FOOT GAFFES  10:01 am June 25, 2012

Garbage Connoisseur Andrew Malcolm Can See All Obama’s Failures In This 30-Second Video

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Oh look, President Barack Hussein NOBAMA was trying to jog up onto the stage like some kind of stud, and he tripped! Obviously, it is time to impeach! Just ask the former lead political blogger for the Los Angeles Times (and former Laura Bush press secretary) Andrew Malcolm, describing the scene in his most excellent commentary, “Obama falls on Florida stage; Bush’s fault, no doubt!”

Obama began his familiar jaunty jog up the stage steps, when, suddenly…Oops! Bam! He disappeared. Democrat down. (See video above)

Obama stopped the very public fall — Forward — with his hands, inches from a painful face-plant.

Then, he bounced back up, smiling. ‘Hey, I meant to do that.’ No, just kidding. He didn’t really say that. At the podium, Obama tried to make a joke about his graceless entrance, saying he was in such a hurry to see his fans.

But Andrew Malcolm, is Barack Obama’s momentary foot-gaffe evidence of his lack of care and know-how on the economy, immigration, and his tacky political fundraising? Sure, why not!

Perhaps most galling of all to the all-time greatest presidential fundraiser in American history, Obama was out-raised by this Mitt Romney fellow in May, the Republican’s very first month at it nationally. Not just out-raised, but out-raised by 25% — $77 million to $62 million.

Naturally, having been at it for 15 months, Obama’s money pile is larger than Romney’s. But with its campaign staff of 700 or so, the top-heavy Obama campaign is spending way more each month than it takes in, just like the federal government that Obama’s been running for the last 1,250 days.

Perhaps that dollar desperation helps explain the increasingly tacky bids for donations by his people. Thursday they distributed a message to millions from Michelle Obama, saying Americans should quickly give money to her gallant husband because he once shoveled her car out of the Chicago snow.

Oh how we miss Andrew Malcolm brightening the pages of our Los Angeles TImes with his constant sneering (unless you are a Palin!) and piles of garbage spun into conservative gold. Sorry, Andrew Malcolm, but without a reference to Moochelle Antoinette’s fat ass, you do not win the coveted Conservative Shitpile Award. Better luck next time! [IBD]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 104 comments }

Estproph June 25, 2012 at 10:05 am

He tripped in front of the American public! He's a sekrit Muslin!

Serolf_Divad June 25, 2012 at 10:53 am

Was Obama facing Mecca when he bowed tripped? Fox Nation wants to know!

Biff June 25, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Impeach him!

Baconzgood June 25, 2012 at 10:07 am

NEEDZ MOAR GERALD FORD!!!!!!!

mavenmaven June 25, 2012 at 10:11 am

Chevy Chase revisited… and Hosni Mubarak is still dead

Chow Yun Flat June 25, 2012 at 10:08 am

Americans should quickly give money to her gallant husband because he once shoveled her car out of the Chicago snow.

I would be really impressed if he had claimed the newly shoveled spot with a couple of broken kitchen chairs. That's the way we roll in Chicago.

ManchuCandidate June 25, 2012 at 10:09 am

Malcolm In the Middle of a Hissy Fit: That's what happens when you drink too much Rageahol and White Male Privilege.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 25, 2012 at 10:11 am

Until the blowhards at Fucks Gnus have had at it, we won't know all the evil implications.

Sassomatic June 25, 2012 at 10:11 am

I thought Kenyans were good at running.

FakaktaSouth June 25, 2012 at 10:12 am

Yeah, PresO tripping over his big old feet is WAY worse than Gee-W walking off stage and up to a door that he had no idea how to open and then standing there like the fucking idiot he is, with that needs me to punch it face. These guys really are just so much smarter than I'll ever be.

thatsitfortheother1 June 25, 2012 at 10:18 am

"standing there like the fucking idiot he is, with that needs me to punch it face"

Beautiful.

Your prose isn't bad either.

prommie June 25, 2012 at 10:18 am

Oh, and its even worse than the supreme fucking court going to overturn health care cause a democrat done it. Hey you!

FakaktaSouth June 25, 2012 at 10:24 am

Hola, mon ami. (tri-lingual)

I've spent way too much time blissfully unaware over the last few weeks. I hear tell this health care thing has everyone on the edge of their seats…me? I'm kind of in the fetal position over the stupid of it all.

prommie June 25, 2012 at 10:37 am

Wanna make a fort with me out of the couch cushions and just try and hide together from the shitcrazy ugliness of it all? Cause thats the way I am leaning, right now, as far as life-plan: couch-cushion fort-hiding. Lese le fort-hiding roulez. I am only semilingual.

FakaktaSouth June 25, 2012 at 10:41 am

I already have my face buried in the cushions, butt up at the world. I am ready. This is an alcohol friendly couch fort, yes? Even if I'm running away from mass destruction, I am a necessary provisions kind of hider.

semi-lingual aphasia is a real thing you know.

prommie June 25, 2012 at 10:23 am

Now you know that the fuckwit's greatest moment was going up behind Andrea Merkle and trying to give her a classic sexually-harrass the receptionist backrub and having her come truly close to throat-punching the fucker.

thatsitfortheother1 June 25, 2012 at 10:27 am

Angela. And I think she could have taken him down if not for the Secret Service guys.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Have you seen actual pictures or videos of that incident? It's downright creepy.
You'd think Dumb-ass would have that pleased with himself smirk plastered all over his stupid puss, but he doesn't.
He's got this blank, vacant expression like he truly doesn't know where he is or what he's doing (which he probably didn't a lot of the time, but anyway).
Seriously, creeped me right the fuck out.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 25, 2012 at 10:13 am

It was prayer time, and he was sneaking in a quick bow toward Mecca!

SorosBot June 25, 2012 at 10:13 am

Wait, Obama's trying to raise money for his reelection campaign? My god, he truly is history's greatest monster!

Seriously, the way wingnuts try to describe the most normal, routine things Obama does as if they're somehow scandalous is just bizarre.

SexySmurf June 25, 2012 at 10:22 am

I saw Obama breathing pretty deeply the day. Why does he need to hog all that oxygen for?

Dr. Nick Riviera June 25, 2012 at 10:31 am

Because he's a smoker and morally weak!

freakishlywrong June 25, 2012 at 10:15 am

Ugly, bitter, hateful fuckers. Four more years of this and the poison they marinate in will hopefully dissolve them.

not that Radio June 25, 2012 at 10:15 am

Obama's fundraising is clear evidence of his imperial, tyrranical ambitions. But Mitt Romney's fundraising? SUCK IT, NOBAMA

SorosBot June 25, 2012 at 10:15 am

"is spending way more each month than it takes in, just like the federal government that Obama’s been running for the last 1,250 days."

Somehow Malcolm missed several thousand more days before that when the Clinton surplus was pissed away for the Bush tax cuts and wars.

MilwaukeeKent June 25, 2012 at 10:40 am

Facts don't matter, Silly! Yeah, I didn't get that memo either, but it's the entire MO of the Right these days. Facts didn't matter for Wiley E. Coyote either, every time he ran off a cliff. As long as he didn't look down (on the other hand, two minutes later he was good as new, so maybe they're on to something).

mavenmaven June 25, 2012 at 10:16 am

Romney doesn't stumble as his palanquin has four carriers.

Dr. Nick Riviera June 25, 2012 at 10:25 am

Also he is filled with gyroscopes

PubOption June 25, 2012 at 11:33 am

Liahonas?

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 1:22 pm

And Miracle Whip.

prommie June 25, 2012 at 10:16 am

Aww hell now, wonketters, all this chitter chatter chitter chatter over these little sniping stories and dump fires.

Just wait now, till the Supreme Assholes overturn Obamacare in a couple of hours, then we will be having some fun. Rebecca, who's gonna write up that one? You got a draft already, just waiting for the news?

I just hate this, knowing that its gonna suck, just knowing that the disaster train is on the track and on schedule and its just about to come around and fucking destroy and wreak havoc and otherwise chafe my ass, and there is nothing anyone can do about it and its just gonna happen, and it sucks. Fuck, fucking fuckety fuck fuck, thats about where I am. Back to work, back to this fucking sellout fake-ass life I live pretending its got any fucking thing at all to do with who I am, back to this reality of what this country is and where its headed, fuck all this is too much reality hitting me all at once.

Chow Yun Flat June 25, 2012 at 10:19 am

Works for me.

freakishlywrong June 25, 2012 at 10:23 am

What's going to suck worse is the crowing. That and the endless "analyzing" about how this is terrible for Obama and the Democrat party. Never mind that it's more terrible for the American people.

fuflans June 25, 2012 at 10:50 am

yes and your avatar comment pretty much says it all.

thatsitfortheother1 June 25, 2012 at 10:24 am

My biggest surprise is that they didn't find a way to delay this ruling until a lot closer to the election.

Fare la Volpe June 25, 2012 at 1:33 pm

How else could they use it in attack ads?

thatsitfortheother1 June 26, 2012 at 3:57 am

It'll be old news by July. Would have been more of a gut punch in October.

Dr. Nick Riviera June 25, 2012 at 10:24 am

Im counting on Wonkette to keep the letter opener out of my hands with comedy.

prommie June 25, 2012 at 10:31 am

I've got one leg over the fucking rail already.

FakaktaSouth June 25, 2012 at 10:37 am

Oh cool, like that Replacements song The Ledge. I like a good jumper song. I will stand at the bottom of what ever building and be your soundtrack girl, boombox over the head, natch.

prommie June 25, 2012 at 10:39 am

You aren't into kickboxing by any chance, are you?

prommie June 25, 2012 at 10:46 am

For the first time in my life I'm sure. And "A Little Bit of Everything" is a great new jumper song.

scvirginia June 25, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Here's another 'ledge song' for your collection (my apologies if you've already heard it): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyJpc4KxinY

Biel_ze_Bubba June 25, 2012 at 10:59 am

"one leg over the fucking rail"

SPOILER ALERT!

When the moment arrives, be sure to heave a wingnut's corpse over the edge, to fool 'em.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Or an actual, living wingnut, because what the hell, why not take one of them with you?

MilwaukeeKent June 25, 2012 at 10:42 am

Well, they just told Montana to hand its state government over to the copper companies, overturning a mere hundred years of "experiment" in campaign contributions.

prommie June 25, 2012 at 10:50 am

The founding Jesus' original intent was that corporations are people and money is speech. Amen.

Dr. Nick Riviera June 25, 2012 at 11:05 am

STATES RIGHTS!! 10th Amendment!!! *

*apply only as directed by corporations

fuflans June 25, 2012 at 10:49 am

i'm refreshing npr non stop and after is happens i will be not listening to any media all week.

but yeah, it's the wonkette's that will be our saving grace in these terrible times.

prommie June 25, 2012 at 10:53 am

No, its the booze that will sustain us in the end. Malbec in the couch-cushion fort.

fuflans June 25, 2012 at 10:59 am

yes. i have given up my plan to give up alcohol in the near term.

prommie June 25, 2012 at 11:12 am

I am researching new vices to take up, in the near term.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 1:16 pm
Limeylizzie June 25, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Shall I hold you against my swelling bosom until you feel better?

imissopus June 25, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Cheer up, Prommie. SCOTUS isn't releasing the ruling until Thursday.

CivicHoliday June 25, 2012 at 10:17 am

Romney once ordered a Mexican to shovel all the snow outside the barn so his wife could go for a ride. That's way more impressive.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 1:17 pm

???
How did the snow get IN the barn in the first place?

freakishlywrong June 25, 2012 at 10:18 am

The Panderbot only WISHES he had that kind of enthusiasm. His appearances look like hostage tape.

Chow Yun Flat June 25, 2012 at 10:23 am

All they lack is the dated newspaper held up to the camera to show he is still alive.

Dr. Nick Riviera June 25, 2012 at 10:21 am

So is he suggesting Romney will handle our economy like he handles his fundraising? By relying on a few billionaires to cut some checks? His tax plan suggests otherwise..

BaldarTFlagass June 25, 2012 at 10:21 am

He needs to be a little more careful when he reels in his "monster" so he don't be trippin' on it an' shit.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 1:24 pm

He should just have Michelle tuck it into his sock.

chascates June 25, 2012 at 10:22 am

HuffPo:
Court Strikes Down Campaign Finance Reform… Rejects 'Life Without Parole' For Juveniles… No Health Care Ruling Today… Arizona Immigration Law Mostly Upheld…

BlueStateLibel June 25, 2012 at 10:23 am

Hopey's hopeless gaffe reminds me of this Onion story: http://www.theonion.com/video/gaffeprone-biden-em

Goonemeritus June 25, 2012 at 10:26 am

I voted for Gerald Ford and he spent more time tripping than governing.

prommie June 25, 2012 at 10:57 am

Pardon?

Goonemeritus June 25, 2012 at 11:03 am

Hey I was young and I figured he was a deeply decent guy. My favorite story about him was when the Nixon ”Enemy List” was described to him he comment that anyone who couldn’t remember who his enemies were had too many enemies.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Slightly OT but also somewhat awesome.

My grandparents, being old Italians, had lots of friends who were also old Italians, and of course, they were always over each other's house for coffee-and.
One of their friends had the following conversation [and you have to imagine his words spoken in a gravelly old man voice and thick Italian accent]:
Friend: I dun like Geraldo Ford.
Grandma: And why you dun like?
Friend: I no like Ford because he listen to Nix.
Grandpa: But Nunzio, that was the deal. That was why Nixon picked Ford.
Friend. I know. I dun CARE! Ford was stunod! [tr: stupid]
Grandpa: Well, so what do you want him to do?
Friend: He shoulda say, "OK, Nix, we make deal". Then, when Nix wants to get podden, Ford shoulda say, "I'm-a the boss now, Nix. You go to 'ell!"

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 1:24 pm

"he spent more time tripping than governing"

That's probably for the best.

chascates June 25, 2012 at 10:28 am

From SCOTUS blog:
Justice Scalia began his dissent by saying that he would uphold all parts of the Arizona law.

Justice Scalia is not only dissenting from the bench, but he has produced a written copy of the bench statement for the press. It is 7 pages long.

The upshot of the SB1070 ruling is that, for now, Arizona can apply the "check your papers" provision. And the Court's opinion is a guide to the State on how to apply that provision without being invalidated.

NorbertsRevenge June 25, 2012 at 10:50 am

This fucker is out of control.

Ms_Anthrope June 25, 2012 at 10:29 am

Rmoney in FL:"The stairs are the right height" Of course the sensors in his feet are programmed to prevent him making this kind of horrible gaffe.

scvirginia June 25, 2012 at 1:07 pm

I thought Romney only took elevators, not stairs?

b[redact]opple June 25, 2012 at 10:30 am

Has this fucker ever lived in Chicago? Digging out a car can take about a day and a half for a normal person.

Dr. Nick Riviera June 25, 2012 at 11:09 am

And defending it requires more bravery and blood than Gettysburg

DerrickWildcat June 25, 2012 at 10:31 am

Clearly an impeachable offense.

chascates June 25, 2012 at 10:32 am

From SCOTUS blog:On net, the #SB1070 decision is a significant win for the Obama Administration. It got almost everything it wanted.
As part of Scalia's statement in dissent, he is commenting on the president's announcement about suspending deportation of illegal immigrants who came to the U.S. as children — something that was not part of the case.

Fuckwad.

ifthethunderdontgetya June 25, 2012 at 10:38 am

Scalia would have upheld all provisions of the Arizona law.

I think we can use the word "fascist" now.
~

SayItWithWookies June 25, 2012 at 11:04 am

Scalia should stick to his goddamn principles and retroactively deport his ancestors back to Italy then.

lisawines June 25, 2012 at 10:33 am

Of course, the amount of money a candidate raises correlates exactly with the size of the candidate's dick (I almost said "his" dick but Malcolm doesn't have one). Or that's what I read into Malcolm's … post? … on investors.com? I guess he had to figure out how to relate tripping with investing… in a candidate? Oh, I dunno.

glamourdammerung June 25, 2012 at 10:35 am

Stumbling on the step makes one histories greatest monster. "Accidentally" running a stop sign and coincidentally hitting your ex boyfriend though is a-ok.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 1:38 pm

""Accidentally" running a stop sign and coincidentally hitting your ex boyfriend though is a-ok."

*says nothing*
*smiles*

Dr. Nick Riviera June 25, 2012 at 10:36 am

AZ Immigration law mostly struck down:
http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadlin

chascates June 25, 2012 at 10:37 am

From SCOTUS blog:The Court will sit again on Thursday to announce the rest of the opinions. So there you have it.

Allmighty_Manos June 25, 2012 at 10:40 am

Yeah, political fundraising is really tacky and beneath the dignity of the office of the president. Even more tacky are the 5 pricks on the Supreme Court who finalized the descent of our electoral system towards utter corporate whoredom,

clblabin June 25, 2012 at 11:00 am

Obama's elitist "top-down" campaign is no match for plucky Mitt Romney and his ragtag band of patriots. Now poor Hopey von Tripsalot has been forced to send out requests for money along with some cutesy story from his wife about how he's really just a regular guy at heart so please send money, now–a situation truly unprecedented in American politics.

Chet Kincaid June 25, 2012 at 11:01 am

The Saudi King must have been in the front row. (Am I doing this right, One Term Barry?)

SayItWithWookies June 25, 2012 at 11:07 am

You know what's worse than being president and stumbling in public as you ascend the stairs to the podium? Having among your greatest laurels being Laura Bush's press secretary. Do you even get out of bed for that most days, or just issue the same "Today Laura Bush read to some children, then spent the rest of the day ignoring her idiot husband while keeping that sweet smile pasted to her face" over and over again?

PubOption June 25, 2012 at 11:36 am

Not pasted, Botoxed.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 1:40 pm

I would think that Laura Bush's press secretary would earn his/her paycheck by keeping stuff OUT of the media, e.g.:
"Today Laura Bush hosed the puke and stripper glitter off of Dumb-ass in the driveway".

barto June 25, 2012 at 11:14 am

President Obama, I knew Gerald Ford, and you are no Gerald Ford, sir!

Barb June 25, 2012 at 11:37 am

Andrew Malcolm has also leaked the news that Carly Simon's song "You're So Vain" was, in fact, written about Obama.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Hey, you guys remember that guy who was always falling on his ass, laughed and giggled at everything, and couldn't get an intelligible sentence out?

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 1:08 pm

You know who ELSE tripped over his own two feet?

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 1:20 pm

/bad 80s stand-up comedian/
See, black people be trippin' like this:
[cool]
Huh! Good God, y'all!
But white people be trippin like THIS:
[nerdy]
The trees are the right height.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 1:21 pm

"Obama began his familiar jaunty jog up the stage steps, when, suddenly…Oops! Bam! He disappeared. Democrat down."

*bored*
Yeah, we know. HIstory's greatest monster, yadda yadda yadda. [files fingernails]

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 1:44 pm

"Obama’s money pile is larger than Romney’s."

So, that makes him a better person, right?
Because it's binary — who's got more money, period.
We're not counting things like how long it took to raise said money, or who donated it, or whether it came from throwing white-haired grandmas out into the snow, or grinding up homeless children to make Walmart sneakers — just who has the bigger pile.

ttommyunger June 26, 2012 at 4:22 pm

I did the same thing (again) last night during my 22 round-trip stair laps at the gym last night. Only a fit man rebounds from such a misstep without injury. If (when) Mittens or his ilk does it there will be stitches involved, I promise you.

prommie June 25, 2012 at 10:44 am

I know of some great malbecs from Argentina.

FakaktaSouth June 25, 2012 at 10:45 am

Well, usually as a spectator only. I enjoy a good ass-kick viewing. I have to protect my face, always, but I CAN kick the shit out of stuff when necessary – with a quickness.

FakaktaSouth June 25, 2012 at 10:50 am

woohoo!! I am IN baby!

prommie June 25, 2012 at 10:55 am

Por moi, le meme chose!

FakaktaSouth June 25, 2012 at 1:13 pm

That is EXCELLENT. I will remember quick painless and easy for when Stoned Drunk and Naked stops working
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vf2mvwRms3E

scvirginia June 25, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Kewl! I think Stoned Drunk & Naked will prolly keep you away from the ledges for a while yet.

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