today in art

New John McNaughton Painting Features Bro Chillin’ With The Constitution

Getting so laid tonightMan, broheim, is that the Constitution? Dude, it’s totally the Constitution. Nice.

In this latest masterwork of paintsmithery from wingnut artist Jon McNaughton, our bro-hero, “The Empowered Man,” straight-up took the Constitution from under Obama’s feet so Jimmy Madison and his fellow Founder bros (+ Lincoln/Reagan) could jack off to it. Look at the defeated Obama, like, “Bro, bro, that’s my Constitution, chill for a sec.” “No, Hussein, bro, I’m taking this to the party tonight.” “Cool, cool… just bring it back.” “No.”

And then our bro-hero was arrested for stealing the Constitution and had to have his parents bail him out of jail.

Thus ends today’s “Today in Art.”

[Jon McNaughton]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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    1. Callyson

      Corporations like McNaughton have unlimited life so long as there are people willing to give it their money, so, no, he's alive and kicking…unfortunately for art appreciators everywhere…

      1. Antispandex

        Well, there was …naw, it has to be for balance. He probably need another form on the right. You see all great artists…crap, I give up. It's not like this isn't better than Mad Magazine anyway.

    1. actor212

      Why does Geo. Washington look like a Jew? And why does Lincoln look drunk?

      And where's Dubya? You know, the guy he had front and center in his last Nazi mural work of Art…

      1. tessiee

        "And where's Dubya?"

        Directly behind Obama.
        And he looks depressed for some reason, which pleases me no end.

    2. YasserArraFeck

      GW wasn't Tea Party enough for these 'Tards – and if'n yer not for us, yer agin us!!

        1. Billmatic

          those are the tax dollars he gets to keep because Abraham Lincoln, part author of the Constitution, wants him to be free.

        1. tessiee

          Ye Olde Hooters? That explains why they're all applauding, also why Ginger Boy has a wad of bills in one hand.

    1. actor212

      According to the website, he's the feller in the last painting, sittin' on the bench, head in hands, while Obama trampled the Constitution under foot.

      Apparently, those dollars are the moneys he collected from all the bleeding heart liberals who thought he was homeless and destitute.

      1. paulabflat

        those dollars are the moneys he collected from all the bleeding heart liberals who thought he was homeless and destitute.

        so. in other words, he misled and deceived to get those dollars?

        typical. the unintentional is always more revealing.

    2. Doktor Zoom

      In his left hand he clutches dollars he picked up off the ground. He has done his part to stop the decline of our currency. All of us must do our part if we wish to save our country.

      Picking dollars off the ground will restore our currency! Pick dollars off the ground, Amercia!

      1. not that Radio

        That sounds suspiciously like an admission that the Keynsian principle of putting more money into circulation in order to combat recessionary periods is correct.

        1. Doktor Zoom

          The roll-text for Roosevelt condemns his taking Amercia off the gold standard and expanding the role of the Federal Reserve (BOO! HISSS!!!!) so really this guy should be clutching a bunch of gold coins with Ron Paul's face on them. I guess McNaughton was on a short deadline and couldn't get that in there.

          1. not that Radio

            The fact that FDR and JMK successfully put into practice a theory of monetarism that saved the country from economic collapse must really stick in McNaughton's craw.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Ya know what they say about a guy with big hands, right?

      "Wow, that guy's got big hands!"

  1. JerkCade

    Is there a grand statement being made here? It eludes me.

    And what's with the dirty napkins on the park bench?

      1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

        I assumed that whoever the old white hair guy on his knees is just paid dude to blow him.

    1. HempDogbane

      FDR started with the shredding, those are pieces he left on the bench when the polio got him.

    2. Mittens Howell, III

      Gov Chris Christie fucking NAILED a bag of cheeseburgers before the Founding Zombies arrived.

    3. sullivanst

      I'm sure if you go to McNaughton's site, it's all explained in mindnumbingly tedious detail, with the help of a gazillion tooltips. It's most likely extremely banal. In fact, I'd bet $10,000 that it's extremely banal. Probably totally racist, also too.

      1. carlgt1

        thanks for that, I didn't realize he annotated this dreck. It's funny he has Reagan, who got us all used to the notion of trillion dollar deficits, on the "good" side. I mean his debts were far higher than even "commie" FDR's WW2 expenditures. But because Reagan said his debts were "disappointing" – he magically gets a pass!

    1. DemmeFatale

      I wanna know why Washington, Lincoln and that Bill Frist-lookin' guy in the back, all have the same face and smile?

      Edit: That's Reagan??!!

    2. tessiee

      "why he gave George Washington that big old Hebrew honker."

      Because his best pal Benjamin Franklin invented bifocals, nose glasses with the big schnozz, and fake dog poo poo.

  2. Mittens Howell, III

    Obama's all like "Woah, White-Man! why bring out the Obama-Kryptonite? Put that constitution away … my hands are meeelting…"

  3. MissTaken

    The newspaper headline in Clinton's hand is either "Failure" or "Fallatio". I'm going with "Fallatio".

    1. prommie

      They have some problem with abstract thought, I think, everything for them is kinda totemic. Go Cowboys! Go Constitution! Similar "thoughts" involved, just some vague associations with some vague "kick-ass" aggression in there as well. "Cave 62 is the best and all the others can go to hell."

      1. MOG2410

        "thoughts"? You flatter them. This painting and the others on his site give me the willies. (Nothing it the PDR for that.)

  4. JudasPeckerwood

    Whoa, check out psychic puppetmaster Obama controlling that guy like a marionette!

    1. coolhandnuke

      "Boom Boom" does have that crazy McEnroe look in his eyes and there's a Zippo in his pocket. Is McNaughton foretelling the start of World War III?

    2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I was going with Seth Green, but I think you have it nailed with a young Boris Becker…,

      Which means the Germans are stealing our Constitution and selling it for drug money? Next, on Sprokets!

      1. tessiee

        "Mach schnell mit za Constitution, dummkopf, I haf to be in Stuttgart in time for za Kraftwerk concert. And WATCH ZA CD CHANGER in za back! [mutters] Idiot…"

  5. CrunchyKnee

    Looks like old timey dude is praying to the constitution, baby jeebus is going to be very pissed, indeed.

    1. carlgt1

      yeah, who exactly is that on bended knee praying to a false idol? and really, that's not archivist-quality work just holding up the Constitution like that. But is it a pro-liberal statement – as it seems the guy with the Constitution is holding a big wad of cash in his other hand. So he's basically admitting that it's all up for sale to the highest bidder (e.g. Citizens United), and Obama is against that?

      1. carlgt1

        OK, I looked it up – it's James Madison – False Idolator….

        His other pics are funny, he even has party-animal Ben Franklin in one praying as if he's a modern babbling born-again Christian. I don't think any "Founding Father" had any notion of the insane practices of today's religous reich, did they? I mean at the most they were Episcopalian/Church of England types and often Deists. Not the sort of babbling/speaking-in-tongue snake-handlers that comprise the Repuke party of today….

        1. BerkeleyBear

          eh, the original Baptists and Quakers were pretty damn weird and effusive in their conduct. There's a reason the Brits weren't all that sorry to see them go to Amsterdam and then America.

          1. carlgt1

            yeah but they were kept far from any positions of influence, until that great Quaker Nixon was elected….

          2. DemonicRage

            That old guy on one knee is totally having a happy experience in his knee britches.

    2. Angry_Marmot

      Madison was better looking and a lot smarter. Looks more like Andrew Johnson, drunk again.

  6. Oblios_Cap

    Who is the fellow having the kneeling orgasm underneath the Constitution? Is that Ron Paul?

    1. BerkeleyBear

      I'm hoping it turns out to be Patrick Henry or one of the other Anti-Federalists. Y'know, irony and all that.

    2. carlgt1

      oddly ( because I can't find any historical basis for this behavior ) it's James Madison….

  7. pdiddycornchips

    What's with the stack of cash in the other hand? The title should be Rent Boy Wingnut.

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Maybe he is selling our founding documents so that he can replace the food stamps that the Republicans cut off for his family?

  8. SorosBot

    From McNaughton's description:

    "Do we have freedom when half the country pays taxes to support the other half?"


    "Do we have freedom when government regulates every aspect of our lives?"

    It doesn't. Oh but then he moves on to claim "We need a federal government that does not hinder the American people by unnecessary financial and regulatory burdens." Um, those regulations actually enhance human freedom; we don't have freedom when the government regulates actual personal liberties, like what women can do with their vaginas or what genitals couples need to get married.

    "Do we have freedom when our currency is controlled by a corporation that has no accountability to the American people?"


    "Do we have freedom when we have more debt than can possibly be repaid?"


    And there is so much more idiocy and wrongness in his captions to go through.

    1. Fairtackle

      The subtle imagery, the way the light comes from all directions and none, the unconventional play on size and proportion, he is as brilliant a thinker as he is an artist.

    2. AbandonHope

      You gotta admit, the slimeball does have capitalism down. Find the unwashed rubes that will buy this shit, and exploit the ever-living FUCK out of them.

    3. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      Dialogue between Chick-Fil-Atheist™ and MacNaughty:

      "I want bunnies and lilacs, and there's the check, awaiting my signature. Shut the fuck up, and start painting."

    4. pdiddycornchips

      "We need a federal government that does not hinder the American people by unnecessary financial and regulatory burdens."

      The one exception is vajajay's. We have to tightly regulate those. They demand a firm hand if you know what I mean.

      Also, too, we're Republicans in charge for most of the time all that federal spending and regulating was burdening America?

      1. bikerlaureate

        Cameras would be safest. A camera in every vajajay, and a new Federal agency devoted to monitoring for unholy activity…

    5. Doktor Zoom

      The rollover-text for the images are inspired.

      By poop.

      (OK, by Glenn Beck University, same diff)

  9. charliearglist

    Why is prayin' Jimmy Swaggart wearing knee-breeches on the left? Did he just get back from some kind of crazy motel-hooker-fetish session where he goes down on one knee and begs her to read him the Constitution?

    1. BerkeleyBear

      And that whole suspension of habeas corpus without legal authority – that's some heavy lifting there, violating the Constitution to save it.

  10. BaldarTFlagass

    I see that he's got GWBush over there on the right side of the picture with Clinton, LBJ, FDR, Woodrow Wilson, and Obama. I wonder if there's an unspoken message there.

    1. AbandonHope

      Yeah, that's the first thing I was going to point out. Here, let's shove Bush onto the side with all the Demmy-crats, and then magically he'll have always been one of them.

      I wish that smarmy little Thomas Kinkade wanna-be fucktard lived in the post-apocalyptic shithole universe where FDR hadn't lifted this nation out of the Depression, Republican policies resulted in an America woefully unprepared for WW2, and Nazi's successfully invaded and dominated the United States.

      But then, given that he's one of the Reich wing himself, he'd probably enjoy it.

      1. fartknocker

        And did you notice Ronny Raygun is standing between Lincoln and Washington? This goes beyond artistic license. Lincoln and Washington would have kicked Ronnie's ass given his actions in Grenada as he didn't seek approval of Congress to start that little war.

    2. BerkeleyBear

      Yeah, and Kennedy somehow gets to be one of the smiling guys on the right (albeit almost blocked by the dude with the paper. Some very interesting choices being made.

    3. Doktor Zoom

      McNaughton's website provides an "answer key" in the form of rollover text on all the images. So, I d say the message is far from "unspoken." (short answer: ballooned the deficit, bailed out the banks. We'd have freedom if only GM had gone under and the financial system had collapsed altogether.)

    1. tessiee

      Thought balloon over Clinton's head: "What a sausage fest! I'm outta here!"
      [extra bonus points if you heard that in Clinton's voice and accent]

  11. chascates

    That Constitution looks totally worn out. We should let Obama burn it and have Bill Ayers make us a new one.

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Little known fact: Bill Ayers actually burned the original Constitution for Obama.

      1. Generation[redacted]

        And then he wrote a new one, and had the Merry Pranksters sneak into the capitol late one night and slip it into that hermetically sealed container. No one will ever know!

        1. tessiee

          Until Bammerz burns the new one, at which point we'll all discover that it was printed on…
          *cue background music, "White Rabbit"*

  12. Mittens Howell, III

    Even in this right-wing artrocity W's standing there like the soul-sapped, friendless, demented loon that he is.

    1. AbandonHope

      That's because he was actually a Democrat. Didn't you know? It's in all the Texas schoolbooks.

  13. mavenmaven

    And there's Obama giving the Vulcan salute? Is that to suggest that he was born on another planet? Or is he trying to stop the white dude from walking into traffic (you can see the headlights of the oncoming car on said dudes face…)?

  14. Mahousu

    It's all just an elaborate setup for an old joke:

    What does the Constitution get you?

    It and five bucks gets you a cup of coffee.

  15. scvirginia

    So why is the White House all lit up like it's nighttime? Or is the building just so happy about the Constitution it just lit up on its own?

    1. HempDogbane

      It's the Kinkade White House, now lit 24/7. But with LEDs, thereby pissing off OneL in a big way.

  16. MumbletyRadio

    The skyward glare — it's like what I picture when these mouth breathers are reading God the riot act, whining that their self-gratifying wet dreams aren't being fulfilled by his Holiness.
    And the scene is captured just as the lightning bolt, reflected in the glow of that "Young-Gun"'s face in the center there, lands a split-second later when they're struck down.

  17. CrunchyKnee

    "Real 'mericans" wanna know why bro-hero isn't rocking a NASCAR tee like "real 'mericans" are apt to do in "real 'merica."

  18. HempDogbane

    Washington got his teeth fixed, and Honest Abe is now shacking up with Susan Sarandon.

  19. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    And, not to be a total nerd, but goddammit you're not going to see crepuscular clouds looking at the south portico of the White House. Looks like sunset over the north pole.

    Jesus, you'd think these people went to a Christian school or something, with their scientific illiteracy…

    1. Chichikovovich

      Good eye! I was totally going to buy this until you pointed that out.

      Though once you start looking, the thing is just lousy with howlers: like Clinton is holding in his right hand the newspaper with the headline reading FAILL (it's probably a French newspaper reporting on a terrible earthquake along the Faille San Andreas).
      But Clinton is left-handed!

      1. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

        Why do Christians assume that Christians will always agree with Christians? If this is so goddamn true, why are there eleventy billion denominations and committee meetings at all of 'em?

        I swear I want this painting to come alive so Thomas Jefferson (NO PHOTO AVAILABLE) would bitchslap this hack.

        1. SorosBot

          But see, all those other Christians are not real Christians; that's how a religion that 70% of the American people belong to is a persecuted minority.

    2. tessiee

      "you'd think these people went to a Christian school or something, with their scientific illiteracy"

      Yeah, "you'd think".

  20. UnholyMoses

    Who in the hell is he showing the thing to, Wilt Chamberlin? Shaq? Some other obviously very tall person?

    Oh, and how appropriate that some already-cash-laden fuckhole thinks the Constitution only applies to him, rather than all Americans.

    1. actor212

      And is that not simply THE tackiest outfit you've ever seen? OMG, I mean, girlfriend, it's so quaint you're trying to singlehandedly bring back watercolour Qiana, but under corduroy?

      Call the Fashion Police! We have a hostage situation!

    2. Chichikovovich

      Perhaps he's showing it to the crucified Christ. Which would put the viewer in the position of one of the Roman Centurions guarding the cross.

      So the piece has its edgy aspects, it turns out.

    1. Terry

      …and JFK is drifting over to the Constitution worshippers, there behind the Honorable Common Man.

      1. anniegetyerfun

        OMG, I didn't even see JFK. Who's the whitey in the very back of the Commie Pack?

        1. Terry

          If you want to risk your sanity, go to McNaughton's website. If you put your cursor over the painting, the names of the people the images are supposed to represent pop up. LBJ is one of the whities, there behind W, pissing on the back of his shoes as someone else pointed out.

  21. Tyrannically_Joe

    I remember that Bush would always talk about how "History" would judge his legacy; I bet he never thought that history would turn him into a Democrat, though.

    1. UnholyMoses

      Why not? Fox News has turned lots of failed/embarrassed/going to jail Republicans into Democrats.

    1. YasserArraFeck

      And if LBJ wanted to piss on your shoes, he's fuckin' piss on your shoes, and you'd better thank him for it, if you ever wanted to get anything done in this town again……

    2. Veritas78

      Isn't that Hoover? If it's LBJ, why is he wearing Hoover's collar? That's just plain kinky.

  22. Oblios_Cap

    At least he got The Reagan right. That fucker is one jelly bean over the Dementia Line, and loving it.

  23. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    First of all, why id FDR standing? And why does it look like he is about to spark a doobie? I'm all in favor of Medical Marijuana, but I'm not sure it works for polio.

    Secondly, I keep picturing that Obama is thinking "Dude, what are you doing, that thing is 230 years old. You know there is a reason we keep it in an environmentally sealed case.

    Lastly, I assume the dude is holding a wad of cash in his hands because he already sold the Bill of Rights to the Koch brothers, and he is now bidding off the Constitution itself.

  24. prommie

    Dude sure is looking pissed that he can't read that document in his hand and therefore hasn't got the least clue what the fuck it says.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      I thought it was Rahm Emmanuel that was the digitally-challenged guy in the White House.

    2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I'm pretty sure that somewhere in the Bible it mentions the Devil only having three fingers. That, or Kenyans.

  25. Guppy

    Once again, he only cares about the first page.

    Boy loves himself some bicameral legislature. "Each House shall be the Judge of the Elections, Returns and Qualifications of its own Members, NOBAMAAAAA!"

      1. sullivanst

        Yes indeed. Fuck the Bill of Rights, and double-skullfuck the 13th, 14th and 15th Amendments.

  26. SayItWithWookies

    Ooh, allegory — the most potent form of artistic expression since The Three Stooges.

    I do, however, like that he's put Dubya over on the "offenders of the Constitution" side of the picture, even if it was for something far less serious than Dubya's criminally prosecutable offenses.

    And the Magritte-esque "Empire of Night" styling of the White House is intriguing — either McNaughton meant to illustrate how an increasingly powerful executive brings darkness to the illumination of a real democracy, or else he started the painting set at night and changed his mind because it was too dark.

    1. UnholyMoses

      Funny — in a very telling kind of way — how Nixon is nowhere to be found in that image.

  27. Giveusabob

    Funny story. When traveling thru Europe as a broke exchange student, I wore a NATO-surplus winter jacket scored from a local thrift store (in the US, that is) pretty much for the duration. Nearly identical to Dollah Bill / Constitution Bro's jacket above. In every country, I was approached by strangers asking how much for a bag of hash. Every friggin' country, Portugal to Belgium.

  28. SorosBot

    Now, here we have a few blatant lies by this idiot, just a sample from looking around:

    On George W. Bush: "Conservatives and libertarians have criticized Bush for greatly increasing domestic spending" No they did not. Conservatives said "deficits don't matter" until magically the deficit became a sudden new problem on January 20 2009.

    On FDR (who is standing, another blatant lie): "Economic historians have shown that Roosevelt's policies actually extended the Great Depression." No, his policies ended the Great Depression, that is the exact fucking opposite of the truth.

    "Some believe that the economic successes of the nineties were due to Clinton's presidency, others believe it was the trailing result of Reagan's fiscal policies" Nice dodge with the "some believe … oithers believe" bullshit, but anyone who claims the great dipshit's policies caused the 90s boom is lying.

    On Reagan himself: "Much of the federal deficit increases were due to military spending which eventually led to the fall of the Soviet Union and the end of the Cold War. " No. Gorbachev ended the Cold War; the idiot's increase in military spending had nothing to do with it. Also interesting how he absolves Reagan's deficit spending that he thinks is a great crime in others. "Many of Reagan's fiscal policies led to American prosperity well into the next century" No.

    And then there's the general lie that keeps popping up. McNaughton keeps saying the Empowered Man is supposed to support freedom and oppose unconstitutional actions – by attacking government welfare programs, regulations, taxes and spending in general. Which are completely constitutional and do not harm freedom in any way, and in many cases enhance it. He does not know what freedom means, nor what the constitution says.

    Oh, and the other big lie is call calling this trashy crap "fine art".

    Sorry this was long, rambling and late, but there was a lot to comment on even after I ignored quite a lot.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Okay, but Reagan's progligate military spending did keep a lot of weapons engineers happy for a decade or so, so there's that. (And it did in some small way help provoke the collapse of the Soviets, but only because their leadership was even stupider than he was about thinking that building big missiles was more important than taking care of the rest of the economy).

    2. tessiee

      "Some believe that the economic successes of the nineties were due to Clinton's presidency, others believe it was the trailing result of Reagan's fiscal policies"

      Well, OB-viously, when a Democratic President follows a Republican President, anything that happens in office is the result of his predecessor. You know, like when President Obama inherited the recession and overall mess that Bush made…

      1. SorosBot

        Even when they're separated by four years, during which there is a recession that Republican's and his handpicked successor's fiscal policies actually caused.

  29. joshleefolsom

    He's obviously a bum who slept on that bench last night under brown wrapping paper. Reagan's happy because another bum will die from untreated TB and lower the homeless rate, and the sick guy is happy because he is a an ignorant right wing douche like Mary Brown who doesn't know what's good for him. The money? I refer back to the fellatio rent boy comments.

  30. BaldarTFlagass

    I'm really surprised that he didn't paint the US flag there on the White House upside-down (signal of distress).

    1. AbandonHope

      That would be disrespectful. REAL conservatives only cut up the flag to be worn as jackets, capes, and/or hot pants.

  31. Estproph

    I liked this guys paintings better when he did pictures of little kittens and children with huge moist eyes.

  32. AbandonHope

    Did anybody else notice that the supposedly "good" Presidents are all standing on the LEFT side of the painting?

    Oops, big FAIL, McNaughtyon. Time to go self-flagellate again.

    1. Tyrannically_Joe

      OUR left, though. Stage right. I'd assume that was deliberate, too, except that I didn't see anything about it in the five pages of footnotes that McNaughton's paintings, like all fine art, require in order to be compreshensible.

      1. pdiddycornchips

        There's no question, America's greatest artist is Mark Kostabi. Why? Because he recognized decades ago that celebrity trumps all else. He doesn't actually do his own paintings nor even come up with the concepts. He employs people to do those things and if he likes their work, he simply puts his name on it and it sells for thousands of dollars. Like any good American celebrity, he spends most of his time in Europe. He is an walking, talking, American allegory. Famous as an artist even though he doesn't actually create art.

      2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Colonel von Horst: They're still working on him. He won't break. We've tried everything! Do you want me to bring out the Leroy Nieman paintings?

        General Streck, German High Command: No. We cannot risk violating the Geneva Convention!

        Top Secret

  33. Tyrannically_Joe

    Also, can someone explain to me what the Phat Stacks of Cash represent, in this image? It seems to be implying that the Constitution has been bought and paid for by super-rich people masquarading (poorly) as stereotypically-working-class-looking white Americans.

  34. fuflans

    looks to me like fdr is holding the other half of the secret constitution document which obv means there's going to be some high speed chase ending with a big fight in the secret glass pyramid underneath michelle's vegetables

    (or maybe that's just the new deal.)

  35. Antispandex

    Yes, all bow down before the majic talisman that maketh the negro to cower. Yea, it shall protect you from those government goons…wait a minute…Dubya isn't bowing…what form of blasphemy is this?

  36. Will Stab For Food

    I'm betting this dude is on a permanent LSD drip…there can be no other explanation.

    1. tessiee

      'I'm betting this dude is on a permanent LSD drip…there can be no other explanation."

      You may have meant a permanent LSD *trip*, but this made me picture the artist with an IV *drip* of LSD, and you know what? You're right. There can't be any other explanation.

  37. sezme

    Why is F. Murray Abraham as Saliere standing there laughing? What he did to Mozart was unconstitutional.

  38. weejee

    Interesting that McNaught has Madison, a deist, on his knees doing a heavy hallelujah shaking in total rapture, likely speaking in tongues too, also.

  39. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Shouldn't somebody be pistol whipping Hillary and Janet Reno in the background or something?

    1. YasserArraFeck

      If I could be sure that McNaughton wouldn't get a penny in royalties, I'd have prints of all of his "works" for laughs in my garage

    1. Veritas78

      Betsy Ross stuck herself with a needle, Florence Nightingale got leprosy, Joan of Arc caught on fire from a stray Constitution someone left burning, and Amelia Earhart was a lesbo. That about covers it, amirite?

  40. elburritodeluxe

    On the left, Abraham Lincoln and other esteemed leaders who, through American history, skullfucked the Constitution. On the right, some other Presidents.

  41. Terry

    Since Calvin Coolidge was an idol of Reagan's, isn't it sort of sacrilegious to cover his face up there behind the Constitution? Or was it because Old Cal was sooooo silent that the Honorable Common Man didn't realize he was standing there?

  42. vodkamuppet

    Is that Kennedy's disembodied floating head in the background between the constitution and the bros shoulder? Who is that supposed to be?

    Edit: And why is Pat Bucchanan on his knees in drag and what is he praying for? Is it the money? So many questions…

  43. BaldarTFlagass

    If dude is going to carry around 200+ yr old holy document, he should at least put on some gloves, and tuck in his fucking shirt. No respect!

  44. Biel_ze_Bubba

    I think I saw this movie – this is the final scene, where the black guy has to start beating down all those zombies, with a shovel.

  45. Awful People

    John Corleone doesn't want that fat stack traced back to him, so he's standing in the rear checking out W's tuchus and trying not to be noticed.

    1. tessiee

      You kinda have to feel sorry for John Corleone, the law-abiding younger brother of Don Corleone. Not only doesn't he get the wealth that goes with a successful career in organized crime — but also, every time he refers to himself as a "legitimate businessman", everybody snickers into the palm of their hands.

  46. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I think that you all will agree, where ever the Founders and other Presidents may be, I'm sure that if they contemplate their lives and the struggles they went through in an attempt to makes this a more better union, their one thought was, "Hey, I hope I am badly painted into a bad piece of propaganda that totally negates the values outlined in the Constitution."

  47. anniegetyerfun

    Bush Sr. is breathing a sigh of relief that he never managed to DO anything, and as a result, pretty much escapes the scrutiny of wingnuttia.

  48. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    And why are Lincoln, Washington and Reagan laughing and mocking the ginger junkie?

  49. BitterKlingon

    I'm pretty sure that copy of the Constitution is a fake, because in McNaughten's last painting Nobama set it on fire.

      1. Veritas78

        Yeah, but by peeing on it with his massive staff of chief.

        He's putting out the Colorado wildfires as we speak (swing state).

  50. Eve8Apples

    No wimminz in the picture. The bitches must be in the White House making sammiches for the men and scrubbing the toilets.

  51. BoroPrimorac

    Look at my man with the wig kneeling down in praise of the white boy with cash wrestling the constitushon away from that communist.

  52. CommieLibunatic

    As I've said with his other… "paintings," if you will… What the fuck am I looking at?

    Also, what's with Obama's pose? He's like some vampire recoiling from a cross. Which I guess makes sense, what with him displaying his hatred for America by taking its highest seat of power.

  53. Generation[redacted]

    Check out the bulge in his jacket pocket. That's not teh Constitooshun, that's his conceal-carry permit! And evil Lincoln from an alternate universe is cheering him on!

    1. tessiee

      So, years ago, I had a job working in a restaurant kitchen, which often resulted in my getting black charcoal smudges all over the chestal area of my apron when I leaned over the grill to scrub it.
      My blah male co-worker cracked everybody up by leering at the black smudges on my chestal area, then holding up the palms of his hands for everyone to see.

  54. Hammiepants

    This completes me. But it would still be better with a Crying American Eagle gif. And why is Beethoven in this?

  55. Toomush_Infer

    I'm so lost in this – who did he buy this old copy from, or is he selling it to the highest bidder there in the back – Shaq!….and why did he leave some of it on the park bench?…was he sleeping there and someone left it on his face….I just do not get it….nice Bush, tho….

  56. JChase59

    EASTER EGG!! If you hover your mouse between Barry's head and Dubya's head, you'll see the "Mystery Man." Says McNaughton, "Who controls the man in the Oval Office? We each have our opinion."

  57. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    with that money in his hand, "Corporations bought people too, my friend."

  58. WIDTAP

    FDR looks mighty tall for a man in a wheelchair.

    Also, is this Jon McNaughton's best pitch for killing Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid? No wonder Barry is saying, "Just chill for a sec."

  59. glamourdammerung

    "Do we have freedom when government regulates every aspect of our lives?"

    Comrade, even the Inept 'Artist' Bureau would have shot you by now for putting out this crap if what you were claiming had anything even bearing a passing resemblance to truth.

    1. Veritas78

      That's a great suggestion! We should have one of those. The guy who runs the Bullet Control Office could do it in his spare time.

  60. owhatever

    Okay, I got one copy of this original constitution left, folks, and I'm giving it away almost free, for only $399. It is also signed by Andrew Breitbart and Ted Nugent and Joe the Plumber. No, I don't do credit because I am FREEDOM.


    A dud with a superpack would be more effective than cash. Who would be stupid enough to show up on a picture holding dirty cash?

    1. tessiee

      Of course they know what it sezz!
      It sezz, "We can have all the guns we want, because freedumbs".

  62. CalamityJames

    I truly hate to break it to this obviously talented person, but most of those folks are dead, so I simply can't take this seriously. That, and he's clearly a partisan hack. But whatever, hold the constitution high above your head, that way all the big money donors will be able to spot you amongst all the other white men.

  63. randcoolcatdaddy

    Please … have some common decency.

    Paintings of founding fathers having very obvious orgasms over parchment isn't appropriate for a high minded site such as this. Especially before a Happy Hour martini or two.

      1. CindynEncinitas

        No, it's gotta be Bill Murray. He's looking up at Michael Jordan or Larry Bird (sorry, I just watched Space Jam again).

  64. blueflowers

    A fine reminder from our Libertarian friends that women have absolutely no part in 'Murica.

  65. tessiee

    Norton McNaughton can't even get his own painting right.

    Dumbass Bush should be kneeling in prayer on the "good guy" side, because everybody knows that Dumbass Bush was an ignorant religious fanatic who wanted to turn America into a fundamentalist Christian theocracy a man of faith, and who cares about some old-timey guy in a white wig, anyhow?

    Also, Jimmy Carter should have been on the "bad guy" side with the other Democrats — history's greatest monster and all that — but McNaughton Insanity Rule totally forgot to slander him, even though he's a Democrat AND a traitor to white Southerners.

    Really, not only is he a lousy painter, but he's too lazy to put two seconds worth of thought into at least cranking out *effective* propaganda.

    1. viennawoods13

      He should team up with the David Bugnon. Between them they'd average out to normal arm lengths.

  66. lulzmonger

    Look, out in front of the White House!
    It's a War Scooter! It's a Death Panel!

    Where I'm from, a dude who looks like that holding that kind of wad of cash HAS to have just rolled someone for it or boosted it.

  67. paulabflat

    and just what IS in that pocket that's giant enough to carry something concealed?

    his lunch?

  68. notanncoulter

    it appears this clown is actually selling 'jennyouwine constipation copies! only five bucks!'
    or is that zombie andrew breitbart?

  69. Tundra Grifter

    Down there in the front row, what is Pat Buchanan praying for?

    That Kincade White House is a hoot!

  70. ttommyunger

    All I've got to say is: "Get a haircut, hippie, and tuck your shirt in; you look like a fucking homeless person.". There, I feel better now.

  71. BathroomGoblin

    Ok, so empowered bro has gay face and he want to wed his bro life partner. He says that equal protection as described in the constitution guarantees his right to marry another bro. Obama is like "Oh Noes" and Clinton is holding his personally signed copy of DOMA looking sheepish. Regan is smiling because he is lost in an Alzheimeric revery and Lincoln is so happy, because obs.

  72. DahBoner

    Where's the sad clowns and big-headed kittens???


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