JIGGLIES  11:00 am June 24, 2012

Sundays With Jamie Kilstein And The Lord: Why Isn’t Adam Carolla Funny?

by Jamie Kilstein

broadsIf you have ever thought to yourself, “Boy, I sure wish I knew what the old guy who used to watch girls bounce on trampolines, while trying to slur out a coherent sentence, and who I assumed was dead, thinks about women” then you are in luck! Adam Carolla is alive and well and saying words in public again!

I was not going to write about this because no one wants to pay attention to a sexist, or keep the awful narrative of “are women funny??” in our smoggy ether, but the reactions I got from my liberal followers on Twitter and Facebook were horrifying enough to warrant a column.

For those who do not know what was said because you were Googling important events like “Trayvon Martin case updates” or “Supreme Court decision on health care” or “Mubarak….Zombie?” instead of typing, “MAN SHOW RULES TITS A/S/L INTERCOURSE!! FULL FRONTAL NO HAIRY BUSH”, here is what happened:

Old Man Loveline was asked if he thought women were funny by, weirdly enough, beacon of upstanding journalism The New York Post and his brain let him say:

“[Chicks are] always the least funny on the writing staff. The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.”

Well, with data like that looks like I won’t need to kill myself for being the same gender as scientist Adam Carolla! Thanks Mr. Math!

Clearly, we know this isn’t true. There are incredibly funny women out there and God fucking awful male comedians. When you were at the comedy club and saw your 18th rape joke, followed by humping the stool or pretending the mic stand was a big cock, were you aware that comic was not a lady?! According to Adam Science, funny words only come from all that backed up semen you have from not getting fucked.

What upset me so much is when I posted that Adam is a sexist fuckhole, I started to get responses from a litany of white dudes who felt that their hero was being oppressed by my words. Thank God for Twitter! Without it, I would not have seen the pale hordes come to defend such an oppressed minority: a rich white male.

Why, I remember when the Adam Carollas of the world had to march to obtain the right to vote, fight for equal pay (a struggle which started after the cancelation of The Man Show and continues today), and Adams everywhere are still fighting for full abortion rights in many states!

The fact that dudes on Twitter would rather shit on women than bear criticism of someone whose podcast they like baffles me. These are the same people making sure to “@” Adam on Twitter, thinking maybe they will become friends! Who wouldn’t want to be friends with a lonely sack of shit desperately prying open the door to star-fucking?!

A so-called fan of mine even pointed out that me going after religion in my standup, like here on Showtime is the same as “What’s up with Broads??” Adam Carolla taking a dump on women’s faces. One of the many problems with that comparison is that in my rant I am slamming religious bigots: the ones who try to restrict the rights of LGBT kids and in some cases drive them to suicide. I’m not, say, going after a group of people who are just trying to get work in a male-dominated business.

I don’t recall the organization of women comics trying to restrict people’s right to marry. Nor do I remember the Betty White child-fucking epidemic. The worst part? Instead of putting her in jail, I hear they just secretly moved her to another sitcom.

In fact, a comment like that from a religious person just reminds me that the church (not all religious people) HATES WOMEN AS WELL!

When making a “brave” stance as a public figure, the rule should be to only go after the oppressors. I’m not saying that women are always victims or damsels in distress, but many do get turned down for late night spots, and writing gigs, for another white dude with a hipster beard. So maybe people with the chance to voice their opinion shouldn’t spew fabrications to make it even harder for them.

If you are going to do that, don’t pretend to be edgy, or controversial. You’re just another boring old dude.

Jamie Kilstein has not yet challenged Adam Carolla to a fight. Listen to his podcast with Allison Kilkenny here.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 387 comments }

Chet Kincaid June 24, 2012 at 11:15 am

Jesus, that "women aren't funny" thing has been around since the first cast of SNL. All the while, audiences and readers have been laughing at multitudes of funny women. Why do people keep bringing this tired shit up? (p.s. Rebecca is a riot; Ken Layne was funny as a crutch.)

not that Radio June 24, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Nobody could do gallows humor quite as well as Mr. Layne. He is the master, of that particular genre of "funny".

Boojum June 24, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Seriously. That Michele Bachman is an amazing comic.

MumbletyRadio June 24, 2012 at 1:52 pm

I'm sort of surprised to hear you draw absolute conclusions between two types of online personalities, whose blends of humor draws from the well of inspiration in different regards. Lots of room on the scale for differentiated opinion, but after seeing the vehement polar opposition on the Sorkin thread among naysayers, I can only figure the same sun melts butter, hardens clay, and there's just too many makeups in-between to say which is more valid.
But having dismissed Carolla's attitude as drawing his own conclusion based on type (or his shallowly informed view of type), I guess I was just unprepared to read a write-off concerning 2 familiars on the heels of that remark. (Ken's work usually resonated w/ me; I dig on Becca's writing too although neither's style resembles the other).

Chet Kincaid June 24, 2012 at 2:10 pm

I guess this is just "how dare people contradict my opinions!!!" weekend on Wonkette.

MumbletyRadio June 24, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Upon reflection, I see where you were drawing contrast to illustrate an example of the opposite of Corolla's assertion.
Adding, I'm grateful people can feel free to disagree here!

Chet Kincaid June 24, 2012 at 2:19 pm

No harm, no foul. And I'm sure I have laughed at Layne posts, it's just that he has left me with a mostly bitter aftertaste, and I think in the last year there, he really did lose his sense of humor (and even said so).

MissNancyPriss June 24, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Even I have noticed that, Mr. Kincaid. don't let it dissuade you!

Barb June 24, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Belushi had strong opinions about women not being funny. How could anyone know Gilda and not appreciate her great talents?

Chet Kincaid June 24, 2012 at 2:23 pm

I think that Baby Boomer generation boys were strongly indoctrinated with male chauvinism (there's a term I haven't thought of in years!) growing up, and with all the vaunted social change of their generation, the men remained confirmed in their superiority. (I say this as a tail-end, 1960-born Boomer myself.) Have any of the post-Boomer generations changed this?

Biff June 25, 2012 at 11:18 am

Victoria Jackson and Kristen Wiig tend to support that theory.

Grief_Lessons June 24, 2012 at 11:23 am

Liberals aren't funny.

Boojum June 24, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Whereas conservatives are not deliberately funny.

tessiee June 24, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Self-parody isn't quite the same.

TribecaMike June 24, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Explain Jack Benny then.

Grief_Lessons June 24, 2012 at 6:03 pm

You got me. Let me sharpen my critique, it pertains to this post: Libt@rd jeremiads are not funny. Seriously, the thinking that went into this post is as deep as the crumb tray at the bottom of my toaster.

Without defending the indefensible Mr Carolla, I'm most annoyed with the implication midway down that statements made by rich white males are intrinsically suspect, and unworthy of support. Seriously, did anyone on this site ever defend Al Gore or John Kerry? Each one richer, whiter, and at least as male as Adam Carolla.

Rich white dudes have caused a lot of bad things in this world, but dismissing everything that every one of them has to say is as dumb as, well, as dumb as saying that all women are unfunny.

MissNancyPriss June 24, 2012 at 6:20 pm

….nah

CapnRadio June 24, 2012 at 6:24 pm

I'm most annoyed with the implication midway down that statements made by rich white males are intrinsically suspect, and unworthy of support

Stop mistaking inference for implication; you'll find yourself less annoyed.

An_Outhouse June 24, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Al Gore is a comic?

Arken June 24, 2012 at 7:29 pm

I didn't think so until he chose Lieberman as a running mate. After that, I wasn't so sure.

Butch_Wagstaff June 24, 2012 at 7:31 pm

I have the first issue of the Al Gore comic. In it, he invents the Internet. It also has the origin story of his major nemesis, the Global Warmer.

Designer_Radio June 24, 2012 at 11:46 pm

Al Gore invented comedy.

glamourdammerung June 24, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Without defending the indefensible Mr Carolla, I'm most annoyed with the implication midway down that statements made by rich white males are intrinsically suspect, and unworthy of support.

Well, good thing no one seriously does that then since it would tire out that wagging finger of yours.

Grief_Lessons June 24, 2012 at 9:39 pm

You're probably right, and I woke up on the finger wagging side of the bed this morning. But as people line up to disagree with me, I re-read the post, and I'm still not happy about it.

The author is incredulous that people write into him to defend Carolla. Fair enough. But he doesn't say he's incredulous because Carolla is sexist, or an asshole, or a patently unfunny comedian, he's incredulous because they're defending a rich white male.

He is indefensible because of what he said; his membership in the club of rich white males is beside the point, so why mention it at all? If being a rich white male is grounds for indefensibility, then I think my comments are valid.

I don't believe for a second that anyone has suggested that disagreeing with Carolla constitutes "oppression" in the civil rights sense of the word. But armed with this straw man, he author launches into a paragraph on the absurdity of claiming oppression in this context. It has nothing to do with anything, but it's the kind of thing that finds a ready made enthusiastic audience on left-leaning blogs like our beloved Wonkette.

It felt lazy and tiresome, like throwing red meat to the base is always lazy and tiresome.

There, all wagged out.

Negropolis June 24, 2012 at 11:34 pm

This.

Straw man.

Chet Kincaid June 24, 2012 at 7:46 pm

It's as dumb as saying that this post dismisses everything every rich white dude says as dumb!

Mittens Howell, III June 24, 2012 at 8:48 pm

'the crumb tray at the bottom of my toaster' –Is that a Conservative Think-Tank?

Designer_Radio June 24, 2012 at 11:49 pm

TRAYTO Institute?

OkieDokieDog June 24, 2012 at 11:24 am

I just ignore this boring dickwad. He's in the Andrew Dice Clay category of "comics" telling "jokes" for prepubescent boys and men who haven't mentally grown up crowd.

BerkeleyBear June 24, 2012 at 2:07 pm

And shockingly enough, women who were socialized to act more "mature" than that have a hard time fitting in a culture where pitching the 100000th dick joke is the height of humor. And the few that do – like a Lisa Lampanelli or Whitney Cummings at the extreme – get written off as "chicks who act like dudes", making it hard for anyone who is slightly different to break through.

MaxUdargo June 24, 2012 at 9:34 pm

I don't even have to ignore him, not having any clear idea who he is.

I'm assuming he's the guy on the right, because the guy on the left I've seen on TV and his name is Jimmy Something and he's kind of funny.

As far as women not being funny, I have two words to say to that: Maria Bamford. Maria Bamford is the funniest human being that has ever existed. If she had been born a few decades earlier, she could have ended the war against the Nazis years earlier, just by jogging through the shell-shattered forests of Europe, telling jokes.

CrunchyKnee June 24, 2012 at 11:24 am

Bold words from an idiot named after a Toyota.

mayor_quimby June 24, 2012 at 9:16 pm

It is pretty funny that he's a HUUUGEE car guy, american muscle and BMWs especially, if I recall from his CarCast podcast. Yet he's named the same as the most anemic compact performance car that has sold millions of copies to unsuspecting Americans.

larrykat June 25, 2012 at 11:52 am

Yeah and he's so dumb he misspelled his own name.

BoatOfVelociraptors June 24, 2012 at 11:27 am

Seriously, nobody benefits from the sideways swipe touch experience. If you could turn that package off in the settings, my iPad would be happy.

deanbooth June 24, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Click the three bars in the lower left, then click Show Desktop Version.

Chet Kincaid June 24, 2012 at 1:06 pm

See my reply.

Chet Kincaid June 24, 2012 at 1:05 pm

If you don't want to deal with all that crap on iPad, iPhone or whatever, save this as your bookmark for Wonkette:
http://wonkette.com/?onswipe_redirect=never

glasspusher June 25, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Desktop version should be the default, though. Any well designed site, like this one, scales just fine.

Chichikovovich June 24, 2012 at 11:28 am

Why should I care about the opinion of a bozo who doesn't have the minimum common sense and decency to stop blocking the view of the trampoline?

bobbert June 24, 2012 at 9:45 pm

As usual, directly to the heart of the matter.

Negropolis June 24, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Tits or GTFO, indeed.

fartknocker June 24, 2012 at 11:29 am

My experience with Adam Carolla is that he's Grade A shit-fer-brains that somehow became a supposed comedian who is neither funny or entertaining. Wonkette editors should dismiss him as a more advanced form of Carrot Top and never mention him or his douche-baginess again.

Sue4466 June 24, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Carrot Top libel.

PsycWench June 24, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Does this establish Carrot Top as a level of lameness by which we judge other levels, or are there lower levels?

An Asexual Ungulate June 24, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Jim Breuer. There is nothing funny about that man. At least Carrot Top LOOKS funny.

BerkeleyBear June 24, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Are you really trying to say that stoners don't look funny? Because Breuer looks like the quintessential stoner naturally – and that's pretty funny.

An Asexual Ungulate June 24, 2012 at 7:43 pm

The one bit of Breuer that I actually remember (where he's not a back up character in a stoner comedy) was some standup routine he was doing, in which he sounded very drunk, that mostly consisted of Islamophobic jokes followed by a stoner sounding "maaaaan".

It was like listening to any generic drunk frat boy. He didn't even look funny. Just stupid.

MumbletyRadio June 24, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Breuer does deNiro, Pesci, and wraps up briefly with GoatBoy. Worth the whole 3 minutes (interviewed, not stand-up).

LionHeartSoyDog June 24, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Many Thanks!

Butch_Wagstaff June 24, 2012 at 7:27 pm

I always thought Jim Breuer looked creepy. I don't know why. Something about the eyes. But maybe that's just me.

Chet Kincaid June 24, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Obligatory shoutout to long-lost Wonketeer! Don't be a stranger!

tessiee June 24, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Gallagher is a lower level than Carrot Top, and was even before he went insane.

themcwow June 24, 2012 at 12:55 pm

and his face looks preserved with botox

BerkeleyBear June 24, 2012 at 2:13 pm

What he is, is Larry the Cable Guy for West Coast people – he was a boxer, trainer and contractor who worked his contacts with famous wannabe tough guys and line of what would be totally unimaginative drivel to anyone who has had to work with a bunch of construction workers into a career. That's why he has a built in audience – he is the lowest common denominator (and I will admit, he does have a certain caveman appeal like an Adam Sandler movie without the plot).

LionHeartSoyDog June 24, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Sandler movies have plotz?

BerkeleyBear June 24, 2012 at 6:33 pm

THE WATERBOY LIBEL!!!!!!!!!

tessiee June 24, 2012 at 6:05 pm

"What he is, is Larry the Cable Guy for West Coast people"

Perfect.

Doktor Zoom June 24, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Credit where credit is due: Carolla did a bit on Loveline that was reliably funny: a quiz game called "Germany or Florida," in which they'd read a weirdass news story and the caller had to guess if the insane (usually criminal) behavior happened in Germany or Florida, which they posited were the two poles of global weird behavior.

Maybe it was the other guy on Loveline who came up with that, though.

DemmeFatale June 24, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Reminds me of a Buffalo radio station, (we lived in Rochester, NY), that had a bit called "Canadian or Dead." They'd name someone, and you had to guess.

UW8316154 June 24, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Dr Drew? No way he would have had that kind of humor or insight. Point for Carolla.

Negropolis June 24, 2012 at 11:36 pm

That's actually not fair to Carrot Top. lol

BoatOfVelociraptors June 24, 2012 at 11:32 am

Additionally, given the fact that the pride parade starts in 2 hours, I am certain there will be a smidgen of bear criticism. This café is full of 'em.

finallyhappy June 24, 2012 at 12:51 pm

At the DC Pride parade- I had to explain to some young folks what bears are- I would have thought looking at the bears in the parade- with a sign that said they were bears would have been obvious

Chichikovovich June 24, 2012 at 11:35 am

[Chicks are] always the least funny on the writing staff.

Though I hate to say anything in defence of Carolla, I do think that his observation is in fact supported by his experience. Due to the fact that the genuinely imaginative, clever, original funny women wouldn't be caught dead in the same room as such a creepy, unfunny slug.

Guppy June 24, 2012 at 12:25 pm

It's a sampling error! Send in Nate Silver!

Geminisunmars June 24, 2012 at 1:58 pm
flamingpdog June 24, 2012 at 1:28 pm

And everybody at teh Wonkette knows that Chichs are funny. *blushes*

BerkeleyBear June 24, 2012 at 2:21 pm

The process by which people become writers on TV comedy shows (especially sketch or segment shows, rather than those with a narrative arc) seems to lend itself to typically male patterns of behavior – they are highly driven, almost autistic in their narrow focus and willing to sacrifice to an unhealthy degree the rest of their "lives" to get jobs that rarely work out. The actual staff work requires a similarly male-centric pattern – they are basically slobs who live on shit food, beer and sometimes coke in unwashed communal packs while churning out stuff that is rarely all that original but has to be cranked out fast. They also are ridiculously competitive rather than collaborative, a model going back to at least Sid Cesar and the "Show of Shows."

MissNancyPriss June 24, 2012 at 6:14 pm

EGG-XACTLY

DerrickWildcat June 24, 2012 at 11:36 am

Man, chicks don't get it. They don't know.

LionHeartSoyDog June 24, 2012 at 6:04 pm

"What it is, chicks can't hold they smoke.
That's what it is."

DemmeFatale June 24, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Oh, Derrick. You and chicks.
(I'll bet you have some awesome photos of chicks.)

Tribbz June 25, 2012 at 12:10 am

They don't have "these conveniences."

Blueb4sunrise June 24, 2012 at 11:40 am

I know that you're all wondering : Does Blue give a flying fuck?
Ans: No.
Also, BOOBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!

mrpuma2u June 25, 2012 at 10:46 am

Boobies trump balls, especially Adam's withered up ones.

swordfis June 24, 2012 at 11:44 am

Neandethalensis humor. (Except Neanderthals made art.)

Goonemeritus June 24, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Yes but it was mostly about TITS A/S/L INTERCOURSE!! FULL FRONTAL NO HAIRY BUSH.

not that Radio June 24, 2012 at 11:45 am

Lizz Winstead and Jennifer Crittenden beg to differ with you, Mr Corolla.

biblioteq_tress June 24, 2012 at 12:29 pm

I love Lizz.

CapnRadio June 24, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Okay, now you've done it. Crittenden is my pretend hilarious, smart, hot GF, sir. Back off.

not that Radio June 24, 2012 at 6:23 pm

WHOA

CapnRadio June 24, 2012 at 6:25 pm

I'm sorry, that was poorly worded. I should have said "my hilarious, smart, hot pretend-GF."

And "Back the fuck off."

not that Radio June 24, 2012 at 6:53 pm

DUDE

Crank_Tango June 24, 2012 at 11:47 am

Can we please stop giving this idiot all sorts of free press for his book or whatever?

Also, I dunno if he is funny or not, but I do know his teeth are made of yellow wood.

MissNancyPriss June 24, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Yup, just trying to drum up publicity and this site is falling for it. Don't need this article, amusing as it is.

SoBeach June 24, 2012 at 11:53 am

It's never pretty watching second rate or fading stars scratch and claw for publicity with some carefully calculated shocker.

At least he didn't leak a sex tape.

biblioteq_tress June 24, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Yet.

An Asexual Ungulate June 24, 2012 at 1:05 pm

The suggestion alone just made my breakfast start working its way back up my throat. Thanks.

tessiee June 24, 2012 at 10:27 pm

"It's never pretty watching second rate or fading stars scratch and claw for publicity with some carefully calculated shocker."

So, you Palin girls can stop getting pregnant any ol' time now.

Goonemeritus June 24, 2012 at 11:56 am

As a dude I feel I’m getting funnier with every new hair that sprouts from nose and ears.

Beowoof June 24, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Ah yes hair growing in places I don't want, while top of my head seems to lose more daily. And, at least to me, it is not funny.

PsycWench June 24, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Think of it this way: you're not losing your hair. It's migrating to other areas, having figured out that your brain can take care of itself now.
My husband doesn't find that reassuring either.

flamingpdog June 24, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Or, in my case, the brain is way beyond needing protection from the sun any more.

Geminisunmars June 24, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Nor do I, being of the vaginal variety of human expression.

PsycWench June 24, 2012 at 3:38 pm

So you're a fellow Vagina-American?

tessiee June 24, 2012 at 6:07 pm

It's gravity. Same amount of hair, but the level is gradually sinking.

Butch_Wagstaff June 24, 2012 at 6:59 pm

I'm close to giving up the war against my ear hair.
I thought I was done with all that body hair growing shit in my early 20s.
Then I hit my early 30s and my body said to me "Ha! Fooled ya, didn't I?"

bobbert June 24, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Just wait.

DerrickWildcat June 24, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Those two stupid guys. Them three stupid girls. Dumb building. Stupid trampoline. The trees are ok. They don't know no better, but the that fence should've. That sky should get out of there. The cars should have drived away. The concrete should of just done it's thing. The whole thing is just all wrong.

Geminisunmars June 24, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Needs more birds.

DerrickWildcat June 24, 2012 at 3:16 pm

U R Gud person. Frind of all animals. I will post newish bird picture just 4 U. Give me a sec. K?

MissNancyPriss June 24, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Love your bird pics

DerrickWildcat June 24, 2012 at 3:34 pm

WARNING!
Bird on Fish Wiolence! http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/7434521

Doktor Zoom June 24, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Kid Zoom looked over my shoulder at that pic and said you need to be sending photos to the National Geographic nachur pichers award things.

Fare la Volpe June 24, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Holy carp, you captured that perfectly!

tessiee June 24, 2012 at 10:29 pm

"Holy carp"

Best typo ever.

BlueStateLibel June 24, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Wow, that is awesome.

Butch_Wagstaff June 24, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Well done.

glamourdammerung June 24, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Wow, that is a great shot.

Chet Kincaid June 24, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Nice pic!

starfanglednut June 24, 2012 at 8:46 pm

That is gorgeous. Black crowned night heron, yes?

OKthennext June 24, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Great blue heron, I think.

Geminisunmars June 24, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Wonderful pitcher, DW. Thank you for letting us see.

MosesInvests June 25, 2012 at 12:04 am

Fantastic picture of my totem beast (the heron, not the fish).

fuflans June 25, 2012 at 12:28 am

mine is the fish.

DerrickWildcat June 25, 2012 at 4:51 am

Thanks folks. It's a Great Blue Heron. Terrible lighting that day, cloudy and drizzly, so it's a little dark. However, when the weather is bad for people around a lake, it's good for birds. This little lake is right in town by the University of Nebraska Football Stadium. The GBHs are a little more acclimated to people on lakes in the city and will allow you to get a little closer if you are quiet and don't move. So you just get down in the grass in a comfortable position and wait and watch and fire off pictures when they go for fish.

BelleSC June 25, 2012 at 6:23 am

That photo is stunning! As in beautiful.

UW8316154 June 24, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Put a bird on it!!

AddHomonym June 24, 2012 at 2:24 pm

"Drovened away." The word is "drovened."

Doktor Zoom June 24, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Derrick, how do you do that? I am in awe.

Beowoof June 24, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Jesus what an asshole, two of my favorite comedians are Elayne Boosler and Stephanie Miller. Both are smart and funny which is more than I can say for Adam.

StanleyPain2 June 24, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Here's a fun Riddle-Time Fun-Puzzle Riddle Sudoku Test thing! Who is worse at their art form? Adam Corolla or Jimmy Kimmel?

Geminisunmars June 24, 2012 at 2:03 pm

It is (they are?) a toss-up. As in my breakfast is just tossed-up.

Fare la Volpe June 24, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Jimmy Kimmel had the good sense to fuck Sarah Silverman. I can only hope some trickle of her brilliance leaked out and into him.

tessiee June 24, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Jon McNaughton.

lisawines June 24, 2012 at 12:06 pm

My standup comedy teacher used to say chicks aren't funny (as we handed him large checks for his classes). The chicks in the room gave him much shit about this (as he leaned back and snickered with a patronizing head-patting aw-yer-so-cute smile, surrounded by his nodding bearded edgy dude gang). He was, actually, a great teacher, even though he wore powder blue cowboy boots. But he still needs to be slapped, regularly.

Fare la Volpe June 24, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Does a guy reduced to teaching comedy classes have any real place to tell someone they aren't funny? Just sayin'.

Doktor Zoom June 24, 2012 at 4:39 pm

One of the few great ideas from one of my grad school colleagues was a title for a deliberately-lame raunchy comedy screenplay about grad assistants teaching first-year composition: "Those Who Can't"

lisawines June 24, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Good point. But I guess somebody's got to do it.

tessiee June 24, 2012 at 10:34 pm

"He was, actually, a great teacher, even though he wore powder blue cowboy boots. But he still needs to be slapped, regularly."

Allow me to posit the theory that he needed to be slapped regularly for wearing powder blue cowboyboots.

MosesInvests June 25, 2012 at 12:06 am

Amen.

lisawines June 25, 2012 at 9:42 am

Yes. And he was. You can't stand in front of a crowd of wanna-be comics and not be laughed at for your bluebloots.

deanbooth June 24, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Barb. Q.E.D.

Boojum June 24, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Do you remember C-u.ster-w-olf?

CapnRadio June 24, 2012 at 2:21 pm

BOOJUM GOES THE DYNAMITE!

deanbooth June 24, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Nope, but I mainly just look at the pictures. Gender is usually a mystery — even an "I'd hit that" comment is not a reliable indicator.

starfanglednut June 24, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Not around here, with all the different varieties of queer.

radio-of-owls June 24, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E became final today.

Chichikovovich June 24, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Hi Owls – It's good to hear from you – we keep missing one another.
[Is the Tammy line an inside C-u.ster-w-olf reference from before my time or serious?]

MumbletyRadio June 24, 2012 at 10:14 pm

And there went the neighbor-hoot…

radio-of-owls June 25, 2012 at 11:04 pm

It was already blighted beyond recognition.

UW8316154 June 24, 2012 at 8:30 pm

I do, I do….whatever happened? I don't dare write the actual name, I'm afraid she'd reappear.

Boojum June 24, 2012 at 8:37 pm

You can't write the actual name. I tried. It was auto deleted, even after all this time, by the Ultimate Ban Hammer imposed by the God King Layne (fear His Name). Which should also tell you what happened.

radio-of-owls June 25, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Custerwolf.

What, you didn't think my magical powers extended beyond retard?

Extemporanus June 26, 2012 at 7:41 am

Not to nitpick, but it was Newell, natch.

Barb June 24, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Wow, I wasn't expecting that. Thanks Dean!

deanbooth June 24, 2012 at 3:09 pm

You're very welcome. Your comments often startle me with their freshness. And I'm generally a tough audience.

radio-of-owls June 24, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Objection. Assumes facts not in evidence.

deanbooth June 24, 2012 at 9:24 pm

I've got your evidence right here! * points to funny boner *

biblioteq_tress June 24, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Might I also point out that me being female did not happen because a dude with blue balls in a dress dribbled water on my forehead while muttering about a dead guy, his dad, and a ghost?
I was born a chick. Catholicism was foisted on me at two weeks old. I could choose to leave the church, but it would be very expensive and painful to choose to leave femaleness, regardless of the financial benefits of doing so and not having to listen to morons slam my driving.

Chichikovovich June 24, 2012 at 1:52 pm

… having to listen to morons slam my driving.

Hmmmm…. Adam Carolla types make "Women Drivers – bad. Huhuhu." jokes. Insurance companies uniformly offer significantly lower premiums to women drivers.

I wonder who to believe?

Doktor Zoom June 24, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Insurance companies also have been raising premiums for properties in coastal areas. This says more about the reality of global warming than all the pundits on Fox could ever hope to.

starfanglednut June 24, 2012 at 8:50 pm

And while various blowhards in congress are denying it's existence, virtually every federal agency, is actively preparing for it.

tessiee June 24, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Well, it's not like insurance companies have entire rooms full of people who do nothing else all day but figure out the odds of a certain thing happening, like…
Um.
My bad.

bibliotequetress June 25, 2012 at 4:15 pm

That's mighty liberal of ya, cowboy, citing "facts."

DerrickWildcat June 24, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Oh, and also, this is Pauline Oliveros. She is a lady musician. A really good lady musician. She figured out stuff a long time ago. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMCTxkFwLHw&fe

Serolf_Divad June 24, 2012 at 12:15 pm

I hate to slam Adam Carolla, just because it seems a little too easy, like reviewing Art Garfunkel's poetry or wondering where black guy from Miami Vice is today.

Adam Carolla is exhibit A of what happens to the "straight guy" in a comedy duo when the duo splits up and the straight guy tries to establish a career on his own.

Chichikovovich June 24, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Yeah. What ever happened to that Dean Martin dude?

stncmchnc June 24, 2012 at 3:21 pm

He lost his straight man job for laughing at Bob Newhart.

clblabin June 24, 2012 at 10:13 pm

I haven't seen that guy since "Dreamgirls."

fuflans June 25, 2012 at 12:46 am

ha!

rocktonsam June 24, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Bristol Palin is funny, now on Lifetime!

SexySmurf June 24, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Am I right, ladies?

flamingpdog June 24, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Adam Carolla is funny*.

*-looking

Callyson June 24, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Jamie Kilstein has not yet challenged Adam Carolla to a fight

Come on, Jamie…I'll pay to watch this, and here's my credit card number…

flamingpdog June 24, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Could you re-enter your post, please? I think Intense Debate cut off your credit card number.

flamingpdog June 24, 2012 at 12:36 pm

SO, has Jonah the Whale's people gotten back with your people, Jamie?

not that Radio June 24, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Men talk out their asses like this, but women talk out their asses like this.

starfanglednut June 24, 2012 at 8:51 pm

It's funny cause it's true!

poorgradstudent June 24, 2012 at 12:37 pm

He still makes that comment even with highly visible funny ladies like Amy Poehler and Tina Fey out there?

That's it, I sentence him to four hours of watching Victoria Jackson doing ad lib stand-up, so that he may truly understand what an unfunny woman looks like.

CivicHoliday June 24, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Tina Fey has more humer in her left ovary than he has produced in a lifetime of comedy

John Birf Society June 24, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Dear Adam Carolla and Steven Crowder,

If you have to tell people you're funny, you ain't funny.

xo,
JBS

PsycWench June 24, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Much as saying "I'm not racist"….

Jeri 2.0 June 24, 2012 at 12:47 pm

So, Adam Carolla is a woman?

flamingpdog June 24, 2012 at 12:57 pm

I dunno, he always struck me as less Adam and Eve, and more Adam and Steve.

Jeri 2.0 June 24, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Not that there's nothing wrong with that! If we could just see him bouncing around on a trampoline in a pair of wet, sheer boxers we could lay this whole issue to rest.

ewwww.

flamingpdog June 24, 2012 at 1:31 pm

I'm really hungry right now, yet grateful that I delayed having breakfast until after reading the newest comments on this post.

AddHomonym June 24, 2012 at 2:28 pm

BALLS!

flamingpdog June 24, 2012 at 12:48 pm
Fred_Wertham_Jr June 24, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Because it's not nice to make tough-as-nails Wonkette commenters cry.

Chet Kincaid June 24, 2012 at 1:13 pm

"Absolutely Fabulous." End of discussion.

Barb June 24, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Chet, I love that damn show!

stncmchnc June 24, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Bring me…a knitting needle?! A knitting needle!

VinnyThePooh June 24, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Edi's poor daughter, Saffron, enduring all that humiliation. What a riot.

Butch_Wagstaff June 24, 2012 at 8:01 pm

That little bitch troll from hell.

Fare la Volpe June 24, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Vicar of Dibley, also too.

Anyone who doesn't think French & Saunders are a laugh-riot is a fucking communist.

starfanglednut June 24, 2012 at 8:55 pm

I love Vicar of Dibley. And I once had "This is the Bukaay residence, Lady of the house speaking." on my answering machine.

not that Radio June 25, 2012 at 8:43 am

Whenever Mrs Dewey tells me to do something that

(a) is ridiculously obvious, or
(b) I'm already doing,

such as "don't burn the oatmeal", I say "minding the oatmeal, dear", in my best Richard Bucket voice.

alteredimages June 24, 2012 at 5:55 pm

I see your Jennifer Saunders an raise you a Maria Bamford. She is the funniest thing to happen to America since MST3K. Oh and she played a smoking hoedown on a fiddle off screen on an episode of MST3K so IT ALL COMES TOGETHER MAN

prommie June 25, 2012 at 10:02 am

I do love Maria Bamford.

doloras June 24, 2012 at 6:41 pm

"I'm starting recovered false memory syndrome, so I'll get something on you sooner or later… yeah, you in a hood, in the wood, it's all coming back to me now…"

BelleSC June 25, 2012 at 6:29 am

A zillion plusses here.

SexySmurf June 24, 2012 at 1:33 pm

OT Up here in the 206, I live right on the Pride Parade route, so there's all these gay people outside my apartment, which is fine (especially the lesbians), but they brought their kids with them. Their screaming, crying children, which is like someone rubbing ground glass in my ear. Two things, gay people:

-Leave your shrieking snot factories back in the suburbs. I moved to the city to get away from shit like that.

-Who the fuck are you calling a breeder? You're the ones with all the goddamn kids.

EDIT: Now they're playing Selena Gomez. I'm sorry, I can't allow this to go on any longer; you'll have to pack up the rugrats and bubblegum pop and go back across the lake.

Fare la Volpe June 24, 2012 at 4:15 pm

"Those damn gays with all their family values 'n shit. Dammit!"

SexySmurf June 24, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Fuck the children. Won't somebody, please, think of the me!

flamingpdog June 24, 2012 at 5:32 pm

I'm thinking of you, or at least I'm thinking of your avitar.

As for the first part, I've leave that to the Catholic clergy or the Penn State football coaching staff.

Chichikovovich June 24, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Y'know, I'm beginning to suspect that you aren't really a Smurf.

UW8316154 June 24, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Jeesus, who in the right mind would bring a CHILD to Capital Hill??

Arken June 24, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Nor do I remember the Betty White child-fucking epidemic.

I do, Jamie. Oh dear god, I do…

Antispandex June 24, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Jesus and Muhammad walk into a bar…

TribecaMike June 24, 2012 at 1:57 pm

And Gautama Buddha started singing… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ect-kgxBb4M

Negropolis June 24, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Jesus gets shit-faced drunk having tried to impress the chicks with turning all of the water into wine, and Mohammed responsibly takes him home as the designated driver.

bobbert June 25, 2012 at 2:26 am

At first glance, I read that as "designated liver".

Possibly, my subconscious is trying to get through.

BoatOfVelociraptors June 25, 2012 at 1:01 am

You think Muhammad would've ducked.

sezme June 24, 2012 at 1:46 pm

As Haruki Murakami said about writing novels (although the same applies to satire), "Between a high, solid wall and an egg that breaks against it, I will always stand on the side of the egg."

Also, Adam Carolla isn't funny.

TribecaMike June 24, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Q: What's the pope's wife's nickname?

A: "The Holy C."

(Thanks to musician and skeptic George Hrab for that one)

gullywompr June 24, 2012 at 1:52 pm

I cry myself to sleep every night that Sara Benincasa rarely savages us with degradation these days – that's some funny shit.

Barb June 24, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Sara put up a short clip on one of her last post where she was spoofing Bachmann. She opened with, "fags kill babies on a daily basis." Her delivery reminded me of Gilda Radner and in times of stress I will close my eyes and replay that in my head. No one else could say that and be funny. Sara is wildly funny.

SolitaireRose June 24, 2012 at 2:07 pm

"Women aren't funny" is not a new thing in comedy by any means. Look at guys like Jerry Lewis, who has been saying it as long as someone gave a shit about what he had to say. However, there are also old time comedians like George Burns who said constantly that Gracie was much funnier than him (and he's right, he was the straight man in their act). It's such a long prejudice that there are VERY few female stand-ups known before Joan Rivers.

Doesn't make it true, but it has been a long-help perception. Corolla is just the latest. Then again, since he does "frat boy" humor, it's pretty rare that a woman CAN do that kind of humor….thank Ghods.

Fare la Volpe June 24, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Criticizing a woman for not being able to do frat boy humor is like criticizing an MIT professor because he's bad at shoveling shit.

not that Radio June 24, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Put Madeline Kahn and Adam Carolla in a cage match, and see who comes out funnier. (I mean, when she was still alive.)

boobookitteh June 24, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Eh. She's still funnier even now.

HistoriCat June 24, 2012 at 8:41 pm

It's twue!

Chet Kincaid June 24, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Adam Carolla is a crappy version of Norm Macdonald, who was not the top shelf of comedy either (though I liked him on SNL).

TribecaMike June 24, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Norm Macdonald can be funny, in a slightly-hipper than Ozzie Nelson kind of way.

FakaktaSouth June 24, 2012 at 2:55 pm

I like Norm, even if only for the time he went on dickbag Dennis Miller's show and pretty much only said the word cock, over and over and over again for no reason, and that dumbass neo-wannabe-con didn't know what to do with him. I enjoy fucking with assholes too, so ya know, that was funny. Also, I have shown everyone I can find the link of Pete and Jack…thanks again for that.
Adam Corolla is the luckiest jerk-off in the world that he is famous at all.

DrunkIrishman June 24, 2012 at 3:11 pm

He roasted the fuck out of Bill Clinton too. It was pretty funny.

Fare la Volpe June 24, 2012 at 4:24 pm

He had writers back then.

tessiee June 24, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Norm Macdonald's one claim to fame was his Burt Reynolds impression, but I must admit it was a good one.
Also, on the show "My Name is Earl", the slimy businessman was played by Burt Reynolds, and his spoiled rich kid son was played by Norm Macdonald.

Chichikovovich June 24, 2012 at 6:42 pm

His Bob Dole was pretty good too.

I used to watch him do standup when I was in university and he was starting out in the Toronto comedy clubs. Once you got used to his affectless delivery he was amazing. On a couple of occasions I was laughing so hard I thought I would suffocate, and that's only happened to me a handful of times in my life.

Doktor Zoom June 25, 2012 at 1:46 am

…or so the Germans would have us believe.

BlueStateLibel June 24, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Oh, men like Adam Corolla are plenty funny. Just not in the way they think.

AddHomonym June 24, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Rita Rudner libel!!!

FakaktaSouth June 24, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Oh poor Adam. He's so god damned jealous that we funny gals can also touch a vagina and/or boobs anytime we would like that now he has to be all pissy about comedy AND women, two things he OBVIOUSLY knows nothing about. Fuck off dude you're ugly and not terribly bright, boring and WAY too whiney, always. I totes watched that show for the trampoline jumping outfit tips though, and without them he had no show – that had to KILL the guy.

Butch_Wagstaff June 24, 2012 at 7:07 pm

I never "got" The Man Show. I always figured it was because I was one of those gay homo-men so I was never the intended audience.

FakaktaSouth June 24, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Possibly the SMART gay-homo-man part is what caused most of the trouble for you.

I will admit to watching it mostly for the "how high IS Jimmy Kimmel" effect. I don't really remember much else, even though that shit was on for FIVE FREAKING years. Never underestimate the value of stupid.

prommie June 25, 2012 at 10:03 am

WRT the question, "how high is Jimmy Kimmel," my guess is "very."

tessiee June 24, 2012 at 10:43 pm

"I never "got" The Man Show."

My boyfriend at the time used to call it "The Asshole Show".

redarmybarbie June 25, 2012 at 1:31 am

Seriously. I, a homosexual male, have a higher chance of touching vagina than that asshat ever will.

Negropolis June 25, 2012 at 1:49 am

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the guy is married with two children (twins), so he's probably had mutual sex at least once in his life.

FakaktaSouth June 25, 2012 at 7:01 am

Oh of course, I have heard the guy talk about that – and as an erstwhile married person, I can say with much satisfaction, my point still stands.

Negropolis June 25, 2012 at 7:17 am

Touche.

DrunkIrishman June 24, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Then there is attention whore Lisa Lampanelli who smells controversy like a goddamn hot dog on the grill and throws her fat ass support behind him. Don't get me wrong, Lampanelli can be funny and all, but she's doing it solely for the shock value by suggesting he's right – women are just soooo fucking lame. That bitch slops up attention more than she slops up the jizz from a black cock.

Fare la Volpe June 24, 2012 at 4:43 pm

She's married to white guy now.

DrunkIrishman June 24, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Damn. There goes that bit, eh?

Fare la Volpe June 24, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Nope. Keeps doin' it.

DrunkIrishman June 24, 2012 at 7:16 pm

I bet her husband loves that one. All in the name of the act. I actually think it's one of her better and more humorous bits. So, glad she's still doing it.

LionHeartSoyDog June 24, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Bits come and go.
Irony is for evah.

Chet Kincaid June 24, 2012 at 7:59 pm

I like my crude garbage, but I can't stand the crude garbage of the modern day Comedy Central roasts. Maybe it's a case of some limits making stuff funnier (i.e. the classic Dean Martin roasts).

DrunkIrishman June 24, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Agreed. I haven't watched one of their roasts in a long time. The roasts seem to be all about throwing as much at the wall as possible and hoping something sticks.

Dr. Nick Riviera June 25, 2012 at 7:32 am

I always thought roasts were supposed to honor talented people? I thought that was kind of the point… pam anderson, chevy chase, charlie sheen, donald trump….isnt this kind of low hanging fruit?

not that Radio June 25, 2012 at 8:36 am

Don't forget David Hasselhof!

VinnyThePooh June 24, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Judy Tenuta is one of my favorites.

TribecaMike June 24, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Comedy needs more polka!

gurukalehuru June 24, 2012 at 3:17 pm

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, and it's NOT FUNNY!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

TribecaMike June 24, 2012 at 3:29 pm

I never got the point of Sandra Bernhard, nor why for a few years there Hollywood tried to shove her down our throats.

DrunkIrishman June 24, 2012 at 3:35 pm

She was pretty good on Roseanne for a season or two.

TribecaMike June 24, 2012 at 3:40 pm

I'd totally forgotten. Good show for a season or two.

DrunkIrishman June 24, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Sadly, that's how TV generally works. Tho, I think Roseanne was okay up until they won that damn lottery and then became so bat-shit insane that even bat-shit insane Roseanne admitted it was a bit too bat-shit insane.

TribecaMike June 24, 2012 at 4:12 pm

True insider Hollywood story just between you and me: A comedy writer friend of mine was signed as the head writer for that season, and when Roseanne announced that the lottery thing would be the season's story arc, he told her it was a huge mistake, so she fired him (well, that's the simplified version; Roseanne was also an insufferable asshole). He didn't care, since he had an iron-clad contract that stated he got paid for the season whether he wrote a word or not. At the end of that season, she begged him to come back, which he did.

And that's how he was able to sit around on his ass for a year, buy his lovely house in LA, and another in Brooklyn. Score one for the writers!

Doktor Zoom June 24, 2012 at 4:04 pm

I was one of two people at a screening of her movie Without You I'm Nothing, which left me about equal parts amused, wondering if it was either deeply ironic or just pointless narcissism, and at moments wanting to strangle my own brainstem.

TribecaMike June 24, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Oops, got confused me there for a moment — thanks beer! — and I thought you were replying to my Nora Dunn comment. Sandra Bernhard sucks farts out of dead rats.

tessiee June 24, 2012 at 6:22 pm

"Sandra Bernhard sucks farts out of dead rats."

This WILL be re-used, although with other names.
OK, sometimes with other names.

TribecaMike June 24, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Feel free. I heard some kid say it on the playground in 8th grade and have been repeating it ever since.

tessiee June 24, 2012 at 6:20 pm

"I never got the point of Sandra Bernhard, nor why for a few years there Hollywood tried to shove her down our throats."

Because she supposedly had sex with Madonna, back when anyone cared about Madonna?

ProgressiveInga June 24, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Andrea Martin, anyone?
Cuisine bondage… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpdTftVA8L4

TribecaMike June 24, 2012 at 3:43 pm

A comedic genius, plain and simple. And very rare for a comedic genius, she's not a native Canadian but from Portland, Maine.

Chet Kincaid June 24, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Hehe, SCTV did love to put turkeys in the dungeon:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLHdW2Znj9s

RickMybars June 24, 2012 at 3:41 pm

In conclusion…only white guys think Adam Corolla is funny?

Rotundo_ June 24, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Pretty much. He is about as relevant to women and people of color as library paste.

bobbert June 24, 2012 at 10:00 pm

And, I can assure you, not all of them.

TribecaMike June 24, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Nora Dunn deserves a mention. One thing I like about her is she doesn't just tell funny and often very subtle jokes, but she knows how to construct and deliver a routine. I've seen her play with an audience's head like Heifetz played an Amati fiddle.

owhatever June 24, 2012 at 3:55 pm

I don't know who Adam Carolla is.

DrunkIrishman June 24, 2012 at 4:37 pm

A car.

TribecaMike June 24, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Some say he can be seen roamin' the swamps during the full moon, searching for anyone who remembers his brief moment of basic cable fame. Others say he's the original chupacabra. Perhaps we'll never know, or give a shit.

tessiee June 24, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Now you reminded me of "The Legend of Boggy Creek".

RadioSlut June 24, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Whoever he is, he's not funny.

not that Radio June 24, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Now, Stephen Crowder, on the other hand…

fuflans June 25, 2012 at 12:50 am

i kiss you now.

Rotundo_ June 24, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Adam isn't funny. He is frequently in the presence of people who are, and this enables him to riff off them, but on his own he just can't fly. The comparison between Kimmel and Carolla and Martin and Lewis is apples and oranges: Both Martin and Lewis could solo and do just fine thanks, but together did some fantastic stuff. Kimmel does fine on his own, but Carolla just can't. Lisa Lampanelli needs a target to riff on too. There are plenty of women who can bring down the house, some can do it with going blue like Lampanelli, others are more cerebral. Funny is funny no matter what gender you are.

SayItWithWookies June 25, 2012 at 12:57 am

Eh — Jerry Lewis on his own was just a jackass with spastic fits, which was how I first saw him. I was shocked when I finally saw him with Martin, though Martin was still funnier.

Doktor Zoom June 24, 2012 at 4:01 pm

OK, I'm still trying to figure out what this "American Sign Language Intercourse" is all about.

HistoriCat June 24, 2012 at 8:48 pm

If you find out, let us know – it would probably useful to have wild sex without disturbing the upstairs neighbors …

ttommyunger June 24, 2012 at 4:06 pm

I'd prolly be bitter too, if I was a big, dumb, unfunny cunt with an overbite, a nasal twang and back hair like Big Foot.

tessiee June 24, 2012 at 6:25 pm

HEY!!, You…
*checks mirror*
*notices complete absence of back hair*
Oh! You meant Adam Corolla!
OK, then.

ttommyunger June 24, 2012 at 7:23 pm

So, you're Allen Alda?Sent from my iPhone

tessiee June 24, 2012 at 9:25 pm

No, but I do have an overbite and a nasal voice.

ttommyunger June 24, 2012 at 9:33 pm

I'm sure on you it is most excellent, indeed.Sent from my iPhone

Fare la Volpe June 25, 2012 at 5:36 am

Fran Drescher! What are you doing here?

ElPinche June 24, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Paula Poundstone's shoulder pads are 1000x funnier than Adam Corolla.

Limeylizzie June 24, 2012 at 4:22 pm
originalbob74 June 24, 2012 at 4:35 pm

I recently posted an honest, one-star review on Amazon of Adam's book In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks, observing, among other things, that if Rush Limbaugh tried stand-up, he would hit the same flat note with the same repetition. (I got that piece of shit book as a present from my well-meaning wife in an uncharacteristic moment of bad judgment.) Anyway, within just a few hours of the review's posting, I received so many insulting, pissed-off comments from Adam worshippers that I deleted my review.

While the book really is garbage, I suspect that Adam doesn't actually mean it any more than he and Jimmy Kimmel actually meant for viewers of The Man Show to take up lighting farts after hearing the show's theme song. The problem isn't its politics, it's just that it's humor for hateful morons. These review commenters felt like I had pissed on somebody deserving of cultural sainthood! I'll bet they all sit around lighting farts, too.

BarackMyWorld June 24, 2012 at 4:38 pm
TribecaMike June 24, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Of course, this comes out on the weekend. Yeesh.

ProgressiveInga June 24, 2012 at 4:39 pm

And hurry up, Adam, please tell Tracy Ullman she's not funny while she impersonates Arianna, Rachel, Barney, Christiane and Megs in one clip. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJszSwr1P7U

TribecaMike June 24, 2012 at 4:44 pm

"I haven't stopped talking since Morning Joe…" The best comedy is based on truth.

starfanglednut June 24, 2012 at 9:06 pm

An all you can tweet breakfast ftw.

Chichikovovich June 24, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Thanks – that was really quite impressive. Ullman is an astonishing talent.

Butch_Wagstaff June 24, 2012 at 4:44 pm

One name: Catherine O'Hara.

TribecaMike June 24, 2012 at 4:48 pm

A simulacrum is a random, ambiguous image interpreted as meaningful. See, the "careers" of Adam Carolla, Dennis Miller, fake Chicano Carlos Mencia, etc., etc.

prommie June 25, 2012 at 9:59 am

Whoopi.

wvfii June 24, 2012 at 5:09 pm

name one 'known' comedian less funny than Adam Caraolla. just one.

ok, maybe that dick with the terrorist puppet. but that's, like, it.

TribecaMike June 24, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Agreed, but I think Portuguese comedian Adam Caraolla is muito engraçado.

Fare la Volpe June 24, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Ned Holness Carlos Mencia.

not that Radio June 24, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Jeff Foxworthy

tessiee June 24, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Does Dennis Miller still count as either known, or a comedian?

not that Radio June 24, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Bob Saget

Butch_Wagstaff June 24, 2012 at 8:00 pm

That's "dead terrorist puppet".
You're welcome.

SayItWithWookies June 25, 2012 at 1:08 am

Charlie Sheen. And that boring idiot who starred in Everybody Loves Raymond. Can't remember his name — Romano something-or-other. Also anybody who writes for The Family Guy.

MumbletyRadio June 25, 2012 at 7:42 am

Now that they're showing reruns locally of it, I'm starting to feel about Lucy & Desi Comedy Hour as you do about Family Guy. I hadn't realized she relied on the crying bit so much. A little is ok but, for my money, nothing kills humor like a big overkill-driven "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh"

Negropolis June 25, 2012 at 8:02 am

Also anybody who writes for The Family Guy.

Oh no you didn't…

NYNYNYjr June 24, 2012 at 5:32 pm

"Nor do I remember the Betty White child-fucking epidemic. "
Oh Really? How short some people's memories are…You think they simply canceled 'Life With Elizabeth' in 1955 because of a contract dispute? Sure, I took the pay-off from the studio- that doesn't mean White is innocent.

charliearglist June 24, 2012 at 5:34 pm

I know he's not funny, but I always felt a little sorry for Carolla because of the anatomical oddity that makes his mouth hang slightly open at all times. I have always thought it would be awful never to be able to put your upper lips down over your top row of teeth and have them visible twenty-four hours a day.

And Adam Carolla has known this indignity since his permanent teeth grew in at twice the normal length.

MissNancyPriss June 24, 2012 at 6:22 pm

I know, right? And there is NOTHING that can be done about that, like surgically or anything.

TribecaMike June 24, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Has Margaret Cho ever told a funny? Not in my lifetime.

LeAlbatross June 25, 2012 at 9:20 am

No, no she hasn't. At all. Nor has Sandra Tsing Loh. There are funny, female Asian comics, just not these two.

BornInATrailer June 24, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Did I hit a bad link and get tossed over to Jezebel?

tessiee June 24, 2012 at 6:00 pm

What's the problem?
Making fun of women chicks is just good clean fun that everybody enjoys, with no social or cultural baggage attached…
Just like minstrel shows.

MissNancyPriss June 24, 2012 at 6:07 pm

He's a weird Republican.

RadioSlut June 24, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Now that Steven Crowder guy, he's fucking funny.

not that Radio June 24, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Who?

RadioSlut June 24, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Steven Crowder is a woman? Who knew?

MissNancyPriss June 24, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Is SexySMurf an actual woman? Cause she's funny.

Chichikovovich June 24, 2012 at 6:40 pm

SexySmurf is hilarious, but I believe he's a man. SexyTransvestiteSmurf was just too long a name, I suppose.

SexySmurf June 24, 2012 at 7:32 pm

I'm a dude with a Smurfette fetish. And single, so any foxy ladies out there who don't mind dressing up like this, call me maybe.

Extemporanus June 24, 2012 at 7:05 pm

I just walked for over an hour to Golden Gate Park to see American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert perform.

Now that is fucking funny, girlfriend!

Madam Killjoy June 24, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Yeah, Adam Carolla is SOOOOOO much funnier than Lucille Ball. Or Carol Burnett. Or Madeline Kahn. Or Tina Fey. Or Sarah Haskins. Or Betty White. Or Kristen Wiig. Or all of the women who write and/or comment here, et-fucking-cetera. My poodle is funnier than this douche bag and she's not even trying.

RadioSlut June 24, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Yeah, Adam Carolla is SOOOOOO much funnier than Lucille Ball. Or Carol Burnett. Or Madeline Kahn. Or Tina Fey. Or Sarah Haskins. Or Betty White. Or Kristen Wiig. Or all of the women who write and/or comment here, et-fucking-cetera.

Yeah, Wanda Sykes, Molly Shannon and Sarah Silverman suck!!1!

Madam Killjoy June 24, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Wanda! Any excuse to post this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8FfFwtL91Q

bikerlaureate June 24, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Lily Tomlin!
Katherine Helmond, Kristen Johnston, Mary Tyler Moore, Jane Curtin, Bernadette Peters, Cloris Leachman, Julie Hagerty, Maggie Smith, Loretta Swit, Jean Stapleton, Whoopi Goldberg…

ETA: Julie Kavner, Dianne Weist, Eve Arden, April Winchell, Lesley Ann Warren, Katharine Hepburn, Dyan Cannon, Fanny Brice, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jane Lynch, Katey Segal, Edie Adams…

UW8316154 June 24, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Merrill Markoe – funny as all hell

TribecaMike June 24, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Best comedy act of the century so far — Colin Powell at the UN, 2003. That routine killed!

bobbert June 25, 2012 at 12:03 am

Literally.

rocktonsam June 24, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Rita Rudner is so funny you guys!

Tribbz June 25, 2012 at 12:38 am

Yeah. She's one of the first stand-ups I got into as a youngster. Seems like it was HBO or some such where I would watch her act over and over again. Love her.

Barrelhse June 24, 2012 at 9:08 pm

I dunno, Rebekah Wade Brooks is quite a sketch.

JohnnyQuick June 24, 2012 at 9:27 pm

And it's worth saying that Colbert's head writer is one of 'dem 'Chicks' (Alison Silverman) and if you listen to his audiobook you get to hear that she is a funny performer also.

billy_reuben June 24, 2012 at 9:58 pm

This is good news for John McCain.

TribecaMike June 24, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Who could forget the inimitable post-vaudevillian comedic stylings of Nixon & McCain? Just a sample:

– Say, John.
– Yes, Dick.
– What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe?
– I don't know, Dick. What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe?
– A Jew doesn't tip.
– Hey-yo! I heard that one every day at the country club and the Hanoi Hilton!

[EXIT LAUGHING TO RIOTOUS APPLAUSE & REELECTION]

flamingpdog June 25, 2012 at 12:06 am

I hate myself for giving this the up-thumb, but I feel a lot better now knowing I'm not the only one who made a Hanoi Hilton joke this weekend.

Designer_Radio June 24, 2012 at 11:09 pm

OT: Anyone else know Malcolm Gladwell is a supposed right-wing shill? (As he works for the New Yorker, of all places?) At least according to this website: http://goo.gl/s2g1c

TribecaMike June 24, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Yep, bought and paid for. Twerpus corporatus.

Designer_Radio June 25, 2012 at 12:10 am

I've known some folks who acted like Gladwell wrote the New Gospels, like they were all tingly with epiphany or something. I listened to a couple of his audio books and can't say I saw much value in them. Maybe it's just that he writes books about marketing psychology, and the people who recommended them to me are in the business of marketing stuff? Whoa, that was deep, I'm gonna write "Tipping Point 2: Just The Tip".

bobbert June 25, 2012 at 12:10 am

Sorry, were we supposed to think he wasn't?

Designer_Radio June 25, 2012 at 12:16 am

Well, at least David Brooks makes no bones about his conservative apologism. Gladwell works for the New Yorker and sells his books as if he's just THE GOD OF INSIGHT. Or maybe I'm the only one whose bubble burst today.

Negropolis June 25, 2012 at 12:17 am

He wears his education and his cultural background to give him a veneer of being a straight-shooter, but it's clear he has an angle, and that angle is a critique of liberalism. A critique isn't a bad thing in and of itself; what's bad is deception. And by that I mean not admitting that you have an angle when asked or actively denying that you don't have an angle.

As an example, you know Fox News is trash because it's just trash journalism, but what gets a lot of folks angry, or at least drives home their aversion to the network, is the "Fair and Balanaced" slogan. If you begin with honesty, you give people a choice.

Negropolis June 24, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Carolla confuses me. Sometimes he's spot on with his observations, and often times they are funny, and sometimes he tears down his wall long enough to share something personal and touching about his life and his own history. And then there are times when he puts on this tough-guy schtick and says something straight out of 1950's suburbia. Stern is the same way. But, what can you expect someone who co-created The Man Show?

BTW, Betty White: History's Greatest Monster.

BTW x II: Maybe it's because I laugh at damn-near everything (I'm a comic's best audience member), but the whole "women aren't funny" never made any inroads with me. The only distinctions I've ever made about whether someone was funny or not was between their schticks. For instance, I'm less likely to find a comic that turns their act into a musical act funnier than an insult comic.

TribecaMike June 25, 2012 at 12:00 am

My wife enjoys watching Betty White's Candid Camera-type show. She also watches The Notebook all the way through whenever it comes on, which seems like twice a week.

In other words, that Mayan calendar end of the world stuff better be real.

TribecaMike June 25, 2012 at 12:24 am

Oh shit, I was channeling Adam Carolla there for a second. Kilstein!!!!

bobbert June 25, 2012 at 12:07 am

I find that I tire of insult comics pretty quickly. Also, I have no idea who this Toyota fellow is.

Negropolis June 24, 2012 at 11:39 pm

Mr. Carolla, Kristen Wiig and Tina Fey – two genuine writer's writers who are probably the two funniest individuals, male or female, on network television at the moment – would like to have a word with you. Certainly, they are funnier than Adam or anyone Adam has ever worked with, and could write circles around him. If you want to know who revived SNL (though, I know many people still rag on it), look at the women on that show in the past five or so years.

Chet Kincaid June 25, 2012 at 12:08 am

OT: So I watched "Newsroom." God, the critics were right. It was like watching a tedious play in which everyone repeats themselves endlessly. And what is Sorkin fantasizing about, here? There is no TV news show, over the air or on cable, that will ever again be as important as he wants "the news" to be, so it all seems pointless — and if he intends to show us that's not true, then he should be producing a damned news show. Also, Sorkin is a year younger than me, but he throws out the cultural references of a 70-year-old man. Does he not have a 23 year old assistant who can edit "Man Of LaMancha" out of his scripts so he doesn't sound like Larry Gelbart? I liked "Social Network", "Charlie Wilson's War", "A Few Good Men", even "Bulworth" — maybe Sorkin should stay away from television.

TribecaMike June 25, 2012 at 12:18 am

I could only take it for about thirty minutes, most of it thinking about something else (Mothra, probably). I'm Emily Mortimer's biggest fan, I mean stalker, but you hit the nail right on the head.

bobbert June 25, 2012 at 1:04 am

1. One thing I didn't mention on the previous "Sorkin" thread was that this "Newsroom" idea seemed like pre-teen fantasy. I'm (maybe) thirteen years older than you, and I can barely remember credible television news.

2. You do recall that there was a moderately successful revival of MOLM ten years ago? Or maybe Sorkin is going for the old-boomer audience? No, I don't know why that would be.

3. I'll trust you that it's dreadful. I'll never have personal experience.

BarackMyWorld June 25, 2012 at 4:15 am

I enjoyed it, but I'll admit it was flawed.

The script was repetitive (especially the extended argument between Mortimer and Daniels in the main character's office) and the plot surrounding the BP oil spill was a stretch. The producer's chance discovery of how Haliburton played a role in the rig explosion a few hours after it occurred was ridiculous.

The characters mostly seem like characters from other Sorkin shows (Daniels's McAvoy is essentially the same character as Matthew Perry in "Studio 60," while Mortimer, Waterston, Allison Pill, and John Gallagher got to be carbon copies of Dana, Isaac, Natalie, and Jeremy from "Sports Night").

I was entertained enough by it to want to stick with it, though, to see if it improves. Until next Sunday, I'm tempted to rewatch "Sports Night" episodes on Netflix.

Dr. Nick Riviera June 25, 2012 at 7:27 am

My pet peeve is this fantasy America that never existed. "America used to make choices because it was the right moral choice." Uh…when was this? I would say just about all countries act in their own self interest. To the people that argue we used to be less sleazy, Id say look at how we acquired Hawaii or Texas.

And then they had to throw a bone towards the "both sides do it" claim by making the main character a Republican even though every thing he took issue with (deregulation, anti intellectualism, jingoism etc.) s a part of the GOP platform.

True Blood was more believable.

Except the part about Liberals being losers. I think most of us admit that.

Chet Kincaid June 25, 2012 at 10:48 am

Yes, I think that "we used to be the greatest but we aren't anymore" thing was a copout. It would have been much edgier and more truthful to say, "we're the luckiest SOBs in history, protected by oceans while Europe destroyed itself and coasting on the spoils for 50 years." That's our big claim to "greatest ever" status, based on the convenience of defeating history's greatest villain. The rest of American history, not so much.

fuflans June 25, 2012 at 12:35 am

ha! Adam Carolla! haven't thought about him in 15 years!

he wasn't funny then either.

Pap Finn June 25, 2012 at 2:34 am

Jeez, no love for Kirsten Boyd Johnson? She routinely reduces me to gasping, wheezing tears when I read this site…one of the funniest writers on the intertubes, IMHO (see Newt Gingrich = 'hated sleaze dragon,' and Scott Walker = 'amoral tub of turd frosting,' for starters).

Boojum June 25, 2012 at 3:52 am

KBJ has many rabid stalkers…er…fans! We find her very easy to, um, LAUGH to.

redarmybarbie June 25, 2012 at 2:38 am

Mr. Carolla,

I have heard many, many, many lame comedians in my lifetime, and only ONE of them was a woman, so suck on that!

Negropolis June 25, 2012 at 4:18 am

Now you have to give the name since you singled her out.

redarmybarbie June 25, 2012 at 5:06 am

Can't remember her name-it's been a while. She was, however, on some show that had something to do with Gabriel Iglesias, and the only reason I remember her was because she was making lame jokes about fat people and Mexicans (LAME jokes, I tell you).

Oh yeah, and it had something to do with Gilbert Godfrey too. Also.

DahBoner June 25, 2012 at 7:38 am

Is 'Jamie' a man or wo-man?

Either way, not funny. If a man, good point! Not every man is funny.

If a woman, well….

neiltheblaze June 25, 2012 at 8:17 am

I think I may have seen about five minutes of "The Man Show" once.

Eve8Apples June 25, 2012 at 12:13 pm

How about when a guy hits a watermelon with a sledgehammer? That's comedy gold right there. GET R DUN111!!! Now whack me in the nuts with a two by four. ROFLMAO!!!! TRUCKNUTZ!

BklynE June 25, 2012 at 12:58 pm

I am now even more shamed to admit this, but I thought "The Hammer" was really good…

josephbrill June 25, 2012 at 1:04 pm

TIL; Jamie has a penis. Yay, Jamie!

zumpie June 25, 2012 at 1:28 pm

The only time JImmy Kimmel was ever entertaining either was when he pretended to be an average dude for some "My Kitchen Sucks" show on HGTV. And that was only because he thought we didn't realize that "the office" for him meant meeting with his coke dealer and his whiney wife embodied every single negative quality he and Adam ever brought up about women.

eaglewon June 26, 2012 at 12:04 am

he was never funny, if not for Jimmy they didn't have a show. I really liked the women on trampolines though.

Troglodeity June 26, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Adam Carolla: ah yes, a fine judge of comedic talent. The podcast guy who replaced Teresa Strasser with Alison "Zip It, Cunt" Rosen.

Mumbletypeg July 21, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Agreed. Completely.

Doktor Zoom June 24, 2012 at 3:51 pm

One of the presenters when George Carlin got the Mark Twain Award said that a lot of funny people progress through three basic stages (and I'm paraphrasing wildly here): In youth, they're saying "Fuck me!" As they get older, it tends to be "Fuck you!" And with enough experience, they arrive at "Fuck the world, we're all fucked." And it can be hard to get to that place and stay funny. Carlin did it, Twain did it, Vonnegut did it, and Layne decided living in the desert might be better.

CZL June 25, 2012 at 10:35 am

Toward the end reading a Ken post made me want to lie down and die. I mean, he was still delivering truthwiches slathered in truthonaise, but the overall effect was morose.

DrunkIrishman June 24, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Roseanne grew up in my city, so, I know people who knew her when she was just a young Jewish girl in Mormonland. My neighbor growing up, Jim, lived next door to the Barrs for a while and Roseanne used to be babysit his kids. He even got a mention in her book, since she wrote about how she spent the entire time babysitting looking through his porno mags. Jim was an old, blind man who worked at a local grocery store. He couldn't drive, so, his wife drove for him. Only problem was that she had had a massive stroke years ago and couldn't walk very well, since the whole left side of her body was pretty much paralyzed. So, it was a lot like the blind leading the blind when she drove.

flamingpdog June 24, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Porno mags for the blind? Rub the pages and then rub yourself?

Butch_Wagstaff June 24, 2012 at 6:37 pm

But what does it mean if you are still in all three stages simultaneously?

starfanglednut June 24, 2012 at 8:40 pm

I loved Ken, but he kind of lost me with all the Hopey hate.

MumbletyRadio June 24, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Many Thanks

You're welcome. The pleasure was all ma-a-a-aaa-a-a-a-a-a-a…

*attempts machine-gun guttural barnyard impression*

DrunkIrishman June 24, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Well I don't think he was blind back then…at least I hope not. But maybe it was scratch and sniff?

starfanglednut June 24, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Paging Dr Freud….

MumbletyRadio June 24, 2012 at 8:23 pm

if you are still in all three stages simultaneously

… speaking for myself.. this is full of all kinds of Win just for — if this doesn't defy explanation yet defines paradox — being so original AND at the same time evoking, "why didn't I think of that already?"

Boojum June 24, 2012 at 9:33 pm

That's not much evidence.

TribecaMike June 24, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Of course rich white guys rule this country, but the least you could have done was evoke a chuckle about it. I offer this hopefully helpful tip: The best comedy is a reaction to adversity, not to the obvious.

CapnRadio June 24, 2012 at 10:59 pm

But he doesn't say he's incredulous because Carolla is sexist, or an asshole, or a patently unfunny comedian, he's incredulous because they're defending a rich white male.

No, he's suggesting that the sort of backlash he's getting is the "white males are the REAL victims claptrap that inevitably follow any discussion of racism, sexism, yadda yadda yadda-ism. I haven't seen the precise comments that he's referring to, but it's not difficult to imagine what they are.

Have you never really seen "pity the poor white male" propaganda before? What are you, new to the Internet?

not that Radio June 24, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Yeah, but he's fat.

BoatOfVelociraptors June 25, 2012 at 12:37 am

No, he just introduced a bill to promote the construction and commercialization of comedy.

deanbooth June 25, 2012 at 8:28 am

Get back on the trampoline and we'll see.

prommie June 25, 2012 at 10:04 am

Jimmy Big Balls? Oh, yeah, he's all down with it.

Biff June 25, 2012 at 11:19 am

Ken sold out, and is morally weak.

Geminisunmars June 25, 2012 at 11:47 am

Yeah, I'm a little bit cuntry.

Fare la Volpe June 25, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Completely intentional, actually. Never doubt my skill with the written word.

Negropolis June 25, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Maybe a little bit cock-and-roll?

Geminisunmars June 25, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Jelly roll?

Extemporanus June 26, 2012 at 6:42 am

V

Boojum June 26, 2012 at 8:33 am

My faith is shattered beyond repair. I shall have to transfer my allegiance to the God King Newell (Fear Him)!

Good thing the Flying Spaghetti Monster is eternal.

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