You know what we at Wonkette don’t care about? Whether or not you want to read about and/or watch Rielle Hunter. We find everything about her, from the top of her shining golden head to the bottom of her doubtlessly temporary-henna-tattooed soles, freaking fascinating. Here, thanks to the good folks at Buzzfeed, is poor misunderstood Rielle (“I’m not a mistress! I’m a mom!”) just getting hammered by the Greek Chorus standing in for all of us, on The View. They do not care for her husband-stealing, or her trashing of Elizabeth Edwards, or her general nonsense vacuity in general. And for what else do they not care? Dudes, she lied on Barbara Walters.
Cut to about four minutes in, when Baba, her voice calm and cool, explains that loony old Rielle cold defamed her in her book, saying Baba “screamed” at Rielle when she chose to be interviewed by Oprah instead. Do you believe Barbara Walters, or do you believe Rielle?
Haha, we are just kidding, obviously Barbara Walters will scream terrible obscenities, like the fixer in In the Loop, if you so much as place her water glass too close to the bread plate, and Rielle Hunter, as everyone knows, is an angel of lucidity who never makes things up in her crazy old head. [Buzzfeed]
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"You know what we at Wonkette don’t care about? Whether or not you want to read about and/or watch Rielle Hunter."
That's pretty fucking obvious.
I didn't even read your comment about not caring about not reading about Rielle Hunter…
Considering that I like having a byline, I would just like to say that I defer to the Editrix's judgment on this.
And I thought I was kissing ass…
Yes, but you have ulterior motives, Viggo.
yeah but come on, at least we get 'the view'.
Sideboob?
"I don't care"
"Oh, yeah? Well, I don't CARE if you care"
COME BACK KEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously, what happened to Ken? Is he mad at us? I know he doesn't communally own the Wonkette with his Earth Mother and cabal of dreadlocked tree dwellers anymore, but that doesn't mean he can't VISIT once in a while!
I love Editrix and will defend her to death.
OW! MY ARM!
I mean, my death, not hers, never hers, no sirreee!
Ken who?
Zing!
I don't know man. Remember how sometimes Ken's posts made you want to go out and buy Remington 887, a hack saw, a single shell and a bottle of rye whiskey? Our new Editrix posts sometimes hurt but when we say the "safe" word she stops.
Truth hurts, man.
(wipes a sentimental tear) Ken didn't BELIEVE in safe words, man. NOTHING was safe around that terminally depressed mother.
Rielle Hunter will be John Edwards well earned cross to bear for the rest of his life.
Indeed. And we are so lucky we didn't get a President with such lousy judgment that he'd pick her as a mistress.
Ain't that the frickin truth.
That's what I resent most about all this. The bastard kept it all a secret. He would've stuck us with this hideous wretch.
I mean, she's better than Palin, but not by much.
Right? It would be like Monica Lewinski only without the naif and the beret.
Seriously dodged a bullet there. If Edwards had gotten the nomination. we'd have been one cardiac event away from a Palin presidency.
"I'm not a fan of infidelity"
No, Reille, you are one of those ginormous windmill farms of infidelity.
NIMBY! Or Bimby?
The central air of slutty
Me neither, though I'd love to land a date with Michelle Obama. She revealed her ideal date. "Do the Right Thing"? Sounds like a Fox Show. I'll figure it out later.
Stupendous.
And it's such High Infidelity.
Reille probably isn't a fan of spousal-unit cancer either, but opportunity doesn't knock everyday.
Leave Rielle alone you’re lucky she sluts around for you people.
Hey now, stop insulting the good beloved sluts of America by comparing them to this nutcase.
I've never slept with a woman who I thought would boil my bunny, and I've slept with a lot of slutty broads.
No fair!
Where's MY slutty blond?
Oh! Well, HELLO there, Viking!
Spam, spam, spam, spam…
Gween balloons!
You misspelled bawwoons
Is this that Pinterest thing folks are talking about?
Speaking of Oprah, she seems to have really let herself go, there. She def needz to lose the dreads.
It's the glasses.
Love how Whoopi calls her a fucking idiot without calling her a fucking idiot.
Apart from that, can we get back to more uplifting stories such as those of racist shitstains taking years-long dumps all over the descendants of civil rights heroes?
She is more than welcome to the embracing and caring arms of my Foundation for Famous Sluts.
You cut off the, "6 Fun and Sporty Outfits for Summer Camp" segment.
I, for one, would NEVER cross Ms. Walters. I can imagine it is like poking a T-Rex with a hornet's nest covered in black death and peanut butter.
Maybe the next post will be about Brangelina's latest adoption.
Quit being such a crab-ass!
“I’m not a mistress! I’m a mom!”
Um, those are not mutually exclusive categories.
"John, you're up, pick a category."
"Alex, I'll take Mistress for 2 million."
And "momstress" was born.
I believe the spelling you're looking for is "monstrous"
Chef in the kitchen, whore in the bedroom. Except just not wife material.
Just what *is* wife material? I ask in all seriousness, having erred rather badly a few times.
Someone you entered the white light with, 40 years ago. The link is permanent.
Oh man, dude, if I knew that I could stop trying to learn yoga to suck my own dick
Someone who can cook well, is reasonably clean, very funny, incredibly brilliant, looks even hotter the older she gets, and not only will give, but actually enjoys giving, regular "mouth hugs."
Oh, and it helps if you're madly in love with her.
At least that was my criteria 12+ years ago, and all is still well with The Mrs and me.
Just keep in mind that your mileage may vary, I only play matchmaker/marriage counselor on the Internet, offer not valid in some areas, etc. etc. etc.
Someone who is your partner and your pal, who loves you and lets you know that in word and deed, who thinks you're wonderful and tells you so often, who will take your hand and set out on adventures wtih you, who cares about the same things that you do, hates the same things and people you do, who makes you come, and who makes you laugh.
Now that term is awesome right there.
To Urban Dictionary, go! We can make this happen. It might have legs.
Why, some of my best moms have been mistresses!
Hell, Cleopatra was a momstress four times over (or maybe three, since two of the kids were twins).
Birf control was a little, uh, difficult in those days.
You know the term MILF still works with this.
I'm not an accountant! I'm a woman!
And I'm no ginger, I'm an atheist!
Just ask my Married Lover!
I'm not a witch! I'm you!
Not watching. Nope.
Aw, gwan! Gwan, gwan, gwan, gwan, gwan. (best Father Ted voice)
The scariest example of the potential consequences of infidelity was Glen Close's character Alex Forrest in "Fatal Attraction." Rielle Hunter is a close second.
OT: But, that movie scared me more than Alien. Though, it might have been the chick I was dating at the time. I should have dated the Alien.
Well, the Alien has had a more successful movie career, anyway.
I did hear something about the casting (couch) session didn't go well.
I'd rather have my face punched like metal than put up with "I will not be ignored!"
Not to be picky, here, or nuthin', but I was given to understand that dates with the Alien usually resulted in becoming dinner.
Yea.
And the problem is….?
I don't wanna lose J_W to some face-fucking larva-implanting mother just yet. I still haven't heard if he fixed Mom's hope chest(s).
One down. One to go. I fixed the one that was a family treasure. I have yet to fix the one that is a companion purchased off of Craigslist. She was so happy. Little things I guess.
This way, I can keep her "hoping" longer.
In other news – everything else in the world that happened yesterday was more consequential.
Wow. What some people will do to sell their book.
Is it just me or is she getting a little Glenn Closey? He better start looking on his stove for a boiled rabbit.
She's definitely got that bunny-boiler vibe. I *like* bunnies.
Needz moar Gilda Radner – Baba Wawa.
With a ps to Adam Carolla – dead Gilda is still funnier than a live Carolla.
What's all this talk about Corollas?!!! Oh, Carolla. Nevermind.
That's very different.
Oh! Never mind.
Someone needs to tell Adam Carolla my fucking grandmother's funnier than him on his best day.
It takes a vile cunt to take down a vile cunt, I guess.
How does Babs deserve that?
YOU GO, GIRL!!! MMM HMMM.
Yes, Rielle. Go. Just fucking go the fuck away. Far, far, far, far, far away. Now, please.
Um. Can we get back to what's really important now? Where's Bristle?
Spoken like a true Bristolian.
Who has run over more on their fifteen minutes of fame: Rielle Hunter or Bristol Palin?
Any Kardashian.
I do think Bristol gets 18 minutes. The girls kinda slow.
She's borrowing some from her
first sonbaby brother.All of them, Katie.
Joe the Plumber.
Wait, people lie to Barbara Walters? Does that mean that Kathrine Hepburn didn't want to be a tree?
I don't know what is real anymore.
Why doesn't Reille just do what any vacuous bimbo is supposed to do in these situations, become a host on FOX News.
She'd have to learn how to fuck Democrats in a different way.
She's just crazy enough to do it!
Let's see, does she meet their qualifications?
Batcrap crazy? Check.
Blonde hair? Check.
All righty, then.
Stupid?
Annoying?
Yup, we've got a winner.
Oh for fucks sake. I thought we were done with that horse faced donkey slut.
Past her prime and unwilling to retire, Barbara Walters is the Charlie Rangel of journalism.
AS far as famous sluts go, I prefer that Sandra Fluke slut, because she had the tits to testitfy to Congress on the merits of college slutitude.
There's no way in hell I'm gonna comment on this post, Raquel.
This is what John Edwards gets for thinking with his dick.
Unfortunately, the punishment appears to be collective.
True dat.
*****HEADLINE*****
READ Wonkette!!!
All Rielle, all the time!!!
Rielle is the Wonkette's NEW Sarah Palin.
Do I smell a VP pick? I THINK I DO!
The only thing Rielle Hunter or John Edwards could do to make me loathe them more would be for one or both of them to insist on being called The King of Pop and to start going on and on about Kaballah.
Although if Rielle were the one who wanted to be called The King of Pop, it would be kinda funny.
Mean Guhl Baba Wawa Makes Wiewell Huntew Eat Huh Tewwibew Wies
Fixed that for you, Editwix
I think I feel just as sorry for the misunderstood, homewrecking, whore, as I do for the dishonest, self-important, lying politician, by whom she became famous for fucking. I mean, it's a total toss up!
I would have preferred to see more of her weaselly responses in the video, that's where the Rielle entertainment is.
Me too. I'm surprised she opted for blowing off every question, because she usually has a Queen Mary full of dipshit-isms to use. This anti-strategy strategy is surely a new stage of her evolving genius that we haven't caught up to yet.
Somebody edited the responses out, there are jumpcuts all over the place.
Enhanced genius. Why wait for an answer?
Editing is Fraud. And it's Major Freakin' Fraud when in any way Related to Democratic Presidential Candidates.
Hey Rebecca – I'm not one to complain (much) but WTF with the audio advertisements? Do you really need money that bad? It's bad enough to be surrounded with visual shilling, at least there I have a choice whether to click or not.
Rielle is just as entertaining as all the 20,000 Wonkette posts on the Palins (that's in 2012 alone), so why is erbody gettin' all stabby?
No snark, but off the top of my head, I would guess that it has something to do with our dislike of bad behavior from someone on our side of the aisle. How embarassing!
BTW, I called you a crab-ass because today is MY day to be a crab-ass. Please take a look at the assignment calendar next time, crankypants!
Is it his turn for crankypants? Dammit, I'm taking a vacation day tomorrow, so I miss my turn!
Goddamit!!!!!
coulda been worse, coulda been octomom bikini pics.
Thank you. Puh leeez no more Octomom!!!! I'm begging you!!!
Gah!
I can't think of Johnny Edwards and Rielle Hunter without singing Johnny Ryall. And then I get pissed at them for fucking with the Beastie Boys like that.
Greek Chorus or panel of Harpies – we report you decide.
Panel of herpes.
well all i have to say is america is really fucking stupid.
And there poor lonely David Brooks sits, all alone on his NY Times editorial page, bragging about being a Bruce Springsteen camp follower, wondering why he doesn't merit a well-deserved ass-whipping for his ridiculous column today…
We just did a Springsteen column yesterday. We don't want to overexpose a topic.
Doug Brinkley's "Cronkite" spends a little time on Babs' MO on the national and international press beat. I don't specifically recall "scweaming" but she was quite a beezotch…
Didn't Baba also have an affair with a congwessman?
Edward Bwooke, of massachusetts.
Did she ever! Don't you love playing Pot Kettle Black with Babs? The Big Diff is that one had the common decency to STFU and not get pregnant, and then had a career. And the other one is selling a book that will end up next to "101 Recipes for Hand Lotion" in the bargain bin within less than a year.
Recipes for Hand Lotion? I'd buy that ! Which bin?
That was fascinating! They invited her on to call her a stupid whore, and she flat out sat there for it. Because, DAH!, a book.
"How are you going to get by, you stupid whore?"
"Bitch, I have a fuckin BOOK. I'm fuckin SET."
I'm sure that every author here agrees that publishing one book is really better than winning the lottery. You don't even need to SELL the book. Just go on The View, let the Anger Moms call you a cum dumpster, and go home. That's ALL. Think of the Karma Points, spiritual ones, for taking the abuse with a smarmy grin. And money. Obviously, everyone is going to buy this book because it sells itself. Personality schmersonality. Rielle is just stone cold not giving a shit, because she knows exactly what you can't wait to read. She read it in your mind.
This bitch could win gold in the Least Self Aware Olympics. She's the Michael Phelps of Delusion. The Wilma Rudolph of Vacuous Twats. I mean, she is at a whole other level of dipshit. This is world-class. I give it 468 on a scale of 1-10.
I think they're trotting her out to see if she should be the next Bachelorette. Come over here, Twatwaffle, and let's Botox you up and put you in a jacuzzi with 25 losers all blazed on JD. You'll get some and they'll get some and we get to watch you get lied to, etc, etc, etc.
A 55 gallon drum of toothpaste won't remove the smell of Henry Kissinger's dick out of Barbara's breath or the 101st Airborne's out of R's.
Why is this woman even allowed to pimp her book on the TV? If I was in that audience, I think I would leave my copy on the chair. I'm sure this book will be making it over to the Barnes and Noble clearance table in very short order.
Nice to meet you!
AgentOrange: WINNING!!!
You're a good kid, J_W, and I'll bet your Momma loves you with all her heart. Next time you go visit, you can fix the other one. (Hugs J_W)
OK, now I know what happened. I'm STILL not givin' ya up to that Alien chick, tho.
I linked with many souls over the years, and the links seem to be pretty permanent. I love them all, and I know they love me.
Wow, yoga can help you DO THAT? Where do you learn this yoga?
I think she mostly likes that I am the calmer of the three sons (the middle one).
The Alien chick is very insistent. I do imagine anyone that would date her would be in for a very bad breakup.
I see the problem. I love them all. Some of them are not so thrilled about that. Although I will say that my current partners are very good about sharing.
OK, that describes all six of the women I'm currently dating…
Awwww…
Just block her and don't answer the door. When she gets hungry enough, she'll leave.
I usually stalk a skinny chick carrying a yoga mat.
So glad I'm down here and you're up there in Hollyweird, bro!
Dad??
Well I certainly do.
And I love you too, MittBorg!
Well, you and Robo-Bo. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D14l0UWbGfc
Aren't you just a darling girl! I love you too, sweetie, with a love that surpasseth the telling.
I have TWO of those! And I love them so much!
It's quite something, isn't it, how you can feel so close to someone you've never met? If I ever visit where you are, I am so dragging you and your harem out for a nice dinner.
Why, thank you very much, redarmyzombie. Here's a hug, for putting ME ahead of Robo-Bo.
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