a history of violence

Iowa Congressman Cannot Even Breathe, He Is Laughing So Hard About Doing Violence To Nuns

Now smash them in the temple! HA HA!What is the funniest joke you heard today? Did it have dicks in it? It probably had dicks in it. What is the best joke Iowa congressman Tom Latham has heard lately?

“There’s a bus-ful of nuns headed toward Washington to lobby againt the Ryan Plan. Could you, do you have any power to pull the bus full of nuns over and pistol-whip them?” When he finished hearing the radio-show host telling this great joke, Latham laughed so hard great gobs of emphysema flew from his lungs, that is how hard he laughed! Chortle chortle wheeze wheeze [he died].

That is such a funny joke! Did Adam Carolla tell it to him?

You know what we at Wonkette remember so fondly? When Catholic nuns in Central America were shoved from airplanes to their deaths, and also raped and murdered a bunch. (It was cool though, our ambassador to the UN, Jeane Kirkpatrick, said they weren’t “just nuns” but were also leftists.) That is why it is particularly hilarious when people threaten to do violence to the Brides of Christ for loving poors too much. It’s funny because they’re uppity bitches!

[ThinkProgress]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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172 comments

    1. Antispandex

      Um, maybe not. After all, the Teapublicans DO agree with the nuns on abortion. So, just beating or raping someone when they disagree with you may be OK?

  1. actor212

    Oh, gee, that's nice. It's too bad we have posting rules and such, or I might suggest clever ways we could put a bunch of dicks in the skull of THIS joke of a Congresscritter.

    1. tessiee

      "Breibart's saving a seat for Latham down below."

      And by "saving a seat for Latham", we mean, "saving HIS seat for Latham", and by "down below", we mean, "Breitbart sucks cocks in Hell".

  2. Giveusabob

    In my mind's eye I see Congressman Latham being rapped on the knuckles with a ruler by Mother Superior. Really hard, like reconstructive surgery hard.

    1. rmjagg

      !being rapped on the knuckles , and rapped on the scrotum , reconstructive surgery hard …

  3. freakishlywrong

    So much for "Religious Freedom". It's only freedom if it curtails someone's rights with whom you do not agree.

  4. anniegetyerfun

    We've already established that these Catholic "women" spend too much time trying to help the downtrodden and not enough time trying to prevent the gays from marrying. Pistol-whipping is probably the best they can hope for.

    (for the record, Interrupting Cow is still my favorite joke)

    1. scvirginia

      Would you settle for a mad cow joke?

      Two cows are in the meadow, grazing, when one cow turns to the other & asks, "Do you ever worry about getting Mad Cow?" The other cow replied, "No, why should I worry?- I'm a duck…"

    2. SorosBot

      Now, be fair; the Church isn't just angry that they don't spend enough time to prevent gays from marrying, but also because they're not spending enough time telling other women not to fuck, and forcing them to have babies if they do.

    3. Lascauxcaveman

      Oh, interrupting cow is a classic. I tell that one to every 4-year-old I meet, and love the amazed look in their eyes as they absorb the concept of meta humor.

      1. anniegetyerfun

        The first time I tried to tell it to my husband, he was so fast in responding that I missed my cue and had to have him repeat the process, and then ended up laughing so hard that I ended up drooling. I still don't think he GETS it, and who can blame him?

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          LOL, I was going to add on to my comment that the 4-year-olds invariably screw it up when re-telling it, by not coming in with the "moo" quickly enough. So you're in good company.

    4. Will Stab For Food

      I like the muffins in an oven joke.

      Muffin 1 – Damn, it's hot in here.
      Muffin 2 – Holy crap! A talking muffin!!

    1. weejee

      Hey, that's why I'm blessed to write right handed. I slowly discovered the pain in my left hand went away if I picked-up the crayon with my right.

    1. tessiee

      Anyplace you can't tell jokes is by definition Hell.
      Except that game we used to play as kids, "Chinese School" — and even there, you were allowed to *tell* jokes, you just weren't aloud to *laugh* at them.

  5. Estproph

    Do you know what the best thing about a dead nun is?

    She's dead! HAHAHAHA!

    How do you kill a nun?

    Frequently! HAHAHAHA!

    So a nun walks into a bar SHUT UP ITS A NUN KILL IT! HAHAHAHA!

    These people suck.

  6. OkieDokieDog

    I can't wait for Cardinal Timothy Dolan to renounce this implied violence towards nuns.

    I'm not holding my breath though.

  7. Extemporanus

    What's black and white and red all over?

    [EDIT: That really loses something when read.]

  8. Baconzgood

    12 years of Catholic school has taught me at least 1 thing: Do not fuck with nuns. They are mean as hell.

    1. nounverb911

      My fifth grade public school teacher taught Catechism on the side, she was just as scary.

  9. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Catholic pedophile priest who are against health care: We must defend our religious freedoms!

    Catholic nuns who help the poor like Jesus taught and support healthcare? Must be stopped and beaten.

    Thank you, today's GOP!

  10. SorosBot

    There's a douchebag from Iowa headed towards Washington today to vote for the Ryan plan. Could you, do you have any power to pull the private jet over and kick him hard in the nuts?

    HAHAHHAHHAHAHA!!

  11. prommie

    Couch fort, need couch fort, just ugly, the world is just too fucking mean and nasty and just fucking ugly hateful and I cannot stand it and I do not want to participate! I do not want to engage with this world, this society, and the vast majority of the ignorant pigfuckers all around me. I do not want to do this shit anymore, I do not want to legitimize the criminality by even engaging in the rigged game. Its fucking leonard cohen time:

    Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
    Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
    Everybody knows that the war is over
    Everybody knows the good guys lost
    Everybody knows the fight was fixed
    The poor stay poor, the rich get rich
    That's how it goes
    Everybody knows
    Everybody knows that the boat is leaking
    Everybody knows that the captain lied
    Everybody got this broken feeling
    Like their father or their dog just died

    Everybody talking to their pockets
    Everybody wants a box of chocolates
    And a long stem rose
    Everybody knows

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Nah, this is just how he gets pumped up to go volunteer at the orphanage. He'll be all right.

          1. FakaktaSouth

            I swear, with all that I have, on your miserable pathetic soul, that was exactly what I was going to say, but God and I both know you'd be MUCH more Clash and less Leonard Cohen for that one.

    1. freakishlywrong

      Quick prommie! Out to the desert, off the grid, find Layne and spend a week with him. We'll wait.

      1. prommie

        Thats whats wrong, I have been off the grid, for the last week, and its my first day back to work, to news, to living the life I hate after 8 days out on the ocean alone. God I hate it, the lie I live pretending to believe in this fucking empty mortgage-paying, wage-slaving constantly running after illusionary goals slow-death of a life.

        1. MittBorg

          Get out of it, then. Srsly. Figure out how you can live without it all, sell whatever you need to, pare wherever you can, and get the FUCK OUT. While you can still enjoy your life. Reading an article about a palliative care nurse, and she said the single most oft-voiced complaint of the dying was "I wish I hadn't worked so hard." Paraphrased, doubtless inadequately, but as someone who spent way too much time working, it ain't worth it.

          1. MittBorg

            Good on ya. When it comes down to it, you really don't *need* most of the stuff in your life. Get out while you can, and be happy, dude. That's more important than any ego contests or trophies or munniez.

          2. Butch_Wagstaff

            I wish I could get 5-year period back when I was working my ass off to pay for shit I didn't need and trying to keep myself in a certain social circle that I felt like I needed to be a part of (I was *young*). What did I really get for it? A near breakdown.
            I sold all the shit. I sold all the clothes. Quit the job (this was long before the 2008 crash). Got a smaller apartment. Got a job at a non-profit whose mission I believed in. The pay wasn't good but I no longer dreaded having to show up feeling like I needed to put in almost 60 hrs. a week. I downsized everything in my life & haven't regretted it since.

          3. MittBorg

            Good on ya. I once worked for a company that wrote financial software and considered you a "slacker" if you didn't come in one weekend out of every two after working all day Monday to Friday from nine till nearly midnight, most days. Telling them to stick that job where the sun don't shine was one of my happier moments.

          4. Boojum

            Ha! I work for myself and STILL worked all weekend and yesterday got up at 3:00 am and today got up at 2 am and just now stopped working tonight.

            But I like what I do, so there's that. But less would be good.

          5. MittBorg

            When I loved doing what I was doing, I thought nothing of showing up to work in the early am and pulling all-nighters one after another. Once I fell out of love, though, all the money in the world was a poor substitute. Kudos on having found something you like with such a passion.

          6. radio-of-owls

            But I like what I do, so there's that. But less would be good.

            And that makes all the difference, amigo, all the difference in the world. This afternoon I spent nearly three hours talking to an undergrad of mine about where her life is/should be/could be heading. The advice really boiled down to two words: seek happiness.

          7. Limeylizzie

            So, when are you and I going to run away together in search of this supposed "happiness"?

    2. Goonemeritus

      Yeah for Lenard Cohen and boo for giving up. Try to remember the arc of history is toward more social justice and less acceptance of violence in all forms. Just try to remember that history will judge these “pigfuckers” were—- well “pigfuckers”

    3. ProgressiveInga

      "Dear God, make me a bird. So I could fly far. Far far away from here"……

      I have 'Jenny from Forrest Gump' moments, too, Prommie. That's why buddha invented the wonketteers.♡

    4. LagunaB

      It sounds like your body is using up every molecule of serotonin that is produced. Serotonin gives you a mental cushion so that you don't crash onto concrete when bad things occur. Ask your doctor about selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors (SSRI). Otherwise know as anti-depressants. It helps you to learn how to deal with events. You can get up in the morning without it being so difficult.

        1. faster_kittycat

          Many hugs to you, prommie. And a suggestion for an SNRI such as Effexor or Cymbalta if the SSRI isn't quite doing it. (Just don't skip a dose, as the withdrawal side effects are pretty funky.) It helped tons when I switched to Effexor from an SSRI — like someone opened the curtains.

          1. prommie

            But hell, I ain't depressed, its that the world really is just a big pile of evil shit and my life has no meaning or purpose, cosmically speaking. Like, whats pathological about those truths?

          2. Boojum

            True. Recognizing the world sucks (when it does) and having a sad is not pathological. But who says pathology is a precondition to taking drugs?

    5. tessiee

      Everybody had a hard year,
      Everybody had a good time,
      Everybody pulled their socks up,
      Everybody saw the sunshine,
      Oh yeah.

  12. Crank_Tango

    Well of course they deserve to be pistol-whipped, because they are women. If they were rapey priests, then that's OK because the catholic church, something something santorum, sweater vest.

  13. Not_So_Much

    I thought it was only funny if you immolated them as well? Iowa is really behind the times for douche-on-nun violence.

  14. mavenmaven

    Oh, pistol whipping liberal nuns, that's funny, just don't say anything about Tr**g

  15. BaldarTFlagass

    "What is the funniest joke you heard today? Did it have dicks in it? It probably had dicks in it. "

    Well, this story sure has a couple dicks in it.

  16. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Why don't these bitches STFU and just molest kids like their male colleagues?

  17. Maman

    Every once in a while I try to imagine what these assholes would do to Jesus if he returned to earth. What's the modern version of crucifixion?

    1. SorosBot

      Don't be so cynical; I mean just look at how well the assholes treated the likes of Martin Luther King, Medgar Evers, Gandhi, and John Lennon.

          1. MittBorg

            Indeed. The kicking, I don't mind so much. It's the yawping I really resent. I wish he'd just shut his fucking piehole and leave the rest of us forget that he's still breathing.

        1. Butch_Wagstaff

          They had it comin' with all that talk about how maybe people should be nicer to each other.

          1. MittBorg

            Thanks. I needed that dose of perspective. Those dumbass motherfuckin' Republicans would flay 'em alive by inches if they could get their hands on any of these fine people today. I hate that they are so hateful that they derail me from the life of peace and calm and positive energy that I strive so hard to maintain.

          2. Butch_Wagstaff

            It's always been such a dangerous idea, hasn't it? You keep yappin' on about it and there are any number of things that can happen to ya:
            Get burned alive.
            Nailed to a coupla pieces of wood.
            Shot.
            Locked up in prison.

            The best you can hope for is ridicule and/or being forced out of the country/village/church.
            Why, you'd start to think that some people really have a problem with the idea of being a decent human being.

    2. AbandonHope

      Why go modern? These idiots want to live in the Dark Ages, let them be crucified appropriately.

    3. tessiee

      "What's the modern version of crucifixion?"

      All the jewelry stores could sell gold chains with, instead of crosses, tiny electric chair pendants.

  18. SayItWithWookies

    Liberation theology was about the only redeeming feature of the Catholic Church, and the last two popes have attempted to ruthlessly eliminate it. With the help of the Republican party and American yokel misogyny, they might just succeed.

  19. FakaktaSouth

    Hey now, it is not about what you believe, it is about saying you believe a thing to get other horrible things done – once these bitches start trying to actually make people behave in a Christ like manner, well, beat the shit out of them.

    Beating people over the head with your Bible is a real thing, you know.

    1. BelleSC

      I swear to you this is true:

      I ran into a woman I used to work with. We were at jury duty so we were spending a LOT of time waiting to be selected and talking among ourselves.

      She told me that she was saving her money to buy an iPad. She said that her pastor in her church uses one. She was so impressed that he could instantly refer to whatever scriptural passage he wished to.

      She went on to say however it just would not have the same effect as thwacking someone on the head with a Bible while saying, "Jesus."

      I wish you could have been there.

  20. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    High time to again invoke Bill Hicks:

    "Pro-lifers murdering doctors. Pro-lifers murdering people."

  21. Dumbedup

    Pistol Whipping Nuns? Kinda funny, granted. Hey, you know what would be really funny? If Ann Romneys dancing horse dumps her and breaks her neck!! Or if Dana Loesch is gang raped by some escaped mexican criminals! What a hoot!

    1. rmjagg

      or if pam gellar had open season declared on her re anything concerning human waste …

  22. Come here a minute

    What's the best thing about pistol whipping 24 nuns? Fucking the four year old bus driver!

  23. Goonemeritus

    Is it any wonder that fewer and fewer young women chose this life. I know if I were a woman a holy order would be way preferable to shoving babies out of my naughty parts.

    1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Thankfully now we have option three, not do either. Until the wingnutz get their way and fuck it all up again.

  24. ProgressiveInga

    "They're the ones that threw the first punch"
    Yeah, those badass honey-badger nuns pack a vicious left hook, you illiterate bastard.

  25. Allmighty_Manos

    I eagerly await a statement from the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops and the Catholic League denouncing Rep. Laham for anti-Catholic bigotry…..

    Hello is anybody there?

    1. CrankyLttlCamperette

      The Catholic League, who finds anti-Catholic bigorty in everything is being very quiet…hmmm…I wonder why…

  26. Chichikovovich

    (It was cool though, our ambassador to the UN, Jeane Kirkpatrick, said they weren’t “just nuns” but were also leftists.)

    Ah, yes, Jeane Kirkpatrick. More fanatical even than Reagan on the subject of killing Latin Americans who opposed blood-soaked military dictatorships. I once read a description she wrote of the manly Argentine junta, all resplendent in their uniforms, which was as charged with erotic tension for power as a pulp tale of vampire seduction. So sad for Ms. Ambassador that her lust objects crossed swords with Reagan's dominatrix Margaret Thatcher over the Falklands/Malvinas: Kirkpatrick argued for supporting the generals, but there was no doubt who had Ronnie in her thrall.

    [And on the subject, credit to Thatcher. Despite her many vices, her stubborn refusal to back down led directly to the downfall of that conspiracy of monsters.]

    [Pedantic correction - the nuns were thrown from planes in South, not Central America]

    [Edit: Oh, and I forgot to add: During the period that the Junta was "disappearing" thousands of people, torturing them and throwing them from planes, taking the babies from pregnant women and giving them to childless army couples for adoption while killing the mothers, torturing and then killing a Swedish visiting student who had been arrested by mistake, etc. , the Catholic Church was actively supporting the Junta, occasionally to the point of active collaboration.
    http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/17/world/americas/...
    http://articles.latimes.com/1995-07-04/news/mn-20...
    http://www.opendemocracy.net/democracy-protest/ca... ]

    1. Chichikovovich

      Edit II: I should add that I'm talking about the Church as an institution, and the top players in the Argentine Church hierarchy. Many individual priests and nuns behaved with great courage in opposition, and some were killed as a result, as with the two French nuns referred to in Rebecca's post.

  27. MissTaken

    “There’s a bus-ful of nuns headed toward Washington to lobby againt the Ryan Plan. Could you, do you have any power to pull the bus full of nuns over and pistol-whip them?”

    Haha! That's knee-slappin' funny right there! Nothing says *funny* like beating the crap of womenz! Ha!

    1. bikerlaureate

      If they'd just shut up and behave when men told 'em to, the jokesters could get back to makin' funnies about the ghez or the blahs.

  28. Larry McAwful

    If there's a War on Poverty, you gotta take sides. Obviously since these nuns were on the side that Rep. Latham is at war with, he's got to take joy at the thought of hurting them. It will help him win one for the poverty side!

  29. owhatever

    Slightly OT: If traditional marriage is between one man and one woman, how come Christ has so many brides and nobody complains? Also, if I'm God and somebody tries to pistol-whip my girls, I'll be angry, and he wouldn't want to see me angry.

  30. Antispandex

    "…our ambassador to the UN, Jeane Kirkpatrick, said they weren’t “just nuns” but were also leftists.) …"

    Well…OK then.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      It makes it OK, don't you see?

      Fuck, I seriously hate people who opine about the Reagan years. I was too young to be aware of what was going on at the time, but the more I read about it (as we did not read about it in high school because, you know, learnin'), the more repulsed I am by how our country has behaved for so many decades.

  31. BaldarTFlagass

    Lemme guess what's next—if the pistol whipping doesn't convince them, then you jam the barrel of the pistol up the nun's cooch and fire away? Is that how they taught it down there at the School of the Americas at Fort Benning?

  32. qwerty42

    I'm sure these comments go over well in the right-wing kook areas this guy hangs out in. I have a hard time believing most Iowans will care for it though.

  33. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Shorter version of this joke: pistol whipping womenz!
    HA HA HA HA HA HA!
    Chortle chortle wheeze wheeze [he died].

  34. James Michael Curley

    Always wanted Diana Rigg to combine her Emma Peel with The House of Brede and become'The Avenging Nun!" Would have shut this loud mouth up Bnedictine style.

  35. Estproph

    The article continues: "Latham is currently submitting a bill before the House to make it mandatory that all citizens daily beat a puppy to death."

  36. pdiddycornchips

    My favorite joke:

    What's the only meat a priest can eat on Friday's?

    answer: nun

  37. barto

    God, if I hear one more pistol whipping nuns joke I'm gonna pistol whip a nun. Christ, now I'm doing it…

  38. Sassomatic

    How dare those nuns lobby our congress?! Lobbying is for weasley bankers and oil companies.

  39. crybabyboehner

    This guy's no dummy, he read "A Flag for Sunrise" and he knows nuns are commies.

  40. a_pink_poodle

    You liberals are so offended by such trivial things. Germany and Japan shot nuns all the time during WW2 and they didn't get offended!

  41. kingofmeh

    who wants to bet that the fulminating accusations of anti-catholicism arising when people complain about the catholic church hiding priests who molest childre or condemning gay marriage bills and nondiscrimination laws and reproductive freedom bills, somehow fail to appear when this guy jokes about pistol-whipping nuns?

  42. tessiee

    Not only was the "joke", such as it was, loathsome; but if the man had a brain in his head, he would have riffed on "Blazing Saddles":
    "Somebody go back and get a shitload of rulers!"

  43. Negropolis

    You know, I totally thought when they were talking about a bus full of nuns, they were going to go the direction of forcing them off the road. But, no, no, their twisted minds went right to the most violent thing they could think of that actually happens. Isn't it scary how directly the dude's mind went to pistol-whipping? You know, as if he'd done it before…?

  44. faster_kittycat

    Words fail. Nuns are among the most vulnerable of women, when you think about it. No property, no money. Everything they have is from charity. Fuck him.

  45. ttommyunger

    This disgusting report alone confirms everything I've been saying about what passes for "humor" among Rightards.

Comments are closed.