what is 'is john roberts gay' alex?

Rightwing Blogger’s Shocking Discovery: John Roberts Was Blackmailed, Arrests To Come Soon!

What have they got on old Johnny Boy?How is it possible that it took the #WARBLOGS over an hour to discover the real reason John Roberts made a dookie on the NRO’s face, by agreeing that the Heritage Foundation’s proposal for health care reform, and one that had been flogged by the GOP as far back as Gingrich’s tenure as Emperor of the House, was in fact Constitutional? We cannot answer that for you, we can only do our best to amplify one blogger’s shocking discovery the best our humble website can, by bringing you this obvious explanation from “Harry” at “ToBeRight.”

Later this afternoon, it’s going to come out that Roberts was coerced. A Secret Service agent overheard Obama and Axelrod discussing the Roberts blackmail. He managed to get them on tape discussing it. Later this afternoon, the whole story will come out, Roberts will issue his REAL opinion, and Obama and Axelrod will be taken away in handcuffs.

What could they possibly have on John Roberts? This suggestion, from the endlessly concerning search terms that bring readers to Your Wonket, might hold an answer!

Unfortunately, Harry does not expound on the Obama administration’s skullduggery, or the possible homosexiness of one Chief Justice Mr. John Roberts, but instead ruminates on this, the day America died by letting Harry’s kids have insurance even if they have, say, psoriasis.

I was worried before, now more than ever. I really think the country as we know it is over. We’re no longer the land of the free.

My emotions are strange. I don’t feel anger or anything like that. I’m genuinely sad. I think the USA has been changed in a way that can’t be undone.

Will my kids be okay?

What can I do to protect my kids from the government?

All we can do is try to fix this with Congress. It’s all we can even hope for. So, I guess I’ll do my part. I’m going to Tweet, Facebook, write letters, make phone calls, blog, heckle politicians, recruit friends, organize Tea Parties. I am going to do everything in my legal power to vote every leftist out of office this November. I will work tirelessly to this end.

I think this is the day America died. So first, I’ll be sad for a day.

The death of America: worth being sad about for a day. Anti-psychotic medications paid for by Obamacare: priceless.


About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


        1. Crank_Tango

          But you know that if Scalia told him to "toss the chief justice's salad" he totes would do it. That fucker is a real teabagger, also.

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I think he meant that Obama whipped it out, and in awe, Roberts submitted himself to the Kenyan.

      1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

        They hugged, didn't they? Wasn't that the basis of Zombie Brietbart "vetting" Obama?

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      I finally remembered where I heard that term "whitemail" originally. There was some goofy patronizing white cop on "Sanford & Son" and in order not to offend Lamont and Fred he would always substitute the word 'white' for 'black.' Man, TV was odd back in them days.

      1. flamingpdog

        Probably the one who wrote the trailer at Fucks Nooze saying the act had been overturned.

    1. GhostBuggy

      "I’m going to Tweet, Facebook, write letters, make phone calls, blog, heckle politicians, recruit friends, organize Tea Parties.'

      No. No, you're not going to do any of that. You're going to sit around bitching about "that one" while you cram Dorito tacos into your face, moving only to make it to Thanksgiving dinner where you'll bitch some more to your liberal relatives about your freedumbs from health being taken away.

    1. actor212

      Y'know, when we had heartbreaking losses, like in 2000 or 2004, or even 2010, liberals just vowed to double down and work harder.

      This guy is taking a day off.

      1. Terry

        In order to take a day off, a person has to work at something other than being a stone cold idiot.

    2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Haven't you read the Corner? That is what it is 24/7. Or try the comments over at Michelle Malkin's site.

  1. Billmatic

    Yeah it's really easy to undo a decision by the way, all that has to happen is that Roberts bangs his gavel and goes "WHOOPSIE! DO OVER!" and then everyone has to vote again.

  2. BaldarTFlagass

    "I’m going to Tweet, Facebook, write letters, make phone calls, blog, heckle politicians, recruit friends, organize Tea Parties."

    Well, that's sure worked well over the last four years. Have fun!

    1. UnholyMoses

      The guy is a true patriot. Just like those Founding Fathers who wrote pamphlets and strongly worded letters to King George, only to have a sad when the King told them to piss off.

      They then wrote in ALL CAPS.

      And again,they were rebuffed.

      Until, finally, they moved to Canada …

    2. bikerlaureate

      Heckling is the mature, principled response (like honking your campaign's bus horn) when you have truth and integrity on your side.

  3. SexySmurf

    I was worried before, now more than ever. I really think the country as we know it is over.

    You know everybody is going to forget about this in a week.

      1. SexySmurf

        The Google machine plus Rule 34. I also found a live-action Smurf porno.

        EDIT: Here's a link (NSFW) because why not. Also, the Smurf language sounds a lot like Mexican.

    1. Terry

      Thanks to this guy, I'm going to be singing R.E.M. all evening.

      It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel FINE…..

    1. Butch_Wagstaff

      Dude in the middle does have that vintage gay 'stache that was common back in the day.

  4. MumbletyRadio

    I think this is the day America died. So first, I’ll be sad for a day.

    Needs more weepin' Eagle. Sam the Eagle* will do, thanks~

    *ETA: I'd like to think that's a tear in his right eye, but it's probably the lighting.

    1. flamingpdog

      GURGLE, I read that as "lightning" at first. That's how deep the paranoia is in Colorado these days.

  5. Goonemeritus

    Clearly Roberts had Breitbart murdered after he found out about Breitbart's plans to entrap him with a sex toy laden yacht.

  6. decay500

    No, your kids won't be ok. They're your kids… They live with you. They're looking in your gun cabinet right at this moment.

  7. Douché

    He's the father of Rielle Hunter's next baby. She's not pregnant yet, but she will be, and he's going to do it (to her). It's sort of pre crime blackmail. It's very complex but it works and he'll get off, both in bed and court, like John Edwards.

  8. OneDollarJuana

    I was worried before, now more than ever. I really think the country as we know it is over. We’re no longer the land of the free.

    My emotions are strange. I don’t feel anger or anything like that. I’m genuinely sad. I think the USA has been changed in a way that can’t be undone.

    Will my kids be okay?

    What can I do to protect my kids from the government?

    All we can do is try to fix this with Congress. It’s all we can even hope for. So, I guess I’ll do my part. I’m going to Tweet, Facebook, write letters, make phone calls, blog, heckle politicians, recruit friends, organize Tea Parties. I am going to do everything in my legal power to vote every leftist out of office this November. I will work tirelessly to this end.

    1. Vintariq

      My God, how could I have missed that? Newell is clearly Scalia's alter-ego; no one would write that opinion un-ironically….

    2. LionHeartSoyDog

      "Editrixie, she like a gumball machine.
      You put some money in, she put somethin' out."

      (with apologies to Paper Moon).

  9. MissTaken

    So first, I’ll be sad for a day.

    Chin up Harry! After all… tomorrow is another day.

  10. BaldarTFlagass

    Wow, sad for a whole day. Last time a really big Supreme Court decision disappointed the fuck out of me, I was sad for eight fucking years!!! Way to mourn, idiot.

  11. Callyson

    Bye, bye Miss American Pie
    Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry
    Them good ole boys were drinking whiskey in Rye
    Singin' this'll be the day that I die
    This'll be the day that I die

      1. Callyson

        Actually, I'm not such a fan of it either–I was quoting it ironically. Because I can just picture the wingnuts drowning their sorrows while playing this tune over and over…Ah, what a beautiful day…

        1. Baconzgood

          Ok then. We can still be friends. "Ya know FRIIIIIIEEEENDS!"

          (Bonus friend points if yo know where that's from)

  12. ph7

    What can I do to protect my kids from the government?

    Ron Paul asked the same question, and we ended up with Rand.

    1. HogeyeGrex

      Ask not what you can do to protect your kids from the government. Ask what I can do to protect the government from your loony fucking kids.

  13. actor212

    I am going to do everything in my legal power to vote every leftist out of office this November. I will work tirelessly to this end.

    Right after this re-run of "Swamp People"…

  14. elburritodeluxe

    It might be the death of America, but on the bright side it is the birth of a United Socialist States of Amerikkka! All Hail Barack Hussein Obama!

      1. actor212

        "This just in to CNN: Mass migrations of lemmings carrying books by Glenn Beck were spotted along the coastlines of Texas…."

    1. finallyhappy

      except that when the video is on, there is a pop-up ad that says buy Childrens magazines

  15. ManchuCandidate

    Create your Own Wingnut Conspiracy

    Pick two of: Saucer people, Rand Corp, Reverse Vampires, Gay Agenda Vampires, Nazi Commies, and Canada City People.

    Pick three of: raging, feces eating, feces flinging, bluing, masturbating in sadness, blowing, vomiting, declare independence, or fuck my dog.

    Pick one of: Canada City, Moon, My house, Hell

    Pick two of: Meth, Dog shit, Meth, Beer, Rageahol, Moonshine or my mom's vagina

    Pick one of: Anal probing, Ass fucking, Cornholing, or Glory Hole.

    Never use: Reason, Logic, Good, Smart or most other words.

    Mix and match.

    1. UnholyMoses

      You forgot "the faggy LIEberal media" in the first set of choices.

      Still, +1 for you!

  16. Baconzgood

    "Later this afternoon, it’s going to come out that Roberts was coerced. A Secret Service agent overheard Obama and Axelrod discussing the Roberts blackmail."

    Man these Righty's have really blown a gasket today. It's been a fun day. One of my office mates was all freaky-deaky for about 4 hours. He couldn't understand that because he HAS health insurance that his taxes WON'T go up! But he's convinced that his taxes will go up and now "Welfare n*ggers will have more babies". Not only do I think he was so unhinged he got his talking points mixed up but because of that statement, tomorrow everything in his office will be mysteriously epoxied. The stuff on his desk, his desk drawers, his phone receiver, his keyboard, his office door, his file cabinets.

    For some reason Baconz thinks he has to work late tonight. Really late. So late that I'll be around when R.J. (the cool black night janitor) comes to clean up tonight.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Make sure you water his plants with some good old uric acid. And his keyboard too!

        1. flamingpdog

          Well, if your brown co-workers weren't steaming, be sure to make up for it by leaving something brown and steaming on his keyboard.

          1. Baconzgood

            No it was like this (mind the weird typing) I'm on a mobil at the pub. Co worker X is a friend and asked racist db and me in on a pow-wow with 5 people from corp Widget. X just wanted to have a little fun. Neither of us had to be there. X brought the ruling up to kinda rib Racist DB. DB went off like Glenn Beck without medication and said that to ALL OF OUR SHOCK!

            In this company it takes a process of about 3 weeks to can people in our position. He'll get canned, no doubt, unless he quits first. FYI. Baconz is with X and his clients smoothing over right now. The clients don't know baconz, and maybe you don't, but X has assured them that the glue in in Baconz desk and will be used. Baconz has done this before wqith Dale Part One.

        2. MittBorg

          Wow. That is … and nobody said anything to him? Man. I'm SO glad I (1) don't have a weapons permit, and (2) don't have to go to work every day in an office full of assholes like this guy.

        3. MosesInvests

          I feel ya-at my last day job, a Texas state trooper asked a coworker if he could "Jew her down". While I was standing there, wearing a kippah (yarmulke, if you know that word). In a store owned by four Jewish brothers. I like Austin, but boy, does Texas get on my nerves.

      1. Baconzgood

        The plants are guilty of nothing. But they shall find goodhome. They will be more healthy and smell a bit like "mulch".

    2. emmelemm

      I know, right?

      Seriously, my (very small company owned by my boss) is a handful of wingnuts and me. But my boss buys us all health insurance (at a pretty large cost, since our company is so small, can't get the good rates).

      So the net effect on ME: zero. The net effect on my boss: zero. "OH my god, the government is forcing me to do something I already do voluntarily!"

      1. jodyleek

        Hey, do you work with me? I'm the only one in the office right now…where are you hiding, you Dickens?!?

        1. emmelemm

          Oh snap, I just read your little profile.

          "Middle aged broad getting crankier by the minute." Are you me? I am You.

    3. UnholyMoses

      My suggestion: If you know the IT guy(s)/gal(s) well enough, have them delete your history from today (so no one can trace the thing to you) and then add a bunch of porn and shit onto the racist pig's history.

      That'll add yet another level of awesome.

      ETA: This is invalid if YOU'RE the IT guy. If so … well, you probably have some better ideas than mine.

      1. Baconzgood

        I usually send mass e-mails of strange Dutch porn, from coworkers that I hate terminals, to the rest of the staff. Its funner. I'm not the IT guy. The it guys and I had alittle tiff when I hid some meat in thier nerd lair as an April Fools joke. We're getting better now.

        1. Fairtackle

          You sound like you would be pretty fun to work with. Well either that or a complete bastard.

        2. Crank_Tango

          One time some friends and I initiated what we called "Operation Avalanche" on this douchebag–we signed him up for all these gay porn sites and visits from mormons and jehovah's witnesses and, what really got his goat, Amway.
          he told another friend that he knew one of us was at Intel because of the IP address and she said "So?" and he said
          "JUST MAKE IT STOP!!!"

          god, that was fun. fight the good fight, bacon.

          1. Baconzgood

            You know I always do Mr. Ferrly. Any excuse for Baconz to cause a little mayham (gettit gettin HAM) to break up the boredom of my fellow office drones. One gal once said "I would have quit this job 4 years ago if it wasn't for you replacing P***y's lunch with a dead sparrow"

          2. Vintariq

            Jeebus….If you have some contact info for the guy, a really weird post on Craigslist Personals section is great fun. "Scat-curious" and "Call me, day or night" usually do the trick…

          3. Crank_Tango

            Watch out for those "come over and pretend you're raping my wife" ads tho, didn't someone get in trouble for that?

    4. sullivanst

      Ironically, today's opinion does actually make it more likely that some states will refuse to participate in the Medicaid expansion that removed an incentive to get pregnant, as it would no longer be the difference between being eligible or not for Medicaid.

    5. MittBorg

      Bacon, man, YOU'RE GOOD! Go give 'im hell. I wish I could find some excuse for dropping by with a video camera. I would PAY to see the look on Freaky-Deaky's face.

    6. mull_man

      Epoxy's good, but it will probably just create a headache for the maintenance staff. Consider these fun alternatives:
      1. a little blue biopsy dye in his coffee/coke. Gents have quite a reaction after a blue stream event.
      2. IRS anonymous tip line. Works especially well on libertarians.
      3. Give him a "summer welcome" by pouring a little fish emulsion fertilizer into the vents beneath his auto wipers.
      4. If you know where he went to high school/college, and – going out on a limb and guessing he's straight & a homophobe, send in an announcement to his alma mater the "DB and his new bride Roger Ng just returned from Boston where they were able to tie the knot at the MCC Church …"

      There are others, but there's so little time…

      1. Butch_Wagstaff

        Fine ideas. I take it you have some experience in doing these things to assholes…I hope?

        1. mull_man

          My father is responsible for 1, I've done 2 & 3, and 4 is in the quiver. That these and others were shared by father & son probably says all you need to know about my upbringing.

  17. e_z

    Vince Foster heard it too, that's why Obama had his Time Agents rub him out in the past and try to pin the blame on the Cinton's. He's crafty that way.

    1. sullivanst

      Although, it must've been the Time Agents' fault he was able to hear it. So, crafty, but borderline incompetent, whilst simultaneously fearsomely brilliant but also stupid.

      Funny world, the wingnut world.

  18. Ruhe

    Don't be sad Harry. America is in heaven now with Grandma and Jesus…and your old dog, Blue, is there too. And they're looking down us now thinking how silly it is for us to look all sad in the puss because, hey, they're not sad. No America isn't sad that it died and went to polity heaven and left you behind because America, like Grandma, was often irritated by your whining and your obstinate refusal to perceive reality. America was tired, tired of you and your kind but also just bone tired of struggling to keep it together for as long as she did.

  19. FakaktaSouth

    I am sad FOR him. I'm sad he's so stupid he is fighting against a plan that is only borderline moving in the right direction at beginning to solve one of the most pressing crises this country faces. Fucking dick, let one of your kids really get sick with nowhere to turn and see how THAT feels. Asshole.

  20. randcoolcatdaddy

    "So first, I’ll be sad for a day. "

    You should pencil in more days for sad in the future.

  21. boobookitteh

    Or maybe, Mr. Chief Justice Corporate Whore realized what a wonderful money making opportunity the Individual Mandate is for the Insurance industry.

    So wonderful, that it was orignally a Republican idea.

    I mean, yes, the President is black, but he won't be President forever. Gotta think long term, people.

  22. UnholyMoses

    Yes, how will his kids ever survive with …


    … access to health care at a reasonable price (not to exceed a percentage of their income) all while getting free preventative care and no turndowns for pre-existing conditions?

    THE HORROR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111

    1. emmelemm

      See two posts below:

      "Obama yappin' again-why aren't there any American flags in the frame? Typical The flag to Obama is like the siver [sic] cross to Dracula"

  23. bikerlaureate

    Will my kids be okay?

    Once they get away from you, their odds will certainly improve.
    If they come down with MS in the meantime, hopefully you won't be able to "protect" them from evil healthcare anything like the rest of the industrialized nations enjoy.

    1. sullivanst

      Better chance they will now that their access to healthcare has been guaranteed and possibly subsidized.

  24. qwerty42

    …So, I guess I’ll do my part. I’m going to Tweet, Facebook, write letters, make phone calls, blog, heckle politicians, recruit friends, organize Tea Parties. …
    Tweet. He's going to Tweet. It's over. Might as well pack it in. No health care reform for another generation.
    And I saw he is going to "organize Tea Parties" … with tricorn hats and everything, I'm guessing.

    1. Dashboard Buddha

      And don't forget the stapling of tea bags to the tricorn hats and wives foreheads. That's the one I like best.

  25. barto

    More likely Roberts was blackmailed by the insurance industry (AHIP) which is salivating over the millions of new customers the individual mandate will hand them, on a platter, pockets chock full of federal money so they can buy their crappy products and convince themselves that they might not go bankrupt when they get sick.

  26. MissTaken

    Roberts will issue his REAL opinion, and Obama and Axelrod will be taken away in handcuffs

    OMIGOD you guys! Obama and Axelrod still have not denied blackmailing Roberts. This runs so much deeper than even Harry realizes!

  27. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    My three year old niece could help you organize your tea parties. She is also good with Legos and Barbie and likes scooby doo and naps.

    1. emmelemm

      I'm not that great with Legos, not a huge fan of Barbie, but I do LOVE my Scooby Doo and my naps.

  28. freakishlywrong

    OT.. we're not racists just voted to hold the first African American AG in contempt of congress. I hold them in the highest contempt.

  29. Hammiepants

    I just love the idea of Barack being run to ground and arrested in the Rose Garden after a lengthy pursuit around the Oval Office while poor Homo Roberts has the vapours in the background as TEH GEY is revealed, and the Ghost of Breitbart hovers smiling over all as Scalia is elevated to his righful place as Chief Justice. It's a Tea Party wet dream.

  30. iburl

    "Will my kids be okay?
    What can I do to protect my kids from the government?"

    Tell them not to volunteer for the army? Not to smack talk an angry postal worker?

  31. Not_So_Much

    Unless this 'Harry' has a last name of Potter, I'm not convinced he will save us all.

  32. reasonbran

    Obama and Axelrod were going to reveal to the world that Roberts got the wording of the presidential oath wrong during the 2008 swearing-in. Talk about embarrassing. Is it any wonder he knuckled under?

    Is there no limit to Leftie Evil?

  33. sullivanst

    He managed to get them on tape discussing it.

    I bet the idiot overrecorded the "Whitey" tape.

  34. magic_titty

    It is a wonder to see what the combination of a black person as President and the internet hath wrought.

  35. Toomush_Infer

    This level of craziness isn't healthy – Harry should get some health insurance….

  36. SorosBot

    So I tried to make a point to that idiot – and "Your comment is awaiting moderation.". Hee.

  37. fuflans

    i would like to think that if a supreme court decision did not go my way, i would not immediately assume the president was blackmailing someone.

    yeah, i'm pretty sure i wouldn't.

    1. HarryButtle

      Psst! Sam, come check this out! Clarence HATES it when I do this…and he always blames Sotomayor 'cause he knows Kagan gets the Brazillian and Bader-Ginsberg's carpet's gone white.

      [Yup, just made myself throw up in my mouth a little…]

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      I would proceed with caution. He might be that kind of drinker that, when has too much, gets all slobbery on you if you are a gal (and/or a guy).

  38. Nowisallthereis

    Donald Rug was there too. And he has investigators in the Supreme Court men's room and you would be amazed at what they are finding. It's BIG.

  39. PuglyDoRight

    If Harry can still post his thoughts (dookiefied as they may be) on the inter webs, he's still free. Try living in Iran, douchebag.

  40. GregComlish

    Oh that's some great right-wing fantasy fic right there :

    "First a patriotic secret service agent will reveal Robert's recorded blackmail. Then the same agent will immediately arrest Nobama and Axelrod and become interim President until Romney is elected. Then all the Dems will be constitutionally forced to resign for attacking the constitution. Then Megyn Kelley is going to declare her love for me because she was being blackmailed by Obama too and that is why she never returns my calls…"

  41. Woodshedding

    Oh, no, it wouldn't have been blackmail, there was no need for that.

    It's just that the Insurance lobby offered him more than the Pharmaceutical lobby did. Must have been closed bids.

  42. W88

    'As president, Mitt will nominate judges in the mold of Chief Justice Roberts…'
    — MittRomney(dot)com

    Suck on that, Conservatives.

  43. LetUsBray

    I wouldn't have thought the upholding of such a lame law would be fap-worthy. And yet here I am up to my elbows in lube and jizz.

    I probably owe my maiden Aunt Petunia, who lent me her computer while mine's in the shop, an apology.

  44. poorgradstudent

    I want to take this blackmailer to task for not stopping the Citizens United decision.

  45. sati_demise

    Deciding this on a "tax" issue and not the 'Commerce' clause is a lesson in backstabbing by John Roberts. Legal eagles say this will come back to bite us in the butt.

    any rebuttal?

    1. CrankyLttlCamperette

      Not necessarily a rebuttal but it does bring the whole "tax" word back into play, especially since they tried so hard to avoid saying "tax" from the jump. You will hear the phrase "healthcare tax" in superPAC ads approximately nintey-seven bazillion times before November…

  46. TribecaMike

    Nothing says "the land of the free" more than being able to lie your fucking head off.

    1. C_R_Eature

      All this video needs is a Cheesey Porno Soundtrack and a little creative dubbing:

      (Cue Cheesey Porno Soundtrack)

      Offscreen: "You like that baby?"
      Schmidt: Yes! Yes!!!
      Offscreen: Ohhhh Yeahhhhh…
      Schmidt:Ohhh. and what else?!"
      Offscreen: Here's a Cucumber.
      Schmidt:Ohhh. thank God!!!"
      Offscreen: "How about one of These? In There"
      Schmidt: No! No!!!
      Offscreen: Okay, baby…
      Schmidt:They took it away?! YESSSS!!!"

  47. pdiddycornchips

    This would never have happened if we had real conservatives on the high court . You know, like Bristol and Joe the Plumber.

  48. SayItWithWookies

    In Alistair Horne's excellent account of the German invasion of France in WWII, he notes that as the French Army was trapped in Belgium by Rommel's surprise move, and other units struggled to move because of poor narrow roads and lousy communication, the muttering of trahison and various conspiracy theories began to abound among the hapless defending soldiers.

    So, essentially, the right's freakout sounds mighty…French. Which is really just the cherry on top of today.

  49. Steverino247

    OK. That's over and the Supremes refused to consider the 9th Circuit's work with the Mt. Soledad Easter Cross. I can go on vacation now. My work here is done…

  50. Exhausted66

    Why are you going to work so hard if the real decision will come out soon after the blackmail perp walk?

  51. Antispandex

    Good lord! You'ld think the whole damn country had been taken over by China or something! WTF? I mean it's all, "Dear sweet baby Jesus, please make that nasty negro go away", "What will we tell the young 'uns?" Good lord Teatards, it's just one vote…corporations are still people, you get to keep as many guns as you can stuff in your bunker…Crap, calm the fuck down!

  52. Jus_Wonderin

    Okay, I haz a confused. Do we get Death Panels or not? I have the den all torn out right now.

  53. Terry

    "What can I do to protect my kids from the government?"

    Really, the only thing he CAN reasonably do is immediately move himself, his family, and all of his friends to an armed compound deep within the Mexican desert.

    1. freakishlywrong

      I guess health care for the young 'uns is a step too far. What incredibly ridiculous assholes.

  54. johnnyzhivago

    Now is a time to approach the Conservatives you know – and in a heartfelt and sincere manner encourage them to jump in front of a train or off a tall building.

  55. anniegetyerfun

    Later this afternoon, the whole story will come out, Roberts will issue his REAL opinion, and Obama and Axelrod will be taken away in handcuffs in chains.


  56. Missyb9479

    Is this tape going to also include that tape of Michelle talking about how much she hates white people? Because I've been waiting for that one since the election.

  57. arihaya

    so Bama made an offer that Justice Roberts can not refuse?

    where can I volunteer for his reelection?

  58. BlueStateLibel

    Is it just me, or are cons nothing but a bunch of slobbery cry-baby sore losers? Wah, wah, wah, oh cry me a river.

  59. NYNYNYjr

    Wait, when the blackmail is revealed and Roberts admits he's gay, won't he have to step down because he's gay? SO that Obama will replace him with a liberal and Obamcare will stay? hmm.
    Oh, wait the Supreme Court legalized sodomy in 2003… Catch 22.

  60. smokefilledroommate

    How could John Roberts side with the liberals? The individual mandate is so clearly unconstitutional – even to a layperson – how could it be? Kind of like a Vince Flynn book. Someone got to Roberts.

    Yes–how could Roberts side with the libs? Everyone knows that conservatives don't have a conscience or moral compass! It's a stunning act of humanity by a conservative justice!

    1. Nostrildamus

      Actually Nino's man date will show up about 10PM in a studded belt and black leather hood. Gonna be habeus corpus all night, baby.

  61. a_pink_poodle

    This better not be as disappointing as that video that was supposed to destroy Obama and it was just him praising the first tenured black professor at Harvard.

  62. poorgradstudent

    Gee, it's not like the President can legally have us assassinated or indefinitely imprisoned or anything!

    And how would they react if we got an actual single-payer system like the rest of the West? Start packing for the gulags?

    1. TribecaMike

      BBC News anchor to her American guest tonight: "Why are Americans afraid of socialized health care?"

  63. Barrelhse

    The bright side of today's decision is that the stupid states can choose to opt out of Medicare expansion, thus killing off thousands of Ted Nugent fans.

  64. Baconzgood

    Unrelated to this post

    DB's gone. R.Jm. knows the score. 3 outta 5 corp Widget wanna stay at the pub. Must take action. Needz moar sneaky music. Sneaky music……glue. Our clients, clients saved for X….fun time. Its been a long time since you pulled a college prank.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      I am so excited about this. I almost wish I worked somewhere so I could do this. Of course if I based my own gluing of things on people saying stupid shit here, every motherfucker in the building would end up with their shit stuck to their furniture.
      Get him.

    2. C_R_Eature

      Go for it. I don't condone malicious Pranks in general, but upon reading your previous post I have to say this RW asshole has it coming. It always surprises me just how close to the surface the Wingnut Id is and how little stress is needed to allow it to come boiling out on to the surface.
      Here's a few ideas for you, for later (although I suspect that you really don't need any help):

      * Fill all his desk drawers with Styrofoam packing peanuts (must be Styrofoam – not Cellulose). They hold a static charge and are a genuine Bitch to clean up.
      * Go around the office and collect all the punch disks from the 3-ring hole punches. Fill plastic Solo cup(s) with punches and position cup(s) precariously in office. On top of an office door will do, if he has one. Another impossible, time-consuming clean up.
      * Position office chair height uncomfortably low or high. Glue in place.
      * Jam or glue office chair casters in place, either all facing one way of in wildly different directions.
      * Forward his desk phone to a V.P.'s.
      * Climb on desk and loosen the fluorescent bulbs over his desk, so they don't light up.
      * If he has an incandescent disk light, rub something vile and aromatic on it so that the vile aroma will permeate the office when lit.
      *Post his office # and extension to a Black dating site.
      *Shrinkwrap his chair.
      *Replace his desk light with a Strobe.
      *Use block and tackle to hoist his desk to the ceiling. secure with stainless steel cable and swages.
      *Cover his entire desk surface with sod.
      * Paint his reference books and documents with green latex.
      *Hide at least one Praying Mantis egg mass behind the drawers of his desk. Wait for a few week and watch the fun as thousands of hungry Mantids emerge.
      * Fill his jacket/boots/desk drawers with expandable polystyrene foam.
      *Send him an anonymous "Gorilla Gram" for the next Staff Meeting.

      I have more but I'm getting tired. Good luck, don't get caught and by all means report back, please.

      1. GeneralLerong

        For someone who doesn't condone malicious pranks in general, those were certainly some good plans for act- …er, food for thought. Mind movies. Yeah. Those.

        1. C_R_Eature

          Well it's never a bad idea to have a few weapons at hand, just in case you should need them. Speak softly and carry a big Prank.

    3. MosesInvests

      I have this picture of John Belushi dressed in black, leading a horse into the Dean's office….

  65. dsgruntled

    On the drive home today I heard Mark Lawhine (Levin) call Chief Justice Roberts an activist judge. I thought only the pinkos on the left were activist judges. Now I'm really confused. You can't tell the players without a scorecard anymore!

  66. C_R_Eature

    Well, golly. The idea that " Events didn't turn out as I had planned, so there MUST be an intricate Conspiracy involved." is pretty much the clinical definition of Paranoid psychosis.

    It's been an amusing day, all things considered. My all-around favorite part has to be the Outraged Wingnut Masses who are threatening to move to Canada to escape the Scourge of Socialized Medicine. I really have nothing further to add to this; it should stand on it's own.

    EDIT: Well, yes. I have to add This. I can't help myself. Deal.

  67. carlgt1

    yup, this is payback for when he flubbed the lines giving the oath of office to Obama in January of 2009!


    Rebecca, I was wondering where all the lefty comments were coming from! It's been a fun day…thanks for the mention about my post (seriously!), I enjoyed it very much….

    This will definitely be a fun campaign season.

  69. Negropolis

    Roberts is hungarian ). Austria-Hungary was part of the axis, and a roundabout predecessor to Nazis Germany. Thus, Roberts is Hitler sent to the future to avenge the defeat of the Fatherland! Someone get me a chalkboard, stat!

  70. ttommyunger

    Oddly, I find myself suspecting that this Dubya appointee may, in fact, be a thinking, feeling human being. Could it be? An unpardonable sin in some circles, indeed.

  71. notanncoulter

    The 8 stages of WingNut grief:
    Conspiracy Theory.

  72. another kiwi

    Like do we have to be sad for the whole day? I mean, I got stuff to do this afternoon.

Comments are closed.