As if schools weren’t already trying to indoctrinate people’s children with “critical thinking” skills and other grave threats to the Common Good, one brave New Hampshire lawmaker is risking the laughter of his state’s godless heathens by pointing to a previously unrealized societal ill: kindergarten creates crime.
Representative Bob Kingsbury said he’s been working on a theory since 1996, when he analyzed local crime rates and compared them to a list of communities that offered public kindergarten. Then, he told his colleagues, Laconia offered kindergarten and had the highest rates of crime. Meanwhile, surrounding towns, some of which didn’t offer kindergarten, had less crime.
He rests his case!
Of course, the only reason Kingsbury had to bring up this common sense approach to keeping jails nice and full by eradicating education is because some total pussy bleeding-heart was going off first, about waaaah, we arrest too many people, waaaah, maybe cops shouldn’t be arresting people all the time.
As if! But Kingsbury was having none of that.
“We’re taking children away from their mothers too soon,” Kingsbury concluded.
You guys, nobody tell him about mothers who work, okay? We don’t want to break the spirit of this tender-hearted man.
Kingsbury wrote to all of his then state representatives, informing them of his research. To his dismay, the state Legislature has since joined the remaining 49 states in mandating public kindergarten. “And we have more crime today,” he said.
In addition to kindergarten, Kingsbury also linked the rise of crime to the decline of gun ownership and to fact that boxing is no longer taught in school or offered as a sport.
Everyone take heed! Less education, more guns, and more fighting, and our jails will be properly filled forever.
[LaconiaDailySun, via ExeterPatch from intrepid tipster "Rudy"]
{ 170 comments }
Yes, and if you home school your children they will grow up perfect. Well perfect except for the fact that they will be social misfits who will probably grow up to commit crimes.
You and your snarky wonkers are ROOININGZ MERIKA http://lifehacker.com/5921655/the-snarky-voice-in…
Ummmm……just saying?
Oh MissTaken, meet me for drinks on the veranda, please.
Fuck that fucking fucker.
Hi Barb! I haven't been around much the past few days. How is everything? I hope all is well, and that your grandchild is doing ok.
Hey Star! Mina made it through surgery today and she is resting comfortably. Thanks for caring!
That's great news! So relieved for you and for her.
Thanks Belle. I am so tired that I am trembling.
That's excellent news. Here's hoping she just keeps improving.
Thanks Histori. I can't wait to see pictures of Mina.
Once while visiting my wife's family in Alphareta, GA, we got to attend a Halloween parade running through one of the nearby towns. Most of the local High Schools had their marching bands in the parade so it was a pretty good show, six or seven big bands as I recall. The last band to pass us was however utterly sad, scrubby looking, out of tune and out of sync in their marching. They were of course a marching band made up entirely of home-schooled kids and their performance was, indeed, a crime.
And I'm sure the parents told their precious homeschooled snowflakes that they were the best part of the parade.
Actually, crime has been going down since the 90s, but thanks for playing Mr. Kingsbury… Shorter: Herf Derf Midnight Basketball.
Correlation does not equal causation. I learned that in school.
I believe that is what is referred to in some circles as "liberal indoctrination".
don't sully these pages with your critical thinking skillz!
LG:
There's the third "C" – coincidence.
Talk to all the men on death row, and you'll find that just about every damned one of 'em went to kindergarten. Kingsbury knows that there's just no way that can be a coincidence.
Post hoc ergo propter hoc. That's Latin, so it must be true!
Also: POST HOC,ERGO PROPTER HOC fallacy. AFTER the horrors of public Kindergarten, the kid is therefore slated for a life of crime.
If you are a kindergartener in Texas, all you learn is "Jesus=Good, Hitler=Bad."
We also learned about naps. Warm, wonderful, peaceful naps. So it wasn't that bad of an education.
No, that's not all you learn. Because you also learn how to make the syllogism: "Hitler=Bad, Obama=Hitler, therefore Obama=Bad". You will never learn that it's called a syllogism, however.
"Jesus=Good, Hitler=Obama.
Dear Texas,
Catch up, slackers.
Sincerely,
Louisiana private schools
You are being far too kind to them on the Hitler equation. They don't think Hitler is bad, just that he did it wrong.
And do you know that every criminal since the dawn of crime originally came from. . .a VAGINA (pardon my French).
It took balls to say that.
Thanks. I live and breathe balls.
Balls Don't Cry http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbpMP6odRAI
And homos! Homos come from vaginas!
I was taught that correlation always equals causation…no matter how blindingly obviously false.
“And we have more crime today,”
I wonder what New Hampshire is doing wrong then, since it apparently has an increasing crime rate unlike the entire rest of the country where crime has been steadily decreasing for the past twenty years.
They are living free, man. They are living free, or die trying.
Thought crimez.
Duh, kindergartens, dood.
Holy fuck. Would somebody please send this guy an onion for his belt?
Like Antonin Scallion.
I know, right? Next he's gonna blame the dimmycrats.
Dude's a Bircher. And a Birther. And a Derper.
A Bir-bir-burp-derper?
"You guys, nobody tell him about mothers who work, okay?"
They are violating their Jesus-ordained duty to stay pregnant in the kitchen and make their husband/owner a sandwich.
Good thing YOU know all about the proper place of wimminz, huh?
Ah kids. One day they're eating graham crackers and playing on the swings, and the next they're doing 5 to 10 for armed robbery.
Ah, good times. Good times.
Learnin' all those nursery rhymes & having naptime when I was in kindergarten directly led to my shoplifting and sexing up on other boys as a teen.
Who n the hell dug up Jonathan Winters and put him in a military uniform?
My first impression was Orson Welles in Catch-22.
Jay Dub ain't dead. (Yet.)
Outlaw towns with populations of more than 200 people!
Now, see, on the first reading I took outlaw to be an adjective and not a verb and had this vision of outlaw towns, of more than 200 people, where people could go and just do whatever the fuck they wanted, smoke ganja, kill people, stuff like that.
Your idea is good, too, though.
OT, but I recommend this article from Left-wing anti-capitalist Fortune magazine, on Fast and Furious. Like Whitewater before it, it is a completely invented, non-scandal that the right wing has ginned up to hobble the administration and support fishing expeditions and Fox News specials. We knew this already, of course, but this article is impressive in the depth to which they trace out the genesis of this particular right-wing fraud.
http://features.blogs.fortune.cnn.com/2012/06/27/…
The best parallel to Fast and Furious is probably Iran-Contra. Without the President and Vice President being involved, of course.
I will read that piece with considerable interest.
Except that Iran-Contra was actually a thing.
According to Fortune, there's absolutely no "there" there with F&F whatsofuckingever – the only reason the ATF "allowed" guns to walk was because prosecutors instructed them they did not have anything close to sufficient evidence to seize them, because the NRA has made the law entirely ineffective:
So even the parts that the DOJ has mea-culpa'd over, are fabrications of the vast right-wing conspiracy machine.
Shorter Fortune: there wasn't even any gun-walking, the entire thing is made up.
wow.
I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm in the country with the highest percentage of prisoners in the world. Freedom's just another word for "we need harsher and harsher sentences for more and more things, like denying the trinity."
It's the socialism/sharing stuff that turns them.
kindergarten creates crime
Well, of course it does. That "share and share alike" commie crap turns kids into wealth destroyers. Stop this crime against the 1% right now!
Moran.
Jeeeze. These people are elected? And I gotta work for my money.
If these little fucks were allowed to carry in kindergarten we wouldn't be having these problems.
"I'll take nap time when I'm done emptying out this chamber, teacher bitch."
We might be having aging population problems, though.
Onions, as fashion accessories, were more common in times past. It is the increased use of alien garlic that has led to increasing crime, homosexual rights, and the horrific rise in "social media."
Of course most of his research was performed at the computer in his room in his parents' home basement.
http://harkable.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/…
Needz more Knowledgeable Kindergarten Kops.
… that's just like those conjured up in 1776.
He might be a little stupid for a NH lawmaker, but he looks dashing in his doorman uniform!
"Crime is on the increase. So is…"
I'm trying to think of something so completely ludicrous as a correlating factor, but he's already beat me to it, damn him! I can't think of something to make fun of the idea that kindergarten causes crime, because that is so stupid that it just doesn't get any sillier than that!
…sushi consumption?
…the sugar diabeetus?
…homeschooling?
Obesity. Krispy Kremes Kause Krime!
Neds moar nap carpet.
And wood paneling.
And "healthy" snacks.
Is he talking about crimes like stealing cars or crimes like betting the economy on make believe financial products and destroying everyone's net worth? Because I could totally get behind a kindergarten ban if it's the 2nd one.
The asshats getting DUIs and brawling on the main drag during LACONIA BIKE WEEK probably went to kindergarten, too. Kindergarten is obviously the problem.
So, New Hampshire only finally enacted mandatory public kindergarten in 2009.
Does Kingsbury really want us to believe that (A) the period from then to the most recent available crime statistics is long enough to detect a trend, that (B) there aren't other serious confounding factors such as a shitty economy, and that (C) if there has been an uptick in crime (dubious), it can be attributed primarily to the 5-8 year-olds that have been affected in any way by the change in law?
Some crackers are crazy motherfuckin' cracker ass crackers.
Have you ever been around an 8 yo? They are the worst kinds of people imaginable.
Cracker ass motherfucking crazy-ass crackers, indeed.
Boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina. I could have saved myself 10 years in juvie if I had waited until first grade to learn that.
Enjoying your mandatory life sentence?
What a fucking moron.
"“We’re taking children away from their mothers too soon,” Kingsbury concluded."
Ugh. He would have to remind me of that creepy Time magazine cover from a few weeks back with the breastfeeding three or four year old. <shudder>
Captain Kangeroo still looks pretty spiffy!
Oh, you beat me. And I looked too.
If more kids could stay in a loving home like the Sandusky's, everything would be better.
But how does this affect Rielle Hunter?
Well, her child is pre-K and getting a hell of an education.
You know who else went to kindergarten … ?
Arnold Schwarzenegger?
It's not a tum-ah!
Kindergarten…, sounds sort of German, doesn't it?
That's why we called it "kindygarden".
Thomas Hamilton?
(too soon?)
Trayvon Martin? Where he learned to eat Skittles and wear hoodies?
Zimmerman went to the one where the kids pack heat, apparently …
Jerry Sandusky?
But only if they shower after recess.
Criminals drank milk when children, therefore giving your child milk will make that kid grow up to commit crime!
OMG? My 7 and 8 year old were breast fed!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Should I put them in the pokie now?
Oh dear God, are you letting them interact in normal society???!! You horrible, horrible person!!!!!
Also wearing shoes. Shitting indoors. Exhaling…
It's the mad cows obvs.
As others have mentioned, this assertion is preposterous since crime in the US has been going down. Kindergarten, in fact, causes global warming.
Hot napping breath is the culprit.
But global warming is a hoax! Therefore, children do not exist.
I thought it was the decline in the number of pirates that caused global warming.
The same people that have been telling us that climate change is real are the same ones telling us that Santa Claus isn't real. And we *know* that global warming is some made up shit the libruls use to ruin the profits for jerb creators. Therefore, Santa does exist!
Next year, I better get that fucking pony I been waiting on since I was 12.
*scoop* *scoop* *scoop*
There must be a pony in here somewhere!
Decline in gun ownership are you fucking kidding me. We as Americans have more guns than we have almost anything else. There are probably 10 guns for every American alive and dead. Why I hazard a guess that if you frisked the average Sunday church crowed you would turn- up at least one crew fed machine gun.
Yes, but the question is, just how well are we arming our kindergartners? Are they in a position to return fire if they need to?
I myself have 11.
I live in Georgia. They check you for guns upon entering the Sanctuary. If you don't have one, they issue you one.
My sociology professors always cited the fact that an increase in ice cream consumption always correlates with an increase in crime as evidence that correlation does not equal causation.
Who knew they were totally onto something!
Ben and Jerry's are definitely to blame for the criminal increase of my ass size.
But it's a nice curvy ass size.
stop it! :)
SStop it, the both of ya! You're giving Wonkette The Sugar.
"Did you know, Putnam, more people are murdered at ninety two degrees Fahrenheit than any other temperature? I read an article once – lower temperatures people are easy-going, over ninety two it's too hot to move, but just ninety two, people get irritable!"
Oooh I used to have the 12" vinyl of that.
Sha-zam http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIqyVsZGxi0
Yeah, I did too…
Captain Kangaroo says what?
G'day you ponced-up bastard. Nice to see you could get your head out of your arse for long enough to pose for a photo.
In Kindergarten I learned the alphabet and how to count to 100. I use this knowledge daily when reading the addresses of homes I burglarize. Watch out 1234 Mockingbird Lane, I'm coming for you!
"The fools!" Barney cackled, "I turned all their kids into my crime robots, and they blame kindergarten! Mwah ha ha. My plan is going super-d-duper!"
You know what place has absolutely no crime? The Moon.
Gingrich 2012!!
TRESPASSING, duh.
"We like the MOOOOOON…."
You know what caused the crime rate in this country to go up? Business cards. Hear me out, back in the old days you'd go to the printer and your buisness card was white. If had your office phone #, company you worked for, and your name. On the back there was a blank space so you could write your home #/ favorite bar# / or instructions on how to bang your secretary. Now there are Fax, e-mails, my-facebook-yahoo-space-tube-inter-filipino-rentboy-.org/web./.com. accounts all over that shit. They have raised ink, or have glossy photographs that fold like Mad Magazine back covers. EVERYTHING IS SHIT AND THE CRIME RATE HAS NEVER BEEN HIGHER!!!!!!!!
You think I lie? Think about it tonight and you'll wake up with a nightmarish epiphany bathed in cold sweats.
It seems that Mr. Kingsbury has been a long-time proponent of the Texas GOP's education platform.
We live in a time of scarcity and depleting resources.
The one thing we have across the nation in a seemingly unending abundance is batshitcrazy. If only we could figure out how to use it to run our cars.
…In addition to kindergarten, Kingsbury also linked the rise of crime to the decline of gun ownership and to fact that boxing is no longer taught in school or offered as a sport…
How tone deaf and utterly clueless is this fossil to today's schools. They won't even keep score in soccer so as to shield the youth from the whole there must be a winner and a loser motif, and this knuckle-dragger is waxing nostalgic about the return to the days of Gentleman Jim Corbett.
Well the gays can't have kids, and kids go to kindergarden which increases crime. So gays bring down the crime rate. Put that in your pipe and smoke it!
Listen up moms! Breast feed until your brats hit puberty or you will be a bad mom and your kids will turn out to be horrible criminals and rapists and murders who do nothing but rape and murder!
I was breast-fed until I was twelve and I think my mom turned out a pretty good product…I mean I've only killed a couple of Republicans.
She must've turned out a good product for you to keep drinking it for twelve years.
It was chocolatey good. She's a blah.
I've noticed that fat people always wear larger clothes than skinny people. Thus, ipso facto, big clothes make you fat. Case closed. Research!
SCIENCE! as Loyd Lindsay Young used to shout. I loved that man. He was on right before Uncle Floyd. I wasn't always paranoid, but now I got this shopping cart.
We had LLY in the Bay Area until late last year. He's a fucking lunatic. I love him.
HELLOOOOOOOOOO!
Your logic is irrefutable.
Homeless man on the corner libel!
In addition to kindergarten, Kingsbury also linked the rise of crime to the decline of gun ownership and to fact that boxing is no longer taught in school or offered as a sport.
I say we just teach those damn kindergarteners to box with one hand and shoot each other with the other. They'll be so busy in the emergency room with gunshot wounds they won't have time to commit crime.
This all sounds like stuff grandpa Simpson has said.
Well, I did put an onion on my belt today so maybe the fumes are getting to me.
I can't wait for the New York Times article on this:
Little Johnny is just 5, but heads the largest crime family in New Hampshire. Working out of a small, non-descript class room, Johnny sends his minions out into the world, where they control gambling, loan sharking, trucking and Graham cracker and milk distribution throughout the greater Concord region.
"Living is Good" says Johnny, "we have a well oiled machine, and since we were able to make a peace over apple juice distribution with Ms. Hathaway's kindergarten class a few months ago, my earners have been pulling in the big money. Recession? What recession?"
Still, times can be hard. In a turf war with a gang of Mexican infants, Johnny lost three of his most valuable capos, and personally sports a scar from where he was hit in the head with a juice box. "It's hard to see someone shot down in the prime of their lives, having not even reached six years old. But they knew the risk when they joined our kindergarten."
Welfare causes poverty! Cutting taxes increases government revenues! Trees cause pollution! War for Peace! There is a pattern here, I can't quite put my finger on it, let me ponder awhile.
I got it! Its all horseshit! Flagrant, steaming horseshit!
I don't feel so good about someone looking like *that* thinking so much about children in kindergarten.
"Joey, do you like movies about gladiators"?
Have you ever seen a grown man naked?
Over, Unger!
I don't see what the whiny unemployed firefighters are complaining about — they're only paid in fiat money anyway.
To be fair, Laconia is the Ciudad Juarez of New England.
I went to kindergarten and I own no guns and I never learned boxing in school and I have committed very few serious felonies, so there!
Less crime leads to more shooting and boxing. How is that good?
The exception that proves the rule.
Commie.
The rise in crime and Kingsbury's increasing age are obviously linked. His death will cause crime to rise to infinity or drop to zero.
It is nice to see Captain Kangaroo is alive again.
And of course, if we go back to the days before antibiotics, we had much less crime because infant mortality was above 50% and everyone was dying of pneumonia and tonsillitis, which totally cuts back on crime AND social security payouts.
Now, if we ban the consumption of ice cream, we will also eliminate drowning!!!
Kingsbury is bitter that he hasn't yet been awarded a Nobel Prize for his 1994 study that proved that how much corn you eat is a major indicator of how much corn you shit.
I don't know about his educational theories, but I love his Idi Amin costume.
well, to be fair to bob, why SHOULD texas and LA get all the crazy?
The best part is the newspaper then running a poll: "Does kindergarten lead to more crime?" and prefacing it by saying "this is not a scientific poll"? Duh?
This is a dangeorusly high level of Teh Stupid. It's amazing he can dress himself.
I'm guessing there's a garter belt under them britches; panties fer sure.
There was a noticeable crime increase after touch-tone phones were invented, and no one can prove me wrong on that!
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