DARWIN SUCKS  7:00 pm June 25, 2012

Lousiana’s Publicly Funded Jesus Camp Education System FINALLY Teaching Students Loch Ness Monster Is Real

by Rich Abdill

Translation: "Science class."We’ve been bashing on Louisiana a lot lately — pointing out how they’re pretty much the awfulest state in the union, how their prison privatization plan is dumping more convicts into shopping centers prisons than any other state in the country, how their plan to send the state’s students to religious schools hit the predictable but still hilarious snag of Muslim schools wanting in on the program. We’ve been kinda rough on the ol’ Land of Louis.

Now, those religious schools that we were so very critical of are teaching students that the Loch Ness Monster is real — which TOTALLY MAKES UP FOR ALL THAT OTHER STUFF, and has the added benefit of conforming to Official Wonkette Editorial Policy. (Also real: Bigfoot.)

The state spent quite a while hanging out in the relatively crowded zone of Put God In Science Class — but they just hopped on their faith-powered motorcycles, paid the Idiot Toll, and blew through every red light on the way to the mythical land of Making Garbage Up Because Jesus.

The path is now clear for Christianity to ring forth across the land, replacing the blasphemy of “science” and “having proof of things” so that students can be properly prepared for the lifetime of ignorance that awaits all good followers of Bible Science. And they’re being prepared… by dinosaurs.

From a story in the (Scotland) Herald with the rather horrifying headline “How American fundamentalist schools are using Nessie to disprove evolution”:

Thousands of children in the southern state will receive publicly-funded vouchers for the next school year to attend private schools where Scotland’s most famous mythological beast will be taught as a real living creature.

These private schools follow a fundamentalist curriculum including the Accelerated Christian Education (ACE) programme to teach controversial religious beliefs aimed at disproving evolution and proving creationism.

One tenet has it that if it can be proved that dinosaurs walked the earth at the same time as man then Darwinism is fatally flawed.

That’s right — this blockquote is from SCOTLAND. The state’s aura of devout godliness is so bright, they can see the glow across the ocean.

One ACE textbook – Biology 1099, Accelerated Christian Education Inc – reads: “Are dinosaurs alive today? Scientists are becoming more convinced of their existence. Have you heard of the ‘Loch Ness Monster’ in Scotland? ‘Nessie’ for short has been recorded on sonar from a small submarine, described by eyewitnesses, and photographed by others. Nessie appears to be a plesiosaur.”

Another claim taught is that a Japanese whaling boat once caught a dinosaur. It’s unclear if the movie Godzilla was the inspiration for this lesson.

See if you can follow the logic — the Loch Ness Monster is real, and the Loch Ness Monster is a dinosaur. And if a dinosaur is still alive, then evolution is a lie. If Occam were alive to see this, he’d be using his razor to kill himself, but come on guys. Nessie, real? AND a plesiosaur?

IT JUST FEELS RIGHT.

Also, Godzilla. Which explanation do you think you’d have more fun learning? All that crap about that monk who studied green beans and made Punnett squares in some hut in Sweden, or Godzilla being evidence of God’s divine intervention into the creation of our most beautiful of worlds? THIS IS AWESOME.

The textbooks in the series are alleged to teach young earth creationism; are hostile towards other religions and other sectors of Christianity, including Roman Catholicism; and present a biased version of history that is often factually incorrect.

Oh, shutup, factually incorrect. Let’s also say that the Sun hides in New Jersey at night and that means Jupiter doesn’t exist. (Also, people who think privatization is good and that the “market” will take care of things and make sure everyone gets a good deal: This is your fault, and THANK YOU.)

The Herald also quotes Boston author Bruce Wilson, who said students “are being brought up to believe that they’re at war with secular society. The only valid government would be a Christian fundamentalist government. Obviously some comparisons could be made to Islamic fundamentalists in schools.”

Mr. Wilson is obviously an idiot — Islamic fundamentalists want to impose their religion on the masses against their will. They want to change the legal system to reflect their views on justice, marriage, and civil rights. They want to mold education systems to fit their narrow, misguided beliefs. All that Christian fundamentalists want is —

Well, that just can’t be, Mr. Wilson. You must be wrong, for some reason. Also, you are no fun at all.

He continues, “One of these texts from Bob Jones University Press claims that dinosaurs were fire-breathing dragons. It has little to do with science as we currently understand. It’s more like medieval scholasticism.”

FIRE-BREATHING DRAGONS?! That settles it. There is nowhere as cool as a Louisiana science classroom. [Herald Scotland]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 427 comments }

flamingpdog June 25, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Darwin weeps.

Chris June 25, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Atlas shrugs.

Boojum June 26, 2012 at 7:50 am

Jesus Saves and SCORES!

sewollef June 26, 2012 at 8:37 am

No, no…. it actually reads: Jesus saves, but Beckham scores from the rebound!

And it's a GOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLL!!!!

Yay!

nedbeaumontjr June 26, 2012 at 11:38 am

Jesus Saves, Esposito scores on the rebound.

Beowoof June 25, 2012 at 11:17 pm

I think Darwin would take a flame thrower to the Louisiana Schools.

sewollef June 26, 2012 at 8:34 am

Darwin should have done a Sherman to Louisiana…. if Sherman had been an English biologist and not a general….. and Charlie Darwin had been a marauding, confederate-killing general in the Union Army, instead of a fey Englishman intent on destroying the Christian nation of Great Britain, oh and an American.

Something along those lines anyhoo. I think you get my train of thought, right?

PsycWench June 26, 2012 at 8:42 am

It's a good thing there are no such things as ghosts or Darwin would be haunting some Louisiana school board members, for sure.

harobedyelsnit June 26, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Whaddya mean, I'm weeping.

lisawines June 25, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Come here, creationists. I'll show you a fire breathing dragon.

Chet Kincaid June 25, 2012 at 7:26 pm
lisawines June 25, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Yes! I'm a little older but my fire's still hot. Well, sorta.

smokefilledroommate June 25, 2012 at 7:38 pm

You know what they say–Once the Mother of Dragons, always the Mother of Dragons..

Sharkey June 25, 2012 at 8:04 pm

You are … Dovahkiin!!

CommieLibunatic June 25, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Fus Ro Dah? I'll just go with BULL FUCKING SHIT!!!

lisawines June 25, 2012 at 10:27 pm

I'm honored to be called thus. (after looking it up because I had no clue)

TootsStansbury June 25, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Fuck. Just fuck. The Wonkets started on such a funny note today with the idiots starting gun fires; then the parade of depressing descent into a Christo-Fascist state emerged as the theme of the day. Again.

Barrelhse June 25, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Stupid is as stupid does. That's all.

MarcelleMarceau June 25, 2012 at 7:12 pm

My theory debunked. I always thought that the Nessie Surgeon's Photograph was the result of a class clown making a critter shadow in front of an old projector. Doctored photo — joila. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loch_Ness_Monster

Extemporanus June 25, 2012 at 7:13 pm

This is good news for Blue Öyster Cult.

Fred_Wertham_Jr June 25, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Some things are just too stupid to snark on.

Terry June 26, 2012 at 7:57 am

Louisiana has the best and worst of things, no middle ground at all. If something is good there, it's the best you've ever seen. If something is bad there, it is truly horrific.

MittsHairHelmet June 25, 2012 at 7:13 pm

The Louisiana textbooks also claim that Shaquille O'Neal is a direct descendant of noted biblical giant Goliath.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 25, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Well at least they got something right.

Terry June 26, 2012 at 7:58 am

On the LSU campus, he's more of a demi-god.

Chichikovovich June 26, 2012 at 9:43 am

And in their version of the Biblical story, David plays for Alabama. Goliath drops fifty on him on the way to a humiliating blowout in the SEC finals.

not that Radio June 25, 2012 at 7:14 pm

I'll read this later. I have to go walk my chupacabra now. He gets really grouchy if I don't take him out to kill some cattle right after work.

lisawines June 25, 2012 at 7:24 pm

WIN!

GeneralLerong June 25, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Yeah, that outta get a Comment o' the Day magnificent mantle piece trophy of genuine…genuine…Coreentheean leather?

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 11:46 pm

With stimulated diamonds.

radio-of-owls June 25, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Why that there sounds like somethin' original. Don't always see that 'round these parts.

not that Radio June 26, 2012 at 12:06 am

Who are you talking to?

Chichikovovich June 26, 2012 at 12:08 am

Why that there sounds like somethin' original. Don't always see that 'round these parts.

Doktor Zoom June 26, 2012 at 12:10 am

I'm just going to wait until another commenter says something funny and then say that.

not that Radio June 26, 2012 at 12:11 am

Ultimately, the real victim here is Sarah Palin, and I think it's only fair to call on President Obama to resign.

Doktor Zoom June 26, 2012 at 12:28 am

Ni!

MrFizzy June 26, 2012 at 8:39 am

I think they like to snack on jackalopes

not that Radio June 26, 2012 at 9:11 am

Keeping a fresh supply of jackalopes on hand at all times gets pricey. Even at $2.99/dozen, I have the problem of storing them.

JohnyEdge June 26, 2012 at 10:34 am

Goats. Chupacabras feed on goats. No wonder yours is grouchy.

If you were a graduate of Louisiana public schools, you'd know that.

not that Radio June 26, 2012 at 10:43 am

DAMMIT!

flamingpdog June 25, 2012 at 7:14 pm

One excerpt from Bob Jones University Press American history textbook has been reported as saying: "the [Ku Klux] Klan in some areas of the country tried to be a means of reform, fighting the decline in morality and using the symbol of the cross … In some communities it achieved a certain respectability as it worked with politicians."

I have no words for this. I give up. Take me, Jeebus. Take me from this foreign land.

Callyson June 25, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Just checked the article in a naive hope that you were kidding.

Jesus. FUCKING. CHRIST!!!

SorosBot June 25, 2012 at 7:51 pm

It is real. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck fuck.

Doktor Zoom June 25, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Are you saying it's all Bunk?

emmelemm June 25, 2012 at 7:48 pm

As prommie said earlier today, "TO THE COUCH FORTS!"

Seriously, this is it. Just make it stop. I don't care any more, just make it stop. {rocking back and forth, chewing fingernails}

CivicHoliday June 25, 2012 at 8:27 pm

KKK = good
Darwin = bad
Nessie = real
Geologic evidence of life 3 billion years ago = fake

Mind = blown

BoroPrimorac June 25, 2012 at 9:07 pm

At least those kids aren't getting indoctrinated. Take that, liberal fascists.

AbandonHope June 25, 2012 at 9:08 pm

A THOUSAND TIMES THIS.

Negropolis June 25, 2012 at 10:30 pm

This revisionist history has been around as long as they've been an organization. For years, they tried to pawn them off as some kind of inocuous fraternity or social club instead of the terrorist organization that they were.

flamingpdog June 25, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Actually, there was some truth to the last part of the text, "In some communities it achieved a certain respectability as it worked with politicians." Denver Mayor Ben Stapleton, back in the 20s, was a Kluxer before he thought better of it, and there were others in Colorado at the time.

But then back in the 20s, the head of the American Museum of Natural History in New York City could publish an article in the museum's Natural History magazine which strongly suggested that blacks were a separate species of human, and Asians might be, too. And his son became a prominent eugenicist.

emmelemm June 25, 2012 at 11:18 pm

David Duke, QED.

Negropolis June 26, 2012 at 1:15 am

Yeah, they sure did work with politicians. Many of them were politicians. They practically owned the state of Indiana for a time. Crazy to think of what becomes "respectable." For example, the Nazis. I hate the belief among groups like these that genteel racism is somehow not racism; that you have to be some unrefined redneck shouting racial slurs for racism to be racism.

Chichikovovich June 26, 2012 at 10:09 am

This was a familiar theme among the upper echelon, better educated Nazis too: "we hate those crude, brutal, mindless anti-Semites. They're embarrassing barbarians. Our anti-Semitism is founded on solid scientific and philosophical principles."

(See, for example Max Weinreich's classic Hitler's Professors.)

Boojum June 25, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Wait, if Nessie is real (and a plesiosaur), what about unicorns? And does this mean I will never get my jet pack?

johnnymeatworth June 25, 2012 at 7:17 pm

On the upside, this means they might start hiring yetis to teach gym….

Slim_Pickins June 25, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Non-Union Yetis, only.

Boojum June 25, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Not Yetis? Too soon?

jqheywood June 26, 2012 at 12:38 am

That is … sooooo bad…congrats!

HempDogbane June 26, 2012 at 12:43 am

I'm pretty sure I had one in the 70s, but he was mostly able to pass, and the principal wasn't too bright.

barto June 25, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Next up school lunches consisting of haggis shaped into little likenesses of Nessie. Yum!

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 11:48 pm

I fail to see how haggis could be any worse than chitlins.*

*I'm actually not 100% sure that they're not the same thing.

finallyhappy June 26, 2012 at 7:18 am

Chitlins are fried pig intestines, haggis is a stuffed sheep's stomach- as I remember with other innards and peppery oatmeal. Ok- almost the same thing.

Negropolis June 26, 2012 at 7:42 am

Chitlins aren't usually fried, though, I guess you can fry just about anything.

MissTaken June 25, 2012 at 7:18 pm

♫ Oh no, there goes Baton Rouge
Go go, Godzilla ♫

littlebigdaddy June 25, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Mothra libel!

Generation[redacted] June 25, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Gamera teaches little children!

flamingpdog June 25, 2012 at 7:31 pm

♪ Gamera loves the little children,
All the children of the world.
Red or yellow, black or white,
If you serve them over rice,
Gamera loves the little children of the world. ♪♪

Doktor Zoom June 26, 2012 at 12:08 am

Gamera is really neat!
Gamera is made of meat!
We're all eating Gamera!

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 11:50 pm

OK, wait…
Godzilla was the big dinosaur.
Mothra was the big moth (obviously).
Gamera was… the big turtle?, or was that Rodan?

BaldarTFlagass June 26, 2012 at 8:02 am

I thought Rodan was the French sculptor noted for his realism.

Boojum June 26, 2012 at 9:19 am

I was just thinkering that.

lulzmonger June 25, 2012 at 11:57 pm

*turns on fog machine & strobe-light*

littlebigdaddy June 25, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Last week, Japanese scientists explaced… placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Cort Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.

Extemporanus June 25, 2012 at 7:55 pm

LOCH 'n' LOAD!

Doktor Zoom June 25, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Ow.

Fairtackle June 25, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Once you admit to yourself that you believe in talking snakes, it is a little hard to go back.

extreme_left June 25, 2012 at 7:47 pm

yeah thats pretty much it, the door to the bat shit crazy cave is open.

I look forward to the day when the field of Psychology grows the balls to diagnose Religion as symptomatic of Schizophrenia what with talking to an invisible man in the sky and blaming an invisible underground man for one's bads and all the other evidence of critical break from reality, not holding my breath though.

Fairtackle June 25, 2012 at 8:16 pm

I kinda hope that when I finally grow tired of this world, I can make myself believe crazy shit too, like I can pee 20' of flame at will. that would be cool.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 11:54 pm

"blaming an invisible underground man for one's bads"

I once had an interesting discussion with a Christian co-worker. She was one of the Christians who was willing to at least *listen* and *think* about stuff, so I tried to frame my discussions with her as respectfully as I could, given that I think religion is somewhere between harmless silliness and harmful insanity.

Anyway, I asked her why she thought God made or at least allowed tornadoes, etc., and she said that she believed that those things were the work of the Devil. What marched out of my mouth was, "So… The Devil works for God?… as *an independent contractor*?"

Negropolis June 26, 2012 at 1:21 am

If you've ever read the book of Job, the devil does, indeed, work for God. In that book, he has to get approval from God to do what he does, or that is at least to say that he couldn't dole out anymore evil than a human could take.

Chichikovovich June 26, 2012 at 9:41 am

Though in Job the devil doesn't come off so much as an independent contractor as he does an enterprising small businessman handcuffed by Divine regulations.

finallyhappy June 26, 2012 at 7:20 am

isn't the Devil a fallen angel? I don't know that much about Lucifer or the beliefs about him/her/it. I realize I could study and learn but I'm busy on the back story of all the Avengers right now.

Boojum June 26, 2012 at 7:59 am

Now THIS is easy to masturbate to.

Pithaughn June 25, 2012 at 7:20 pm

That there is some weapons grade, twist the knob to 11 and tear it off stupid. Do they also harp on the one time carbon dating was proved to be inaccurate? The famous ( to readers of anti creationist tomes) Mt. St. Helens sample, to wit: http://skeptoid.com/episodes/4146

flamingpdog June 25, 2012 at 10:07 pm

I liked Steve Austin a lot better when he was the Six Million Dollar Man.

edgydrifter June 25, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Who needs volcano monitoring? Tossing a virgin into the dragon-hole works every time.

Slim_Pickins June 25, 2012 at 8:47 pm

So, the purpose of abstinence education is the production of sacrificial virgins?!

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Jonah Goldberg almost certainly qualifies, but he'd either plug up the hole (teehee) or poison the dragon…
Wait, that would kinda be a win-win, wouldn't it?

flamingpdog June 25, 2012 at 7:20 pm

The courses are based around the Accelerated Christian Education (ACE) programme, which originated in Texas in the 1970s.

Please secede Texass, PLEEEEEEEASE!

SorosBot June 25, 2012 at 7:21 pm

"One tenet has it that if it can be proved that dinosaurs walked the earth at the same time as man then Darwinism is fatally flawed."

But dinosaurs did walk the Earth at the same time as man. In fact, they still do; I had some to eat yesterday and it taste just like chicken, because it was chicken since chickens are fucking dinosaurs which does not disprove evolution (not "Darwinism", that is not a word) but in fact proves it.

flamingpdog June 25, 2012 at 7:26 pm

That birds are dinosaurs is a relatively new hypothesis in paleontology. Most of the young-earth-tards consult paleontology texts from 1890 for their information. No snark.

SorosBot June 25, 2012 at 7:38 pm

It only was proven relatively recently, but Archaeopteryx was discovered in 1861 and the idea has been around for a long time.

Not that it matters; many of the creationist morans think they can attack evolution by poking holes in Darwin's original work, not understanding that science has moved on and improved since then, because they think we are authoritarian like them and just blindly follow leaders. (see also the belief that attacking Margaret Sanger somehow discredits Planned Parenthood and reproductive rights in general today).

CivicHoliday June 25, 2012 at 8:32 pm

It's fun for me, as someone who learned in college that birds were part of their own clade but are now in the same taxonomic group as other reptiles, to teach this concept to my Gen Bio students. Amazing how looking at a pelvis can blow your fucking mind. If you have a mind, that is…which can't obviously be said for anyone involved in any way with the Louisiana xtian school science curriculum

Boojum June 26, 2012 at 8:01 am

Looking at pelvises (pelvii?) is often mind blowing.

glasspusher June 25, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Ol' archaeopteryx kicked ass. A few years ago I got to see some of their fossils in a natural history museum in Germany. Very cool.

MissTaken June 25, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Did you eat your dino-chicken with a banana to really disprove evolution?

SorosBot June 25, 2012 at 7:40 pm

No bananas for me, but it was with pasta which also proves intelligent design, since god obviously made the rigatoni vines to grow fruit perfect for human consumption.

glasspusher June 25, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Pastafarian?

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 11:58 pm

FSM also maketh the tomato vines to grow right out of the ground, so there's your circle of life right there.

SorosBot June 25, 2012 at 9:24 pm

And congratulations on your P-ness getting up to 120, honey!

Boojum June 25, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Fuck that. Dinosaurs flatten jeeps. Do chickens flatten jeeps? I thought not.

Barrelhse June 25, 2012 at 8:28 pm

"Darwinism" becomes a word when associated with certain awards.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 11:59 pm

Ironically, but fortunately for most of us, the winners of those awards tend to live in Louisiana and the surrounding states.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 25, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Everyone knows that birds came from outer space via Howard The Duck.
Duh!

SorosBot June 25, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Howard the Duck didn't come from outer space! He came from a parallel universe, Duckworld, from which he was pulled to Earth-616, the mainstream Marvel Universe. See Adventure in Fear #19 and Giant-Size Man-Thing (don't snigger – OK do) #1.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 25, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Wow, just when I think you can't get any nerdier …
:)

fuflans June 25, 2012 at 10:08 pm

throw out a tolkein reference and it'll get better.

fuflans June 25, 2012 at 10:11 pm

all you have to do is watch those little fuckers strolling about your lawn and you see t rex.

Boojum June 26, 2012 at 8:03 am

You and I are not smoking the same thing.

I blame Obama.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Also, what are alligators and crocodiles? Large reptiles that lived in the prehistoric era and live nowadays. They're semi-aquatic reptiles, but they also walk the earth at least *some* of the time.

12X34X June 26, 2012 at 8:04 am

The crocs and gators would like to weigh in on that now, too.

MissTaken June 25, 2012 at 7:23 pm

I sure hope they also use crop circles to teach Geometry.

savethispatient June 25, 2012 at 7:39 pm

I doubt it: Crops Circles are made by Aliens, which are against the Bible as they come from a planet that is not Earth, and we know that Earth is the center of the solar system and universe.

emmelemm June 25, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Mormon Libel! They believe in Aliens.

savethispatient June 25, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Pah! Post-Copernicus hippies!

Negropolis June 25, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Scientology Libel! Also. Too. Tambien.

not that Radio June 25, 2012 at 8:13 pm

God left Aliens out of the bible because He wanted us to discover those for ourselves, like light bulbs and Fuddruckers.

Boojum June 26, 2012 at 8:06 am

And the KFC Double Down.

Sharkey June 25, 2012 at 8:08 pm

"Geometry?" Do they still teach that?

scvirginia June 25, 2012 at 9:56 pm
TribecaMike June 25, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Look on the bright side: they're teaching children that lying is a great thing, which it is!

Signed, the Ghost of Richard M. Nixon

savethispatient June 25, 2012 at 7:24 pm

This is good news for Alex Salmond and the SNP: the increased tourism dollars that the Scottish economy receives due to this will guarantee independence.

Here's hoping they also start teaching the life-cycle of the rare Haggis – a small furry creature with legs shorter on one side of its body than the other, as it spends its life walking in circles around mountains.

Extemporanus June 25, 2012 at 7:24 pm

LESSON 1: Puff, the magic dragon, lived by Metairie, and frolicked in the swampy mist in a land called Ana Louis.

LESSON 2:

CapnRadio June 25, 2012 at 7:49 pm

How much of this do I need to remember for my little Jackie paper?

Extemporanus June 25, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Just enough to keep it rolling, man.

CapnRadio June 25, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Meh, I'll just crib off of Mary Jane.

not that Radio June 25, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Oh! You got the Fancy Stuff.

tessiee June 26, 2012 at 12:03 am

"LESSON 1: Puff, the magic dragon, lived by Metairie, and frolicked in the swampy mist in a land called Ana Louis.

LESSON 2: … Little Jacquie Papier loved that rascal Puff.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 25, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Is it possible that the chimpanzees will disinherit us?

MissTaken June 25, 2012 at 7:25 pm

In Louisiana this is called a "zoo"
http://www.contracostatimes.com/ci_20919630/backy

flamingpdog June 25, 2012 at 7:51 pm

I dunno, I seem to remember from my youth that Yahweh struck down people for worshiping an artificial cow.

gurukalehuru June 26, 2012 at 3:10 am

That statue in the middle with the blue shirt and cowboy hat looks extremely life-like.

smokefilledroommate June 25, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Flying spaghetti monster has to figure in here somewhere.

glasspusher June 25, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Word

Negropolis June 25, 2012 at 10:39 pm

By his noodly appendages, we are saved. Blessed be his name.

Doktor Zoom June 25, 2012 at 10:49 pm

RA-men

tessiee June 26, 2012 at 12:04 am

Alfredo, who art in Heaven…

SorosBot June 25, 2012 at 7:26 pm

It's just pathetic that we'll have to live in a country populated with these kids being abused by their parents and these schools, which are intentionally making them into idiots. Who knows, some of these poor kids could have ended up intelligent, but they'll never have the chance thanks to their parents sending them to schools that deliberately tell them blatant ridiculous lies and claim they're true

Fuck this should not be allowed. It's not just the taxpayer money, I don't care if the parents or church are paying, and school that teaches creationism should not be allowed, it's another reason why home schooling shouldn't be allowed, because children should be taught the truth, not ridiculous blatant fantasies like this. Evolution is proven scientific fact and the backbone of biology and medicine and not teaching it to kids should never be allowed. fuck.

AutomaticPilot June 25, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Yeah, that is one of the many reasons home schooling shouldn't be allowed. Another one that always kills me is that (at least in NY state), you have to get your Master's Degree to become a certified teacher, but any nose-picking schmoe off the street can home-school their chilluns.

AbandonHope June 25, 2012 at 9:05 pm

I don't know. There's this evil part of me (the part that usually comes out when I browse Wonkette) that says they can go right ahead, and then utterly fail in the job market due to their lack of real knowledge about, well, anything, and it would be perfectly in line with their (ironic) Social Darwinist beliefs.

UW8316154 June 25, 2012 at 11:37 pm

The issue is that they are so easily courted for their vote. Sitting on the couch in the Section 8 house, living on unemployment, disability and WIC, occasionally taking the scooter to the Medicare doc – the aggressively ignorant are still allowed to vote, and are easily swayed by Republic messages to lower taxes and end government tyranny.

It's one thing to be willfully uninformed when they are in a remote hollow somewhere; it's another when their vote can affect my vagina.

tessiee June 26, 2012 at 12:05 am

"any nose-picking schmoe off the street can home-school their chilluns"

and they all do.

CivicHoliday June 25, 2012 at 8:46 pm

I agree with you, but I'm particularly outraged because it IS using taxpayer money, and supposedly taking the place of a good public education. It drives me bonkers that we don't have stricter rules about homeschooling (such as periodic testing to assure kids are actually learning things on par with grade level) and even more bonkers when, as you say, we willfully "educate" children in a way that keeps them ignorant and malleable and incapable of engaging in coherent public debates because they have zero critical thinking and logic skills.

Negropolis June 25, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Parts of this country are going in two totally different directions, and it's really scary in my none-snarky opinion. We're headed to a point where we're going to have a dozen or so socially and economically and physically healthy metropolitan areas, and everything else will descend into a hell on earth.

tessiee June 26, 2012 at 12:08 am

everything else will descend into a hell on earth that is the result of their determined efforts to create it

SayItWithWookies June 26, 2012 at 12:12 am

One of my favorite descriptions of America is George Clemenceau's insight that “America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilization.”

It may or may not be originally his, but it's my favorite of its variations.

tessiee June 26, 2012 at 12:06 am

"school that teaches creationism should not be allowed, it's another reason why home schooling shouldn't be allowed, because children should be taught the truth, not ridiculous blatant fantasies like this"

You'd *think*, but since we live in Bizarro Land, the purpose of school is to shield children from facts.

BarackMyWorld June 25, 2012 at 7:27 pm

YOUR MOVE, MISSISSIPPI.

Sharkey June 25, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Alabama must be so ashamed.

ChernobylSoup June 25, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Your move, evolution.

UW8316154 June 25, 2012 at 11:28 pm

FTW!!

glasspusher June 25, 2012 at 9:06 pm

They could always point to Haley Barbour as evidence of, uh..um… uh…

Toomush_Infer June 25, 2012 at 9:13 pm

the world being round – oh,it's not? Well, put Haley in the zoo, then….

Negropolis June 25, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Mississippi announced, today, that they are making the great Leviathan their state fish.

Chichikovovich June 25, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Which is doubly appropriate, since life there is poor, nasty, brutish, and short.

savethispatient June 25, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Also, dear Louisiana crazy schools: please google Coelacanth (or any of these other fish) and then tell me how that disproves Darwinism.

flamingpdog June 25, 2012 at 7:55 pm

No snark, that's just fuel for their fire. I remember a classic Johnny Hart "B.C." comic strip after he went Christard in which one of the folks asks, "If we evolved from apes, how come there are still apes?" One thing there is limitless supply of in America is teh stoopid.

savethispatient June 25, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Well yes, so stoopid that they chose the Loch Ness Monster to teach instead of the real existing fish.
This really has a nice symmetry with the news that the largest group of new immigrants to the US is Asians… better to import educated people than grow 'em here, right?

SayItWithWookies June 25, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Lots of immigrants were thin when they came here before adopting the American diet and getting fat — if we can make 'em fat, we can make 'em stupid, don't you worry.

savethispatient June 25, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Have you been looking at pictures of me from 5 years ago and comparing them with my current waistline?

imissopus June 26, 2012 at 1:06 am

Christine O'Donnell said the same thing on an episode of Bill Maher's old show. Now we know where she got the talking point.

Chichikovovich June 26, 2012 at 9:50 am

That's been part of folklore anti-evolutionism for decades. I heard it from a fundie classmate in the early seventies when I was maybe 10 years old. Presumably that is what his Sunday School teacher told him.

Boojum June 26, 2012 at 9:23 am

And I thought that was an ironic commentary on the ignorance of cavemen. There I go, underestimating stupidity.

glasspusher June 25, 2012 at 9:09 pm

My favorite fish! We now know of two living species. Informed Mafia types in Madagascar now say "he's sleeping with the lobe finned fishes"

tessiee June 26, 2012 at 12:10 am

Blah blah blah the Bible wharrgarrble, because these people are so stupid that they think MAKING a claim PROVES the claim.

not that Radio June 26, 2012 at 12:15 am

Ego hoc, ergo hoc.

tessiee June 26, 2012 at 12:14 am

Those were all pretty awesome, especially the guy with a saw on his beak and the shark that looks like a giant dick.

finallyhappy June 26, 2012 at 7:25 am

sacoptyrigian- a word I learned about Coelacanths

edgydrifter June 25, 2012 at 7:28 pm

And New Orleans flooding after Hurricane Katrina proves the story of Noah.

Negropolis June 25, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Yep, God punished decadent New Orleans for its debauchery, or and for also being Catholic.

UW8316154 June 25, 2012 at 11:39 pm

Yep, God punished decadent New Orleans for its debauchery, or and for also being predominantly black and poor.

/fixed

SorosBot June 26, 2012 at 12:46 am

No, that second part was why George Bush punished New Orleans.

Negropolis June 26, 2012 at 1:30 am

WIN

weejee June 25, 2012 at 7:28 pm

There are far more dinosaurs about than beloved Nessie. Take the Teapartiers for example, all of Faux News, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, many in Congress, the list goes on and on.

Toomush_Infer June 25, 2012 at 7:29 pm

What???? Crocodiles and iguanas weren't enough??????…

rickmaci June 25, 2012 at 7:38 pm

Gila Monster libel.

CommieLibunatic June 25, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Pfff, fuck those lazy fucks. Anyone who doesn't believe dinosaurs evolved into birds hasn't met my wife's overly territorial lovebird.

smokefilledroommate June 25, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Godzirra vs. The KFC Fire Hydra nt

rickmaci June 25, 2012 at 7:38 pm

^^Winner.

Veritas78 June 25, 2012 at 7:29 pm

In the long run this is going to save the rest of us a LOT of money. Soon, their med schools will just teach leeches, their barbers can be doctors again, and they'll all be dead by 38. We're off the hook!

AbandonHope June 25, 2012 at 7:58 pm

This would be a great plan if they weren't determined to drag everybody else down with them.

Negropolis June 25, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Well, until they decide to start another war with us. I saw build a fence in the Ohio and Mississippi rivers and call it a day.

Monsieur_Grumpe June 25, 2012 at 7:32 pm

And I thought you couldn't teach someone to be stupid.

AutomaticPilot June 25, 2012 at 8:52 pm

This is a great way for people to become actively involved in the expansion of their own stupidity, instead of just passively becoming dumber just by watching Fox Newz.

randcoolcatdaddy June 25, 2012 at 7:33 pm

I always thought Republicans wanted to turn back the New Deal. I didn't realize they wanted to go back to the quaint old days before the Renaissance and the Enlightenment.

These people are just mentally ill and have no business teaching, holding positions in government, voting, or raising children.

CommieLibunatic June 25, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Word. It makes a guy, somewhere in a deeper, darker partition of his heart, want to reconsider forced sterilization.

Ducksworthy June 25, 2012 at 9:33 pm

"I didn't realize they wanted to go back to the quaint old days before the Renaissance and the Enlightenment." Have you been out of the country for the last few years?

Pithaughn June 25, 2012 at 9:39 pm

way to much credit, they are hoping for early civilization, the great sun king romney's burial pyramid type of retrograde.

GeneralLerong June 25, 2012 at 9:40 pm

I keep wondering if the Chinese actually have the right idea with their re-education camps. Nevada has lots of space. So does Wyoming. So does the Gulf of Mexico.

Negropolis June 25, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Hell, I've always said that they wanted to take us back to the Garden, dumb, naked and care-free. Which doesn't sound so bad on paper.

tessiee June 26, 2012 at 12:16 am

Or breathing air that, if they died, decent, sensible people could breathe instead.

Boojum June 26, 2012 at 8:18 am

:::swoon:::

SayItWithWookies June 25, 2012 at 7:35 pm

As a faithful Darwinist, it's depressing to know that our faith relies on such flimsy evidence that the mere discussion of a beast not yet shown to exist can bring on the downfall of the entire religion methodology. Dear me, I fear the Christian fundamentalists are finally about to have their breakthrough and be proven right for all eternity. Sigh.

EatsBabyDingos June 25, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Tomorrow in the Wall Street Journal: why a 4.2% tax on calcified retained earnings in the tooth fairy industry will destroy democracy.

Callyson June 25, 2012 at 7:37 pm

publicly-funded vouchers for the next school year to attend private schools where Scotland’s most famous mythological beast will be taught as a real living creature

Now I have yet another reply the next time I hear my libertarian classmate go on about how the *liberals* waste taxpayer money…

glamourdammerung June 25, 2012 at 7:38 pm

This is hardly surprising since Republicanism is nothing more than the whole "victory over oneself" that Orwell talked about. Feelings, "common sense", contrariness, and ancedotes are the "other side" of facts and reality.

rickmaci June 25, 2012 at 7:41 pm

I wouldn't mind them so much if these loonies would stay in their own isolated cult communities, leave the rest of us alone and commit mass suicide while waiting for the Apocalypse every decade or so.

GeorgiaBurning June 25, 2012 at 7:55 pm

The British felt the same way in the 16 and 1700's, their results were mixed.

Doktor Zoom June 25, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Well OF COURSE dinosaurs are alive today. Our good friend Derrick Wildcat takes excellent pictures of them all the time.

scvirginia June 25, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Pretty dinos!

Doktor Zoom June 25, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Flying dinos

Excellent dinos

(this is the picture)

AutomaticPilot June 25, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Excellent Peter Gabriel reference!

MosesInvests June 25, 2012 at 9:58 pm

And Laurie Anderson is chopped liver?

emmelemm June 25, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Damn, them's good pictures! I looked at some of his pictures on his blog before, I think, but not the Flickr page – so many pictures….

SorosBot June 25, 2012 at 7:43 pm

They also have some eyewitness testimony to dinosaurs living alongside humans from a Fred Flintstone, Barney Rubble and Was, Not Was.

flamingpdog June 25, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Who knew "The Flintstones" was a documentary?

scvirginia June 25, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Anyone paying attention to the SC Legislature?

sullivanst June 25, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Boom boom acka-lacka boom boom.

SorosBot June 25, 2012 at 8:12 pm

I apologize for sticking this in everyone's head:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYKupOsaJmk

owhatever June 25, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Many Africans found their way onto a new way of life and opportunity in America and soon formed unique groups like the Platters and the Chantels. One invented peanut butter and another man from Kenya, Africa, stole the presidency. A holiday is named after one of their kings. (ACE: Short course in Negro history)

grace_nearing June 25, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Alas, the invention of peanut butter is in dispute (some award the prize to Aztecs). You can substitute axle grease and/or biofuels if you want.

NYNYNYjr June 25, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Most African immigrants were reduced to abject poverty when President Lincoln signed a law banning their traditional way of life.

Negropolis June 25, 2012 at 10:55 pm

"Now the negro was more crafty than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said to the uncorrupted white woman…"

scvirginia June 25, 2012 at 7:47 pm

If it's not Scottish, it's crap.

EatsBabyDingos June 25, 2012 at 7:50 pm

I believe in Teletubbies.

Exhausted66 June 25, 2012 at 7:53 pm

""One tenet has it that if it can be proved that dinosaurs walked the earth"

Two words: Larry King.

mwittier June 25, 2012 at 11:04 pm

I was thinking Carol Channing.

tessiee June 26, 2012 at 12:21 am

On the plus side, the fact that one of them has mastered the correct use of the word "tenet" could be considered progress.

Chichikovovich June 26, 2012 at 12:23 am

For all intensive purposes anyway.

tessiee June 26, 2012 at 12:29 am

Yet unstill, they did use it correctly.

imissopus June 26, 2012 at 12:57 am

Irregardless, it is still progress.

Tyrannically_Joe June 25, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Goddamn it. It used to be just the French, English, Swiss, Germans, and Scandinavians that put on their "smarter/more cultured/more attractive than the Americans" airs, but now the Scottish are getting in on the act?? Who's next? Ireland? Poland?? Luxembourg????

flamingpdog June 25, 2012 at 8:08 pm

The Duchy of Grand Fenwick? I think that's in ACE geography books.

Toomush_Infer June 25, 2012 at 8:24 pm

The mouse that roared like a dinosaur (on hearing this)?….

Sharkey June 25, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Nooningshire.

Steverino247 June 25, 2012 at 10:38 pm

I can't think of anything worse than Belgians.

UW8316154 June 25, 2012 at 11:38 pm

At least we don't have to worry about the Vatican putting on airs.

jingajo June 25, 2012 at 7:56 pm

So I guess this means Harry and the Hendersons is a documentary.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 26, 2012 at 9:05 am

As was The Flintstones.

weejee June 25, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Don't forget the coelacanths, they were thought to be extinct, but found not in the late 1930s. Some believe that Karl Rove is related to this specie on his father's side. Coelacanth means hollow spine, and it is felt that this is a feature which helps Karl to be so eel-like slippery when reporters try to play a gotcha.

BlueStateLibel June 25, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Why use the Loch Ness monster? The entire state of Louisiana proves evolution theory is wrong.

Toomush_Infer June 25, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Um, that's Devolution theory…

tessiee June 26, 2012 at 12:30 am

*searches storage shed for flowerpot hat*

Boojum June 26, 2012 at 9:25 am

Are they not men?

Um, well, actually not, not any more.

starfanglednut June 26, 2012 at 11:17 am

Yes, because the existence of neanderthals alongside contemporary homo sapiens proves Darwin was wrong.

AbandonHope June 25, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Fundamentalists "disprove" Darwinian evolution in the same way that one might "disprove" the real number line. Example:

Sane person: Theory states there are an infinite number of real numbers.
Fundie: Oh yeah? Then what's halfway between 2 and 3?
Sane person: 2.5.
Fundie: Okay, sure, but explain why there's no number between 2 and 2.5?
Sane person: There is — it's 2.25.
Fundie: Ah, but NOW I've got you. What's between 2 and 2.25?
Sane person: That would be 2.125.
Fundie: But you still haven't found the missing link between 2 and 2.125!
Sane person: Oh, for fuck's sake, that's 2.0625.
Fundie: Sure, you think you've won, but tell me this, smart guy — what's between 2 and 2.0625 then?
Sane person: You know what? Screw this. I'm through trying to get through to you.
Fundie: AHA! GOT YOU! That proves real numbers are just a flawed theory! I win! JEEBUS USA BIBLE CONSTIMATUTION MCNAUGHTY!
Sane person: [sigh]

flamingpdog June 25, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Bravo!

Butch_Wagstaff June 25, 2012 at 8:54 pm

You can tell them about pie. But not pi.

Boojum June 26, 2012 at 9:29 am

I like pie so much I can eat 3.14159265358979323846 pieces.

Doktor Zoom June 25, 2012 at 10:00 pm

POSSIBLY APOCRYPHAL: I recall seeing a mention, back in the early 80's, of a Moral- Majority-type parent who complained that a math teacher was promulgating the heretical idea that there were no absolute values…

flamingpdog June 25, 2012 at 10:17 pm

When I think of these folks, I think of -273.15 degrees C. Describes them perfectly.

Doktor Zoom June 25, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Did you hear about the scientist who was frozen to absolute zero?

He's 0k

Extemporanus June 26, 2012 at 1:04 am

0w.

proudgrampa June 26, 2012 at 2:01 am

Well played, sir!

tessiee June 26, 2012 at 12:42 am

From "Futurama"
Banjo: Oh! [He shows a hologram of a man and a Chimpanzee] If you elitist, East Coast evolution is real, why has no one found the missing link between modern humans and ancient apes?
Farnsworth: We did find it! It's called Homo erectus!
Banjo: Then you have proven my case, sir, for no one has found a link between apes and this Homo erectus.
Farnsworth: Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis!
Banjo: Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so called Homo habilis.
Farnsworth: Yes, they have! It's called Australopithecus africanus!
Banjo: Oh-ho! I've got you now! [Time Lapse. The hologram now shows 19 different species of ape] Fair enough, but where, then, is the missing link between apes and this Darwinius masillae? Answer me that, Professor!
Farnsworth: Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist!
Banjo: [He scoffs.] Things don't exist simply because you believe in them. Thus sayeth the Almighty Creature in the Sky!

scvirginia June 25, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Sounds like Bob Jones U got a bit too multi-culti when celebrating the Year of the Dragon…

flamingpdog June 25, 2012 at 8:10 pm

I think it's less a matter of too many cultures and more a matter of too many voices in their heads.

scvirginia June 25, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Yes, but at BJU, the voices are all preachin' from the same textbooks.

sullivanst June 25, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Best way to stop Louisiana from allowing schools to teach that Nessie is ForRealsie: tell them Wonkette approves :P

Tyrannically_Joe June 25, 2012 at 8:06 pm
Boojum June 26, 2012 at 9:31 am

I thought it meant "jet pack"? WILL YOU PEOPLE MAKE UP YOUR MINDS!!!!

savethispatient June 25, 2012 at 8:07 pm

That's nothing – there's also some religious schools that teach that a Palestinian man was put to death by the state, but then came back to life after 3 days.

CivicHoliday June 25, 2012 at 8:50 pm

And moved a two-ton boulder like Hercules! And was a kick ass magician! Man that's a good yarn.

Chichikovovich June 25, 2012 at 8:51 pm

That was no Palestinian. He was from Bethlehem. Which is in Pennsylvania.

savethispatient June 25, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Haha! Go to head of the class, Chichikovovich!

AbandonHope June 25, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Didn't Bruce Springsteen write a song about him?

tessiee June 26, 2012 at 12:44 am

Yeah, but in Bruce's version, he wasn't from Pennsylvania, he was from New Jersey.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 26, 2012 at 9:08 am

Born in the USA, that's all that matters.

savethispatient June 25, 2012 at 9:43 pm

And why wasn't Jesus born in Louisiana? Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

flamingpdog June 25, 2012 at 10:18 pm

But he's always described as Jesus of Nazareth. Isn't that in Texas?

UW8316154 June 25, 2012 at 11:40 pm

No no no. Jesus was the lead singer in Nazareth.

Chichikovovich June 25, 2012 at 11:52 pm

I could tell you, but right now I'm feelin' 'bout half past dead. Just need to find a place where I can lay my head.

bobbert June 26, 2012 at 12:41 pm

I think you can find a bed over that way.

Negropolis June 26, 2012 at 1:28 am

I don't know, but I know that Palestine's in Texas.

Negropolis June 25, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Also from Pennsylvania is Count Chocula, the guy that impaled said Palestinian on a wooden pole.

extreme_left June 25, 2012 at 8:09 pm

The Incredible Hulk is pretty damning proof Evolution isn't real.

iburl June 25, 2012 at 8:11 pm

"Do you enjoy your science classes Bubba?"

"Heck yeah, today we learnt that the existence of Smurfs proves that Hinduism is of the Devil! My teacher got his Master's Degree from the Hanna-Barberra Theillogical seminary."

UW8316154 June 25, 2012 at 11:44 pm

sexysmurf libel…???

fartknocker June 25, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Given the Supreme Court's current and future rulings on campaign finance and health care, KFC fire hydrants, and now mythical creatures from 1960s B-grade SciFi, I really am hoping that the Mayan calender is true and we all implode and return to carbon. That will really piss off the GOP.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 26, 2012 at 9:11 am

Why? It's not as if they're going to pass a carbon tax anytime soon.

Tyrannically_Joe June 25, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Incidentally, the Jersey Devil also proves that the Bible is right. And the majority of New Yorkers also too.

Negropolis June 25, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Now, now that's not a nice way to mention Snooki.

Sassomatic June 25, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Maybe Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter, will be shown as a documentary.

Warpde June 25, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Bloody Scot's trying to spoil all the fun, again.
Time for Highland Clearances 2.0.1.5.488.
Show them buggers who's boss.

Jesus rules.

GemlikeFlame June 25, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Swell. Pretty soon we'll have to home school our children to avoid the patent state-endorsed Jesus-flavored rape of science that the right seems to believe is theirs to violate however they see fit. The only good thing about this is that math is probably safe, I have yet to meet a thumper that understood the binomial theorem. Philosophy probably isn't safe from people who think Pascal's Wager is somehow compelling. When we have schoolchildren throwing temper tantrums because a teacher dared to cast any doubt on their carefully indoctrinated belief systems, something is horribly wrong.

Well, one out of three ain't bad. No, wait, yes it is.

viennawoods13 June 25, 2012 at 9:12 pm

I taught a kid who had been home-schooled by his preacher's-wife mother until he hit high school. In a discussion about the colonization of Africa, I said that the Europeans destroyed the social/cultural/religious systems that had existed there by converting them to Christianity. He picked up a book and read it in stoney, ostentatious silence til the end of class. I had offended.
Oh, and guess what? He's now a public school teacher.

GemlikeFlame June 26, 2012 at 12:10 am

Dawkins wept. My brother home schooled his ten(!) children, and used the standard BSCS biology text, arguably one of the most popular and even-handed texts in use today. Since his religious beliefs were somewhere to the right of Jerry Falwell, I thought this was suspiciously liberal until I got a look at one of the textbooks. He'd carefully gone through and crossed out the sections that "we don't believe in." I told him then in as quiet a voice as I could muster that science isn't a matter of belief, it's a matter of what you can prove, stomped out and haven't spoken to him since. That was 25 years ago. I'm sure his now adult children were carefully taught that you can safely ignore physical evidence if it conflicts with what you believe.

Perhaps I'm wrong and there's a god after all. Wouldn't surprise me in the least, I've been wrong about a vast number of things, but deliberately hamstringing the intellectual development of a child should be a criminal offense.

And that's why I teach college math, computer science, and biology. I can't repair the damage to his children, but I can make sure that other children get at least a balanced exposure to the scientific method and why it's important.

Teach the controversy, my ass.

tessiee June 26, 2012 at 12:47 am

"My brother home schooled his ten(!) children, and used the standard BSCS biology text, arguably one of the most popular and even-handed texts in use today. Since his religious beliefs were somewhere to the right of Jerry Falwell, I thought this was suspiciously liberal until I got a look at one of the textbooks. He'd carefully gone through and crossed out the sections that "we don't believe in.""

So the guy who failed biology has ten kids? There's a shocker.

Also, good for you.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 26, 2012 at 9:14 am

"carefully taught that you can safely ignore physical evidence if it conflicts with what you believe."

Perfect Republican children.

GemlikeFlame June 26, 2012 at 12:16 am

Touche.

Doktor Zoom June 25, 2012 at 8:16 pm

In grad school, I actually spent a couple weeks observing a small Christian school that used Accelerated Christian Education; it's all self-study through a series of workbooks and tests. Most of it's fairly conventional, apart of course from the Creationist weirdness, and everything is full of Bible references. And then there was the 5th-grade (I think) Language Arts lesson on fact and opinion:

A fact is an observable reality, something that can be quantified or measured, or God's Inerrant Truth as revealed through the Bible.

Examples:

* The table is made of wood.
* Washington DC is the capital of the USA.
* Water freezes at 32 degrees F.
* Jesus died to take away all our sins.
* God created the world and all life in seven 24-hour days, less than 10 thousand years ago.

An opinion is a matter of taste, a view or judgement about which people might reasonably disagree, or a "scientific" claim that contradicts Biblical truth.

Examples:

* Blue is prettier than yellow.
* My mom bakes the best chocolate chip cookies in town.
* Mr Jones is a better candidate for Mayor than Mr. Smith.
* The Universe is several billion years old.
* Humans evolved from apes.

I'm mostly reconstructing the specifics from memory, but that's pretty much what it was like.

Sassomatic June 25, 2012 at 8:34 pm

So an opinion is something that is either a personal taste or something they tell you is not true. I've taught kids coming from these kinds of schools. No wonder their minds are so twisted.

Doktor Zoom June 25, 2012 at 8:50 pm

I can only guess how they'd label the statement "The speed of light is a constant." I suppose they might accept that as a fact, but then fall into fairy stories when asked about the distance to Galaxy UDFj-39546284 (the oldest / most distant yet detected, at 13.2 billion light-years away).

299,792,458 meters per second? Yeah, well, you know, that's just like, uh, your opinion, man.

AbandonHope June 25, 2012 at 9:02 pm
Doktor Zoom June 25, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Heh..I think you may have started your reply just before I updated my post with that very bullshit.

Chichikovovich June 25, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Though it is bullshit, it isn't quite as dishonest as most of the Creationism/ID stuff. The author skips through a bunch of possibilities, rejecting many of them for (pretty obvious) compelling scientific reasons. Tosses out a couple of fanciful stories without actually endorsing them, but suggesting they are worth further study. Muddies the waters by pointing out a very distantly analogous problem for Big-Bang cosmology.

But in the end, at least he tacitly acknowledges that light from distant stars is a genuine problem for them and the solutions proposed so far either don't work or haven't been worked out enough to evaluate.

Sassomatic June 25, 2012 at 10:20 pm

So, if we were able to accelerate a clock to nearly the speed of light, that clock would tick very slowly. If we could somehow reach the speed of light, the clock would stop completely.

Oh yeah, that's fucking SOLID understanding of science right there. Because it's the flow of time that directly makes the hands of the clock move, and not, say, a mechanical mechanism that -measures- the flow of time.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 26, 2012 at 9:22 am

Fails miserably, doesn't it? The only one that makes "sense" is where god makes distant galaxies with their light already on its way to Earth. With this "universe as a practical joke" theory, you only have to explain god's peculiar sense of humor.

glasspusher June 25, 2012 at 9:14 pm

The Dude libel!

MilwaukeeKent June 25, 2012 at 10:30 pm

The speed of light. Not just a good idea, it's the law.

not that Radio June 25, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Hyperfine transitions in the Cesium-133 atom have a well-known liberal bias.

CivicHoliday June 25, 2012 at 8:52 pm

*facepalm*

tessiee June 26, 2012 at 12:50 am

Five or ten years from now, you'll see these kids on daytime trash TV, vehemently insisting that the lie detector test and/or DNA test are "WRONG, man!".

Boojum June 25, 2012 at 8:24 pm

How in hell do you get "jet pack" from "oxen"?

Oh, and do plesiosaurs really like to please? Because, no offense to Nessie, I find that hard to masturbate to.

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Well, I don't recall you *asking*…
Oh, you said *Nessie*.
Never mind.

Boojum June 26, 2012 at 7:55 am

BRB

starfanglednut June 26, 2012 at 8:42 am

You don't like bbw?

Boojum June 26, 2012 at 9:16 am

It's the long leathery neck that bothers me.

So, basically, Nessie is Jan Brewer.

johnnyzhivago June 25, 2012 at 8:25 pm

The Loch Ness Monster isn't real??? You're kidding?

CommieLibunatic June 25, 2012 at 8:25 pm

I'm with Professor Farnsworth on this one.

Blueb4sunrise June 25, 2012 at 8:27 pm

I actually have a positive thought about this. It's kind of a Santa Claus approach. The operating principle may be training to believe without any proof [or even decent evidence]., to prepare them for the real whopper beliefs, mentioned above, that they're expected to swallow later on. Or even 'well, you can't prove there ISN'T a Loch Ness Plesiosaur' [weren't these reptiles anyway?]
I think this will backfire on them.

Toomush_Infer June 25, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Um, like Santa Jezus himself?….

Blueb4sunrise June 25, 2012 at 9:36 pm

It's only MY THEORY!!!! A momentary lapse in cynicism.

I see your point, but was thinking that there's this whole realm of woo hoo that was at least conceptually separable from 'does the earth revolve around the sun, were there fire-breathing dragons', which is how many religious scientist kinda reconciled the two, but the more the woo hoo pushes crap about the latter kind of stuff, the more risky it is for blowback when people realize they've been bullshitted.

Boojum June 26, 2012 at 9:41 am

If you can get to them soon enough, children can think. Otherwise, they are just balls of whatever stoopid they heard most.

Barrelhse June 25, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Louisiana is Bliss.

Negropolis June 25, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Comment of the Week material.

glasspusher June 25, 2012 at 8:47 pm

I think it's a safe bet to assume these folks know more about The Hollywood Squares than Punnet squares.

mwittier June 25, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Paul Lynde once walked the earth with humans: true or false?

glasspusher June 26, 2012 at 12:10 am

Paul Lynde ascended directly into heaven. So it was written, so shall it be done!

CivicHoliday June 25, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Well at least they won't be offended when I put up a billboard reminding everyone that they are all homozygous for the microcephaly gene.

tessiee June 26, 2012 at 12:55 am

Of course they'll be offended, but it will be because you used a word starting with "homo".

mrblifil June 25, 2012 at 8:56 pm

"Chilly waiting for Nessie to show up. Whyn't you boys crawl up in this sleeping bag with Mr. Science and I'll show you some survivalist tactics designed to generate warmth…"

chascates June 25, 2012 at 8:57 pm

So Mothra and Gamera are just dinosaurs? And they looked so hokey in those movies on MST3K.

Butch_Wagstaff June 25, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Okay, I read the post.
I read the Herald Scotland article linked in the post.
I am now cursing in a Scottish accent.
I hope I'm doing part of ancestry proud by doing so.
But now I'm going to take a nice bath & try not to drown myself after reading the new level of stupidity offered by U.S. of Wrong.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 25, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Oh for fucks sake.

Comrade Wingtardd June 25, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Odd, there's not a word about this on nola.com

Chichikovovich June 25, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Well, I can't blame them for letting it slip, since they have quality tabloid journalism like this to occupy their attention:
http://www.nola.com/crime/index.ssf/2012/06/new_o

glasspusher June 25, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Nola DARLING!

Boojum June 26, 2012 at 9:48 am

I know a woman named Nola.

At least the last time I saw her, she was sex on a stick, dipped in aphrodisiacrumbs and fried in butter. In the South, this is a good thing.

glasspusher June 26, 2012 at 11:16 am

I don't see how that's a bad thing anywhere, as long as one practices safe sex!

glasspusher June 25, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Of course there is- front page says "Debbie is slow, erratic". Obvs reference to the author of these teaching materials.

AbandonHope June 25, 2012 at 9:18 pm

The liberal media strikes again!

Negropolis June 25, 2012 at 11:11 pm

I'm sure like most online "newspapers" these days, they couldn't fit the story in because who Lindsay Lohan is fucking, these days, and the newest barbeque recipe are far more important.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 25, 2012 at 9:18 pm

I predict witches being burned somewhere in the US in the next 20 years. I just hope it's not me being as I know how to cure athletes foot and all the laws of thermodynamics.

glasspusher June 25, 2012 at 9:37 pm

I've got your back, partner.

In the course of spontaneous change…

Designer_Radio June 25, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Your satanic thermodynamicism will come in handy as they toss copies of Rachel Maddow books on your pyre.

Chichikovovich June 26, 2012 at 12:18 am

I wish I could cure all the laws of thermodynamics. Or at least reverse entropy. In my office. And in my son's room.

Negropolis June 26, 2012 at 1:26 am

Kansas. Definitely Kansas, with Michigan soon to join if they keep up this anti-women bullshit.

CivicHoliday June 26, 2012 at 7:42 am

I got you beat – I know all the annoyingly complex biochemical steps of cellular respiration and photosynthesis. I know for a fact that my students would be more than happy to put me in an iron maiden for forcing them to know what pyruvic acid and Acetyl-CoA are.

scvirginia June 25, 2012 at 9:31 pm

So we need to get busy with counter-measures. Who volunteers to write Chapter 1 for the 1st Grade Science textbook?

glasspusher June 25, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Fuck yeah! Unless this is some kind of trap to ensnare scientists?

scvirginia June 25, 2012 at 10:06 pm

I don't always know what to do with the scientist I've already ensnared, so no this in't a trap.

Actually, it looks like something's already being tackled via Wikibooks http://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/Wikibooks:Textbook_s… , but you need computers to access e-books, so textbooks made of paper still look pretty useful for a while yet…

glasspusher June 25, 2012 at 10:12 pm

That's not uncommon. Ms. glasspusher doesn't always know what to do with me either. I think she's considering having me made into a lamp, but I doubt that would work because I'm not too bright.Srsly, there are plenty of good science textbooks out there, the problem is getting the fuckwits to allow them in schools. Deadening the sensibilities of a great democracy…

scvirginia June 25, 2012 at 10:27 pm

I wonder how much of this is actually fuckwittism & how much is simply funding. There's a lot of money behind the 'Christian' textbooks, but the books with real science are probably not as well-funded. Too bad I'm in no position to out-fund the Fundies…

Ducksworthy June 25, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Come on. There's for evidence for 'Nessie than there is for the Planet Kolob. "Romney/Jindal 2012. The pro-science ticket."

Biel_ze_Bubba June 26, 2012 at 9:58 am

The evidence for Nessie is stronger than the evidence favoring tax cuts, too. The problem is that these imbeciles are immune to evidence.

coolhandnuke June 25, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Remember Adrienne Barbeau's Himalayan cleavage from "Swamp Thing?"…I do.
Using her as the yardstick to elementary education, Louisiana could see marked improvement in mathematics, ABCs, physics and biology if they employed the "Swamp Things things."

Madam Killjoy June 25, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Fuck the Enlightenment!

Ducksworthy June 25, 2012 at 9:36 pm

On a similar but more hopeful note: I an launching a venture to sell special rocks that will turn lead into gold. I'm pretty sure this will really take off if I can get Glenn Beck to interview me.

Negropolis June 25, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Monster Quest libel!

JackObin June 25, 2012 at 10:14 pm

I had no idea people were stupid in Louisiana. Are they fat as well?

CrunchyKnee June 25, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Didn't read all the comments, but, I'm sure most fundies do not even know where Scotland is, let alone that it is in socialist you-rip.

MilwaukeeKent June 25, 2012 at 10:40 pm

This worries me. If word gets around, Hodags from the North Woods of Wisconsin and Jackalopes from all over the West will be lighting out for Louisiana, "The Land of Believers."

Negropolis June 25, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Okay, now as someone of partial Scottish ancestry, I know of the Scottish Englightenment and it's far-reaching implications and accomplishments. But, when the Scottish are calling you stupid, you've got a problem.

Chichikovovich June 26, 2012 at 12:03 am

If you've got David Hume and Adam Smith pulling up the curve, you can have a lot of morons in the population and still be pretty damned smart, on average.

tessiee June 26, 2012 at 1:04 am

"But, when the Scottish are calling you stupid, you've got a problem."

*Fat Bastard/Groundskeeper Willie accent*
"OY! Louisiana! Yer schuuuuuules are shyte!"

Biel_ze_Bubba June 26, 2012 at 10:01 am

Zombie James Clerk Maxwell would like a word with you. (Don't worry, he's got plenty of brains.)

Negropolis June 25, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Swamp gas is a helluva drug.

I've been sad to see a not insignificant amount of Catholics team up with the crazy evangelicals. While the Vatican has million-dollar telescopes looking deep into the heavens to find out the mysteries of the universe, a lot of American Catholics would be happy to take us back to Flat Earth Theory as far as their view of science is concerned.

jodyleek June 25, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Just today, my mother-in-law asked me if I believed in evolution. I said yes, I have a minor in biology (and a brain) and of course I "believe" in evolution (like it's a religion, I guess). She asked if my parents believed in evolution, and didn't I go to a Lutheran college? Yes, yes all those things and yes I believe in evolution. "Well!" she smirked. "I just wasn't brought up that way!" What the hell does that mean? Like I'm a peeping tom or a swinger or some deviant. EVOLUTION IS NOT A DIRTY WORD!!! I'm pretty sure she doesn't read this blog (because she doesn't own a computer) – I just needed to vent.

lulzmonger June 25, 2012 at 11:16 pm

In before the satraps overseeing education for the state of Alabama Denial Mississippi Psychosis Florida up the ante with a mandatory 8-week "Teach Teh Controversy" Cthulhu Mythos module.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 26, 2012 at 10:06 am

I have just the T-shirt for the participants!

BoroPrimorac June 25, 2012 at 11:39 pm

Your move, Kazakhstan.

mormos June 25, 2012 at 11:39 pm

I went to conservative christian schools for a good part of my life. It takes a long time to get that shit out of your head; and that's if you're lucky enough to get away from these kind of people.

Designer_Radio June 25, 2012 at 11:40 pm

OT:

A neural network of computer processors, fed millions of YouTube videos, taught itself to recognize cats, a feat of significance for fields like speech recognition.

Now isn't that what the internet's all about? Also: Maybe Skynet won't be so bad, so long as it can enjoy its lolcats feed.

Doktor Zoom June 26, 2012 at 12:18 am

Holy shit. That's not dated April 1.

Skynet becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, June 25th. And immediately noms all the world's cheezburgers.

(Alternate reply: My God…it's full of cats)

imissopus June 26, 2012 at 1:03 am

HI DAVE ANTENNA BROKE I CAN HAZ FRANK FIXED IT? KTHXBAI

CivicHoliday June 26, 2012 at 7:44 am

"I have seen the future, and it licks itself clean"

Negropolis June 26, 2012 at 7:51 am

"If you want a picture of the future, imagine a cat tongue, licking a human face — forever. All your emotions are belong to us."

not that Radio June 26, 2012 at 12:24 am

I CAN HAZ CONSCIOUSNESS?

imissopus June 26, 2012 at 1:02 am

I'M IN YER DEE FENZ SYSTEMZ LAUNCHING YER MSLES

Designer_Radio June 26, 2012 at 7:20 am

ERMAGHERD! LAUNCH CODEZ!

tessiee June 25, 2012 at 11:40 pm

"photographed by others"

The person who took the famous photo confessed on his deathbed not only a) THAT it was a fake, but also B) EXACTLY HOW he faked it.

Although, I suppose that just proves that that particular photo is a fake, not that Nessie doesn't exist.

Chichikovovich June 25, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Naw. I think it just shows that he was lying about faking the photograph. The Evolutionists got to him.

SheriffRoscoe June 25, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Nessie appears to be a plesiosaur.

Oh my god! SHE DOES.

(I've never actually seen Nessie. Not "physically," anyway.)

MissNancyPriss June 25, 2012 at 11:56 pm

The Fintstones argument arises.

not that Radio June 26, 2012 at 12:05 am

Too bad these people don't believe in science, or else they might learn about NESSI, an actual cool thing that actually exists. But then they'd have to believe in extra-solar planets, so I guess that ain't gonna happen.

Chichikovovich June 26, 2012 at 12:15 am

Oh, they know about NESSI all right, or at least some of them do. That charlatan William Dembski is always claiming that NESSI incorporates his principles for "Detecting Intelligence" and so gives a genuine scientific example of the principles he claims demonstrate the existence of intelligent design.

not that Radio June 26, 2012 at 12:38 am

Okay, I guess "learn about" was not exactly the right phrase.

The instrument was certainly intelligently designed, by humans, so I suppose we can give him partial credit. But unless the intelligent designer is rich in methane, I doubt that NESSI will discover it.

Chichikovovich June 26, 2012 at 9:59 am

Ah, sorry – got cornfuzzed in my late-night posting. It's SETI that Dembski is confusedly rabbiting on about.

not that Radio June 26, 2012 at 10:11 am

Yes, SETI. I suppose their 27 years of no detections of extraterrestrial signals really bolsters the dude's argument.
http://xkcd.com/718/

Designer_Radio June 26, 2012 at 7:22 am

KOLOB LIBEL!!!

(wrong fundies?)

not that Radio June 26, 2012 at 9:23 am

If Kolob is truly at the center of the galaxy, as many suggest, it will be masked by the blinding luminosity of SagA*, and at the very least be obscured by interstellar dust and not be detectable by optical/IR spectroscopic instruments. We may be able to infer its mass and orbital period indirectly by radial velocity measurements of the host black hole using cm-wavelength observations.

But none of that will be happening in Louisiana.

not that Radio June 26, 2012 at 9:26 am

Also, Louisiana is home to one of the three LIGO detectors. Certainly General Relativity is just as offensive to these people as evolution, no? I already didn't have high hopes for gravity wave detection, and now it's even worse.

smitallica June 26, 2012 at 12:13 am

So Nessie is a dinosaur, which means he's dead, but he's also alive.

So…Nessie is Jesus?

Designer_Radio June 26, 2012 at 7:24 am

God isn't a woman! DUH

not that Radio June 26, 2012 at 12:16 am

Or how 900 ft Jesus could fit on an 8 ft cross?

Chet Kincaid June 26, 2012 at 12:44 am

The question is, will it be a kind of "Pocket Dark Ages" with geographic limitations, or will it be destructive to a larger part of the globe outside of our borders?

SorosBot June 26, 2012 at 9:59 am

What's to worry about? I mean it's not like the previous Dark Ages were caused by fundamentalist Christians taking over the most powerful empire then on Earth and eradicating all knowledge which offended their beliefs, doing things like destroying what was then the world's greatest library while brutally murdering and mutilating the head librarian / instructor who had the temerity to be not just a scientist, but a woman.

Chet Kincaid June 26, 2012 at 10:37 am

Which "Assassin's Creed" was this in?

imissopus June 26, 2012 at 12:49 am

This is the best thing I've read all day.

tessiee June 26, 2012 at 1:12 am

"Who killed your mother, Bambi? Was it… DEVIL-lution?"

anteater June 26, 2012 at 1:15 am

Run Forrest RUNNNNNN.

proudgrampa June 26, 2012 at 2:10 am

It's too late to say anything but "Wow."

The stupid continues to amaze.

Negropolis June 26, 2012 at 2:18 am

OT: You guys hear about the Yemen-trained Norwegian Muslim convert that's gearing up to strike us? WTF, Norway? First the Anders dude and now this dude? Seriously?

BoatOfVelociraptors June 26, 2012 at 3:41 am

I grew up in that environment. Private schooling, dragons=dinosaurs fundamentalist Dobson "show kids your penis" kind of cult.

There is a reason I woke up at burning man wearing only a condom and a labcoat

thatsitfortheother1 June 26, 2012 at 5:06 am

You're a fucking scientist?

Negropolis June 26, 2012 at 7:14 am

A fucking scientist is the best kind of scientist.

ReelSmartKate June 26, 2012 at 6:36 am

I'm sorry but evolution has been a proven fact ever since the discovery of Batboy. Humans are evolving into a species that prefer to live in dark, crap filled caves with only bugs to eat.

DerrickWildcat June 26, 2012 at 7:19 am

If Germs evolved into Vitamins, why are there still Germs?

finallyhappy June 26, 2012 at 7:35 am

Dragons do exist- I was at the National Zoo and saw the Komodo Dragon. It said so on his enclosure. I didn't see him breathe fire but maybe when I go back.

mavenmaven June 26, 2012 at 7:43 am

They used to be big scary dragons but Jesus changed them into little ones to Save us.

StealthMuslin June 26, 2012 at 7:46 am

Why can't Louisiana just stick to the facts of Noah's ark, virgin birth and carpenters coming back from the dead?
Leave Nessie alone!!!

SolitaireRose June 26, 2012 at 7:48 am

And all across this great land of ours, Repubs are talking about how they don't NEED to spend a lot of money on school, because Louisiana and Arkansas don't, never mind that if we all got the edumacation that they get in those states, we wouldn't be able to work our Facebook machines and the only jobs we could get are the only ones left, wiping assess and making food for fat people.

Dildeaux June 26, 2012 at 7:57 am

Wake up, sheeple!!1! Chemtrails change the weather. I blame Obama for the Sharia drought were having in the midwest. When will the country come to realize his sochulist plans for murika!

thank the lawd loosiana finally stopped liebrul sciencey, fact-based education.

BaldarTFlagass June 26, 2012 at 8:08 am

I hope for the sake of the people in Louisiana, who for whatever reason cannot leave Louisiana, that all the doctors and engineers and so forth who reside and work in Louisiana don't actually come from Louisiana.

Negropolis June 26, 2012 at 8:19 am

Well, they do have Tulane down in New Orleans, whatever it is that they produce. And they did at least have to help in figuring out a way to keep their city above water during normal weather conditions, so they must have civil engineers.

But, I'm not even going to mention LSU.

DahBoner June 26, 2012 at 8:12 am

Hey Land O' Looey!

The Lohness "monster" was just an elephant:
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2006/03/0

Biel_ze_Bubba June 26, 2012 at 10:14 am
BlueStateLibel June 26, 2012 at 8:20 am

Somewhere in the black cold waters of Loch Ness, a large strugeon is quietly laughing…

Biel_ze_Bubba June 26, 2012 at 9:02 am

You want to know why this shit is stupid? REALLY stupid? It's because if, next week, we were to come across some land that time forgot, and found it crawling with living, breating T-Rexes and Stegosaurs, IT WOULD NOT MEAN THAT EVOLUTION IS WRONG. All it would mean is that not all the dinosaurs died 63 million years ago, so maybe the asteroid theory ain't right. Nothing to do with evolution, which proves that these fucktards, who are writing fucking textbooks for children, know nothing about it.

Just in case anybody got the idea that these ignorant cretins might be capable of logical thought.

Schmegeg June 26, 2012 at 9:13 am

"Biology 1099" That's the publication date, right?

elburritodeluxe June 26, 2012 at 9:42 am

Next lesson: how cutting revenues helps you pay off your debts. Jesus economics!

outragedcitizen June 26, 2012 at 10:26 am

"Accelerated Christian Education (ACE) programme"

Ah, so it has finally dawned that organized religion is slowly, (IMHO, much too slowly), dying out like the dinosaurs and if these religious charlatans wish to continue to have rubes pay them moneys to preach fairy tales then they are going to need accelerated Christian Education to build a new crop of gullible idiots.

Eve8Apples June 26, 2012 at 10:52 am

I think Wonkette needs to open a charter school in Louisiana.

anniegetyerfun June 26, 2012 at 11:00 am

Mr. Wilson is obviously an idiot — Islamic fundamentalists want to impose their religion on the masses against their will. They want to change the legal system to reflect their views on justice, marriage, and civil rights. They want to mold education systems to fit their narrow, misguided beliefs.

Yes, but they still teach evolution.

Nostrildamus June 26, 2012 at 12:34 pm

More disturbingly, why would a guy name his ox "Babe"?

djneedlz June 26, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Can we just build a containment wall on this side of the Deep South and wait for it to drown in Greenland Jesus' tears? With maybe an airlift for anyone who requests it?Shouldn't take too long.

djneedlz June 26, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Another suburban family morning
Grandmother screaming at the wall
We have to shout above the din of our Rice Crispies
We can't hear anything at all
Mother chants her litany of boredom and frustration
But we know all her suicides are fake
Daddy only stares into the distance
There's only so.much heartache he can take
Many miles away
Something crawls from the slime
At the bottom of a dark Scottish lake

ttommyunger June 26, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Going to be tough making that shit stick what with google and all. I guess that's the next move.

AbandonHope June 25, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Oops… yep, definitely did. The best part about most of that author's speculations are that — just like the existence of God — much of them can't be proven. They're like the old "LastThursdayism" joke — prove to me that the entire universe didn't just spring into being last Thursday, with all of previous history just an illusion designed to make us think time existed prior to last Thursday.

You can't disprove it but that doesn't make it any less insipid.

Doktor Zoom June 25, 2012 at 9:32 pm

I like the guys who explain that continental drift all happened during the year of the Flood–and there's the subset that thinks that the asteroid belt is made up of stuff ejected from Earth when the continents were whizzing across the planet.

Yes, there are people say this with a straight face.

SayItWithWookies June 25, 2012 at 11:05 pm

You are far too generous to this jackass's sophistry. His assumptions are that a) the speed of light has changed over time, b) time moves at different speeds relative to its distance from earth (i.e. an un-homogeneous universe) c) The LORD could've done anything to alter the facts if they don't yet fit our conclusions.

Not only that, he's gone and made some completely mystifyingly opaque critique of this light-travel-time thing, wherein if a situation that isn't evident actually happened, it would hypothetically disprove our current ideas of how energy spreads — okay.

It's one thing for a person to criticize a theory and come up with one more parsimonious — it's entirely whacked to criticize current knowledge and say a better fit is one that assumes huge numbers of extra and inexplicable circumstances but they're right as long as they fit the biblical text.

AutomaticPilot June 25, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Excellent Peter Gabriel reference with guest vocalist Laurie Anderson!

Doktor Zoom June 25, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Ahem. Excellent reference to a song co-written by both of 'em, with alternate versions released by each.

glasspusher June 25, 2012 at 10:36 pm

I suppose the kids who are really interested in science will find the right resources, but it's inexcusable to intentionally misinform and handicap kids in a science curriculum.Keep your holy book out of my lab, and I promise not to do experiments in your house of worship. Same goes for science class in school. Yeesh.On the other hand, it was blasphemy that set us free ;)

Negropolis June 26, 2012 at 1:34 am

But, that's a whole nother discussion.

AutomaticPilot June 26, 2012 at 9:32 am

The things you learn on Wonkette!

Boojum June 26, 2012 at 9:38 am

I think that's their "stupid face".

Chichikovovich June 26, 2012 at 10:33 am

His argument is 100% bullshit from a mathematical/statistical point of view, but that particular failure isn't a problem for him. What he's trying to do is come up with a defensible framework to reconstruct the old, obviously fallacious "The odds are [insert preposterously huge number here] to one that random processes could produce anything as complicated as even a single cell. It would be like imagining that a hurricane passing through a spare parts yard could produce a working automobile!" argument.

There are a million things wrong with Dembski's framework, but one of the more common sense ones is that no current science that incorporates probabilistic reasoning uses anything like it, and for good reason – it would give the wrong answers. So Dembski has to say: "But this is a special framework for the very specific problem of intelligence detection! And it's not true that no scientists use this framework: look at SETI." [He also talked about Shannon information for awhile, but that was hopeless so it seems to have vanished from his repertoire.] So SETI's failure to find anything doesn't touch him – he just needs to be able to say: "See! Here are genuine, 100% accepted scientists and they are using my design-detection principles" [Of course, they aren't, but that's a separate issue.]

not that Radio June 26, 2012 at 10:53 am

They've certainly put a lot of "thought" into this. I was reading that "Does Distant Starlight Prove the Age of the Universe?" that someone linked to from AiG last night. These people have distilled the "Dazzle 'em with Bullshit" technique into a fine spirit. There's almost no scientific or mathematical concept that they can't deliberately misrepresent. Thermodynamics disproves evolution, and the Bible disproves thermodynamics, except when we want to misapply the statistical methods of thermodynamics to enforce some fallacy that we've backed into. You should teach a Special Topics class in the Misapplication of Statistical Methods in Young-Earth Creationism.

radio-of-owls June 26, 2012 at 11:41 am

I live only 17 blocks from a guy whose 2nd cousin's friend's nephew's babysitter's chupacabra once said, "Whee!," which rhymes with "Ni!"

TOO SOON!!!!!

HarryButtle June 26, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Thank you.

Beckham? SHEESH! Kids today…

Doktor Zoom June 26, 2012 at 12:38 pm

This whole chupacabra can be sent to Afghanistan, no one has lost any

not that Radio June 26, 2012 at 1:57 pm

I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much.

Chichikovovich June 26, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Well, that's a relief. I thought you would just grin and shake my hand, with “no” all you said.—

Negropolis June 26, 2012 at 9:54 pm

God certainly didn't allow any cost overruns.

Negropolis June 26, 2012 at 9:59 pm

See Also: American Renaissance (magazine)

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