your rage is like the finest wine to me

A Children’s Treasury Of Wingnut Obamacare Freakouts

Add to Flipboard Magazine.

It’s really kind of sad that Breitbart editor Ben Shapiro put up this tweet mere minutes after the ultra-conservative Supreme Court approved socialist healthcare in America forever, because it’s like he didn’t even try to let other people post their own insanely hyperbolic screed before writing the Platonic ideal of one. You know how it’s kind of annoying that sportscasters and such use “literally” to mean not “literally” but “I am using figurative language but very, very strongly”? Well, Ben Shapiro has established new heights that make misuse of “literally” literally look like prose that Strunk & White’s ghosts would masturbate to. From now on, every paragraph about anything you don’t like ends in “This is the end of America as we know it. No exaggeration.” But other people were ludicrous too, so let’s look at what they had to say.

Probably-not-2012-VP pick Marco Rubio was totally for Obamacare until he found out it was a TAX, you guys. Now he’s against it!

Lovable crazy person Pamela Geller watched Obama’s victory speech and caught the clue that America is in fact over now:

The real question is, why weren’t then tons of Russian flags in the frame? Because that’s where we live now: Stalinist Russia.

The Tea Party Patriots (a dumb name, Tea Party members are patriots by definition) put out the following important press release:

“The Supreme Court ruled against the American people today,” said Jenny Beth Martin, Co-Founder and National Coordinator of Tea Party Patriots. “The American people overwhelming[sic] oppose Obamacare. Now more than ever it is time for the American people to band together and take our government back. Americans agree with what Justice Kennedy said in the dissenting opinion that ‘the entire Act before us is invalid in its entirety.’ We are putting all politicians on notice that we will not rest until this law is overturned it’s in entirety.”

Wouldn’t it be kind of great, if the Supreme Court could just rule against the entire American people, on principle, because we’re losers? Give us like three days to get out?

Sadly, Erick Erickson proclaimed that he is “not down on Roberts“. But his commenters are! And on Romney!

100% correct, bring back Rick!

Yes, imagine what Perry’s response would have been! It would have been hilarious, considering he’d have been out of his mind on painkillers. Painkillers that he didn’t buy with any of your dag-gummed Obamacare.

Oh, also, lots of people on Twitter swore they would move to Canada, to escape socialized medicine, which we don’t even know where to begin with that. Also, Mike Pence, who is a Congressman and the leading Indiana gubernatorial candidate and not at all a fringe figure, said that the Supreme Court decision was as bad as 9/11, but then he apologized, leaving Ben Shapiro the Wingnut Obamacare Freakout Winner, as of 3 pm today.

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • nounverb911

    Eat shit and die, Wingnuts!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Today, we should rename them "Whinenuts"

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Wutnuts?

    • scorpy1

      That won't be a problem if they hold off on the eating shit part until 2014.

    • glamourdammerung

      Eat shit and die, Wingnuts!

      The order is very important.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Whingenuts!….

    • Fox n Fiends

      Just this one time we should be able to up-thumb a comment as much as we like.

      Which would be thousands of times.

  • Crank_Tango

    Bahahahah "This is the end of America as we know it. No exaggeration." Oh jesus christ that is funny. Patriot act was just fine, but healthcare ends America, worse than Hitler.

    Slightly OT, but is anyone else having fun with burner accounts on Gawker?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Yes, an act that encourages people to buy health insurance from a private, capitalist country or pay a penalty is somehow the end of American capitalism.

      What?

      • Crank_Tango

        On the new Gawker commenting system, they foolishly created what they call Burner accounts, supposedly so that people with "inside information" can come on and comment anonymously. In reality, the result is just hilarious.

        They said they wanted to "elevate the discussion," but it is a clusterfuck. I just create a new burner account every few days after acting like an asshole to a valued, formerly starred commenter.

        • supernoun

          I like your style

        • tessiee

          Wait…
          So, all these times when you said you were working late, you were…
          *commenting on other blogs*?
          $: – (

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            You didn't notice the HTML lipstick on his collar?

          • Crank_Tango

            A man has needs, tessiee. Sometimes I need someone who will crawl under my desk and post into the evening on the west coast.

        • Fare la Volpe

          So basically…Gawker enshrined sock puppeting into law?

          I FORESEE NO WAY THIS CAN GO WRONG.

          • Crank_Tango

            Basically, yes. I do not engage in that, however tempting, but there is one troll who loves to post links to hotpockets.com and generally all sorts of hot pockets related nonsense. I guess hot pockets are the new spam?

          • vodkamuppet

            That was me actually.

          • Crank_Tango

            Hahaha really?Sent from my iPhone

    • Antispandex

      Yeah, when someone writes "Would be nice to have a candidate who gives a crap", you know they haven't been reading much, because they're using Leggos to build their end of the world bunker.

    • Omophagist

      I don't know why he stopped with Dred Scott, he should've went full balls-outs wingnut with, "This is the greatest destruction of individual liberty since Pontius Pilate sentenced Jesus to death."

      • Crank_Tango

        Something tells me old Ben Shapiro doesn't want to get into the whole he said she said about who is responsible for killing the Babby Jebus, if you know what I mean, wink wink.

  • Barb

    I wish I was a unicorn so I could stab all of the fucktard with my head.

    • OldWhiteLies

      Almost afraid to ask – but how's the fam holding up? Please tell me I didn't miss a tragedy and that crisessesses have subsided satisfactorily … ?

      • Barb

        Hey YOU! Good to see you. Mina turned 7 days ago yesterday and her infection subsided enough for her to have her open heart surgery. She came through with flying colors. I haven't been in a plane crash in like, a week. Things are pretty damned sweet.

        • OldWhiteLies

          Mosstesst awesumm! I shall use this most excellent news as yet another excuse to imbibe with all appropriate haste, merryment and aplomb.

          Back to the SNARK then …

        • UnholyMoses

          YAY!!!!!!! Good to read!

          Today is kicking ass all over the place!

        • RavenRant

          Barb, I am so happy for Mina and your entire family. I have been praying and hoping for the best outcome for you and yours. How many booties/caps/blankies have you knitted by now?

          • Barb

            Hey Raven! Oh God, I knitted so much that it was unreal.
            Thanks for your well wishes. It means a lot to me that you care.

        • Chichikovovich

          Hi Barb – I'm a bit late to the party. I missed this post first time through.
          Fabulous news, thanks for sharing with us. I don't want to jinx anything, but it does look like things are working out all right, and you can start breathing a little easier.

        • redarmyzombie

          Barb, I'd just like to say once again, since I'm late to the party: Congratulations!

    • Antispandex

      There are too many of them! Too…many…of …theeemmm….Need. More. Unicorns!

    • tessiee

      I wish Unicron were a robotic unicorn.

      • SorosBot

        No, Unicron is a robotic planet who eats other planets and is awesome.

        • Fare la Volpe

          So he's just robotic Galactus? Lame.

    • glamourdammerung

      I wish I was a unicorn so I could stab all of the fucktard with my head.

      Is that some kind of euphemism for sodomy?

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Begun the Drone Wars have

    • nounverb911

      May the farce be with you.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Or in this case, the Schvartze

        • tessiee

          Mel Brooks approves this comment.

          • James Michael Curley

            It's his birthday today. He is now as old as some of his jokes.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            He's not 2000 years old, man.

  • JudasPeckerwood

    So long, America — we hardly knew ya!

  • Antispandex

    Crap! Their heads are exploding, and this doesn't even help the poor, at a trifling cost to the mega rich. What the hell would have happened if single payer would have passed?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      They would have gotten really mad.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      They would have plotzed, man, woman, and child, every last fucking one of them.

      Now you know why we worked so hard for it.

    • tessiee

      Maybe they would have actually gotten on their hoverrounds and left the country, instead of just piss, gripe, bitch and moan about it.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Don't get our hopes up.

    • CommieLibunatic

      I can only hope that their heads really would explode. I've always wondered what such a thing would sound like.

      • Boojum

        Like the sound of one hand clapping, but wetter.

    • alteredimages

      I would have retained considerably more respect for the President due to his acting like a genuine progressive instead of a business-snuggling DSCC triangualtor, rather than seeing him increasingly as a shadow of the game-changer he ran as, and supporting him solely because he's at least better than the GOP, even if he is consistently a dissapointment who makes me long for genuine old guard Democrats. For one.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Josh, you didn't notice that Dred Scott was one of the most racist decisions in American history? And Obama's a blah? Which makes Ben's tweet really, really racist?

    • IceCreamEmpress

      I am surprised a Breitbartista thought Dred Scott was a bad decision. What happened to states' rights, Ben Shapiro?

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      lulz at RW attempts to get the black vote. Like after voting Democratic for 70 years they will be like "Oh, the first black president hates us? I guess I'll vote Republican"

  • OldWhiteLies

    How is it that these people never seem exhausted. How do you do [even faux] outrage 24/7 and not fall down and die from exhaustion?

    • Crank_Tango

      I think it is like chasing the dragon–an angry, angry dragon.

    • scvirginia

      "How do you do [even faux] outrage 24/7 and not fall down and die from exhaustion?"

      Lots of practice & lots of donutz.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      It's like the endless energy supply of a 2-year-old throwing a tantrum. Hopefully they'll tucker themselves out and take a nap soon.

      • glamourdammerung

        Given their average age, obesity levels, and frothy, never-ending impotent rage, that nap is likely to be permanent.

        • tessiee

          *smiles*

    • emmelemm

      Cocaine.

    • Rotundo_

      It all comes from the lizard brain, all there is there is naked rage, fear and nothing more. If that is all you're using, I guess you can keep it up for years and years. Sounds painful to me, not a pleasant way to exist.

  • nounverb911

    I dare Mike Pence to repeat his comment in Times Square.

    • emmelemm

      It's so close to Godwining. I'm thinking there should be a proper name for saying something is "exactly like 9/11!"

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Well, "Giulianing" leaps to mind, but it's really clunky. "Rudying"?

        • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

          "Nounverbing?"

  • DrunkIrishman

    This is like so the end of the world you guys! I'm like super serial! We're doomed! John Roberts Illuminati Obama Kenyan Marxist Socialist Nazi Fascist sold us off to Mexico or something.

    • finallyhappy

      you left out anarchist! some moron in Harford co, MD(like Kansas or Oklahoma or Arizona but here in MD- it is where the Walmarts run out of Hoverrounds for customer use) posted that Obama is an anarchist and we are his subjects.

      • tessiee

        It's probably even better than you suspect; they probably meant "antichrist" and just can't spell it.

  • coolhandnuke

    Will we ever laugh again?…Fuck yes… at every wingnut screaming their pointy head off and lighting their hair on fire today, I am filled with wicked laughter.

  • scvirginia

    Siver crosses are bad for the blahs?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      For some reason I'm seeing that scene from Love at First Bite, where the guy holds up a moggen Dovid. That, and a somewhat similar scene from Blacula.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      No: Muslims.

    • Negropolis

      Only Count Blahcula.

      • alteredimages

        Which means Pammycakes needs a balding gay alchemist and an R-rolling wizard to hang out with. WHO WANTS PIZZA RRRRROLLS?

  • http://wonkette.com Chill_Bill

    I wonder what Andy Breitbart thinks about this.

    • timbo71351

      This never would have happened if Andrew Breitbart was still alive.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I can tell you he doesn't think anything at all about it, on account of, he's deader than a doornail.

      • http://wonkette.com Chill_Bill

        To be fair, he was never much of a thinker, was he?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I don't believe he ever won any accolades, inside his industry or without, for his intellectual probity, no. In other words, he was as fucking dunderheaded as they come, in addition to being an evil little fuck.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      If only Breitbart were still around. I'm pretty sure that Jame's O'Keffe would be in his pimp outfit, sneaking into the Supreme Court to tap the Chief Justice's phone and throw dildos all around his office.

    • Nostrildamus

      I imagine he's grimacing, but that's probably from all that prodding with a pitchfork.

    • tessiee

      "I wonder what Andy Breitbart thinks about this."

      THINKS???!!
      AHAHAHA!!!
      Oh, Chilly Willy, you crack me up!

    • biblioteq_tress

      He's thinking, "Good thing Sarah Palin has my head in her freezer."

  • Estproph

    That's great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, free healthcare –
    Lenny Bruce is not afraid. Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn –
    world serves its own needs, regardless of your own needs. Feed it up a knock,
    speed, grunt no, strength no. Ladder structure clatter with fear of height,
    down height. Wire in a fire, represent the seven games in a government for
    hire and a combat site. Left her, wasn't coming in a hurry with the furies
    breathing down your neck. Team by team reporters baffled, trump, tethered
    crop. Look at that low plane! Fine then. Uh oh, overflow, population,
    common group, but it'll do. Save yourself, serve yourself. World serves its
    own needs, listen to your heart bleed. Tell me with the rapture and the
    reverent in the right – right. You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright
    light, feeling pretty psyched.

    It's the end of the world as we know it.
    It's the end of the world as we know it.
    It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine – thanks to free healthcare.

  • Callyson

    OK, I was laughing until I read Mike Pence's comment…

    FUCK YOU, Pence–I had friends in NY and DC, and the worst few moments in my life were the minutes between when CNN's anchor mumbled something about a plane going down near Pittsburgh (my hometown, where my dad was still living) and the clarification that that particular plane actually went down miles away from him.

    Maybe I should be grateful to Pence for making me even more happy about the ruling…

    …nah, fuck him…

    • supernoun

      Mike Pent is from my state. Trust me when I say fuck him, fuck him hard.

    • http://crasstalk.com/ grandinquisitor

      As a Manhattan resident I would like to invite Mr. Pence to our city to explain his position to my neighbors and I while we all hold baseball bats.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Ginni Thomas must be freaking out, all those "Stop Payments" on checks made out to her figuring on this being overturned

    • timbo71351

      If I were Anita Hill, I would be changing my phone number right about now.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!

    • glasspusher

      Obama has appeared to have saved the lives of millions…of registered voters…

    • MozakiBlocks

      "The walls in the 57th precinct were bleeding".

    • OldWhiteLies

      …. RAAAAAAY!?!?

      … [sigh] It's the Stay-Puft Marshmellow Man.

  • http://www.tumblr.com/blog/hamsterpantsworld Hammiepants

    I so want to refriend all the people I unfriended back in 2008, just so I can savor the salty goodness of their bitter, bitter tears.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Do it! DO EEET! Then report back, hahahaha.

      Yes, I'm going slightly insane today. I just doged a HUGE FUCKING BULLET.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        It's a good day here on Wonkette. Go a little crazy.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Thanks, swee'pea. I have helf insurance!

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            I'm happy for you, Z.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            You have no idea how grateful I am for today's ruling.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            Hugs teh Z.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Hugs teh sweet, sweet, pretty lady most fervently.

    • supernoun

      I keep them on my facebook for such reasons. Gotta know what the other half thinks, after all. Even if it is, verbatim, a Sarah Palin quote: "Obama Lies, Freedom Dies"

      The end of America. No exaggeration.

  • owhatever

    First knocking the shit out of the Arizona bigots, now bitch-slapping the wingnuts on health care. Been a good week for the SCOTUS. Law of the land and all that. If the wingnuts don't like it, they can move to Kenya. Yea.

    • MosesInvests

      I think they'd like Somalia better.

    • Negropolis

      Also, ruling lifer punishments for juveniles cruel and unusual. They must have realized after Citizens United that they were to the point of fomenting an issurection of some kind.

  • BklynIlluminati

    Hmmm for some strange reason I feel healthier today well at least not afraid to get sick

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Isn't it great? Because I have a gimpy leg, I was in mortal fear of losing my health care, and I didn't realize how much it was weighing on me until today.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Good grief. Between Rubio, Shapiro, and Helter Geller, it smells like somebody blew up the Summer's Eve factory.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      COTD!

      Helter Geller….hehhehehehehe

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Look out!

    • supernoun

      Oh god, the tragedy of the Great Douche Deluge 2k12. So many lost.

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        Worse than the Molasses flood.

    • tessiee

      …and the bag it came in.

  • nounverb911

    When does Romney say he was for Obamacare before he was for Romneycare all along?

    • anniegetyerfun

      He stands by whatever it was that he said, the statement he made at the time, that he doesn't remember, whatever it was, he stands by it*.

      *Campaign "clarification" to be issued in one hour.

  • mavenmaven

    Goodness, some of these sick old freaks might be made healthy with accessible healthcare. What kind of America would that be, Sweden?

    • scvirginia

      They had a nightmare about the King of Sweden,
      He gave the poorz things that they was needin'…

  • clblabin

    Why isn't there a single American flag in Geller's Twitter picture? I say we send in the drones and ask questions later.

    • Negropolis

      Drones destroy and ask questions later. In fact, they don't ask questions later, either. Everyone within a certain radius is simply deemed a terrorist.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Et tu, Supreme court?

    Face it, Teabaggers. America hates you.

  • scvirginia

    The Tea Party Patriots is a great name b/c you can abbreviate it to TTPP & that sounds naughty!

    • tessiee

      Especially if you're Cornholio.

  • Nowisallthereis

    That popping sound? TEABAGGER's HEADS EXPLODING!

    Music to my ears.

  • TribecaMike

    June 28, 2012 — The day when all the conservatives moved up to Canada.

    June 29, 2012 — The night when all the conservatives froze to death.

    • tessiee

      *sits attentively with hands folded*
      Go on… I like this story so far.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      Damn you Socialist snow!!

      • TribecaMike

        If the snow doesn't get 'em, the mosquitoes will. Trotskyite mosquitoes, of course.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Ann Coulter apparently said that "saving the country is all down to Romney now" which, if Romney is our only hope, I say we surrender the instant the Skitters land. And Donald Trump said that "USC made a terrible decision today," which, being a graduate of USC, I can only imagine what that was. Tuition hike? Appointing Helen Dragas head of the Board of Regents? The entertainment value of these idiots is just incalculable.

    • emmelemm

      Help me, Romney-wan, you're my only hope.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Did USC announce their quarterback for next season today?

      • scvirginia

        Y'all talkin' 'bout the reel USC or that skool in Kalifornia?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Unless and until it directly affects one's own life. I mean, I LMFAO at these maroons myself, but periodically I'm reminded how very unfunny their constant war on the poor and the oppressed is, and how it can spill over into my backyard.

  • glamourdammerung

    CRY MOAR!

  • GorzoTheMighty

    I wish that Breibart was still alive. This would have gave him a…Oh nevermind

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      One can wish.

      • Fare la Volpe

        Maybe he's like a reverse Jesus: he dies again every three days.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          If there is any justice at all in this universe, after I die I will be in charge of tormenting Breitbart. I'll keep resurrecting him right before today's SC decision. Over, and over, and over.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    So, I guess Romney pretty much HAS to pick Sarah Palin as his VP now.

    • tessiee

      Oh, please…
      Just to have Joe Biden debate her…

  • barto

    What Erickson meant to say is "he's not going down on Roberts", not on this one anyways. Giving corporations ultimate power, oh yes yes yes!

    • MozakiBlocks

      Wait…Erick, son of Erick, wants to down on the Chief Justice? Gah, what a horrible mental image?

  • MacRaith

    "As of 3 PM today". An important caveat. The day ain't over yet.

    I predict more and worse to come. (Yeah, I'm really going out on a limb there, aren't I?)

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Shoot, it's only noon on the West Coast. I have hours and hours and hours of potential entertainment left to look forward to.

  • MissTaken

    More waa-waaing than the baby some mother/former employee just brought into the office to bother everyone while we are trying to work (the work she left behind to be a mommy permanently).

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Gadz, I hate inconsiderate bitches like that. I RLY do. We had one who brought the little screaming meemies by about once a week, and fuck everyone who was trying to get any WORK done.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Why do broads even have kids anyway? It's a gubmint plots, I tells ya.

    • tessiee

      "Won't somebody do something about my child while I stare vacantly into space?"

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I really love the stupid cows who bring the kid to the pool and start yawping on their cellie. Little babies + water = a disaster waiting to happen.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    I hereby declare today the official day of DERP DERP DERP.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Remember, Remember, Remember soon, the Derpytude of June.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Yahoo message boards are a good place for insanity.
    This was my favorite:
    "WHO CARES!!!"

    Scroll down for fun comments http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/ticket/obama-speak-su

  • chascates

    Now Obama's evil plan is almost complete! Once we force talk radio to give equal time to non-idiots and allow the Bush tax cuts for the wealthy to expire your precious United States will be just a memory!

    BWAAHAHAHA!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Wouldn’t it be kind of great, if the Supreme Court could just rule against the entire American people, on principle, because we’re losers? "

    Some days I feel very unconstitutional. Until I have my morning constitutional.

  • BS4Dummies

    Are there enough short yellow buses to help them with their move to Canada?

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    For the record, I'm not saying not to vote for him

    Now that Paula of the Bold Colors blog is on the record we can all relax.

    • tessiee

      But I'm not NOT saying not to vote for him… And I'm not not UN-saying not to vote for him… probably… maybe…

  • Slim_Pickins

    Stupid teabaggers can't even spell parrots.

  • chascates
    • BarackMyWorld
    • MissTaken

      Jacqua Flocka @JacquaFlocka

      God literally fuck this. I'm moving to Canada. Jump off a cliff @Obama.

      Both a misunderstanding of 'literally' and a move to Canada to avoid healthcare. Beautiful work @JacquaFlocka!

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        She's been Flocka'd royally.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Too funny.

    • bobbert

      My favorite response comment was : "I'm sick of this hot weather. I'm moving to Ethiopia".

  • BarackMyWorld

    I've been hoping for a "Children’s Treasury Of Wingnut Obamacare Freakouts" post since the ruling was announced. Thanks for not disappointing, Wonkette.

    • emmelemm

      I'm hoping it's continuously updated….

  • Schmannnity

    ♫♪♫ This is the end, beautiful friend, the end.
    This is the end, beautiful friend, the end.
    Of Mitt's elaborate plans, the end,
    To Teaparty's surprise, the end,
    I'll never speak to Roberts . . . again.♫♪♫

    • James Michael Curley

      And Francis Ford Coppala touches off 100.000 gallons of diesel fuel in the Phillipines rain forest.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Since this was originally a republican proposal way back when, I fail to see what their problem is. Other than some uppity black guy got it passed, that is.

  • Ruhe

    I don't know about y'all but assuming Ben Shapiro is right and America is over I'm real excited to see what's next! It's like a new school year is beginning! I've got a cool new pencil box full of #2s and a new back-pack and a groovy ET lunch box and I'm ready to re-write me some constitution…Ragnar Danneskjold style.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      And new clothes!!!

    • tessiee

      "I've got a cool new pencil box full of #2s"

      EWWWWW!!!

      • Raoul

        I misread Ragnar Danneskjold as Rodney Dangerfield. Everyone will have the inalienable right to abuse golf caddies and pull on his tie.

  • PeaceWithHonor

    Black helicopters, piloted by John Roberts and his Marxist clone army, are descending now.

    • TribecaMike

      Paris peace talks again?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        La Celle-Saint Cloud, dude.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Please, Please, Please tell me Jon McNaughton is doing a painting about this!

    • Estproph

      You just know he must be.

    • http://www.tumblr.com/blog/hamsterpantsworld Hammiepants

      I can picture it now: Scalia and the other SCOTUS patriots, standing in a shaft of light, holding the Constitution away (ala the rasing of the flag at Iwo Jima), whilst the Kenyan, the SCOTUS Commies, the Clintons and Nancy Pelosi try to tear it from their righteous grasp. The rotting corpses of Tip O'Neill and Teddy Kennedy are reaching from the grave up to Our Heroes, but ultimatelty they will not be impeded by a little thing called LAW. The Ghost of Breitbart, clad in golden armor will wield lightning bolts from on high at the Usurper and his minions. This shit paints itself.

      • An_Outhouse

        You left out the part about Scalia holding a bloody knife while John Roberts is laying on the ground.

      • Veritas78

        That's soon to be a frighteningly accurate prediction.

    • emmelemm

      Not quite on that level, but pretty good:

      FreeDumb!

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        Did Obama devour part of Lady Liberty, too?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          He took HER HEAD OFF, man! He just flat-out bit her fucking head off!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Wow. That is (wipes tear) BEEYOOTIFUL! Did you do that?

        Pretty damn good, dood.

        • emmelemm

          Oh hell no. Just found it on my interwebs travels this AM.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Well, thanks for sharing it anyway. It's just a bazillion different kinds of wingnutty glory.

      • billy_reuben

        Wow, it looks like Wingnut Lady Liberty is a BBW.

    • tessiee

      Magical prediction, and I ask everyone's forgiveness in advance:

      Before the day is out, someone will have drawn the following cartoon:
      Obama, leering bestially and wearing a lab coat, with a stethoscope around his neck on a rapper-style gold chain, brandishes a meat cleaver labeled "Socialized Medicine", while a terrified Lady Liberty, drawn to look as white as possible and labeled "Freedom of Choice", cringes away from him in the stirrups. I figure the caption will be something along the lines of, "Dis only goan hurt a lil bit, Missy".

      Within one minute, it will go viral; 90% of the men who bookmark it will fap to it.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        DON'T give them ideas, girl, please!

  • Fairtackle

    I wish every day could be SCOTUS upholds Obamacare day.

    • IceCreamEmpress

      Obamacaremas is really for the kids, though.

      • Fare la Volpe

        I still believe in Supremacy Claus!

  • tessiee

    "This is the greatest destruction of individual liberty since Dred Scott."

    Not to my credit, I remembered only that the Dred Scott decision had to to with slavery, but not exactly what it was. So I looked it up on wiki:

    "The decision began by first concluding that the Court lacked jurisdiction in the matter because Dred Scott had no standing to sue in Court, as Scott, and all people of African descent for that matter, were found not to be citizens of the United States."

    It strikes me as extremely peculiar that, of all the case law he could possibly have cited, he chose a decision that black people have no legal standing as an example of a "destruction of liberty". It's at least crossed my mind that he used Dred Scott as some kind of embedded racism, i.e., President Obama is either from Africa, or of African descent, and therefore isn't a "real" citizen, but I think I may be giving him too much credit for subtlety and/or knowledge of American history.

    • scvirginia

      No snark, but I'm pretty sure the Teabaggers like to talk about Dred Scott as code for Roe v. Wade.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    It all makes sense now!!! John Roberts must be the 20th Hijacker!

  • UnholyMoses

    Well, Ben Shapiro has established new heights that make misuse of “literally” literally look like prose thatto which Strunk & White’s ghosts would masturbate to.

    Fixed to keep Strunk & White's ghosts from haunting you forever.

    Oh, and Virgin Ben Shapiro is to smart political analysis what Jeff Dahmer is to effective dinner menu planning.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      No one knew better than Jeff Dahmer about MEN-u planning.

  • mrpuma2u

    New band-aids with Barry O's face on them will be issued shortly.

    • tessiee

      I assume you're kidding, but I would SO buy those.
      And then, I would wear them as pasties.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        And I'd bet you'd wear one of those semi-sheer little things that LayDeez these days like to display The Goods in, and drive the RWNJs cray-cray. They won't know whether to fap or go blind.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    The United States:

    Born: July 4, 1776
    Died: June 28, 2012

    And all because we elected a Muslim who tried to keep us healthy.

    Why do you all doubt Nostradamus!!!!

  • tessiee

    "This is the greatest destruction of individual liberty since Dred Scott."

    Not to my credit, I remembered only that the Dred Scott decision had to to with slavery, but not exactly what it was. So I looked it up on wiki:

    "The decision began by first concluding that the Court lacked jurisdiction in the matter because Dred Scott had no standing to sue in Court, as Scott, and all people of African descent for that matter, were found not to be citizens of the United States."

    It strikes me as extremely peculiar that, of all the case law he could possibly have cited, he chose a decision that black people have no legal standing as an example of a "destruction of liberty", as if he and his ilk would consider that a bad thing anyway. It's at least crossed my mind that he used Dred Scott as some kind of embedded racism, i.e., President Obama is either from Africa, or of African descent, and therefore isn't a "real" citizen, but I think I may be giving him too much credit for subtlety and/or knowledge of American history.

    • prommie

      Wingnuts have made a meme of Dred Scott because they keep comparing Roe V. Wade to it, that the blacks in Dredd Scott = unborn babies.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      I think he's probably doing that wingnut thing where they try to prove to black people how very unracist they are by appropriating a symbol of the history of racial oppression in this country and trying to shoehorn it into their point of view. Kind of like when they scream about how Dems were the ones who filibustered the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

  • tessiee

    "Yes, imagine what Perry’s response would have been!"

    "Duh, which way did he go, George?"

  • MozakiBlocks

    I love the smell of right wing nut jobs exploding in the morning!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Jeez, hydrogen sulfide!

  • lulzmonger

    Damn it!

    Pretty sure I've still got a dangleberry hangin' back there, the roll is totally over & done … & I forgot to get a new package of butt-floss!

    This is the end of America as we know it. No exaggeration.

  • orygoon

    Here I was thinking "winter is coming" without us libruls having any lazy summer days by the lake. But teabagger heads are 'splodin and there's a front-row view from the internetz.

    Time for a Don Marquis quote:

    and it's cheerio my deario
    there's a dance in the old dame yet.

    • tessiee

      Tojours gai, archy.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Ah, fond memories of reading Archy & Mehitabel as a sprog.

      • tessiee

        If you re-read it now (also The Wind in the Willows), you might appreciate it in a completely different way. That's often the case with some of the books I loved as a child.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I should put it on my reading list.

          Wonket'z wonky today. I posted a reply to you earlier, but ID seems to have et it.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Ah, yes, the old silver cross. A well-known two-in-one vampire/werewolf destroyer. Can also be used on socialist Kenyans.

  • JustPixelz

    Ironically or symbolically,I was undergoing a medical procedure when the SCOTUS decision was announced. The procedure involved needles, probes and pain. I now support any health reform that outlaws that procedure.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      …needles, probes and pain….

      Celebrating a little too much there.

    • tessiee

      "The procedure involved needles, probes and pain."

      Is there something you want to tell us, JP?
      *cough*abductedbyaliens*cough*

  • SorosBot

    It's the end of America as Shapiro knows it, and I feel fine.

  • Slim_Pickins

    Now if the tea bag parrots would only emulate Buddhist monks and set themselves on fire.

  • magic_titty

    It's as bad as 9/11 because I'm going to have to listen to idiots whine about it on teevee for years.

    • IceCreamEmpress

      If Lee Greenwood writes a song, I am definitely moving to Canada.

      • tessiee

        *anxious*
        But you're not taking *all* the ice cream with you, right?

    • James Michael Curley

      Whoa! Long time been gone. How's it going?

      • magic_titty

        Good. I miss you all. I need to hang out here more.

        • chascates

          And where have you been, good sir?
          (Not meaning to be demanding or anything!)

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    I, for one, welcome our new Communist Overlords in Amercia.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    It's like 9/11 times 1000 PLUS Pearl Harbor times 10000!!!!!

    It's like crashing the Hindenburg into the Statue of Liberty!

    It's like spray painting graffiti on the Liberty Bell!!!

    It's like ramming a Super Carrier into the mouth of Old Faithful!!!!

    The infamy – the humanity!

    • tessiee

      I know all the tragedies of history, and I can say without hyperbole that this is one billion times worse than all of them put together. — Kent Brockman

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "This is the greatest destruction of reggae since Dred Zeppelin."

    Shapiro is so unhip.

  • TribecaMike

    Now that that's over, we can go back to what we do best: killing pirates!

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I don't know how conservatives can bear another day here. I wouldn't blame them for one second if they all just left the country immediately. Please.

    • emmelemm

      Self-immolation really captures the national attention, know wot i mean?

      RHETORICALLY SPEAKING, of course.

      ETA: Slim_Pickins beat me to it.

    • GeneralLerong

      Yeah – Maybe we could ask Soros to offer free tickets to Somalia, Sudan, Myanmar, Angola, and whatever that sinking atoll is.

      Holidays in Hell, bitches! [You can go, too, PJ. Especially you.]

      • bikerlaureate

        Srsly, I'm willing to step up and contribute – and I'd have to collect aluminum cans or sell plasma to do it. There are few causes more compassionate than helping these troubled souls leave the formerly-free USA (before the election, natch).

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Twitter is all explodey with wingnuts threatening to emigrate to Canada becuz American Soshulism.

      Wait till they find out about Canay-jun Soshulism.

      • chascates

        They would probably enjoy Burma Myanmar.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Not any more, now that Daw Aung San Suu Kyi bids fair to win some measure of power.

  • mavenmaven

    Waiting for the inevitable comparison of accessible health care for all to Dachau.

  • Sassomatic

    Communisim!! Fuck yeah!

  • Billmatic

    THIS IS THE WORST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO AMERICA SINCE 9/11, PEARL HARBOR, DRED SCOTT, LEBRON JAMES WINNING THE FINALS, JERRY SANDUSKY, THE LOST FINALE, AND TRANSFORMERS 3.

    (do i win?)

    • Fare la Volpe

      You left out Twilight.

      • Billmatic

        well to be fair i also left out the cancellation of Firefly, the end of Mass Effect 3 and the Baltimore Colts moving to Indianapolis.

    • chascates

      Rep. Mike Pence Compares Obamacare Ruling To 9/11 | ThinkProgress http://thinkprogress.org/security/2012/06/28/5084

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I you’re going to move to a country without socialized medicine may I suggest Somalia. The beaches are nice I hear.

    • GeneralLerong

      Plus they make sure they get a plane load of narco plant each and every day, without fail, even if everyone's starving.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    You have to figure Roberts used Sharia Law in his interpretation?

  • Come here a minute

    Couldn't Marco Rubio think of any more hashtags?

    ######################################

    • IceCreamEmpress

      #TioTomas

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Srsly. That gusano needs to wear a great big SIGN on his back with that lettered on.

        • Butch_Wagstaff

          Saw Marco on Charlie Rose. Man, he is really trying to kiss the asses of the GOP big boys. He wants to be one of them SO bad.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            He actually had his spokesschmuck stomp all OVAH Rmoney for that campaign leak about not vetting him. Spokesschmuck opined as how Rmoney had dissed THE MOST PROMINENT Hispanic politician in Amercia. Talk about ego.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            Wow.

  • Wilcoxyz

    If you loved Teatard spelling, you'll love Teatard math.

    5-4 is apparently not a majority. It is soshulist-Kenyan illegal.

    • tessiee

      Except in November 2000.

  • tessiee

    Kent Brockman: When cat burglaries start, can mass murders be far behind? This reporter isn't saying that the burglar is an inhuman monster like the Wolfman, but he very well could be. So, professor: would you say it's time for everyone to panic?
    Professor: Yes I would, Kent.

  • lulzmonger

    Shit!

    That bus sure is packed to the tits … & I didn't have time to shower before I left for work.

    This is the end of America as we know it. No exaggeration.

  • carlgt1

    what's funnily hypocritical is the ideological ancestors of the teabaggers CHEERED the Dred Scott decision in 1857 — and through today!

    And are they going to spin that Chief Justice Roberts is suddenly a commie atheist? That's only conclusion one can make from the neocon justices take on it through the Breitfat types….

  • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

    Oh, my God, Shapiro is right! As I look out my window, I see a smoking hole where Washington DC used to be. Obama's Healthcare army troops are coming down my street as we speak. They are going from door to door checking everyone's health insurance papers are up to date.

    It is truly the Apocalypse and Armageddon rolled into one.

    We are doomed! Doomed I tell you!

    Oh crap, my hair just caught fire… I have to run around and wave my arms in the air for a while…

  • tessiee

    Rush has already [snicker!] *finger quotes* "threatened" to leave.

    • scvirginia

      Who would take him?

      • cheetojeebus

        The Great Pacific Garbage Patch?

      • tessiee

        The Dominican Republic? After all, he's single-handedly keeping their economy going.

    • bobbert

      Didn't he threaten to leave if the ACA passed back in 2010?

  • An_Outhouse

    Wait, wait, back up. Who went "down on Roberts“?

  • Abernathy

    Isn't putting a [sic] after anything written/uttered by a teabag redundant?

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    This is a quality freakout on the grandest scale — matched only by election night 2008 — and I am enjoying it immensely.

    • emmelemm

      Wait'll election night 2012.

      • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

        do NOT jinx that.

  • thefrontpage

    Shapiro, Rubio, Boehner and Romney and all of their demon followers are tools of the insane. They are moronic, idiotic, and so far from dealing with reaility, they should all check into the nearest insane asylum. Yes–insane asylum.

  • http://wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

    I knew we could count on a Children's Treasury today. Because I treasure nothing more than seeing wingnut heads explode over the fact the Chief Justice, appointed by their man Bush Junior, voted with the Libruls.

  • SenileAgitation

    Why din't they all threaten to flee the US of Socialism for Canada when the same court ruled that corporate rights to free speech over ride the rights of states to legislate campaign limits, because commerce = not commerce? Isn't that all fascisty, or Stalinesque? I shouldn't look for consistency in the emotional responses of dunces I guess, but. I want my country back!

    • TribecaMike

      Join Money Without Borders today!

  • rickmaci

    "This is the end of America as we know it."

    Sweet Jeebuzz, really? Racist, sexist, misogynistic, homophobic, bigoted, ignorant, jingoistic America is over, and all because of a little heath care law? Who'd a thunk that was all it would take.

    • chascates

      And I feel fine.

  • Dumbedup

    Well, tell you this, if I lived in DC, wasn't married and still drank , I'd be out tonight, cause the liberal girls are gonna' be out, drunk and horny over this shit.

  • Douché

    This decision literally gave me a heart attack. I don't have health insurance, oh wait, now I do…

  • Gopherit

    As someone much wiser than me said today, the neocons should be reassured that their butthurt is covered by the ACA.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I love that, can I steal it? PLEEZ?

  • NellCote71

    "Oh, also, lots of people on Twitter swore they would move to Canada, to escape socialized medicine, which we don’t even know where to begin with that."

    So, these weren't ironic tweets? I thought the Twitterati were just being funny. No? They're serious? Canada???

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I can't stop larfing. Wait till they find out.

  • Guppy

    Does Michele Leonhart think the drungs Pamella Geller is obviously on are more dangerous than marijuana?

    Seriously, Chuck Grassley is looking over at her Twitter feed and all like "Hey now…"

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I'm sure this really isn't news to you, but 95% of Twitter users look at PamelaTheNutbag's Twitter feed and go "Hey, now …"

  • JackObin

    I believe the end of America as we knew it happened when Doritos hit the sagging shelves.

  • Guppy

    I'm a joiner with no self-esteem, so now I'm also feeling the urge to be among the people running naked down the street screaming "NOBAMAAAAA!"

    • tessiee

      A helpful hint from when the bad boys streaked my high school cafeteria:
      If you try this, make sure that you do NOT lose a contact lens.

  • freddymcmurray

    He says "end of America as we know it" as if that's a bad thing. Good riddance old America! Is that like Rummy's "old Europe"?

  • CivicHoliday

    Cry HAMMOCK and let slip the donuts of war! (I'm very tired from all that hateful tweeting and now must go sleep off my carb cakes, while lovingly cradling my plush Sarah Palin commemorative moose-holding-a-shotgun body pillow)

  • http://matthewgreenbaum.com swordfis

    Pamela Gellar's neighbors should really call Bellevue.

  • StanleyPain2

    When I woke up this morning, I woke up in America. Now, when I go to bed tonight, I'll be going to sleep in Stalinist Hitlerian Gay Socialistic Welfare State Muslimocracy Land. THANKS LIE-BERALS!

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Unfortunately for all those who want to come to Canada, there's some pretty stringent immigration qualifications, just sayin'

    • TribecaMike

      And the same for the US if they change their minds.

  • chascates

    America's Joan of Arc offers hope: <a href="http://www.facebook.com/sarahpalin/posts/10151009014228588” target=”_blank”>http://www.facebook.com/sarahpalin/posts/10151009014228588
    Thank you, SCOTUS. This Obamacare ruling fires up the troops as America’s eyes are opened! Thank God.

    This proves to be such an unsettling time in America as we undergo the fundamental transformation that Barack Obama promised he would do to us if elected. Obamacare was dealt in deception and confusion by flooding the public with an overwhelming amount of conflicting “rationale” via thousands of pages of unread legislative detail, which is the radical left’s M.O. Obama promised the American people this wasn’t a tax and that he’d never raise taxes on anyone making less than $250,000. We now see that this is the largest tax increase in history. It will slam every business owner and every one of the 50% of Americans who currently pay their taxes. The other 50% are being deceived if they think they’re going to get a free ride – because Medicaid is broke. Recipients of Obama’s “free health care” will have fewer choices and less accessibility. Trust me – this much more expensive health care WILL be rationed; to claim otherwise defies all economic and common sense.

    We will not retreat on this. A newly elected legislative branch is key to defending our Republic and fundamentally restoring all that is good in America.

    SCOTUS now rules this is a tax? Well, Congress has the ability to create taxes – and also has the ability to rescind them. Upon their return from the July recess, Congress should act immediately to repeal this terrible new tax on the American people, and indeed they must repeal all of Obamacare. This is the most brazen and sweeping new tax and government overreach imposed on us. We the People did not ask for this tax, we do not want this tax, and we can’t afford this tax. This is not an answer to America’s health care challenges.

    It’s time, again, for patriotic Americans to rise up to protest this obvious infringement on our economic and personal freedom. November is just around the corner. Today, the Supreme Court issued their ruling on Obamacare. In November, We the People will issue ours.

    – Sarah Palin

  • rocktonsam

    "It's really kind of sad that Breitbart"

    is dead

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Oh really Obama? You gonna assess a tax penalty on John Galt when he refuses to pay for insurance that only stupid people are supposed to buy? I'd like to see you try. Next time try inventing something like a cool perpetual motion machine, see how far you get, and call me back. If you're lucky I might not fuck you in the ass as a response.

  • ttommyunger

    This is great! Over-react much? This type of hysterical rant will drive Independents away in droves. I think the train has left the station, Romney is fucked, big-time.

  • notanncoulter

    can't… stop… laughing… comments… are… giving… me… convulsions… omglolrofl…

  • redarmyzombie

    Well, I realize I'm late to this game, but what the hell.

    You know what, conservatives? Y'all can suck my fat, gay, Mexican @ss!

    (am I…swearing too much?)

  • DahBoner

    Needs more songs about pooping.