TODAY IN ART  2:24 pm June 25, 2012

New John McNaughton Painting Features Bro Chillin’ With The Constitution

by Jim Newell

Getting so laid tonightMan, broheim, is that the Constitution? Dude, it’s totally the Constitution. Nice.

In this latest masterwork of paintsmithery from wingnut artist Jon McNaughton, our bro-hero, “The Empowered Man,” straight-up took the Constitution from under Obama’s feet so Jimmy Madison and his fellow Founder bros (+ Lincoln/Reagan) could jack off to it. Look at the defeated Obama, like, “Bro, bro, that’s my Constitution, chill for a sec.” “No, Hussein, bro, I’m taking this to the party tonight.” “Cool, cool… just bring it back.” “No.”

And then our bro-hero was arrested for stealing the Constitution and had to have his parents bail him out of jail.

Thus ends today’s “Today in Art.”

[Jon McNaughton]

 
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{ 388 comments }

nounverb911 June 25, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Is McNaughton still dead?

Giveusabob June 25, 2012 at 2:38 pm

No, but Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.

shiningmathpath June 25, 2012 at 7:06 pm

and Hosni Mubarak is still about to have a fatal stroke.

Callyson June 25, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Corporations like McNaughton have unlimited life so long as there are people willing to give it their money, so, no, he's alive and kicking…unfortunately for art appreciators everywhere…

Terry June 25, 2012 at 9:36 pm

In general or just his brain?

arihaya June 26, 2012 at 6:18 am

That's Thomas Kinkade, duh

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 25, 2012 at 2:26 pm

So what video game was this ripped off from?

MissTaken June 25, 2012 at 2:31 pm
actor212 June 25, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Dance Dance REVOLution.

SorosBot June 25, 2012 at 2:51 pm

It's copied from the Stealing Independence quest in Fallout 3:
http://fallout.wikia.com/wiki/Stealing_Independen

Antispandex June 25, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Final Fantasy…we hope.

Doktor Zoom June 25, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Grand Delusion AutoEroticism

actor212 June 25, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Oh, the Fap City plug-in?

nounverb911 June 25, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Is that Breitfart standing behind Barry?

BerkeleyBear June 25, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Looks more like W – apparently he was a secret Dem plant all along.

Antispandex June 25, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Well, there was …naw, it has to be for balance. He probably need another form on the right. You see all great artists…crap, I give up. It's not like this isn't better than Mad Magazine anyway.

actor212 June 25, 2012 at 3:03 pm

See, if you fold it in thirds, there's a picture of Smilin' Joe Stalin…

actor212 June 25, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Why does Geo. Washington look like a Jew? And why does Lincoln look drunk?

And where's Dubya? You know, the guy he had front and center in his last Nazi mural work of Art…

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 3:37 pm

"And where's Dubya?"

Directly behind Obama.
And he looks depressed for some reason, which pleases me no end.

YasserArraFeck June 25, 2012 at 3:36 pm

GW wasn't Tea Party enough for these 'Tards – and if'n yer not for us, yer agin us!!

An_Outhouse June 26, 2012 at 8:52 am

I thought it was Jay Leno.

Billmatic June 25, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Look he's got his dolla dolla billz in his left hand, yo.

Generation[redacted] June 25, 2012 at 2:31 pm

That's his free speech! Corporate sponsored, of course.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 25, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Why do you think he has a wad of cash in his other hand?

Billmatic June 25, 2012 at 2:37 pm

those are the tax dollars he gets to keep because Abraham Lincoln, part author of the Constitution, wants him to be free.

Mittens Howell, III June 25, 2012 at 2:38 pm

also called Bain-jism.

SwanSwanH June 25, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Fittina make it rain up in here, bro!

Billmatic June 25, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Martha & Mary Todd are on the pole. That's actually what they're reacting to.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Ye Olde Hooters? That explains why they're all applauding, also why Ginger Boy has a wad of bills in one hand.

Crank_Tango June 25, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Gonna make it rain in the club, for freedumb.

actor212 June 25, 2012 at 3:02 pm

According to the website, he's the feller in the last painting, sittin' on the bench, head in hands, while Obama trampled the Constitution under foot.

Apparently, those dollars are the moneys he collected from all the bleeding heart liberals who thought he was homeless and destitute.

paulabflat June 26, 2012 at 11:52 am

those dollars are the moneys he collected from all the bleeding heart liberals who thought he was homeless and destitute.

so. in other words, he misled and deceived to get those dollars?

typical. the unintentional is always more revealing.

Doktor Zoom June 25, 2012 at 3:06 pm

In his left hand he clutches dollars he picked up off the ground. He has done his part to stop the decline of our currency. All of us must do our part if we wish to save our country.

Picking dollars off the ground will restore our currency! Pick dollars off the ground, Amercia!

actor212 June 25, 2012 at 3:11 pm

I do that when I roll the drunks on Friday nights…

not that Radio June 25, 2012 at 3:18 pm

That sounds suspiciously like an admission that the Keynsian principle of putting more money into circulation in order to combat recessionary periods is correct.

Doktor Zoom June 25, 2012 at 3:31 pm

The roll-text for Roosevelt condemns his taking Amercia off the gold standard and expanding the role of the Federal Reserve (BOO! HISSS!!!!) so really this guy should be clutching a bunch of gold coins with Ron Paul's face on them. I guess McNaughton was on a short deadline and couldn't get that in there.

not that Radio June 25, 2012 at 4:36 pm

The fact that FDR and JMK successfully put into practice a theory of monetarism that saved the country from economic collapse must really stick in McNaughton's craw.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Also, someone on the Straight Dope staff figured out that if you see a penny on the ground, it's worth picking up:
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/302/is-i

Maman June 25, 2012 at 3:14 pm

So he bought the constitution at the Capitol gift shop?

skaboomizzy June 25, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Just look at the size of Obama's hands. Gigantism is a terrible affliction.

BaldarTFlagass June 25, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Ya know what they say about a guy with big hands, right?

"Wow, that guy's got big hands!"

ProgressiveInga June 25, 2012 at 2:40 pm

"I bet he buys big gloves"?

Mahousu June 25, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Respect the jazz hands.

sullivanst June 25, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Yeah, this dude has about a good a sense of proportion as the Kneitfart guy.

Barb June 25, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Big hands, big handouts. He's the food stamp Prez, ya know.

mcrummett June 25, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Maybe he's Lana Kane's dad!

Negropolis June 26, 2012 at 3:11 am

I'm sure Michelle disagrees…

JerkCade June 25, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Is there a grand statement being made here? It eludes me.

And what's with the dirty napkins on the park bench?

Oblios_Cap June 25, 2012 at 2:32 pm

I'm not at all sure why that junkie is holding a wad of cash.

JerkCade June 25, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Hmmm . . . maybe a Blingee™ would help to clarify things.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 25, 2012 at 2:52 pm

I assumed that whoever the old white hair guy on his knees is just paid dude to blow him.

12X34X June 26, 2012 at 12:02 am

Apparently, he just made a sale to the grateful guy who is down on his knees..

HempDogbane June 25, 2012 at 2:36 pm

FDR started with the shredding, those are pieces he left on the bench when the polio got him.

Mittens Howell, III June 25, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Gov Chris Christie fucking NAILED a bag of cheeseburgers before the Founding Zombies arrived.

sullivanst June 25, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I'm sure if you go to McNaughton's site, it's all explained in mindnumbingly tedious detail, with the help of a gazillion tooltips. It's most likely extremely banal. In fact, I'd bet $10,000 that it's extremely banal. Probably totally racist, also too.

carlgt1 June 25, 2012 at 3:33 pm

thanks for that, I didn't realize he annotated this dreck. It's funny he has Reagan, who got us all used to the notion of trillion dollar deficits, on the "good" side. I mean his debts were far higher than even "commie" FDR's WW2 expenditures. But because Reagan said his debts were "disappointing" – he magically gets a pass!

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Reagan magically gets a pass for a lot of things, from a lot of people.

JerkCade June 25, 2012 at 2:49 pm

This is half-assed, but dammit I've got work to do.
http://bln.gs/b/257l7y

Will Stab For Food June 25, 2012 at 2:56 pm

I like

ChuckieJesus June 25, 2012 at 3:43 pm

The Constitution is an alternative fuel source.

Tommy1733 June 25, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Nice – and Obama is warming his hands on the merry flame.

Will Stab For Food June 25, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Jizz rags from all of the Constitutional fappery?

BaldarTFlagass June 25, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Wonder why he gave George Washington that big old Hebrew honker.

Generation[redacted] June 25, 2012 at 2:37 pm

That's Mel Brooks!

Oblios_Cap June 25, 2012 at 2:42 pm

It must be a clue to revealing some Illuminati secrets.

carlgt1 June 25, 2012 at 3:45 pm

It's good to be da Prez!

actor212 June 25, 2012 at 2:54 pm

To signify free air.

DemmeFatale June 25, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I wanna know why Washington, Lincoln and that Bill Frist-lookin' guy in the back, all have the same face and smile?

Edit: That's Reagan??!!

MittBorg June 25, 2012 at 3:45 pm

You might have noticed that the "artist" is not exactly talented.

Chet Kincaid June 25, 2012 at 4:26 pm

That's Bernie Madoff.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 6:14 pm

"why he gave George Washington that big old Hebrew honker."

Because his best pal Benjamin Franklin invented bifocals, nose glasses with the big schnozz, and fake dog poo poo.

Mittens Howell, III June 25, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Obama's all like "Woah, White-Man! why bring out the Obama-Kryptonite? Put that constitution away … my hands are meeelting…"

DerrickWildcat June 25, 2012 at 2:29 pm

LOL, that Black guy is all like," Yuck, get that Constitution away from me!"

Doktor Zoom June 25, 2012 at 3:10 pm

The yellow eye! It burns!

MissTaken June 25, 2012 at 2:29 pm

The newspaper headline in Clinton's hand is either "Failure" or "Fallatio". I'm going with "Fallatio".

prommie June 25, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Is that when you try to suck a dick, but miss and fall down, or something?

Fairtackle June 25, 2012 at 2:44 pm

faillatio?

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 25, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Trademark that, a-la Colbert!

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Fallatio is an outdoor hummer amongst the colorful autumn leaves.

Swampgas_Man June 25, 2012 at 8:25 pm

"Failatio" is the same, but half the leaves are poison oak.

SorosBot June 25, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I think it involves misuse of teeth.

Negropolis June 26, 2012 at 3:12 am

Fallatio is a "trouser-friendly kiss."

BaldarTFlagass June 25, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Wow, I didn't even think "Failure."

Will Stab For Food June 25, 2012 at 2:57 pm

You're right…it's right there under the cigar ad.

Joshua Norton June 25, 2012 at 2:29 pm

They seem to have the Constitution mixed up with some sort of magic spell.

AbandonHope June 25, 2012 at 2:44 pm

"+5 Freedumbs for each dollar you spend whilst casting."

prommie June 25, 2012 at 2:57 pm

They have some problem with abstract thought, I think, everything for them is kinda totemic. Go Cowboys! Go Constitution! Similar "thoughts" involved, just some vague associations with some vague "kick-ass" aggression in there as well. "Cave 62 is the best and all the others can go to hell."

MOG2410 June 25, 2012 at 3:48 pm

"thoughts"? You flatter them. This painting and the others on his site give me the willies. (Nothing it the PDR for that.)

Doktor Zoom June 25, 2012 at 5:08 pm

"E Plebnista" goes here, too.

MittBorg June 25, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Canticle for Leibowitz. Also.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 6:19 pm

But not for Lieberman.

MittBorg June 25, 2012 at 6:26 pm

For Lieberman, we should only sit shiva.

JudasPeckerwood June 25, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Whoa, check out psychic puppetmaster Obama controlling that guy like a marionette!

anniegetyerfun June 25, 2012 at 2:51 pm

I'm not sure why, but I found that concept arousing.

ChuckieJesus June 25, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Needs moar Emperor Palpatine hands…

arihaya June 25, 2012 at 6:46 pm

it's that evil Kenyan vooodoo magic

BaldarTFlagass June 25, 2012 at 2:30 pm

So James O'Keefe is now an artist's model?

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 25, 2012 at 2:56 pm

See, I thought it was Seth Green.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 3:50 pm

It's lovely Michigan rep. Frank Foster, when he's not raping neighborhood dogs:
http://wonkette.com/475487/hero-michigan-rep-fran

Now TELL me that doesn't look like him.

nounverb911 June 25, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Didn't McNaughton tell us previously that Jeebus wrote the Constitution?

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 25, 2012 at 2:36 pm

And that Obama burned it. So where the hell did this one come from?

LesBontemps June 25, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Magic tricks! I love magic tricks! Now saw some lady parts in half!

Tyrannically_Joe June 25, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Don't worry! He made sure to put it out, too.

Ah, all the subtlety that only a wingnut could manage.

AbandonHope June 25, 2012 at 2:42 pm

This is New Republican Jeebus 3.0. Now with a bigger cargo jacket and less hair.

GuanoFaucet June 25, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Why the fuck is Boris Becker holding the Constitution up like that?

coolhandnuke June 25, 2012 at 2:48 pm

"Boom Boom" does have that crazy McEnroe look in his eyes and there's a Zippo in his pocket. Is McNaughton foretelling the start of World War III?

anniegetyerfun June 25, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Could have been worse. McEnroe would have ripped it to pieces.

actor212 June 25, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Is that Boris Becker? I thought it was Viggo Mortensen, until I remembered Viggo is more Communist than I am.

MittBorg June 25, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Nice, Viggo. But it's not going to work.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Nah, Viggo Mortensen spends his time hanging out with Ving Rhames.

DeathOfIrony June 25, 2012 at 6:55 pm

That's Mark Hamill, of course, of Star Wars fame.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 25, 2012 at 2:57 pm

I was going with Seth Green, but I think you have it nailed with a young Boris Becker…,

Which means the Germans are stealing our Constitution and selling it for drug money? Next, on Sprokets!

DemmeFatale June 25, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Lieb meine absh-monkey!

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 6:21 pm

"I found zis document bourgeois and banal"

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 6:23 pm

"Mach schnell mit za Constitution, dummkopf, I haf to be in Stuttgart in time for za Kraftwerk concert. And WATCH ZA CD CHANGER in za back! [mutters] Idiot…"

superdave June 25, 2012 at 2:59 pm

My exact thought! I was like, Boris Becker? WTF?

actor212 June 25, 2012 at 3:13 pm

He won us in a mixed singles match.

CrunchyKnee June 25, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Looks like old timey dude is praying to the constitution, baby jeebus is going to be very pissed, indeed.

carlgt1 June 25, 2012 at 3:29 pm

yeah, who exactly is that on bended knee praying to a false idol? and really, that's not archivist-quality work just holding up the Constitution like that. But is it a pro-liberal statement – as it seems the guy with the Constitution is holding a big wad of cash in his other hand. So he's basically admitting that it's all up for sale to the highest bidder (e.g. Citizens United), and Obama is against that?

carlgt1 June 25, 2012 at 3:47 pm

OK, I looked it up – it's James Madison – False Idolator….

His other pics are funny, he even has party-animal Ben Franklin in one praying as if he's a modern babbling born-again Christian. I don't think any "Founding Father" had any notion of the insane practices of today's religous reich, did they? I mean at the most they were Episcopalian/Church of England types and often Deists. Not the sort of babbling/speaking-in-tongue snake-handlers that comprise the Repuke party of today….

BerkeleyBear June 25, 2012 at 4:12 pm

eh, the original Baptists and Quakers were pretty damn weird and effusive in their conduct. There's a reason the Brits weren't all that sorry to see them go to Amsterdam and then America.

carlgt1 June 25, 2012 at 5:22 pm

yeah but they were kept far from any positions of influence, until that great Quaker Nixon was elected….

Angry_Marmot June 25, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Madison was better looking and a lot smarter. Looks more like Andrew Johnson, drunk again.

HempDogbane June 25, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Bro' is Joe the Plumber with new hair.

ProgressiveInga June 25, 2012 at 2:31 pm

"The Empowered Man" is a ginger?
Epic. Fail.

Oblios_Cap June 25, 2012 at 2:43 pm

NEWELL!

Giveusabob June 25, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Not for George Rekers' Rent Boy.

SorosBot June 25, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Hey!

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 25, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Get a soul, Soros, then complain.

Mittens Howell, III June 25, 2012 at 2:31 pm

That's the worst-dressed Wall Street banker I've ever seen.

Oblios_Cap June 25, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Who is the fellow having the kneeling orgasm underneath the Constitution? Is that Ron Paul?

BerkeleyBear June 25, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I'm hoping it turns out to be Patrick Henry or one of the other Anti-Federalists. Y'know, irony and all that.

James Michael Curley June 25, 2012 at 2:56 pm

TePaul he was just acquired by the NY Aero-copters, a minor AAA team.

carlgt1 June 25, 2012 at 3:47 pm

oddly ( because I can't find any historical basis for this behavior ) it's James Madison….

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Ron Paul is almost that old, but not quite.

pdiddycornchips June 25, 2012 at 2:31 pm

What's with the stack of cash in the other hand? The title should be Rent Boy Wingnut.

Ducksworthy June 25, 2012 at 2:31 pm

I noticed that they haven't yet cleaned off the shit stains Bush left on it.

Joshua Norton June 25, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Why does the dude have a fistfull of money? Are we supposed to recognize that he's merely a bought and paid propagandist?

Generation[redacted] June 25, 2012 at 2:34 pm

The guys with the money control the Constitution now. Obvs.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 25, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Maybe he is selling our founding documents so that he can replace the food stamps that the Republicans cut off for his family?

SorosBot June 25, 2012 at 2:32 pm

From McNaughton's description:

"Do we have freedom when half the country pays taxes to support the other half?"

Yes.

"Do we have freedom when government regulates every aspect of our lives?"

It doesn't. Oh but then he moves on to claim "We need a federal government that does not hinder the American people by unnecessary financial and regulatory burdens." Um, those regulations actually enhance human freedom; we don't have freedom when the government regulates actual personal liberties, like what women can do with their vaginas or what genitals couples need to get married.

"Do we have freedom when our currency is controlled by a corporation that has no accountability to the American people?"

Yes.

"Do we have freedom when we have more debt than can possibly be repaid?"

Yes.

And there is so much more idiocy and wrongness in his captions to go through.

Fairtackle June 25, 2012 at 2:39 pm

The subtle imagery, the way the light comes from all directions and none, the unconventional play on size and proportion, he is as brilliant a thinker as he is an artist.

AbandonHope June 25, 2012 at 2:41 pm

You gotta admit, the slimeball does have capitalism down. Find the unwashed rubes that will buy this shit, and exploit the ever-living FUCK out of them.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 25, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Dialogue between Chick-Fil-Atheist™ and MacNaughty:

"I want bunnies and lilacs, and there's the check, awaiting my signature. Shut the fuck up, and start painting."

pdiddycornchips June 25, 2012 at 3:09 pm

"We need a federal government that does not hinder the American people by unnecessary financial and regulatory burdens."

The one exception is vajajay's. We have to tightly regulate those. They demand a firm hand if you know what I mean.

Also, too, we're Republicans in charge for most of the time all that federal spending and regulating was burdening America?

bikerlaureate June 25, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Cameras would be safest. A camera in every vajajay, and a new Federal agency devoted to monitoring for unholy activity…

MOG2410 June 25, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Not my good side.

Doktor Zoom June 25, 2012 at 3:11 pm

The rollover-text for the images are inspired.

By poop.

(OK, by Glenn Beck University, same diff)

charliearglist June 25, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Why is prayin' Jimmy Swaggart wearing knee-breeches on the left? Did he just get back from some kind of crazy motel-hooker-fetish session where he goes down on one knee and begs her to read him the Constitution?

pdiddycornchips June 25, 2012 at 3:10 pm

That may explain why our hero rent boy has a stack of cash in his hand

MissTaken June 25, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Lincoln looks a little tired after all the vampire hunting.

BerkeleyBear June 25, 2012 at 2:51 pm

And that whole suspension of habeas corpus without legal authority – that's some heavy lifting there, violating the Constitution to save it.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 25, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Ah, I see that he was nicely paid by the Kock brothers.

DerrickWildcat June 25, 2012 at 2:33 pm

He's empowered, 'cause he has a fist full of money!

LesBontemps June 25, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Looks like he's got enough empowerment to buy nearly a full tank of gas.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 25, 2012 at 2:47 pm

…or make it rain up in heah.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 25, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Clint Eastwood Libel!!!

DerrickWildcat June 25, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Toshiro Mifune Libel!

BaldarTFlagass June 25, 2012 at 2:34 pm

I see that he's got GWBush over there on the right side of the picture with Clinton, LBJ, FDR, Woodrow Wilson, and Obama. I wonder if there's an unspoken message there.

AbandonHope June 25, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Yeah, that's the first thing I was going to point out. Here, let's shove Bush onto the side with all the Demmy-crats, and then magically he'll have always been one of them.

I wish that smarmy little Thomas Kinkade wanna-be fucktard lived in the post-apocalyptic shithole universe where FDR hadn't lifted this nation out of the Depression, Republican policies resulted in an America woefully unprepared for WW2, and Nazi's successfully invaded and dominated the United States.

But then, given that he's one of the Reich wing himself, he'd probably enjoy it.

fartknocker June 25, 2012 at 3:17 pm

And did you notice Ronny Raygun is standing between Lincoln and Washington? This goes beyond artistic license. Lincoln and Washington would have kicked Ronnie's ass given his actions in Grenada as he didn't seek approval of Congress to start that little war.

BerkeleyBear June 25, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Yeah, and Kennedy somehow gets to be one of the smiling guys on the right (albeit almost blocked by the dude with the paper. Some very interesting choices being made.

Will Stab For Food June 25, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Good eye

actor212 June 25, 2012 at 2:57 pm

He'd show you more of JFK, but Nancy Reagan is knob-gobbling in front of him.

freddymcmurray June 26, 2012 at 2:41 am

that's because he sent gi joe out to shoot gooks.

Doktor Zoom June 25, 2012 at 3:15 pm

McNaughton's website provides an "answer key" in the form of rollover text on all the images. So, I d say the message is far from "unspoken." (short answer: ballooned the deficit, bailed out the banks. We'd have freedom if only GM had gone under and the financial system had collapsed altogether.)

MOG2410 June 25, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Mad Max kind of freedom.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 25, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Why does Clinton have such a sad?

starfanglednut June 25, 2012 at 2:40 pm

he's vegan now. It's the lack of cheese.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 25, 2012 at 2:50 pm

No chicks in the painting?

Doktor Zoom June 25, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Someone left a cake out in the rain.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 7:28 pm

OH, NO!!!!

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Thought balloon over Clinton's head: "What a sausage fest! I'm outta here!"
[extra bonus points if you heard that in Clinton's voice and accent]

chascates June 25, 2012 at 2:34 pm

That Constitution looks totally worn out. We should let Obama burn it and have Bill Ayers make us a new one.

jaytingle June 25, 2012 at 2:46 pm

A better one.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 25, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Little known fact: Bill Ayers actually burned the original Constitution for Obama.

Generation[redacted] June 25, 2012 at 3:25 pm

And then he wrote a new one, and had the Merry Pranksters sneak into the capitol late one night and slip it into that hermetically sealed container. No one will ever know!

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Until Bammerz burns the new one, at which point we'll all discover that it was printed on…
HEMP!!
*cue background music, "White Rabbit"*

HempDogbane June 25, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Looking on the bright side, he made FDR walk again !

BaldarTFlagass June 25, 2012 at 2:40 pm

"It's a miracle! He's the messiah! Cure my bald spot, messiah!"

stncmchnc June 25, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Needs moar David Bugnon.

Generation[redacted] June 25, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I eagerly await the Cthulu version of this painting.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 25, 2012 at 3:02 pm

This isn't it?

ChernobylSoup June 25, 2012 at 2:35 pm

FDR must have been returning from a tent revival.

Mittens Howell, III June 25, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Even in this right-wing artrocity W's standing there like the soul-sapped, friendless, demented loon that he is.

AbandonHope June 25, 2012 at 2:46 pm

That's because he was actually a Democrat. Didn't you know? It's in all the Texas schoolbooks.

mavenmaven June 25, 2012 at 2:35 pm

And there's Obama giving the Vulcan salute? Is that to suggest that he was born on another planet? Or is he trying to stop the white dude from walking into traffic (you can see the headlights of the oncoming car on said dudes face…)?

Mahousu June 25, 2012 at 2:36 pm

It's all just an elaborate setup for an old joke:

What does the Constitution get you?

It and five bucks gets you a cup of coffee.

scvirginia June 25, 2012 at 2:36 pm

So why is the White House all lit up like it's nighttime? Or is the building just so happy about the Constitution it just lit up on its own?

HempDogbane June 25, 2012 at 2:53 pm

It's the Kinkade White House, now lit 24/7. But with LEDs, thereby pissing off OneL in a big way.

Will Stab For Food June 25, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Is that your LED, or are you just happy to see me?

DerrickWildcat June 25, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Don't say gay. Even if it is.

chascates June 25, 2012 at 2:37 pm

This guy does not do noses well: Washington, Bush, Reagan. Secretly Jewish?

scvirginia June 25, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Lincoln got a nose job too. Looks like an extra from the Waltons…

MOG2410 June 25, 2012 at 3:54 pm

And that would be the only problem with his artistic talent? heh.

Failed_2_Menace June 25, 2012 at 2:37 pm

They should open mall stores to celebrate this Painter of Whites.

MumbletyRadio June 25, 2012 at 2:37 pm

The skyward glare — it's like what I picture when these mouth breathers are reading God the riot act, whining that their self-gratifying wet dreams aren't being fulfilled by his Holiness.
And the scene is captured just as the lightning bolt, reflected in the glow of that "Young-Gun"'s face in the center there, lands a split-second later when they're struck down.

CrunchyKnee June 25, 2012 at 2:38 pm

"Real 'mericans" wanna know why bro-hero isn't rocking a NASCAR tee like "real 'mericans" are apt to do in "real 'merica."

HempDogbane June 25, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Washington got his teeth fixed, and Honest Abe is now shacking up with Susan Sarandon.

johnnyzhivago June 25, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Is he showing it to the Aliens who just arrived and reanimated Lincoln?

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 25, 2012 at 2:38 pm

And, not to be a total nerd, but goddammit you're not going to see crepuscular clouds looking at the south portico of the White House. Looks like sunset over the north pole.

Jesus, you'd think these people went to a Christian school or something, with their scientific illiteracy…

Chichikovovich June 25, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Good eye! I was totally going to buy this until you pointed that out.

Though once you start looking, the thing is just lousy with howlers: like Clinton is holding in his right hand the newspaper with the headline reading FAILL (it's probably a French newspaper reporting on a terrible earthquake along the Faille San Andreas).
But Clinton is left-handed!

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 25, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Why do Christians assume that Christians will always agree with Christians? If this is so goddamn true, why are there eleventy billion denominations and committee meetings at all of 'em?

I swear I want this painting to come alive so Thomas Jefferson (NO PHOTO AVAILABLE) would bitchslap this hack.

SorosBot June 25, 2012 at 3:56 pm

But see, all those other Christians are not real Christians; that's how a religion that 70% of the American people belong to is a persecuted minority.

prommie June 25, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Crepuscular? Dayum, who are you, John Keats? Big points for vocab.

sullivanst June 25, 2012 at 3:41 pm

A lot of pets are crepuscular – cats, most rodents and rabbits.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 3:59 pm

"you'd think these people went to a Christian school or something, with their scientific illiteracy"

Yeah, "you'd think".

SoBeach June 25, 2012 at 2:38 pm

I wonder what it would be like to live in the world of that painting for a day.

UnholyMoses June 25, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Who in the hell is he showing the thing to, Wilt Chamberlin? Shaq? Some other obviously very tall person?

Oh, and how appropriate that some already-cash-laden fuckhole thinks the Constitution only applies to him, rather than all Americans.

actor212 June 25, 2012 at 2:53 pm

And is that not simply THE tackiest outfit you've ever seen? OMG, I mean, girlfriend, it's so quaint you're trying to singlehandedly bring back watercolour Qiana, but under corduroy?

Call the Fashion Police! We have a hostage situation!

UnholyMoses June 25, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Corduroy is the Jew of liberal fashionism …

12X34X June 26, 2012 at 12:14 am

What? You don't love the way he's rocking those DC thrift shop mom jeans?

Chichikovovich June 25, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Perhaps he's showing it to the crucified Christ. Which would put the viewer in the position of one of the Roman Centurions guarding the cross.

So the piece has its edgy aspects, it turns out.

MOG2410 June 25, 2012 at 3:56 pm

I think you're giving him waaayyyyyyyy too much credit.

Chichikovovich June 25, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Sorry – I forgot the "dripping with sarcasm" tag.

paulabflat June 26, 2012 at 11:58 am

yeah. so edgy it fell right off.

DerrickWildcat June 25, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Apparently Bush was such a terrible President he's standing with the Commies.

Terry June 25, 2012 at 2:57 pm

…and JFK is drifting over to the Constitution worshippers, there behind the Honorable Common Man.

anniegetyerfun June 25, 2012 at 3:10 pm

OMG, I didn't even see JFK. Who's the whitey in the very back of the Commie Pack?

Terry June 25, 2012 at 3:23 pm

If you want to risk your sanity, go to McNaughton's website. If you put your cursor over the painting, the names of the people the images are supposed to represent pop up. LBJ is one of the whities, there behind W, pissing on the back of his shoes as someone else pointed out.

Tyrannically_Joe June 25, 2012 at 2:39 pm

I remember that Bush would always talk about how "History" would judge his legacy; I bet he never thought that history would turn him into a Democrat, though.

UnholyMoses June 25, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Why not? Fox News has turned lots of failed/embarrassed/going to jail Republicans into Democrats.

YouBetcha June 25, 2012 at 2:39 pm

I just want to smack that ugly smirk off Reagan's face. WTF.

scvirginia June 25, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Is Reagan the improbably young fellow behind Biden-in-a-wig?

HempDogbane June 25, 2012 at 2:39 pm

LBJ is taking a leak on the back of W's shoes.

Terry June 25, 2012 at 2:58 pm

God, let's hope so. I would buy a painting that showed that.

YasserArraFeck June 25, 2012 at 3:49 pm

And if LBJ wanted to piss on your shoes, he's fuckin' piss on your shoes, and you'd better thank him for it, if you ever wanted to get anything done in this town again……

Veritas78 June 25, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Isn't that Hoover? If it's LBJ, why is he wearing Hoover's collar? That's just plain kinky.

Oblios_Cap June 25, 2012 at 2:39 pm

At least he got The Reagan right. That fucker is one jelly bean over the Dementia Line, and loving it.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 25, 2012 at 2:40 pm

First of all, why id FDR standing? And why does it look like he is about to spark a doobie? I'm all in favor of Medical Marijuana, but I'm not sure it works for polio.

Secondly, I keep picturing that Obama is thinking "Dude, what are you doing, that thing is 230 years old. You know there is a reason we keep it in an environmentally sealed case.

Lastly, I assume the dude is holding a wad of cash in his hands because he already sold the Bill of Rights to the Koch brothers, and he is now bidding off the Constitution itself.

prommie June 25, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Dude sure is looking pissed that he can't read that document in his hand and therefore hasn't got the least clue what the fuck it says.

AbandonHope June 25, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Caption: "Hey, y'all, look what I done bought with this wad o' dollers!"

johnnyzhivago June 25, 2012 at 2:40 pm

There is definitely no government regulations regarding the mislabeling of garbage like this as art.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 25, 2012 at 2:40 pm

And why is Lincoln not killing any Vampires? Total reality fail!!!!

Oblios_Cap June 25, 2012 at 2:40 pm

If that guy was truly empowered, he'd be surrounded by hookers and blow.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 25, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Why do you think Clinton and W look so sad?

anniegetyerfun June 25, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Well, to be fair, he's surrounded by politicians who suck.

prommie June 25, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Bammerz only gots 3 fingers on his left hand. Funny I never noticed that in photos.

BaldarTFlagass June 25, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I thought it was Rahm Emmanuel that was the digitally-challenged guy in the White House.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 25, 2012 at 3:05 pm

I'm pretty sure that somewhere in the Bible it mentions the Devil only having three fingers. That, or Kenyans.

BaldarTFlagass June 25, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Obama is doing the "wax on, wax off" thing.

Guppy June 25, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Once again, he only cares about the first page.

Boy loves himself some bicameral legislature. "Each House shall be the Judge of the Elections, Returns and Qualifications of its own Members, NOBAMAAAAA!"

AbandonHope June 25, 2012 at 2:48 pm

So that's what all those other papers are on the park bench.

Guppy June 25, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Oh, now I get it! It's the page with the 3/5ths Clause on it!

sullivanst June 25, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Yes indeed. Fuck the Bill of Rights, and double-skullfuck the 13th, 14th and 15th Amendments.

SayItWithWookies June 25, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Ooh, allegory — the most potent form of artistic expression since The Three Stooges.

I do, however, like that he's put Dubya over on the "offenders of the Constitution" side of the picture, even if it was for something far less serious than Dubya's criminally prosecutable offenses.

And the Magritte-esque "Empire of Night" styling of the White House is intriguing — either McNaughton meant to illustrate how an increasingly powerful executive brings darkness to the illumination of a real democracy, or else he started the painting set at night and changed his mind because it was too dark.

UnholyMoses June 25, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Funny — in a very telling kind of way — how Nixon is nowhere to be found in that image.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Hey, YEAH!
o_O

Tyrannically_Joe June 25, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Spending federal tax dollars offends the Constitution! Jailing people without charges and torturing them? Meh.

Giveusabob June 25, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Funny story. When traveling thru Europe as a broke exchange student, I wore a NATO-surplus winter jacket scored from a local thrift store (in the US, that is) pretty much for the duration. Nearly identical to Dollah Bill / Constitution Bro's jacket above. In every country, I was approached by strangers asking how much for a bag of hash. Every friggin' country, Portugal to Belgium.

prommie June 25, 2012 at 3:06 pm

So, how much?

Giveusabob June 25, 2012 at 3:14 pm

20 Ameros, tho a Gold Eagle or a couple Canadian Maples are fine if you're short.

barto June 25, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Obama's saying "dude, you need to shower".

BaldarTFlagass June 25, 2012 at 2:44 pm

You sure that's not a Kincade?

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 25, 2012 at 2:49 pm

No light in a casket.

Too soon?

YasserArraFeck June 25, 2012 at 3:53 pm

never

SorosBot June 25, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Now, here we have a few blatant lies by this idiot, just a sample from looking around:

On George W. Bush: "Conservatives and libertarians have criticized Bush for greatly increasing domestic spending" No they did not. Conservatives said "deficits don't matter" until magically the deficit became a sudden new problem on January 20 2009.

On FDR (who is standing, another blatant lie): "Economic historians have shown that Roosevelt's policies actually extended the Great Depression." No, his policies ended the Great Depression, that is the exact fucking opposite of the truth.

"Some believe that the economic successes of the nineties were due to Clinton's presidency, others believe it was the trailing result of Reagan's fiscal policies" Nice dodge with the "some believe … oithers believe" bullshit, but anyone who claims the great dipshit's policies caused the 90s boom is lying.

On Reagan himself: "Much of the federal deficit increases were due to military spending which eventually led to the fall of the Soviet Union and the end of the Cold War. " No. Gorbachev ended the Cold War; the idiot's increase in military spending had nothing to do with it. Also interesting how he absolves Reagan's deficit spending that he thinks is a great crime in others. "Many of Reagan's fiscal policies led to American prosperity well into the next century" No.

And then there's the general lie that keeps popping up. McNaughton keeps saying the Empowered Man is supposed to support freedom and oppose unconstitutional actions – by attacking government welfare programs, regulations, taxes and spending in general. Which are completely constitutional and do not harm freedom in any way, and in many cases enhance it. He does not know what freedom means, nor what the constitution says.

Oh, and the other big lie is call calling this trashy crap "fine art".

Sorry this was long, rambling and late, but there was a lot to comment on even after I ignored quite a lot.

BerkeleyBear June 25, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Okay, but Reagan's progligate military spending did keep a lot of weapons engineers happy for a decade or so, so there's that. (And it did in some small way help provoke the collapse of the Soviets, but only because their leadership was even stupider than he was about thinking that building big missiles was more important than taking care of the rest of the economy).

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 4:10 pm

"Some believe that the economic successes of the nineties were due to Clinton's presidency, others believe it was the trailing result of Reagan's fiscal policies"

Well, OB-viously, when a Democratic President follows a Republican President, anything that happens in office is the result of his predecessor. You know, like when President Obama inherited the recession and overall mess that Bush made…

SorosBot June 25, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Even when they're separated by four years, during which there is a recession that Republican's and his handpicked successor's fiscal policies actually caused.

Angry_Marmot June 25, 2012 at 4:27 pm

You're a brave soul for wading through that shit.

James Michael Curley June 25, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Damn, another Nicholas Cage movie.

Blueb4sunrise June 25, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Carhartt jackets totally rule!

LesBontemps June 25, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Rick Perry and Heath Ledger agree!

Tundra Grifter June 26, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Apparently the pockets are big enough to hold a laptop.

Estproph June 25, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Look! Seth Green stole the Constitution!

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 25, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Good, I'm not the only one that thought it was a promo for Robot Chicken.

Estproph June 25, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Robot Chicken should totally do a skit on this painting.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 25, 2012 at 2:47 pm

That dude is too skinny to have such big moobs.

joshleefolsom June 25, 2012 at 2:47 pm

He's obviously a bum who slept on that bench last night under brown wrapping paper. Reagan's happy because another bum will die from untreated TB and lower the homeless rate, and the sick guy is happy because he is a an ignorant right wing douche like Mary Brown who doesn't know what's good for him. The money? I refer back to the fellatio rent boy comments.

timbo71351 June 25, 2012 at 2:48 pm

People who paint or buy this shit ought to get tossed in re-education camps.

Will Stab For Food June 25, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Word

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 25, 2012 at 3:08 pm

How do you educate people that have no brains?

Veritas78 June 25, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Hoam-skooling?

BaldarTFlagass June 25, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I'm really surprised that he didn't paint the US flag there on the White House upside-down (signal of distress).

AbandonHope June 25, 2012 at 2:51 pm

That would be disrespectful. REAL conservatives only cut up the flag to be worn as jackets, capes, and/or hot pants.

sullivanst June 25, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Or casually toss it over the back of a chair.

Estproph June 25, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I liked this guys paintings better when he did pictures of little kittens and children with huge moist eyes.

AbandonHope June 25, 2012 at 2:51 pm

If he really knew his audience he'd be selling pictures of huge moist kittens.

Will Stab For Food June 25, 2012 at 2:58 pm

His new demographic is huge moist teabaggers.

AbandonHope June 25, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Did anybody else notice that the supposedly "good" Presidents are all standing on the LEFT side of the painting?

Oops, big FAIL, McNaughtyon. Time to go self-flagellate again.

Tyrannically_Joe June 25, 2012 at 3:10 pm

OUR left, though. Stage right. I'd assume that was deliberate, too, except that I didn't see anything about it in the five pages of footnotes that McNaughton's paintings, like all fine art, require in order to be compreshensible.

LesBontemps June 25, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Wonkette Debates: Greatest artist of our time, John McNaughton or Thomas Kinkade?

SayItWithWookies June 25, 2012 at 3:06 pm

What — no love for the newly-late Leroy Neiman?

pdiddycornchips June 25, 2012 at 3:24 pm

There's no question, America's greatest artist is Mark Kostabi. Why? Because he recognized decades ago that celebrity trumps all else. He doesn't actually do his own paintings nor even come up with the concepts. He employs people to do those things and if he likes their work, he simply puts his name on it and it sells for thousands of dollars. Like any good American celebrity, he spends most of his time in Europe. He is an walking, talking, American allegory. Famous as an artist even though he doesn't actually create art.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 25, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Colonel von Horst: They're still working on him. He won't break. We've tried everything! Do you want me to bring out the Leroy Nieman paintings?

General Streck, German High Command: No. We cannot risk violating the Geneva Convention!

Top Secret

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 4:12 pm

David Bugnon libel!!!

Tyrannically_Joe June 25, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Also, can someone explain to me what the Phat Stacks of Cash represent, in this image? It seems to be implying that the Constitution has been bought and paid for by super-rich people masquarading (poorly) as stereotypically-working-class-looking white Americans.

BaldarTFlagass June 25, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Your move, Hieronymous Bosch.

fuflans June 25, 2012 at 2:50 pm

looks to me like fdr is holding the other half of the secret constitution document which obv means there's going to be some high speed chase ending with a big fight in the secret glass pyramid underneath michelle's vegetables

(or maybe that's just the new deal.)

rickmaci June 25, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Too many dicks not enough side boob.

Antispandex June 25, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Yes, all bow down before the majic talisman that maketh the negro to cower. Yea, it shall protect you from those government goons…wait a minute…Dubya isn't bowing…what form of blasphemy is this?

Will Stab For Food June 25, 2012 at 2:53 pm

I'm betting this dude is on a permanent LSD drip…there can be no other explanation.

arihaya June 25, 2012 at 7:25 pm

LDS trips, not LSD

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 8:25 pm

'I'm betting this dude is on a permanent LSD drip…there can be no other explanation."

You may have meant a permanent LSD *trip*, but this made me picture the artist with an IV *drip* of LSD, and you know what? You're right. There can't be any other explanation.

sezme June 25, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Why is F. Murray Abraham as Saliere standing there laughing? What he did to Mozart was unconstitutional.

weejee June 25, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Interesting that McNaught has Madison, a deist, on his knees doing a heavy hallelujah shaking in total rapture, likely speaking in tongues too, also.

anniegetyerfun June 25, 2012 at 2:56 pm

You know who ELSE enjoyed a career as a failed painter?

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 25, 2012 at 3:10 pm

van Gogh?

BaldarTFlagass June 25, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Gauguin?

SayItWithWookies June 25, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Sylvester Stallone?

jodyleek June 25, 2012 at 4:09 pm

John Wayne Gacy?

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Me?
90% of the people that were in all of my Fine Arts classes, ever?

HarryButtle June 25, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Me, too? Also?

glamourdammerung June 25, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Compassionate conservative (and Mormon) Adolf Hitler?

Veritas78 June 25, 2012 at 6:58 pm

The guy who did my entire apartment for $200?

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Earl Scheib?

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 25, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Shouldn't somebody be pistol whipping Hillary and Janet Reno in the background or something?

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 25, 2012 at 3:10 pm

The founders have them in the White House, cleaning and cooking.

fuflans June 25, 2012 at 2:57 pm

i have to say, considering how shitty things have been, this just makes me laugh in sheer, incredulous delight.

YasserArraFeck June 25, 2012 at 4:04 pm

If I could be sure that McNaughton wouldn't get a penny in royalties, I'd have prints of all of his "works" for laughs in my garage

anniegetyerfun June 25, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Bill Murray is praying to that ginger why?

Generation[redacted] June 25, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Yeah, I didn't really get Rushmore either.

metamarcisf June 25, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Where the white women at?

Veritas78 June 25, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Betsy Ross stuck herself with a needle, Florence Nightingale got leprosy, Joan of Arc caught on fire from a stray Constitution someone left burning, and Amelia Earhart was a lesbo. That about covers it, amirite?

elburritodeluxe June 25, 2012 at 3:00 pm

On the left, Abraham Lincoln and other esteemed leaders who, through American history, skullfucked the Constitution. On the right, some other Presidents.

Barrelhse June 25, 2012 at 3:01 pm

This is the proof I needed. The Democrat party is full of godless heathens.

Terry June 25, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Since Calvin Coolidge was an idol of Reagan's, isn't it sort of sacrilegious to cover his face up there behind the Constitution? Or was it because Old Cal was sooooo silent that the Honorable Common Man didn't realize he was standing there?

vodkamuppet June 25, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Is that Kennedy's disembodied floating head in the background between the constitution and the bros shoulder? Who is that supposed to be?

Edit: And why is Pat Bucchanan on his knees in drag and what is he praying for? Is it the money? So many questions…

DemmeFatale June 25, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I think that is JFK.
What a chicken-shit move.

crybabyboehner June 25, 2012 at 3:03 pm

What would Andy Warhol do?

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 8:26 pm

A crapload of coke, probably.

ElPinche June 25, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Hipster on his way to buy bath salts and an Ipad.

BaldarTFlagass June 25, 2012 at 3:06 pm

If dude is going to carry around 200+ yr old holy document, he should at least put on some gloves, and tuck in his fucking shirt. No respect!

Biel_ze_Bubba June 25, 2012 at 3:07 pm

I think I saw this movie – this is the final scene, where the black guy has to start beating down all those zombies, with a shovel.

Awful People June 25, 2012 at 3:07 pm

John Corleone doesn't want that fat stack traced back to him, so he's standing in the rear checking out W's tuchus and trying not to be noticed.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 8:29 pm

You kinda have to feel sorry for John Corleone, the law-abiding younger brother of Don Corleone. Not only doesn't he get the wealth that goes with a successful career in organized crime — but also, every time he refers to himself as a "legitimate businessman", everybody snickers into the palm of their hands.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 25, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I think that you all will agree, where ever the Founders and other Presidents may be, I'm sure that if they contemplate their lives and the struggles they went through in an attempt to makes this a more better union, their one thought was, "Hey, I hope I am badly painted into a bad piece of propaganda that totally negates the values outlined in the Constitution."

anniegetyerfun June 25, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Bush Sr. is breathing a sigh of relief that he never managed to DO anything, and as a result, pretty much escapes the scrutiny of wingnuttia.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 25, 2012 at 3:15 pm

And why are Lincoln, Washington and Reagan laughing and mocking the ginger junkie?

BitterKlingon June 25, 2012 at 3:17 pm

I'm pretty sure that copy of the Constitution is a fake, because in McNaughten's last painting Nobama set it on fire.

DemmeFatale June 25, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Correction: Martin Landau set it on fire.

Tyrannically_Joe June 25, 2012 at 4:05 pm

No, it's probably the real one, because after it was on fire, Obama put it out.

Veritas78 June 25, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Yeah, but by peeing on it with his massive staff of chief.

He's putting out the Colorado wildfires as we speak (swing state).

Eve8Apples June 25, 2012 at 3:20 pm

No wimminz in the picture. The bitches must be in the White House making sammiches for the men and scrubbing the toilets.

BoroPrimorac June 25, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Look at my man with the wig kneeling down in praise of the white boy with cash wrestling the constitushon away from that communist.

Dr_Zoidberg June 25, 2012 at 3:22 pm

HahahahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Doktor Zoom June 25, 2012 at 3:24 pm

E Plebnista! E Plebnista!

Beetagger June 25, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I like the portrait of Mel Brooks as George Washington.

CommieLibunatic June 25, 2012 at 3:26 pm

As I've said with his other… "paintings," if you will… What the fuck am I looking at?

Also, what's with Obama's pose? He's like some vampire recoiling from a cross. Which I guess makes sense, what with him displaying his hatred for America by taking its highest seat of power.

Generation[redacted] June 25, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Check out the bulge in his jacket pocket. That's not teh Constitooshun, that's his conceal-carry permit! And evil Lincoln from an alternate universe is cheering him on!

JimNauseam June 25, 2012 at 3:37 pm

What's the matter ,"The Empowered WHITE Man" not catchy enough?

WIDTAP June 25, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Too redundant.

Doktor Zoom June 25, 2012 at 3:38 pm

So first he was "The Forgotten Man," and now he's "The Empowered Man." Next, he will be The Transformed Man.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Despite every better instinct I have, Pouting Bill Clinton cracks me up. That is all.

MittBorg June 25, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Someone needs to teach Jon McNaughton how to paint the palms of cullud peeps' hands. That is so bad.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 4:21 pm

So, years ago, I had a job working in a restaurant kitchen, which often resulted in my getting black charcoal smudges all over the chestal area of my apron when I leaned over the grill to scrub it.
My blah male co-worker cracked everybody up by leering at the black smudges on my chestal area, then holding up the palms of his hands for everyone to see.

MittBorg June 25, 2012 at 6:14 pm

I don't know why, but he's cracking me up too.

Hammiepants June 25, 2012 at 3:43 pm

This completes me. But it would still be better with a Crying American Eagle gif. And why is Beethoven in this?

Toomush_Infer June 25, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I'm so lost in this – who did he buy this old copy from, or is he selling it to the highest bidder there in the back – Shaq!….and why did he leave some of it on the park bench?…was he sleeping there and someone left it on his face….I just do not get it….nice Bush, tho….

JChase59 June 25, 2012 at 3:49 pm

EASTER EGG!! If you hover your mouse between Barry's head and Dubya's head, you'll see the "Mystery Man." Says McNaughton, "Who controls the man in the Oval Office? We each have our opinion."

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 25, 2012 at 3:49 pm

with that money in his hand, "Corporations bought people too, my friend."

oldmissionbrickovenbread June 25, 2012 at 4:00 pm

"Painter of Dark…"

WIDTAP June 25, 2012 at 4:23 pm

FDR looks mighty tall for a man in a wheelchair.

Also, is this Jon McNaughton's best pitch for killing Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid? No wonder Barry is saying, "Just chill for a sec."

glamourdammerung June 25, 2012 at 4:28 pm

"Do we have freedom when government regulates every aspect of our lives?"

Comrade, even the Inept 'Artist' Bureau would have shot you by now for putting out this crap if what you were claiming had anything even bearing a passing resemblance to truth.

Veritas78 June 25, 2012 at 7:17 pm

That's a great suggestion! We should have one of those. The guy who runs the Bullet Control Office could do it in his spare time.

Chet Kincaid June 25, 2012 at 4:30 pm

That's a clown painting, Bro.

owhatever June 25, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Okay, I got one copy of this original constitution left, folks, and I'm giving it away almost free, for only $399. It is also signed by Andrew Breitbart and Ted Nugent and Joe the Plumber. No, I don't do credit because I am FREEDOM.

BTWBFDIMHO June 25, 2012 at 4:48 pm

A dud with a superpack would be more effective than cash. Who would be stupid enough to show up on a picture holding dirty cash?

GeorgiaBurning June 25, 2012 at 4:58 pm

The Thomas Kinkade school of art didn't die with him. Pity.

Beowoof June 25, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Too bad the baggers represented can't read to tell you what the constitution says.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Of course they know what it sezz!
It sezz, "We can have all the guns we want, because freedumbs".

CalamityJames June 25, 2012 at 5:35 pm

I truly hate to break it to this obviously talented person, but most of those folks are dead, so I simply can't take this seriously. That, and he's clearly a partisan hack. But whatever, hold the constitution high above your head, that way all the big money donors will be able to spot you amongst all the other white men.

randcoolcatdaddy June 25, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Please … have some common decency.

Paintings of founding fathers having very obvious orgasms over parchment isn't appropriate for a high minded site such as this. Especially before a Happy Hour martini or two.

CindynEncinitas June 25, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Why is Bill Murray kneeling in prayer?

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 6:07 pm

I thought that was supposed to be Jim Backus.

CindynEncinitas June 25, 2012 at 6:29 pm

No, it's gotta be Bill Murray. He's looking up at Michael Jordan or Larry Bird (sorry, I just watched Space Jam again).

DHarcavy June 25, 2012 at 7:35 pm

And Franklin Roosevelt is STANDING. It's a goddam miracle is what it is.

CalamityJames June 25, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Constitutional Jeebus Magic.

blueflowers June 25, 2012 at 8:08 pm

A fine reminder from our Libertarian friends that women have absolutely no part in 'Murica.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Norton McNaughton can't even get his own painting right.

Dumbass Bush should be kneeling in prayer on the "good guy" side, because everybody knows that Dumbass Bush was an ignorant religious fanatic who wanted to turn America into a fundamentalist Christian theocracy a man of faith, and who cares about some old-timey guy in a white wig, anyhow?

Also, Jimmy Carter should have been on the "bad guy" side with the other Democrats — history's greatest monster and all that — but McNaughton Insanity Rule totally forgot to slander him, even though he's a Democrat AND a traitor to white Southerners.

Really, not only is he a lousy painter, but he's too lazy to put two seconds worth of thought into at least cranking out *effective* propaganda.

extreme_left June 25, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Hitler was a dodgy painter as well.

People in his world have really long arms.

viennawoods13 June 25, 2012 at 9:27 pm

He should team up with the David Bugnon. Between them they'd average out to normal arm lengths.

Designer_Radio June 25, 2012 at 9:29 pm

That's no Bro, that's a Whro.

lulzmonger June 26, 2012 at 1:01 am

Look, out in front of the White House!
It's a War Scooter! It's a Death Panel!
It's … WHITETRASHMAN!

Where I'm from, a dude who looks like that holding that kind of wad of cash HAS to have just rolled someone for it or boosted it.

ElPinche June 26, 2012 at 1:40 am

That motherfucker needs a pink cockatoo.

Negropolis June 26, 2012 at 3:09 am

Titled: "Don't Phase Me, Bro."

Oblios_Cap June 26, 2012 at 8:41 am

All I can say is "Craptastic!"

paulabflat June 26, 2012 at 11:56 am

and just what IS in that pocket that's giant enough to carry something concealed?

his lunch?

notanncoulter June 26, 2012 at 12:45 pm

it appears this clown is actually selling 'jennyouwine constipation copies! only five bucks!'
or is that zombie andrew breitbart?

notanncoulter June 26, 2012 at 12:47 pm

needs.
moar.
BLINGEE!!!!

Tundra Grifter June 26, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Down there in the front row, what is Pat Buchanan praying for?

That Kincade White House is a hoot!

ttommyunger June 26, 2012 at 4:38 pm

All I've got to say is: "Get a haircut, hippie, and tuck your shirt in; you look like a fucking homeless person.". There, I feel better now.

BathroomGoblin June 26, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Ok, so empowered bro has gay face and he want to wed his bro life partner. He says that equal protection as described in the constitution guarantees his right to marry another bro. Obama is like "Oh Noes" and Clinton is holding his personally signed copy of DOMA looking sheepish. Regan is smiling because he is lost in an Alzheimeric revery and Lincoln is so happy, because obs.

DahBoner July 3, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Where's the sad clowns and big-headed kittens???

HOW CAN YOU CALL THIS ART WTF…

Doktor Zoom June 25, 2012 at 5:07 pm

As we all know from watching Glenn Beck, the New Deal made the Depression worser.

DemonicRage June 25, 2012 at 6:13 pm

That old guy on one knee is totally having a happy experience in his knee britches.

viennawoods13 June 25, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Herbert Hoover was Quaker too.

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