IT'S THE RED PILL  12:49 pm June 29, 2012

No, No, No, John Roberts Wasn’t Extorted, He Is Just Stupid From Epilepsy

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

I'm so sickThe loyal opposition and our fellow Merkins on the savage right have been having a very hard 24 hours, what with trying to come to terms with how they were totally raped in their bottoms by a man, a Justice, a CHIEF JUSTICE they thought was their friend, but who it turns out is the kind of communist socialist maoist Kenyan anti-colonial who would allow the terrible socialist communism that is private insurance companies continuing to hold sway over the health care of the nation.

First, they thought they knew the answer and it was that Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts had been extorted by President Idi Amin, and that arrests would be coming at any moment. Now, though, they’ve got a better explanation: John Roberts is on anti-seizure medications for epilepsy, and they are making him tarded.

Thanks to ThinkProgress, we can offer you the audio from one Great American Hero, Mr. Michael Savage, as he explains the whole tragic mess:

TP even transcribed it! Thanks TP!

Let’s talk about Roberts. I’m going to tell you something that you’re not going to hear anywhere else, that you must pay attention to. It’s well known that Roberts, unfortunately for him, has suffered from epileptic seizures. Therefore he has been on medication. Therefore neurologists will tell you that medication used for seizure disorders, such as epilepsy, can introduce mental slowing, forgetfulness and other cognitive problems. And if you look at Roberts’ writings you can see the cognitive dissociation in what he is saying.

We are very worried about the state of John Roberts’ health, you guys, and how it is making him so very stupid. If only there were some kind of program that could help him get the kind of care that all Americans deserve.

[ThinkProgress]

 

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{ 220 comments }

Come here a minute June 29, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Also space aliens.

Lascauxcaveman June 29, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Now I understand why the attorneys arguing on the behalf of HCR were using those incredibly bright, flashing yellow, red and white lights during their closing arguments.

Epilepsy, duh.

actor212 June 29, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Does this mean we can also nullify his vote on Citizens United?

janicket June 30, 2012 at 1:16 am

Space aliens run Big Pharma? Man, that would explain so much.

Barb June 29, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Hail seizure! Thanks for the health care, dude!

prommie June 29, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Some puns are painful. That one is like being stabbed.

YouBetcha June 29, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Fortunately you can get that stab wound treated now. To the Abortionplex!

Barb June 29, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Thanks for your opinion.

prommie June 29, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Oh, pobrecito, you're funny, its ok, you are, really!

Barb June 29, 2012 at 1:08 pm

I gotta be me.

GemlikeFlame June 29, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Actually, that was pretty good as puns go.

prommie June 29, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Now don't be damning with faint praise.

JustPixelz June 29, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Et tu, Prommie?

CthuNHu June 29, 2012 at 1:22 pm

'Tis not Roberts hath the falling sickness, but Romney.

MLHencken June 29, 2012 at 1:26 pm

We get to call him Seizure now?

Win.

Extemporanus June 29, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Are you on medication, Barb?

Barb June 29, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Yes, I repeated a pun I previously said, Extemporanus. Thanks for taking the time to research it and post a link to it.

BonoboReview June 29, 2012 at 2:55 pm

I think it was more "developing" the pun. While it worked there, it was tailor-made for this post.

Barb June 29, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Thanks Bono. I still love Extemporanus. I even suggested him for a writing post here a few minutes ago. He's got my vote!

MumbletyRadio June 29, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Don't vote for recycle. Vote for CYCLE!

YouBetcha June 29, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Wait until they find out that Alito is going to rule in favor of marriage equality because of his athlete's foot. Whoooo boy. It's going to get ugly

JustPixelz June 29, 2012 at 1:14 pm

And Thomas is going to rule … ha ha ha. I'll bet I had you going there. Thomas rule. As if! But you gotta admit, Scalia's lips barely move when Thomas is speaking. HA HA HA. Gotcha again. Thomas speaks. As if! Seriously, they should just give Scalia two votes so Thomas can stay home and guard the telephone.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 29, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Lemme guess: you'll be here all week.

(Should I try the veal?)

Designer_Radio June 29, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Take my wife — PLEASE!

not that Radio June 29, 2012 at 11:50 pm

And what's the deal with airline peanuts?

BerkeleyBear June 29, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Actually, Thomas writes crap that even Scalia used to look at and say – "em, that's a little extreme." Like using Articles of Confederation and colonial law with no consideration of how the Constitution changed or rejected those provisions. But Scalia seems to be going more full wingnut these days – see his red-assed dissent on immigration, with it's throwback to pre-Civil War state discrimination provisions and his 2d Amendment arguments based on tertiary source interpretations of dicta from non-legislative speakers (none of which had shit to say about the distinction between handguns and long arms that was at the heart of the law his decision struck down). So it may be that Scalia is actually the one who can feel Thomas' hand up his ass these days.

Boojum June 30, 2012 at 9:22 am

That's a Koch up his ass.

actor212 June 29, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Athlete's foot?

The only thing athletic on Alito is the jock he tongued off Scalia.

(apologies in advance, and I have a sale on Brain Bleach)

CindynEncinitas June 29, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Maybe Sotomayor can rule in favor of legalizing weed because of…well, weed…

Fox n Fiends June 29, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Failed New-Age Guru Michael Weiner (Savage) sure does know a lot about cognitive dissociation. He's peddled it for 30 years.

trondant June 29, 2012 at 1:43 pm

He's been high on his own supply for 30 years.

johnnymeatworth June 29, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Jim Beam counts as epilepsy medication? AWESOME!

Designer_Radio June 29, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Now you can buy it for $4 at Wal-Mart.

SorosBot June 29, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Here I thought Robert's mind was taken over by reverse vampires.

FraAnima June 29, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Pod people.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 29, 2012 at 1:14 pm

I assumed it was an Obama Drone beaming Das Kapital into his head.

RedneckMuslin June 29, 2012 at 1:40 pm

You're right, of course. It's not a coincidence that one side of his head is always pointed away from the camera. Sheeple.

tessiee June 29, 2012 at 3:07 pm

"reverse vampires"

…in league with the Saucer People…

noodlesalad June 29, 2012 at 12:54 pm

What the right wing refers to as "having cognitive problems," the rest of America refers to as "having a conscience." It's that little feeling in the back of your mind that tells you that maybe, just maybe, baby Jeebus didn't want you to boo that gay soldier or let that uninsured kid die.

sewollef June 29, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Your glass is half-full, right?

I can dig that, as the oldsters would say.

Gratuitous World June 29, 2012 at 12:54 pm

So when he took a narrow case regarding ondemand political videos + turned it into MoneySpeechPlutocratWetDreamUnited, that was a "good" seizure, correct?

seizures are like cholesterol.

Not_So_Much June 29, 2012 at 12:54 pm

If he would've just stuck to Rush's illegal oxycontin (and boner pills), everything would've been just fine.

prommie June 29, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Rebecca, you have joined us! Gone native, you held out for some time, but finally, like Dona Julia, swearing you'd never consent, you consented! Now we just have to get you comfortable with the first syllable and you will be all squared away.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 29, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Don't be retarded.

prommie June 29, 2012 at 1:19 pm

You looking for a skull-fucking?

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 29, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Are you offering?

Geminisunmars June 29, 2012 at 1:16 pm

I noticed that too. Sometimes there is only one word that will fit. Especially as it pertains to the wingnutsies.

rickmaci June 29, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Actually, it's probably the ONLY word that fits the shit that comes out of the Wingnut brain.

Fairtackle June 29, 2012 at 12:56 pm

"medication used for seizure disorders, such as epilepsy, can introduce mental slowing, forgetfulness and other cognitive problems."

One word, "chem trails".

prommie June 29, 2012 at 1:13 pm

can't you see it, people?

notreelyhelping June 29, 2012 at 1:25 pm

"One word." Genius.

CindynEncinitas June 29, 2012 at 4:02 pm

2 words: coke boogers.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 29, 2012 at 12:56 pm

So, being treated for a medical condition makes you a libtard. No wonder Conservatives hate healthcare.

Boojum June 30, 2012 at 9:29 am

Whereas having an untreated psychosis makes you a tea bagger.

freakishlywrong June 29, 2012 at 12:56 pm

You know when babies cry sometimes they just keep sucking in their breath and you dread the wail that's going to come out? These fucktards have been sucking in their breath for 3 years now, and the resulting screech is getting old. Time to put the colicky babies in time out. Tantrums are not a governing tactic, by the way.

fuflans June 29, 2012 at 1:07 pm

it's going to go on at least until november.

and just imagine if bamz wins.

freakishlywrong June 29, 2012 at 1:12 pm

I'm still pissed I never got my time machine.

sewollef June 29, 2012 at 1:30 pm

That bastard Steve Jobs dying on us like that….

He was this > < close, I tell ya!

Fairtackle June 29, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Kinda wonder if this baby hasn't been shaken one to many times.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 29, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Or needs one more really good shake, knowutimean?

MumbletyRadio June 29, 2012 at 1:27 pm

babies cry sometimes they just keep sucking in their breath

Great, just great. My neighbors, a couple who just had a newborn baby girl last night I'm told, well I am now looking forward to holding their youngster and waiting for her face to turn blue doing this, thanks!~

freakishlywrong June 29, 2012 at 1:49 pm

You probably even did it, Mumblety, I know I did! My little sister was a master of it though.

tessiee June 29, 2012 at 3:10 pm

"These fucktards have been sucking in their breath for 3 years now, and the resulting screech is getting old."

Some of them wear diapers, too.

Jus_Wonderin June 29, 2012 at 12:56 pm

That graph is cool. Does that represent how many times in 42 seconds a conservative says to him/herself…"How'd we end of with a negro President?"

rickmaci June 29, 2012 at 3:52 pm

After yesterday, they are taking the "egro" out of their use of the N word.

Billmatic June 29, 2012 at 12:57 pm

He's gay, he's epileptic, he smoked too much weed, his wife wouldn't sex him the previous night because he fucked up at the grocery store AGAIN, his hat was too tight when he came into work, he was wearing the wrong robes, islamofascists used voice-to-skull communication, he was just doing this to spite scalia, his conscience made a sudden recurrance, his mother told him she wouldn't love him if he didn't confirm the act, his toilet malfunctioned and gave him significant PTSD, aliens replaced his brain with Thurgood Marshall's, Thursday morning are his "liberal moments," he had too much ice cream and it was affecting his endorphins, obama had him under threat of drone strikes, ad infinitum.

edgydrifter June 29, 2012 at 1:03 pm

There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! It wasn't my fault, I swear to god!

Geminisunmars June 29, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Fires in Colorado! Floods in Florida. The temperature is higher than it has ever been in these not-affected-by-global-warming United States.

prommie June 29, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Obama Black Maled him.

CindynEncinitas June 29, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Will you speak ONLY in PUNS from now on?

Biel_ze_Bubba June 29, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Wow — all that, and Thomas still voted against ACA? The man is truly a pillar of conservatardism.

HogeyeGrex June 29, 2012 at 1:44 pm

No, I didn't. Honest… I ran out of gas. I… I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!

RedneckMuslin June 29, 2012 at 1:52 pm

No one made coffee… His dog ate his opinion.

Boojum June 30, 2012 at 9:33 am

The kiss, and drop into the mud, is what Romney will do to the teabaggers after the election.

tessiee June 29, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Aliens came down in a UFO and attached a machine to his back that gave him the answers to say during the debate…
Oh, wait; that was the other guy.

edgydrifter June 29, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Diminished cognitive ability is the hallmark of American conservatism.

Billmatic June 29, 2012 at 3:10 pm

and the official policy of the texas gop!

we got it in writing!

anniegetyerfun June 29, 2012 at 12:58 pm

It's kind of fun, watching them all completely lose their shit.

sullivanst June 29, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Like they knew where it was in the first place…

Mittens Howell, III June 29, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Sitting at the keyboard with a family sized bag of cheetos for day two of this awesome wingnut-implosion extravaganza.

HogeyeGrex June 29, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Kind of?!? It's fucking brilliant.

How often does one get to slake ones thirst so completely on tears of impotent rage?

BerkeleyBear June 29, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Yeah, but I'm just a tiny bit afraid of getting splatted with a wall of shit for the next year.

rickmaci June 29, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Guy I work with was wound up to near fatal levels of apoplexy yesterday, carrying on about how he was moving to Australia or New Zealand. I couldn't help it, I had to tell him that both countries supply the bulk of their medical care via a nationalized, controlled system regulated by their gubrment. He got real quiet but I could tell the blood vessels in his eye balls were near to exploding with rage. He stomped back to his office, shut the door and as far as I can tell has not come out.

anniegetyerfun June 29, 2012 at 4:05 pm

That must have been awesome to behold.There's a FB group that I like that is sort of an interest group for diabetics (like me), and the moderator put something up today that was, like, “Calm down, people, no one is taking away your liberty” and, like, 90% of the people responded with “WHEN DID HEALTH CARE BECOME A RIGHT??!?! IT IS NOT A RIGHT!”These are fucking diabetics. I'm sure that they are all on Medicaid and ride Hoverrounds, now that I think about it.

CindynEncinitas June 29, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Anyone with diabeetus knows that they're going to end up sharing needles on Skid Row with their 7th grade dropout cousins now because of NObama.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 29, 2012 at 12:58 pm

I wish I could articulate how disappointed I was to wake up this morning and find that Obama and Holder hadn't been hauled off to jail by the FOX police for their extortion of John Roberts.

It's like there is no longer a rule of law in this country!

tessiee June 29, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Hell in a handbasket, I tells ya.

Callyson June 29, 2012 at 12:58 pm

right-wing host Michael Savage — who has previously called autism a “phony disease”

Oh, for fuck's sake.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 29, 2012 at 12:59 pm

He should retire immediatly and let Obama name his replacement.

weejee June 29, 2012 at 1:25 pm

After Roberts force feeds Scalia and Thomas 16 case loads each of heavily-salted fried pork rinds.

BerkeleyBear June 29, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Could you possible make a pate de conservative douchenozzle as a result of such a gavage? And how many Koch heads would pony up big dollars to eat it?

Biel_ze_Bubba June 29, 2012 at 1:25 pm

And Roberts should do the same.

ph7 June 29, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Remind me to never play pickup basketball with a wingnut. They are very sore losers.

Fairtackle June 29, 2012 at 1:25 pm

They are always calling fouls if you so much a brush against them then turn around and elbow you in the head and act all butthurt if you call them on it.

ChernobylSoup June 29, 2012 at 1:00 pm

It's like that time I tripped over a banana peel and got that girl pregnant.

anniegetyerfun June 29, 2012 at 1:19 pm

So THAT'S how babby is formed!

prommie June 29, 2012 at 1:43 pm

So, this one time, I was walking along, and there were these hookers, and I tripped, and fell in.

Nostrildamus June 30, 2012 at 12:15 am

Wasilla's a dangerous place.

Jus_Wonderin June 29, 2012 at 1:04 pm

From Mitt Romney's Website:

"As president, Mitt will nominate judges in the mold of Chief Justice Roberts and Justices Scalia, Thomas, and Alito. These justices hold dear what the great Chief Justice John Marshall called “the basis on which the whole American fabric has been erected”: a written Constitution, with real and determinate meaning. The judges that Mitt nominates will exhibit a genuine appreciation for the text, structure, and history of our Constitution and interpret the Constitution and the laws as they are written. And his nominees will possess a demonstrated record of adherence to these core principles."

Biel_ze_Bubba June 29, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Just what the court needs: more shameless ideologues who'll "vote conservative" and look at the Constitution later.

BerkeleyBear June 29, 2012 at 2:04 pm

The hilarious thing to me is that the father of "literalism" was a) an FDR appointee who fully supported the great expansion of the Commerce Clause, b) considered an intellectual lightweight by his peers and c) based his views on how he was taught to view the Bible as a Baptist – ie a text anyone should be able to understand. No matter where you are on the idealogical spectrum, there's something to just fucking hate about this crappy approach to legal reasoning.

rickmaci June 29, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Not a good day for a wingtard when he gets bit in the ass by his Constitutional Core Principles.

janicket June 30, 2012 at 1:22 am

Eh, they'll just dust off the Etch-A-Sketch and rewrite the traitor out of the pantheon.

freakishlywrong June 29, 2012 at 1:04 pm

This is the perfect embodiment of the modern "conservative".
http://crooksandliars.com/files/vfs/2012/06/pelos

sewollef June 29, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Fucking brilliant.

tessiee June 29, 2012 at 3:17 pm

The tie was white when he put it on that morning; it's only orange now because crybaby boner sweated self-tanner into it.

Baconzgood June 29, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Unrelated to this post

DB update:

X and Baconz were brought into the "The Canning Room" with the rest of the staff on our floor by Big Boss. "The actions of these vandals will not be tolerated" Big Boss castigated these "unknown perpetrators", the whole time looking at X and your dear Baconz. "Although I cannot PROVE who was involved with this I, as well as everyone in this room, have my suspicions." The Big Boss went on and on about how "maliciously destroying company and building property are grounds for termination no matter (staring at me) of contractual status." After his stern lecture the staff was dismissed except for Racist DB, X and Baconz.

Baconzgood June 29, 2012 at 1:07 pm

"First off", pointing at DB, "You're fucking fired. You're not going to get unemployment and you're sure as shit not going to get severance. I'm filing this under 'INTENTIONALLY creating a hostile work environment'. Only thru X's and Baconz actions were we able to keep the people from Corp Widget from getting on an airplane and going back to Dallas. They should have got the rubber cement out of your lock and your door off it's hinges buy now. Clean out your fucking office." X and Baconz got a stern look from Big Boss when DB left. "As for you two…." He sighed and X and Baconz knew the ax was going to fall on thier handsom heads, "Where do you want to go for dinner after work? I'm buying. You two got some REEEEAAAAL panache. I think that's the only thing you could've done to keep Corp Widget from leaving."

Baconzgood June 29, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Score: DB fired. R.J. smoothed over the anger dammage with the maintenance department. Guard Dog (the night security officer who works the desk) suspended for one day with pay for "allowing unauthorized personnel access to service entrance and freight elevator" (that was the only way we could get in without using our access cards). X and Baconz? We're getting a dinner from Big Boss and all we have to do is tell him the story of sneaking and gorilla gluing every thing in DB's office.

Baconzgood June 29, 2012 at 1:09 pm
Geminisunmars June 29, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Baconz Good! Baconz my hero. Long Live Baconz. Two great things happening in One Week. You da Ham, Baconz.

Fairtackle June 29, 2012 at 1:29 pm

fucking awesome

Boojum June 30, 2012 at 9:56 am

Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord, which makes you a God.

Chet Kincaid June 29, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Wasn't this on HBO? With Don Cheadle?

Baconzgood June 29, 2012 at 1:54 pm

You're thinking of the Rwandan genocide

UnholyMoses June 29, 2012 at 1:41 pm

If I were gay, not already married, and lived in a state where it was allowed, I would ask for your hand in marriage.

Instead, I can only bow down and worship your greatness …

… and ask if you're company is hiring.

Ruhe June 29, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Let the fan-fiction begin!

sullivanst June 29, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Winning!

I think it would only be fitting were your panache to lead to elan.

M. Bouffant June 29, 2012 at 10:08 pm

suspended for one day with pay
Ooooh, serious punishment! Ha. Hope s/he enjoys the free night off.

edgydrifter June 29, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Baconzgood, fuck yeah!

Baconzgood June 29, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Next to my kids, and scoring a goal in overtime to get us into the championship, it was the coolest thing I've ever done. I would've sworn that we were going to get shit canned. I would have fired us.

PsycWench June 29, 2012 at 2:26 pm

If you're ever in Southwestern Virginia I'll take you out to dinner myself.

tessiee June 29, 2012 at 3:19 pm

I'm dying of curiosity; what did you allegedly do?

JerkCade June 29, 2012 at 1:36 pm

"Where do you want to go for dinner after work?"

Poli's?

Baconzgood June 29, 2012 at 1:50 pm

They closed Poli's about 3 years ago. I think Seviche.

JerkCade June 29, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Mmmm. Makes sense. Seafood, and yet so far from the sea.

SexySmurf June 29, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Aaron Sorkin should make a TV show about your workplace.

GeneralLerong June 29, 2012 at 1:12 pm

"Come and get me, coppers!"

freakishlywrong June 29, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Good, Sneaky Baconz..where y'all going for dinner?

Biel_ze_Bubba June 29, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Your employer has a caning room? Even by Singapore standards, that's a tough boss.

MissTaken June 29, 2012 at 1:28 pm

MissTaken bows at the feet of her hero, Baconz.

Jus_Wonderin June 29, 2012 at 1:35 pm

BACON!!! This is great. You had me on the edge of my seat. Though, I do have to pee so that could be the reason.

Oblios_Cap June 29, 2012 at 1:56 pm

I had to go back and read the whole thing. It's much better than a John le Carre novel! You, sir, are my new role model.

Nothingisamiss June 29, 2012 at 2:30 pm

You know, Baconz, I've been waiting for this update all morning.

No, I really do have a life. I DO. Don't judge me.

mull_man June 29, 2012 at 3:25 pm

I and my prankster forebears salute you – you are on top of the world..

Baconzgood June 29, 2012 at 3:53 pm

The thing is that the lil' lady is a bit angry with the Baconz. She said "That's pretty juvenile to risk your job for. Especially, for a man your age. Fucking awesome, but still pretty juvenile".

bikerlaureate June 29, 2012 at 5:43 pm

It goes a long way toward explaining, though, why the Baconettz are going to be super-Fucking awesome.

dogscantlookup June 29, 2012 at 1:05 pm

So what I'm on Seroquel,
and… "There's a radio in my fingernail…CAR!"

CAN IZ BE JUDZ?

Antispandex June 29, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Thanks to Dr. Savage, we now know what is wrong with everyone who doesn't agree with the ravings of the far right-wing. They all have suffered from epileptic seizures, and they are all on medication. Damn, that is so easy, it's a wonder no one else thought of it!

Biel_ze_Bubba June 29, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Or should be on medication. That pretty much covers the bases.

gullywompr June 29, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Fucking hippie.

JustPixelz June 29, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Instead of the "R"-word, can we now say someone is going for "the full roberts"?

The wingers have another reason to impeach Roberts. First it was for make Obama POTUS without checking his ID. Now this.

If anyone on the SCOTUS is suffering from "mental slowing, forgetfulness and other cognitive problems", it's Thomas. Also, Scalito too.

sullivanst June 29, 2012 at 1:36 pm

I'd be quite happy to see Roberts impeached, for lying about respecting stare decisis and for seriously contorted readings of the constitution; especially if Obama gets to select his replacement.

As for mental slowing, I'm not so sure. They were never that quick to start with, any of 'em.

tessiee June 29, 2012 at 3:27 pm

"Instead of the "R"-word, can we now say someone is going for "the full roberts"?"

Well, technically, that would be an R-word, too; just not the one that gets you banned.

LesBontemps June 29, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Don't you libtards get all lovey-dovey with John Roberts just because he has a mental defect. He's still a dick.

randcoolcatdaddy June 29, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Is Michael Savage still blue from all those snake-oil meds he was taking containing silver?

tessiee June 29, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Pics or it didn't happen.

doloras June 30, 2012 at 12:19 am

Different wingnut, I'm sure.

fuflans June 29, 2012 at 1:12 pm

hahahaha i would like to see mr. michael savage go head to head with john roberts.

no, i really would. remember during confirmation hearings when schumer muttered under his breath 'god this guy's good?'

(god i'm a political nerd).

bikerlaureate June 29, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Any political leader giving Weiner so much as a second glance would have their competence questioned…

Beowoof June 29, 2012 at 1:15 pm

I thought being conservative was evidence of slow thinking. It clearly brings about for forgetfulness. My ex mother-in-law, has forgotten that she went publicly funded state universities to get her degrees, then worked in the public schools for 32 years, retiring at 55 with full health care and two-thirds of her last year's salary. Additionally she is picking up her social security checks and medicare. Ah the forgetfulness.

Ducksworthy June 29, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Too bad he didn't go to the Musollini sponsored facist summer camp with Scalia.
http://crooksandliars.com/2008/04/30/daily-show-t

anniegetyerfun June 29, 2012 at 1:16 pm

What's the excuse for Thomas, then? I mean, if epilepsy is already taken?

not that Radio June 29, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Syphillis?

freakishlywrong June 29, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Crazy, wingnutty, drunk-dialin' wifey.

shortsandpants June 29, 2012 at 1:34 pm

"Forgive me— I am terribly senile. Let's make some more landmark decisions," Thomas said as he applied lipstick to his nipples.

sewollef June 29, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Stupidity is still available…

phlox✔ June 29, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Considering that Thomas is a mute, I think he does a terrific job.
Hire the differently-abled handicapped!!

tessiee June 29, 2012 at 3:29 pm

"What's the excuse for Thomas, then?"

Oxygen deprivation to his brain from too-tight underpants.

bikerlaureate June 29, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Severe sociopathy ?

Boojum June 30, 2012 at 10:03 am
coolhandnuke June 29, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Carpe diem…you savage twit.

Nostrildamus June 30, 2012 at 12:18 am

You mean the problem is he's carping at night?

Biel_ze_Bubba June 29, 2012 at 1:19 pm

"I’m going to tell you something that you’re not going to hear anywhere else …"

"…because nobody else is as fucking stupid as I am."

anniegetyerfun June 29, 2012 at 1:26 pm

I thought it was funny that he followed up his "you're not going to hear anywhere else" with "it's widely known that", but I think you've hit the nail on the head here.

CthuNHu June 29, 2012 at 1:20 pm

And epilepsy is sexually transmissible, which is why all his clerks have it too.

Dr_Zoidberg June 29, 2012 at 1:22 pm

I am just amazed at the delusions the right-wing nutjobs nurture.

BlueStateLibel June 29, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Damn, the cons are sore losers …. the Indians got over getting screwed on Manhattan (and everything else) faster than these losers.

LesBontemps June 29, 2012 at 1:42 pm

The Indians may have gotten screwed on Manhattan, but they got the better end on the outer boroughs. Who would want a casino in Queens?

sullivanst June 29, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Well, to be fair to Savage, it's quite clear that the Chief Justice was incapable of comprehending the lengthy argument Ginsburg made first to explain that even the uninsured are already in healthcare commerce (60% of them will visit a Doctor or ER in the next year; 90% in the next 5 years), as his terse dismissal of it was in fact savagely disemboweling a straw man (lying that her statistics included people whose healthcare consumption was limited solely to buying aspirin at CVS, which quite plainly they did not).

In fact, judging by the tone of her concurrence/dissent, Justice Ginsburg simply does not care for the Chief Justice's restrictively narrow reading of the commerce power and the necessary and proper clause; and nor do I. I also share her simple lack of care for his unprecedented impingement upon the spending power.

Ruhe June 29, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Thanks for the cogent analysis. Sometimes that actually fits in here.

anniegetyerfun June 29, 2012 at 1:25 pm

From the Think Progress article: "It’s even more remarkable that Savage, Fischer, and Drudge would stoop this low."

No, Steven. It's actually remarkable that they haven't sunk any lower.

Blueb4sunrise June 29, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Lemme know when they get to Roberts was 'on the rag'.

Ducksworthy June 29, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Can we get Michael Savage some of this medicine? Once again I am reminded that the insanity of Amurikan politics started with Ronald Reagan's deinstitutionalization of the severely mentally ill population without making provision for adequate community care (lifelong medication).

Hammiepants June 29, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Uh oh, this is like that episode of "One Day at A Time" when Julie and Barbara thought the new girl at school was a bad druggie, but it turns out she was just a pitiful epileptic! They all learned a valuable lesson that day about judging others and tolerance, MICHAEL SAVAGE.

notreelyhelping June 29, 2012 at 1:29 pm

God, that explains why his eyes rolled up in his head, and he smacked his forehead with his gavel halfway through yesterday's presentation.

weejee June 29, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Roberts may have finessed the Prez by calling it a tax. Even so we toasted the Chief last night. Didn't think I'd ever be doing that.

Geminisunmars June 29, 2012 at 1:30 pm

I love the way that recording ends: "I'm gonna read it to you. Now try to focus." I suppose he was reading it to a bunch of epileptics.

Extemporanus June 29, 2012 at 1:30 pm

My Wonkette and/or iPad have been having non-stop seizures, too — it just took me 40 minutes to leave one fucking comment.

I'll be walking on the beaches, looking at the peaches…

tessiee June 29, 2012 at 3:44 pm

And hearing the mermaids sing, each to eaches.

Limeylizzie June 29, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Oh God, I love you so deeply for that, but this is my favourite version, even better than the Stranglers alone, because it's with my beloved fuckin' Ian Dury.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjdhAZ_KWd4

mavenmaven June 29, 2012 at 1:30 pm

With Roberts, it is epilepsy, with Savage it is aliens shooting messages into his skull.

Ruhe June 29, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Today we are all anti-seizure-drug addled retards.

MissTaken June 29, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Speaking of closeted gays who could really use mental health meds, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are divorcing. http://todayentertainment.today.msnbc.msn.com/_ne

SorosBot June 29, 2012 at 1:42 pm

It looks like someone's Thetan isn't clear today.

Geminisunmars June 29, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Holy Shit. Getting a divorce and turning 50 in the same week. Will this push him off the edge — of the chair he is jumping up and down on?

viennawoods13 June 29, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Well it's about damn time.

tessiee June 29, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Wow, the last two wives lasted ten years each, didn't they?
Tell-all interview about how Tom was creepy and batshit looney and a big ol' closeted homo and they kept that fake-ass babby secret for months because her biological father was the guy who was Katie's boyfriend until five minutes before the wedding in 5…
4…
3…

PS. No offense to the gay and/or crazy folks here on wonketz

tessiee June 29, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Also, if I may be permitted?
HAW HAW HAW!!

All those huffy, defensive, highly indignant statements about how this time it was reeeeelleee twoo wuv with his decades younger third wife, and she wasn't being kidnapped into a looney cult, and he wasn't desperately overcompensating for anything, and the way he kept a death grip on her arm any time they were in public was *perfectly normal*, and we've always been friends wtih Eastasia…
Oh, how that is going to come back and bite him in the ass!

tessiee June 29, 2012 at 3:53 pm

You guys! You guys!
Comment on CNN.com:

"In a year Tom will be bouncing on Leno's couch, gushing over John Travolta….."

shortsandpants June 29, 2012 at 1:38 pm

I like the idea where the merits of subsidized medicine are judged on an individual basis in the octagon every Thursday night on FX. I think they call it the "Ayn Rand Individual Mandate."

Ruhe June 29, 2012 at 1:39 pm

I have a forgetful mother-in-law too but the one thing she never forgets is the value of the social programs she paid taxes to support. Beyond that, if it weren't for progressive politics and baseball she and I wouldn't get along too well.

barto June 29, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Send him to Canada, for cry eye!

SayItWithWookies June 29, 2012 at 1:44 pm

So a raving lunatic was blaming medication for another man coming to a reasonable conclusion. That's how it's supposed to work, isn't it?

anniegetyerfun June 29, 2012 at 1:44 pm

OMG, you guys, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are breaking up. America really IS over. No exaggeration.

SorosBot June 29, 2012 at 1:51 pm

However, the Supreme Court today also refused to reinstate the fine over Janet Jackson's breast at the Superbowl. Mmm boobie!
http://www.avclub.com/articles/the-supreme-court-

Nostrildamus June 30, 2012 at 12:28 am

Interestingly, instead of his usually cursory opinions (his dissent on ACA was only 2 pages), Justice Thomas' concurrance in this case was over 1,000 pages – although most were color illustrations.

Jus_Wonderin June 29, 2012 at 2:12 pm

"I will be sad for a day."

Fuck that. I am not sad at all. I better Katie feels free.

tessiee June 29, 2012 at 3:43 pm

At least now she can wear heels again.

Jus_Wonderin June 29, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Ah, 'cause he kept breaking hers?

Nostrildamus June 30, 2012 at 12:29 am

I wonder if she's talking with Carla Bruni.

tessiee June 29, 2012 at 3:43 pm

We can even make this on topic, since, in one of life's little ironies that are better than anything anyone could make up, Crazy Tom is opposed to medication.

SaintRond June 29, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Don't fall all over yourselves praising this piece of shit. Because at the end of the day, that's what he is – a piece of shit.

Peace… God bless…

deanbooth June 29, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Thanks TP!

We need TP to transcribe the bunghole!

bureaucrap June 29, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Yet another tragic example of the ravages of the Kruger-Dunning effect.

"I'ze smart, and all dem Supreme Court Joostices is stoopid!"

ttommyunger June 29, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Gosh, too bad this didn't come up during his vetting or hearings for this important post. BTW, what's your excuse, Micheal? Brain Cancer, perhaps? One can only hope….(sighs wistfully).

orygoon June 29, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Oh you guys, you have given me such golden excuses for why I didn't call my mother right back–maybe enough to last the rest of her life. Thanks!

If it's because Roberts is about to go all Souter on the GOP, that would be excuse enough for me. Irony is the best.

sullivanst June 29, 2012 at 3:03 pm

If if could do for him what it did for Prussian Blue, I'm all for it!

tessiee June 29, 2012 at 3:09 pm

"There are plenty of 'tards out there living really kick-ass lives. My ex-wife is a 'tard. She's a pilot now."

TribecaMike June 29, 2012 at 3:13 pm

So, Roberts ruled the way he did so he could get health insurance?

The SCOTUS: worst benefits package ever!

Limeylizzie June 29, 2012 at 4:43 pm

My name is Limeylizzie and I am an epileptic, so STFU Michael Savage, if that is indeed your real name…what , oh it isn't? Your real name is Weiner?

BZ1 June 30, 2012 at 10:38 am

John Roberts: "I've come to my senses…" (with apologies to Ebenezer Scrooge and Charles Dickens)

prommie June 29, 2012 at 1:12 pm

There's a certain delight to be found in the ones thart make you groan!

Biel_ze_Bubba June 29, 2012 at 1:34 pm

You are talking about puns, right?

prommie June 29, 2012 at 1:36 pm

I don't know where I am going with this.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 29, 2012 at 1:37 pm

It's OK – we'll wait.

Chet Kincaid June 29, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Talk about a hostile work environment!

sullivanst June 29, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Sounds much like what he allegedly commented last night he was allegedly planning to allegedly do ;)

tessiee June 29, 2012 at 3:26 pm

I went back and read all his comments. That's some pretty awesome shit right there.
Allegedly.

sullivanst June 29, 2012 at 4:58 pm

baconzfuckinawesome.

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