you know I love you babyDid you ever wonder why the GOP seems determined to defund Planned Parenthood and wage constant and consistent attacks on women’s health care? Good, because Campbell Brown, former CNN anchor and the wife of a Romney advisor, has the answer for you: it’s not because of a war on caterpillars women, it’s because Planned Parenthood is run by uppity bitches who won’t compromise.

From her op-ed yesterday in the New York Times:

PLANNED PARENTHOOD has a large target on its back. At no time in the organization’s history has it faced such a concerted Congressional challenge to its agenda. But most worrisome is the organization’s shrinking number of defenders, and Planned Parenthood has only itself to blame. It has adopted a strategy driven by blind partisanship, electing to burn bridges instead of building them. That strategy is damaging, and possibly imperiling, its mission.

Clearly, they are driven by sheer partisanship, as evidenced by their continued work with Republicans for Choice, a group that includes REPUBLICANS like Congressman Richard Hannah (R-New York) and Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska). But yeah, definitely it’s Planned Parenthood that has the partisan agenda.

Most of Planned Parenthood’s work focuses on health care for low-income women, things like screenings for breast cancer and diabetes, and family planning. Despite the claims of its opponents that it’s solely an abortion provider, abortions represent only 3 percent of its work. Almost half of the organization’s funding (46 percent) comes from the federal and state governments, making it imperative that it have friends in both parties. But that’s tough to do when Planned Parenthood sees ideological purity as so paramount that it permeates every aspect of its strategic planning. There is almost no room for even slight deviations. Those who are not in lock step with the organization are viewed as enemies to the cause.

This mind-set will doom Planned Parenthood to failure. When an organization is willing to support only lawmakers who are with it 100 percent of the time, it virtually guarantees that the debate will be bitterly partisan.

Let your Wonkette translate this for you: Planned Parenthood’s mission is to provide health services to low income women, including, but not limited to, abortion and family planning. If a Republican decides he no longer supports the program of providing health services to low income women, including but not limited to their access to abortion and family planning, Planned Parenthood should endorse him anyway, because of bipartisanship. Otherwise, everyone will hate Planned Parenthood and it will be all Planned Parenthood’s fault. Also, since Republicans are more likely than Democrats to hate Planned Parenthood, Planned Parenthood is guaranteeing partisanship by refusing to work with people who want to destroy it, who usually are Republican.

[For example] Representative Robert Dold of Illinois is a Republican abortion-rights advocate who is in a tough fight against a Democratic challenger. When funding for Planned Parenthood was under attack, Mr. Dold spoke out on the House floor, urging his colleagues to support the organization. He has even introduced legislation to try to stop the federal government from discriminating against groups like Planned Parenthood by ensuring their continuing access to Title X funds. He would love to have Planned Parenthood’s help with his re-election campaign, but so far the organization has opted to stayed [sic] out of the race. When I asked why, given his outspoken leadership on its behalf, a Planned Parenthood spokeswoman told me that Mr. Dold does not have a 100 percent voting record on all legislation that Planned Parenthood deems important to women.

Actually, Representative Dold voted to allow hospitals to refuse emergency abortion care to women who could die without it, but yeah, totally that’s only something that Planned Parenthood would deem important to women. Women themselves are cool with dying so long as Planned Parenthood is able to reach bipartisan compromise, duh.

In sum, if only those uppity bitches at Planned Parenthood would see women’s health as something to use as a political football, it would be more popular, which is more important than fulfilling its mission because no one cares about women’s health care as much as they care about bipartisanship.

[New York Times]

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  • slithytoves

    things like screenings for breast cancer and diabetes, and family planning.

    ♫ These are a few of my favorite things…♫

  • ProgressiveInga

    Hatchet-faced shrew sez whut???

  • mavenmaven

    Planned Parenthood obviously needs to learn about Obama style bi-partisanship, which means giving the Republicans everything they want for even great vitriol as payback.

  • Baconzgood

    This is one of those I hit you because I love you people.

    • They're always perplexed that the victims choose to run away as fast and far as they are able, too.

    • Isyaignert

      Or one of those "Don't make me hit you again" people/bitches.

  • noodlesalad

    Planned Parenthood should be more like those nice Republicans, who are always able to compromise when people's lives are at stake, particularly when those lives are female, brown, and/or poor.

    • Planned Parenthood should be more like those nice Republicans, who are always able to compromise when ^^ other ^^ people's lives are at stake.

    • idrobny

      what do you expect. the woman is the wife of a romney operative & former host of a failed cnn program. i say "put her on the fox channel." that's where she belongs.

  • "Planned Parenthood has a large target on its back" Yeah, put there by op-eds like yours, Campbell. Phleghhh.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Hey Leeeeeeeeesa. A request. As cultured as you obviously are, you've probably seen this photo of Toulouse Lautrec , on the beach. I think someone in the area of France should re-shoot this.

      • I never did see that photo! I have an Irish friend who did a TV show where he took an old Irish photo and tried to find the people who were in it (or their kids) and then had them recreate it. I'm not sure we could do a pooping one in France, though. I could definitely recreate a man-peeing one any day I walk down the street.

        • Blueb4sunrise

          Hey, I HAD TO GO!!!!!!
          oh wait, …….
          Anyway, I bet Rebecca would do it if she were ANYWHERE NEAR a beach.

          • Rebecca's a better man than I. er, woman. er, me?

  • prommie

    If only the Jews had just compromised with the Nazis, instead of being so knee-jerk, hardline anti-Nazi. That was the whole problem, and it was counterproductive.

    • NellCote71

      Or if they had been given the right to bear arms. Armenians, too.

  • SorosBot

    Well after that criticism we'll see if Brown will take out a big-money ad with her giant head all over Wonkette again!

  • Campbell Brown doesn't need Planned Parenthood, because that presumes you have the tools to breed with.

    • badseeds

      Oh, she has a tool to breed with.

  • ChernobylSoup

    Last time she was here, she was like 20 feet tall.

    • Larry McAwful

      And she promised "No bias, no bull." So that's two more things that have changed.

  • nounverb911

    "Republicans for Choice,"
    What are republicans allowed to choose?

    • noodlesalad

      Caliber of preferred semi-automatic pistol?
      Number of Cadillacs driven per spouse?

      • What about those voters who keep pulling the lever for the Republicans but can afford neither?

        • scvirginia

          They are simply pre-wealthy.

      • NellCote71

        Tax bracket in which they want to be placed. . . .

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Whether to support Koch brother ideas, or Karl Rove ideas.

    • YasserArraFeck

      Brown or black dressage horse, silly!

      • NellCote71

        And the theme music for horse ballet. Don't forget the theme music.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Brown shirts or black shirts.

    • whether or not to ask dad for that 20K for start up money.

      • NellCote71

        . . . whether to ask Dad for 20K or 30K . . .

    • Redhead

      Which branch of fundamentalist protestant church to attend?

  • Goonemeritus

    Why oh why can’t Planned Parenthood understand that helping poor women is Gods job. The Republican Party is just trying to protect God from “scab labor”.

  • prommie

    This idea that institutions that the GOP hates and wants to erase from the earth should therefore try to compromise with the GOP (How? Like, "OK, I have a compromise, how about if I just die so you don't have to kill me?) is starting to come off sounding like Tex Antoine's advice to rape victims.

  • Dumbedup

    Campbell honey, we have a job for you. Excited? You and your vagina are going to start creating some blurry edges around this "war on women" by arguing false equivalency,blame the victim, that sort of thing. That way we don't look like knuckle dragging neanderthals trying to put women back in their place. Which we are. Want to help? Take it out of your mouth first. You do? Good girl.

  • BloviateMe

    "Most of Planned Parenthood’s work focuses on health care for low-income women…"

    Well there you go, putting the 'hood' in Planned Parenthood. How does THAT create jobs?

  • When I asked why, given his outspoken leadership on its behalf, a Planned Parenthood spokeswoman told me that Mr. Dold does not have a 100 percent voting record on all legislation that Planned Parenthood deems important to women.

    Oh fuck YOU, Campbell! You used to be smart enough to suss the bullshit out, but now you swallow it whole?

    It's pretty obvious: Planned Parenthood is not going to back a single Republican candidate because, you know, they and their fellow travelers like you, ARE FASCISTS!

    Dold wants candy, Dold can leave the party where he's free to vote for abortions for all, and not worry about being primaried. It's that goddamned simple.

    You are a skull-fucking idiot, Brown.

    • Callyson

      Seriously. At this point, any action that threatens to keep the Republicans as the majority party will only empower the extremist freaks who run that party and who will try again and again to destroy PP.

      Any moderates (of whom Mr Dodd is not one, BTW) still in the Greedy Old Pigs party who want to get elected can damn well switch parties. I won't consider them unless and until they completely dissociate from those freaks. Too risky..

      • Yea, I was not familiar with D'old! when I wrote that and was foolish enough to try to see it from CB's perspective, that D'old! is one of the "good guys"…and what kind of hellish, blinkered denial do you have to be in to think that, btw?…and if he's one of the "good guys," why is PP stabbing him in the back?

        She couldn't even ask that question, let alone, "Hm, maybe my perception of D'old! is way off base?"

      • NellCote71


  • Estproph

    "Representative Robert Dold of Illinois is a Republican abortion-rights advocate…"

    Wait, what?

    • finallyhappy

      That means if his daughters get pregnant, they can get an abortion- privately and quietly

  • Campbell Brown is so right. Planned Parenthood should compromise, just like the NRA does.

    • Fare la Volpe

      After all, they were so sensitive and understanding after Columbine.

      • NellCote71

        And their argument regarding Fast and Furious is just flawless.

  • RedneckMuslin

    Sounds like something someone from Fox would say to sound bi-partisan.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Why is she named after soup?

    • Campbell Brown: a soup inspired by Santorum.

    • The soup is named after her.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Because it's shitty soup?

  • nounverb911

    Has Campbell spawned yet?

    • Parthenogenesis count?

    • si

    • NellCote71

      I bet you a dime to a dollar the kid's name is or will be Tucker.

  • jodyleek

    Everybody listen up! A rich white soup-for-brains cunt who never has to worry about health care is complaining about health care for poor women who aren't rich and/or white.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Weird. You'd think that anyone whose non-profit organization is coming under constant attack from anti-feminist, anti-choice causes would know just to roll over and take the pistol whipping like a good little lady.

  • Sassomatic

    This makes me so mad I could pistol whip a nun.

    • nounverb911

      Sister Latham?

  • BlueStateLibel

    This is what Republicans call "creative destruction." Except it's always someone else, or someone else's job, or someone else's poor women getting the destroying.

  • Chichikovovich

    But most worrisome is the organization’s shrinking number of defenders,

    Oh really. Because one thing I took away from the implosion of Susan G. Komen was that people are pretty passionate in their defense of PP, and are if anything energized by the constant onslaughts from pathological liars like Senator "Not Intended to be a Factual Statement".

    Perhaps what she means is "shrinking number of defenders among the ranks of women married to Romney advisors".

    [It would make sense that she must regard the fact that she is married to a Romney advisor as so obvious it goes without saying. Because she never discloses it in the Op-Ed.]

  • Senor's little shiksa is just making Campbell's caterpillar soup for Rmoney. It will be the broth of choice for the poorz before those green Soylent moving vans show up.

  • Crank_Tango

    Maybe if Planned Parenthood had concealed carry, no one would fuck with it?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    But you have to understand Ms. Brown's and the GOP perspective. If we don't keep poor and brown women barefoot and preggers, they might vote in ways that conflict with the wishes of old, rich, white males.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Good, because Campbell Brown, former CNN anchor and the wife of a Romney advisor,

    Someone is qualified to be a "liberal" pundit for FOX News.

  • Eve8Apples

    Ex-CNN talking head looking for an election cycle job as a Republican talking head.

  • Seems like just yesterday Campbell was adorning the background of this blog. Now this.

    Why you gotta be so mean?

    ~T. Swift

  • sharethegrief

    She has really big hands. I bet they both fit in her mouth.

    • Pat_Pending

      they would, but there's no room with both of her feet already in there.

  • Exhausted66

    Planned Parenthood has a surveyor's mark on it's back?

    Nothing more to see here, move along.

  • barto

    Hey Campbell, replace "Planned Parenthood" with "Republican Party" and you'll be on to something.
    -your editor

  • Hera Sent Me

    It's not only a stupid name that keeps Campbell Soup off the air. It's her unalluring combination of vapidity, class snobbery and general bitchiness.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Hey Campbell! *Waves*

    I sure miss your teevee show!

    HAhahaHAAhaHaaHahahaHaHahahaHaHAAhaHaaHahahaHa HahahaHaHahahaHaHahahaHaHahahaHaHahahaHaHAAha HaaHahahaHaHahahaHaHAAhaHaaHahahaHaHahahaHaHahaha HaHahahaHaHahahaHaHahahaHaHAAhaHaaHahahaHaHahaha

  • Callyson

    shrinking number of defenders

    Yeah, that's why contributions to Planned Parenthood soared after the SGK brouhaha…


  • qwerty42

    Those mean, mean wimmin at Planned Parenthood are just so mean it makes Campbell want to cry. And defund PP because they are mean not to give in to everything the Republicans want. because they are mean.

  • metamarcisf

    She WISHES Wolf's dick was that big.

    • trondant

      Wait, Blitzer has a dick?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Campbell, since you're rich and able to get an abortion whenever you want to, please have several for the ladies who wouldn't be able to if Planned Parenthood supported their adversaries.

  • rickmaci

    Jeebuz woman, side boob or STFU !!

  • Callyson

    Almost half of the organization’s funding (46 percent) comes from the federal and state governments, making it imperative that it have friends in both parties. But that’s tough to do when the Republican Party sees ideological purity as so paramount that it permeates every aspect of its strategic planning. There is almost no room for even slight deviations. Those who are not in lock step with the organization are viewed as enemies to the cause.



    • EXACTLY! (Sorry to shout, but how can she be so blind to the irony flying out of her rear end?)

  • Pat_Pending

    Hoo boy, that Campbell is a card! chortle chortle wheeze wheeze [I died]

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I don't think she could fit in your normal vagina but it doesn't seem to stop her from trying.

  • Callyson

    From the NARAL link at the end of this article:

    Rep. Bob Dold (R) is anti-choice…
    Dold earned a 30-percent score in NARAL Pro-Choice America's 2011 Congressional Record on Choice…
    (He) Voted for H.R.3, a bill that would ban abortion coverage in state health-insurance exchanges; impose tax penalties on small businesses and many individuals who purchase private health plans that include abortion coverage; and make permanent several restrictions that block many women from accessing abortion care.

    Yeah, he's pro choice…until it becomes time to make said choice.


    • pdiddycornchips

      Didn't Ed/Op say PP is staying neutral? Or did she mean neutered?

    • SorosBot

      Now, he supports the right to choose, in theory; he just doesn't think women should be able to actually access that right. In other words, abortions should be a privilege for wealthy women, while the peons should be stuck going through unwanted pregnancies.

      • Chichikovovich

        I think we can all agree that nobody wants to go back to the terrible days when prep school girls had to fly to Sweden for abortions.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Not breaking. Newell having sexytime with other blogs.

    [via BJ]

    • He's so young!

      How many mammalian placentae does one have to digest in order not to age?

    • Fare la Volpe



    • BaldarTFlagass

      That interview—cross-posted from Tiger Beat?

  • pdiddycornchips

    Campbell just wants what's best for women. Sometimes, that means wearing a burkha, sometimes, it means a black eye and sometimes it means allowing others to control what you do with your vagina. Why won't Planned Parenthood meet these people halfway?

  • Cuz it's mmmmmmm, mmmmmmmmmmm, good!

  • Antispandex

    If you see, and do things their way, you are a reasonable compromiser. If they refuse to give an inch on their attack on reproductive rights, they are reasonable compromisers. A reasonable compromiser is someone who does exactly as the white males, who run the Tea Party, tells them to.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    Planned Parenthood, I hate to tell you this, but your lobbyists suck. You may have to "pull some favors" in the Senate, if you know what I'm saying. Dress comely… and wear heels!

    …but don't bother with Olympia. She's quitting.

  • Fare la Volpe


  • fredbell

    This is two Sunday Op-Eds in the NYT in the last two months for Brown…In May, she was telling us that Obama is condescending towards women…And now this…She's is both biased and bullshit, unlike her show, which was called no bias-no bull…This show was on CNN in the early evening, just like Glenn Beck's show was……

  • Texan_Bulldog

    I think she's a 'former' anchor because her show sucked and only 8 people watched it. Now I guess she has time to churn out stupid crap like this. Maybe she'll get a show on Fox and go full Tea-tard.

  • Boojum

    These "caterpillars" against which we are warring, are they anything like the narrow strip of closely trimmed pubic hair some women leave above their vaginas? Because that would totally make sense.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Oh Campbell. I used to have the hots for you way back in the day when I had cable. What happened to you?

    • rocktonsam

      I liked her better when she was knocked up and her boobs were bigger

  • Chichikovovich

    I remember just a few weeks ago in the NYT, Ms. Brown produced another monument to arrogant privilege with her article about a friend who had gone to "several private schools" but couldn't find a job for a couple of years when she graduated. Did she want the government to help? No, she would be ashamed to do that: instead, the friend was a good non-moocher: her family and friends paid her bills for her! "They wouldn't have it any other way".

    And that's why government assistance to people is bad.

    So I guess Ms. Brown's recommendation to all those low-income women who might lose access to reproductive health care is: "Let your friends and family pay for it. They wouldn't have it any other way." They can buy her a plane ticket to Sweden – or even just Montréal!

    • scvirginia

      This makes sense when you consider that the most important time of your life is pre-conception. If you make the right choice, you get born to a privileged family, that can loan you an extra 20 thou from the mad money kitty. This is also when you should choose to have straight hair, straight teeth & straight sexual orientation… The choices you make after you are born are trivial in comparison….

    • The Knights of Privilege bear Countess Brown to the gates!! Methinks there is a pretender to the Absinthe Throne of Dame Noonington…

      • NellCote71

        Off with her head, saith Dame Noonington, turning back to her mirror, mirror on the wall.

  • With women like Campbell carrying the water, I hardly have to do any oppressing!

    • Blueb4sunrise

      And they do it for less money!!!

  • dcjdjay

    That ugly Republican husband of hers must be trading 2 minutes of cunninlingus for this dreck.

  • RadioSlut

    Soup shit.
    See y'all in a couple of weeks. As always, it's been fun.

    • Extemporanus

      It was a treat to have ya back, brother, if only briefly. Hole up, hang tough, and get healthy — we'll be here with heavily-lubed upfists at the ready, awaiting your triumphant return.

      (Sooo messy!)

  • I see someone is angling for a regular spot on the NYT op-ed page, should David Brooks ever become permanently lost in his vast spaces for entertaining or Thomas Friedman gets swallowed alive by his mustache.

  • Guppy

    Alas, she has reneged on her "NO BULL" promises. No more heroes.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Ummm, Campbell Brown?…Put your dress down…..

  • Redhead

    You guys are just confused, with all this talk of support and donations to PP soaring after the Komen fiasco so how can Brown be right about shrinking supporters.

    To Republicans, brown people count as 3/5 a person, women count as 2/5 a person, and brown women count as 1/5. But fetuses count as two people, and corporations count as 10,000. So for each corporation that drops its support, you need 10,000 men or 25,000 women (if they're all white).

  • BerkeleyBear

    Calling Dold a pro-choice activist is like calling Mitt Romney a stalwart conservative. For those who don't know, this is the slimeball who took over Mark Kirk's largely socially moderate to liberal but fiscally/militarily conservative (lots of wealthy pro-choice and pro-Israel Jews, for one thing) district in 2010. He's got almost no profile at all, his district was nudged more blue in re-districting, so he sided with Democrats on funding Planned Parenthood (not for abortions though, since the Hyde Amendment bars that) when he knew it was a symbolic toss away that would play well with his constituents. Hardly a profile in courage, but it conned our Wonkette overlords briefly, among others. Now he's getting national love as some sort of GOP moderate when he's really just an opportunistic shit bird who caucuses with the GOP 90 plus percent of the time and has no moral compass. Fuck him with a cheese grater.

  • Larry McAwful

    This ran in the New York Times? Really? Doesn't that mean this is a communist liberal Nazi hit piece on Jesus Christ and all the Apostles, or something? Or does the fact that it's the wife of a Romney adviser writing this make it fair and balanced somehow?

  • glamourdammerung

    This makes sense actually.

    Kind of like how President Obama is "divisive" because of the mainstream media spending a great deal of time claiming he is one step worse than Hitler.

  • You never know, one of those babies they 'save' might come up with the jobs solution Republicans so sorely need. One that must still involve outsourcing and not actual hiring, right, Campbell?

  • Wilcoxyz

    Jeebus. The GOP can't even handle maybe some of them not signing Norquist's no tax pledge and this twat waffle wants to talk about bipartisanship. No GOP candidate for the 2012 nomination would endorse a compromise calling for $10 in spending cuts for every $1 of new tax revenue. Yeah. Planned Parenthood clearly doesn't see how reasonable the GOP is — if you're willing to give in to all their demands.

  • An_Outhouse

    I don't have cable so I was picturing a can of tomato soup filled with brown sugar, which made me think of Andy Warhol making out with Mick Jagger.

    Time to drink?

    • NellCote71

      Geez, Outhouse, slow down. Some of us are still at work.

    • PubOption

      Sounds like you have already been smoking something.

  • owhatever

    Campbell is very comfortable being a rich white woman who does not need the services of Planned Parenthood, thank you very much.

  • larrykat

    "Planned Parenthood sees ideological purity as so paramount that it permeates every aspect of its strategic planning.."

    How can she so mind-bendingly twist the situation around to the exact opposite of reality? She makes it sound like those poor open-minded Congressmen are surely trying their darndest to work something out with PP, but the strident harpies at PP just won't blow them properly. Campbell Brown you are an ignorant twat.

  • JackObin

    Campbell Brown? That's bean soup, isn't it?

  • hippie13

    What a well spoken yet lying prostitute

  • hellbabe

    campbell brown isn't getting any smarter

  • Who is this dumb cunt? er, skullfuck? uh, Republican?

  • rocktonsam

    New York Times


    Campbell Brown

    my brain haz a sad

  • keekeetwo

    Must be time to negotiate a new contract and needs a little "I could be on Fox" pressure. Now that I say that I realize she's too dumb to strategize on her own…so somebody got a new agent who can book editorial writers.

  • lulzmonger

    Potential alt-alt-text = "INVISIBLE STOCKHOLM SYNDROME"

  • ttommyunger

    Campbell Brown or Gloria Barger- whose pussy is the absolute hugest?

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