Kill them allEveryone loves a good piñata. You get a baseball bat and go smash, ha ha ha! And then everyone goes home with stuffed pockets of candy and razor blades. The kids love this nonsense. But lo, what has Precinct 4 of Houston done now? A “park policy adopted in Precinct 4, which stretches over a wide swath of the northwestern county, specifically forbids piñatas.” Is this strictly an “anti-littering” issue, or an anti-Mexicans issue? Because we see no scenario in which some jerks might smash piñatas and leave their mess everywhere.

Let’s let Tony Diaz explain his issue with the smashy candy donkey objects of birthday party lore:

Harris County officials say the prohibition is strictly an anti-littering measure, noting that the same policy also forbids other messy party favors like confetti eggs and silly string that park managers say are almost impossible to clean up. But Hispanic activists complained about signs posted in parks that specifically forbade piñatas. And Commissioner Jack Cagle decided to take the signs down while he reviews the policy.

“‘Pinantas Prohibited’ is not a synonym for ‘Do Not Litter,’ it’s a synonym for ‘No Mexicans Allowed,’” said Tony Diaz, the leader of a group called El Librotraficante. “It’s almost as if all the signs that talk about the speed limit were to say ‘20 mph for your low-riders.’”

Now that Tony Diaz mentions it, Precinct 4 had better get some “20 mph for your low-riders” signs up. What? Piñatas drive low-riders, and piñatas are banned.


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  • nounverb911

    Wasn't the Pinata one of Columbus's ships?

    • The one that sunk when it was christened, yes

      • nounverb911

        It broke apart like a piñata?

        • It was built out of pinatas and needles, pinatas and needles, pinatas and needles…

    • Yes, the Niño, the Piñata, and the Santeria.

      • SexySmurf

        I thought it was the Nina Simone, the Pinto, and the Sangria.

        • nounverb911

          "the Pinto"
          The horse or the exploding Ford?

          • Dude, this is Wonkette, you tell us…

          • the Pinto
            The bean

          • Negropolis


        • No– it's the Piña, Colada, and the Santa Margarita.

        • tessiee

          It was the Mongo, the Sandinista, and the Santana.

      • I thought the last one was the Cafeteria?

      • Negropolis

        I thought it was the El Nino, the Pinche, and the Santa Klaus.

    • johnnymeatworth

      Yeah, that was the one carrying all of Columbus' candy.

  • Barb

    A piñata that is filled with baked beans is hilarious! Especially if they are piping hot.

    • Do they do that in Boston?

      • Barb

        No, it has been banned in Boston.

        • sullivanst

          Beans been banned in Boston?

        • They say beans are almost impossible to clean up, but it's obvious they're just trying to rid Boston of the dirty Irish and their beany hooliganism.

  • Very Arizona-ish!

  • SorosBot

    Scalia approves.

  • metamarcisf

    My daughter is moving to NW Houston tomorrow so it's time for her to stock up on good old New Mexican pinatas

    • Can't she smuggle some across the border from Laredo? Just stuff 'em in the trunk! The border patrol won't ask questions if she doesn't get all nervous and edgy and stuff.

      • tessiee

        Border Guard: Do you have any contraband?
        Kid Metamarci: Um… no.
        Border Guard: By "contraband", I mean, do you have any guns, fireworks, or pinatas?
        Kid Metamarci: Yes… I mean NO! Oh, DAMN it!!

    • HistoriCat

      NW Houston is my area – I might be able to score some for her.

      • None of them dirt piñatas. We're talkin' Medical Grade.

  • Effigies are much neater, and are less, you know, urban.

    • nounverb911

      What about burning crosses?

      • Mine runs on a propane tank. Very clean burning.

        • And helps attendees to see the sheet music?

    • tessiee

      Pastor Terry Jones approves of effigies, but disagrees that they are urban.

  • o/~ If you like pinata coladas, and getting caught in the rain… o/~

    • viennawoods13

      omg… ear worm.

  • Boojum

    Littering is what those Messicans do, when they has babbies.

    • scvirginia

      Do babbies always come in litters?

      • LesBontemps

        Depends on how babby is formed.

  • Rejoice all you Tejasican Wonketteers! Your beloved state has woke up and is trying to grab your rightful, and do mean rightful, glory back from Louisiana, Mississippi, Arizona, and …

  • Estproph

    This is clear discrimination against Pinata-Americans. The slurs will come next, just wait: "No Candy-Stuffers Allowed", "Sugarbags In The Rear Of The Bus", "Lunch Counter For Suckers Only". Just terriblle.

  • OkieDokieDog

    This means WAR! All my pinata friends drive low-riders.

    • Hammiepants

      Heh, I see what you did there.

  • Not_So_Much

    There's got to be some way that can blame this on them having a gay, chick mayor…

  • Trannysurprise

    Pinata's in black face are still OK?

    • Yes, but you have to break those by dragging them behind your pick-up

  • How about 'zero tolerance policy for littering' and leave it at that? Morons.

  • SexySmurf

    Donkey shows are still legal, right?


  • Blueb4sunrise

    The solution is simple: Cut funding for the parks.

    • LesBontemps

      And tax cuts for jerb creators!

    • SorosBot

      Leslie Knope dislikes this comment.

    • This is why we can't have nice things.

    • Funding? What's that?

  • Crank_Tango

    What if the pinata is filled with money, would that be enough to make it speech?

    • anniegetyerfun

      Only if said money is destined to be given to political SuperPACs by corporations.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Republican superPAcs.

    • Only if filled with denominations that are Franklins and higher.

  • I'm pretty sure if you hit Newt Gingrich with a bat candy would fall out.

    • OkieDokieDog

      I wouldn't eat it. It's probably those tootsie rolls you find in cat litter boxes.

      • Wait. Those aren't little treats my cat hides for me?

        • SorosBot

          That's what my parents' dog seems to think they are.

      • They're not Cheetos?!

    • What Newt is full of may have started out as candy, but….

    • tessiee

      "if you hit Newt Gingrich with a bat candy would fall out."

      Well, it was candy this morning.

    • tessiee

      And even if you're mistaken, you'd still get to hit Newt Gingrich with a bat, so there's that to be considered.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        There's really no way to predict what would fall out — but I'm all for the scientific method. And large values of N … I love large values of N.

    • Negropolis

      I think you mean if you hit him with votes!

  • rickmaci

    Jaime Crow law?

  • Houston, we have a piñata problem. And retards. We have retards.

  • Hm, I wonder what Hispanics should ban to keep white people from gentrifying their neighborhoods?

    • nounverb911


    • anniegetyerfun


    • SayItWithWookies

      Sweater vests.

      • HistoriCat

        In Houston? Get real – what do you ban the remaining 50 weeks of the year?

    • scvirginia


    • Crank_Tango


    • MissTaken


    • Fare la Volpe

      Hate crimes?

      • Negropolis

        Oh, that was so bad it was good.

    • fitley

      Cheesecake? Doughnuts?

      • tessiee

        Banning doughnuts would keep out Mitt Romney as well as Homer Simpson, so that's at least a good start.

        • Boojum

          Have you noticed that you never see Rmoney and Homer Simpson in the same place at the same time? Coincidence? I think not.

          • tessiee

            Not a coincidence at all. Homer can't stand to be around Romney; it reminds him too much of Mr. Burns.

    • Callyson

      Unaffordable housing.

    • Extemporanus


      ("Hispano, prohibición de ti mismo!")

    • Crank_Tango


    • Rotundo_

      Any vehicle with bumper stickers, TrukNutz! or confederate flags. Any vehicle with audible Limbaugh or Hannity.

      • tessiee

        I would like to ban these from everywhere, plz.

        • I actually like TruckNutz! and think they at least provide a modicum of sex ed to the abstinence-only states.

    • kingofmeh

      The Eagles' Greatest Hits

    • tessiee

      White people?

    • tessiee

      Velveeta, Wonderbread, and Miracle Whip.

    • Negropolis

      The Dave Matthews Band? An Apple store?

  • Just hand all the kids guns instead. Let's see them put a sign up about that.

  • Beowoof

    All Hispanic celebrations will be confined to a deserted warehouse parking lot. And don't forget that they should hire some illegals to clean up the mess when they're done.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Pinatas suck. They are never, in real life, as good as they make them look in movies and stuff. It's Mexican propaganda. In real life they end up being too tough to open so some big dude ends up beating to death and/or ripping apart what is most likely the effigy of a person or animal. After that, invariably, some four year old almost gets trampled to death trying to get a goddamned tootsie roll. Stupid piñatas.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      And they do not break into pieces, which means they do not in reality create litter. Not that "reality" counts for anything in Texas.

  • philpjfry

    Fill it with Tequila and encase it in salted lemon. Problem solved. As a bonus, the kids will be better behaved and no sugar high.

  • So much for "talk softly and carry a big stick." America needs moar screamers with Glocks.

  • SoBeach

    I say ban 'em. As a veteran of countless kiddie birthday parties I know all a pinata means is dad is getting whacked in the nuts by a blindfolded kid swinging a broom stick.

  • Come here a minute

    A piñata ban surely is a ban on Mexicans, because Mexicans can't go five minutes without having to take a whack at a piñata. Admit it, José, you know it's true.

    • LesBontemps

      You know you Juana.

  • clblabin

    Sorry about this guys, it's just so fucking hot down here right now we're all kind of pissed off and taking it out on the Mexicans. Don't forget about our lesbian mayor, though!

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    What's next, a ban on cheap Mexican whores?

    • Crank_Tango

      …from my cold, dead fingers.

    • Rotundo_

      Shouldn't be talking about Mittens dad that way.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    When Pinatas are outlawed, only outlaws will have Pinatas.

  • mavenmaven

    Its only OK in Texas if the pinata is an effigy of Obama.

  • el_donaldo

    I'm sorry, Mr. Diaz, but your traffic sign comparison is not apt. Low-riders are never driven any faster than 20 miles an hour. That's a different problem.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Piñatas, cultural icon though they be, are menaces to society. What's more dangerous than revving a kid up with thoughts of a shower of candy, blindfolding him, and having him swing a stick at something he can't see while a crowd edges closer and closer so they can dive on the loot? Anytime a piñata is involved, you just know someone's going to get hit upside the face with a stick. Now if you took a shotgun to that thing, it would probably be okay by the authorities, 'cause you know — guns are sacred.

  • "No Piñatas Allowed On Park Grounds Leash Law Will Be Enforced". Is that for wayward piñatas that run away from parties because they don't want to die?

    • not that Radio

      Your piñatas must be chained up outside the park, or confined to specially-marked, fenced-in "piñata runs".

      And technically, piñatas are not "on park grounds", they're suspended in the air. Else they're doing it wrong.

  • MissTaken

    But can I smack Leon Panetta with a stick?

    • Only if I can play, too.

    • tessiee

      I see nothing to object to there.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    No messy party favors in public parks.

    But I guess it's still okay to bash Messicans. As long as you clean up the mess.

  • fitley

    In Los Angeles they allow pinatas but the cops prefer to hit black people with their sticks.

  • Callyson

    After Diaz complained about the signage – posting on social media, talking on radio stations and inspiring an editorial in the Houston Chronicle – county officials decided to take another look at the policy.
    "We don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings," said Mark Seegars, a spokesman for Commissioner Jack Cagle.  "The signs are coming down while we review the best way to put the message out to people that we need their help in keeping litter out of the parks."

    Gee, how might that message be communicated? I don't suppose a "Do Not Litter" sign would do the trick?

    • Crank_Tango

      Or maybe they should be PC and post the "No fucking Pinatas" sign in spanish? Would that help?

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Candy just doesn't have the same taste unless I've whacked something to smithereens to get it.

    • tessiee

      But enough about your sex life.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      That may explain why your parents stopped giving you Easter baskets.

  • Callyson

    scenario in which some jerks might smash piñatas and leave their mess everywhere

    Is that the latest euphemism for spanking the monkey? Cute…

  • Make a pinata in the shape of Kim Kardashian's ass and everyone will be feliz.

    • tessiee

      Would it also be the *size* of Kim K's ass? Because that could create a lot of jerbs in the papier-mache industry.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Candy sales would triple.

  • chascates
  • tessiee

    Just a theory:

    The rich white fucktards in Houston who pay Mexicans 50 cents a day for slave labor may be stupid, but they're not SO stupid that they don't realize what a tempting target they make to a person holding a baseball bat.

  • Awesome. I didn't realize just how stereotypical I am. It also feeds into my theory that I'm just a computer program which relies heavily on the White Guy Algorithm.

    In white culture, giving away information about a film or TV series is considered as rude as spitting on your mothers grave. It is an unforgivable offense.

    Yes. Yes it is.

  • RavenRant

    Years of editing real life disaster videos has taught me to avoid the two most dangerous things in America – air shows and las piñatas.

  • ElPinche

    No no…silly gringos. There will always be piñatas.

  • Negropolis

    I don't know about banning piñatas, but I'd not be aganst banning these pinche pendejos.

  • mannacler

    Are pinatas that look like Annise Parker still allowed?

  • ttommyunger

    I'll be dead and gone when it happens, but payback isn going to be a bitch. White boys only think they know how to be mean; they've never seen a really pissed-off Messican.

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