death's last laugh

Your Supreme Court Health Care Liveblog of the Century

The future starts nowThe Supreme Court will announce at 10 a.m. whether America is allowed to have health care ever again. Haven’t we gotten spoiled, America? We don’t need health care. What we need is more personal liberty to destroy ourselves and not pay for it. We need more of that. Let’s see what the naked Scalia monster god decides today. Our bet is… uphold 6-3! No… strike down mandate 5-4? Strike down everything 9-0, there we go. Now let’s liveblog a few hours of the teevee, and Twitter.

9:46 — The cable news channels have all the latest “legal chatter,” and it goes WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK.
9:52 — Our liveblog will mostly be straight copy-pasted from SCOTUSblog’s liveblog. (We will have wacky pictures though? Ehh…) Anyway one of the dudes over there says, he says, “The Court will start at 10am, but we don’t expect to get the Healthcare decision until around 10:15. That is because it is likely that the Court will announce its decision in two other pending cases before it gets to Health Care.” Fifteen more minutes of waiting is bullshit; going back to bed.
9:55 — Some people have said that if the Court overturns the whole law, then it would be partially Democrats’ fault for not ever explaining it well enough. Got that? It would be Democrats’ fault if Antonin Scalia & co. decided to go insane and break 70 years of precedent.
10:00 — Wolf Blitzer: “The fate of health care reform, the health care law that the president signed in 2010… will be determined. In a few minutes, the entire world will know.” Show some tit already, Wolf.
10:03 — Ha whoa, the Supreme Court just affirmed a Ninth Circuit ruling. (Gay). They threw out the Stolen Valor Act, a funny thing about wearing someone else’s military medals.
10:08 — CNN’s initial report from inside the Court: MANDATE GOES DOWN.
10:10 — Ben Smith’s twatter: “Wait: AP and CNN just reported opposite outcomes.” Oh come on.
10:11 — SCOTUSblog: “#SCOTUS upholds #ACA individual mandate.” CNN still hasn’t corrected itself. Or SCOTUSblog hasn’t. This is awful, reporters.
10:12 — “NBC’s Pete Williams: Supreme Court upholds health care law.”
10:13 — Ha ha ha, CNN completely fucked it up.
10:14 — Tom at SCOTUSblog: “The bottom line: the entire ACA is upheld, with the exception that the federal government’s power to terminate states’ Medicaid funds is narrowly read.”

Entire. Law. Upheld. PARTY TIME!

10:18 — Johnny Roberts Saved Health Care. We still dislike you, John Roberts!
10:26 — Where were you, when CNN got the biggest story of the year wrong?

10:29 — So apparently Justice Kennedy went full wingnut and is reading his wingnut dissent now. Liberal John Roberts is now having gay sex with blahs. Really, though, full wingnut: the dissent would have struck down the whole law.
10:33 — This is the executive director of the DNC (and former White House political director):

10:44 — So now the reaction is just… OBAMA LIED! “Obama lied to the American people. Again. He said it wasn’t a tax. Obama lies; freedom dies,” says Alaska moron Sarah Palin.
10:47 — This is the Fox News Supreme Court correspondent. God is peeing on the media! It really is a perfect day.

10:51 — Crowds outside the Abortionplex are reportedly at a record high. Free abortion never felt so good!
10:55 — Fox News also reported it wrong at first, as their viewers demand.
11:04 — There are THE MURMURS in the comments about the old argument that if the law had been struck down, it might have made it easier to bring about single-payer. I think this has always been a pretty terrible argument, SO THERE.
11:13 — To recap, for students who showed up LATE: The PPACA is upheld, 5-4, with Roberts joining the libtard justices. The four dissenters would have thrown out the whole law. The mandate was upheld not on Commerce Clause grounds — yikes! — but on the grounds that it was a tax. (Which the Obama administration argued it wasn’t, even though it was.) As for the Medicaid expansion, Roberts wrote:

Nothing in our opinion precludes Congress from offering funds under the ACA to expand the availability of health care, and requiring that states accepting such funds comply with the conditions on their use. What Congress is not free to do is to penalize States that choose not to participate in that new program by taking away their existing Medicaid funding.

So the feddy gov can’t take away pre-expansion dollars as a penalty for not accepting the expansion. Since the feddy gov is paying for the whole expansion for five or six years, though, and will pay for 90% of it indefinitely afterwards, it’s a pretty good deal for states! But some states will still probably reject it, because of right-wing politics. (UPDATE: Wonkette’s own “COMICS MAN” Josh Fruhlinger is going to write a whole post about Medicaid now!)
11:25 — SPIKING THE FOOTBALL WATCH. David Denby will not be pleased with this reference to a dead guy:

11:27 — I’m going to the liquor store. Liveblog break!
11:41 — Ahhhhhhh, delicious morning beer, you are Wonkette’s only friend. Everyone have a beer right now! We’ll have a roundup of comical winger reactions later. (Michele Bachmann is freaking out on CNN right now, in the background. Or is it a muppet in Michele Bachmann clothes? CNN is not trustworthy.) So far this is my favorite, from American Enterprise Institute blogger James “Jimmy P” Pethokoukis.

11:53 — Mitt Romney is talking now. He says he still simply does not care for Obamacare, the law he invented.
11:55 — Here is Obama, reading the news on his CNN iPad app this morning:

11:59 — The AP has BREAKING TWITTER NEWS: “BREAKING: Romney says he will act to ‘repeal Obamacare.'” Tell the whole neighborhood — game changer? — health care… — stat.
12:08 — Michele Bachmann has emailed your Wonkette, demanding funds in the third paragraph:

Dear Jism,

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

Those were words my mother drilled into me as a child growing up. After the events of this morning, this has never been more true: to get rid of Obamacare, we’re going to have to fight.

I’m asking you to pledge your support for full repeal of Obamacare in the United States Congress by making special gift to my campaign of $100, $75, $50 or $25 dollars today.

12:11 — Josh “The Great Hitler of Baltimore” Fruhlinger has weighed in on Medicaid: Is it still as free as abortion?
12:20 — So about that “John Roberts not buying the law on Commerce Clause grounds” thing — isn’t that maybe a horrible precedent that will destroy the world (like taxes do)? SCOTUSblog Lyle and SCOTUSblog Tom have an Internet debate:

Lyle: The rejection of the Commerce Clause and Nec. and Proper Clause should be understood as a major blow to Congress’s authority to pass social welfare laws. Using the tax code — especially in the current political environment — to promote social welfare is going to be a very chancy proposition.

Tom: I dissent from Lyle’s view that the Commerce Clause ruling is a major blow to social welfare legislation. I think that piece of the decision will be read pretty narrowly.

The Wonkette Legal Desk will side with Tom, because Lyle’s take makes us sad.
12:27 — “Government-regulated health care makes me so mad that I’m moving to Canada” is the new “Get your government hands off my Medicare.”

12:47 — Your Wonkette Liveblogger is going to lunch. Thanks for reading the Liveblog of the Century. Here are some tweets that Fox- and CNN-watching members of Congress deleted.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


  1. AbandonHope

    I see an awesome banana_bread drawing up there. This thread is off to a great start.

      1. James Michael Curley

        When I worked in LA I had to be at work at 7:00 am because those shits couldn't do anything without knowing what was happening on Wall Street.

    1. thatsitfortheother1

      Good evening from Germany. If the Geraniums beat Italy tonight, on top of the good news out of DC, I mihgt be able to force a smile.

      A big one.

    2. Callyson

      Yes, it is a beautiful morning here in La – La land* isn't it?


      *La – La land = term of affection for the City of Angels

      1. HoytClagwell

        I am so stealing that expression. It will replace my current favorite, stolen from the movie _Doc Hollywood_: "I couldn't be happier if I was twins!"

        1. anniegetyerfun

          GAWD, I used to have a client that would say that. "Never had a bad day!" and "If I were any better, I'd be twins!". These two chirpy statements were usually met with icy silence by those of us trying to fix his computer problems at 3AM.

    1. GemlikeFlame

      Close. I'm now waiting for the first Tea Bagger group seppuku. And by waiting for I mean vigorously anticipating. Got my popcorn and PBR right here. Let the fun begin!

        1. GemlikeFlame

          Schadenfreude is a guilty pleasure and I'm feeling… let's see, what's the opposite of guilty… Ah. As one of my college roommates put it:

          "Happier than a dude with two hookers and five grams of Peruvian flake."

          Guy could coin a simile at the drop of a hat.

          1. AbandonHope

            Oh, I was using the "Avenue Q" definition: taking pleasure in the suffering of others.

            ("Wow, that is German!")

        1. GemlikeFlame

          Pfft. Like a tea bagger can follow a diagram. You only need three words:

          "Pointy end in."

          but that assumes the tea bagger can read. OK, I like your way better.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      As I do for all formal occasions, I am wearing a top hat, tux jacket, and my "I'm with stupid" T-shirt.

    2. Mojopo

      I'm wearing a dark cloud over my head, by Armani, and I made the poop stains in my underpants by myself.

    3. FakaktaSouth

      Well, it's already a thousand degrees here, so for decorum's sake I'm all tank topped and short shorted in case the ups guys shows up – or I have to run out screaming in the streets from anger at stupidity.

    4. PsycWench

      Jeans and a decent shirt, as I preside over a final exam in my summer school class. The students do not quite understand why I am glued to a laptop wearing earbuds and looking anxious. Probably think I'm watching porn.

      1. AbandonHope

        By the way, looking at your description, are you a psychology teacher who is evil, or a teacher of evil psychology? Because, either way, that's pretty awesome.

        1. PsycWench

          According to my students, the former (at least part of the time). According to the fine folks at Liberty, Regent and Bob Jones, the latter.

    5. banana_bread

      Pajama pants and a snarky pop-culture t shirt. And my favorite quilt. Bundled up in bed so fainting will be easier.

    6. Redgyal

      A business suit for a meeting with El Cliente later, but checking out the cute guy in the shorts while I work.

      BTW, anyone else have problems responding to replys when you get email notices?

    7. Callyson

      Running clothes, because I figured I would have to blow off some steam since I would have bet the rent money the ruling would go the other way.

      Workout will have to wait until I do a victory dance…

    8. reliefsinn

      Bathrobe with no tie. Anyway, even if I didn't know anything at all about this issue, after looking at the NY Times slideshow, with the TPartier idiot in his "costumes", which include a tri-corn hat and a bullhorn, (which I am not sure is period correct), and the slide of the HC suporters, one of which was a belly dancer, I would know which side I was on. Cheers!

    9. Fare la Volpe

      My French maid outfit arrived in the mail yesterday, and I was waiting for a special occasion to break it out, so…yeah. Need any ironing done, Mistress?

  2. noodlesalad

    The important thing is that a small panel of non-elected people will decide the country's fate today, and every day, just as the Founding Fathers intended. And, by Founding Fathers, I mean Mao Zedong and others present at the creation of the nine-member standing committee of the Politburo in China.

    1. James Michael Curley

      Scalia will take lunch at the Harbor Club then go to a Klan meeting, sorry – a Federalist Society meeting.

  3. Doktor Zoom

    Heh… Scotusblog is having a hard time providing content BEFORE anything happens:

    "To answer another question from a Jeff Toobin fan, I have seen him here this morning. "

  4. AbandonHope

    I'm supposed to find a high-voltage DC power supply to troubleshoot this equipment on my desk… I probably shouldn't be anywhere near high voltages when SCOTUS announces the decision.

  5. Tyrannically_Joe

    I would be eagerly anticipating the opinion, if I didn't have both a sibling and a girlfriend who are under 26 and "freelancers" which is a funny way of saying they get paid peanuts and don't get benefits. Also, too, if I were an asshole.

  6. ChernobylSoup

    Be serious everybody, this is the judicial branch we're talking about. Show some decorum.

  7. actor212

    I think there will be a series of decisions that will strike down the heart of Obamacare but somehow, the Justices will ignore precedent and decide that the parts that say it's OK for students to stay on their parents policies will be fine.

    In other words, judicial activism.

    1. AbandonHope

      But only if said students register as Republicans and go to church regularly.

      It's what Thomas Jesusson intended.

  8. jodyleek

    I know I asked this in the previous thread, and yes I am a dunderhead, but what happens to the Massachusetts health care law if "Obamacare" gets struck down?

      1. BarackMyWorld

        Unless they do to it what they use Citizens United to do what they did with that Montana law the other day.

  9. Respitetini

    Also, I'd totally get all worked up about this, but after our Great Leftist Hope decided to water the whole bloody thing down and turn it into a huge Insurance Co. giveaway, I find myself all out of indignation.

    1. AbandonHope

      There was an interesting piece on NPR about how striking down the individual mandate could actually lead to a single-payer solution. I don't remember the details, but their argument was basically that people love the other provisions in the ACA so much that it would be political suicide for any legislator to get rid of the whole thing, but they have to pay for it somehow, so they'll come up with the solution of letting people go onto a Medicare-style program. It doesn't seem very likely, but it was a nice idea.

      1. Dr. Nick Riviera

        We have a better chance of discovering a puffy pink unicorn that cures people with its rainbow horn.

        If they strike it down, they have precedent to strike down Medicare as well.

      2. anniegetyerfun

        The individual mandate was put in place specifically because Republicans squalled like soiled infants over the idea of a single-payer plan. Of course, they WANTED the individual mandate because they knew they could challenge it in court.

  10. Estproph

    Strike down 1-8, Scalia writing the majority opinion of 1.

    OK, seriously, strike down 5-4. Not that I want that, I just know that's what's coming.

  11. actor212

    I foresee a 9-0 ruling that states that Miller Lite tastes shitty and is more filling, altho Kennedy had to have his arm twisted on that last.

  12. EatsBabyDingos

    A 900 foot tall naked Scalia would kill us all. Just the image. Then we don't need no steenkin' health care.

  13. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    My guess: Outlaw all healthcare for anyone making less than 1,000,000 a year for ever 5-4. Exemptions for supreme court justices and certain republican politicians.

  14. Dildeaux

    tbaggers soil themselves in 3…2…1….

    I try really really hard not to hate. Today will be extra difficult.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      To be fair, we ARE talking about fat old people on Rascals. So, adult diapers are likely a part of their daily existence.

  15. Beowoof

    I am afraid it is going to be struck down. The five corporate drones on the court have been given their orders by Charles and David Koch and they will do as they are told.,

  16. fuflans

    does anyone else have a slight frisson of interest in wondering what the clusterfuck will look like if they strike it down?

    or is that just me attempting to find some shred of hope?

  17. Respitetini

    What's the line on when the first official tweet comes out? Can I get 4/3 on 10:05?

  18. freakishlywrong

    Either way, it's Obama's fault. Screw the American people, this will be bad for Obama.

  19. Crank_Tango

    I predict a 49-3 blowout in favor of conviction and the AFC title, but a loss in the Super Bowl.

  20. FakaktaSouth

    I find the hour of our live-blogging unfair, I have alcohol associations to deal with ya know – there's a big decision about to happen and I am supposed to do this sober just because it's 9am and my all my prior buzzes have worn off? Well, fuck that – I'm day drinking.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        so fancy. I am going to say yes – and that kicks the hell out of whatever the brandy laced margaritas I drank the other day made me feel like in the morning..

    1. prommie

      In the words of the great Mojo Nixon (and if you don't know who Mojo Nixon is, then your store could use some fixin') Beer Ain't Drinking. This is the motto on the prommie family crest, as well.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        What in the hell makes you think I would ever drink beer at 9am? Beer is for 2o'clock in the afternoon cause it's too hot by the pool. Mornings were made for Vodka. voooooodkaaaaaaa…oh and the wake and bake of it all.

    2. prommie

      BTW, Fakakta, in much more important news, you see the BCS is going to have a 4-team playoff system to determine the NCAA champion, starting in 2014? What I am wondering is whether this is redundant, since there already is an SEC championship game anyway, which is basically the same as national champion, just a bit harder to achieve.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Oh christ, you know this is just so they have a better shot of knocking my team out. Florida and Alabama have worn that sec championship out since it's inception in the 90s. I guess the other conferences think this will help them somewhat. I have been so far out of every loop lately I'm gonna have to look into all of this. 4 teams sounds weird. that's not even repping all the "major" conferences.

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          I expect they'll just keep the current nutty system, and use it to pick the fab four. Giving the SEC two chances to not win it all will make everyone else happy, which is the point of the exercise.

  21. noodlesalad

    Don't Tread on Me! And by tread, I mean make a concerted effort to provide me or my children with affordable healthcare options while addressing the spiraling costs in the non-competitive world of private insurance, like the accursed British!

  22. Limeylizzie

    Apparently there are "men" chanting "Real Women Buy Their Own Contraception" outside the court. Cunts

    1. AbandonHope

      To borrow from the popular phrase, those men have neither the warmth or the depth to be called that.

    2. Barb

      Oh yeah? You think breaking a mirror and the seven years of bad luck is bad? Try breaking a condom.

      1. prommie

        Breaking a condom can be a shockingly good thing, in a way. They tend to pop like balloons, one second, its there, the next, its not, Its like sudden total immersion. But then there are the associated isssues.

  23. OurHoboSenator

    I would have more faith if this case were being tried in Judge Joe Brown's courtroom.

  24. actor212

    The crowd outside the courthouse is overwhelming pro-HCR, if CNNs feed is any example. I see a few Teabaggers. There might be blood in the streets today. CNN reporter about to do live stand-up feed now

    1. Dildeaux

      Im a pacifist by nature, but there will have to be blood sooner or later if things are to change. We are headed into a libertarian void with no end in sight. Depressed? Me? Nah.

  25. Doktor Zoom

    OK, Stolen Valor Act is unconstitutional–good call. Lying sucks but is free speech until someone's defrauded

  26. prommie

    Hell, my prediction is that Scalia et al will use this one to invalidate all commerce clause jurisprudence from 1865 on, and repeal the emancipation proclamation, too.

    1. Limeylizzie

      Thank God we have a lawyer in the house, tell us why they are wrong when they strike it down.

      1. prommie

        The short story is that these conservative legal scholars are all members of a cult that worships Alexander Hamilton and regards the federalist papers as superior to the Constitution, and they are engaged in a systematic, concerted effort to overturn 100 years of absolutely established precedent which has interpreted the Commerce Clause as empowering Congress to enact very broad economic and general welfare legislation (social security, school aid, medicare and medicaid, pretty much every single good thing the government does in a developed nation; they want us to be a pure Federalist Somalia.).

    2. Dr. Nick Riviera

      I predict a return to the days when only landowning white men could vote. The "golden years" of America.

      1. prommie

        And for God's sake, no more direct election of Senators and presidential electors. The country has gone downhill ever since that idiocy.

  27. Doktor Zoom

    Also, Scotusblog is giving us as much info about their own traffic stats as about anything else–I think they're saying, yeah, we're kind of a big deal

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Hey, if your traffic got a 100,000% boost, you'd probably want to talk about it too.

  28. ChernobylSoup

    I ever tell you guys about the time I won a Purple Heart, 3 Silver Stars, and the Distinguished Service Medal all in one day?

    1. Dr_Zoidberg

      Ha! I was knighted AND crowned the Queen of Switzerland – and I have the medals to prove it.

    2. nonbeliever7

      That's got to be a world for time for taking advantage of new law. Even beat out Exxon Mobil.

    3. actor212

      That's nothing! My wife, Morgan Fairchild, once blew the entire Joints Chiefs of Staff at the same time and got all their medals.

  29. Respitetini

    "Show some tit already, Wolf."

    Isn't his career already at "Tasteful Playboy Pictorial" levels?

  30. AbandonHope

    I do with IntenseDebate didn't auto-close all the opened threads every time you click "Last Activity" to refresh.

  31. BarackMyWorld

    "The Court will start at 10am, but we don’t expect to get the Healthcare decision until around 10:15. That is because it is likely that the Court will announce its decision in two other pending cases before it gets to Health Care."

    This is like when I went to the midnight screening of the first Star Wars prequel, then having to sit through 25 minutes of previews for other movies.

    1. viennawoods13

      Could be worse. Me and my friends paid big bucks for a midnight premier screening of The Return of the Jedi, and the projector broke down TWICE during the showing. I almost throttled my friend Pat.
      Oh, and congratulations, neighbours! Amazingly and unexpectedly good news.

    2. BaldarTCrabass

      Or watching the Oscars. "Best Lighting? Who gives a fuck? Let's get to Best Picture."

    1. randcoolcatdaddy

      Hmph … guess he's getting as tired of Scalia's bitter old man routine as everyone else is.

  32. Doktor Zoom

    "So the mandate is constitutional. Chief Justice Roberts joins the left of the Court. "

        1. James Michael Curley

          I have get cable because I can’t get broadband without hooking into it. Just converted to fiber optic.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Remarkably, today just happened to be the day Chet wore his WW II vintage airman's uniform.

      1. Barb

        Remarkably, today is the day that Lizzie dressed as Poland and is waiting to be invaded.

        Love ya, Sister!

      1. Limeylizzie

        The earth moved, but seeing as I am in Los Angeles and our house is on a hill and is on 30 ft pylons, it could have been an earthquake.

  33. prommie

    And oh hey now, can I put in my application to be wonkette's graphic artist? I have neither talent nor experience, but judging from the artwork up above, that makes me perfectly qualified.

    1. banana_bread

      Hey now, I will have you know that it took me fifteen half-drunk minutes to shit that out.

  34. BaldarTCrabass

    Kinda like when my team is getting their ass kicked in a ballgame, I should probably just tune out and come back later to see how things went. If they lost, well, that's what I expected. If they made a miracle comeback and won the game, great; too bad I didn't see it, but great.

  35. FakaktaSouth

    Wait, we won? Really? Well I'll be fucking damned. Roll Tide motherfuckers. I have no idea what do with these feelings.

    1. Chichikovovich

      War Eagle Roll Tide! [Hey, why not – Saban dumped Michigan State for greener pastures, how bad can he be?]

        1. FakaktaSouth

          you know how sometimes you can spend all this time thinking such good things about a person, really appreciating their intelligence and humor and then BAM they say a thing and everything else goes out the window? Like finding out they are a scientologist? Or say w– e—-? (there are somethings that are too crass even for me) Oh well, we had a good run.

          1. prommie

            He said it first, I was commenting on the absurd retardedness of having three fucking totems.

          2. FakaktaSouth

            yeah, not just ANY team can be cool enough to clap like a gator mouth to the theme music of a shark. That is some meta-cheering right thar. What the fuck is THAT all about anyway?

          3. prommie

            Not just any team can have sea-level rise as a mascot either. I will have you know that the boys are the squarest and the girls are the fairest of any old school down our way, hey.

          4. FakaktaSouth

            my mascot is the fucking ocean, your mascot can't even survive floating around in it – you shut up shut up shut up.

          5. prommie

            So, whatcha got planned for the weekend? You going to go noodling for catfish again? Make sure your tube don't leak, and watch out for water moccasins!

          6. FakaktaSouth

            Just because I know what all of these things are doesn't mean I have to participate – I can just be adjacent to things I love happily. And I looooove eating fried catfish, you hush. And anyway Jersey boy what you gonna be doing that's so great? Car bombing someone that didn't pay their weekly mafia tributes? Got some fingers to chop off behind a dumpster? Dice game to monitor?

          7. FakaktaSouth

            I would rather, literally, noodle a catfish with your dick. GROSS. And I still haven't ever seen that show or anything those people have done to become "famous"

        1. prommie

          This post-orgasmic glow is a nice feeling. Am I supposed to smoke a cigarette now? Light two?

    2. Nothingisamiss

      Living here in the dirty south, it's hard to take a victory. I was already going over in my mind how the cheeseheads lost the recall and how dems would never win again.

      Really, fuck. Who knew Robert's would look at the actual constitutionality of the law?

        1. FakaktaSouth

          HEY The SOUTH WILL RISE AGAIN. I'm not sure how high it was to begin with, so ya know, whatever…

          1. prommie

            If you'll be my Dixie Chicken, I will be your Tennessee ham, or whatever the fuck that all shit means?

          2. FakaktaSouth

            wait, ham? Is that what those words are? oh god, first you say pro-aub things and now you have me googling little feat lyrics?

          3. prommie

            Now you take that back, I have never said a pro-Auburn thing in my life, and I had to watch fucking Bo Jackson running all over my Gators, too. You remember watching Bo Jackson when you were 5, dont you?

          4. 1stNewtontheMoon

            Go Vols? Anyone? anyone? dooley's not been awesome (yet).

            but, yeah, his wife is lady lady's doctor!

          5. prommie

            Vols? Oh, yeah, thats that early-season tune-up game the Gators have every September, kinda like that team the Harlem Globetrotters is constantly beating up on.

          6. FakaktaSouth

            I wish to hell Derek would do SOMETHING besides post bail for those boys in Knoxville, ain't no fun just kicking the shit out of your most favorite hated rival all the time…

          7. FakaktaSouth

            okay, I love you again – i'm a sucker for any kinda "aint you such a sweet young thing-ness" yes, Bo Jackson, who was he? (I was like 10 and 11 when he was running the wrong way and still winning in truth, but still, 5 works)

          8. prommie

            Before Bo, and I know you wasn't even borned yet, there was this back at Georgia name of Herschel Walker, he was pretty good too.

          9. FakaktaSouth

            Champion MMA cage fighter Herschel Walker was a football player too? Wow. Who knew…(the espn doc on that man has created a love for him in my heart that surpasses the Bull-dawgedness from whence he came. That and his fucking guns, the man is STILL made of black onyx marble.)

  36. randcoolcatdaddy

    "Wait: AP and CNN just reported opposite outcomes.”

    Which one is watching FoxNews?

  37. Doktor Zoom

    "The bottom line: the entire ACA is upheld, with the exception that the federal government's power to terminate states' Medicaid funds is narrowly read. "

  38. Limeylizzie

    Upheld the whole ACA with exception of state's Medicaid funds is narrowly read, and that is it!

  39. BarackMyWorld

    Wow…the Court says "you can have it but you argued it wrong"…that solicitor general really sucks.

    1. AncienReggie

      Too true. Sending in Mr. Fuddlefuck to argue with Scalia was a real mistake. Still, an ugly win beats no win.

  40. Dildeaux

    In the wake of our stunning victory over hate and prejudice, Id like to extend a warm fuck you to Orange Foolius, Mitch McChinless and every single treasonous tbagging bastard in the United States. Please go fuck off.

      1. 1stNewtontheMoon

        but it will be covered by the government-sponsored health care (that they're highly likely to already be one vis a vis medicare).

        1. AbandonHope

          That's the real source of outrage — teabaggers are just furious that we're muscling in on their free health care.

    1. Callyson

      You can watch that happen live on HuffyPo…probably FOX too though I am not going to kill my for-once-alcohol-free happy buzz by putting that channel on.

      What a beautiful day…

  41. banana_bread

    It's… upheld? Really? Really???

    Pardon me while I quietly weep tears of joy in the corner.

    1. AbandonHope

      You know what finally turned the tide?

      That's right, your awesome drawing of alien Maddow bursting out of Scalia's chest.

  42. Dildeaux

    fox headline: Activist Judges Force Socialized Medicine on America at Great Cost to Taxpayers.

  43. randcoolcatdaddy

    Wonkette, you've surpassed yourself. I feel like I got the news I needed this morning in a much more direct, concise and accurate manner than any cable news station. And with bonus snark about Scalia!

  44. jodyleek

    So, now is Rmoney going to brag that yes, of course they upheld the ACA, because he wrote it?

  45. HippieEsq

    You can check the archives…but I told you SO!!!! Roberts the "surprise upfist"!!!!

    I may now have to raise by hourly rate to 1200 Ameros per hour.

    Tax clause rules!!!

    1. prommie

      If thats what they relied on, how much did they use the decision to undermine the commerce clause?

  46. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    What is that weird sound? Oh, that's the sound of millions of teabaggers having poopy pantsed temper tantrums all at one time.

  47. fuflans

    is anyone covering the great unwashed bagger tearing of hair and gnashing of teeth.

    there's gotta be some pretty funny stuff going on on the scotus steps right now.

    1. mrblifil

      No worries on that front, he's bought and paid for by Big Pharma and Big Insurance. The mandate was their answer to calls for single payer. Of all the farcical aspects of this ludicrous "controversy" the idea that Teh Mandate was brought to you by Barack Obama Inc.™ was the silliest. Teh Mandate is what stands between us and socialized medicine (though one can argue that Teh Mandate itself is a form of socialized medicine). SOCIALIZMZ.

      I hope all the conservatives lining up for repeal are prepared to argue on behalf of single payer because Big Insurance is very happy with the outcome of Roberts' actions. I'd say it's a Phyrric victory all 'round.

  48. Huevos Ocupados

    Hooray! Right wing court upholds Republican health care plan! Also, Obama raised everyones taxes just in time for the election! So THIS is what victory feels like…

  49. GeorgiaBurning

    US Olympic gymnastic team finals are here in San Jose, Romney's comments on this decision will earn him a spot.

  50. Nothingisamiss

    For many (unhappy) reasons I had to hear the news from a Glen Beck show. I was getting ready to drive to the liquor store when I heard the happy news….made happier by the insanity of the right wing. I've stopped my progress to the bridge I was going to jump off of and have turned on my wonkette.

    O Frabjous day, wonketteers. Fuck. I hated the fucking individual mandate, but now I'm supremely happy it's here.

    Holy fucking shit.

    1. AbandonHope

      What, did somebody at CNN say, "Yeah, we got it wrong initially, but it's too late to change our story now so let's just run with it"?

      Really, hasn't Fox patented that workflow?

  51. notreelyhelping

    The old lore about incoming is true: when they're close, they whistle past. When they're really close, they crack. Whew.

  52. Doktor Zoom

    Ha! FoxNews hasn't even changed its homepage yet…it still says that the decision is pending… 15 minutes after the decision

  53. Dr. Nick Riviera

    Ah, we all gave Roberts too much credit. He voted agin' it.

    On Edit: Wait, Kennedy voted against it??? Holy cow! a 5-4 decision that didn't fall along party lines…I…I don't know what to believe in anymore.

  54. AncienReggie

    Tehee. Now the Rethugs are going to be stuck for years and years with a popular program that *they* named after a black guy they just HATE.

      1. 1stNewtontheMoon

        he's afraid of women. he could chill with old white liberals. but women? christ. the next thing you know they'll ask to approve letting jews in his country club.

  55. Tyrannically_Joe

    Once again, inTrade maintains it's nearly 1.000 batting average.

    Ironically enough, it manages to be this wrong this frequently largely owing to a combination of blatant market manipulation, and the fact that markets are a terrible predictive tool to start with.

  56. AlaskaGrrl

    Well, well, well. I REALLY want to see how Romney spins this one. Will he keep on the "I will repeal the Obamacare" riff or will he do his classic pivot for us?

  57. Chow Yun Flat

    In opening his statement in dissent, Kennedy says: "In our view, the entire Act before us is invalid in its entirety.

    So much for the pundits who claimed that Kennedy was the deciding vote.

  58. Tundra Grifter

    Looks like John Boner doesn't have to worry about the GNoP prancing in the endzone and spiking the football.

  59. An_Outhouse

    My news is reporting on health care stocks 5 minutes after the announcement. Have they learned nothing from CNN?

  60. fawkedifiknow

    I hope all the dumbfucks against Obamacare put their money where their mouths are and don't carry insurance, and die. Fuck 'em. My kids have pre-existing conditions, and could not get insurance. Fuck them assholes.

  61. FakaktaSouth

    I am SHOCKED – SHOCKED I tells ya, that Dickbag Scalia dissented and Tommy Boy is right there behind him, all me too! me too! Evil, vile, disgusting, law-ignoring, justice stealing fucktards. HATE HATE HATE those guys. just Fuck em.

    1. 1stNewtontheMoon

      my only fear is that their hate will keep them alive well into their 90s. (good news: we're only 14 years away from Scalia being 90.)

  62. chascates

    The rightwing blogs have been caught off guard and many aren't reporting anything right now.

    1. AbandonHope

      Probably one of the only things that will get those fuckers to shut up for a few minutes.

    2. spareme

      They're all sitting around in their caves, working up the next bunch of nasty shit to say agains't everyone in the nation except them. Maybe they'll mold over before they finish.

  63. Chow Yun Flat

    From a NYT blog:

    LEESBURG, Va. — As word spread that the Supreme Court appeared to have allowed the health care law to largely stand, some of those waiting at the Loudoun Community Health Center expressed relief. “I am so happy, I have goose bumps,” Pricilla Jacques, a 53-year old unemployed administrative assistant waiting to be seen at the center. “Thank God. I am so happy. This is really good for everyone. It really is.”

    You speak for a lot of us, Pricilla Jacques.

  64. elviouslyqueer

    Dear Ginny Thomas:

    Please put that $1.6 million you received from ACA opponents squarely up your ass and commence to spin on it.



  65. widestanceromance

    Now that activist judges have declared war on freedoms, I have to have annual abortions paid for by faith-based Nazis, which is not going to be fun, being a man and all.


  66. chascates

    Oh, now the reporting is 'it's a tax', now a mandate. And 'Obama said it was a mandate, not a tax'.

    1. AbandonHope

      Which, of course, plays right into the "Obama raises your taxes" narrative. I expect to hear one of those bullshit "largest tax increase upon the people in American history" phrases spewing from a Repubicunt soon enough.

        1. AbandonHope

          If you do the math disingenuously, it's a piece of cake to say that. "Tax" for not having insurance before: $0. "Tax" for not having insurance now: non-zero. Resulting ratio: INFINITY PERCENT!!!1!!1

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      All fun and games. You could have a federal "health care tax", and then let people take a deduction for their premiums, and get to exactly the same place. But because any tax that the rich might have to pay is poison to the GOP, we have to do it the hard way.

  67. Dashboard Buddha

    Ok, I'm a bad man, but I just had a little fun poking the multitudes of morons over on Yahoo discussions.

      1. BaldarTCrabass

        Dashboard Buddha: Describe in single words only the good things that come into your mind about… your Chief Justice.
        Teabagger: My Chief Justice?
        DB: Yeah.
        TB: Let me tell you about my Chief Justice.
        [TB shoots DB with a gun he had pulled out under the table]
        TB: "Second Amendment, motherfucker!"

        1. Dashboard Buddha

          But! Before the bagger can pull the trigger, DB pokes him in the eye with with his enormous dick!

          DB: Oh no you don't, motherfucker!

  68. anniegetyerfun

    Will this result in wingnut riots in the streets? Rascals ramming into (and overturning) police vehicles? I'd sort of like to see that.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Where's that "break the windows" idiot when the wingnuts really need him? The guy's been trying to get a Teabaggers' Krystallnacht going for ages, and this might be his big chance.

    1. James Michael Curley

      My dread is that this is a carefully plotted Roberts scam to give the Republicans more "Federal Government is Taxing us to Hell" arguments.

  69. James Michael Curley

    Thomas wrote a separate dissent. He says "Vigina's gonna loose her job is you uphold this."

  70. clblabin

    I hope we'll be seeing some sort of "Children's Treasury of Wingnut Responses" post later today.

    1. One_Man_Band

      In the meantime, just do a google image search for "Obamacare" and laugh at the images from those on the losing side of history.

    2. James Michael Curley

      I just sit here and listen to those going around the office now. Our Controller (he always preferred Comptroller) looks so shattered trying to keep up time. Sorry, spent most of the trip in listening to Stones to keep my spirits up. On the way home I'll play my all time 'Happy Song".

    3. PsycWench

      The FB page for a Fox affiliate in my hometown appears to be doing that of its own free will. We should be looking for the four horsemen of the apocalypse. or something.

  71. rickmaci

    The ultra right wing element of the Supreme Court votes to uphold healthcare legislation initially created in the bowels of an extremist right wing think tank and liberals are dancing in the street about the victory? Am I missing something here?

    1. James Michael Curley

      Twenty years of Newt Gingrich led "Support anything that will fuck over a Democratic President."

    1. glasspusher

      It gets even better- hear that CERN is having a news conference on the 4th to give an "update" on the Higgs Boson? I'm planning to party all night.


  72. qwerty42

    This. Is. Great.
    Congrats to Bamerz, the rest of the Administration and to all the Reps and Senators who voted for it after an excruciating ordeal. I assume the opposition will go crazy, and am avoiding seeing what those nitwits are saying for now.

    1. James Michael Curley

      Grounds for Impeachment if he swore allegiance to Free Republic instead of USA! USA! USA!

    1. Callyson

      Well, there is that business about the states being able to opt out of some of this, so people in red states may be screwed (more so.)

      Still, an ugly win is still a win…

  73. SayItWithWookies

    I know I'm late to the party but I'd just like to say — holy fucking crap. Oh, and Glenn Beck is pissed.

  74. Poindexter718

    So today's not a total washout for Mitt and the GOP: in a decision that was overshadowed by the healthcare ruling, the court issued another opinion affirming that lies are Constitutionally-protected speech…

    1. finallyhappy

      his neighborhood holds a nice 4th of July party- I was there once(for a local politician)-I didn't see Roberts but what with the free food- maybe I missed him

    1. James Michael Curley

      Technically he tends to go up a couple octaves near the end. Sort of like the day before and the day after you join the Vienna Boys Choir.

  75. Chow Yun Flat

    Dear Catholic Bishops:

    Since the big Abortionplex will now be down the street from you palace and freedom of religion is now over it is time to take your operation underground. How about straight to hell?


    Your biggest fan

    1. Callyson

      They all moved over to HuffyPo, judging from the hysteria that is prevailing on that site.

      1. James Michael Curley

        I wear broccoli around my neck when I think I’m going to be in Kennebunkport.

  76. MozakiBlocks

    Fuck you Jeffery Toobin with your bold predictions of overturning.

    And Patrick Gaspard is my new boyfriend

  77. Barb

    Palin has tweeted:
    Obama lies; freedom dies

    Please tweet a reply to SarahPalinUSA
    try to make it rhyme.

    I replied:
    Opinions are cheap and you still aren't the VEEP.

    For freedom!

      1. Barb

        Trey F. ‏@RalphRudeSays
        Sarah Palin is an embarrassment to good, wholesome, grape juice drinkin white women everywhere.
        I laughed until tears ran down my face after reading this tweet. I don't know why I find it so funny, it just is.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      There once was a chick from Wasiller
      Whose snatch was so cold it was killer
      Her teen liked the wine
      And within not much time
      Dear Levi already done filled 'er.

  78. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Dear Wonkette,

    Thanks for a post that doesn't make me want to slit my wrists!

    Sloppy kisses,

  79. elviouslyqueer

    From Freep:

    This is no different than when the Supreme Court upheld slavery, and condemned people to slavery based on the color of their skin. Now, they have upheld slavery of the ENTIRE American people to the Government, by saying that it is constitutional for EVERY American to be FORCED into a purchase agreement.

    Oh, y'all so silly, bless your hearts.

  80. gullywompr

    Right now I want to go to Times Square and be photographed planting a big kiss on a nurse.

  81. Callyson

    So, the Supremes read that public opinion poll that showed how much their esteem has dropped in the eyes of the American people…

    Whatever–I'll take the win. At least I am stocked up with enough alcohol to get me through the summer (thought for sure we were going to lose this one and prepared ahead…)

    At least we won't be hearing that lame ass line from Mittens about how Obama "wasted" the first three and a half years of his presidency. Suck it, haters!

    1. Dildeaux

      Paylin sez, and she is correct, that the admin argued this wasnt a tax. The SCOTUS sez it is, hence Paylin sez Obama lies. Whatevs.

  82. subsum

    This is the best thing that could have happened to Mittens. Now the Republican base has an incentive to rally around him. His robotic demeanor, his humorless inability to connect with people and his multiple gaffes are irrelevant. All he has to say now is "Vote for me and I will strike down this law!" That's easy to say even for him.

    Had the SCOTUS deemed the law unconstitutional the Republicans would have had a hard time finding a rallying cry to excite their base. Barry's skin color is good enough for some of them but not for all of them.

    Also, Barry would have had a good reason to say "You see what happens, Larry? This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass…!" and have the country galvanized around him. Now he has to live with the consequences of a law that's complex, confusing and prone to create lots of frustration. Not good, in my opinion.

    1. GregComlish

      IMO, the teabaggers were going to rally around Mittens anyway. If Obamacare got struck down then the demoralization of the Left would have been considerable.

  83. Millennial Malaise

    Dear Bitch with the sign "Your Pills, Your Bills"

    People with private insurance already FUCKING PAY for their own shit. %@&#$@!$^&!!!!

    I'm happy not just because the Supremes didn't go full teatard on us (yet) but I don't think I could have stomached the rest of this election if it had been struck down. It's going to be sickening enough but at least I can still see the doctor.

  84. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Scallia's dissent rages on for 60 fucking pages. This jerk takes the concept of "sore loser" to a whole new level.

    1. Dashboard Buddha

      In those 60 pages is there anything in there about Tony being a self-contradicting, flipflopping douchebag?

  85. proudgrampa


    Well done, SCOTUS. You're all invited for drinks. Well, all of you except Thomas and Scalia.

    1. glasspusher

      No kidding. I was stockpiling scotch and candy corn in case things had gone the other way. Par-tay!

  86. weejee

    This vet does have a sad that it will no longer be possible to have the FBI go after hero-in-his-head, former Nazi USA member, and GOP candidate Art Jones for claiming hero shit he never got in his political poop.

    1. James Michael Curley

      I'm a vet and dislike the fact that Jones gets a Get out of Jail Free card from SCOTUS, but the Stolen Valor Act was poorly written and a hangover from the Bush era of politicizing patriotism. Had SVA provided a little more linkage between what wearing the medals meant and whether the wearer relied to his benefit (and the loss to his victim) on that fraudulent act it would have survive. You still can't yell fire in a crowded theater and expect to be protected under the First Amendment.

  87. DeathOfIrony

    I'm watching Fox at the moment just to see heads explode…It's a TAX…Obama said no taxes…tax…tax….tax…

    I went over to foxNation too, for the same reason. They say this wakens a sleeping giant (in oversize pajamas with unclipped toenails, down in their mother's basement) who will now rise up and take over all congresses, at least after downing a couple egg mcmuffins and a mountain dew.

  88. Goonemeritus

    Well I’m spent, would you guys mind terribly if we skip cuddling and I just turn over and go to sleep now?

  89. Callyson

    Harry Reid, quoted in HuffyPo:

    Our first priority must be to the economy. It's time, though, for Republicans to stop refighting yesterday's battles. Now that this matter is settled, let's move on to other things, like jobs.

    Damn straight…

    1. 1stNewtontheMoon

      yeah, because if there's anything that republicans are willing to do it's move on from their losses and actually govern. it's not like for all of my 33 years on this earth they've been trying to overturn roe v. wade or turn it into an election issue (which it's not).

      1. NellCote71

        Honey, trying being 64 years old on this earth. Same old same old. But you're right, the wingtards are going to return to invading women's bodies.

  90. GeneralLerong

    7:18 Alaska time is socially correct to start killing a couple bottles of champagne, right?

    1. Callyson

      It's 5 o'clock in Europe, and since the wingnuts on HuffyPo are going on about how this ruling means we've become European (ROTFLMAO, but I digress), here's a toast!

  91. Mittens Howell, III

    Reading twitter right now is like watching a tsunami of exploding conservatives. Oh, the sweet, sweet, joy of victory!

  92. ElPinche

    No snark, muthafuckaz. OBAMA 2012


    1. Callyson

      。☆ 。☆。☆
      Obama * Biden
      —— 2012 ——-
      。☆。 。☆。

  93. Callyson

    I'm sure there will be lots to choose from, but so far, here is the winner of the most idiotic wingnut commenter of the day…from Concerned Women for America, on why this decision supposedly hurts women:

    "We are outraged to see the Supreme Court ignoring the constitutional limits the Founders put in place to constrain the federal government's power over us," said CWA president and CEO Penny Nance. "Women will be especially hurt by today's decision. As we have seen with the contraception mandate, the politicization of so-called women issues by the left leaves the majority of women extremely vulnerable to the exploitation of a few radical groups that exert much political influence in Congress and the White House."
    "Women want to make their own decisions when it comes to their health care, with the support of their families and their doctors," she said. 'It's preposterous to suggest the government would do a better job at deciding what is best for us and our loved ones."

    Yeah, how dare the government go out and mandate that we women get abortions, paid for by Obamacare?

    1. ElPinche

      Idiotic RW commenters on Huffpo (no big surprise ) are giving credit to Dubya for this victory since Roberts was his appointee. They want to win sooooo badly.

    2. Ducksworthy

      "exploitation of a few radical groups (i.e. women) that exert much political influence in Congress and the White House."

      Yes women. Be very afraid. The women are coming for you. Be especially careful about going to the bathroom with women in lumberjack shirts. You know what happened to Michele.

  94. Jus_Wonderin

    I am continually frustrated that the Right hasn't supported the AHCA on the "personal responsibility" basis. Or, have they just forgotten that tenet?

    1. Biff

      They were for it until Obama was for it. Same with Cap and Trade. Whatever he's for, they're against. Predictability is SO boring.

  95. Tyrannically_Joe

    So the bad news in all this is that basically, the Commerce Clause as the basis for federal social welfare programs is dead until we get a better court. Still totally fine to use it as the legal rationale for arresting people for marijuana in states that decriminalize it, though.

    Health care is 18% of the US economy, but doesn't count as Interstate Commerce. The weed your downstairs neighbor grew in his closet and sold to you, on the other hand? Well, obviously that counts.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      The checks for my health insurance premiums get mailed out of state, so obviously whatever the fuck they say doesn't apply to me.

  96. rickmaci

    I do miss the Drudge siren. Not the same without it when the rightwingtardblogosphere goes bananas.

  97. Baconzgood

    You should see them on theblaze. You would think that the russians just hit the Jersey shore.

  98. ChrisM2011

    Haha. The conservatives in my office are going crazy. It's like that scene from "Scanners" times 20.

    1. NellCote71

      I am so lucky, surrounded by liberals in my office. We whooped and hollered, after a moment of confusion during the CNN cl**strf*ck. And I am in Texas, to boot.

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        Mostly, we are liberal here (software dev) but mostly they are under 30 and don't really see this as important.

    1. proudgrampa

      Well played, Mike. I don't think Thomas has written a single opinion since he got there. He is such a jerk.

      1. AncienReggie

        Oddly, he's written quite a few opinions–all of them reprehensible. He just never…NEVER..says a word in open court.

  99. FakaktaSouth

    All right, so here's my problem in spite of the ruling. Could these assholes PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop making the MOST IMPORTANTEST thing about this deicision the political implications for each "side"? this is about who has access to proper medical care, not who gets elected. Ain't gonna be no healthcare prize for John Boehner, Mitt Romney, none of them. Fighting like this is a game to win or lose is KILLING ME. It's just fucking policy, man, not a god damn game.

    1. prommie

      As an actual professional policy wonk, I share your pain completely. Every. Fucking. Day. All. Fucking. Day.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        The twisting and turning and bullshitting I am listening to from Mitt's lie-hole is unreal. just fucking unreal. Job killing, 500billion from medicare, just on and on. The lies he is willing to sell just for a job he wants is stultifying.

        oh, and I say that as a professional complainer, nothing else.

        1. prommie

          The whole party's entire agenda is a lie, the GOP is the biggest big-con ever in the history of grifting.

          1. FakaktaSouth

            It is so confounding, aggravating and ridiculous. Starting out having to deal in unreality makes creating fair workable policy so much harder than it should be. This here is when all my stomping prowess comes in handy. I cannot stand having to go back and say "here's where what you are saying has nothing to do with anything, it is all complete bullshit, so, shall we discuss not having emergency rooms as a primary health care source?" waste of my fucking life. Too much starbucks, not enough bloody mary sativa.

          2. prommie

            Consider the entire premise of the movement conservatives, who have now completely taken over the GOP and insist on absolute doctrinal purity: "I believe that government is per se an evil and bad institution and that as a practical matter it is incapable of doing good and for philosophical reasons I believe that the government should not engage in trying to help people anway. Now please elect me to run the government so I can put these beliefs into practice." Not really a lot of room there for good, practical honest policymaking, is there?

          3. FakaktaSouth

            Yeah at that point we have come back to arsonist-anarchists. It is completely unreasonable to the point of absurdity that I have to think this hard about it at all. No roads, no power companies, no houses or actual property ownership, no medical policy, no regulations – just do what you want, hope for the best or fight it out in the street. Guns for everyone! If the wild wild west was so great, how come it didn't just stay that way? How was the industrial revolution the black guy's fault again? I'm sure it was.

        2. Chichikovovich

          Did anybody ask him how many jobs Romneycare killed in Massachusetts?

          Edit: Really, this is one of the (millions of) points where the absence of a real press corps is felt the hardest. The single, number one question that should be asked of any Romney mouthpiece rabbiting on about the ACA is: How is Romneycare any different. Anyone who asks any question besides that is a hack.

          1. BerkeleyBear

            Um, um, um states are laboratories, derp! and since we know that evolution is, erm, flawed, and therefore all science stuff is, mmmkay, suspect, right? So lab results should never, eh, be, um, expanded on in the real world.


            (Just my impression of how Romney's people have tried to spin that sucker on the rare occasion it comes up).

      2. BerkeleyBear

        As the husband of a policy creator/implementer/advisor (I don't think she considers herself a wonk, but she definitely works with them and rides herd on them), and having just enrolled in a PhD program in politics and public policy (aka masochism 601), lemme just say that you are doing the hardest thing in the world. Trying to make political hacks make rational choices is even harder than nailing jello to a wall – at least the jello doesn't spend the whole time wondering how it's poll numbers will be affected by the choice of nail and wall (not to mention trying to change its flavor all the time).

        That's why I'm getting a PhD and not a masters, and with more of an emphasis on politics – I wanna just study the crazy and comment on it, not try to make it actually work.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      I'm tired of the wave of bicycle thefts in my neighborhood, so I'm moving to Sinaloa, Mexico.

      I can't stand that a gay couple moved in down the street, so I'm moving to the Castro.

  100. freakishlywrong

    "I'm moving to Canada, the United States is entirely too socialist," tweets @wallyweldon.

    I shit you not.

    1. timbo71351

      I would love to hear Wally Weldon define socialism. If his definition is more than "When the government does stuff I don't like, it's socialist", I'd be fucking flabbergasted.

      1. James Michael Curley

        "When the President is a Blah it's socialism, because they all wanted $40 and a mule"

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Even as we speak, photos of Wally are being posted at all of Canada's border crossings.

    3. viennawoods13

      Does Wally know something us Canucks don't know about our Prime Minster Stephen Harper's plans?

  101. elburritodeluxe

    I don't know much, but one thing I do know is that the public does not trust Republicans to replace Obamacare with something "even better." Republicans are usually incredibly good at memes, but this one is for shit.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      It would be good if we hammered on Romney to explain what, exactly, he would replace Obamacare with?????? I doubt we will get that explaination…ever.

        1. BaldarTCrabass

          Romney: SPECTRE. Special Executive for Counter Intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge, Extortion. The four great cornerstones of power headed by the greatest brains in the world.
          Baldar: Correction. Criminal brains!
          Romney: The successful criminal brain is always superior. It has to be!

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      The GOPtards would replace it with nothing whatsoever, which is what they think is the bestest thing possible. Because in a free market, hospitals should be free to auction off their expensive cancer treatments to the highest bidder. And if you're poor, well — "A kidney is worth a heck of a lot of money, you know … step into my office and we'll talk about it."

  102. Pres.Beeblebrox

    As a real live lawyer admitted to the U.S. Supreme Court (ceremonially, I've never argued a case there like 99.999% of the rest of the Supreme Court bar), I have to say that this opinion is nothing short of amazing. I can't believe that Roberts actually voted in the majority. A few more opinions like this and he will be the Earl Warren of the 21st century…

  103. Pres.Beeblebrox

    Also, surprisingly, I haven't yet received an email from the Obama campaign or the DSCC with a cryptic one-word subject line asking me to send them my munniez in celebration/support/whatever…

    1. finallyhappy

      I did- I've had requests from the Pres's campaign all the way down to a local legislator- a state delegate- what did he have to do with this?? Al Franken wrote to me again too

      1. Pres.Beeblebrox

        I finally got one from Patty Murray. Subject line: “Decision”No shit.This was a day or so after I got a panicked series of emails from BHOand others in his krewe that he would be the first incumbent Preznitto be outspent in a general election.

  104. Woodshedding

    So poor kids now have access to pharmaceuticals [which, unless you've broken a bone, is the ONLY thing medicine is about]. Big Pharma is the 4th largest killer, not to mention serious debilitator, in U.S. That's only the drugs that were correctly prescribed and correctly taken. If you add in medical MALPRACTICE, which is rampant, it becomes #1 killer. Woohoo, celebrate!

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      So you wanna just stop handing out antibiotics and antivirals, and see what happens?

  105. Barb

    Michele Bachmann is trying to give a speech outside the Supreme Court over the chants of "four more years!" Hilarious!

  106. ChernobylSoup

    Republicans are already in lock step calling this decision a tax increase during a recession that Obama will have to defend through the election. I am amazed (though I shouldn't be) at their speed and discipline.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      The mailers and talking point memos (a.k.a. Fox News scripts) were printed up at least a month ago. Kind of how those Chinese factories mysteriously know what to print on those "World/National/State/League Champions" baseball caps, weeks in advance of the World Super Series Bowl Championship Cup Trophy game.

  107. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Well, we now know the ACA is legal under the Kenyan Constitution. Any word on when there will be a challenge under the US Constitution?

  108. GregComlish


    Wonkette, where are the articles showing live coverage of conservatives going ape-shit?? I want to see the Triple Drudge Sirens, I want to see FreeRepublic ushering everyone into the armed compound, I want to see Boehner sobbing, I want to see Michele Bachmann's accuse John Roberts of Communist anti-American sympathies, I want to see Mitt Romney robotically recite his uniquely boring and/or libelous talking points, I want to see those sexy Fox News bitches put on their wide-eyed mask of shock and incredulity, I want to see some no-name Republican state-level lawmakers awkwardly drag race into this discussion for no good reason whatsoever, I want to see the leaders of the American Family Association so overcome with rage that they are no longer able to suppress their closeted gay instincts and just start furiously taking in the cock 8-ways from Sunday.

    Where is the MELT DOWN??


    1. Callyson

      Wonkette will have enough follow up stories involving the items you are mentioning that the writers will be able to finish up their day in half an hour, and spend the rest of the day at the beach celebrating with the models in that Fred Karger video…

    2. Pres.Beeblebrox

      I'm sure (or at least I hope) that a Children's Treasury of various wingnut reactions is coming our way later tonight.

      Did anyone see the guys dressed up as Minutemen standing outside the SCOTUS building this morning? Y SO SRS, boys? Oh wait, that's because the SuperPacs have managed to convince half the populace that a law that's basically RomneyCare and/or the Republican response to 1994's HillaryCare is an example of Creeping Stalinism, because blah President.

  109. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Before I had to start my commute, I got to watch the fever dream reaction on FOX News. They were trying desperately to find some good news in the decision and still prove that Obama doesn't understand the Constitution and that John Roberts is a Commie, probably from Kenya.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Ain't it fun? That's why I just had to watch Obama's election results come in on Faux. They were looking so sucker-punched and glassy-eyed, and were so helplessly off-script they could hardly get a coherent sentence put together. My schaden stayed freuded for a week.

      I suspect that Rupert Morlock ordered them to get their shit together this time, and that Ailes supplied them with GOP-approved scripts. "They voted it up! Red scripts, everyone! Red scripts! Marcy, you collect all the green ones and shred them. Let's go, people! Gretchen, stop crying, for chrissake! Makeup on stage 2! MAKEUP!!"

  110. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Romney will demand repeal of Obamacare. Will he have the guts to also demand the repeal of Romneycare?

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      After we re-elect Obama, the first thing we need to do is get the Mass. plan re-badged as "Obamacare 1.0, beta release."

  111. Dashboard Buddha

    If Rachel is to believed, the four dissentards would like to drag us back to the 19th Century. Scalia? Clarence is weeping…go suck his dick, will ya?

  112. rickmaci

    "In a press release this morning, the Romney Campaign congratulated the Supreme Court for upholding the comprehensive health care system pioneered by Mitt Romney as Governor of Massachusetts…"

  113. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    The pessimist in me says that all this today just ensures a wingnut revenge-vote record turnout in November.

    1. proudgrampa

      Yup, Big. I am going to have to join you on that. I am afraid the wingnuts have been stirred up like a hive of bees: they are gonna be relentless.

  114. prommie

    Its time to party naked! Its still close enough to the solstice to make it a midsummers wild naked beach bonfire till dawn dancing on the sand party.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      I can already feel the sand in all my skin touching other skin parts – happy chafe-y is still happy though! Hooray!

      1. James Michael Curley

        Where were you the last time I was on Gunnison Beach in NJ? I don't want to see a bunch of guys who are all naked, happy, chafe-y.

  115. GregComlish

    Are those hot feminist chicks still down by SCOTUS??

    Ladies, Mr. Comlish is ready to help you celebrate!

  116. prommie

    I hope Bammerz is gonna stick it in a little deeper and twist it now. And he should just flat out release the Biden, too.

  117. TribecaMike

    Alas, this means wingnuts will have better health care and live longer. What hath SCOTUS wrought?

  118. Lynne

    Wow, that would be "just awful" if they all moved to Canada, but I doubt if Canada would want them. Come to think of it, Canada does all the things they hate. Why would they go there?

  119. TribecaMike

    No "Mission Accomplished" banner behind the president this morning? What kind of half-assed socialist dictatorship is this?

  120. CivicHoliday

    For today, I will turn off snark and doubt and future projecting about political ramifications, and just be happy :)

  121. ttommyunger

    Surprising trade-off: Roberts' swing left to compensate for US having a complete idiot/sell-out as Solicitor General. Thanks for the pity fuck, Chief Justice.

  122. midnighttoker69

    I love the part about people moving to Canada. I just wanna tell them (with redneck vocal inflection) "Well, if you don't like it, get the HELL out"

Comments are closed.