Garbage Connoisseur Andrew Malcolm Can See All Obama’s Failures In This 30-Second Video

  foot gaffes

Oh look, President Barack Hussein NOBAMA was trying to jog up onto the stage like some kind of stud, and he tripped! Obviously, it is time to impeach! Just ask the former lead political blogger for the Los Angeles Times (and former Laura Bush press secretary) Andrew Malcolm, describing the scene in his most excellent commentary, “Obama falls on Florida stage; Bush’s fault, no doubt!”

Obama began his familiar jaunty jog up the stage steps, when, suddenly…Oops! Bam! He disappeared. Democrat down. (See video above)

Obama stopped the very public fall — Forward — with his hands, inches from a painful face-plant.

Then, he bounced back up, smiling. ‘Hey, I meant to do that.’ No, just kidding. He didn’t really say that. At the podium, Obama tried to make a joke about his graceless entrance, saying he was in such a hurry to see his fans.

 
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But Andrew Malcolm, is Barack Obama’s momentary foot-gaffe evidence of his lack of care and know-how on the economy, immigration, and his tacky political fundraising? Sure, why not!

Perhaps most galling of all to the all-time greatest presidential fundraiser in American history, Obama was out-raised by this Mitt Romney fellow in May, the Republican’s very first month at it nationally. Not just out-raised, but out-raised by 25% — $77 million to $62 million.

Naturally, having been at it for 15 months, Obama’s money pile is larger than Romney’s. But with its campaign staff of 700 or so, the top-heavy Obama campaign is spending way more each month than it takes in, just like the federal government that Obama’s been running for the last 1,250 days.

Perhaps that dollar desperation helps explain the increasingly tacky bids for donations by his people. Thursday they distributed a message to millions from Michelle Obama, saying Americans should quickly give money to her gallant husband because he once shoveled her car out of the Chicago snow.

Oh how we miss Andrew Malcolm brightening the pages of our Los Angeles TImes with his constant sneering (unless you are a Palin!) and piles of garbage spun into conservative gold. Sorry, Andrew Malcolm, but without a reference to Moochelle Antoinette’s fat ass, you do not win the coveted Conservative Shitpile Award. Better luck next time! [IBD]

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About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

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104 comments

  1. Chow Yun Flat

    Americans should quickly give money to her gallant husband because he once shoveled her car out of the Chicago snow.

    I would be really impressed if he had claimed the newly shoveled spot with a couple of broken kitchen chairs. That's the way we roll in Chicago.

  2. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Until the blowhards at Fucks Gnus have had at it, we won't know all the evil implications.

  3. FakaktaSouth

    Yeah, PresO tripping over his big old feet is WAY worse than Gee-W walking off stage and up to a door that he had no idea how to open and then standing there like the fucking idiot he is, with that needs me to punch it face. These guys really are just so much smarter than I'll ever be.

    1. thatsitfortheother1

      "standing there like the fucking idiot he is, with that needs me to punch it face"

      Beautiful.

      Your prose isn't bad either.

    2. prommie

      Oh, and its even worse than the supreme fucking court going to overturn health care cause a democrat done it. Hey you!

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Hola, mon ami. (tri-lingual)

        I've spent way too much time blissfully unaware over the last few weeks. I hear tell this health care thing has everyone on the edge of their seats…me? I'm kind of in the fetal position over the stupid of it all.

        1. prommie

          Wanna make a fort with me out of the couch cushions and just try and hide together from the shitcrazy ugliness of it all? Cause thats the way I am leaning, right now, as far as life-plan: couch-cushion fort-hiding. Lese le fort-hiding roulez. I am only semilingual.

          1. FakaktaSouth

            I already have my face buried in the cushions, butt up at the world. I am ready. This is an alcohol friendly couch fort, yes? Even if I'm running away from mass destruction, I am a necessary provisions kind of hider.

            semi-lingual aphasia is a real thing you know.

    3. prommie

      Now you know that the fuckwit's greatest moment was going up behind Andrea Merkle and trying to give her a classic sexually-harrass the receptionist backrub and having her come truly close to throat-punching the fucker.

      1. thatsitfortheother1

        Angela. And I think she could have taken him down if not for the Secret Service guys.

      2. tessiee

        Have you seen actual pictures or videos of that incident? It's downright creepy.
        You'd think Dumb-ass would have that pleased with himself smirk plastered all over his stupid puss, but he doesn't.
        He's got this blank, vacant expression like he truly doesn't know where he is or what he's doing (which he probably didn't a lot of the time, but anyway).
        Seriously, creeped me right the fuck out.

  4. SorosBot

    Wait, Obama's trying to raise money for his reelection campaign? My god, he truly is history's greatest monster!

    Seriously, the way wingnuts try to describe the most normal, routine things Obama does as if they're somehow scandalous is just bizarre.

    1. SexySmurf

      I saw Obama breathing pretty deeply the day. Why does he need to hog all that oxygen for?

  5. freakishlywrong

    Ugly, bitter, hateful fuckers. Four more years of this and the poison they marinate in will hopefully dissolve them.

  6. not that Radio

    Obama's fundraising is clear evidence of his imperial, tyrranical ambitions. But Mitt Romney's fundraising? SUCK IT, NOBAMA

  7. SorosBot

    "is spending way more each month than it takes in, just like the federal government that Obama’s been running for the last 1,250 days."

    Somehow Malcolm missed several thousand more days before that when the Clinton surplus was pissed away for the Bush tax cuts and wars.

    1. MilwaukeeKent

      Facts don't matter, Silly! Yeah, I didn't get that memo either, but it's the entire MO of the Right these days. Facts didn't matter for Wiley E. Coyote either, every time he ran off a cliff. As long as he didn't look down (on the other hand, two minutes later he was good as new, so maybe they're on to something).

  8. prommie

    Aww hell now, wonketters, all this chitter chatter chitter chatter over these little sniping stories and dump fires.

    Just wait now, till the Supreme Assholes overturn Obamacare in a couple of hours, then we will be having some fun. Rebecca, who's gonna write up that one? You got a draft already, just waiting for the news?

    I just hate this, knowing that its gonna suck, just knowing that the disaster train is on the track and on schedule and its just about to come around and fucking destroy and wreak havoc and otherwise chafe my ass, and there is nothing anyone can do about it and its just gonna happen, and it sucks. Fuck, fucking fuckety fuck fuck, thats about where I am. Back to work, back to this fucking sellout fake-ass life I live pretending its got any fucking thing at all to do with who I am, back to this reality of what this country is and where its headed, fuck all this is too much reality hitting me all at once.

    1. freakishlywrong

      What's going to suck worse is the crowing. That and the endless "analyzing" about how this is terrible for Obama and the Democrat party. Never mind that it's more terrible for the American people.

    2. thatsitfortheother1

      My biggest surprise is that they didn't find a way to delay this ruling until a lot closer to the election.

        1. thatsitfortheother1

          It'll be old news by July. Would have been more of a gut punch in October.

        1. FakaktaSouth

          Oh cool, like that Replacements song The Ledge. I like a good jumper song. I will stand at the bottom of what ever building and be your soundtrack girl, boombox over the head, natch.

          1. FakaktaSouth

            Well, usually as a spectator only. I enjoy a good ass-kick viewing. I have to protect my face, always, but I CAN kick the shit out of stuff when necessary – with a quickness.

          2. prommie

            For the first time in my life I'm sure. And "A Little Bit of Everything" is a great new jumper song.

          3. scvirginia

            Kewl! I think Stoned Drunk & Naked will prolly keep you away from the ledges for a while yet.

        2. Biel_ze_Bubba

          "one leg over the fucking rail"

          SPOILER ALERT!

          When the moment arrives, be sure to heave a wingnut's corpse over the edge, to fool 'em.

          1. tessiee

            Or an actual, living wingnut, because what the hell, why not take one of them with you?

    3. MilwaukeeKent

      Well, they just told Montana to hand its state government over to the copper companies, overturning a mere hundred years of "experiment" in campaign contributions.

      1. prommie

        The founding Jesus' original intent was that corporations are people and money is speech. Amen.

    4. fuflans

      i'm refreshing npr non stop and after is happens i will be not listening to any media all week.

      but yeah, it's the wonkette's that will be our saving grace in these terrible times.

  9. CivicHoliday

    Romney once ordered a Mexican to shovel all the snow outside the barn so his wife could go for a ride. That's way more impressive.

  10. freakishlywrong

    The Panderbot only WISHES he had that kind of enthusiasm. His appearances look like hostage tape.

  11. Dr. Nick Riviera

    So is he suggesting Romney will handle our economy like he handles his fundraising? By relying on a few billionaires to cut some checks? His tax plan suggests otherwise..

  12. BaldarTFlagass

    He needs to be a little more careful when he reels in his "monster" so he don't be trippin' on it an' shit.

  13. chascates

    HuffPo:
    Court Strikes Down Campaign Finance Reform… Rejects 'Life Without Parole' For Juveniles… No Health Care Ruling Today… Arizona Immigration Law Mostly Upheld…

      1. Goonemeritus

        Hey I was young and I figured he was a deeply decent guy. My favorite story about him was when the Nixon ”Enemy List” was described to him he comment that anyone who couldn’t remember who his enemies were had too many enemies.

      2. tessiee

        Slightly OT but also somewhat awesome.

        My grandparents, being old Italians, had lots of friends who were also old Italians, and of course, they were always over each other's house for coffee-and.
        One of their friends had the following conversation [and you have to imagine his words spoken in a gravelly old man voice and thick Italian accent]:
        Friend: I dun like Geraldo Ford.
        Grandma: And why you dun like?
        Friend: I no like Ford because he listen to Nix.
        Grandpa: But Nunzio, that was the deal. That was why Nixon picked Ford.
        Friend. I know. I dun CARE! Ford was stunod! [tr: stupid]
        Grandpa: Well, so what do you want him to do?
        Friend: He shoulda say, "OK, Nix, we make deal". Then, when Nix wants to get podden, Ford shoulda say, "I'm-a the boss now, Nix. You go to 'ell!"

  14. chascates

    From SCOTUS blog:
    Justice Scalia began his dissent by saying that he would uphold all parts of the Arizona law.

    Justice Scalia is not only dissenting from the bench, but he has produced a written copy of the bench statement for the press. It is 7 pages long.

    The upshot of the SB1070 ruling is that, for now, Arizona can apply the "check your papers" provision. And the Court's opinion is a guide to the State on how to apply that provision without being invalidated.

  15. Ms_Anthrope

    Rmoney in FL:"The stairs are the right height" Of course the sensors in his feet are programmed to prevent him making this kind of horrible gaffe.

  16. b[redact]opple

    Has this fucker ever lived in Chicago? Digging out a car can take about a day and a half for a normal person.

  17. chascates

    From SCOTUS blog:On net, the #SB1070 decision is a significant win for the Obama Administration. It got almost everything it wanted.
    As part of Scalia's statement in dissent, he is commenting on the president's announcement about suspending deportation of illegal immigrants who came to the U.S. as children — something that was not part of the case.

    Fuckwad.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        Scalia should stick to his goddamn principles and retroactively deport his ancestors back to Italy then.

  18. lisawines

    Of course, the amount of money a candidate raises correlates exactly with the size of the candidate's dick (I almost said "his" dick but Malcolm doesn't have one). Or that's what I read into Malcolm's … post? … on investors.com? I guess he had to figure out how to relate tripping with investing… in a candidate? Oh, I dunno.

  19. glamourdammerung

    Stumbling on the step makes one histories greatest monster. "Accidentally" running a stop sign and coincidentally hitting your ex boyfriend though is a-ok.

    1. tessiee

      ""Accidentally" running a stop sign and coincidentally hitting your ex boyfriend though is a-ok."

      *says nothing*
      *smiles*

  20. chascates

    From SCOTUS blog:The Court will sit again on Thursday to announce the rest of the opinions. So there you have it.

  21. Allmighty_Manos

    Yeah, political fundraising is really tacky and beneath the dignity of the office of the president. Even more tacky are the 5 pricks on the Supreme Court who finalized the descent of our electoral system towards utter corporate whoredom,

  22. clblabin

    Obama's elitist "top-down" campaign is no match for plucky Mitt Romney and his ragtag band of patriots. Now poor Hopey von Tripsalot has been forced to send out requests for money along with some cutesy story from his wife about how he's really just a regular guy at heart so please send money, now–a situation truly unprecedented in American politics.

  23. SayItWithWookies

    You know what's worse than being president and stumbling in public as you ascend the stairs to the podium? Having among your greatest laurels being Laura Bush's press secretary. Do you even get out of bed for that most days, or just issue the same "Today Laura Bush read to some children, then spent the rest of the day ignoring her idiot husband while keeping that sweet smile pasted to her face" over and over again?

    1. tessiee

      I would think that Laura Bush's press secretary would earn his/her paycheck by keeping stuff OUT of the media, e.g.:
      "Today Laura Bush hosed the puke and stripper glitter off of Dumb-ass in the driveway".

  24. Barb

    Andrew Malcolm has also leaked the news that Carly Simon's song "You're So Vain" was, in fact, written about Obama.

  25. tessiee

    Hey, you guys remember that guy who was always falling on his ass, laughed and giggled at everything, and couldn't get an intelligible sentence out?

  26. tessiee

    /bad 80s stand-up comedian/
    See, black people be trippin' like this:
    [cool]
    Huh! Good God, y'all!
    But white people be trippin like THIS:
    [nerdy]
    The trees are the right height.

  27. tessiee

    "Obama began his familiar jaunty jog up the stage steps, when, suddenly…Oops! Bam! He disappeared. Democrat down."

    *bored*
    Yeah, we know. HIstory's greatest monster, yadda yadda yadda. [files fingernails]

  28. tessiee

    "Obama’s money pile is larger than Romney’s."

    So, that makes him a better person, right?
    Because it's binary — who's got more money, period.
    We're not counting things like how long it took to raise said money, or who donated it, or whether it came from throwing white-haired grandmas out into the snow, or grinding up homeless children to make Walmart sneakers — just who has the bigger pile.

  29. ttommyunger

    I did the same thing (again) last night during my 22 round-trip stair laps at the gym last night. Only a fit man rebounds from such a misstep without injury. If (when) Mittens or his ilk does it there will be stitches involved, I promise you.

Comments are closed.