They all look alike.Egypt democratically elected her first president yesterday, Mohamed Morsi, a former member of the Muslim Brotherhood’s Guidance Office and president of their Freedom and Justice Party. We say former because as soon as his election was announced, as he promised, he resigned from both of these positions in order to convince secularists and Christians that he will serve ALL of Egypt, not just his MB pals. Egyptians still wait for him to ban all alcohol, close all the bars and make all the women wear veils. Nervous jokes on Twitter included some guy’s hash dealer telling him to stock up on smoke since that may be all he can get for a while.

So, while there is some legitimate apprehension in Egypt right now about Morsi, some think that it will be easier to get rid of an Islamic president (ruled by the military who hates him), than it would be to get rid of the other candidate from the old regime, Hosni Mubarak’s last Prime Minister, Ahmed Shafiq (ruled by the military who loves him). Because, you see, it’s actually the military that runs Egypt right now, so the president, no matter who he is, has limited power.

But in America, some people’s kids don’t pay attention to these pesky details and instead, the Islamic fear mongering has begun. Leave it to Fox News to post an article just after the election to terrorize all their immensely intelligent followers with a video supposedly showing Morsi. The problem with this video is, well, it wasn’t Mohamed Morsi shouting at scary crowds of soon-to-be terrorists who will run from the speech and immediately invade Israel and America. It was a fiery preacher named Safwat al-Hegazy, giving a let’s-steal-back-Jerusalem speech in support of Morsi a few weeks ago, from whom Morsi later distanced himself, saying, “Jerusalem is in our hearts and vision. But Cairo is Egypt’s capital.” (We think he may have wanted to do a little more distancing than that, but what do we know about “banish the sleep from the eyes of all Jews” and “you are all Hamas!”?)

Quirky clerics. We’re probably just lucky Fox didn’t put a (D) after his name!

Anyhoo, the video begins with bold yellow introductory text on a foreboding black background declaring, boldly,

“ introduces Egypt’s newly elected president, as declared by the Muslim Brotherhood, Mohamed Morsi, Israel’s new neighbor.”

As the text fades before the terrifying images begin, the sounds of shouted Arabic and cheering jihadists thunder out of your poor computer’s speakers like the jack-booted speechifying of an all-too-familiar former German chancellor (he who shant be named but everyone who’s anybody already knows it’s Voldemort. Duh.).

And who supplied this video? Why, Breitbart’s ghost, of course (the Fox news article has a link under it, “See the video at” but the page is strangely missing now), in collusion with David Nesenoff of You might remember David as the guy who helped Helen Thomas leave her job, appears on Fox News and CNN’s “Reliable Sources” (?) and according to his Wikipedia profile, “is uncertain whether he will continue to be a liberal and a Democrat.” (?) To be fair, he also did some nice anti-hate things, which was nice of him.

The problem? There’s no freaking problem. Just that Fox’s article has been shared on Facebook 14,000 times. Here, I know you’re anxious to watch this so you can share it too. Enjoy.

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  • banana_bread

    Silly Wonkette, Muslims are like Legos. They're interchangeable and hurt when you step on them barefoot.

    • And in a pinch can be used as checkers.

      • scvirginia

        Which would be a nice change from being used as pawns…

    • AbandonHope

      And you can never seem to find that exact Muslim you need, no matter how deep in the giant bin you dig.

      Okay, I'm not sure this analogy is working any more.

  • Barb

    I wonder if this has been put on the Reagan Coalition website yet? I was reading their site last night and a post about Obama being a "draft dodger" was shared thousands of times on Facebook.

    I am the same age as Obama and people I went to high school with shared the news that Obama was a draft dodger. Not one of them got drafted, nor dodged the draft. Gosh, I wonder why.

    • James Michael Curley

      Because there was no draft? Thinking for Reaganites is hard.

      • Barb

        Bingo! James, we have a winner, thanks!

        • And I'm sure some percentage of them voted for Bill Clinton, who was a draft dodger.

          • Doktor Zoom

            So, based on the 3 minutes of googling I did before badly-formatted websites gave me seizures, I guess the claim is that Obama's Selective Service registration form, like every other document about the Mysterious Enigma in the White House, is forged. You know, the little card people have to sign in order to be in pro forma compliance with what little draft law we actually do have. I didn't have the stomach to pursue the paranoid ranting further. (Typical illustration: photo of Obama with "Who IS this man???" in red Comic Sans…)

            EDIT: Oh, what the hell; here's a semi-coherent example:

    • coolhandnuke

      Because Kenya did not have the draft until 1982.

      • Barb

        Good luck drafting a Kenyan. Have you ever seen those suckers run?

        • coolhandnuke

          It's the high altitude training. At sea-level they're easy to snare.

        • Boojum

          That's why you draft them, to cut down the wind resistance.

          • Negropolis


    • Well, it was hard drafting third graders, in fairness to Obama.

      The last lottery pulled my birthday #1. At first, I was terrified. Then a milisecond later, I remembered I was only seventeen. Obama is seven years younger than I.

      • thatsitfortheother1

        You must be 58?

        • Ah, crap, he's only four years younger than me. Wishful thinking on my part.

          • thatsitfortheother1

            I missed the draft by two years I think. That's how I spell relief.

          • scvirginia

            The maths, they are hard. And I'm sure you can find an Obama BC that will prove he is 7 years younger…

      • In the first lottery in 1969 my birthday came up 336, no way that I was going. Downside, I was a year back from Vietnam.

    • SorosBot

      Facepalm. Gah, how can people be this stupid. No one remembers that the Baby Boomers – you know, people who are now elderly – were the last group to face the draft?

      • MoeDeLawn

        I remember it every day. Drafted; served (i.e., got high) with incoming all-volunteer Army. Bad in soooo many ways…

      • Gah! I'm elderly! (Lisa looks in the mirror and says, Nah.)

        • I seen your picture. You ain't elderly. Hell , you ain't even "of a certain age". You've aged like a fine Wines.

          • Give me your paypal account and I'll send you munny for that fine compliment. :-)

        • not that Radio

          According to the "half your age plus 7" rule, you could be as old as 72 and we'd still be fine.

          • Phew! And I had to look that up so I get to learn my 435th new thing for the day, thank you very much!

      • We're not all elderly, goddamnit! Boomer goes up to 1960 or 1964, depending on whose definition you go with, and those of us born in those years are not quite ready to be shot behind the barn, thank you.

    • Chichikovovich

      I thought you had to be a US citizen to be drafted.

      • not that Radio

        He lied about his age to avoid being drafted into the Mau Mau rebellion.

    • arihaya

      As opposed to Mittens who bravely fought the Viet Cong in French countryside

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Mohamed Morsi (D)

    • anniegetyerfun

      Mohamed HUSSEIN Morbama

  • chascates

    We didn't have to worry about these sand people back when it was OK to bash coloredz and gayz. More than we do now, I meant.

  • James Michael Curley

    There actually was a Muslim guy in my High School Guidance Office. That was over forty years ago so all any body ever thought was WT? (We couldn't speak in the halls.)

  • Oblios_Cap

    Nervous jokes on Twitter included some guy’s hash dealer telling him to stock up on smoke since that may be all he can get for a while.

    Buy, buy!

    He's got a better financial advisor than I do!

    • Crank_Tango

      Sure beats gold!

  • ChernobylSoup

    Image the fallout had Fox accidentally used a video of Yusuf Islam instead.

    Dodged a bullet, I'd say.

    • "Peace Train," or GTFO

    • "Cats In the Cradle" is the signal for the Clash of Sivilizashuns.

      • Chapin was a Jooooooooooooooooo?

        • Ugh, I though Cat sang it as well. Not my day

          • It's an easy mistake to make. I get Stevens and Croce confused all the time.

    • SorosBot

      The last thing Fox wants is people getting on the Peace Train.

    • Doktor Zoom

      "I'm being followed by a big Muslim
      Big Muslim, big Muslim…"

  • Leave it to Fox News to post an article just after the election to terrorize all their immensely intelligent followers with a video supposedly showing Morsi.

    All none of them?

    • scvirginia

      No harm, no foul. Can't insult their intelligence if they don't have any.

  • The fucktards that follow Fox News still can't tell the difference between "Obama" and "Osama." Maybe Juan Williams can tell them which muslin is the scary one…

    • Doktor Zoom

      All of them, Katie.

  • mavenmaven

    I expect to see more Sikhs beat up in the USA again over this.

    • I went to upfist your comment and then got a sad and didn't do it. Too true.

    • scvirginia

      Yes, they're starting with Nikki Haley:

  • Fellow Libtards: The enemies of our oil companies are not necessarily our friends.

  • cheetojeebus

    If viewers wish to know the trouble with Fox news they have it in three words–Too Much Idiots.

  • Two things to always remember:

    1. If it's Fox, it's faux.
    2. See #1.

  • Beard… check
    Brown skin… check
    Talks in squiggle jibber jabber… check
    Subtitles for those Faux views who can actually read… check

    What's the problem liebruls? They all look a like to the typical yahoo dingus Faux viewer anyway.

  • SorosBot

    It's almost as if Fox thinks their viewers are idiots who will happily eat whatever bullshit is shoveled at them.

    • Thus Amercia's obesity problem is explained. I blame Fox.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      It's almost as if they're being played, or something.

  • prommie

    Hell, you can't blame them, muslims are even harder to tell apart than democrats and republicans, and whenever a republican gets arrested for wide-stancing, child-raping, wife-beating, or just plain old corruption, they always get that wrong and call him a democrat.

  • this audience is really going to dislike Muslims now

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Must be a slow news day. Obama, that other Muslin, hasn't done anything to pounce on this morning.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Tiny little distinctions like "whether something is a fact" do not matter. SOMEONE said all that stuff, after all, and they were Egyptian, so does it really matter whether Morsi is the one who said it?

  • Baconzgood

    To be fair, in FAUX NOOSE land all browinsh people look the same.

  • Difficult to tell sometimes if Fox is being stupid, lazy or evil although the result is always the same: Muslims ares scary, Obama is scary, praise Jesus and hang on to your guns.

    • scvirginia

      All of them, Katie!

    • "Stupid, lazy and evil is no way to fill a programming schedule, Roger."
      (16 years later)
      "I stand corrected."

  • Sassomatic

    That guy Morsi is a crushing bore.

    • Yep. His speeches are a big snore, compared to the guy they say is him.

  • thatsitfortheother1

    I've got a Muslin shirt that I'm now afraid to wear.

  • ElPinche

    Muslins, blacks, messicans, democrats, liberals, poor people, wimmins…same thing. But I hear they might split up NewsCorpse! Don't get your hopes up though . It's not weakening, it's multiplying like a virus.

  • prommie

    My new throwback first-wave punk band shall be called "The Second Amendment Solution."

    • scvirginia

      I'm calling mine "Phlegm Fatale".

      • prommie

        My name shall be "Crusty Gymsock."

  • Oblios_Cap

    What's Kinky Freidman's take on all this?

  • So, the only thing holding back Egypt from full-scale retreat into the Dark Ages is the military? I guess their system works better than ours.

  • Morsi went on to say, "The moral arc of the Caliphate is long, but it bends toward FGM. Hold on, there's nothing to worry about in the near term!!"

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Fox could have run an old video of Ayatollah Khomeini, claiming he was the new president of Egypt and not one Fox viewer would have noticed the difference

  • gogogodzilla

    Derka derka, Mohammed Jihad. Haka sherpa-sherpa.

  • Redhead

    Well Faux News can't keep those pesky countries in that silly far away area straight, why should they keep the brown people who live there straight?

  • An_Outhouse

    Is Faux not aware that Egyptian Muslin is 400 thread count.

  • Is this the "Morsi" with that song, "Mubarak In A Coma"?

    • Gleem McShineys

      Tried living in the real world
      Instead of a shell
      But before I began …
      I was Moor before I even began

      Muslifters of the world
      Unite and take over

  • AlaskaGrrl

    The guy's hash dealer sounds like he took a page from the NRA; "Stock up now 'cuz you know he's out to take away your high/guns…"

  • owhatever

    Yea, Democracy! Hold it. The wrong guys won. Again. Military coup begins in 5-4…

  • ttommyunger

    Morsi's biggest problem is going to be maintaining body heat above room temperature. The Ruling Military Council is not to be fucked with; way too much money involved, much of it from "US", as in US Taxpayers.

    • Negropolis

      No shit. We practically run the Supreme Council or whatever the fuck its called. We worship "stability" above all else until it becomes to untenable to do so.

      • ttommyunger

        Why doesn't Joe Fucktard ever wake up to this. It goes on decade after decade with our tax dollars and young men eaten up in the process in unthinkable numbers and yet when “they” decide to start beating the drums, the sheeple line up and get in step.

  • Negropolis

    I love how the American media totally doesn't know or care about the name of the party he ran with. It's always "Islamist" this and "Muslim Brotherhood" that. No one ever talks about the Christianist parties in Europe with the damned word right in the name of the party. That's not to say I'd vote for anything having to do with a political party so religious as the Freedom and Justice Party, but the double standard is sickening.

    BTW, can we start calling Pat Roberston and Rick Warren "clerics", because that's what they are.

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