Sundays With Jamie Kilstein And The Lord: Why Isn’t Adam Carolla Funny?

broadsIf you have ever thought to yourself, “Boy, I sure wish I knew what the old guy who used to watch girls bounce on trampolines, while trying to slur out a coherent sentence, and who I assumed was dead, thinks about women” then you are in luck! Adam Carolla is alive and well and saying words in public again!

I was not going to write about this because no one wants to pay attention to a sexist, or keep the awful narrative of “are women funny??” in our smoggy ether, but the reactions I got from my liberal followers on Twitter and Facebook were horrifying enough to warrant a column.

For those who do not know what was said because you were Googling important events like “Trayvon Martin case updates” or “Supreme Court decision on health care” or “Mubarak….Zombie?” instead of typing, “MAN SHOW RULES TITS A/S/L INTERCOURSE!! FULL FRONTAL NO HAIRY BUSH”, here is what happened:

Old Man Loveline was asked if he thought women were funny by, weirdly enough, beacon of upstanding journalism The New York Post and his brain let him say:

“[Chicks are] always the least funny on the writing staff. The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.”

Well, with data like that looks like I won’t need to kill myself for being the same gender as scientist Adam Carolla! Thanks Mr. Math!

Clearly, we know this isn’t true. There are incredibly funny women out there and God fucking awful male comedians. When you were at the comedy club and saw your 18th rape joke, followed by humping the stool or pretending the mic stand was a big cock, were you aware that comic was not a lady?! According to Adam Science, funny words only come from all that backed up semen you have from not getting fucked.

What upset me so much is when I posted that Adam is a sexist fuckhole, I started to get responses from a litany of white dudes who felt that their hero was being oppressed by my words. Thank God for Twitter! Without it, I would not have seen the pale hordes come to defend such an oppressed minority: a rich white male.

Why, I remember when the Adam Carollas of the world had to march to obtain the right to vote, fight for equal pay (a struggle which started after the cancelation of The Man Show and continues today), and Adams everywhere are still fighting for full abortion rights in many states!

The fact that dudes on Twitter would rather shit on women than bear criticism of someone whose podcast they like baffles me. These are the same people making sure to “@” Adam on Twitter, thinking maybe they will become friends! Who wouldn’t want to be friends with a lonely sack of shit desperately prying open the door to star-fucking?!

A so-called fan of mine even pointed out that me going after religion in my standup, like here on Showtime is the same as “What’s up with Broads??” Adam Carolla taking a dump on women’s faces. One of the many problems with that comparison is that in my rant I am slamming religious bigots: the ones who try to restrict the rights of LGBT kids and in some cases drive them to suicide. I’m not, say, going after a group of people who are just trying to get work in a male-dominated business.

I don’t recall the organization of women comics trying to restrict people’s right to marry. Nor do I remember the Betty White child-fucking epidemic. The worst part? Instead of putting her in jail, I hear they just secretly moved her to another sitcom.

In fact, a comment like that from a religious person just reminds me that the church (not all religious people) HATES WOMEN AS WELL!

When making a “brave” stance as a public figure, the rule should be to only go after the oppressors. I’m not saying that women are always victims or damsels in distress, but many do get turned down for late night spots, and writing gigs, for another white dude with a hipster beard. So maybe people with the chance to voice their opinion shouldn’t spew fabrications to make it even harder for them.

If you are going to do that, don’t pretend to be edgy, or controversial. You’re just another boring old dude.

Jamie Kilstein has not yet challenged Adam Carolla to a fight. Listen to his podcast with Allison Kilkenny here.

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  1. Chet Kincaid

    Jesus, that "women aren't funny" thing has been around since the first cast of SNL. All the while, audiences and readers have been laughing at multitudes of funny women. Why do people keep bringing this tired shit up? (p.s. Rebecca is a riot; Ken Layne was funny as a crutch.)

    1. not that Radio

      Nobody could do gallows humor quite as well as Mr. Layne. He is the master, of that particular genre of "funny".

    2. MumbletyRadio

      I'm sort of surprised to hear you draw absolute conclusions between two types of online personalities, whose blends of humor draws from the well of inspiration in different regards. Lots of room on the scale for differentiated opinion, but after seeing the vehement polar opposition on the Sorkin thread among naysayers, I can only figure the same sun melts butter, hardens clay, and there's just too many makeups in-between to say which is more valid.
      But having dismissed Carolla's attitude as drawing his own conclusion based on type (or his shallowly informed view of type), I guess I was just unprepared to read a write-off concerning 2 familiars on the heels of that remark. (Ken's work usually resonated w/ me; I dig on Becca's writing too although neither's style resembles the other).

        1. MumbletyRadio

          Upon reflection, I see where you were drawing contrast to illustrate an example of the opposite of Corolla's assertion.
          Adding, I'm grateful people can feel free to disagree here!

          1. Chet Kincaid

            No harm, no foul. And I'm sure I have laughed at Layne posts, it's just that he has left me with a mostly bitter aftertaste, and I think in the last year there, he really did lose his sense of humor (and even said so).

          2. Doktor Zoom

            One of the presenters when George Carlin got the Mark Twain Award said that a lot of funny people progress through three basic stages (and I'm paraphrasing wildly here): In youth, they're saying "Fuck me!" As they get older, it tends to be "Fuck you!" And with enough experience, they arrive at "Fuck the world, we're all fucked." And it can be hard to get to that place and stay funny. Carlin did it, Twain did it, Vonnegut did it, and Layne decided living in the desert might be better.

          3. MumbletyRadio

            if you are still in all three stages simultaneously

            … speaking for myself.. this is full of all kinds of Win just for — if this doesn't defy explanation yet defines paradox — being so original AND at the same time evoking, "why didn't I think of that already?"

          4. CZL

            Toward the end reading a Ken post made me want to lie down and die. I mean, he was still delivering truthwiches slathered in truthonaise, but the overall effect was morose.

    3. Barb

      Belushi had strong opinions about women not being funny. How could anyone know Gilda and not appreciate her great talents?

      1. Chet Kincaid

        I think that Baby Boomer generation boys were strongly indoctrinated with male chauvinism (there's a term I haven't thought of in years!) growing up, and with all the vaunted social change of their generation, the men remained confirmed in their superiority. (I say this as a tail-end, 1960-born Boomer myself.) Have any of the post-Boomer generations changed this?

      1. Grief_Lessons

        You got me. Let me sharpen my critique, it pertains to this post: Libt@rd jeremiads are not funny. Seriously, the thinking that went into this post is as deep as the crumb tray at the bottom of my toaster.

        Without defending the indefensible Mr Carolla, I'm most annoyed with the implication midway down that statements made by rich white males are intrinsically suspect, and unworthy of support. Seriously, did anyone on this site ever defend Al Gore or John Kerry? Each one richer, whiter, and at least as male as Adam Carolla.

        Rich white dudes have caused a lot of bad things in this world, but dismissing everything that every one of them has to say is as dumb as, well, as dumb as saying that all women are unfunny.

        1. CapnRadio

          I'm most annoyed with the implication midway down that statements made by rich white males are intrinsically suspect, and unworthy of support

          Stop mistaking inference for implication; you'll find yourself less annoyed.

          1. Arken

            I didn't think so until he chose Lieberman as a running mate. After that, I wasn't so sure.

          2. Butch_Wagstaff

            I have the first issue of the Al Gore comic. In it, he invents the Internet. It also has the origin story of his major nemesis, the Global Warmer.

          3. BoatOfVelociraptors

            No, he just introduced a bill to promote the construction and commercialization of comedy.

        2. glamourdammerung

          Without defending the indefensible Mr Carolla, I'm most annoyed with the implication midway down that statements made by rich white males are intrinsically suspect, and unworthy of support.

          Well, good thing no one seriously does that then since it would tire out that wagging finger of yours.

          1. Grief_Lessons

            You're probably right, and I woke up on the finger wagging side of the bed this morning. But as people line up to disagree with me, I re-read the post, and I'm still not happy about it.

            The author is incredulous that people write into him to defend Carolla. Fair enough. But he doesn't say he's incredulous because Carolla is sexist, or an asshole, or a patently unfunny comedian, he's incredulous because they're defending a rich white male.

            He is indefensible because of what he said; his membership in the club of rich white males is beside the point, so why mention it at all? If being a rich white male is grounds for indefensibility, then I think my comments are valid.

            I don't believe for a second that anyone has suggested that disagreeing with Carolla constitutes "oppression" in the civil rights sense of the word. But armed with this straw man, he author launches into a paragraph on the absurdity of claiming oppression in this context. It has nothing to do with anything, but it's the kind of thing that finds a ready made enthusiastic audience on left-leaning blogs like our beloved Wonkette.

            It felt lazy and tiresome, like throwing red meat to the base is always lazy and tiresome.

            There, all wagged out.

          2. TribecaMike

            Of course rich white guys rule this country, but the least you could have done was evoke a chuckle about it. I offer this hopefully helpful tip: The best comedy is a reaction to adversity, not to the obvious.

          3. CapnRadio

            But he doesn't say he's incredulous because Carolla is sexist, or an asshole, or a patently unfunny comedian, he's incredulous because they're defending a rich white male.

            No, he's suggesting that the sort of backlash he's getting is the "white males are the REAL victims claptrap that inevitably follow any discussion of racism, sexism, yadda yadda yadda-ism. I haven't seen the precise comments that he's referring to, but it's not difficult to imagine what they are.

            Have you never really seen "pity the poor white male" propaganda before? What are you, new to the Internet?

        3. Mittens Howell, III

          'the crumb tray at the bottom of my toaster' –Is that a Conservative Think-Tank?

  2. OkieDokieDog

    I just ignore this boring dickwad. He's in the Andrew Dice Clay category of "comics" telling "jokes" for prepubescent boys and men who haven't mentally grown up crowd.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      And shockingly enough, women who were socialized to act more "mature" than that have a hard time fitting in a culture where pitching the 100000th dick joke is the height of humor. And the few that do – like a Lisa Lampanelli or Whitney Cummings at the extreme – get written off as "chicks who act like dudes", making it hard for anyone who is slightly different to break through.

    2. MaxUdargo

      I don't even have to ignore him, not having any clear idea who he is.

      I'm assuming he's the guy on the right, because the guy on the left I've seen on TV and his name is Jimmy Something and he's kind of funny.

      As far as women not being funny, I have two words to say to that: Maria Bamford. Maria Bamford is the funniest human being that has ever existed. If she had been born a few decades earlier, she could have ended the war against the Nazis years earlier, just by jogging through the shell-shattered forests of Europe, telling jokes.

    1. mayor_quimby

      It is pretty funny that he's a HUUUGEE car guy, american muscle and BMWs especially, if I recall from his CarCast podcast. Yet he's named the same as the most anemic compact performance car that has sold millions of copies to unsuspecting Americans.

  3. BoatOfVelociraptors

    Seriously, nobody benefits from the sideways swipe touch experience. If you could turn that package off in the settings, my iPad would be happy.

      1. glasspusher

        Desktop version should be the default, though. Any well designed site, like this one, scales just fine.

  4. Chichikovovich

    Why should I care about the opinion of a bozo who doesn't have the minimum common sense and decency to stop blocking the view of the trampoline?

  5. fartknocker

    My experience with Adam Carolla is that he's Grade A shit-fer-brains that somehow became a supposed comedian who is neither funny or entertaining. Wonkette editors should dismiss him as a more advanced form of Carrot Top and never mention him or his douche-baginess again.

    1. PsycWench

      Does this establish Carrot Top as a level of lameness by which we judge other levels, or are there lower levels?

      1. An Asexual Ungulate

        Jim Breuer. There is nothing funny about that man. At least Carrot Top LOOKS funny.

        1. BerkeleyBear

          Are you really trying to say that stoners don't look funny? Because Breuer looks like the quintessential stoner naturally – and that's pretty funny.

          1. An Asexual Ungulate

            The one bit of Breuer that I actually remember (where he's not a back up character in a stoner comedy) was some standup routine he was doing, in which he sounded very drunk, that mostly consisted of Islamophobic jokes followed by a stoner sounding "maaaaan".

            It was like listening to any generic drunk frat boy. He didn't even look funny. Just stupid.

        2. Butch_Wagstaff

          I always thought Jim Breuer looked creepy. I don't know why. Something about the eyes. But maybe that's just me.

    2. BerkeleyBear

      What he is, is Larry the Cable Guy for West Coast people – he was a boxer, trainer and contractor who worked his contacts with famous wannabe tough guys and line of what would be totally unimaginative drivel to anyone who has had to work with a bunch of construction workers into a career. That's why he has a built in audience – he is the lowest common denominator (and I will admit, he does have a certain caveman appeal like an Adam Sandler movie without the plot).

    3. Doktor Zoom

      Credit where credit is due: Carolla did a bit on Loveline that was reliably funny: a quiz game called "Germany or Florida," in which they'd read a weirdass news story and the caller had to guess if the insane (usually criminal) behavior happened in Germany or Florida, which they posited were the two poles of global weird behavior.

      Maybe it was the other guy on Loveline who came up with that, though.

      1. DemmeFatale

        Reminds me of a Buffalo radio station, (we lived in Rochester, NY), that had a bit called "Canadian or Dead." They'd name someone, and you had to guess.

  6. BoatOfVelociraptors

    Additionally, given the fact that the pride parade starts in 2 hours, I am certain there will be a smidgen of bear criticism. This café is full of 'em.

    1. finallyhappy

      At the DC Pride parade- I had to explain to some young folks what bears are- I would have thought looking at the bears in the parade- with a sign that said they were bears would have been obvious

  7. Chichikovovich

    [Chicks are] always the least funny on the writing staff.

    Though I hate to say anything in defence of Carolla, I do think that his observation is in fact supported by his experience. Due to the fact that the genuinely imaginative, clever, original funny women wouldn't be caught dead in the same room as such a creepy, unfunny slug.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      The process by which people become writers on TV comedy shows (especially sketch or segment shows, rather than those with a narrative arc) seems to lend itself to typically male patterns of behavior – they are highly driven, almost autistic in their narrow focus and willing to sacrifice to an unhealthy degree the rest of their "lives" to get jobs that rarely work out. The actual staff work requires a similarly male-centric pattern – they are basically slobs who live on shit food, beer and sometimes coke in unwashed communal packs while churning out stuff that is rarely all that original but has to be cranked out fast. They also are ridiculously competitive rather than collaborative, a model going back to at least Sid Cesar and the "Show of Shows."

  8. Blueb4sunrise

    I know that you're all wondering : Does Blue give a flying fuck?
    Ans: No.
    Also, BOOBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. CapnRadio

      Okay, now you've done it. Crittenden is my pretend hilarious, smart, hot GF, sir. Back off.

        1. CapnRadio

          I'm sorry, that was poorly worded. I should have said "my hilarious, smart, hot pretend-GF."

          And "Back the fuck off."

  9. Crank_Tango

    Can we please stop giving this idiot all sorts of free press for his book or whatever?

    Also, I dunno if he is funny or not, but I do know his teeth are made of yellow wood.

    1. MissNancyPriss

      Yup, just trying to drum up publicity and this site is falling for it. Don't need this article, amusing as it is.

  10. SoBeach

    It's never pretty watching second rate or fading stars scratch and claw for publicity with some carefully calculated shocker.

    At least he didn't leak a sex tape.

    1. An Asexual Ungulate

      The suggestion alone just made my breakfast start working its way back up my throat. Thanks.

    2. tessiee

      "It's never pretty watching second rate or fading stars scratch and claw for publicity with some carefully calculated shocker."

      So, you Palin girls can stop getting pregnant any ol' time now.

  11. Goonemeritus

    As a dude I feel I’m getting funnier with every new hair that sprouts from nose and ears.

    1. Beowoof

      Ah yes hair growing in places I don't want, while top of my head seems to lose more daily. And, at least to me, it is not funny.

      1. PsycWench

        Think of it this way: you're not losing your hair. It's migrating to other areas, having figured out that your brain can take care of itself now.
        My husband doesn't find that reassuring either.

    2. Butch_Wagstaff

      I'm close to giving up the war against my ear hair.
      I thought I was done with all that body hair growing shit in my early 20s.
      Then I hit my early 30s and my body said to me "Ha! Fooled ya, didn't I?"

  12. DerrickWildcat

    Those two stupid guys. Them three stupid girls. Dumb building. Stupid trampoline. The trees are ok. They don't know no better, but the that fence should've. That sky should get out of there. The cars should have drived away. The concrete should of just done it's thing. The whole thing is just all wrong.

        1. Doktor Zoom

          Kid Zoom looked over my shoulder at that pic and said you need to be sending photos to the National Geographic nachur pichers award things.

        2. DerrickWildcat

          Thanks folks. It's a Great Blue Heron. Terrible lighting that day, cloudy and drizzly, so it's a little dark. However, when the weather is bad for people around a lake, it's good for birds. This little lake is right in town by the University of Nebraska Football Stadium. The GBHs are a little more acclimated to people on lakes in the city and will allow you to get a little closer if you are quiet and don't move. So you just get down in the grass in a comfortable position and wait and watch and fire off pictures when they go for fish.

  13. Beowoof

    Jesus what an asshole, two of my favorite comedians are Elayne Boosler and Stephanie Miller. Both are smart and funny which is more than I can say for Adam.

  14. StanleyPain2

    Here's a fun Riddle-Time Fun-Puzzle Riddle Sudoku Test thing! Who is worse at their art form? Adam Corolla or Jimmy Kimmel?

    1. Fare la Volpe

      Jimmy Kimmel had the good sense to fuck Sarah Silverman. I can only hope some trickle of her brilliance leaked out and into him.

  15. lisawines

    My standup comedy teacher used to say chicks aren't funny (as we handed him large checks for his classes). The chicks in the room gave him much shit about this (as he leaned back and snickered with a patronizing head-patting aw-yer-so-cute smile, surrounded by his nodding bearded edgy dude gang). He was, actually, a great teacher, even though he wore powder blue cowboy boots. But he still needs to be slapped, regularly.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      Does a guy reduced to teaching comedy classes have any real place to tell someone they aren't funny? Just sayin'.

      1. Doktor Zoom

        One of the few great ideas from one of my grad school colleagues was a title for a deliberately-lame raunchy comedy screenplay about grad assistants teaching first-year composition: "Those Who Can't"

    2. tessiee

      "He was, actually, a great teacher, even though he wore powder blue cowboy boots. But he still needs to be slapped, regularly."

      Allow me to posit the theory that he needed to be slapped regularly for wearing powder blue cowboyboots.

      1. deanbooth

        Nope, but I mainly just look at the pictures. Gender is usually a mystery — even an "I'd hit that" comment is not a reliable indicator.

        1. Chichikovovich

          Hi Owls – It's good to hear from you – we keep missing one another.
          [Is the Tammy line an inside C-u.ster-w-olf reference from before my time or serious?]

      2. UW8316154

        I do, I do….whatever happened? I don't dare write the actual name, I'm afraid she'd reappear.

        1. Boojum

          You can't write the actual name. I tried. It was auto deleted, even after all this time, by the Ultimate Ban Hammer imposed by the God King Layne (fear His Name). Which should also tell you what happened.

          1. Boojum

            My faith is shattered beyond repair. I shall have to transfer my allegiance to the God King Newell (Fear Him)!

            Good thing the Flying Spaghetti Monster is eternal.

  16. biblioteq_tress

    Might I also point out that me being female did not happen because a dude with blue balls in a dress dribbled water on my forehead while muttering about a dead guy, his dad, and a ghost?
    I was born a chick. Catholicism was foisted on me at two weeks old. I could choose to leave the church, but it would be very expensive and painful to choose to leave femaleness, regardless of the financial benefits of doing so and not having to listen to morons slam my driving.

    1. Chichikovovich

      … having to listen to morons slam my driving.

      Hmmmm…. Adam Carolla types make "Women Drivers – bad. Huhuhu." jokes. Insurance companies uniformly offer significantly lower premiums to women drivers.

      I wonder who to believe?

      1. Doktor Zoom

        Insurance companies also have been raising premiums for properties in coastal areas. This says more about the reality of global warming than all the pundits on Fox could ever hope to.

      2. tessiee

        Well, it's not like insurance companies have entire rooms full of people who do nothing else all day but figure out the odds of a certain thing happening, like…
        My bad.

  17. Serolf_Divad

    I hate to slam Adam Carolla, just because it seems a little too easy, like reviewing Art Garfunkel's poetry or wondering where black guy from Miami Vice is today.

    Adam Carolla is exhibit A of what happens to the "straight guy" in a comedy duo when the duo splits up and the straight guy tries to establish a career on his own.

  18. Callyson

    Jamie Kilstein has not yet challenged Adam Carolla to a fight

    Come on, Jamie…I'll pay to watch this, and here's my credit card number…

    1. flamingpdog

      Could you re-enter your post, please? I think Intense Debate cut off your credit card number.

  19. poorgradstudent

    He still makes that comment even with highly visible funny ladies like Amy Poehler and Tina Fey out there?

    That's it, I sentence him to four hours of watching Victoria Jackson doing ad lib stand-up, so that he may truly understand what an unfunny woman looks like.

    1. CivicHoliday

      Tina Fey has more humer in her left ovary than he has produced in a lifetime of comedy

      1. Jeri 2.0

        Not that there's nothing wrong with that! If we could just see him bouncing around on a trampoline in a pair of wet, sheer boxers we could lay this whole issue to rest.


        1. flamingpdog

          I'm really hungry right now, yet grateful that I delayed having breakfast until after reading the newest comments on this post.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      Vicar of Dibley, also too.

      Anyone who doesn't think French & Saunders are a laugh-riot is a fucking communist.

        1. not that Radio

          Whenever Mrs Dewey tells me to do something that

          (a) is ridiculously obvious, or
          (b) I'm already doing,

          such as "don't burn the oatmeal", I say "minding the oatmeal, dear", in my best Richard Bucket voice.

    2. alteredimages

      I see your Jennifer Saunders an raise you a Maria Bamford. She is the funniest thing to happen to America since MST3K. Oh and she played a smoking hoedown on a fiddle off screen on an episode of MST3K so IT ALL COMES TOGETHER MAN

    3. doloras

      "I'm starting recovered false memory syndrome, so I'll get something on you sooner or later… yeah, you in a hood, in the wood, it's all coming back to me now…"

  20. SexySmurf

    OT Up here in the 206, I live right on the Pride Parade route, so there's all these gay people outside my apartment, which is fine (especially the lesbians), but they brought their kids with them. Their screaming, crying children, which is like someone rubbing ground glass in my ear. Two things, gay people:

    -Leave your shrieking snot factories back in the suburbs. I moved to the city to get away from shit like that.

    -Who the fuck are you calling a breeder? You're the ones with all the goddamn kids.

    EDIT: Now they're playing Selena Gomez. I'm sorry, I can't allow this to go on any longer; you'll have to pack up the rugrats and bubblegum pop and go back across the lake.

        1. flamingpdog

          I'm thinking of you, or at least I'm thinking of your avitar.

          As for the first part, I've leave that to the Catholic clergy or the Penn State football coaching staff.

  21. Arken

    Nor do I remember the Betty White child-fucking epidemic.

    I do, Jamie. Oh dear god, I do…

    1. Negropolis

      Jesus gets shit-faced drunk having tried to impress the chicks with turning all of the water into wine, and Mohammed responsibly takes him home as the designated driver.

      1. bobbert

        At first glance, I read that as "designated liver".

        Possibly, my subconscious is trying to get through.

  22. sezme

    As Haruki Murakami said about writing novels (although the same applies to satire), "Between a high, solid wall and an egg that breaks against it, I will always stand on the side of the egg."

    Also, Adam Carolla isn't funny.

  23. TribecaMike

    Q: What's the pope's wife's nickname?

    A: "The Holy C."

    (Thanks to musician and skeptic George Hrab for that one)

  24. gullywompr

    I cry myself to sleep every night that Sara Benincasa rarely savages us with degradation these days – that's some funny shit.

    1. Barb

      Sara put up a short clip on one of her last post where she was spoofing Bachmann. She opened with, "fags kill babies on a daily basis." Her delivery reminded me of Gilda Radner and in times of stress I will close my eyes and replay that in my head. No one else could say that and be funny. Sara is wildly funny.

  25. SolitaireRose

    "Women aren't funny" is not a new thing in comedy by any means. Look at guys like Jerry Lewis, who has been saying it as long as someone gave a shit about what he had to say. However, there are also old time comedians like George Burns who said constantly that Gracie was much funnier than him (and he's right, he was the straight man in their act). It's such a long prejudice that there are VERY few female stand-ups known before Joan Rivers.

    Doesn't make it true, but it has been a long-help perception. Corolla is just the latest. Then again, since he does "frat boy" humor, it's pretty rare that a woman CAN do that kind of humor….thank Ghods.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      Criticizing a woman for not being able to do frat boy humor is like criticizing an MIT professor because he's bad at shoveling shit.

  26. not that Radio

    Put Madeline Kahn and Adam Carolla in a cage match, and see who comes out funnier. (I mean, when she was still alive.)

    1. FakaktaSouth

      I like Norm, even if only for the time he went on dickbag Dennis Miller's show and pretty much only said the word cock, over and over and over again for no reason, and that dumbass neo-wannabe-con didn't know what to do with him. I enjoy fucking with assholes too, so ya know, that was funny. Also, I have shown everyone I can find the link of Pete and Jack…thanks again for that.
      Adam Corolla is the luckiest jerk-off in the world that he is famous at all.

    2. tessiee

      Norm Macdonald's one claim to fame was his Burt Reynolds impression, but I must admit it was a good one.
      Also, on the show "My Name is Earl", the slimy businessman was played by Burt Reynolds, and his spoiled rich kid son was played by Norm Macdonald.

      1. Chichikovovich

        His Bob Dole was pretty good too.

        I used to watch him do standup when I was in university and he was starting out in the Toronto comedy clubs. Once you got used to his affectless delivery he was amazing. On a couple of occasions I was laughing so hard I thought I would suffocate, and that's only happened to me a handful of times in my life.

  27. FakaktaSouth

    Oh poor Adam. He's so god damned jealous that we funny gals can also touch a vagina and/or boobs anytime we would like that now he has to be all pissy about comedy AND women, two things he OBVIOUSLY knows nothing about. Fuck off dude you're ugly and not terribly bright, boring and WAY too whiney, always. I totes watched that show for the trampoline jumping outfit tips though, and without them he had no show – that had to KILL the guy.

    1. Butch_Wagstaff

      I never "got" The Man Show. I always figured it was because I was one of those gay homo-men so I was never the intended audience.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Possibly the SMART gay-homo-man part is what caused most of the trouble for you.

        I will admit to watching it mostly for the "how high IS Jimmy Kimmel" effect. I don't really remember much else, even though that shit was on for FIVE FREAKING years. Never underestimate the value of stupid.

      2. tessiee

        "I never "got" The Man Show."

        My boyfriend at the time used to call it "The Asshole Show".

    2. redarmybarbie

      Seriously. I, a homosexual male, have a higher chance of touching vagina than that asshat ever will.

    3. Negropolis

      I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the guy is married with two children (twins), so he's probably had mutual sex at least once in his life.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Oh of course, I have heard the guy talk about that – and as an erstwhile married person, I can say with much satisfaction, my point still stands.

  28. DrunkIrishman

    Then there is attention whore Lisa Lampanelli who smells controversy like a goddamn hot dog on the grill and throws her fat ass support behind him. Don't get me wrong, Lampanelli can be funny and all, but she's doing it solely for the shock value by suggesting he's right – women are just soooo fucking lame. That bitch slops up attention more than she slops up the jizz from a black cock.

          1. DrunkIrishman

            I bet her husband loves that one. All in the name of the act. I actually think it's one of her better and more humorous bits. So, glad she's still doing it.

    1. Chet Kincaid

      I like my crude garbage, but I can't stand the crude garbage of the modern day Comedy Central roasts. Maybe it's a case of some limits making stuff funnier (i.e. the classic Dean Martin roasts).

      1. DrunkIrishman

        Agreed. I haven't watched one of their roasts in a long time. The roasts seem to be all about throwing as much at the wall as possible and hoping something sticks.

      2. Dr. Nick Riviera

        I always thought roasts were supposed to honor talented people? I thought that was kind of the point… pam anderson, chevy chase, charlie sheen, donald trump….isnt this kind of low hanging fruit?

  29. TribecaMike

    I never got the point of Sandra Bernhard, nor why for a few years there Hollywood tried to shove her down our throats.

        1. DrunkIrishman

          Sadly, that's how TV generally works. Tho, I think Roseanne was okay up until they won that damn lottery and then became so bat-shit insane that even bat-shit insane Roseanne admitted it was a bit too bat-shit insane.

          1. TribecaMike

            True insider Hollywood story just between you and me: A comedy writer friend of mine was signed as the head writer for that season, and when Roseanne announced that the lottery thing would be the season's story arc, he told her it was a huge mistake, so she fired him (well, that's the simplified version; Roseanne was also an insufferable asshole). He didn't care, since he had an iron-clad contract that stated he got paid for the season whether he wrote a word or not. At the end of that season, she begged him to come back, which he did.

            And that's how he was able to sit around on his ass for a year, buy his lovely house in LA, and another in Brooklyn. Score one for the writers!

          2. DrunkIrishman

            Roseanne grew up in my city, so, I know people who knew her when she was just a young Jewish girl in Mormonland. My neighbor growing up, Jim, lived next door to the Barrs for a while and Roseanne used to be babysit his kids. He even got a mention in her book, since she wrote about how she spent the entire time babysitting looking through his porno mags. Jim was an old, blind man who worked at a local grocery store. He couldn't drive, so, his wife drove for him. Only problem was that she had had a massive stroke years ago and couldn't walk very well, since the whole left side of her body was pretty much paralyzed. So, it was a lot like the blind leading the blind when she drove.

          3. DrunkIrishman

            Well I don't think he was blind back then…at least I hope not. But maybe it was scratch and sniff?

    1. Doktor Zoom

      I was one of two people at a screening of her movie Without You I'm Nothing, which left me about equal parts amused, wondering if it was either deeply ironic or just pointless narcissism, and at moments wanting to strangle my own brainstem.

      1. TribecaMike

        Oops, got confused me there for a moment — thanks beer! — and I thought you were replying to my Nora Dunn comment. Sandra Bernhard sucks farts out of dead rats.

        1. tessiee

          "Sandra Bernhard sucks farts out of dead rats."

          This WILL be re-used, although with other names.
          OK, sometimes with other names.

          1. TribecaMike

            Feel free. I heard some kid say it on the playground in 8th grade and have been repeating it ever since.

    2. tessiee

      "I never got the point of Sandra Bernhard, nor why for a few years there Hollywood tried to shove her down our throats."

      Because she supposedly had sex with Madonna, back when anyone cared about Madonna?

    1. TribecaMike

      A comedic genius, plain and simple. And very rare for a comedic genius, she's not a native Canadian but from Portland, Maine.

  30. TribecaMike

    Nora Dunn deserves a mention. One thing I like about her is she doesn't just tell funny and often very subtle jokes, but she knows how to construct and deliver a routine. I've seen her play with an audience's head like Heifetz played an Amati fiddle.

    1. TribecaMike

      Some say he can be seen roamin' the swamps during the full moon, searching for anyone who remembers his brief moment of basic cable fame. Others say he's the original chupacabra. Perhaps we'll never know, or give a shit.

  31. Rotundo_

    Adam isn't funny. He is frequently in the presence of people who are, and this enables him to riff off them, but on his own he just can't fly. The comparison between Kimmel and Carolla and Martin and Lewis is apples and oranges: Both Martin and Lewis could solo and do just fine thanks, but together did some fantastic stuff. Kimmel does fine on his own, but Carolla just can't. Lisa Lampanelli needs a target to riff on too. There are plenty of women who can bring down the house, some can do it with going blue like Lampanelli, others are more cerebral. Funny is funny no matter what gender you are.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Eh — Jerry Lewis on his own was just a jackass with spastic fits, which was how I first saw him. I was shocked when I finally saw him with Martin, though Martin was still funnier.

  32. Doktor Zoom

    OK, I'm still trying to figure out what this "American Sign Language Intercourse" is all about.

    1. HistoriCat

      If you find out, let us know – it would probably useful to have wild sex without disturbing the upstairs neighbors …

  33. ttommyunger

    I'd prolly be bitter too, if I was a big, dumb, unfunny cunt with an overbite, a nasal twang and back hair like Big Foot.

    1. tessiee

      HEY!!, You…
      *checks mirror*
      *notices complete absence of back hair*
      Oh! You meant Adam Corolla!
      OK, then.

  34. originalbob74

    I recently posted an honest, one-star review on Amazon of Adam's book In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks, observing, among other things, that if Rush Limbaugh tried stand-up, he would hit the same flat note with the same repetition. (I got that piece of shit book as a present from my well-meaning wife in an uncharacteristic moment of bad judgment.) Anyway, within just a few hours of the review's posting, I received so many insulting, pissed-off comments from Adam worshippers that I deleted my review.

    While the book really is garbage, I suspect that Adam doesn't actually mean it any more than he and Jimmy Kimmel actually meant for viewers of The Man Show to take up lighting farts after hearing the show's theme song. The problem isn't its politics, it's just that it's humor for hateful morons. These review commenters felt like I had pissed on somebody deserving of cultural sainthood! I'll bet they all sit around lighting farts, too.

    1. TribecaMike

      "I haven't stopped talking since Morning Joe…" The best comedy is based on truth.

  35. TribecaMike

    A simulacrum is a random, ambiguous image interpreted as meaningful. See, the "careers" of Adam Carolla, Dennis Miller, fake Chicano Carlos Mencia, etc., etc.

  36. wvfii

    name one 'known' comedian less funny than Adam Caraolla. just one.

    ok, maybe that dick with the terrorist puppet. but that's, like, it.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Charlie Sheen. And that boring idiot who starred in Everybody Loves Raymond. Can't remember his name — Romano something-or-other. Also anybody who writes for The Family Guy.

      1. MumbletyRadio

        Now that they're showing reruns locally of it, I'm starting to feel about Lucy & Desi Comedy Hour as you do about Family Guy. I hadn't realized she relied on the crying bit so much. A little is ok but, for my money, nothing kills humor like a big overkill-driven "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh"

  37. NYNYNYjr

    "Nor do I remember the Betty White child-fucking epidemic. "
    Oh Really? How short some people's memories are…You think they simply canceled 'Life With Elizabeth' in 1955 because of a contract dispute? Sure, I took the pay-off from the studio- that doesn't mean White is innocent.

  38. charliearglist

    I know he's not funny, but I always felt a little sorry for Carolla because of the anatomical oddity that makes his mouth hang slightly open at all times. I have always thought it would be awful never to be able to put your upper lips down over your top row of teeth and have them visible twenty-four hours a day.

    And Adam Carolla has known this indignity since his permanent teeth grew in at twice the normal length.

    1. MissNancyPriss

      I know, right? And there is NOTHING that can be done about that, like surgically or anything.

    1. LeAlbatross

      No, no she hasn't. At all. Nor has Sandra Tsing Loh. There are funny, female Asian comics, just not these two.

  39. tessiee

    What's the problem?
    Making fun of women chicks is just good clean fun that everybody enjoys, with no social or cultural baggage attached…
    Just like minstrel shows.

    1. Chichikovovich

      SexySmurf is hilarious, but I believe he's a man. SexyTransvestiteSmurf was just too long a name, I suppose.

    2. SexySmurf

      I'm a dude with a Smurfette fetish. And single, so any foxy ladies out there who don't mind dressing up like this, call me maybe.

  40. Extemporanus

    I just walked for over an hour to Golden Gate Park to see American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert perform.

    Now that is fucking funny, girlfriend!

  41. Madam Killjoy

    Yeah, Adam Carolla is SOOOOOO much funnier than Lucille Ball. Or Carol Burnett. Or Madeline Kahn. Or Tina Fey. Or Sarah Haskins. Or Betty White. Or Kristen Wiig. Or all of the women who write and/or comment here, et-fucking-cetera. My poodle is funnier than this douche bag and she's not even trying.

    1. RadioSlut

      Yeah, Adam Carolla is SOOOOOO much funnier than Lucille Ball. Or Carol Burnett. Or Madeline Kahn. Or Tina Fey. Or Sarah Haskins. Or Betty White. Or Kristen Wiig. Or all of the women who write and/or comment here, et-fucking-cetera.

      Yeah, Wanda Sykes, Molly Shannon and Sarah Silverman suck!!1!

      1. bikerlaureate

        Lily Tomlin!
        Katherine Helmond, Kristen Johnston, Mary Tyler Moore, Jane Curtin, Bernadette Peters, Cloris Leachman, Julie Hagerty, Maggie Smith, Loretta Swit, Jean Stapleton, Whoopi Goldberg…

        ETA: Julie Kavner, Dianne Weist, Eve Arden, April Winchell, Lesley Ann Warren, Katharine Hepburn, Dyan Cannon, Fanny Brice, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jane Lynch, Katey Segal, Edie Adams…

  42. TribecaMike

    Best comedy act of the century so far — Colin Powell at the UN, 2003. That routine killed!

    1. Tribbz

      Yeah. She's one of the first stand-ups I got into as a youngster. Seems like it was HBO or some such where I would watch her act over and over again. Love her.

  43. JohnnyQuick

    And it's worth saying that Colbert's head writer is one of 'dem 'Chicks' (Alison Silverman) and if you listen to his audiobook you get to hear that she is a funny performer also.

    1. TribecaMike

      Who could forget the inimitable post-vaudevillian comedic stylings of Nixon & McCain? Just a sample:

      — Say, John.
      — Yes, Dick.
      — What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe?
      — I don't know, Dick. What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe?
      — A Jew doesn't tip.
      — Hey-yo! I heard that one every day at the country club and the Hanoi Hilton!


      1. flamingpdog

        I hate myself for giving this the up-thumb, but I feel a lot better now knowing I'm not the only one who made a Hanoi Hilton joke this weekend.

      1. Designer_Radio

        I've known some folks who acted like Gladwell wrote the New Gospels, like they were all tingly with epiphany or something. I listened to a couple of his audio books and can't say I saw much value in them. Maybe it's just that he writes books about marketing psychology, and the people who recommended them to me are in the business of marketing stuff? Whoa, that was deep, I'm gonna write "Tipping Point 2: Just The Tip".

      1. Designer_Radio

        Well, at least David Brooks makes no bones about his conservative apologism. Gladwell works for the New Yorker and sells his books as if he's just THE GOD OF INSIGHT. Or maybe I'm the only one whose bubble burst today.

    1. Negropolis

      He wears his education and his cultural background to give him a veneer of being a straight-shooter, but it's clear he has an angle, and that angle is a critique of liberalism. A critique isn't a bad thing in and of itself; what's bad is deception. And by that I mean not admitting that you have an angle when asked or actively denying that you don't have an angle.

      As an example, you know Fox News is trash because it's just trash journalism, but what gets a lot of folks angry, or at least drives home their aversion to the network, is the "Fair and Balanaced" slogan. If you begin with honesty, you give people a choice.

  44. Negropolis

    Carolla confuses me. Sometimes he's spot on with his observations, and often times they are funny, and sometimes he tears down his wall long enough to share something personal and touching about his life and his own history. And then there are times when he puts on this tough-guy schtick and says something straight out of 1950's suburbia. Stern is the same way. But, what can you expect someone who co-created The Man Show?

    BTW, Betty White: History's Greatest Monster.

    BTW x II: Maybe it's because I laugh at damn-near everything (I'm a comic's best audience member), but the whole "women aren't funny" never made any inroads with me. The only distinctions I've ever made about whether someone was funny or not was between their schticks. For instance, I'm less likely to find a comic that turns their act into a musical act funnier than an insult comic.

    1. TribecaMike

      My wife enjoys watching Betty White's Candid Camera-type show. She also watches The Notebook all the way through whenever it comes on, which seems like twice a week.

      In other words, that Mayan calendar end of the world stuff better be real.

    2. bobbert

      I find that I tire of insult comics pretty quickly. Also, I have no idea who this Toyota fellow is.

  45. Negropolis

    Mr. Carolla, Kristen Wiig and Tina Fey – two genuine writer's writers who are probably the two funniest individuals, male or female, on network television at the moment – would like to have a word with you. Certainly, they are funnier than Adam or anyone Adam has ever worked with, and could write circles around him. If you want to know who revived SNL (though, I know many people still rag on it), look at the women on that show in the past five or so years.

  46. Chet Kincaid

    OT: So I watched "Newsroom." God, the critics were right. It was like watching a tedious play in which everyone repeats themselves endlessly. And what is Sorkin fantasizing about, here? There is no TV news show, over the air or on cable, that will ever again be as important as he wants "the news" to be, so it all seems pointless — and if he intends to show us that's not true, then he should be producing a damned news show. Also, Sorkin is a year younger than me, but he throws out the cultural references of a 70-year-old man. Does he not have a 23 year old assistant who can edit "Man Of LaMancha" out of his scripts so he doesn't sound like Larry Gelbart? I liked "Social Network", "Charlie Wilson's War", "A Few Good Men", even "Bulworth" — maybe Sorkin should stay away from television.

    1. TribecaMike

      I could only take it for about thirty minutes, most of it thinking about something else (Mothra, probably). I'm Emily Mortimer's biggest fan, I mean stalker, but you hit the nail right on the head.

    2. bobbert

      1. One thing I didn't mention on the previous "Sorkin" thread was that this "Newsroom" idea seemed like pre-teen fantasy. I'm (maybe) thirteen years older than you, and I can barely remember credible television news.

      2. You do recall that there was a moderately successful revival of MOLM ten years ago? Or maybe Sorkin is going for the old-boomer audience? No, I don't know why that would be.

      3. I'll trust you that it's dreadful. I'll never have personal experience.

    3. BarackMyWorld

      I enjoyed it, but I'll admit it was flawed.

      The script was repetitive (especially the extended argument between Mortimer and Daniels in the main character's office) and the plot surrounding the BP oil spill was a stretch. The producer's chance discovery of how Haliburton played a role in the rig explosion a few hours after it occurred was ridiculous.

      The characters mostly seem like characters from other Sorkin shows (Daniels's McAvoy is essentially the same character as Matthew Perry in "Studio 60," while Mortimer, Waterston, Allison Pill, and John Gallagher got to be carbon copies of Dana, Isaac, Natalie, and Jeremy from "Sports Night").

      I was entertained enough by it to want to stick with it, though, to see if it improves. Until next Sunday, I'm tempted to rewatch "Sports Night" episodes on Netflix.

    4. Dr. Nick Riviera

      My pet peeve is this fantasy America that never existed. "America used to make choices because it was the right moral choice." Uh…when was this? I would say just about all countries act in their own self interest. To the people that argue we used to be less sleazy, Id say look at how we acquired Hawaii or Texas.

      And then they had to throw a bone towards the "both sides do it" claim by making the main character a Republican even though every thing he took issue with (deregulation, anti intellectualism, jingoism etc.) s a part of the GOP platform.

      True Blood was more believable.

      Except the part about Liberals being losers. I think most of us admit that.

      1. Chet Kincaid

        Yes, I think that "we used to be the greatest but we aren't anymore" thing was a copout. It would have been much edgier and more truthful to say, "we're the luckiest SOBs in history, protected by oceans while Europe destroyed itself and coasting on the spoils for 50 years." That's our big claim to "greatest ever" status, based on the convenience of defeating history's greatest villain. The rest of American history, not so much.

  47. Pap Finn

    Jeez, no love for Kirsten Boyd Johnson? She routinely reduces me to gasping, wheezing tears when I read this site…one of the funniest writers on the intertubes, IMHO (see Newt Gingrich = 'hated sleaze dragon,' and Scott Walker = 'amoral tub of turd frosting,' for starters).

  48. redarmybarbie

    Mr. Carolla,

    I have heard many, many, many lame comedians in my lifetime, and only ONE of them was a woman, so suck on that!

      1. redarmybarbie

        Can't remember her name-it's been a while. She was, however, on some show that had something to do with Gabriel Iglesias, and the only reason I remember her was because she was making lame jokes about fat people and Mexicans (LAME jokes, I tell you).

        Oh yeah, and it had something to do with Gilbert Godfrey too. Also.

  49. DahBoner

    Is 'Jamie' a man or wo-man?

    Either way, not funny. If a man, good point! Not every man is funny.

    If a woman, well….

  50. Eve8Apples

    How about when a guy hits a watermelon with a sledgehammer? That's comedy gold right there. GET R DUN111!!! Now whack me in the nuts with a two by four. ROFLMAO!!!! TRUCKNUTZ!

  51. zumpie

    The only time JImmy Kimmel was ever entertaining either was when he pretended to be an average dude for some "My Kitchen Sucks" show on HGTV. And that was only because he thought we didn't realize that "the office" for him meant meeting with his coke dealer and his whiney wife embodied every single negative quality he and Adam ever brought up about women.

  52. eaglewon

    he was never funny, if not for Jimmy they didn't have a show. I really liked the women on trampolines though.

  53. Troglodeity

    Adam Carolla: ah yes, a fine judge of comedic talent. The podcast guy who replaced Teresa Strasser with Alison "Zip It, Cunt" Rosen.

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