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We’ll all have what she’s having, amirite Ghost Nora Ephron? Yes, Mean Jean Schmidt, the gentlelady from Ohio who was successfully primaried for apparently not being looneytunes enough for the good people of Cincinatti, had a totally public ‘gasm, in full view of God and everybody, at the incorrect CNN scoop that the Supreme Court had struck down Obamacare.
If you do not care to watch a lady of a certain age (though she does look fetching in her white shift!) shriek OH GOD OH GOD YES YES YES I’M COMING I’M TOTALLY COMING MAN I AM COMING ALL OVER YOUR FACE, then you should not have clicked play, now should you?
Sorry about that, but it’s not like we did not warn you right in the headline. Maybe you should have learned some reading comprehension in your Loch Ness Monster biology class. [NBC, via TPM]
{ 173 comments }
Sally Libel!
We should cut off all public funding of CNN
Could only have been better if she were wearing her flag pantsuit and it combusted from all the friction-on-polyester action.
The thought of Jean cumming on camera, is a fetish I am not ready to embrace.
Some things unseen cannot be un-unseen
You've watched it, you can't unwatch it!
I did, and I can't. I found that imagining what happened when the truth hit her like a bag of hammers helps ease the pain.
Mean Jean > Cream Jean
Yes, that's correct Jean Schmidt , and the horse you rode in on.
Is "horse" new Wonket slang for "massive untraceable cash" ?
OMG! THERE ISN'T ENOUGH BRAIN BLEACH IN THE MULTIVERSE!
Public orgasm, sure. But would she go down on John Roberts in a theater? For 10 minutes or so yesterday anyway, the answer assuredly would have been "yes."
He'd last three seconds once his dick encountered those embedded cactus needles acquired the last time Jean blew anything tubular.
Yes, first the orgasm and then the let down. Isn't that the way of it?
You mean after she has to endure another hour of disappointment while I finish what I started for myself?
I mean, um, whatever do you mean by "let down"?
"An hour," right! Produce witnesses!
I don't want to be dilatory. Would affadavits suffice?
Besides I didn't say she enjoyed it…
She looked at me and said 'who do you think you're going to please with that?" and I answered "me!".
Later, she said she agreed with me.
In this case, a kind of grand mal mort…
Too bad when she heard that the law was upheld that her stupid head didn't explode. That would have been awesome.
Never seen someone so happy that people would get sick and die. I doubt the Nazis were even that enthusiastic about killing people. Sick!
"We must never be cruel when it is not necessary, that much is clear."
- Heinrich Himmler
"THEY TOOK IT AWAY?!? YEEEEESSSS!!!!!"
- Mean Jean
Turn down the volume and in a screechy voice say: "I'm meeeeelting, I'm meeeeelting…"
Makes the whole video much more palatable.
CNN gave all the teatards a fleeting cream your Jeans episode.
CNN gave all the teatards a fleeting cream your Jeans Shorts episode.
/fixed.
I do like watching ladies "of a certain age" climax loudly in public. Unfortunately the "certain age" I had in mind was different from that attained by the Gentlelady from Ohio.
Was it me and Barb, gently doing each other ?
Yes! Yes! YES!!!!
America's mother-in-law.
Too thin.
I got 99 problems…..
So *that's* why I'm not married…
I'd rather see Part II of that scene.
I'm really looking forward to the new "Schmidt finds out that…" video meme on YouTube.
Wow, I didn't know cranky, bitter, mean-spirited old ladies were even capable of having orgasms–color me…grossed out.
Having seen this I realize that CNN was just venting their inner Lucy with the Tea-baggers football. All Hail CNN they may not be News but they are cruel enough to be fun.
That's a nice way to look at it! I like it!
Wanna lick? Psyche!
Ew.
git some!
So she got the dressing on the side?
I'll have what she's having.
Xanax?
Bath salts.
Tasty when sprinkled on face flesh.
Teabags?
They always come in pairs.
You bastard I was going to make that post!
I came early.
You magnificent son of a…
Have you folks read the post? Maybe just the first line?
The only letters I need to read are U, S and A
A seizure?
The real warning before this video clip shouldn't be so much that the screaming was orgasmic, but that it was the sound of a Pomeranian having an orgasm while being run over by a motorcycle. I have my headphone volume turned down to, like, negative decibels and I'm STILL going to be deaf for about a week following that high-pitched shrieking.
"the sound of a Pomeranian having an orgasm while being run over by a motorcycle" – I'm nominating this for metaphor of the year.
Good enough for 2LiveCrew to sample.
La petite mort.
This isn't the fappery I was looking for , either.
Bitch has some great biceps, though.
Ho-Hum, cunts will be cunts, ya know, who can explain it?
Wonkette, beyond the warning for the content, I must ask that you warn me when the audio of the "orgasm" is at ultra-high frequency.
I may never again have the unconditional trust of my dogs.
It's probably the first orgasm she's had in her life too, the poor mean old bat.
And she finished the day sitting alone at a table in a dreary, seedy bar with a bottle of bourbon and a carton of cigs trying to figure out what she did that made it go so wrong.
Does she smoke after sex?
Did she ever look?
FUCK YOU FOR PUTTING THE IMAGINE IN MY HEAD OF JEAN SCHMIDT HAVING AN ORGASM!
So, Wonkette's mission today is to take away every good thought I've ever had about sex?
Being ecstatic about poor people dying never looked so good!
See men, this is the secret us women have been keeping from you. Sure a vibrator or a penis works in a pinch, but to really get a screaming orgasm that wakes up the neighbors you need a ruling by the US Supreme Court. Oh yes, yes, oh god, yes!
So we should whisper sweet nothings like "stare decisis, baby"?
Nolo contendere!
Oh man! My corpus just habeased!
Our prior cases make two propositions abundantly clear. First, the fact that the governing majority in a State has traditionally viewed a particular practice as immoral is not a sufficient reason for upholding a law prohibiting the practice; neither history nor tradition could save a law prohibiting miscegenation from constitutional attack. Second, individual decisions by married persons, concerning the intimacies of their physical relationship, even when not intended to produce offspring, are a form of “liberty” protected by the Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment. Moreover, this protection extends to intimate choices by unmarried as well as married persons.
*AHEM*
NOTICE: This opinion is subject to formal revision before publication in the preliminary print of the United States Reports.
So that's just foreplay.
I find this quite easy to masturbate to.
Stop it, I'm trying to work over here!
Well, work over there! The light's better.
OK, I won't follow up with my planned quoting of Griswold v Connecticut's finding of the Constitutional right to birth control.
Whew! I need a cigarette.
Pussy Comitatus?
Free Pussy Riot!!!
This is why I read Wonkette!
So, birth rate spikes after every Court session, or just the ones where they tell you you are a whore if the government pays for your birth control?
If you really loved us, Rebecca, you would have located and shown us the video of Jean having a nervous breakdown upon realizing that the initial reporting was wrong.
I'd pay for that video.
Exactly – this is a two-parter – where's the sequel??
That would be the money shot, for realz.
I really, really enjoyed the various moments yesterday when the wingnuts lost their collective shit over the initial wrong announcement of the verdict, and then the subsequent correction. The transition from unholy glittering handrubbing evil glee to OMGCONSPIRACYGEYEPILEPTICROBERTSREMEMBERVINCEFOSTER was full of EPIC win.
NEEDZ MOAR NIPPLE TWISTING AND CLIT TOUCHING!!!!
no, no not really
You're sick!
Is that what your supposed to do with them? Twist them? 35 fucking years of handling nipples, and noone told me I am doing it wrong?
I believe that the proper procedure in this case is to determine the desires of the nipple owner, but I may be old-fashioned. Perhaps this is part of that individual mandate they keep freaking out about. Having said that, you could twist mine with a pair of vise-grips(tm) and it wouldn't make much of a difference except that they'd eventually get sore.
I believe the twist is still optional, and permission (or a strong command) should be had before performing this maneuver. It can be very tricky, and is not for the uninitiated.
aw man, fuck you for that. fuck fuck fuckety-fuck you. now I got that icky shiver feeling I get whenever I see a burn victim…
Did she have an un-orgasm afterwards? Like what one gets thinking of one's ex?
Or like the one I'm having right now thinking of Jean Schmidt having an orgasm?
Can you fake an unorgasm?
A rush of uptightness, with a sudden backing up to one's eyeballs?
Her vag managed to re-suck up the squirt mid-orgasm.
I do not want to see the CSI-CG re-enactment of this!
She's faking.
Not an orgasm. She's just having a Roberts epileptic fit.
But, she apparently isn't taking medications, so her decision making powers are intact!
Or she's trying out for the available position of Secretary of Commerce.
I wished I'd known she could do that back when I needed to peel some wallpaper. I wonder if that's what John Roberts sounds like when he forgets to take his epilepsy medication.
Ewww, GROSS! Grammy having and uh-gasm! Look, we all know that the olds "do it", so you don't need to remind us. I've got to schedule an eyeball wash now.
We do?
Oh god, I have less sex than Jean Schmidt????
This video makes me grateful for all the fapping I have done in my life. Because after that I seriously doubt I will be able to fap again, for the rest of forever.
John Murtha up in heaven is enjoying this little bit of revenge.
I'll have the polar opposite of what she's having.
Jesus. Get a barn, Jean.
I hope you don't try getting this story past the FCC cause a story containing references to Rep. Jean Schmidt and orgasm is fucking obscene.
"They took it away!" she screams, delighted in the notion that any effort to extend healthcare to the poors had been defeated.
Last time that old hag screamed like that, Dewey defeated Truman.
I bet she lost her Ben Wa balls with that little dance.
Dude, uncalled for. Don't make it grosser than it already is!
I once put on my girlfriend's car a bumper snicker that read "Ben Wa For Mayor."
That's probably the first orgasm she ever got when she wasn't leaning against the washing machine.
Good Lord, if Obama had been shot, she would have torn off her clothes and hopped on somebody's face!
Obama's safe. She's no Jodie Foster.
ohdearjesusthevisualishell
I find this easy to celibate to.
The Jean Meanie, let's herself go….ohhhh!
Christine O'Donnell is now leading a movement against hearing Supreme Court decisions.
Okay. that's enough for me. I'm gonna visit 4chan where things are less weird and gross.
the schadenfreude is strong here.
That's Dr. Shaden Freud to you.
Doesn't OSHA require ear protection for stuff like this?
or at least some sort of cock bracket to keep our penises from catastrophically caving in.
I haven't had a public orgasm since the Gators beat the 'Dawgs in 1984.
Gross gross gross. We're you doing the hand clap at the same time?
That would be called the "chomp," if you please.
He caught the hand-clap, you say?
If he was flailing around at the worlds largest cocktail party having public orgasms, I'm saying yes. Definitely.
Witch can't handle the truth, but she was all about the lies… Thanks, CNN!
Like seeing Santa in the flesh two seconds before somebody shot him.
I dunno. I'm kind of turned on now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_P2gW7uRpGA
B-boys! No wonder you're taken. ♥
I thought she and hers were against such public indecencies. I mean, if simply holding hands is a gateway to sex…
What?? Sex doesn't cause orgasms. SCOTUS rulings that when misinterpreted would kill the poors cause orgasms.
I can already imagine /d/-tan, the hermaphrodite lady with horns, green hair, and tentacles, recoiling at her.
I think this is a video of Jeanie and her aides when they learn that ACA was in fact upheld:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3KV4fLSNoU
For the win.
All it needed was banjo music and a big sweaty guy behind her. Squeeeeeeeeeaallll!
This is good news for Howard Dean!
Even in a falsetto, he couldn't hit the glass-breaking notes she hit. Shrill doesn't do it justice.
Dear God, woman. Have some decency – get a room.
Premature Elation.
If you liked this, you should see Jonah Goldberg's money shot reaction!
Given that his dick is no doubt the color of Cheetos, we can probably guess what the money shot looks like — dribbles of Boehner Orange.
She's probably a Novak Djokovic fan too, which would make her a double asshole. Go Fed!
Ha ha, fuck you, you lost.
(That's all I could come up with. Just wish I could say it to her face. And I spit when I talk.)
Doesn't the thought of thousands of Americans dying because they lost their healthcare make everyone cream?
What, y'all can't afford spell check? It's "Cincinnati." Last year she was in our neighborhood July 4 parade. I spied her going into a porta-potty and it took all of my self-control NOT to tip the damn thing over.
I woulda helped ya!
Last time she was this happy WKRP shoved those turkeys out of the airplane over the super market parking lot.
As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!
You could have at least padlocked it.
Door down, I hope?
wow this is so bad it made Tom Cruise start divorce proceedings on Katey Holmes.
too soon?
Scientology ain't what it never was.
Katie Holmes, Natalie Portman and Winona Ryder – wow!
TOTALLY NOT FAPPING.
I see that she also collects Bruce Springsteen's used t-shirts. No wonder Chris Christie despises her.
Appalling.
I am glad that the video cut out before she squirted all over those innocent bystanders. Some things are far better left unseen.
was there cuddling after?
You guys are so mean, but so is she.
Not sure if I should cry or jakk off so I'm gonna do both.
I found this much too short to masturbate to … thank heavens.
"LET HIM DIE" guy from the Tea Party Debate wants her number ASAP.
This is probably downright mellow compared to her reaction when she found out legions of poors would NOT be perishing needlessly.
THIS lady is NOT looney enough and got primaried?
Time to bid a
fondfarewell to Mean JeanNow, where's the video of her agony upon finding out the real decision?
That I want to see!
Thats all you got? That didn't leave no mark.
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