this whole court is out of order!

Supreme Court Invites Our Corporate Masters To Come In And Stay A While

all the votes for you!Good news everyone! Our benevolent corporate overlords are here to stay and it’s full steam ahead for the New American Plutocracy! USA! USA! USA!

The Supreme Court on Monday turned away a plea to revisit its 2-year-old campaign finance decision in the Citizens United case and instead struck down a Montana law limiting corporate campaign spending.

Rather than hearing the case to rethink Citizens United, as Justice Ginsburg had predicted, the court decided that our public discourse was enriched immeasurably from commentary from Foster Freiss and as a result, we will have to hear from people like him possibly forever. Since the court is not at all a partisan body, the decision was 5 -4:

The same five conservative justices in the Citizens United majority that freed corporations and labor unions to spend unlimited amounts in federal elections joined Monday to reverse a Montana court ruling upholding the state’s century-old law. The four liberal justices dissented.

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Some people (*cough* liberals *cough* and also *cough* art majors *cough*) were upset about this, of course even though Justice Kennedy told them their perspectives on the matter were double plus ungood.

…Montana aggressively defended its 1912 law against a challenge from corporations seeking to be free of spending limits, and the state Supreme Court sided with the state. The state court said a history of corruption showed the need for the limits, even as Justice Anthony Kennedy declared in his Citizens United opinion that independent expenditures by corporations “do not give rise to corruption or the appearance of corruption.”

In a brief dissent Monday, Justice Stephen Breyer said campaign spending since 2010 “casts grave doubt on the court’s supposition that independent expenditures do not corrupt or appear to do so.”

Also, “corruption” is vulgar. The preferred word is “meritocracy,” or alternatively, “free speech.”

[New York Times]

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About the author

Kris E. Benson writes about politics for Wonkette and is pursuing a doctorate in philosophy. This will come in handy for when they finally open that philosophy factory in the next town over. @Kris_E_Benson

View all articles by Kris E. Benson

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101 comments

  1. Barb

    If "corporations are people, my friend" shouldn't they have to go to prison when they break the law?

    1. FlyOverGirl

      If corporations are people, then why don't they ever pay for my effing bar tab? Or at least be my DD.

    2. JustPixelz

      Corporations that are "people" and "speak" should also file a regular old 1040 tax return like the rest of us. I don't get to subtract my operating expenses from my income and neither should they. Unless they want to shut the fuck up.

      1. thatsitfortheother1

        Nice. A little 33% haircut on anything over $88K.That would have 'em sh/ttin bricks.

    3. OneDollarJuana

      But prisons are mostly corporations these days, and thus are people, and because they are corporate people they are the friends of Wall Street corporate people, and who would lock up their own friends? I mean, not with the fur-lined cuffs?

    4. James Michael Curley

      Corruptions are people! Therefore they can make unlimited campaign contributions in the name of Free Speech. You can't pat them down, also.

    5. JustPixelz

      I heard corporations are imprisoned by Obama's regulations with nothing except ginormous profits for comfort.

    1. Preferred Customer

      I thought for a second you meant blutocracy, where we are all ruled by big fat Bluto from Popeye.

      Wait, that's New Jersey.

      1. BaldarTCrabass

        I thought the blutocracy was in the universe where John Blutarsky of the Delta House became US Senator.

        1. thatsitfortheother1

          Mr Blutarsky, zero point zero.

          Actually, he'd fit right in, being too much of an academic to be a state governor these days.

      2. prommie

        That fat fuck is going off the deep end lately as his "Jersey Comeback" schtick obviously fails and turns to shit in a pile around his ankles. Revel, fat fuck, Revel? Poor fucking whiner now actually publicly whining that Bruce Springsteen won't acknowledge him from the stage during concerts, because everything in ther world is of course all about his fat fuckness. Bruce should file for a restraining order requiring the fat fuck to stay a quarter mile away at all times.

    2. ChernobylSoup

      Didn't the courts once decide that Walt Disney could not establish a corporate-owned model city where the citizens would not have a vote? It was supposed to go where EPCOT eventually went up.

      1. OneDollarJuana

        Citizens United was the corporate jackboot on our necks. This is grinding the heel into them.

  2. CrunchyKnee

    One day people in this country will wake up and stage a violent…WAIT KIM KARDASHIAN SAID SOMETHING????!!!111

      1. mrpuma2u

        But she rents her melons out to the highest bidder (have you seen her ad for Midori, a liquer made from oh yeah, that's right, melons?)

    1. mrpuma2u

      I want to kick them right in their executive slush fund, and by kick I mean hack into it and drain it of funds which I would do if I was smart but I'm not so I will just snark away here…

  3. BaldarTCrabass

    Justice Anthony Kennedy declared in his Citizens United opinion that independent expenditures by corporations “do not give rise to corruption or the appearance of corruption.”

    Perhaps not, in the alternate universe in which he apparently dwells.

  4. FlyOverGirl

    If corporations are people, my intention is to begin calling all of them and pouring out my heart and soul. They need to help me through a recent break up, among other personal problems. A gal needs a BFF after all.

    1. BaldarTCrabass

      If corporations are people, why aren't they on Facebook?
      What, they are? Well, fuck me runnin'.

    2. James Michael Curley

      Also ask them to press 1 if they want to lower the interest rate on their credit cards.

  5. jodyleek

    Corporations are people, my friends. Raging, hormonal teenaged people who want to fuck us like crazy! I just hope I don't get pregnant and then forced to give birth to a big box store.

  6. JustPixelz

    If Obama can replace one justice from the conservative block (in his next term it seems), we'll still have a bunch of 5-4 decisions. But less weeping afterward.

      1. prommie

        I am sorry, but 50-fucking-thousand Nader votes in Florida. Fuck him just fuck him that fucking fuck.

    1. James Michael Curley

      Ah, yes. I remember back then after seeing that I had to disguise the bulge in my pants. Now the only bulge in my pants is my wallet which is over stuffed with these 'papers' the Supreme Court says any body can ask for.

  7. Pragmatist2

    Well, if corporations are people they are actually slaves owned by their shareholders. Does this mean we can flog them and sell their children to another corporation?

    1. MacRaith

      Corporations actually do sell their children (i.e. subsidiaries) to other corporations all the time. Somebody should call them out for child abuse.

  8. Estproph

    I was kidding the other day when I said I was incorporating myself so that I can have my rights. I'm not kidding any more.

      1. Tyrannically_Joe

        To be fair, liberals did want the Supremes to reconsider Citizens United, and they did:

        "Oh, wait, we actually didn't intend for that apply to unions, too, we just couldn't think of a semi-plausible legal excuse to exclude them. Whoopsie! Let's fix that now."

    1. LesBontemps

      Shouldn't that same logic apply to corporations using what is rightfully their shareholders' money? Oh right, "Shut up Les, you fuckin' commie."

  9. Dr. Nick Riviera

    Meh, I'm sure Gore's Supreme Court justices would have been just as bad as Alito and Roberts there being no difference between the parties and stuff.

    1. prommie

      Yes, exactly, as Ralph Nader, the Ron Paul of the left, taught us lo these 12 years ago, when I was still young beautiful and angry and crabby-assed anyway.

  10. prommie

    I find it increasingly difficult to fap to any wonkette posts anymore. Where has all the ass-fucking gone, long time passing?

      1. prommie

        I never even heard of a crabby ass before yesterday from Chet and now here it is again and apparently imbued with some kind of secret prommie-related meaning. Should I say that this is making my ass crabby?

        1. MumbletyRadio

          No… let it pass. I barely caught gist of that exchange btw those two yesterday, had read it initially as friendly. You're justified in feeling crabby & needn't be singled out for it; that was my lame attempt at a meme. (I will add: while you were absent last week, your "I'm feeling stabby" remark was borrowed more than once, was credited to you, and in the context of those storylines populating teh wonkettez, was pretty much justified!)

          1. prommie

            Oh no, its ok, that was faux-crabbiness. And please, "stabby" was a meme around here back when the hot tattooed redhead was still dropping the "ass-fucking" bomb randomly and without regard to context.

    1. Limeylizzie

      Judging by the noise coming from our neighbour's house last night, the ass-fucking was
      happening here in Hollywood.

  11. EatsBabyDingos

    Citizens, known as "Citi," reacted like the two year old it is by crapping in it's Underoos and fingerpainting with it's poop. Yay Money!

  12. MumbletyRadio

    Our judicial integrity overseers — or whatever invisible brinksmen persist in robbing their host population of credible oversight — obviously have overlooked the Lloyd Dobler clause of the American people occupying the segment that wishes to preserve some inherent dignity:
    "I don't want my Supreme Court to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything within their career. I don't want them to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want them to do that."

  13. LibertyLover

    If corporations are people, how come they never invite me over for tea and cookies?

    1. MumbletyRadio

      They're working on that civil discourse bit — but in a twist, turns out they've substituted shit sandwiches for the cookies. I don't even wanna know what's coming out of their tea-spigots.

  14. thatsitfortheother1

    White house, House and 60 in the Senate for a couple of years. Is that too much to ask?

  15. Bezoar

    Corruption doth never prosper, for if it doth prosper, none dare call it corruption.

    My advice? Accept the new reality, find a corporation you can more or less stomach, and swear fealty to it.

    1. MosesInvests

      Say this for feudal lords-they assumed certain responsibilities to the serfs. OTOH, you can swear fealty to a corporation, but the corporation has NO loyalty to you.

  16. elburritodeluxe

    Finally, corporate America will be able to have some influence in the political process!

  17. HarryButtle

    I'm not sure I'm up for any sort of political news today. Even served up Wonkette-style, it makes me sad.

  18. not that Radio

    My dad should get a wonket login. In an email from him the other day:

    "I wonder if they bring the draft back if corporations will have to serve their country. Probably they will all have hernias or flat feet and get deferred."

  19. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    With unlimited spending available, does this mean the new American industry is political positioning? The beacon is shining brighter than ever. How soon before Rove puts Crossroads GPS up for an IPO?

  20. Antispandex

    That's the good thing about life time appointments. It keeps the politics out of the courts, and makes sure they're working for US!

  21. Ducksworthy

    Also, according to Supply Side Jeebus, money is a sign of Gawd's favor and those "people' with all the money are divinely ordained to rule over the rest of us.

  22. Naked_Bunny

    Okay, so yesterday states were sovereign. Today they aren't. Will they be sovereign again tomorrow in time for the healthcare ruling? It's like watching tennis at Sovereigndon.

    1. glamourdammerung

      Actually, according to Scalia, in one case they are sovereign (when creating anti-black laws that the 14th Amendment banned) and in another they are not (regulating corporations from donating to politics).

  23. Beowoof

    Anyone up for working to get an amendment passed to clearly state corporations aren't people. As they have unlimited life and no people I know have that. (Although some claim their mythology will give it to them for fucking over poor people).

  24. ttommyunger

    I demand their long form Birth Certificate, Citizenship Papers, sex (all people have to list a sex), pleeze…

  25. DahBoner

    Hell, they're not only staying awhile, they've taken their shoes off and put their feet up on our backs.

    Working for a corporation is like the Wide World of Sports–the thrill of victory and the agony of de feet.

    //groan

Comments are closed.