i am perfect

The truth has come out: Barack Obama is not a genius. We’re sorry, we know you have always thought this to be true. But a very serious man and inadvertent Obama scholar by the name of Jack Cashill has encountered some EGREGIOUS ERRORS (subtle grammatical changes) in letters that were printed in the new Obama biography, David Maraniss’s Barack Obama: The Story, parts of which were also recently excerpted in Vanity Fair. Conclusion: Maraniss has COMMITTED FRAUD by possibly changing four or so words Obama wrote 29 years ago, and Obama is just a petulant boy-man who doesn’t use a spell check because he is above it! Especially now! Well, now you know how to vote in November, thanks to Jack Cashill.

Cashill’s biggest concern, possibly in life, is that Obama can’t figure out subject-verb agreement. Seriously. It’s really a waste of precious Internet to quote from Cashill’s fit about one particular subject-verb agreement issue that Obama had in an article he wrote in a Columbia University publication called Sundial in 1983, but here’s his conclusion:

This is one of an appalling five sentences in Obama’s 1,800-word essay in which the noun and verb do not agree.

YES, APPALLING! Famine, malaria, AIDS, genocide, and Obama’s five subject-verb agreement errors in an essay written 29 years ago.

About halfway through his groundbreaking treatise, Cashill self-consciously blurts this out:

Let me explain why this is important.


Apparently it is “important” because Obama also sucked grammatically at other times too, like in love letters to his ex Alex McNear, many of which also appear in Maraniss’s book/the Vanity Fair excerpt. And, Cashill implies (doesn’t even say), does Obama really write anything of his own? Have his own love letters to the American public been filled with help from — GASP — editors and — SHRIEK — copyeditors and — GAH — Microsoft Word’s spell check function????? HAS IT ALL — THE SPEECHES, WE MEAN, WE KNOW THE REST HAS PRETTY MUCH SUCKED — BEEN A LIE? Did Maraniss, horrifyingly, edit Obama’s love letters for clarity, wrongly leading us to believe that Obama was born clear?

Cashill finds it particularly vexing that an umlaut was added to a letter ‘u’ in the Sundial thing! The nerve!

Did [Maraniss] not ask himself how a mediocre student, writing presumably from memory, could embark upon a sophisticated, spontaneous discussion of T.S. Eliot or think to put an umlaut over the “u” in Münzer? After catching the word switch in the Sundial excerpt, I now have to question whether it was the young Obama who added the umlaut. I suppose the Sundial edit, like the umlaut, might have been made by an editing program and overlooked by Maraniss, but the duty to explain is now his. Otherwise, he stands accused of fraud.

The presidency is riding on an umlaut. [The American “Thinker”]

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  • prommie

    History's worst monster: Obama, or Maraniss?

    • Posts like Liz's make me ache for the importance of Rielle Hunter.

      • prommie

        Yeah, but I'd still hit it.

  • This is one of an appalling five sentences in Obama’s 1,800-word essay in which the noun and verb do not agree.

    Wow. So like 25 words out of 1800? That's like 1.4%! I bet Cashill can do better. I bet he's got at least three grammatical or syntactical errors in every paragraph!

    • Tommy1733

      What about the 99%?

  • Cashill probably uses a teleprompter while he's having sex.

    • Jus_Wonderin


    • Dr_Zoidberg

      'Whip me harder and call me Daddy!'

      • "Oh. Oh. Hon– nee. You. know. just. how. to………."

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq

          "Put it in me big boy…, Oh wait, I'm reading the wrong line!"

          • CthuNHu

            (PAUSE FOR APPLAUSE)

    • Antispandex

      Teleprompter…hum, I don't know. But, grammer-check, for sure!

      • I'm not sure he'd distinguish between grammar and gramper

        • Antispandex

          Nice catch! Fucked up a perfectly good snark by typing too fast! Damn it!

  • Barb

    They didn't have "Schoolhouse Rock" in Kenya.
    ♫ ♬ ♭Conjunction junction, what's your function?"♫ ♬ ♭

    • Well, mostly because Kenyans didn't have schools or houses.

      Plenty of rocks, tho.

      • Hahahaha. Are we talking prehistoric times? Because Kenyans have had schools and houses since before you were a gleam in your father's eye.

        • Kenyans, Ethiopians, it's all good.

        • Hi you!

          • Hey, pretty lady!

          • Hi handsome. How are your tomatoes?(That wasn't meant to sound obscene)

          • Sure, that's what you say NOW.

            I am SO pleased. They're popping out all over. Every day I go out there and admire those plants, and piff, pop, there's another five little puppies there to love and hunger over. We actually picked the first one, it was a SF Fog, I think, small, tart-sweet, thin-skinned. Mmm, mm, good. I see two more turning quite red on that bush, and I have a ton of San Marzanos now, for paste. Caught a hornworm lurking in there yesterday. The fist of justice delivered a swift deworming.

            Small life is fascinating, it really is. I'm having such a wonderful time in the garden. And you, babycakes? How you doin?

          • Well I am an urban, so no tomatoes to speak of, but I do have a few flowers on my balcony.

          • OK, we're both gonna regret this because tomatoes are TOTES the gateway drug to gardening. Tomatoes are GREAT in planters. If you get the cherry tomatoes, or the miniatures, I think there's a variety called Tiny Tim that you can literally grow on your tabletop (assuming, of course, that your tabletop, like mine, is covered in dreck). I grow all mine in barrels. Check your local nursery. I like the big heirlooms, which tend to have 12-18-foot vines, but there are many varieties that will do fine in a large pot on a sunny balcony.

            Alternatively, you could tell me to go fuck myself with a garden spade and quit bending your ear already. I have cucumbers this week.

      • tessiee

        And they were grateful to get those rocks! And do you know why? Because they APPRECIATED things! Not like kids today, rant, rave…

        • Why, back when WE were your age, we had a crust of bread for breakfast and a bowl of water for dinner, and we were GRATEFUL for it!

          I do a great imitation of my Mom and the availability of coffee during WW II.

          • Boojum

            You had BOWLS? I bet you had UMLAUTS, too!

          • We were so poor, we could only afford semi-umlauts. We had to save up all our umlauts for one significant, sonorous, ponderous, Hegelian sentence per month.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Yes, I'll have a venti Umlaut and one of those delicious looking Scones.

  • coolhandnuke

    Cashill’s biggest concern, possibly in life, is that Obama can’t figure out subject-verb agreement.

    One of my concerns with Bush II is that he couldn't figure out a war-exit strategy agreement.

    • SorosBot

      Is our presidents learning?

    • Antispandex

      "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test."

    • sharethegrief

      But his entrance strategy was dead-on.

      • scvirginia


    • Tundra Grifter

      Or war-finance agreement.

      Or post-war-peace agreement.

      Remember: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you!"

  • Not_So_Much

    It appears 'Clippy' may have helped Cashill write most of his pile of shit.

    • Jus_Wonderin
      • I heard that live on NPR. I had to pull off the highway until I stopped laughing.

        "It looks like you're trying to dig a grave. Is this a personal grave or business grave?"

    • tessiee

      "It looks like you're a hysterical wingnut whose day isn't complete until he's flung some poo at the President. Would you like to recycle the insults they used for Clinton, or do you want to just make something up on the spot?"

  • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    Obama's claim to genius is based on his literary skills, especially as evident in Dreams. In recent years, however, many observers have come to suspect Obama had substantial help in writing the book, most likely provided by neighborhood editor extraordinaire Bill Ayers.

    Hey, I bet it was Bill Ayers who helped Bammaz graduate Magna Cum Laude as well!

    Fuck's sake. These people.

    • finallyhappy

      There is no Barack Obama- he is a golem made by Bill Ayers, Rev. Wright, Saul Alinsky and all Muslims and Kenyans.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Golem? So he's Jewish too? Oy!

        • And not just by marriage, kinde.

          • I know Michelle has a cousin who is a rabbi, have you heard about something about more Jewish relatives on her side of the family?

          • Reb Funnye is the only one I know about.

          • There is actually a new book out about her ancestors, looks interesting:

          • Fascinating. I read an article about it — NYT? It included pictures of that long-ago ancestor who was half white. What terrible times those people lived in! And now, in her own lifetime, she has to listen to a bunch of inbred crackers saying the same thing they said to that long-ago ancestor. She is one strong, centered woman.

        • tessiee

          "So he's Jewish too?"

          They changed his name from Baruch Obramowitz.

    • prommie

      Obama and Ayers have never denied that they raped and killed that girl at a black mass in 1978.

      • That was Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I'm pretty sure that Bill Ayers wrote all of Obama's love letters for him, especially the stuff on Elliot.

    • Tundra Grifter

      "In recent years, however, many observers have come to suspect…"

      "Many observers" being Jack and his fleas?

      • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        There was just one small flaw, as writer and literary detective Jack Cashill discovered months before the November 2008 election: nothing in Obama’s history suggested he was capable of writing either Dreams or his 2006 book, The Audacity of Hope. In fact, as Cashill continued his research, he came to the shocking conclusion that the real craftsman behind Dreams was terrorist emeritus Bill Ayers.

        Fucking shocker.

        • Why would the editor of the Harvard Law Review be a skilled author?

        • bikerlaureate

          "terrorist emeritus" – yet another bitchin' name for my new band.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Gee, all this time I was sure it was Saul Alinsky's zombie/ghost.

          I bet Ayers helped Obma edit the Harvard Law Review, too.

          Is it possible that Cashill was just testing the theory that there is no lie about Obama that is so preposterous, so staggeringly stupid, that imbecile racist teabaggers won't believe it?

          If so, he's got to do better than this — I mean, he's never going to make an impression on the folks who know for a fact that only an implanted alien lizard brain could help a black man do all that highfalutin' grammar and spellin' and stuff. As if some commie democrat could write good … don't be ridiclus!

      • That hit my funnybone at just the right height.

      • tessiee

        "Many observers"

        "Who is "We"? You got a turd in your pocket?" — Eric Cartman

  • ChernobylSoup

    I don't see why they has to agree in the first place.

    • Because we has to make the pie higher

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      It's the only way to be sure our children is learning to right good.

  • babyeinstein

    You know who also couldn't figure out subject-verb agreement?

    • Callyson

      The illiterate trolls on HuffyPo?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I knows the answer to these question.

      • MissTaken

        You does not!

    • Antispandex


      • bobbert

        In German, subject-verb agreement is a guessing game.

    • SorosBot

      Use subject-verb agreement well, Yoda did.

      • tessiee

        But reversed, his sentence structure was.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Every King that has been told to "Fuck off!"

    • BerkeleyBear

      Me, especially when you have to refer to collective entities as "it" and "its" instead of "their" and "theirs". And don't even get me started on possessive apostrophes.

      • proudgrampa

        As long as the President didn't get "its" and "it's" confused, I'm good.

    • Herman Cain's Grandpa, Shufflin' Magic Rochester Remus Cain III?

      • babyeinstein

        this is the correct answer, of course.

    • tessiee

      The Loch Ness Monster?

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Me after a certain number of drinks?

  • nounverb911

    "Wordz is hard"
    –George W. Bush

  • chascates

    Give Obama a break! Besides English he speaks Indonesian, Kenyan, and Muslim!

    • Actually, his Bahasa Indonesia isn't half bad. It doesn't have that terrible American accent that makes most American speakers of Bahasa so uproariously funny.

      • You're Indonesian!! Nailed ya! Admit it!

        • Fare la Volpe

          Everyone knows robots have no race.

          • Is THAT the true Post-Racial Amercia? Inhabited by Mitt's Borg?

          • Fare la Volpe

            Post-Racial, Post-Human, same diff.

          • bikerlaureate

            ♪ I need a unit to sample and hold
            But not the angry one
            A new design
            New design ♪

        • Sorry, missed! Hahahaha!

          I speak Bahasa Indonesia, but I also speak Chinese and Indian languages. Try again.

          • Fare la Volpe

            That's quite the talented tongue. And here I thought I was hot shit because I made a guy boner over the phone just by talking about my laundry in Italian.

          • He burst into tears and turned bright orange?! That's cruel!

          • Oh, but you *are* hot shit, sweetie.

          • We could avoid these difficulties if you would simply turn the idol over to me, Professor Jones.

          • We've been having so much fun with this merry dance, though.

  • FidoMcCokefiend

    "Let me explain why this is important."

    "He's black"

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      And you, my friend, just summed up the majority of the president's opposition.

  • SoBeach

    When you combine this with Obama ordering brown mustard on a hot dog and his wife wearing shorts on vacation, it couldn't be clearer what America needs to do in November.

    • scvirginia

      No she DINT?!

    • Tundra Grifter

      Didn't Obama once order arugula in public?

      That was it for me…

  • SorosBot

    How did Obama fail to use a basic spelling and grammar checker in 1983, when PCs were clunky expensive toys for rich people so he was probably still using a typewriter?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Man, I used to love getting high on the White-Out.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        I was an art (ed) major. We had ace….ace….uh….acetone.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        I've graduated to huffing the canned air I use to clean my keyboard.

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        I know. Sniffing a toner cartridge is just not the same.

        • SorosBot

          Not to mention ridiculously expensive; just imagine if gas was as expensive as toner, we'd all just find ways to walk or bike to work.

          • Stop shoving the European Model down our throats!! We're the greatest country ever!!

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          That black stuff is cocaine? No wonder H-P charges so much for it.

      • Photographic alcohol: 200 Proof.

        Just sayin'…

        • Tundra Grifter

          When I worked in St. Thomas I learned the local drugstore sold rubbing alcohol made at the Pott Distillery. The pharmacist confirmed it was 180-proof raw rum – twenty-five cents a pint.

          It was difficult to swallow – it almost evaporated on the tongue.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            I think the fact that it instatnly dessicated your tongue was the actual problem. At least, that's the problem with spectroscopy-grade laboratory ethanol. So I've been told *cough*.

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        In HS, we tried licking correction tape. Didn't get us high, though. We just got dry mouth.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      "WordStar is a word processor application, published by MicroPro International, originally written for the CP/M operating system but later ported to DOS, that enjoyed a dominant market share during the early- to mid-1980s."

      • scvirginia

        I am still immensely grateful that I made it out of college before you HAD to use word processors. "Processed words": sounds about as appealing as processed food products.

        • SorosBot

          I was just glad to have decent computers available in college. My family just had an old inherited Commodore 64 with a dot matrix printer that I had to use to write all my papers throughout high school, and I graduated in 1994. The printer was so bad I'd often have to print a dozen copies before I'd finally have usable copies of each page for longer papers. And my little brother still had to use that in high school, when he graduated in 2000.

          • scvirginia

            Did you have to use green bar paper?

          • SorosBot

            Not that at least; but we did have to use the old paper where each sheet was attached to the next and they had a strip of extra paper with holes in it to theoretically keep it aligned in the printer.

          • scvirginia

            Bummer, but at least it could have been worse. As in you could have still been using it for school reports in 2000, like your brother…

      • Yeah, but what's your point? Most people did not have computers to use it on. And believe me, if you had a computer that could run CP/M so you could run WordStar in 1983, you were both rich and frustrated.

        I graduated college in 1982 having used nothing but a typewriter. I got my first job as a retail copywriter in 1983, and I don't think we started using word processors until at least '84 or '85.

        • sullivanst

          My family had a PC and WordStar in the mid-80s, plus the obligatory 9-pin dot matrix printer. My mum still used the typewriter for anything she wanted anyone to be remotely impressed by, though, because the printer's output looked truly awful.

      • tessiee

        You like that better than Volkswriter?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        All the cool guys in my grad school used the university's mainframe. (Ten-hour days of staring at screen after screen packed with glowing green text — the image is still burned into my retinas.) We picked up the drafts of our theses at the computer center, where they had a laser printer the size of a minivan.

        Worked pretty well, despite having only one font to "choose" from.

    • PubOption

      Spelling checkers were available back then – they were called dictionaries.

      • BaldarTCrabass

        But how could you look it up if you didn't know how to spell it?!? My Webster's never had the "auto-complete" function.

    • clblabin

      The image of young Barry hunched over a typewriter, cigarette dangling from his mouth, is a weird mental picture.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Please don't get him started on proportional fonts.

    • Veritas78

      College kids today will not understand this thread at all. I took an Olivetti manual typewriter to college, haven't used it since about 1979, and cannot bear to dispose of it. It's built like Fort Knox, but there is no one to buy or use it. We're all wearing onions on our belts, which was the style at the time.

  • Callyson

    There is, after all, much at stake here. Obama's claim to genius is based on his literary skills

    Um, no, actually, Obama's claim to genius is based on his ability to stop the economic free fall despite the Reeps' best efforts to destroy it in hopes of destroying him, his success in getting OBL and reversing the damage W did to other nations support for American leadership, not to mention his ability to retain the respect and admiration of Americans of all political stripes…

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      And here I was stupidly believing Obama's claim to genius was in law, not literature.

    • It's true, he didn't have bin Laden shot, he sat him down and was ungrammatical.

    • "not to mention his ability to retain the respect and admiration of Americans of all political stripes…" Was with you up until that part. Don't you read Wonkette?

  • Ëxtëmpöränüs

    Fück yöü, Cäshill.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Man, that one goes all the way to 11.

      • Extemporanus


        • horsedreamer_1

          Chuck Eddy placed the above comment at no. 23 on his list of the 500 Most Metal Internet Comments of the Decade 2011-2020.

    • Limeylizzie


  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™


    Dubya. Dubya. Dubya.

    Know why no one ever wrote a book that focused on his grammatical fuckups? Because that book was called "The Internet: 2001 – 2009".

    • Crank_Tango

      Also, it's hard to have any grammatical fuck ups when you can't read or write.

      • Antispandex

        Yes, when you have speech writers, and a teleprompter, it takes a certain artistry to mangle shit as bad as Dubya did. He's a hero to the 8th grade dropouts who voted for him though!

    • sullivanst

      Right, because it's not like Jacob Weisberg had published his third book of W Bushisms before the end of the third year of his first term, or anything.

  • BaldarTCrabass

    Get a Brain, Moraniss!

  • SilverFox

    His efforts would be better spent on the Fox Nation comment boards.

    'Guys, it's "NObama IS a Muslin socialist fraud!" Not "NObama ARE…"'

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      But he's still a looser, right?

  • Zombie_Reagan

    I'd be willing to bet that at least one other POTUS made a grammatical error in their correspondence….wait, what's that….Obama is black? Well, now it makes perfect sense.

    Just call Obama a "dumb [n-word]" and get it over with. Seriously.

  • Estproph

    For a fun look into the "mind" of rightwing paranoid wackaloons, read the comments section. They are hailing this as definitive proof that Obama is a complete fake, a puppet of dark forces who are making his life easy in order to enslave humanity.

    Just like when he tripped coming up the stairs the other day.

    Just like when he uses a teleprompter.

    Just like when he took a reporter to Five Guys.

    Seriously, these people are damaged. They should be shunned.

    • Geminisunmars

      They should be punned, but they wouldn't get it.

    • SHUNNED? They should be MULCHED.

      • Nom nom n…oh, MULCHED. My bad. Carry on.

        • Ew, after you got spit all over it?

    • SorosBot

      They all boil down to, "We no he not smart 'cause hes a negro hur hur durp."

      • Boojum

        Boil them longer.

  • The presidency is riding on an umlaut.

    Those are really uncomfortable. I prefer Cannondale or maybe a Trek.

    • MosesInvests

      If you want comfort, try a custom Independent Fabrication. (Bike snob here)

      • If I ever get a real job, I am so going custom.

      • Does this somehow involve Butt Mold Technology borrowed from the Adult Entertainment Devices industry?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Or an Austrian Warmblood.

      Of course, if it's really Varmblüt …

      • it's probly one of your mounts?

      • sullivanst

        OK, who's ghostwriting your comments now? I mean, noone who would commit such a glaring grammar faux-pas as writing "But he's still a looser, right?" could ever possibly think by themselves to use the umlaut in "Varmblüt".

  • PsycWench

    The president writes his own missives; meanwhile Peggy Noonan sits twiddling her thumbs.

    • Fare la Volpe

      And diddling her something else. HEY-O!!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    It's called Ebonics, yo!

  • Baconzgood

    So how about all those times Dubya butchered the language when HE WAS prez? Don't believe me. Here's a blast from the past.

    • Geminisunmars

      He made, umlaut of misteaks, huh?

  • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    Shurely the alt-text should read "i are perfect"?

  • shortsandpants

    C'mon, Republican friends. He's from Kenya for God-sakes. Give 'em a break. Even teleprompterzzz sometimes use English as a second language.

  • Crank_Tango

    Wait wait wait, so he actually went to Columbia then?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      At least one of the clones did, yes. Now, whether it was the Muslim clone, the Rev. Wright clone, or another one is yet clear. This is why we must study his grammar!

      • sullivanst

        The real question to me, though, is "Is Jack Cashill trying to imply mind control and brainwash on the people by controlling the grammar?"

      • I have interviewed the man who portrayed "Baby Barack" in all of those early family pictures! His revelations will shock you!!

        • I can't wait for the phrenological analysis that *proves* Young Barack, Baby Barack, and Teh Yousurpurr are all played by different individuals. With a detailed analysis of the degree of contribution of their Arab genes (all of which may be surmised with a quick look at the shape of the skull, of course).

          • sullivanst

            Phrenology pah! Just look at the zodiac! Obama seeks balance and is coolly intellectual – classic traits of a Libra, so how could he possibly have been born on August 2nd? Checkmate!

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            I think they spell it "Liebra."

  • Antispandex

    Strange…no one felt bad about having to edit the erudite, and loquacious stylings of our last President…the only President with an M.B.A, &c.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    I have grammar question for Cashill. Is it:

    Jack Cashill, as well as his co-workers at the American Thinker, are choking on giant donkey dicks….or

    Jack Cashill, as well as his co-workers at the American Thinker, is choking on giant donkey dicks.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I think it is probably "are now and have always been"

    • prommie

      I'd use "along with" rather than "as well as," and in that case, its clearly "is." "As well as" means "and" and I think then you have to go with the collective "they" are choking on dicks. But you can also say that "he, like so many of his colleagues, is choking on dick." It depends, I guess.

      • sullivanst

        The substitution to "and" when combined with the use of "are" seems to me perfect.

    • tessiee

      Trick question.
      Jack Cashill never chokes; he takes those giant donkey dicks right down to the root.

  • glamourdammerung

    This is the same author that put out the alleged book about how President Obama's books were ghostwritten by Bill Ayers. It would be easier to take him seriously if he would make up his mind.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      In Wingnuttistan, two preposterous fabrications are always better than one, even if they're mutually exclusive. Real Americans™ like to have choices.

  • Clearly an impeachable offense.

  • Woodshedding

    I guess he was in a coma when the Bushes were president. OMG, am I supposed to say presidents? See, how Obama's influence is screwing up EVERYBODY?!?

  • Nibbler of Niblonia

    "This is one of an appalling five sentences in Obama’s 1,800-word essay in which the noun and verb do not agree."

    The president of the United States doesn't need to take shit from a man who writes that sentence.

    Beginning the sentence with an article. The imprecise placement of adjective "appalling." Repeat use of the preposition "in." The fixation on numerical values. Anthropromorphizing nouns and verbs. (It's called "subject-verb agreement," retard. The subject and verb don't actually agree or disagree.)

    This hack, and his copyeditor, get an F.

    A good writer would have written, "Five sentences in Obama's 1,800-word essay had incorrect subject-verb agreement." Go back to school, you appalling fucktard.

    • UnholyMoses

      Both Strunk and White love you.

      • Nibbler of Niblonia

        Then why did they never call?

        • UnholyMoses

          They write letters.

    • ChernobylSoup

      Are you new here? If so, please stay.

      • Nibbler of Niblonia

        Not new. Been lurking and commenting under various pseudonyms since the golden days of Cox, Lat, Pareene and Layne.

        Sounds like a fucked up law firm, doesn't it?

        • I missed out on the golden era of vaguely asian-looking ladies writing roman-a-clefs about buttsechs under the Editrixing of "Sweet Cheeks" Cox.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Were it possible, I would make love to this comment.

      • Nibbler of Niblonia

        Unfortunately, that comment is merely an abstraction and incapable of consenting to partake in a sexual act.

        However, you are more than welcome to fap to it.

        • Fare la Volpe

          Oh baby, I'll personify that comment all night long.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Clearly Obama didn't write anything attributed to him, for none of them contain the phrases "Gonna git me some watta-mellon" or "Nigga goin' to B Prez or die tryin'."

    • sullivanst

      Yes, Cashill does rather appear to be attempting to prove the premise by assuming the premise, doesn't he?

  • elburritodeluxe

    Karl Marx, Adolph Hitler, Osama Bin Laden, Barack Obama: All shitty at grammar.
    Need we say more???

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I heard that Hitler was a bit of a grammar Nazi.

      • Doktor Zoom

        And Maria Anna Schicklgruber was a Nazi gramma.

  • owhatever

    Thanks to the eagle-eyed Mister Cowshit for exposing something that is totally unimportant to anything.

    • I disagree. This is very important to those to whom it's important.

  • Guppy

    The Word, "the," being interlined between the seventh and eighth Lines of the first Page, the Word "Thirty" being partly written on an Erazure in the fifteenth Line of the first Page, The Words "is tried" being interlined between the thirty second and thirty third Lines of the first Page and the Word "the" being interlined between the forty third and forty fourth Lines of the second Page.

    Attest William Jackson Secretary

    Even Jesus needed proofreading.

  • At least Hitler got his umlauts right every time!

    • ChernobylSoup

      He had a lot more to choose from.

      Hitler had more umlauts from which to choose.

    • Extemporanus

      With Hitler, you could either keep your mouth shut, or you could diacritic.

      • Doktor Zoom

        My uncle had his semicolon removed. Now he has to punctuate into a rubber bag.

        • Ëxtëmpöränüs

          I know that I started it, but we're liable to hurt someone if we keep this up.


  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Still, why is Cashill wasting his time on this small stuff. Isn't the real fraud the fact that Maraniss never once points out that Obama was spawned from a she-wolf in Kenya, and that his true father is Lenin using the Ayatollah Khomeini's dick?

  • elburritodeluxe

    You can stare at Obama's letters and essays and speeches all day long, Jack Cashill, but he will never love you. It's time to move on.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      So many long, lonely nights and so many tears in his pillow.

      • tessiee

        Now I'm picturing you guys having this conversation on Princess phones, on opposite sides of the zigzag line that indicates "phone conversation" in cartoons. While eating chocolates out of heart-shaped boxes.

  • ChernobylSoup

    I can't believe we're making an issue of this while there are kids starving in the country of Africa.

    • BaldarTCrabass

      I can't believe we're making an issue of this while there are kids starving in the country of America.

      • Doktor Zoom

        No one is hungry in a country where the poors have TVs.

        COLOR TVs!!!!!

        • sullivanst

          AND CELL PHONES!


  • So much for "hope"!!!

    If Obama can't get subjects and verbs to agree, how can he possibly get Democrats and Republicans to work together!

    • SorosBot

      It's all his fault that the Republicans, who announced as soon as he took office that they would do everything in their power to make him a one term president, won't work with him!

  • Tundra Grifter

    Jack CashShill.

  • Doktor Zoom


    • BaldarTCrabass

      Oh no, he's a draft registration dodger as well!

      Dick Cheney gives two thumbs up. "That's mah boy!"

  • We need a patriot reporter to throw Obama an octothorpe at a press conference and see how he handles it.

    • tessiee

      of course, if he handles it well, they'll say that proves he's an octoroon.

  • Tundra Grifter

    All these years I thought an umlaut was a German child.

    • How do you make an umlaut cry?

      Poke it in the "i".

  • How well do you have to write to be able to send robot assassins to kill people all over the world?

  • gogogodzilla

    Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.

  • Baconzgood

    You know what's even worse. Once on Wonkette, I saw a semi-colon where I should have seen an apostrophe.


    • BaldarTCrabass

      That was just someone throwing a winky at you. ;-)

    • Tundra Grifter

      Do you know who else had a semi-colon?

      • You know who else had a semi-scrotum?

      • BaldarTCrabass

        Charles Krauthammer?

      • tessiee


        Old joke: What's the difference between Reagan and an electric typewriter?
        Give up?
        The typewriter has a colon and a memory.

  • glamourdammerung

    Also, it is hilarious that a Breitbart associate is attacking someone for their grammar.

  • prommie

    I always thought Obama was so articulate. Just like that nice football player, OJ Simpson.

  • notreelyhelping

    That's an awfully tiny hammer he's using, even to drive in a brad.

  • MissTaken

    As sumone who haz nevah evah maid a speling or granmerr errrer in mine lief, me findz ths apaulling!

  • UnholyMoses

    In the next exciting edition of the ironically named "American Thinker," we'll examine how Obama's use of a trailing a comma makes him a fascist dictator on par with Hitler.


    I mean, seriously. I'd respect these guys more if they just admitted that they don't think a black person could write in complete sentences.

    And by "more" I mean "still not even a little bit."

  • GemlikeFlame

    The thing that most strikes me here is the wide and colorful (sorry) array of thinly veiled racism tarted up to look like genuine intellectual criticism. If somebody can show me a real critique of Obama's works that doesn't involve ad hominem abusive in some form, I intend to be shocked.

    I suspect that animal simply does not exist. I have yet to see one, and for all the right's self-proclaimed intellectual resources, I haven't even seen an attempt that didn't involve the reluctant avoidance of the n-word.

    • tessiee

      I had a distant relative email me a link to some article that some black guy wrote (get it? Ya get it? Huh?) that was critical of President Obama, thereby PROVING CONCLUSIVELY that his detractors are *~NOT!~* racist.

      • GemlikeFlame

        Cough*Herman Cain*cough.

  • clblabin

    NOBAMA is so divisive he's even driving subjects and verbs apart.

  • Translation: You know who can't make nouns and verbs agree?! Niggers!

    • Extemporanus

      Our country's problems began the day they were given the right to use adjectives.

    • BaldarTCrabass

      Yeah, I wonder at what point they're going to stop dancing around.

  • "Grammar Nazi" is not a figure of speech, then?

  • Chichikovovich

    Huh. Spent fifteen minutes composing an extended rant, click "Submit Comment" and poof – deleted by administrator. Well, that sucks.

    • sullivanst

      Oh dear, you trіggered the censorbot?

      • Chichikovovich

        Apparently – I've no idea how.

        • You must have used an umlaut incorrectly.

        • sullivanst

          When trіggered, the censorbot acts without retаrdation.

    • bobbert

      My sympathies. The most aggravating aspect, when I do the same thing, is that since I (obviously) didn't save a pre-post copy, it's impossible to even try to guess what trip-wire was activated.

      Also, my subject-verb agreement becomes suspect.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Jack pulled this garbage out of Maraniss than I care to see.

  • Cato56

    So whoever translated the Snobilly's utterances into English for publication of her book is guilty of a capital crime.

    • scvirginia

      Is she a blah?

  • sullivanst

    This Is Very Important.

    Actually, no, Jack Cashill's entire fucking oeuvre is a fucking fraud.

  • anniegetyerfun

    I write words for a living. I recently sent a draft to an editor that sounded like it had been written in Japan by Japanese schoolchildren about software. They still pay me, though, because EDITORS are the people who are paid to fix my errors. When they make the edits, what I do is thank them, and occasionally buy them a beer.


  • I do not care to envision what Noonington does with her thumbs while ruminating on President Obama.

  • Sassomatic

    I've heard that Kenyan children ride umlauts to school. Coincidence? I don't think so.

  • barto

    Quien es mas macho, t. s. eliot o Obama? Maraniss no sabe, pobre pendejo.

  • scorpy1

    "an appalling five sentences in Obama’s 1,800-word essay "

    Barring the question of truthfulness, wouldn't a normal person read that and conclude that this is not a big deal?

  • anniegetyerfun


    • scvirginia

      Stay away! You still have a soul to protect!

  • proudgrampa

    What's this I hear about Grammer Nazi?

    I am shocked that that nice actor could possibly be a Nazi. He was always so funny in Frasier. I just can't believe — what? Oh. Well, that's different. Never mind.

    • tessiee

      Kelsey Grammer is a right-wing, stripper-banging douche who proudly voted for Bush both times, but I don't think he's ever actually officially joined the Nazi party.

      • proudgrampa

        Well, while I agree that he has made appalling choices in his support for political candidates, I really would hesitate to put the Nazi label on him.

        Douche is good, though.

  • tessiee

    Yeah, we know: Of all the atrocities in history, this is one billion times worse than all of them put together, yadda yadda.
    *files fingernails*

  • tessiee

    "how a mediocre student, writing presumably from memory, could embark upon a sophisticated, spontaneous discussion of T.S. Eliot or think to put an umlaut over the “u” in Münzer?"

    Maybe because he wasn't a mediocre student, but his detractors are saying he was, because they'll grasp at any straw?

    • sullivanst

      I mentioned elsewhere, it's called "assuming the premise to prove the premise", and it's a sign of a very weak and/or dishonest mind.

      • tessiee

        Bible thumpers do it a lot.

        • Boojum

          She's a virgin, cause she said so and VIRGINS DON'T LIE!!

        • sullivanst

          Yes indeedy. They even have a name for their favorite usages of it: “ontological argument”. A better name would probably be “illogical argument”.

  • fawkedifiknow

    So… all Barack needs to do is take a remedial course in English composition, and the economy will really "be fine" and Romney will quit criticizing him all the fucking time over it?

  • I'd like to see the actual 5 appalling sentences to which Mr. Cashew refers. My guess is they're probably O.K.

  • tessiee

    What the hell is this guy talking about?
    There aren't any umlauts in the sentence, "Where the white women at?"

  • ttommyunger

    No need to see Mr. Cashill's Turd Certificate.

  • TribecaMike

    Why are righties so fascinated by photos of young African-American men?

    • Does yöu have to äsk?

    • sullivanst

      They find them easy to masturbate to, of course.

  • Maybe because he's fucking brilliant? Yes assholes, black and brilliant.

    • bikerlaureate

      Never before has there been a brilliant guy who failed to demonstrate it in every form of schoolwork. EVAR!

  • tessiee

    "The presidency is riding on an umlaut."

    The President is riding on a unicorn?

  • arihaya

    this Cashill fellow is also the same guy who claimed that Bamma picture with his grandparents is fake, for fuck sake.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Let's back up just a bit and look at some facts:

    1. A very, very small number of very well-educated people are smart enough to get into Harvard Law School.
    2. Of these, a very small fraction have the analytical and writing skills necessary to get onto the Law Review.
    3. These people, from among themselves, chose Barack Obama to review and edit their work.

    So, either Obama can't write, or Jack Cashill is an idiot and an asshole. This is not a hard question, and even racist imbecile teabaggers should be able to puzzle it out if you give them a week or two. Not all of 'em, I know, but some of 'em.

    • Boojum

      Ha! I have the unanswerable response. Black!

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        That does seems to be what throws these goobers into such a mouthbreating rage: the notion that a black guy has an IQ that's at least 40 points higher than their own.

  • redarmyzombie

    Save the umlauts!

  • DahBoner

    How do you say George W. Bush is a dumptruck in whiney, titty-baby Republican?

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