all the votes for you!Good news everyone! Our benevolent corporate overlords are here to stay and it’s full steam ahead for the New American Plutocracy! USA! USA! USA!

The Supreme Court on Monday turned away a plea to revisit its 2-year-old campaign finance decision in the Citizens United case and instead struck down a Montana law limiting corporate campaign spending.

Rather than hearing the case to rethink Citizens United, as Justice Ginsburg had predicted, the court decided that our public discourse was enriched immeasurably from commentary from Foster Freiss and as a result, we will have to hear from people like him possibly forever. Since the court is not at all a partisan body, the decision was 5 -4:

The same five conservative justices in the Citizens United majority that freed corporations and labor unions to spend unlimited amounts in federal elections joined Monday to reverse a Montana court ruling upholding the state’s century-old law. The four liberal justices dissented.

Some people (*cough* liberals *cough* and also *cough* art majors *cough*) were upset about this, of course even though Justice Kennedy told them their perspectives on the matter were double plus ungood.

…Montana aggressively defended its 1912 law against a challenge from corporations seeking to be free of spending limits, and the state Supreme Court sided with the state. The state court said a history of corruption showed the need for the limits, even as Justice Anthony Kennedy declared in his Citizens United opinion that independent expenditures by corporations “do not give rise to corruption or the appearance of corruption.”

In a brief dissent Monday, Justice Stephen Breyer said campaign spending since 2010 “casts grave doubt on the court’s supposition that independent expenditures do not corrupt or appear to do so.”

Also, “corruption” is vulgar. The preferred word is “meritocracy,” or alternatively, “free speech.”

[New York Times]

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  • Barb

    If "corporations are people, my friend" shouldn't they have to go to prison when they break the law?

  • bureaucrap

    I, for one, look forward to a plutocracy. Pluto was always such a loveable dog.

    • Preferred Customer

      I thought for a second you meant blutocracy, where we are all ruled by big fat Bluto from Popeye.

      Wait, that's New Jersey.

      • BaldarTCrabass

        I thought the blutocracy was in the universe where John Blutarsky of the Delta House became US Senator.

        • thatsitfortheother1

          Mr Blutarsky, zero point zero.

          Actually, he'd fit right in, being too much of an academic to be a state governor these days.

      • prommie

        That fat fuck is going off the deep end lately as his "Jersey Comeback" schtick obviously fails and turns to shit in a pile around his ankles. Revel, fat fuck, Revel? Poor fucking whiner now actually publicly whining that Bruce Springsteen won't acknowledge him from the stage during concerts, because everything in ther world is of course all about his fat fuckness. Bruce should file for a restraining order requiring the fat fuck to stay a quarter mile away at all times.

        • Hanging out with Fat Fucksie is a safety hazard. What if one of his legs gives way and he starts rolling toward you?!

          • prommie

            Just start throwing donuts at him, fast as you can, its your only hope.

    • ChernobylSoup

      Didn't the courts once decide that Walt Disney could not establish a corporate-owned model city where the citizens would not have a vote? It was supposed to go where EPCOT eventually went up.

      • not that Radio

        If the courts did decide that, it didn't prevent Democracy™ from moving forward.

      • prommie

        Oh, no, it was done. Scary shit, too.

  • Biff

    Jesus, these fucking guys.

  • ChernobylSoup

    States' rights indeed.

    • Douché

      No shit, this is seriously fucked up.

      • OneDollarJuana

        Citizens United was the corporate jackboot on our necks. This is grinding the heel into them.

  • CrunchyKnee

    One day people in this country will wake up and stage a violent…WAIT KIM KARDASHIAN SAID SOMETHING????!!!111

    • OneDollarJuana

      Remember, Kim K. has bigger tits than Wall Street.

      • thatsitfortheother1

        Less boobs.

      • mrpuma2u

        But she rents her melons out to the highest bidder (have you seen her ad for Midori, a liquer made from oh yeah, that's right, melons?)

  • BaldarTCrabass

    I wanna kick a corporation right in the nuts.

    • mrpuma2u

      I want to kick them right in their executive slush fund, and by kick I mean hack into it and drain it of funds which I would do if I was smart but I'm not so I will just snark away here…

  • BaldarTCrabass

    Justice Anthony Kennedy declared in his Citizens United opinion that independent expenditures by corporations “do not give rise to corruption or the appearance of corruption.”

    Perhaps not, in the alternate universe in which he apparently dwells.

  • FlyOverGirl

    If corporations are people, my intention is to begin calling all of them and pouring out my heart and soul. They need to help me through a recent break up, among other personal problems. A gal needs a BFF after all.

    • BaldarTCrabass

      If corporations are people, why aren't they on Facebook?
      What, they are? Well, fuck me runnin'.

    • James Michael Curley

      Also ask them to press 1 if they want to lower the interest rate on their credit cards.

  • jodyleek

    Corporations are people, my friends. Raging, hormonal teenaged people who want to fuck us like crazy! I just hope I don't get pregnant and then forced to give birth to a big box store.

  • I imagine this will be discussed today in the Verizon Capitol and the Lowes White House???

    • PubOption

      I can't wait for the Bain Capitol!

  • JustPixelz

    If Obama can replace one justice from the conservative block (in his next term it seems), we'll still have a bunch of 5-4 decisions. But less weeping afterward.

    • Shut up, Presidential elections don't matter, they're all the same!!

      • prommie

        Ralph, is that you, Ralph?

      • prommie

        I am sorry, but 50-fucking-thousand Nader votes in Florida. Fuck him just fuck him that fucking fuck.

  • Simple. Corporations are people. And you aren't.

  • Ruhe

    A meritocracy based on the wealth…how very meritricious.

  • mavenmaven

    Liza Minnelli and Joel Grey respond appropriately for our post Weimar America here:

    • James Michael Curley

      Ah, yes. I remember back then after seeing that I had to disguise the bulge in my pants. Now the only bulge in my pants is my wallet which is over stuffed with these 'papers' the Supreme Court says any body can ask for.

  • Pragmatist2

    Well, if corporations are people they are actually slaves owned by their shareholders. Does this mean we can flog them and sell their children to another corporation?

    • BaldarTCrabass

      And fuck them behind the quarters when the missus is in town?

    • MacRaith

      Corporations actually do sell their children (i.e. subsidiaries) to other corporations all the time. Somebody should call them out for child abuse.

  • Estproph

    I was kidding the other day when I said I was incorporating myself so that I can have my rights. I'm not kidding any more.

    • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      Oh, you're just going through a dry spell. Everybody does that.

  • The same five conservative justices in the Citizens United majority that freed corporations and labor unions to spend unlimited amounts


    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      Just like voter ID laws protect minorities!

      • To be fair, liberals did want the Supremes to reconsider Citizens United, and they did:

        "Oh, wait, we actually didn't intend for that apply to unions, too, we just couldn't think of a semi-plausible legal excuse to exclude them. Whoopsie! Let's fix that now."

    • LesBontemps

      Shouldn't that same logic apply to corporations using what is rightfully their shareholders' money? Oh right, "Shut up Les, you fuckin' commie."

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    Meh, I'm sure Gore's Supreme Court justices would have been just as bad as Alito and Roberts there being no difference between the parties and stuff.

    • prommie

      Yes, exactly, as Ralph Nader, the Ron Paul of the left, taught us lo these 12 years ago, when I was still young beautiful and angry and crabby-assed anyway.

  • Steverino247

    Randy Newman was right. It's Money that matters.

  • prommie

    I find it increasingly difficult to fap to any wonkette posts anymore. Where has all the ass-fucking gone, long time passing?

    • Crab, meet ass. *winks*~

      • prommie

        I never even heard of a crabby ass before yesterday from Chet and now here it is again and apparently imbued with some kind of secret prommie-related meaning. Should I say that this is making my ass crabby?

        • No… let it pass. I barely caught gist of that exchange btw those two yesterday, had read it initially as friendly. You're justified in feeling crabby & needn't be singled out for it; that was my lame attempt at a meme. (I will add: while you were absent last week, your "I'm feeling stabby" remark was borrowed more than once, was credited to you, and in the context of those storylines populating teh wonkettez, was pretty much justified!)

          • prommie

            Oh no, its ok, that was faux-crabbiness. And please, "stabby" was a meme around here back when the hot tattooed redhead was still dropping the "ass-fucking" bomb randomly and without regard to context.

    • Limeylizzie

      Judging by the noise coming from our neighbour's house last night, the ass-fucking was
      happening here in Hollywood.

      • prommie

        The address?

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      I'm pretty sure we're all getting ass-fucked right now.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Citizens, known as "Citi," reacted like the two year old it is by crapping in it's Underoos and fingerpainting with it's poop. Yay Money!

  • Our judicial integrity overseers — or whatever invisible brinksmen persist in robbing their host population of credible oversight — obviously have overlooked the Lloyd Dobler clause of the American people occupying the segment that wishes to preserve some inherent dignity:
    "I don't want my Supreme Court to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything within their career. I don't want them to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want them to do that."

    • prommie

      Now all I can see is the doorways of a thousand churches.

  • freakishlywrong

    Gaaaahhh…this fucking court.

  • LibertyLover

    If corporations are people, how come they never invite me over for tea and cookies?

    • They're working on that civil discourse bit — but in a twist, turns out they've substituted shit sandwiches for the cookies. I don't even wanna know what's coming out of their tea-spigots.

    • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      You're not a stockholder. Show some faith, unbeliever.

  • ElPinche

    It's more like putocracy.

    • mrpuma2u

      Si se puede!!!!

    • GeneralLerong

      Parliament o' Whores?

  • thatsitfortheother1

    White house, House and 60 in the Senate for a couple of years. Is that too much to ask?

  • Bezoar

    Corruption doth never prosper, for if it doth prosper, none dare call it corruption.

    My advice? Accept the new reality, find a corporation you can more or less stomach, and swear fealty to it.

    • MosesInvests

      Say this for feudal lords-they assumed certain responsibilities to the serfs. OTOH, you can swear fealty to a corporation, but the corporation has NO loyalty to you.

  • elburritodeluxe

    Finally, corporate America will be able to have some influence in the political process!

  • HarryButtle

    I'm not sure I'm up for any sort of political news today. Even served up Wonkette-style, it makes me sad.

    • well maybe, but i can't WAIT for tomorrow.

  • An_Outhouse

    $$ CAN $$ YOU $$ HEAR $$$ ME $$$$$ NOW$$$$$??????????????$$$$$$$$

  • e_z

    We are a disgrace to tin horn 3rd world countries across the globe. We're fucked.

  • not that Radio

    My dad should get a wonket login. In an email from him the other day:

    "I wonder if they bring the draft back if corporations will have to serve their country. Probably they will all have hernias or flat feet and get deferred."

    • An_Outhouse

      The company I work for is a giant anal cyst.

      • not that Radio
  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    With unlimited spending available, does this mean the new American industry is political positioning? The beacon is shining brighter than ever. How soon before Rove puts Crossroads GPS up for an IPO?

  • Antispandex

    That's the good thing about life time appointments. It keeps the politics out of the courts, and makes sure they're working for US!

  • RalphCrown

    IMPEACH SCALIA. That is all.

    • Ducksworthy

      And his little dog.

      • Naked_Bunny

        Thomas and Scalia do kinda resemble each other….

  • Barrelhse

    Fuck the USA!!!!

  • Ducksworthy

    Also, according to Supply Side Jeebus, money is a sign of Gawd's favor and those "people' with all the money are divinely ordained to rule over the rest of us.

  • Naked_Bunny

    Okay, so yesterday states were sovereign. Today they aren't. Will they be sovereign again tomorrow in time for the healthcare ruling? It's like watching tennis at Sovereigndon.

    • mr fuflans thinks this court's decisions are going to go down like the dred scott and be less easy to repair.

    • glamourdammerung

      Actually, according to Scalia, in one case they are sovereign (when creating anti-black laws that the 14th Amendment banned) and in another they are not (regulating corporations from donating to politics).

  • Beowoof

    Anyone up for working to get an amendment passed to clearly state corporations aren't people. As they have unlimited life and no people I know have that. (Although some claim their mythology will give it to them for fucking over poor people).

  • IonaTrailer

    Here is a photo of Justice Scalia in his former position –

    It explains a lot –

  • ttommyunger

    I demand their long form Birth Certificate, Citizenship Papers, sex (all people have to list a sex), pleeze…

  • DahBoner

    Hell, they're not only staying awhile, they've taken their shoes off and put their feet up on our backs.

    Working for a corporation is like the Wide World of Sports–the thrill of victory and the agony of de feet.


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