vote, they watched the Euro 2012 soccer match, because duty.

Meanwhile, in the communist Mexican universities, online exposure by Wikileaks and The Guardian of Peña Nieto’s relationship with mainstream Mexican media (not covered at all by mainstream Mexican media) awakened the sleepy feathered serpent Questzalcoatl from his slumber and prompted communications students at Ibera university in Mexico City to attend a speech by pretty-boy Peña Nieto (the current leader in the results trickling in) on May 11th, to voice their concerns about his candidacy.

During Peña Nieto’s speech at Ibera, students booed him, called him an assassin until he finally admitted (proudly) his responsibility in the deaths, arrests and sexual assault of protesters by government troops in San Salvador Atenco in 2006 (Peña Nieto was governor of the state of Atenco at the time and ordered law enforcement to control the protest). After his speech, he was supposed to be interviewed at the university’s radio station but instead tried to escape the interview by running (with his entire entourage) to the bathroom. Students cornered him there until his team was able to get him into the car. His parting shot to journalists when asked about the protesters was that they were “not all genuine.”

The next day, Peña Nieto’s spokesman, as well as an Ibera university spokesman and all TV and newspaper media, branded the students as thugs and paid opposition lackeys, so the pissed off Ibero students got together online and asked everyone who protested that day to upload a video, showing his/her student ID to prove that they were just students, not thugs or hired opposition lackeys. When their midnight deadline was reached, organizers had 131 videos. But videos continued to come in, even though they would not be included in the final edited “video of truth.” Thus the name and birth of the organization: I am #132. Their stated purpose is to expose the Fox Newsiness political manipulation of the country’s mainstream media and to promote awareness and (are you ready for this Texas?) “critical thinking” among students and voters. (For an in-depth ‘splainer of the movement, click here and scroll down past the video.)

Throughout Sunday, after doing their citizen’s duty of voting and watching the soccer game, the eyes of Mexico’s youth were on the Yo Soy #132′s Twitter feed and website for election news. PAN (current president Calderon’s party) candidate, Josefina Vázquez Mota, bowed out gracefully early in the evening. PRI candidate Enrique Peña Nieto and PRD candidate Andrés Manuel López Obrador (he who lost in 2006 to Calderon) have been neck-and-neck with single-digit percentage points. But with almost 89% of the votes counted, it looks like Peña Nieto is the winner. It seems that Mexicans are willing to forget that when PRI was in power for 71 years (1929-2000), they “developed political machinery of an authoritarian and corporatist nature that fostered a culture emphasizing loyalty and obedience to those in power rather than the assertion of rights.”



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Lionel[redacted]Esq July 2, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Romney must be happy to see that his campaign strategy works.

Nostrildamus July 2, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Lots of Zs?

actor212 July 2, 2012 at 12:20 pm


Clearly, Nieto is Karl Rove's client, and we see how Mitt Romney figures to win in November.

Baconzgood July 2, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Does anyone else find it suspicious that Wonkette turned off the comments section for 25 min. on a post about media manipulation? I smell the PRI.

anniegetyerfun July 2, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Smells like tacos!

Guppy July 2, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Of the fish variety?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 2, 2012 at 12:42 pm

I assumed it was the Reconquadistas taking back LA.

Mittens Howell, III July 2, 2012 at 12:22 pm

"Propoganda, bought and sold'

I'm Mitt Romney, and I approve this message.

Also, dancing horses.


Jus_Wonderin July 2, 2012 at 12:32 pm


Is that Sarah Palin pulling up the rear clapping coconut shells?

Mittens Howell, III July 2, 2012 at 12:39 pm

The first clip-clop was Palin, but then she quit and Tim Pawlenty had to take over.

Mittens Howell, III July 2, 2012 at 12:24 pm

"students booed him, called him an assassin until he finally admitted (proudly) his responsibility in the deaths, arrests and sexual assault of protesters by government troops in San Salvador Atenco in 2006 "

Ah, honesty in Politics.

So refreshing.

Boojum July 2, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Is it Cinco de Quattro again?

prommie July 2, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Why can't we have nice things like this Yo Soy #132 here in the EE UU?

Chill_Bill July 2, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Does this mean that we'll be able to get mota for cheap?

lisawines July 2, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Maybe! People say that Nieto will go back to the old ways of making deals with the cartels if they will be peaceful while they kill each other, instead of the aggressive approach of Calderon, where 50,000 people died in drug-related violence under his leadership.

GeneralLerong July 2, 2012 at 12:40 pm

50,000 people? I don't remember Fox News mentioning anything like that.

Oh, wait. I don't watch TV.

[snark off: mass murder isn't enough of a reason to legalize pot and castrate the cartels?]

lisawines July 2, 2012 at 12:53 pm

I've been reading that none of the candidates covered this issue in any depth because nobody knows how to deal with it. Clearly, aggression from the government didn't work. Making deals with them kinda worked but they cartels are like the mafia. And even if we legalized pot in the US, cocaine is still a huge money maker for them. Just last week, cops at Mexico City airport gunned each other down. One group was coming to arrest the other group and when the baddies saw them coming, they killed them in the food court.

SorosBot July 2, 2012 at 12:26 pm

A bunch of liberal peaceful protestors are called violent thugs by the media – it sounds just like home.

HistoriCat July 2, 2012 at 12:26 pm

I came to Wonkette for trucknutz and butt decks but I stayed for the awesome stories.

Blueb4sunrise July 2, 2012 at 12:26 pm


Antispandex July 2, 2012 at 12:26 pm

The guy kind of looks like a latino Hannity….which, now that I think about it, explains alot. " Noticias Embaucar , we report, you decide…exactly as we tell you". America's worst export?

edgydrifter July 2, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Pena Nieto is Mexico's Rick Perry.

edgydrifter July 2, 2012 at 12:31 pm

In the interest of international harmony, we can all be thankful this guy didn't get elected five years ago. Video of W trying to say "Penis Neeto" with a straight face would have sparked a border war.

actor212 July 2, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Which would have resulted in arms dealers selling guns to Mex–


noodlesalad July 2, 2012 at 12:34 pm

But my Texas History book says that our greatest President George Texas Walker Bush was fluent in Messican?

rickmaci July 2, 2012 at 12:31 pm

This thing isn't over until the last Home Depot vote has been counted !!!

noodlesalad July 2, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Not the first time someone has run to a Mexican bathroom for an "escape."

flamingpdog July 2, 2012 at 12:36 pm

but instead tried to escape the interview by running (with his entire entourage) to the bathroom …

… where they joined a floating poker game with Rick Scott, Pam Bondi, Michele Bachman and two irate nuns.

Chow Yun Flat July 2, 2012 at 12:39 pm

The peace talks leading to a power sharing arrangement and transitional government among the PRI, Los Zetas and the Sinaloa Cartel will begin soon.

SayItWithWookies July 2, 2012 at 12:41 pm

I'm sure those protesters he proudly beat and killed were just Soviet dupes anyway.

lisawines July 2, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Al-Qaida, without doubt.

DemmeFatale July 2, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Quien es muy macho?
Not Penito.
He doesn't even have a mustache!
(His head looks like a lollipop on a stick.)

lisawines July 2, 2012 at 12:56 pm

He looks like a Lego Man.

Ducksworthy July 2, 2012 at 1:12 pm

May be a Mexican Mormon.

Estproph July 2, 2012 at 12:42 pm

I'm sorry, this just can't be true. They don't have elections in Mexico because they aren't Americans so they can't vote!

Beowoof July 2, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Looks like the V for Vendetta guy in a Mexican disguise.

FlownOver July 2, 2012 at 1:22 pm

¡Sí, muy fappable!

LionHeartSoyDog July 2, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Fappatistas Unitas!

Guppy July 2, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Yes we came!

Tyrannically_Joe July 2, 2012 at 1:33 pm

they “developed political machinery of an authoritarian and corporatist nature that fostered a culture emphasizing loyalty and obedience to those in power rather than the assertion of rights.”

Now why does that sound so familiar……

sati_demise July 2, 2012 at 4:32 pm

blue doggies

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ July 2, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Z is for Zappa, as far as I'm concerned.

friendlyskies July 2, 2012 at 2:22 pm

The real hilarity will ensue when this lightweight NAFTA puppet has to be in the same room with the rest of the Latin American leadership. They know what's up, this isn't an isolated event (see the recent "coup" in Paraguay for more on that). The Eye of Sauron, so long distracted by the wars in Iraqistan, has turned its gaze back toward Latin America and is apparently not amused.

But Pena's not going to have his handlers with him when he faces down the regional power players – Kirshner, Rousseff, Santos, etc. It's going to be epic (and probably unreported by the English-language press but oh well). Sure, when the real fireworks start, over the Falklands or legalization whatever, well, smart money's on Mordor. But first, Pena's public baptism by fire as Latin America's's latest Judas. Kirshner's going to be awesome, bitch doesn't need a telenovela to do drama, she IS drama.

proudgrampa July 2, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Arriba! Y adelante!

UnholyMoses July 2, 2012 at 2:51 pm

The only reason this was posted at Wonkette: So we can all discuss how this will affect pot prices here in the U.S.

Otherwise, um … well, I appreciate the mustache love, having one myself, but … I don't get it, mang.

shortsandpants July 2, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Being unable to read, I am perplexed by these savages yelling things in large groups— but from what I can see the politician wearing the suit seems to be really good at convincing his own people to leave the country.

sati_demise July 2, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Mexico could use a bit more corruption if'n it mean a bit less killin's.

thats what I says

richmx2 July 2, 2012 at 4:38 pm

IBERO University, not Iberia University. It's an expensive private university, turning out the yuppy 1 percenter business execs and conservative politicos, which was what made the protests (and joining with the public university protesters) newsworthy.

ttommyunger July 2, 2012 at 7:51 pm

I thought all the Messicans were locked up in Arizona. Sheriff Joe R. Piehole has got a lot of 'splainin to do.

horsedreamer_1 July 3, 2012 at 12:10 am

PRI come.

Negropolis July 3, 2012 at 2:54 am

Oh god, Rivera is like a Mexican Jane Seymour. It's uncanny.

BTW, if the Mexican left and center weren't so fractured, I'd be really mad at the results. In a perfect world PRI and PRD would be the only parties seriously competiting. But, keeping PAN out of office is a good thing all by itself.

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